The Fuddler February 2017

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Est. 2002

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 450046 07500 431131

Sick PC or laptop?

Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment

01525-402227 john.stafford@compu-doc.co.uk

Hello young lovers wherever you are and a very big welcome to this latest edition of your Fuddler!

As always we very much hope you will enjoy this issue - you will find lots of interesting stories inside plus the usual fun and nonsense and of course

those all important messages from our advertisers! Do please look carefully through as you never know what you might find in The Fuddler!

Don’t forget it is now a very good time to book your advertising in The Fuddler for Mother’s Day!!

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

Ampthill Park Hub

01525 632921 07977173452

Tel: 01525 406256

Here at The Hub we sell hot food, LAVAZZA quality Italian coffee, plus teas, hot chocolate with cream and flake, ice creams, cakes and more.

Lots of seating inside and out in Ampthill’s historic country park and room for baby buggies!

Everybody welcome plus the dog (on a lead)!

Plenty of parking + toilets with baby changing facilities We look forward to seeing you soon!

Fragrances for Ladies and Gentlemen available at up to 75% discount!

Perfect for Valentine’s Day CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

Ampthill Park Hub, Woburn Street, Ampthill MK45 2HX adjacent Ampthill Town Football Club

GOLD AWARD WINNERS Best Independent Pizza Restaurant UK 2016/2017

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking at rear next to garden

www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk

AMPTHILL ACCOUNTANCY TUTORS ONE TO ONE TUITION COVERING ALL AAT UNITS and F1, F2, F3, F7 ACCA

PGCE Qualified Tutor Call 07790 672699 Email derek_story@yahoo.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

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ŵƉƚŚŝůů 'ůĂƐƐ ĞŶƚƌĞ YƵĂůŝƚLJ tŝŶĚŽǁƐ Ͳ ŽŽƌƐ Ͳ ŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƚŽƌŝĞƐ Ͳ 'ůĂƐƐ DĞƌĐŚĂŶƚƐ Ͳ 'ůĂnjŝŶŐ ŽŶƚƌĂĐƚŽƌƐ ϭϮ ŵƉƚŚŝůů ƵƐŝŶĞƐƐ WĂƌŬ͕ ^ƚĂƚŝŽŶ ZŽĂĚ͕ ŵƉƚŚŝůů͕ ĞĚĨŽƌĚƐŚŝƌĞ͕ D<ϰϱ ϮYt dĞůĞƉŚŽŶĞ͗ ϬϭϱϮϱ ϰϬϯϬϭϱ ͬ ϰϬϯϲϬϵ &Ădž͗ ϬϭϱϮϱ ϰϬϮϱϮϭ ǁǁǁ͘ĂŵƉƚŚŝůůŐůĂƐƐĐĞŶƚƌĞ͘ĐŽ͘ƵŬ

With energy costs rising and temperatures falling why not save on your monthly bills and complement your house with great looking, thermally efficient windows and doors.

tŝŶĚŽǁƐ hWs Θ ůƵŵŝŶŝƵŵ Zϵ tŝŶĚŽǁƐ sĞƌƚŝĐĂů ^ůŝĚŝŶŐ tŝŶĚŽǁƐ

ŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƚŽƌŝĞƐ

ŽŽƌƐ

džĐĞůůĞŶƚ ƚŚĞƌŵĂů ŝŶƐƵůĂƚŝŽŶ ƌĞĚƵĐŝŶŐ ĞŶĞƌŐLJ ĐŽƐƚƐ͘ tĂƌŵĞƌ ŝŶ ƚŚĞ ǁŝŶƚĞƌ ŵŽŶƚŚƐ͘ ƵĂů ĂĐƚŝŽŶ ƐĞůĨͲĐůĞĂŶ

ŐůĂƐƐ͘

ƌĂŶŐĞ ŽĨ ůƵŵŝŶŝƵŵ ĂŶĚ hWs ŽŽƌƐ͘

,ĂƉƉLJ sĂůĞŶƚŝŶĞ͛Ɛ ĂLJ͊

EŽ ǁŝŶĚŽǁ Žƌ ŐůĂnjŝŶŐ ũŽď ƚŽŽ ƐŵĂůů WƵƚ LJŽƵƌ ƚƌƵƐƚ ŝŶ Ă ĐŽŵƉĂŶLJ ƚŚĂƚ ŚĂƐ ďĞĞŶ ƚƌĂĚŝŶŐ ĨŽƌ ŽǀĞƌ ϯϬ LJĞĂƌƐ͊ &Žƌ Ăůů LJŽƵƌ ǁŝŶĚŽǁ͕ ĚŽŽƌƐ ĂŶĚ ĐŽŶƐĞƌǀĂƚŽƌLJ ŶĞĞĚƐ ĐĂůů ƵƐ ŶŽǁ Žƌ ǀŝƐŝƚ ŽƵƌ ǁĞďƐŝƚĞ͘ Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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DH Cox & Sons General Builders x x x x x

Over 30 years’ experience Local friendly services Can undertake all aspects of building and maintenance to an exceptional standard No job too small Free & competitive quotes

Call Dave 07976 766143 or 01525 841670 dhcoxbuilding@hotmail.co.uk Bedford RSPB local group meet at ARA club Manton Lane Bedford MK41 7PF. On Thursday 16th February 2017 at 7.30p.m.

Peter Holden MBE presents ‘Born to Travel’.

Bird migration & the amazing stories of their journeys.

Suitable for Experts and Novices, RSPB membership not essential.

Entrance fee, group members £1 Guest £2 annual group membership £5 Reg. Charity No. 207076, more info www.rspb.org.uk/ groups/bedford The next meeting is on Tuesday 21st February 2017 at 2.30pm at the Addison Centre in Kempston. The speaker will be Lee Fish, Senior Building Surveyor with NT in the East of England.

His topic is “Building Conservation Repair Philosophy” He says, “I will talk through various works I have been involved in, which will be of interest to members of the audience.”

Tea and biscuits will be served.

It costs £3 for NT guests and £3.50 for non-NT members.

If you decide to come you will have a warm welcome. For more information contact Betty Thomas on 01480 861 421

ATL HYPNOTHERAPY AND COUNSELLING Ann TwiggͲLoizou DHP (NC) MNRHP, CPM +ET

Hypnotherapist, Counsellor, Fertility, Education Performance & EFT Practitioner

Are you finding things difficult, nowhere to turn, feeling stuck? Need confidential help?

THE COMPASSES 44 High Street Greenfield Bedfordshire MK45 5DD

Tel: 01525 717846

A real wet led pub now offering ...

GEMMA’S SUNDAY MORNING FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST!!

Only £6.00 including toast, tea or coffee.

Served every Sunday 10.00am Ͳ noon

Plenty of car parking

Flitwick & Ampthill Sea Cadet Unit are holding a Jumble Sale on Sunday 19th February at Althorp Close, Flitwick. The sale will be held from 11am - 1pm and entrance is 50p. The unit is open from 09:00am - 10:00am to receive Jumble or it can be dropped off at the Sea Cadets Unit, Althorp Close, Flitwick on a Monday or Thursday 7:30pm - 8:30pm. All proceeds to Flitwick & Ampthill Sea Cadets, Registered Charity 287167 The Ampthill and District Preservation Society present “Mrs Beeton, My Sister” a play by Alison Neil about the famous writer and cook. Alison has been to Ampthill many times and is a brilliant and gifted actress. The performance is at Parkside Hall, Woburn Street, Ampthill on March 17th. Bar available from 7.30pm, performance at 8.00pm. Box office: Country Properties 01525 403033 or 01525 751629. Tickets are priced at £7 each.

The Friends of Ampthill Christmas Lights will be holding a General Knowledge Quiz at The Cross Keys, Pulloxhill on Friday 31st March at 7.30pm for 8pm. Teams of four are invited to attend. The cost is £12.00 to include a hot cooked supper. To book your team a place, please contact Donna Searle, at Ampthill Council Offices on (01525) 404355.

LOCAL BUS SERVICE NEWS

Getting on board Grant Palmer is your local bus company, running popular buses connecting Flitwick, Ampthill, Maulden & Clophill with Bedford, Biggleswade and beyond.

We measure our success in numbers and have now finished counting passenger numbers for 2016.

Passengers on route 42 have increased nearly 10%

On route 44, total passengers are up by 24%

Ring me on 07704 816110

We carried over 200,000 passengers in this area

Based Wootton Beds MK43 9DG

01525 719719 www.grantpalmer.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

Following the 50 year celebrations in Milton Keynes, I was discussing the concrete cows with Gracie and the ovine creatures on the eastern meadow, when it occurred.

What happened to the little elephants that stood outside the George Hotel in Silsoe all those years ago?

Anyway, as always, heartiest birthday greetings to Lady Miriam for the 18th.

Ciao

A BRIANISM

My very old friend gave up drinking, he said he gets the same effect by standing up fast

We give a personal, professional service in air conditioned vehicles with leather seating and driven by a smart chauffeur.

Across: 1 Sickle, 4 Putter, 7 Sensation, 9 Tell, 10 Task, 11 Gloom, 13 Cowboy, 14 Legion, 15 Oboist, 17 Cicada, 19 Eight, 20 Tact, 22 Lost, 23 Hamburger, 24 Whence, 25 Easter

Down: 1 Static, 2 Keel, 3 Easily, 4 Patrol, 5 Trot, 6 Reckon, 7 Slowcoach, 8 Navigator, 11 Gorse, 12 Merit, 15 Outlaw, 16 Timbre, 17 Charge, 18 Author, 21 Tarn, 22 Lees

DO YOU HAVE A JOB VACANCY?

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Why not place an economical ad like this in The Fuddler and let everyone know?

For details just ping over an email to martin@thefuddler.com

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

Call in to our showroom today to view our extensive range of traditional stoves and fireplaces on display.

1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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The Crown Station Rd, Flitwick / MK45 1LA /01525 713737

A Proper Pub for Proper Opening Times People

MONDAY-THURSDAY 11.30 - 3 / 5:30 - 11

Events and Live Music Coming Up!

FRIDAY & SATURDAY

11.30 – MIDNIGHT

FOOD SERVED EVERYDAY 12 - 2:30 /6-8 OPEN SUNDAY 12 - 10:30 SUNDAY ROAST FROM 12 TILL 3.30

*BOOKING ADVISABLE

Sat 25th Feb – Live music from ‘Banned’ 9pm Sat 4th Mar – Karaoke!

Sat 11th Mar – Join us for our 3-year anniversary at The Crown with new talent, country and western band

Tontos Headband!

Sat 18th Mar – Live Music with ‘Caught Stealing’ Sat 25th Mar – Pub favourites R’n’R

New This Year!

The Crown is now home to rotational Craft Lager and Ale on draft 7 days a week.

Come and try something new and exclusive to The Crown in Flitwick this year!

This year also brings changes to our menu. We are giving our talented chef the chance to experiment by bringing out new specials every week. New items will be added to the menu when YOU show your approval. Help us build an exciting and unique menu with something for everyone to enjoy. All feedback and suggestions are welcome.

We are also looking forward to our annual Beer and Music festival 7th – 9th July! Save the date!

Large Beer Garden / Pool table & darts /Traditional HomeǦ Cooked Pub Food / Real Ale / Cocktails/ Live Music When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

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BOB AMBLER

JH

HOME DESIGNS

ELECTRICAL

AND PROPERTY MAINTENANCE SERVICES • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

Kitchens – Bedrooms – Home Offices

Carpentry

Replacement Kitchen Doors and Worktops

A complete design, supply & installation service

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE

Free Designs and Quotations

All electrical work undertaken

01525 405393 07889 058345

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

E

23

24

Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Bright flowering shrub (6) 1 Sour (6) 4 Car safety device (6) 2 Staffordshire town (4) 7 Unending (9) 3 Facet (6) 9 Long thrusting dagger (4) 4 Adroit (6) 10 Shopping place (4) 5 Paper quantity (4) 11 Happen (5) 6 Culvert (6) 13 Clandestine (6) 7 Widespread (9) 14 Legal practitioner (6) 8 Maze (9) 15 Young hen (6) 11 Type of window (5) 17 Copyist (6) 12 Homestead (5) 19 Type of tree (5) 15 Earthenware pot (6) 20 Common beer measure (4) 16 Hostelry (6) 22 Upon (4) 17 Sacred beetle (6) 23 Broadcast (9) 18 Use (6) 24 Serviette (6) 21 Hardwood (4) 25 Windy (6) 22 Recess (4)

C T

email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

L

dgs accountants SELF EMPLOYED TAX AND ACCOUNTS

SUFFERING WITH ACCOUNTS BLUES? STUPIFIED WITH TAX RETURNS? STRUGGLING WITH TAX REMINDERS?

Call 07790 672699 Email derek_story@yahoo.co.uk For your free consultation Reluctant

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 7

When you advertise in The Fuddler - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

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ARE YOU WORKING FROM HOME?

Why not book an economical ad like this in The Fuddler and let everyone know what you do?

Just ping all the details across to martin@thefuddler.com With The Duchess of Troll

Reflections in the Dewpond.

'The Old House' When you look back to times past do they really present a rosier outlook than it actually was? We do tend to gloss over the sad or hard happenings in our lives, a natural defence mechanism. The Old Houseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s persona appeared to be warm, cosy, however no electricity, just a multitude of oil lamps and beautiful smelling candles, a blacklead range for cooking, and hot water. The highly polished surface of the red quarry tiles shone in the morning Sun, the small windows letting in little light. The Mrs Sam sat in a grandmother chair in the Wash House Shed talking to The Five Friends, Dapper Charlie, Charlie, Ten Acre, Rabbit Bob and Sam Ilex reflecting the affection towards The Old House, and that if you have not yet experienced the things that today

are taken for granted you are content with your lot.

The earliest memory that The Mrs Sam could recall of sitting on those spotless red tiles with dancing dust filled sunbeam shining through that sweet little window, leaning against the chaise longue, not very old at all.

The old accumulator radio playing in the background, Mum and Great Aunt Lizzie busy doing chores.

(Accumulator being a forerunner of a modern battery, no electric! ) Mum never seemed to sit down, in and out that large living room, out to the garden to proudly hang out the whiter than white sheets, nightwear and shirts. Great Aunt Lizzie sat in a cushioned grandmother chair by the range, preparing the vegetables for the day's meals, a newspaper under the bowl, protecting the red day cover on the highly polished Victorian table, lurking beneath. That cloth came off every day to have that glorious mahogany wood top keep it's wonderful colour renewed by

Mansion polish lovingly applied.

Before the morning tea and cake break the glasscase of stuffed birds poised to look as in the meadows, had the Mansion treatment, the clock hanging on the wall chimed as the pendulum swung to the rhythm of the polishing, all the Victorian chairs had their daily polish. Mum would never leave a job for the next day, had to be done. Auntie Lizzie would refill the oil lamps and give them a polish.

The Five Friends all agreed as to the hard work their Mothers put into keeping a house clean and running well made them thirsty, time for a pot of tea, luckily the kettle on the pot bellied stove had just boiled. They talked of the wonderful cakes, even when times were hard, there would always be a cake in the tin, when you came in from school a hot cup of tea, a lump of cake or as like the cake homemade jam tarts. As they became older a lump of fruit cake, a lump of Cheddar cheese an apple picked from

the garden all in a tuck box, with a can of sweet tea to take to that first job! We only had real food didn't we?

Having been grown in the garden, or allotm ent, or swopped with neighbours when you had plenty and maybe they might have something you didn't grow. We were lucky all of us we lived in the country side, could forage, go Wooding (collecting wood up the fields and woods) could always keep warm and cook by the black lead range. As they chatted they asked the others who got in the tin bath in front of the fire on a Friday night. Little ones first or the eldest ?

The water heated by the copper and carted to the bath, topped up by the big kettle on the range. Then after hairwash, combed through for 'live stock', followed by malt and codliver oil and a sulpher tablet taken orally, (made your nose hurt as it got pinched so you swallowed the foul tasting mixtures) More stories next month D.O.T

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Classic Rally Car Preparation and on event service support Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.co.uk mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 Free local delivery and collection service

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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THE WHITE HORSE Husborne Crawley

01525 280565 The White Horse, 1 Mill Road, Husborne Crawley, Bedford, Mk43 0XE

Starters Homemade Leek & Potato Soup, Bread £5.25 (GF) King Prawn Cocktail, Ciabatta Bread £6.75 (GF) Pork & Black Pudding Terrine, Apple & Fig Chutney £6.50 (GF) Smoked Mackerel Pâté, Pickles, Toast £6.25 (GF) Deep Fried Whitebait, Fresh Lemon, Tartar Sauce £6.25

Main Courses 8oz Sirloin Steak (GF) Grilled Field Mushroom & Tomato, Chips, Peas £18.95 Penné Pasta Roasted Red Peppers, Sun Blushed Tomatoes, Parmesan, Basil Pesto £9.50 ‘The White Horse’ Beef Burger (GF) Prime Steak Mince Burger with Bacon, Cheddar, Chips, Homemade Coleslaw £11.50

Luxury Whole Tail Scampi Chips, Garden Peas, Tartar Sauce, Fresh Lemon £9.95 Roasted Chicken Breast (GF) Lyonnaise Potatoes, Tomato & Chorizo Sauce, Seasonal Vegetables £13.50 Roast Leg of Lamb (GF) Roast Potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, Meat Gravy, Seasonal Vegetables £12.95 Roast Top Rump of Beef (GF) Roast Potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, Meat Gravy, Seasonal Vegetables £12.95 Roast Loin of Pork (GF) Roast Potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, Crackling, Meat Gravy, Seasonal Vegetables £12.95

All our Meat is supplied by Woburn Country Foods

Homemade Desserts (£6.25 Each) Warm Dark Chocolate Brownie, Chocolate Sauce, Vanilla Pod Ice Cream (GF) Vanilla Panna Cotta, Berry Coulis (GF) White Chocolate Crème BrulĤe, Chocolate Chip Cookies (GF) Sticky Toffee Pudding, Caramel Sauce, Vanilla Ice Cream

House Ice Cream & Sorbet (GF) 1 scoop £1.75 – 2 scoops £3.40 – 3 scoops £4.95

Cheese Board (GF) A Selection of 3 British Isle Cheeses £6.95 (Somerset Brie, Black Bomber Cheddar, Clawson Stilton)

(GF)Ͳ Dishes with this symbol are either Gluten Free or a Gluten Free version can be prepared upon request, please ask

Serving food 7 days a week (Until 9.00pm Monday to Saturday and 12.00 to 6.00pm Sunday)

Matt, Sharon and the team look forward to welcoming you to The White Horse.

www.whitehorsehusbornecrawley.squarespace.com whitehorsehc@gmail.com.

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

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FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month from 10.00 - 2.00 at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Sunday of each month from 11.00 - 2.00 at the rear of Natwest Bank in Ampthill.

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS PLUS REPOINTING No job too small Please ring Joe

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

With Jimmy The Voice Once again, this month JTV has sent us a picture of more pieces of wood that he has been carefully cutting to size to continue with his wood working project ...

However, we don’t think he’s got it quite right as you look carefully at his picturebut, what do you think?

01525 404334 Happy Birthday to Miriam for the 18th February

By Julio Van Peebles Julio’s worries and useless facts: 1) Does anyone know why a Sandboy is so happy? (I do)!

2) Did do you know that light travels at one foot per nano second, so when I'm six feet away from you, you see me six nano seconds after you saw me?

3) Who remembers Boots and Saddles?

4) Did you know that the average lead pencil will draw a line 35 miles long?

5) What happened to logarithms?

6) Did you know that the Gunfight at the OK Corral in 1881 took place on a Wednesday?

with Auntie Vi It usually only takes four or five attempts for me to get something right on the first try.

Very best wishes to Bobbi and Ian and very many thanks for your support over the years!

A very Happy Birthday to Stuart for the 5th February ‘Can’t catch me!’

RIDGMONT STATION Tea Rooms A delightful hidden gem!

FRESHLY MADE FOOD ...

CAFÉ MENU x A selection of teas, coffees

and soft drinks x Home made cake and scones x Cream teas are our speciality! x Please note we are closed on Mondays x SMALL

x Hot soups and jacket potatoes x A selection of fresh

sandwiches x Toasted paninis x Plus lots more! x Great value and a friendly service!

LOCAL TAKE-AWAY SERVICE AVAILABLE x Telephone 01525 287 120 or

mobile 07936 189 909 for pre-orders x Collection point for takeaway orders

BIRTHDAY PARTIES We can also cater for up to 16 people for a special Birthday Party!

RIDGMONT STATION | STATION ROAD | RIDGMONT BEDFORDSHIRE | MK43 OXP T: 01525 287 120 M: 07936 189909 Ridgmont Station Vintage Tearoom

Full disabled access, toilets and free car park

HOW TO FIND US: By rail alight at Ridgmont Station By road follow station signs from A507

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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AA WINDOW REPAIRS

DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIR SPECIALIST GLAZING REPLACED x DRAUGHTY WINDOWS

REPAIRED x WINDOW&DOOR

HANDLES REPLACED

x WINDOW & DOOR

ADJUSTMENTS x LEAKING GUTTERS

REPAIRED x AND MUCH MORE

ON OUR WEBSITE

CALL FOR A FREE QUOTATION OR ADVICE

TELEPHONE: 01525 718432

www.aatripleglazing.co.uk Babs was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems because the car had done 340,000 miles.

She discussed her problem with a friend who suggested ‘I have a friend who may be able to turn the clock back and if you say I sent you he’ll get you sorted. It’s not entirely legal though.’

‘Doesn’t matter’ said Babs ‘I need to sell the car.’ Thus Babs went to see the mechanic.

About a month later Babs bumped into her friend who said ‘Did you sell your car?’

‘No! Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.’ replied Babs sensibly.

Accountants aren’t boring people, they just get excited over boring things!

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

I’m not giving up smoking this year. Giving up is for quitters.

My cat is suffering from depression - I’ve been telling it jokes all morning. That’s why I was late for work.

Procrastination is the thief of time.

I find it ironic that the colours red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

If most accidents occur within 5 minutes of the home - move house.

I’m not very influential - last time I pulled some strings my jumper unravelled.

Don’t imagine the battle for equality is over - men still have a long way to go to reach our standard.

Everyone is entitled to my opinion.

If you are feeling stressed, read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Beer kills weak brain cells. That’s why you seem smarter when you drink.

My friend told me his wife got him to believe in religion.

Until he married her he didn’t believe in hell.

Asking for assistance is just like waving a white flag .

1. Where would you find a ‘Cantle’?

2. A ‘Siege’ is the collective term for which creature?

3. Clothing retailer ‘Hepworth’s’ change it’s name to what?

4. I f y o u s u f f er e d f r o m ‘Dromophobia’ what would you fear?

5. I n w h i c h y e a r w a s ‘Tupperware’ invented?

6. Where in Canada is there a town called ‘Economy’ ?

7. Who wrote the novel ‘Lucky Jim’?

8. What is the young of an antelope called?

9. How many years is a ‘China’ wedding anniversary?

10. What sort of creature is a ‘Morfe’?

1 Saddle, 2 Heron, 3 Next, 4 Motion, 5 1946, 6 Nova Scotia, 7 Kingsley Amis, 8 Kid, 9 20, 10 Sheep

x MISTY DOUBLE

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 12

Look where your Fuddler has gone now! On the left this month is Dave with his Fuddler in Barbados and below there’s Chrissy, Mick, John and Margaret all enjoying their copy of The Fuddler in Torrox, Spain.

Excellent stuff and very many thanks again and please your pictures coming!

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EN E S V! T S A N O

THIS MONTH’S CHESS PUZZLE

Saturday 4th March

BRITISH DAY!

Here we go! It’s another fine chess puzzle. White to play and it’s checkmate in just two moves! But can you see how? If you can please pop in and tell us and challenge us to a game!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY Our highly popular quiz is every Wednesday starting at 8.00pm sharp. Come and test your knowledge with our guest Quizmasters everyone welcome.

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME NIBBLES You are invited to enjoy your Sunday lunchtime drink with more bar snacks than you could shake a stick at, and all with Richard’s compliments!

Come and join us for a day of Britishness to celebrate the Queen’s Sapphire Jubilee.

Starting at lunchtime fine ales will be available, there will be live music throughout the day, a selection of British grub including bacon sarnies, the ubiquitous(!) sausage, plenty of booze and banter, one or two surprises, quite possibly the odd gin and tonic and maybe even chess matches!

Please pop in or ring us for more details HAVING A BIT OF A ‘DO’?

Our lounge bar and adjacent function room are perfect for a small ‘soirée’ and are available for your exclusive use! Please give us a ring or call in and have a look and then see Richard to discuss your needs.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

It’s coming up to that time of year, When we say thank you to all those loved ones we hold dear Yes, Valentine's Day will soon be here.

So we have those special cards out on display, To help you celebrate this lovely day.

Milk Tray, Roses, Celebrations, Cadbury’s crème eggs, tins of love hearts too, We have so many I thought I’ll just name a few (lol) Or if instead you want some wine, I’ve stocked up, and just in time.

So whatever you decide to buy your loved one or ones at this special time, Please remember not to forget mine. (lol) As you may have read from the above, Crème eggs are back in, the ones we all love.

SO ... We have been set a challenge this year To sell over 1500 crème eggs I hear.

So we need your help to get this challenge done And all we ask is could you purchase some.

They are on offer in our store And you can’t miss our big display as you walk through the door.

We have crème eggs everywhere And they’re great eggs if you want to share.

So until next month hope you all have a good time And to my secret lady, Happy Valentine.

MCCOLL’S YOUR LOCAL CONVENIENCE STORE 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL TEL: 01525 404096 OPEN: MON-SAT 6AM TO 8PM SUNDAY 7AM TO 8PM

Muctruk Grab Hire & Aggregates info@muctruk.co.uk

www.muctruk.co.uk

HUMAN GIVENS ‘A NEW APROACH’ Ben Keenan

The world of counselling/psychotherapy is a very different place to what it was even ten years ago! Neurological science has provided insights that when combined with the best of other approaches provides a fast and effective solution focused therapy (SFBT) that is embodied in Human Givens. Treatment does not just mean sitting and endlessly talking, it is also about effectively understanding the issues and providing realistic change.

Depression, Sleeplessness, Anxiety, OCD, Phobia’s, PTSD, Addiction (drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, food)

These are difficult and sometimes dangerous emotions.

For the majority of people they are not biological illnesses but complex arousals that can arise from our spectrum of thought and emotion. These conditions arise as a result of circumstances preventing our innate needs being met. This gives access to fast, safe, non invasive, and drug free methods of effective treatment in as few sessions as possible, often in weeks not years!

Having had 27 years’ experience of offering emotional support in the voluntary sector, I retrained in the Human Givens approach. Achieving a distinction in the Level 2 Diploma in March 2015 allowed me to start accepting clients. Now operating as an HG.DIP.P Trainee (with supervision) as I work towards a higher level of accreditation. I also carry comprehensive professional insurance.

If you want to learn more, the Human Givens research is freely available on www.humangivens.org. Alternatively, you can contact me for a free initial interview. A fee is payable for treatment but it is very much dependent on ability to pay.

x 8 Wheel Grab Lorries with 10 metre HIAB crane x Grab Hire service for the removal of – Soil, Bricks, Concrete, Muck Away, Green Waste & Mixed Loads. x Full / Part Load available x Loose & Bagged Aggregates Supplied MOT, Crushed, Sand, Ballast, Shingle, Top Soil, Decorative Slate & Stone SAVE TIME & MONEY… Have your waste collected and your aggregates grabbed off at the same time!

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Human Givens means it no longer has to be this way for a great many people.

Therapy thoughts.

Alain said “Habit is a kind of idol it has power so we obey it; and here it is that our thoughts deceive us; for what we can’t imagine seems impossible for us to do. Imagination because it can’t free itself from habit controls man’s world”.

Our imagination is our problem solving tool. We use it to explore issues in multiple directions in order to arrive at a solution. When it can’t conceive a successful solution to issues in our lives emotional difficulties arise. This is where therapy is beneficial as it helps provide alternative perspectives for the imagination to work with.

Ben Keenan Ͳ 07860 195303 or email: benkeenan@ntlworld.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 14

You may have seen our buses out and about and wondered what we do? Link-A-Ride Community Transport provide a valuable transport service to residents in Central Bedfordshire who cannon easily access public transport. This maybe because of illness, disability, or they are frail/elderly.

We help people get to therapy sessions, Doctors,and Dentist appointments, shopping, social visits, hairdressers and so much more.

We have just taken delivery of our fourth bus, which like all of our buses is equipped with a lift and can take up to two wheelchairs.

All of our drivers are fully trained and DBS checked. They are caring and helpful and ensure passengers arrive at their destination safely.

If you would like to know more about our service please contact us on 01525 840511

GOLD AWARD WINNERS Best Independent Pizza Restaurant UK 2016/2017

Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere

Seating up to 60 people on two floors with 5 dining rooms.

Birthdays Club Events Company Meals

or just a family get together OPENING TIMES: Monday evening 6.00 Ͳ 9.00 Tuesday to Friday lunchtime 12.00 Ͳ 2.00 Tuesday to Thursday evening 6.00 Ͳ 10.00 Friday and Saturday evening 6.00 Ͳ 11.00 www.donatellospizzeria.co.uk

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666 Free parking available

New Year, new hobby?

Evening meetings at St Nicholas Church Hall Barton start at 7:15 pm till 9.30 pm. £4 for non members.

Mid Beds Art Society's monthly meetings and workshops all feature an experienced artist demonstrating how, or helping you, to create a beautiful painting. Visitors are always welcome, so come along and develop your creative side!

Our next event is: Wednesday 15th February Demo Acrylic- Amanda Jackson For more information, call 01525 715376, email info@midbedsart.co.uk or go to www.midbedsart.co.uk

Last November Rotarians in Ampthill & District planted 15,000 purple crocus bulbs in Ampthill and Flitwick, including 5000 in schools as part of a nationwide initiative. The idea is that when they flower in February it will remind people of Rotary’s aim to eradicate Polio across the world. Purple is the colour painted on the little finger nail of each child who has been vaccinated in developing countries.

Every February Rotarians throughout the UK focus on raising funds to totally eradicate Polio worldwide. The great news is that the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation will treble any money we raise until 2018.

When Rotary first started their Polio Programme in 1985, there were 387,000 cases in a year across 126 countries. By last year, after huge efforts, there were only 35 cases worldwide. It is essential that we finish the job - otherwise Polio will spread again very quickly.

The students in Ampthill and Flitwick schools are once again supporting our campaign with cake stalls, guess the name of the teddy and “Wear Something Purple” days.

Look out for our display in Phonus window.

We will be lighting up St Andrew’s once more for a week to celebrate the progress which has been made.

During half term week, there will be a ‘Teddy Trail’ in shops in Ampthill; pupils will be invited to track down the teddies in shop windows. Each has a letter & children will be challenged to work out a sentence from those letters. A winner will be picked from all the entries received.

If you would like to support us in our campaign please go to the site below: http://www.justgiving.com/Ampthill-Rotary-End-Polio

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

ŝĚĞĂů ĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ Ăůů ƵƐ ƚŽĚĂLJ ƚŽ Ŭ LJŽƵƌ ĂƉƉŽŝŶƚŵĞŶƚ͘ ϬϭϱϮϱ ϳϭϱϳϱϵ

^ŝŐŚƚ ddĞƐƚƐ 'ŽŽĚ ůŽŽŬŝŶŐ ĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ ^^ƵŶŐůĂƐƐĞƐ

ŽŶƚƚĂĐƚ ůĞŶƐĞƐ Z ZĞƉĂŝƌƐ Θ ZĞŐůĂnjĞƐ E E,^ ǁĞůĐŽŵĞ KƚŚĞƌ ŽƉƚŝĐŝĂŶ͛Ɛ ƉƌĞƐĐƌŝƉƚŝŽŶƐ ǁĞůĐŽŵĞ ŝĚĞĂů ĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ ϭϭϬ dŚĞ ,ĂǁƚŚŽƌŶƐ &ůŝƚǁŝĐŬ D<ϰϱ ϭ&E ǁǁǁ͘ŝĚĞĂůĞLJĞǁĞĂƌĨůŝƚǁŝĐŬ͘ĐŽ͘ƵŬ ŝĚĞĂůĞLJĞǁĞĂƌ͘ĨůŝƚǁŝĐŬΛŐŵĂŝů͘ĐŽŵ

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 16

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 07791 908699 www.ossoryarms.co.uk Live Music with

The Numbers!

Valentine’s Special Saturday 11th of February 8pm

Big Ozz £6.95 - 2 Sausage, 2 Bacon, Tomato, Beans, 2 Eggs, 2 hash browns, Chips and Toast

Ampthill Town CC will this summer be fielding 4 senior elevens on Saturdays & Sundays.

On Saturday the first & second elevens will compete in the Saracens Hertfordshire League with the third & fourth eleven taking part in the more local Bedfordshire Invitation Saturday Cricket League.

Sunday all four elevens will take part in the Bedfordshire County League.

We also have a Mid-Week XI entering the Cup Competitions as organised by Beds Cricket Ltd & East Beds Charity Shield.

Indoor nets are on Sunday evenings starting on 5th February (for nine weeks) between 6pm & 8pm at Flitwick Leisure Centre.

We also have the “Get Back Into Nets” at Marston Vale Middle School starting on Monday 17th February between 7pm & 8.30pm for 4 weeks (these are aimed at players looking to return to cricket after a break) Practice during the season will take place on Wednesday nights on our Park ground.

More details from Jeremy Degnan 07958 524613 jeremy.degnan@ntlworld.com or Joey Evans 07736 517791 joey@seconsulting.co.uk for “Get Back Into nets” contact Graeme Presswell 07946 863262 graeme@howorths-shoesonline.co.uk We shall be running youth teams at Under 9, 11, 13 & 15.

To join this popular section of the club please contact Dave Bradley on 07437 209287 dave.bradley@hotmail.co.uk On Friday 3rd March we have famous dart player Bobby George visiting Parkside Hall for an evening of darts Tickets £15, including a fish & chip supper available from Ian Smith 0788 0850269 smithy@theoldsun.fsnet.co.uk

Little Ozz £5.00 - 1 Sausage, 1 Bacon, Tomato, Beans, egg, Chips and Toast.

Unlimited Tea or Coffee

Sunday Roasts £8.95 Served 12pm - 3pm Freshly cooked Meat of the Day. Served with Roast Parsnips, Home Grown Seasonal Vegetables, Yorkshires and Gravy.

Complete Tyre Support

Call us now!

0844 8000 333 www.threecountiestyres.com

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Page 17

On 24 Febuary 2017 take part in Macmillanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nationwide quiz and help raise vital funds for people affected by cancer.

Macmillan are looking for individuals, groups and businesses to host their nationwide quiz. Everything is provided for you including questions, answer sheets, invitations and posters For more information macmillan.org.uk/mammoth or email fundraising@macmillan.org.uk

Macmillan Cancer Support, registered charity in England and Wales (261017), Scotland (SC039907) and the Isle of Man (604). MAC16371_Event_2

When you advertise in The Fuddler - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 18

We need more men!

A local befriending charity is looking for more men to help make a real difference in the local community!

x x x x x x

Do you have couple of hours to spare each week?

Do you enjoy spending time chatting and listening?

Do you have a sense of humor?

Do you enjoy the occasional trip to the pub?

If yes then this is an opportunity for you!

Full training and support given and no prior experience of a life limiting illness required x But you do need warmth, reliability, empathy, common sense and a ready smile.

Â&#x2021;Â&#x17D;ÇŁ Ͳͳ͡ʹ͡ ͺ͸ͳ͜ͳ͸ Â&#x2122;Â&#x2122;Â&#x2122;ǤÂ&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201E;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;ǤÂ?Â&#x2021;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x2014;Â&#x2022; Â&#x2018;Â? Â&#x192;Â&#x2026;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201E;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2018;Â? ̡Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201E;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x192;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D; Â&#x2014;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x201C;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2039;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022;̡Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201E;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;ǤÂ?Â&#x2021;Â&#x2013; Â&#x160;Â&#x2021; Â&#x17D;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192; Â&#x201E;Â&#x201D;Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â?Â&#x2021;Â&#x2122;ÇĄ Â&#x17D;Â&#x2014;Â&#x161;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2022;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021; Â&#x201C;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2013; Â&#x192;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x192; Â&#x2018;Â&#x2C6; Â&#x192;Â&#x2026;Â&#x201C;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2022; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2021; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x17D;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2019;Â&#x160;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D;Â&#x17D;Ǥ Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013;Â&#x160; Â&#x152;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2013; ͳ͜ Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2026;Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2022;ÇĄ Â&#x2122;Â&#x2021; Â&#x160;Â&#x192;Â&#x2DC;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2013;Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2021; Â&#x2013;Â&#x2018; Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2014;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2022;ÇĄ Â&#x2019;Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2019;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D; Â&#x192;Â?Â&#x2020; Â&#x2019;Â&#x17D;Â&#x192;Â&#x203A; Â&#x2122;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013;Â&#x160; Â&#x203A;Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2013;Â&#x2018; Â&#x2039;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2022; Â&#x160;Â&#x2021;Â&#x192;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2013;ÇŻÂ&#x2022; Â&#x2026;Â&#x2018;Â?Â&#x2013;Â&#x2021;Â?Â&#x2013; Â&#x2122;Â&#x160;Â&#x2039;Â&#x17D;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2013; Â&#x2039;Â? Â&#x2018;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2021;Ǥ Â&#x17D;Â&#x2021;Â&#x192;Â&#x2022;Â&#x2021; Â&#x2026;Â&#x192;Â&#x17D;Â&#x17D; Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2014;Â&#x201D;Â&#x2013;Â&#x160;Â&#x2021;Â&#x201D; Â&#x2039;Â?Â&#x2C6;Â&#x2018;Â&#x201D;Â?Â&#x192;Â&#x2013;Â&#x2039;Â&#x2018;Â?Ǥ

01525 405466

Interested in joining our lively team?

Then contact Nicola Mills 01234 743063 or email: respiteathomevolunteers@aol.co.uk Respite at Home Volunteers offers a FREE befriending service to people with life limiting illnesses and support to their carers at home. Registered charity: 1161178 If Basher was invited to go onto the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Room 101â&#x20AC;&#x2122; programme he would put the music played in coffee houses and fast food establishments into the mire.

He would like to know why music in these places is played at such a loud pitch. Why it is always modern pop music with an annoying beat of boom, boom, boom with lyrics which are often drowned, and therefore inaudible, by the beat of the so called music?

What is wrong with more gentle, easy music with a TUNE - yes, a TUNE and at a pitch which is pleasing to the ear and makes it possible to hold a conversation over it.

Oh yes, sorry, conversation?? ......

THE OLD SUN

Ampthill.

Paddy, Jenny and Staff look forward to seeing you!

THE OLD SUN AMPTHILL

-

WITH A WARM AND FRIENDLY ATMOSPHERE,

THEREâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S ROOM FOR THE CAR THE KIDS AND EVEN THE DOG!

SAT 11TH FEBRUARY Live music from JESS (Back as so good)!!

JENâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FREE DING A LING Loads of prizes

CHARITY QUIZ THURS16TH 8.15PM CURRY CHALLENGE SAT 18TH FEB 7.30PM FOR ENTRIES

Open fires CHECK THE BOARDS OUTSIDE THE PUB FOR OTHER EVENTS

87 Dunstable Street , Ampthill MK45 2NQ Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 19

Thursday 9 February | 11.30am

Greensand Trust Talk: British Trust for Ornithology Garden BirdWatch

Join Greensand Trust volunteer Judith Knight to hear about Garden BirdWatch, an all year round survey run by the British Trust for Ornithology.

Participants record birds and other creatures visiting their gardens - large or small - and their information helps scientists understand more about bird trends and populations. This talk will help you get involved!

x This event is free to attend but as a charity we do welcome donations. x Book your place by visiting www.eventbrite.co.uk and search using the event name. x The venue is The Working Woodlands Centre, Maulden Wood where secure parking is available for ÂŁ1 per car.

When you advertise in The Fuddler - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 20

T.H.E. BEST

For a Free 1st Class MILK DELIVERY SERVICE

BUTCHERS

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

Telephone (01908) 375275

TELEPHONE 01525 402206 Please see our website at www.mauldendairies.co.uk We are now delivering to Greenfield, Flitton and Pulloxhill too!

www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

Mammoth Man’s Mother's Leftover Shepherd's Pie Contrary to popular belief you do not necessarily need lamb for a Shepherd's pie, and for this dish you do not use minced or fresh meat, but the meat leftover from the Sunday lunch. This recipe was my Mothers, the basis of which came from post-war recipe books that came with a new gas cooker in the 1940s and 1950s.

Ideally you need a mincer to mince the leftover beef or lamb from the joint, I still have my Mother's one, or you can dice up into small pieces.

If you do use the mincer,

mince a medium sized onion and carrot in between chunks of meat. If not, then grate a carrot and finely chop the onion and mix together into a large oven proof dish. My Mother used to keep all the butter wrappers as these were useful in wiping around the dish to give it a lining. But you can just spread a little butter around the bottom and sides of the dish before adding the meat mixture. Meanwhile peel 3 or 4 medium sized potatoes and par-boil in a saucepan. If there was any gravy leftover from the Sunday lunch, Mother would use that for stock, but if there was not you can make up

some stock using a stock cube and about 250 ml of boiling water, and add to the meat mixture, taking care not to make it too wet. You can also add a splash of Worcestershire sauce to the stock or gravy.

When the potatoes are drained, add a little milk, butter, and seasoning, and then mash.

Spread evenly over the meat mixture with a fork and brush some melted butter over the top, this will crisp up and brown the potato topping. Put on the top shelf of a preheated oven on gas mark 6 for about 30 minutes, or until potato topping done to your liking. Serve with spring cabbage, peas, or sprouts.

I particularly liked scraping the crispy bits off the dish afterwards.

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

Can anyone help? A friend went to a supermarket and bought a pie. On the box it said ‘Serves Three.’

Fine, except it was an oval pie. So how do you cut an oval pie into three equal portions where each person receives the same amount of pastry and filling?

Kindly sent to us by a reader:

‘You are my one and only’ Valentine cards now for sale 4 for £3.00 Thanks again !

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 Please telephone: 07903 171384

email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 21

Continuing the deductions we can all make after watching films:

It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.

It is not necessary to hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a person trapped inside.

If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.

All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading Alien society.

Thanks very much again for those - and if you have some more please send them to us!

F

!

U OM O Y T K US N A R C TH OU Y OR

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857 2500+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2014 Get ready for

Russell’s Charity Quiz Thursday 9th March 8.30pm prompt start Teams of up to 6 £2 per person Cash Prizes

Charity Karaoke in June So we’re having a trial run Saturday 1st April 50s, 60s + 70s music More details to follow You can’t B&T it!

CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2013 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE: The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford Tel: 01462 628448

www.banksandtaylor.com When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 22

Your advertisement in The Fuddler is only a click away!

If you have decided that you too would like an advert in The Fuddler all you have to do to book your ad is to ping an email to martin@thefuddler.com for all the details

1. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;They are my beers of bottle.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 2. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;What time did you go to bed last night? I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know I was even there.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 3. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;It was acted by actors.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 4. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Your mother is one of the most loved men alive.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 5. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;She's younger than she actually is.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 6. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a square round hole.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 7. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The banana shallots didn't taste of bananas.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 8. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;The letterbox hasn't got a letterbox.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; 9. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You'll be climbing the ceiling after drinking that.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Thanks again Imp

Two golfers joined up at the first tee and each explains that due to a psychological problem, they play slightly differently than most golfers.

They soon learn that they both have the same doctor who has prescribed a game of golf using an imaginary golf ball to reduce stress. And so they tee off with their imaginary balls.

After a day of splitting fairways and hitting nothing less then eagles, birdies and pars, they reach the 18th hole. The first one indicates because they are equal in their score that he should hit first. So he teed off with his imaginary ball. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Look at that, a beautiful shot just on the edge of the greenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; The second guy hit his imaginary ball and indicated that it had also landed on the edge next to the other ball. The first golfer lined up and drains his 20-footer to the bottom of the cup. â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You wouldn't believe it, my ball just rolled into the cup, I win.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The second golfer responded: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;You won't believe it either, you just hit my ball.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Happy Birthday JD for the 13th February

Happy Birthday to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wheezeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; for 29th (?)

Hi everyone! I am an actress starring in an exciting new drama series currently being shown on your televisions. I have also starred in another major series! My character has had enough of life in the UK and has headed off to make a fresh start elsewhere. (And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a huge clue!)

Answer at the foot of the page.

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Page 23

The journey across the moors was particularly strenuous that evening. The sky was menacing, full of snow, the wind relentless. The final steps up the cobbled hill to the pub at the top seemed to take for ever.

No one seemed to notice the lady in white as she entered the pub or if they did there was no acknowledgement. She walked over and stood beside the roaring log fire where she could see two distinguished gentleman sitting at a table deep in conversation. She moved a little closer and as she did so she heard the elder gentleman address the other in quite a stern way. “Mr Bramwell sir, this just will not do.

These accounts are inaccurate and suggest anything other than honesty” he continued in sheer desperation “I have to tend to my horse, but will be back within the hour. May I suggest you take a look and have ready for me on my return an explanation of these inaccuracies – one that I can take to the committee in the morning” He picked up his hat, slapped his gloves against the table in total frustration and was gone. Bramwell looked desperate as he took another swig of his hot toddy and smoked in earnest on his pipe. The Lady moved in closer and put out her hand to take the book lying abandoned on the table - just as Bramwell moved to do the same. Their fingers touched and Bramwell gave a gasp, withdrew his hand from the icy cold feel of what he had brushed. He looked up startled in the direction of the Lady and their eyes met, yet there was no recognition or response. He took another swig of his drink, slumped into his seat, closed his eyes and fell asleep.

The Lady picked up the book. She worked silently for that hour, unnoticed and undisturbed. When the task was completed she placed the book once again on the table in exactly the same spot as before and moved back near the fireside.

The senior gentleman returned and noticed Bramwell asleep. “Drunk again” he tutted as he picked up the book and flicked through the pages. He could not believe what he read, not a mistake, not a correction - all in order. “Mr Bramwell” he shouted shaking him fiercely on the shoulder “Mr Bramwell sir, wake up” Bramwell slurred an acknowledgement and attempted to bring himself together. “Mr Bramwell” said the gentleman “is this the same book I left you or have you replaced it, for all is correct” Bramwell, in a state of confusion looked at the book, slowly picked it up and focused on its wording and figures. The realisation bought him swiftly to his senses.

He looked around the pub with frantic expression, searching for an answer, because there was no other book, yet nothing registered only the memory of the icy cold feeling on his fingers of a time passed and he was left totally vexed. The lady moved swiftly through the door, out into the cold of the night……...... © Thank you very much for the story!

Please can I be somebody’s Valentine?

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Page 24

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Bradnam Guttering N Germany, Afghanistan, N Wales and the Western Isles!

The term â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;boat soupâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; was introduced to us by a friend who moved with her young family to the south coast where they spent many happy weekends on their 23ft sailing boat. The children would ask why they could NOT be served this wonderful food at home when they could have it in the little boat, (it always tastes better when the time/ place is right) Boat soup is any meal of dubious quality that is greatly appreciation if eaten in the right environment.

My wife and I had the same experience during a brief sailing trip in the Western

Gutters Cleaned.

BOAT SOUP

Isles, my brother in law, Brian and his partner were gently sailing round England and a bit of Scotland, (Crinan canal), when we joined them near Largs for a week, the food was usually very rewarding, this was mainly due to fresh air, novel experiences and some physical activity!

Everyone knew that the same fodder might NOT pass muster in a normal domestic kitchen. Jean and I soon realised we had experienced the same delusion whilst camping in N Wales with our two young sons in the early 90â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s, the greatest revelation was when we had an evening meal that included a well known brand of

& " '-.'( +('/.. â&#x20AC;&#x153;reconstituted mashed potatoâ&#x20AC;? as a major component, both boys refused to believe it was NOT the real thing, they would have left it on the plate back in Bedfordshire!

More recently I recalled what must have been my very first proof of BSS, (Boat Soup Syndrome). In October 1968, following my involvement in a brief encounter between an army truck and a goods train in N Germany, I spent several weeks recuperating enough to return to UK; My only memory during the first few days in hospital was great discomfort and drinking peppermint tea, (yuck), moving forward 5 years, I found myself newly arrived

in Afghanistan on the 7 month journey from London to Australia, the town was Herat and on what passed as a lawn in front of what passed as a hotel was a chess board for human size pieces, we never played during the few wonderful days in Heart but we sat on the â&#x20AC;&#x153;lawnâ&#x20AC;? while a very tall proud Patan served mint tea from an enormous samovar!

It was delicious! Or was it maybe the quiet simplicity of leaving the rush and turmoil of Persia, (also a wonderful place), and finding the relative ShangriLa of N.W Afghanistan.

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Page 25

T Butlin Building and Plastering

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Greetings once again and as always very many thanks to everybody who had a go at last month’s picture poser! Many congratulations to Lou, Maureen, Alan, Josh, Brian, Mike and everyone else who correctly identified the Lychgate at the entrance of the Church of St Peter and St Paul in Flitwick.

Now this month out intrepid photographer has been out and about in the villages of Fuddlerland and found this interesting picture to bring you.

So, do you recognise this photo and where it might be?

Est 1987

www.timbutlinbuilders.co.uk

26 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat.

Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

Also offering: Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating.

With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

If you think you know drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com Answer next month!

MOT TESTING STATION IN AMPTHILL We cater for MOT and Servicing for all your individual requirements whilst also accommodating fleet needs.

Ampthill MOT Centre have a fully featured Class IV MOT testing bay. We launched the service in early 2009, serving Herts, Beds and Bucks. Fully qualified MOT inspectors are available for cars and small vans, with over 40 years experience. Authorised vehicle testing station approved by the vehicle inspectorate.

At Ampthill MOT Centre, we carry out servicing and repairs to all makes and models. To prolong the life of your vehicle it is important that you have it serviced regularly. We service all vehicle types and models, including cars, vans, miniͲcoaches & small plant / equipment. If you have your vehicle serviced with us, it will not invalidate the manufacturer's warranty.

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We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier:

A friend says he doesn’t drink. Two days later I saw him coming out of the local shop with two pints of milk.

Did you know that the word Cenotaph means empty tomb?

What’s the difference between In-Laws and Outlaws?

Outlaws are always wanted.

Ash be dry or Ash be green makes a fire fit for a Queen.

Stand logs on end and you’ll always have a woodman for a friend.

I didn’t use my Christmas pudding so I looked to see if it would still be OK for Easter. The best before date is June 2019 so it’s OK for another 2 years and 5 months. Then I looked at a tin of corned beef and it’s best before date is September 2021 - that’s 4 years and 8months away.

Two chaps in a pub, one said to the other: ‘This beer is terrible, I’ll be glad when I’ve had enough.’

A friend of mine has a nice way of living. Each morning he opens his mail using a smart paper knife. I now do the same but I then tear the envelope up to get the stamp for another friend who save them for a charity.

I met someone who said his wife went off with his best friend last night. I asked ‘How long has he been your best friend?’

He said since last night.

I always used to get 9 Valentine cards each year now it’s down to just one. I used to keep them in a drawer to check with the writing on Christmas cards but never found any similar writing.

ote: Diary n

k er to boo g n o l y ave it an Don’t le ment in e s i t r e v the ad ’s Day!! r e h t o M dler for T h e Fu d dler.com d u f e h t artin@ Email m rices etc p , s l i a t for de

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Page 27

Episode 59 ......................

A Shepherd ('s Pie) in Sheep's Clothing I expect there will be mumblings around Fuddlerland and possibly even letters to the editor of this publication concerning my latest missive, but I feel quite strongly on this.

Shepherd's Pie does NOT necessarily have to have lamb in it as the main ingredient!!.

One afternoon a few years back, I was in conversation with a group of friends which included my longterm mate Old Nick. Now Nick is well known to be on occasion, one of those annoying "know it all's"; even his son calls him "Nickapaedia" in respect to his self-acclaimed mass of knowledge, but with a fair amount of misinformation and getting certain facts wrong. Anyway, back to the afternoon in question, we were having a few pints of fine ale in one of our favourite haunts in the big city, when the topic of conversation came around to food and the subject of Shepherd's pie. Nick then proceeds to hold court, in this instance claiming he knew the origin of, and how he "Probably makes the best Shepherd's pie this side of Offa's Dyke", adding "Obviously using the best Welsh lamb”. "Of course" I interjected, "It does not necessarily have to be lamb".

There was a stunned silence around the table, then Nick laughed. "Really! So why is it called Shepherd's pie then". looking around the table for support, and getting it. Soon the whole conversation was turned into cruel and unjust banter directed towards yours truly, and then the usual offer a £5.00 bet, which to be fair, Nick normally won, thus adding to his, and worse still, his many followers, belief in him knowing best.

My argument in this instance was that when I was younger, and we had a Sunday roast dinner; beef or l a mb , M o t h e r w o u l d sometimes make a Shepherd's pie with the leftovers, I grew up in the understanding that this dish was made from the leftovers of the roast, and did not necessarily have to be lamb.

All modern cook books and recipes on the internet use minced lamb as the main ingredient, and even the modern 'traditional recipe' uses leftover lamb. With minced beef being rightly associated to Cottage Pie, and both minced beef and lamb can be used in Cumberland Pie, the main difference here being the addition of breadcrumbs and grated cheese topping. But if one looks in the old recipe books, like the ones you used to get when you bought a new cooker in 1940s or 1950s, you'll find the recipe (see this month's recipe on page 20). The reason it was called "Shepherd's" pie is that the sheepherder would have his roasted meat on the Sunday, and would head back into the hills on Monday and when he returned home there would be a good dinner that used up the leftover meat. After the last war, housewives continued this practice, as it was a good way to stretch the housekeeping money. I can remember having a nice big roast dinner on the Sunday, and if it were beef we'd have a beef and kidney pie or a hearty stew*, during the coming week, or if it were lamb, perhaps a hotpot.

But we also had Shepherd's pie, made from the leftover lamb, or beef. So Nick, pay up your £5.00 and eat humble "Shepherd's" pie. *There was a suggestion from this author that the gravy powder used in the recipes of stews and other dishes was a Birds product, but that, as I'm sure Old Nick will take great pleasure in relating, is another story.

Public Tree Planting Sunday 12 February 11am to 3pm Free event with shuttle buses running from the Forest Centre all day.

For more details nearer the event go to www.marstonvale.org A Winter Tale - Kids' Outdoor Activity Tuesday 14 February 10am to 3pm £4 per child. Sessions last 1hr 15mins approx, and start at 10am, 11.30am and 2pm. Booking and parental supervision essential. To book, call 01234 767037 or email info@marstonvale.org Badgers in a Box - Kids' Craft Sessions Thursday 16 February 10am to 3pm Indoor craft session. £3 per child. Sessions last 45mins approx, and start at 10am, 11am, 1pm and 2pm. Booking and parental supervision essential.

To book, call 01234 767037 or email info@marstonvale.org Volunteer Task - Millennium Country Park Sunday 19 February 10am to 4pm Meet at the Barn at Forest Centre. email anna.charles@marstonvale.org if you wish to come.

Learning Lunchtime Monday 20 February 11am to midday Ghosts, Witches and Medieval Mayhem.

Jen Foley talks about Bedfordshire folk tales.

Free but £1 donation suggested.

Wedding Fair Thursday 23 February 6.30pm to 9pm Free entry, book on 01234 767037 to receive free goodie bag on arrival.

Volunteer Task - Grange Estate Tuesday 28 February 10am to 3.30pm Meet in Dovecote Car Park. Email darrenwoodward@marstonvale.org or call 01234 762603.

Short led walks, all welcome.

Need to get more active? This could be just the thing for you.

Walks last about an hour and a quarter (some hills). Walk at your own pace in a friendly group. It’s all free - just turn up.

Next walks - all start at 10.00am: 10th February 24th February 10th March

Wilstead, Whitworth Way CP Ampthill Park, west car park Harlington, Village hall car park

For further information please contact: Lynda on 01234 740788 or at olivetree47@googlemail.com Or Laurie on 01525 403950 or at lalowe@btinternet.com or see http://ampthillheathwalks.blogspot.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re online too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 28

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com