The Fuddler November 2009

Page 1

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Hello everyone, and a big welcome to this November edition of your Fuddler! As we start the big countdown to Christmas we hope that you enjoy this almost festive issue with all the usual fun and nonsense inside. You will also find a large number of important

messages from our advertisers which are handy to keep, showing again and again that ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!

FIXED PRICE AERIAL INSTALLATIONS

If you decide that you would like to advertise with us you will find all our contact details on page four of this issue.

WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS

See our ad on page 30

SUNDAY ROAST SERVED FROM 12.00 - 6.00 pm BAR & TAPAS MENU served all day every day

Do you need a venue for a Friday or Saturday night party?

Ampthill Town FC offers a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people

For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow

01525-750217

Tel: 01525 406863

DROVERS ARMS of STEPPINGLEY Christmas bookings now being taken.

NEW YEAR’S EVE

NEED A LOCKSMITH? Please turn to our ad on page 8

Book your table now to avoid disappointment

Plus - All aspects of home security

Tel: 01525 715697 www.droversarms.eu

D & G SHORT

Rock your way into 2010 with our fabulous

ROCK N’ ROLL NEW YEAR’S PARTY

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30

x x x x x x x x

All central Bedfordshire areas covered Airport transfer specialists Competitive prices Corporate account works Passenger & parcel service School service 100% reliable service Professional service guaranteed 24 hours a day

Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 2

CHINESE and PEKING CUISINE

Eddie says here’s his Christmas menu, just like the food work it out for yourself!!

Dew Drop Inn Christmas Menu A

Dew Drop Inn Christmas Menu B

£19.95 per head Minimum of 2 people

£24.95 per head Minimum of 2 people

Starter

Starter

Ate Mosked Hecknic, Pede Rifed Dixem Getevables, Parse Birs Dockoe ni Equebrab Cause, Depe Drife Weesade, Yatas Hecknic

Pede Defir Dreshded Kichcen, Eped Rifed Ragdon Lalbs, Pede Rifed Wee seda , Shif Sacke Hait Lyste, Messae Wranp no Stoat

Second Course

Second Course

Rispyc Roamatic Kcud

Priscy Maroatic Kucd

Main Course

Main Course

Ziszling Hicknec dan Feeb Kocoed ni Nerge Reppep dan Calbk Nabe Cause, Equebarb Korp, Chrenf Nabes in Cilrag dan Tubret Cause, Geg Drife Cire

Slingizz Kates ni Clabk Reppep Cause, Hilcli Chenick Hait Lyste, Knom Getavebles, Chezsun Knig Wranp, Geg Difer Ceir

Ate or Focfee

Nabana ro Papel Trifter

111, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 840096

With Winter just around the corner, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows?

Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 3

Yoga Yoga is great for toning and to reduce stress, it will increase flexibility, improves strength, enlightens and uplifts you.

Hatha Yoga Classes Tuesday 6:00-7:00 Tuesday 7:15-8:15 Thursday 7:15-8:15

Vinyasa Yoga An invigorating, energetic, creative yoga class.

This class is for all levels and abilities but a basic level of fitness is required.

Thursday 6-7

For more information please call

Melanie Collins 07791 939164 Or to book a place call 01525 841845 Classes are taught in small groups of no more than 6, so personal attention can be given to all students.

As always, there is tremendous excitement in the air with the forthcoming Ampthill Christmas Lights Switching on Ceremony!

Taking place on Sunday 29th November from 2.30 pm in the Town Centre car park, you are invited to come and wander round the various stalls and attractions, meet Father Christmas, and marvel at the many fairground rides available. We understand that there will be Carol Singing leading up to the big switch on at 4.30 pm.

Refreshments are also available on the big day which promises to be a fun afternoon for all the family!

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ

Telephone 01525 402959 Workshops & Clubs available - please come in for details We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more!

DMC Silks, Jewellery, beads and findings.

Stockists of wool - Sirdar, Bretts, Peter Pan & Wendy.

JEWELLERY Beading club held fortnightly on a WORKSHOP Wednesday afternoon for all Please pop in Beadaholics! ÂŁ2.50 for 2 hours! Bring shop for dates. your latest project and meet new friends!

NEW!

There’s a fun filled evening in store on Saturday the 12th December with a very special Christmas Cabaret at Parkside Hall in Woburn Street, Ampthill!

Presented by Entertainer’s Productions, the show features Robert Daws, Amy Robbins, Linda Armstrong and Emma Robbins with her Christmas Swing Band featuring Peter Dale and Gary Wood. Plus, there is also to be a special guest appearance by Kate Robbins.

This is a fabulous evening of music, comedy, poetry and carols produced by Simon Shelton to help raise funds for Gladys Ibbet Hospice, Marie Curie, Parkside Rebuild and The Jack and Jill Playgroup.

The show starts at 8.00 pm with doors opening at 7.15 with a glass of bubbly on arrival plus cold buffet.

Also expect some surprises on the night but whatever you do - book your tickets early!!

Tickets available from Bows Boutique, Ampthill Tel: 01525 406689.

We’ve been asked to publish a very big thank you to everyone involved with the Charity car wash at Ampthill Fire Station held on October 10th in aid of Leonard Cheshire Disability. We understand that the event raised a massive £721.00 for the Charity.

Come and have your say.

Flitwick and Steppingley 25th November at Steppingley Village Hall, Steppingley, MK45 5AT

CHIMNEY SWEEPING SERVICE

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PDLQWHQDQFH RI DOO JDV DSSOLDQFHV XQGHUIORRU KHDWLQJ 3RZHU )OXVKLQJ HQHUJ\ HIILFLHQW KHDWLQJ V\VWHPV LQVSHFWLRQ FHUWLILFDWLRQ 7HO 0RE ZZZ USKF EL] (PDLO LQIR#USKF EL]

x FRIENDLY x FAST x EFFICIENT x CLEAN

Est. 1988

VERY REASONABLE RATES

TEL: 01525 280214

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 4

LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS Duster and Check-ItOut brought to my attention the other day an article in the National Press saying that there has been a big return to the ‘Tuck Shop’ days where people are purchasing treats such as sweeties, chocolates and the like!

I wonder if there were any cream cakes!

Yaroo!

A BRIANISM "The most wonderful thing I think I heard today was the clink and rattle of the brewer's dray"

A Made to Measure and Alteration Service for Home & Wear Discount for multiple items

Contact Anne 07907 439288 anne@sewgood.biz

Across: 1 Cures, 4 Trouble, 8 Pancake, 9 Lacks, 10 Avert, 11 Indulge, 13 Erse, 15 Nature, 17 Emerge, 20 Eddy, 22 Dislike, 24 Sting, 26 Thing, 27 Iterate, 28 Hygiene, 29 Yield

Down: 1 Captain, 2 Rinse, 3 Shatter, 4 Thesis, 5 Oiled, 6 Buckle, 7 Ensue, 12 Need, 14 Reek, 16 Tasting, 18 Mystery, 19 Egghead, 21 Decide, 22 Ditch, 23 Ingle, 25 Irate

CLOUD NINE

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity Print Solutions.

The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

DISCO For DANCES, WEDDINGS, PARTIES, PROMOTIONS, CHILDREN’S PARTIES Etc.

GUY INGLE

Professional D.J. / Entertainer Ingle Entertainments Ampthill (01525) 402475

Order your new Stove or Fireplace NOW in time for Christmas!

(Subject to availability)

Mon - Fri 10.00 - 5.00 Sat 10.00 - 4.00 1 Woburn Street Ampthill, Beds MK45 2HP Tel: 01525 841199 www.ampthillfireplaces.co.uk When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 5

Autumn a al carte menu Starters Chef’s soup of the day £4.95 Ham hock terrine served with homemade piccalilli £5.95 Smoked haddock & prawn mornay, tomato fondue & brioche crumble £6.95

Chicken liver parfait, toasted brioche, apple chutney £6.50 Risotto of the day £6.25 Salmon & cod fish cakes £6.00 A salad of marinated artichoke, mozzarella & tomatoes with a tarragon & oregano dressing £6.00 Pan fried black pudding, fried quails eggs & smoked bacon served on mixed leaves with a Dijon vinaigrette £5.95

Tapas of seafood; marinated salmon, escabeche of red mullet & marinated prawns served with avocado sorbet & chilli salsa £6.95 Main course Roast pheasant, served with pearl barley & seasonal greens £13.50

Grilled fillet of sea bass served with glazed orange fennel, thyme scented new potatoes with sauce vierge £14.25 Braised oxtail served with parsnip mash, roasted root vegetables & a red wine sauce £13.75 Gnocchi together with wild mushrooms, white truffle oil & aged parmesan £12.75 Grilled fillet of cod served with wilted spinach, prawns, sautéed

potatoes & shellfish bisque £14.50 Lancashire hot pot served with braised red cabbage £13.25 Desserts Sticky toffee pudding, vanilla ice cream & toffee sauce £5.75 Poached pear set in a filo pastry case with a chocolate mousse, accompanied by pear sorbet £5.50 Chocolate brownie served with marinated cherries & vanilla ice cream £5.75 Passion fruit tart together with an autumn berry sorbet £5.50 Vanilla pod pannacotta served with red berries & a rose champagne sorbet £5.50 A selection of homemade Ice cream & sorbets £5.50 A selection of English & Continental cheeses £6.50

CHRISTMAS FAYRE 2009 Salmon & Crab Terrine, Swiss Chard & Rocket With a Lime Vinaigrette Tomato & Basil Soup Served with Homemade Bread

Pan Fried Local Pigeon Breast With Crispy Bacon & A Raspberry Vinaigrette Mediterranean Vegetable Salad Topped With Grilled goats Cheese With A Tomato Dressing *****

*****

*****

Fillet Of Salmon, Crab Risotto Shellfish Sauce

Breast of Duck, Fondant Potatoes, Braised Red Cabbage With A Port & Red Wine Jus

Traditional Roast Turkey, Roast Potatoes & Seasonal Vegetables Roasted Sweet Potato, Spinach & Parmesan Risotto *****

***** *****

Fresh Lemon Tart Served With Strawberry Sorbet Sticky Toffee Pudding With Toffee Sauce & Vanilla Ice cream Raspberry Cheesecake served with White chocolate Sorbet A Selection Of English & Continental Cheeses LUNCH

Two Course

£16.95

Three Course

£19.95

DINNER

Three course

£25.95

(Available 1st-23rd December) CHRISTMAS EVE LUNCH 24th DECEMBER Two course £18.95

Three course

£21.95

We are also open Boxing day for lunch & dinner Earl’s Restaurant 119 Dunstable Street Ampthill Bedfordshire MK45 2NG Telephone 01525 404024 www.earlsofampthill.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 6

DO YOU WANT TO QUIT SMOKING?

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

If you quit today, you could save up to £1000 by the end of 2009.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

Qualified Hypnotherapist Anna Botsford can help you today.

Call me for an informal chat: Remember, you could save up to £1000 this year alone.

Do it now!

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173 1

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Anna Botsford Dip/Hyp, NLP Practitioner Email: abc.botsford@googlemail.com Tel: 07952 601296 As Tarquin’s away Marjorie has been kind enough to send in another of her quick crosswords - thanks again Marjorie!

Across: 1 Fractious (7) 5 Duos (5) 8 Abundant (5) 9 Reduces (7) 10 Late (7) 11 Panache (5) 12 Demand (6) 14 Alter (6) 17 Fracas (5) 19 Cubicle (7) 22 Bison (7) 23 Joyful expression (3-2) 24 Soothe (5) 25 Harass (7)

Down: 1 Greek Philosopher (5) 2 Inspire (7) 3 Work dough (5) 4 Type of bet (6) 5 Studied (7) 7 Doubt (7) 12 Drinks (7) 13 Recover (7) 15 Offence (7) 16 Boldly approach (6) 18 Dreadful (5) 20 Change (5) 21 Cook (5) A

25

For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206

O

N

Y

M

24

Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us yet another word. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

R T

23

D

22

A

Bob Ambler Carpenter & Joiner

mixers

Carpentry Fitted Kitchens Kitchen re-doors and worktops Fitted Bedrooms and Home office furniture Fitted Bathrooms Fitted Bathroom Furniture A complete design, supply and installation service or You supply and we install

Maulden Dairies

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile 07889 058345

x Organic and Soya Milk

x Luxury Jersey

x Christmas soft drinks and

delivery Cream

available

Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

email: robert.ambler@ntlworld.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Mandatory

x Free doorstep

Page 7

THE

ROSE & CROWN 89 High street Ridgmont Beds MK43 0TY

TELEPHONE: 01525 280245 Email: peggy@roseandcrownridgmont.co.uk www.roseandcrownridgmont.co.uk

CELEBRATE THIS CHRISTMAS AT THE ROSE & CROWN Our dining tables will be festively decorated for all parties booked from 1st December to 23rd December 2009.

OUR FABULOUS STABLES FUNCTION ROOMS ARE ALSO AVAILABLE TO HIRE FOR YOUR PRIVATE CHRISTMAS EVENT FOR UP TO 70 PEOPLE

For more details or to make your booking please call us on 01525 280245 or email peggy@roseandcrownridgmont.co.uk Lunch Menu - £16.50 per person

Dinner Menu - £18.50 per person

fàtÜàxÜá

fàtÜàxÜá

HOMEMADE VEGETABLE SOUP CHEF’S PATE DEEP FRIED CHEESES

`t|Ç VÉâÜáxá ROAST TURKEY served with bacon & sausage roll, seasonal stuffing, roast potatoes, new potatoes, cranberry sauce and a selection of seasonal vegetables

BONELESS BREAST of DUCK served with a fruity berry sauce, roast potatoes, new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

FILLET OF SALMON poached in orange and dill sauce and served with new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

VEGETARIAN NUT ROAST served with vegetarian gravy, roast potatoes, new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

WxááxÜàá

BROCCOLI & STILTON SOUP CHEF’S PATE DEEP FRIED CAMEMBERT

`t|Ç VÉâÜáxá ROAST TURKEY served with bacon & sausage roll, seasonal stuffing, roast potatoes, new potatoes, cranberry sauce and a selection of seasonal vegetables

BONELESS BREAST of DUCK served with a fruity berry sauce, roast potatoes, new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

FILLET OF SALMON poached in orange and dill sauce and served with new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

VEGETARIAN NUT ROAST served with vegetarian gravy, roast potatoes, new potatoes and a selection of seasonal vegetables

WxááxÜàá TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PUDDING CHEESECAKE

TRADITIONAL CHRISTMAS PUDDING CHEESECAKE

Both are served with a choice of pouring cream or custard

Both are served with a choice of pouring cream or custard

gÉ Y|Ç|á{

CHEESEBOARD

CHEESEBOARD COFFEE & MINCE PIES

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 8

The Flitwick Club 20 High Street, Flitwick, Beds Tel: 01525 751555 WE HAVE PARKING AVAILABLE WITH EASY ACCESS TO THE STATION FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF £40.00 PER MONTH Thursday evenings is Quiz Nite - please come along - £1.00 per person - cash prize for the winning team.

Saturday December 5th 11 am - 3 pm Art exhibition and sale with crafts CHILDREN’S CHRISTMAS PARTY SUNDAY 20th DECEMBER With a great clown ‘Squirty Wirty’ - £5.00 per ticket 2.00 - 5.00 pm Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve - Disco with local DJs - all welcome

“It was a very cold and snowy Sunday morning when Benedictus, the church cat ventured out into the crispness of the day many hundreds of years ago. He watched with interest as the peoples filed into church but was most put out because they were not taking any notice of him at all. ‘Hmm’ he thought ‘no different from being at home then….’

For his beloved Gloria was far to busy with the latest arrivals to worry about Benedictus and his idiosyncrasies.

And so it was that his adventures

began. Adventures that would spin him through the centuries of time and bring him firmly into the 21st c e n t u r y ………… . . ” KNOCK, KNOCK, story totally interrupted.

Curiosity got the better and the door was opened.

Would Meerkat be so kind as to put up this poster of a forthcoming event. Most certainly………too late now to return to the book so Meerkat wishes all the chums at The Fuddler a V E R Y H A P P Y CHRISTMAS and WONDERFUL NEW YEAR. And now definitely hibernation time, so good

MICK HULATT CARPENTRY SERVICES QUALITY CRAFTSMAN EST.1990 FOR ALL ASPECTS OF CARPENTRY & BUILDING WORK Call: 01525 713590 or 07949 072133 E-mail: mickhulatt@aol.com night – till March…..

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ ZZZZZ

St Michael and All Angels, Millbrook, BELL RESTORATION FUN QUIZ NIGHT…… with prize for winning team Millbrook Village Hall Friday 20th November 2009 8 pm for 8.30 pm, Teams of 6 – 8 Bar and price of ticket (£7.50 per person) to include Fish ‘n’ Chip supper (sausage if preferred)

INTERESTED? Please contact Carolyn Chappell (01525) 403095

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

With Geoffrey THE Golfer

While sitting at a table in the clubhouse after a game, Peter remarked to a fellow club member', I'm not going to play golf with Jimmy Johnston anymore. He cheats.'

'Why do you say that?' asked his friend.

'Well, he found his lost ball two feet from the green', replied Peter indignantly.

'That's entirely possible', commented his friend.

'Not when I had his golf ball in my pocket', retorted Peter with finality GTG

Page 9

STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE

OUR BEST CHRISTMAS DISPLAY EVER!!

Toys, gifts, decorations GREAT DEALS ON LIGHTS 70 LED energy saving lights indoor or outdoor in choice of colours RRP £14.99 £9.99 40 Large outdoor lights white or coloured RRP £29.99 £19.99 FORDFIELD ROAD, MILLBROOK, BEDFORD MK45 2HZ 07771 585756 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 10

BMJ HOME & GARDEN SERVICES For all those jobs around the house and garden, that you never have time for!

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW

MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT Reasonable Rates

Experienced Mechanic

We are an established, reliable trustworthy & a very reasonably priced company.

NO JOB TOO SMALL

Tel: Joolz or Michael on 01525 211670 Mob: 07871 802815

With Jimmy The Voice

This month ‘The Voice’ has sent us another cracker! If you look at the picture it seems to be a grumpy rather old magician.

By Julio Van Peebles My World in Torment 1) Why do never see a packet of crisps marked 'Plain' ?

2) Is there such a thing as a wild poodle?

3) Why do baby clothes have pockets?

4) What happened to Gloy?

5) If there are 52 weeks in a year and 365 days, why does 52 x 7 = 364? ...... so which week only has 6 days?

Julio's Top Tip: When phoning in sick, convince your boss you have a bad cold by slipping your tongue in to a boiling hot pop tart just before you call !

Turn the picture upside down and you see the rabbit!

HELL’S BELL’S! A BIG AMPTHILLIAN WELCOME BACK TO THE FLYING SCOTSWOMAN!

Edmonds 90 Partridge x

Courtesy Ruby We have a very unusual word this month which apparently has taken its place in the dictionary! The word from Ruby this month is ‘Blipvert’. Do you know what it means? Answer at the foot of the page.

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work?

I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'

Tyres & Exhausts 66 Bedford Street, Ampthill, Bedfordshire, MK45 2NB

At last Ampthill has its own Tyre & Exhaust specialist with expert fitting facilities and the best service for miles x

Servicing & repairs x Diagnostics

x

Timing belts

x

Clutches

x

Brakes

x

All makes and models

Tel: 01525 405900 Open Monday - Friday 9.00 am - 6.00 pm Saturday 9.00 - 4.00 pm A two second TV advert

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 11

ROSELAND BATHROOMS Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

The Complete Bathroom Solution From design through to complete installation

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

x Bathroom suites supplied

and fitted x Fit only service available x Plumbing x Electrics

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057 Babs got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing to make good use of her gift. Early the next morning, she got all her gear together and headed out to the ice.

When she reached her final destination, she cut a large hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said: ‘There are no fish in there’.

So she moved to another spot and cut another hole, but then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish in there.

So she moved again, and the voice told her there were no fish in there.

So she looked up and saw an irritated man staring down at her.

‘How do you know there are no fish there?’ asks Babs sensibly.

So the man coolly said ‘Well first of all, this is a Skating rink, and second of all, you're going to have to pay for those holes.’

Plastering & Artexing Joinery Floor Tiling Wall Tiling Painting & Decorating

Quality assured workmanship with a personal friendly service. Customer references available on request. Competitive rates and full insurance.

For a free no obligation quotation contact Steve Innes

Mobile: 07712 238182 Telephone: 01234 750942

May your life be like a snowflake: Leaving a mark, not a stain.

Ontogeny is all the changes that occur during the lifecycle of an organism.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the ‘people you may know’ feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

It may not be best during an interview to lean on the interviewer's desk or frequently glance at your watch.

Clap your hands when someone has done something good many believe it is a sign of appreciation.

I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.

1. On December 12th 1769, who patented the Venetian Blind?

2. ‘A squat grey building of only thirty four stories’ is the opening line of which book?

3. Where would you find ‘Henry Higgins’?

4. When was the instant mashed potato invented?

5. What is a ‘Herdwick’?

6. Who ruled Scotland form 87989 7. Who invented the ever popular stroboscope?

8. Where would you find a ‘Rood Screen?’

9. What is a Wonga Shoal?

10.Who did Samuel Pepys marry in 1655?

1 Edward Beran of London, 2 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley, 3 Pygmalion, 4 1962, 5 Breed of sheep, 6 Girac, 7 Joseph Plateau, 8 In a Church, 9 Lighthouse, 10 Elizabeth, Marchant de Saint Michel.

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

x x x x x

THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 GREAT VALUE AT THE FIRS! x x x x x x x x

B & B from £25.00 per person per night Home cooked meals to eat in or take away ALL DAY BREAKFAST at £4.00 to take away Large selection of home cooked meals all at £5.00 or less!

Teas and coffees Sandwiches and rolls Cream teas Telephone orders welcome

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@jrobb65.fsnet.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 12

DISCOS FOR ALL OCCASIONS For The Very Best Disco Around All The Latest Chart Sounds Great Giveaway Prizes Receptions For ALL Occasions Very Competitive Prices

Tel: Micky or Joolz on 01525 211670

AT HOME OR WORK

Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987 email: nigelpaul_nigelpaulrober@yahoo.co.uk

a peep into the after life . . . . .

And here’s another crazy picture of the things that chefs get up to when they have just a bit too much time on their hands!

in Arthur’s World

By Sultan Sheik

I was enjoying a glass of something smooth and fruity with one of my offspring the other night – as one does !

We were supposed to be discussing the current price of fish and what night we could look after the kids next week Somehow we got round to “other and more serious things” like . . . what is to happen to Arthur when Hartlepool win the Champion’s League and he can depart from this world with mission accomplished ! !

Dead simple, I said . . .

“When I’ve departed to that rousing chorus of We are The Champions . . . .you can scatter my ashes Around the Pump.

At least then your mother might come and visit me maybe once a week.

Just make sure they are Around the Pump though and not drifting on to the Supermarket Car Park If I end up on there, she’ll be visiting every day of the week and more than likely, twice on Sundays” ! ! ! . . . and that would be far too high a price to pay, even for such an amazing Hartlepool victory

NOW OPEN !

SH N OW EW RO OM

CONSERVATORIES & WINDOWS Established 1985

at Leighton Buzzard Garden Centre

1) ANNAT..................An item worn on the head 2) ABBYSSINIA........I will see you sometime 3) SORFULL.............It isn't very nice 4) MANIDYUT...........I'm a fool 5) SIN........................It is in I am confused! Apparently one in five people in the world are Chinese.

There are five members of my family so it must be one of them. It’s either my Mum or my Dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it’s Colin.

Registered Member of The British and Podiatry Association HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist Surgery

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: therese_777@msn.com

Peter Pascan 01525 404204 All products manufactured in our own factory Visit us at Leighton Buzzard garden Centre Hockcliffe Road, Leighton Buzzard LU7 9NX

Visit www.cladwinds.com Head Office/Factory Elmsfarm Industrial Estate, Bedford Tel: 01234 268268 sales@cladwinds.com

Gift vouchers available for Christmas Physiotherapy Sports & Spinal Clinic, 35A Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

Tel: 01525 841845

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 13

It’s that time of year the children cheer, It won’t be long before Christmas is here.

So let me tell you what’s going on, in the town, at the Christmas lights switch on.

So here’s the date you all need to remember it’s Sunday the 29th of November.

Free hot drinks we give away, to warm you up on this cold day.

Hot chestnuts roasting in the fire, just waiting to be taken by the buyer.

We will also be selling cakes on this day, so please donate some money and take them away.

Fairy cakes, sponges, rock cakes to name a few, I’ve made them special just for you.

(Well some of them) Free children’s goodie bags while stocks last, so call in quick they will go fast Not for getting Santa’s grotto, HO HO HO Merry Christmas is his motto.

There is so much going on.

Starting at 2.30 so please come a long.

We will be keeping the shop open till 6, to give you a chance to get your Christmas bits.

There’s only one thing left to say, please come along and make our day.

Money raised on the day will be going to Keech children’s hospice and the local scouts.

You can contact us at 17 Church Street Ampthill 01525 404314

TRADITIONAL FREEHOUSE PUB AND RESTAURANT

QUALITY FIREWOOD Seasoned Ash, Oak, Beech Firewood from renewable sources We plant 10 trees for every one we fell £115 for a full load delivered locally (equivalent to over 2 ‘pick up’ loads) £65 per half load delivered

Contact Diane at Estate Office 01525 290 333

Now open Monday nights for food plus homemade curry

BOOK EARLY FOR YOUR CHRISTMAS PARTY 2 Course £14.95 3 Course £18.95 View website for details!

The Green Man Church End Eversholt MK17 9DU

Telephone – 01525 288111 Website www.greenmaneversholt.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 14

We take care of EVERYTHING WE WILL DESIGN AND INSTALL YOUR BATHROOM, OLD SUITES DISPOSED OF -

ALL WORK FULLY GUARANTEED BEAUTIFUL RANGE OF TOP NAME SUITES & SHOWERS ; PLUMBING

; ELECTRICS

; CARPENTRY

; TILING

; FLOORING

; DECORATING

CANCER (June 22-July 23) With Christmas just around the corner, it may be that you will receive some welcome tidings which could turn your life around for the better.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) If only all things were that simple!

Watch out for hidden pitfalls as you go through the next few weeks. Watch your step and all should be well.

LEO (July 24-August 23) Take heed when friends offer advice even if it is not exactly what you want to hear. The intentions will clearly be good.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) In matters of the heart it may prove prudent to wear you heart on your sleeve regardless of what others may say.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) As we start the headlong gallop towards the end of the year, it may also be a good time to discard those things that you don’t really need.

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) There are always things that seem at the time to be insurmountable.

However, if you keep your mind focused you can achieve all.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) If travel seems to be at the forefront of your mind, it could be a good plan to follow those instincts. Take care though not to overspend.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) There barely is a day when you question what you are doing. Stop!

Just carry on with the certainty that you were right the first time.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) There appears to be some confusion about what best to do at this time.

Listen carefully to those around you who will advise.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) Now may be a very good time to carefully consider whether the plan is the right one for you. Heed wise words from a loved one.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) It is always far better to continue with that which you are comfortable with than gamble on an uncertain future.

Keep your reins in.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) Look out for others as we approach the festive season and you will find untold joy in the comfort that you can bring.

SKIP and HELEN welcome you to the

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508 www.ossoryarms.co.uk OPEN ALL DAY - EVERY DAY FOOD SERVED DAILY 12.00 till 2.30 pm

OUT NOW NEW WINTER MENU NOW OPEN FRIDAY MORNINGS FROM 10.30 FOR WORKERS’ BREAKFASTS!

FRI/SAT/SUN BREAKFAST SERVED FROM 10.30 am FREE POOL EVERY SUNDAY AND MONDAY NIGHT FROM 6.OO PM TILL CLOSE ALL MAJOR SPORTING EVENTS SHOWN

CHOICE OF REAL ALES IPA AND ABBOT NEW GUEST ALE EVERY MONTH

WATCH OUT FOR DETAILS OF CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR EVENTS When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 15

YOUR LOCAL Memory Foam Mattresses Direct from the manufacturer at trade prices!

No.1 For Scooters, Stairlifts & Mobility Can’t get to us? Call now to organise a free no pressure home demonstration with one of our friendly sales advisors.

Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

At Comfort Mattress we manufacture and distribute high quality Memory Foam mattresses locally from Shefford.

We sell direct to the public and trade cutting out the middle men, allowing us to sell a range of foam products at FANTASTIC low prices!!

Take advantage of massive discounted prices only available from our Factory Outlet at 12C Oldbridge Way, Shefford Ind Est, Beds SG17 5HQ 30% Discount off web site prices with this voucher.

Not to used with any other offer

New and used Scooters, part ex welcome.

Wheelchairs, Ramps, Walking Sticks, Grab Rails, Tri-Walkers, Rollators, Bathlifts, Waterproof Clothing & much more.

For more information call us or visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

WWW.COMFORT MATTRESS.CO.UK When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 16

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Trade-In your old radio and get up to £50 off selected new DAB radios!

This offer will not last forever but what a great time to think about upgrading your old radio in time for Christmas.

Mention this “Fuddler news article” when making a purchase and receive a FREE gift as well!

As TV screens have got thinner, so unfortunately has the sound they produce in a lot of cases! Born out of a passion for perfection, the Q-TV2 will transform the way you enjoy your TV. The first truly discreet, 2.1 HD Sound upgrade for flat screen televisions, the Q-TV2 delivers dynamic, room-filling stereo sound with real bass, yet is completely clutter-free with almost no visual intrusion into your living space.

Unobtrusive and supremely easy to install, it boasts 100 watts of amplification, driving eight advanced technology loudspeakers in stereo enclosures and an integrated vibrationfree, ultra-slim subwoofer for 32-42” televisions.

Dark nights are now becoming the norm, now is a great time to upgrade your old DVD player to a new Blu Ray player.

You can play all your old DVD’s and if you have a HD ready TV, playback the new High definition discs.

If you would like to find out further details about any of the products mentioned here please contact Tavistock Sound & Vision, 01234 - 356323 (See their ad on back page of this issue)

WOODCHIPPERS Sale/Hire

Service, Sales & Spares

POWER TOOLS Professional Lawn Care & Tree Surgery Equipment

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Page 17

These questions and answers were actually posted on an Australian Tourism Website. The answers are the real responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (and possibly not a great deal of time for stupidity! )

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA) A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? (USA) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

MY LITTLE PONY ‘RUSTLER’ SPOTTED IN AMPTHILL LAST SEEN HEADING FOR THE SOUTH COAST IN PINK HORSEBOX!

We can arrange your Dream Reception Complete for £3,500 Our qualified team will arrange

Food for 100, either sit down or buffet Table flowers to match your theme Aperitifs and canapés on arrival, wine with meal and Fizz for Toasts Music - great disco China, glasses linen plus waitress service included

YUMMY SUNDAY ROAST DINNERS SERVED 1.00 pm - 3.00 pm Plus a host of varying guest ales and we’re now in the Good Beer Guide!

See next month for details of Christmas and New Year festivities Planning an event?

If you're hiring a hall for a special function and need a professional full bar service brought in, then look no further. We supply a fully manned and equipped bar service for any special occasion.

We do it all so you and your guests can simply relax and have a good time.

Plus …

STOP PRESS - 11th HOUR SERVICE TOO!

QUIZ NIGHT IS BACK EVERY WEDNESDAY 9.00 ONWARDS!

You Find the Venue, We Do the Rest!

Tuesday 10th November

Call Chris & Co

01525 290785 (Woburn) 07774 205235

We are pleased to be holding THE TUESDAY CLUB REUNION!!

Music & fun - all members and their friends welcome!

Ask us about our new and exciting venue!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 18

We hold the equipment to help you create the cakes and puddings of your dreams! Including tins, pudding basins, string, muslin, cake boards, ribbons, icing, marzipan, cake decorations and much more!

Ɣ HOMEMADE PRESERVES? JAM, CHUTNEYS AND SLOE GIN?

We have jars and bottles galore in stock including jam pans, muslin, labels, jam funnels, thermometers, wax discs etc

Ɣ FUTURE TASTING EVENINGS WEDNESDAY 11 & FRIDAY 13 NOVEMBER 2009, 19.00-21.00 Tickets are available from the shop priced at £10 each and are selling fast so get in quick!

Still open Sundays 11.00-17.00!

Monday to Saturday 9.00 - 17.30 4b Bedford Street, Ampthill

Tel: 01525 402023

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: What are your green fees?

Staff: 38 dollars.

Caller: Does that include golf?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: What do you have for tee times tomorrow?

Staff: What time would you like?

Caller: What times do you have?

Staff: What time of the day?

Caller: Any time.

Staff: Morning or afternoon?

Caller: Whenever.

Staff: We have 16 times open in the morning and 20 open in The afternoon. Would you like me to read the whole list?

Caller: No, I don't think any of those times will work for me.

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, my husband just called me on his cell phone and told me he's on the 15th hole. How many more holes does he have to play before he gets to the 18th?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Do you have a twilight rate?

Staff: Yes, it's 15 dollars after 2 o'clock.

Caller: And what time does that start?

Staff: Golf course, may I help you?

Caller: Yes, I'd like some info about your golf course.

Staff: OK, what would you like to know?

Caller: I don't know, that's why I called.

Are you having problems with your Hearing? ...Then we could change your life!

Are you beginning to avoid the social activities you enjoy?

Do you turn the television up louder than you used to?

Do others ‘mumble’ causing you to be frustrated?

Do you hear people speaking but can’t always make out what they’re saying?

Do you keep asking people to repeat what they have just said?

Improve your hearing – improve your life!

If you would like us to help you, contact us now on:

01234 348144 52 Harpur Street Bedford MK40 2QT Home visits available. Finance details on request.

Free parking at rear of practice.

Hearing loss can destroy your quality of life and cause you to stop doing the things you enjoy.

Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare has been established for over 34 years, and are experts in diagnosing and correcting hearing problems.

Truly independent we offer all the latest digital hearing aid solutions, but more importantly, we care deeply about our patients and are committed to finding the right hearing solution for your needs.

Many of our 8000 local patients describe our service as ‘life changing’.

When you invest in a hearing aid, you’re investing in ‘us’, and in return we will provide you with a lifetime of aftercare and service.

We can help you to rediscover the pleasure of good hearing, regain your confidence and live a fuller life… because we are here to help you hear!

If you or a member of your family are having problems with their hearing, don’t suffer in silence, call us today on 01234 348144

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

www.bedfordhearing.co.uk

Ɣ CHRISTMAS CAKE AND CHRISTMAS PUDDING MAKING?

Our golfing enthusiast reader thought we should share with everyone, these are actual calls received at a public golf course!!

Page 19

“

”

£

£

NEW! ON-SITE LOGO SERVICE PROUD TO SUPPORT OUR TROOPS YOU CAN DONATE AT THE SHOP OR ONLINE http://www.helpforheroes.org.uk

Logos from £2, Premium Polo Shirts from £7

LU7 9LS TEL: 01525 211488 www.ruggedtough.com sales@ruggedtough.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 20

P J Dennis Plumbing & Heating Services Ltd Tel 01525-403924 Mobile 07860-504222. www.pjdennisplumbingandheating.co.uk

Established 21 years & specialising in renewable energy.

Ground source heat pumps.

Under-floor heating systems.

Supplied & installed.

Rain harvesting systems

We also carry out the following services:

Power flushing of heating & boiler system.

Solar hot water systems.

On 4th June 2009 a youth counselling service has opened in Ampthill. The counselling service will be available to all young people 11-25 years old, that live in Ampthill, Flitwick and surrounding villages. The service is FREE and they will be able to self refer. They are also working alongside the GP surgeries in Ampthill and Flitwick who will also refer.

Currently young people have to access counselling in Bedford, Milton Keynes or Luton.

The aim of counselling is to provide you with an opportunity to explore and clarify ways of living more satisfactorily.

It is a process which helps you examine personal problems and unlock hidden feelings that may have been hidden for some time… and make progress.

The process takes place in a relaxed, safe and confidential setting, allowing you the time to talk to someone, who will neither judge nor advise you, but will assist you in setting goals and working towards them.

If you would like an appointment please call. 07544 908509 Email: youths_mk@live.co.uk COUNSELLING FOR THE YOUTHS OF TODAY – THE ADULTS OF TOMORROW

The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service Professional, high quality and friendly service Free delivery and collection

Boiler services, Gas & Oil.

Drop-in and collect service available

Bathroom refurbishments.

Optional same day service

Prestigious new build, we can offer a complete bespoke design & install service.

For further information contact

Corgi & Oftec registered & registered installers of Nu-Heat under-floor heating systems (Log on to www.nu-heat.co.uk/PJDennisAd)

( Open from 8 am daily )

LOUISE on

01525 841114 Or see our website at www.pressed4time.info

The Acorn Centre, Unit 2, Station Road, Ampthill

(Plenty of free parking)

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 21

Garage Door Solutions Ltd YOUR LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES COMPANY Full range of Office Stationery 9 Computer Consumables 9 Inks and Toners 9 Print Service 9 Office Furniture 9 And much more 9 t: 01525 633336 f: 01525 634444 Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Beds MK45 1BE

www.businesspoint.uk.com email: info@businesspoint.uk.com

Your local garage door expert for:

Replacements, Repairs and Spares x All makes & designs available x 24 Hour repair service x No call out charge x All work guaranteed x Free quotations Call us now on: 01525 721615 / 07761 093468 Website: www.garagedoorsolutionsltd.co.uk Or see the yellow pages

3, Woodcock Walk, Flitwick, Bedfordshire, MK 45 1RD

TRADE ENQUIRIES AND ACCOUNTS WELCOME

St Michael and All Angels Church and Village Memorials Project

By Lis Roberts In November 2007 when the Armistice service was held in Millbrook church, complete with the last post being played, Len Hall’s Great Niece attended. She was most impressed that the names of all the men who had died during WW1 and WW2 were read out.

Her uncle had been killed when his ship had triggered a mine 20 miles from Tripoli during the Second World War. Although not a Millbrook man, he was remembered on the Church memorial plaque because

his wife worked for the Rev. Cotton and his family during the war. It was her interest that started me thinking about researching all the names on Millbrook’s memorial.

Hence nearly two years on with the project well under way we found ourselves wandering over France looking for the graves and memorials of soldiers who were listed on the memorial and photographed them.

On Thursday 1st October 2009, Honky Tonk & Better Half followed by Rocket on his B.M.W .accompanied by AKJ and JKJ sailed from Dover to Dunkirk, then drove to a French Hostelry, Hotel de la Gare in Achiet le Grande where we were to

lay our heads for the three nights we were there.

The Hotelier’s English was as good as our French, which left a good deal to be desired when at breakfast the next morning JKJ asked in french for red sauce and received a bottle of Red wine with his “full English”, which consisted of fried ham covered with two runny eggs. The rest of us took one look at his breakfast and opted for Le pain and Croissants with butter and jam.

Rocket and his mother endured tea with hot milk We then decided on a plan of action for our first day in order to start our mission.

The first four cemeteries, which we visited on the first

day. were in the general area of Arras. We went to the furthest one away, where Arthur James Gillett was buried. This was in the Moeuvres Communal Cemetery Extension, ten km west of Cambrai, which we found with no trouble, until looking for his head stone.

At first glance another name was on the one we thought it should be, then we spied his name underneath; two s o l d i e rs s h a re d o ne headstone. This would have meant that it was known who they both were, but they could not be identified.

They both died on 27th September 1918, two months before the end of the war!

To be continued next month

WILSTEAD VILLAGE HALL COTTON END ROAD WILSTEAD MK45 3BX

Outstanding gardens designed for outdoor living Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!

Available for hire during the day and evenings for children’s parties, family gatherings, tea parties and club meetings.

If you need to hire the hall at short notice, please telephone the Booking Secretary to confirm availability and full hire charges.

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Contact Roisin Whittle, the Booking Secretary on 01234 740935 for availability More details at www.wilstead.ik.com Weekdays 8 am - 6 pm From £ 7.25 p/hour Weekends 8 am - 6 pm From £10.30 p/hour

Page 22

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk

Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

CHOICE OF REAL ALES - IPA or OLD SPECKLED HEN plus a different ale every week

UK SKY SPORTS / ESPN

All major sporting events shown

Great value ‘Pub Grub’ Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00 with nothing on the menu at more than a fiver!

We are also able to accept major Credit and Debit cards

Borne out of pity and the need to keep him off the booze, I reluctantly agreed to take a sickly ex teacher fishing.

Goodness me - what a mistake!

Now as anyone who knows young Peter will be aware he has an aversion to water, so my first worry was him falling in; my second concern was stopping him throwing bricks etc into my pre-baited swim. The first job however was the problem of assembling his ‘Early Learning Centre’ £7.99 combined rod and reel without anyone I know seeing me. Once this was done the next job was convincing him that maggots can’t bite.

Eventually I settled him into a nearby swim and, as any experienced angler will know, a single maggot on an 18 hook fished on the drop cannot fail to catch tiny perch. Within seconds I was subjected to continual chants of ‘One - nil, One nil, One - nil, One - nil’. This chant was only interrupted by ‘Mister, can you untangle me?’ ‘Mister put another maggot on for me.’ ‘Mister, take this tiny fish off the hook for me as my eyes are not good enough to see it.

During one of these never ending requests, my buzzer screamed, rod tip bent double and line shot shoot off down river. By the time I had dropped his Mickey Mouse rod and run back to my swim the double figure common or mirror had wrapped itself round the tree root on the opposite bank and was lost.

Now if the disappointment of losing the fish was not enough, regular readers of ‘Ramblings From The Bench’ will know that I have been ridiculed as to my piscatorial prowess for the last two months.

The moral of this story is: Never ever, ever, no matter how sorry you feel for him, take a crusty sickly retired school teacher fishing!

Gemma Last

Holistic Therapist

Here is an opportunity to obtain a range of Aromatherapy Treatments in a calming and relaxing environment.

Aromatherapy Massage & Facials Swedish Massage Reflexology Indian Massage Ear Candling Contact Gemma Last MIFHB MICHB City & Guilds

01525 840916 gemma.last@btinternet.com

* Gift Vouchers available for Christmas*

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 23

And so we continue our story. Many thanks to everyone who sent in the next episode, and the winner we publish below. If you would like to write the next instalment please do contact us with your entry (about 200 words) and our Arts Correspondent Seymour Cox will judge which he considers to be the best which will then be published next month!

(If you missed the previous instalments you can read them on our website at www.thefuddler.com)

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO TOBY? Daniella stood transfixed. She realised that she did not know the man standing before her - was it Toby? How could she know? She had only communicated with him mainly via emails but she was still worried about the look in this man’s eyes. As only a minute crept by she realised that she was staring at the man and absently, with her hand in her bag, was fiddling with her powder compact.

‘What do I have to do?’ she asked in a breathless almost husky voice, ‘and why do I only have nine minutes?’

‘It’s only seven now’ said the stranger, with a somehow foreboding tone to his voice.

‘Toby needs you to meet him at the main railway station, platform 9, which should only take you 5 minutes to reach, and I think you will be very pleasantly surprised.’

Daniella flushed unexpectedly, she hadn’t expected this development. ‘But why the railway station?’ she implored.

‘Have you had lunch in Paris?’ asked the man with a self satisfied smirk. ‘The Eurostar won’t wait for you!’

Panic set in, what was going on? She didn’t know this man and more importantly was Toby going to be there? …

So now it’s over to you! What do you think happened next?

*A pleasant and safe family environment *Drinks at club prices plus …….

CRIB - DARTS - DOMINOES - POOL BINGO - Thursday nights QUIZ - Sunday nights SMOKING AREA - Covered and heated BEER GARDEN (Summer) ENTERTAINMENT …….. Starts at 9 pm

WHAT’S ON?

Saturday 14th November

THE FAMOUS WINGY KARAOKE! Saturday 28th November

PHIL HOBBIS

Don’t be the one to miss out! …

Phil Hobbis is an experienced singer with an outstanding voice and the personality to entertain … …‘so polished is he, such is the power of his voice and the strength of his personality that he gives self-contained a good name. Using every inch of the stage, he works with the confidence born of experience …’ Peter Hepple, The Stage Newspaper

CIU Affiliated

37 Church Street Ampthill Beds

Fre s Veg h Sea & P sona l ota toe s

Woburn Country Foods BUTCHERS & FARM SHOP

CHRISTMAS FAYRE 2009 Gammon & Ham Free Range Turkey Sausage Meat Turkey Breast Chipolatas Capon/Goose/Duck Streaky Bacon Prime Bedfordshire Beef, Pork & Lamb from Local Farmers

! ORDERS NOW BEING TAKEN !

West End Farm, London Lane Haynes West End, MK45 3RA(At the top of the hill!)

Tel: 01234 740300 www.woburncountryfoods.com When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 24

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Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

A MASSIVE HAPPY 75th BIRTHDAY TO ALAN FOR THE 24th NOVEMBER!!

Here’s another quick and tasty recipe that a reader has kindly sent in to us:

MUSTARD MEAT FRITTERS For four people you will need: 6 chopped spring onions 25 gm butter Roughly 300 gm mince 1 dessertspoon flour 1 heaped teaspoon dry mustard Salt & pepper 1 egg yolk 1 packet pancake batter mix (or make your own!)

Fat for frying A little something to slurp

By Michael McSpleen

Episode 40000011

We’re terribl y sorry (possibly) to tell you that we have not heard from our intrepid hero this month.

Apparently he was last seen heading for the Norfolk coast and has not been heard from since!

We can only hope he has not been abducted by those that he seeks!

Hopefully (?) he will return for our Christmas edition!

whilst cooking.

Firstly fry the mince and drain.

Then fry the onions in butter, and mix together the meat, fried onion, flour, mustard and salt & pepper.

Bind the egg yolk and form into 8 burger shaped patties.

Coat with the pancake batter and shallow fry for about 8 or 9 minutes until golden brown and thoroughly cooked through.

Grab the chance for a crafty slurp!

Drain on kitchen roll and then serve with green vegetables of your choice.

Thanks for that one Ma’am!

I’m not sure I want to be here! Those wretches in the studio just will not give up!

But they have only messed me up a bit! I am as you may have gathered another actress in a popular US TV drama!

The answer is at the foot of the page.

HAPPY 44th BIRTHDAY MITCH FOR 7th NOVEMBER

Tel: 01525 237687

Call Paul on 01525 751752 or 07906 221444 for a free written estimate. References available. email: paul@prbmaintenance.co.uk x x x x

General carpentry Kitchen fitting Tiling Coving

x x x x

Decorating Garden decking Fencing And much, much more ...

Little Emm’s Unisex Hair Studio “A Cut Above The Rest” For a totally new look for the Summer why not come and see ‘Emma Scissorhands’?!

22A Woburn Road Heath & Reach Nr Leighton Buzzard Beds LU7 OAR I’m happy as I am - please don’t canvas me!

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Claire Forlani from CSI New York

Do you find it difficult to get a reliable tradesman to do the small to medium sized jobs around your house?

Then we are the answer to your prayers! We have many years experience in carrying out all types of general domestic maintenance. No job is too small, work is carried out to the highest standards and is realistically priced.

Page 25

TIDY UP SERVICES GARAGE & GARDEN RUBBISH CLEARANCE Complete tidy up service available including grass cutting, edging, overgrown gardens etc plus we take all the rubbish away!!

Waste licence 15 years Established 35 years MAJOR CARDS ACCEPTED

Tel: 07976 383698 01234 742100 Information Service and Equipment Advice Outreach work reaches communities that may have extra difficulties finding the information they need, such as those who live in rural areas.

It takes our service out and about across the whole of Bedford, Bedfordshire and Luton, visiting libraries, supermarkets, village halls, garden centres, health facilities and shopping centres.

We also visit other organisations, clubs, groups and schools to tell them about the work of the DRC. For information about forthcoming outreach venues or to enquire about the service visiting your group or community, please contact the Outreach Officer for more information using the details below.

Please visit us at Poplars Garden Centre on Thursday 3rd December 2009 between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m.

Fascia, Cladding & Guttering Specialists uPVC Fascia/Soffits/Cladding White, Black & Woodgrain

information@drcbeds.org.uk or equipment@drcbeds.org.uk

www.drcbeds.co.uk

Tel: 01582 470900

Registered Charity 1041712

JOHN SMITH General Builder

For all building work.

• Extensions • Patios • Walls • Driveways Tel: 01525 841835 Mob: 07979 846474

Maintenance Free Continuous Aluminium Guttering x x x x

Fascia/Soffits Cladding Seamless Aluminium Guttering Cast & uPVC Guttering 10 Year Guarantee Approved Installers BBA Approved Products Free Surveys & Quotes Credit/Debit Cards Welcome

x x x x x

Peter Pascan 01525 404204 www.arg.uk.net Unit 29, Dunville Road Bedford MK40 4DY

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 26

JH All plumbing work undertaken

Including …

Complete bathroom design, tiling, electrics etc Bathroom installations Full central heating Replacement boiler New or replacement radiators Kitchen sinks and taps replaced No job too big or small

Over 20 years experience - CRB checked For a free quote call Brian on 07958 365159 01582 585113

Free milk can be so noisy!

I told a tale a while back, (Oct 2006), about leaving a residence via the first floor window to avoid embarrassing my girlfriend or the early morning cleaning staff. The residence in question was the ladies quarters for MRC at Didcot near Harwell, South of Oxford, I had an even more embarrassing experience some weeks later while staying with the same girl friend.

Many hostels for single folk in such establishment provide rooms with basic needs such as a kettle, toaster, and microwave, etc.

(though no Microwave in 1963).

Other communal resources were shower blocks, fully equipped kitchens, washing machines etc. One facility of great value in the hostel in question was on the ground floor in a wide echoing corridor, namely a vending machine for “fresh” chilled milk, a daily requisite for a civilised breakfast.

Sometimes, if time permitted, we would get a carton of milk in the morning to accompany coffee or cereal before I set off back to Birmingham on my much loved Norton motor cycle to resume study, (retrying for Math and Further Math ‘A’ level).

The only problem was that

ELECTRICAL • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE All electrical work undertaken email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk the milk dispensing machine delivered the carton with an enormous “CLUNK” which could be heard throughout the building. The strategy was therefore to place the 20 pence (I cannot remember the actual price) in the machine, grab the carton and quickly scuttle invisibly back to our room before the curtains twitched and the intruder was discovered.

No problem, well not until technology conspired to confront my speed and daring.

I placed the requisite sum of money in the machine and pressed the magic button… pause… CLUNK, I grabbed the carton and turned around adopting scuttle mode, CLUNK, the machine

ejected a second carton, I froze, CLUNK a third then fourth carton spat from the barrel of this machine as if from a belt fed mortar.

By the time I realised that I had never been in control of the situation, I was facing some 10 young ladies in various states of night attire, looking to see what the disturbance was all about. In those days I was a gentleman and the experience was frankly scary!

From that day on, I stopped being the gentleman, She could get the breakfast milk.

Prof Reginald V Q De Gama IPA With Kind permission from Jim Barr

ARAGON WINDOWS For the treatment of nails, corns and calluses etc

Susan Mobsby MSSCh MBChA

Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering

5 Chestnut Close, Ampthill, Bedford MK45 2PU

Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

Registered member of The British Chiropody Association and The Health Professions Council

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds

Qualified chiropodist (15 years’ experience)

Telephone: 01525 631470

Established in 1990 and built on reputation When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 27

With Lauren Louella Boughalls

Thanks everyone for sending in your answers to last month’s challenge. Admittedly it was more difficult than the previous month but some of you got it right!! (Well at least one anyway!)

The answer to the bus stop question is ‌ wait for it ‌ the wonderful old bus stop sign is in Tingrith which I came by whilst out cycling with my very good friend Algi last month.

For this month’s teaser I would like you to tell me what lies beyond the gates.

DOG WALKING ‡ 'DLO\ ZDONV RI IRUW\ ILYH PLQXWHV ‡ 'DLO\ ZHHNO\ RU RFFDVLRQDOO\ ‡ 6DIH VHJUHJDWHG WUDQVSRUWDWLRQ ‡ 2II OHDG ZDONV ZKHUH SRVVLEOH ‡ 0D[ RI IRXU GRJV SHU ZDONHU Excellent socialisation for your dog, peace of mind for you!

PET SITTING 'RJV

Answers by email to martin@thefuddler.com or on a postcard to The Fuddler, PO Box 756 Ampthill Bedford MK45 2WZ Answer next month!

Â&#x2021; )ULHQGO\ GRJV VWD\ ZLWK KRVW IDPLOLHV Â&#x2021; $OO GD\ FDUH DQG VDIH JDUGHQ Â&#x2021; <RX SURYLGH EHG IRRG WR\V HWF Â&#x2021; :H SURYLGH WZR ZDONV SHU GD\

&DWV Â&#x2021; 6WD\ LQ RZQ KRPH HQYLURQPHQW Â&#x2021; 2QH RU WZR YLVLWV SHU GD\ Â&#x2021; /HW RXW LQ OLWWHU FKDQJHG DQG IHG Â&#x2021; Âś3XUUIHFW¡ DOWHUQDWLYH WR D FDWWHU\

6PDOO SHWV Rabbits, guinea pigs, hamsters, birds, rats & ferrets are welcome in our home! Â&#x2021; &DJHV KXWFKHV IRRG EHGGLQJ FROOHFWHG Â&#x2021; )HHGLQJ SHWWLQJ DQG H[HUFLVH JLYHQ

PET TRANSPORTING

...are Milton Keynesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s premier airport transfer company.

Â&#x2021; 6DIH VHJUHJDWHG WUDQVSRUWDWLRQ Â&#x2021; 7R DQG IURP YHWV DQG JURRPHUV HWF

Whether a business trip, or a much needed break, Airports Direct are dedicated to getting you to and from your airport stress free and in comfort and style. 100% reliable, professional service guaranteed. DVDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s / coolers available.

T: 0800 707 6003 E: info@airportsdirectmk.com www.airportsdirectmk.com 33 White Alder, Stacey Bushes Milton Keynes, MK12 6HE Company No. 5318754 (England & Wales)

01525 860606

www.thepetaup www.thepetaupair.co.uk pair.co.uk

,1685(' _ 32/,&( &+(&.(' _ 5()(5(1&(6 $9$,/$%/( _ (67

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Page 28

A & F Fabrics Ltd Your

Local Carpet

and Upholstery Cleaning Service

‘Providing a Hassle Free service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

All furniture moved and replaced Stain and odour removal Stain Shield protective treatments All work fully insured and guaranteed CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 712639

Email: affabrics@btconnect.com

FARMERS MARKETS

The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at the rear of The White Hart Hotel.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!.

And now Edith Pioff has responded and sent us this piece composed again entirely of song titles!

‘Oh yeah - Lady in Red - I'm sorry - Now I'm Here - I can't Stand It - I'm Going Slightly Mad - I Believe!’

‘Hello Old Friend - Everybody Knows - These Are The Days Of Our Lives - Wouldn't It Be Good - Don't Stop Me Now Play The Game - More Than This!’

Once again many, many thanks for such inspiration! So now it must go back to Mustafa for his thoughts!

It’s always possible, but only if you’re quick, to book an ad in our Christmas edition!

Please ring Martin on 01525 841434 for all the details!

Norman Mole DESIGN AND BUILDING CONSULTANT HOME EXTENSION AND NEW BUILD Plans Drawn Planning Permission Building Regulations Structural Calculations Thermal Calculations Obtained

Mob: 07831 224064 Tel: 01525 862121

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

email: norman.mole@btconnect.com

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

Page 29

CALL 01525 75 55 50

MOB: 07903 374712

1 to 7 SEATER - PRIVATE HIRE TAXI SERVICE

AIRPORT TRANSFERS - DAYS & NIGHTS OUT COASTAL DAYS OUT - WEST END SHOWS

LUTON AIRPORT RETURN FROM £49.00!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RICHARD FOR THE 5TH NOVEMBER -

and you thought we’d forget!

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy!

If you would like to book an ad in our next edition please ring Martin on 01525 841434 to check on availability

1st December

100 TODAY Congratulations Nancy Margaret Roberts from your Son, Daughter in Law, Grandchildren & Great Grandchildren on reaching this fine young age.

Hope you get your telegram from E.R!

REDBORNSTOKE MORRIS Are looking for new members! No experience necessary, just a sense of fun! Good way to keep fit. Help keep an English tradition alive!

The practice season starts on Monday nights throughout the winter months. Friendly tuition is given and beginners are welcome. We meet at Redborne Upper School, Ampthill from 8.00 onwards.

For more details contact Charlie 01234 750829 or see our website at www. redbornstoke.com

ALL TYPES OF GROUNDWORK UNDERTAKEN. Driveways, Patios etc.

Please call for free quotation

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 30

A personal Chauffeur service with grace and quality for the discerning customer.

Our Services include: • Airport Transfers • Business trips • Weddings • Executive Travel

• Theatres • Days sightseeing • Shopping

t: 0800 022 3312 m: 07836 780088 e: redwards@be-drivencars.co.uk www.be-drivencars.co.uk

BE DRIVEN

A8L

...a journey to remember

N N I

S N IO

T A fixed price aerial installations OV

poor reception specialists sky repairs & installations digital aerials freeview systems plasma installations A family run company with over 15 years experience x Registered Digital UK installer, NVQ qualified x x x x x x

And here are this month’s wacky observations from the world of Montgolfier: I’ve never forgotten my 18th birthday (along time ago). I got into work and one of my workmates said ‘Congratulations you are now old enough to be hanged.’ It was horrible.

A LONG TRIP - A friend yesterday received a cheque in the post from Australia. It was unsigned so it has to do a return trip.

A friend said she had bought a new car. I asked ‘What make have you bought?’ She said ‘A nowdi.’

Overheard - Hard work never killed anyone but I’ll tell you it’s crippled quite a few.

Two chaps having a chat; one says to the other ‘I don’t find policemen getting younger, but I do find belts getting shorter.’

One sees M.P.s kissing young babies but I must confess that Neville Chamberlain never kissed me.

Mike Todd, who made the film ‘Around The World in 80 Days’ worked out that rich people spend a lot of money.

Therefore if you spend a lot of money you will become rich, and for him it worked.

I have a friend who has bad eyesight, in fact he is registered blind. On leaving his house last Sunday I had to reverse out of his driveway onto the road. He said ‘I’ll watch out and make sure it is OK.’ I wasn’t sure whether or not to trust his observation but I did. It was OK. I met a coach load of people coming out of an hotel. They said they were on a 1 week mystery tour and even the driver didn’t know where he was going. That is until he opened an envelope each day after breakfast

01525 841017 16 Chiltern Close Ampthill Beds MK45 2QA

Rapid Response Mobile:

07887 710558 www.innovationsaerials.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 31

Fencing Decking Grass & hedge cutting Domestic & Commercial Tel: 01525 874225 Mob: 07809 232829

U.P.V.C. Installation Specialist Certass Registered. 10 year Insurance Backed Guarantee Installations Assured

Windows • Doors • Conservatories • Porches Porch Canopies • Replacement Units

AT PRICES YOU CAN AFFORD

Tel: 01525 720 696 Email:welnewwindows@btinternet.com ‘A Business Built on Recommendation’

Episode 15: …..

My Brother Part 2: A Long Way Across

Continued from last month …

My brother and I would also avoid many of the alleged foreign tourists who attempt the feat annually and usually have to get rescued, give up after visiting the tourist friendly archaeological sites or get eaten by the mythical ‘beast of the crags’ that our relations took great pleasure in warning us about .

In fact apart from the odd rambler, an inquisitive cow and the odd, some very odd indeed, sheep we did not meet anybody in the uninhabited stretches on our walk. There were some very curious farm folk who after their initial

surprise and bemusement at our appearance in their neck of the woods were very generous in their hospitality, cups of tea and bowls of soup were gratefully accepted. The odd reference to previous unsuccessful attempts and the beast accompanied us on our way.

Actually we only really fell out once on the entire walk, and that was an disagreement over whether we should follow the wall across a 5 mile stretch of baron boggy moorland to that night’s Inn or go down to a small village about a mile away which had a public house and probably a warm fire. I insisted on doing the walk as ‘we should not miss out any of the original route’, albeit in driving rain and bitterly cold biting wind. I got my way only to find out that the pub we had

All Domestic Electrical work undertaken from Electric cooker installations to complete re-wires.

seen some miles back was indeed the Inn we were booked into and now had a further 4 miles walk back again. Several hours later after a hot bath, hearty meal and a stiff brandy or two, FG talked to me again.

When we reached Carlisle it was a quite a culture shock.

Apart from a few bewildered locals in the Inns and B&B’s we had stayed in, we had only met a handful of people during the last four or five days. Here was a bustling metropolis or so it seemed to us. Our last part of the journey was to walk across the causeway, now a road across the marsh from Carlisle to Bowness. The only marker that greeted us at the end of our glorious adventure was a plaque on the church wall that a young legionnaire had scratched on to a segment of the wall which read ‘welcome

x x x x x x x

to the end of the wall, welcome to the end of the world’. No ticker-tape, no balloons or relieved loved ones.

It was I remember quite a poignant last day; on one hand we were very pleased we had come triumphantly to the end of our walk, the end of a exhausting but fulfilling week but on the other, felt somewhat troubled that we had in fact found companionship, respect and comradeship in the last few days together where we could easily revert back to our old sparring ways once the trip was over and we were back home.

I often think FG and I should do this trip again one day.

And being done, thus the Wall away doth go.

‘A Midsumm er Nights Dream’ Next month my Father

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing Patios Electrical

And … Lots More!

For a free quote contact MEMM Electrical.

(Part P registered and 17th edition compliant) When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 32

When you advertise in The Fuddler - youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!