The Fuddler June 2013

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Est. 2002

Sick PC or laptop?

Call the Doc for Hardware & software Diagnosis & treatment

01525-402227 john.stafford@compu-doc.biz

NEED AN ELECTRICIAN? NIC-EIC Registered All electrical work Testing and Certification Free Estimates AMPTHILL ELECTRICAL SERVICES

Yes, hello everyone and a very big welcome to your super sizzling June Fuddler!

There’s lots of information about local events inside plus your usual fun and nonsense too! We very much hope you enjoy the edition and don’t forget to

look carefully at what our advertisers are saying as we all know - ‘What ever you’re looking for - you’ll find it in The Fuddler’!

You’ll also find a handy 4 page supplement with all the details of this year’s exciting Ampthill Festival in the centre of this issue!

Lush Beauty nails & tanning

SHELLAC UV GEL POLISH NOW AVAILABLE

Bio Sculpture Gel Overlay & Shellac Gel Polish (Includes shape & cuticle work)

Hands £23.00 Toes

Mini Pedicure with Gel overlay

“Sunjunkie” Spray Tanning: Full Body

£20.00

£18.00 £28.00

Half Body

£15.00

Also available Tinting, Eyebrow shape & Waxing

Call Alison on 07956 467352

01525 632921 07977173452

4 Airedale Close, Flitwick, MK45 1FA Daytime, Evening and Weekend appointments available

C&R PEST MANAGEMENT x 40 Yrs experience x Fully Insured x Special Rates for OAPS! Wasps, Rats, Mice, Rabbits, Moles, etc Free Estimate 01525 288207 07500 431131

Dog Holiday Care Overnight stays and holiday care in our home - a great alternative to kennels.

Walks in the local countryside Est over 14 years Collection available DAWN SMITH Tel: 01234 764459 Mobile: 07789 585766 www.dogholidays.vpweb.co.uk alfred.smiths@btinternet.com Overnight Stays, Day Care & Walks

Pastiche We now stock a huge large range of knitting yarns.

4ply, DK, Aran, Chunky, mega Chunky & Scarf Yarns A range of haberdashery and buttons is also available.

A free ball of yarn with every 5 purchased Please bring this advert with you Friendly knitters group meets once a month.

Please ring Alison or Judy for more information.

15 Church Street, Ampthill, Bedfordshire MK45 2PL. 01525 402902 Alison15.pastiche@gmail.com

How do you know when an Accountant’s having a mid life crisis?

He buys a faster calculator!

Accounts, Payroll, Bookkeeping, Tax, Business Advice ... and much more.

Ring to book a free, noͲobligation meeting today!

114 High Street, Cranfield, Beds, MK43 0DG Tel: 01234 752566 Email: info@vowles.co.uk www.vowles.co.uk

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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With Summer here, isn’t it time you considered replacing those doors and windows? Or maybe a new conservatory to enjoy. Don’t compromise on style - call into our showroom and see our stunning range of doors and windows including “The Composite Door”.

No window or glazing job too small.

33, RUSSELL DRIVE AMPTHILL

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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FREE PRESCRIPTION DELIVERY Can’t get to the chemist or surgery?

Painting and Decorating For all your interior and exterior decorating requirements.

City & Guilds qualified

Don’t worry, we’ll pick up your prescription from your surgery and deliver your medication to your door.

Covering Ampthill, Clophill, Flitwick, Houghton Conquest, Maulden, Silsoe, Wilstead & surrounding villages.

Professional, clean, reliable and friendly service.

Fully insured.

For a free competitive quotation please call Paul

01525 404645 or Mobile 07747 755943 www.prcdecorating.co.uk

A friendship group for the bereaved, separated, single or divorced. Meet people who are in similar circumstances and move on with our friendly group.

We organise a monthly social calendar of events which include cinema trips, quizzes, walks, bike rides, meals out, etc.

Please contact Chrissie on 01525 290783 or 07774 205235 or Ken on 07957 122496 for more details or you could see our website at www.simplyforward.org.uk You can also email us at enquiries@simplyforward.org .uk

We look forward to hearing from you.

CHEESEMANS PHARMACY OF AMPTHILL Tel: 01525 402173

“Macmillan Cancer Support Mid Bedfordshire Fundraising Group is looking for volunteers.

The fundraising group is vital in raising funds and awareness of Macmillan in the Mid Beds area. Each year in Bedfordshire 2,634 people are diagnosed with cancer and we need people in our team to make sure no one faces the fight alone.

We are looking for people to join the fundraising group, or to help on an ad-hoc basis at collections and events. Any time you can give would be greatly appreciated.

For further information please contact Jill Liddle on 01525 860117 or Lou Scott on 01525 752694.”

You are invited to explore and discover the landscape with the Friends of Ampthill Great Park on Saturday 15th and Sunday 16th June between 11am and 4.00pm. This is a self led tour with the Friends of the Park on hand to describe the features designed by the greatest Landscape Gardener of them all ‘Capability’ Brown.

Proceed to the West Car Park, Woburn Road for car parking and to start the tour.

Ampthill Festival are holding their annual Boules tournament on Saturday 29th June at the Ampthill Rugby Club beer festival.

All welcome.

“Alameda Middle School in Ampthill are holding a cheese and wine tasting evening on Friday 12th July.

The event starts at 7.30pm at Alameda School with lots of great wines to taste. Over 18’s only. Tickets are £13.00 per person or £25.00 per couple. Please call Karen Rabjohn 07846164948 for more details.”

AUCTION OF PROMISES

Saturday 29th June St. Andrew’s Church, Ampthill 7.30pm for 8.00 Greek meal, Windsurfing lesson, Babysitting Learn to ring the bells, Have a will written These and many more.

Buffet supper.

Information or to pledge promises:

Call Elizabeth 01234 740931 When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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LORD DEE’S PONDERINGS

After the terrible wet weather of late I am hoping Mellors will be able to carry out some mole drainage on the upper meadow as the ground really is rather waterlogged.

I must also convey heartiest birthday felicitations to Duster IV for the 5th and of course, HQ for the 16th of June.

Ciao

A BRIANISM A friend rang and asked when my birthday was. I told him the 7th August. When he asked what year, I told him every year.

Collections l Deliveries Light Haulage l Cheap Rates

Across: 1 Murmur, 4 Napkin, 7 Armadillo, 9 Tome, 10 Oboe, 11 Vends, 13 Canter, 14 Solely, 15 Simper, 17 Rattan, 19 Debar, 20 Etna, 22 Boor, 23 Triathlon, 24 Harold, 25 Remiss

o o o o o o

Down: 1 Mystic, 2 Mire, 3 Reader, 4 Naiads, 5 Polo, 6 Ninety, 7 Amendment, 8 Objection, 11 Vexed, 12 Solar, 15 Stench, 16 Reward, 17 Rather, 18 Nerves, 21 Argo, 22 Boom

Routine Foot and Nail Care Corn & Callus Removed Treatment for Verruca Footcare for Diabetic Patients Problem Nails Nail Reconstruction

Anna Buczek MCFHP MAFHP Mob: 07809 731 520 Tel: 01582 967 873

“The Fuddler” is published by MDA Publications and printed

by Fidelity. The views expressed herein are not necessarily those of the publisher. No part of this publication may be copied in any form or by any means without written permission of the Publisher. Copyright MDA Publications.

Like to book an ad, or ask about our absurdly low rates please ring Martin on

Or if you prefer, drop us an email to martin@thefuddler.com

For your convenience ...

MOTs NOW AVAILABLE 7 DAYS A WEEK! Plus ... Ÿ Servicing and repairs to all makes and models Ÿ Free local delivery and collection Ÿ Tyres now in stock Ÿ Four wheel alignment Ÿ Courtesy vehicles Ÿ Discounts for Pensioners Ÿ Full bodyshop facilities

Monday to Friday 8.30 - 5.30 Thursday till 8.00 pm Saturday & Sunday 8.30 - 12.30pm

We are a family run business who have been working in the motor trade for over 40 years

Total Fleet Care

Unit 5, Vass Industrial Estate, Station Road, Ampthill, MK45 2RB

Telephone: 01525 405055

Mob: 07821 179619 / 07891 282689 Web: www.totalfleetcare.com Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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*Maintenance *Drainage *Driveways *Landscaping *Fencing

*Patios

Contact: Andi Brackenridge T: 07789 681252 Email: enquiries@abbuildingandgroundworks.co.uk

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Electrical Contractor Domestic and Industrial

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Sandra’s been busy again looking through her big book of words (dictionary?) and brings us the word below. (Nothing to do with the crossword.) Just look at the hexagon and see whether or not the word jumps out at you!

(Answer at the bottom of the page if it doesn’t!)

Damp Proofing

x

Woodworm Treatments

FREE QUOTATIONS

x

Dry / Wet Rot Treatments

NICEIC Approved Contractor

x

Basement Waterproofing

Working with Ampthill Town Council 11 Cedar Close, Ampthill, Bedford, MK45 2UD

Tel & Fax: 01525 714057

B

E

Building Preservation Specialists x

Your local Electrical Contractor All types of testing and certification undertaken

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Here’s another of Marjorie’s fine crosswords for our entertainment Across: Down: 1 Accursed (6) 1 Incapacitate (6) 4 Leafy glade (6) 2 Type of lamp (4) 7 Backbone (9) 3 Diversion (6) 9 Soon (4) 4 Incursion (6) 10 God of love (4) 5 Await (4) 11 Compost (5) 6 Wood cutting tool (6) 13 Shooting star (6) 7 Directly (9) 14 Grovel (6) 8 Former (9) 15 Melon like fruit (6) 11 Tooth (5) 17 Way (6) 12 Pigsty (5) 19 Competitor (5) 15 Pound (6) 20 Administer (4) 16 Cricket bat inf (6) 22 Panache (4) 17 Resin (6) 23 Frozen rain pellet (9) 18 Wooded valley (6) 24 Shropshire town (6) 21 Nobleman (4) 25 Wolflike wild dog (6) 22 Covet (4)

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Telephone/Fax (01525) 406655 Mobile: 07850 727752 email: Jim@dunritepreservation.co.uk

16 Tavistock Avenue, Ampthill, Bedford. MK45 2RY

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Fabricate

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Servicing Spares Repairs ON ALL MAKES OF MOTORCYCLES Reasonable Rates Experienced Mechanic

25yrs experience

From taps to toilets - all aspects of plumbing Fully insured - friendly & reliable Free estimates - also affordable!

Tel: 07712 654887 or 01582 751813

Motorcycles always wanted in any condition - parts or whole

VERBAL ETCHINGS FROM THE BIG OAK CHAIR An exciting month…….

Ampthill has a new Mayor so I am sure Meerkat’s fellow columnist at ‘Ramblings from the Bench’ will agree with the declaration of “its marvellous what these Ex-landlords can get up to”!!! Also … What profound comments made by ‘Ramblings from the Bench’ with regards to the Bard …. how brave … such wisdom; being a direct descendant of Shakespeare herself, Meerkat feels she can unreservedly with total conviction agree that the comedy does lack a certain ‘punch’ – perhaps the Bard

should have attended the Tuesdays at the local place of ‘much amusement and eccentricity’ – and yes, unless required by the GCSE syllabus how much would actually be read by choice? Perhaps the jury will remain out on that one? The only play Meerkat felt any passion for, was Henry V part 11 … and that was only because the wonderful Sir Laurence Olivier played Henry … scrumptious.

We left Bog Troll last month counting rare sheep … in fact with quite amazing results as the latest correspondence received by Meerkat reveals ….“Writing a news report on the after effects on the flora and fauna on the meteor strike in Siberia for ‘The Bog Standard’ which has added more weight

to the 40,000 tons of debris that ran down on earth each year from outer space. As humans we create tons and tons of extra mass by ever expanding population both of numbers and waistlines. All that organic growth to feed us.

The fact that the moon is slowly moving away from the planet earth affecting the gravity pressures, Bog Troll began to ponder reader’s questions.

How much weight can earth take without affecting its axis? .... How long before the earth slows down its daily rotation? .... Will we have to work longer as the day extends?.... will we get longer nights? .... and – (wait for it) …. are earthlings young children?!

Bog Troll contemplated these

absorbing questions, hoping for inspiration in his eco-friendly shed, made by his pal Sam Ilex many years before. He fell into a deep sleep in his grandfather chair, beside the wood burner and once more the deep velvet trumpeting and rumblings could be heard and recorded as far as a space station orbiting the earth” (copyright of the letter Dot Hollis) Gosh…is that what happens when you count rare sheep?

Meerkat is not sure if she will receive any further correspondence from The Bog Troll as his experience with space odyssey may make it difficult for him to return to earth …… however, watch this earthly space …….

Copyright reserved

THE FIRS CAFE, TEA GARDEN & GUEST HOUSE 85, High Street, Ridgmont, Beds

Tel: 01525 280279 or 288282 www.thefirsatridgmont.co.uk

We are very pleased to announce our tea garden is now open again!

You are invited to join us on a warm Summer’s day to enjoy ‘Al Fresco’ dining from our extensive and very reasonably priced menu with home cooked meals from £5.00 or less or perhaps a cream tea and scones or maybe even one of our famous all day breakfasts!

Families most welcome.

We also have all our usual facilities indoors and we would be pleased to prepare your order to eat in or take away!

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Honky Tonk Music By Paul Roberts

Don’t forget Town Hall Antiques in Woburn.

Silver, jewellery, porcelain, pictures and much more.

01525 290950.

Solo performing Trumpet player and vocalist with backing tracks Pubs, Clubs, Bars, Weddings Jazz, Jive, Rock ‘N’ Roll, Swing

Market Place, Woburn, Beds. MK17 9PZ Open Tues to Fri 10am until 5.30pm, 11am until 5.30pm Sunday www.townhallantiques.co.uk info@townhallantiques.co.uk

Tel: 01525 404069 or Mob: 07973 971 209

PS We’re always looking to buy as well

Happy Birthday Jas for the 23rd June With Jimmy The Voice Here’s some more mischief from JTV. He reckons that if you look at the picture the grey section of is at the back of the cube ...

By Julio Van Peebles 1) Is it possible to spend half the time being afraid of fractions?

2) When at the cinema; which armrest is yours?

3) Has it ever rained cats and dogs?

4) If a duck has only got one leg, does it go round in circles?

5) Has anyone ever seen a McDonalds being built?

Brother Meerkat Congratulations on your 70th 65th birthday on 6th July .....

Julio’s Top Tip: Get yourself a modern style haircut by simply going to the barbers and getting up and leaving just before he's finished !! ... But we think that the grey section is the top of the cube! But, what do you think?

Congratulations to Jim and Sue on their Wedding Anniversary on 19th June!

Happy Birthday Richard for the 4th June from all your customers except one!

We, at the establishment of much amusement and eccentricity, await your autumn visit ....

The Red Lion South End, Milton Bryan, Woburn, Bedfordshire. MK17 9HS Tel: 01525 210044

SPECIAL OFFERS FOR JUNE HAPPY HOUR! Happy Hour from 6pm until 7pm Monday to Friday (half price drinks)

FAB FRIDAYS! Fish and Chips or a Homemade Pie of the Day on Friday evenings for £9.95pp.

www.redlionmiltonbryan.com

BOG OFF! We are offering "Two for One" main courses from Monday to Thursday for Lunch and Dinner. Basically buy one main course and get one free from our midweek menu.

enquiries@redlionmiltonbryan.com

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

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BOB AMBLER CARPENTRY Internal & external doors inc. made to measure Staircase renovations Built in cupboards etc...

FITTED FURNITURE Made to measure fitted furniture for: Bedrooms, Studies and Bathrooms Traditional and modern styles inc. sliding doors Free Designs and Quotations

01525 405393 07889 058345

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

Remember... Once you get over the hill, you'll begin to pick up speed .

My friend’s husband is so silly that when he saw a letter on the door mat with ‘Do Not Bend’ on the envelope, he spent the next 2 hours trying to work out how to pick it up.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Spend time alone. The company is the best you’ll ever find possibly the only company you’ll ever find.

I joined a health club last year. It cost me a fortune and I haven’t lost a pound. Apparently you have to go there.

Always remember you can do whatever you want. Unless there’s some reason not to.

He’s not impressive if he’s just been voted ‘Man of the Year’ by the local brewers association.

Some people say ‘If it is not broken don’t fix it.’ A wise person says ‘If it’s broken, don't try to fix it. Relax.’

T.H.E. BEST BUTCHERS

* INTERESTING RANGE OF SPECIALITY SAUSAGES

Telephone (01908) 375275 www.bestbutcher.co.uk

Unit 5, Lower Rectory Farm, Great Brickhill, Milton Keynes, Bucks MK17 9AF

1 Type of boat, 2 North By Northwest, 3 1944 WWII, 4 Georgia, 5 Tooth, 6 1981, 7 Pins, 8 Sheep, 9 Nightingales, 10 Stanley Baldwin

Babs had spent the day weeding the garden, clearing out the shed etc., and was tired, filthy dirty and in need of a shower and some food. She rang her friend and asked if she would pick up a pizza and come round for something to eat and maybe a glass of wine.

Her friend duly came round and Babs said she was just going to pop up and take a shower.

After some time Babs had not reappeared so her friend called up to check she was all right.

Babs called back down that she had got in a bit of a muddle with the shampoo. ‘What’s the problem?’ asked her friend.

‘I’m not sure what to do - it’s for dry hair, and I’ve just wet mine.’ replied Babs sensibly.

1. What is a ‘Felucca’?

2. ‘The Man on Lincoln’s Nose’ was the working movie title of which film?

3. When was the battle of ‘Guam’?

4. ‘Hopeulikeit’ is the name of a town in which US state?

5. Where would you find the ‘Pulp Canal’?

6. When did Steve Davis become World Snooker Champion?

7. I f y o u s u f f e r e d f r o m ‘Enetophobia’, what would you fear?

8. What is an ‘Exmoor Horn’?

9. A ‘Watch’ is the collective term for which creature?

10.Who was Prime Minister of Great Britain from 1923-4?

ARAGON WINDOWS Your local specialist in UPVC for:Windows, Doors, Patio Doors and French Doors, Conservatories Fascia, Soffit and Guttering Our windows and doors are 70mm internally glazed for security. All windows are fitted with fire hinges, locking handles, a twin action espagnolette mushroom headed bolt system, and with vent facility. Doors are fitted with claw and mortice lock, and panels are reinforced. Fully compliant with current FENSA Regulations, plus insurance backed guarantee.

CHRIS FREEMAN Tel/Fax 01525 403992 50 Russell Drive Ampthill Beds Established in 1990 and built on reputation

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

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Registered Member of The British Chiropody and Podiatry Association

Again, a very big thank you for sending us so many of your wonderful photos! On the left here we see Rob with his Fuddler at the top of the Empire State Building in New York, and below there is ‘Bob The Roadie’ reading his Fuddler whilst on holiday in Thailand!

Very many thanks to you all.

HPC Registration No. CH17913

THERESE GRAY FSSCh. Dip Pod Med. MBChA. Chiropodist/Podiatrist Surgery By Appointment

Telephone: 01525 841845 Email: therese_777@msn.com

If you have any pictures of a Fuddler being read away from home please send them in to martin@thefuddler.com

Do not let flip flops spoil your summer holiday .........

Orthotic flip flops available.

Effective treatment for shin splints.... heel pain.... back pain and tired aching feet.

Ring the clinic and ask for details or make an appointment and give your feet the care they deserve.

ICE Integrated Clinical Excellence 35 Russell Drive Ampthill MK45 2TX

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ZZZ TXHVWKROLGD\V FR XN Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 13

Well first I would like to remind you, that Father’s Day is coming soon, The date you need to remember is Sunday the sixteenth of June.

We, as usual have some great cards out on display, Ready for you to purchase, and to give out on Father’s day.

To say thank you to our fathers, for all that they have done, And to remind them that raising us has been such great fun.

I know at times we must have been little horrors, And when we’ve been naughty corr did we hear dad olla.

So to all you fathers out there, Happy Father’s Day from us, the ones that care.

So now for something different, that we have never done, It’s time for us to have, a little bit of fun.

Our new little game called watch out, watch out there’s a Meerkat about, I’ve already found her I hear some of you shout.

Hidden in the pages a Meerkat needs to be found, Somewhere she’s been hidden, after all that running around.

Just find the little Meerkat and tell us where she was found, Write it down on a piece of paper with your name and bring round.

Then in next month’s issue of the Fuddler, a winner will be named, Then just pop into Martins where your prize is waiting to be claimed.

So come on all you readers, please come and join in the fun, And a special message to our writer of Meerkat Musings, You could say that I have won As always we have many great new special offers and still deliver newspapers to your door, If you would like more information please contact our store.

MARTINS 17 CHURCH STREET AMPTHILL 404096.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY DAD

Executive Chauffeur Drive Service for South Bedfordshire and the surrounding area. Specialist in airport runs, seaport and rail transfers, holiday and corporate travel. Special fixed rates for travel to and from most UK Airports, Main Line Railway Stations, and Cruise and Ferry Terminals. Prompt and reliable, mature, experienced driver, checked with CRB and licensed by Central Bedfordshire Council.

No charge for flight delays.

To enable us to meet your requirements we prefer at least 24 hours notice. If you cannot book through the onͲline service, please call us on 07909 983179 for further information, help and availability or send details of your requirements to bookings@elitetransfer.co.uk.

We will try to help whenever we can and always aim to answer enquiries as quickly as possible.

Web: www.elitetransfer.co.uk Email: bookings@elitetransfer.co.uk Dunstable, Bedfordshire

Traditional country village pub offering Good Food, Good Beer and a good selection of wines by the glass.

Quality home cooked food on both bar and a la carte menus

Tuesday Ͳ Friday Lunch time specials main £5.95 dessert £2.95

Tuesday night is Fish n chip night Our own beer battered cod, hand cut chips, mushy peas and bread and butter all for £7.95

Wednesday night is steak night 2 rump steaks with all the trimmings and a bottle of house wine all for £22.50

Sundays we offer a traditional roast dinner with a choice of 3 roast meats with all the accompaniments £7.95

Second Sunday of each month Breakfast served from 9.30am £10.00

Please keep an eye on our website for details of upcoming events Bobbi and Ian look forward to extending you a warm welcome.

www.jollycoopersflitton.co.uk The Jolly Coopers, Wardhedges, Flitton, Beds

Tel: 01525 860626

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 14

As part of the Ampthill Festival 2013

For All Your Local Building Needs.. x x x x x

Extensions Renovations Patios-Driveways Project Management Architectural Services

Come along to our local projects and meet the team, meet the clients.. see the work for yourselves Over 25 years experience in Building...

Entrance programmes available from the Market Square on the day or before the event from Angie Murdoch t Tel: 01525 403076 t Email: angiemurdoch@virginmedia.com Proceeds to Ampthill Festival and local charities

Sponsored by Frosts Garden Centre, Newport Road, Woburn Sands, Milton Keynes, MK178 8UE www.frostsgroup.com 1PTUFS EFTJHOFE CZ 4JUUJOH %VDL t www.sitting-duck.org.uk

Ossory Arms 9 Arthur Street, Ampthill, Beds MK45 2QQ 01525 841188

Ampthill’s Famous Breakfast Served Friday/Sat/Sun from 10.30 onwards Main Menu Served All Day Everyday!

Don't Move Improve..

Sunday Roast

Call for free Quotation Credit / Debit Cards Accepted.

Served between 12-4pm

01525 888510 07957 435556 www.beedhambuilding.co.uk

Thursday 20th June Starts at 8.30 Come and join in the fun!

All Major Sporting Events Shown

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 15

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 16

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 17

When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 18

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 19

By Nonic The dog and I sat under a large oak tree, as the sun rose, waiting to see what’s been eating the farmer’s seedlings. The 3.30am wake up was a bit difficult, but it’s soon forgotten; as we wait, we watch a barn owl fly low across the stubble field, graceful against the early morning mist, silence all around. The jobs don’t stop, we might get tired but moments like these always make up for it.

By 8.30am nothing has arrived in the field so it’s time to start my morning rounds - it’s all about getting prepared for the coming season - feed the chickens, guinea fowl and golden pheasants. Check my traps that not only protect our birds from predators, but also the song birds that live on the farm check the hedgerows for pheasant and partridge eggs, to put into the incubators to give them the best start - prepare the rearing sheds ready for the first chicks - are the gas bottles full, is the ground disinfected, the sheds clean? We need to make sure we look after our birds, the same as any farmer with his livestock, giving them the best to ensure our customers get the best.

Once all the jobs are done for the day, the light starting to fade, it’s time to take the dog for its final walk, and maybe we’ll find our way to the local for my evening round (or two!).

Happy Birthday Granni love from Roo and KT and Thomas from afar xxx

June 4th Boozy Birthday wishes to you from us xx

Next to The Old Sun Pub, Dunstable Street, Ampthill Local Friendly Barbers Modern Haircuts with Traditional Values

16TH JUNE - FATHER’S DAY CRECHE Drop Dad off for a pint or three and if you really love him, treat him to a roast lunch!

SUNDAY JULY 7TH Ampthill Festival Gala Day Parade - book your seats for the best show in town! Arrive early to make sure of your place, grab a drink and enjoy a splendid elevated view of the Parade as it passes our doors!

QUIZ NIGHT EVERY WEDNESDAY Our highly popular quiz starts at 8.00pm sharp with our guest Quizmasters- there’s no entry fee and everyone is welcome!

Please arrive early to be sure of a seat.

SUNDAY ROASTS We are pleased to offer delicious Sunday Roasts served all day with a choice of meats plus a selection of fresh vegetables.

Fresh, not fast

NEW OPENING TIMES Monday: Tuesday:

8.30am Ͳ 5.30pm 8.30am Ͳ 5.30pm

(Tuesday pm walkͲins and appointments are welcome)

Wednesday: Thursday: Friday: Saturday:

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Page 20

Tel: 01525 403319 email: engineandtender@live.co.uk Engine & Tender - Bar

Watch the Lions Tests here!!

Saturday 22nd June 11.00am Saturday 29th June 11.00am Saturday 6th July 11.00am Breakfast roll available from 10.30am!

MEAT RAFFLE

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QUIZ NIGHT

Sunday June 30th Cash Prizes!

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Alan’s Soothing Summer Bean Stew Serves 2 What you’ll need 1 large onion, peeled and finely chopped.

1 large carrot, finely chopped 1 large apple, finely chopped 500g lentils, soaked overnight (or use the orange / red ones that don’t need soaking) 1 x tin kidney beans, drained 1 x tin chickpeas, drained 250 ml vegetable stock 2 tbsp tomato purée 1 tbsp mustard seeds 1 tbsp crushed chillies 1 tsp cumin seeds 1 tsp brown sugar 1 tbsp white wine vinegar

1 tbsp olive oil Sour cream to serve Method Heat oven to gas mark 5 (180C). In an oven proof casserole pot, heat the oil, add the cumin, chillies and mustard seeds and allow to pop gently for about a minute, and then combine the carrots, onions and apples, simmer and stir.

Mix in the tomato purée, then the pulses. Pour in the stock slowly, stir, before adding the sugar and vinegar. Taste and season accordingly.

Pop in the oven for about 40 mins, ladle onto plates or bowls and serve with a blob of cream and some pitta or flatbread.

And thanks for that one!

4th June - Happy Birthday to Lord Fred Ash

Happy Birthday Mandy for the 22nd June

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Page 21

D L R O W W E N a o t Welcome t a e r a c g o d d n a s g o for d re t n e C n e d r a G n e d l u Ma Doggie World is a new concept in caring for the four-pawed members of your family.

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Doggie World Maulden Garden Centre, A507 Bypass, Maulden, Bedfordshire MK45 2BJ When you advertise in The Fuddler - you’re on line too at www.thefuddler.com!

Page 22

ROCKET’S SECOND “GRAND TOUR” ON A B.M.W. MOTOR CYCLE Continued from last month: Day 2 Tuesday 3rd July 2012

I think I will have a sit and take in the splendours of the buildings in front of me; two kids came and sat either side of me, and start making funny noises at me in their own language, very weird? I probably do look a sight, with my thick motorcycle jacket on with the weather so hot, also after that long climb, sweat is pouring off me in buckets! They go away giggling and leave me alone to admire the

magnificence of those skilled medieval stone masons who built it.

I am now heading north to Hamelin; the map shows a scenic route that should take me through some of Germanys massive forests and hopefully some camp sites.

I stop in a garage to get some fuel and a more detailed map, while browsing, an old German man came up to see if he can be of any assistance, he doesn’t speak a word of English, but with sign language we find the map I want, he then went out of his way to help me with directions even though I didn’t ask him, I let him keep talking out of

politeness, he then took my nice new map and drew a thick felt pen route on it where he thought I should go! I didn’t mind , it gave my bike a chance to cool down and its only a map. I am coming up the 229 from the garage through beautiful hilly, if not mountainous roads through a region called Sauercamp with perfect motorcycling roads and breathtaking views. I then took the 55 where I stopped for a pizza and a coke for a reasonable 6.70 Euros! I carry on down the road which is full of single small shop windows lit up with neon lights with one solitary chair sitting in each window! How strange?

Then I see why, further on

up the road there is a pretty blond advertising herself in the window!

I have reached a town called Rheda- Wiedenbruck in the north Rhine area, and booked into a “sports hotel”, although there is nothing really sporting about it. I was in quite a lot of pain today with my rear end, so I ditch the camping idea and have a comfortable bed and bath tonight. This was the sixth hotel that I had tried to get a room in at a reasonable price; this one is a reasonable price at only 60 Euros including breakfast, garage for the bike and a free drink at the bar!

Splendid!

To be continued

G. LAWSON FLOORING (Based in Ampthill) All types of flooring undertaken including CARPETS / WOODS AND LAMINATES KARNDEAN / VINYLS (Including wet rooms) CERAMICS AND NATURAL STONE Supply and fit or fit only service available

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If you’re quick you could book your advertisement in the next edition of The Fuddler!

For more details or to book your space please ring Martin on 01525 841434 Congratulations to Thomas and Courtney on your surprise!

Northy

Easty

1.‘Have you booked the flights for the ferry?’

2. ‘Where’s the beer that you put in the fridge?’

3. ‘Yes I’ve got enough money - can I borrow 8 Euros?’

4. I can’t wait to get home to watch some English TV like Home and Away.’

5. ‘I’ve only got 2 pairs of hands.’

6. ‘There’s no milk, you’ll have to use water.’

7. ‘15 Euros for the 2 of us, how much is that each?’

8. ‘The biggest fish I ever caught got away.’

9. ‘Do you reckon the chef cooked our meal?’

Thanks again Imp

27th June - Birthday greetings to LBJ!!

Happy Birthday Uncle Thomas for the 24th xx

With The Imp

Southy Happy Birthday for the 23rd!

with Auntie Vi Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Happy Birthday to Uncle Mark, Chap, and James With love from Roo & KT x

Many of Ampthill Town Centre shops are going to be opening the last Sunday of the month 11am – 3pm as a trial for the next 6 months.

Starting Sunday 26 May This will be in conjunction with Kings Arms garden opening 2.30-5.00pm For more information please see www.ampthill.biz

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Page 25

Free WiFi

Free WiFi

37 Church Street Ampthill MK45 2PL Office: 01525 841736 Open 09.00 to 12.30

Managed by the community for the community

We’re across the road from St. Andrews Church with a large free car park for members and their guests. We cater for Weddings, Birthdays, Christenings and Wakes and support local charities with free facilities.

Pop in this June 2013 and have a look, if you like what you see fill in a membership form.

Its £10 annual fee plus £3 for C.I.U. card which allows access to all C.I.U. clubs in England, Wales & Scotland. Ask at the bar

Your membership allows you access to the CHEAPEST BAR in AMPTHILL Automatic invitation to all its social functions plus preferential rates for hiring rooms x x x x x x x x x x x x

EVENTS FOR CLUB MEMBERS Barbeques, Sunday quizzes, Race nights, Treasure Hunts Golf tournament – President’s Cup 14th September Fishing Club BINGO – every Thursday evening Doms – Monday nite in the Ampthill & District League Doms – Thursday nite in the Shillington & District League Crib & Doms - Monday nite inthe Maulden & District League Darts – Wednesday nite in the Ampthill & District League Pool – Bedfordshire County League Every Sunday a meat raffle Karaoke August 28th Wingy Beer Festival, Open Day, Barbeque & Live entertainment

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Page 26

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Dear Mr Fuddler – I am writing in response to the recent Fuddler “Ramblings from the Bench� article – I have to protest most vehemently against said article as it is full of nonsense and I wonder whether the author of the article has ever read Shakespeare, except in the dim and distant past when he was still at school – To read Shakespeare is one of life’s great pleasures – If your “rambler� was to take the time to read, what most people view as the greatest playwright of his time, rather than getting his kicks reading Jackie Collins novels he may well understand the quality of the prose, and also the humour trickling through the plays Also to talk about “vast amounts of money for pretending� is one of those cheap, comments the un-educated masses make – If he were to bother checking his facts before writing, he would know that actors don’t feature in Shakespeare productions for the money, it is for the joy and honour of performing the great works.

I have spent the past 15 years teaching and performing Shakespeare and find these throwaway comments most insulting to the intelligence of the performers I have worked with, and the students I teach, who understand Shakespeare, as they are prepared to spend the time reading and discussing this magnificent playwright, not trying to make silly judgements without fully understanding or even attempting to understand him.

Best Regards Thomas Cranmer

Belated Birthday greetings to Geoff ‘Poet Extraordinaire’ for the 30th May

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7YVMLZZPVUHS L_WLY[ ZLY]PJL H[ JVTWL[P[P]L WYPJLZ MVY KVTLZ[PJ HUK JVTTLYJPHS J\Z[VTLYZ ‹ ‹ ‹ ‹ ‹

;YLL YLK\JPUN HUK YLZOHWPUN ;YLL MLSSPUN /LKNL THPU[LUHUJL HUK YLTV]HS .LULYHS NHYKLU JSLHYHUJLZ :LHZVULK SVNZ

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^^^ ZH\UKLYZ[YLLZ\YNLY` JV \R Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 27

The first Woburn Village Open Gardens Day was in June 1994 and has happened every year since then. A dozen or more private gardens are open all day and some gardens have refreshments available, plus plant stalls on the Green. Recently a scarecrow competition was added to the day, with scarecrows lurking in some gardens, around the village and outside the shops for visitors to choose their favourites. 2013 will be the 20th Garden Day and we hope for a sunny day on June 15th.

Woburn Open Gardens Day on June 15th, 10.30am to 5.30pm. We should have 12 gardens open and who knows how many scarecrows plus plant and craft stall on The Green and the School have crafts and cream teas. Tickets (£3-50 entry to all gardens) are available on the day from the Car Park, Heritage Centre and The Green. The children’s living scarecrow competition will be judged on The Green at 3pm on the day.

FARMERS MARKETS AT WOBURN There are 2 Farmers Markets this month at Woburn. Held on the Pitchings, the 1st is on June 16th and then another on June 30th.

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Page 28

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email: supaspark@tiscali.co.uk THE QUICK BUCK VS THE LOYAL CUSTOMER Some time ago, in the early 1970’s, I was senior technician for a small company that had sole UK rights to the products of several European microfilm companies, and in that capacity, I, with my few technicians would look after these machines when they went wrong; it was not a big job and most of my time was spent organising “preventative maintenance”.

But occasionally a real problem emerged, the sort of thing where you really have to see it before you even start thinking about a solution.

One such puzzle involved a Swiss camera owned by a cartographer company in Edinburgh, this was not the largest camera we handled but it did run on rails! There were

only two of these cameras in UK and I had not seen either of them but I was hastily despatched to visit the company, I should mention that the information and drawings were all in German, not my first language! Now the only time the owners of this machine had seen a technical guy was during installation several years earlier, and that guy was the technical director of the manufacturers; they thought that was me!! Coming all the way from Switzerland! Hence my surprise when I was met at the airport by a Limo and taken to a 5* hotel!

The following morning I was duly collected, in a more appropriate car, I had explained my real status, and taken to the studio to see the machine. I never discovered

the cause of the fault but the symptom was that it kept blowing a fuse, I soon realised it needed a special fuse called a slow blow which allows high initial current during switch on. Following a quick trip to a local hardware store the problem was fixed, The next problem was when my boss had to explain why we were charging over £250 for a fuse, you know the answer, 5P for the fuse, £249.95 for knowing that was the problem.

Wind forward to March 2013, I have a relatively new car which my well qualified son recently serviced, one thing he could not do was reset the red flashing pingy thing that said it needed a service, (he is more used to large Mercedes trucks), so I found a local garage who said that for a small fee they could do it. I

guessed it had to be simple but OK I had saved a lot on the service etc and I agreed, I was surprised when it cost £20 but more upset, when I realised they spent less that 2 minutes doing it, I know, 2P to fix the problem, £19.98 for knowing how.

The difference between this tale and the earlier one is that when I tackled the fuse problem, I did NOT understand the problem until I had spent quite a while looking at drawings AND the machine! Had I been aware earlier, of the actual source of the problem, I would have told them over the phone, saved them a lot of money, and done a good bit of PR for my bosses company. The garage, on the other hand,…..

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Page 29

With Lauren Louella Boughalls Greetings to everyone again and many thanks to you all for sending in your solutions to last month’s little teaser!

Congratulations to Pat, Mike, James, Piers, Bob, Joe and everybody else who correctly identified the photograph as the telephone box and water pump just round the corner from the delightful Green Man Pub in Eversholt.

Now for this month we have been out and about again round the countryside and have come across the scene below. But do you recognise it and where it might be?

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Page 30

Here we delve more into the whimsical, wacky and interesting world of Montgolfier:

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Occasionally one reads a letter in a local paper from someone complaining that a street light went out several days ago and no-one has yet been along to fix it. Here where we live we don’t have ant street lights or pavements and it’s safe to have a stroll as late as midnight and see all the stars shining. Even in winter there is no need to close my curtains and you can get into bed and see the stars and at times a bright moon with the clouds passing by it. Visitors even go and stand in our garden as there are none where they live. We’re in lovely Fuddlerland - still unspoilt.

I recently did a long car journey of 900 miles and passed 4 road signs saying ‘Beware - Red Squirrels’. I just closed my window and carried on. I once went to release a grey squirrel from a strawberry net. Never again - it took a U shaped piece out of my thumb and thumbnail.

I hear that June is bursting out all over. The problem is that she’s lost all the buttons from her cardigan.

A sign in a garden: If God had meant me to touch my toes he would have given me longer arms.

I once met a man who went under the name ‘Ontoe’. I eventually found out how he got the nickname. He was pout driving one day and his car broke down so he put a sign on the back saying ‘On Toe’.

I’ve driven lots of vehicles one of which had 5 reverse gears you could get up a really good speed. It did eight miles to the gallon.

Sign in a car window: get in, sit down, shut up and hold tight.

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com

Page 31

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Episode 37 ..............

A Complication in the Kitchen Department.

I thought my reader would be interested, if not slightly amused to hear about a recent event your favourite columnist experienced recently. I was running a little late getting home and was having the all too common “what shall I have for supper” conversation with myself whilst commuting home on the bus. After considerable deliberation and with somewhat limited resistance, I gave in to my inner demons and settled for a curry from over the deli counter at my local supermarket. It was getting late and the portions were being sold off cheaply, and I opted for lamb madras, spinach aloo and some rice. I completed my overindulgence in purchasing a bottle of red.

I got home and as the food was from deli counter it had already

Your

been cooked and therefore just needed warming up. I opened the wine, turned on the oven and got some pitta bread out of the bread bin. I got out of my clothes and into my ‘lounge pants’; (ed: that’s a posh name for pyjama bottoms Brian), and a t-shirt. I transferred the contents of the containers into an oven proof dish and placed it on the bottom shelf of the oven. Popped the pittas in the toaster and poured myself a healthy sized glass of wine. I reckoned 10-15 minutes on a slow gas mark at the bottom of the oven would be perfect, and the bread would pop out by itself so I retired to my armchair and R3 on the wireless, where there was a Wagner evening commemorating his birthday 200 years ago.

What took place next would best be explained from the oven’s point of view and to which I was completely oblivious at first. As I placed my oven dish on the bottom shelf of the oven and

pushed it in place, it pushed a smaller flat oven tray further into the oven and over the gas burner.

The little fat that was left in the tray had of course turned into very hot oil and was dripping onto the burner. I was of course still completely unaware of this and it was only after 10 minutes I remembered that I should probably stir the contents of my supper. As I approached the oven and looked through the glass door, I thought it looked quite bright inside and assumed I’d turned the oven light on. Of course I had not. A fair bit of smoke started to come up out the vents at the back and that’s when I expected something was not quite right.

On opening the oven door I heard the ‘whooof’ of flames enjoying their oxygen intake and for a very brief moment there was a chance of me having a ‘Westy’ moment, if I had reacted on impulse by throwing water on the blaze, it would of course been

quite nasty. I refrained from doing so, and calmly turned the oven off and left the cooker door open, I opened the kitchen window and back door and waited for the flames to die out.

The upshot of all this was that I had to stay up quite late until the air cleared and the flat did not smell too bad. Fortunately it was a mild night so I left the back door to my garden open and ate my curry, which had survived surprisingly well. I listened to a Wagner opera on R3 and drank the remains of the wine and a few glasses of brandy.

Finally I dedicate this quite pertinent line from Wagner’s Die Walkùre and its Fire Music scene to my old mate and S h a k e s p ea r e p h o b e ‘Toady’.....and quite appropriately was broadcast that very evening.

“Whoso dareth Wotan’s spear, Whoso knoweth naught of fear, Let him burst these flames of war, Let him leap this fiery bar!”

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Page 32

Don’t worry if you missed an issue - you can catch up at www.thefuddler.com