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Est. 2002

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452 C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x40 Yrs experience xFully Insured xSpecial Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello again everyone and as always a huge welcome to this super sunny August edition of your Fuddler! Again it’s a packed edition with lots of fun and nonsense inside, details of local events and of course where would we be without those all important


nails and tanning

Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay:  £22.00 Special offer (book together) Hands £17.00 Hands &Toes £35.00 Toes Get your toes ready for Summer: 

Mini Pedicure with Bio Sculpture Gel overlay £27.00 “Rockstar” Glitter Toes

x x x x x x x


“Sunjunkie” Spray Tanning:  Full Body £20.00 Half Body 


Other treatments available Waxing, Eyebrows and Tinting

Call Alison on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

Local Reliable Locksmith x

messages from our advertisers showing us again ‘Whatever you are looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ If you are off on holiday we hope that you have a terrific time and we look forward to seeing you all again in September!

24 Hour Emergency Call Out No Call Out Charge Mobile Key Cutting Service All Locks Opened or Repaired Lock Replacements All Types of Locks Supplied & Fitted Emergency Lockouts Wooden, UPVC & Metal Doors Security Advice

Jack Cook - Locksmith & Security Advice Email: Tel No: 01525 840984 Mobile: 07850 411202

Maulden Garage Ltd


Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels. Walks in the local countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 Overnight Stays, Day Care & Walks

LIDLINGTON CAR BOOT SALE ****************************************************


TOP OF THE HILL (MK43 0QR) For details of times and prices visit our website 01525 405598 rec. msg.

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With Summer now here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.


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Sharman Law



9 Church St, Ampthill

Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

Baby Toys & Shoes, Educational Wooden Toys, & Birthday Presents

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business

+ A NEW PARENT/BABY ROOM Something for everyone at a price you will like – Age 0-9 yrs If we haven’t got it we will do our best to find it

88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30

Facebook: Fairies n Frogs Toy Shop Ampthill

Email: Website: Tel: 01525 840271

Run Tractor RUN Bank Holiday Monday the 27th August sees another chance to go along to the Old Sun pub in Ampthill and watch the ferrets race! There are five races during the course of the afternoon with the first challenge at around about 2.03 pm! There is also a Charity football match between the Old Sun and the Ossory Arms taking place at Queensmans Park in Ampthill on Saturday 18th August at 1.30 pm and in conjunction with the match, a charity Quiz at the Ossory Arms Ampthill on Thursday the 16th August at 8.30 pm. See pages 8, 16 & 17

Silsoe Young Farmers’ Club are happy to present The Tractor Run 2012! This event will be held on Sunday 9th September 2012 at College Farm, Bedfordshire. It is set to be great day out and Bedford YFC invites everybody to bring their own tractors along and enjoy this amazing event. As well as there being trailer rides for those who would like a tour round the Bedfordshire countryside there will also be games and competitions taking place throughout the day. On top of all this excitement there will also be Tractor Awards given out at the end of the day. There will be a fully stocked bar and BBQ, plus some excellent live entertainment. Gates open at 11am. Tickets will be sold on the gate at £3 for Adults and free entry for Under 12s. For any more information go to: or email: Silsoe Young Farmers Club is part of the National Federation of Young Farmers which is one of the largest rural youth organisations in the UK. It heads a Bedfordshire body of 62 Young Farmers’ members (and still counting) dedicated to supporting young people in agriculture and the countryside. Led by young people, for young people, Silsoe YFCs provide their members aged 10 to 26 with a unique opportunity to develop skills, work with their local community, travel abroad, take part in a varied competitions programme and enjoy a dynamic social life. To become a member or for more information contact the Dale (Chairman of Silsoe YFC) on 07969 905162

Saturday 8th September sees the annual Flitton and Greenfield Gala Day which is taking place at Flitton and Greenfield Hall and recreation ground. The event starts at 1.00pm and admission is free. There will be stalls, crafts, procession displays, fun games and also BBQ, bar and food etc. plus activities and fun for all the family so why not go along and enjoy the day? For more information or any enquiries please contact Simon Sadler on 01525 861727 or Margaret Lowe on 01525 861111. A fun afternoon for all.

AMPTHILL Whydoaccountantsmakegoodlovers? They'regreatwithfigures. Accounts,Payroll,Bookkeeping,Tax,BusinessAdvice ...andmuchmore. Ringtobookafree,noͲobligationmeetingtoday! 114HighStreet,Cranfield,Beds,MK430DG


Youareinvitedtojoinusforasensational winetastingexperiencehereattheshop onSaturday18thAugustandsamplesome deliciouswineswithourcompliments! 

Also:10%offwineandbeerwiththisad! Valid on 18th and 19th August 2012. May not be used in conjunction with any other promotions or offers.

12 Church Street, Ampthill, MK45 2EH Tel: 01525 405 929 Email:

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS With my Birthday coming up, I thought I would treat myself to a brand new pedalo and also a Captain’s hat for Duster IV so he could help. Unfortunately I have discovered that there is no event for pedalos at Weymouth so I may have to take it back.

So now you know


A BRIANISM I had a letter from the University asking if I would be a guinea pig in their tests - I agreed as long as I didn't have to run round in the wheel.

One has now become three so welcome to Tanya and Taylor our new apprentice. your new local barber shop in Ampthill Mon/Tue/Wed: 8am until 6pm, Thur/Fri: 8am until 7.30pm Sat: 8am until 4pm

94, Dunstable St. (opp. Fratelli’s) 01525 838313

Across: 1 Howls, 4 Filly, 10 Thirsty, 11 Later, 12 Pinto, 13 Natural, 15 Meal, 17 Spied, 19 Moult, 22 Apse, 25 Pastime, 27 Ditto, 29 Chide, 30 Depress, 31 Dealt, 32 Ashen

Let Pete Take Care of Your Feet!

Down: 2 Onion, 3 Lissome, 5 Inlet, 6 Lateral, 7 Stipe, 8 Hyena, 9 Brill, 14 Alms, 16 Edam, 18 Passive, 20 Oedipus, 21 Apace, 23 Pends, 24 Moose, 26 Ideal, 28 Theme

Now’s the time to have your shoes repaired in time for winter!!

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

The shop is now open again

every Wednesday, Thursday, The Yard, Rear of Cheeseman’s Chemists Shop Friday and Saturday mornings

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of woodburning stoves from Clearview 1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm CongratulationstooursponsoredathleteMartinBeare,GBIronman,oncomingthirdinthe 800mBedfordRiverFestivalopenwaterswim.ForfurtherupdatesonMartinandourspecial offers,youcanfollow@AmpthillFiresontwitter. Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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i i i i i i i i i

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414











10 11








19 20



Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken







Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you! (Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)




Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Baulk (6) 1 Confidant (6) 4 Answerable (6) 2 Usual (4) 7 Decorum (9) 3 Transpire (6) 9 Dutch cheese (4) 4 Dally (6) 10 Every (4) 5 Poker stake (4) 11 Luxuriate (5) 6 Engraver (6) 13 Japanese make of car (6) 7 Atoms (9) 14 Somewhat (6) 8 Sailor (9) 15 Eclipse (6) 11 Measure (5) 17 Wrenches away from (6) 12 Scottish landowner (5) 19 Unyielding (5) 15 Panacea (6) 20 Notion (4) 16 Turf pieces (6) 22 Serene (4) 17 Improvise inf. (4,2) 23 Circus performer (6,3) 18 Example (6) 24 Brouhaha inf. (6) 21 Over (4) 25 Conical tent (6) 22 Tearoom (4)


*Landscaping *Fencing

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES


Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing


Woodworm Treatments


Dry / Wet Rot Treatments


Basement Waterproofing

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY



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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic


Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

Please ring Joe 01525 404334

Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’ ..... …. Benedictus was truly shaken. The snow lay thick and glistened in the dapple sunlight of morning. The little church he knew was there is all is simplistic glory. He did not understand. Try as he did he could not recall except for the few meaningful words… “I have come to take you through a journey. An extraordinary journey of adventure; where time stands still, yet moves swiftly forward; where time takes away but gives back; where time feels remarkably slow yet feels the pace of speed; where time is everything but where time is nothing” Somehow those words kept going round and round…but who said them and why? Benedictus was confused to say the least. There was but one thing to do … hurry

back into the church to see Gloria. He scampered back up the lane and as he did so he passed a little girl walking with her mother. Something made Benedictus stop ….the little girl came over to him and gently began to stroke him. He shivered – he had felt that same gentleness before from delicate little hands and as she said ‘hello Bennie’ once again he heard the musical laughter in her sweet voice…but he could not remember, yet he knew, but what did he know? Time present had smudged into time future and back again…so confusing. The little girl went on her merry way and Benedictus crept back into the church only to find Gloria where he had left her with the kittens…all curled up together and asleep. This was all too much. He crept back out of

the church only to meet the Priest. As they passed each other, Bennie looked up and for a fleeting second time took him forward…a kindly face was looking down at him and for a slip second, Bennie was looking into the face of the merchant from ‘Yerffoeg Merchants’ Time future had merged with time present. This was all too much for a simple little cat. And then suddenly he had a thought… a strange one because for the first time in many weeks his brother Amos came into his mind and there was a strong desire to find him and make his peace… brother must be at peace with brother. He scampered on down the lane leaving behind distinct paw prints in the snow… he was on a mission now… he did not see as he scampered passed the big oak tree a lone figure …. but

for one ‘magnificent cat of enormous proportions’ time itself was to release him …The ‘Key of a hundred turns’ had moved through time and Benedictus had moved with it perpetuating that release, for tomorrow had become today; yesterday had become tomorrow and the world was right again…. The enormous cat turned as if to leave and as Benedictus scampered across the field which lead to town unaware of reality but conscious of circumstances, Great Uncle Abraham was claimed back into time … a gentle easterly breeze gently swayed the branches of the trees and a lone star was preparing to shine as a golden key slowly faded from reality itself….. Time had reclaimed her own…… THE END Copyright reserved

Skip and Helen welcome you to

THE OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill

01525 841188 M: 07791 908699 & 07711 000628 In conjunction with the Charity Football Match, The Old Sun v’s The Ossory Arms


AT THE OSSORY ARMS AMP 2012 Proceeds to Keech Cottage, Gambian Charities and other local charities Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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Times to suit you. 1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons ALL AGES For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

With Jimmy The Voice This month JTV has got his carpentry set out again and tells us that with the aid of a fretsaw, a plane and a handy piece of wood he has constructed this object ...

Happy Birthday Auntie Mags for the 11th August xx By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why are they called stairs indoors and steps outside? 2) Is French kissing in France just called kissing? 3) What does a Polish anagram look like? 4) Doesn't ‘expecting the unexpected’ make the unexpected expected?  5) Has anyone ever had a lot of money and not spent any of it until it's raining?

August 7th

Julio’s Top Tip: Make people think you are the henpecked husband by standing outside Dorothy Perkins holding two carrier bags constantly going Tch!!! ... but we are not convinced at all! We don’t think it is a possibility. But what do you think?

24th AUGUST A very Happy 40th Birthday to Vanessa

Happy Birthday Lis for the 15th August

Love Honky xx

A very Happy Birthday to Brian! Best wishes from all.

The Red Lion South End, Milton Bryan, Bedfordshire. Woburn MK17 9HS Tel: 01525 210044

The Red Lion, Milton Bryan has been refurbished and is now open under new management.

Great Fresh Food and Genuine Hospitality Open Every Day, Food served all day on Saturdays and Sundays

£5.00 off your food bill when 2 or more dine. Monday - Friday during August on presentation of this voucher (one voucher per reservation T & C’s apply) Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

High quality fish and chips MORE AND MORE PEOPLE ARE DISCOVERING OUR HIGH QUALITY FISH & CHIPS! Come and try for yourself at Willow Way, Ampthill every Friday Also at: Upper Sundon Monday, Royal Oak Lidlington Tuesday, Haynes Village Hall on a Wednesday and The Bell Car Park at Cotton End on Thursdays.

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

FRYING 4.30 - 8.00 pm 01525 - 840062 Mob: 07771 855785

Babs was very upset. When her best friend and advisor asked what the matter was she said ‘You gave me terrible financial advice.’ Her friend, confused, apologised and asked what Babs was referring to. ‘You told me to put my money in that big bank and now the big bank is in trouble.’ Here friend, now puzzled, explained that the bank was one of the largest in the country and that there must be some mistake. ‘I don’t think so - they just returned one of my cheques with a note saying “Insufficient Funds”.’ replied Babs sensibly


The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once. I’ve discovered from watching films that if you are blonde and pretty it is still possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of twenty two. My friend’s husband is so lazy that the only way she can get him to do sit ups is to put the remote control between his toes. Never chop wood on a hollow surface. I don’t see why they stopped the job interview. I only asked if they ever pressed charges. Food is an important part of a balanced diet. The most common cause of love at first sight is a badly lit room. The truth is, I am a rotten driver - like all men. One of life’s mysteries is how a two pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain five pounds. If you want to retain privacy in a railway carriage just test your neighbours reflexes with a small hammer. When you have a stressful problem simply run away from it. As fast as you can.

LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES Wehaveabsolutely everythingyouneed! Andwithaccesstoover 22,000items,ifwehaven’t gotitͲyouhaveitnextdayͲ guaranteed! SpecialistsinInkand tonercartridges.

FREE DELIVERY to Business accounts please ask us for details.

Unit1,101AmpthillRoad, Flitwick,BedsMK451BE

1. ‘Martha’ is the Patron Saint of whom? 2. Who created ‘Colonel Race?’ 3. What is a ‘Cliffbrake?’ 4. Where would you find a ‘Head tube?’ 5. By what name is ‘Frances Ethel Gumm’ better known?’ 6. What is a ‘Beulah SpeckledFace?’ 7. ‘Pitying’ is the collective term for which creature? 8. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Kakorraphiaphobia’ what would you fear? 9. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ‘Victoria Waterfield?’ 10.In which year did August Bank Holiday change to the last Monday of August?

1 Housewives, 2 Agatha Christie, 3 Fern, 4 Bicycle, 5 Judy Garland, 6 Sheep, 7 Turtle Doves, 8 Failure, 9 Deborah Watling, 10 1971




Telephone (01908) 375275

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF


tel: 01525 633336 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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We are delighted to bring you these brilliant photographs that a reader has very kindly sent to us. Here we have Captain Tim Hearne of The Royal Anglians catching up with his copy of The Fuddler in Afghanistan in an off duty moment. If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read abroad please send them in to


- Darts & Accessories - Pool / Snooker Cues & Equipment - Chess - Backgammon - Playing Cards - Dominoes - Cribbage Special Offers: Free soft cue case worth £14.50 with any 50/50 cue. Free unicorn dart leather wallet worth £5.50 with any £50.00 purchase.

£5 OFF YOUR BILL WHEN 2 DINE on presentation of this advert

Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere

Free repointing service worth £5.00 and dart points worth £0.40 with any £30.00 puchase on darts.

Come visit our shop or buy online Opening times: Mon - Fri: 9.00 - 17.00 Sat: 10.00 - 15.00

Burgoine Business Center 117 Clophill Road, Maulden, Bedford, MK45 2AE

Choose from our blackboard specials and enjoy a free glass of wine (125 ml) (excludes other offers)

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666

01525 862319

Free parking available

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The sun has got his hat on, hip, hip, hip, hooray, The sun has got his hat on so please pop in to Martins, today. We have a great range of ice creams, there all out on display, So why not pop in, to buy some, to cool you on this great hot day. And if it should start to rain, which would be a great shame, But don’t worry we sell umbrellas, Martins to the rescue once again. Oh, and the heat has killed our chiller, so we have no milk on display, But if you ask a member of staff, we will get you some straight away. (Replacement due soon) We are still offering four weeks free delivery, for papers delivered to your door, So if you would like more information please call into to our store. A message to the parents, we sell toys and a large range of comics too, To help you through the school holidays, to give the kids something to do. We have many great new offers, and our promotions start today, So if your coming through the town, why not pop in on your way. I would just like to say happy birthday, to Vanessa, cause her birthday’s on the way, I hope you have a great time and enjoy your birth… So the sun has got his hat on, I hear you all say hooray, I’d just like to remind you that we are open everyday.

What’s on at The Queen’s Head ... ALL DAY SUNDAY ROASTS

Coming soon to The Queens Head ...

Choice of delicious meats


QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY No entry fee - starts 9pm

SUMMER LADIES DARTS LEAGUE Meeting every Wednesday

REAL ALES Up to 8 real ales

CATCH THE LAST OF THE DAY’S SUNSHINE! On our sunny side patio


When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

To be held early September! Watch this space for more details And don’t forget the

8th AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL Held late October More details next month

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THE FIRS CAFE, TEA GARDEN & GUEST HOUSE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

Weareveryexcitedto announcethatwehavenow openedourNEWteagarden! 

YouareinvitedtojoinusonawarmSummer’s daytoenjoy‘AlFresco’diningfromour extensiveandveryreasonablypricedmenuwith homecookedmealsfrom£5.00orlessor perhapsacreamteaandsconesormaybeeven oneofourfamousalldaybreakfasts! Familiesmostwelcome. 


Wealsohaveallourusualfacilitiesindoorsand wewouldbepleasedtoprepareyourorderto eatinortakeaway!

Ampthill’s two Morris groups, the ladies of Bedfordshire Lace and Redbornstoke Morris men, performed in our twin town of Nissan Lez Enserune at the end of June. The groups had a wonderful time and were very appreciative of all the hard work which had gone into organising the trip, especially to Dave Ratcliffe and Patrick Saux of the twinning committees of Ampthill and Nissan, and Sarah Fortune of Beds Lace. Meanwhile Redbornstoke Morris completed their annual tour of Toddington on Thursday 19th July, to round off their summer season dancing outside pubs in local towns and villages before heading off to Sidmouth in South Devon to take part in the renowned Folk Festival in the first week of August. The team have a winter practice season which starts in September, and both Morris sides are always on the lookout for new members (no previous experience required). Morris is very sociable as well as a great way to keep fit. Both sides practice at Redborne School, Ampthill, Redbornstoke on Monday evenings and Beds Lace on Tuesdays. Contacts are Chas Leslie on 01234 750829 and Jane Sugars at Happy Birthday Leigh for the 3rd September!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Happy Birthday Tash for the 1st August

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Fascia, soffit, all guttering and fixings


Tools & Fixings counter NOW OPEN! x Underground drainage x Paving inspection chambers x Sand, cement, plaster, tools,

Stop blocked gutters and keep those gutters clean! Easy to fit - all colours available from stock Stock is selling fast so call in to get your gutters protected this summer ...

dust sheets, gloves etc.

Free local delivery Tool shop now stocking diamond cutting blades on offer from £15 Wall starter kits £6 Wall ties bundle £19 Mastic tubes from £1

PRODUCT & BUILDING ADVICE AVAILABLE With over 22 years experience of building


Come in and check out more super deals

SUMMER PRICE DROP FOR 2012 - SEE IN SHOP FOR DETAILS Support your local business


01525 888510


07957 435556

Mon-Fri 7.30-5.30 Sat 8-12

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What’s On at...THE


Ampthill. Tel.405466

11TH ANNUAL FERRET RACING MEETING BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY 27TH AUGUST The event will be held in aid of Keech Cottage and there is also the chance for people to win cash themselves by betting on individual races or

winning big on the accumulator! In the afternoon there will be a barbeque and our new bouncy castle.

We look forward to seeing you there!!

“Fun for all the family!” When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

Page 18

THE ROYAL OAK 40 George Street,

WOBURN MK17 9PY Tel: 01525 290 576

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn. A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of Moorcroft around and always quirky things. If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn 01525 290950. Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day email:

TheRoyalOak,16thcenturythatched villagepub,theprettiestpubinWoburn. GreatHomecookedfood 





This is your last chance to book a stall at this year’s Woburn Village Festival annual Antiques Fleamarket. By public demand the Fleamarket will be at The Pitchings on both the 8th and 9th September this year. So if you are a stall holder and would like to book your pitch please ring Elfyn or Elaine at Town Hall Antiques on 01525 290950. The Craft Fair at the Village Festival will also operate on the 8th and 9th September on and around Park St. If you are interested in having a stall at the Craft fair please ring Kate Tenty on 07917 669449

ComeandexperienceWoburn’s 'realpubatmosphere' 


Fancy a dip? The lovely Woburn Lido in Crawley Road, Woburn is now open and is open every day from 10.00 am till 7.00 pm until the end of August. You can take a dip for £7.00 for adults and £4.50 for children or perhaps a family day ticket for £20.00. Senior Citizens also pay £4.50 but they also enjoy a free swimming concession before midday.

D.STORY@BTOPENWORLD.COM 07790 672699 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

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One week only from Sat 8th – Sun 16th September 2012

What time? 10am - 5pm every day. Where?

Russell Room, Woburn Abbey, Woburn. MK17 9WA


To showcase Bedfordshire’s rich seam of artistic talent


Bedfordshire Artist’s Network, Tel: 08443575420

Spoilt For Choice Exhibition Brings together for one week only, work from 14 professional artists who are all members of the Bedfordshire Artist’s Network. The artwork will be displayed in the rich, beautiful setting of the Russell room in Woburn Abbey. The exhibition, Spoilt for Choice offers a wide and diverse range of dazzling, fine art work. There will be a mixture of contemporary and traditional paintings, mixed media, wire drawings (yes, come and see!), sculptural handmade hats and exclusive art postcards from each artist, giving something for everyone to experience and enjoy. There will be artists to welcome you and give you the opportunity to ask questions about the art work. You really will be spoilt for choice! This is the perfect recipe for exploring Art at its best.

Happy Birthday ‘Havers’ for the 28th August

Birthday greetings to Heather for the 2nd August

Memorable Days Wedding Dress Design

Chooseyourdesignandmaterialin arelaxedatmosphere Callmetoarrangeafreeconsultation


LouiseȱandȱJamesȱwelcomeȱyouȱtoȱtheirȱrealȱ countryȱpubȱinȱaȱfabulousȱvillageȱlocationȱ onlyȱaȱcoupleȱofȱminutesȱfromȱȱ WoburnȱSafariȱPark.ȱ ȱ

Traditionalȱhomeȱcookedȱfood,ȱrealȱalesȱ andȱwinesȱbyȱtheȱglassȱ ȱ

Complimentaryȱbottleȱofȱhouseȱwineȱȱ whenȱ4ȱorȱmoreȱeatingȱaȱmainȱcourse.ȱ Validȱuntilȱ30thȱSeptemberȱȬȱpleaseȱbringȱ thisȱadvertȱwithȱyou.ȱ ȱ


TheȱGreenȱManȱ ChurchȱEndȱ Eversholtȱ MK17ȱ9DUȱ Telephoneȱ–ȱ01525ȱ288111ȱ


Ampthill Bedfordshire Tel: 07817 528077

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Happy Birthday your Lordship for 2nd September

1. ‘What sort of van have you got?’ ‘A blue one.’ 2. ‘What’s the difference in price between a cooker and an oven?’ 3. ‘When is the event?’ ‘It’s the first 2 weeks of September .’ ‘So will it be before the 24th?’ 4. ‘When did you arrive?’ ‘Yesterday.’ ‘How long are you here for?’ ‘One week.’ ‘When do you go home?’

Happy Birthday Mum (Mabel) for 7th August

lots of love Martin xx

Happy Anniversary to Mummy and Daddy on 12th August By Henry Flagstaff Joy oh joy! Gladys has popped off to go shopping again (after she had cut the lawn) and left me with a literary tome she had picked up from the library. Bit of gout don’t you know can’t do much - still, had a nice lunch with Archie. Apparently after taking advice from the delightful librarian she selected for me a book called Grasshopper by Barbara Vine. Not having read a work by this particular writer before, I read the ‘hook’ i.e. the first paragraph of the opening page, and was immediately taken. I thanked Gladys, promised

unending shopping trips as soon as the foot was better, and disappeared to the wing back to peruse said tome whilst she was being treated to a bouffant. Described by the Sunday Express as ‘Gripping and Disturbing’ (not Gladys) I could see immediately what was meant, poured a glass of malt and got stuck in! Couldn’t put the book down so on edge was the writing, that I got a little carried away with the malt, dozed off and had to reread the previous four pages when I awoke. Superb stuff! And yes I will buy lunch next time Archie!










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lots of love Maddison Rose xxx

With Hubert Gavelle

Lawyer: You say the stairs went down to the basement? Witness: Yes Lawyer: And these stairs, did they go up also? Lawyer: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? Witness: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’ Lawyer: And why did that upset you? Witness: My name is Susan.

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With Flora the Explorer

Sometimes, air crew make an effort to make their in-flight announcements a bit more entertaining .... ‘Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or adults acting like children.’ Heard on US Flight just after a very hard landing in Salt Lake City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, ‘That was quite a bump and I know what ya'll are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendants' fault ... it was the asphalt!’ ‘Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.’ This was overheard on a flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a particularly windy and bumpy day. During the final approach, the captain was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the flight attendant came on the PA and announced, ‘Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!’

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Pop in this August 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form. Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities. Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms

Look out for our add in the Fuddler for Beer Festivals and Wine tasting experiences Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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If you would like an ad in The Fuddler please ring Martin on 01525 841434 for all the details lots of love Maddison Rose xxx

‘I fink I said something silly to my Mum when I told her a lorry had ‘capsized’ on the M4 - I was only trying to help!’

17th AUGUST Happy Birthday Sue

Lots of love Jim, Richard, Vera and of course Boris!!

One of our readers has sent us this interesting exercise in the power of punctuation which clearly shows the difference between the way men and women think! A college lecturer asked his class to write down the following sentence and add punctuation: ‘Woman without her man is nothing.’ The men wrote: ‘Woman, without her man, is nothing.’ The women wrote: ‘Woman, without her, man is nothing.’ See what you mean Sir, and thanks for that!

With Archie Fairweather

It’s good to see that the Cobbler’s shop behind Cheesemans chemist in Ampthill is open again. Mrs F. always reminds me that it really is time to dig

out the winter shoes to have them repaired in plenty of time for the winter! She has already been through the cupboards and sorted out a big bag for me to take down! You can see the Cobbler’s ad on page 4 of this issue.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at

Hi everyone! I am not an actress but I hope to be appearing on your television sets in a highly popular and well watched TV programme which I hope will feature in the ratings! But who am I? Answer at the foot of the page.

Jessica Ennis

Happy birthday to my Mummy on 12th and my Daddy on 15th

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'August 25th. Happy Anniversary Jilly. This year Ampthill! Next year Venice!! All my love Peter xxx.'

Mammoth Man’s Traditional Pork Vindaloo The vindaloo is something of an institution in the UK, pork vindaloo is almost unheard of. However this is the traditional meat for this dish and most of the other common conceptions about the dish are also wrong. Firstly it is not an Indian dish at all; it was imported by the Portuguese traders who settled in Goa in the early 16th c and brought a few things with them. One of them was a pork dish prepared with wine vinegar and lots of garlic. It was called, in Portuguese, Carne de Vinha d’ Alhos; vinha for wine, alhos for garlic. And hence the second misconception; that is has anything to do with potatoes, it is an unfortunate linguistic coincidence that aloo is the Hindi word for potato. The other misconception is that this dish should be so hot it almost removes the skin from your tongue. It certainly didn’t in its original form, however the other things that the Portuguese brought with them were chilli peppers which had just been discovered in Central America. From this started the evolution of what is now a classic dish. Pork vindaloo started life as a fairly simple dish with not too many ingredients and my recipe follows that tradition. A good pork vindaloo needs to be marinated, preferably overnight, so it is not a spur of the moment dish. The result should be a sweet and sour dish and if you like it hot you can use lots of chillies; this version is medium hot and I have used 3-4 green chillies. You will need: 450g of pork, cubed 1 onion, finely chopped 5-6 cloves of garlic, finely chopped 2 ½ cm of root ginger, finely chopped 3-4 green chillies, finely chopped and de-seeded 1 teaspoon chilli powder, strength according to taste ½ teaspoon coriander seeds ½ teaspoon cumin seeds

½ teaspoon ground ginger the seeds from 3 cardamom pods 8-10 black peppercorns 3 cloves cinnamon stick (6-7 inches long) 2 bay leaves, finely chopped salt to season red wine vinegar mustard oil (you can use sesame or sunflower oil) For the marinade: Heat up a dry frying pan. Add in the coriander and cumin seeds, cinnamon sticks and peppercorns. Heat for a few seconds until the coriander seeds begin to change colour and remove from the heat. Using a pestle and mortar grind the bay leaves, chilli powder, ground ginger, the seeds from the cardamom pods and salt and the other spices from the pan and mash half the garlic. Place the cubed pork into a bowl and add the spices and garlic to the pork and stir well to evenly distribute, pour in enough red wine vinegar to cover and leave overnight to marinate. (marinate at room temperature for about 8 hours or 24 hours in the fridge) Method: Finely chop the onion, the root ginger, the remainder of the garlic and the green chillies. Heat the oil in a heavy bottomed pan, toss in the onions, garlic, chillies and ginger, fry until the onions are soft and just starting to brown. Using a slotted spoon put the meat from the marinade into the pan and seal, stirring constantly. Add the rest of the marinade, stir thoroughly and reduce the heat. Cover and simmer over a very low heat for about two hours. I have used a slow cooker for this part and it works very well, cook on high for 6-8 hours. This dish is best served with plain boiled or aromatic rice and a vegetable side dish like aloo bhaji and a sweet mango chutney makes a great accompaniment, the main dish should serve between 2 – 4 people depending on the side dishes. Thanks for that and also the history lesson!


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July 23 2012 There are many pubs in Bedfordshire that do excellent food, however there are also many excellent pubs that do poor food. Harder to find is the really good pub that does really good food. I do not deliberately confuse pubs with restaurants but this comparison is relevant For example, my idea of a GOOD restaurant, is Trattoria da Pino on Via Sibila in Marsala, West Sicily. You may go there to check my observation but there is no real need because you will probably recognise my description from your own experience! The menu includes more than one page of dishes that they may produce, but when you ask for the one you wish for, it is probably not available. WHY?

The menu is what they CAN do, but what they actually have on offer is what was brought in that morning by the fishermen. Even while you sit there looking at the menu, a fellow in a blue jersey speckled with fish scales will walk past your table in a circuitous route from the front door to the kitchen carrying a wicker basket of fish, lobster or other sea produce; if you like what you see, you say so and the chef will ask you how you would like it done! Note the fish was NOT delivered via the tradesmen’s entrance from the back of a freezer van! In contrast, IF a pub can do ten simultaneous covers, with twenty options on the menu, they ALL came in plastic bags from the freezer to your table via a microwave, and the aroma, flavour, texture and general quality will reflect that. At the other end of the

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spectrum is the minimalist extreme folk who panic when the chives were bruised by pressure cutting rather that slicing, such extreme care in the kitchen is usually accompanied by much ranting and abuse of junior staff that can be heard by the customers in the adjacent KFC; nice! (I like a good KFC, my favourite is Knutsford, southbound on the M6, Tasty and not pretentious ) As a young man, I once worked for a while as a plongeur, (pot washer), I know it sounds sad but I took pride in the fact that the three chefs, (Greek, Italian and English), seemed to appreciate my thoroughness and dedication, The French Pattiseur was a bit temperamental, but never had a go at me. I mention this for the benefit of anyone who still believes that the TV depiction of life in a commercial kitchen

has to be one of terror, extreme standards and ridiculous attention to detail; or if it does, it is not accompanied by the neurotic fits of a “Chef on the end of his rope”. There is one excellent pub I know which does excellent food, I dined there recently, and while you probably now know what I like in a pub restaurant it’s a pity I cannot name it as if I did, I would have to do a similar appraisal of all pubs in the area, and the Fuddler doesn’t pay me to write this stuff leave alone fund my lunch parties throughout the County! If a slight clue might help, I have been told that there is a “pseudo rustic” who can sometimes be seen sitting in the corner but I need to know what a pseudo rustic is before I can identify him. The Feral Ipod


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TheteamfromMichaelRPetersofBedfordwereoutinforce for the Bedford River Festival on the 21st July. They built (possibly)theworld’slargestRobertsDABradiofortheevent andwowͲyoushouldseethesizeofthebattery!Apparently thesoundreachesrecordvolumestoo. Asyoucanseefromthephotographabove,theyalsodecked themselves out in fancy dress including a giant tennis ball, basketball,pingpongballandfootballsfortheparade.


Aftertheparade,Iva Barr,one oftheBedfordOlympic torch bearersjoinedtheteamonBedfordembankmentsothatthe peopleofBedfordhadtheopportunitytohavetheirpictures taken with the torch. A superb total of over £560 was raised forlocalcharities.


Iva is 84 years young and a keen member of the Bedford Harriers running club and has previously raised thousands of poundsforcharityandhaseventakenpartin5marathonsin5 days! PaulMeadofMichaelRPeterssaid‘Withtemperatureshitting 28degreesonSaturdayIvawasourtrue‘TeamMRP’star.’ ThegiantradioonTownBridge When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at!

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Hello everyone! Firstly thank you to everybody who sent in their answers to last month’s poser. It was of course Church Street in Ampthill taken we believe in the early part of last century. So congratulations to Phil, Ruth, Paul, Brian and all who correctly identified the picture. Now for this month Algi and I thought we would have a bit of fun and give you something a little different. With all the fine weather we have managed to venture out cycling and we came across this rather attractive tea garden. But do you recognise it, and where it might be?

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With Fergus Handislip

It was a glorious sunny day so Fergus decided to venture out in his new convertible car. The top was down, the sun was shining, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to put his foot down. Without thinking his speed had reached 85 mph when he heard the siren and saw flashing blue lights behind him. Thinking there was no way the police could catch him he put his foot down further until he was travelling at nearly 100 mph. He then realised the stupidity of what he was doing and pulled over. The police officer approached the car, asked for his documents, examined them and the car. The officer then said ‘It’s been a very long day, it’s the end of my shift, it’s Friday the 13th and I really don’t want to do any more paperwork today. If you can give me an excuse for your driving that I have not heard before, you can go.’ Fergus thought for a minute and then said: ‘Last week my wife ran off with a police officer and I was afraid you were trying to give her back.’ ‘Enjoy your weekend’ said the officer.

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A decimal point. Therefore 5.9

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Here’s a little more whimsy and interesting tales, facts and memories from the pen of Montgolfier: On the village green at Ickford near Old Warden there is a beautiful big oak tree: it saw the local lads play cricket on the green before they went off for World War I and the same again, it saw the lads before they went off for World War II. It is still there and must be over 250 years old so would have started growing around 1860 and still looks very healthy. A mate of mine had the best preserved Rover 90 in the country and to unlock it you had to use a single key as a bunch of keys could mark the paintwork. You hear of people travelling to the four corners of the world. Where do they go to find corners when the world is round? Looking at an 1890 postcard showing a High Street I noticed that yellow lines had not been invented. You could park your horse and cart anywhere you liked. If someone finds out they need glasses for reading or distance they will buy the best styled glasses they can find and they look good. If someone finds out they need something to assist with their hearing they will look for something they hope no one will ever see. Why? There’s only one thing worse than finding a caterpillar in the greens on your plate and that is finding half of one. The forecast says there will be heavy rain but they don’t give you any idea of what the weight will be. A man came up to me and said ‘Can I ask you something?’ I replied ‘Yes’ he then said ‘Can you tell me of anywhere I can get Budgerigars?’ I said ‘The only place I can think of is Australia.’

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Episode30 It ain’t arf hot mom It seems that the world's spice growers are currently embroiled in something akin to an arms race, competing to produce the most ridiculously hot chillies, and our very own Skillywidden has been no exception. Experts at New Mexico State University's Chile Pepper Institute, yes there really is one, have identified the new hottest pepper on the planet, Trinidad's interestingly named the moruga scorpion chilli. The golf ball-sized pepper scored the highest among chillies reputed to be the hottest in the world, its mean heat is 1.2million units on the Scoville chilli scale, 400 times hotter than Tabasco sauce. During harvesting, students who were picking the peppers went

through about four pairs of latex gloves as the capsaicin kept penetrating the latex and soaking into the skin their hands. The former record holder is northern India's naga, it is a hybrid chilli cultivated in Nagaland (yes really) and Assam regions of northeastern India and parts of neighbouring Bangladesh and is so spicy it has even been made into weapons by the Indian armed forces, they are also smeared on fences or incorporated in smoke bombs as a safety precaution to keep wild Indian elephants at bay and in Fuddlerland, Skillywidden did something very similar to Mammoth Man. For years I kept complaining that the chillies and hot sauces he provided were nothing short of salad vegetables and sandwich spreads. One afternoon he came into our local pub grinning and carrying a

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harmless looking little chilli plant, “ere you go matey” he said, handing over the plant “watch out for these though, they’re hot little blighters”. After a couple of months or so I harvested some large raspberry sized chillies from the plant. I was still pretty sceptical of their strength but also slightly cautious as recently I had had a curry with my brother up in the metropolis. I was intrigued to see that one of the house specialities on the menu was a lamb dish made with the naga chilli. I eagerly chose the dish and was very impressed and a little wiser on the potency of these chillies. After our meal I chatted with the chef and told him I had some nagas and how should I cook them? “with great care” he said with a knowing grin. He advised me to prick the pepper in several places before cooking them and

when the dish is ready to serve, remove the pepper before eating. I cooked them along with some milder scots bonnets which I left in the dish and I sat down to enjoy my curry. The flavour and heat were just to my liking and when my nose started running there was no cause for alarm, this was a sign of a good curry. But then my eyes started running, no streaming even, there was a tightening in my throat, my heart beat faster and now it felt like battery acid coming out of my eyes, I was disorientated and felt very panicky. I had some milk in the fridge and promptly drank the bottle down, eventually the sensation began to wear off and I came to the conclusion that I must have removed a scots bonnet instead of a naga from the dish. The Mammoth Man had been repelled by a Cornish Pixie.

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The Fuddler August 2012  

A free, light hearted publication from Ampthill, UK