Stew on That: Back off, Nosy Nellies

Here’s a thing that no one tells you, or teaches you in school, ladies. Once you find yourself over the age of 20, your work, social activities, and family gatherings will nearly always turn into a conversation about your love life.

It’s the weirdest thing. You have a boyfriend longer than a few months? You will get asked daily when the wedding is going to be. (“I don’t know, Aunt Linda, when are you going to quit drinking two bottles of wine a day?”)

My favorite, though, are the tongue-in-cheek comments.

“You better lock him down before someone else does!” (“Oh, yes, Roberta, I’ve been dreaming of the day I can force a man to ask my hand in marriage solely so some tart won’t swoop in and steal him as if he’s a handbag on sale at Liles and Company!”)

You get engaged and you’re so excited to announce it, but then begins the constant “When’s the big day?!” and Lord help you if you don’t set a date right away.

Finally, you’re married, some relief from family members, acquaintances and practical strangers prying into your private life. NOPE. The moment you say “I do” they’ll move on to your sex life, i.e. “When will you have kids!?”

Literally, my wedding ceremony had just ended and we were walking down the aisle together as husband and wife and my redneck uncle hollered from the crowd “Time for the honeymoon, woo-woo!”

I was asked several times a week when I was going to have a baby. My husband? Not once was asked. We have a baby, just to shut everyone up. (Lol) Finally, thank you Lord, the questions will stop. THINK AGAIN. “When are you going to give him a baby sister?” But then wait, here’s where it gets good. You oblige, give him a sibling, maybe two.

But the moment you announce you’re having a third baby, it’s when the questions flip. “You’re having ANOTHER kid!?” and my favorite, “You know what causes that, don’tcha?”

All these questions are relevant to women who follow the stereotypical timeline society has put in place for us (boyfriend, engaged, married, babies, in that exact order), God forbid you are single into your 20s or *gasp* 30s, in a long term relationship but not married, married without children, or have children without being married. I know people are well meaning, and probably just attempting to be friendly, but you don’t know what people are going through behind closed doors, and sometimes these questions are hurtful or painful to hear, let alone over and over again.

Don’t be an Aunt Linda, and definitely do not be the redneck (probably drunk) uncle.

"Stew on That" is a monthly humor column that appears in Ponca City Monthly, a free monthly publication that is distributed in Ponca City and online. Mail subscriptions are available for $30/yr. To receive a copy by mail, please email your name and address to info@poncacity.com