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Est. 2002

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452 C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello once again everybody and as always a huge welcome to the latest edition of your Fuddler! You’ll find this a packed issue with lots of fun and nonsense inside plus, of course, those all important messages from all our advertisers showing time


and time again that ‘Whatever you are looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ We very much hope you enjoy the edition and if you too would like to advertise with us you’ll find all our contact details on page four of each issue.

nails and tanning

 Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay: Hands £22.00 Special offer (book together) Toes £17.00 Hands &Toes £35.00 

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels. Walks in the local countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 Overnight Stays, Day Care & Walks

Mini Pedicure with Bio Sculpture Gel overlay £27.00

“Rockstar” Glitter Toes


“Sunjunkie” Spray Tanning:

 Full Body 


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Other treatments available Waxing, Eyebrows and Tinting

Call Alison on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available



Tel: 01525 712587 A family business since 1926 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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With Winter not too far away, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.


Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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G. LAWSON FLOORING (Based in Ampthill) All types of flooring undertaken including CARPETS / WOODS AND LAMINATES KARNDEAN / VINYLS (Including wet rooms) CERAMICS AND NATURAL STONE Supply and fit or fit only service available

Tel: 07595 474675 Saturday 27th October sees the 5th Annual Wartime Dance at Parkside Hall in Ampthill, with music from the era. Starting at 7.00 for 7.30 until late, the evening features Pauline Brown and Paul Roberts and the Swingers! Tickets are priced at £20.00 (in advance) or £25.00 on the door, which includes hot and cold buffets. There is also to be a licensed bar, real ale, raffle and prize for best fancy dress (period dress optional, but appreciated). For more information or to book your ticket please call or text 07876 470503

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Full or part house cleared for cash. Friendly, quick and reliable service. Sensitive jobs undertaken sympathetically. Unsaleable items also disposed of.

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Friday 12th October 7pm for 7.30pm Millbrook Village Hall - Tickets £8.00 ‘This is always a wonderful country event - great supper; fun auction; raffle and 'Market Stall' table for produce. A very sociable evening where you will be made so welcomed ....... so do COME AND JOIN US ...... If you would like to come along, please let either Heather Parrish on (01525) 402077 or Carolyn Chappell on (01525) 403095 know. Thank you.’

Ampthill Twining Association are holding a Fun Quiz Night with French Platter at Parkside Hall, Ampthill on Saturday 13th October. Teams of up to 6 - Quiz starts at 7.30pm and doors open at 7.00. Tickets are priced at £8.00 and are available form Fairies n’ Frogs, 9 Church Street, Ampthill or from Angie Murdoch on 01525 403076. There will also be a bar and raffle - all in aid of Ampthill Twinning Association Funds.

The Ampthill Singers are presenting their annual show, this time their tenth, and will be entitled ‘A Decade of Music’. The show is composed of popular songs from their previous shows. Performances are to be held on November 9th and 10th at the Ampthill Methodist Church. Ticket prices are £6 per adult, £4 for concession and family ticket is £16. All proceeds go to their chosen charities for this year, Cancer Research UK and Keech Hospice Care. For more information please contact 07735 317639 or

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery? Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

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Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30


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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Again it was rather splendid to see Mellors scurrying about on the estate. I do believe he has planted up the game crop in the North corner but I shall see whether Duster IV concurs. And, yes, I did take a glass or two of ‘The Low Flyer’ in memory of the late great Check-It-Out.



I don’t know what the world is coming to nowadays. I blame computers and scented candles.

A VERY BIG THANK YOU!! To all our customers for making our 1st year so special! Mon/Tue/Wed: 8am until 6pm, Thur/Fri: 8am until 7.30pm Sat: 8am until 4pm

94, Dunstable St. (opp. Fratelli’s) 01525 838313

Across: 1 Frost, 4 Speck, 10 Ululate, 11 Leash, 12 Inept, 13 Giraffe, 15 Lien, 17 Pried, 19 Ferry, 22 Eros, 25 Release, 27 Quiff, 29 Creep, 30 Initial, 31 Tenet, 32 Seems

Down: 2 Route, 3 Startle, 5 Polar, 6 Chamfer, 7 Quail, 8 Sedge, 9 Shrew, 14 Info, 16 Ides, 18 Relieve, 20 Esquire, 21 Brace, 23 Resin, 24 Of old, 26 Ample, 28 Idiom

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Individual 1 hour lessons for Key Stage 2,3 and GCSE For further information contact

Bev on 01525 631599

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of woodburning stoves from Clearview 1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm Good luck to member of staff and Ampthill Fireplaces sponsored wakeboarder JamesGrayinthe2012Ropes&WiresOpenMencompetition,Saturday6thOctober atBoxEndPark,Bedford. Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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IN AMPTHILL & SURROUNDING AREA To find out more about Personal Tuition or Mat Based Pilates Classes in your area contact Jo by email or call 01234 767484

By working the deep set muscles and creating a strong center (abdominals and lower back muscles working together) the pilates way, you can: Strengthen and tone muscles Improve posture, muscle balance, joint mobility, breathing and body awareness Increase flexibility Lower stress levels and boost your immune system

Pilates classes are held at ICE Clinic Ampthill, Marston Moretaine Village Hall, Millbrook Village Hall, Wootton Healthy Living Centre and Shillington Village Hall Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

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GiftȱVouchersȱavailableȱ ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

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Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken


*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Patios

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)




Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Ban (6) 1 Comprehend (6) 4 Flower (6) 2 Cow shed (4) 7 Tree garden (9) 3 Saggy (6) 9 Robust (4) 4 Imagined (6) 10 Musical instrument (4) 5 Drag (4) 11 Foam (5) 6 Materialise (6) 13 Half (5) 7 Large reptile (9) 14 Shred (6) 8 Throng (9) 15 Stationary (6) 11 Indifferent (5) 17 Carefree (6) 12 Bird of prey (5) 19 Small boat (5) 15 Powerful (6) 20 Space (4) 16 Visitor (6) 22 Chance (4) 17 Miniature tree (6) 23 Solitary (9) 18 Guarantee (6) 24 Deduce (6) 21 Net (4) 25 Instinctive (6) 22 Stove (4)



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VERBAL ETCHINGS FROM THE BIG OAK CHAIR It has been a strange week. Meerkat had planned to settle down and concentrate on her new book all about words, but there were interruptions‌‌. A walk in the Forest of Dean with Brother Meerkat was a joyful experience. The day was a typical early autumn one, sunny with a hint of warmth, tempered with a light refreshing breeze. The casting of shadows by the intermittent rays of the sun through the trees gave the

forest a magical and mystic feel .‌ just the place to let the mind stroll down the world of imagination; when all of a sudden there was a rather peculiar noise‌â€?Ahâ€? said Brother Meerkat “that is the deep velvet trumpeting and rumberlings of the ancient amorous Bog Trollâ€? What on earth is a ‘Bog Troll’?........reader - do you know? Later on in the week Meerkat got well and truly caught!! Take a well known establishment, two deliciously mischievous gentleman, two tumblers three quarters filled with H2O and the stage is set. “I am going to show you a

No job too small Please ring Joe 01525 404334 trickâ€? said the first deliciously mischief gentleman “Put your hands on the bar, palms down and flatâ€? and of course Meerkat, being the good little Meerkat that she is, obeyed. Then to the deep sonorous giggles of the second deliciously mischievous gentleman, a glass was placed and balanced on each hand ‌. For a moment Meerkat was mystified and then she realised‌.Oh err! She was well and truly rooted to the spot; could not move and more to the point dare not move! The well known establishment was full of highly amused Ampthillians ‌. poor Meerkat – but it was

mischief in full fun ‌and a new saying has been invented ‌. two tumblers quarter full of H2O are now called ‘Meerkat’s handcuffs’ Of course young Paul (Meerkat’s youngest son) will be most relieved to know that at last something has been found to quell his plaintiff cries of “Mum, you are a nightmare‌will you please stand still for just a momentâ€? The book of words may have been neglected this week but two new sayings have immerged all on their own‌ so perhaps not all is lost. “O gosh - its 7.33am‌must get going‌‌.â€? Copyright reserved





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Free WiFi

Free WiFi

37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30 Affiliated to the C.I.U.

Managed by the community for the communitty

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities. Pop in this October 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form. Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms x x x x x x x x x x x x

EVENTS FOR CLUB MEMBERS Organised trips to the races Barbeques, Sunday quizzes, Race nights, Treasure Hunts Golf tournaments Fishing Club Doms – Monday nite in the Ampthill & District League Doms – Thursday nite in the Shillington & District League Crib & Doms - Monday nite inthe Maulden & District League Darts – Wednesday nite in the Ampthill & District League Pool – Bedfordshire County League Every Sunday a meat raffle Karaoke every second Saturday Coming soon - wine tasting

Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

HARDWOOD LOGS All size Fires & Woodburners catered for

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

With Jimmy The Voice JTV has sent in another very peculiar item this month. He reckons that he can see grey dots appearing on the white lines ...

Tel: 01462 711430 Mob: 07860 411378

Many Congratulations!! By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why do triangular shaped sandwiches taste better than square ones ? 2) Why are sportsmen sometimes said to be 'on the back foot' : which one is this ? 3) Can you buy expensive range eggs ? 4) How is it possible to get ahead of yourself ? 5) Has anyone ever seen a happy jogger ? Julio’s Top Tip: If the worst comes to the worst, you can always be a bad example !

Happy Birthday to Julio for the 15th October!

STEPHEN A very happy 60th Birthday for the 9th October

... We are not convinced though! But what do you think?

from everyone Thought for the month ‘The horses of hope run fast, but the asses of experience amble thoughtfully.’


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THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

CONTRACTORS WELCOME Why not call in for one of our


Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at £5.00 or less! Eat in or take away

Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but she can usually be placated with a few pieces of chocolate cake. My friend’s husband is so silly it was him kissing the Rottweiler at a wedding. Did anyone enquire why the “box of frogs” were so cross in the first place ? My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes. Never eat more than you can lift. You know he’s a loser if he didn’t make ‘Who’s Who’ but did make ‘What’s That’. You’ll get less interruptions if you lecture rather than converse. Whenever you encounter something you don’t understand just ignore it. There’s an outside chance it will go away on its own. Physical disarray adds to the tension of life. Clearing out the clutter is an orderly way to calm.

1 Wind, 2 Suit of armour, 3 Nightingale, 4 1945, 5 Clouds, 6 Winston Churchill, 7 Fish, 8 Kansas, 9 600 BC, 10 Anneke Wills

Babs decided that she was going to make some jam. Her friend kindly agreed to help and brought round several small glass jars for this jam making adventure. Then her friend went off to do some shopping, to return two and a half hours later. She went into the kitchen to see how Babs was getting on and was astonished to see her weighing the glass jars on the kitchen scales and telling her that much though the jars were appreciated, they wouldn’t work. The friend asked why. ‘On the recipe it says you need six ten ounce jars’ replied Babs sensibly.

1. Apart from the obvious, what is a ‘Wet Chinook’? 2. Where would you find a ‘Plackart’? 3. A ‘Watch’ is the collective term for which creature? 4. In which year was ‘You’ll Never Walk Alone’ written? 5. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Nephophobia’ what would you fear? 6. Who wrote the novel ‘Savrola’? 7. What sort of creature is a ‘Pompano’? 8. In which US state is a town called ‘Smileyberg’? 9. When were metal coins first issued? 10.Who played Dr Who’s assistant Polly Wright? House,Shed&GarageClearanceforHerts,Beds&Bucks  Competitiverates  Fastfriendlyservice  BasedinFlitwick  Houseclearance,rubbish&wastedisposal  Photosemailedoncompletion  Carsremoved/scrapped 

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We are pleased to bring you yet more pictures of readers reading their Fuddlers in far away places! On the left are Graham and Gabi at Strawberry Fields, Central Park, New York and below we have a delightful photo of William of Jersey with his essential reading for young students on the island!

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$0HPEHURIWKH8.¡VODUJHVWLQGHSHQGHQWWUDYHORUJDQLVDWLRQ Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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I’m sorry last month’s weren’t that great, It’s because the editor could not wait, I thought I had, plenty of time, I just wanted to do you all, another great rhyme. But alas it had to be, So all I can say is I’m sorry. It was one of those days I did not know what to write, And before I knew it, it was late at night. So it was time for me to go to bed, I needed to rest my tired old head. So as you see my rhyme was not nearly done, So I’m sorry Mr Editor for not being much fun See I’m not as clever as people think, These rhymes use up loads of ink. My words of wisdom are written through the week, I even have post it notes stuck to the bathroom sink. But this one I’ve managed to do on time so I hope you all enjoy my new little rhyme. I do have a lot to tell you about, But great now, my wretched pen’s run out. What I’ve got to tell you might be a surprise, I can tell by the look, in your eyes. Our Christmas stock has just come in So let CHRISTMAS SHOPPING now begin. With boxes of chocs, Santa’s, and tubes of sweets from just a pound, You must pop in and have a good look round. With chocolate brazils, mint crisps, and Turkish delight, Seeing this great new range, what a lovely sight. Children’s annuals and next year’s calendars too, Put out on display, ready for you, And don’t worry I haven’t forgotten Halloween, I’m planning some scary displays that must be seen. I think that’s about it for me this time, So, sorry folks this is the end of my rhyme. Pop in and see us at MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 404096


Ɣ WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?!?! AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL, SATURDAY 20 OCTOBER 2012 We hold all the equipment you will need to ensure your successful entry into the pie contest – pie dishes, pie funnels, pastry blenders, pastry brushes!

Ɣ VACHERIN DUE IN NEXT MONTH!! If you’ve tried Vacherin cheese before then you’ll understand why we’re all getting excited about it being available again very soon! If you haven’t, then do pop in to sample some!

Ɣ HOMEMADE PRESERVES? JAM, CHUTNEYS AND SLOE GIN?! We have jars and bottles galore in stock including jam pans, muslin, labels, jam funnels, thermometers, wax discs etc Open 7 days a week Mon - Sat 9.00 - 17.30 + Sun 11.00 -17.00!

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill

Tel: 01525 402023

LouiseȱandȱJamesȱwelcomeȱyouȱtoȱtheirȱrealȱ countryȱpubȱinȱaȱfabulousȱvillageȱlocationȱ onlyȱaȱcoupleȱofȱminutesȱfromȱȱ WoburnȱSafariȱPark.ȱ ȱ

Traditionalȱhomeȱcookedȱfood,ȱrealȱalesȱ andȱwinesȱbyȱtheȱglass BOOKȱYOURȱCHRISTMASȱPARTYȱWITHȱUSȱ

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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MAKING A PIE? We have everything you need for a truly inspirational pie filling!

Tel: 01525 403319 email: Engine & Tender - Bar COME AND TRY OUR FANTASTIC EXTENDED FOOD MENU

Mon - Fri 12.00 - 2.00 Mon - Thurs 5.00 - 8.00 Selected wines at £10.00 a bottle every day!


Drawn at 6.00pm once a fortnight £1.00 per ticket - fantastic prizes!


Thursday 8th November Come and join us

FOOTBALL Mansfield v Luton 15th November


Come and join us for Louise’s very own home made chilli and choose from a selection of drinks - all for just £6.00!

ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!!

Sunday October 28th

QUIZ NIGHT Cash Prizes!

‘I would like to thank everyone who came along to what turned out to be a very successful and enjoyable evening. Seventy four ex Redborne 'pupils' turned up to catch up on 40years of gossip from as far afield as Holland and California which was truly fantastic support. Thanks also to Phil Brennan for his musical entertainment which created a superb atmosphere and to Cottage Bakery for a well presented buffet and to the Wingfield club for supplying the perfect venue. When is the next one?? Watch this space............... Bob Turney’


Don’t forget that there is an excellent Farmers Market held on the 3rd Sunday of each Month on the Pitchings at Woburn - next one 21st October.

DISCOUNT MOTs IN AMPTHILL Plus ... Ÿ Servicing and repairs for all types of vehicles Ÿ Free local delivery and collection Ÿ Bodyshop Ÿ Tyres and exhausts Ÿ Courtesy car available Ÿ Discounts for Pensioners Ÿ Vehicle recovery service We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 16


Now’s the time to have your shoes repaired in Let Pete time Take Care for winter!! of Your Feet!

The shop is now open again

every Wednesday, Thursday, The Yard, Rear of Cheeseman’s Chemists Shop Friday and Saturday mornings

FREEPARKINGATREAR With Ann, Robin & Son, Here’s even more of the daft answers that game show contestants come up with when faced with the pressure of the cameras!

We invite you to come and join us and celebrate with a

COMPLIMENTARY BOTTLE OF HOUSE WINE (on production of this ad - 2 or more dining) All foods are prepared by our award winning professional chef, who has had 25 years experience cooking Indian dishes of your choice and served by our staff in a relaxed & comfortable modern atmosphere.

BOOK YOUR TABLE NOW! (CHRISTMAS BOOKINGS NOW BEING TAKEN) BANQUET NIGHT Every Wednesday Choose from our exclusive menu: 1 Starter, 1 Main Dish, 1 Side Dish, Rice or Nan

£10.50 (£2.50 extra for King Prawn, Fish &Duck) SPECIAL SUNDAY BUFFET Eat as much as you like from a selection of many different dishes. Served 12.00 noon to 5.00 pm

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Name something that you mount ...................... ‘A mountain.’ Something with a hole in it: .................................... ‘Window’ Something that gives you goosebumps ..................... ‘Mumps’ Name something red ......................................... ‘My cardigan’ Something a policeman might say ...................... ‘Spread ’em’ The road signs in the UK that warn the road user are of what geometric shape? ............................................................... ‘Z.’ What 'L' is the name given to the poet who wins the Nobel prize? ............................................................................. ‘Leaf’ The phrase much used by football pundits is 'early windows' or 'early doors'? ............................................ ‘Early windows.’ Something you do in the bathroom : ......................‘Decorate’ Something that flies without an engine: . ‘Bicycle with wings’ A song from the Sound of Music: ..... ‘Over the Hills and Far Away’

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Page 17

The many benefits of buying a new home using 105% Part Exchange*:

• A 105% offer for your home • No Estate Agent fees • No lengthy chains • A guaranteed sale • A simple, straightforward transaction

Part Exchange today! The stress free way to move to a fabulous new home at Ampthill Heights, Ampthill, Bedfordshire & Silsoe Grange, Silsoe, Bedfordshire Two developments offering a superb selection of homes, now available with our fantastic 105% Part Exchange Scheme. Each Bloor home is tailored to the needs of modern life, finished to an exceptional specification, offering spacious living areas, stylish kitchens, bathrooms and en-suites. Prices from £228,950 for a 3 or 4 bedroom home at Ampthill Heights. 2, 3, 4 & 5 bedroom homes available from £194,450 at Silsoe Grange.

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Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of Moorcroft around and always quirky things. If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn 01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day email:

Accounts,Payroll,Bookkeeping,Tax,BusinessAdvice ...andmuchmore. Ringtobookafree,noͲobligationmeetingtoday! 114HighStreet,Cranfield,Beds,MK430DG 12th October Happy Birthday Kenny

With the Pseudo Rustic

‘Just a thought; I have a long held concern regarding weather forecasting! Many weather forecasts give a percentage “likelihood” of rain. But what does this mean? 100% likely could mean it will definitely rain, even if only for thirty seconds of drizzle. 10% likely could mean it may not rain at all but if it does it could be several hours of serious downpour. So my question is “What does a percentage likelihood of rain mean?” Any thoughts?’

Hi everyone! I am an actress who plays a great role in a recently revamped TV show that is currently being shown on your televisions. But can you see who I am? Answer at the foot of the page.

With Mrs Pinkleton

‘I hate school and school lunches and the teacher and all my friends.’ Johnny, aged 6

‘My mother has whitish yellow hair, pinkish eyes and lots of teeth and she is very beautiful.’ Jenny, aged 6

‘My dog had lots of babies when he was young but when he got old he just bit people.’ Tim, aged 7

I am confused! Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese. There are five members of my family so it must be one of them. It’s either my Mum or my Dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-ChaChu. But I think it’s Colin.


Love from everyone!

AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL 2012 Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE! (On main courses when 2 people dine)

ALL NOVEMBER T&C’s apply - excludes other offers

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666

Taking place on October 20th is the 7th Ampthill Pie Festival to help raise funds for Motor Neurone Disease Association. You are invited to make a pie of your own choosing either sweet or savoury, or one of each! Bring and register your entries on the day between 11.03 am and 1.00 pm when judging begins, and compete for one of our magnificent pie trophies! There will also be a great selection of Guest ales, Music and Merriment and even if you haven’t made a pie you are welcome to come along and join in! (See also page 27)

Saturday 27th October HAYLEY’S ‘HAYLEYWEEN’ PARTY There’s more fun and merriment afoot here at the Queens when Hayley gets on the case to organise a special ‘Halloween’ party from around 8.00 pm onwards!

Watch out for our ‘Sausage Bonanza Gala!’

Free parking available Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

ALL DAY SUNDAY ROASTS Choice of delicious meats

Linda Gray from Dallas

Page 19

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 20

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One of our readers would like to share this delicious recipe with you!

SAUSAGES IN A SPICY WHITE WINE AND APPLE SAUCE You will need for 2 people: A bottle of dry white wine (some for slurping and some for cooking!) 6 good quality pork sausages from your local butcher 2 crisp dessert apples 1 shallot (or 1/2 small onion) 70g butter 200 ml chicken stock

2 tbps light brown sugar 1/2 tsp ground cinnamon Also you will need two frying pans. Firstly lock the kitchen door (you are the chef after all!) and pour yourself a nice glass of wine. Then heat about 300 ml of the wine until boiling in a large frying pan, carefully drop in the sausages, reduce the heat and poach for about 10 minutes. Whilst this is going on, peel and chop finely the shallot, peel, core, quarter and slice the apples - and maybe grab the opportunity for another crafty slurp!


Melt a little butter in the second pan, transfer the sausages from the 1st pan to the 2nd and gently fry them until golden brown. Then, back to pan 1: add all the remaining ingredients to the pan and bring the mixture to the boil. Reduce the heat and gently simmer till the apples are soft and the liquid becomes a thinnish syrup. Then, treat yourself to another glass of wine, call your companion and serve. Delicious as it is or may be served with creamy mashed potato if so desired. And many thanks for sending this to us! Got a recipe? Why not send it in for our readers to try?!

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

I was chatting with cousin Godfrey about his forthcoming MOT test on his car. I told him I had seen an ad in The Fuddler for a garage in Ampthill which offered a discounted MOT service. He duly rang Total Fleet Care on the Vass industrial estate, and booked his motor in. Well, he was delighted! Aside from a couple of fairly minor things that needed to be done (the cost of which, he said, were covered by the discount) he is now back on the road and hopefully ready to take me out to lunch! You can find Total Fleet Care’s ad on page 14 of this edition.








Telephone (01908) 375275

With Archie Fairweather




CALL 24/7 FOR A FREE QUOTE OR ADVICE TELEPHONE: 01525 718432 / 07432679405 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 21

‘Whilst visiting the gym in order to pump some iron I passed a room full of athletes sitting astride velocipedes furiously pedalling on the road to nowhere. A thought occurred. Older readers will no doubt remember the little dynamos that could be put into contact with the back wheel of a bicycle and would power the lights. It must therefore be possible to equip homes with static cycles that could be used to produce electricity. One hour on the bike would give you one hour on the computer. A green sustainable energy source (as opposed to ugly inefficient wind turbines) that also tackles lack of exercise. Lower fuel bills and lower levels of obesity, a win win situation. P.S. The ‘on the eighteenth hole’ ex landlord has obviously been having ‘senior moments’ for some time. Worryingly I have just experienced my first. Can anyone inform me if ‘senior moments through association’ is a common occurrence?’

Here’s a bit more mischief that a kind reader has sent in:

Write down the number 8 eight times in a row. Then by inserting only the addition symbol and using all the 8’s reach a total of 1,000! Do have a go before looking at the answer below!

With Dave (Theo) Saurus Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes. The Doctor told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. Oh Dear! But thanks!


- Darts & Accessories - Pool / Snooker Cues & Equipment - Chess - Backgammon - Playing Cards - Dominoes - Cribbage Special Offers:

BOOK YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY NOW! Two courses £16.95 Three courses £19.95 Call Michael for details

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Free parking available

Free soft cue case worth £14.50 with any 50/50 cue. Free unicorn dart leather wallet worth £5.50 with any £50.00 purchase. Free repointing service worth £5.00 and dart points worth £0.40 with any £30.00 puchase on darts.

Come visit our shop or buy online Opening times: Mon - Fri: 9.00 - 17.00 Sat: 10.00 - 15.00 Burgoine Business Center 117 Clophill Road, Maulden, Bedford, MK45 2AE

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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888+88+8+8+8 = 1,000

Page 22


Local Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning Service

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Stain and odour removal

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Happy Birthday Katy for the 19th October

With Hubert Gavelle

Lawyer: ‘How old is your son, the one living with you?’ Witness: ‘Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.’ Lawyer: ‘How long has he lived with you?’ Witness: ‘Forty-five years.’ Lawyer: ‘Could you see him from where you were standing?’ Witness: ‘I could see his head.’ Lawyer: ‘And where was his head?’ Witness: ‘Just above his shoulders.’ Lawyer: ‘Have you lived in this town all your life?’ Witness: ‘Not yet.’

i i i i i i i i i

By Henry Flagstaff Gladys was out in the garden with the cat practising her topiary skills (on the hedge that is, not on the cat) which gave me time to chunter off to the library in search of an exciting literary tome. Facing me in the fiction department was a book called ‘Private’ by the excellent James Patterson. On reading the fly inside the front cover it transpires that ‘Private’ is the world’s most powerful investigation firm, and in this particular novel takes on three twisted, almost unsolvable crimes.

Settling quietly into the trusty wingback with a good measure of malt at my side, I was immediately grabbed by the opening chapter of the prologue and from thence kept reading - and reading! Easy short chapters, a gripping plot that moves at death defying speeds - I couldn’t put the book down. Eventually Gladys called to say that dinner was ready so I had to continue later. A blustering good read if ever there was one! (I may see if they have any handy books on topiary next time!)

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Love me xx

‘I fink I said somefink silly this month - but I can’t remember what it was.’

October 10th Happy 6th Birthday Roo

lost of love from Mummy, Granni, Dascha, Max & Reg xxx

Page 23

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Page 24

THE ROYAL OAK 40 George Street,

WOBURN MK17 9PY Tel: 01525 290 576

TheRoyalOak,16thcenturythatched villagepub,theprettiestpubinWoburn. GreatHomecookedfood 





ComeandexperienceWoburn’s 'realpubatmosphere' 


With Mavis Plimpton

Hello again. My friend Gladys has been round again for coffee and I explained that I had been asked to repeat some of the lovely silly things that have appeared in Church newsletters, where perhaps the wording should have been checked!

The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes snacks and meals. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again , ' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. At the evening service tonight , the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. Thank you once more Mavis!

Now would be a very good time to book your Christmas advertising in The Fuddler! Just ring Martin on 01525 841434 for details

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 25


Fascia, soffit, all guttering and fixings


x Underground drainage x New - flexi land drains from x 60mm - 150mm. x Paving inspection chambers x Sand, cement, plaster, tools, x dust sheets, gloves etc. x Now in stock - Black plain

& woodgrain in soffits and fascias incl fixings - all sizes plus Brown woodgrain - all sizes stocked item x Offers on cement x 150mm cladding & all window trims

Stop blocked gutters and keep those gutters clean! Easy to fit - all colours available from stock Stock is selling fast so call in to get your gutters protected this winter ...

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Page 26

Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons ALL AGES For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

This lovely poem has been sent in by a reader who had been looking for picture of cats and found the right web site! Moggies to the left Moggies to the right, Moggies...everywhere Oh, such purrrfect delight. Tails that are thin, Tails that are fat, Lying in reclinant pose Spread across a mat, Eyes that brightly sparkle Like fireballs in the night Hackles up and hackles down, Depending on the sight! Moggies by the million, Moggies by the score Oh what a brilliant web, To cherish and explore.

With Al B. Suppin

xThe most expensive beer in the world? It’s called “Tutankhamen” and is prepared according to the recipe recovered by a group of University of Cambridge archaeologists in Queen Nefertiti’s Temple of the Sun in Egypt. It costs US $52 a bottle, and is produced in limited and numbered edition. xAssyrian tablets from 2000 BC stated that Noah was carrying beer aboard the ark. xThe United States two-dollar bill features three brewers: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and Samuel Adams. In fact, George Washington installed a brewhouse on his grounds at Mount Vernon. xBefore thermometers were invented, brewers would dip a thumb into the mix to find the right temperature for adding yeast. Too cold and the yeast wouldn't grow; too hot and the yeast would die. This ancient practice is where we get the phrase 'rule of thumb'. Our grateful thanks once again Al!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Spotted by eagle eyed readers who have kindly sent these in:

Message on a leaflet: ‘If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.’ Sign outside a fish & chip shop: ‘Buy 1 Fish & Chips for the price of 2 and receive the second Fish & Chips absolutely free!’ Thanks again for these! 1st November STEPH Happy Birthday Squiffy - my Child Bride

From your Slipper xxx

Page 27

In aid of

motor neurone disease association The Queens Head Ampthill is hosting the 8th Ampthill Pie Festival! WHY NOT HAVE A GO AND MAKE A PIE?!! x x

3 categories: Savoury, Sweet & under 16â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Just bring your pie to the Queens Head to register from 11.03 am to 1.00 pm on the day, together with a list of ingredients. Then the judging will follow.


Pie tasting available after judging complete


Prize presentations at 4.00 pm

Impromptu Music, Pie Noshing and Entertainment on the day! Plus a great range of Real Ales!!

Rules & entry forms now available from The Queens Head

When you advertise in The Fuddler - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on line too at!

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Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares xAll makes & designs available x24 Hour repair service xNo call out charge xAll work guaranteed xFree quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

City Slickers The start, Jean at Merrijig Part 2 East Australia, 1976 When I met Jean, I was wearing flip flops, T shirt and shorts the colour of the Outback, and hair that had not been cut by a barber for over two years. I had spent the previous two years plus, living in a London Taxi, the Australian bush and had had several periods without recourse to a knife and fork. I even recall an occasion when me and my travelling companions exclaimed, “Look! A traffic light! We had not seen one for over a year.

I soon got an interview for job as a Salesman with a great company TOSCO, (Thomas Optical Scientific Company), they sold scientific test equipment, everything from pH meters to 900,000RPM centrifuges, their clie nts w ere p r e d o m i n a n t l y universities, hospitals and the petroleum industry; I attended the interview in the afore mentioned T-shirt and shorts. and believe me, no word of a lie, they actually said I had to buy a suit! What a nerve, anyway, I bought two cheap suits and within days of starting the new job, went to collect the

beautiful Jean for a dinner date. She answered the door and said “what do you want?” Apparently the suit altered my appearance quite significantly…. You may have seen the film “City Slickers”, it is a great tale about a cattle station in USA that, having fallen on hard times, made money by getting city folk to pay to play cowboys on a cattle station. It stared Billy Crystal and Jack Palance. Soon after I met Jean, she was off to join a ten day muster during which the Australian version of city slicker trippers would make a three day

ride to a cabin in the Victorian Alps, and for the next seven days find several hundred head of cattle and drive them down the mountains to winter pasture. I was envious! Jean had done a fair amount of horse riding in UK before her trip to Aus, and had already enjoyed one weekend trip with the City Slicker Ranch at Merrijig, some 140 miles NE of Melbourne. I had to follow That was 36 years ago and Jean and I married 3 years later, we still argue. Sorry! I mean debate! Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA

1st Year Anniversary Celebrations! ‘It seems like just yesterday that we opened up but believe it or not it’s been a whole year. And to celebrate we’re throwing a fun dog show and enjoyable day out for all. To be held at Cross Keys 13 High Street Pulloxhill Bedfordshire MK45 5HB on Sunday the 14th of October. The action starts at 10am - novelty classes, mini games, agility, flyball, ball bingo, tombola, raffle, side stalls, cake and coffee, ask the expert, ‘I’m a dog owner, get me out of here!’ and more. Guest judges including Richard Clarke from TV’s ‘Dog Borstal’ and Mugly the world’s ugliest dog. Class registration is between 10 and 11 and the day will finish after prize giving at 4. Prizes and rosettes to 3rd place, trophy for best in show and goody bags for the first 100 dogs - something for everyone. This show is raising money for Hounds for Heroes - providing assistance dogs for injured service men and women. For more information visit barkingmaddtsflitwick call 07590 465242 or email See you there!’

Off licence, lottery, food, snacks, plus ...

Newspapers delivered to your door!

And ... There’s parking right outside the shop!

OPENING TIMES: Mon – Sat: 6.30 am to 6.00 pm Sun: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm Bank Holiday: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm

37 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX Phone: 01525 402509

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 29

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Hello once again everyone, and thanks again to everyone who had a go at entering last month’s poser! It was a bit of a tricky one and there were not many correct answers but well done to Bob who correctly identified the picture as being the central stone on the green outside the Old Red Lion pub in Great Brickhill! This month Algi and I have not ventured quite so far, but on our travels around the villages again we did come across this very regal looking creature and we couldn’t resist taking a photograph for you. But do you recognise where it might be?

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

If you think you know drop us an email to Answer next month!

Maulden Garage Ltd FOR ALL YOUR VEHICLE NEEDS Modern Classic or Vintage Repairs, Servicing, Breakdowns, Fabrication, Tyres, Exhausts Free local delivery and collection service Unit 10 Woodside Clophill Road Maulden Beds MK45 2AE

01525 862877 FREE WINTER CHECK with this advert

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 30

The Lawnmower Centre SALES - SERVICE REPAIRS On most leading makes of lawnmowers and garden machinery

AUTUMN DEALS! Petrol hedge cutter £150.00 Long reach hedge cutter £199.00 Petrol Blower-Vac £150.00 Petrol chain saws from £120.00 STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE - FORDFIELD ROAD MILLROOK - MK45 2HZ

TEL: 01525 840 270 or 01234 771 332 Email: Open 6 days a week - phone for times

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier: Our latest Robin’s nest was in the garage on a top shelf and she had built it in a snorkelling goggle which happened to be there. In the garden we have over 70 large trees, 4 of which I’ve planted and are about 20 feet high: 1. One is a Quercus Suber which is Cork Bark Oak. If you make a note of the year 2037, come round and we’ll try making corks or cork flooring. These normally grow in Portugal and around the med. 2. Is a Thuja Occidentalis (Wansdyke Silver) - a very rare tree. (A conifer) 3. Is a walnut and number 4 is a very crinkly weeping willow. I once heard of a spy who used to report back to base sending messages using invisible ink. He once received a message back saying - your pen ran out 3 weeks ago. A friend of my sister owns the spade that his uncle used to dig the grave for Sir Winston Churchill. My cousin offered him good money for it but he’s not going to part with it. So NASA have landed a buggy on Mars and up to now it has not had a parking ticket or been clamped. So it proves there is no life there! I see Elvis’s old underpants are going on the market for sale at an estimated price of about £10,000. If you’d like a bargain you can have four pairs of mine for that figure. I have a needle with 2 eyes - one large and one small. Is the smaller eye for ‘fin’ cotton and the large one for ‘fick’ cotton. I took a photo of my son’s girlfriend as she looked lovely in her gownless evening straps.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Page 31

JH x x x x x x x

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing Patios Electrical

And … Lots More!


24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email:

Episode 32 ..... Al is in Fuddlerland Pt 1: Bare Necessities Well I never dreamt that two weeks back in my old manor would bring so much excitement, adventure and shenanigans not to mention a potential life changing experience that occurred on my recent visit to Fuddlerland. My old mate Old Nick, was off to fetch Frodo from Africa where he’d been studying meerkats, no relation to our very own Meerkat who has been relating the adventures of Benedictus in her column in the Fuddler for some time now, but the little creatures that madly scurry about

looking for mischief ..... hmmm perhaps there is indeed more of a resemblance after all. Anyhow I was given an opportunity to redeem myself after the complication with the locusts at Old Nick’s family home by looking after two celebrity guinea pigs, Mohito & Tequila. Fluffy who along with her sister Becks, their neighbours, was to look after them for one week and as she was going away warding off deadly jellies, I was drafted in as a replacement house and guinea pig sitter. During my stay there was going to be a cider festival,

a Bank Holiday and a few other interesting local events to tempt me into mischief. I had also decided to get a thorough MOT as I had not one for a few years and I booked an appointment to see Nursey for some blood tests and a health check, so I had to restrain myself from too much over indulgence. One afternoon I was having a beverage with an old rugby chum, Wilko, and he inveigled me into joining him along with a seriously motley crew to pose for the forthcoming ‘Calendar Boys’ Charity Calendar which will soon be available. Following the rehearsal shots, all done in the best possible taste you

understand, one photograph ended up on a well known social media website and also in a local Sunday newspaper creating much hilarity around the parish including such cruel remarks as ‘if I were to sunbathe on a beach, lots of concerned individuals would be trying to roll me back in the sea’. One positive to come out of all this though, was that a certain young lady who was shown the photos, was reported to have pointed to me in the line up and said ‘phwoarr, who’s that, Is he attached?’ when told no, she replied ‘I want that one’.......... she now has this one ........ ... to be continued

BOB AMBLER Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing


Woodworm Treatments


Dry / Wet Rot Treatments


Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email:

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

HOME DESIGNS Carpentry Kitchens - Bedrooms Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and installation service

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile: 07889 058345

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 32

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

The Fuddler October 2012  

A free, ligthearted publication from Ampthill, UK

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