"Milking Money" Collection of Poems by Texas A&M System Chancellor John Sharp

milking money poems by texas a&m chancellor

john sharp

one day they will ask why we did what we did the answer is that when the world was a stage as aggies -we played ourselves

what could be more important than the needs of our disabled students easy a hotel

do not call me a pig i hunt pigs with an a.r. 15 out of a helicopter

the only counseling service our students need is good football

where can we park you ask i pull you close and whisper texas a&m is ranked fourth in the country for best value among public universities

i have learned that student workers are paid above minimum wage -not for long

buzbee parked his tank in my spot again -goddammit

no rick we can’t kick the gays out this is why we haven’t put your name on a building yet

does reveille need to be such an expensive breed could we like make the next one a mutt and see if anyone notices

stop sending letters i have eyes too you know even i can tell west campus looks like ass

did this little peon actually ask me what we’re doing to fund the arts

i don’t know what they are here for but there’s a lot of them they don’t do research and their presence annoys me -undergrads are like squirrels

texags is mad because they think i’m a lib and young is making the important decisions -hahahahahaha

humility is a lie who cares about looking stupid here’s a plaque go win a championship

we are the aggies the aggies are we because we pay high student fees

jimbo didn’t even see college station before he signed a contract -that was intentional

they say the campus looks like a russian gulag hell yeah it does -call me czar

not chance like the rapper but chancellor like palpatine

after Harvey they put me in charge of rebuilding the coast. i’m putting like five football stadiums there and hoping for the best

i took my wife to appleby’s because i had a groupon so don’t think you’re the only ones eating mediocre food because i’m cheap -on chartwells

fearless on every front because fear would require giving a shit

aggies lead by example the same way america leads in obesity

if i must read another angry odyssey online article from some idiot comm major i’m cutting the liberal arts budget in half

in what world does texas a&m have a race problem we’ve won more titles in track than we have in actual sports

on a late drive through the city streets coated in blue and amber a thought appeared to me i got more stacks than evans library and that’s such a good line but i didn’t know what to do with it -so here it is

it is easy to feel like you’re alone like the burden is all yours to bear like there’s no one else who shares your struggle just remember that all the other schools in the system have to deal with me too

these are not poems these are gifts from my divine ego to your filthy, open hands breathe it all in while the air is still included in your student fees