The Fuddler February 2012

Page 1

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello all you Valentine romantics! A huge welcome as always to the February edition of your Fuddler!

You’ll find lots of handy information inside plus the usual fun and nonsense and then of course there are the all important messages from our advertisers! Again do

Learn the fascinating art of

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY (DARTS ONLY)

NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 26

Plus - All aspects of home security

D & G SHORT Special Beginners Classes For Children and Adults

Darts, Pool & Snooker Equipment

Please turn to our ad on page 1

look carefully through as we all know by now ‘Whatever you are looking for you will find it in The Fuddler’!

We hope you enjoy this edition and if you would also like to advertise with us, see page four for all our contact details.

No Special Clothing Necessary

In Flitwick

Starting Monday 6th February at 6.00pm and every Monday thereafter Flitwick Leisure Centre Steppingley Road Flitwick

Everyone Welcome

Enquiries: Tel: 01525 634052

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

01525 632921 07977173452

Telephone: (01525) 860366 A permanent nail colour that lasts for weeks without wearing or chipping. That strengthens and promotes the growth of your own nail. With over 80 different Colours including French.

Permanent Nail Colour & Manicure £25 Extensions - Gel Sculptures £35 Permanent Nail Colour on Toes £15 Gift Vouchers Available 01525 860688

117 Clophill Road, Maulden

Valentines Day 14th February SPECIAL OFFER! 12 red roses in a glass vase with FREE balloon and FREE cake only £49.99 Gift packages available from £25 ... to include flowers, chocolates, balloon, candles, or cupcakes.

• Award winning staff • Bespoke wedding designs • Specialists in funeral work • Now stocking Ladybug Jewellery and Handbags!

117 CLOPHILL ROAD, MAULDEN MK45 2AE

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Local & Interflora Relay deliveries available

Page 2

Bookings are now being taken for Valentine’s Day and also Mothering Sunday for the 18th March

With Winter here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 3

Pastiche Gift Shop Don’t forget 14th February Valentine’s cards & Gifts now in

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

Knitters Night Wednesday 22nd February 6.00pm - 8.00pm

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

You are invited to make a nostalgic journey and come along to the Maulden (Mid Beds) Model Railway Exhibition to be held at St Mary’s Church, Maulden on Saturday 25th February between 10 am and 4 pm.

We understand that there will be large displays of Bassett-Lowke, Hornby, ‘O’ Gauge and Dublo trains.

Social knitting evening, bring your knitting, need some ideas?, need some help?, want to learn to knit?, come and have a go with some new yarns and get some new ideas.

10% off all wool on the evening.

Ring and let us know you’re coming.

01525 402902 15 Church St. Ampthill

On 23rd February 2012 local man, Bob Butcher of The Coppins in Ampthill will be off to the Sahara Desert in Morocco to do a 5 day desert trek to raise money for Cancer Research UK. Bob says, it is due to the work done by this institution that cancer sufferer’s lives are improved and in many cases extended by new and better treatments.

Unfortunately, cancer is something which is likely to affect every family in the country at some point in time. Raising money for this very good cause will help enable them to continue their research and generate new and better treatments in the years to come.

Bob is raising money for Cancer Research UK using the JustGiving website and would really appreciate your support.

Please go to his web page at http://www.justgiving.com/robertbutcher01004 to find out more and to donate. It's easy, fast and totally secure.

Bob will be posting regular updates to the website as his training progresses and at the end of the trek. To see more about the trek go to http://www.globaladventurechallenges.com/international/saharadesert-trek/ If you are unable to donate online, but would still like to contribute, please send cheques made payable to “Cancer Research UK” to Bob at Businesspoint, 101, Ampthill Rd, Flitwick MK45 1BE This event has been fully funded by Bob himself so every penny you give will go to the charity, so please give generously.

Friday 24th February sees a ‘Pamper Night’ to be held at Flitwick Lower School Hall.

The event, which is to help raise funds for the school, starts at 7.00 pm and entrance is just £5.00.

‘Come and be pampered: Reiki, Indian head massage, facials, threading, manicures, pedicures, body massage - simply pay the therapist on the night. There will also be the opportunity to shop: Vie at home, Pampered Chef, Jewellery, Body Shop, Clothes, Jamie at Home, Ann Summers, handbags and more....’

Free drink and nibbles.

For tickets please contact Debbie on 07752 390 829

Lush Beauty Gel Nails ~ Tanning ~ Waxing ~ Tinting

Off licence, lottery, food, snacks, plus ...

Newspapers delivered to your door!

And ... There’s parking right outside the shop!

OPENING TIMES: Mon – Sat: 6.30 am to 6.00 pm Sun: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm Bank Holiday: 7.30 am to 12.30 pm

37 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX Phone: 01525 402509

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails: Hands £22.00 Toes £17.00 Special offer -

Hands & Toes Glitter Toes

Book together

£35.00 £20.00

Waxing: Half leg Under arm Bikini Lip Chin

£10.00 £ 6.00 £ 8.00 £ 5.00 £ 5.00

Spray Tanning Full Body £20.00

Book a tanning party and

Eye Treatments: Eyebrow shape £8.00 Eyebrow Tint £6.00 £8.00 the host will receive a FREE Eyelash Tint spray tan.

Call today for Special offers on Eye Treatments and Waxing during February

Call Alison on 07956 467352 Home Salon: 4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 4

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

The late great Check-ItOut and my old mate Duster would be exceptionally proud of me I must say.

I was a recipient of an award at The Fuddler Annual Columnists Luncheon, much to my great surprise and pleasure.

I shall place it with pride in my trophy cabinet in the sitting room.

So now you know.

Required 9.00 am to 2.30 pm Saturday Office Assistant to work within Residential Lettings - Ampthill Town Centre Smart appearance with Excellent telephone manner Full UK Driving Licence Please call: 01525 403333 and ask to speak to Trevor

Across: 1 Silence, 5 Pleas, 8 Optic, 9 Modesty, 10 Evident, 11 Irene, 12 Please, 14 Ogress, 17 Gloat, 19 Ability, 22 Accused, 23 Piece, 24 Tardy, 25 Related

Ciao

A BRIANISM I’ve had some sobering thoughts during my lifetime.

It’s them what started me drinking.

Down: 1 Score, 2 Lattice, 3 Nacre, 4 Enmity, 5 Padding, 6 Ensue, 7 Shyness, 12 Pageant, 13 Satisfy, 15 Eminent, 16 Madder, 18 Oscar, 20 Impel, 21 Yield

Spick and Span cleaning 07847 460 351

Reliable, thorough and personalised domestic cleaning.

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Regular weekly/fortnightly or oneͲoff deep cleans. Ͳ Natural/ecoͲfriendly products used Ͳ Fully insured Ͳ References available Ͳ PetͲowners welcome

Professional family business with 30 years experience Specialists in drives, patios, hard landscape, extension and all other building projects.

Personal service to all clients.

Quality, care & pride Very competitive quotes

Telephone: 01234766784 Mobile: 07584 329492 email: smurray1964@live.com

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 5

The team at Ampthill Fireplaces invite you to visit their newly restored Georgian showroom on the market square in Ampthill

Call in today to view the extensive range of stoves and fireplaces, now including the UK's finest range of woodburning stoves from Clearview 1, Bedford Street, Ampthill, Beds Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm Sat: 10am - 4pm

An even bigger and better Ampthill Fireplaces!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 6

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

A full range of original and compatible ink cartridges and toners paper, envelopes, pens, binders etc all at competitive prices

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

2012 DIARIES NOW AVAILABLE

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Behind the Shell Garage tel: 01525 633336 www.businesspoint.uk.com Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment

2

3

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5

7

6

8

9

10 11

12

13

14

15

16

17

18

19 20

21

Down: 1 Moaned (6) 2 Aspirations (4) 3 Female sibling (6) 4 Old mime actor (6) 5 Zilch (4) 6 Chartered (6) 7 Vegetable (9) 8 Darn scent anag (9) 11 Lawbreaker (5) 12 Lethal nerve gas (5) 15 Large gun (6) 16 Affected smile (6) 17 Denigrate (6) 18 Mottled marking (6) 21 Cooking fat (4) 22 Solidifies (4)

22

I N

25

T

M

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.)

Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

23

24

Across: 1 Collects facts (6) 4 Humdrum (6) 7 Merriment (9) 9 Overtake (4) 10 Periods of time (4) 11 Galas, festivals (5) 13 Trader (6) 14 Showered (6) 15 Turkish Cypriot village (5) 17 Ground (of meat) (6) 19 Jewish month (5) 20 Common sense (4) 22 Pans anag (4) 23 Disconcerted (9) 24 Blather (6) 25 Curl up (6)

S T

1

E

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

*Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Sentiment

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways

Page 7

ARE YOU PAYING TOO MUCH FOR YOUR BUILDING MATERIALS? OPEN TO TRADE & DIY NEW PRODUCT RANGE -

Fascia, soffit, all guttering and fixings

SPECIAL OFFERS FOR FEBRUARY! See below

Tools & Fixings counter NOW OPEN! x Underground drainage

‘The Hedgehog Gutter System’ Drains and guttering protector.

Stop blocked gutters and keep those gutters clean!

Special price: £14.99 per 4 mtr easy to fit - all colours available from stock

x Paving inspection chambers x Sand, cement, plaster, tools,

dust sheets, gloves etc.

BEAT THOSE HIGH STREET PRICES AT AMPTHILL PLASTICS!!!

Free local delivery The one stop building shop with over 25 years building experience give us a try.

No obligation to buy...

TRADE ACCOUNTS WELCOME

Free drawing, pricing and technical advice Building and problem solving to trade and DIY

New accounts for February 2012 receive free bottle of wine and 20% discount for the 1st month on all plastic products.

Monthly raffle draw to account holders new and existing throughout 2012. Prizes include premier football game tickets, fresh food hampers, weekend break hotel, free fascia and soffit for average sized home, and many more top prizes to be won free, open an account and enter the draw free each month.

Support your local business

AMPTHILL PLASTICS Unit 20 Ampthill Business Park, Station Rd, Ampthill T

01525 888510

M

07957 435556

Mon-Fri 7.30-4.30 Sat 8-12

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 8

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn.

A wide variety of Antiques, the biggest stock of Moorcroft around and always quirky things.

If you’re looking to sell antiques speak to Elfyn 01525 290950.

Specialists in all aspects of PLASTERING. Also a HANDYMAN SERVICE Available.

Please call Alan:

01582 663307 ~ 07961 936561

Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Every Day

or email: hollystaff2@talktalk.net

Benedictus of the ‘9Tails’..........

Re-cap‌‌.Last November we left Benedictus in his church facing the formidable Judge Jacob. He was now in the eighteenth century and his little church had changed considerably.

It was no longer the place he considered home‌far too elaborate and out of time‌ his time; the high boxed pews with the even grander pew in which he now stood belonged to another century and it was not his century.

He had recognised two other of his ancestors who

appeared beside Judge Jacob but before he could recall their names or their place in his history they had vanished‌â€?O, this time‌ such power, so uncontrollable – and with that Bennies was ‘on the fringe’ and faded into a whirl of history‌.the story continues‌.

Benedictus was scared, he wanted to ‘go home’‌ wherever that was. He had managed to turn the ‘key of 100 turns’ three times surely no he could manage a fourth time?

Judge Jacob once again became in Bennie’s focus‌ but he was uncomfortably intimidating and so Benny

email: elfyn@townhallantiques.co.uk

backed slowly out of the pew and turned tail and ran through the church door as quick as his paws would take him. There by the side of the door, as it had been three times before lay the golden key‌freedom thought Bennie and he went to touch it, but this time it did not rise and twist and twirl itself into the keyhole of the church door. In fact it did not move at all. Bennie tried again‌ nothing happened. Then he remembered the words of Great Uncle Abraham and he knew he could only use the key when “the wind is in the east, the sky is clear yet with no stars save just oneâ€? The wind was certainly in the east

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it was keen and biting and the sky was clear but it was full of starsâ&#x20AC;Śthere was one bright one however, it was not alone. Once more Bennie touched the key and once more it remained motionless.

Bennie knew the key would not workâ&#x20AC;Śtoo many starsâ&#x20AC;Ś he was stuck. He was more than disappointedâ&#x20AC;Śhe was devastated. He decided not to return to the church. He could not face Judge Jacob again so he turned tail and slowly slinked off towards the town and once again into the unscheduled time of the unknownâ&#x20AC;ŚHe had not gone very far when to his surpriseâ&#x20AC;Śâ&#x20AC;Ś.

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Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 9

Free WiFi

The Wingfield Club Limited 37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30 Affiliated to the C.I.U. Managed by the community for the community

Free WiFi

Pop in this February 2012 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form.

Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar

Free WiFi Main Committee Room

Free WiFi Ron Morton Room

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities.

Large Lounge Bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms

Look out for our add in the Fuddler for Beer Festivals and Wine tasting experiences When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 10

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

Happy â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;9thâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Birthday With Jimmy The Voice JTV has been up to mischief again this month. He has sent this curious cube with one side coloured grey ...

to â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Wheezeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; for the

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Has anyone ever put their money where their mouth is?

2) As seen with the naked eye! Is there any other kind of eye?

3) What's the point of an answer phone on a mobile? (â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I'm sorry, I'm home at the moment, please leave a message and I'll call you when I'm out !!!â&#x20AC;&#x2122;) 4) Has anyone ever pulled a weird face and stayed like it?

5) How do you know if you've had a â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Whale of Timeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;?

Julioâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Top Tip: Try and remember that the longest ever recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds.

... But which side? Is it the inner left back, the outer left front or maybe the top!

Look for a while - then it all changes! Confusing!

February 24th Many congratulations to Arthur and Winsome on their Golden Wedding Anniversary!

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

29th February Both your Dad and your husband were too frit to send in a photo of you!!

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fink Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll do sums - I fink Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve decided to become an apiarist.â&#x20AC;&#x2122;

Happy Birthday JD for the 13th February

Page 11

Your

Local Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning Service

‘Providing a Hassle

Free

service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

All furniture moved and replaced

All work fully insured and guaranteed

Stain and odour removal

Stain Shield protective treatments

*** See our new website at www.thecarpetman-bedfordshire.co uk *** CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 862744 / 07999 909982 Email: thecarpetman1@btinternet.com

Age, treachery and base cunning will always overcome youthful exuberance & mere skill.

I can’t decide if Lemmings are depressed or just plain silly.

My friend’s husband is so silly that she likens him to a ghost.

He has to be seen to be believed.

Don’t make plans, be free. Plans are a straightjacket.

At the end of a stressful day, turn out the lights, close your eyes, bump into the furniture as you do the essential chores.

Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

Simplify your global account management by not counting your own travel expenses.

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

Mothers always feel sorry for non-mothers because they have no children. Non-mothers feel sorry for mothers because they do.

It’s a bad sign if you marry a playboy and your friends give you matching towels marked ‘His’ and ‘Next’.

It’s always better to give than receive - especially if it’s grief.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

1 Ancient Egyptians, 2 1591, 3 Elk, 4 1923-9, 5 Belly buttons, 6 February 29th, 7 Cicero, 8 Georgia, 9 New Zealand, 10 AD496

It was a cold and rainy afternoon and Babs wanted to cheer herself up so she decided to go and see one of the latest blockbuster films at her local cinema.

After telephoning the box office to check on times for the performances she then rang all her friends to find seventeen of them to go with her and a coach to take them all to the theatre.

‘Why did you have to take all those people with you just to see a film’ asked one of her friends.

‘Because I was told that under 18’s were prohibited’ replied Babs sensibly.

1. Who first created ‘Leap Year’?

2. In which year was the flush lavatory invented?

3. ‘Gang’ is the collective term for which creature?

4. When was ‘Calvin Coolidge’ President of the USA? 5. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Omphalophobia’ of what would you be frightened?

6. When is ‘St Oswald’s Day’?

7. Who is quoted as saying ‘The more laws, the less justice’?

8. In which US state is there a town called ‘Hopeulikeit’?

9. Where was the wide toothed shearing comb invented?

10.In which year did Saint Pope Gelasius 1 declare February 14th to be Valentine’s Day?

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282 www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

CONTRACTORS WELCOME Why not call in for one of our

FAMOUS ALL DAY BREAKFASTS?

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at £5.00 or less! Eat in or take away

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 12

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Engine & Tender - Bar

CHOICE OF REAL ALES IPA + 3 Guest Ales

6 NATIONS RUGBY

CANCER (June 22-July 23) Have you forgotten all those things you said you would do this year? It may be a good time to get back on track again and move forward.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) Your laid back approach to things could lead you into a situation you would rather not be in. Be assertive and all should be OK in the end.

LEO (July 24-August 23) Following the full moon in the early part of this month you may see that changes are necessary and for the best.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) The second and third week of this month look to be positive for Aquarians, following the full moon at the end of the first week.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) There could be a surprise in store according to the positioning of the planets over the next few weeks. This could mean changes to you routine.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) If it is possible to follow your idea of low key travel plans then it cannot be a bad idea to explore every opportunity.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) The new moon on the third week of the month may be accompanied by new ideas and aspirations to try and fulfil your dreams.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) The lead up to spring looks to be a particularly entertaining few weeks with lots going on but importantly major decisions must be made.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) With this the most romantic of months, you could find yourself drawn to someone special. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Follow your instincts. After all it is only you that can make this all important decision. If it does not seem right - it probably isn’t.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) There would appear to be a little uncertainty of late concerning an important decision that you have to make. Don’t be afraid to take advice.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) You may find yourself inexplicably drawn to someone who celebrates their birthday in the early autumn.

Why not just go with the flow?

ALL GAMES SHOWN WATCH ALL LIVE SPORTS EVENTS IN HD Sunday February 26th QUIZ NIGHT Cash Prizes!

Great Value Quality Food Served Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00 Plus ...

GREAT NEW EVENING MENU Served Monday to Thursday 5.00 - 8.00

Choose from 10 dishes from an incredible £5.00 each!!

Please ring or pop in for more details Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

Well Valentine’s Day is on its way, 14th of February is the day, So come to Martins don’t delay, We have all our cards and gifts out on display.

Roses are red and violets are blue With great gifts like ours what great offers we have for you.

Our cards just start from 39p, And with such a large range you must pop in and see.

But please be careful where you park It’s not even safe after dark, The traffic wardens are about, And it’s a £25 fine* I hear them shout.

But there is a car park opposite us It’s that close you won’t need to the bus.

So we look forward to seeing you, But before I go I’ve just got a few more things to tell you.

Some local ladies in our town, Are in last week’s Take a Break magazine we have found, Raising money for a great cause It’s the calendar girls, we applaud.

Oh and just to remind you we still have many products for just a £1, As our local MEERKAT has just found…

So that’s about all the info the Fuddler could squeeze in, So for more fantastic offers you will have to pop in.

Your local MARTINS NEWSAGENT 17 Church street Ampthill…01525 404096 IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SURPORT THE CALENDER GIRLS AND WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A DONATION DETAILS CAN BE FOUND IN THE TAKE A BREAK MAG COPYS STILL AVAILABLE. *fine fee not confirmed in time for going to print*

TRY BEFORE YOU BUY (DARTS ONLY)

- Darts & Accessories - Pool / Snooker Cues & Equipment - Chess - Backgammon - Playing Cards - Dominoes - Cribbage Special Offers:

VALENTINE’S FAYRE Thursday 9th - Thursday 16th February

Free soft cue case worth £14.50 with any 50/50 cue.

Enjoy a Starter, Main Course and Dessert for just £19.95 per head

Free unicorn dart leather wallet worth £5.50 with any £50.00 purchase.

Excludes all other offers

x Home made Italian Food x Vegetarian Dishes x Birthdays

x Parties x Special Occasions x Seats up to 80 People

www.donatellos.org

91, Dunstable Street Ampthill Tel: (01525) 404666

Free repointing service worth £5.00 and dart points worth £0.40 with any £30.00 puchase on darts.

Come visit our shop or buy online Opening times: Mon - Fri: 9.00 - 17.00 Sat: 10.00 - 15.00 www.aspubsports.com Burgoine Business Center 117 Clophill Road, Maulden, Bedford, MK45 2AE

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

01525 862319

Page 14

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

With Archie Fairweather Great excitement! Mrs F.’s cousin Enid has telephoned to invite us out to luncheon in Woburn. Actually it was a spurious ruse as she wanted to visit Town Hall Antiques in the village as she had seen in The Fuddler that they had a large display of Moorcroft pottery of which she is particularly fond. Apparently this pottery has been produced from 1897 right through to the present day!

Anyway, we found said premises on the Market Square and were shown through to the ‘inner sanctum’ where there was indeed a splendid display of Moorcroft with pieces ranging from the more modern to magnificent antiques.

Enid was in her element! After a good hour she excitedly made her purchase and off we went to see the lovely Tia at Woburn Brasserie for an excellent luncheon.

Rather a good day out and the sun was shining too!

You’ll find Town Hall Antiques ad on page 8 of this edition.

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GOOD NEWS! 2012 doesn’t have to be all doom and economic gloom! As well as the Jubilee celebrations and the excitement of the London Olympics, your Ampthill Festival Committee has already started making plans for another fantastic weekend of AmpRocks in the Park (29th June), Ampthill Park Proms (30th June) and Gala Day (1st July).

There are also plenty of fund-raising fun events to attend in the meantime. (These help to pay for all the free entertainment 1000’s of you enjoy on Gala Day.) Friday March 2nd: Festival Quiz at Ampthill Rugby Club. A delicious supper will be included in the ticket price of £5 per person. Up to 6 people in a team, bar open at 7, quiz starts at 7.30.

Welcome return of the fantastically popular FROG RACE at Parkside Hall (Date to be announced) June 17th: Boules Competition at Ampthill Rugby Club. (Yes it was still held last year in the torrential rain and we all had a great time!) Start time approximately 2.30 Date to be announced: by popular demand we are planning another Fun Dog Show in the Park with Lynne Davies judging in the arena. This was a huge success last year and promises to be even better in 2012!

27th October: Halloween Ball in the Masonic Rooms Ampthill. An opportunity to dress up as a ghoul or just get your posh glad rags on and party! Details to be announced.

We are always glad to welcome anyone who would like to get involved in any of the above activities and the Gala weekend itself. Contact Jill Rose on 07840932930/ p.rose13@ntlworld.com or Belinda on 07880734148 Keep checking our website on www.ampthillfestival.co.uk

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

Domestic Appliance Repairs

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Page 16

If you’re quick you could book your advertisement in the next edition of The Fuddler!

For more details or to book your space please ring Martin on 01525 841434 With Great Aunt Althea Another true story from the files of our crime correspondent:

A man walked into a convenience store, put a £20 note on the counter and asked for change. When the assistant opened the till, the man demanded that the cashier hand over all the cash in the till, which the cashier promptly did. The man took the cash from the assistant and fled - leaving the £20 note on the counter.

The total amount of cash he got from the drawer?

Fifteen pounds.

Here we bring you a selection of things that were told to you that you promised yourself you would never pass on to your own kids!

Of course it won’t hurt.

Because I said so!

You wait till your Dad gets home.

We never had mobile phones/play stations when we were young.

I never did that when I was your age.

No. I remember when ...

Take your coat off otherwise you won’t feel the benefit when you get outside.

You’ll poke somebody’s eye out with that.

Do you think money grows on trees?

You’re not going out looking like that!

Put your coat on - you’ll catch your death of cold.

You’d look after it if you had to pay for it.

Make sure you have clean underwear on in case you get run over.

That is not music - it’s just noise.

You don’t know you’re born.

When I was your age ...

Hello! I am not an actress but I regularly appear on a well watched programme your television screens and I try always to be happy and smiley!

Whether that will help you or not I don’t know.

Answer at the foot of the page.

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Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Laura Tobin - BBC Weather

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Page 17

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Ampthill Town CC will this summer be fielding 4 senior elevens on Saturdays & 5 senior sides on Sundays.

On Saturday the first & second elevens will compete in the Saracens Hertfordshire League with the third & fourth eleven taking part in the more local Bedfordshire Invitation Saturday Cricket League. Sunday all five elevens will take part in the Bedfordshire County League.

We also have a Mid-Week XI entering the Cup Competitions as organised by the East Beds Charity Shield.

Indoor nets are on Sunday evenings starting on 4th March at Bedford College between 7.30-9.30. Practice during the season will take place on Wednesday nights on our Park ground. More details from Danny Thompson 07500247727 dan_thompson20@yahoo.co.uk We shall be running youth teams at Under 10, 12, 14 & 16.

To join this popular section of the club please contact Graeme Presswell on 07946863262 graeme@howorthsonline.co.uk On Sunday 29th April we shall be hosting Bedfordshire CCC vs. Hertfordshire CCC in a 50 over a side game starting at 11am.

The Club is holding a Re-Union Lunch for all who played for the Club during the 1970s on Sunday 1st April, for more details or to book tickets please contact Ian Smith 07880850269 smithy@theoldsun.fsnet.co.uk

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All my love to Baby Doll!

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Page 19

With Flora the Explorer

Sometimes, air crew make an effort to make their in-flight announcements a bit more entertaining ....

Pilot: ‘Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land. It's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern.’

‘Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but they'll try to have them fixed before we arrive.

Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you or your money more than us.’

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Chicago, a flight attendant announced: ‘Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as anything everything has shifted.’

Thanks for those Flora - please send us more!

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers: A man rang up British Telecom and said ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ The operator said ‘Not you again.’

A jump-lead walked into a bar. The barman said ‘I'll serve you, but don't start anything.’

Oh Dear! But thanks!

1. ‘I think that this year I’m going to send out Christmas cards saying I’m not sending Christmas cards any more.’

2. ‘You’ve never seen anything like it in my life.’

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Page 20

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I NEED A CO-DRIVER TO CROSS THE GIBSON. Alice Springs to Well 35 on the Canning Stock Route 1976 Day 3 (continued from last month) Later on that day we realised the engine was overheating, a quick inspection revealed the shredded radiator hose of the cooling system, it was the bottom hose leading from pump to radiator. A second quick inspection of the spares box revealed several spare hoses but none that was suited to this task. I rather like the next bit

because I had already encountered this problem in UK back in 1972, with the London Taxi that I and my mate Andrew drove to India.

Two items we did have on board was a large tube of that black bitumous rubber glue, “Bostic” and, the other item, a spare T shirt. It was tedious but simple to slowly rebuild the hose with strips of cloth soaked in Bostic and after each layer dried, apply another till a very serviceable hose was ready to fit back on the engine, it took a couple of hours. My wife will confirm this method as I did the same on her Skoda in 1979 in front of an AA engineer who insisted I was wasting my time, but we were back on the road

Painting and Decorating

before his tow vehicle arrived.

I have no memory of the camp that night but I think it was at this point, what with emptying the vehicle looking for spares, I worked out why we had HOT beer and cider! The cable connecting the fridge to the battery was still on the reel and was probably 20 - 30 metres long, (the magnetic filed generated would have affected our compass!), I checked the voltage at the 12VDC fridge and measured around 4 V, I shortened the cable to about 4 metres and the fridge sprang into action!

With Hubert Gavelle Lawyer: Can you describe the individual you saw?

Witness: He was about medium height and had a beard.

Lawyer: Was this a male, or a female?

Lawyer: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself?

Lawyer: What is your date of birth?

Witness: July fifteenth.

Lawyer: What year?

Witness: Every year!

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

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Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 21

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Page 22

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Another amusing feline tail ...

A couple living in Las Vegas on a weekend getaway to Laughlin, about 100 miles away, was full of surprises, this their story.....

‘Friday afternoon we cranked up the diesel and drove about 5 miles to our house to load up. A couple of hours later we were on the road to Laughlin. By 6:30 that evening we were settled in at the Riverside RV Park, we went off to find dinner and maybe a couple of lucky slot machines. We scored on the dinner part but the futile search for lady luck kept us out pretty late, and Saturday we were slow getting going and around noon we had finished our second pot of coffee as we sat under the shade of our awning ... just a lazy day roughing it. In the distance we heard the powerboats cruising the Colorado River, also the faint cry of what sounded like a bird.

We travel with Boozer, the dog, and Hooter, our cockatiel that squawks when he doesn't talk, maybe he’d picked up a new noise.

We sat quietly, waiting to hear the noise again when suddenly a fuzzy black blob appeared under the rear of our motor home. We lost no time coming out of our chairs, we had lived in Arizona and learned if it crawls around on the ground you jump first, and ask questions later. Second glance revealed the intruder was a tiny dark coloured kitten, it barely had its eyes open and crawled along on its belly; too young and too weak to walk and all black covered with diesel soot and its eyes and nose clogged with residue from exhaust fumes.

We realized the kitten had ridden on the engine all the way from Las Vegas and the bird sounds we heard earlier were from this half -dead orphaned kitten. What a miracle it survived the trip but it needed to eat immediately.

We made a dash to the local market where we bought milk and a child's medicine dropper, we managed to revive this little survivor and if we didn't over feed it, it would probably survive. We knew it had desperately hung on for dear life for 100 miles the day before, the place we store our RV in Las Vegas was full of feral cats and we believed that this might have been what had happened.

We stabilized the kitten and searched the coach for more kittens.

No doubt this kitten was a keeper, we already travel with Boozer and Hooter, and it would be easy to add one little kitten to the group. Saturday night we went out late to dinner and similar pursuit of lady luck as the night before.

We were back after midnight and whilst fumbling for the motor home door keys we heard those same soft meows as we did 12 hours before. Was it coming from the kitten inside which we had left safely in a shoebox in our shower or was this a cry for help coming from the outside? It didn't take long to determine the cries were outside! We opened the door, grabbed a flashlight and proceeded to the rear of the RV, the cries stopped and we couldn't see anything in the engine. Here we were in the middle of the night, under the vehicle with flashlight in hand, making mother cat noises; we expected the camp security to arrive any minute.

Finally, like a little "plop from above" a second kitten dropped out on the ground. It had been silent while we searched with the flashlight but once it dropped it found its voice. 12 hours after the discovery of the first kitten, we now had two, and the second kitten was equally dirty and full of diesel soot from the engine. Luckily we were prepared to feed and care for this one, and we knew the kittens would thrive because of each other. It didn't take long to name them Hitch and Hiker because of their amazing journey.’

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 23

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With Lauren Louella Boughalls

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For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering.

Hello again and thank you to Brian, Paul, Jenny, Chris, another Brian, Robbie, Liz, Alan and everyone else who correctly identified last monthâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s photograph as being the corner of Woburn Street and Dunstable Street in Ampthill (where Picture Corner is now).

Algi and I have not yet been out cycling but we have found this photograph for this month: it was taken in 1944 and shows the Crown and Sceptre Public House in Ampthill. But which street is it in?

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Answers by email to martin@thefuddler.com or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

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Page 25

Big Al’s Slow Cooked Sausages in Onion Gravy This is a recipe that is ideal for the slow cooker; that is the canny piece of kitchen ware rather than the culinary challenged in the kitchen.

You will need....

Ingredients for sausages in onion gravy: 1 tablespoon sunflower oil or your preferred alternative 8 pork sausages, you can more spicy or herby if you want 2 large onions, chopped 2 teaspoons of muscovado sugar 2 tablespoons of plain flour 450 ml (3/4 pint in old money) of beef stock 1 tablespoon tomato purée 1 bay leaf, optional Salt & pepper to taste Extras: 4 ready-made; either bought or home made earlier, large Yorkshire puddings, the recipe is based on the assumption two sausages will

be spooned into each pudding.

Heat the oil in a frying pan, add the sausages and fry over a high heat for 5 minutes, turning occasionally until browned on all sides but not cooked through. Drain and transfer to the slow cooker pot.

Add the onions to the frying pan and fry over a medium heat for 5 minutes or until softened. Add the sugar and fry, stirring for a further 5 minutes, or until the onions are caramelized around the edges. Stir in the flour, and then gradually mix in the stock.

Add the tomato purée, the bay leaf and some salt & pepper and bring to the boil, still stirring. Pour over the sausages, cover with the lid and cook on low for 6-8 hours.

Serve two of sausages spooned into the reheated ready-made Yorkshire puddings accompanied with some steamed carrots and broccoli or mashed potatoes ..... luvly.

VALENTINE’S DAY - FEBRUARY 14th Bookings now being taken for Daniel’s special supper -please contact us for all the details.

SHROVE TUESDAY FEBRUARY 21st

SUNDAY - ROAST LUNCHES AVAILABLE ALL DAY Choice of locally sourced meats and fantastic fresh vegetables!

Pancakes for all! Lots of fillings! Come and try one!

Please make sure you book your table though as Daniel’s lunches are very popular!

ST PATRICK’S DAY - 17th MARCH

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY

Daniel is creating an authentic Irish Stew with ‘Michael the Sheep’s’ local mutton! Booking’s a must!

With our resident guest Quizmasters - starts at 9.00 pm. No entry fee and everyone welcome!

MOTHERING SUNDAY - 18th MARCH

Up to 8 real ales available

We are already taking bookings for Daniel’s superb luncheon. Don’t get let down book your table now!

CAKE NIGHT

REAL ALES

Last Friday of the month - try a slice of cake in return for a small donation to Charity!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 26

Here we bring you some more observations, tales and fascinating facts from the whimsical world of Montgolfier: On the back of one of our Christmas cards it says ‘This is not a toy and is unsuitable for children under 36 months’.

Did you now that a human head weighs approximately one stone?

On the evening of January 3rd 1944 a Lancaster bomber crashed at the south east end of Ridgmont in the field before the M1. it was being flown by a Canadian pilot named Peter Groves and it was thought the plane crashed through getting iced up. One person still living in Ridgmont remembers it well - it was his 13th birthday. The Landlord of the Rose and Crown a Mr Ben Hildreth made his customers stay until it was thought to be safe.

My good friend Norman Brooks: the man who drove the hearses for the funerals of Churchill, Montgomery and Mountbatten etc died on October 16th aged 92.

Visitors - we get a Muntjac almost daily in the garden and lately we’ve had a fox several times who just meanders around. Also we had a beautiful peacock who stayed for the day and left at dusk.

If you stand outside and look up at a fairly large cloud, do you know it could weigh 100 tons or even more depending on it s size. A massive one will be thousands of tons. If you are now worried do wear a hard hat.

Did you know at Glastonbury last year over 5,500 tents were abandoned?

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 27

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Episode 26 part VII: Are we dead?

We left our ship, The SS Uganda, in launches as the island of Kos did not have a port or harbour big enough for her, and mustered in the towns market square. We were split into our respective groups and then set off to get our final sets of data for our respective projects. My chum Kevin and I were still bitter about the missed trip to Rhodes, and without any real historical alternative here we resigned ourselves to buying some souvenirs and

writing some postcards. We met up with one of our sixth formers from another group who was sitting outside a bar drinking a beer. We sat down with him and were soon enjoying a nice cold glass of beer as well as the waiter seemed quite happy to serve us. Soon afterwards we were invited to try the symbol of Greek culture...ouzo; and thus begun my journey into adversity. Well, the next thing I can honestly remember was coming to in what can only be described as an afterlife or at least the waiting room beforehand. I

was in a bed, everywhere and everything was pure white: the walls, ceiling, floor, bed and what little furniture there was; even the cup of water ... drinking that, turned out to be a bad idea .... I tried to sit up but my head seemed to be host to a community of gnomes who were mining my brain.

I noticed Kevin was in the next bed and asked weakly ‘are we dead’, ‘no but you will probably wish we were’ he replied. ‘What happened’ I asked, ‘You don’t want to know’ he offered, ‘You really don’t want to know’.

The next few hours were indeed hellish. I was told in no uncertain terms how foolish (putting it mildly)

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and utterly reckless we had been, and had brought shame and disgrace on the school we were representing after being found drunk and passed out outside a bar. All three of us were apparently discovered in a drunken stupor and had to be returned to our ship. As we had arrived via a launch, everyone else that was on our launch also had to return, suffice it to say we were not most popular with everyone .... in fact it was lucky for us we were where we were, but .... not for long. ..........to be continued When an elephant is in trouble, even a frog will kick him. Hindu Proverb

Page 28

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com