Misc.03.31.22

The Miscellany News

miscellanynews.org

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866

March 31, 2022

Volume 157 | Issue 7

Breaking News

Nandini Likki, Head Reclaimer of the Misc

Westboro Baptist Church retracts statement calling Vassar an ‘Ivy League Whorehouse’ after realizing Vassar isn’t a part of the Ivy League W hen it comes to inflammatory hate speech and staunch hyper-Calvinism, it is difficult to find an organization better at it than the infamous Westboro Baptist Church. Known for its hate speech and general awfulness, the WBC (as it is unaffectionately called) has a whopping 70

members and uses the f-slur with abandon.

However, even homophobes have their limits when it comes to pursuit of knowledge.

Last Sunday, the Church put out a statement retracting their 2013 statement that called Vassar College an “Ivy League Whorehouse,” not because of its hate speech, but because

the Church realized that Vassar was, in fact, not a part of the Ivy League.

“I mean, I graduated high school when I was sixteen, so clearly I’m not lacking in the knowledge department,” said the reanimated corpse of WBC founder Fred Phelps on the issue. “But this was such a huge over-

sight. The Church does copious amounts of research on every group of people we choose to slander. We have no excuse for this. I think I’m most disappointed in the potentially large number of Vassar students who proudly took on the name. Of See Westboro on page 10

College Announces Renovation Plans for Noyes House Take me out to Susanna Shull

the ball game

Chief Noyes News Correspondent

T

he College has unveiled its plans for the grand-scale renovation of the Emma Hartman Noyes House, ambitiously set to be completed by the end of the 2022 summer break. Vassar has conceded that the dorm, built in 1958, is much in need of an upgrade.

Noyes is widely beloved by fans of conversation pits, tiled bathroom floors that have been painted over for no discernible reason and middle-of-the-night fire-alarm-induced jaunts in its eponymous Circle. The dorm is a sight to behold: Not only can appreciators of architecture rejoice in its splendid curvature, but the building also boasts vivid views of each interior room from the outside.

The plan, entitled “Noyes 360,” reveals the renovated and enlarged building’s soon-

Grace Willoughby Masshole

​​A

Sandro Luis Lorenzo/The Miscellany News. to-be circular shape while recalling the family-friendly surveillance app Life 360.

Whereas the current structure comprises

only one quarter of a circle, the refurbished building will be a completed ring—an O, a See Noyes on page 10

ECON 102 no longer available for NRO Alyssa Willeford Oh, the Humanities

H

umanities students were outraged Monday when the Assistant Secretary to the Dean of Studies announced that a variety of courses, including Economics 102: Introduction to Economics, would no longer be eligible for the Non-Recorded Option (or NRO). The move came after a record five-year period in which not one humanities major took the class for credit, instead opting to NRO it to fulfill their quantitative requirement while preserving their GPA. While the Dean of Studies did not respond to repeated requests for comment, a wide variety of humanities majors proved extremely willing to express their views on the subject.

“This is what I mean when I talk about the decline of the humanities,” Gavin Seersucker ‘’‘25, a dual hHistory and dDrama major, said. “I was planning to take the class next semester and just sort of skate through, but now I’ll actually have to take even a single quantitative course for a letter grade? I’m allergic to numbers! They give me hives!”

Other students complained that the move impeded their plans of study at Vassar.

“This news completely shifted my modalities, and I couldn’t be angrier,” said Shreya Sharma ‘’‘25, a pPolitical sScience major, said. “I wanted to spend my entire undergraduate career in an intensive exploration of Foucault’s foundational work on social hypercyclical dynamics in a public interlocutative environment, with a special concentration on subtracular systems in the embodied post-colonial, postimperial imaginary. But now, not only will I have to divest myself from that just to learn about how people spend money, but I’ll also have to take the course for credit?

Vassar disgusts me.”

ECON 102 is not the only course affected by the change. Many popular quantitative requirement courses, such as Astronomy 105, have been designated under a new category, the Non-Recorded Option Non-Option (or NRO-NO). From this point on, students trying to fulfill the qualitative requirement will have to take these courses for full credit or else not take them at all.

Faculty in the affected departments had

a noticeably different reaction to the new policy.

“Frankly, this was a long time coming,” remarked Professor Martin Pennypinch ‘’‘61, an assistant lecturer in the Economics department, said. “I have to teach two sections of 102 each and every semester. Do you have any idea how draining it is when over half of the class doesn’t care at all what they get, as long as it’s a passing grade? I pour my heart and soul into these lectures!

I show them the beauty of these numbers, and these gorgeous, gorgeous graphs, and they’re just in the back the whole time passing notes about dialectical proto-fascism or something! I can’t take it anymore!

I can’t, do you hear me?”

A student who happened to be passing

by Professor Pennypinch’s office burst in to provide a comment in response.

“Oh, HE can’t take it? How do you think I feel?” asked Grace Yang ‘’‘24, an English major with a correlate in Studio Arts.

“Luckily, I was already able to take ECON 102 with Professor Pennypinch, and it’s a darn good thing I don’t have to tell you what my final grade was, too, but think of See Econ on page 10

s a true Baseball Nut™, I take my DIII games seriously. Sure, I could take the Metro North to Yankee stadium to see the professionals, but a) the season hasn’t started yet due to the infamous #lockout2022 b) I would be betraying my people (Massholes) and c) this logistically impossible and morally questionable adventure costs money.

Instead, I chose to experience the purity of the sport of 1960s Americana (think the 1993 classic, “The Sandlot”) for free this past Sunday, when the Brewers faced off against both the St. Lawrence Saints and unwelcome snow flurries. There were no peanuts and Cracker Jacks but my on-the-go Deece toast and marmalade was pretty edible, not least because stolen food always tastes better.

As I ate my snack, I marveled at the fact that it wasn’t that cold out. The second thing I noticed was the heckling. The gatherings of evil shitting geese by Sunset Lake are less disrespectful than the Saints. Their relentless honking made quite the impression, which I guess made up for their forgettable school. So did their coaches’ “What the FUCK?” meltdown that stalled the game and prompted hoots of “Play ball!” by the parents who were taking everything too seriously.

In the boomers’ defense, their precious sons were on the field, and you know how boy moms can get. Only they would be wise enough to bring chairs to perch on top of the bleachers, a brilliant plan that prevents your ass from freezing to the metal. Speaking of ass freezing to the metal, did I mention it was cold? My initial interpretation of the weather was objectively incorrect and only the cutest golden retriever walking himself on his leash up and down the ass-freezers could distract me from the whipping winds.

Another helpful distraction? The hypeup songs. Drake’s “God’s Plan,” Sia’s “Cheap Thrills,” and my girl Maggie Rogers’... I can’t remember which Maggie Rogers song played but I love Maggie Rogers!... were some of the See DIII on page 10

Inside this issue

420 COOKING

Joe Rogan banned from whenisgood by executive team, prompting further outrage

by Joni Mitchell and Neil Young

69 TRAVEL

At the Deece, “revenge” is a dish actually best served lukewarm at 7:45 p.m.

by Unsuspecting Booth Napper

√-1 SUDOKU

Laptop hot and bothered because she doesn’t want to be seen with me in the Library

by Allison Deutsch

Page 2

March 31, 2022

THE MISCELLANY NEWS EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR CONTRIBUTING EDITORS

Janet Song Sawyer Bush Olivia Watson Dean Kopitsky Alex Eisert Lucille Brewster Caitlin Patterson Annabelle Wang Will Sorge NEWS EDITORS Jacques Abou-Rizk Ben Goth ASSISTANT OPINIONS EDITOR Ganesh Pillai ARTS EDITOR Massimo Tarridas ASSISTANT ARTS EDITOR Monika Sweeney FEATURES EDITOR Doug Cobb SPORTS EDITORS Jackie Molloy Madi Donat HUMOR EDITOR Nicholas Tillinghast ASSISTANT HUMOR EDITOR Alison Carranza SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Acadia Case ASST. SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Charlotte Robertson ASSISTANT COPY EDITORS Sashinka Poor Sandro Luis Lorenzo GRAPHICS EDITOR Seowon Back GRAPHIC ARTISTS Tori Kim Aryn Lee Karen Mogami Ben Scharf LIVE EVENTS CHAIRPERSON ASST. LIVE EVENTS CHAIRPERSON Catherine Borthwick Will Hwang BUSINESS MANAGER Jack Rothenberg ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER Chloe Gjoka WEBMASTERS Rohan Dutta Ian Herz VIDEO PRODUCTION MANAGER Grace Willoughby DESIGN EDITOR Danielle Recco REPORTERS, COLUMNISTS Carly D’Antonio Arlene Chen Katie Gebbia Anna Kozloski Gwen Ma Sufana Noorwez Sam Patz Naima Saini Anna Terry Anica Acuna COPY STAFF Glenna Gomez Jason Han Sophia Jahadhmy Tori Lubin Bryn Marling Claire Miller Melissa Roybal Emma San Filippo Hadley Sparks Mia Stein Simon Goldsmith Danny White Caris Lee Meera Shroff Ruby Funfrock DESIGN STAFF Maryam Bacchus Reese Collins CROSSWORD

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. Staff editorials are the only articles that reflect the opinion of a two-thirds majority of the Editorial Board.

Sandro Luis Lorenzo/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

March 31, 2022

NEWS

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Students react to changing COVID-19 mask protocols Jacques Abou-Rizk News Editor

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n March 28, President Elizabeth Bradley announced in an email that masking will only continue to be required in indoor classes, Health Services, Metcalf, Athletic Training Rooms and COVID-19 testing facilities. The email came after one week of post-arrival testing revealed only 16 student and four employee positive cases.

According to Dean of the College Carlos Alamo-Pastrana, maskless faces around campus in acceptable areas, such as Gordon Commons and in dorm buildings, are sure to be a sign of normalcy. “It is unclear if the number of cases will decrease, but we expect that cases will not result in illnesses requiring hospitalization,” Alamo-Pastrana said in a written correspondence. He added that the decision to ease restrictions was made in reaction to removed state and local mask mandates and the relatively limited prevalence of COVID-19 cases in Dutchess County.

The community mostly agrees with the new COVID-19 practices, Alamo-Pastrana noted. “Generally, the COVID-19 practices seem to be acceptable, although some students would prefer we unmask in classes.”

The shift came as a surprise to many students, although the administration had been hinting at dropping the mask mandate if cases remained minimal following the break. “I thought it was interesting that they were changing the policy this early after spring break, but I think it might be a good thing,” said Marisa McGehee ’24. “It seems like cases are relatively low and so there isn’t as much risk as earlier in the year.”

One student, Ishika Muppidi ’25, said, “I think the updated masking policies will be good. They are kind of a middle ground between still being cautious about COVID-19 and the removal of the mask mandates.” She added, “Not having to wear masks in dorms will be nice because I hope it’ll make it feel more like a home.”

While excited, students are still expressing worry over the shifting norms.

Olivia Gatto ’24, said “I’m nervous but hopeful about the new policy. I don’t want people to start getting sick. I know that I’ll probably be masking in dorms and the [Deece] for a little longer, just to feel safe.”

Some students have not hesitated to call out the flaws in the new plan released by the administration. “The updated masking policy is a step in the right direction, but the inconsistencies are almost ridiculous,” said Marcus D’Agostino ’23. He added, “My two-person Russian class requires masks. Masking is an educational hindrance, particularly for language classes and those who rely on reading lips.”

Meanwhile, Gatto expressed that she doesn’t know if mask mandates should be completely removed. “I don’t think my opinion on this matters as much because I won’t be someone who will be very impacted if I get sick,” she said. She added that Vassar should bring back consistent PCR testing, as rapid tests can be unreliable.

Many students agree, citing the need for more accurate and efficient testing. “Regular testing is an unobtrusive policy that promotes safety, but gathering restrictions and mask restrictions are unnecessary and only promote further social and educational isolation,” said D’Agostino.

Will Sorge and Madi Donat/The Miscellany News.

With more testing, McGehee said that masks can slowly become a thing of the past. “I think at this point it is okay to remove them gradually so long as we keep staying on top of testing and contact tracing,” she said, adding “I am a little worried about another outbreak like we had in December, but it seems like the school has learned their lesson about testing after breaks and seems to be on top of it.”

Alamo-Pastrana emphasized that the

College continues to encourage testing for those with symptoms or close contacts.

He said, “COVID-19 testing for people with symptoms is always available and will continue to be; testing for people without symptoms remains available Wednesday and Fridays from 1:30-4PM in the Aula.”

Regardless of the new policy, Alamo-Pastrana said, “We do encourage students to carry a mask so they can easily wear one if requested.”

Vassar seniors published in Columbia public health journal Will Sorge News Editor

O

n Feb. 28, three Vassar seniors were selected out of 500 students to have their op-ed submissions published on Columbia’s Mailman School of Public Health’s website. The students, Anthony Lanzillo ’22, Sandra Yu ’22 and Anna Roh ’22 wrote about various topics in the realm of public health, drawing from their individual passions and from their coursework both at Vassar and Columbia.

Vassar offers a dual-degree BA/MPH program with Columbia, where students spend the fall semester of their senior year at Columbia and complete their senior-year spring at Vassar, before finishing an accelerated master’s program the following year at Columbia’s Mailman School. These three students, as current Vassar seniors, have already completed their fall semester at Columbia and will complete their MPH degrees next year.

Lanzillo wrote about the ongoing assault in state legislatures across the coun-

held up in the courts) [sic] that prohibited providing any type of gender-affirming care to minors,” recalled Lanzillo.

He noted that advocating for transgender rights can be an uphill battle, saying, “I know there is a genuine transphobia that this op-ed can’t really work against, but I wrote it with the hope that there is an element of fixable ignorance…I wanted to educate people on how much puberty-blockers in particular can improve lives and improve health, because it’s honestly amazing how important they can be.”

Meanwhile at Columbia, Yu had the opportunity to learn about foreign healthcare systems in relation to the U.S. healthcare system. She recollected, “The topic of my op-ed was the need for interoperability between electronic health record systems, or in other words, a universal EHR.” She continued, “At Vassar, I learned that community engagement is incredibly important to creating change. I thought an op-ed that could spark some new conversation about an overlooked issue could ultimately make a difference in how we

“‘At Vassar, I learned that community engagement is incredibly important to creating change. I thought an op-ed that could spark some new conversation about an overlooked issue could ultimately make a difference in how we frame the status quo of our healthcare system.’” try on youth transgender rights, from a public health perspective. “I chose my op-ed early last semester, and wrote it in the context of an Arkansas law (currently

frame the status quo of our healthcare system.”

Yu talked more about the implications of her op-ed topic, saying, “Before the

COVID-19 pandemic, I rarely thought much of making doctors’ appointments, receiving diagnostic tests, and showing employers or schools my health information…The COVID-19 pandemic showed the United States that these inconveniences could mean the difference between life or death.”

She went on, “For example, not being able to confirm vaccination status during an emergency could mean a deadly virus spreads to healthcare workers, who then can spread it to additional vulnerable patients.”

Roh was inspired by a story she saw about the conditions faced by pregnant women in prisons and jails. In a written correspondence, she explained, “I knew that I wanted to advocate for better conditions for individuals in prisons and jails because how people are treated at these facilities is a pressing, yet overlooked public health matter. I also wanted to write about a population that is not well-represented when it comes to prison reform.”

She elaborated, “When doing research for my op-ed, I came across a story in my local Denver newspaper about a woman who was forced to give birth alone in her jail cell and was shocked to learn that something like this could have happened.

I would not want any woman to have to go through something as perilous as giving birth alone in jail and decided to write my op-ed to increase awareness about the conditions pregnant women in jail endure and advocate for proper screening/treatment for these women.”

Roh wanted to raise awareness of the undignified treatment these pregnant

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

women endured, hopefully encouraging readers to seek policy changes in their communities. “I felt like it was important that this content should be published because pregnancy is such a delicate and precious period for women and their children. The trauma pregnant individuals endure in prisons/jails has shown to negatively impact the health of their children, so it isn’t only the mother’s health at risk but her baby’s,” she said.

Upon learning that their pieces had been chosen for publication, all three students expressed excitement and shock at being selected from such a prestigious pool of students. “I was really excited!” recalled Yu. “I never expected it to be chosen, but I’m incredibly grateful it could reach so many people.”

Lanzillo shared a similar sentiment, stating, “[I was] absolutely pleased-aspunch to be selected. There are a lot of fantastically skilled adults at Columbia Mailman, some who write professionally, and so it was quite surprising. We weren’t told who else was selected, so when the five were published, it was even more fun to see two other Vassar students!”

Roh felt similarly, recalling, “I was genuinely shocked. Just genuinely shocked because I didn’t think my submission stood out in particular amongst the hundreds of other submissions. It was an unexpected but pleasant surprise.”

Winning at this prestigious competition has helped the students realize the caliber of Vassar academics. Lanzillo said, “This was the first time I realised that Vassar truly has prepared us well for succeeding at Columbia (and in the world)!”

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NEWS

March 31, 2022

VSA UPDATES This meeting was held in New England 105 on March 27, 2022.

Equity and Inclusion: Equity and Inclusion announced that VSA was invited to table at the Pride Month Kickoff Event, which is on April 9, 12 to 2 p.m. The Committee on Inclusion and Equity (CIE) is currently trying to propose employee research groups that have common interests or identities.

Residential Affairs: The committee is thinking about getting rid of the programming position and replacing it with the role of vice president. They are planning to make equity and sustainability representatives that will be spread throughout VSA. Health and Wellness: The chair noticed some first aid bins are low on supply, so they are planning to get an inventory count and possibly restock supplies this year to

make it easier for the next upcoming chair. They also talked to the Office of Health Promotion and Education about distributing breakfast to seniors for Founder’s Day. Organizations: The committee met and decided to approve two organizations, the Vassar Veteran Organization and Vassar Leftist Union. The committee also officiated the split of Ultimate Frisbee team into three teams: men’s, women’s, mixed. These organizations are currently on pre-organization status.

Academics: The committee talked with a Community-Engaged Intensives in the Humanities (CEIH) member to discuss student benefits with evaluations. The committee is also trying to work on a survey that will be sent out to the student body in order to gauge their academic experiences.

Finance: All organizations have received an application regarding their budget for next year. The committee has also allocated money for the Class of 2020 for their graduation after this year’s ceremony for the senior class.

of the preserve to make it more accessible.

Programming and Traditions: F​​ounder’s Day will be on April 30.

New Business: VSA passed SR.24, a bylaw amendment that allowed House presidents to be included in the VSA Casework System so that they are able to directly serve their constituents.

Operations: House presidents are able to do casework now. Operations also got an official document from administration agreeing to laundry prices for next year.

VSA President: The VSA president met with President Bradley to talk about the possibility of the VSA president sitting with the Board of Trustees.

Environmental Action: The committee discussed a gateway project that would redo the entrance

Student Labor: The committee met right before break to discuss a survey regarding the Raise the Wage Act.

VSA also went over SR.18, an act that aimed to cut down the number of committee chairs. Questions that emerged during the discussion included the process of nominating the Chair of Finance, sub-committees and internal election processes. They also considered bringing larger student attention to the bill through email.

Sandro Luis Lorenzo/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

March 31, 2022

ARTS

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Student work gets deserved focus in Drawing I exhibition Naima Saini Columnist

S

ince March 24, The Palmer Gallery and the Old Bookstore have been filled with self-portraits, scenes from dorm rooms and intricately drawn limbs. The works come from Vassar’s Drawing I classes, their first exhibition since before the COVID-19 pandemic.

Each Drawing I student chose two to three works to be displayed in the exhibition, and though there’s distinctive variation among the pieces, it’s not hard to guess which ones are versions of the same assignment. For instance, many of the pieces depict ordinary spaces like hallways, staircases or studies. The renderings of bedrooms meticulously portraying everyday objects like wilting houseplants, radiators and stuffed animals particularly resonated with me and my own dorm room. Several works that are displayed in the Old Bookstore are depictions of the space itself. Professor Christina Tenaglia, one of the Drawing I instructors, explained that the verticality of the space makes it a unique challenge for students as they hone their skills. Its busyness is also an important element. “Sometimes students like to avoid drawing spaces

with people, so this challenges them to get in there,” she said.

I had the chance to talk to Tenaglia and Professor Gina Ruggeri, who is also currently teaching Drawing I, about the course and how it is represented by the exhibit. Ruggeri explained that this beginner level class necessarily has more structured assignments than more advanced Studio Art classes. “Students often want a lot of freedom [in drawing] but it’s actually difficult when you’re learning—it’s easier to have parameters in place to work within and up against,” she explained. “We love to see different variations on the problem posed, and we do get a pretty wide range in attitude.” This range is definitely reflected in the exhibit. For instance, one assignment required students to depict hands and feet, and the resulting works show the feet of a figure about to step out of bed, hands clasped together, a runner in motion and many other scenes. Some students stay very true to life in their works, while others move farther away from reality with equally careful and impressive combinations of active but disembodied limbs.

Drawing I is a yearlong class, which provides a substantial amount of time for skill development. “Students are often surprised

at the growth of the work over the year,” Tenaglia said. During their midterm review, students get a chance to choose which pieces they want to include in the exhibition. “There’s so much more work that they do than what you see in the show, but it is a reflection on some of the students’ proudest moments,” Ruggeri said.

One need only look at the masked models depicted in the exhibit to be reminded of the changes the pandemic has necessitated to nearly every aspect of students’ lives.

Drawing I, clearly, is no exception. Tenaglia said, “I think that all of our perspectives have shifted and I’m not even sure we can totally verbalize the way that things have changed, but there is a shift.” When classes were online, professors spent far more time collaborating than usual in order to figure out the best way to do Zoom classes. When COVID restrictions made it difficult for live models to come to the classroom, professors brought in sculptures of human forms for students to draw. However, some things stayed consistent throughout. As Tenaglia explained, “The class is really centered on drawing the space and place around you, and becoming aware of it, and learning how to observe it, and learning how to draw what you see without assumptions of

what you might think that you know. And that hasn’t changed; that can remain constant.” It’s a testament to the resilience of art in a time of uncertainty.

The Drawing I exhibition will be in the Palmer Gallery and the Old Bookstore through April 3, followed by exhibitions of student work from other Studio Art Classes. A full list of dates can be found at the Palmer Gallery Website.

Ganesh Pillai/The Miscellany News.

Drain Gang 2022 World Tour has well-contained chaos Massimo Tarridas Assistant Arts Editor

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rain Gang—a collective formed in 2013 by rappers Bladee, Ecco2k and Thaiboy Digital, along with producers Whitearmor and Yung Sherman—announced their 2022 World Tour in October of last year, immediately selling out. The group is currently riding an ever-increasing wave of popularity that started around the beginning of the pandemic, when Bladee (the most prolific of them all) released the album “333,” a move from an almost parodic, glittery trap sound in the prior release “Icedancer” toward a more melodic and esoteric style. Fellow Swede Yung Lean recently gained popularity on TikTok, and by association, Drain Gang likewise grew their following. Instead of their subcultural context being that of underground rap, which is what it used to be, they are now considered hyperpop-adjacent. Also known as DG or D&G after Dolce and Gabbana, their collaborative discography includes “GTBSG” (2013), “AvP” (2016), “D&G” (2017), “Trash Island” (2019) and most recently, “Crest” (2022), released just two days before I caught their performance on March 19 at the Knockdown Center in Queens.

To start the night, accompanying act Varg2TM played a house and gabber friendly set, a very nice tone for the rest of the show.

The group’s energy has always matched the pseudo-spiritual happiness of early 2000s warehouse rave culture more than the excessive materialism of trap, but nowhere has it been more evident than in their partnering with Varg2TM’s EDM set. However, as soon as the trio came on it was patently clear that the concert’s intent would not match the audience’s expectations. They began with “Western Union,” followed by the opening song from “Crest,” “The Flag Is Raised,” and from that point on, even if the setlist may seem divided between Bladee and Ecco2k, the spotlight seemed to land too much on Ecco2k. Even though Thaiboy Digital was the least popular member on stage, he was embarrassingly underrepresented on the setlist, receiving titular attention on just 6 of the 32 tracks played.

Compounding this issue with Ecco2k was

Massimo Tarridas/The Miscellany News. the terrible audio treatment. His voice was completely inaudible, wholly dissolving into a muddy puddle of undistinguishable bass.

Ecco2k is by far the best performer of the three thanks to his dynamic and experimental stage presence, and you could tell he was singing his heart out by the veins popping in his neck, so it’s a shame that his contribution fell so flat. It was also painfully clear that everyone in attendance was truly there for Bladee, just based on the difference in energy when one of his songs began playing.

His mega-hit “Be Nice 2 Me” practically made the room explode, as did “BBY” and “Thee 9 Is Up”; the difference in reaction may also be attributed to the fact that Bladee’s music is more suited for a party, which is what many concerts of this ilk are. While outwardly danceable, Ecco2k’s music and overall style may be more suited for a space that welcomes artiser performances.

Aside from that, my only other complaint

is that the venue was really hot and humid, more so than what is normally admissible for a general admission, mosh-pit type of show.

The camera I brought, my little Olympus point-and-shoot, died toward the end from the sweat that hung in the air. And I’m sorry to say that memes about “drainers” not showering…feel accurate now. In terms of dress, however, the crowd was the most aesthetically diverse the DG fanbase has ever been. Their shows used to be almost nerdy, but nowadays, there are fans dressed in head-to-toe Rick Owens or Margiela, rocking rare merchandise, and lots of newly minted Y2K emo swag like fingerless arm warmers, alongside a plethora of other subcultures.

I even saw someone next to me being led around by a chain attached to a spiked collar, wearing a mask that only had eye holes cut out. Beyond his respiratory capabilities, I was worried that while the crowd was collapsing in on itself, I would get poked by one of his

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

spikes—and I was, and it bled, but I didn’t mind it. More than anything else, the concert was fun, with Drain Gang feeding off of an audience that consistently danced and sang along, even to classics like “Shadow Silence” and “Lovenote.”

Drain Gang is characterized by loyalty— to one another, as they’ve been together for nearly a decade now, and by their fervent fans. Before his 2019 album “E,” being an Ecco2k fan mostly meant scrounging the Internet for leaked clips for songs that would never release. Bladee fans have always eaten well, but his passion for switching sonic palettes might have shaken less dedicated listeners. Thaiboy is the most underrated, although perhaps he has objectively become less relevant as the years go by. But together, and especially with a post-pandemic influx of public adoration, DG gives a thoroughly electric live show that I’ve been waiting for what feels like forever to attend.

ARTS

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March 31, 2022

‘The Dropout’ raises questions with its detailed portrayals Nandini Likki Guest Columnist

I

first heard the name “Elizabeth Holmes” in 2014, when I was 10 years old. My dad was picking me up from school and showed me a Forbes article listing her as the world’s youngest female self-made billionaire with her blood-testing company Theranos. Last January, Holmes was convicted of fraud and is currently facing up to twenty years in prison.

“The show is amazing at depicting two fundamentally flawed and emotionally stunted people finding stiff comfort in each other’s paranoia.”

How did this happen? How was Elizabeth Holmes able to get away with lying to high-profile investors and putting thousands of patients at risk? “The Dropout,” currently streaming on Hulu, attempts to answer these questions by following

Holmes’ evolution from Stanford dropout to scam CEO. The show stars Amanda Seyfried as Holmes and is based on the 2019 ABC true crime podcast of the same name.

For a drama, one refreshing aspect of “The Dropout” is how it leans into its comedic qualities while portraying the lives of out-of-touch Silicon Valley billionaire executives. Walgreens executive Jay Rosan (played by Alan Ruck) is embarrassingly optimistic about Theranos and decides to invest in Holmes after listening to the Katy Perry song “Firework.” Holmes’ romantic relationship with the aggressive and overbearing COO of Theranos, Sunny Balwani (played by Naveen Andrews), is disturbing and predatory, yet the viewer cannot look away whenever the pair is onscreen. The show is amazing at depicting two fundamentally flawed and emotionally stunted people finding stiff comfort in each other’s paranoia.

The show’s technical qualities, such as its cold color scheme and sharp cinematography, elevate it even further. Not even green juice or Holmes’ bright red lipstick can liven up the muted blacks and white that frame each shot. The soundtrack is also an inspired choice, filled with 2000s indie and pop hits that Elizabeth awkwardly dances and grooves to, such as “We Run This” by Missy

Elliott and “North American Scum” by LCD Soundsystem. But perhaps the shining jewel of the show’s oeuvre (setting it apart from the recent slew of fictionalized miniseries like “Inventing Anna,” “WeCrashed” and “Joe vs. Carole”) is its characterization of the elusive Elizabeth Holmes. Right off the bat, there is no sympathizing with Holmes; the show steadfastly portrays her actions as uncondonable, horrific and downright unnerving. While fake socialite Anna Sorokin might be portrayed as an aloof “girlboss” in “Inventing Anna,” Seyfried’s Holmes is cold and unforgiving. When she and her team realize that the Theranos prototype isn’t working, she repeatedly pricks her fingers for blood (just a drop!) to run the tests over and over again. She practices her infamous fake deep voice in the mirror by repeating the phrase “inspiring step forward.” In the latest episode, titled “Iron Sisters” after the movement to empower women in STEM, Holmes films an ad for Theranos while creepily staring down the camera, and subsequently attends her 30th birthday party with people who wear masks of her own face. Everything about Holmes is deeply rooted in simultaneous insecurity and delusion: She thinks she’s a genius but she knows she’s a fraud. She understands the business but doesn’t understand the sci-

ence, as Stanford chemist Ian Gibbons (Stephen Fry) angrily points out.

It has also been noted that the show’s release has coincided with, and delayed, Sun-

“Everything about Holmes is deeply rooted in simultaneous insecurity and delusion. She thinks she’s a genius, but she knows she’s a fraud.” ny Balwani’s current trial due to its leading jurors dropping out, raising questions about how fictionalized miniseries affect the stories they portray. Theranos went bankrupt in 2018, a mere four years ago. Should there be a grace period before filmmakers pick up their cameras to document these scandals?

Or will the captivation behind stories of scam artists always triumph? Perhaps biopics and fictionalized true stories should be adapted only after their subjects have passed away, ensuring that their stories are both accurately and ethically told.

“The Dropout” is currently streaming on Hulu, with new episodes every Thursday.

‘WHO CARES’ is Rex Orange County’s melodic mastery Ganesh Pillai Arts Editor

A

s of January 2022, indie star Alex O’Connor—also known as Rex Orange County—had last released music almost three years prior. The album, “Pony,” received mixed reviews. It seemed that ever since his phenomenal contributions to Tyler, the Creator’s, 2017 “Flower Boy,” the singer carried with him certain expectations that did not seem to be met entirely or consistently enough. Critics didn’t question O’Connor’s singing ability, but rather his utilization of it in combination with lyrical content and production. His latest release, “WHO CARES,” is the album that fans have been waiting for all of this

a note must be invaluable. Through his production alone, Rex Orange County conveys just the right amount of self-assurance and confidence, not needing to explicitly state his message verbally. The album’s emphasis on majestic production—with its over-the-top strings and triumphant horns—speaks volumes about how O’Connor presumably wishes for this record to be received. Why concern yourself with the opinion of others when you are doing just fine by your own standards?

Rex Orange County also features clear and poignant lyricism throughout the project. During the resplendent chorus of the declaratory “IF YOU WANT IT,” fittingly accompanied with horns, the sing-

“If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a note is invaluable.” time. While not necessarily as flawless as his “Flower Boy” contributions, the album puts the singer’s cumulative talent and potential on full display.

“WHO CARES” is an album about, as its title suggests, embracing who you are and not feeling pressured to fit others’ expectations. It’s about celebrating one another and encouraging us to chase our dreams.

We have the ability to make our lives what we want, and this message comes through in both instrumental and lyrical ways.

Perhaps the most consistent productional aspect is the album’s use of grand, regal strings. The album’s opening track, “KEEP IT UP,” begins with a beautiful, bucolic measure of such instrumentation, which is recalled repeatedly throughout the track. Similarly, “AMAZING,” begins with an orchestral nature, with its strings being complimented with smooth drums and a gentle delicate guitar pattern, conjuring images of a high-society ball. If a picture is worth a thousand words, then

er croons, “If you want it/There’s no good reason not to love if you want it,” encouraging us to chase what we are after, and not get bogged down in thinking of all the reasons not to do something. On “KEEP IT UP,” Rex Orange County assures that “You no longer owe the strangers/It’s enough, it’s enough/Keep it up and go on.” Evident here, again, is the album’s insistence on confidence and conviction in your life.

Pairing these inspiring words with the song’s delightfully airy and upbeat guitar plucks, O’Connor’s intended message is resoundingly clear. Finally, on “OPEN A WINDOW,” he decisively sings, “I might leave the people/tellin’ me what I should do/They want change, but you don’t ever.”

As an experience that O’Connor knows well, given polarizing receptions of his last few albums, an ability to rise above the critics is crucial to self-improvement.

Of course, deep lyricism and quality production, while stalwarts of any great album, would be somewhat lost without

Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons. a voice melodic and evocative enough to sing them properly. In this regard, Rex Orange County does, in large part, deliver. There are instances of a seeming clash between voice and production. Tyler’s feature seems a bit misplaced on “OPEN A WINDOW”and O’Connor makes his vocals exaggeratedly loud on the chorus of “SHOOT ME DOWN,” which feels almost too big for its own shoes. However, these few missteps aside, O’Connor delivers, and then some. His ability to simply make words and melodies not only come to life, but soar, is on full display. The way he draws out and manipulates words with ease, seemingly taking care that each syllable is executed correctly, is a sound to behold. The intro to “ONE IN A MIL-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

LION” is particularly memorable for this reason. Its opening lines, “My heart keeps driving me crazy/There’s nothing much I can do,” is an example of perfect melodizing. Additionally, choruses to songs like “WORTH IT” and the concluding track “WHO CARES” are done with similar standards of quality.

The time that Rex Orange County put into ensuring each track was worthy of release is abundantly clear, as is likewise evidenced by the record’s comparatively short track list—only 11 songs. In a music world that can seem oversaturated with money-grabbing tracks and made-forradio hits, “WHO CARES” is a breath of fresh, reassuring air about not only its own quality and worth, but ours too.

March 31, 2022

FEATURES

Page 7

Students explore Vassar’s 2022 Exploring Transfer Program Anna Terry, Olivia watson Reporter, Contributing Editor

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assar’s 2022 Exploring Transfer Program (ET), hosted every summer on Vassar’s campus, gives community college students the chance to experience residential and academic life at a liberal arts college in preparation for potentially transfering to more selective schools. During the five-week program, about 30 students take two full-credit courses designed and taught by both Vassar and community college professors. For this upcoming summer, it will take place from June 17 through July 22.

Plans for the program began in 1983 when LaGuardia Community College reached out to Vassar with an interest in establishing greater connection between community colleges and selective liberal arts colleges. This program, then known as the “Vassar Summer Program for Community College Students,” was launched in the summer of 1985.

Since then, the program has expanded to include sixteen community colleges across the country.

The program has created notable alumni, including Nolvia Delgado, for whom Exploring Transfer served as an opportunity for complete immersion in academics and as preparation for her transfer to Smith College. She first heard of the program via email while studying at Borough of Manhattan Community College (BMCC). “The program sounded like an amazing opportunity and I decided to apply,” she said. “At BMCC there were advisors dedicated to helping students through the application process, which was extremely helpful.”

Delgado now serves as the leader of Kaplan Educational Foundation, another program that helps community college students transfer to selective colleges. At Kaplan Educational Foundation, Delgado helps other

community college students explore the possibility of transferring to selective colleges.

She credits Vassar’s Exploring Transfer program with exposing her to the importance of a community college experience. “Exploring Transfer taught me the importance of pre-transfer academic experiences in addition to the learning already taking place at community colleges,” she said.

Since the program is designed to have students focus on two full-credit classes over the course of five weeks instead of a semester, students have the opportunity to devote themselves entirely to their academics. For many community college students, who excel at juggling multiple commitments such as classes, commuting and work, this distraction-free educational structure presents a unique opportunity to concentrate on school. Delgado reflected on this academically intensive environment, stating, “I focused on my studies, took advantage of the resources available on campus, and got to know my peers in a way that I could not as a commuter student.”

The courses that students pursue during their time in the program are often multidisciplinary and cover various parts of the classic liberal arts curriculum, in departments such as English, Political Science, Economics and Environmental Science. Given the intensity of the program, Director of the Exploring Transfer program Kariane Calta and the program’s staff have set up structures to support students who may face a wide range of difficulties. “Each class has a Teaching Assistant who holds office hours on weeknights and Sunday afternoons,” Calta said. According to Calta, four residential fellows also live in the dorms with the students and serve as sources of emotional and social support.

When not studying, students can also explore the greater Hudson Valley region, taking Saturday trips together to museums such

as Dia Beacon and Storm King, and natural landmarks such as Lake Minnewaska.

The connections that students make through these social experiences are a key part of the program. Calta attributes the sense of community to the students’ wide-ranging backgrounds. “What’s unique and also wonderful about ET is the diversity of the student body. Some of our students are eighteen or nineteen and living away from home for the first time, while others have been working and raising families for many years,” she said. “Students build friendships with each other, their TAs and [residential fellows], and their instructors that last well after the program ends. Most of our alumni—and our faculty—would tell you that although the program is intensely challenging, it is a life-changing experience.”

According to Calta, the trust and experience shared between Exploring Transfer students often encourages them to go on to

pursue a Bachelor’s degree at a selective college. After their time at the program, many students transfer to liberal arts colleges such as Vassar, Swarthmore, Amherst and SUNY New Paltz, among others.

For those interested, Delgado advises students to take the chance to engulf themselves in the academic and residential experience provided by the program. She said, “Remain on campus for the duration of the program, get to know your professors, familiarize yourself with the campus, and learn from your peers.”

The Exploring Transfer program can not only give students the experience of living and learning at a selective college, but help them see their own academic potential. As Delgado put it, “Completing the Exploring Transfer program has served as a motivator because it is a reminder that if I work hard and plan accordingly there is nothing that I cannot achieve.”

Nolvia Delgado. Courtesy of Kaplan Education Foundation.

Grace Willoughby/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

Page 8

March 31, 2022

Taking Walt Whitman on the road over spring break Kai Speirs

Assistant Features Editor

I

have found that any mention of Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass comes with a lot of grand praise—the great American book of poetry, the foundation of the American literary canon, a book that defines the very spirit of our nation—I’ve heard it all and more. It’s a book that I’d always heard a lot about, one that always floated on the fringes of my nextto-read list, but I’d never taken the step to ac-

Photo courtesy of Kai Speirs. tually read it. That was until spring break.

The plan was a road trip with three friends through New England: a couch-hopping, road-tripping, trail-mix-eating, windowsrolled-down-with-music-bumping kind of trip. I wanted Walt Whitman to accompany my friends and I on this little adventure because I knew his work was infamous for highlighting the beauty of nature and the importance of comradery—two essentials for when you have to spend two weeks with the same people. So I checked out the most yellow page’d, beaten and battered copy of Leaves of Grass from the library. A great American book for a great American road trip.

We live in unprecedented times and the unpredictability of said times smacked me in the face on the Wednesday before break.

Three out of the four road trippers contract-

ed COVID-19 and/or strep throat! So, while sitting in the COVID hotel, I decided to journal the first instance in which I would read through this book. My first entry is as follows: “Well, I’m in the hotel room at night with Shoegaze in the background. A unique way to start Leaves of Grass, not a bad one per say; I feel in the zone. It’s just not a common scene amongst the history of Leaves of Grass readers. Am I perhaps the first person to start this book with Shoegaze in the background?”

The first section of the book, “Inscriptions,” sets the sail for adventure. Poems like “Beginning my studies” hail the beginner, and “A Certain Cantatrice” exalts me as a reader.

Then, there are poems about manning the guns of a fort, defending one’s own freedom.

Still in the hotel, I am not free and my adventure has not yet begun, but I will defend the possibility of freedom just as valiantly as the characters in Whitman’s poems. Despite COVID-19, I’m telling myself, this road trip will happen.

The next day I’m reading in the hotel room while eating chocolate covered almonds, oranges and Goldfish. You may call it cheap, but I call it trail food—adventure food. In all honesty, I’m trying my best to avoid delirium induced by looking at the same four walls all day. This kind of passive reading where I have to use pure imagination to adventure through the book continues until Tuesday. By then, my reading is far less passionate than it was on day one, in my journal my explanation is as follows: “The best reading is done in times where a strong sense of self protrudes into the real world. You can’t be in love with what you read while feeling like a sick rag. As fun as it can be to ‘transport’ the mind to another universe, it is this world where we find the most fantasy, the most adventure. Reading is living, the two are one in the same.”

Nonetheless, three negative tests later and we hit the road on Tuesday afternoon.

Along the trip, I made the reading of Whitman a communal experience. Read aloud, his poetry taps into its full lyrical potential.

Leaves of Grass is written in mostly free verse and expands organically drawing out long lines that advance like a wave of prose. Whitman’s work also draws on repetition and the dynamism that comes with repetition of energetic words like “Loud! loud! Loud!,” from “Out of the Cradle Endlessly Rocking,” and “Eidolons” in the poem, “Eidolons.” Thus, at the right moments I would read aloud to my road trip comrades, ignoring the obvious groans and “not again” complaints. I recall

reading at lunch break on a hike through the words, blanketed in new snowfall. With light snowflakes still falling, I defended my relic of a book from the snow with an extra shirt wrapped over my head. In a way, the woods brought Whitman alive.

Writing in my journal later that night I sketched out a sort of dilemma. “Why do I need to read from the book when it writes what the trees speak? Whitman’s words are found in the speech of friends, in the murmur of streams over rocks and the ruffle of leaves underfoot,” I wrote. Now while at first glance this may seem like mere late night ramblings, I think my half-asleep mind captured something. I think I meant to say that the great lessons I pulled from Leaves of Grass were not simply taught through pure text, they were shown through experience. Simply reading about nature’s beauty and the importance of comradery and freedom isn’t enough—it takes actually experiencing these things for the value of the text to come to fruition. It would take more reading, and most importantly, more living for these thoughts to become clearer.

One morning before the drive from a friend’s cabin in the Berkshires to Boston, I reached the section titled “Song of the Open Road.” The poem exalts the uncertainty of adventure and describes the interplay between understanding that you have so much control over the road you take, while also remaining content with whatever happens. In a way it mirrors the initial philosophy of our trip as expressed by fellow traveler, Pranav Parekh ’25: the best plan is no plan. “Allons!”

(French for “let’s go”) the poem exclaims over and over again. It called me forward into the unknown, into a plan that is planless, “I know not where they go but I know that they go toward the best—toward something great,” Whitman writes in “Song of the Open Road.”

In Boston, the “unknown” was finding a place to sleep and the “something great” was a massive closet in an MIT building we squatted in!

Due to its timing, “Song of the Open Road” was one of my favorite poems.

I continued to read along the trip, stopping at MIT to gawk at the future tech bros, camping in the woods to understand the real meaning of cold, and stopping in Providence for a real bed and warm apple pie. The tail end consisted of two days in Western Massachusetts and a train into Downtown Brooklyn to stay at an apartment less than half a mile from the building where Whitman wrote. It only missed perfection because I completed only 250 out of 700ish pages. The remaining 450 pages may or may not be finished, who

Photo courtesy of Kai Speirs. knows.

I can wholeheartedly say I loved Leaves of Grass. I, of course, loved Whitman’s prose, I loved the scenes he evoked, the principles he fought for in his writing, but I also know that the specific context in which the book was read cannot be separated from my reactions to it. As appealing as it can be to sink into an armchair with a book and thus sink into the world that a book of fiction or work of poetry produces, I have found that I gained the most from Leaves of Grass by living the principles it exalts. It is true that I did not need Leaves of Grass to find tranquility in the flora and fauna of New England, nor did I need Whitman’s booming voice to make me feel the excitement of the open road. I did not need to read Whitman’s love for brotherhood and sisterhood to develop comradery with my travel buddies. Nonetheless, his writing on these topics coupled with my own experience of them produces the most beautiful experience of literature possible. Think of it as the synthesis of reading and living. To Whitman, our fifth traveler in spirit, I owe praise as a writer who augmented my spring break experience, and whose writing traveled with me.

Photos courtesy of Kai Speirs.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

March 31, 2022

Reflecting

on

VHP’s

Charlotte Robertson Assistant Copy Editor

I

was a few minutes late, so by the time I arrived at the Villard Room, which had been transformed into a color-block, gala-worthy venue, the place was overflowing with excitement. On March 24, The Vassar Haiti Project (VHP), the Women’s Center and the Office of International Services hosted “She Is,” an event packed with speeches, musical performances, art raffles, video presentations and socializing, with food catered by Twisted Soul, in honor of the women of Vassar’s food service.

“Organizing it has been a whirlwind. It’s been absolutely amazing. In the beginning stages, in thinking of who to honor, we were thinking of people in the Vassar community, women in the Vassar community, who have really contributed to making [Vassar] feel like home,” Co-President of VHP Laury Senecal ’23, shared. Members of the VHP decided to honor the women of dining services because their contributions are not often recognized.“We wanted to create a special space for them to feel appreciated and acknowledged,” Senecal explained. Brielle Irahoza ’24, a member of VHP, commented: “We feel like we should really be grateful for [the women of the dining services], but it’s so hard to say ‘Thank you all’ in a tangible way. So I think [this event] was great.”

I spoke with Elila Meade, who co-founded VHP twenty years ago, about the creation of the “She Is” event. “We started [VHP] after 9/11. We just wanted to make some difference in the world. We never had any idea it would be this,” she gushed. “I love Vassar Haiti Project. It’s very loving. It’s a lot of hard work, but

Photo courtesy of Nina Li ’24. we really take care of each other.”

Guests of “She Is” were encouraged to mingle at brightly clothed tables, each with Haitian sculpture centerpieces. At an orange table near the front podium, I met Zerina Naci, who primarily works at the Grill in the Deece. Naci started working at the Retreat nine years ago, where she happily engaged with hundreds of students on a daily basis.

As she transitioned from Retreat to the Grill, her fondness for Vassar only grew. “Working in the Deece is not only work, it’s fun. I can’t wait to come to work and see you guys,” she

annual

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‘She

said. She continued, “It was a very great opportunity for me and also an experience because I got to work with students. That’s the most important thing–I love working with [them].”

“She is” was centered around the Haitian phrase “poto mitan.” Siyi Wang ’22, Vice President of the Women’s Initiative at VHP, began her speech explaining how “poto mitan” describes women as the backbone of society.

She shared that she stayed on campus for winter break, devastated to spend Christmas away from home; but she was touched by the amount of care and planning that went into each and every Christmas meal prepared for the students still on campus, care overwhelmingly credited to women. “[We] made sure that all the women staff who wanted to join us had at least half an hour to an hour and come here and have a meal and enjoy being celebrated,” she explained.

Food service faced extreme challenges in the face of the COVID-19 pandemic, but the women of Vassar’s dining services persevered with their incredible effort and reliability. As President Bradley remarked: “I recognize how incredibly gifted and flexible you have been. In this time since we’ve had COVID, you have had to serve meals, like, upside-down. Outside. Inside. Longer hours.

Off hours. New meals. New labels. With masks, without masks…Our students needed you so much. I really want to thank you for that.”

With these adversities in mind, the VHP hosted a lovely celebration of the women of Vassar’s dining services. Co-President of VHP Alice Fan ’22 performed two gorgeous piano pieces, Franz Liszt’s “Un Sospiro” and Mozart’s “Sonata No. 5 in C minor.” Fan has a correlate

Is’

Event

in musical performance and both pieces are part of her senior recital. As she performed, the room fell into an awed silence.

Then there was the art raffle–three Haitian art pieces were up for grabs, including a metallic sculpture spelling out the word “family,” a beautiful painted portrait and two ceramic animals. While we sat in anticipation, the winners were drawn at random, of which included Rkia Ikhourtirn, Albina Moni and Tannika Johnson. Each member of the dining staff was also given a goody bag, stuffed with a VHP mug and an iron sculpture of a woman handcrafted by Haitian artisans, wrapped in pink tissue paper.

Many members of the dining staff used “She Is” as a space to share their stories. Betsy Vespe, one of the cashiers in the Deece, was one of the speakers. “All the women that I work with just laugh all day long. There’s, you know, those other moments—but the laughs are what we live for…We have our own family here.” Vespe has been a part of the Vassar family for thirty-five years.

Head Chef Alyssa Rodriguez detailed her passion for cooking: “I know many of you may not recognize my face, but I know you recognize my food. My hopes are that my food can give you a hug when you are sad, stressed, or even celebrating.” She continued: “Food is a way to hold space for one another, or better yet, to create space for one another. In a world where everything can seem so chaotic…having a meal is the one time of day that we can put everything aside and truly connect with one another.”

To all of the women who keep Vassar College grounded and lively: Happy Women’s History Month. On behalf of every student, we are grateful for you.

Photos courtesy of Nina Li ’24.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

HUMOR

Page 10

March 31, 2022

More Breaking News From the desk of Madi Donat, Humor Editor

The glass bottle landed too loud in the recycling bin and it scared me, reports liberal arts student who I guess is also a mouse

Westboro rights wrongs

Poetry Corner Anna Kozloski

Continued from Westboro on page 1 course they wouldn’t pass up an opportunity to be associated with more prestigious schools. Shysters and winos, the whole lot of them.” Phelps then disintegrated into a fiery haze before The Misc could get any further comments.

Many students reacted negatively to the news. “We have very little going for us,” said Pooja Huded ’25. “Most of my friends haven’t even heard of Vassar, and I’m from Long Island. Sure, Meryl Streep is an alumna and we have the word ‘ass’ in our name. That’s it. We couldn’t even develop a new strain of herpes like Marist College did. I hate Marist.” “‘Ivy League Whorehouse’ just rolls off the tongue,” said noted linguist Huda Rahman ’23. “‘Seven Sisters Whorehouse’ doesn’t have the same ring to it, sadly. Wait, are you writing this down?”

Where does Vassar go from here? It’s difficult to say. Some might advocate hitting the labs to develop a new strain of an STD to compete with local schools like Marist. Others continue to embrace the fact that Vassar almost merged with Yale, a tidbit still brought up at cocktail parties and awkward “So which school do you go to?” conversations, much to the annoyance of grandmas and non-Vassar students alike. But one thing’s for sure: Vassar has never been and will never be part of the Ivy League. Stop spreading misinformation today. Embrace inferiority.

Play ball!

Continued from DIII on page 1 highlights, but I personally would have gone with “How I Beat Shaq” by Aaron Carter, just to confuse the opposing team.

Based on my observations, yelling “Good eye” at a batter is high praise. As someone who often struggles to see without optical help, I would love for someone to congratulate me for doing the bare minimum. If I had gone to a major league game, I might have missed all the action. But on Sunday, I could stand right by the fence and witness several fascinating #HumanNatureMoments. Bats were tossed and balls were pitched and helmets were thrown on the ground in what can best be identified as a #TemperTantrum. At one point, the ump said, “Hey, I need more balls!” which was so obvious that I hadn’t bothered to take it into account.

I spotted a bat boy and a ball boy scurrying around. I won an argument with a baseball analyst about how stealing bases is fun/entertaining/always a good idea. I tried to interpret the hand signals but was largely unsuccessful. My loose translation was “You’re killing me, Smalls!” but that couldn’t have been right…

Since I left before the game was over (even true Baseball Nuts™ get cold!) I concluded based on the Vassar athletics website that the Brewers suffered a great loss. Sure, the final score was only 6 to 5, but it must have hurt to lose to a team of asshole geese boys whose acronym spells out SLUBB.

Caprice A young lady prone to caprice Made strange plans for when she deceased.

Her gravestone, it read, “Here lieth her head;” “Her body blows ashen in Nice.”

NRO updates Continued from ECON on page 1 the injustice for incoming first- years. You can still NRO the writing seminar, which means that not only will all these STEM majors make twice my salary, but they’ll also get to skate by without a letter grade in their only humanities course? That’s [expletive]!”

The move is widely seen as aiming to further increase the academic rigor of Vassar College, possibly in response to a perceived slide in standards during the COVID-19 pandemic.

“The fact is, the more a school costs, the more value parents want to see out of the educational experience there,” explained one member of the Board of Directors, who asked not to be named, said. “And we charge out the wazoo, so, you know, we kind of have to deliver. Maybe if these students need to spend more time studying for their economics tests, they’ll spend less time chain-smoking, getting regrettable tattoos and guzzling vodka Dr. Peppers at the THs —– and honestly, that’s a win-win.”

The Associate Vice Dean of Studies, who announced the policy, was not available for comment. This was presumably due to the fact that his house is currently surrounded by a huge crowd of peaceful protestors, who were busily setting fire to his trash cans and lawn ornaments at time of publication.

The perils of not thinking NYC is that cool Carly D’Antonio

Hometown Unknown

C

oming back to Vassar after spring break was a bit of a trip. Even though it was only two weeks, it easily felt like an eternity.

Was that because I slept the week before in the COVID hotel which made that three solid weeks away from this wonderful beautiful campus that was still experiencing some lingering winter sadness when I left? Maybe.

I won’t lie, the break was pretty nice.

Taking a solid week and a half to act like school does not exist, only to freak out and panic-write all of your assignments that are weeks late, really has a certain effect on you.

I spent most of my time chilling in my home and native land—the one, the only, New York City. Most native New Yorkers at this school are not hard to miss. Let’s be honest, there are a ton of us. When I first got to college, I was not too hellbent on telling people where I was from just ’cause I didn’t think it was that interesting. I mean…I literally live an hour and a half away from this school.

But I slowly found out that was not the case.

What I am about to tell you now is NOT true about most New Yorkers. But there are a select few that tell you within the first 30 seconds of meeting them that they are from the Big Apple. And there isn’t anything wrong with that. I have just never had the energy.

I guess my biggest obstacle is that I just don’t think I like New York as much as the average Vassar student.

Grace Willoughby/The Miscellany News.

Do I think that it is a very influential epicenter of art across all disciplines? Yes. Do I think that the population and size of New York are remarkable and you can meet many people from different walks of life within the span of five minutes? Also yes. Is it also filled with a bunch of annoying yuppie influencers who are now flooding the streets that drive me insane and make me never want to go to New York again? Once again, also yes.

Maybe I’m just being a little bit too cynical.

Being from the city, it seems that nothing

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

about it excites me and, if anything, I find all of it to be exhausting. However, if I overhear another conversation about how people are just planning on moving to Brooklyn after graduation, my eyes might get stuck from rolling them too much. Can you blame me?

After almost 21 years, the “oooo”s and the “ahhh”s have kinda worn off.

That is all to say that I am an Urban Studies major and love learning about all urban areas in America… Except for New York. I’m kinda bored with that one.

HUMOR

March 31, 2022

Page 11

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tional landmarks, and this quintessentially American structure cements Vassar’s contributions to that long list.

Asked for commentary on Noyes 360, a spokesperson for the Office of Residential Life expressed that “panopticon” was too harsh of a term to describe the proposed design.

“We want the residential experience to be about more than where you sleep,” they remarked. “It’s really about defining who you are as a person and getting to know other people.” The Miscellany News applauds the college’s decision to look out for its students in this way.

Students, in turn, see Noyes as home.

“We have such a close community here.

People really listen to everything you say… and you never know who’ll be waiting for you at the end of the hallway,” remarks Julia Maisel-Berick ’24. Many are feverishly anticipating seeing and living in the renovated complex when they return in the fall. “Noyes is one of a kind,” says James Mannix ’24. “There’s no way to escape it. No, I’m serious, I’m really stuck in here, Susanna, and I’m really getting scared but I can’t leave can you help me g—”

e

donut, a bagel, whichever you please (who am I to say what food-based metaphor you choose to conceptualize toric objects?).

Noyes 360 will have the same large windows, imprace1 tically placed light fixtures and sound-throwing flexure ag as we all know, times four. The rounded structure will also feature an “observation deck” at the circle’s center, manned by a rotating brigade of overworked administrative assistants who are required to, as their contract stipulates, “maintain continuous and meticulous records of Noyes students’ whereabouts and daily activities in an effort to better understand Vassar’s most misunderstood house.”

Art history aficionados will recall Noyes architect Eero Saarinen’s foiled plan for Noyes II, an identical quarter-circle building meant to accompany the first of its kind in a jubilant semi-circle. Noyes 360 attempts to honor this vision in an era- and genre-defying display of architectural imagination, bridging Saarinen’s neo-futurist design with the eighteenth-century style of Jeremy Bentham. The Finnish architect is known for his iconic na-

Madi Donat

Astral Projector

ARIES

March 21 | April 19

TAURUS

April 20 | May 20

GEMINI

May 21 | June 20

CANCER

June 21 | July 22

LEO

July 23 | August 22

Never fear, your weekly horoscope is here!

Gonna tell you exactly how your week is gonna go. Give me a second while I read the stars … You might see a lizard this week. Up on the roof? (I have no idea what that might mean, but the stars are always right. Maybe by reading every first word you’ll understand.)

Fortasse hac septimana prophetiam tuam non intelliges. Utile hoc est, quia aliquando intelligere non potes, et hoc est bonum opus.

Sinite confusionem, ut vos doceat. Confusus sum. Captus sum mihi videor. Recte loqui non possum. Adiuva me. Quaeso, quaeso, obsecro te. Nescio quanto diutius durabit…

01010111 01101001 01110011 01101000 00100000 01001001 00100000 01110111 01100001 01110011 00100000 01110000 01100101 01110100 01110100 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100100 01101111 01100111 00100000 01010010 01001110 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01100001 01110011

Hey guys and welcome back to my channel!

This video has been lovingly sponsored by Casetify. Casetify phone cases are super durable, but don’t compromise on cool designs! They have three levels of durability for three types of lifestyles. Get 20% off when you use code HOROSCOPES at tinyurl.com/bdd6hu5n.

There once was a woman from Mars who thought she could read from the stars.

She wasn’t believed— or a while was bereav’d— But who cares? Now she’s here, spitting bars.

My mistress’ eyes look nothing like the sun.

Have you a so-called “mistress” as I speak?

August 23 | Seems slightly sexist in these modern times.

September But who am I to tell you how to live? I simply write the prophecies each week. To find a mis22 tress, or do no such thing? These are the questions we must ask ourselves.

VIRGO

LIBRA

September 23 | October 22

Sometimes I get down on myself. But then I remember what they said in “Fiddler on the Roof”: “Ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum.

All day long I’d biddy biddy bum if I were a wealthy man. I wouldn’t have to work hard, ya ba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dibba dum, if I were a biddy biddy rich yidle-diddle-didle-didle man.”

SCORPIO

October 23 | November 21 Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

SAGITTARIUS

November 22 | December 21

CAPRICORN

December 22 | January 19

AQUARIUS

January 20 | February 18

PISCES

February 19 | March 20

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Do you like Star Wars? Because Yoda only one for me! Are you a WiFi hotspot? Because I feel a connection. Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work, but I feel like I should take you out. Business and/or personal inquiries: mdonat@vassar.edu

Life is very short.

Celebrate that through this week.

Next week, though, watch out.

The Pacific Ocean is 3.5 percent salt. The Red Sea is four percent salt. The Black Sea is one percent salt. The Baltic Sea is 0.6 percent salt. And the Dead Sea is 34 percent salt. Keep this in mind in the coming days.

6:00 a.m.: Wake up.

6:03 a.m.: Breakfast and pondering.

2:15 p.m.: Late lunch.

4:46 p.m.: Think about the state of our universe.

8:29 p.m.: Late dinner.

11:02 p.m.: Sword videos on YouTube.

HUMOR

Page 12

The

Nature

Nicholas Tillinghast Mulch Obliged

T

he spring birds are loudly and proudly making their spring sounds, filling the air with a cacophony of cheeps and tweets.

Although most are heard and not seen, the all-American robin proves to be a very visible spring bird, constantly scuttling on the ground in search of the worm. Despite their visibility, my attempts at capturing the robin’s spring plumage in photos have been mostly a failed effort. Robins will let you get pretty close to them, but soon as you steady your camera, they will skitter away. The robins are clearly afraid of me, and, having left my bird costume at home, I have been unable to alleviate this problem. Despite my failures in photography, I did get notably close to one

Report:

The

March 31, 2022

mulch

grows

on

bird species this week.

The only thing I have done since returning to greenhouse work is pick up random piles of sticks and leaves around campus and put them in the back of my Club Car to then dump onto a bigger pile of plant matter by the greenhouse. Similarly to the prizes found inside cereal boxes, these piles on campus often contain things that are not sticks and leaves, like a shiny ball of aluminum foil and what looked to be someone’s black undergarments. In one particular leaf pile in the quad, we found about a pound of feathers. Upon flipping over this mass with a pitchfork, we surmised that it was in fact a red-tailed hawk that had passed on and that it may or not have had a head. I began picking up the leaves around the bird. I wasn’t really sure if “hearse driver” matched with my other credentials

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

as a greenhouse employee, so I hesitated on scooping up the bird as well. That being said, the alternative would have meant leaving it in the middle of the quad which was also not ideal. So, I took the hawk back with me. Its earthly body has been buried within layers of plant matter.

If you walked on the path between the Deece and Main, you may have noticed a mass of mulch by Ely Hall. It started as a simple path of mulch, but has since grown at an alarming rate. By my estimates, in four years, the entire ground will be covered in mulch.

In twenty years, the mulch will have learned

STICK FIGURES OF VASSAR

BY MORGAN MILLER

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

how to grow vertically, and will have mulchified every tree and every building. They will start calling this “Mulch University” instead.

No one will want to go to Mulch University. The Canada geese, realizing the absence of people on campus, will start expanding their range out from Sunset Lake to inhabit the bulk of Mulch University. The geese will learn how to build with the mulch and create hospitals, schools and mulch monuments to the great goose leaders. Goose society will soon rival people society. But that’s a while from now. Focus on graduating while the mulch is still at bay.

March 31, 2022

OPINIONS

Page 13

Tuberculosis proves an issue in Russian invasion of Ukraine Sufana Noorwez Columnist

I

n the last month, Ukraine has undoubtedly seen its fair share of violence and horror. Russia’s invasion has disrupted the lives of millions of people immeasurably, but there is an additional burden that has appeared: the disruption of treating burgeoning infectious diseases, especially tuberculosis, in the country. Although the international arena has been mostly supportive towards Ukraine in their resistance to the invasion, it is essential that countries help them fight off this new and pervasive threat to the country’s well-being.

Tuberculosis is a highly infectious bacterial disease caused by the bacteria Mycobacterium tuberculosis, which particularly affects the lungs. Although it is a bacterial infection and has a vaccine, there are still

resulted in a resurgence of cases, which has made it especially difficult to fight the disease.

Ukraine has historically been especially affected by tuberculosis, a disease that remains the 13th leading cause of death worldwide according to the World Health Organization; in the scope of infectious diseases, it is second only to COVID-19 and above HIV/ AIDS. As of 2021, Ukraine had the fourth highest incidence of tuberculosis out of the WHO European Region countries.

After the collapse of the Soviet Union in 1991, the economy in Ukraine was devastated and with it, the healthcare system.

According to an NPR article from March 19, this led to an increase in crime, resulting in an increase of prisoners. Prisons are an excellent breeding ground for diseases as communicable as tuberculosis, leading to an ex-

“As of 2021, Ukraine had the fourth highest incidence of tuberculosis of any of the member states of the European Union.” many cases of it around the world annually, primarily for two reasons. First, according to the CDC, the vaccine is often only given to people who live or work in high-risk environments, and while it is incredibly effective for children, it has variable effectiveness in adults. Second, the rise of drug-resistant tuberculosis variants around the world has

plosion of cases. In the years since the ’90s, the Ukrainian government has been making progress on decreasing the prevalence of tuberculosis, but this has been hindered by the rise of antibiotic-resistant versions of the disease. According to the World Health Organization, Ukraine has one of the highest rates of the antibiotic-resistant version

of the disease, making up 29 percent of the cases found in the country. Although recent programs to prevent its transmission and help those suffering from the disease have made a lot of progress, everything came to a halt when Russia invaded the country in late February.

Now, people who had previously been diagnosed with tuberculosis have mostly fled the country, taking the disease with them. The antibiotic regimen for treating tuberculosis can be quite prolonged, lasting anywhere from two to six months. If these regimens are not finished correctly, they may lead to a rise in antibiotic resistance, which could have horrifying consequences.

This means that a lot of people in Ukraine suffering from the disease have now left the country in various stages of treatment and have been mostly packed into close, crowded quarters with others as they seek refuge from the violence. These kinds of conditions are once again prime for the disease to spread and affect people, especially those who are most vulnerable; this may add to the burden that Ukrainians are feeling now.

Prior to World War I, most of the deaths in war were often seen as a result of infectious diseases. After the war and the advent of antibiotics, this has no longer been the case. Even though tuberculosis is still nowhere near as deadly as it used to be, the current conditions in Ukraine are optimal in allowing the disease to proliferate and cause pain and suffering. What Ukrainians need right now more than ever are medical supplies. Although it is of the utmost essence

that Ukrainian refugees get to physical safety before anything else, it is also important that we do not let tuberculosis have the upper hand in this battle.

Ukraine’s stunning previous progress toward slowly eradicating tuberculosis is an effort to be commended, with the World

“It is important to try to ensure that this progress is not undone in the coming course of a few weeks.”

Health Organization pinpointing a decrease from 127 cases per 100,000 in 2004-2005 to 42.2 cases per 100,000 now. It is important to try to ensure that this progress is not undone in the coming weeks. Although some medical professionals are attempting to keep up with identification and treatment of the disease, it is difficult given the mass movement of millions of people out of the country in recent years. The rest of the world must help.

To do this, the international community must send medical aid and supplies, and additionally send support for diagnostic testing and prevention of transmission of the disease. The Russian invasion has stripped many Ukrainians of their homes, families and livelihoods, and we must do everything possible to ensure that their good health is not taken from them as well.

Sandro Luis Lorenzo/The Miscellany News.

The opinions expressed above do not represent those of The Miscellany News as a whole.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

SPORTS

Page 14

Vassar

Brewers

Women’s Tennis

March 31, 2022

Sports Roundup: March 31 Track and Field

March 25-26

March 25-26

2W-0L

Monmouth Invitational

No. 31-ranked women’s tennis went 2-0 this past weekend as they faced off against league opponents Rochester Institute of Technology (RIT) and St. Lawrence University on the road.

On Saturday, the Brewers easily handled the Tigers, smashing past with a clean 9-0 sweep.

The Brewers kickstarted their success in the doubles competition, led by top duo Melina Stavropoulos ’22 and Sofie Shen ’24, and number two duo of Tatum Blalock ’23 and Macey Dowd ’25 winning 8-1, and finally with 8-2 victory from number three pairing Cara Kizilbash ’22 and Elyse Duley ’25. The singles’ action picked up where doubles left off, with the Brewers going 6-0 versus their RIT opponents. At the number one spot, Blalock went 6-1, 6-1, while Dowd and Shen went 6-0, 6-0 and 6-1, 6-2, at spots two and three, respectively.

Stavropoulos, Kizilbash and Duley rounded out the win, going 6-0, 6-1; 6-1, 6-1; and 6-1, 6-1.

The Brewers then traveled to Canton, NY to compete against the St. Lawrence Saints, notching yet another victory in league play with a 7-2 win. The squad once again swept doubles action, going 8-1, 8-7 (7-3), and 8-3 across the three top spots. The Brewers saw their win secured in singles action, as Shen, Stavropoulos and Kizilbash won out at the three through five spots. Duley also defeated her Saints opponent, while Blalock and Dowd fell at the number one and two spots. For their performances this past weekend, Stavropoulos and Shen were named the Liberty League Doubles Team of the Week. The Brewers will host Ithaca College next in their Liberty League home opener on April 2.

Men’s Tennis March 26

Jack Casalino ’22 led the way for the Brewers this past weekend at the Monmouth Invitational, setting a program record and winning the 10,000 meter with a time of 30:38.01.

The previous record of 31:18.89 was set in 2018 by Michael Scarlett ’18. Miles Takiguchi ’23 followed shortly behind, running a 31:12.49 to earn third overall, as well as breaking the previous 10K record. Other noted Vassar distance competitors included Aidan Mayer ’24 who earned ninth overall in the men’s 1,500 meters, and Noni Pattington ’25, who finished 14th overall in the women’s 5,000-meter race. In the women’s 100-meter dash, Traci Francis ’25 finished 15th overall, while Ava Novak ’24 placed 25th overall in the 400-meters with a personal best of 1:03.52. On the track side of events, Malinda Smith ’23 placed 21st in the women’s long jump with a jump of 4.57 meters, and Michael Carne ’24 earned 10th overall in the men’s javelin with a 46.06 meter throw. Elinor Kops ’25 rounded out the squad with a 1.45 meter high jump to place ninth. Vassar track and field next competes this coming weekend at the Ramapo Invitational in Mahwah, NJ.

W vs. Coast Guard The Brewers moved to 5-5 overall on the season when they defeated the U.S. Coast Guard Academy (CGA) 5-4. After falling to CGA at the number one and number three spots, the number two duo Benjamin Almquist ’24 and Jay Wong ’24 pulled out the first win of the day for the squad. After entering singles’ action down by 1-2, the team bounced back to capture the victory, going 4-2. At number one Wong earned a 6-4, 6-2 win, while Almquist at number three battled it out to win in three sets 6-1, 3-6 and 6-2. Arnav Agostinho ’24 at five also notched victory after three sets, winning 6-4, 4-6 and 7-5. Mihajlo Ivanovic ’22 rounded out the win for Vassar as he won in three sets, 6-3, 3-6, 6-3. Wong earned Liberty League Weekly Honor Roll recognition for his performance against the Bears. The team next travels to Troy, NY to continue league play against Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

Photo courtesy of James McCowan.

Men’s basketball reaches new heights in historic season Nick Villamil Guest Columnist

W

ith 1.9 seconds to play in their Liberty League quarter final game against Hobart, the Vassar men’s basketball team’ season appeared to be on the verge of coming to an unexpected and disappointing end.

Prior to playoffs starting, Brewers’ head coach Ryan Mee had warned The Miscellany News through email: “The Liberty League has an NFL-like sense of parity where it is common to see any of the 10 teams win games on its home court and it is expected to see surprising results on the second day of back-to-back games.”

It appeared that the parity was delivering as advertised.

Entering the postseason, Hobart was 1213 on the season. Vassar was 15-8 and owned the third best record in Liberty League play.

On paper, the Brewers were supposed to win this game and they had led in it by as many as 13 points with under ten minutes to play. Hobart refused to go away, gradually chipping away at the Brewers’ lead until finally taking its first lead of the second half with 33 seconds remaining. With less than two seconds left Vassar found themselves trailing and on the brink of elimination. Suddenly, records and prior leads felt like distant memories.

That is until, of course, Jack Rothenberg ’23 hit the shot of his life.

Rothenberg caught a full court heave from Ben Freed ’23 while two Hobart defenders swarmed him, and turned towards the basket. While falling into his own bench, he let a three go from the right wing. As time expired, the shot found nothing but the bottom of the net and saved the Brewers’ season.

The moment happened in February, but it was one that epitomized what college basketball fans love to call “March Mad-

ness.” Everything from the unlikeliness of scoring with less than two seconds to play while inbounding from the backcourt to Rothenberg falling into his teammates’ arms and then running around the gym in euphoric jubilation as the fans rushed the court seemed to be straight out of a sports movie and every athlete’s dreams.

Id.films, a sports content project run by two Vassar students, captured the magical moment in high definition. Their video has accumulated millions of views and likes on Instagram after being posted by two major sports highlight accounts, SportsCenter and Overtime.

In addition to bringing the Brewers into the national spotlight, Rothenberg’s shot sparked an impressive playoff run for his team.

After their Tuesday night thriller, the Brewers carried their momentum into a semifinal showdown with second seeded Ithaca on Saturday. Despite having lost to Ithaca by 13 exactly a week earlier, Vassar was led to the Liberty League finals by junior captain Avni Mustafaj ’23, who poured on 27 points on an impressively efficient 1117 shooting. Rothenberg, as well as juniors Zach Johnson ’23 and Zev Katz ’23 posted double digit scoring performances.

Vassar’s 76-74 victory over Ithaca earned them a spot in the Liberty League championship game the next day. With a bid to the NCAA tournament on the line, the Brewers delivered a dominant performance against a Skidmore team that had just upset the top seeded and host school Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute to win their first league title in program history. Led by double-doubles from Rothenberg and Johnson and double digit scoring showings from Mustafaj and guard Ethan Ellis ’23, Vassar never trailed and won the game by 17 points. The final rebounding numbers, where Vassar’s 50 rebounds bested Skid-

more’s 35, tell the story of the game: the Brewers won because of their dominance in the painted area. For his impressive Liberty League playoffs run during which he averaged 16 points and 10 rebounds, Jack Rothenberg was named the tournament’s most valuable player.

Accolades poured in over the next week.

The Brewers heard their name called during the NCAA’s tournament selection show with their first ever automatic bid to the tournament, Zach Johnson was named the Liberty League player of the year and Avni Mustafaj earned honorable mention recognition, and Rothenberg was named the All-Metropolitan Basketball Writers player of the week.

Vassar’s incredible week and impressive season came to an end that Friday in the first round of the NCAA tournament as the Brewers fell to No.13 WPI on their home court, who would advance all the way to the sectional final of the tournament where they lost to the eventual national

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

champion, Randolph Macon.

Finishing their season in the NCAA tournament field is a far cry from where the Brewers’ season began. “After losing our first two home games against Elizabethtown and Albright we had a lot of questions and not many answers yet,” Coach Mee told The Miscellany News through email on Feb. 10.

But after those two losses, the team’s first actual games in two years, answers arose as the Brewers dug deep and won their next nine games. “That resiliency has stayed with us throughout the season,” said Mee before the playoff run that only made his statement truer.

Vassar finished the season with a record of 18-9, the program’s first winning season since the 2013-14 season. It is evident that what Ryan Mee and his staff have been doing since arriving at Vassar in 2018 is working, and with their core of juniors set to return for another season, the program’s future is a promising and exciting one.

Photo courtesy of Carlisle Stockton.

SPORTS

March 31, 2022

Page 15

Intramural Volleyball resumes!

Photos courtesy of Willem Doherty ’25.

March Madness serves as greatest sporting event of the year Stef Bayoumi

Guest Columnist

W

hile the Super Bowl captivates the minds of over 100 million live and virtual spectators every year, even amidst a global pandemic, I cannot in good conscience call it the pinnacle of sporting events, as that title deservingly goes to March Madness.

Despite being mostly remembered for the bracket busting bouts of basketballers, the significance of March Madness as a competition cannot be understated: it is a time when Davids rise to the ranks of Goliaths, when absolutely nothing is safe and your guess as to the champion is as good as mine. This is an especially painful truth for someone like me, an avid fan of one of the best teams, the Kansas Jayhawks, who always manage to lose no matter the talent surrounding them. But this is what gives this game the meaning it deserves.

The main benefit of a college tournament is that even when teams get a Zion Williamson or a Chet Holmgren, chances are that’s the only year you’ll have to see them in the tournament, as their eyes eventually turn towards the NBA. And thus, the Goliaths of one year may become the Davids of the next, and you never know what star power each team will have on any given year.

But even with the stars, you can never tell how far your talent can take you. Duke was upset in the Elite Eight the year they had Williamson. This year, Gonzaga didn’t even make it that far, despite being the top team in the country. And of course, for those who don’t know, the unprecedented success of the Saint Peter’s Peacocks, a 15th ranked seed that somehow got to the Elite Eight, took the sports world by storm. Perhaps the greatest thing to come out of New Jersey since Paul Rudd, it’s

impossible to root against a team like the Peacocks, one that scratched and clawed its way to prominence when people, myself included, didn’t even know where the university was. But as I say, that is the beauty of March Madness. If the tournament had been shaped like most sports competitions nowadays in a best-of-seven format, chances are the Peacocks would’ve been happy with even getting one win against a juggernaut like Kentucky.

But in this tournament, the rules are simple: two teams go in, one comes out. The tournament also benefits from a 64 team format, ensuring that teams don’t play the same opponents they’ve been playing the entire season, which is often the case in most sports playoffs.

A good example of this is the Jayhawks’ recent game against Providence, a team that they had never played before. Unlike most sports leagues, you can’t depend on knowing your

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

opponent to ensure your victory, sometimes you have to just game-plan based off of what you see, and hope for the best.

Ultimately, March Madness takes what makes basketball so fun and turns it up to 11.

The beauty of basketball is that momentum (and often, but not always, the score) changes at the flick of a wrist, literally and figuratively. The pure chaos that basketball, especially college basketball, is capable of creating is extended, leading to the greatest sports event of the year. Perhaps one change that could develop is a relegation system a la the Premier League, so teams can go up in the league, and maybe someday a lowly DIII school from Poughkeepsie can rise up and defeat the likes of Duke and Villanova. But for now, I can root for the Culinary Institute of America from afar, and just enjoy the runs of teams like Saint Peter’s.

CROSSWORD

Page 16

March 31, 2022

The Miscellany Crossword “Apiculture” ACROSS 1. Colored part of the eye 5. Bob known for his USO tours 9. Portray the role of 14. “The Journey of Natty ____” Disney movie from 1985 15. Historical periods 16. Predator, for one 17. Frank, who was Anne’s dad 18. “Seasons of Love” musical 19. Title _____ (Monopoly cards) 20. 1979 Cronenberg film 22. CIA forerunner 23. Blunt 24. French friend 26. Longtime Tiger Ty 30. Curved shape 31. NBA stat.

34. A math class 36. “Sooner _______” 39. Beginning 40. One who shuns Elizabeth II? 42. Indian city known for its diamonds 43. Some near-Earth asteroids, butterflies and moon missions 44. Dupe 46. Government agency that might lend to mom-and-pop 47. Eth. & Ken. neighbor 50. Nabemono, birria or olla podrida, basically 51. Coastal NY city 53. Backbone 55. Acorn adult 57. Hairstyles that were big in the sixties?

By Reese Collins

60. Foursquare lifelogging app 63. Build connection, with ‘over’ 64. What’s more?

65. Common greeting 66. “Me, myself, ____” 67. Nobel winner Wiesel 68. Coin toss call 69. Best-selling ’90s computer game 70. Tried a new hair color, say

DOWN

1. “______ Feeling” (most downloaded iTunes song) 2. Would prefer 3. Sex 4. Pretentious sorts 5. Marvel figure, typically 6. McFlurry flavor 7. Bear in Chinese diplomacy 8. NYC time zone 9. Puts into the mix 10. Reaching a loudness 11. Foot digit 12. Partner of yes in improv 13. Paris possessive 21. Well stocked 22. Texas tea 25. Imelda who owned 3,000 pairs of shoes 27. Single-mindedly 28. ____ Rabbit of folklore 29. Flying mammals 32. Novelist Amy 33. Unshaking 35. Hungarian example of 50-across 37. With “the,” famous show in TV history

38. Milk carton abbr.

40. Resign 41. British law degree 42. Text message type 45. Noah’s boat 48. Crib outfit 49. Erred, with ‘up’ 52. Magazine founded by John H. Johnson

Answers to last week’s puzzle: “Movie Taglines”

By Reese Collins

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

54. Made a heap 56. Famous name in cookies 58. Concludes 59. Modify, as a paper 60. “Quiet!”

61. Little bitty 62. Phrase with ‘mode’ or ‘carte’ 63. Crash sound, in comics