The Fuddler

Page 1

e Festiv Est. 2002

Greetings to everyone and once again a very warm welcome to this very busy edition of your festive Fuddler!

There’s lots to enjoy in this issue and as we always say please do look carefully at what our advertisers have to say as you never know what

you might find in The Fuddler!

Once again massive thanks to our advertisers, readers, contributors and printers for keeping The Fuddler so popular!

A joyous and peaceful Christmas to you all and we will see you in the New Year!

Do You Want To Feel Like NEW Again?

Book Your:

@acgmassage acgmassage.co.uk

Many More Treatments Available..

Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment

01525 632921 07977173452

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

Call Alfie to book your home visit 07861 198696

john.stafford@compu-doc.co.uk

AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

See our ad on back page

A.C.G MASSAGE

01525-402227

NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates

MASSIVE Christmas Savings on fragrances for Ladies and Gentlemen!

Sports & Remedial Massage Deep Tissue Massage Kinesiology Taping Cupping

Sick PC or laptop?

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN?

B W Deacon High Class Family Butcher

Orders now being taken for Christmas

Turkeys, Poultry, Traditional Roasting Joints and much more.

Tel: Ampthill 01525 402175 Or Westoning 01525 712108 www.bwdeacon.co.uk

SELECT YOUR TREE

Fresh from the field Container grown Ready cut for you Deliveries available We supply to Businesses OPEN EVERY DAY UNTIL 22 DECEMBER 9am - 5pm Badger Hill Clophill Road Maulden MK45 2AD 07787 072190 badgerhillchristmastreefarm@yahoo.co.uk www.badgerhillchristmastreefarm.co.uk

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 2

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tŝŶĚŽǁƐ

hWs Θ ůƵŵŝŶŝƵŵ

Zϵ tŝŶĚŽǁƐ

sĞƌƚŝĐĂů ^ůŝĚŝŶŐ tŝŶĚŽǁƐ ŽŽƌƐ ƌĂŶŐĞ ŽĨ ůƵŵŝŶŝƵŵ ĂŶĚ hWs ŽŽƌƐ͘

ŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƚŽƌŝĞƐ

džĐĞůůĞŶƚ ƚŚĞƌŵĂů ŝŶƐƵůĂƚŝŽŶ ƌĞĚƵĐŝŶŐ ĞŶĞƌŐLJ ĐŽƐƚƐ͘ tĂƌŵĞƌ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ǁŝŶƚĞƌ ŵŽŶƚŚƐ͘ ƵĂů ĂĐƚŝŽŶ ƐĞůĨͲĐůĞĂŶ ŐůĂƐƐ͘

No ǁŝŶĚŽǁ Žƌ ŐůĂnjŝŶŐ ũŽď ƚŽŽ ƐŵĂůů WƵƚ LJŽƵƌ ƚƌƵƐƚ ŝŶ Ă ĐŽŵƉĂŶLJ ƚŚĂƚ ŚĂƐ ďĞĞŶ ƚƌĂĚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ŽǀĞƌ ϯϬ LJĞĂƌƐ͊ &Žƌ Ăůů LJŽƵƌ ǁŝŶĚŽǁ͕ ĚŽŽƌƐ ĂŶĚ ĐŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƚŽƌLJ ŶĞĞĚƐ ĐĂůů ƵƐ

ŶŽǁ Žƌ ǀŝƐŝƚ ŽƵƌ ǁĞďƐŝƚĞ͘ Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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*OFFER* Dinner Suits & Standard Evening Dresses Dry Cleaned

£13.99

NOW OPEN EVENINGS

DH Cox & Sons General Builders x x x x x

Call Dave 07976 766143 or 01525 841670

BRADLEYS DRYCLEANERS @BradleysDryCleaners

109 Dunstable Street, Ampthill, Bedford. 01525 405817 Open Mon - Fri 8.30am - 7pm ] Sat 9am - 4pm

CHRISTMAS SERVICES AND CAROL SERVICES IN AMPTHILL 2018 All are welcome at these events Outdoor Carol Singing in Ampthill 16th December, 2.30pm – Carol Singing in Ampthill Park near The Hub. 17th December, 6.30pm Carol Singing around the Christmas Tree in the Market Square Ampthill Baptist Church 20th December, 10.30am 11.30am - Christmas Cracker at ABC. (Christmas songs, stories, crafts and fun for 0 - 9 year olds)

23rd December 10.45am - All age Christmas Service 6.30pm - Carol Service by Christmas Lights Christmas Eve 24th December, 11.30pm Christmas Communion - A Short reflective service Christmas Day 25th December, 10.00am – Christmas Day Celebration.

Ampthill Church of England – St Andrews 8th December 10.00am 4.00pm Bells Festival (St Lawrence, Steppingley) 9th December 11.00am 4.00pm Bells Festival (St Lawrence, Steppingley) 4.00 pm – Christingle Service (St Lawrence, Steppingley) 16th December, 11.15am – Carol Service (St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook)

Over 30 years’ experience Local friendly services Can undertake all aspects of building and maintenance to an exceptional standard No job too small Free & competitive quotes

dhcoxbuilding@hotmail.co.uk 11.15am - Morning Praise (St Lawrence, Steppingley) 23rd December 11.15am Morning Prayer (St Michael and All Angels, Milbrook) 6.30pm – Nine Lessons and Carols (St Lawrence Steppingley) Christmas Eve 24th December 3.00pm Children’s Nativity Service 8.00pm Civic Service of the Nine Lessons 11.30pm – Midnight Communion (St Lawrence, Steppingley) Christmas Day 25th December, 8.00am – Said Holy Communion 9.30am – Sung Eucharist 10.00am – Holy Communion (St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook) 11.15am Family Christmas

Praise (St Lawrence Steppingley) Ampthill Methodist Church 16th December, 6.00pm – Carols by Candlelight Christmas Day 25th December, 10.00am – Christmas Day Service Flitwick Catholic Church Sacred Heart, (Serving both Flitwick and Ampthill) 16th December, 3.00pm – Carol Service Christmas Eve 24th December 6.00pm – Mass of Christmas (Especially for families and children) 9.00pm – Mass of Christmas (Midnight Mass) Christmas Day 25th December, 9.00am – Mass of Christmas

When the time comes to say goodbye, talk to

Pam Woods Civil Funeral Celebrant for a service that reflects only your own beliefs and wishes.

Q A

What is a Civil Funeral Celebrant?

Civil Celebrants write and then lead a service

Q A

What sort of service is it?

A celebration of a person’s life or personality.

Q How do you decide what to put into the service?

A I listen to what people say and give them the choice of doing their own tribute or my doing it for them and use the music and readings or poems of their choice Q A

Are you a Humanist?

No, I am happy to include hymns and prayers.

Call me for a chat about your wishes.

01234 742663 07515 282755 pamwoods55@gmail.com

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

WEEKEND NEWPAPER DELIVERERS REQUIRED

Only recently Janet had advised me that I should tidy the shirt wardrobe to make way for other things.

Whilst tidying I came across carrier bags with the missing Christmas lights!

This means that the illuminations at The Hall will be rather spectacular this year.

Seasons greetings to all Ciao

Need to be 13 years old or above.

For more information please contact

McColl’s Convenience Store 17 Church Street, Ampthill 01525 404096

Across: 1 Stream, 4 Catnap, 7 Vitriolic, 9 Stet, 10 Ghee, 11 Ducat, 13 Romped, 14 Lights, 15 Belief, 17 Banana, 19 Ripen, 20 Avow, 22 Zulu, 23 Neuralgia, 24 Riddle, 25 Misfit

Down: 1 Sensor, 2 Exit, 3 Maraud, 4 Choral, 5 Twig, 6 Pliers, 7 Vermilion, 8 Chihuahua, 11 Defer, 12 Titan, 15 Boater, 16 Fierce, 17 Bedlam, 18 Amulet, 21 Wend, 22 Zips

ARE YOU WORKING FROM HOME?

A BRIANISM

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Why not book an economical ad like this in The Fuddler and let everyone know what you do?

(With fond memories)

I may be three sheets to the wind but I am still sober.

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

for details please just ping an email across to martin@thefuddler.com

RealȱSpruceȱandȱFirȱ CHRISTMASȱTREESȱ

Alsoȱavailableȱ ȱ

SeasonalȱWREATHSȱ

GIFTSȱforȱyourȱ gardeningȱfriendsȱ

ȱ

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PLANTSȱasȱGIFTSȱ forȱhomeȱorȱgardenȱ

BagsȱofȱCOALȱ andȱLOGSȱ

ȱ

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WATERȱHOLDINGȱ treeȱSTANDSȱ

GardenȱBIRDȱFOODSȱ andȱFEEDERSȱ

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atȱMauldenȱGardenȱCentreȱonȱtheȱA507ȱ (driveȱsafeȱȬȱturnȱatȱClophillȱroundaboutȱtowardsȱAmpthill)ȱ

MK45ȱ2GPȱ

tel:ȱ01525ȱ861696ȱ Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 5

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

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Guttering Problems?

Gutters Cleaned.

Leaking Gutters repaired.

Pat Eldin

New Gutters Fitted.

Carpentry, Joinery and Building Services

07768 008951

All by a friendly local established company

01462 812242

Call Rob on 01525 552066 or 07977 206403

pateldinbarbel@hotmail.co.uk

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

U

23

24

Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Innumerable (6) 1 Ailment (6) 4 Flock (6) 2 Part of the eye (4) 7 Christmas plant (9) 3 Falter (6) 9 Dear me! (4) 4 Man (inf) (6) 10 Encase (4) 5 Radiate (4) 11 Create (5) 6 Go by (6) 13 Over there (6) 7 Window dummy (9) 14 Steal cattle (6) 8 Former (9) 15 Clear (6) 11 Commence (5) 17 Type of horse’s bit (6) 12 Brute (anag) (5) 19 At no time (5) 15 Arrival (6) 20 Null (4) 16 Wobble (6) 22 Overabundance (4) 17 Type of seabird (6) 23 Smooth-skinned peach (9) 18 Fingerless glove (6) 24 Hat (inf) (6) 21 Hard of hearing (4) 25 Tutorial (6) 22 Wildebeests (4)

T E

1

Bradnam Guttering

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JH ELECTRICAL • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk Epaulette

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 7

WINTER PROMOTION! Book a January installation to receive 10% off your stove or fireplace, whilst January dates are available.

1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 8

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 07791 908699 www.ossoryarms.co.uk

Helen and her team would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year ... we thank you for your custom and your continued support at the Ossory Arms, and hope to see you over the festive period.

Christmas Charity Quiz Night AT THE OZZ ON THE 13th DECEMBER

Cheese and Port night at The Ozz 23rd and 24th December Everyone welcome

CHRISTMAS & NEW YEAR AT THE OSSORY ARMS Opening Hours Christmas Eve 10.30 Ͳ 1am Christmas Day 11am Ͳ 3pm Boxing Day 1pm Ͳ 11pm New Year’s Eve 10.30am Ͳ 6pm Private Party in the evening New Year’s Day 12 noon Ͳ 6pm

With The Duchess of Troll Reflections in the Dewpond.

‘The Five Old Friends and the 200 Bus’

The Five Old Friends had decided at their last get together in the Wash House Shed, that they would have a day out together before the winter months came. Mulling over previous days out the decision came to meet up at Sam Ilex's house first thing, where a welcome brew and a bacon sandwich, would be willingly made by the Mrs Sam. Going up the village to the Flitwick Post Office, nattering as they walked along, watching the commuters rushing to catch the London trains. No time to spare, although The Mrs Sam seemed to know a few. ‘The secret is to keep saying good morning, eventually they give up and reply. After all they too are part of the community. Mind you the chocolate given to them at Christmas helps,’ The Mrs Sam informed them. Waiting at the stop a few, working in villages en route. Mind the doors, as the bus unloaded yet more commuters, to catch the trains. Busy station. Waiting for the No 44 Bus to change it's number to No 200. The Five Old Friends were pleased to see it was the young Gary, smiling, and welcoming them on board. All wanting to know how his Mrs was, they all liked her too. They all still miss Anne on the No 77 bus that no longer goes to Hitchin.

Of course they all scrambled for the back seat, you get more for your money, and get a good view too. Sam Ilex and Dapper Charlie talked of when the station was more for commercial travel, as the commuters hadn't moved this far down the line. The lorries were in and out of the all day. Milk and the farm produce all for the London shops, even the peat, dug from the Moor, for gas filtration, at the cities gas works. The newspapers mail too. Anything and everything passed through that station. The hats to be dressed, the finished product sent back to Luton. Now it is mainly foot passengers off to work.

Ah remarked Sam Ilex as the bus passed, the first of many thatched cottages yet to come, my old Uncle thatched that year's ago, still going strong, his work is his legacy around this part of the world. He would be proud. Past The Flitwick Mill going through the process of renovation, shall have to check if a mill has stood on that site, since the Domesday Book thought Sam Ilex. The first crossing of The River Flit, one of many.

All the Old Boys choosing their must wished for car at Garage Corner in Greenfield, as they turned to go up to Pulloxhill village, picking up a few villagers who so welcomed the bus service. Lots of nattering now. Sam Ilex still contemplating all the old bangers that he had brought in his youth, to sell for a small profit, and now to see them worth thousands. Happy Days. Much to the Old Boys disappointment, the bus turned left past the Cross Keys, good pub that, around Town Farm to return to the Greenfield / Pulloxhill, and not down the hill with wonderful views, past the ancient church and pub, well worth a visit and the brand new green oak house the other side of the road. The rattling road now resurfaced, thank goodness.

Swinging past the Jolly Coopers in Wardhedges, The Five Old Boys and The Mrs Sam decided next time they would pop in for lunch. So easy with this bus.

The overhanging branches on the road to Silsoe make a pretty picture, especially now on this crisp Autumn day, stopping at yet another pub, and looking up the Long Drive to Wrest Park, beautiful place, and garden. Sam Ilex recalled one Sunday afternoon the family visited with the young Old English Sheepdog, Brig. She loved all the fuss she attracted, but when a gentleman, all in white, playing bowls on the front lawn, asked if she could fetch a ball from the long grass, she just sat bewildered, looking from under her long white hair, didn't he know I'm a sheepdog, not a ball dog., and it would spoil my, so groomed coat. On a visit recently, The Mrs Sam met a couple with a grey and white Old English Sheepdog.

Memories. More on the No 200 Bus next time.

Thank you for all the hard work of Stephen and his team for the most memorable display in the Park and Town for the 100 yrs Commemoration of World War One end.

Also a thank you for the Ampthill Lights team for such a simple but spectacular show in the Town D.O.T. Wish everyone a Happy Christmas and New Year.

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 9

Season Greetings from ideal eyewear zŽƵƌ ůŽ ŽĐĂů ŝŶĚĞƉĞŶĚĞŶƚ ŽƉ ƉƚŝĐŝĂŶ &Žƌ Ăůů LJŽƵƌ ĞLJĞ ĐĂƌĞ ĂŶĚ ĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ ŶĞĞĚƐ Ăůů Ϭϭ ϭϱϮϱ ϳϭϱϳϱϵ hŶŝƚ ϯ ,ŝŐŚĨŝĞůĚ ,ŽƵƐĞ ϭϭϬ dŚĞ , ,ĂǁƚŚŽƌŶƐ ,ŝŐŚ ^ƚƌĞĞƚ &ůŝƚǁŝĐŬ D<ϰϱ ϭ&E ǁǁǁ͘ŝĚĞĂůĞLJĞǁĞĂƌĨůŝƚǁŝĐŬ͘ĐŽ͘ƵŬ ŝĚĞĂůĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ͘ĨůŝƚǁŝĐŬΛŐŵĂŝů͘ĐŽŵ KƚŚĞƌ ŽƉƚŝĐŝĂŶ͛Ɛ ƉƌĞƐĐƌŝƉƚŝŽŶƐ ǁĞůĐŽŵĞ͘

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 10

DO YOU HAVE A JOB VACANCY?

Why not place an economical ad like this in The Fuddler and let everyone know?

For details just ping over an email to martin@thefuddler.com

With Jimmy The Voice JTV has been busy again.

This month he has sent us a picture of an archway he has been constructing for his garden patio ...

... but once again we reckon that his archway is not a possibility at all!

But, what do you think?

FARMERS MARKET

The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month from 10.00 - 2.00 at The Pitchings in the village.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

Happy Birthday Mum for the 24th lots of love Robbie xxx

By Julio Van Peebles Julio’s worries and useless facts: 1) Why is the opening in a pair of trousers called the flies?

2) Did you know that every year about 220,000 miles of wrapping paper is thrown away on Christmas Day? 3) Has anyone ever been called Tom Arter?

4) Did you know that Boxing Day became a Bank Holiday in 1871?

5) Why don’t they make roads out of grit and save all that expensive freezing over problem every winter?

Julio’s interesting ‘Pie’ fact: Did you know that football fans first chanted “Who ate all the pies?” in 1894, aimed at Sheffield Utd’s 24 stone goalkeeper?

3rd December - Happy Birthday Shirley love Trevi xx Cocktails in the sun!!

As always Happy Birthday to Mike for the 31st December!!

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and said: ‘A pint please, and one for the road.’

Oh Dear! But thanks!

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.co.uk mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 Free local delivery and collection service

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 11

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

ALL MEATS, POULTRY ETC. YOU NEEED FOR XMAS

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Our prescription service means you can have your repeat prescription dispensed and delivered hassle free!

FREE DELIVERY TO YOUR DOOR The NHS Electronic Prescription Service allow Doctors to send your prescription to us at Cheeseman’s Pharmacy.

We will then dispense your repeat prescription and deliver to your address.

We cover/deliver around Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Marston Moretaine, Maulden, Silsoe, Stewartby, Wilstead and Wixams.

TO REGISTER OR FOR MORE INFORMATION CALL US NOW ON 01525 402173

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

with Auntie Vi I don’t think we get smarter as we get older. I just think that we run out of silly things to do.

Happy Birthday Hannah for the 27th December !

Thought for the month: If you own one watch you are always sure of the time.

However if you own two watches you are never quite sure.

Beauty tip: Never use anything that stinks, stings or stains.

Of course I believe in time travel - only 24 hours ago I was in yesterday.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

Going out with a man out of morbid curiosity is not a good way to start a relationship.

Women like silent men. They think they are listening.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

My friend’s husband is so silly that he went out looking for fake rhinestones.

A great many people mistake opinions for thoughts.

I just burnt 1,200 calories. I forgot the pizza in the oven.

I apologised for being late for work - I was ready but my inner child refused to get dressed.

If you are at your wits end to try and get a promotion, if necessary buy a new pullover.

After all is said and done, an awful lot more is said than done.

1. What do you call the young of a Caribou?

2. Who lived at Hughenden Manor in Buckinghamshire?

3. In which year were the 1st Christmas lights displayed?

4. A ‘Tittering’ is the collective term for which creature?

5. Who invented the Christmas cracker?

6. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Thixophobia’ what would you fear?

7. In which US state is there a town called ‘Santa Claus’?

8. Where would you find a ‘Hypothalamus’?

9. Who wrote the novel ‘Mrs Dalloway’?

10.In which Dickensian novel would you find ‘Jacob Marley’?

1 Fawn, 2 Benjamin Disraeli, 3 1882, 4 Magpie, 5 Tom Smith, 6 Touch, 7 Indiana, 8 Brain, 9 Virginia Woolf, 10 A Christmas Carol.

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KATY FOR 25th DECEMBER!

Vacancy for Full Time Cleaners in Ampthill What’s the biggest overhead in Santa’s accounts?

Private Elf insurance!

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

40 hours per week 5.30 amͲ2.00 pm £8.34 per hour to start Overtime rate available at £12.50 07736 896616 ccullen@thepcsgroup.co.uk

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 12

This month we bring you some more of your brilliant photos of The Fuddler being read all around the world! On the left this month is a reader with his Fuddler on a bus in Hastings and below is this extraordinary photograph of Ian up in the Arctic at The Northern Lights!

Many thanks for those and if you are going away don’t forget to pack your Fuddler too!

Please send your photos of a Fuddler being read away from home to martin@thefuddler.com

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 3500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2014 Fri 14th December: Ultimate Karaoke 8pm til late Wed 19th December: Carols with Quintessential Brass Quintet Silliest Xmas Jumper Comp Xmas Eve: 7.30 - 12mn Entry by Pre-paid drink and food ticket: see staff Xmas Day: 12noon- 2pm Boxing Day: 12noon to 10.30pm New Year Eve: 11.30am - 12mn New Year Day: 12noon - 10.30pm ALBION’S FAMOUS 1p GRAND DRAW £500 First Prize: Drawn Thurs 20th December LION’S XMAS HAMPER: £1 a ticket In Aid of Keech Hospice Care and The Lions Drawn Wed 19th December.

Have a Merry Xmas & a Happy New Year You can now see us on Facebook You can’t B&T it!

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford Tel: 01462 628448

www.banksandtaylor.com

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

www.timbutlinbuilders.co.uk

30 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat.

07778 680393

Also offering: Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating.

With female finesse to make the most of your home

07944 710179

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

Once upon a Christmas time Santa came to town He didn’t look very happy and went into McColl’s cause he needed to sit down.

The manager said to Santa why do you look down Come and have a coffee (they are only a pound) and let’s try to turn that frown upside down.

Well said Santa I don’t know where to begin, I’m tempted to just chuck this job in.

With all this healthy eating I can’t get any Christmas sweets But that’s part of our Christmas tradition and I want to sneak some in for the children to eat.

Well I said to Santa surely a few won’t hurt, And if we all eat sensibly it won’t set off an national health alert.

We have many, many Christmas sweets here out on display, With this great selection they will make someone’s Christmas day.

From selection boxes, candy canes, tubes of our favourite sweets, Even chocolate elves with shoes on their feet’s.

They are just over there upon the shelf, Go and have a good look around and go and help yourself.

Santa soon came back and said so many great products I have found I just hope once I’ve filled the sleigh I can get it off the ground lol .

Thank you said Santa and soon I must be on my way, It’s not long before its going to be the special Christmas day.

But before I go I’ve just noticed that you sell fresh veg and frozen food, I’ll think I will take some because you’ve managed to put me in a good mood.

I’ll take some carrots also to give the reindeer Because if it weren’t for them I wouldn’t even have got here.

I see you have none named Kevin, oh sorry that’s a different shop, But now I really should be going as I really do have a lot, So I said good bye to Santa and waved him on is way, And as this is the end, myself and staff hope and wish you all to have a great Christmas day.

McCOLL’S YOUR LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL TEL: 01525 404096

GOLD AWARD WINNERS

2016/17 Best UK Pizza Restaurant

FINALISTS Best Team 2017 Pasta Chef 2017 2018 Pizza Chef 2018

®

CHRISTMAS PARTIES AT DONATELLO’S - HAVE YOU BOOKED YOURS YET? (When the spaces are gone - they’re gone!))

Please see our Facebook page or ring Michael on 01525 404666 for details

OPENING TIMES: Monday evening 6.00 Ͳ 9.00 Tuesday to Friday lunchtime 12.00 Ͳ 2.00 Tuesday to Thursday evening 6.00 Ͳ 10.00 Friday and Saturday evening 6.00 Ͳ 11.00 www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking available

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 14

Ampthill Town Band are holding their annual Christmas Concert of Sunday 9th December this year and have invited along the Parkside Singers as their special guests. The concert starts at 2:30pm and is being held at Parkside Hall, Woburn Road, Ampthill. Band chairman Louis Sherry said "We're hoping the change to a Sunday afternoon will make it easier for everyone to come along. Tickets are priced at £7, with accompanied under 16s free, to try to interest youngsters and make it a family occasion".

Louis also mentioned that the band are always looking for new recruits so if you already play a brass instrument, used to play and fancy taking it up again or are learning at school then contact the band via their website - the Band run a Senior Band and a Training Band and rehearse on Tuesdays at the Baptist Church in Ampthill. Full details at: ampthilltownband.com.

Beer n o ditati Accre

CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS 2018 WITH US! Festive Menu Available 3rd– 21st December, Monday – Friday from 12 – 9pm for a minimum of 6 Guests.

(A full food pre-order & £10 P/P deposit (nonrefundable) will be required to secure the booking.)

Complimentary Bottle of Prosecco!!

When you book to dine from our Festive menu between 3rd – 14th December

2 Courses £22.00 3 Courses £27.00

Christmas Day Menu

Bookings from 12pm – 5pm (A full food pre-order & £10 P/P deposit (nonrefundable) will be required to secure the booking.)

£70.00 per person

(Including a glass of Prosecco on arrival)

£35.00 for children under 10 years.

New Year’s Day Bookings from 12pm – 6pm (A non-refundable £5.00 deposit per person required upon making your booking.)

Full A La Carte Menu will also be available throughout December*

BOOKINGS ARE NOW BEING TAKEN Visit our website for more details and to view our menus *Excluding Sundays, Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year’s Eve & New Year’s Day

Serving food 7 days a week (Until 9.00pm Monday to Saturday and 12.00 to 6.00pm Sunday)

To Book call 01525 280565

The White Horse, 1 Mill Road, Husborne Crawley, Bedford, Mk43 0XE www.whitehorsehusbornecrawley.squarespace.com whitehorsehc@gmail.com.

Maulden Players are performing their annual Pantomime in January 2019 at Maulden Village Hall. This year it is PINOCCHIO a script written by Maulden Players very own Simon Jeffrey.

Pinocchio, a wooden boy, will be joined by Geppetto the toy maker, Jiminy Cricket to add some wise-cracks, Blue Fairy to provide the magic and many more various characters. Whilst not a traditional panto it will, as usual, be a delight for families and there will be fun to be had for all ages.

Come and join in the fun and get ready with your cheers and boos. The Pantomime will be performed on Friday January 25th at 8pm and on Saturday January 26th at 2pm and 7.30pm. Tickets are £10 adults £7 children under 16 and concessions. All profits go to charity.

Box Office numbers are 01525 402706 and 07799 895740 or you can book online at www.mauldenplayers.co.uk Ampthill Town CC will in the summer of 2019 be fielding 4 senior elevens on Saturdays & 3 on Sundays.

On Saturday the first & second elevens will compete in the Saracens Hertfordshire League with the third eleven taking part in the more local Four Counties League Sunday all three elevens will take part in the Bedfordshire County League We also have a Mid-Week XI entering the Cup Competitions as organised by Beds Cricket Ltd & East Beds Charity Shield (In 2018 we won the Heritage Cup organised by the East Beds Shield).

Indoor nets are on Sunday evenings starting on 10th February (for nine weeks) between 5pm & 7pm at Flitwick Leisure Centre. (Players of all abilities welcome) Practice during the season will take place on Wednesday nights on our Park ground M o r e d e t ai l s f r o m J e r e my D e g n an 07 95 8 524613 jeremy.degnan@tui.co.uk or William Sneath 07884 070103 willsneath@hotmail.com We shall be running youth teams at Under 9, 11, & 13 (In 2018 our Under 13s were the Bedfordshire Southern Champions).

To join this popular section of the club please contact Dave Bradley on 07468 912586 dave.bradley@hotmail.co.uk We will be hosting Bedfordshire CCC vs. Oxfordshire CCC on Sunday 12th May with an 11 am start for a 50 over a side game in the Minor County Knock Out

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

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Airport Transfers - Events - Special Occasion - Business Travel - Chauffeuring When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 16

There’s exciting news for the Spar shop in Brookes Road Flitwick! As from week commencing 3rd December the shop is changing to Budgens. The shop will be trading as normal during the changeover which is all to be complete by Friday 7th December. Opening hours will be Monday - Saturday 7am - 10pm and on Sundays 8am - 10pm.

The address is 26 - 32 Brookes Road, Flitwick MK45 1BX

NOW OPEN Come and discover Ampthill’s rich history and learn about the towns association with Henry VIII and why Kit Williams chose the town as the hiding place for the treasure of his 1979 book Masquerade.

The museum occupies part of the top floor of Ampthill Fireplaces showroom in Bedford Street and is open 6 days a week.

Admission is free

‘Possibly the smallest museum in the world’

Ampthill and District Choral Society present their Christmas Concert on Monday 10 December at 7.30pm.

Our ever popular Christmas concert, as last year, will be held in Parkside Hall, Woburn Street, Ampthill. Tickets at £10, including refreshments, will be available on the door.

The programme will include a selection of carols, Christmas songs, readings and poems and this relaxed and informal evening is the perfect start to the Christmas celebrations.

We hope to see you there.

Once again Ampthill Rotary invite you to remember someone special on the Ampthill Tree of Light. You may wish to thank someone who has helped you, remember someone who is no longer here or wish someone a happy Christmas. Cards & envelopes are available In the Churches, the library, Waitrose, Number 14, Cheeseman, Phonus & other local retailers. Take you completed card to Phonus & it will be displayed in their window until Christmas.

THE WINGFIELD CLUB 37 Church St, Ampthill, MK45 2PL (01525) Bar - 403321 Office - 841736 thewingfieldclub@tiscali.co.uk

DATES FOR YOUR DIARY 8th December

Band Night Starts at 8pm Featuring Joyland and 3 supporting bands

6 large HD screens showing all main sporting events

Supreme pool table and spacious darts area

15th December

Christmas Raffle at 3pm + R & B Band at 8pm

16th December

Children’s Christmas Party 2.00 Ͳ 5.00pm

24th December

Christmas Eve from 8pm Dylan Bowers Karaoke Road Show

Private parties catered for

New Year’s Eve from 7:30 onwards Disco & Complimentary Buffet Ͳ All Welcome

Meeting rooms available

31st December

Large car park for members

Competitively priced Drinks

Christmas and New Year Opening Times Christmas Eve 12Ͳ11:30pm, Christmas Day 12Ͳ3pm, Boxing Day 12Ͳ6pm New Years Eve 3pmͲ1am, New Years Day 12Ͳ3pm

Sunday Meat Raffle & Members Tote

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year from the Committee and staff

New Members Welcome

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 17

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 18

x

Offices

x

Gyms

x

Summer houses

ARE YOU SEEKING A CHALLENGE? Citizens Advice Mid Bedfordshire is looking for volunteers who would like the opportunity to learn new skills and develop existing ones.

Located at offices in Ampthill and Biggleswade with satellites at Sandy and Stotfold, Citizens Advice assessors and advisers interview clients face to face and on the telephone.

They help people with a wide range of problems including debt, benefits, housing, employment and family matters.

Advisers receive free formal accredited training with all expenses paid. As well as advice-giving, the service has volunteering roles for fundraising, research and campaigns, book-keeping and social media.

We are also looking for new trustees and would welcome anyone with accountancy skills.

All sorts of people volunteer for the CAB, but one thing that unites them all is that they find it challenging, rewarding and varied – and you never stop learning.

If you would like further information please email us recruitment@midbedscab.cabnet.org.uk or call us on 01525 404715. We will then send you more details about the various roles and how to apply.

x

Sheds

Meet at ARA club Manton Lane Bedford MK41 7PF. Thursday 20th December 7.30pm

x

Play rooms

x

Acoustic Studios

Suitable for Experts and Novices, RSPB membership not essential. Entrance fee, group members £1 Guest £2 annual group membership £5. Reg. Charity No. 207076, more info www.rspb.org.uk/groups/bedford

Precise Garden Buildings Ltd A Great Addition To Your Home.

x

Man Caves etc

Free Design Free Quote Precisegardenbuildingsltd@outlook.com

07973 965115 07872 391208

Barrie Mason presents another of his wildlife adventures entitled ‘Birds & Mammals of the Brazilian Pantanal.

Fancy doing something new and meeting some amazing people next year?

A local befriending charity is looking for volunteers to help make a real difference in the community!

Respite at Home Volunteers are currently recruiting befriending volunteers in Ampthill, Flitwick and the surrounding area.

This is your chance to make a positive and immediate difference to the lives of people living with life limiting illnesses and their carers in your local community.

If you have a couple of hours to spare each week or fortnight, enjoy spending time chatting and listening, have a sense of humour and want to meet some genuinely interesting and inspiring people then this an opportunity for you.

As part of our befriending team you’ll receive full training and support as we match you with one of our families who are looking for a little extra companionship and help to live well with illnesses.

As a volunteer you don’t have to have prior experience of a life limiting illness, but you do have to have warmth, reliability, empathy, common sense and a ready smile.

For more information about how to join our team contact Nicola Mills 01234 743063 or email: respiteathomevolunteers@aol.co.uk

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 19

Napoleon the Cockerel Why a handsome, beguiling, clever, commanding silkie bantam Cockerel should acquire the name of Napoleon, seems odd, after all Napoleon Bonaparte commanded a huge army, became the First President of France, rode a white horse. an historic man, looked up to. However the two had a lot in common.

The silkie bantam Cockerel had a way with him, he engaged with all the others around him, the other livestock followed him around, always at the head, patrolling his domain, knowing what and when to act. He knew the lie of the land, who should be there and who shouldn't. A leader to the others, who willingly followed him around.

Why not? He was a shiny black feathered, his comb a blood red, his tail feathers rose and dropped, as if placed. He was handsome. He had a bad habit of as you walked away from him he flew in the air to dig him claws, wherever he could, and retreat, so you would have no idea it was him.

The only time Napoleon the Cockerel held back, on this occasion our neighbour Bert had been entrusted to look after the livestock, while away on holiday, he had been warned to watch his back, so had not kept his eye out for a very placid Brown silkie bantam Cockerel which flew at him. No one had any idea that Napoleon had a rest from his antics occasionally.

A surprise to us all. So was Napoleon the Cockeral to blame at any time.

Nature Knows Best

s er ! h c o ou e To V

f t bl Gi aila Av

THE PARTY SEASON IS UPON US!

D.O.T

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Also available: Gel nails.

Lash lifts.

Spray Tanning.

Brow wax &Tint.

Based in Ampthill (non high street prices )

Packages available 07939 239839. sophie.haddow@outlook.com

RIDGMONT STATION HERITAGE CENTRE TEA ROOM OPEN ALL YEAR ROUND TUESDAY - SATURDAY 9.00AM UNTIL 4.00PM. SUNDAYS (BOOKINGS ONLY) 11.00AM - 3.00PM

CAFÉ MENU x A selection of teas, coffees

and soft drinks x Home made cake and scones x Cream teas are our speciality! x Please note we are closed on

Mondays x SMALL

Special Festive Afternoons Teas available until 20th December £18.95 per person BOOK NOW!

FRESHLY MADE FOOD ... x Hot soups and jacket potatoes x A selection of fresh

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service!

BIRTHDAY PARTIES We can also cater for up to 16 people for a special Birthday Party!

RIDGMONT STATION HERITAGE CENTRE STATION ROAD | RIDGMONT BEDFORDSHIRE | MK43 OXP

T: 01525 287 120

M: 07512 619162

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HOW TO FIND US: By rail alight at Ridgmont Station By road follow station signs from A507

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 20

BOB AMBLER

Garage Door Solutions Ltd

HOME DESIGNS

Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares

Kitchens – Bedrooms – Home Offices

x All makes & designs available x 24 Hour repair service x No call out charge x All work guaranteed x Free quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468

Carpentry

Replacement Kitchen Doors and Worktops

A complete design, supply & installation service

Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk

Free Designs and Quotations

Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Birthday Greetings Ian for 15th December

What do you get if you add 2 to 200 four times?

Answer below

4th December A very Happy Birthday to Herren! Love FG xx THE ETERNAL OPTIMIST AT CHRISTMAS Happy Birthday Irene for 1st December

By Henry Flagstaff Gladys was busy sorting out the Christmas decorations and the cat was amusing itself with a piece of tinsel, so I popped off to the library to see what I could find to read on a long dark evening.

Always so difficult with such an excellent choice on offer. However I came across a tome which I had not seen before ‘The Bodies Left Behind’ by the ever dependable Jeffrey Deaver.

The description on the fly of the book was enough to make me want to scamper home and immediately start reading.

Est 1965 Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Rewires & Fuseboard upgrades

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken PAT testing & Landlords

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor over 25 Years 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

07702 080623 Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

01525 405393 07889 058345

‘You can run you can hide but you can’t escape’ began the narrative continuing with ‘A spring night in a small town. An emergency call to police from a distant lake house is cut short. A phone glitch or something more sinister. Off duty deputy Brynn McKenzie leaves her family's dinner and goes to investigate. And stumbles onto the scene of a murder.’

I poured a goodly measure of malt, settled into the wing back and delved into the pages.

Thundering good thriller that grips like glue until the final page.

With Enid Grimshaw Oil was for lubricating, fat was for cooking.

Tea was made in a teapot using tea leaves and never green.

Fish didn't have fingers in those days.

Indian restaurants were only found in India.

Cooking outside was called camping.

‘Kebab’ was not even a word, never mind a food.

Surprisingly, muesli was readily available, it was called cattle feed.

None of us had ever heard of a yoghurt, Thanks Enid - do send some more!!

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

202, 202, 202, 202

Page 21

Meerkat’s favourite for the winter is her long red coat.

Hector loved it so it’s very special each year. When some friends quite unexpectedly decided to write a poem Meerkat was so touched and thrilled she just felt she wanted to share it. Happy Christmas everyone.

THE LADY IN THE LONG RED COAT There was a sudden knock on the door Nothing new, we’ve heard it before.

“Come in, come in,” we collectively call, We, being us, Penny and Paul.

Who can it be, we are all ears A flash of red coat suddenly appears We wait, there is a very long pause Surely it’s too early for Santa Claus.

The game is up, this persons too small, Santa is usually six feet tall; Plus there is a missing beard And the length of the coat is a little weird.

We look at each other concern on our faces We don’t recognise her from her top to her laces.

It really is a cunning disguise If we get the answer we may win a prize.

Instead of Rudolph there is a Flora This doesn’t make things any the poorer, If only she was wearing her funny hat We would soon realise, it’s our own Meerkat!!

Ben Keenan

HUMAN GIVENS THERAPIST MHGI. HG Dip. (Dist) PSA. Public Standards Authority Accredited Register

The world of counselling/psychotherapy is a very different place to what it was even ten years ago! Neurological science has provided insights that when combined with the best of other approaches provides a fast and effective solution focused therapy (SFBT) that is embodied in Human Givens. Treatment does not just mean sitting and endlessly talking, it is also about effectively understanding the issues and providing lasting realistic change.

Therapy thoughts

Krishnamurti said " Tradition becomes our security, and when the mind is secure it is in decay". Our brains are wired with a need to be stretched, we need to seek achievement and meaning in varying ways to be emotionally healthy. When we slip into the "tradition" that Krishnamirti refers to achievement and meaning can start to fade. When this happens we can sometimes become prey to the emotional health conditions that seem so prevalent in today’s world.

Ben Keenan Ͳ 07860 195303 or email: therapyinbedforshire@outlook.com www.therapyinbedfordshire.co.uk Advert funded by BKPH Ltd

EN E S V! T S A N O

Richard and all the team would like to wish all our loyal customers a very Merry Christmas and all the best for 2019

THIS MONTH’S CHESS PUZZLE Here we go with our chess puzzle for December! As usual it’s white to play and checkmate is achieved in two moves. But how?

If you can help why not pop in for a festive drink and explain it?!

WEDNESDAY QUIZ FROM 8.00pm Come and join in our friendly Wednesday night quiz quizmasters include JVP, Dermot, and a guest appearance from ‘Ickle Robbie’ for our Christmas special on the 19th. (Sorry no quiz on Boxing Day) New quizmasters always welcome.

Sunday 23rd December It’s time for a whoop up (!) with our pre Christmas party from 6 ish featuring

ELECTRIC UKES NEW YEAR’S DAY Come an join in our annual ‘Hare of The Dog’ Party with ENZO singing from 6.00pm Christmas Opening Hours: Christmas Eve 12 - 12, Christmas Day 12 - 3 Boxing Day 3 - 12 27th 3 - 12, Don’t forget there’s 28th 3 - 1, still time to sign up 29th 12pm - 1am, for next year’s new 30th 12 - 12 ‘Toad in the Hole’ New Year’s Eve 3 - 1 League New Year’s Day 3 - 12 Ask for details As normal from the 2nd.

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 22

GET THE NEW YEAR OFF TO A FLYING START! Why not book your ad now for our January edition?!

Just email martin@thefuddler.com for details With The Imp

1. ‘Do you have any cider other than apple, pear or fruit?’

2. ‘I think there should be a higher subsidisation.’

3. ‘It wasn't going well so I upped the antic.’

4. ‘I can’t eat eggs scrambled, boiled or fried - only if they’re cooked.’

5. ‘The closer I get, the nearer it is.’

6. ‘Where are the quails eggs?’ ‘On the egg counter.’

7. ‘He was on his own with his companion.’

8. ‘Her back looks familiar.’

Thanks again Imp

Basher has had such fun over the past two years sharing his negative and positive thoughts on some of the things in life which have stirred him. Now, he is going

to have a rest for 2019. He may well be back, who knows. In the meantime he wishes all the readers a very HAPPY CHRISTMAS and hopes that 2019 has more positives than negatives for you all.

With Alan from Bungay The Vicar was giving his congregation a sermon on Temperance.

Ranting from his pulpit he said in a strong voice that if he had his way he would fetch all the beer in the world and throw it in the river. He continued that he would also throw all the lager in the world in the river.

He then listed a variety of wines and spirits that he would also dispose of in this way.

At the end of his sermon he sat down and the Curate stood and said with a wry smile: “We shall now sing our closing hymn number 365: ‘Shall we gather at the river?”

With Basher McGraw

Hello everybody! I am an actress who has starred in a complicated series that has just finished showing on your televisions. I play an eccentric actress who takes on the role of a lifetime as a double agent.

Answer at the foot of the page.

Ampthill Park Hub Tel: 01525 406256

Ampthill Park Hub, Woburn Street, Ampthill MK45 2HX adjacent Ampthill Town Football Club

CHRISTMAS CAROL SINGALONG with Ampthill & Flitwick Churches

Here from 2pm on Sunday 16th December 2018 FREE visit to Santa who will be arriving at 12.00 noon FREE MULLED WINE & MINCEPIES All proceeds will go to St. Andrews Church Restoration fund, Ampthill, and Leonard Cheshire Disability, Agate House, Ampthill.

Florence Pugh - Little Drummer Girl

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 23

With Ricardo de Cavelier from the Montpelier in Basle:

LUXURIANT BEEF CASSEROLE To serve 4 you will need: 500 gm braising steak from your local butcher 1 tbs cooking oil 12 gm flour 250 ml red wine 125 ml water 2 tsps tomato puree 1 garlic clove 75 gm lean bacon 1 dozen baby onions 200 gm mushrooms Salt and pepper A glass in which to pour a little wine to enjoy whist you are cooking.

Firstly, dice up your braising steak, crush the garlic clove, remove rind from bacon and cut into strips, peel the onions and wash peel and 1/4 the mushrooms.

After all that take a little slurp of wine.

Coat the meat in flour and brown on all sides in a saucepan for a couple of minutes or so.

Chuck in the wine, water garlic, tomato puree, pepper and salt.

Fry the bacon and onions in a separate pan for 5 minutes or so then put in the pan with the meat.

Give it all a gentle stir and transfer to a casserole dish, cover and cook in a medium oven (about gas mark 4 or 180 degrees C) for about one and a half hours.

Finally remove dish from oven, add the mushrooms, replace in oven and cook for a further fifteen minutes.

Delicious served with seasonal vegetables and a great winter warmer on a cold winterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s night!

POTENTIAL DEVELOPMENT LAND WANTED If you have land that you think may be suitable for development for one house or one hundred houses give us a call and we will be pleased to come round and give you our opinion at no charge and without any obligation.

It might be the best call you make this year.

HUNTERHILL ESTATES Ltd 01234 766271 & 07786 038906 hunterhillestate@btinternet.com

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 24

With Mavis Plimpton

Hello again. My friend Gladys popped round for a festive Sherry and brought more ‘bloopers’ from Church Newsletters where perhaps better proofreading was required!

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes snacks and meals.

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again , ' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it , we have a nursery downstairs.

At the evening service tonight , the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

Thank you once more Mavis!

3rd December - A very Happy Birthday to Paula!

A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! from everyone at The Fuddler Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 25

Flittabus needs YOU !

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Greetings to everyone and once again a big welcome to another picture challenge. Thanks to everyone who had a go at last month’s poser and congratulations and very well done if you spotted the old photograph as being Westoning Road, Flitwick.

Now for this month we can bring you this delightful old photograph of one of the many villages around in Fuddlerland and we thought it would be of interest to you.

As always we are very grateful to the kind reader who sent it to us!

But do you recognise the scene and where it might be?

Volunteer drivers wanted!

Driving a Flittabus can be fun; it’s also very worthwhile.

We have 3 buses and 11 routes, driven (and managed) by over 30 men and women volunteers, providing scheduled services around Central Bedfordshire. ANYONE can use Flittabus but most of all we help many elderly people to remain independent.

If you can spare just one or two half days a month we would like to hear from you. Why not come for a trial drive & see if you like it?

Full support & training will be provided. To learn more please contact Chris Tarmu 01525 861940.

Note: New drivers do need to be under the age of 67

If you think you know drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com Answer next month!

Help line for bus information 07960 388 111 or see www.flittabus.co.uk

With Flora the Explorer

Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the ‘in-flight safety lecture,’ and their other announcements, a bit more entertaining.

‘Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.’

‘That was quite a bump and I know what you are thinking.

I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault ... it was the asphalt!’

‘Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.’

This was overheard on a flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo.

Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!’

‘Welcome aboard your flight. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public’ Thanks for those Flora - please send us more!

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier:

The other week I was driving along in Fuddlerland when a foreign lorry came out of a depot on the right ahead of me and started to drive towards me on my side of the road. He then realised he was in the UK and we drive on the left.

Also whilst driving along I came across a nice swan waddling towards me on the grass verge on the other side of the road.

The only water I knew of was on his side of the road about a mile further on. He seemed content.

I was talking to a very elegant lady then we got talking about ages. I said I know that you are 92. She said ‘I am 92¾.’

In the last thirty years I have only been into a supermarket once and that was to get a new mobile phone. Also in that time I have only used a shopping trolley once and that was to get a sack of cement.

I was once driven from the Millbrook farm to Silsoe cottage in a coal fired car. It was driven by the owner who also designed and built it. You don’t see many cars with chimneys.

We were going to have eggs on toast for breakfast then we found that we had run out of eggs and couldn’t find the recipe for toast.

Over a period of four years I used to drive a car which was 8ft 6 inches wide with just one door at the back. It created a lot of interest.

I bought a coffee table and underneath is a sticker saying ‘See warning before use.’ I’ve no idea what the warning is.

Did you know that all cloud is formed by air rising?

And a very Merry Christmas to all

ote: n y r a i D

w Year’s e N k o o ime to b t e h t s ’ Now Fuddler e h T n i ing advertis led to i a m e y and cop dler.com d u f e h t martin@

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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Episode 69 ...

My Santa ‘clause’ I found out at rather an early age that I wasn’t sure there was a Father Christmas. I think I was 5 or 6 at the time and up until then I had believed that if you were good all year round, a rather jolly portly gentleman would come down the chimney and deliver the presents that were on your list, well some of them at least, sometime during Christmas Eve night to be opened on Christmas morning. There were of course, in hindsight, a few obvious anomalies here. We had gas fires at home and no chimneys; all the nasty spoilt children in my neighbourhood always got much nicer more expensive presents than us good kids and why, if Father Christmas provided all these toys, games, bicycles etc, did we have to go shopping?

Anyway, one Christmas morning I awoke excitedly and rustled around to my stocking at the foot of my bed and sought out under the nuts and oranges some of the smaller wrapped presents. I was distracted by a commotion downstairs between my Father and my brother. “Of course it was not Father Christmas he does not exist you idiot!

You drank the glass of port and the rest of the bottle and then started on my best whiskey. You even gave the dog the mince pies” said my Father. My brother glanced down to Penny our pet dachshund, who was looking very sheepish in her chair. I looked from my brother to our Father for an explanation of what had been said about the real Father Christmas. My brother was just about to try an explain his actions of the previous evening, when he saw me and my obviously disappointed expression and

used it to his advantage “look what you’ve just done – you’ve ruined his Christmas - fancy telling him there’s no Father Christmas Dad". My Father wagged his finger towards my brother, who now was looking quite smug and then turned to me and said “Well he had to find out sometime” and disappeared down to his shed. Dinner had been in progress for some time and Mother had been oblivious to all the kafuffle in the living room earlier and the revelation of no Santa Claus. “That’s nice dear” she said when I tried, through teary eyes, to explain what I had just found out. “Pass me the stuffing mixture please dear”. “But Mother" I protested, just as a neighbour appeared at the back door. “Merry Christmas” he said jollily and looked down at me “And what did Father Christmas bring you then?” he continued, “Nothing” I cried and ran upstairs to recreate an imaginary battle between a mixture of soldiers from the Roman XII Legion and Wellington's household cavalry pitted against a very well equipped German Panzer division and supported by the Royal Marine Commandos. After taking out my disappointment on the combined forces of Julius Caesar and the Duke of Wellington, the rest of the day passed relatively peacefully without incident and no sooner had it begun Christmas was over for another year. But it never really felt the same, and that the seasonal visitation of a rather intoxicated portly gentlemen in a Santa hat was really none other than my own brother.

"A cynic is just a man who found out when he was about ten that there wasn't any Santa Claus, and he's still upset."

DECEMBER Health Walks Wednesdays 10.30am Free, no need to book. Most walks start at Reception but some elsewhere – see notice board or ring 01234 767037.

Christmas Party Night Saturday 15 December 7pm to Midnight £29.95 per head.

01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Carols Singalong Monday 17 December 2pm to 4pm Free - Donations welcome 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Kids' Christmas Party Friday 21 December 4pm to 6pm £10.00 per head.

01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Christmas Bird Walk Thursday 27 December 8.30am to 11.30am £4 per head 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Christmas Magic Show Sunday 30 December 11am to Noon £5 per person 01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events

JANUARY Health Walks Wednesdays 10.30am Free, no need to book. Most walks start at Reception but some elsewhere – see notice board or ring 01234 767037.

Sunday Stroll 6 January at 10.30am About 2 hours. Booking not required. Free but donations welcome.

01234 767037 For a full list of events - see www.marstonvale.org/events

Short led walks, all welcome.

Need to get more active? This could be just the thing for you.

Walks last about an hour and a quarter (some hills). Walk at your own pace in a friendly group. It’s all free - just turn up.

Next walks - all start at 10am except 14th Dec at 11.am: 14th December Dog & Badger, Maulden 11am Walk open to all and Xmas meal if booked 28th December Ampthill Park, west car park For further information please contact: Lynda on 01234 740788 or at olivetree47@googlemail.com Or Laurie on 01525 403950 or at lalowe@btinternet.com or see http://ampthillhealthwalks.blogspot.co.uk

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Page 28

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ALSO - STUNNING RANGE OF ‘INDULGENCE’ JEWELLERY And at exceptional prices!

Prices subject to availability - The fragrances shown here are only available whilst stocks last Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com