The Fuddler March 2013

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Est. 2002

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

Yes, a massive welcome to this hectic March edition of your Fuddler!

We very much hope you will enjoy the edition - as always you’ll find the usual fun and nonsense inside, plus of course those all important messages from our advertisers. Do please

have a careful look through as we all know that ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ If you would like an advert too all our contact details are on page four.

And finally a very happy Mother’s Day to Mothers wherever you are!

Iphone specialist All smart phone and Apple hand held repairs.

Repairs such as: Batteries, Screens, Buttons, Signal connections Speakers/handsfree Software updates Loan phones available free collection & Delivery See our ad on p. 23

01525 632921 07977173452 C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

i i i i i i i i i

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Sick PC or laptop?

Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

01525-402227 john.stafford@compu-doc.biz

BOB AMBLER CARPENTRY Internal & external doors inc. made to measure Staircase renovations Built in cupboards etc...

FITTED FURNITURE Made to measure fitted furniture for: Bedrooms, Studies and Bathrooms Traditional and modern styles inc. sliding doors Free Designs and Quotations

01525 405393 07889 058345

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Free local delivery and collection service Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE www.mauldengarage.com mauldengarage@btconnect.com

01525 862877 FREE WINTER CHECK with this advert

With Spring just round the corner, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows?

Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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WINDOW REPAIRS AAAA WINDOW REPAIRS

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares x All makes & designs available x 24 Hour repair service x No call out charge x All work guaranteed x Free quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk

DOUBLE GLAZING REPAIR SPECIALIST x

MISTY DOUBLE GLAZING REPLACED

x

DRAUGHTY WINDOWS x REPAIRED

x

WINDOW & DOOR HANDLES REPLACED

LEAKING GUTTERS REPAIRED AND MUCH MORE ON OUR WEBSITE

TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405

Or see the yellow pages

All proceeds to Flitwick & Ampthill Sea Cadets, Registered Charity 287167

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WINDOW & DOOR ADJUSTMENTS

CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Saturday 30th March sees a ‘Las Vegas Casino Night’ to be held at Flitwick & Ampthill Sea Cadet Unit at Althorp Close Flitwick.

The event is from 7.30 until midnight and includes a raffle, disco, cash bar, cocktails and cash prizes!

Tickets are £15.00 per person or £25.00 per couple which includes a buffet and £50 of fun money. Please be sure to ‘Dress to Impress’!

For tickets please phone 07852 635672 or email: debcross@btinternet.com

x

www.aawindowrepairs.co.uk

Friday 12th April to Sunday 14th April a group of at least 16 intrepid walkers of all ages - The Greensands Ridge Rovers are tackling the Greensands Ridge Walk from Leighton Buzzard to Gamlingay to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity (Charity registration No: 1128354). Here’s why ...

“I'm Carol, a normal middle aged wife, mum, grandmother whose life was turned upside down on June 2nd 2012, Jubilee weekend, when I collapsed from a massive undiagnosed brain tumour. I was taken to Addenbrookes hospital for life saving surgery which removed the huge benign tumour without lasting effects to my physical health.

I've raised nearly £1000 so far for Brain Tumour UK and hope to raise much more as research into this illness is seriously underfunded and numbers affected, both adults and children, are rising. Still the cause is unknown and few are as lucky as me.

Your donation, however small, will help with research and support of those affected and their families.

Thank you so very much.”

If you would like to know more or make a donation please go to https://mydonate.bt.com/fundraisers/greensandridgerovers1

There’s to be a Charity car wash at Ampthill Fire Station on Saturday 23rd March between 9.00am and 4.00pm and you are invited to bring your car along!

There’s a minimum donation of £5.00 for a wash and an extra £3.00 for a full valet and monies raised will go to 1985 Flitwick Air Squadron proud supporters of Macmillan Cancer care.

Teas and coffees will also be available on the day.

Saturday 18th May at 7.30 at Ampthill Methodist Church.

Admission £7 children free.

Tickets available on the door.

Programme: John Rutter ‘Magnificat’ and Puccini ‘Messa di Gloria’

Lush Beauty nails & tanning

SHELLAC UV GEL POLISH NOW AVAILABLE

Why do accountants make good lovers?

They're great with figures.

Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay & Shellac Gel Polish (Includes shape & cuticle work)

Hands £23.00 Toes

Mini Pedicure with Gel overlay

“Sunjunkie” Spray Tanning: Full Body

£20.00

£18.00 £28.00

Half Body

£15.00

Also available Tinting, Eyebrow shape & Waxing

Call Alison on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Things seem to be looking up. The wretched cough that I have had seems to be abating at last, Mellors has been hard at work on the northern boundaries of the estate, making sure that all fences are in a good state of repair, and Duster IV has been in fine form as always.

Ciao

A BRIANISM

NEED SECURE FURNITURE OR MATERIALS STORAGE SHORT OR LONG TERM IN AMPTHILL?

Prices from £20 per week Call Paul now on 07957 435556

Across: 1 Caveat, 4 Hinder, 7 Intuitive, 9 Sane, 10 Ecru, 11 Beret, 13 Rookie, 14 Redone, 15 Runlet, 17 Cellar, 19 Right, 20 Bate, 22 Asti, 23 Ostracism, 24 Flayed, 25 Assign

Down: 1 Censor, 2 Erne, 3 Toupee, 4 Hither, 5 Nave, 6 Refute, 7 Incognito, 8 Ectoplasm, 11 Biker, 12 Tenet, 15 Rebuff, 16 Tiered, 17 Cha Cha, 18 Raisin, 21 Espy, 22 Asks

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

PLUS REPOINTING

I think I have missed out on not having a computer. Apparently you get lots of free spam and I like Spam.

No job too small Please ring Joe 01525 404334

Ossory Arms 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2QQ 01525 841188

Mothers Day Special Sunday 10th March

Free Lunch for all Mums and Grandmas’*

Turkey or Lamb Roast just £8.95 or choose any dish from our menu Served between 12-4pm No need to book - just turn up! * free meal for mums and grandmas with three or more paying guests

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

Ampthill’s Famous Breakfast

Bell’s Breakfast just £4.50 Skip’s Breakfast just £6.00

Try Our Extra Special Menu Every Weekend during March Turkey or Lamb with Roast Potatoes and Vegetables Sirloin Steak Chips, Peas, Mushrooms & Onion Rings Chicken Chips Peas & salad Ploughman's Lunch Cheese & Ham, Salad & Crusty Roll Southern Fried Chicken Burger with Chips & Salad Homemade Fish Pie with Peas and Salad Lasagne with Garlic Bread and Salad

£8.95 £7.95 £6.50 £6.00 £6.00 £6.50 £6.50

Also see our main - Menu Meals start from £4.50

Easter Sunday Special

Easter Prize Draw - £1 a Go!

Turkey or Lamb Roast just £8.95

First Prize £100 Second Prize Easter Hamper

Served between 12-4pm No need to book - just turn up!

Disco and Karaoke Easter Sunday evening Bar Snacks and Lots of fun

7.30pm onwards

All Profits to Keech Cottage

Children’s Colouring Competition Collect your colouring sheet from the bar, colour it in and return it by 12 noon on Easter Sunday All pictures will be judged at 2pm - so be there!

First prize £10, Second Prize Delicious Easter Egg

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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25 YEARS AND COUNTING! There’s usually a good woman behind every man And in this case it’s the lovely Jan They’ve worked so hard for twenty five years With lots of laughs and maybe some tears!

They give friendly service and good advice With quality food at a competitive price With bread baked to perfection, wholesome and nutritious And a superb cake selection which taste quite delicious With sandwiches, rolls and a hot food selection All cheerfully prepared in our catering section Try our celebration cakes and buffets too Prepared by us, especially for you For choice, value and taste supreme The Cottage Bakery has a winning team From all your staff, it’s a big ‘Well Done’ To Gary and Jan - our Mr and Mrs Bun!

CONGRATULATIONS

By Val at Church Street Shop Head Office: 90 London Road Bedford Tel: 347834

16 Church Street Ampthill Tel: 405278

61-63 Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: 402348

106 Castle Road Bedford Tel: 354310

88 Bedford Road Kempston Tel: 852266

www.thecottagebakery.co.uk email: sales@thecottagebakery.co.uk When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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JH ELECTRICAL • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

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Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Parsimonious (6) 1 Overlook (6) 4 Assuage (6) 2 Superfluity (4) 7 Burlesque (9) 3 Dally (6) 9 Midge (4) 4 Scorching (6) 10 In case (4) 5 Claw (4) 11 Contradict (5) 6 Decayed (6) 13 Pooh’s friend (6) 7 Absurd (9) 14 Small plum (6) 8 Feeling (9) 15 Type of bullet (6) 11 Chisel edge (5) 17 Advisor (6) 12 Lease (anag) (5) 19 Native (5) 15 Ankle bones (6) 20 Irritate (4) 16 Curler (6) 22 Groom (4) 17 Loose cloak (6) 23 Development (9) 18 Bawdy (6) 24 Black eye (6) 21 Flat (4) 25 Message (6) 22 Coconut fibre (4)

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

E

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*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Evergreen

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Free WiFi

Free WiFi

37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30

Managed by the community for the community

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities.

Pop in this March 2013 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form.

Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms x x x x x x x x x x x x

EVENTS FOR CLUB MEMBERS Organised trips to the races Barbeques, Sunday quizzes, Race nights, Treasure Hunts Golf tournaments Fishing Club Doms – Monday nite in the Ampthill & District League Doms – Thursday nite in the Shillington & District League Crib & Doms - Monday nite inthe Maulden & District League Darts – Wednesday nite in the Ampthill & District League Pool – Bedfordshire County League Every Sunday a meat raffle Karaoke Coming soon – beer festival

Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Times to suit you.

1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons ALL AGES For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

VERBAL ETCHINGS FROM THE BIG OAK CHAIR Sitting in the big oak chair Meerkat was musing; nothing in particular and everything in general.

February this year seems to have been exceptionally long and rather depressing – no particular reason but in general the weather!

However, there has been one bright spot in February – one of those little incidences that pop up now and again, quite out of the blue to bring a

little amusement and colour to the day. In this instance it was the wonderful display of valentine cards that St Geoffrey received on the 14th and subsequently pinned up for all to admire.

Meerkat smirked - no she didn’t – she laughed as she remembered; for you see, St Geoffrey thinks he knows exactly where they all came from …Meerkat knows different… and ‘she ain’t telling’ The conversations at the local place of ‘much amusement and eccentricity’ have been at their usual high standard of ‘scribble’ which leads Meerkat into thinking – “do you know the origin of

your local barber shop in Ampthill Mon/Tues/Wed: 8am until 6pm Thurs/Fri: 8am until 7pm Sat: 8am until 3.45pm 94, Dunstable St. (opp. Fratelli’s) 01525 838313 the word ‘spoonerism’?

You know, where someone confuses the letters at the start of adjacent words?

Well, here is the education part”. ‘Spoonerism’ is a term which takes its name from an English clergyman and scholar called William Archibald Spooner (1844 1930). (reference: HOW TO SOUND CLEVER by Hubert van den Bergh)

Apparently, Reverend Spooner was a master at confusing the letters at the start of adjacent words.

Reportedly he said in church, ‘The Lord is my shoving leopard’ - well there you are folks – now you know where the term

‘spoonerism’ came from.

Meerkat can thoroughly recommend the little book she got her information from which gives definitions on 6oo words in the English language which we pretend to understand but don’t always. A pause for thought here….in that place of ‘much amusement and eccentricity’ we could all be waxing lyrical instead of talking ‘scribble’!!!! No?...OK – back to normality…well nearly!

Ah, there goes the phone – Meerkat must dash for it could be the ‘Bog Troll’ with an update of events…..back next month.

Copyright reserved

Summer Evening launch Boutique Charity Shop

Ampthill branch Thursday 4th April 5pm-7.30pm

Mercy in Action Ampthill branch

10% discount Off any purchase with this voucher One voucher per person per purchase .

Valid until - April 10th 2013

Come and enjoy some complimentary refreshments whilst finding your first summer bargains with the launch of our summer stock!

Lots of amazing finds plus some special vintage pieces on the evening 113 Dunstable Street, Ampthill, 01525 839384

www.mercyinaction.org.uk Mercy in Action work with street children and the poorest of the poor in South East Asia Registered Office Jubilee Centre, Lower Bristol Road, Bath, BA2 9ES Mercy in Ac on is a Company Limited by Guarantee. Registered in England No 4627969.

Charity Registra on Number 1096068

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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YOUR LOCAL Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer at trade prices!

No.1 For Scooters, Stairlifts & Mobility Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

AtȱComfortȱMattressȱweȱmanufactureȱ andȱdistributeȱhighȱqualityȱȱ MemoryȱFoamȱmattressesȱlocallyȱ fromȱShefford.ȱ Weȱsellȱdirectȱtoȱtheȱpublicȱandȱtradeȱ cuttingȱoutȱtheȱmiddleȱmen,ȱallowingȱ usȱtoȱsellȱaȱrangeȱofȱfoamȱproductsȱatȱȱ FANTASTICȱlowȱprices!!ȱ Takeȱadvantageȱofȱmassiveȱ discountedȱpricesȱonlyȱavailableȱȱ fromȱourȱFactoryȱOutletȱatȱȱ 12CȱOldbridgeȱWay,ȱSheffordȱȱ IndȱEst,ȱBedsȱSG17ȱ5HQȱ 30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.

Not to used with any other offer

New and used Scooters, part ex welcome.

Wheelchairs, Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails, Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing & much more.

For more information call us or visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn.

Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more.

01525 290950.

Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday www.townhallantiques.co.uk info@townhallantiques.co.uk

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

PS We’re always looking to buy as well

4th April 2013 With Jimmy The Voice With Easter just around the corner JTV has sent us this curious picture where he reckons he has put an Easter egg on the top, bottom and either side of his cube...

1) 2) 3) 4) 5)

By Julio Van Peebles Why is the word 'abbreviation' so long?

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Why can't you buy mouse flavoured cat food?

Why isn't the number 11 called Onety One? Has a snowman ever had a birthday?

Julio’s Top Tip: Make people think you've got expensive automatic windscreen wipers that switch themselves on when it starts raining by simply moving one finger and switching you're windscreen wipers on when it starts raining !!!! .. But we reckon there’s two on the front and two on the back but where do you think the eggs are?

20th March - Happy Birthday James, remember old guys rule and you’re the best. Thanks for being our rock, as always, lots of love Sue, Rich, Vera and of course ... Boris xx

Congratulations to Margaret and Dennis Hammond as they celebrate their Diamond Wedding Anniversary Bon Voyage mon cherie.

Tu vas nous manquer.

We love you Fi xxx

Crystal Lemon Care Ltd is a well Established Family Run Local Employer Providing Home Carers to Elderly People and Support Workers to People with Learning and Physical Disabilities Living in their own Homes.

We are currently Recruiting for People who are able to provide Care and Support to these Vulnerable People.

x

x Home Carers (Own Transport Required) Support Workers (Own Transport Required)

Areas Covered: Bedford Central Bedfordshire & Surrounding Villages Cranfield Toddington Leighton Buzzard Hougton Regis & Dunstable

x Excellent Rates of Pay & Mileage Allowance x Full Holiday & Pension Entitlements x No Experience needed as Training & Personal Development is provided x Access to Formal Qualifications x Permanent Employment x Full & Part Time x Car Drivers Required (Consideration may be given to those with other independent transport)

Candidates will be required to undertake a Full CRB Check at Enhanced Level Further Details can be obtained by calling Danielle on 01525Ͳ404950 or alternatively Email info@crystallemoncareltd.co.uk

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

I am in hiding from exercise. I am in the fitness protection programme.

Dogs have owners - cats have staff .

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest that he is too old for it.

My friend’s husband is so silly that he never lets her make a fool out of him. He’s the do-it-yourself type.

If it weren't for stress I'd have no energy at all.

Don’t ever take a fence down without knowing why it was put up.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

One of the wonders of science. You simply hang something in your wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes.

Sugar daddies are for women who have everything but can’t afford to pay for it.

The best way to relax is to remove your watch. Remove it and remove yourself from the pressures of time.

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282 www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS!

ACCOMMODATION FROM ONLY £20.00 pppn!!

(Contractors welcome)

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

1. In which year was The Battle of Taranto?

2. By what name is ‘Virginia Katherine McMath’ better known?

3. What is an ‘Arbalest’?

4. In which American state is there a town called ‘Tightwad’?

5. ‘Wisp’ is the collective noun for which creature?

6. A Coral wedding anniversary is how many years?

7. Where would you find a ‘Spatter Cone’?

8. Who created Detective ‘Father Brown’?

9. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Limnophobia’, what would you fear?

10.Where would you find a ‘Line of Play’?

1 1940 - WWII, 2 Ginger Rogers, 3 Large crossbow, 4 Missouri, 5 Snipe, 6 35, 7 Volcano, 8 GK Chesterton, 9 Lakes, 10 Bridge game.

Babs was very pleased. She had been invited, along with several of her friends, to a luncheon party at her friend’s house. She duly arrived clutching the almost obligatory bottle of wine for such occasions, and was greeted with the wonderful aromas of culinary activity.

Keen to assist, she asked her friend if there was anything she could do to help. Her friend thanked her and asked if she would make the gravy.

After a while and some a n x i o u s s t i r r i n g, B a b s explained that the gravy had gone lumpy. ‘Never mind’ said her friend ‘just pour it through the sieve.’

Babs did just that and poured the gravy through the sieve and down the sink, sensibly.

email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

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Thank you all so much again for some really great photos that you have kindly sent in! On the left here we have Brandon and Shirley with their Fuddler on Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco and below a lovely picture of Irene from Flitwick with her Fuddler in Quarteria on the Algarve in Portugal!

YOUR LOCAL FENCING SPECIALISTS Repairs and maintenance to all styles of fencing

If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to martin@thefuddler.com

Plus: x All other aspects of Carpentry x Painting & Decorating x All work carried out to the highest standard (City & Guilds recognised) x Fast & reliable professional service x Recommendations available Please ring for a free no obligation quotation

PERSONAL TRAINING

& SPORTS MASSAGE THERAPY +44 (0)757 63 63 633 YOUR GOALS, YOUR FITNESS

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SUCCESS STORIES

“He is a very supportive trainer with a wide range of knowledge which benefits each client individually...”

“Once you know the proper technique all your effort is optimised, making a difference quicker…”

FOR MOTIVATION,

AFTER

BEFOR

E

“I would recommend Martin to any potential customer that needs that little extra motivation…”

ENJOYMENT & RESULTS GO TO...

JAMES BE RRY 2 STONE IN 2 MONTH S

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MARTINBIRCHFITNESS.COM

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

Well I’ve got so much to tell you I don’t know where to start, So first let me share a message that comes from my heart, Cause Mother’s day is one the way, tenth of March is the day, And I would like to thank my mum for all that she has done, And for making me who I am, a very grateful son.

See it’s not just me that can make things rhyme, My mum writes poem’s like this all the time.

See I was taught well did you know And now I’ve even got Meerkat giving it a go.

So to all of you I must tell, You all have great mums that are special as well, So come to Martins don’t delay Our Mother’s Day cards and gifts are all out on display.

Next comes Easter, the eggs-cited children cheer, And we have an eggs-cellent range in this year.

Great cracking deals from which you can choose, with eggs starting from just one pound, They must be some of the cheep-est eggs around, And I’m not eggs-aggerating about our eggs-traodinary deals that can be found, so just pop in and have a look around.

So there’s no eggs-cuse for you not to visit, You will find our offers quite egg-quisite.

Well that’s egg-nough of all this my spell check has just blown a fuse, with all these eggs it’s got well confused.

So now I must tell you about something else that is new, We now sell bread, and crumpets too.

From Warburton’s which they do come, So why not pop in and come and buy some.

See I’m using my loaf in telling you this, Because at only one pound they’re not to be missed.

Well I think that’s about it from me to day And it just leaves me one more thing to say Hi Mum, Happy Mother’s Day. MARTINS YOUR LOCAL NEWSAGENT, 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096

32 " ! ! !& ! & & 01 .

1000+ Ales from April 2010 THE PERMANENT BEER FEST

Russell and the team would like to say thanks to everybody who voted us

SOUTH BEDS CAMRA PUB OF THE YEAR 2013!

11th - 14th April COME AND CELEBRATE OUR 3rd BIRTHDAY at our famous BEER FESTIVAL!!

36 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone 01525 634857

$

Charity Quiz Night coming soon CAMRA BEDS PUB OF THE YEAR 2012 OUR OTHER PUBS ARE:

! ! ! ! " ! % " & % " " ! % ") !" & ! & & & " ( ! ! ! # % % " " " * ! ! $ ! "! " ! !$ " " ! " ! ! ( # ! ! " % " ! ! ! % " (

Tel: 01525 403989 Email: info@homelyhearts.co.uk Web: www.homelyhearts.co.uk

The Globe, Winfield Street, Dunstable (Bedfordshire Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01582 512300 The Wellington Arms, Wellington Street, Bedford (North Beds Pub of the year 2010) - Tel: 01234 308033 The Elm Tree, Orchard Street, Cambridge - Tel: 01223 502632 The Brewery Tap, North Bridge Street, Shefford - Tel: 01462 628448 Seven Stars, Albert Square, Rugby, CV21 2SH - Tel: 01788 561402

www.banksandtaylor.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 14

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

Now the first rush of New Year Resolutions have come and gone with many already abandoned, perhaps you have time to consider something a little different? Have you thought of volunteering?

Agate House, Ampthill, part of Leonard Cheshire Disability, is looking to increase their volunteer numbers. They have a range of positions from drivers, to maintenance crew, to enablers. There are no minimum hours everyone is welcome to give a much time as they are able; be it one hour to several, to coin a well-known phrase, every little helps!

They are particularly looking for drivers to assist the people who use their services to get out and about: to medical appointments, shopping trips to Milton Keynes and Bedford, cinema trips so they don’t miss out on the latest releases; local clubs; meals out, to name just a few.

Volunteering is not only a great way to give to the community but it looks good on your CV and is a fantastic way of gaining new experience and setting personal goals and challenges.

If you think you have what it takes contact Carol Solaiman at Leonard Cheshire Disability, Agate House, Ampthill and kick start your New Year challenge. Call 01525 403247 or email carol.solaiman@LCDisability.org or even pop-in, she’s "She left the building in a cloud of Private Collection" thank-you and goodbye, Love Fee X

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

A VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO WENDY FOR THE 1st APRIL!!

Page 15

BEARͲINͲAͲGIFT AMPTHILL EASTER SPECIALS Stuck for activities this Easter? Pop into Bear in a Gift Shop with the kids to build an Easter bunny. Free Easter egg with every purchase in the holidays. We are also holding a colouring competition for a chance to win a £10 gift voucher.

Our ‘buildͲaͲbuddy bear birthday parties are selling out fast for the holidays and weekends. Groups of up to 20 children can come and stuff their own bear, give it a heart and choose it an outfit in our newly designed shop. Champagne style reception, teddy bear music, and a visit from Buddy Bear Mascot included. Fratelli’s are offering pizza and ice cream for £5 per head after the party for a hassle free catering option. Give us a call to find out more about our magical parties in the centre of Ampthill!

Have a bearͲilliant Easter from the team at Bear in a Gift Ampthill!

P.S. Q. What do you get when you cross a bunny with an onion? See page 19 for answer Give us a call on 01525 406639 or visit www.bearinagift.com to find out more.

BEARͲINͲAͲGIFT, KINGS ARMS YARD, AMPTHILL

DISCOUNT MOTs IN AMPTHILL Plus ... Ÿ Servicing and repairs for all types of vehicles Ÿ Free local delivery and collection Ÿ Bodyshop Ÿ Tyres and exhausts Ÿ Courtesy car available Ÿ Discounts for Pensioners Ÿ Vehicle recovery service We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055 Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689 Web: www.totalfleetcare.com

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Engine & Tender - Bar

BBQ’S ARE HERE AGAIN! Join us for the 1st BBQ of the season on Easter Monday April 1st!!

OUR MEAT RAFFLE IS BACK!!!

FINAL 6 NATIONS RUGBY MATCHES SHOWN Let’s see if we can do the Grand Slam!!

OPEN MIC NIGHT Thursday 4th April QUIZ NIGHT

Sunday 24th March Cash Prizes!

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 16

SUNDAY 30TH JUNE

WE STILL NEED NEW GARDENS! Traditional country village pub offering Good Food, Good Beer and a good selection of wines by the glass.

Quality home cooked food on both bar and a la carte menus

Tuesday Ͳ Friday Lunch time specials main £5.95 dessert £2.95

Tuesday night is Fish n chip night Our own beer battered cod, hand cut chips, mushy peas and bread and butter all for £7.95

Wednesday night is steak night 2 rump steaks with all the trimmings and a bottle of house wine all for £20.00

Sundays we offer a traditional roast dinner with a choice of 3 roast meats with all the accompaniments £7.95

Easter Saturday 30th March Ͳ Quiz Easter Sunday 31st March Ͳ Karaoke Bobbi and Ian look forward to extending you a warm welcome.

Now the snow is clearing and bulbs are appearing, our thoughts are of the lovely spring that should soon be upon us – hopefully! So why not open your garden to visitors on Sunday 30 June so everyone can enjoy the fruits of your labour?

We really do need some new gardens to participate in our Ampthill Open Gardens event. This doesn’t mean you have to have a perfect garden without a weed in sight – just one with a few points of interest, whether it be in the planting, the hard landscaping or anything else – it can big or small, formal or natural.

The scheme has been going for 3 years now and it would be very sad if we can’t run it this year. ALL gardens are welcome – the only stipulation is that you are a resident of Ampthill.

If you‘d like more details, please contact Angie Murdoch on 01525 403076 (mobile 07736 452131) or email to angiemurdoch@virginmedia.com as soon as possible.

With Archie Fairweather If you are looking for seed potatoes you really should pop in to Stephen’s Plants at Maulden. They have an incredible 26 varieties! Mrs F. asked me to get some for her, but with such an array I got confused, bought her a couple of very nice plants and suggested she should pop in herself! See their ad below.

5VGRJGPŐU 2NCPVU at Maulden Garden Centre on the A507 bypass (near A6 / Clophill)

for your Seasonal and hardy plants

Vegetable seeds and plants Hanging baskets and tubs plus composts and fertilisers all with EXPERT ADVICE

CPF C UOKNG

www.jollycoopersflitton.co.uk The Jolly Coopers, Wardhedges, Flitton, Beds

Tel: 01525 860626

Telephone: 01525 861696

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Page 17

D L R O W W E N a o t Welcome t a e r a c g o d d n a s g o for d re t n e C n e d r a G n e d l u Ma Doggie World is a new concept in caring for the four-pawed members of your family.

On site we have a dog crèche, grooming salon, self dog wash, microchipping, tag engraving and a specialist pet shop

Does your dog fret while you are at work? Drop your dogs at our daycare facility for all-day play and stimulation at our DOG CRÈCHE

Inside and outside areas for exercise, rest and play Short of time? We’ll pick up and return your dog to your home

Everything for your dog from an extensive range of specialist feeds, treats, toys, beds, coats, collars and leads to every doggie gift you can possibly imagine.

Your dog too dirty to put in the bath?

Then try our purpose-built, self dog wash with all the professional equipment you need.

On-site grooming salon also available

Call us now on 01525 862866 See us on-line at www.doggie-world.co.uk e-mail info@doggie-world.co.uk Or come see how we put your dog first at

Doggie World Maulden Garden Centre, A507 Bypass, Maulden, Bedfordshire MK45 2BJ When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 18

ROCKET’S SECOND “GRAND TOUR” ON A B.M.W. MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Monday 2nd July 2012

Now when I’ve been abroad motorcycling before, hotels, hostels and campsites were not a problem to find. It seems in Belgium they don’t have them. I rode into Bruges and found the only hostel in there was being renovated. I was not willing to pay 175 euro a night in a hotel. It’s a shame because Bruges looks such a beautiful Gothic town with a lot of history and lovely big squares. So I decided to push on to Brussels, after getting completely lost I found myself on small track roads. Still, I got to see the

real Belgium. Out of all the cities I have been to Brussels has got to be the worst, with bags of rubbish piled up on the paths, holes in the roads, which you could lose a wheel through.

Every shop is either a kebab shop or Indian takeaway.

The only good thing is the road tunnels that go under the city this means Brussels can be crossed without seeing much of it! I carried on towards the east hoping to find somewhere to stay the night, all I found was big car dealerships and carpet shops.

Then on the right in a small town I saw a hotel sign lit up. It is now 10pm and I was starting to get a touch desperate. I walked in and

found it cost 115 euros, I said that was far too much, they offered me a special deal room only, no breakfast for 96 euros. I replied no thank you. He said grumpily “you won’t find anything else around here tonight”. I told him I would rather carry on to Germany than pay that much for a room!

N o t i mp r e s s e d w i th Belgium! I carry on heading east, my fuel is running low, I at last found a self service petrol pump, got the bike in position, a bit confused as to what I was supposed to do, I fed a 20 euro note into the machine it roared into life and it gave me exactly 20 euro of petrol! What a fantastic idea!

To be continued

Here’s yet another picture from our worried reader that this could be further extreme case of identity theft!

And thanks again!

Congratulations to Mr ‘Honky Tonk’ and Lis on their Wedding Anniversary on the 1st April!

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

Painting and Decorating For all your interior and exterior decorating requirements.

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For a free competitive quotation please call Paul

01525 404645 or Mobile 07747 755943 www.prcdecorating.co.uk

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Page 19

AMPTHILL TV Ampthill TV is your online community TV station which has for the last four years been filming and compiling an archive of videos about Ampthill, which are available for all to view free online at www.ampthill.tv With the help of John Day's Memory Lane Collection (remember The Millennium Video?), we now have over 300 local interest videos, some dating back to the early 1900s. One of the oldest, entitled ‘Ampthill House’, shows Sir Anthony Wingfield riding on the back of some the exhibits in his Wingfield Zoo Ͳ compulsive viewing at any RSPCA meeting. There is also a collection of films showing brick making in Bedfordshire through the ages, one film of the 1930 Bedfordshire Show held in Ampthill Park which was attended by the Prince of Wales and in 1969, the blockade of the centre of Ampthill as a protest over the delay in Ampthill getting a bypass.

Since 2009, Ampthill TV has been recording many public events such as the Remembrance Service, Ampthill Diamond Jubilee celebrations and the last three Ampthill Festivals have been recorded in their entirety. In 2012 we moved more into news and interviews and launched our Ampthill Business Report which looked at new business launches in the town and how existing businesses were coping with the recession.

At the start of 2013 we launched our new flagship weekly news program 'Ampthill Newsweek', available for viewing each Sunday evening, which looks at what has happened around Ampthill in the last week and what events and entertainment are happening locally in the coming week, including in Milton Keynes & Bedford.

So please send your news and events to info@ampthill.tv or ring 01525 888401. To ensure you don’t miss any future videos, please follow us on Twitter @ampthillTV, Facebook Ampthilltv Howie, or register your email address on the site.

SUNDAY ROASTS AT THE QUEEN’S We are pleased to offer delicious roasts served all day every Sunday with a choice of meats plus fresh vegetables, but we do get booked up (sorry if we have been unable to cater for you recently) so it really does make sense to book your table early! ‘Fresh - not Fast’

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY Our highly popular quiz starts at 8.00pm sharp with our resident Quizmaster - there’s no entry fee and everyone is welcome!

Please arrive early to be sure of a seat.

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7YVMLZZPVUHS L_WLY[ ZLY]PJL H[ JVTWL[P[P]L WYPJLZ MVY KVTLZ[PJ HUK JVTTLYJPHS J\Z[VTLYZ ‹ ‹ ‹ ‹ ‹

;YLL YLK\JPUN HUK YLZOHWPUN ;YLL MLSSPUN /LKNL THPU[LUHUJL HUK YLTV]HS .LULYHS NHYKLU JSLHYHUJLZ :LHZVULK SVNZ

+HYY`S :H\UKLYZ PUMV'ZH\UKLYZ[YLLZ\YNLY` JV \R

^^^ ZH\UKLYZ[YLLZ\YNLY` JV \R Bear-In-A-Gift riddle answer: A bunion!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 20

T Butlin Building and Plastering Est 1987

www.timbutlinbuilders.co.uk

26 years in business For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering including artex ceilings and walls plastered back to flat.

With The Imp 1. ‘Why are they called Mynah birds? Did they take them down the mines?’

2. ‘What time is the 10 o’clock news on?’

3. ‘Some of my friends emigrated to Wales.’

4. ‘I didn’t watch it but I saw it on the radio.

5. ‘I’m not as thin as I am now.’

A big welcome back to Ampthill to Roger!

When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

All aspects of painting and decorating.

With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

A cowboy rode into a town on Friday. Three days later he left the town on Friday how is that possible?

Answer below.

We haven’t heard anything from Fluffy this month - we fink she must still be out on her bicycle!

Congratulations to Linda and Jason on the birth of Oliver on the 26th February Love Russell et al

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

The horse’s name was Friday

Also offering: Impressions Female decorators

Page 21

Young magician available for Children’s parties, events etc for more information please telephone:

07843 803273 or 01525 864882 Music is serial, paintings are parallel Here’s a silly thought, when you listen to music, all the notes and chords are received sequentially, i.e. one after the other in the correct order. Paintings, on the other hand, are perceived in parallel i.e. all the pixels are received simultaneously. If all the pixels were received sequentially, you would have NO idea what was going on, and if Wagner’s Ring Cycle where to be delivered with all notes in one go it would just be a nasty noise!

Of course, with a film, you receive a sequence of parallel data, (images); if the whole film where sent in one instant, it would simply be a muddy brown noisy rectangle!

Music is sound data spread in time.

A picture is light data spread in space.

And yet our brains make sense of both media when delivered appropriately.

That’s lucky.

The Pseudo Rustic

Happy Birthday Amy for the 7th March!

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ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 22

LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES We have absolutely everything you need!

And with access to over 22,000 items, if we haven’t got it Ͳ you have it next day Ͳ guaranteed!

Specialists in Ink and toner cartridges.

FREE DELIVERY to Business accounts please ask us for details.

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T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

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tel: 01525 633336 www.businesspoint.uk.com

City Slickers Part 5 Second day out; Doing the mud slide.

East Australia, 1976 Back to that first ride with the city slickers, it was only a long weekend and the first day was a fairly short ride during which Jack Lovick and the team got to know the people, where their skills lay and what they could and could not do on a horse, this might change and develop, but he sometimes met riders who had a very strange attitude to their mounts. One such fellow was all kicking and beating to get the horse to do some simple thing.

Jack observed this, and with great diplomacy, explained that he needed someone to help “train” a really bad horse. The horse in question was not only well behaved but tough as nails and after a couple of hours of

“training“, the rider was subdued, (broken) and the horse was in command!

That event helped to create a profile of the Cattle Station Boss that I can confirm as true! He never chastised people for their errors, he just helped them to see them for themselves, and I speak from embarrassing experience, when I worked for him later.

Jack Lovick could have been the model for Curly Washburn played by Jack Palance in the film City Slickers, except that Jack Lovick was the owner of the cattle station and was president of the High Plains Cattlemen’s Association and he was doing it twenty years before that film was made. Jack loved to tease the newcomers and create obstacles that they would have to overcome; a bit like Curly Washburn!

One of the best occurred on the second day out, we would be meandering down this valley trail

and he would ask everyone to stop while he checked the route ahead, away he would canter and after a short while, he would return explaining that his fears where confirmed, the track ahead was washed out, but “Not to worry, there is a shortcut” We were descending the side of a valley via a series of hairpin bends, and some 70 yards ahead, and out of sight, there was a hairpin bend to the left; but close to where Jack stopped us, a steep muddy bank descending some 15 feet to where we would have been had we followed the track after that next bend. Hope that made sense!

The muddy bank was STEEP but we were ORDERED to push our horses over the edge to reach the track beyond.

Had this happened on the first day, many of those folk would have refused and walked home, many had never touched a horse before. I was quite scared; the

quivering haunches of the horse and the apparent refusal to go over the edge suggested that the horse, for one, thought this was a bad idea. Similar reactions occurred on other rides, when going along very narrow tracks by a steep long drop on one side, we were always reminded that the horse is more stable on 4 legs, oh, and very few horses are suicidal!

Needless to say, we all went down the slope, with the horses sitting on their bums to keep balance; as a confidence building exercises go this was a beauty! I was more confident after, and I had done a fair amount of riding before!

It was only later, on the return journey, that some people would say as we passed that mud slide bank “Isn’t this the bend that was “washed out” two days ago?”

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

37 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX Phone: 01525 402509

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 23

One of our readers has kindly sent us this delicious sounding recipe which we would like to share with you:

For four you will need: 4 pork chops from your local butcher 1 oz lard ½ pint (250 ml) orange juice 2 tbsp brown sugar 1 tsp powdered ginger ¼ tsp Tabasco 1 tbsp cornflour 1 tbsp water 4 pineapple slices, halved 4 slices orange Salt & pepper And, we suspect a little glass of wine for yourself!

Preheat oven to about 180 C

Brown chops on both sides in fat, then transfer to casserole. Mix together the orange juice, sugar, ginger, salt, pepper and Tabasco and pour over chops.

Cook in the middle of the oven for about and hour.

Whilst they are cooking of course this does give you time for a crafty slurp!

Drain the chops and place on a hot dish and keep warm.

Mix cornflour and water with meat juices and cook till sauce has boiled and thickened.

Garnish the chops with pineapple and orange slices and pour the sauce over.

Perfect served with mash!

Congratulations to ‘The Smithies’ on their Wedding Anniversary on the 31st March

A very Happy Birthday to ‘Beanie’ for the 17th March

TROPICAL PORK CHOPS

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 24

AMPTHILL PLASTICS Open to Trade and DIY

Fascia, soffit & all fixings x All colours from stock x All types of guttering x All plastic under and over

ground drainage in stock x Now stocking polycarbonate

roofing sheets - all sizes, cut to size - next day delivery x Dome rooflights, all sizes, sun tubes and flashings Next day delivery.

New stock arriving weekly Call for best prices.

All Freefoa m UPVC 50 ye ars guarantee The No 1 Market Lea der 2012

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‘The Government is pressing ahead with the beer duty escalator. One has to wonder whether the extra revenue garnered by the increase in tax, and therefore price, will offset the benefits to be paid to the brewers and bar staff made redundant by the decrease in trade. A far better idea would be to lower the price on home produced ale which would hopefully mean more staff being employed to cope with the increased consumption thereby helping to stimulate the economy.

Pubs are closing at an alarming rate but in my town we seem to be bucking the trend; not one pub has closed since I have been old enough to enter and imbibe (no inferences please).

An increase in ale consumption as opposed to lager can only be applauded because it could be deemed that you are what you drink. Lager - bland, tasteless and full of gas. Ale - full bodied, flavoursome and interesting.

We need to act to ensure the survival of that quintessential English institution the pub. As Hilaire Belloc said “When you have lost your inns drown your empty selves, for you will have lost the last of England.”

N.B. The ‘coming apart at the seams’ ex-landlord has just returned from foreign shores. He was dismayed to learn that it was no longer possible, if the natives upset the Memsahib, to send a message to the ’Great White Queen Over The Water’ requesting her to dispatch men with ‘sticks that talk thunder’ in order to sort them out.’

Happy Birthday Flo for the 22nd March

Happy Birthday to Fred for the 19th March!

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Page 25

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello to everybody again and a big thank you to Joe, Richard, Robert and everyone else who correctly spotted that last month’s photograph was the river Flit looking downstream at Hollington Basin.

Now for this month Algi and I have continued our cycling tour of the waterways around the Parish and couldn’t resist taking this photograph to bring to you as we felt it could be instantly recognisable!

Do you recognise the scene and where it might be?

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The Red Lion South End, Milton Bryan, Woburn, Bedfordshire. MK17 9HS Tel: 01525 210044

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 26

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: Did you know that if I gave you a piece of paper even the size of 100 football pitches you would not be able to fold it more than 8 times?

If you are feeling a bit lost and down in the dumps the best thing you can do is go metal detecting wearing your steel toe caps and you’ll soon find yourself. It worked for me.

Teacher to Johnny ‘Spell needle.’ Johnny ‘N-e-i-d-l-e.’ Teacher ‘There’s no ‘I’ in needle.’ ‘Yes there is miss - it’s to put the cotton through.’ My girlfriend is so petite that the seat in her car is almost touching the dashboard; I fear that if it gets moved any more she will be driving it by sitting on the bonnet.

I said to a previous girlfriend that I was going to check my tyre pressures. She asked ‘Do you need me to get out while you check them?’ On a previous occasion she said ‘I see that your MG has 2 exhausts.’ The second one was the jacking up point.

Well, I have still got two weeks to go with my broken leg. I have been trying to get used to a pair of crutches so I could get about. I have had NO success at all. I’ve noticed that I’m not the only one hobbling around here. On the high grass bank opposite the house we have a Muntjac going round on three legs, he’s there almost daily. Now the Muntjac that lives in our garden almost full time has produced a beautiful little baby; it is over a week old now and is so tiny. The mother has a lot of good quality grass to eat and the baby is very safe where it is so they should stay for a long while.

Receive sms

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ZZZ TXHVWKROLGD\V FR XN Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 27

G. LAWSON FLOORING (Based in Ampthill) All types of flooring undertaken including CARPETS / WOODS AND LAMINATES KARNDEAN / VINYLS (Including wet rooms) CERAMICS AND NATURAL STONE Supply and fit or fit only service available

Tel: 07595 474675 Again we have had no missive from The Mammoth Man so we can only assume he is away on an adventure!

We’ll let you know.

Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have very kindly sent these in: ‘BARRIER CLOSES AFTER EACH CAR Do not challenge barrier.’

‘PLEASE DO NOT PRESS THIS BUTTON It is a light switch.’

‘WARNING - NO DOOR INSTALLED. Do not walk into wall.

Thanks again for those!

Your

With Hubert Gavelle

By Henry Flagstaff I decided to brave the weather and amble off to the library as Gladys was busy creating another masterpiece in the kitchen, and the cat was busy sleeping.

Ah, the joy of the newly refurbished library! Same glorious selection of books so I took my time perusing the shelves when I came across a writer that up until then I had not read.

The tome was entitled ‘Breakneck’ by Erica Spindler and on the back cover was an invitation to meet two lady detectives from the Rockford Violent Crimes Bureau.

On reading the fly I was told that this detective duo were on the trail of a monstrous serial killer.

They are then charged with finding said killer before he strikes again.

Before long I was ensconced in the wing back with a small (ish) glass of malt and started to read. The characters and plot were readily believable and the book was a real page turner!

Riveting stuff!

I shall certainly look for more books by this writer, and in the meantime Gladys’s creation was marvellous!

(So was the malt)

Lawyer: ‘Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?’

Witness: ‘No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.’

Lawyer: ‘What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?’

Witness: ‘Gucci sweats and Reeboks.’

Lawyer: This disease, does it affect your memory at all?

Witness: Yes. Lawyer: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

Witness: I forget.

Lawyer: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

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Page 28

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com