The Fuddler June 2012

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Darts, Pool & Snooker Equipment

Please turn to our ad on page 1 TRY BEFORE YOU BUY (DARTS ONLY)

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello again and welcome to this sparkling June edition of your Fuddler!

There’s a huge amount of local information about forthcoming events, lots of fun and mischief and of course those all important messages from our advertisers. Please do look

carefully through as we all know by now ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’

We very much hope you enjoy this issue and don’t forget that in July we celebrate a whole decade of Fuddling!

See you next month.

Get Ready for Summer with

Lush

Special offer -

Bikini £35.00 Lip

Book together

Hands & Toes Rockstar Glitter Toes Kooky Toes Mini Pedicure

Spray Tanning: Full Body

£10.00 £ 6.00 £ 8.00 £ 4.00

Eye Treatments: £20.00 Eyebrow shape £8.00 £20.00 Eyebrow Tint £8.00 £18.00 Eyelash Tint £8.00 £20.00

Prom Specials available call for details

Call Alison on 07956 467352 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452

beauty

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails: Waxing: £22.00 Half leg Hands £17.00 Under arm Toes

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN?

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels.

Walks in the local countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 www.dogholidays.vpweb.co.uk alfred.smiths@btinternet.com Overnight Stays, Day Care & Walks

LIDLINGTON CAR BOOT SALE *****************

EVERY SUNDAY & BANK HOLIDAY MONDAYS APRIL TO SEPTEMBER (weather permitting)

Starts Sunday 1st April For details of times and prices visit our website www.lidlingtoncarboot.co.uk 01525 405598 rec. msg.

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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We are pleased to offer our special lunchtime menu in addition to our new Summer restaurant menu.

Food served Monday to Friday 12 - 3pm and 6 - 10pm Saturday 12 - 10pm and Sunday 12 - 8pm

Pub open all day

Tel: (01525 721225) Church End, Steppingley, Bedfordshire MK45 5AU

With Summer now here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

Ampthill and District Tangent Club are holding a Charity Coffee Morning in aid of

Ovarian Cancer 1 The Avenue Ampthill 21st June 10.00 – 12.30 Tickets from

01525 721936 £3.00 - to include coffee and cake.

Charity raffle and cake stall.

Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?

No. Me neither.

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

We are delighted to publish the following on behalf of Millbrook Church and Village fete: ‘In this year of Her Majesty's Diamond Jubilee we will be holding a traditional English Church and Village Fete as befitting the quintessential way of Church and village life.

Our fete will be on Saturday 23rd June and will be opened at 2.30pm by The Revd David Powell.

Unfortunately, the ferrets have gone 'into retirement'...or is that their handlers!...so there will not be ferret racing this year.

However, there will be the country stalls and side show games. You can also enjoy a delicious cream tea or sip a cool Pimms as the bar will be open....why not be adventurous and do both!

We are hoping the weather will be as glorious as it is at the time of writing this but in any event, you can be assured of a warm welcome, sunny smiles and an afternoon of enjoyment within the beautiful settings of the Millbrook Village Hall and the playing field.

Do come and join us .....’

Don’t miss out!

The fete will be held at St Andrew’s Church, Ampthill on Saturday 7th July 12 noon until 3.00 pm B a r b e c u e , Strawberry teas, Licensed Bar and Ploughman's Many games and stalls, including plants, books, Grand Raffle, throwing sponges at the stocks, Donkey Derby and many more.

OPEN 7 DAYS A WEEK 12 noon-2.30 pm & 6 pm to Midnight BANQUET NIGHT SUN - THURS - £10.95 per person

HAPPY HOUR FOR TAKEAWAY ONLY GET 50% OFF THROUGHOUT JUNE! MAKE YOUR HOUSE SPARKLE FROM ONLY £5 WE COVER AMPTHILL, FLITWICK, WIXAMS AND THE SURROUNDING VILLAGES

30% DISCOUNT From 6.00pm to 9.00pm.Minimum order £12.95 You may collect your order to suit your time

Tel: 01525 405570 & 403315 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I have been absolutely enthralled by Her Majesty The Queen’s Diamond Jubilee celebrations.

How magnificent and such a fitting tribute.

The only fly in the ointment came when Gracie asked if I would be taking part in the river pageant in my pedalo.

Such impertinence.

(Anyway it wouldn’t fit into the motor car.)

Ciao

A BRIANISM

I am a great believer in keep fit, it's just the getting fit in the first place that holds me back.

Ampthill based writer/producer requires occasional film script/ stage play to be typed up.

Accuracy more important than speed.

Call Jan or Brian on 01525 402215. email address: janetclemens@hotmail.co.uk

Across: 1 Wails, 4 Beefy, 10 Corsair, 11 Total, 12 Paean, 13 Benefit, 15 Ewer, 17 Grade, 19 Silly, 22 Need, 25 Artiste, 27 Ocean, 29 Canoe, 30 Imitate, 31 Neath, 32 Jests

Down: 2 Agree, 3 Learned, 5 Eaten, 6 Fateful, 7 Scape, 8 Bribe, 9 Blate, 14 Erse, 16 Went, 18 Retinue, 20 Idolise, 21 Larch, 23 Eerie, 24 Inter, 26 Scent, 28 Exact

Cars available from £500 to £15,000 Finance available, PX welcome

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means wi thout written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

WE ALSO BUY ANY CAR FROM £50 TO £15,000

POLITE HOME SERVICE

Please call G.C.S. 07754 804 438

A BIG THANK YOU FROM CHEESEMANS PHARMACY On behalf of everyone at Cheesemans may we extend a big thank you to everyone for your patience and understanding whilst our important refurbishment works have been carried out. The works are now virtually finished so may we invite you to ...

COME AND SEE THE VAST IMPROVEMENTS TO BOTH THE PHARMACY AND SALES AREAS!!

PLUS - FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173 Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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Ampthill & District Community RUFC 1881

4th Annual Beer Festival Saturday 16th June Opens Noon – 20 Real Ales and a normal Bar Lunch - BBQ Entertainment – Boule Competition & Kids Bouncy Castle Supper - Indian Food from The Drovers at Steppingley Evening - Live Music from New Groove Formation & DJ - Soul Sense When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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x x x x x x x

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing Patios Electrical

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor

And … Lots More!

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057 1

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Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Sword(5) 2 Fruit (5) 4 Dorset town (5) 3 Prize (7) 10 Dethrones (7) 5 Egg shaped (5) 11 Astonish (5) 6 Beginner (7) 12 Peak (5) 7 Decree (5) 13 Ceaseless (7) 8 Surrey town (5) 15 Grow weary (4) 9 Cures (5) 17 Made out (5) 14 Analyse (4) 19 County (5) 16 Still (4) 22 Musical instrument (4) 18 Nuts (7) 25 Creases (7) 20 Improvement (7) 27 Plenty (5) 21 Speak at length (5) 29 Pick-me-up (5) 23 Supplant (5) 30 Rowing boat part (7) 24 House lizard (5) 31 Requested (5) 26 Cruel (anag) (5) 32 Ovenware (5) 28 Examine (5) A

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*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk

i i i i i i i i i

H

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Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Thesaurus

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

30

U

29

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AMPTHILL FIREPLACES SPONSORS LOCAL IRONMAN Here at Ampthill Fireplaces, we are proud to announce that we are now the lead sponsor of Ironman participant and Team GB member, Martin Beare, from Ridgmont.

Martin Beare outside Ampthill Fireplaces

To celebrate our new partnership, we’ve renamed our selection of cast iron stoves to the ‘Cast Ironman Range’ which means that for every cast iron stove we sell, a further donation will be made to the Ironman fund.

Chris Gray, owner of Ampthill Fireplaces was inspired to sponsor Martin after reading about his story in a local newspaper last month. The sponsorship money will help support Martin’s training and competition schedule for the remainder of 2012.

Chris said: “When I read the press story and saw that Martin was looking for sponsors I just knew that we had to help in some way. As a familyͲrun business, we are always looking for ways to give back to the local community and with 2012 being an important year for British sport this seemed like the perfect opportunity.”

1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of woodburning stoves from Clearview

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Situated on LW Vass industrial estate.

from ÂŁ200 pcm - Available mid June Please apply to Paul on 07957 435556 or email bbs.mk.ltd@gmail.com

Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’..........

At last‌.Benedictus reached the church door and true to time itself there laying on the grass, glistening in all its glory was the Golden Key of 100 turns. Benedictus slowly put out his paw and as he did so the key rose and glided into the lock ‌and then for the fourth time it started to turn‌ Benedictus held his breath ‌ sixteen‌ seventeen‌ eighteen‌ nineteen‌ twenty‌and the door opened.

For a moment Benedictus stood there almost glued to the spot. He hoped above all hope that he would be back in time.

A time he knew; a time where he felt comfortable; a time

again Great Uncle Abraham was once again very visible‌.’Benny, you have travelled through time itself but you must now go back through time itself‌.â€? This was music to Benny’s ears and he felt a warm glow of hope. ‌â€?howeverâ€? continued Great Uncle Abraham, “you have one further test ‌. that of forgiveness.

The test will begin in time now but will be completed in time past for the good of time future�. Now Benny was more confused than before!

Great Uncle Abraham continued “Go back to town. Find once again ‘Yerffoeg Merchants and there you will find your chance for forgiveness‌if you fail this test, you will be locked into time itself and there will be no turning back, no going forward ‌only standing stillâ€?

Quick as a flash Great Uncle Abraham was gone.

With heavy heart Benedictus once

which was not challenging but it was not to be for as he slowly walked through the door he was in the same church but once again so different. Benedictus was mortified. He had gone still further forward in time to the year 1867! He was going the wrong way! Gone now where the boxed pews they had been replaced by ‘free’ pew seats but there was something very awesome and regal about the church. The wonderful murals were back and the glass in the windows was colourful and depicted a variety of saints and biblical scenes. However, it was the area of the Chancel that drew Benedictus. From there beautiful singing echoed through the building. What Benny did not realise was that he had arrived at choir practice.

As Benny turned to creep out

again trotted back to town‌ but it was so different. More crowded more noisy, hustle and bustle and total confusion. He found the merchants and that was just as it was before ‌no change.

How comforting‌ would the ‘formidable gentleman’ who had become his friend still be there? Would Benny have the chance to explain to him why he had to leave so suddenly?...time was not that kind, and so it was not to be. Benny crossed the street towards the store and there sitting in front of the store was his brother Amos!....Oh no! ‌.Benny was not amused; brother had fallen out with brother; brother had disowned brother; brother was at war with brother‌.now what?........

Copyright reserved

THE FIRS CAFE, TEA GARDEN & GUEST HOUSE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282 www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

We are very excited to announce that we have now opened our NEW tea garden!

You are invited to join us on a warm Summer’s day to enjoy ‘Al Fresco’ dining from our extensive and very reasonably priced menu with home cooked meals from ÂŁ5.00 or less or perhaps a cream tea and scones or maybe even one of our famous all day breakfasts! Families most welcome.

DON’T FORGET GREAT VALUE B&B FROM ONLY £25.00 ppp night

We also have all our usual facilities indoors and we would be pleased to prepare your order to eat in or take away!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 9

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Specialists in all aspects of PLASTERING. Also a HANDYMAN SERVICE Available.

Please call Alan:

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

01582 663307 ~ 07961 936561 or email: hollystaff2@talktalk.net

With Jimmy The Voice This month we reckon that JTV is playing tricks with us. He has sent this picture showing two cubes ... But where is the smaller one?

23rd June HAPPY 60th BIRTHDAY WESTY !!

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why do rabbits wiggle their noses ?

2) Why is it when you dial a wrong number it's never engaged ?

3) What's the difference between sunny periods, sunny intervals and sunny spells ?

4) Why don't wheelie bins ever leak ?

5) Can you still get Instant Whip ?

Julio’s Top Tip : A black olive on each end of a cocktail stick makes an ideal set of weights for your hamster !!

... Is it in the bigger one, or is it on top of the bigger one, or just where is it?

What do you think?

Love and best wishes from all your friend!

June 4th

Happy Birthday to Mr Magoo

Congratulations to Sam and Simon on the birth of Finley on Tuesday 22nd May and weighing in at 6lb 11 oz!

from Sue and you know who!

The Red Lion South End, Milton Bryan, Bedfordshire.

Woburn MK17 9HS Tel: 01525 210044

The Red Lion, Milton Bryan has been refurbished and is now open under new management.

Great Fresh Food and Genuine Hospitality Open Every Day, Food served all day on Saturdays and Sundays www.doughtysbrasserie.com Victoria@doughtysbrasserie.com Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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AFC Sundon U14’s for season 2012 – 2013 (current year 8 pupils) League Cup Winners 2011 & 2012

FREE DELIVERY Ampthill & Surrounding Areas

NOW based at Redbourne Upper School Ampthill playing in division 1 of the Chiltern Youth League on Sunday afternoons (14.30 KO)

AFC Sundon are a Luton Town FC Partnership Club

Babs decided that she would invite friends round and cook them all dinner. She greeted her friends, gave them a glass of wine and popped off to the kitchen.

Two and a half hours later the friends were still waiting for dinner to be served. One tip toed to the kitchen and found it a colossal mess. Babs was removing something indescribable from the oven when she saw her friend at the door.

‘Almost ready’ Babs said’ ‘Sorry it took so long I had to refill the pepper pot.’ When asked why it had taken so long ‘It wasn’t easy stuffing the pepper through all those little holes’ Babs replied sensibly.

Inflatable Fun at Deflated Prices!

Tel: 07877 959863 www.chrisbouncycastles.co.uk

Over lubrication may cause trouble - under lubrication could cause a breakdown.

Time is a great healer but a lousy beautician.

My friend’s husband is so silly that he was the one kissing the Rottweiler at the wedding.

Is it better to give up than risk failure?

Develop any incipient lunacy. Men always say we’re mad so hey - go with it.

All things are possible except skiing through a revolving door.

Would Die Fledemutt have been a dog opera?

I’ve discovered just by watching films that if you are being chased in a city you can usually blend into a crowd of carnival revellers.

Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairdresser that you like.

You need a personality boost if you go in for computer dating and they match you with a tub of lard.

Just enjoy yourself - it’s later than you think.

KEITH RILEY PLUMBING SERVICES

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@jrobb65.fsnet.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

1. By what name is ‘Stacia Micula’ better known?

2. Where would you find the character ‘Fleance’?

3. Who wrote the novel ‘Swan Song’?

4. ‘Chine’ is the collective name for which creature?

5. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Musophobia’ of what would you be frightened?

6. Where would you find a ‘Clew’?

7. Who was Prime Minister of England form 1804-6?

8. Who played Dr Who’s assistant ‘Ace’?

9. In which novel are the final words ‘Not a single word’?

10.Where is the USA is a town called ‘Dead Horse’?

1 Samantha Fox, 2 Macbeth, 3 John Galsworthy, 4 Polecat, 5 Mice, 6 Sailing boat, 7 William Pitt, 8 Sophie Aldred, 9 Herzog, 10 Alaska

For more information or to organise a trial please contact: Chris Williams 0788 411 3469 or e-mail chris.williams@lslt.co.uk

x x x x x x x

Plumbing & Heating New Bathrooms Pumps Showers - Inc. Tiling Radiators Leaks Emergency Call Out

Drains Unblocked Heating Systems Powerflushed NO CALL OUT CHARGE

(01525) 876352 Mobile 07905 457450

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 12

More lovely pictures of The Fuddler being read abroad!

On the left is Kevin Slade, pictured on the River Kwai, and below a well know local gentleman (you may well recognise him!) from around the Parish with his daughter Katy and son Andrew at the Prague beer festival!

If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read abroad please send them to martin@thefuddler.com

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY (DARTS ONLY)

- Darts & Accessories - Pool / Snooker Cues & Equipment - Chess - Backgammon - Playing Cards - Dominoes - Cribbage Special Offers: Free soft cue case worth £14.50 with any 50/50 cue.

Homemade food served in a friendly and relaxed atmosphere

Free unicorn dart leather wallet worth £5.50 with any £50.00 purchase.

Free repointing service worth £5.00 and dart points worth £0.40 with any £30.00 puchase on darts.

Come visit our shop or buy online Opening times: Mon - Fri: 9.00 - 17.00 Sat: 10.00 - 15.00

Burgoine Business Center 117 Clophill Road, Maulden, Bedford, MK45 2AE

Choose from our blackboard specials and enjoy a free glass of wine (125 ml) (excludes other offers)

www.donatellos.org

www.aspubsports.com

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666

01525 862319

Free parking available

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

GentleBirthing Important news: Father’s day is on the way, 17th of June is the day, So come to Martins don’t delay, Because we have some fantastic offers on display.

With gifts, boxed chocs and cards from just 39p And many great offers that you must see.

Or why not have your dad’s favourite paper delivered every day, And we will give you 6 weeks free delivery, what a great deal I hear you say.

We have a great range of mags and papers from which you can choose, With great publications like that, as a customer you cannot lose.

Also on sale today we have England and Saint Georges, flags, bunting, caps, cups, plates, serviettes, to list but a few, Which would be ideal for a party or a celebrational do.

Or why not stock up for the proms in the park, A great musical event with fireworks, after it’s dark.

(Saturday 30th June at 7pm info from www.ampthillparkproms.com) So I think that’s it for my little rhyme this great sunny day, Oh apart from to say to my Dad - Happy Father’s Day. (Well you should with a great son like me ha ha) For more information, and deals in our store Please call in and we will show you lots more.

YOUR LOCAL NEWSAGENT MARTINS 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 01525 404096

The Kindest choice for you and your Baby

With my midwifery experience I can provide you with all the support you need during your pregnancy and birth.

HypnoBirthing

I teach Hypnobirthing which is proven to help you to remain calm, confident, in control, awake and alert during your birth.

This is available in small groups or as private one to one lessons

Doula Care

As your doula, birth companion, I can support you and your partner before, after and especially during your labour and birth.

It has been shown that having one constant female birth attendant, giving support, throughout your labour can reduce the need for interventions including caesareans sections.

I have helped 100’s of women over the past 20 years

Let me help you!

Birthing pool hire available.

(Reduced rates for doula clients)

Call me for an obligation free chat 07846847231

Email pat@gentlebirthing.net

www.gentlebirthing.net

To Let

AMPTHILL TOWN CENTRE LOCATION A SUITE OF 2 SELF CONTAINED OFFICES WITH SHARED WELFARE FACILITIES AND PRIVATE PARKING x x x x x x

Convenient Town Centre location 422 sq feet N.I.A Rent £625.00 pcm inclusive of Rates and Utilities Private Parking Shared Kitchen and Welfare facility Gas Central Heating

Please telephone 01525 403333 for further details or request to view

LANDLORDS REQUIRED URGENTLY x x x x x x

Competitive Rates Free Rent Guarantee for first 12 months Free Valuations Professional Service Strategically positioned office for your convenience Tenants waiting

Interested? Call us NOW!

01525 403333 Email: nicki@townandcountryltd.com/ trevor@townandcountryltd.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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DISCOUNT MOTs IN AMPTHILL Plus ... Ÿ Servicing and repairs for all types of vehicles Ÿ Free local delivery and collection Ÿ Bodyshop Ÿ Tyres and exhausts Ÿ Courtesy car available Ÿ Discounts for Pensioners Ÿ Vehicle recovery service We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055 Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689 Web: www.totalfleetcare.com

Domestic Appliance Repairs

Harlington in Bloom welcomes you to our Village Open Gardens on 30th June. We will be able to offer a range of styles to visit with three gardens opening for the first time and these will include the historic Harlington Manor and Mulberry Cottage. As part of the day, HiB is delighted to support the added attraction of local artist Jo Monks ‘InBloom’ exhibition at Markham’s in Goswell End Road.

A number of gardens will be open to the public in the beautiful village of Harlington on 3Oth June. Take a leisurely walk around the village, exploring these stunning gardens and stopping for a cup of tea on the way round – it is a lovely way to discover Harlington.

Chairman David Barrick says “Even last year’s drizzle didn’t dampen enthusiasm and it would be great to see even more people enjoying the afternoon this year.”

Time: Between 12 and 5pm. Maps and tickets are available from the Harlington in Bloom team on Bury Orchard. Parking is available in the Village Hall Car park adjacent. Train station: Harlington (First Capital Connect) Prices: Adults - £3.50 and accompanied children - FREE! 50% of proceeds in support of the charity WaterAid. Refreshments available More details available harlingtoninbloom@hotmail.co.uk and http://www.facebook.com/HarlingtonInBloom

Friday 15th June sees the hugely successful Marston Forest 5k road race at The Forest Centre, Marston Vale Country Park, Marston Moretaine, Bedfordshire. The race commences at 7.30 pm and is held over a flat fast and scenic course. Prior to the main race there is a free Junior fun run over a course of approximately 1k.

For more information go to www.marstonforest5k.org.uk

The Lawnmower Centre SALES - SERVICE REPAIRS

x

Repairs to washing machines, tumble dryers, dishwashers and electric cookers

x

Most makes repaired

x

Bedford and all surrounding towns villages

Call Bill Jones on 07763 668500

local and

MOST LEADING MAKES OF LAWNMOWERS AND GARDEN MACHINERY LAWNMOWERS - STRIMMERS - RIDE-ON MOWERS - CHAINSAWS ROTAVATORS - BRUSH CUTTERS - HEDGE CUTTERS MOST AVAILABLE IN PETROL AND ELECTRIC STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE - FORDFIELD ROAD MILLROOK - MK45 2HZ

TEL: 01525 840 270 or 01234 771 332 Email: thelawnmowercentre@gmail.com Open 7 days a week - phone for times

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 16

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 17

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 18

Spotted by our guest ‘Robbie’

Which country did the P a n a m a H a t originate? .............‘Luton’ Complete the well known saying ‘Beauty is in the eye of the - what?’ ........ ‘Tiger’ What was Ghandi’s first name? ..... ‘Goosey Goosey’ What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at anytime? ............‘Nostalgia’ What is the currency of India? .................‘Ramadan’

16th June - Lots of Birthday love to Granni from your favourite grandchild, Roo x (love from Mummy too)

AMPTHILL

FLITWICK

Ampthill Methodist Church, Chandos Road Mondays 5.30pm and 7.30pm Tuesday 9.15am Your consultant is Tammie 01525 841092

Flitwick Cricket Club, Next to Flitvale Garden Centre Wednesdays 4pm, 5.45pm and 7.30pm Your consultant is Diane 01234 741334

With Lissie In front of Ampthill Park House once stood a statue of a dog mounted on an elegant pedestal, this was known as the “Farnese” dog, said to be a replica of a famous original in Rome. It was said by Ampthill people if the wind was in the right direction and the strokes of twelve could be heard from Ampthill Church clock a mile away - this was the signal for the dog to jump off the pedestal and run three times round it, before jumping back on the pedestal. If the hour was midnight then the dog was said to make a patrol of the grounds as well before returning to its position.

Once a young man and his companion made their way through the path which led to the mansion in order to photograph this dog. After they had taken their photograph they returned through the avenue of limes trees which were meeting overhead where the light dimly shone through. They were suddenly startled by the sudden appearance of a large fierce looking dog which made menacingly towards them.

The dog watched them closely and resentfully, although did not attack them! It took an effort of will power to continue their retreat!

Thanks again Lissie - hope you are feeling better x

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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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Page 19

Free WiFi

Free WiFi

37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30 Affiliated to the C.I.U.

Managed by the community for the community

Pop in this June 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form.

Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities.

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms

Look out for our add in the Fuddler for Beer Festivals and Wine tasting experiences Recognised by CAMRA for our cask ales When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 20

June 4th Happy 53rd Birthday Richard This month we present another reader’s recipe that has been kindly sent to us:

SAVOURY BEEF LOAF

See? Look out ’Old up - from all your customers -

except one!

MANDY Happy 22nd for the 54th June!

For 4 - 6 people you will need: 750 g minced beef from your local butcher 1 egg 2 tbs tomato puree 1 tsp mustard powder 1 tbs Worcestershire sauce 1 packet parsley & thyme stuffing Salt & pepper A little something to slurp whilst you prepare the meal!

Firstly pop the oven on to heat up to about 200c. Then mix together everything except the stuffing and mix

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well so that the ingredients are evenly blended.

Now prepare the stuffing according to packet directions and allow to stand for about 10 minutes.

Then take a greased baking tin and place half of your beef mixture into it and cover with the stuffing.

Spread the rest of the beef mixture on top and press down firmly.

Place tin into the centre of your pre heated oven for about an hour, then turn the loaf out.

Either serve hot with new potatoes, or allow to cool in the tin, turn the loaf out and serve with a crispy salad.

Happy Birthday to Uncle Mark, Chap, Westie and James With love from Roo & KT x

‘I fink I was a bit silly - I sat out in the sun and burnt one shoulder a bit, so next day I burnt the other one so it matched.’

Congratulation to Jim and Sue on their Wedding Anniversary on 19th June!

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Page 21

ALL BRICKWORK AND REPAIRS PLUS REPOINTING No job too small Please ring Joe 01525 404334

Ampthill and District Camera Club is holding another Exhibition on Saturday 16 June and you are warmly invited.

It will be at Millbrook Village Hall, from 10am – 5pm.

Visitors will be treated to a display of colourful images including landscapes, portraits, nature, people and street scenes. There will also be monochrome and digitally projected images – something there for you all to enjoy.

Admission will be £2.50 with accompanied children under 16 free. Admission includes the catalogue and entry to a “Vote for your Favourite” competition to win a framed print. Prints will be available for sale.

Freshly made sandwiches and delicious homemade cakes will be available all day and there will be lots of car parking space.

At 11.30am the Mayor will officially open the Exhibition.

Members will be delighted to see you there.

For enquiries please contact Valerie Elliott at candv.elliott@ntlworld.com or www.ampthilldcc.com

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn.

A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of Moorcroft around and always quirky things.

If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn 01525 290950.

Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day email: elfyn@townhallantiques.co.uk

Now is your opportunity to book a stall at this year’s Woburn Village Festival annual Antiques Fleamarket. By public demand the Fleamarket will be at The Pitchings on both the 8th and 9th September this year. So if you are a stall holder and would like to book your pitch please ring Elfyn or Elaine at Town Hall Antiques on 01525 290950.

The Craft Fair at the Village Festival will also operate on the 8th and 9th September on and around Park St. If you are interested in having a stall at the Craft fair please ring Kate Tenty on 07917 669449

Fancy a dip? The lovely Woburn Lido in Crawley Road, Woburn is now open and is open every day from 10.00 am till 7.00 pm until the end of August. You can take a dip for £7.00 for adults and £4.50 for children or perhaps a family day ticket for £20.00. Senior Citizens also pay £4.50 but they also enjoy a free swimming concession before midday.

Time is running out ..... ... to book your ad in our very special souvenir July edition ....

WHEN THE FUDDLER WILL BE CELEBRATING ITS 10TH BIRTHDAY!!

To check on space availability please ring Martin on 01525 841434 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 22

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Hello again. Firstly a great big thank you to everyone who correctly identified last month’s picture as being the roof line of The Queens Head Public House in Ampthill. I am not able to list everybody who was right as there were so many!

However, Algi and I have not yet resumed our cycling tours but we have been scouring our collection of old photographs and we have come up with this one which we reckon is a bit of a stinker!

But maybe not. Do you recognise this old photograph of a lovely local scene and can you name where it is?

Answers by email to martin@thefuddler.com or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

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Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 23

AMPTHILL PLASTICS CELEBRATE THEIR 1ST YEAR AND HAVE NOW MOVED TO NEW INDOOR PREMISES! (SEE BELOW) Open to Trade and DIY

Fascia, soffit, all guttering and fixings

SPECIAL OFFERS FOR JUNE! See below

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Page 24

PEACHY PERFORMANCE AT 1st EVER MILTON KEYNES FOOD & LEISURE AWARDS Two pubs in the Peach stable hit the heights at the inaugural Milton Keynes Food & Leisure Awards 2012, which took place on Sunday 13th May 2012. Mark Austin, head chef of The Swan at Salford near Milton Keynes won the night’s big prize by scooping the Best Chef Award whilst The Black Horse in Woburn carried off the title of Best Pub, an award voted for by the public.

Mark Austin from The Swan,won the title of Best Chef. Black Horse manager Ben Paul, head chef Hazel Faulkner and Peach joint venture partner Andrew Coath, meanwhile, accepted the trophy in the public vote for the best watering hole in the area, at a sell-out awards event at The Swan in Milton Keynes Village.

Andrew Coath from The Swan and The Black Horse said “It’s absolutely brilliant to have two pubs do so well in these awards. It’s a great result for us and we’re really over the moon. It’s also brilliant that people on the hospitality scene here in Milton Keynes came together to organise something like this; there was great camaraderie all along and a feeling that it was much more powerful to have it taking place locally.

We know we’ve got some fantastic places to eat, drink and stay in the area and it’s an honour to be recognised amongst those.�

Both The Swan and The Black Horse are part of the awardwinning Peach group, who have 15 great pubs across Bedfordshire, Hertfordshire, Oxfordshire and Warwickshire, known for their fresh seasonal food, high quality ales and wines, served in relaxed surroundings. Both pubs are gearing up for a busy summer season with new summer menus and a packed programme of events. To find out more, please visit www.swansalford.co.uk or www.blackhorsewoburn.co.uk.

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Page 25

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I NEED A CODRIVER TO CROSS THE GIBSON Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock Route 1976

Day 7 Last leg back to Alice Well I AM writing this tale so you know we made it back to Alice Springs, and there were no more bits of excitement during that last leg of the journey. The first thing that pleased us was something we should have anticipated because we saw it on the way out, I mentioned earlier that the cattle stations are large and spread out, well they really are LARGE and spread out! It can take 7 days to drive round some of the medium sized ones. Quite

early on day 7, we were close enough to one to pass by a massive wind pump supplying water to the stock in that area, now I had visited many wind pumps during my bush travels to find drinking water and mostly found stuff I would hesitate to put in the car radiator.

Even before we got close we could tell this was good water, the tank that stood beside the pump was at least 6.5 feet high and 15 feet diameter and the water was sloshing over the side, we parked the Land Rover beside the tank and climbed on the bonnet, then all we had to do was resist the urge to fall in the tank. Many bush station operators put fish in the tanks to keep the

weed down, it can be a useful source of protein in bush for the passing traveller, but I don’t remember fish in that tank, just beautiful clear cool fresh clean water.

It was still many hours before we got back to Alice and there were some emotional reunions, I think Jean asked if I remembered to get milk and cigarettes! Strangely enough the one thing that surprised me was that the front and sides of the wings of the Land Rover were all bashed in, we had not actually hit anything, but we had spent a lot of time brushing between bushes, and they had all added to the new concave shape of the front of the vehicle!

Oh! going back to the last

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episode, I managed to complete my lap dissolve of the setting sun onto the rotating wind pump! I am sure there is a bit of art somewhere in that. It is all on DVD now, but does not come close to the reality, (or my memory, which may be different!)

This image is cut from the super 8 film. I think you can tell it was a BIG pump!

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

Page 27

This year Ampthill Festival’s annual Boules Competition is taking place in conjunction with the Beer Festival at Ampthill Rugby Club on Saturday 16th June. There will be a bouncy castle for the kids, a barbecue for the hungry, real ale for the thirsty and Boules for the gamesters.

The entry fee is only £2.50 per person and you need 4 in your team. Register at the organiser’s tent at the Rugby Club from 1.30 on the day. This fun competition is designed for everyone, whether you are a Boules fanatic or a complete novice. Please bring your own Boules set(s) if you have them (metal ones please not the plastic ones!).

This is our last Festival Fund-Raising event before the actual weekend itself so it will be great if as many of you as possible can come along and join in the action.

What’s on at The Queens Head ...

SUNDAY 17th JUNE - FATHER’S DAY Why not treat Dad to a hearty Sunday roast?

SUNDAY JULY 1st

Ampthill Festival Gala Day Parade - book your seats for the best show in town!

Arrive early to make sure of your place, grab a drink and enjoy a splendid elevated view of the Parade as it passes our doors!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY 9.00 pm - no entry fee and everyone welcome

SUMMER LADIES DARTS LEAGUE Meeting here for the season - please ask for details.

This year’s Ampthill Open Gardens is to take place on Sunday 24th June from 1.00pm until 6.00pm.

You are invited to visit many glorious Ampthill gardens during the afternoon. Entrance costs £4.00 for adults and children free. Programmes for the event are available from the Market Square on the day or before the event from Angie Murdoch on 01525 403076.

Alternatively email: angiemurdoch@virginmedia.com This event is part of the Ampthill Festival 2012 and proceeds will go to Ampthill Festival and local charities.

SUNDAY LUNCHES Delicious Roasts served all day

PRIVATE PARTIES CATERED FOR Please ask for details

REAL ALES Up to 8 real ales available for your enjoyment.

CATCH THE LAST OF THE DAY’S SUNSHINE! On our sunny side patio

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 28

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Someone has sent me this piece of mischief: When asked about his birthday, a m a n s a i d : ‘The day before yesterday I was only 25 and next year I w i l l t u r n 2 8 . ’ This is true only one day in a year - when was he born?

1. ‘I have to go - I want to watch the Moroccan Grand Prix.’

2. ‘The party is from 12.00 until 6.00 pm.’ ‘Oh, is it an afternoon party then?’

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With Flora the Explorer Although flight ticket rules have changed, it was not that long ago that I received a telephone call from a lady wishing to travel to Ireland. Those were the days when if someone cancelled their ticket at the last minute, they would be resold very cheaply.

So, the call went something like this; “Hello I am looking for a cancelled flight to Dublin, can you help please?” It was after a second or two that I realised what she was saying, but (and we all have them) a wicked moment came over me. “Yes madam, I said, we have several flights NOT going to Dublin tomorrow!”

After yet another pause, the caller said “what is the earliest cancelled flight to Dublin please!”

At this point tears were forming in my eyes and it was difficult to speak! Once I had eventually explained, the penny dropped and she then saw the funny side.

Did she get a flight to Dublin? Yes, and do you know what? It was nearly cancelled due to fog!!!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Hello all! I am probably quite a tricky one to get, but I star in a very well watched US drama that is currently on your television.

I can give you pretty much a skeletal clue by saying that my character works in a specialist area of forensic pathology!

Answer at the foot of the page.

Emily Deschanel from ‘Bones’

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Page 29

Arriving at college I joined the local athletic club and was selected to run the 5000 metres. At the first meet of the season I finished half way down the field and thought my exertions for the day were over. Whilst recovering from the race the captain approached me and stated that he needed someone to run the B string in the 1500 metres. ‘Just finish and we get a point’ he explained. Reluctantly agreeing I ran and needless to say finished last, but the point had been gained. A little later the captain came to me again and asked if I would run the B string 110 metres high hurdles. ‘Just finish and we get the point.’ Walking to the start I realised just how high these hurdles were, very nearly my personal best for the high jump!

A plan formed: I just had to finish so decided to treat the race as a series of high jumps. Western Roll was out of the question so I decided on the scissors.

As the competitors gathered at the start strangely all the field events were suspended and all the athletes gathered along the inside of the track whilst the spectators took their seats in the stand. ‘To your marks’, we toed the line whilst the stadium fell eerily silent. ‘Set’, the runners crouched, the spectators strained forward in their seats. BANG! We were off and the crowd erupted with raucous cheering and applause.

After clearing the first two hurdles I realised that no other runner was in front of me, I was leading the field. Was the wild cheering for me and my somewhat unorthodox style?

Glancing back I was met with a scene of utter carnage.

Runners were sprawled on the track whilst others tried to disentangle themselves from the hurdles they had collided with. The cheering was not for me but instead was the baying that used to exist when the lions were let into the arena to meet the Christians. Clearing the last hurdle I sprinted to the line and dipped through the tape although the second placed competitor was twenty metres behind me, I had won, and gained more than just a point for finishing. Only three, out of the eight who started, finished the race. The rest were left bleeding on the track picking cinders from abraded knees whilst two were being led to the first aid tent by members of the St John’s Ambulance.

As it was a motley collection of shot-putters and middle distance runners who were pressed into the B string high hurdles and were clearly not up to the task this was seen as a normal occurrence and always proved to be the most popular event for the spectators. Walking back to collect my track-suit I decided to leave on a high and instead spend my summer weekends playing cricket.

P.S. The coming apart at the seams ex-landlord informs me that his hound has a new friend. He is apparently ‘stepping out’ with one of the newly installed Dexter cows up the park.

That’s one confused mixed up dog, but they do say that they take after their masters.

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Engine & Tender - Bar

ALL EURO GAMES SHOWN LIVE with competitions and BBQ’s

OPEN MIC NIGHT Thursday July 5th Please pop in for details

THURSDAY NIGHT IS ... ALE NIGHT £2.50 a pint!

Plus selected wines at £10.00 a bottle every day!

RUGBY - SOUTH AFRICAN TOUR 9th, 16th & 23rd June all at 4.00 pm Don’t forget ... Great food served every weekday lunchtime plus early evening Monday - Thursday

Come and enjoy a relaxing drink in our sunny courtyard garden ALL LIVE SPORTS SHOWN If it’s on - it’s on here!!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 30

Here’s a little more whimsy and interesting tales and facts from the pen of Montgolfier:

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I see that our Fuddler will soon be celebrating its 10th birthday. I wish I was also. Anyway I wish it a long and happy life as I am having.

In the Fuddler I noticed that the Fuddler was being read in Torfino on Vancouver island. We have just had some of our family here for 2 weeks who have lived in Torfino for 51 years now, a lovely place. They originated from a place called Dunstable.

I decided to drive up to Yorkshire to find the farm where my Father was born. I got to the village but no one had heard of ‘Brickyard Farm’. I found it but the name had been changed to ‘Holme Farm’ maybe 50 years ago, even the owner didn’t know the original name.

The for a treat I decided to visit Tan Hill Inn the highest pub in the UK at 1,732 ft. We drove upwards through thick cloud and didn’t see the pub until we were about 25 yards away. We parked at 9.15am, the only car there, and went in. What a lovely warm welcome. A nice fire was burning with the dog curled up beside it. A group of motorcyclists were having breakfast after staying the night. Also several walkers were packing up to go after breakfast and waiting for the cloud to clear. We had a super breakfast - £10.00 for two. On leaving we could just about see across the road. Do give it a visit.

I mentioned Torfino earlier. Did you know that in British Columbia cougars do kill people. 7 in total and 5 of them on Vancouver island. The latest this year was a little girl of 6 who was riding her bike. And we worry about dogs.

Belated Birthday greetings to Geoff ‘Poet Extraordinaire’ for the 30th May

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Page 31

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Episode 28...............

On the Trail of the Lonesome Pine Well I have just returned from the ‘Deep South’ of the USA where I was visiting with a friend of mine who lives in Kentucky. He lives in a county that is dominated by Amish communities and no alcohol. Not a bad thing as at the time I was on a ‘No Drinking’ exercise with my old mate Father Mouse. I was looking at some ‘very old things’ in the Smithsonian in Washington DC for a week, and then decided to take the Greyhound bus to Hopkinsville KY via Virginia, North Carolina and Tennessee. The whole trip would take me two and a half days, but it took me through

some wonderful scenery, The Blue Ridge Mountains and the Appalachian range being the backdrop to most of the journey, we also took in some Civil War historical sites and battlefields. I did get to meet some interesting people on the bus though; there was a guy who is a seasoned freight train rider, or FTR. This particular guy was making his way to Nashville TN to catch a freight train to Oregon. I met a real LA Hells Angel, who was still wearing his colours, he was in his late 60’s, had one leg and an awful scar that had blinded him He wore no eye patch and had no glass eye.....just a dark void. He said it was useful in bar fights as his opponents would get distracted by it and he’d hit them over the head with a pool cue.

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I arrived in Kentucky and had a good four days with the family I was staying with.

Some of the material I was interested in was being found on the Amish property. What lovely, generous, simple and uncomplicated lives they lead.

I met Jonas who is 18 years old, he’s married with one young child, and he has his own farm and home and is genuinely very happy. He was interested in the artefacts he was ploughing up with his horse & wooden plough, but could not get his head round why someone from thousands of miles away would come to his field and want to see them.

Anyway, I’m back now and the Fuddler has told me that my reader was interested in when my column would be returning so I thought I’d just give you a quick update. I also

heard that a fellow compiler, ‘Ramblings from the Bench’ was concerned people would be missing him too and was busy looking in the ‘Big Book of Words’ for some extra long words. A certain ‘Ex Pub Landlord’ had reported that lots of beer mats had had their backs peeled off in order to accommodate the writer’s scribblings.

Elsewhere freak showers of a certain brand of cheesy bar snack had occurred in Ampthill recently, this had apparently caused anxiety to my old mate ‘Westy’ as he reported several of these sightings and also had his brolly stolen.

A report from the local weather spokesperson said ‘these showers were nothing to be concerned about and were very localised’.

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 32

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