The Fuddler May 2019

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Est. 2002

An extremely cheery hello to everybody now that May is here, and as always we hope you will enjoy another very busy edition of your Fuddler.

There’s lots of interesting stories inside, local information plus the usual fun and nonsense and of

course don’t forget to look carefully at those all important messages from our advertisers! After all, you never know what you might find in The Fuddler!

If you have decided that you would like an ad too all our contact details are on page four of each issue.

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ȱ

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Page 2

Ampthill Glass Centre

Quality i y Windows - Doors - Conservatories - Glass Merchants - Glazing g Contractors 1 12 A Ampthill Business Park, Station Road, Ampthill, Bedfordshire, MK45 2QW

Telephone: 01525 403015 / 403609 Fax: 01525 402521 www.ampthillglasscentre.co.u k

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Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 3

FOR ALL YOUR SECURITY REQUIREMENTS ProControl+ The ProControl+ is an innotive two-way wireless technology. No wires so ideal for newly decorated houses or listed buildings

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Saturday 4th May sees an evening with Robert Daws talking and singing his way through some of his favourite and funniest experiences; the ups and downs, the trial and occasional madness of an actor’s life. For over 40 years the actor has appeared in a myriad of top television programmes and West End plays. The event is being held at the Connolly Theatre, Flitwick Road, Ampthill MK45 2NU. Doors and the bar open at 6.45pm and the programme starts at 7.30pm. Tickets are £15.00 and are available from www.ticketsource.co.uk/robert-dawes or The Wardrobe and No. 14 in Ampthill.

This year these runs are back to first Bank Holiday in May which is Monday 6th May 2019. Time to get your-self fit for a great run around Flitton & Flitwick Moors over a flat crosscountry route. Entry forms are available at local pubs, or from the email below. Also on our village website: http://flittongreenfield.bedsparishes.gov.uk For more information, offers of help, or enquiries, please contact David Sedgley on 01525 714961 or Jen Fisher on 01525 713917 or email: flittonflit@gmail.com

Call Kelly Marie today for a free quote All aspects of tree and gardening work carried out Weeding, Digging, Pruning, Grass Cutting, Hedges Trimmed, Trees Pruned, Jungles Cleared and all rubbish taken away Please Call:

01525 794103 / 01908 887295 Steppingley Village Gardens will be open for NGS Charity on Sunday 26th & Monday 27th May between 2-5pm. (MK45 5AT). Four gardens with an abundance of early summer perennials, roses, irises, alliums and much more will be open to raise money for nursing & health care charities.

Classic cars will also assemble on Steppingley Green on Sunday 26th May. Combined entrance to all £6, children free.

Home made teas and plant sale.

The delightful Millbrook Village fete is taking place on Sunday 9th June between 12.30pm and 4.00pm at Millbrook Village Hall and field and features an RAF Hurricane Flypast.

Entry to the fete is free and there is also free parking. There will be classic motorbikes & tractors on display, traditional games, tea & cakes, a Brass Band playing to keep everyone entertained plus you can also enjoy rides around Millbrook Proving Ground. In addition there is to be a fun dog show, face painting, hot food, ice creams, bric-a-brac plus prizes and a raffle! Pimms & beer are also available.

Everyone will be made most welcome, and if you have not been before do go along and join in the fun.

All proceeds to St Michael & All Angels Church, Millbrook.

AMPTHILL ACCOUNTANCY TUTORs

ONE TO ONE TUITION COVERING ALL AAT UNITS

PGCE Qualified Tutor Call 07790 672699 Email derek_story@yahoo.co.uk When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

The problem of hiding an Easter egg in the grounds for the hunt is that it helps if you remember where you have hidden it!

But in the meantime I have planted a host of bedding plants so there should be a glorious display again this year.

In the meantime a very Happy Birthday to Suzie for the 5th May. Ciao

A BRIANISM (With fond memories) I’m planning to minimise my carbon footprint by not using my wheelbarrow for a fortnight.

Experienced and reliable, no job too small.

Completing all those jobs you’ve been meaning to do from doors to floors and much more.

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Across: 1 Waffle, 4 Backup, 7 Camembert, 9 Iron, 10 Drat, 11 Final, 13 Hatred, 14 Tetchy, 15 Slalom, 17 Pellet, 19 Noble, 20 Veto, 22 Ante, 23 Observant, 24 Talent, 25 Rankle

Down: 1 Wraith, 2 Flan, 3 Eyelid, 4 Bobcat, 5 Cord, 6 Paltry, 7 Contralto, 8 Truculent, 11 Felon, 12 Levee, 15 Savant, 16 Moment, 17 Plover, 18 Teepee, 21 Oboe, 22 Anon

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

KINGS ARMS PATH GARDENS, AMPTHILL

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

These beautiful gardens are open on the last Sunday of the month from January until October from 2.30 until 5.00pm Adults £1.00 admission under 16’s free Plants for sale. Refreshments available.

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

EN E S V! T S A N O

Friday May 3rd - LIVE MUSIC

THIS MONTH’S CHESS PUZZLE

The return of ‘ENZO’ with his Dire Straits and Guitar Legends evening - from 8.00ish

Once again another puzzle - it’s white to play and checkmate is achieved in just two moves! But how? If you can see the answer pleased pop in and show us over a refreshing pint of beer!

Saturday May 11th - LIVE MUSIC Great entertainment with ‘NATALIE & JEREMY’ from 8.00ish

Sunday June 2nd - LIVE MUSIC (Possibly) Possible music in the afternoon as a surprise for Richard’s 60th birthday on 4th! (But don’t tell him!)

Bank Holiday Monday 27th May

WEDNESDAY QUIZ FROM 8.00pm Our highly popular quiz starts each Wednesday at 8.00 sharp. There’s no charge and we can probably even find you a pencil! We have a regular guest quizmaster each week including H & Miri, Malcolm, JVP and many others - if you would like to be a quizmaster please speak to Richard and add your name to the rota!

Everyone welcome

Weather permitting BBQ in the sun on the West Terrace

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME NIBBLES You are invited to enjoy your Sunday lunchtime drink with more bar snacks than you could shake a stick at!

TUESDAY EVENING DARTS TEAM Come and support your local in house men’s darts team on a Tuesday evening - there may even be some ‘Toad in the Hole’ played!

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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B W Deacon High Class Family Butcher

Pa

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Pack

3 - £4 2kg A 5. 00 ssorte d Sau 2 kg B sa ge s eef 2kg C hicke Burgers n Dru 2kg A mS ss 1kg H orted Por ticks k ot & S picy W Ribs 10 La in mb K oftas gs

Succulent Peppered Steaks £15.99kg Sizzling Beef Grill Sticks £1.25 each

Pack 2 - £30.00

1.5kg Assorted Sa usages 1.5kg Assorted Bu rgers 1.5kg Chicken Dr um Sticks 1.5kg Cajun Wings 1.2kg Assorted Po rk Ribs

0 Pack 4 - £55.0 sages

ed Sau 2.5kg Assort s Apple Burger 1.5kg Pork & Pieces 2kg Chicken Steak p m 1.2kg Ru ork Ribs P ed rt 2.5kg Asso ings 1kg Cajun W

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s ausage sorted S Wings s A g k 1.5 & Spicy 1kg Hot rted Pork Ribs sso 1.5kg A n Drum Sticks e ic 6 Ch k ted Kebabs or s s A 2

8 Beef Burgers 10 Pork Sausages 10 Chicken Drum Sticks 10 Pork Ribs

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3½ lb Bonelss Chicken Fillets £10 = £6.23 per kg 3½ lb Fresh Rump Steak £20 = £12.46 per kg 4 lb Boneless Pork Steaks £10 = £6.23 per kg

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Barbeque Pork Ribs Honey Roast Pork Ribs Chinese Pork Ribs Cajun Pork Ribs Smokey Barbeque Ribs Hot & Spicy Ribs Plain Pork Ribs

(Westoning) Mon: 07.00 - 15.00 Tue: 07.00 - 17.00 Wed: 07.00 - 17.00 Thurs: 07.00 - 17.30 Fri: 07.00 - 17.30 Sat 07.00 - 15.00 SUNDAYS CLOSED Visit us online:

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£2.99 each £2.89 each £2.50 each £2.25 each

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Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

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Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Trinket (6) 1 Coarse fabric (6) 4 Hamper (6) 2 Part of sailing ship (4) 7 Chubby (9) 3 Spotted (6) 9 Rich soil (4) 4 Apprehend (6) 10 Killer whale (4) 5 Singular (4) 11 Wild (5) 6 Bawdy (6) 13 Miffed (6) 7 Old name for Scotland (9) 14 Destroyed (6) 8 Conveyance (9) 15 Sufficient (6) 11 Pretend (5) 17 Quaff (6) 12 Clear (5) 19 Wanderer (5) 15 Other than (6) 20 Baby alpaca (4) 16 Commendation (6) 22 Globes (4) 17 Sign of the Zodiac (6) 23 Repulsive (9) 18 Ship’s flag (6) 24 Scrap of cloth (6) 21 Assist in wrongdoing (4) 25 Small finch (6) 22 Responsibility (4)

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U

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

N

23

A

1

Q

Guttering Problems?

Gutters Cleaned.

Leaking Gutters repaired.

Est 1965 Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Rewires & Fuseboard upgrades

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken PAT testing & Landlords

New Gutters Fitted.

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Call Rob on 01525 552066 or 07977 206403

Bradnam Guttering

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Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Mannequin

All by a friendly local established company

Page 7

institchesfancydress@btconnect.com

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PLEASE COME IN AND HAVE A LOOK AROUND!

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WE HAVE BALLOONS TOO! Large variety of Helium Balloons, Banners etc in fact everything you need for your party!

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POTENTIAL DEVELOPMENT LAND WANTED If you have land that you think may be suitable for development for one house or one hundred houses give us a call and we will be pleased to come round and give you our opinion at no charge and without any obligation.

It might be the best call you make this year.

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T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

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Over 30 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat.

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With The Duchess of Troll Reflections in the Dewpond.

‘The No 200 Bus’ Admiring the modern wind farm on the outskirts of Biggleswade The Five Old Friends and the Mrs Sam, talking about the advantage of wind power, and of their experiences of the village wind mills dotted around, and the goods they produced, flour being an essential ingredient of daily bread. They had enjoyed seeing the Jordan Mill and vowed to have a visit. By the looks of it a busy schedule ahead of them. Not too far to go either. Soon under the bridge. Not too far to the bus station. Same spot to catch bus back.

The Ford across The River Ivel named 'Biccel' s Woed ', Woed is an Old English word for Ford, as over time the name changed to Bigglesworth, then overtime to Biggleswade. As always rivers brought life to the countryside in the way of water for fresh fish and eels and of course the valuable watercress, the goods that could be transported up and down, just as ancient peoples had.

Things did progress: Biggleswade had a wharf for easier handling of goods on the River Ivel to various destinations, with every type of goods, corn, potatoes, barley, rye, malt, beans, flour , iron, oil, pitch, tar, coal, building materials, salt, reed and sledge sheaves for thatching. Anything that was needed for a better life transported by barges You cannot imagine that in the 19th century a busy inland port connected to the sea by the Ivel Navigation. What a leisure asset it would be today.

Roads had been an important part to play in the wealth and progress of the countryside, in Biggleswade The Great North Road, as the toll road paid for upkeep, and therefore Biggleswade grew.

The many public houses and coaching inns made travellers welcome. In 1661 Samuel Pepys writing in his Diary that although it was July it was a cold day and he had "on one stockings but thread ones under my boots I was fair at Bigglesworth to buy a pair of coarse woollen ones to put them on" then he travelled to Hatfield. It is said that he stayed in a hotel in Bigglesworth, now demolished. In 1664 Samual Pepys mentions in his diary that ‘we received a message to say his wife Elizabeth was on the Yorke coach to Bigglesworth and would be with them tomorrow morning'.

The Victorians began to build the railways, but the main Bedfordshire towns didn't seem to warrant a service, the first being the London to York, 1850 then called the Great Northern, which passed through Sandy and Biggleswade, just 41 miles to London.

Just as the River and Great North Road today's railway track brought prosperity to some - i.e. the railway company, the farmers and landowners who invested, or land that was required, then the army of navvies, who helped build the canals, men locally sort jobs. It was tough work, a rough lifestyle, often lawless, the itinerant life progressed along the line, wrongdoers were hard to catch. Locally mobility improved, railway jobs paid better than most and uniform provided, and often living accommodation at the crossings or railway stations. During the Victorian Era people moved to the cities, factories and housing developments very attractive to the rural poor. But as Charles Dickens wrote in his many stories of poverty, life wasn't a bed of roses. This is when Parliament began to learn of just how bad it was. The Salvation Army began to work in the city poor areas, and still do today.

The people that were to have to change their living were the water men working on the barges, the gang's of lightermen working the lighters, with lads riding or leading the horses hauling lighters, feeding and watering the horses, caring for them. As with all changes it is often a slow process .

The Five Old Friends decided to go their own ways to explore and shop since Biggleswade has small retailers larger supermarkets, cafes and pubs. It is a lovely place to visit, although compact it makes easy shopping. More about Biggleswade next time.

D.O.T.

• And there’s more Alternative Musings on page 24

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 9

Visit the largest fireplace, stove and gas fire showroom in Bedfordshire 1 Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 10

WORK WITH US We’re looking for full time experienced front of house & kitchen staff to join our team.

We like to think we are a fun and friendly bunch so do get in touch if you know someone who would be interested.

Please call us, apply online or email your CV to :info @ thegeorgemaulden.com George Street, Maulden MK45 2DF 01525 841559

With Jimmy The Voice We think that JTV must have been to the zoo as this month he has sent us this curious picture of the penguins ... but which of them is the tallest?

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Happy Birthday to ‘Smithy’ for the 17th May!

By Julio Van Peebles Julio’s worries and useless facts: 1) Did you know that nobody knows who invented the fire hydrant because it’s patent was destroyed in a fire?

2) How do you eat a kumquat?

3) Did you know that Luxembourg is slightly smaller than Oxfordshire?

4) Why do we now say toilet and not lavatory?

5) Did you know that Dracula was inspired by a nightmare that Bram Stoker had after eating crab mayonnaise?

Julio’s interesting ‘Pie’ fact: Did you know that Desperate Dan the Dandy’s much loved cowboy, first hit the shelves eating cow pie in 1937?

... he reckons they are all the same height but we are not so sure! What do you think?

30th May - Happy Birthday to Geoffrey the poet extraordinaire - best wishes from all your fans!

With Percy Verdance

Don’t forget that banana skins buried under your rose bushes will ensure you have glorious blooms!

Happy Birthday to Lisa for the 9th May, love from everyone!

Thought for the month: It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers.

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.co.uk mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 Free local delivery and collection service

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 11

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173 As always Jilly a very Happy Birthday for the 21st May

Love from Peter and the rest! xxxx

with Auntie Vi Memory worries! I have just realised that the library book I am reading is the same one that I borrowed last month.

5th May Congratulations and best wishes to Mike and Jenny on your Wedding Anniversary

Pat Eldin Carpentry, Joinery and Building Services

07768 008951 01462 812242 pateldinbarbel@hotmail.co.uk

If you are lonely go to the hills and shout. Your echo will keep you company for days. Or weeks.

You are reading too many magazines if you are worried that you don’t have any symptoms.

A man with one chopstick will surely go hungry.

Why is it that experience is the worst teacher? It always gives the test first and the instructions afterwards.

The longest odds in the world are those of getting even.

If you are angry, count to ten before you speak. If you are very angry count to one hundred.

Never believe in anything until its been officially denied.

My friend’s husband is so silly he has just realised you can’t have a hard boiled Easter Egg. My friend thinks that artery is a study of paintings.

Never try to teach a pig to sing. It is a waste of time, and annoys the pig.

I am not strange I am just not normal.

Don’t look back unless you are planning to go that way.

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

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1. Who invented the pencil in 1565?

2. What breed of creature is a ‘Polwarth’?

3. Where would you find ‘Bitts’?

4. In which year was the Bowler Hat created?

5. What is a ‘Forlana?’

6. I f yo u su f f e r e d f r o m ‘Zelophobia’ what would you fear?

7. Who wrote the novel ‘Northanger Abbey’?

8. What is the collective term for parrots?

9. In which Charles Dickens novel would you find ‘Charley Bates’?

10.Where in the UK is a place called ‘Booze’?

1 Conrad Gesner, 2 Sheep, 3 Deck of a ship, 4 1849, 5 Dance, 6 Jealousy, 7 Jane Austen, 8 Company, 9 Oliver Twist, 10 North Yorkshire

Our prescription service means you can have your repeat prescription dispensed and delivered hassle free!

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When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 12

Once again here are some more of your splendid photographs of The Fuddler as it travels around the world! On the left this month we have Brad looking thoughtful at the Grand Harbour in Malta, and below is Graham with his Fuddler at the 3rd test in St Lucia!

Many thanks for those and if you are going away don’t forget to pack your Fuddler too!

Please send your photos of a Fuddler being read away from home to martin@thefuddler.com

Beer n o ditati Accre

Serving Food all over the Bank Holidays Weekly Specials Monday- ‘V.I.P Monday’ 15% off Food Bills for V.I.P Cardholders (excludes Bank Holidays) Tuesday- ‘Celebrate the Summer’ (BBQ Inspired) Wednesday- ‘Mixed Grill Wednesday’ Thursday- ‘Burgers are Best’ Showcasing our Gorgeous Homemade Burgers Friday- ‘Fish Supper Friday’ (Eat in or Takeaway) (All Weekly Specials Served 12pm-9pm)

Sunday- Quality Sunday Roasts - £13.50 (Served 12pm-6pm) The full a la carte menu will also be available alongside the weekly specials.

Also Served from 12-6pm A Selection of Freshly Prepared Ciabatta’s & Specials Serving food 7 days a week (Until 9.00pm Monday to Saturday and 12.00 to 6.00pm Sunday)

To Book call 01525 280565

Ben Keenan

HUMAN GIVENS THERAPIST MHGI. HG Dip. (Dist) PSA. Public Standards Authority Accredited Register

The world of counselling/psychotherapy is a very different place to what it was even ten years ago! Neurological science has provided insights that when combined with the best of other approaches provides a fast and effective solution focused therapy (SFBT) that is embodied in Human Givens.

Treatment does not just mean sitting and endlessly talking, it is also about effectively understanding the issues and providing lasting realistic change.

Therapy thoughts Ͳ Pain Pain is something that Milton Erickson reflected on, be it psychosomatic or physical. He pointed out that there are three elements to pain when it is experienced. There is the pain of the moment which is compounded by the memory of previous related pain and the expectation of pain in the future. In effect he said a third of the effect of pain cant happen again and a third has not happened yet they strongly influence the pain of the moment. Understanding how our minds react to pain and the neurological science behind it may not eliminate pain but married with an understanding of deep relaxation techniques a great deal of relief can be brought into play.

The White Horse, 1 Mill Road, Husborne Crawley, Bedford, Mk43 0XE www.whitehorsehusbornecrawley.squarespace.com whitehorsehc@gmail.com.

Ben Keenan Ͳ 07860 195303 or email: therapyinbedforshire@outlook.com www.therapyinbedfordshire.co.uk Advert funded by BKPH Ltd

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

I don't believe it, I just don't believe it, The sun is out, you must see it to believe it.

So out come the summer toys A great range for the girls and the boys.

Water guns, Frisbees, even a children's paddling pool, As well as cricket, badminton, baseball sets, and tennis balls which is quite cool.

But there's still more we have in store, With disposable barbecues, sacks of charcoal, lighter fluid, and so much more And new summer drinks, We just need the sun one thinks.

We are also having a new range of wine and beer You know we only sell the good stuff here.

Oh and if you’re missing those Cadbury creme eggs Don't worry we have plenty left they haven’t got legs 3697 at the last count Yes it's true we really do have that amount.

So just one other thing I would like to say, We have new fresh sandwiches every day, So include them in our meal deal for just three pound fifty You will find the whole deal very thrifty So that's all from me on this sunny day, Please call in and don't stay away.

MCCOLL’S YOUR LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL TEL: 01525 404096 OPEN: MON-SAT 6AM TO 8PM SUNDAY 7AM TO 8PM

GOLD AWARD WINNERS

2016/17 Best UK Pizza Restaurant

FINALISTS Best Team 2017 Pasta Chef 2017 2018 Pizza Chef 2018

AL FRESCO IS BACK! Come and enjoy a coffee, glass of wine or a delicious pasta meal in our garden!

(When it’s sunny!)

Please see our Facebook page or ring Mick for details on 01525 404666 OPENING TIMES: Monday evening 6.00 Ͳ 9.00 Tuesday to Friday lunchtime 12.00 Ͳ 2.00 Tuesday to Thursday evening 6.00 Ͳ 10.00 Friday and Saturday evening 6.00 Ͳ 11.00 www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking available

GO GREEN Property Maintenance ALL JOBS CONSIDERED Garden Maintenance • Jet Washing • Grass Cutting Hedge Trimming • Weeding • Fencing One-off garden clearances or weekly/fortnightly regular garden maintenance

Painting • DIY/Odd Jobs • General Maintenance

NO JOB TOO SMALL • GIVE US A CALL 07469 751756 • lee@gogreenpropertymaintenance.co.uk gogreenpropertymaintenance.co.uk When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 14

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 16

‘Retired and missing the contact that professional/ business life provides? If so Probus needs you - why not come along to the Cross Keys at Pulloxhill on the first Tuesday of any month at 12.30 for a without obligation taster meeting.

Find out more by contacting Alan Clarke Club Secretary on 01234 961786 or visit www.ampthillprobus.co.uk’

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 3500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2014 Saturday May 4th

Sunday 5th May - Dawn Chorus. Free to all Meet 5:00am in Priory Country Park, Barkers Lane, Bedford MK 41 9DJ. Joint event with Beds Birds Thursday 16th May 7.30pm Meet at ARA club Manton Lane Bedford MK41 7PF. Cleo Small, Cleo is the RSPB’s Senior Policy Officer, Global Seabird Programme, and will talk to us this evening on the ‘Campaign to save the Albatross’ Thursday 23rd May 7 pm- Evening walk Free to all Harold & Odell Country Park meet at 7 pm in the car park MK43 7DS Suitable for Experts and Novices, RSPB membership not essential.

Entrance fee, group members £1 Guest £2 annual group membership £5. Reg. Charity No. 207076, more info www.rspb.org.uk/groups/bedford

KARAOKE Why not come along and have a go?

Friday May 24th

It’s KARAOKE TIME AGAIN! Ampthill Writers’ Group meet at The Albion, first Wednesday of every Month 8pm You can now see us on Facebook You can’t B&T it!

Congratulations to our lovely Mary on her marriage to Steve on the 3rd May

love from all xx

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford Tel: 01462 628448

www.banksandtaylor.com

Ampthill & District Choral Society are holding their Spring Concert on Saturday 18th May at Ampthill Methodist Church at 7:30pm. Programme: Haydn – Imperial ‘Nelson’ Mass & Rheinberger - Mass in C. Tickets are priced at £10 including light refreshments and are available on the door. We hope you are able to join us for what promises to be a very enjoyable evening.

THE ART WORLD AND THE AD WORLD You may not always have realised it, but fine art has provided advertisers and their creative agencies with a huge amount of material to use in their branding campaigns.

The iconic works of Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci and Raphael have been a particularly rich source of inspiration for decades, whilst, in more modern times, artists such as Warhol, Lichtenstein and Paolozzi powerfully blurred the lines between art and advertising. Today, fine art continues to enhance brand imagery through humour, satire and often irony.

Sound interesting? The Arts Society Woburn Area continues its arts lecture series on Thursday 30th May with “Mad Men and Artists: How the Advertising Industry Exploited Fine Art”. Our prospective lecturer, Tony Rawlins, started out as a mail boy at top British ad agency J Walter Thompson and reached the very top of his industry. He has had decades of experience presenting to demanding clients and has a fascinating story to tell. His lecture will lay bare, from admiration to downright cynicism, how fine art has been exploited by the advertising world, from the hard-drinking “Mad Men” (and Women) of Madison Avenue to the polonecked Brits at WPP plc in London.

The lecture will be held at Aspley Guise Village Hall at 7.30 pm and visitors are most welcome: cost £7.50. Many visitors decide to become full members of The Arts Society Woburn Area after attending one of our lectures and details of membership will be available on the night.

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 17

DEREK G STORY

LET US BE A PART OF YOUR SUCCESS STORY In order to provide the best possible advice, first we like to get to know you.

If you would like a free no obligation introduction meeting to discuss your accountancy and tax planning needs, then get in touch today and we’ll arrange to meet with you.

CALL OR EMAIL DEREK STORY TODAY ON: +44 (0)7790 672 699 / DEREK_STORY@YAHOO.CO.UK

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 18

SAODS Spring Concert, ‘ Women’s Institute Centenary Celebrations’, will be presented at Stewartby Village Hall, on 17th and 18th May. The programme celebrates the life and work of the WI and includes evocative songs from the decades and amusing monologues. The event is at 7.30pm and tickets cost Adults £16, Children under 16 £8 (includes 2 course meal).

No bar so please bring own drinks if required.

Tickets from: boxoffice@saods.org.uk.

Or phone: 07557 670703

NOW OPEN Come and discover Ampthill’s rich history and learn about the towns association with Henry VIII and why Kit Williams chose the town as the hiding place for the treasure of his 1979 book Masquerade.

The museum occupies part of the top floor of Ampthill Fireplaces showroom in Bedford Street and is open 6 days a week.

Admission is free

‘Possibly the smallest museum in the world’

SATURDAY 25th MAY 2019 REGISTRATION 11:30AM – ENGINE AND TENDER Please support us again by entering the annual Ampthill “Fancy Dress” Three Legged race.

Last year we raised approximately £5,000 which has enhanced the lives of three local people who were in need of support.

Additionally, some of the proceeds continued to support long standing projects in Gambia (Adult Education and Schooling) as well as the purchase of a Tilling Machine for a local village, thereby increasing their much needed crop yield.

One of this year’s projects is to enable a seven year old Gambian Girl to undergo complex heart surgery. The proceeds from the race will play a significant part into making this happen. So please continue to support the charity, especially by entering into it and giving generously to change this little girl’s life.

Nomination forms and further information available from all participating pubs or via the Web Page on http://www.ampthillthreeleggedrace.com

THE WINGFIELD CLUB 37 Church St, Ampthill, MK45 2PL (01525) Bar - 403321 Office - 841736 thewingfieldclub@tiscali.co.uk

DATES FOR YOUR DIARY Saturday 11th May Live music with

JIM SHOE & THE PLIMSOLLS from 8.45pm

Saturday 15th June

BAR OPENING HOURS MonͲThur 14.00 Ͳ 23.00 Fri 14.00 Ͳ 23.30 Sat 12.00 Ͳ 23.30 Sun 12.00 Ͳ 23.00

6 large HD screens showing all main sporting events

Supreme pool table and spacious darts area

Large car park for members

Private parties catered for

DYLAN’S KARAOKE

Meeting rooms available

from 8.30pm

Competitively priced Drinks

NEW MEMBERS WELCOME Please fully complete a membership form and hand the money to The Bar staff, Your New Membership card will be posted to your address.

Sunday Meat Raffle & Members Tote

2019 MEMBERSHIP NOW AVAILABLE FROM THE BAR

Enclosed family garden

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 19

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 20

BOB AMBLER

JH ELECTRICAL AND PROPERTY MAINTENANCE SERVICES • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

HOME DESIGNS

Kitchens – Bedrooms – Home Offices

Carpentry

Replacement Kitchen Doors and Worktops

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

With Geoffrey THE Golfer A golfer was about to tee off when a chap ran up and said ‘Hold on, before you tee off I have something amazing to show you. A special golf ball that you can never lose.’

What do you mean you can’t lose it?’ said the golfer, ‘what if you hit it into the water?’

‘No problem - it floats, detects the shore and spins towards it.’ ‘Supposing you hit it into the woods?’ said the golfer. ‘No problem, it emits a beeping sound so you can find it and if it’s dark it glows - so you can never lose this golf ball.’ The golfer immediately buys it. ‘Just one question’ he said ‘where did you get it?’

‘I found it’ was the reply.

Here’s a tasty dish that one of our readers wishes to share with us, thank you Ma’am!

TROPICAL PORK CHOPS You will need: 4 pork chops from your local butcher A little cooking oil 1/2 pint of orange juice 1 tsp powdered ginger 2 tbs Demerara sugar Salt & pepper Splash of Tabasco sauce 1 tbs cornflour 4 slices orange 4 pineapple slices 1 tbs water A cool bottle of your favourite wine to slurp whilst cooking!

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares x All makes & designs available x 24 Hour repair service x No call out charge x All work guaranteed x Free quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

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Bung on the oven to heat to about 180c. Then heat oil in pan and brown chops on both sides and then transfer to ovenproof casserole dish.

Mix up the orange juice, sugar, ginger, Tabasco and salt & pepper and pour over the chops.

Bake in the oven for about 1 hour. Place the drained chops onto a hot serving dish and keep warm. (Not you - the chops!) Mix up the cornflour and water with meat juices and heat until sauce has thickened. Garnish the chops with the orange and pineapple slices and drench with the sauce. Wonderful served with mashed potatoes!

Howard & Miriam 45 years??

Congratulations for 11th May!!

May 12th - Happy Birthday to Simon

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

A man walked into a chemist and asked for a bar of soap. The chemist asked ‘Do you want it scented?’

The man said ‘No, I'll take it with me now.’

Oh Dear! But thanks!

Happy Birthday to Emily for the 12th May

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 21

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When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 22

FARMERS MARKET

The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month from 10.00 - 2.00 at The Pitchings in the village.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

OAK APPLE DAY - with Henrietta Wainsworth.

The month of May has its own specific celebration date, which, at one time was quite significant but sadly now it has been more or less placed into the history books. However, 29th of May remains OAK APPLE DAY even if in name only.

In 1660, Parliament passed through law “An Act of Perpetual Anniversary Thanksgiving on the Nine and Twentieth Day of May” and therefore declaring a Public Holiday. Why? To commemorate the Restoration of the Monarchy when Charles II was restored to the British throne after several years of austerity under Cromwell’s rule.

The date was chosen because, not only was it the 30th birthday of King Charles II but it was also the date when he “succeeds de facto” The wearing of oak apple or sprigs of oak leaves on 29th May is in reference to the time when, after the Battle of Worchester in September 1651, (which his father Charles 1 lost) Charles II escaped from the Roundhead army by hiding in an oak tree near Boscobel House on his way to exile in France.

The public holiday was finally abolished in the “Anniversary Days Observance Act” in 1859. Yet the date is still significant in some local and institutional customs. It is still observed as Founder’s Day by the Royal Hospital Chelsea. Charles II founded the hospital in 1681. Surely, one Charles’s inspiring achievements. x The day is generally remembered in West Midlands where re-enactment activities take place at Moseley Old Hall being one of the houses where Charles II hid in 1651. x In Fownhope, Herefordshire the Heart of Oak Society have managed to keep Oak Apple Day celebrations going which appear to have grown in popularity. x At All Saints Church, Northampton a statue of Charles II is garlanded with oak leaves and then Hoy Communion is celebrated according to the Book of Common Prayer. x In the Cornish town of St Neot the vicar leads a procession through the village and an Oak bough is carried to the church. It is blessed and then lifted up into the tower to remain there until the following year, the old branch having been thrown down first of course.

The Earl of Rochester wrote the following Epitaph in preparation!

“Here lies a great and Mighty King Whose promise none relies on; He never said a foolish thing, Nor ever did a wise one” Charles replied to this by saying “This is very true: for my words are my own, and my actions are my ministers” Quite a character I feel, and perhaps that reply given begs the question; was he as inept as he is sometimes portrayed as having been?

Whatever! - Oak Apple Day remembered. Cheers. © Henrietta Wainsworth Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 23

Hidden Knowledge It was with great interest on reading that the Scientific World announced that the rabbit was introduced to Britain by the Romans. Since Primary School our Headmaster Mr Ely told us of how the rabbits, who had become by then a pest to farmers, and were now dying of a mystery illness, (at that time information as to why was unknown) would not be if The Romans had not introduced them for food during the Invasion of Britain. The rabbit is well known for its ease of breeding and is even today an excellent meat. Stew and dumplings, or rabbit pie a treat. Rabbit an essential during W.W. Two, always poached, from the surrounding farmland. Even though it was a pest , farmers still prosecuted offenders.

Warrens were still visible on the village hills from later farming, just as The Romans had in earlier times. So easy to farm. Some information you never forget, especially from our learned Headmaster.

Years ago, when the MI first opened, when you could do a U turn to come back from Toddington Service Station (only place you could get a late supper after 10 o'clock at night) a friend called Ferret had observed as he drove his lorry up and down the New motorway, the multitude, or murder of crows and rooks along the newly mowed grass verges. Over a pint in the pub he explained his theory of why the birds were doing this in such great numbers, the vibration from the lorries caused the worms to rise to the surface, easy meat for the birds. When you go fishing you stamp on the ground, the worms are easily collected up. Same principal. Only in recent years have published papers to prove the phenomenon.

With the world's expectations of scientific knowledge nowadays proof is important. However some of us have always had the knowledge and answers D.O.T.

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COTTAGEȱGARDENȱPERENNIALSȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱȱ aȱspecialityȱincludingȱsomeȱofȱtheȱ‘hardȱtoȱfind’ȱ varietiesȱmanyȱgrownȱbyȱusȱonȱsiteȱhereȱ

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VEGETABLEȱSEEDSȱandȱPLANTSȱ

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POTS,ȱCOMPOSTSȱandȱTOOLSȱ

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withȱKNOWLEDGEABLEȱPERSONALȱSERVICEȱ

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tel:ȱ01525ȱ861696ȱ

MK45ȱ2GPȱ When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 24

Your advertisement in The Fuddler is only a click away!

If you have decided that you too would like an advert in The Fuddler all you have to do to book your space is to send an email over to martin@thefuddler.com for all the details

1. ‘Q: In which county is Blenheim Palace?’ ‘A: Blenheim’ 2. ‘You've got the choice of two colours, Red Blue or Pink’ 3. ‘If you turn the heat up it gets hotter.’

4. ‘The busiest times in peak season are the 8 weeks in July.’

5. ‘9.00 is the Watergate.’

6. ‘It's one of these places where the ears have walls.’

7. ‘There’s no restaurant but we can do breakfast.’

‘It went straight as a dice’ Thanks again Imp

Masquerade Sam Ilex on walking the dog up Ampthill Park met young Stephen Hartley, who as they were near to the spot where the Golden Hare, of Kit Williams famous book Masquerade, eventually was found. Sam told of how his son, while on a cross country run from Redborne School, recovering from the exhaustion of the run had rested on the stone. He was so close. Everyone had spent time poring over the super illustrations and story. Stephen said it was the 40th anniversary of the book.

Seems like yesterday, my Mrs Sam had brought a copy, as before Kit was famous they often exchanged pleasantries as they entered the bank in Flitwick, so when the publicity began, had to have a copy, Sam Ilex recalled. 40 years, where has all that time gone.

The book still is as intriguing and colourful as ever, as it's pages are turned again.

D.O.T.

8.

Happy Birthday Jackie for 23rd (& Archie for 22nd!)

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Hello everybody! I am an actress who has just starred in an exciting thriller which has recently been shown on your televisions. I play a woman who is determined to find out what happened in the disappearance of her husband. Answer at the foot of the page.

Kate Beckinsale - The Widow

With The Imp

Page 25

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello again everybody and welcome to another picture poser!

Very many thanks again to everyone who had a go at last month’s poser and congratulation to Dora, Russell, Josh and everybody else who recognised The Gardener’s Arms pub and shop in Dunstable Street Ampthill.

Once again, one of our lovely readers has sent us an older photograph of a scene in Fuddlerland which they have invited us to bring to you for this month’s challenge. Our grateful thanks for sending this to us.

But do you recognise it and where it might be?

If you think you know drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com Answer next month!

ARE YOU SEEKING A CHALLENGE? Citizens Advice Mid Bedfordshire is looking for volunteers who would like the opportunity to learn new skills and develop existing ones.

Located at offices in Ampthill and Biggleswade with satellites at Sandy and Stotfold, Citizens Advice assessors and advisers interview clients face to face and on the telephone.

They help people with a wide range of problems including debt, benefits, housing, employment and family matters.

Advisers receive free formal accredited training with all expenses paid. As well as advice-giving, the service has volunteering roles for fundraising, research and campaigns, book-keeping and social media.

We are also looking for new trustees and would welcome anyone with accountancy skills.

All sorts of people volunteer for the CAB, but one thing that unites them all is that they find it challenging, rewarding and varied – and you never stop learning.

If you would like further information please email us recruitment@midbedscab.cabnet.org.uk or call us on 01525 404715. We will then send you more details about the various roles and how to apply.

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: During my school years I learnt daily my £sd - now it’s all decimal. I did my temperatures in Fahrenheit - now it’s all centigrade. I did my gills, pints, quarts and gallons - now it’s all litres. I did my distances in yards, feet, inches, chains, furlongs and miles - now it’s all kilometres etc. I may as well have stayed at home. Even our electric cables are a different colour.

In the house where I was born (built in the early 1400’s) they recently found a Priest’s Hole, size 2½ metres by 4 metres, we never knew it existed. It is in the basement below the dairy.

Not long ago I went down below a Chapel in London and down there are nearly 3,000 coffins, some nearly 300 years old and in sizes from 2ft up to 1/4 ton. An amazing sight - do remember to take a torch and mind the cobwebs if you go.

At Colvend golf course the birds had nested in the cigarette disposal box by the door. So there was a sign saying ‘Do not use’. Probably meant for people not the birds.

Years ago they found the body of a man in a peat bed who had been there for over 1,000 years. On examining the contents of his stomach the main content was grass seeds. Would you go round eating grass seeds? Well, if you eat toast for breakfast you are doing exactly that. If you have cereal instead you are still eating grass seeds.

If you see a flash of lightning and then count 100, 200, 300, 400, 500 and then hear the thunder that is 5 seconds and the strike was 1 mile away. Each 5 seconds equals one mile. The maximum distance you can hear thunder is about ten miles.

Happy Birthday Tracy for the 20th May

ote: Diary n

book up o t e m i et Now’s th mmer! u S e h t ing for s i t r e v d a ler.com d d u f e h artin@t m l i a m E tails. e d e h t l for al

Don’t forget - if you have missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 27

Episode 71 ........ Trains, Planes & Automobiles (and boats) Pt. 3 Corfe Castle So, after our mammoth; excuse the pun, adventure last month, I was hoping for somewhere less complicated to reach and organise. When my partner informed me that the March picture on her calendar was in Dorset, I breathed a sigh of relief. It turned out that our task this month would be to recapture the three chalk formations and a partial sea arch that make up ‘Old Harry Rocks’, located at Handfast Point, on the Isle of Purbeck in Dorset. The nearest town is Swanage, about 3 miles away, but I preferred the sound of Corfe Castle which was only about 5 miles away, but looked more interesting. There is castle there that has its origins dating back to Edward (Eadweard) the Martyr, who was King of England (not to be confused with Edward I) from 975 to 978. He was preceded by his father Edgar the Peaceful, and succeeded by his brother Æthelred the Unready.

Edward was murdered on the site of the castle in somewhat strange circumstances and his remains were reburied in 979 with great ceremony at Shaftesbury Abbey. We got the train from London Waterloo and headed south to Wareham, which took about 2 and a half hours, then we took a bus to Corfe Castle which took another 20 min. We arrived at the hotel midafternoon and after dropping our bags off in the room, went out and explored the village and its castle. We visited the castle ruins, and a local gift shop, where I purchased some postcards and by coincidence a locally made birthday card with a steam locomotive on it for my brother, who’s birthday was in April (spoiler alert), but more about the train coincidence later. We had reservations for dinner at our lodgings, so we made for a little hostelry in a backstreet for some pre-supper libations.

Whilst there, we got talking to several patrons who informed

us that the ‘Flying Scotsman’ steam locomotive was staying overnight at Corfe Castle engine shed for two weeks, and tomorrow and the next day would be making return trips to Swanage. We were staying at an Elizabethan manor house, built in 1590, and after a hearty supper, we retired to the residents’ lounge, where a roaring fire was raging and partook in some nightcaps. Some of the fittings of the lounge were rescued from the castle, including the great fireplace.

The next day we purchased a day ticket for the bus, and took it to Studland via Swanage. We had to change at Swanage for the bus to take out towards the cliffs where we would, hopefully, see our calendar image. Remarkably, as we were waiting for our connection at Swanage bus station, the ‘Flying Scotsman’ came steaming into the station, which was literally behind our bus stop. We got a fantastic view of the famous locomotive and its Pullman Class dinning cars etc. When we got to Studland, you can take either the path down to Studland beach, or up onto the coastal path to view the ‘Old Harry Rocks’. Our path was about 3 miles, but when we got to the cliffs, it was well worth the walk. We had our picture. We stayed there for about 45 min and then made our way back. There was one bus an hour back to Swanage, so we decided to have lunch at a very convenient local inn.

On our return to Corfe Castle we popped into the local grocers to purchase some stamps. We discovered to our surprise and great joy, that due to the proprietors ‘hobby’ of gin, she had amassed over 300 different varieties of gin… including the ‘Harris Gin’, all for purchase. I’m already looking forward to a ‘double bubble’ adventure next time, as we cheated slightly and looked at the next few locations. Fortunately April & May were only about 15 to 20 miles apart. But I’ll keep it a secret until next month.

“We are as near to heaven by sea as by land” Humphrey Gilbert

MAY 2019 Health Walks Wednesdays 10.30am Free, no need to book.

Most walks start at Reception but some elsewhere – see notice board or ring 01234 767037.

Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Thursday 2 May 9.30am to 3.30pm stephen.gascoyne@marstonvale.org or 01234 762610.

Dawn Chorus Bird Walk Saturday 4 May 4.30am to 7.30am £4 per head.

01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Sunday Stroll 5 May at 10.30am About 2 hours. Booking not required. Free but donations welcome.

01234 767037 Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Thursday 16 May 9.30am to 3.30pm stephen.gascoyne@marstonvale.org or 01234 762610.

Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Saturday 18 May 10am to 3.30pm Gardening in the Sensory Garden anna.charles@marstonvale.org or 01234 76261 Dawn Chorus Bird Walk for Late Risers Friday 24 May 7.30pm to 10.30pm £4 per head.

01234 767037 or www.marstonvale.org/events Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Thursday 30 May 9.30am to 3.30pm stephen.gascoyne@marstonvale.org or 01234 762610.

For a full list of events - see www.marstonvale.org/events

Short led walks, all welcome.

Need to get more active? This could be just the thing for you.

Walks last about an hour and a quarter (some hills). Walk at your own pace in a friendly group. It’s all free - just turn up.

Next walks - all start at 10.00am: 3rd May 17th May 31st May

Maulden Woods, A6 layby Ampthill Park, west car park Harlington Village Hall

For further information please contact: Lynda on 01234 740788 or at olivetree47@googlemail.com Or Laurie on 01525 403950 or at lalowe@btinternet.com or see http://ampthillhealthwalks.blogspot.co.uk

When responding to an advert please say you found it in The Fuddler!

Page 28

EAT

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A welcoming retreat, The George Inn serves handmade & fresh, hearty, wholesome food. We are home to a private dining & meeting space, with covered outside booth seating & bar with seven thoughtfully designed bedrooms too.

Our mission is to make everyone feel welcome, comfortable & special. We have a wonderful team of people who genuinely care & are passionate about customer service & have down to earth, hard working values.

George Street, Maulden Bedfordshire, MK45 2DF 01525 841559 www.thegeorgemaulden.com

WHATS ON WEEKLY 2-4-1 PIZZA MONDAY HALF PRICE PROSECCO TUESDAY BEER & BURGER WEDNESDAY HOME COOKED SUNDAY ROASTS

FESTIVAL DATES Sunday 6th May SPRING FESTIVAL Sunday 2nd June GIN & JAZZ FESTIVAL Sunday 7th July 90's FESTIVAL Sunday 4th August 3rd BIRTHDAY BASH

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