Mo’s Story: Honour-based violence

MO’S STORY: ‘HOnOuR’ BASED ABuSE CLiEnT

Mo suffered PTSD after his wife’s brother attacked him. Mo came from a culture where domestic abuse was considered dishonourable so he felt too ashamed to speak out.

Ihad an arranged marriage I felt a lot of pressure from her would believe me. However, one to my wife 20 years ago. family to be a perfect husband of my friends became concerned i moved to the uk and and didn’t feel that I could talk to and recommended Stop Domestic didn’t know anyone apart from anyone because I felt ashamed. Abuse. members of her family. i also Last year everything changed. I met with an IDVA didn’t speak English. My wife I was outside work when my (Independent Domestic Abuse stopped work immediately, brother-in-law turned up in a rage Adviser) who wrote a letter saying that as the husband i had and attacked me with a crowbar. so I could get legal aid and a to provide for her. My wife had told him that I’d Community Development Worker

As soon as we were married, threatened her. He headbutted who provided support around she took control of our me and punched me community/familial issues. finances. I found out repeatedly. He said She also speaks my first recently that my he’d kill me if language, which made the name wasn’t on I went to the appointments easier. the housing tenancy. She He headbutted police. He stole my car keys, I wasn’t able to return home. When I made a homeless told me where I should work and punched me keyed my car and took off. application to the council, the Community Development Worker and how I was rushed explained my situation and how many hours to work. She repeatedly. to hospital and treated my culture had affected the treatment from my wife and her took my wages for injuries to family. But as I was a single man, and once the rent my face, teeth they were unsure if I was a priority. and bills were paid, and chest. The pain Eventually I was offered a flat. she spent the rest on was so bad I couldn’t The Community Development herself. I rarely got to keep eat for days. Even now I am Worker supported me at any of the money I had worked for. easily startled by loud noises. The appointments with my solicitor

She didn’t want me to go attack was reported to the police who was handling the divorce to English classes, saying she and a court date was set. I was so proceeding. She would check would translate for me whenever terrified of getting involved with afterwards that I understood I needed it. As I was initially the police and the courts. On the everything. in the UK on a spousal visa she same day that my brother-in-law We spoke about the threatened to get me deported. attacked me, my wife reported to expectations I felt in my marriage

We argued a lot, often over the police that I attacked her. and why what I had experienced money. Whenever I disagreed with After the attack my anxiety wasn’t my fault. I now understand her, she threatened to go to the skyrocketed and I was diagnosed more about domestic abuse and police and tell them I had attacked with post-traumatic stress ‘honour’ based abuse. her. She said she’d tell all our disorder (PTSD). I was so scared to I am in a much better position friends I was an abusive husband. I go outside in case I would see my now. I have my own flat and I am believed her when she said nobody brother-in-law. I was so ashamed. away from my wife and her family. would believe me over her. In my culture it’s dishonourable to I feel better and I have been able

Money wasn’t the only aspect be abused. to set new goals, including gaining of life she sought to control. I I didn’t drive my car for ages. I contact with my children and couldn’t leave the house without knew if people saw the damage my divorcing my wife. telling her where I was going and brother-in-law did to the car they I don’t know where I would be when I’d return. I felt under constant would ask questions. I wasn’t ready now if it wasn’t for the support I surveillance. She’d listen to all my to answer them. I didn’t know who have received from Stop Domestic phone calls and monitor my phone. I could turn to help or if anyone Abuse. I am so grateful.