The Fuddler October 2010

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D & G SHORT

our advertisers showing you once more that ‘Whatever you are looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!

If you decide that you would like to advertise with us all our contact details are on page four of this issue.

FIXED PRICE AERIAL INSTALLATIONS

Have fun with the edition and we’ll see you again soon!

See our ad on page 24

BOOK NOW FOR CHRISTMAS

DROVERS ARMS.EU Take away delivery service Sunday to Thursday

Plus - All aspects of home security

Christmas bookings now being taken for the Thai Restaurant (Tel: 406863)

Please turn to our ad on page 16

Check out our newly revised and updated website!

Tel: 01525 406863

NEED A LOCKSMITH?

Hi everybody and as always a huge welcome to your bumper October Fuddler!

We hope that you will enjoy this issue - you’ll find lots of fun and nonsense inside plus lots of useful local information together with, of course, those all important messages from

WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Add fun and excitement to your event!

Great for Charity events, Club fund raisers, Weddings, Themed Parties, and Gentlemen’s evenings.

BLACKJACK, ROULETTE & POKER Telephone Kerry

077831 09848

Book now for Christmas!

ARAGON WINDOWS

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ

Telephone 01525 402959 Workshops & Clubs available - please come in for details We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more!

DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings.

Stockists of wool - Robin, Bretts, Peter Pan & Wendy.

JOIN OUR CRAFT CLUB

10% Discount on all purchases.

Free tea/coffee voucher for restaurant.

Monthly newsletter £12.00 per year

WOOL NOW IN

Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

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Our Home in Es Grau Our Home in Es Grau Our holiday home in Es Grau, Menorca is available to rent for the 2010/11 season, the home is situated in an idyllic position with lovely views over the bay and beach

Prices from £495 The village of Es Grau is situated 6 kilometers north of the capital, Mahon and is approached through the beautiful low hills of the area, the village is mainly occupied by Menorcan’s which ensures a different atmosphere from the normal holiday locations.

There are good facilities which include a shop, bars and restaurants and the swimming within the bay is very safe. Included in the cost is a Toyota 7 seater car and the use of our dinghy to explore the bay PLEASE VISIT OUR WEB SITE WHICH WILL PROVIDE ALL THE INFORMATION YOU REQUIRE

www.ourhomeinesgrau.co.uk Tele: 01525Ǧ718729 eǦmail michael@ourhomeinesgrau.co.uk

With Autumn just round the corner, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows?

Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

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WESTONING RECREATION CLUB

DAB HAND

LAWN CARE

FIREWORK DISPLAY

The lawn expert, giving you a lawn to be proud of

FRIDAY 5th NOVEMBER 2010 GATES OPEN - 6.30pm DISPLAY STARTS - 7.30pm £3 - ADULTS, £1.50 - CHILD HOT FOOD AVAILABLE LICENSED BAR ALL WELCOME

Feeding \ Weeding Repairing \ Laying Seeding and Mowing

The Complete Service Tel: 01525 713540 07710 501008

SORRY NO SPARKLERS

‘We really do make the difference’ The Ampthill Singers Present

NEWS from AMPTHILL INNER WHEEL

A Touch of Class Personal choices of some of the best all time tunes

At Ampthill Methodist Church November 12th & 13th from 7.30 pm Tickets £5.00 (Concession £4.00) Family (2+2 £15.00 Tickets available from 07092 984667 (box office) Or from shops in Ampthill & Flitwick Supporting Starlight Children’s Foundation & Alzheimer’s Society (UK)

There is to be a charity ball on Saturday October 30th at Eversholt Village Hall in aid of the charity ‘Have a Heart’.

Tickets cost £50.00 each which includes a champagne reception on arrival, three course dinner and dancing to DJ Matt King and The Hurricanes. The evening will also include a raffle, tombola and auction of promises . The event is black tie, so dress to impress! Guests should arrive for 7pm to be seated for 7.30pm.

For more information and to book tickets please contact Sarah Molloy on 07900 984561 or Maggie Higton on 07900 218209, you can also email them at sarahandmaggiehaveaheart@gmail.com

On 16th October 2010 the Inner Wheel Club of Ampthill & District is holding a Fashion Show with “Smarty’s” at Maulden Village Hall. The clothing is ex-chainstore and reasonably priced. Entrance including tea/coffee and biscuits is £6.00 per person. This will commence at 7.30pm and tickets are available from Debbie Bushman on 01525 406126. This is a fundraiser for Inner Wheel and local charities and is open to anyone. We would welcome any support from old friends and hopefully, new ones.

Saturday 30th October is your chance to take part in an exciting quiz night at Maulden Village Hall. Organise by the Maulden Players the event is at 7.30 for a prompt 8 pm start!

The maximum number per team is 6 and the cost is £8.00 per person to include a fish supper. There will also be a raffle on the night and you are invited to bring your own drinks.

Please call Hazel Titmuss (by 15th October ) to register your team on 01525 631964 or 07966 192830 (Apologies that the phone number was incorrect last month!)

Millbrook Village Hall

Sharman Law

Available for hire

S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

Bright, modern, well equipped hall Easy access & car park First class venue for x x x x

Meetings, corporate events and training days Club nights, socials, fund raisers and quizzes Family celebrations, weddings & christenings Exercise classes and children’s parties ...

For details and charges contact 01525 404221

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I have advised CheckIt-Out and Duster that I am now the self appointed watchdog crusading around the Parish ensuring that a gin and tonic is poured in the correct fashion.

Three cubes of ice in a tumbler together with a slice of lemon, over which should be poured the gin. Add tonic to taste. Just like Nanny taught me.

Ciao

RACHEL’S BLINDING DESIGNER FABRICS, INTERIOR DESIGN STUNNING CURTAINS & BLINDS

x x x

Tel: 01525 635946 Mob: 07944 417342 Samples brought to your home Free estimates Over 20 years experience INDIVIDUAL & PROFESSIONAL

Across: 1 Hosting, 5 Place, 8 Taint, 9 Eminent, 10 Deposes, 11 Titan, 12 Putter, 14 Crocus, 17 Creep, 19 Exploit, 22 Agitate, 23 Rider, 24 Eaten, 25 Treadle

Down: 1 Hated, 2 Snippet, 3 Ictus, 4 Greasy, 5 Pointer, 6 Alert, 7 Extends, 12 Pickaxe, 13 Explain, 15 Crowded, 16 Recent, 18 Evict, 20 Purse, 21 Terse

A BRIANISM I went to the barbers the other day and asked him if he did this new airbrushing thing that everyone is talking about.

He said he did but that I didn’t have enough hair so it wouldn’t be worth it.

x x x x

Emergency call outs for entry Call outs 6.00 am - midnight Replacement locks, doors and windows fitted Fast reliable and friendly service provided

Visit our showroom.

Over 70 modern and traditional fireplaces and stoves on display.

NOW IN STOCK Vast 1, Woburn Street, selection of Ampthill, Beds Fireside Tel: 01525 841199 Accessories www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk Mon - Fri: 10am - 5pm and Gifts Sat: 10am - 4pm

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity Print Solutions.

The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

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LGV driver training x All classes covered x inc. 7.5 ton car & trailer training x Ambulance driver training x Full size vehicles

*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

x x x x

Driver CPC Part 2 & 4 Approved instructors Proven high pass rate Approved job centre provider x Local training

Bedford 0845 521 5784 Milton Keynes 0845 521 5980 Biggleswade /Sandy 0845 521 6144 Mobile 07831 335635 www.a1-hgvdrivingschool.co.uk ALL MAJOR CREDIT CARDS ACCEPTED

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk

Thanks again Marjorie for sending us another cracker!

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Across: 1 Cherish (5) 4 Land measurements (5) 10 Crash (7) 11 Able (5) 12 Fold (5) 13 Slake (5) 15 Water jug (5) 17 Twenty Sl. (5) 19 Type of apple (5) 22 Orderly (4) 25 Benefaction (7) 27 Root part (5) 29 Fixing pins (5) 30 Plunge (7) 31 Pier (5) 32 Musical composition (5)

Down: 2 Search (5) 3 Revel noisily (7) 5 Intone (5) 6 Heighten (7) 7 Long flower stalk (5) 8 Mock (5) 9 Trusty horse (5) 14 District (4) 16 Departed (4) 18 Wine cup (7) 20 Endeavour (7) 21 Spectacle (5) 23 Eagle’s nest (5) 24 Command (5) 26 Extra page (5) 28 Drilled (5) P

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This has nothing to do with the crossword, but Sandra is still looking up words in her big book (dictionary?). See whether or not the word jumps put at you.

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

E E

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T

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C

JH AND PROPERTY MAINTENANCE SERVICES • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

i i i i i i i i i

Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414 Percolate

ELECTRICAL

Page 7

Onsite Logo Service

Event

At these prices it’s easy to look Professional that You are!

Day, 3pm -the 5pm

Front Chest Logo from £3 Place Back Logos from £3.50 Description (95% of work is this price) NO SET UP FEES FOR SIMPLE TEXT & LOGOS

1st Aug 15th Aug 22th Aug 5th Sep

Harmony Bedford Town Band Vine Street Six Jazz Band Saint Albans City Band

Event Day, 3pm - 5pm Place Description xxxxx

Leighton Buzzard Festival Singers

Rugged & Tough Work Grade Kit Winter Thick Fleeces From £18 Polo Shirts Premium £8 Premium Plus £12 Sweat Shirts From £15 Hooded Tops From £20 T Shirts From £6

Uniforms & Professional Kit DESIGNED FOR YOU TO WORK WITH YOU! Jobman Workwear 3 Point Guarantee 1: ZIPS 2:SEAMS 3: NO SHRINKING

Variety of Colour Options to Sat 6 Nov, 7:30pm Complete that Uniform Look St. Barnabas Church, Linslade Magnificat, Motets and a Mass Music by Haydn, Bach and Stamford.

Uniforms & Tickets £10 and £8(cons). Available from Room 9 and Selections Professional Kit Hardware, High Street, Leighton Buzzard Women’s Work wear Now in Stock Tops, Trousers, Boots & Shoes

NOW STOCKING HARKILA In addition to SEELAND Come & See the Seeland New Littman Range and the New Harkila Clothing & Boots

Winter Clothing DESIGNED FOR WORK A Swedish Saying..... “ There is no such thing as BAD weather..!

Only BAD clothing!”

NEW RANGE OF COUNTRY WELLINGTONS JUST ARRIVING

Barbers open Tuesday & Friday

Rugge d & Tough Hockliffe LU7 9LS. Proud to be members of www.lbconnect.co.uk Our Local Business Network Group

01525 211488

Mon-Fri 9am-6pm, Sat 9am - 5pm, Sun 10.30am - 4.30pm

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JOB OPPORTUNITY

PORTABLE APPLIANCE TESTING

In sales and customer service (9 month contract) Have you had a previous career in sales, marketing, design or print? If so, this could be the job for you!

Are you a multi-talented individual?

Do you want a local job with fantastic flexible hours that fits in around childcare and school hours?

For more details visit www.fidelityprint.co.uk/jobs

For further information regarding PAT testing and a competitive quote

Steve Sinfield 07736 303741

ȇOnȱ Marchȱ 4thȱ 2009ȱ Lionheartȱstartedȱhisȱfinalȱ crusade.ȱ ȱ Itȱ wasȱ notȱ plannedȱ butȱ preȬdestinedȱ byȱ Himȱ withȱ powersȱ farȱ g r e a t e r ȱ t h a nȱ man.ȱ ȱ Lionheartȱ knewȱ itȱ wouldȱ beȱ aȱ longȱ crusadeȱ withȱnoȱguaranteesȱthatȱitȱ couldȱbeȱwon.ȱȱHowever,ȱ heȱ didȱ manageȱ toȱ winȱ aȱ fewȱ skirmishesȱ alongȱ theȱ wayȱ butȱ finallyȱ onȱ 21stȱ Septemberȱ2010ȱitȱwasȱallȱ tooȱ muchȱ andȱ heȱ laidȱ

downȱ hisȱ swordȱ andȱ shieldȱ asȱ heȱ lostȱ theȱ battle.ȱȱ Heȱ foughtȱ everyȱ stepȱ ofȱ theȱwayȱwithȱsuchȱvalourȱ andȱ courage;ȱ heȱ neverȱ complainedȱ andȱ theȱ wordsȱ Ȉwhyȱ me?Ȉȱ andȱ Ȉitȇsȱ notȱ fairȈȱ wereȱ neverȱ partȱ ofȱ hisȱ conversations.ȱ Neverȱ lostȱ hisȱ senseȱ ofȱ humourȱ andȱ itȱ wasȱ onlyȱ inȱ theȱ lastȱ fewȱ weeksȱ thatȱ hisȱ uniqueȱ andȱ endearingȱ laughȱ wasȱ

silenced.ȱ ȱ Heȱ leavesȱ aȱ greatȱ gapȱ inȱ theȱ livesȱ ofȱ usȱ all...ȱ notȱ leastȱ toȱ Meerkatȱ butȱ howȱ canȱ aȱ manȱ withȱ suchȱ anȱ enormousȱ yetȱ gentleȱ personalityȱ everȱ reallyȱ leaveȱ us?...ȱ NEVER,ȱ heȱ willȱalwaysȱbeȱwithȱusȱinȱ someȱ wayȱ orȱ another.ȱ Meerkatȱ hasȱ beenȱ soȱ warmedȱ andȱ comfortedȱ byȱ theȱ kindnessȱ ofȱ soȱ manyȱfriendsȱatȱthisȱtimeȱ andȱsheȱquiteȱsimplyȱsaysȱ aȱheartfelt.....ȱ

THANKȱYOU.ȱxx’ȱ

With Hayley - D.I.

WHO’S GOT THE HANGING BASKETS??

We’ll find out, you know!

‘Don’t fink I like spiders fink I’m frit of them!’

THE

Ampthill

The Cottage Bakery is proud to launch its new Coffee Shop facilities.

The Coffee Shop, in our Church Street Ampthill branch, has been completely re-furbished and is definitely worth a try…

New menu plus all the original favourites served in all new surroundings.

On presentation of this advertisement you will be entitled to taste one of our hot drinks from our new Bean to Cup facility for free…..

Give us a try……

16 Church Street, Ampthill www.thecottagebakery.co.uk 01525 405278

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Carpets Sisal Seagrass Vinyl

Engineered & Solid Woods

Quickstep Laminate

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5 £per metre

Karndeans 12 brand new

designs to see in store

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£9 from pe .9 rm 9 etr e

Bennetts can still fit any flooring before christmas

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OUR NEW MANAGER

Gary McCarthy Would like to welcome you to Bennetts Ampthill

FOR MORE INFORMATION EITHER POP IN OR CALL US ON

113 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Tel: 01525 404406 also at: 4 Archway Parade, Marsh Road, Luton Tel: 01582 492197 118 London Road, St Albans Tel: 01727 844408

OPENING TIMES:

Monday to Saturday 9am - 5.30pm

The biggest independent flooring retailer in Bedfordshire and Hertfordshire

DUN STA B

www.bennettsflooring.co.uk

LE

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WAITROSE

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JEWELLERY VALUATIONS

for Insurance & probate Member of The Institute of Registered Valuers.

Digital pictures taken. All valuations charged at 1% of the total value. 35 years experience. Fully insured.

MARK TARRANT-WILLIS PJ Dip, PJ Gem Dip, PJ Val Dip, MirV

01525 712182 / 07974 475536

AT HOME OR WORK Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987 email: nigelpaul_nigelpaulrober@yahoo.co.uk

email: mtarrantwillis@aol.com

LOOK WHO’S 18 on the 19th OCTOBER!

With Jimmy The Voice

This month JTV has been busy building this work of art for us to study ...

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Does anyone own something 'Made in Australia'?

2) Has there ever been an unhappy sandboy?

3) What happened to 'Aztec bars'?

4) Has anyone ever been overtaken by a Skoda?

5) Why do dogs walk around in circles before they lie down?

Julio’s Top tip: Never try to rush anything as this may mean you might have to gain it a do, TCH! Never try to rush anything as this may mean you might have to do it again !!

... But we are not sure whether this is a possibility!

We’ve tried to replicate it but to no avail!! What do you reckon?

Wishing the crazy American, Auntie Denture AKA Jen, a happy birthday for the 5th and also a huge welcome to Ampthill, may it be a long stay xxx KT, Justin, Roo, Mum#2 & hounds and hubby + rest of the gang.

Woburn Country Foods BUTCHERS & FARM SHOP

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET PEA, with all our love Mum, Dad, Dan, Hayley, Jack, and Ampthill

Free Entry

Fri 29th & Sat 30th OCTOBER 9.00am –5.00pm Farm Animals, shire horses, Tractors & Machinery, Meet the farmer, Hog Roast, Country Walks, FREE Tastings Plus all our usual farm shop goodies!!!

Pumpkin Cutting Competition Bring your cut pumpkins by 10.00am on Saturday 30th October to be displayed in our farm shop and judged at 12.00pm Saturday. Categories: 0 - 10 years & 11 - 16 years. Prizes include £20 to go to the child’s school, plus a prize for the entrant. Entries will cost £1 with all proceeds going to Haynes Village Lower School.

Pumpkins on sale for 2 weeks prior to judging.

West End Farm, London Lane, Haynes West End

MK45 3RA

Tel: 01234 740300

(Left off A6 towards Bedford)

www.woburncountryfoods.com

Page 11

OSTEOPATH Help for painful musculoskeletal conditions ŀ Back

ŀ Neck ŀ Shoulder

ŀ Other muscle & joint pain

The clinic is in Ampthill town centre, and you are most welcome to contact me for further advice about osteopathy, and whether it could help you. www.osteo-pathway.co.uk 1 Kings Arms Yard (off Church St) Ampthill MK45 2PJ

Babs was trying to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems because the car had done 340,000 miles.

She discussed her problem with a friend who suggested ‘I have a friend who may be able to turn the clock back and if you say I sent you he’ll get you sorted. It’s not entirely legal though.’

‘Doesn’t matter’ said Babs ‘I need to sell the car.’ Thus Babs went to see the mechanic.

About a month later Babs bumped into her friend who said ‘Did you sell your car?’

‘No! Why should I? It only has 40,000 miles on it.’ replied Babs sensibly.

Beauty takes practice. - Having a dull hairstyle is like putting an olive on top of a chocolate sundae. It makes your whole appearance unappetizing.

My friend’s husband is so silly he built a wooden barbeque.

Practice random acts of intelligence and senseless moments of self control.

Small print is custom designed to produce frustration. To avoid this get someone else to read it for you - and then explain it.

If you want to help people suffering from information overload simply do not tell them anything.

Sorry I’m late for work, I was ready but my inner child refused to get dressed.

If you feel you are self-obsessed take a self help course to confirm your belief.

Decisions can be wrong. Prevarication always gives you a decent get out clause.

What is the use of being a fashion plate if all you are going to put on it is peas?

In motoring, high speed means high tyre costs.

Did you know we do...

Colour & Black Printing

Booklets

Banners

Stationery

Training Manuals

Posters

Newsletters

Company Reports

Foamex panels

Menus

Greeting Cards

Roller Banners

Tent cards

Calendars

Exhibition Stands

Brochures

Labels

CD/DVD Duplication

Flyers

Stickers

Packaging

B[WÆ[ji

NCR Pads

Personalisation

Catalogues

Tear/waterproof Manuals

Direct Marketing

Folders

MAKING A PIE FOR THE PIE FESTIVAL? We have everything you need for a truly spectacular pie filling!

Photocopying

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Fidelity. Unit 24 Station Rd Ind Est. Ampthill. Bedfordshire. MK45 2QY

1. By what name is Leonard Franklin Slye better known?

2. ‘It was a cold grey day in late November’ is the opening line from which book?

3. In which US state is there a town called ‘Lovely’?

4. When was the pencil invented?

5. What is a ‘Tuj’?

6. ‘Fesnyng’ is the collective term for which creature?

7. Who presented Blue Peter from 1995-2000?

8. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Athazagoraphobia’’ of what would you be frightened?

9. What is a ‘Boomslang’?

10.By what name is the old festival of ‘Samhain’ better known?

1 Roy Rogers, 2 Jamaica Inn by Daphne Du Maurier, 3 Kentucky, 4 1565, 5 Breed of sheep, 6 Ferrets, 7 Katy Hill, 8 Forgetting things, 9 Snake, 10 Halloween

Tel: 01525 405759

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Choose a ready-made design for your business and customise it using our simple online design tool.

InstantQuotes Get an Instant Print Quote, upload your artwork or use our online design tool to create your design.

Page 12

SKIP and HELEN welcome you to the

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508 www.ossoryarms.co.uk

FOOD SERVED DAILY 12.00 - 2.30 pm

BREAKFAST SERVED 10.30 - 2.30 Friday, Saturday & Sunday

QUIZ NIGHT

Every Thursday 8.30 pm - 5 rounds + Jackpot round

POOL TABLE

All sporting events shown WI FI

CANCER (June 22-July 23) Sometimes it may be better to accept a situation with good grace rather than try to alter it. Who knows? It could be beneficial for you after all.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) As we lightly canter into autumn, take care to put the reins on what might seem like a great idea. Think it through very carefully.

LEO (July 24-August 23) As always, if you are expected to make a decision with far reaching consequences, be sure that you trust the person giving the advice.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Don’t be too concerned if things are not quite right for you just now. By the early part of next month you will see all worries fly out of the window.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) It will not be long before a significant change could occur which may involve you in travel plans that you had not previously considered.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) There is always a tendency for you to go for the easy option. Look carefully at the situation from a different perspective.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) The ebb and flow of the lunar tides may be affecting your love life at this time. Never be afraid to wear your heart on your sleeve.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) Your recent buoyant mood should continue over the next few weeks, with new projects coming on board and different ideas to explore.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) The recent full moon indicates that you may have pushed things a little too far on the domestic front. No worries - things will soon be fine.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) If you have the tendency to ignore advice from those around you, it could be a good time to reconsider and pay heed to sensible words.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) Career prospects could be changing with an unexpected offer coming out of the blue. Make sure to trust your gut instinct before changing.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Ah! Could there be love in the air for Geminis? You could well be heading for a roller coaster time of carefree fun and excitement.

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Page 13

Friday 5th November sees the spectacular Ampthill Firework Display! Held at Ampthill Park in Woburn Street, the display is organised by Ampthill & District Lions (in co-operation with Ampthill Town Council and Bedfordshire Police) and promises to be a glorious family event.

The gates open at 5.30 pm with the display scheduled to commence at 7.30 pm. Hot food and drinks will be available plus a children’s fun fair and ‘glow in the dark’ novelties.

There will be plenty of free parking at Ampthill Rugby Club and also at Queensmans Football Club.

Tickets cost £6.00 for adults, £4.00 for children under 12 or a family ticket at £12.00. (2 Adults and 2 children.) Advance tickets are available from Cheesemans Chemist in Church Street Ampthill & Box of Delights, Flitwick.

Proceeds from the event will go to support Lions local and International community projects and Ampthill Town Mayor’s charities.

More details at www.amptilllions.btik.com

In support of Midshires Search and Rescue.

(Reg Charity No: 1110825)

To be held at Shefford Community Hall on Saturday 30th October. Doors open at 7.30 with the quiz stating at 7.45.

Teams of up to 8 - £6.00 per person (Including buffet).

No bar but tea and coffee available.

To book your space please contact Elaine on 07778 455422 or Margaret on 01525 750013

Ɣ WHO ATE ALL THE PIES?!?!

Ampthill Pie Festival, Saturday 23 October 2010 We hold all the equipment you will need to ensure your successful entry into the pie contest – pie dishes, pie funnels, pastry blenders, pastry brushes!

Ɣ VACHERIN DUE IN NEXT MONTH!!

If you’ve tried Vacherin cheese before then you’ll understand why we’re all getting excited about it being available again very soon! If you haven’t, then do pop in to sample some!

Ɣ HOMEMADE PRESERVES? Jam, chutneys and sloe gin?!

We have jars and bottles galore in stock including jam pans, muslin, labels, jam funnels, thermometers, wax discs etc Open 7 days a week Mon - Sat 9.00 - 17.30 + Sun 11.00 -17.00!

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill

Tel: 01525 402023

TRADITIONALȱFREEHOUSEȱȱ PUBȱȱANDȱRESTAURANTȱ WITHȱLARGEȱPATIOȱGARDENȱ ȱ

Fridayȱ15thȱOctoberȱ 9pmȱȬȱCharityȱRaceȱNightȱ ȱ

BOOKȱNOWȱFORȱYOURȱ CHRISTMASȱPARTYȱ 2ȱcoursesȱ£15.95ȱ 3ȱcoursesȱ£18.95ȱ ViewȱourȱwebsiteȱforȱtheȱMenuȱ ȱ

TheȱGreenȱManȱ ChurchȱEndȱ Eversholtȱ MK17ȱ9DUȱ Telephoneȱ–ȱ01525ȱ288111ȱ Websiteȱwww.greenmaneversholt.com

Page 14

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk

Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

Halloween will soon be here, The time for children all to fear.

Ghosts and goblins, witches too All come out on this night for you.

So come to martins don’t delay They have Halloween items on display, From masks , costumes, hats, face paints to name a but a few, To help make Halloween a great night for you.

And if you’re going trick and treating We even sell things to put your sweets in.

But if you’re a grown up staying at home, Don’t forget you need some treats because the children will only moan.

We also have a new range of products for only a pound That witches and goblins come to buy from all around.

So if your out in the town, And see an old lady in a black gown, Be nice to her as you should do, Because she might put a spell on you.

I would also like to remind all the children out there, To come Martins and you will find the new match attax cards on display there.

For more details on our spooky offers, call in to see us at 17 Church Street Ampthill. 01525 404314

Happy 4th birthday to Heather Roo,lots of love Mummy, Pa Justin and Charlie xxx

CHOICE OF REAL ALES

with a regular guest ale

We take care of EVERYTHING WE WILL DESIGN AND INSTALL YOUR BATHROOM, OLD SUITES DISPOSED OF -

WATCH ALL LIVE SPORTS EVENTS IN HD ON UK SKY SPORTS / ESPN

Great value Quality Food served Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00

ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED BEAUTIFUL RANGE OF TOP NAME SUITES & SHOWERS ; PLUMBING

; ELECTRICS

; CARPENTRY

; TILING

; FLOORING

; DECORATING

Page 15

Fairies n Frogs Children’s Gifts and Toys

NOW AT (RUSSELL PRESS) DUNSTABLE STREET AMPTHILL

Pocket Money Toys & Games Traditional Wooden Toys Books and Gifts

Dressing Up, Beatrix Potter & Flower Fairies Plus Lots more For those last minute party presents Children’s Gifts from Birth to 9 yrs

Tel: 01525 840271 www.fairiesnfrogs.co.uk See us on Facebook Fairies n frogs Childrens Shop

Page 16

MATTHEW UNDERWOOD PLUMBING & HEATING Based in Flitwick

x ALL PLUMBING WORK UNDERTAKEN x BATHROOM INSTALLATION / REPAIR x CENTRAL HEATING INSTALLATION / REPAIR x POWER FLUSHING x GUTTERING x BLOCKED DRAINS PLEASE CALL: 07768 962770 email: mattunderwood@me.com Website: www.mattunderwoodplumbing.co.uk

...........Just Purrrfect After feeling a bit out of sorts for a while last month, I am happy to report that everything is back to normal. The nice quiet lady is away quite a lot but I get lots of attention when she comes back, and the large hairy one does a fine job of looking after me in her absence.

The French lady did get to clear my habitat up but in a way it turned out for the best. If you remember I was getting quite bothered by the apples falling on my head whilst I was snoozing.

Well, I was forced into finding a new sanctuary away from the tree and have found an ideal spot that is perfect for a good sleep and also to catch any trespassers, whether it be feline, rodent or whatever.

The garden is great and in two parts, with the French

lady’s area more untamed and with greater opportunities for hiding away unnoticed. The other area, officially my own garden I suppose, Is arranged on four terraces and it is great fun charging down trying to leap from one to the other, this attracts puzzled looks from the humans who think I’m going a bit potty, but it is that I’m just having fun really.

So all in all everything is good and I’m really enjoying my new surroundings and I think I have settled in quite well now. I often wonder how my old owners are getting on and what they are up to, I hope they are doing OK and think of me sometimes.

Well that’s it from me I’m off now for a little sleep, with one eye open though..........just in case!

O

Page 17

THE PRINCE OF WALES One of our readers has been good enough to forward more of these very clever gems to us!

In A Dry Cleaner's Window: Anyone leaving their garments here for more than 30 days will be disposed of.

In A Health Food Shop Window: Closed due to illness.

In a Laundromat: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

Highway sign: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.

In a Texas Divorce Attorney's Office: “Remember the Alimo -ny.”

Maternity Clothes Shop: We are open on Labor Day. Mathematics Professor’s House: “AFTER MATH” Psychic's Hotline: “Don't call us, we'll call you.”

Golf Pro Shop: “Members will refrain from picking up lost balls until they have stopped rolling.”

Scuba Diving Store: “We carry a complete line of under ware.”

Search & Rescue Office: “Support your local rescue squad.

Get lost.”

Sign spotted on the back window of a small car being pulled by a motor home: "I go where I'm towed."

Toy Store: “There’s no gift like the present.”

Tree Surgeon: “We go out on a limb for you.”

Body and Fender Shop: “We come wreck-a-mended” Towing Company: “Call us at any hour. We’re always on our tows.”

Wonderful stuff again! Many thanks indeed and if you have any more please do send them in.

24 Bedford Street Ampthill MK45 2NB Tel: 01525 840504 Fax: 01525 840574

Christmas Party Dinner Menu Roast Butternut Squash and Smoked Garlic Soup finished with Chilli Pesto Deep Fried Breaded Brie and Camembert Wedges with Redcurrant Jelly Chicken, Smoked Bacon and Asparagus Terrine With Orange and Apricot Marmalade

Grilled Mackerel Fillet with Beetroot Salad and Horseradish Mayonnaise Chorizo, Tomato, Mozzarella and Olive Tian with Sundried Tomato and Basil Oil

******

Traditional Roast Turkey

With Pigs in Blankets and a Tarragon, Lemon and Shallot Stuffing

Steak, Woodland Mushroom and Brandy Stroganoff with Wild Rice Baked Pork Loin with a Leek, Bacon and Cranberry Stuffing,

Finished with a Caramelised Red Onion and Sherry Jus

Roasted Lamb Shoulder Fillet

With a Aubergine, Beef Tomato and Cous Cous Gateau with a Cream, Rosemary and Garlic Sauce

Pan Baked Sea Bass Fillets on Wilted Spinach

Fully Qualified Fully Insured 10 years Salon Experience

Served with Tiger Prawns, Dill, Spring Onion and Avocado Oil

Roasted Vegetable and Halloumi Timbale

Cuts •Colours• Blowdrys •Hair Up Ladies• Gents •Children Ladies Cut & Finish ReͲStyle / Long Thick, Cut & Finish Gent Child from Blowdry Blowdry / Long Thick Hair HairͲUp Full Head Foils Long Foils ½ Head Foils Semi Permanent Colour Full Head Permanent Tint Root Tint

£25.00 £32.00 £10.00 £5.00 £15.00 £18.00 £20.00 £40.00 £45.00 £30.00 £20.00 £25.00 £20.00

Free Consultation Sarah Aldous

Call: 07917 727 265 or 01234 768 706 Email: sa.creativehair@gmail.com

With a Rich Plum Tomato, Rosemary and Red Wine Compote

******

Christmas Pudding with Brandy Sauce Dark Chocolate Torte Orange and Gran Marnier Posset Treacle and Brazil Nut Tart with Custard Vanilla Cheese Cake with Whiskey Infused Raspberry Compote Selection of English and Continental Cheese with Biscuits

******

Coffee and Mince Pies

******

3 Course Dinner Menu Including Coffee £28.00 To Book Your Table Call The Prince of Wales on 01525 840504

We can cater for parties of up to 50 covers to sit down with this menu.

Page 18

Honky Tonk Music By Paul Roberts Solo performing Trumpet player and vocalist with backing tracks Pubs, Clubs, Bars, Weddings Jazz, Jive, Rock ‘N’ Roll, Swing Tel: 01525 404069 or Mob: 07973 971 209

DOG WALKING ‡ 'DLO\ ZDONV RI IRUW\ ILYH PLQXWHV ‡ 'DLO\ ZHHNO\ RU RFFDVLRQDOO\ ‡ 6DIH VHJUHJDWHG WUDQVSRUWDWLRQ ‡ 2II OHDG ZDONV ZKHUH SRVVLEOH ‡ 0D[ RI IRXU GRJV SHU ZDONHU Excellent socialisation for your dog, peace of mind for you!

PET SITTING 'RJV Â&#x2021; )ULHQGO\ GRJV VWD\ ZLWK KRVW IDPLOLHV Â&#x2021; $OO GD\ FDUH DQG VDIH JDUGHQ Â&#x2021; <RX SURYLGH EHG IRRG WR\V HWF Â&#x2021; :H SURYLGH WZR ZDONV SHU GD\

&DWV Â&#x2021; 6WD\ LQ RZQ KRPH HQYLURQPHQW Â&#x2021; 2QH RU WZR YLVLWV SHU GD\ Â&#x2021; /HW RXW LQ OLWWHU FKDQJHG DQG IHG Â&#x2021; Âś3XUUIHFW¡ DOWHUQDWLYH WR D FDWWHU\

Saturday 23rd October sees the 6th annual Ampthill Pie Festival in aid of Charity!

Held at The Queens Head public house in Woburn Street Ampthill, this yearâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s event hopes to raise funds for Macmillan Cancer Care.

In past years this closely fought contest has attracted entries from all over the place including Toddington, Flitwick, Ampthill and the surrounding villages.

Pies arrive at the pub from around 11.00 am and then the serious judging takes place at 1.00 pm.

Once judging is finished customers are invited (for a donation to charity) to go ahead and taste the pies!

Richard, new landlord of The Queens, and his team are on hand to oversee the whole event and there will undoubtedly be a series of entertainments on the day!

So, if you feel inspired to enter a pie, or indeed just want to go along and enjoy an unusual day you will see more details in The Queens ad on page 20 of this issue.

A fun day to raise money for charity!

6PDOO SHWV Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, birds, rats & ferrets are welcome in our home! Â&#x2021; &DJHV KXWFKHV IRRG EHGGLQJ FROOHFWHG Â&#x2021; )HHGLQJ SHWWLQJ DQG H[HUFLVH JLYHQ

PET TRANSPORTING Â&#x2021; 6DIH VHJUHJDWHG WUDQVSRUWDWLRQ Â&#x2021; 7R DQG IURP YHWV DQG JURRPHUV HWF

The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service Professional, high quality and friendly service Free delivery and collection Drop-in and collect service available ( Open from 8 am daily )

Optional same day service For further information contact

LOUISE on

01525 841114

01525 860606

www.thepetaup www.thepetaupair.co.uk pair.co.uk

,1685(' _ 32/,&( &+(&.(' _ 5()(5(1&(6 $9$,/$%/( _ (67

Or see our website at www.pressed4time.info

31, Russell Drive, Ampthill MK45 2TX

Page 19

YOUR LOCAL Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer at trade prices!

No.1 For Scooters, Stairlifts & Mobility Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

AtȱComfortȱMattressȱweȱmanufactureȱ andȱdistributeȱhighȱqualityȱȱ MemoryȱFoamȱmattressesȱlocallyȱ fromȱShefford.ȱ Weȱsellȱdirectȱtoȱtheȱpublicȱandȱtradeȱ cuttingȱoutȱtheȱmiddleȱmen,ȱallowingȱ usȱtoȱsellȱaȱrangeȱofȱfoamȱproductsȱatȱȱ FANTASTICȱlowȱprices!!ȱ Takeȱadvantageȱofȱmassiveȱ discountedȱpricesȱonlyȱavailableȱȱ fromȱourȱFactoryȱOutletȱatȱȱ 12CȱOldbridgeȱWay,ȱSheffordȱȱ IndȱEst,ȱBedsȱSG17ȱ5HQȱ 30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.

Not to used with any other offer WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK

New and used Scooters, part ex welcome.

Wheelchairs, Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails, Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing & much more.

For more information call us or visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

Page 20

We are delighted to bring you this unusual recipe that one of our readers has sent to us: Derived from an Oyster po’ boy sandwich recipe, this seems a more practical version.

The fragrant, delicate and frothy egg/scallop “omelette” makes a fantastic companion to the crunchy bacon, lettuce and spicy mayo. Scallops and bacon are a marriage made in heaven.

This is truly the King of sandwiches, and takes minutes to make.

Wear a bib!

Bacon and Scallop po’ boy Feeds 2 1 Ciabatta loaf 2-3 shallots Generous dollop of mayo Tabasco 2-3 tomatoes Lettuce 6-8 rashers crispcooked bacon (smoked or not to taste) - prob streaky best.

1 large egg Flour

6TH AMPTHILL PIE FESTIVAL

Please contact us for all the information: 01525 405016

Saturday 30th October HAYLEY’S ‘HAYLEYWEEN’ PARTY There’s more fun and merriment afoot here at the Queens when Hayley gets on the case to organise a special ‘Halloween’ party from around 8.00 pm onwards! Fancy dress is welcomed though not compulsory, lots of surprises and there may even be a mystery guest pumpkin!

Well thanks very much for that one!

ALL DAY SUNDAY ROASTS

Saturday 23rd October Taking place on October 23rd is the 6th Ampthill Pie Festival to raise funds for MacMillan Cancer Support!

You are invited to make a pie of your own choosing, either sweet or savoury, or one of each!

Bring and register your entries on the day between 11.00 am and 1.00 pm when judging begins, and compete for one of our magnificent pie trophies!

There will also be a great selection of Guest ales, Music and Merriment and even if you haven’t made a pie you are welcome to come along and join in!

3-4 scallops.

Chop shallots finely. Add to mayo & season with a dash or two of Tabasco, s & p.

Halve and split Ciabatta leaving a hinge. Spread seasoned mayo both sides.

Add layer of sliced tomato. “ layer crispy bacon “ layer crisp lettuce leaf Separate egg, fork yolk until smooth, beat white frothy.

Dredge scallop pieces in flour, mix yolk in, then tip into whisked whites and mix well.

Tip mix into hot pan and fry quickly so just coloured on both sides. (try to make it a similar shape to the Ciabatta) Add the scallop “omelette” to the sandwich and just squirm as you eat it warm!

Or try it with prawns, monkfish or squid perhaps?

This recipe is unbelievably good!

Professional chef Daniel is pleased to offer his roast lunches throughout the day, but it is best to book in case he gets a rush and he runs out!

Plus home made specials served every day.

CHRISTMAS PARTY BOOKINGS NOW BEING TAKEN Daniel’s Christmas menu will soon be available which features a magnificent ‘Three Bird Roast’ as a speciality! Please ring or pop in for details.

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY With our resident Quizmaster and his lovely assistant - starts at 9.00 pm.

Also: 2 separate outside smoking areas 2 bars plus cosy lounge ideal for private conversations, meetings, book clubs etc - pop in and have a look!

Page 21

Dick Molloy Local Painter & Decorator Free quotations

07872 938037 28 years experience

With Howie

Q: Why are many coin banks shaped like pigs?

A: Long ago, dishes and cookware in Europe were made of a dense orange clay called 'pygg'. When people saved coins in jars made of this clay, the jars became known as 'pygg banks.'

When an English potter misunderstood the word, he made a bank that resembled a pig. And it caught on.

Q: Did you ever wonder why dimes, quarters and half dollars have notches, while pennies and nickels do not?

A: The US Mint began putting notches on the edges of coins containing gold and silver to discourage holders from shaving off small quantities of the precious metals. Dimes, quarters and half dollars are notched because they used to contain silver. Pennies and nickels aren't notched because the metals they contain are not valuable enough to shave.

Q: Why do ships and aircraft in trouble use 'mayday' as their call for help? A: This comes from the French word m'aidez - meaning 'help me' – and is pronounced 'mayday.'

Thanks once more for these pearls of wisdom!?

Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: therese_777@msn.com

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

Corns,ȱcalluses,ȱnails,ȱbunions,ȱ verrucae,ȱfootȱhealthȱadvice,ȱȱ shoeȱadvice,ȱhotȱwaxȱtreatments,ȱ reflexologyȱandȱoneȱhourȱȱ footȱpamper.ȱ

GiftȱVouchersȱavailableȱ ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

Page 22

THE ROYAL OAK

Your Local Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning Service

40 George Street, WOBURN We offer great pub food with many homemade dishes, real ales, good garden & smoking area, pool table and darts board.

A lovely country pub to visit NOW TAKING CHRISTMAS BOOKINGS 01525 290695

Hilary & Neil look forward to seeing you

‘Providing a Hassle Free service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

All furniture moved and replaced Stain and odour removal Stain Shield protective treatments All work fully insured and guaranteed CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 862744 / 07999 909982 Email: thecarpetman1@btinternet.com

Beat the credit crunch with Formula One Scooters ORDER NOW TO BEAT THE JANUARY VAT INCREASE! WE NOW HAVE A FULLY EQUIPPED WORKSHOP AND CAN SERVICE AND REPAIR ANY MAKE OF SCOOTER 50 CC TO 125 CC

With the price of car-parking, tax and petrol, the ideal vehicle for commuting is a scooter; a years’ tax on a scooter is only £15. Very cheap to insure. At Most rail stations parking for a scooter is free (£6.20 a day for a car), coupled by the fact that you can actually park.

The other obvious advantage is that you can get circa 100 miles to a gallon.

You can ride a 50 cc at age 16, or if you have a full car licence, just twist and go, no test or ‘L’ plates required. (Providing licence obtained prior to February 2001) September is fast approaching so why don’t you treat yourself to a brand new 60 plate Scooter FROM AS LITTLE AS £750.00 BRAND NEW, TAXED REGISTERED AND ON THE ROAD.

F1 Scooters Unit D, Station Road Business Park, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2QY (Immediately behind Eckart)

0845 313 8400 Ɣ 07961 775420 www.f1scooters.co.uk

BBC i Player seems to be everywhere at the moment. If you have not used it, it’s a very simple way of watching BBC programmes that you may have missed or forgotten to record. Initially i player was available on computers however over the past few months more and more televisions have the i player experience available either by connecting the television to your broadband router or in many instances you can connect wirelessly to the relevant broadband hub, alleviating the need for unsightly cables. BBC programmes that you have missed are then accessed using the television remote control.

Simples as our rodent friend on TV keeps saying.

Several Televisions now offer Internet browsing. Panasonic have introduced Skype to some of their TVs. This is ideal if you have relatives or friends abroad. Take for example Auntie is in Australia and she uses the Skype system you would be able to see and chat to her at no cost! You Tube, Euro sport news and Love film are other popular sites. As the dark nights draw in, pick up your remote control click on the love film icon and have access to hundreds of films available instantly, now that’s convenience! I know some of you may be thinking that all this technology will need a degree to drive it….trust me its simple, call into the shop we will show you how simple it really is.

Are you ready for when the analogue TV channels get turned off?

BBC 2 will be turned off on the 30th March 2011 followed by remaining analogue channels on the 13th April. Do remember that its not just your main TV that you need to think about. Do you have a set in the bedroom, kitchen, study or conservatory? Are you still recording on a video recorder? If you are unsure whether you will be affected call into our showroom and have a chat and collect your free digital switchover guide.

The answer as always is to speak to your local Independent Specialist to get professional information and a demonstration.

Paul Mead - Michael R Peters, Tavistock Sound & Vision Telephone 01234 352107/356323. (See their ad on the back page of this issue)

i i i i i i i i i i i i

Tiling Plastering Plumbing Landscaping Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

Page 23

Coal

Gas

Logs

Compton Gas & Garden Centre

Heater & 13kg Bottle of gas only £89.99 Beat the extortionate gas prices with this boiling hot deal Winter Pansies & Shrubs Now Available

Tel: 01582 599480 Compton Avenue Luton LU4 0EB Open 7 days • Free Delivery

MLU89730_V2•1038•C•DI (2)

Page 24

BMJ HOME & GARDEN SERVICES For all those jobs around the house and garden, that you never have time for!

We are an established, reliable trustworthy & a very reasonably priced company.

NO JOB TOO SMALL

Tel: Joolz or Michael on 01525 211670 Mob: 07871 802815

With Aldous Appleby Continued from last month

Thanks once more to another eagle eyed reader who spotted the following: ‘Wanted: Ejection seat tester. Involves a small amount of travelling.’

Thanks again for that one.

My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION. ‘Just wait until we get home.’

My mother taught me about RECEIVING. ‘You are going to get it when you get home!’

My mother taught me about MEDICAL SCIENCE. ‘If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.’

My mother taught me about ESP. ‘Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you'll be cold?’

My mother taught me about HUMOUR. ‘When that lawnmower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me.’

My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT. ‘If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up.’

Great stuff Aldous and many thanks again for sharing those with us!

I didn’t want to peep round this silly wall either!

But who am I? I am an actress appearing on your television screens in a yet another hugely popular American show.

You’ll find the answer at the foot of the page.

Happy Birthday to Katy for the 19th October Lots of love Justin xx

Boti Bliss, CSI Miami

‘Do you want dinner?’

Dirty Dave asked his wife.

‘What are my choices?’ she replied. ‘Yes and no’ said Dirty Dave.

Page 25

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

PRINTING &

COPYING Up to A0

01234 766819 Also mailmerge, packing & mailing CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

ASKEW MAILING SERVICES LTD sales@mailinghouse.co.uk

With Gerard Boughtye

Exciting news! There’s to be a new convenience store in the middle of Ampthill!

Opening any day now, Richard’s convenience store is moving from Queens Road to premises formerly known as Turners Newsagents in Dunstable Street. Situated right next door to the Albion public house we understand that Richard plans to offer a wide range of goods in addition to the many lines he already carries including newspapers, tobacco and an off licence too!

See next month’s Fuddler for more!

By Henry Flagstaff

It wasn’t my turn to walk the cat, so with Gladys cheerfully relishing the task I pottered off to the library to see what literary excitement would be on the shelves. Always so difficult with such an excellent choice, but on inspecting said shelves and their contents a book by the author Robin Cook seemed to need reading!

Entitled ‘Foreign Body’, the fly promised a fast paced medical thriller. Rushing back to the wing back, I poured a goodly shot of malt (Gladys was still out)

For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206 Free doorstep delivery of organic milk plus … … GARDEN SUPPLIES INCLUDING MULTI PURPOSE COMPOST, GARDEN PEAT, FERTILISER ETC ALL DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!

Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

and delved into the pages.

The tome is set in India and concerns a ‘sinister, multilayered conspiracy of global proportions’.

The characters, the very cleverly constructed plot, and the dynamic descriptions of the locale seemed to physically whisk you to join the others in solving the crime!

Altogether a splendid read !

Incidentally, if you are not a member of the library you really ought to pop in and join up - there is literally hours of entertainment just waiting for you!

HF

We understand that after a rip-roaring start to the story - it has all ended in a fizzle!

However, we will keep you in touch with developments!

She got home, screeched her car into the driveway, ran into the house, slammed the door and shouted to her husband at the top of her lungs,... ‘Pack your bags.

I just won the lottery!’

The husband said, ‘Oh my Goodness! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?’

‘Doesn't matter’, she said, ‘Just get out!’

Where’s Wally Wilkinson??

Garage Door Solutions Ltd Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares x All makes & designs available x 24 Hour repair service x No call out charge x All work guaranteed x Free quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

Page 26

THE WINGFIELD CLUB LTD C.I.U. Affiliated

37 Church Street, Ampthill, Beds

01525 403321 (Bar) or 841736 (Office)

Meeting rooms & Large Lounge for hire Free WiFi

PLUS

AMPTHILL & DISTRICT LIONS CLUB What sort of a community do you want to live in? We in Ampthill & District Lions Club are going to rise to the challenge of improving our community by caring for one another. That is why we are proud of our efforts to sponsor the 2 new Youth Football Teams in Ampthill supporting our Youth in the Local Community. They will be wearing the Lions logo on their new shirts and we wish them and all the families involved the best of luck for the coming season.

Youth of today are our future tomorrow.

You can help the lions in their work for the community by becoming a Friend of Lions. We want people both male and female to join up to become a friend of Lions. It will cost you nothing, all we ask is that you can give some of your spare time to give a hand at some of our fund raising projects.

Helping supervise our Moonraker sponsored night walk in aid of Macmillan Cancer Care, extra manpower for our Fireworks Display in Ampthill Park on November 5th (one of Bedfordshire’s largest fireworks display), having fun meeting people with our Christmas Santa Float, join in our social events and our club birthday party the annual Charter celebration. We now have a growing number of “Friends” – why don’t you become one of them?

Lions are or could be someone like you. Don’t ask what your Community can do for you but what you can do for your Community. Make a difference in your Community and have fun and friendship. We have male and female members and more information can be obtained from our website www.ampthilllions.btck.com or by telephoning 08458 332 883. We meet on the 1st and 3rd Mondays of the month at 8pm in the Jolly Coopers, Flitton, Beds.

£2.90 £2.70

£2.45 £2.70 £2.80

£2.45 £2.70

WINES A fine selection of wines in 187 ml bottles all at £2.50 each KARAOKE Every second Saturday of the month BINGO Every Thursday evening LIVE ENTERTAINMENT See noticeboard inside bar area

...are Milton Keynes’s premier airport transfer company.

Whether a business trip, or a much needed break, Airports Direct are dedicated to getting you to and from your airport stress free and in comfort and style. 100% reliable, professional service guaranteed. DVD’s / coolers available.

T: 0800 707 6003 E: info@airportsdirectmk.com www.airportsdirectmk.com 33 White Alder, Stacey Bushes Milton Keynes, MK12 6HE Company No. 5318754 (England & Wales)

Page 27

Ampthill Festival Committee in association with Ampthill TV presents Two double DVD sets of the 2010 Ampthill Festival

Set One — The Proms in the Park & the Festival Gala Day

(2hr 30m)

Proms introduced by Robert Daws, featuring Ampthill Town Band, Ampthill Concert Orchestra, Redborne Jazz Band, Peter Hoare & Natasha Joul.

Festival Gala Day, Parade & brief preview of the groups.

Set Two — The 2010 local bands from AmpRocks and Gala Day (3hr 15m) Muchos Besos, The Nimblewits, Rubber Cindy, The Whybirds, Duncan Arkley, Alias, Tristan Infernoso, Betaboy, Fran Bove, Rogue Radio, Folk’n’Ska Souls

Over 5 hrs from the 2010 Ampthill Festival to view on DVD Also available to view in FULL HD on a Blu-Ray disc*

ONLY available from Moonspirit, 11 Bedford St, Ampthill from mid October (look for poster in window) Price £6.50 each set on DVD or £10 on Blu-ray * (CASH ONLY - all proceeds to Ampthill Festival Funds) (*Blu-Ray player & HD ready TV required to play HD Blu-ray discs)

Page 28

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW

Times to suit you.

1st assessment FREE 45 mins lessons AGES 6 to 60

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For further information contact

Guy on 07811 364 328

BELLA JANE

Congratulations to Emily and Tim on the arrival of baby Bertie who Was born on 22nd September weighing 6lbs 9ozs.

1st November STEPH Happy Birthday Squiffy - my Child Bride

From your Slipper xxx

A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the local zoo. As he was driving his truck through the countryside, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, Mr Chuckles arrived but found the truck was too big for his tow truck. The driver was mortified but the delivery had to be made so he offered Mr Chuckles £500 to take the penguins to the zoo for him.

The next day, the truck driver arrived in town and saw Mr Chuckles crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him and steam gently rising from each ear.

The truck driver jumped out of his truck and said, ‘What's going on? I gave you £500 to take these penguins to the zoo!’

‘I did take them to the zoo. And I had money left over, so now we're going to see a movie.’ growled Mr Chuckles.

Happy 26th Birthday to Jen Jen

love from Cheesecake and Pet!

An enormous welcome home to Ampthill ... ... When do you go

back to Scotland?

1 ‘Well, the moon’s only 5 miles away - isn’t it?’

2 ‘Would you consult a Doctor that was sick?’

3 ‘This music takes me back to my youth. But I don’t know which one’

Page 29

BOB AMBLER

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE

HOME DESIGNS

85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Carpentry Kitchens - Bedrooms Home Offices - Bathrooms Replacement Kitchen Doors Worktops and Built in Appliances A complete design, supply and installation service

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01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile: 07889 058345 where’ s the economic down turn . . . .

. . . In Arthur’s World Weȱareȱallȱsufferingȱaȱlittleȱ bitȱ fromȱ theȱ lackȱ ofȱ aȱ surplusȱfewȱbobȱinȱthisȱdayȱ andȱage.ȱ E v e n ȱ t h e ȱ f i n a n c i a lȱ wizardryȱ ofȱ keepingȱ aȱ goodȱ pintȱ onȱ theȱ threeȱ quidȱ markȱ isȱ anȱ artȱ (sorryȱ aboutȱtheȱpun)ȱ inȱ itselfȱtheseȱ days.ȱ Weȱ allȱ watchȱ ourȱ budgets,ȱ sortingȱ outȱ howȱ muchȱ weȱ areȱgoingȱtoȱlashȱoutȱinȱourȱ cornerȱ shop.ȱ Addedȱ toȱ whichȱisȱtheȱgeneralȱcostȱofȱ livingȱexpensesȱlikeȱaȱgoodȱ curry,ȱ ȱ aȱ fewȱ beersȱ andȱ anȱ

occasionalȱlossȱmakingȱtripȱ toȱ theȱ bookiesȱ –ȱ allȱ theȱ basicȱ essentialsȱ ofȱ modernȱ dayȱlifeȱinȱAmpthill.ȱ Youȱ reckonȱ you’veȱ “gotȱ itȱ allȱsussed”.ȱ Thenȱ WHAMȱ Ȭȱ theȱ wifeȱ decidesȱ onȱ anȱ additionȱ toȱ theȱfamily.ȱ Notȱtheȱtwoȱlegged,ȱnappyȱ changing,ȱ bottleȱ feedingȱ varietyȱ thatȱ canȱ keepȱ youȱ awakeȱmostȱofȱtheȱnight.ȱ Noȱ –ȱ sheȱ wantedȱ anotherȱ dogȱ!ȱ!.ȱȱ Soȱ inevitably,ȱ becauseȱ “sheȱ whoȱ wantsȱ shallȱ alwaysȱ beȱ obeyed”,ȱ weȱ finishȱ upȱ withȱ anȱ 8ȱ weekȱ oldȱ ballȱ ofȱ fluffȱ calledȱ aȱ borderȱ collie.ȱ Itȱ didn’tȱimpressȱitselfȱonȱmeȱ

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282

GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! Bed & Breakfast from only £25.00 pppn

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Plus … Teas, coffees, sandwiches, rolls and a large selection of home cooked meals at £5.00 or less! Eat in or take away byȱ chewingȱ myȱ shoeȱ lacesȱ afterȱourȱfirstȱintroduction.ȱ Mindȱ youȱ Iȱ hadȱ justȱ putȱ oneȱ ofȱ ȱ myȱ sizeȱ 9’sȱ onȱ herȱ backȱleg.ȱȱ Soȱ hereȱ weȱ haveȱ herȱ –ȱ theȱ Newȱ Queenȱ ofȱ Parkȱ Hill,ȱ metaphoricallyȱ speakingȱ anyȱway.ȱ Thenȱ suddenlyȱ yourȱ weeklyȱ cornerȱ shopȱ billȱ goesȱ throughȱ theȱ ceilingȱ withȱ allȱ theȱ additionsȱ ofȱ dogȱ foodȱ andȱ canineȱ accessories.ȱ Soȱ muchȱ forȱ controlledȱbudgetingȱ!ȱ She’sȱcostȱmeȱwellȱoverȱ350ȱ quidȱ beforeȱ she’sȱ evenȱ putȱ aȱmuddyȱpawȱonȱmyȱcleanȱ carpet.ȱ Theȱ grandkidsȱ haveȱ beenȱ

givenȱ theȱ taskȱ ofȱ choosingȱ aȱ nameȱ forȱ her.ȱ Someȱ seriousȱ suggestionȱ haveȱ comeȱfromȱtheȱgirlsȱ!ȱ!ȱ Canȱ youȱ honestlyȱ imagineȱ meȱ inȱ Ampthillȱ Parkȱ yellingȱ outȱ “Comeȱ hereȱ D a f f o d i l l ” ȱ o r ȱ e v e nȱ Buttercupȱ orȱ Lillyȱ justȱ ‘cosȱ she’sȱ aȱ girlȱ withȱ aȱ nameȱ chosenȱ byȱ girls.ȱ However,ȱ exerciseȱshallȱbeȱkingȱ!ȱ!ȱȱ Anywayȱ –ȱ here’sȱ toȱ theȱ futureȱ andȱ aȱ muchȱ fitter,ȱ leanerȱ versionȱ ofȱ yoursȱ truly.ȱ Justȱ soȱ longȱ asȱ Iȱ don’tȱlooseȱmyȱStreetȱCredȱ andȱ sheȱ canȱ findȱ aȱ placeȱ underȱmyȱbarȱstoolȱI’llȱbeȱaȱ rejuvenatedȱ happyȱ dogȱ walker.ȱ

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Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Page 30

With Fergus Handislip

Oops! I think I’m in big trouble again with Mrs Handislip, but this really is what happened (sort of!): I took the day off work to go and play some golf. I was on the 2nd hole and noticed a frog sitting next to the green. Didn’t think much of it and was about to play when I heard ‘Ribbit.

9 iron.’ There was no one around but again I heard ‘Ribbit. 9 iron.’ Determined to prove the frog wrong I grabbed my 9 iron took an almighty swing and amazingly landed just 10 inches from the hole. Having decided it must be a lucky frog I took it to the next hole. ‘What do you reckon?’ I asked.

‘Ribbit. 3 wood.’ I took the 3 wood and whack - hole in one!

I think I played the best golf of my life that day so I asked the frog what we should do next. ‘Ribbit. The casino.’ So off we went to the hotel and casino and went to the roulette table. I asked the frog what I should bet on. ‘Ribbit. £2,000 on black number 24.’

This is too much money I thought to myself, but considering the golf I thought ‘Why not - let’s give it a go.’ Sure enough 24 came up and I won loads of cash!

So I booked the best room in the hotel, sat the frog down and said ‘Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.’ The frog replied ‘Kiss me.’

I was a bit stunned but after all that had been done for me I thought the frog deserved it. With the kiss the frog then changed into a gorgeous young woman.

‘And that, I swear, is how that woman ended up in my room.’

A personal Chauffeur service with grace and quality for the discerning customer.

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Page 31

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at The Prince of Wales in Bedford Street, Ampthill.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!

Rock Chorus is a choir with a difference. It was started by Dunstable based singer/songwriter Lauren Field in September 2009 and now has over 150 members across five choirs and is growing week by week.

"Singing is one of the strongest glues for encouraging positive community development - We want people to come because they love singing, enjoy the experience and want to make new friends, pure and simple as that - It’s a no-brainer, great fun and good for your health – there aren’t too many things you can say that about" Lauren Field Don’t miss out!

Classic Pop / Rock / Soul / Gospel from the 1960’s to 2010 - No Audition! - No Prior Experience Required! Fun and Friendship Guaranteed!

"Come along for a Free Taster Session" to Wavendon Gate School, Gregories Drive, Wavendon Gate, Milton Keynes, MK7 7HL – Every Wednesday evening at 8.pm to 9.30pm For further information see the website: www.rock-chorus.com or email info@rock-chorus.com or telephone 01582 668211

Longs Inn, formerly Magpies Hotel, a charming 17th century coaching inn has a new manager and team ready to look after you.

Our new Chef uses only the freshest locally sourced produce in his dishes, why not come along and discover all we have to offer.

QUALITY FIREWOOD

Plus ... Excellent fine ales!

Seasoned Ash, Oak, Beech Firewood from renewable sources We plant 10 trees for every one we fell £125 for a full load delivered locally (equivalent to over 2 ‘pick up’ loads) £70 per half load delivered

Contact Diane at Estate Office 01525 290 333

Bedford Street, Woburn, MK17 9QB Tel: 01525 290219 www. longsinn.com

Page 32

ALL TYPES OF GROUNDWORK UNDERTAKEN. Driveways, Patios etc.

Please call for free quotation

Sometimes you just know you’re being ripped off!

La Spezia June 2010 Part II

About half way from the station to our hotel, started thinking of t h e following day, the drive to Milan and our flight back to UK. We needed a few snacks for the drive and although I had found a good little deli already, a new shop emerged that looked great, straight out of an Italian

Hovis advert. It looked, smelled and sounded too good to be true!

We bought bread, prosciuto crudo, gorgonzola and olives, we had already b o u g h t some great olive oil a n d balsamic vinegar but I found this bottle of balsamic that seemed to have the texture of treacle, it was only 3.90 Euro’s so I added it to the pile. I reckoned we had spent about 8-10 euro’s.. When the chap added it all up it came to 18

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Euros! .I thought, I’m tired, I cannot add up, I have had a hard day, I want to go home. The walk back to the hotel was hell, my knees where killing me, the rest of my body was saying “Knees?! What about ME” the worst part about it was that the shop attendant had been so obsequious, carrying our bag round the counter to the door to help us on our way, I was fuming and decided to return the following morning to remonstrate.

I was too tired and we set off to Milan with our expensive snacks and some ten hours later had a nice cup of tea in Flitwick.

A couple of days later I was

showing someone our lovely bottle of Balsamic Vinegar that had caused my fury when they pointed out that the price tag “clearly” said 13.90 Euros.

OOOPS!!! (it was a Hovis ad shop with poor lighting!)

Some days later we had cause to open and use some, it was like a good port, or as Paul Hogan would say, “like an angel cryin on yer tongue” I now think that maybe the shop assistant was showing admiration for an English tourist who recognised quality. I must go back and apologise Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

Building Preservation Specialists x

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Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

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email: Jim@jrobb65.fsnet.co.uk

Page 33

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Congratulations to everyone who correctly identified the rings at the top of Church Street Ampthill.

According to our avid readers the general consensus is that the rings were placed there during the war to enable the Home Guard to stretch a wire across the road. It was thought that any Germans attempting to enter town on motorcycles would be at the very least unseated, and at worst decapitated.

Now here’s an interesting scene that Algi and I found whilst out cycling. ‘What a shame about the dustbin’ I heard all you photographic purists gasp! Algi and I had been hard at it in the saddle all day and neither one of us could be bothered to go and move it! So do you know where it is?

Stewartby Way, Stewartby, Bedford MK43 9NB

FORTHCOMING EVENTS 8.00 pm START Friday 8th October JULIAN’S KARAOKE SHOW Free entry - all welcome

Saturday 9th October STEVE CLARKE’S BACK TO THE 60’S / 70’S DISCO Free entry - all welcome

Saturday 16th October

Live entertainment featuring

THE UNFORGETTABLE TREVOR EVANS + KARAOKE NIGHT Free entry - all welcome

Answers by email to martin@thefuddler.com or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

Sunday 17th October MONTHLY FUN QUIZ NIGHT Free entry - all welcome

FUNCTION ROOM TO HIRE AT VERY REASONABLE RATES!

We can arrange your Dream Reception Complete for £3,500 Our qualified team will arrange Food for 100, either sit down or buffet Table flowers to match your theme Aperitifs and canapés on arrival, wine with

meal and Fizz for Toasts Music - great disco China, glasses linen plus waitress service included

STOP PRESS - 11th HOUR SERVICE TOO!

You Find the Venue, We Do the Rest!

Call Chris & Co

01525 290785 (Woburn) 07774 205235 www.chrisandco-weddings.co.uk

For your parties, receptions etc.

We are also able to supply in house catering services plus our renowned ‘ACE’ Disco Roadshow

Please call us for more details

LOUNGE BAR / GAMES ROOM / RECREATION HALL

Plus ...

Line Dancing every Monday Adult Tae Kwon Do classes every Wednesday Bingo every Thursday

And lots more besides!

FULL SIZE SNOOKER TABLE

Families welcome drinks at Club prices!

Parking available

NEW MEMBERS ALWAYS WELCOME TELEPHONE: CLUBHOUSE 01234 768261 OFFICE

01234 768112

Page 34

DISCOS FOR ALL OCCASIONS

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www.timbutlinbuilders.co.uk

For your extensions, renovations, alterations, Upvc fascias / soffitts, guttering, block paving and all plastering.

Tel: 01525 405670 / Mob: 07778 680393

Also offering:

Impressions Female decorators All aspects of painting and decorating.

With female finesse to make the most of your home Tel 01234 751282 or 01525 405670 / Mob: 07944 710179

For The Very Best Disco Around All The Latest Chart Sounds Great Giveaway Prizes Receptions For ALL Occasions Very Competitive Prices

Tel: Micky or Joolz on 01525 211670

And here, as a change, we bring you reminiscences from Montgolfier: Schools - How does yours compare to mine?

To mine was a fraction over 3 miles and we either walked or cycled. The school bell above the roof rang when it was time to start.

We had a school allotment where we grew all types of vegetables which were cooked in the school canteen. We also kept bees and extracted the honey and put it in jars.

Another thing we did was to breed rabbits for the school canteen and the skins we used to cure and make up into gloves.

On Fridays we used to go by train for about 5 miles to another school for carpentry classes.

Oh yes, we even got caned for wrongdoings.

Times were good but things have changed, I bet you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t breed rabbits for your dinner or get caned!

Thanks for the memories Sir.

Made to measure curtains As a long established family run business, we have built a reputation over the years for simply doing the job right.

Our objective is to satisfy our customers need for a personal and professional service, our focus is the key to everything we do.

Providing a friendly and cost effective service is our aim, and all jobs no matter how small will always receive our dedicated and personal attention.

We are also able to supply and fit a selection of Roller, Venetian and vertical blinds from a good range of fabrics.

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Page 35

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With Geoffrey THE Golfer A fellow is getting ready to tee-off on the first hole when a second fellow approaches and asks if he can join him. The first fellow says that he usually plays alone but agrees to let the second gent join him.

Both are even after the first couple of holes. The second guy says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Say, we're about evenly matched, how about we play for ten pounds a hole?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The first fellow says that he usually plays alone and doesn't like to bet but agrees to the terms. Well, the second guy wins the

The mammoth man apologises to his reader that there will be a short break whilst he finishes off his schoolwork.

Contrary to malicious reports, the mammoth man is not spending any time in accommodation at one of Her Majestyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s holiday flats nor has he been abducted by the Man in Black.

He will return in a couple of months with the eagerly awaited conclusion to his French adventure.

TTFN

rest of the holes and as they're walking off of the eighteenth hole, and while counting his ÂŁ160.00, he confesses that he's the pro at a neighbouring course and likes to pick on the gullible.

The first man reveals that he's the Parish Priest at the local Catholic Church to which the second fellow gets all flustered and apologetic and offers to give the Priest back his money.

The Priest says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;No, no.

You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The pro says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Well, is there anything I can do to make it

Outstandingȹgardensȹȹ designedȹforȹȹ outdoorȹlivingȹ ȹ

Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!

up to you?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; The Priest says, â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation. And if you bring your mother and father by after Mass, I'll marry them for you.â&#x20AC;&#x2122; GTGȹȹ

Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.

Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

Acupuncture is a jab well done.

A word of advice. Don't join dangerous cults: safe sects is only the way to go!

Oh Dear! But thanks!

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PDLQWHQDQFH RI DOO JDV DSSOLDQFHV XQGHUIORRU KHDWLQJ 3RZHU )OXVKLQJ HQHUJ\ HIILFLHQW KHDWLQJ V\VWHPV LQVSHFWLRQ FHUWLILFDWLRQ 7HO 0RE ZZZ USKF EL] (PDLO LQIR#USKF EL]

Page 36

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