The Fuddler June 2009

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Do you need a venue for a Friday or Saturday night party?

Ampthill Town FC offers a fully licensed bar, excellent catering facilities and capacity for 80 people

Hello again! Welcome to your June edition of The Fuddler! Again, the magazine is jam packed with fun and nonsense, lots of information about local goings on and of course important messages from our advertisers! As you look through you’ll see that

For further information, contact: Pauline Marlow

we ’ r e r i ght t o s ay ‘Whatever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler!’ We hope you will enjoy the issue and look out next month for our 7th Anniversary edition!!

To advertise with us our contact details are on page four of each issue.

DROVERS ARMS INDIAN RESTAURANT

01525-750217

SUNDAY - THURSDAY EAT FOR £10.00 Take away food available - collection only Tel: 01525 715697 www.droversarms.eu

FIXED PRICE AERIAL INSTALLATIONS

WHITEHARTAMPTHILL.CO.UK 10 FANTASTIC EN SUITE DOUBLE ROOMS

IT’S THE TALK OF THE TOWN!! ...

……Fantastic Fantasticallallday daybreakfast breakfastforforonly only£3.00!! £3.00!!

Full A La Carte & bar menu available all day - every day Party the night away as normal at The Cellar Bar

Tel: 01525 406863 PURE NIGHTCLUB OF BEDFORD

See our ad on page 27

Available to hire for private parties Tel: 01234 354102 www.purebarandclub.com

Staples Garden Centre, Fordfield Rd, Millbrook, MK45 2HZ

Telephone 01525 402959 Workshops & Clubs available - please come in and pick up a newsletter with all the details.

We stock card making supplies, decoupage, water colour supplies and much more!

NOW HERE!

NEW!!

Cross stitch club coming soon.

Cross stitch, embroidery & tapestry kits Ordering service available for kits - please ask

DMC Silks Aida, evenweave,

CALL 01525 75 55 50

Bio Sculpture Gel Nails & Pedicures 117 Clophill Rd. Maulden 01525 860688 C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

MOB: 07903 374712

1 to 7 SEATER - PRIVATE HIRE TAXI SERVICE

AIRPORT TRANSFERS - DAYS & NIGHTS OUT COASTAL DAYS OUT - WEST END SHOWS

LUTON AIRPORT RETURN FROM £45.00!

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CHINESE and PEKING CUISINE

Eddie has decided that because so many people are eating in his restaurant on expenses that he must verify all accounts before accepting payments from his customers… … He is sure that everyone will be patient whilst he makes sure that they have been approved by the accounts department!!

A staff reshuffle is imminent!

111, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 840096

With Summer on our doorstep, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy.

Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

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Fencing Decking Grass & hedge cutting Domestic & Commercial Tel: 01525 874225 Mob: 07809 232829

Sat June 20th sees the annual fete at Ridgmont Lower School. The fete takes place between 11-1 pm and has a variety of stalls including Usborne Books, Phoenix Cards, Spangles n Bangles, Aloe Vera, Partylite, Top Score Football game, Pampered chef and lots more! There will also be a raffle on the day plus Refreshments, Bouncy Castle, May Pole dancing, BBQ, disco, fun and games for all the family, and Woburn C Band playing great music.

A great family morning out and everyone will be made most welcome.

x x x x x x x x x

All central Bedfordshire areas covered Airport transfer specialists Competitive prices Corporate account works Passenger & parcel service School service 100% reliable service Professional service guaranteed 24 hours a day

Host Families wanted in Ampthill-Maulden-Flitwick, to Host French students aged between 12 - 17, from 16th - 29th July 2009. Students will be out all day, taking English lessons at Ampthill Methodist Church and various afternoon activities.

Good rate of pay!

For more information call Véronique on 01525 750 221

On Saturday the 20th June, Nigel Ogden of BBC Radio 2 fame is holding a concert at St Andrew’s Parish Church in Ampthill in aid of Action For Children. (Reg. Charity no: 1097940/SC038092) The performance is at 7.30 pm and admission is £7.00 (sorry no concessions) including refreshments.

Please call 01525 403936 or 01525 714060 for tickets or more information.

‘Help the Ampthill & Flitwick Support Group to help some of the UK’s most vulnerable children and young people to achieve their full potential.’

Caring, affordable pet services to suit your individual needs.

* DOG WALKING. * DOGGIE DAY CARE * HOME VISITS / POP IN SERVICE * HOSTING FOR FRIENDLY DOGS, ALL THE COMFORTS OF HOME, WITH 2 COUNTRY WALKS PER DAY * TRANSPORTATION INCLUDED * HOUSE SITTING. POLICE CHECKED. INSURED. REFERENCES AVAILABLE.

01234 740032 / 07719 783717 email: petangels@hotmail.com

Templefield Lower School, Flitwick are holding their Summer fete on the 13th June from 12.00 noon until 4.00 pm. There will be great games, activities and entertainment for all the family. Also there is a new feature called ‘Wheel of Fortune’.

In addition there will be face painting, balloons, candy floss, plate smashing, ‘Soak the Teacher’ plus lots, lots, more...

A raffle will also be held on the day with the winning ticket drawn at 4.00 pm.

Everyone is welcome to attend and is assured of a very warm welcome.

Sharman Law S O L I C I T O R S Incorporating Sharman & Trethewy

The Solicitors who care for you, your family and your business 88 Dunstable Street, Ampthill Telephone: 01525 750 750 1 Harpur Street, Bedford Telephone: 01234 30 30 30 Email: mail@SharmanLaw.co.uk Website: www.SharmanLaw.co.uk

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS I was complaining to Check-it-out & Duster the other day about how the correct use of the English language is dying. For example, one always goes up to town and down to the country regardless of one's geographical location at the time when one is planning one's journey.

So now you know

Ciao

A BRIANISM

I bought a mobile phone and put it on the table. I left it there for 3 days but it still hasn't moved!

Bugged by a bug? Computer broke?

Foxed by email? Internet slow?

Computer repairs, Hardware or Software, Security, Networks, Internet, Computer and software training, In your home or office, Fixed rates - no call out charge

Across: 1. Hesitated, 8.

Elite, 9. Persuaded, 10. Lot, 11. Seat, 12. Ounces, 14.

Matter, 15. Fences, 18.

Poison, 19. Beta, 21. Tar, 23. Dignified, 24. Ridge, 25.

Respected

Down: 1. Hopes, 2. Servant, 3. Thug, 4. Tedium, 5.

Deducted, 6. Dials, 7.

Letters, 13. Bewilder, 14.

Masters, 16. Chemist, 17.

Toughs, 18. Pride, 20.

Aided, 22. Fine.

AT HOME OR WORK

Full and part valets, Hand washed and polished Seats and carpets cleaned Call Nigel on 01525 261485 Mobile 07977 605987 email: nigelpaul_nigelpaulrober@yahoo.co.uk

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Digital Print Bureau.

The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

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MAJOR CARDS ACCEPTED

Tel: 07976 383698 01234 742100 After one of Tarquin’s tricky puzzles last month, we are pleased to bring you another of Marjorie’s quick crosswords which she has been kind enough to send to us.

2

3

4

5

6

7

8 9

10

11

12 13 14

16 18

19

20

21

22

Down: 1 Red or violet dye (6) 2 Remove (5) 3 Drudgery (4) 5 Village dweller (8) 6 Turn at batting (7) 7 Phantoms (6) 8 Seat (5) 13 Sycophant (8) 15 Beat (7) 17 Egyptian beetle (6) 18 Adroit (5) 19 Counsellor (6) 22 Perceptive (5) 23 Big smile (4)

23 25

27

JH ELECTRICAL • DOMESTIC • INDUSTRIAL • COMMERCIAL

I

G

E S

26

B

Sandra’s been busy finding more new words to puzzle us with! Here again is another word she’s found.. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

I

24

A

N

Sweet Sensations Of Ampthill Traditional Sweet Shop What better gift to give your Dad on Father’s Day than a bag of sweets that he used to buy when he was a lad?

24 HR CALLOUT AVAILABLE

Or you could treat him to one of our Retro Sweet Jars or our

All electrical work undertaken

100a, Dunstable Street, Ampthill

email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk

‘Chewy Challenge Basket’

01525 841240

Abseiling

17

15

Across: 1 Blatant (5) 4 Suffering (6) 9 Fickleness (7) 10 S. American dance (5) 11 Infelicities (4) 12 Furrow (7) 13 Tree (3) 14 S. African money (4) 16 Compass point (4) 18 Tune (3) 20 Cold (7) 21 Own (4) 24 Sunday lunch (5) 25 Introduce (7) 26 Fuzzy (5) 27 Drive (5)

L

1

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STAPLES GARDEN CENTRE OUTBACK SPECTRUM BARBEQUE 2 burner flat bed £229.29 £149.99 3 burner flat bed £269.99 £189.99 3 SEATER HAMMOCK £199.99 £109.99

SHRUB SELECTION from just £1.00

LOADS OF BARGAINS!!

FORDFIELD ROAD, MILLBROOK, BEDFORD MK45 2HZ 07771 585756

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The Flitwick Club 20 High Street, Flitwick, Beds Tel: 01525 751555

Cut out the middleman! Buy Direct!!

HEAVY DUTY PICNIC TABLES FROM £65.00!

We have a large function room available for hire for any special occasion - £60.00 for members, £110.00 for non members.

WE HAVE PARKING AVAILABLE WITH EASY ACCESS TO THE STATION FOR A NOMINAL FEE OF £40.00 PER MONTH

Plus hanging baskets, trellis and picket fencing all at great prices!

Please ring on the above number or call in - we are open from 6.00 pm onwards apart from Sundays: 12.00 noon

Resting in the big oak chair Meerkat was reading through her notes from a meeting the p r e vi o u s e v e ni n g a n d reflecting on the news from a farming friend who had announced that she and her husband were moving into their new bungalow on 29th May. Something kept nagging in the back of Meerkat’s mind about this date. Suddenly, inspiration – of course, it was OAK APPLE DAY! Let’s get some facts.

Onto the computer and bingo!

Wikipedia to the rescue. Oak Apple Day was a holiday granted by Parliament to celebrate the 29th May, the

actual birthday of Charles 11, in commemoration of the restoration of the monarchy in Great Britain and Ireland in May 1660. In some parts of the country the day was also called SHICK-SHACK DAY or ARBOUR DAY. The holiday itself was abolished in 1859; however, on record in the British Film Institute is a clip of Colonel Lyttleton inspecting the Chelsea Pensioners on Oak Apple Day in 1915.

At traditional celebrations, which are still held in some parts of the country today, an oak apple (“a mutation of an oak leaf caused by chemicals injected by the larvae of certain kinds of gall wasp” - http://en.

wikipedia.org) is often worn or, a sprig of oak leaves which refers to the Battle of Worcester in September 1651 when Charles 11 escaped from the Roundheads and hid in an oak tree near Boscobel House. Apparently, at some Oxford and Cambridge halls a toast is still drunk to celebrate Oak Apple Day. What a brilliant and appropriate date for a farming family to move.

Even for the rest of us there is another date to celebrate to cheer ourselves up – an excuse to party? So, which one of the candidates standing on 4th June in Ampthill will bring back OAK APPLE DAY? Let Meerkat know – you’ll get her vote!!

With Geoffrey THE Golfer He'd rejected the idea of dieting, health spas and swimming but when his doctor advised golf, the corpulent patient thought it might be worth trying.

After a few weeks, however, he was back at the doctor's and asking whether he could take up some other game.

‘But,’ protested the doctor, ‘what's wrong with golf?

There's no finer game!’

‘You are doubtless correct,’ the patient replied, ‘but my trouble is that when I put the wretched ball where I can see it I can't hit it and when 1 put it where I can hit it, I can't see it!’

Skip & Helen welcome you to the

OSSORY ARMS 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill 01525 841508

OPEN ALL DAY - EVERY DAY from 12.00 pm www.ossoryarms.co.uk

FOOD

QUIZ NIGHT

Served Monday - Sunday 12.00 - 2.30 pm

Every Thursday 8.30 start 1st 2nd 3rd Prize PLUS JACKPOT QUESTION

ALL DAY BREAKFAST SERVED FROM 10.30 am Saturday & Sunday

MEAT RAFFLE

Try one of Skip’s BIG breakfasts served with tea or coffee

SUNDAY LUNCHTIME MEAT RAFFLE Ticket available throughout the week

Quality meat supplied by Ingles

GTG

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TÄâvtÜx

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Cladding & Guttering Full Range Kept In Stock

Guttering & Downpipes in Black, White, Grey & Brown PVCu In Half Round & Square PVCu Flat Board - 9mm 100mm/150mm/175mm/200mm/225mm 250mm/275mm/300mm/400mm PVCu Soffit Board ~ in Three Thicknesses ~ 100mm/150mm/175mm/200mm/225mm 250mm/275mm/300mm/400mm

Vented Boards are also available

4mm & 6mm Mirrors, edge polishing, Fixing holes & safety backing: All made to order

A507

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(Corners, inline joiners, soffit vents, ‘H’ track joiner, Polypins & polynails, silicone, weather sealant, Cleaner, superglue, plus much, much more!!)

ALL TRIMS IN STOCK: 45mm/65mm/95mm Architrave Pencil & Fillet Trims 12mm & 19mm Quadrant

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Unit 9 Lyall Court, Flitwick Industrial Estate, Maulden Road, Flitwick, Beds, MK45 1UX Tel: 01525 713085 Fax: 01525 715661 Email: alucare@btconnect.com

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DISCOS FOR ALL OCCASIONS For The Very Best Disco Around All The Latest Chart Sounds Great Giveaway Prizes Receptions For ALL Occasions Very Competitive Prices

Tel: Micky or Joolz on 01525 211670

PLUMBING & HEATING ENGINEER I.M. CLAYTON Tel: 01525 873627 Mobile: 07779 776797 or visit my Web Site at http://imclayton.bttradespace.com MANDY Happy Birthday for the 22nd June!!

With Jimmy The Voice

Our esteemed guest finder of the bizarre has really found a cracker this time!!

Look carefully and what do you see?

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Why does Donald Duck wear a towel?

2) What happened to Watneys party fours & party sevens?

3) Do hedgehogs have flatmates?

4) Can you have a nook without a cranny?

5) Why do they never use older people to advertise anti wrinkle cream?

HAPPY 21st JOSH FOR 29th JUNE!!

Julio's Top Tip: When leaving your car in a large car park, tie a shiny helium balloon to the car aerial.

This will make your car much easier to find on your return!

There’s a jigsaw puzzle in there somewhere!

Thank you very much Sir, for sharing that one with us!

Timbooha Granni! - Enjoy your Birthday & can’t wait to ride the bus with you! We all send big x’s.

Lots of love KT, Justin, Roo & Charlie xxxx.

Lots of love Tam xxx

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THE FIRS GUEST HOUSE & CAFE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds Fully Qualified Apprentice Served Established 28 years Experts in all aspects Quality Guaranteed Public Liability Insured Reliable Professional Service Interior & Exterior FREE ESTIMATES

Tel: 01525 280176 Mob: 07759 240 414

Babs found she had put on weight so went to see the doctor for advice. The doctor advised that she should walk for ten miles each day: this, he advised would help her lose at least 20 lbs. Babs followed the advice and, after 30 days she was pleased to find that she had indeed lost the whole 20 lbs. She therefore rang the doctor to thank him for giving her such wonderful advice. At the end of the conversation, however, she asked sensibly ‘How do I get home since I am now 300 miles away?’

Tel: 01525 280279

ATTENTION CONTRACTORS ARE YOU LOOKING FOR B&B? We have 9 letting rooms and prices from just £25.00 pppn including full English breakfast!

NEW RANGE OF TAKEAWAY MEALS NOW AVAILABLE - ALL AT £4.00!

Plus … Special OAP meals at only £3.00!

(Delivery to Ridgmont only)

Why do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won’t miss a call from someone we didn’t want to talk to in the first place?

Is a cube farm an office full of cubicles?

Screeched is another of the longest single syllables in the English language.

If you are feeling stressed why not try driving to work in reverse?

Appetite is a good sauce and variety is another.

If a man can’t see why you are wearing a strapless dress, then don’t.

Probably best not to say to your Mother on her birthday ‘Crikey, you must have been really old when you had me.’

My friend’s husband is so silly that that the only way he was spotted at a wedding was that he was the one kissing the rottweiler.

Thee British people die each year testing if a 9 volt battery works on their tongues.

Failure is a learned response. Avoid failure by not learning anything.

ALL TYPES OF GROUNDWORK UNDERTAKEN. Driveways, Patios etc.

Please call for free quotation

1. Where would you find a West African Dwarf?

2. When was t he umbrella invented?

3. What is a Llorona?

4. W h e r e w o u l d y o u f i n d ‘Mountararat’?

5. When was the battle of Rivoli?

6. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m Ostraconophobia, what would be frightened of?

7. What is the collective term for a group of ducks on the ground?

8. In what year was the siege of Charleston?

9. What is a ‘Mummichig’?

10.‘There was no possibility of taking a walk that day’ is the opening line of which famous novel?

1 It’s a breed of sheep, 2 1637, 3 Dance, 4 Iolanthe, 5 1797 French Revolutionary Wars, 6 Shellfish, 7 Badelynge, 8 1780, 9 Fish, 10 Jane Eyre.

i i i i i i i i i

YOUR LOCAL OFFICE SUPPLIES COMPANY Full range of Office Stationery 9 Computer Consumables 9 Inks and Toners 9 Print Service 9 Office Furniture 9 And much more 9 t: 01525 633336 f: 01525 634444 Unit 1, 101 Ampthill Road Flitwick Beds MK45 1BE

www.businesspoint.uk.com email: info@businesspoint.uk.com TRADE ENQUIRIES AND ACCOUNTS WELCOME

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Woburn Country Foods BUTCHERS & FARM SHOP Specialists in top quality local meat from Beds & Bucks

BBQ SPECIALS

Marinated Pork Ribs 6oz Handmade Burgers Angus Beef Beef & Onion Venison & Herb Lamb & Garden Mint

CANCER (June 22-July 23) There seems to be a long awaited answer to a problem just around the corner. Take special care not to rush into anything you are not sure about.

CAPRICORN (Dec 23-Jan 20) There could be a good deal of travel happening for you in the very near future. The planetary aspects indicate a time for decisions to be made.

LEO (July 24-August 23) It may be time to take advice from a trusted friend before embarking on your project. Consider carefully the possible consequences.

AQUARIUS (Jan 21-Feb 19) Now that things have become a little clearer, it appears to be a good time to plunge headlong into your new plans with confidence.

VIRGO (Aug 24-Sept 23) Does the summer find you wearing your heart on your sleeve? Why not just go for it and see where it all ends up?

PISCES (Feb 20-March 20) It is possible that there could be some exciting challenges and changes in your work environment soon. Take stock before making a decision.

LIBRA (Sept 24-Oct 23) With the new moon on the 22nd there may come a chance to achieve things that you have wanted to accomplish for a little while.

ARIES (March 21-April 20) There is no point sitting on your laurels and waiting for things to just happen. It is only you that can create the things that you want to achieve.

SCORPIO (Oct 24-Nov 22) There appears to be some doubt about something you are considering.

Possibly a travel plan or arrangement that needs to be thought through.

TAURUS (April 21-May 21) It is important to stay focused just now and develop your thoughts and ideas slowly but surely. A stranger may be of immense help.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 23-Dec 22) You could find yourself bewildered by attentions paid to you from someone who could surprise you with an offer.

GEMINI (May 22-June 21) The financial side of things might well be on the upturn for you now.

You may be surprised at an opportunity that come out of the blue.

Speciality Sausages Ɣ THE SUN IS SHINING – MUST BE

Local Fresh Fruit & Veg Fresh Strawberries & Cream Homemade Cakes Cheese Fresh Bread & MORE!

TIME FOR BBQ’S & PICNICS?!

We have BBQ tools, skewers and collapsible BBQs with free tool set – they’re cool!

Cool bags, picnic rugs, funky coloured unbreakable glasses, wine bottle carriers and ice packs.

Ɣ ICE LOLLIES ANYONE? Different shaped lolly making kits and lolly sticks in stock ready for you to get creative!

Ɣ CHEESEBOARDS FOR THE PROMS

West End Farm, London Lane, Haynes West End, Beds, MK45 3RA

We would be delighted to prepare a cheese and/or meat board for you and your friends to enjoy at the Proms in the Ampthill Park – easy!

Tel:01234 740300

Now open Sundays 11.00 - 17.00 (Monday to Saturday 9.00 - 17.30)

www.woburncountryfoods.com

4b Bedford Street, Ampthill

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL FARMERS

IN AMPTHILL PARK, 27th JUNE 2009

Open 7 days a week!

Tel: 01525 402023

Page 13

On Saturday June 20th a dozen gardens will be open around Woburn village from 10.30 am to 6 pm. There will also be a band of scarecrows, in some of the gardens, along the streets and outside the shops. Three of the gardens will provide light refreshments and there will be a plant stall on The Green.

The charge of £3 gives entry to all the gardens and programmes are available on the day at the free car park, at the Heritage Centre in Bedford Street and at the plant stall.

The programme includes a guide and map to all the gardens and a voting form to choose your favourite scarecrow.

This will be the 16th Woburn Gardens Day and, as always, we hope the sun will shine this year!

For further information phone Gill Green on 01525 290631.

Dunstable Street Ampthill

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Thursday 25th June 2009 sees the annual Boules Night the Rugby Club in Ampthill. The event starts at 7.00 pm and there will also be a licensed bar and BBQ. Cost is £10.00 per team and beginners are most welcome.

The organisers say that a limited number of Boules sets are available to use but you are advised to bring your own set if at all possible.

Warm up for the Gala Weekend. Ampthill Park Proms Saturday June 27th and Gala Day Sunday June 28th.

WIN THIS SCOOTER TH R O W £750

You could win this scooter in our fantastic raffle!

Tickets cost £5.00 and are available from the shop from June or from our stand at Ampthill Festival Gala Day in Ampthill Park on the 28th June 2009.

Draw takes place on the day!

Pilgrim House, Dunstable Street, Ampthill

0845 313 8400 Ɣ 07961 775420

Open Monday - Thursday 11 am - 2 pm & 5 pm - 11 pm OPEN ALL DAY FRIDAY, SATURDAY & SUNDAY!

CHOICE OF REAL ALES IPA or ABBOT plus a different ale every week

UK SKY / SETANTA SPORTS All British & Irish Lions games shown

ACOUSTIC MUSIC NIGHT 1st Monday every month Great value ‘Pub Grub’ Monday to Friday 12.00 - 2.00

Page 14

Get away from it all!

Hemsby - Lovely 3 Bedroom holiday chalet sleeps 8.

Family site with heated indoor supervised pool.

Club house, shop, cafe, Amusements.

Superb location close to Gt Yarmouth.

Chalet clean and fully equipped.

Cheapest rates for this area.

For more information Tel. 01525 402701.

(Evenings) BOOKINGS TAKEN NOW!!

Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

FREE QUOTATIONS NICEIC Approved Contractor Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

The long term weather forecasters say we are going to get a long, hot summer this year. If true we will get an opportunity to relax with family and friends.

It is the time when we take most of our family pictures and videos.

Camcorders can be large and a bit bulky, so why not take the opportunity to use a camera that will take longer movie segments, depending on the size of your memory card plus very high quality pictures.

The Panasonic Lumix Digital camera, model DMC-TZ7 produces excellent quality and gives many of the features found on expensive camcorders.

One problem previously encountered with camcorders was the fact that you could pick up quite a lot of wind noise. This resulted in lack of clarity of speech on films. The Lumix TZ7 solves most of this problem by incorporating a stereo microphone, and a wind cut function to block out background wind noise. It also features an independent movie recording button.

This marvellous little camera also includes a 12 X optical zoom and a 25 mm wide angle lens to give you a much wider view of your subjects, brilliant for landscapes and group photos. All pictures can be taken in 4:3 and 16:9 format to give the full widescreen impression.

The picture quality comes from 10.1 mega pixels and can be viewed on a 3� TFT screen.

Movies are taken in HD for stunning quality when viewed on an HD Ready TV. One additional feature is the face recognition system which will highlight all the faces in the picture, so you know everyone is sharp.

The TZ7 camera like all Panasonic cameras comes with the well known and very highly respected Leica Lens.

To take the best pictures and films possible this summer call in and take a look at this wonderfully compact camera.

Tavistock Sound & Vision, 21 The Broadway, Bedford MK40 2TL Tel: 01234 356323 (See their ad on p 25 of this issue )

Page 15

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Curved & Straight stairlifts available.

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For more information call us or visit our website at www.comforthomecare.co.uk

Page 16

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

* FRESH FISH NOW AVAILABLE FRIDAY & SATURDAY

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

Established in 1990 and built on reputation

And poem 2 : If you go down to Waitrose today You’ll be sure of a big surprise Emily’s pixies love Willie’s Wonky Chocolate And have cleared the shelf of supplies Ah! Is there no end to local talent?!!

This month, we bring you a recipe for a dish that goes incredibly well with pork chops and green salad, that one of our readers has very kindly sent to us:

POTATO MUSHROOM PIE You will need: 3/4 kg potatoes, cooked and sliced 1 thinly sliced onion 100 gm cheese, sliced 1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup 6 - 8 tbps cream Salt & pepper Chopped parsley And of course wine for slurpage purposes!

Food Events & More Catering for all occasions Weddings Corporate Events Birthdays Anniversaries Business Lunches Christenings Funerals Licensed Bar Available Please contact us on: 01525 290572 07774 573140 enquiries@foodeventsandmore.co.uk

Whizz the oven on to about 200c., then chuck the potatoes, onion and cheese in layers in an ovenproof dish but leave some potato for the final layer.

(Slurp some wine!)

Mix the soup & cream and pour over.

Cover with final layer of spuds and season to taste.

Bake in the centre of your oven until potato is cooked.

(And, of course, whilst this is happening you could sneak a little more slurpage!)

Them sprinkle with the chopped parsley and serve with the meat dish you have chosen!

The studio chaps said they wouldn’t have to change me much as they unkindly suggested that no one would know who I was! How very dare they!!! I’m in a popular American TV series! (As if you would need telling!)

The answer is at the foot of the page.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOTTIE FOR 24th JUNE!!

Tel: 01525 237687

Little Emm’s Unisex Hair Studio “A Cut Above The Rest” For a totally new look for the Summer why not come and see ‘Emma Scissorhands’?!

22A Woburn Road Heath & Reach Nr Leighton Buzzard Beds LU7 OAR I’m happy as I am - please don’t canvas me!

Emmanuelle Vaugier from CSI New York

Here we bring you not just one but TWO fabulous poems that have been sent to us!!

Poem 1: Mary had a little lamb Which started getting thinner So she fed it on some mint & peas And had it for her dinner

Page 17

Little Brickhill is holding it's village open gardens on 27th and 28th June 2009 between 2 -6 pm.

There will be at least 8 gardens open. Maps are available from the village hall where there will also be tea cakes and plants for sale. Entry is £3.00

The Red Lion Pub in Bedford Road Wilstead, is holding a grand Summer Party in aid of Cystic Fibrosis.

Held on the 4th & 5th of July, the pub has booked a host of live bands and entertainment for both days. On the Saturday music is played from 12.00 until 8.00 and there is also face painting, an outside bar and marquee. This is followed by music inside during the evening.

On Sunday the music will be from 12.00 until 6.00 pm again with BBQ and outside bar and marquee.

For more details please contact the pub on 01234 740246.

Redbornstoke Morris are always looking for new dancers and musicians and YOU could quickly become part of a great team. YOU are welcome to join at any time - the only requirements are that you are male and keen to learn. The best thing to do is come along and watch us dance - you’ll find our programme at www.redbornstoke.com - and have a chat with any of us, or please ring Andrew on 01234 212110.

Real-Goals Weightloss Professional one-to-one coaching for long term weight loss Setting achievable goals to help you lose weight and maintain a healthy lifestyle Call Thérèse for more details

07795 954 437

WOODCHIPPERS Sale/Hire

Service, Sales & Spares

POWER TOOLS Professional Lawn Care & Tree Surgery Equipment

BlowersʲÊTree Surgery EquipmentʲÊLawnmowersʲÊHand Toolsʲ

²ÊChainsaw Protective ClothingʲÊLandscape & Contractors' Tools

²ÊChainsaws ²ÊStrimmers ²ÊHedgecutters ²ÊBrush Cutters ²ÊLawn Mowers ²ÊDisk Cutters ² Ê

Page 18

Page 19

Ampthill Gala Day Sunday 28 June 2009 th

12.15pm – Parade: Theme – ‘Fantasy’ from Station Road, via Dunstable Street & Woburn Street to Ampthill Park If you want to register your involvement in the Parade you can do so by contacting Sue Summerfield: 01525 753723

1pm – Gala Day in Ampthill Park Entertainment – 1.15pm to 5pm t t t t t t

‘The Essex Dog Display Team’ ‘The Sheep Show’ Salsa Dancing, Line-dancing and Hip-Hop/Street Dancing Displays Children’s Entertainment Marquee Jazzercise ‘Mr Cheese’ Children’s entertainer

Music Acts – 1.30pm to 7pm Not Dead Yet - Local Punk band playing classic and modern punk covers full of attitude.

Amy Lee and the Integrals - Bedford’s finest songstress accompanied by a fine rhythm section play songs that are upbeat and full of lyrical gems - one to watch

Betaboy - Seasoned musicians based in Ampthill and Flitwick playing their own hook laden style of electro-pop.

Rogue Radio - If you threw rock, rap, funk and hip hop in a pot and brought it up to the boil you might just come close to getting something that resembles these 5 fellas from Ampthill and Flitwick.

The Measure - Five piece band playing a blend of funk, rock and acid jazz with a dash of disco thrown in they play music to get you moving.

New Groove Formation - Festival veterans and favourites are back by popular demand to headline Ampthill Festival with their Funk/Ska/Reggae tunes that guarantee to make you dance.

Plus various Acoustic Acts

Amusements, Fairground Rides, Licensed Bar, Charity & Business Stalls Festival Stalls If your group or business wants a stall in the Park, then contact Mark Smith (Home 402560 or Work 01234 354366 or mark.a.smith@ampthill.org.uk)

www.ampthillfestival.co.uk &

Subject to Change

The White Hart Hotel Ampthill

Page 20

By Howie 1.A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

2.The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

3.A backward poet writes inverse.

4.In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

5.When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

6.Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.

Oh Dear! Thanks for those - they didn’t get any better!!

A new summer, outdoor fitness sensation has come to Flitwick / Ampthill . TRiline Fitness (TRF) is largely based on the pre-season training techniques of professional rugby players, yet modified to allow males and females of all ages and abilities to benefit from involvement.

The focus is to provide an all over body workout including : running short and medium distances, dynamic stretching, boxing, resistance and much more. TRF has found that once people have been to the free trial session they are becoming hooked ! Sessions are very well planned and the feel is that of personal training (at a fraction of the cost) in groups led by expert instructors. It beats being in a hot, impersonal gym during the better months of the year and is excellent value. The Flitwick class is every Monday evening from 6.30pm at Flitwick Leisure Centre and the first one is free !

To confirm your free trial call 01525 841293 / 07977 413535 or email info@trilinesports.co.uk Full info on www.Trilinefitness.co.uk

TRADITIONAL FREEHOUSE PUB AND RESTAURANT WITH LARGE PATIO GARDEN

Home made food with Specials Board including Fresh Fish

WEDNESDAY NIGHTS Take away Curries or Fish & Chips The Green Man Church End Eversholt MK17 9DU

The Number 1 Ironing and Laundry Service Professional, high quality and friendly service Free delivery and collection Drop-in and collect service available ( Open from 8 am daily )

Optional same day service For further information contact

LOUISE on

01525 841114

Telephone – 01525 288111

The Acorn Centre, Unit 2, Station Road, Ampthill

Website www.greenmaneversholt.com

(Plenty of free parking)

Page 21

by Mustafa Singh Who has composed this piece made entirely of song titles!!

"Hello - Fernando - You're the one that I want - If When I need you - You make me feel like dancing" "Joanna - I don't wanna dance - Come outside - We have all the time in the world - We can work it out Let's spend the night together - You sexy thing". "All right, all right, all right - You can have it all - You can do magic - You can never stop me loving you". "Don't - It's only make believe - We don't talk anymore You've lost that loving feeling". "Don't give up on us" "Sorry seems to be the hardest word, - Bye bye baby". "Bye bye love, - Goodbye".

Brilliant! Thank you so much!

FARMERS MARKETS The Farmers Market in Woburn is held on the third Sunday of every month at The Pitchings, whilst Ampthill Farmers Market is held on the last Saturday of each month at their new home at the rear of The White Hart Hotel.

Don’t forget The Charter Market in Ampthill every Thursday and Flitwick Market on Fridays!.

SUNDAY 21st JUNE

Fathers Day - bring Dad in for a free pint with Sunday Lunch!

BOOK THE BEST SEATS FOR THE AMPTHILL PARADE!!

Join us at the best spot in town to watch the Ampthill Festival Gala Day Parade!!

But please be early to ensure your seat!

LUNCHTIME SPECIAL Sarnie & a pint for just £5.00 SUNDOWNER SIDE PATIO OPEN! Enjoy the last of the day’s sunshine with a cool drink!

Planning an event?

If you're hiring a hall for a special function and need a professional full bar service brought in, then look no further. We supply a fully manned and equipped bar service for any special occasion.

We do it all so you and your guests can simply relax and have a good time.

Plus: Bigger choice of regular Guest Ales!

Traditional games - Crib, Dominoes & Darts NEW!!! POOL TABLE ARRIVING JUNE! Quiz Night every Wednesday with a different Quizmaster every week

Page 22

MICK HULATT CARPENTRY SERVICES

P J Dennis Plumbing & Heating Services Ltd

QUALITY CRAFTSMAN EST.1990 FOR ALL ASPECTS OF CARPENTRY & BUILDING WORK Call: 01525 713590 or 07949 072133

Tel 01525-403924 Mobile 07860-504222.

E-mail: mickhulatt@aol.com

www.pjdennisplumbingandheating.co.uk

Established 21 years & specialising in renewable energy.

Ground source heat pumps.

Under-floor heating systems.

Supplied & installed.

Rain harvesting systems

We also carry out the following services:

Power flushing of heating & boiler system.

By Michael McSpleen

Episode 40006 I had no idea what he meant but presumed it was that limey humour thing again. Fortunately my oppo dived in; “So there’s plenty of eccentrics then? What about strange happenings other than the obvious tomfoolery?” Our guy seemed pushed off his rails at this interruption but it turned out he wasn’t fazed at all, shooting back a response I no way expected; “Oh, you’re English then, well it depends what you mean by strange. The people are smashing right enough and it’s odd that you should be asking me but I suppose you could say there’s a special atmosphere about this part of town and them as lives here.” He paused to adjust his eye glasses and

think about the next part of the conversation before continuing; “If you look at some of the characters round here, it does make you think why there’s so many in one place, you know, usually every town will have its character or two, but here, there’s blooming loads of nutters, but whether that’s strange or just that the town attracts lively eccentric types to live, I couldn’t say. They do a ghost tour, though, if that’s what you’re after and everyone’s right friendly so hopefully you’ll stay a day or so and enjoy the history a n d t he c ha r a ct e r s.

Anyways, nice meeting you. Must dash. Hopefully see you later for a pint” With this he bowled off down the road displaying a degree of youthful energy that belied his years.

To be continued

Solar hot water systems.

Boiler services, Gas & Oil. Bathroom refurbishments.

Prestigious new build, we can offer a complete bespoke design & install service.

Corgi & Oftec registered & registered installers of Nu-Heat under-floor heating systems (Log on to www.nu-heat.co.uk/PJDennisAd)

Building Preservation Specialists x

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

x

Basement Waterproofing

Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@jrobb65.fsnet.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Page 23

Advison is a small, friendly and reliable firm specialising in

Investments, Retirement Planning and IHT Mitigation.

We offer a return to the traditional values only a smaller company can offer, a service we find is appreciated by the more discerning client.

Advison are either AFPC or FPC qualified.

----------Expert, Independent Advice---------

All staff at

x Regularly quoted in the National Press for over 10 years x Used as financial planning experts on BBC, Sky, Bloomberg and others x Choice Magazine’s Pensions and Trusts expert x Planned Savings Magazine – National Estate Planner of the Year Please call us for a preliminary chat or to arrange an appointment.

No 7, Water End Barns, Eversholt (Nr Woburn), Beds. MK17 9EA T: 01525 288488 E Mail: ifa@advison.co.uk Advison Ltd is an appointed representative of IN Partnership the trading name of The On-Line Partnership Limited which is authorised and regulated by the Financial Services Authority. Registered (England) No. 5009271

Page 24

FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY

For a 1st Class MILK DELIVERY SERVICE TELEPHONE 01525 402206

Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

Free doorstep delivery of organic milk plus … … GARDEN SUPPLIES INCLUDING MULTI PURPOSE COMPOST, GARDEN PEAT, FERTILISER ETC ALL DELIVERED RIGHT TO YOUR DOOR!

Maulden Dairies Warren Farm, Woburn Street, Millbrook

What is Link A Ride?

Does anyone know anyone who uses them?

L.A.R is a non profit making organisation, registered as a charity under the Industrial Provident Society and is bound by its rules. Our aim is to provide a door to door transport service for those people who are unable to use ordinary transport because of a disability. The service uses vehicles that are constructed for ease of access, even if you use a wheelchair.

Who Qualifies to use L.A.R. We are a membership service, to become a member you must reside in Mid Beds and have a disability that inhibits you use normal buses.

How much does it cost? -We have a membership fee of

£5.00; this is a one off fee.

Being disabled will allow you to apply for concessionary fare travel permit. This permit will allow you to travel free Where can I go? -We can take you most places though out Bedfordshire. We cover an area of 200sq miles and each vehicle averages over 120 miles per day. We will take you Shopping, to visit a friend, visit partner etc in nursing home. Even to the hairdressers, or to a doctor’s appointment. Most things are possible.

What hours do you operate? We operate Monday to Friday, 9.00 am to 5.00 pm.

Do I have to give up my Senior Citizens bus pass? No, Central Council recognises that there are occasions where

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

you may be able to use normal transport. For example if you are accompanied may be able to use normal transport, when you are not you may need to use Link-A-Ride.

Some people with sight problems find that the different levels of day light mean that on some days they can see well enough to use normal transport on a different they cannot see well enough and need Link-ARide. People with certain disabilities find that they have good and bad days, on bad day they need us on good one they don’t.

Can I bring a friend? - Yes you can bring a companion/ helper with you on the bus.

Will your drivers understand my needs and will I be safe Yes : All Link-A-Ride staff has

to be cleared by the CRB Criminal Records Bureau. Our drivers undergo Midas driver training and have to pass a test every 4 years. All drivers are first Aid trained. We receive many testimonials on the quality of our staff.

How do I make a booking?

You need to telephone the Link-A-Ride booking line. We will discuss your needs a try to accommodate. We allow people to make a booking up to 7 days in advance and most people take advantage of this.

However we know that this is not always possible and will always try to help at short notice.

For more information: Telephone: 01525 840511 - we will be happy to discuss your needs.

Extensions Conservatories & Windows Kitchens & Bathrooms Fencing Patios Electrical

And … Lots More!

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Page 25

5 5 5 5

Huge 70 ltr capacity Unique slot in shelf 20% bigger than single oven Cook and Grill at the same time

You know the scene, yourâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re about to go out for the night, and there are two good tv programmes on, both at 9pm. Which one do you miss, because you can only record one channel. NOT ANY MORE, we have a cost effective recorder that can record any TWO freeview digital channels AT THE SAME TIME.

5 5 5 5 5 5 5 5

We can copy your camcorder tapes onto DVD discs We can put Vinyl records or audio tapes onto CD discs We sell Fridges and freezers that will work in a garage!

Fancy an iPod but donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a computer, talk to us VHS tapes transferred onto DVD disc, no problem We can supply / fit cost effective Home CCTV systems We offer disposal of old products and packaging Huge range of electric shaver foils and cutters

Page 26

Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF CARS, MOTORCYCLES LIGHT COMMERCIALS OLD AND NEW

MOT’S ARRANGED, MOT WORK CARRIED OUT Reasonable Rates

We now bring you the latest in our series of pictures showing what chefs do when they get bored!

(Kindly sent to us by an avid reader!) And thank you!!

Happy Birthday Fitty for the 12th! - Still waiting for your tome!!

With Berta Hardup Tightwad, MO USA Being Thankful A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, “Your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable. What does she say?” The little boy replied, “Thank God he’s in bed!”

Unanswered Prayer The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.

One day she asked him why.

“Well Honey,” he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, “I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon”.

“So, how come He doesn’t?” she asked.

Time to Pray A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayer every night.

“Yes, sir,” the boy replied “And, do you always say them in the morning, too?”, the pastor asked.

“No, sir”, the boy replied. “I ain’t scared in the daytime.”

Thanks again Berta and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Experienced Mechanic

Courtesy Ruby Once again we are please to bring you another Word of the Month from Ruby’s inspired collection of words! This month the word is ‘Strabismus’.

The meaning is at the foot of the page.

Here’s a little more whimsy from one of our readers:

I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, ‘Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'

*A pleasant and safe family environment *Drinks at club prices plus …….

CRIB - DARTS - DOMINOES - POOL BINGO - Thursday nights QUIZ - Sunday nights SMOKING AREA - Covered and heated BEER GARDEN (Summer) ENTERTAINMENT …….. Starts at 9 pm

WHAT’S ON?

Whether a business trip, or a much needed break, Airports Direct are dedicated to getting you to and from your airport stress free and in comfort and style. 100% reliable, professional service guaranteed. DVD’s / coolers available.

T: 0800 707 6003 E: info@airportsdirectmk.com www.airportsdirectmk.com 33 White Alder, Stacey Bushes Milton Keynes, MK12 6HE Company No. 5318754 (England & Wales)

Saturday 13th June

HIPPIE-HOP KARAOKE!

1960’s Musical Extravaganza with prize for best fancy dress!

Presented by Steve Gadsden and co.

Saturday 27th June

By popular request … We proudly present

‘OUR KEV’

All your favourites plus lots more

Stop press: We are happy to announce that ‘OUR KEV’ has agreed to entertain us on New Years Eve 2009!

NEW MEMBERS ALWAYS WELCOME

CIU Affiliated

37 Church Street Ampthill Beds A squint in the eye

...are Milton Keynes’s premier airport transfer company.

Page 27

Having PROBLEMS with your HEARING? We could change your life!

Established locally for over 30 years, Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare are experts in diagnosing and correcting hearing problems.

We offer all the latest digital hearing aid solutions but, more importantly, we provide dedicated, expert service and professional aftercare. We care deeply about our patients and we’re committed to helping people regain their confidence and to lead fuller lives.

“I would recommend Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare without a moment’s hesitation!”

Mr. Dumpleton

“I have been able to continue a normal life, thanks to Bedfordshire Hearing Healthcare’s professional help and the correct hearing aid!”

Mr. Waite

Recommended by GP’s and ENT Consultants, we have over 8000 delighted patients, many of whom describe our service as ‘life changing’. So if you or a member of your family are having problems hearing, don’t suffer in silence. Give us a ring today.

Call us to arrange an initial appointment or for a FREE information pack.

01234 348 144 52 Harpur Street, Bedford, MK40 2QT (near Guild House)

www.bedfordhearing.co.uk Home visits available. Finance details on request. Free parking at rear of practice.

N N I

S N IO

T A fixed price aerial installations OV

poor reception specialists sky repairs & installations digital aerials freeview systems plasma installations A family run company with over 15 years experience x Registered Digital UK installer, NVQ qualified x x x x x x

01525 841017 16 Chiltern Close Ampthill Beds MK45 2QA

Rapid Response Mobile:

07887 710558 www.innovationsaerials.co.uk

Page 28

OFFICE: SMART Motorcycle Training 38, Kings Road, Maulden, Beds MK45 2DT

TRAINING CENTRE: SMART Motorcycle Training, Redborne School, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2NU

With Andy - our Hampshire correspondent These are genuine complaints sent to a leading holiday company during the 2008 season!

"I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

"It's lazy of the local shopkeepers to close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time - this should be banned."

"On my holiday to Goa in India , I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food at all."

"We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our swimming costumes and towels."

A woman threatened to call police after claiming that she'd been locked in by staff. When in fact, she had mistaken the "do not disturb" sign on the back of the door as a warning to remain in the room.

"The beach was too sandy."

"We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure.

Your brochure shows the sand as yellow but it was white."

A guest at a Novotel in Australia complained his soup was too thick and strong. He was inadvertently slurping the gravy at the time.

Well, well, well - now we all know what we’ve always thought!! But thanks for those and if you have any more please send them in!

DISCOUNT ON: • BRUSHCUTTERS • MOWERS • RIDE-ONS ETC We can supply most leading brands

• HAYTER • HONDA • MOUNTFIELD • LAWNFLITE • EFCO • ATCO • MTD • APACHE Full after sales service - Collection and delivery

SERVICING OF ALL MACHINERY AT REASONABLE RATES

Staples Garden Centre,Fordfield Road, Millbrook

FREEPHONE 0808

180 9450

Emergency: 07866 943977

Page 29

The Royal Oak

With Andrew Podyan I’ve got a mate who uses terms like this. He even used to walk around his son’s computer, in case he got a virus.

WEB: What spiders make.

WEBSITE: Usually in the shed or under the veranda.

SEARCH ENGINE: What you do when the Ute won't go.

CURSOR: What you say when the Ute won't go.

YAHOO: What you say when the Ute does go.

UPGRADE: A steep hill.

SERVER: The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

MAIL SERVER: The bloke at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.

USER: The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.

NETWORK: What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.

INTERNET: Where you want the fish to go.

NETSCAPE: What the fish do when they discover the hole in the Net. ONLINE: Where you hang the washing.

OFFLINE: Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.

Church Street Lidlington MK43 ORJ (Sat Nav) Tel: 01525 840233 www.royaloaklidlington.co.uk

Thanks again!

If you would like an advertisement in our Bumper July edition - there may still be time to book your space! Please ring Martin on 01525 841434 to check availability!

A & F Fabrics Ltd Your Local Carpet and Upholstery Cleaning Service ‘Providing a Hassle Free service from our professional and friendly cleaners’

All furniture moved and replaced Stain and odour removal Stain Shield protective treatments All work fully insured and guaranteed CALL NOW FOR A FREE NO OBLIGATION QUOTE

01525 712639

Email: affabrics@btconnect.com

Tony & Angela welcome you to your friendly village local …

GOOD OLD FASHIONED PUB GRUB WEDNESDAY - SUNDAY MONDAY 15th JUNE Cheese & Wine tasting evening 7.00 pm onwards SUNDAY 21st JUNE - FATHERS DAY 2 Course Steak lunch £16.50 including a pint! -Served 1.00 - 5.00 pm WEDNESDAY 1st JULY BEER TASTING! (hosted by Charles Wells ‘Winner of the Pub Company of the Year’) THE GREAT BRITISH PUB AWARD Regional winner Best Creative Outdoor Area of 2008 Beer garden with enclosed children’s play area + plenty of car parking.

RAMBLERS HOT SPOT! Dog walkers also welcome

SKY & SETANTA SPORTS IN HD NEW!! - Sports Loyalty card for use during live games!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY THURSDAY (Followed by ‘Higher or Lower!)

COMING SOON GIANT GARDEN GAMES! Petanque played here

Page 30

Is your past fading away?

CONVERT all your precious family photographs, documents and artefacts into a digital format.

PROTECT the content of your valuable family archives from deterioration whilst making your history accessible.

As experienced digitisation and restoration specialists we:

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A VENUE TO HAVE A PARTY OR TO HOLD YOUR MEETINGS ?

If you are, then why not hire The Old School in Dunstable Road, Flitwick? Hire the community room from £6 per hour or the hall from £12 per hour.

If you are interested then call 07979 947889 or e-mail theoldschool.bookings@ntlworld.com for details.

VFDQ slides, negatives, prints, photos, glass plates, documents restore damaged images e.g. tears, discolouration, age spots sXSSO\ data on digital storage e.g. CD/DVD/hard disk create photo library websites for you to share your history reproduce in any printed format e.g. posters, photo albums, cards, calendars, canvas

Contact Tim Banting 01525 715822 07725 752575 tim@digital-heritage.net for a quotation or visit www.digital-heritage.net Recently completed digitising and restoring 20,000 images for The Scott Polar Research Institute see www.freezeframe.ac.uk

Martins the newsagents in Ampthill apparently have some great offers which start from the 28th May & go to 21st June: ‘Let me start by telling you about the great FREE drink offer.

All you have to do is text YES and your date of birth to 67444. When you get your reply, pop into the shop, show one of the staff the text which has the voucher number and choose your free drink from the FANTA 500 ml range, DR PEPPER 500 ml or SPRITE 500 ml (see instore for full details).

Other great offers include: Bonds bagged sweets 64g any 3 for £1.00, Walkers crisps 34.5 g pks any 3 for £1.00, Pringles 155 g only £1.00 not forgetting buy any paper or magazine and purchase a pack of Cadburys chocolate éclairs for only £1.00! Many more offers instore.

Whilst you have a look round see the new £1.00 range that has just been put in.

We look forward to seeing you soon, or telephone us on 01525 404314’

Page 31

Bob Ambler Carpenter & Joiner

Outstanding gardens designed for outdoor living Small garden? - no problem Large garden? - We love them!

Carpentry Fitted Kitchens Kitchen re-doors and worktops Fitted Bedrooms and Home office furniture Fitted Bathrooms Fitted Bathroom Furniture A complete design, supply and installation service or You supply and we install

01525 405393 ans. phone Mobile 07889 058345 email: robert.ambler@ntlworld.com point out did not involve a teapot and cucumber sandwiches! More billycan tea and a beef steer with his bum wiped and his horns knocked off over a gum tree fire.

Anyway, Lorraine turned out to be a beaut Sheila and we all set off for a day in the bush. I need to point out that Lorraine was wearing inappropriate kit, Gucci sandals and a Moss Bros Shell Suit.

But she did look gorgeous, and after a couple of hours drive we found a great spot for a BBQ, Chris also drove a Mini Moke like mine but her Moke was “Horrendous Yellow” which I felt rather detracted from the overall classic ambience of the Moke style, no matter, Chris and Lorrie, as she liked to be called where in the yellow Moke and I led in our proud Red California Moke with Jean.

I did ask if being a bit short of memory for large words if I could simply refer to Lorrie as truck,

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1976 Northern Territory, Australia During the time that Jean and I spent in Alice Spring, we got to know many people, some from the past when I had lived there a year before, but several as a result of Jean working in the Alice Springs Hospital.

There were many wonderful spots to visit within a few hours drive from Alice and we would often take an afternoon picnic or maybe a two day camping break to the bush.

On one such occasion, one of Jeans colleagues, Christine, made a special request, a friend of hers from Sydney had just broken up with her boyfriend of some standing and had come all the way to Alice Springs: She needed cheering up! Could we all go for a lovely picnic in the outback?

Our idea of a picnic, I should

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apparently this was not a good idea.

So, we got the food out and lit a great little BBQ fire and prepared to enjoy a meal in the great outdoors.

You know when you think everything is going too well and something BAD is going to happen, well it did, I can honestly say that there was no more than 5% cloud cover and that 5% cloud dropped on us! Ten minutes of torrential rain followed by brilliant sunshine and streaming mascara with sound effects.

I watched, for the second time in my life, a burning BBQ fire moving down stream in a torrent of water.

No word of a lie, the fire wood was floating away while still in flames.

More was to follow, in less than fifteen minutes; the personal effects of rain were gone. i.e. we were warm and dry, but the

medium term effects were still there and during our return to Alice we met them, several large pools of water blocking our track.

At one point we were obstructed by a water barrier about 70 feet long and with no idea of its depth, I asked Lorrie to wade into the pool to estimate depth, with no more than a mild whimper she shed the Gucci and holding said shoes above her head, strode into the Stykes.

Having reached the other side with a tide mark no higher than her elegant calf, we progressed and reached Alice in time for tiffin.

We heard later from Lorraine that the day had been the best day since the break up with whotsisname.

Ahhh.

Prof Reginald V Q da Ghama IPA With kind permission of Jim Barr

THE SHEEP SHOW will be at The Ampthill Festival Gala Day on the 28th June, ALL DAY! See you there!

Page 32

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With Archie Fairweather Mrs F. had been on at me to clear loads of rubbish and other stuff from the garden.

Despite my protestations about the bad back she was most insistent. Ergo I found an ad in the Fuddler headed ‘Tidy Up Services’. This was a dream come true for me - I wanted to go out with Henry anyway and the back really was playing me up! Thus I rang Phil, the gentleman who advertised such a service and asked if he could pop round.

Excellent service! Cleared the garden, took all the rubbish away, didn’t charge me an arm and a leg and definitely

gets a place in my phone book for next time!

(Also Mrs F. is now a happy bunny and has allowed me to go out for lunch soon!)

You can find Phil’s ad on page 6 of this issue.

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Here are some more observations from the wacky world of Montgolfier: Listening to a couple of chaps talking about the weather, I heard one of them say that the forecasters always get the weather right but sometimes inadvertently they get the day wrong.

I went down to the bottom field to see my prize bull who is now getting old. He was looking sad so I asked him what was wrong. ‘I’d like to live for Heifer and Heifer’ he said.

Going in to my local greengrocers I notice that I can always buy ready cooked beetroot but I can’t seem to find ready cooked sprouts, beans, carrots or taters!

A workmate told me that he’d given up smoking. I asked ‘Why did you do that?’ He said he’d decided it was a waste of matches.

A friend said that her mower wasn’t working very well so I told her that I thought it needed sharpening. She replied ‘We’ve only had it two years.’

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Episode 10 ………………..

A lot at Steak!

Well I lost 3 lb in just over 3 weeks; it is after all better than putting 3 lb on. There is not that much to tell you this month; Fuddles will be happy.

I have been spending much of my time down in Hampshire in the halls of Academia, well in a dusty little laboratory looking at old rocks actually. The rest of my time was spent in London working in my local pub for my chums Maz and PJ, and the odd shift for Plunkett, so not getting under Topbirds’ feet very often. She was happy too.

We did have the rugby club’s annual dinner & dance where the Vets had an opportunity to meet up with each other’s

better halves, and to see if they are the same as they were the previous occasions. I’m pleased to report that most if not all were present and correct. It also offered the opportunity to don the old DJ and Topbird to get her hair done and dress up in her ‘glamrags’ We also had the annual fancydress three legged race last week, Plunkett had asked Mitch and I to help out, which basically meant ‘can you run the pub chaps’ as Plunkett and his fellow “Crusader” who it must said had a very fine chest for a “Crusader” were only spotted once during the day, and that was to only to get the obligatory drink, the purpose of the event, apart from the

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charity aspect of course, was to have an alcoholic beverage in each and every hostelry supposedly in the quickest time, but most participants are not that bothered about winning and try their utmost to get absolutely pie-eyed. Which l can report many did just that quite successfully.

At present Topbird is in the Lake District on her presummer ‘holybobs’. I have been left in charge of the cat; I’m pretty sure that the cat has not been told who is supposed to be in charge and is rather successfully ruling the roost.

I do have the little issue of the British & Irish Lions rugby tour of South Africa starting this weekend and Father Mouse’s annual 3 week jolly up on the Norfolk coast to look forward to. Topbird and I will take the tent, well small

marquee, up next weekend and she will pop up whenever she fancies and I have a sanctuary away from the madness in the caravan provided by Father Mouse.

I bid you all farewell and enjoy the start of summer.

Finally a little something especially for my very own Topbird and all you other ‘earth goddesses’ out there who sometimes feel that they too could shed a few pounds here is an Ian Fleming gem for you………..‘As long as a woman’s flesh is clean and healthy what does it matter what shape she is?’ (Ian Fleming. 1908-64).

As always all characters and events portrayed in this diary are real and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely intentional.

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