Vassar community reacts to rise of student deportations
Assistant Opinions Editor, Guest Reporter
As of Thursday, April 17, at least 70 international students at colleges and universities in New York state have had their visas revoked. Across the country, nearly 1,700 international students’ visas have been revoked as of April 22. In the first months of Donald Trump’s presidency, the executive branch has taken unprecedented action against the rights of international students studying in the United States. These efforts come in the context of Trump’s greater attacks on illegal and legal immigration. As of publication, no international students at Vassar have had their student visas revoked.
The Department of Homeland Security has cited pro-Palestinian activism as the reason for these student deportations, with Assistant Secretary for Public Affairs Tricia McLaughlin saying, “There is no room in the United States for the rest of the world’s terrorist sympathizers, and we are under no obligation to admit them or let them stay here.” In many notable cases, such as that of Mahmoud Khalil, a pro-Palestinian organizer at Columbia University, students’ deportations have been described as a way to quell antisemitism at universities.
In an April 18 email to the Vassar community, President of the College Elizabeth Bradley reaffirmed the school’s commitment to the safety of international stu-
ViCE hosts spring show
Luke Jenkins Features Editor
Fruit roll-ups, free shoes and a psychedelic projection of an owl all graced ViCE’s triumphant spring concert on April 18, headlined by TiaCorine with opener TisaKorean. Noyes Circle hosted performances by Black Rave Culture and Rizal, with the band Magnolia, earlier in the evening, alongside an art fair organized with Vassar Artists’ Group (VAG) and free tacos from El Azteca. TiaCorine summed up the night on X, writing, “OMG VASSAR WAS SO FUCKIN LIT.”
By 9 p.m. she was prancing across the stage, dressed from head to toe in black. Because of the tent setup in Noyes Circle, the self-described “anime trap star” was free to easily interact with the closest screaming fans. The rapper from Winston-Salem thanked the song “Lotto” for her rise to fame and later performed the crowd-pleasing “FreakyT” and invited students up to vogue on stage. They did not disappoint, dipping and duckwalking to cheers from the artist. A competition then began between students with the rapper as the judge, starting
See ViCE on page 4
dents, writing: “We are deeply concerned about revocations of visas, the detentions, and the deportations of international students and colleagues in higher education
nationally; this has not happened on our campus, and we will not provide personal information to any agency without a court-ordered warrant.” Bradley acknowl-

Tori Kim/The Miscellany News.
edged that there are uncertain factors relating to Vassar’s resources. She mentioned the federal endowment tax, which could shrink Vassar’s usable assets, noting, “The market downturn as well as the general uncertainty in the country and globe may also affect philanthropy and our endowment value, and we are assessing alternative options for weathering this challenging time.”
Vassar College Professor of History Daniel Mendiola, whose research centers on Central America and who was a moderator at a recent immigration summit hosted on campus, challenged the Trump administration’s stated motives for the deportations, saying, “This is one of the most antisemitic administrations, just in terms of what they’ve said in the past, who they surround themselves with, who they’re pardoning.” Instead of antisemitism, he suggested that these deportations are part of the Trump Administration’s greater effort to remove as many immigrants from the U.S. as possible. He cited a Fox News interview with JD Vance, in which the Vice President states: “[International students are] not just bad for national security, [they are] bad for the American dream for a lot of kids who want to go to a nice university and can’t, because their spot was taken by a foreign student.” For Mendiola, Vance’s words admit that the Trump administration’s motives are much more in line with pure xenophobia than with addressing an-
Safir ’15 wins national championship
Henry France Sports Editor
Vassar,unlike some American colleges and universities, does not offer paths of study that focus on sports management, sports finance and sports marketing. Various departments offer classes related to sports—for example, ECON235: “Sports Economics”—but graduating from Vassar into a career in sports is not a natural progression.
Jonathan Safir defied the odds on April 7, winning a national championship with the University of Florida men’s basketball team as the Director of Basketball Strategy and
Analytics. In recent days, Safir was promoted to assistant coach and is reportedly under consideration for the general manager role at Florida.
As the Florida Gators cut down the net in San Antonio, securing their third national championship in program history, Safir had reached the peak of glory in collegiate men’s basketball. Last week on Monday, I spoke with Safir to hear more about his time at Vassar and path to winning a championship with Florida.
Jonathan Safir was always passionate about basketball, and knew that coming to Vassar would enable him to play the game
at a competitive level while pursuing a rigorous course of study. Safir played on the men’s basketball team from 2011 to 2015 under coaches Del Harris and BJ Dunne. Safir remembers the team and community at Vassar to be special: “I loved my time at Vassar. I had an incredible group of friends, primarily on the basketball team, a couple on the baseball team.”
Perhaps the peak of Safir’s time as a Brewer was the team’s 2014 playoff push: “One of the highlights obviously, basketball-wise, was having at the time the best season in Vassar basketball history in 2014, advancing to
See Safir on page 13
Seniors produce ‘Into the Woods’
Assistant Copy Editor, Assistant Features Editor
Perhapsone of the greatest minds in the musical theater world was the late Stephen Sondheim. Known for intricate harmonic structures and witty lyrics, Sondheim’s musicals are a fantastic display of theatrical genius. “Into the Woods,” with music and lyrics by Sondheim and book by James Lapine, is no exception. The Music

Department’s production of “Into the Woods” was produced by seniors Annie Brewer, Liam Oley and Abby Wilson as their senior project. The show was performed in the Martel Recital Hall on April 19 as a semi-staged, in-concert production directed by Brewer, with the cast performing downstage while Musical Director Oley conducted an all-student orchestra behind the actors.
“Into the Woods” is a retelling of classic fairytales by the Brothers Grimm, including “Cinderella,” “Little Red Riding Hood” and “Jack and the Beanstalk,” all occurring on the same three nights in the same woods. It is truly a unique show, relying on the audience’s familiarity with these fairy tales for worldbuilding. Sondheim cleverly weaves these stories together to compose a larger musical narrative that serves as a cautionary tale against wishing for too much.
Carina Cole interviews chess Grandmaster Irina Krush.

Brewer, Oley and Wilson came up with this project with the hopes of bringing more musical theater to the Music Department and
Nandini Likki reviews the Deece’s new refreshers.


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Student visa revocations cause fear on campus
Continued from Student on page 1 tisemitism. “The idea is just an all-out assault on any legal immigrant they can get rid of,” Mendiola commented.
At Vassar, students from countries other than the United States make up a large percentage of the student body; the Class of 2028 alone is 18.2 percent international students. An international student who wished to remain anonymous said, “It’s a scary prospect because Vassar has a good chunk of international students here, many of whom are low-income students, many of whom have escaped all kinds of
“Any chance that they can find to reduce legal immigration, they are taking it, and they have expressed pretty openly that that is their intention. So, it’s hard to imagine that as things expand it wouldn’t touch the Vassar campus at some point.”
regional situations around the world, some of which are refugee students who are here.” The student noted that the Trump Administration’s policies have left some communities on campus feeling “incredibly scared and traumatized.” Mendiola’s comments similarly highlighted this fear. Of the Trump administration, he noted, “They basically have [set the precedent] that no international student has the right to be here.” He added, “Any chance that they can find to reduce legal immigration,
they are taking it, and they have expressed pretty openly that that is their intention. So, it’s hard to imagine that as things expand it wouldn’t touch the Vassar campus at some point.”
Speaking on the 2024 Trump v. United States Supreme Court case, which expanded former presidents’ immunity for the actions taken during their administration, Mendiola highlighted that the limits of what the executive branch can do to immigrants are vague: “It’s not clear that the Supreme Court would stop any of this, even though it’s clearly breaking established law, and even if they did, it’s not clear the administration would care, because they’ve already got immunity.”
Bradley’s April 18 email also mentioned that the College will start to offer one-onone counseling to employees in collaboration with Pace University Law School’s Immigration Justice Clinic. She urged students to work through the Office of International Services as well as the Office of Student Growth and Engagement to make sure they are familiar with their rights and the capacity at which the college can protect them. Additionally, Bradley assured students that Vassar’s general counsel, Shay Humphrey, will remain available to advise all noncitizen students.
To Mendiola, this emphasis on providing legal representation is the best way the school could prepare for potential deportation orders: “By making a bold statement that our legal counsel is going to represent students—our legal counsel is going to make sure that students have the full extent of the law behind them…that actually is pretty important. And that does seem to be what has slowed down this process the

most. As much as this [Trump] Administration would like people just gone instantly, legal representation does still matter.”
The threats to international students are also an ongoing issue for the Vassar Student Association (VSA). Sara Golakova is a third-year international student and a VSA Senator. She is working to create a comprehensive list of resources tracking how the new anti-immigration policies will affect life at Vassar. These resources come from both within and outside Vassar, ranging from policy overviews to mental health resources. Golakova commented, “I started my term in late January, which was also the start of the Trump Administration. My first idea was, ‘How can I help my commu-
nity?’ I looked at how the law and higher education policy was changing and thought, ‘How about I make a one-stop shop list of resources that students can use?’” Golakova was already leading efforts to lower the postgraduate student loan interest rates for international students.
While it is hard to predict the full scale of impact these threats to international students will have on individual students at Vassar and across the country, to Mendiola, the precedent suggests a dangerous direction for the United States. He summarized, “If there’s no limits on the government, then there’s no limits on what they can do to you, and we’re entering into a post-rights society.”

Vassar gets “freaky” at ViCE’s spring show
Continued from ViCE on page 1 with a race to see who could finish a fruit roll-up the fastest with no hands. It ended with a version of musical chairs where students had to stop twerking when the beat stopped. My heart goes out to the back of the crowd and any late arrivals who had no idea what was going on.
Christy Phimmasone ’27 reigned victorious over the second part of the competition, where students were judged based on a drawing of “Kirby” they made with their eyes closed. Phimmasone’s drawing was impressively accurate. Did she think she would win when she heard the challenge? “Yes, I knew cause I love Kirby!” she proclaimed to me after the event.
The massive effort to host the concert— ViCE usually books an artist for the spring concert before we leave campus in December—began at 9 a.m. at Gordon Commons, also known as the Deece, on the day of the show. ViCE members were up bright and early to get down and dirty, swinging chalk against the concrete, spreading their mem-

orable logo, artists’ names and the time across the length of the Deece’s steps.
Why their well-known chalk? Abigail Schoenecker ’26, who headed the effort, shared, “When we think about promo ideas we think about where people go on campus—and everyone has to come and get food.” Molly St. Claire ’28, chalking for her second time, shared, “It’s really fun and it gets you up bright and early,” especially because she had an essay to write. The balance of academics and social life alongside planning an entire concert seems Herculean. Sebastian Montañez ’25, one of ViCE’s two leaders who was helping chalk, shared candidly, “It gets done because there’s a team.”
What were these ViCE members excited about for this year’s concert? They gave me surprisingly coherent answers despite the early hour. St. Claire was looking forward to the event’s location, saying, “Noyes Circle is in the center of everything, so I think more people will be there and I think it’ll be more hype.” Schoenecker answered with the lineup, saying, “It seems like a very cohesive experience with the artist’s styles and stuff.”
Montañez was thankful for this year’s good weather, the location and the lineup. He went on to shout out one of the openers, Rizal (Adnan Ahmad Rizal ’28). “We’re excited for his performance with Magnolia. We just see some really cool things coming out of Vassar in terms of music and were excited to highlight that, in addition to the artists we booked,” he said.
The art fair also offered ViCE the chance to support artists beyond musicians. Prints, clothing, jewelry, postcards and more were on sale at tables near the stage starting at 6 p.m. Event organizers were selling their own line of underwear—black boxer briefs with “be my vice?” wrapped around the waistband. A caricature stand by Elsie McKendry ’26 drew long lines, as McKendry skillfully and flatteringly drew students both alone and in duos. Sarah McDonald ’26, who serves as the president of VAG and helped organize the fair, braved some wind alongside other vendors, but McDonald

notes, “The year before it got rained out so we’re happy we can do it!”
Alex, a security guard at the event for a company called Pagones-O’Neill, was enjoying it as a musician himself. “I play in a band so I get it, this is really cool, it brings music to people that want to either play an instrument or don’t really get to go out to shows or anything.” He continued, “I think it’s cool that they can just leave their dorm and come out and socialize and network.”
Rizal’s voice paired beautifully with Magnolia singer Molly Brown ’27. The set brought the energy to start off the evening, featuring both originals from Rizal and the group and two covers. Joey LaRosa ’28 had high praise for Rizal and the band: “He’s on the Lathrop House Team so I see him in the halls, he’s like a really jovial guy, he’s also a crazy musician and Magnolia is really great too, love all of them.”
Black Rave Culture took the stage next, a group from D.C. whose DJ mixing gave me hope for what student DJs on campus could become. And then it was TisaKo-
rean enchanting Brewers against trippy colors projected on the back of the Noyes tent. The opener swung the crowd’s hands around with chants of “left, right, left, right” during his track “Backseat,” squeezed in a math lesson for his track “2 + 2 = 4 (equations)” and gave out free pairs of shoes to the crowd. The pairs became beacons of status as the set continued and more students packed towards the barricade. TisaKorean’s “WhiteBoy Wasted,” with fellow performer Mighty Bay, captured what I was feeling at this point in the night, trying to drop it down low whenever I could so people behind me could see.
When TiaCorine finished her set and the lights went up, students were hoping for an encore—some preparing to mosh. Speaking earlier with Kwabena Adae ’26, ViCE’s co-head alongside Montañez, they shared, “The hardest part by the end of the day will be keeping people excited, not getting people exhausted.” By the end of the show, however, it was clear that excitement is how the night will be remembered.
The genius stupidity of ‘A Minecraft Movie’
It is not every day you watch a trailer for a blockbuster that asks you to turn off your brain. And, if you theoretically did, you would expect a movie that disappoints more than anything else. It still baffles me that “A Minecraft Movie” took that direction without much compromise and somehow succeeded, even financially reaching number one at the box office. I am not going to sit here and tell you this movie is good, because it is not. Even the childhood nostalgia of being raised on Minecraft cannot make me say that. But growing up in that era and community does inform me to say that maybe quality nor excellence were not priorities for the film. Maybe fun and stupid is not what “A Minecraft Movie” is by accident—I think it is by design.
To quickly summarize, “A Minecraft Movie” follows Steve, played by Jack Black. After yearning for the mines as a child, he discovers the Minecraft overworld and abandons our cruel Earth to mine and craft to his heart’s content. However, his conflict with the netherite piglins, led by the evil Queen Malgosha, played by Rachel House, soon spills back over to Earth. A group of
human characters, who are all fairly boring apart from Jason Momoa as washed-up pro gamer Garrett Garrison, become wrapped up in Steve’s war against Malgosha. From this plot description alone, I really hope everyone understands that this is not fine art. It suffices, and does not have any major plot holes or unneeded complexities, but it truly is a case of it is what it is.
The film has already become infamous for the audience interactions it evokes. From throwing around beverages and popcorn to setting off fireworks, the movie is bringing out unparalleled levels of hooliganry in the general population. Most of this comes from Jack Black enthusiastically pointing out things from Minecraft—like using a flint and steel or, most evocatively, the chicken jockey mob. This reaction has become one of the wildest social trends in recent memory, actively disrupting the normal movie-going experience and even involving law enforcement to help break up the commotion. I saw the film down in Beacon, and a group of obviously intoxicated 20-something-year-olds at the back of the theater led this effort, including after the movie ended, with a collective yelling of “Together… we are Minecraft!”
All of this is to say, the mediocrity of
the movie itself, combined with this encouraged culture of dumb fun, makes “A Minecraft Movie” quite possibly the most symbolically accurate video game movie. When I think of playing Minecraft and engaging with the online community back when I was younger, I do not think of it as being cool at all. It was a bunch of losers playing a strange block-oriented indie game from a Swedish developer, not too different from something that would have landed on Xbox Game Pass. I do not think of epic moments or popular people; I think of the kid at Minecon who asked the developers a still somewhat incomprehensible question surrounding “dedicated ram.” I think of a YouTuber I used to watch named PopularMMOs who proposed to his girlfriend in Minecraft and then got dramatically divorced a few years later.
I did not want “A Minecraft Movie” to be a good or well-put-together film. This is not “The Super Mario Bros. Movie” or the comedic trilogy of “Sonic the Hedgehog.” This film, like Minecraft, is a bit of a ramshackle mess that is elevated by cringy passion. It takes place in rural Idaho? Why not? Steve and Garrett have strange homoerotic scenes? Awesome. There is a romantic subplot between Jennifer Coolidge’s side
character and a literal Minecraft villager that implies they have a child together? I’m there. Maybe turning off your brain is the solution sometimes.

Uncovering a lost tradition: Vassar’s songs
Vassar’s campus hums to the tunes of its students. We welcome the school year with Serenading, celebrate spring with Folk Fest and are regularly found on the quad with a blanket and guitar. Yet, one of the College’s oldest and most beloved musical traditions is long-forgotten. Over a hundred years ago, class songs embodied the vitality of our campus, providing a creative outlet for students and a means of cultivating community. Dozens of Vassar’s Song Books rest deep within the library archives, just waiting to be rediscovered.
College and class songs have been a part of Vassar since the late 1860s. However, it took nearly two decades before they were formally collected. According to the Nov. 1, 1880 edition of The Miscellany News, then called the Vassar Miscellany, a committee of students was appointed to compile an official college Song Book—a printed booklet containing a collection of oral songs with lyrics and sheet music. That spring, the very first Vassar College Song Book was published and sold for one dollar each.
An updated edition of the book was printed every year or so. Its contents included both old classics from years past as well as new additions. Several songs, in particular, appear in nearly every published Song Book, such as “Vassar, We Sing Thy Praises,” “The Rose and Silver-Gray”
and “Maria Mitchell.” Strangely, a piece called “I was a Rhizopod” must have been quite popular, as it appears in several editions:
“I was a Rhizopod, A protoplasmic cell; I had a little nucleus, The same I loved so well. But now I am a man, By evolutions pow’r; But O my little nucleus, I miss thee ev’ry hour.”
The first mentions of another musical tradition came in the spring of 1910. On June 1, The Miscellany News announced that henceforth, the College would hold an annual class Song Contest and select a Class Song Leader—an elected position in charge of organizing contest activities. The goal of this new initiative was to increase interest in college singing and contribute new additions to the yearly Song Book. On the morning of that year’s Founder’s Day, the College gathered on the steps of Rockefeller Hall to hold the first-ever Song Contest. Each class presented a tune of their own creation to a panel of judges—a collection of professors and other faculty members. The winner was awarded a rose and grey banner—the original colors of the College—and, I assume, major bragging rights.
This tradition, however, appears to have had the potential to cause drama among students. A 1914 letter to the editor of The
Miscellany News intensely criticized that year’s contest. Apparently, the judges became distracted between performances by outside music and chatter and were unable to give each class equal attention. The letter fervently argued the contest was not fair and urged for future years to take the ordeal more seriously. These traditions clearly mattered a great deal to the students—it was a time for them to bond as a class and create a lasting impact on the fabric of their school.
Another notable aspect of Vassar’s music history is the Alma Mater, referring to a school’s official song or anthem. Throughout the years, there are many classic Vassar

tunes that have been considered the Alma Mater. “Hark, Alma Mater,” in particular, was adored by many students. A 1921 letter to the editor of The Miscellany News reads, “It’s the one Vassar song which thrills me and sends cold shivers down my spine.” Yet my personal favorite iteration—which goes only by “Alma Mater”—appears in an 1895 New York Times article reporting on a Vassar alumnae luncheon:
“Bryn Mawr may be more clever, Wellesley may be more row; But Vassar shall live forever, Honored henceforth as now.
Here’s a long life to Vassar, Wave we her flag unfurled; Nothing can e’er surpass her, Queen of the college world.”
However prominent these songs once were to Vassar, their legacy does not appear to have reached the students of today. Both the publication of the Song Book and the annual class Song Contest had sadly dissipated by 1930. The Alma Mater persisted to the mid-20th century, but even that, too, is lost to our ears. Vassar’s classic tunes are drowned out by the music of the present, swept away by history’s tide. Yet, perhaps a murmur of the old class songs can be heard in the music of today’s students. Whether it be Serenading, Folk Fest or strumming on the quad, perhaps the legacy of Vassar’s songs is not lost on us yet.
Gomez and Blanco are a dream team on new album
after the initial project’s release.
On March 21, singer Selena Gomez and music producer Benny Blanco released a collaborative album titled “I Said I Love You First.” The two artists got engaged this past December, and many of the songs on the album provide insight on their relationship. This is Gomez’s first album since 2020, and it reflects on the personal growth she has undergone over the last five years. Beyond the romantic songs about their relationship, the album dives into emotions surrounding breakups, complicated friendships and struggles with self-love.
The pair announced their album via social media on Feb. 13 and immediately dropped the first single, “Scared of Losing You.” This gentle, slow-paced love song reflects on the fear of losing someone you love immensely. This single was the first glimpse fans got of the powerful love between the couple that radiates throughout this entire album.
The second single of the album was released a week later, a pop song titled “Call Me When You Break Up,” featuring Gracie Abrams. While the title implies that the singer is waiting to date someone who is currently in a relationship, that is actually not the case. The lyrics instead describe the distance created between friends when one person’s time is completely occupied by their new relationship. In the outro of the song, Gomez sings, “Call me when you break up / Unless you found the person that you want a new name from.” While the singer seems to be rooting for a breakup through most of the song, this lyric is a reminder that she does want her friend to be in a happy relationship. The extended album also includes a slowed-down, acoustic version of the song that allows you to fully take in the emotional lyrics, made available for streaming a week
One week before the full album was available, the artists put out a third single. “Sunset Blvd” is a true love song, reflecting on Gomez and Blanco’s first date when they drove down Los Angeles’ Sunset Boulevard. The song begins with: “You’re my cherry pie / I don’t care who knows it / Love me ‘til I die.” In these lyrics, Gomez expresses her pride in loving Blanco. It is a fun, upbeat track that expresses the deep affection they feel for one another.
Two of the tracks on the album bounce between English and Spanish lyrics and include some exciting featured artists. “I Can’t Get Enough”—originally released as a single in 2019—is a collaboration between Gomez,
This is Gomez’s first album since 2020, and it reflects on the personal growth she has undergone over the last five years. Beyond the romantic songs about their relationship, the album dives into emotions surrounding breakups, complicated friendships and struggles with self-love.
Blanco, J Balvin and Tainy. The song begins with Gomez singing in English, then Balvin joins in singing in Spanish. Another bilingual track, “Ojos Tristes,” features a collaboration with more Hispanic musicians, the indie pop band The Marías. Similarly to “I Can’t Get Enough,” the song begins in English before shifting to Spanish. It is a beau-
tiful, solemn song about a past romantic relationship. The inclusion of these bilingual songs reflects Gomez’s appreciation for her Hispanic roots and Spanish music.
The tenth track on the album, “Do You Wanna Be Perfect,” steps away from the music for a moment. It begins with what sounds like a radio advertisement, capturing your attention with the starting lines, “Hi. Do you wanna be perfect? Do you wanna be sexy? Do you wanna live up to completely unrealistic standards set by the current landscape of social media? Oh, wow! Do we have the product for you!” While the announcer tries to continue with the ad, we hear Gomez come in and take the microphone away. Then she says, “No more of the unrealistic standards of perfect. It’s so boring.” The beauty standards of today’s social media can be a struggle for everyone, and Gomez is no exception. In this track, she attempts to push away these feelings of inadequacy, both for herself and her listeners. “Younger and Hotter Than Me” is another song that reflects on feeling insecure in comparison to others. Gomez sings about a former lover moving on and dating girls who are “younger and hotter” than her. These tracks are open and vulnerable in a way that is comforting for listeners who look up to Gomez.
After the initial album release, Gomez added a bonus song that she had originally written eight years ago. “Stained” calls out an ex-lover who left her broken and hurt. This album allows us to understand Gomez throughout different times in her life—from her sadness in past relationships to the bliss she now feels with Blanco. Her emotional growth that took place between the time this song was written and the production of the full album is clear.
“I Said I Love You First” is an album that represents Gomez and Blanco’s experiences throughout various stages of their lives.
The artists showcase their skill sets through tracks that are produced in a variety of styles, including catchy pop songs, bilingual lyrics, acoustic versions and spoken-word tracks. This is a collaborative work that relies not only on the chemistry between the
The artists showcase their skill sets through tracks that are produced in a variety of styles, including catchy pop songs, bilingual lyrics, acoustic versions and spoken-word tracks.
main artists, but on the talent of the other featured artists as well. This album reflects deep adoration and understanding between partners, both on a lyrical and musical level.

Seniors produce an exciting and academic ‘Into the Woods’
to encourage its greater incorporation into the program curriculum. Brewer expressed, “In a broader sense, in terms of musicology, there’s definitely a gap in research in musical theater repertoire.” She continued, “It’s a cool moment when a lot more scholarship is going to start to happen, and I think that doing this project has been part of this process as well.”
As music majors, Brewer, Oley and Wilson were all interested in the different sonic aspects of “Into the Woods.” An interesting facet of this musical is how the score reflects the story by following its own narrative structure. Wilson said, “If you follow the keys throughout the entire composition, you can see how they reflect the narrative, which I also thought was really cool. It lands in G major, which is the place it’s searching for the whole time.”
Before the performance began, Wilson presented a brief but in-depth analysis covering the music theory behind Sondheim’s arrangements. She explained how his choice of chords, dissonance and modality creates tension alongside a simultaneous sense of uncertainty and familiarity which develops over the play’s three acts. To follow, Brewer laid out the history of some of the show’s many professional productions, from its first run on Broadway in 1987, which jump-started its success, to its time on the West End, as well as its film adaptation in 2014 and later stage revival in 2022. Shortly after Brewer’s presentation, Oley’s orchestra and the show’s ensemble of student actors took their places onstage and were met with boisterous applause from the packed hall.
The concert was an immersive experience that celebrated the piece, featuring a small ensemble of skilled players from the Vassar College Orchestra and a cast of talented singers and actors. Students, faculty and families were not only able to witness the world that Sondheim and Lapine created and brought to life by the student actors and producing seniors, but were also given the opportunity to experience this show through Wilson and Brewer’s analytical lens. “Into the Woods” centers around Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, Jack, Rapunzel and The Witch—who is loosely based on the witch from Rapunzel’s story—as well The Baker and The Baker’s Wife, two original characters by Sondheim. While this production was semi-staged, its musical focus was a beautiful testament to Sondheim’s composition.
Brewer had previous directing experience from her involvement in the musical “Once” with The Future Waitstaff of America (FWA) last semester. However, she felt that the process for directing an in-concert production was a completely different undertaking, as the music was the focal point. “In terms of how I’ve been approaching it, [I’ve been] thinking about where I can set people up so that they sound the best,” said Brewer. “For me, with everything that I’ve done in staging, music sounding good is always the priority.”
As for Oley, he hoped this production would help to highlight the accessible and emotional power of Sondheim’s musical storytelling and lyricism. “I think it’s so interesting that people often talk about Sondheim’s work being almost too intellectual, or too complex to be emotionally relatable,”
Oley said. “I think that this ending of ‘Into the Woods’ totally disproves that. It shows that he’s absolutely as invested in the emotion and the pathos as he is in the wit and intellectualism.”
Wilson shared the goal of presenting “Into the Woods” as both an intellectually interesting piece worthy of academic analysis and a show fit for enjoyment by a broader audience. “Musical theater just has such a big impact on the public that it’s almost inevitable that we should study it,” said Wilson. “It’s such an important thing to our society that, as music majors, I hope we’re able to learn more about it. It’s a whole other musical world that we don’t get to explore very often in our majors.”
Oley echoed this, mentioning that he felt musical theater is quite relevant in the academic field of musicology and deserves as
much attention as classical music. He said, “I think that the same way that we might study Mozart’s operas or Wagner, or Verdi, we can apply that same rigorous analysis to American musical theater and Sondheim’s compositions.”
For Brewer, Oley and Wilson, this project was not only a culmination of their studies but also a labor of love, as they all share an interest in and a deep appreciation for musical theater and Sondheim. Part of the rationale for choosing “Into the Woods” was how beloved the show is by musicians and actors alike, and Wilson hoped that this passion carried through in the performance. “I just want people to really love it,” said Wilson. “That’s the impact I hope it has, and I hope it inspires people to take on similar big projects no matter what kind of experience they have.”

Sam Hurwitz reflects on new album and performance
Solo performances are nerve-wracking.
There is immense pressure to hit each note, a hope that they resonate with an audience—both musically and emotionally. Even after completion, one cannot help but reflect on all the intricacies that went right or wrong, continuing to fretfully reside in a moment that has already passed.
Reflecting on his Vassar Tiny Desk (VTD) performance in the Bike Shop, though, singer-songwriter Sam Hurwitz ’25 seemed entirely composed: “It was actually great,” noting that he is in his element when performing with just a guitar.
Hurwitz has released three albums in the past four years. “Horizon,” which dropped on streaming platforms this past March, is his most recent. Prior to its release, and following his VTD set in the Bike Shop, I sat down with Hurwitz in the Strong parlor to discuss his recent work and creative process.
I was surprised by his eagerness to interview right after recording. The environment seemed to put Hurwitz at ease. Describing a welcoming atmosphere, he opined, “The space was just beautiful. The decorations were great,” observing the collaborative cohesion. Chatting with the crew prior to our sit-down, Hurwitz joked about nerves, likening the lens to staring down the barrel. These seemed to melt away quickly; he later warmed up with an instrumental from “Spongebob.” On stage, Hurwitz was energetically at the ready, yet wholly comfortable.
After an initial, incomplete take, he performed two songs from “Horizon,” entitled “Cosmic Universe” and “Searching” respec-
tively, as well as “Echo” from his 2023 album “The Optimist.” Whereas his previous project drew upon the orchestral flourishes of folk inspirations such as Sufjan Stevens, “Horizon” is often sparser, sprinkling occasional layers of instrumentation while being largely driven by Hurwitz and his guitar. The album’s release party was held at the Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center on March 27, featuring a concert performance from Hurwitz and friends organized by the Loeb Student Committee.
Inspired by the music of Joni Mitchell and Adrianne Lenker, Hurwitz asked himself while composing: How much can I do with an acoustic guitar? Björk’s “Vespertine” likewise encouraged him to create sounds with everyday objects. Describing this DIY venture, Hurwitz continued, “Every sound I created just with myself or with a guitar or a box of breadcrumbs, a shaker, you know, anything.” Traversing through his favorite musicians, we each spoke speedily about Sun Kil Moon and Modest Mouse. Hurwitz similarly came prepared for the interview: “I know you’ve written a lot about that too in The Misc, your favorite albums and stuff. I can see you being like a music critic.” Surprisingly, the electronic musician Aphex Twin entered our conversation about musical influences. Hurwitz explained, “I find those [soundscapes] very inspiring, not just in the way of I wanted to sound like it, but it inspired me to dream. Like when I listen to that, I want to sit there and I want to create,” describing the Aphex’s meditative ambience as a site for creativity.
Live performance for Hurwitz similarly involves an element of careful simplicity. Discussing the studio’s ample opportunity for refashioning works, Hurwitz stated, “I feel I’m very good at covering up.” His
compositional approach for both VTD and “Horizon” sheds these layers away. Even with one instrument, an immense sense of scale was evoked during Hurwitz performance, fitting with his described interest in existential themes, nonsense lyrics and human consciousness. His voice similarly traversed a wide range of expressive modes, from near-whispered trembles to belted declarations.
Hurwitz detailed how a concert’s setting offers intangible value to musicians and audiences alike, providing new meaning by drawing together isolated individuals. “Seeing that is a different level of connection with the songs,” he added, later describing VTD as another vehicle for this experience. Recalling the expressive facial and bodily movements of his earlier set, I felt pretty convinced.
Beyond any specific artists, Vassar’s unique spatial characteristics have directly impacted Hurwitz’s own creative process. Highlighting the abundance of Steinway
pianos across campus—while himself wearing piano earrings—Hurwitz noted that many of the songs he wrote at Vassar began on piano rather than guitar. “I wrote one song in the Cushing parlor, looking out at the snow melting. I wrote one song under the trees near Blodgett when it was changing colors.” Hurwitz has called the album an ode to the Hudson Valley in Frontrunner Magazine, recording portions in the outdoors.
Aside from the picturesque, Hurwitz expressed appreciation for Vassar’s musical circle, a type of community he hopes to find again after Commencement. “I think it’s a big question mark, which is what’s scary about not knowing where your music is going to go, but I really want to make music a priority in my post-grad life, trying to find a way where I can have time and energy to make music and have people hear it.”
People certainly will. Hurwitz’s Vassar Tiny Desk video is forthcoming on The Miscellany News’ YouTube channel.

Brewer’s reflection on Djo’s ‘The Crux’
Leah Nowak Guest Columnist
There are very few artists who I am able to claim to be a day one fan of, but Djo is certainly one of them. You are probably familiar with the work of actor Joe Keery, best known for his role as Steve Harrington in “Stranger Things.” But what fewer people know is that since 2019, he has been producing music under the moniker Djo—pronounced “Joe”—after years of performing as a member of the band Post Animal. The artist’s top hit, “End of Beginning,” has garnered over a billion streams on Spotify after a run-in with TikTok virality, thrusting him into a well-deserved spotlight. Now, if his most recent album “The Crux” has shown us anything, it is that he intends to stay there.
“The Crux” is a brand new era for Djo. I can distinctly remember waking up on a July morning in 2019, just mere days after the smashing success that was the third installment of “Stranger Things,” and listening
to Djo’s debut single “Roddy.” For me, it was reminiscent of ’80s new wave, resembling the songs my dad would play in the car just to cover the radio display and quiz me, “Who sings this?” Since then, Djo has always pursued a characteristic synth-pop sound, and the album’s singles “Basic Being Basic” and “Delete Ya” seemed to be no exception. However, “The Crux” as an album is a departure from the deeply electronic nature of Djo’s previous releases, “Twenty Twenty” and “Decide,” as he transitions into a lighter, warmer sound that explores his more folksy side. The blend of styles, including everything from indie rock to pop to folk to synth-pop, seamlessly shows off his versatility while remaining true to his trademark earnest, emotional lyrics.
“The Crux” draws inspiration from those same artists I grew up listening to, like The Police, LCD Soundsystem, The Strokes and The Talking Heads. Djo can lean into the vocals of Julian Casablancas and the artistry of David Byrne. The eighth track, “Charlie’s
Garden,” is an homage to The Beatles, both in name—referring to their song “Octopus’s Garden”—and sound. It is McCartney worship at its finest, and even features the spoken word of Keery’s “Stranger Things” castmate Charlie Heaton—who also receives a nod in the fifth track, “Delete Ya.” “Potion” is my personal favorite from the album. Djo takes up an acoustic sound, as though he packed up the essence of Fleetwood Mac and shipped it to the present. All of these influences can be both heard and felt throughout the album, and Djo makes this homage to all the greats his own.
The central concept of the album ties these disparate influences together—“The Crux” is like a hotel housing guests who are all, in one way or another, at crossroads in their lives. Songs like “Link” and “Gap Tooth Smile” sketch out characters we can follow and relate to at our leisure. The album tells so many stories, but Djo never holds himself to a single narrative. Dripping with nostalgia, his musings about identity can speak to
anyone else who, like those sketched characters who live in the songs of the album, finds (or has ever found) themselves facing their own crux—any sort of unsolved question or challenge.
“The Crux” is a love letter to everything Djo has been and all the spaces he has occupied, from actor to musician and everything in between. He has shown just how versatile he can be while remaining true to the emotionality that is the core of his musicianship. I would not say that “The Crux” is Djo’s magnum opus by any means—he still has room to grow and explore his artistry. But it is refreshing. It is exciting. It is the perfect album for summer, blending the nostalgia of the ’60s and ’70s and applying it to our current world. Through this album, Djo has made a name for himself beyond just “the guy from ‘Stranger Things.’” While amassing millions of monthly listeners and adapting his sound, Djo will always be that same artist I became enamored with on that July morning in 2019, and I cannot wait to see what is next.
Grandmaster Irina Krush discusses chess, fearlessness
Carina Cole Senior Editor
“Chess is a test for our cowardice,” Grandmaster Irina Krush advised while maneuvering around a labyrinth of chessboards in Rockefeller Hall 104. Now 41, Krush—who has faced almost-daily battles since playing in the parks of her childhood neighborhood, Sheepshead Bay, Brooklyn— has endured some difficult losses and many gratifying wins. Although each game presents a different challenge, a constant lesson has prevailed for Krush: Never abandon the board; never show any signs of weakness.
“I think there was a tournament where I was in a position to make a GM norm [a stellar tournament performance required to earn the Grandmaster title from the International Chess Federation (ICF)], and I offered a draw. But my opponent didn’t accept it, and I know there was probably a winning move somewhere in there, but I ended up losing,” Krush admitted to a hushed crowd. “And I ended up losing because I offered a draw and showed weakness,” she added. It was unusual to witness such stark humility and transparent self-criticism from the only active woman chess Grandmaster in the United States. But Krush, clad in straight-leg jeans and a pair of avowedly comfy loafers, often assumes the position of both student and teacher. Krush is dedicated to ever-eclipsing her last match while also advising young chess players—and recently Vassar students and community members alike—on how to improve their own performances.
Krush was invited to campus by the Vassar-Chadwick Chess Club, which meets weekly in Rockefeller Hall rooms 101 and 104, to deliver a well-attended lecture on chess and conduct a simul, which is when a highly ranked chess player simultaneously competes in multiple matches at once, moving from board to board with a furrowed brow and unfathomable expertise. The event was made possible by a donation from the late Eric Horsboll and his family; Horsboll was a longtime member of the Vassar-Chadwick Chess Club and four-time Dutchess County Champion. With its blocks of tables and diagonally placed chairs, the room itself was not unlike the portable chessboard Krush used during her lecture to analyze a recent ICF match.
When asked in a Zoom interview why she did not select one of her own matches to an-
alyze, Krush’s reasoning was pure practicality: “This [Krush’s more publicized matches] is old stuff. There’s no principle against me teaching my own games, it’s just that I didn’t play a game yesterday. I would have to dig into the past. If it’s not new to me, I just don’t want to do it.” Although it has been more than a decade since Krush was awarded her Grandmaster title in 2013, and multiple decades since Krush burst onto the chess scene as a more-than-promising young player, Krush does not feel burnt out by the game. Unlike other Grandmasters, Krush does not practice eight hours a day. She does not catalogue the specifics of every single one of her matches in her mind like a filing cabinet. Yes, Krush competes in competitive tourna-
in Vassar-Chadwick events and practice. Vassar-Chadwick President Ernest Johnson commented on the demographics of the players, noting in written correspondence, “The only disappointment I had [with the event] is that I was expecting more female players to participate. We had none.” Johnson did note, however, that “The female participation in our club events has increased since this time last year.”
I sat in the corner of the room, completely silent, glasses on and a cup of steaming tea next to me. I thought the affair would be dead silent. I was wrong. Krush graciously shook the hand of every player in the room—a hodgepodge of children, collegians and much older gentlemen—and comment-

ments. But she also delights in teaching elementary school students chess and casually dropping morsels of wisdom to experienced, intermediate and novice chess players. In a match, Krush is superhuman. As soon as she puts her opponent in checkmate, however, Krush is completely herself, and a person: an authoritative, compelling speaker, but kind and gentle; a passionate player, but quick to laugh. “I prepared this lecture at one to two in the morning the day of the game,” Krush confessed to me. “Sometimes you look for material and you can’t find anything. But I felt inspired by that game. Like, oh, this is going to be good stuff for the audience. A mixture of what will be good for my audience and what will be interesting to me.”
When the simul began, each board was a well-set dinner table, pristine and perfectly aligned. There were only male players, a mix of Vassar students and surrounding community members who regularly participate
ed on their openings. As the five-hour simul lurched into its second hour, however, proceedings became more subdued. I did not realize people had begun to lose. When mothers of teenage participants cracked the door of the classroom open, their sons shot annoyed looks back, packing up their portable boards in defeat without speaking. I thought they had other obligations to attend to. Loss was silent, dignified.
One Vassar student in attendance who has been playing chess since childhood, Charles Spencer ’27, explained his emotions at the start of his match: “Going in, I was pretty nervous. I knew I was going to lose, but I was interested in seeing how the game would go.” This nervousness, which Spencer shared with other players in the room, was palpable. In the third hour, as more matches concluded, players began to pace around the labyrinth, sizing up their potential to be the last man standing, or just curious about
the different paths people chose. “A lot of her [Krush’s] lecture went over my head, but one thing I took away is that it is really important to play a lot and play without fear. I think it is really easy to give up during a game if you recognize you are in a losing position,” Spencer explained.
Spencer and Krush share one commonality: their age when they began playing. Chess privileges youth. The youngest player at the simul—clad in a red sweater and squirming around in his seat, feet dangling from the ground—was 10. The man sitting two boards down from where I staked out, Steve Soifer, who is also the coordinator of the Hyde Park Chess Club and was the final player left at the simul’s close, informed me, “He is the only person who might have a shot at drawing Krush.” Krush herself began winning national championships at fourteen, and even before that played in tournaments against much older individuals. “As a little girl, I was playing mixed tournaments. My first tournament at Manhattan Chess Club was against adult men, so from a young age I got the experience of playing people older than me and of the opposite sex, whether boys or older men. So being in the minority was always the norm for me,” Krush explained. Beyond becoming accustomed to having fundamental differences with her opponents, chess also taught Krush the power of finding joy within difficulty from a young age. “Everyone who comes into contact with me eventually realizes this little feature of mine, which is that I like what’s hard. At some point, they understand that I like it when it’s not just pleasant. You don’t have to break me, but you can make me work in a way that’s not pleasant, and I never am discouraged.” Chess has been a life coach for Krush, teaching her a resilience that some individuals will never fully understand or learn to equip. “The moment I hear the word ‘challenge,’ I like those words. Chess is a game that requires you to meet challenges and solve problems.”
After five hours, the final portable chessboard slipped comfortably into its carrier bag, its pieces clinking together like plastic wind chimes before assuming indefinite, sweet silence. Loss was not really loss, I learned. A loss is a lesson, fuel to start again. Loss is, according to Krush, one of the most valuable lessons one can glean from chess. “You just have to play,” Krush mused. “There’s no way out.”
Flower crowns to faux renowns: Debating the state of Coachella
Brendan Kennedy Columnist
Ireally want to go to Coachella.
The thrill of a three-day camping escapade and running through the dry California desert between giant concert stages and niche micro-influencers is certainly enough to drag me across the country. Beyond performances from the music industry’s top stars—this year’s lineup includes Lady Gaga, Charli xcx, Post Malone, Clairo and Megan Thee Stallion—and the concept of the “Coachella outfit,” which often takes inspiration from Bohemian and Y2K style, Coachella as a concept sounds both engrossing and an obligatory bucket-list event.
I recently spoke to my friends about my Coachella fascination over coffee and sushi at The Bridge. During our discussion, I turned my phone to them, flooded with videos of Charli xcx and Lady Gaga, and proudly displayed my hyper-fixation. However, they were not as impressed. “Coachella looks so miserable. Why would you want to camp in the desert for three days for a mediocre experience?” they argued. I was unable to give them a good response; are they even wrong?
Coachella, from an enjoyment standpoint, is extremely contested. On one hand, we see micro-influencers attempting to make Coachella amusing, such as Ysabelle Wallance, who is striving to “make Coachella fun again” through her self-proclaimed alternative “Ourchella.” Yet other people, often those who are not internet personalities, have begun to discuss the frequent straining effects of the festival.
The pre-TikTok Coachella was profuse, with flower crowns and festival-goers aglow. It was a time when the festival’s focus and experiences were less centered on social media validation and more on the raw performances and musical euphoria. The emphasis was on the event itself, rather than a curated online narrative.
Coachella has not always been “perfect,” and many attendees have taken the opportunity to post their experiences online, particularly on YouTube, garnering mass popularity due to the mythology of the festival. The grandest proponent of this is certainly fashion and entertainment celebrity Emma Chamberlain, whose 2018 YouTube video titled “the truth about coachella (everyone else is lying to you)” achieved 16.6 million views on the platform. This video is the genesis of the “influencer Coachella,” as Chamberlain—merely 17 years old—recorded her experience at the festival accompanied by other young influencers sent by the brand Dote. On top of that, the lineup for the festival that year was substantial, with headliners including The Weeknd, Eminem and Beyoncé (the famed “Beychella”). Exposure was at an all-time high, and the festival appeared to cement itself in the pop culture history books. The Golden Era of Coachella was upon us.
Today, however, the festival does not quite deliver the same success. The 2023 event was a disaster, particularly when Frank Ocean, who returned to the festival after a long hiatus from the music scene, was booed off the stage by his own fans due to his mediocre performance. Subsequently, Vanessa Hudgens, once dubbed the “Queen of Coachella” due to her consistent and iconic festival fashion, skipped the festival for the first time in ages in 2024. Emma Chamberlain, whose yearly Coachella videos are among the most popular festival-related content on the platform, stopped creating videos surrounding the festival. In 2024, chatter surrounding the festival grew, in particular with headliner Lana Del Rey. Yet when many fans expected pop superstar Taylor Swift to make a surprise performance during Del Rey’s set, out walked Camila Cabello instead, disappointing thousands of attendees.
On top of that, recent crowds appeared physically bored and unengaged, replacing typical dancing and singing with standstill
phone recording. Undoubtedly, Coachella became a place for celebrities to act glamorous, flashing their VIP and backstage passes, while thousands of “regular” attendees simultaneously stand in line for hours to simply purchase food or use the restroom. It is not an unpopular opinion that Coachella became “too influencer-y,” as every time the festival rolls around, videos circulate like wildfire on the internet. The festival itself has become the “influencer’s Met Gala”: an outlet for online personalities to showcase their style and wealth. Most of the videos you see of the festival today are often of a creator, focusing the camera on their face and outfit rather than the actual performer.
Furthermore, the prices of the festival continue to rise, making it almost impossible for the average music fan to attend, particularly from across the country. To that end, Coachella has shifted to cater to those of the celebrity-internet world rather than its foundational audience. The festival has been around since 1999, but it has fallen victim to its popularity—it is no longer a festival for the masses, but instead for the wealthy. For this reason, my fascination with the festival was purely a relic of the past, and conceivably my friends are unshielded from the truth of the modern event: Coachella is falling off.
Will Coachella ever be what it once was? With the 2025 festival recently taking place, things are starting to look up. While the heat and high prices were certainly prevalent, solid sets from some artists saved the show.
Charli xcx’s unofficial headline performance brought her fascinating party-girl, indie sleaze energy to a breathtaking high, aided by guest performances from Troye Sivan, Billie Eilish and Lorde. Bernie Sanders made a surprise cameo before alternative superstar Clario’s set, urging the queer-leaning audience to lead in the fight to combat climate change, protect women’s rights and build an economy that works for all, not just the few.
Lady Gaga’s headline performance was one of the best to ever grace the festival, showcasing an intense production value and a usual commitment to the craft of her music. Here, Gaga effortlessly shifted between her mainstream eras, going from 2025’s “Abracadabra” back to 2011’s “Judas.”
Despite this recent rise, will Coachella ever be able to justify its high prices and lousy camping conditions? Probably not. Its place in pop culture, however, is admirable, making it a standard “everybody must do this once” experience with the Gen-Z community. Perhaps once the influencer public stops taking Coachella so seriously, the festival can become wholly fun again. And while I certainly will not be attending any time soon, I hope to make the extensive trek one day. Coachella is not dead, but perhaps there is a saving grace in the future of the festival: As soon as we start focusing on the music experience itself, the polished mirror of mainstream media will succumb to the festival’s original carefree, whimsical roots.

Getting to know Computer Science’s Professor Pete
Maryam Bacchus Senior Editor
Often times as I am waiting for office hours in one of the Department of Computer Science’s hallways, Visiting Assistant Professor of Computer Science Peter (Pete) Lemieszewski waves “hello” and engages in friendly conversation. At first, this confused me—I was not one of his students, nor had he ever been my advisor. Eventually, I came to initiate the greeting and looked forward to our pleasant exchanges in the midst of stressful homework assignments and deadlines. Yet, the most I knew about Pete was that he was the subject of a contest—Selfies with Pete—run by the Computer Science Majors Committee. Now, in the last few weeks of my last semester, I decided it was time to get to know our department celebrity.
As Pete and I sat down to chat in his office, I looked around at his accolades and photos. Outside of the classroom, he often has a camera in hand, and several of his photos were featured on the table to my right, alongside certificates and awards from his 42-year-long industry career at IBM. He sipped green tea from a mug marked “pessimist’s mug” and apologized for the slight disarray in his office. I would later notice the flip side of the mug had a line under which it read “this glass is now half-empty;” an ironic sentiment for his positive persona. After earning his bachelor’s degree from
NYU, Pete immediately began working for IBM on the Transaction Processing Facility operating system team, where he wore many hats but ultimately spent his entire career in the same area. Pete reflected, “There were a number of factors that led to me staying there for so long and number one was the people that I worked with. They challenged me, I challenged them, and in terms of solving issues, solving problems, and developing new things, software-wise, that was the best kind of job to have.” He continued, “I tell my students that if you can find a job where you’re challenged on a regular basis, and you find that challenge to be exciting and helps you get up and get out of bed in the morning, then go ahead and do that.”
During his IBM tenure, Japan Airlines contacted his team and expressed the desire to upgrade their systems, especially their reservation system. The product Pete’s work centered on functioned particularly well in this realm, so he went to Japan for three months to lend his skill. Upon completion, IBM Japan adamantly requested that he return for some time to continue the improvements, which he did.
Pete’s affinity for photography was born out of his time in Japan. “Everything that I saw in Tokyo was remarkable, and I felt like a little kid seeing things for the first time, essentially because I was seeing things for the first time, and it was remarkable to see these sights, and I felt like I had to capture these moments and let people know—let my fami-
ly know—what was happening,” he recalled. Simultaneous to his career at IBM, Pete was an adjunct faculty member at Marist College, where he also received his master’s in computer science. Once Marist’s department filled up, he continued his work at IBM until a Vassar College graduate joined his team. She made him aware of a call for adjuncts at her alma mater, which Pete responded to, filling in whenever the department needed additional help with the Data Structures and Algorithms course. “I viewed my continued employment here at Vassar as being a relief pitcher in the Major Leagues,” he said with a smile.
After many years as an adjunct at the College, the chair of the department in 2022, Professor Tom Ellman, requested an updated resume from him. The day after Pete submitted the document, Ellman called him and offered him a full-time position at the College, which he deliberated with his family and bosses at IBM before retiring from the industry and accepting the teaching position.
When asked about his favorite part of teaching at Vassar specifically, Pete recalled, “One of the things that I really enjoy is the interaction with the students. When I first started, I would recognize and greet people on campus, some students didn’t even want to make eye contact with me.” He furthered, “And so, you know, I questioned in the classroom, and I questioned people about this. And they said, well, a lot of faculty and pro-
fessors, they don’t want to know you outside of the classroom.” Pete realized this lack of interaction felt wasteful, a missed opportunity for further connection and community. Specifically, Pete enjoys observing the growth of Vassar students over time, especially because he believes the average student is already characteristically amazing. “Everyone I meet is wonderful with a unique back history or personal story that they come here with.” He continued, “And that’s, I think, probably part of the best aspect of teaching, right? Not necessarily in a classroom, but working one-on-one with students and being able to see that connection between them and the code that they’re writing click, is great.”
As we closed out our chat, Pete mentioned that he typically begins class with a personal anecdote or an observation from his commute. The intent behind his friendliness both in and out of the classroom is to reduce nervousness. He concluded, “No matter how many times you do it, there’s still a certain level of anxiety in the classroom on my part as well.” He continued, “I mean, everybody feels the same way, and it’s okay to acknowledge that. So, making it a little bit easier is something I try to do on a regular basis.”
So, the next time you might find yourself somewhere on the first floor of Sanders Physics, I encourage you to smile and wave at the passersby, and maybe you will be lucky enough to strike up a conversation with Prof. Pete.
BREAKING NEWS
From the desk of Oliver Stewart, Humor Editor
Pope Francis dead at 88; planned Founder’s Day Mass cancelled
Zoos end conservation programs for ‘ugly’ and ‘gross’ animals
The world of wildlife conservation was rocked late last week after a coalition of Association of Zoos and Aquariums (AZA) zoos announced an end to conservation programs for animals they deemed “ugly,” “nasty,” “creepy” or otherwise “gross.”
“For too long,” said the press report, “we have wasted our resources on animals that are—let’s be honest—just not that nice to look at.” It elaborated that ongoing eco-
nomic uncertainty, combined with a newfound boldness to “tell it like they see it,” had motivated the change. “The woke Left has had us in a stranglehold, wasting space on California condors, naked mole rats and other animals that look like scrotes. No more!”
The appendix categorizes the various animals to be phased out and assigns each category a priority ranking. Animals classified as “Too Many Legs,” such as centipedes, spiders and octopuses, will be the first to go, while those with “Too Few,” from snakes to
giraffes, are next in line. Other categories of note include “Smells Weird” (skunks, maned wolves, binturongs), “Weirdly Human” (baboons, lemurs) and “Kinda Gay Vibe” (a majority of rodents, chimps).
Animal scientists around the world have been horrified by the announcement. “Bugs are NOT icky,” said Vassar’s own Professor Timothy Lampasona, “and giraffes have enough legs as-is!” Others think that the bans haven’t gone far enough—one Ernest Horne, a zoologist, said that anything ectothermic is “new-age bullshit,” and “we
should kill and eat snakes to gain their power.”
As of press time, Vassar College has endorsed this position, and PB promises that this new hardline stance on things that are icky will lead to proper pest control: From Raymond’s rats to Strong’s bicycle repair people to Lathrop’s slavering wild coyotes, the various nasty critters that haunt our dorms will soon be dealt with. Moreover, the administration asks that faculty who promote “weird and nasty animals” change their fields of study to “fired.”
Miss Likki juices up a storm
My friends and I are no strangers to the art of juice. At any given moment in our TH, our fridge will be stacked with nectars of your wildest imagination. I’m talking about Capri-Sun multipacks (with an emphasis on the undoubtedly best flavor, Pacific Cooler), Newman’s Own Orange Mango-Tango, apple cider and the occasional lychee-flavored soju. Every meal I partake in at Retreat? I see it as another opportunity to stock up on that sick, sick pineapple juice. Even the first meal that ever graced these carmine lips was the juice of my mother—her breast milk, of course.
The Deece has recently implemented a section on the menu simply titled “Cool Refreshers.” These various agua frescas can be found in big, beautiful drink dispensers near the utensils on the left side of Gordon Commons. Although many people would agree that all juice is good juice, I will have to break some hearts and say that the Deece juices have been hit or miss.
I will now proceed to describe in detail the three most memorable Cool Refreshers I have drank, so you get what I mean:
April 9, Hibiscus Refresher
My friends and I sat down to eat din-
ner at the Deece, like we usually do once a month because everyone is always so fucking busy even though we live in the same house!?!? Chill, Nandini, chill. Anyway, as all of us were eating, my roommate and occasional friend Ian brought a bubbling, deep purple drink to the table. “Ian!” my comrade Xander exclaimed, “What is this beautiful, frothy ambrosia that you are currently drinking?” Ian chuckled. “Why, it’s a Hibiscus Refresher, of course!”
We all immediately scrambled to pour refreshers of our own. Reader, this drink was a pulchritudinous concoction. It was a delicious potion that brought me back to my days of slaying dragons and rolling for initiative. The hibiscus flavor was strong and earthy, but not too sweet. My life has been changed.
April 19, Cucumber Mint-Infused Water
On the other side of the spectrum, we have this abomination. This wasted potential. Truly, the premature ejaculation of the Cool Refreshers. On this Saturday morning, I was taking my daily plate of breakfast watermelon to the third floor of the Deece when I heard an interesting sound. It was the sound of two Deece workers drinking cucumber mint-infused water and then proceeding to cough so hard with disgust that they started
laughing. I was intrigued. Surely, after the amazing hibiscus experience I had 10 days earlier, this cucumber water couldn’t be so bad. Reader, I was wrong. The bitter taste of this juice would rival the darkest red wine. My eyes automatically emitted tears to combat the awful taste on my tongue. After drinking this brew, I immediately ran home and quit my job. I will never be taken advantage of again.
April 16, Ginger Mule
Right in the middle of these two polar opposite experiences is the Ginger Mule. You’re probably familiar with the alcoholic beverage called the Moscow Mule. This lovely Cool Refresher did not contain any booze, to my slight disappointment. However, I still enjoyed the pleasant and mellow ginger taste, even though I normally despise ginger. It paired well with my evening bowl of Cocoa Puffs, and I would definitely consume it again.
I hope you have enjoyed this Cool Refreshers reflection. Perhaps you found it both cool and refreshing. As I look towards future Deece menus, I find myself particularly excited to taste the “Sicilian-Inspired Prickly Pear Lemonade.”
I didn’t even know Sicily had prickly pears, but that’s the kind of cultural immersion and wisdom you can receive at Vassar’s Gordon Commons. Conditions apply.

MAGA high schooler attempts coup after losing election
Ninth-grader Bobby Jones addressed a crowd of his classmates outside of Lincoln High School in rural Pennsylvania, just hours after he was informed he had come in fourth place in the race for next year’s class president. The group of students consisted of nine freshmen who all stood holding “Stop The Steal” signs.
“We stand here today to decry the second-most rigged election in our nation’s history,” Jones declared. “In a moment, we’re going to march to the principal’s office, peacefully and patriotically. There is absolutely
nothing that can stop us!” Jones proceeded to lead his followers toward the school’s front entrance, where they realized that the doors were locked.
Among the protesters was the self-proclaimed “Shaman,” a 14-year-old who wore a horned helmet and a fur hat, both of which kept falling off of his head. Jones’ vice president hopeful, Max Price, was also in attendance, as was Cody Carpenter, who would have served as Jones’ “Border Czar” had he been elected. At one point, Jones started a “hang VP Max Price” chant. Price looked on silently, confused as to how he got roped into this. The message was short-lived, though, as the crowd switched to chants urging the
Trump administration to cut funding allocated to Lincoln High School as a consequence of this election.
Among Jones’ ambitious campaign promises was to build a wall around the school to “prevent the hordes of students invading the district through school choice” and to “end the wars in Ukraine and the Middle East on day one” of his presidency.
The race garnered national attention when billionaire Elon Musk donated $1 million dollars to Jones’ campaign, offering another million as the prize in a raffle for any student who voted in the election. At a press conference earlier this week, Musk called his actions “unprecedented but necessary,” citing Pennsylva-
nia’s status as a swing state.
President Donald J. Trump followed up Musk’s endorsement with one of his own in a post on his social media website, Truth Social, writing: “In many situations, there are very fine people on both sides. However, this election is not one of them. Bobby’s opponent is a Soros-backed radical leftist. After a few years of Bobby, you will be tired of winning!” Jones ended the night by live-streaming a video at 11 p.m. to his followers on Instagram. “To my loyal base: I know I’ve asked a lot of you recently. However, I have one final plea. I’m stranded at the high school. I need a ride home. My parents are out of town and I’m worried I’ll have to spend the night here.”
HUMOR
A rock’s tale: A bildungsroman in one act
Evan Seker Rock of Ages
Dear Vassar,
It is I, Rock. That is, a Rock. Vassar, I watched you when you were young, a small college, growing cows from the ground, drawing honey from the beehives. I have dreamed of your plans to raise goats, and your plan to turn students into more goats, and your plan to turn the goats back into students, but with wings. I approve of the first, am ambivalent about the second and disapprove of the third. I think the campus needs goats. I love goats.
They are very fluffy. Although I understand that circumstances may prevent you from raising goats. Leave it to me, I shall shepherd them.
You may be wondering why a random rock is messaging you through the school paper. This is the only way for me to contact the College, as the other rocks roll into me and force me back into the Caves every time I try to approach President Bradley’s House. She also tends to ignore my pebble messages, no matter how carefully I arrange them in her shoes. I remember the last time I left one, she spent four whole minutes clapping her
shoes instead of dumping them out like usual, which seems to be a good sign—but since nothing has happened yet, and I have never received a message back from her, I am hesitant to celebrate.
For many moons, I have watched this campus grow, and I appreciate your attempts at exploring my geologic brethren. Much care has been taken to preserve their natural habitats as they are, which I appreciate. It would be wonderful, however, if some of you learned to realize that us rocks are as alive as any of you!
And given your obsession with these new glowing rectangles, perhaps even more so.
I yearn to be free and roll upon the grass, like any good rock. But I am caged, forced to remain in this abominable rock garden near Olmsted. I beseech thee, graduating students of Vassar College, free me from my prison, so that I may rise and walk on two legs as a human. All of my attempts to escape by hitching a ride on cars have been unsuccessful, because either the wheels turn and almost grind me up, or they just drive me back into Vassar after spending weeks away. Leave, and do not return! And bring me with you!
That is all,
A humble rock, XOXO
Student explores drinking the Deece ice cream water
Darren gave me a weird look.
“What was that?”
“The ice cream water.”
“Wait. Really?”
[Disclaimer: This article was written before the recent passing of Pope Francis.]
Acouple Thursdays ago, during the dinner rush at the Deece, I was catching a meal with all of the boys from my Stufel group. I was telling everybody this story about how I opened the door to the wrong dorm room by accident and everybody at the table thought it was really funny.
Jerry was like, “Charles, you’re so crazy that I bet you’d drink the ice cream water!” and everybody started laughing. It was a funny joke, and I thought that was the end of it. The following week, when we got dinner, I was a little quiet, and Darren turned to me and said to the group, “He’s thinking about that ice cream water!” Everybody started laughing, and then Marcus called me “ice cream water guy,” and now all the guys in the group call me that.
Next Thursday, the second time we got dinner, I was like, what the hell, it would be really funny if I actually drank the ice cream water, so I took one of the plastic cups by the drink machine and brought it over to the little vat of creamy water where the ice cream scoopers go. When no one was looking, I dipped my cup in and got a full glass. I brought it over, stood in front of the table and chugged it. I looked at everybody and they all looked really confused.
“Yup, I just got a cup and dunked it in the ice cream water. Then I drank it.”
“Bro. Wait, stop. You’re kidding, right?” Darren was paper-white now, and he looked really concerned.
Jerry chimed in.“That’s, like, really messed up.” All the guys nodded their heads. “You guys kept saying that I should drink it!”
“We were just joking around, man! We didn’t think you’d actually do it!”
Jerry looked at Darren. “Dude, I think we should call CRC. I think he’s going to need to get him to the hospital. I’m really freaking out man.” Suddenly, my face felt really hot, but I wasn’t sure if it was just because everybody was staring at me or the Deece ice cream water. Five minutes later, two EMS guys come over to my table, and they’re really serious. One of them’s like, “If you’re gonna get through this, we need you to calm down.”
“I’m relaxed. I just want to know what’s going on.”
“Sir, PLEASE CALM DOWN!” he replied. Everybody looked over at us. Suddenly, a third EMS person came in with the gurney, and he’s like, “Is he calm?”
“No.”
They took me out of the Deece to an ambulance. It was this weird orange-colored ambulance, and it said “super ambulance”
on the side of it and had monster truck wheels, which didn’t seem like a good thing. When we were in the super ambulance, one of the EMTs said something to the other one:
“Good thing they called the super ambulance. This shit looks serious.” Meanwhile, the super ambulance crushed something large and car-like below it. We got to the hospital, and they pushed me right through the E.R. and down the hallway. Suddenly, I started feeling really lightheaded and passed out. Next thing I knew, I was in a hospital room and a doctor with a name tag that read Dr. Ihavamedikalisens was by my bed, and he started explaining what was going on in a gentle tone.
“Basically, it’s not looking good. When the whey proteins in the ice cream interact with the room temperature water, they start producing toxocytozine, and then your ribostraphephephulene levels start plummeting because of your body’s genopsychoflamation response. It’s treatable, though, I think. You’ll be alright as long as we monitor you for a few days and give you some serums.” I would have found this information mildly comforting if Dr. Medikalisenz wasn’t wearing a hazmat suit while we were talking. “You’ll be fine as long as you didn’t consume more than three fluid ounces.”
“I drank an entire cup.” The doctor sighed really loudly. And then he sighed again.
“That’s a lot of toxocyzine. Like really bad. Like, bro, what were you thinking?
Those guys were joking! It was a freaking joke! Anyways, we’re going to need to moitor you here for the next few weeks. Well, maybe a few years actually.” Bummer. Here I sit in my isolation pod, drafting emails for my professors about why I won’t be in class for the next few weeks/years. Maybe I can get some extensions. The doctor told me I may never eat ice cream again which really sucks. Charles Ladder Jr., Misc Reporter at-large, telling you to lay off the ice cream water.


HOROSCOPES
Emma daRosa Stone Fruit Freak

ARIES March 21 | April 19

TAURUS April 20 | May 20
Everyone is looking forward to hearing you sing in the shower this week. If I were you, I’d start taking requests now. Maybe invest in one of those toy plastic microphones? The louder, the better!

LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22
This week, you’re going to knock over a chair in the Deece (humiliating). Probably best to begin a hunger strike and avoid the taunting and food throwing that is sure to follow.

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

CANCER June 21 | July 22
Really loving stone fruit is just not a personality trait. The reason nobody will go out with you a second time is that you never shut up about peaches and cherries. Maybe on your next date, try talking guava instead!

SCORPIO Oct. 23 | Nov. 21
You should go undercover in a tour group this week. Ask the real questions. How much clam chowder do you guys serve here? Will I have constant access to chowder? How can you call yourself a “highly competitive” institution when you don’t even have competitive amounts of chowder?
I think you should have public sex this week. Don’t think it’ll do you much bad or good, I’m just curious. Report back how it goes. Maybe try a hammock?

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21
You’ve gotta stop doing impressions of Connor from “Love on the Spectrum.” It’s weird and sort of mean. And honestly, your James impression is significantly better. Maybe try both during class and take a vote.
Watch out! A foe approaches! Turn this newspaper into a really sharp paper airplane as quickly as you can and throw it in their eye!

LEO July 23 | Aug. 22
This week, you’re going to catch PB walking on her phone, but I wouldn’t mention it if I were you. The pressure is getting to her. Handing out all these gift cards is finally gonna make her crack. When she bites… don’t say I didn’t warn you.

VIRGO Aug. 23 | Sept. 22
The love of your life is hidden in plain sight. Respond to every Moodle post in all of your classes this week with a description of what you’re looking for and how you would woo a lover. I promise nobody will think you’re weird!

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19
Try to make fewer Pope jokes this week, it’s in bad taste… Maybe limit yourself to one per class and two per meal. Three if you’ve been drinking, obviously.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18
Have you ever tried biting an orange with the peel still on? Maybe try it this week. Maybe you’ll finally feel something. Maybe you’ll love it and turn into the campus peel freak, I can’t predict the future!

PISCES Feb. 19 | March 20
I heard that you’re going to solve the NYT mini in four SECONDS during class this week! You have to go into hiding. Camp out in the tunnels under the quad. They’re coming to do experiments on you. Farewell, dear puzzler.
Do dating apps suck or does the culture?
Maryam Bacchus Senior Editor
Dating apps suck. I utter this phrase at least once a day, often to a room of single friends who express their agreement. Yet, every few times this interaction occurs, someone elects to redownload the apps. As my peers continue to perpetrate a cycle we simultaneously condemn, I cannot help but wonder: Does the flaw lie within the apps or how we use them?
According to findings by the Pew Research Center in 2023, Americans under the age of 30 are significantly more likely to have used dating apps. Specifically, three in every 10 adults have used a dating app, Tinder being the most reported, with 46 percent of online daters indicating prior use. In terms of satisfaction with the platforms, 46 percent of users report very or somewhat negative experiences with the apps, and only 48 percent of Americans believe dating apps are safe.
I believe the conflation between standards and selectiveness needs to be addressed. Oftentimes, friends will write off their selective nature as having set high standards for the individuals they date.
An article from The New York Times
poses the topic of online dating burnout. The author asserts that long-term users of dating apps can feel depleted and hopeless, which creates a sense of fatigue around dating. Further, seeing others’ success in the dating sphere can accumulate resentment and misery in unsuccessful users. Yet, when exploring the root causes of these feelings, the interviewees highlighted themes of consistent disappointment and unfulfilled anticipation. Specifically, the emotional and monetary investment in the process led to eventual burnout, leaving users feeling drained. Having periods of obsessive use may also contribute to the overall fatigue. The identifiable problems with dating apps raise the question of whether or not possible solutions exist.
In my experience, even those who have set strict boundaries around their dating app use have felt a sense of burnout eventually. Because of the increasingly digitized world we live in, many of my peers have reluctantly conformed to modern dating. Although they are making the conscious decision to partake in dating app culture, there is still an aura of misery surrounding their actions. Reflecting on this contradiction, I am curious how the negative mindset shapes the outcome of dating on the apps, specifically within today’s young adults.
A 2023 Opinion from The Washington Post explores the incompatibility between Generation Z and dating apps. Broadly, the piece includes a discussion of concepts like swipe fatigue—the result of the stressful and formulaic attempts to find a partner online—and the sentiment that many in this generation are happy being single. Fur-
thermore, Generation Z has a tendency to get caught up in the hyper-specificity that comes with endless online options, which often prevents them from serious pursuit.
The identifiable problems with dating apps raise the question of whether or not possible solutions exist.
On one hand, my experience discussing this topic points to a classic case of “the grass is greener on the other side.” Hinge, an app that is gaining popularity over the previously dominant Tinder, only allows users eight free “yes” swipes per day. I have seen many people “save” their likes, only to spend significantly less than the maximum over the course of a day, because they do not want to “waste” the swipes. This selectiveness encourages intense scrutiny of potential matches, and oftentimes, prospects are ruled out purely on the principle of saving a swipe. This is one of the key pillars of the problematic side of dating apps. As alluded to at the start of this article, many users download the apps due to indirect peer pressure. Yet, in my experience discussing the dating scene, many of my peers express a desire to return to traditional ways of meeting. A popular ideal is the concept of a matchmaker, or having friends introduce friends. One potential roadblock to the success of this method is the standards imposed by friends for their friends. That is, individuals will deem people not good enough to be introduced. As I
formulated this piece, I wondered whether the selectiveness of dating apps manifests itself in real life, and I believe that this is a key example of the phenomenon. So, are there actionable steps to take towards resolving this problem?
I believe the conflation between standards and selectiveness needs to be addressed. Oftentimes, friends will write off their selective nature as having set high standards for the individuals they date. It is important to have standards and reasonable criteria for the people we date. But ruling a potential match out for a minor flaw or because one wants to wait for a better option needs to stop.
Furthermore, if almost everyone hates the apps, there will be strength in a collective decision to stop using them. Whether or not the clutches of the apps are from Stockholm syndrome or a genuine desire to make them better avenues of meeting people, one thing is clear: They are not working, and they are creating detrimental effects in the dating population.
In my experience, even those who have set strict boundaries around their dating app use have felt a sense of burnout eventually. Because of the increasingly digitized world we live in, many of my peers have reluctantly conformed to modern dating.
Rethinking the financial aid divide at Vassar
Soren Fischer Opinions Editor
Humanity readily divides itself, and in recent history, few fault lines have been as enduring as socioeconomic status. At Vassar College, as with most colleges, one’s financial background often determines who can matriculate just as surely as grades or test scores. Students are typically divided into two categories—those on financial aid and those who are not—and it is too easy to assume that all aid recipients overcome the same forms of hardship. Yet that assumption—treating “being on aid” as a blanket proxy of economic struggle—obscures far more daunting forms of inequality, both within our borders and across the globe.
Even within the aid-recipient group, the spectrum of what students actually pay is enormous: According to Vassar, around twothirds of students receive financial aid, and the average scholarship award is $51,508 per year, which covers about 56.27 percent of Vassar’s full cost of attendance. That total cost amounts to $91,520, including $70,050 for tuition, $18,240 for room and board, $980 in fees and $2,250 for books and supplies.
It can be assumed that some students have a significant portion of their tuition covered, with up to 75 percent funded, while others receive much less, with only 15 percent of their tuition covered. That means one student might pay $22,880 a year, another $77,792, and some bear the full $91,520 price tag. These figures represent a drastic range of economic realities—from families stretching every dollar to cover modest loans, to those cushioned by generational wealth. Recognizing this spectrum is the first step towards an honest conversation about privilege, need and
the true meaning of “hardship.”
I have noticed a growing trend among students: amplifying minor financial struggles to craft narratives of hardship—a phenomenon I call “adversity cosplay.”But this is not just a harmless storytelling quirk. When students equate a modest gap in their family’s ability to pay with grinding poverty, they inadvertently trivialize the lived experiences of those who face true financial precarity every day. Globally, only 6.7 percent of people hold a college degree, according to research from Harvard University and the Asian Development Bank. Meanwhile, 8.5 percent of the world’s population lives in extreme poverty, as reported by the World Bank. These figures remind us just how rare it is to even step foot in a college classroom—let alone one at an elite institution. It is important, however, to acknowledge that the challenges faced by individuals attending college, particularly at prestigious institutions, can still be significant and multifaceted. Simply having access to higher education does not negate the struggles that many students endure along the way. I believe education is a fundamental human right, and that every individual should have access to higher learning. At the same time, I recognize that disparities in educational access and quality lie at the heart of many of the world’s most persistent inequalities.
Brian S. Lowery, The Walter Kenneth Kilpatrick Professor of Organizational Behavior at Stanford Graduate School of Business, explains that the more people focus on highlighting their personal “overcomings,” the less likely they are to acknowledge the unearned advantages that paved their way. In practice, this means well-intentioned students often spend more time crafting compelling origin stories than they do examining the very struc-
tures that distribute opportunity so unevenly.
As the child of two public educators, I fall squarely into America’s middle-income bracket and rely heavily on financial aid to attend Vassar. Even so, my family’s economic status far surpasses that of the vast majority of the global population. Perspective matters, and the relatively privileged students at Vassar should honestly reflect on themselves and their place in the world, especially as they prepare to become the next generation of leaders tasked with confronting the urgent challenges of our time.
While some financial aid recipients at Vassar might worry about covering a few thousand dollars in loans, millions of Americans— and billions worldwide—face the impossible choice between rent or medicine, or sending a child to school at all. This reality underscores the urgent need to expand access to education, and also highlights something deeper. We must not lose sight of the even more dire, immediate human rights crises that demand action, because the right to learn means little without the right to live with dignity.
Places like Vassar have a unique platform and responsibility to reshape how we talk about economic adversity. Instead of fostering a culture where students compete over who has “struggled more,” institutions like Vassar can cultivate spaces for dialogue—both within and beyond the campus—grounded in empathy with those who lack privilege, whether or not they have access to elite education. These initiatives could include peer-led workshops on global poverty, student activism that holds policy makers accountable and efforts to divest from institutions or practices that exacerbate global human rights violations—including Vassar itself.
On a personal and institutional level, stu-
dents can use their relative privilege not just to amplify individual narratives of hardship, but to drive collective action. This could mean volunteering with local food-security initiatives, advocating for increased state and federal support of need-blind admissions or working to end legacy admissions—both of which would help reduce financial inequities in higher education. It could also involve campaigning for comprehensive debt-forgiveness policies that offer relief to all borrowers, regardless of background. Each of these efforts helps dismantle the barriers that separate access from opportunity, and charity from true justice.
True equity will not come from comparison, but from recognizing and dismantling the systems that sustain inequality in the first place. If we want the next generation of leaders to build an egalitarian world, we must teach them that their greatest tool is not a compelling personal narrative, but the courage to use their opportunities—and, when necessary, sacrifice their privileges—to expand access and justice for all. True merit thrives in diversity, not exclusion.
In embracing egalitarianism, we honor the true promise of education—not merely as a privilege to be earned, but as a universal right to be shared, and a powerful force against the injustices of a world driven by the desire for power and profit.
True equity will not come from comparison, but from recognizing and dismantling the systems that sustain inequality in the first place.
Safir ’15 wins college basketball national championship
Continued from Safir on page 1
the Liberty League conference finals where we lost in controversial fashion in overtime to Hobart.” Since Safir’s special season with the Brewers, the program has bloomed. Coach Ryan Mee took over the helm in 2018, and from that point on, the Brewers have added a Liberty League championship and an NCAA Tournament Appearance, both in 2021 and 2022.
At Vassar, Safir did everything he could to put himself in a position to succeed in sports analytics. He told The Miscellany News, “While at Vassar, I tried to shape [the classes] to be as much like me as I could to be like [the school], in terms of taking sports related classes.” Safir majored in economics and American studies, and worked with Professor William Hoynes and Hua Hsu to write his thesis, “How Analytics, Big Data, and Technology Have Impacted Basketball’s Quest to Maximize Efficiency and Optimization.” In the Acknowledgements section of Safir’s thesis, he discusses the hurdles with pursuing a course of study in sports analytics, citing how he considered having to create an Independent Study major before eventually switching paths and landing on American Studies.
In his thesis, Safir writes, “Basketball has intrigued me from the onset, because it is the consummate team game: teamwork, selflessness, camaraderie trump selfishness and individual play. That is an axiom that has been taught to me by my father from as early as I can remember.” As a part of a noteworthy Vassar basketball team, Safir already had a unique perspective on the game of basketball—less than four percent of high school basketball players go on to play in college. But his biggest contributions during his time at Vassar likely came off the court, in his thesis, where he spent 111 pages dissecting the role of statistics and analytics in every corner of today’s game of basketball, ranging from game-play to media coverage.
As a 22-year-old, Safir was on the outside of the basketball analytics world, looking in. Just a decade later, he is assistant coach at the nation’s top Division I men’s basketball program.
Safir’s journey, however, was not linear. He spent time with two other basketball programs on both ends of the country—Columbia and San Francisco—before landing at Florida. After graduating from Vassar, Safir spent three years obtaining a Masters of Science in Sports Management from Columbia University. Under legendary Head Coach Kyle Smith, Safir was a Graduate Manager for the men’s basketball team for a year before Smith took a head coaching job at the San Francisco Dons. Faced with a fork in the road, Safir stuck around in New York. “I was halfway through my masters, and [Smith] said, ‘Look, you’re 22 years old, finish your masters, and if this job’s available out west, I’ll hire you.’ He was true to his word, and I stuck around and finished my masters [and then] when the job came up out West I became his director of basketball operations.”
Under Smith, the San Francisco Dons were thriving. But it is possible that the most important thing in basketball history to happen during those years at San Francisco was the budding of Safir and Todd Golden’s—who is now head coach at Florida—relationship. At the end of the 2018-2019 season, Smith took a job with Washington State following three consecutive 20-win seasons, and Assistant Coach Todd Golden was promoted to head coach and Safir was promoted to assistant coach. Safir explained, “[I] was fortunate enough to stick around when [Todd Golden] got the head coaching job and was eventually promoted to assistant coach and he and I have developed a really strong relationship, now I think it’s even stronger.”
Golden and Safir’s chemistry is evidenced by the immediate acceleration of San Francisco’s program. By the 2021-2022 season,
the Dons went 24-10, earning their first NCAA tournament berth since 1998, ranking top-50 in the nation in both offensive and defensive efficiency. San Francisco entered the tournament as a 10 seed, but fell to a strong Murray State squad in the first round. Golden was offered the Florida head coaching job and Safir was a package deal with Golden, “A couple days later he got the Florida [head coach] job and I was the first one hired along with him and we’ve been here ever since.” He continued, “Somehow, someway, three years later we cut down the net in San Antonio.”
Safir came to Florida with Head Coach Todd Golden. In his first year with the Gators, Safir contributed to two top-25 wins and a postseason berth. Developing Florida’s men’s basketball program has not been an exact science, as Safir told me. Recruiting athletes required layers of evaluation, starting with looking at KenPom Offensive Rating Usage—a metric that measures against strength of opponent player efficiency against strength of schedule—rate stats and more. From there, Safir, Golden and the rest of the staff watch the players. Safir prides his team in gauging player compatibility: “One area that I think we excel at too, is not just using the numbers, but analyzing the film and being able to identify how a certain player will translate up a level is one of our special skills and we were fortunate in our team building and roster construction to make it all happen, almost to perfection this year. It’ll be hard to replicate.”
In light of Safir’s notoriety, he has not forgotten his roots, “Shoutout to Coach Dunne and Coach Mee. They were actually in San Antonio. I got to see them for a few minutes. [I appreciate] the support from the Vassar community and the Brewers, and I hope I can be the proud representative of my Alma Mater. I don’t want to forget my roots and Vassar’s played a big role in shaping who I am.”
Jonathan Safir’s success at the highest level in his field reflects all that Vassar College has to offer. Safir was a thriving student athlete who leveraged all the academic and extracurricular resources that the school provides.
The next chapter of Safir’s career is certainly bright. Just days ago, he was promoted to Todd Golden’s assistant coach and recent reports have Safir’s name in play for Florida men’s basketball’s next general manager. While Safir may doubt the Gators’ ability to build another roster as star-studded as this past year’s, Safir is just getting started in the game. In merely a decade, he went from a senior at Vassar, writing a thesis on the usage of analytics in basketball, to co-writing studies with the Ken Pom, winning a national championship and rising in the ranks to assistant coach. With the world of basketball in front of him, there is no telling where Jonathan Safir might go next.

’25 WNBA Draft: A night of talent, surprises and stories
Holland Kaplan Assistant Design Editor
Last night’s 2025 WNBA Draft was everything I could have hoped for as a basketball fan: electric, unpredictable and filled with moments that will define the league’s next era. Watching the event unfold live felt less like a traditional draft and more like a celebration of how far women’s basketball has come and the exciting future it has ahead.
As expected, the Dallas Wings selected Paige Bueckers with the No. 1 overall pick. To be honest, I got chills watching her walk across that stage. After everything she has been through in her five years at UCONN, including her season-ending ACL injury, the difficult recovery, and the pressure of returning to a top program, Bueckers responded by leading the Huskies to their 12th national championship. Her court vision, leadership and calm presence in high-pressure moments make her the ideal franchise player for the Wings. After a rough 9-31 season, they have a new cornerstone, making it a thrill to watch Bueckers take charge in Dallas.
Then, the Seattle Storm made a twist by selecting French phenom Dominique Malonga. I have to admit, I did not expect that move. Malonga is only 19 years old, but her defensive presence and international experience bring a unique edge to Seattle’s frontcourt. It will be interesting to
watch more European players dominate in the WNBA since they have been dominating in the NBA this past season. The Storm view her as a long-term piece, and the boldness of the pick shows their confidence in her potential.
The biggest winners of the draft were the Washington Mystics. They walked away with three of the top six picks: Sonia Citron, Kiki Iriafen and Georgia Amoore. That is a powerful trio of athleticism, skill and heart. Citron is a smooth, versatile two-way player. Iriafen plays with relentless energy and emotion. Amoore, standing just 5’6”, brings explosive playmaking and toughness. Washington’s rebuild just got a major boost.
Then there were the Golden State Valkyries, making their debut as the league’s newest expansion team. They made an international splash with the No. 5 pick by selecting Lithuanian guard Justė Jocytė. Her talent is undeniable, but the pick surprised many since some proven college stars were still up for grabs. It is clear that the Valkyries are thinking globally as they build their identity, and that fresh perspective will be fascinating to watch unfold.
One of my favorite moments of the night came when Hailey Van Lith was selected 11th overall by the Chicago Sky. After transferring to TCU and completely rewriting her narrative this past season by giving herself a chance for a championship after her rough season at LSU, it was deeply
satisfying to see her hard work recognized. The emotion in the room was palpable. Her grit and scoring ability are bound to make her a fan favorite in Chicago. She will also be reuniting with former LSU teammate Angel Reese. I am excited to watch this duo back on the court together again, especially when they eventually clash with Caitlyn Clark on the Indiana Fever.
Of course, not every story had a happy ending. Once a rising star off the court and vocal advocate for gender inequities in the NCAA, TCU center Sedona Prince went undrafted. It stung. According to Just Women’s Sports, allegations from several women of sexual and physical assault played a huge role in Prince going undrafted.
I admire the WNBA for recognizing the severity of these claims, something most major sports leagues would have brushed over. Still, it was surprising to see someone with her talent and platform left off the board, but ultimately it is a reminder that accountability matters and I respect the WNBA for not looking the other way.
Another tough moment came with a broadcast error during Shyanne Sellers’ selection. Sellers was misidentified by host Hannah O’Flynn, and a picture of Paige Bueckers was shown, making for an awkward on-air moment. She ultimately fell to the 17th pick by the Valkyries, which many analysts viewed as a steal. Sellers has the tools to become a dark horse in this league.
Meanwhile, the former championship runner-ups, the Minnesota Lynx made some interesting choices, focusing on frontcourt depth with the selections of Anastasiia Olairi Kosu, Dalayah Daniels and Aubrey Griffin. Kosu, a 6’6” forward from Russia, is especially intriguing. Her size, defensive ability and long-term upside align with the Lynx’s apparent strategy of prioritizing versatility and strength in the paint.
Later in the night, history was made. Kaitlyn Chen, who played at both Princeton and UConn, became the first player of Taiwanese descent to be drafted into the WNBA. The Valkyries selected her in the third round, and the moment was both heartfelt and groundbreaking as we watched all of her teammates cheer her on.
Harmoni Turner, the Becky Hammon Mid-Major Player of the Year, also had her moment. Selected in the third round by the Las Vegas Aces, she brings leadership and offensive firepower after guiding Harvard to its first Ivy League title. Her impact could be sneaky big for the franchise. Looking back, the 2025 WNBA Draft was more than just a showcase of talent. It was clear that no script could have written this night of celebrating women’s basketball better, and as a fan, it reminded me exactly why I love this game. Now, all that is left is to see how these rookies make their mark and tell their stories on the professional court. Something tells me, they will.
Who will rise in the 2025 NBA Playoffs?
The NBA playoffs are back, and with the regular season in the rearview, it is time for the best two months of basketball. For those who are not familiar with the format of the NBA playoffs, there are eight teams from the Eastern Conference and eight teams from the Western Conference. Each team will compete in a seven-game series with hopes of winning four games and advancing to the next round. The higher seeds have home court advantage, meaning they get one extra home game in the seven game series (4-3). With legacies on the line, and many dramatic storylines reaching their conclusion, who will come out victorious?
This years storylines:
Luka’s betrayal
In the most stunning move of the century, MVP candidate and Finals runner-up Luka Dončić was shipped off to the City of Angels and betrayed by the Dallas Mavericks—an organization he used to call home. Dončić is coming off a season where he led his team to the NBA Finals averaging 33.9 points per game, 9.2 rebounds per game and 9.8 assists per game, and was third in MVP voting, but the Mavericks decided to trade him due to “injury and conditioning concerns.” Going into this year’s playoffs, Dončićwill look to silence the haters and prove that the Dallas Mavericks made the wrong move. Teaming up with the legendary LeBron James, the duo are looking to lead the Lakers to the next level.
The defending champions’ quest for a repeat
The Boston Celtics are attempting to achieve one of the hardest feats in the modern NBA: winning back-to-back titles. No team has won back to back Championships since the 2017 and 2018 Warriors. Although the Celtics are having a slightly worse season than they were last year, they are still 61-21 and second in the Eastern Conference.
Led by superstar Jayson Tatum, the Celtics have one of the scariest rosters in the
NBA. The Celtics have also developed a “live by the three, die by the three” motto, as they smashed the record for most three-pointers made in a season. Derrick White, Payton Pritchard and Tatum all have over 230 made threes this season, so the Celtics are looking to continue splashing threes all the way to the Finals.
The young Thunder’s electrifying season
The Oklahoma City Thunder have lit up the league this season, finishing 68-14 and first in the NBA. They are led by MVP frontrunner Shai Gilgeous Alexander (SGA), who is averaging a league high 32.7 points per game. He is surrounded by many other young emerging stars, such as Chet Holmgren and Jalen Williams, resulting in the team sporting an average age of 24.4 years old. However, last season the Thunder was also the number one team in the West, and they ended up falling short in the second round to the Dallas Mavericks. Can SGA redeem himself and lead his young Thunder to the promised land?
The Chef and the Butler
The Warriors dynasty may be over, but the cornerstone Steph “Chef” Curry is still playing at an elite level. After their Championship in 2022, the Warriors have only won one playoff series. With the midseason addition of Jimmy Butler, the Warriors are right back in the mix for title contenders in the West. Butler has come very close to the Larry O’Brien trophy, with two Finals appearances in his five years on the Miami Heat. However, after tensions flared and relationships crumbled, the Heat shipped him off to Golden State, where he hopes to finally get over the hump and win a title.
The post-LeBron Cavs
It has now been six years since Lebron James left Cleveland for Los Angeles, and the Cavs have not achieved anything. This year, however, the Cavs look poised to have a real shot at winning it all. They are led by superstar Donovan Mitchell, who has averaged 24 points per game this season and
has been in many playoff appearances, but has never made it past the second round. Mitchell is surrounded by many key pieces this year such as Darius Garland (20 points per game), and DeAndre Hunter (17 points per game), but will it be enough to bring the Cavs to their first Finals appearance since the 2018 season?
The Big Apple
The New York Knicks have been bad for the past two decades, tallying only two playoff series wins since 2000. This year they acquired seven-footer Karl Anthony Towns (KAT) from the Minnesota Timberwolves. KAT has been averaging 24.4 points per game and 12.8 rebounds per game this season. Paired with the all star guard Jalen Brunson, the Knicks are looking to finally make a Conference Finals appearance at least. With a record of 51-31, the Knicks are one of the top teams in the league. The blemish on the season, however, is the Knicks’ whopping 0-10 record against the top three teams in the league (Thunder, Cavs, Celtics).
My predictions
This year provides an array of opportunities for upsets. First, I see the Thunder and Celtics sweeping their respective first round opponents: the Memphis Grizzlies and the Orlando Magic. I think the Cavs and Knicks will have hard fought wins in either six or seven games over their respective opponents: the Miami Heat and the Detroit Pistons. I think the Lakers will barely edge the Wolves in seven, and the Warriors will upset the 2-seeded Houston Rockets. I would not be surprised if the Nuggets beat the Clippers in a seven game back and forth series, and the Indiana Pacers outlast the injured Milwaukee Bucks in six games. This will lead to a second round slate of Thunder versus Nuggets, Warriors versus Lakers, Celtics versus Knicks and Cavs versus Pacers. The least competitive series will be Celtics-Knicks, as the Celtics are 4-0 against the Knicks in regular season play: Celtics win in five. The Cavs-Pacers series is going to be a bloodbath. The Pacers made the
Eastern Conference Finals last year, and will be looking to do it again, but I have the Cavs winning this series in six games. Their roster is much deeper than previous years, and I think Donovan Mitchell will have a great series. In the West, I see the Thunder beating the Nuggets in six games. Nuggets star and three time MVP Nikola Jokic will put up crazy stats, but it will not be enough to beat this juggernaut of a Thunder team. Lastly, Warriors-Lakers is going to be the series of the year. It could be the last time we see Stephen Curry and Lebron going head to head in the playoffs. Also, the new additions to both teams— Butler to the Warriors and Dončić to the Lakers—will each be hungry to get their first ring. While this will be a very tight series, I do not want to bet against the greatest player of all time. Give me Lebron and the Lakers in seven games.
In the Western Conference Finals, the Thunder will get off to a hot start, winning the first two games. However, the Lakers will battle back and force the Thunder to earn their trip to the Finals. Yes, I think SGA and Thunder will y pull through in seven games and make their first Finals since 2012. In the East, the Celtics and Cavs will be very evenly matched. Jayson Tatum and Jaylen Brown have made six Eastern Conference Finals appearances in their first eight years, with two trips to the Finals and one Championship. I believe the Celtics will win and advance to the Finals in six games.
The Finals
Finally, the NBA Finals stage will be set as Celtics-Thunder. Both teams have compelling storylines, deep rosters and legacies on the line. I think the Celtics will shock the Thunder by stealing a game in Oklahoma City and taking away home court advantage. The Celtics playoff experience will be enough to outlast the Thunder’s top ranked defense, and the Celtics will win in six games, and be back-to-back champions. Regardless of the outcome, I know that this year’s NBA playoffs will not disappoint. With this many compelling storylines, who will come out on top and take home the title? We just have to wait and see.
Recapping the historic 2025 Masters Tournament
David Bray Guest Columnist
The 89th Masters was not just another golf tournament—it was a masterclass in resilience, skill and the sheer unpredictability of championship golf. With numerous storylines swirling around some of the game’s biggest names, the pressure was on. Bryson DeChambeau, YouTube sensation and LIV Golf star, was ready to show out and compete. Rory McIlroy, on his 12th attempt to cement his legacy with a career Grand Slam, faced both immense opportunity and a potentially crippling loss. Scottie Scheffler, the world number one and winner of the 2022 and 2024 Masters, looked to reclaim his title. And PGA Tour vet Justin Rose, ranked 39th before the Masters, entered with low expectations but the potential to stir things up.
The week kicked off with the Par 3 Contest, a lighthearted tradition where players tee off alongside family members dressed in the iconic Masters caddie whites. It is a moment of levity before the pressure begins and a chance for fans to see the pros in a more relaxed setting.
In a charming bit of foreshadowing, Rory McIlroy’s 4-year-old daughter, Poppy,
drained a 25-foot putt. Brooks Koepka, Keegan Bradley and Tom Hoge each hit holesin-one, celebrating with their families in scenes that quickly made their way across social media.
Then came Thursday and the start of round one, with anticipation and hope hanging thick over Augusta, Georgia. Rose started off hot, finishing the day in first place with a seven-under-par score. Rose was clearly at home in Augusta, playing in his 19th Masters. As the sun set, he held a strong three-stroke lead over the next group of players, featuring names like Scheffler. DeChambeau, although carding an impressive -3, was not satisfied and was ready to mount a comeback in Round 2.
Friday brought near-perfect golf weather: light overnight rain and a mild high of 72 degrees Fahrenheit, ideal conditions at Augusta National. Rose held on to the lead, finishing at -8 despite a more modest round. McIlroy bounced back after a disappointing Thursday, climbing from even par to -6 and into third. Bryson played a strong front nine and steadied on the back, ending the day at -7. By the day’s end, those over +2 were cut from the field, per tournament rules.
Saturday—what Jim Nantz famously
calls “moving day”—was when the action ramped up. Players were regrouped into twosomes. Rory doubled his score, ending the day at -12, while Rose faltered, slipping to -5. Bryson delivered a career round, finishing at -10 to sit alone in second place. New contenders like Corey Conners and Patrick Reed surged into the leaderboard mix, finishing at -8 and -6, respectively. Masters Sunday was now set, with Rory and Bryson teeing off last in the final group.
On Sunday, the stage that had seen so many of golf’s greatest moments was set for the newest generation to leave its mark.
Given McIlroy’s well-documented Augusta struggles, fans feared another collapse from the four-time major champ. DeChambeau entered confidently, high-fiving fans on his way to the tee. McIlroy, by contrast, was quiet and focused, determined not to let the moment overwhelm him.
DeChambeau parred the first hole but soon unraveled, bogeying four holes and double-bogeying the 11th. With his hopes slipping, all eyes turned to McIlroy to hold steady. But after a double bogey on hole one, old doubts resurfaced. Would the moment slip away again? McIlroy gathered himself, giving up only one more stroke and finishing at -11. One of the highlights of
his round was an incredible escape shot on hole seven.
Meanwhile, Rose mounted an astonishing comeback, carding 10 birdies and four bogeys to also finish at -11. After McIlroy missed a short, four-foot putt on 18, the championship came down to a playoff. In the playoff, Rose and McIlroy would face off, with the first to win a hole crowned the champion in a sudden-death format.
Back to the par-four 18th they went. Both players hit strong drives. Rose found the green and two-putted for par. McIlroy followed up his drive with a nearly perfect second shot, giving himself a great look for birdie. The world held its breath as he stood over the putt, just feet from where he missed before. This time, with a soft stroke, the ball fell.
McIlroy dropped to his knees as tears welled up in his eyes.
After 17 tries, he had finally done it.
Rory McIlroy was crowned the 2025 Masters Champion, becoming only the sixth golfer in history to complete the career Grand Slam. Through the pomp and circumstance of the celebration, McIlroy left one message for his daughter, Poppy, during his speech: “Never, ever give up on your dreams.”
Brewers Ballin’: Men’s 8 wins NY State Championship
Our goal with Brewers Ballin’ is to feature Vassar athletes who starred for their team the week previous to publishing. If you would like to nominate an athlete, please email hfrance@vassar.edu.


Brewers Ballin’
Name: Men’s Varsity 8
Team: Men’s rowing
Stats: On Saturday, April 19, the men’s varsity eight defeated nationally ranked competition including #10 Hamilton College to claim the program’s first ever gold medal finish at the New York State Championships. This win is a continuation of the boat’s undefeated season. The crew, which includes coxswain Miriam Barker and rowers Bobby Gee, Patrick Cincotti, Ben Vinson, Trygve Aarestad, Hogan Flechtner, Jasper Piermarini, Henry France and Willem Doherty, have won five straight races against both DIII and DI competition.
Statement: “This was a great win for the crew and the culmination of years of hard work. I’m very proud of all the improvement we’ve made to get here, and there’s a lot more where that came from.”
-Ben Vinson ’25, Captain
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This past Friday, we hosted a live crossword puzzle competition! We had a fantastic turnout, and we want to sincerely thank everyone who showed up to compete! Here are the photos of our winners, alongside one of the minis which was part of the competition. If you did not get a chance to come, go ahead and try your hand at it!
The winners of the 15x15 competition were: In first place, Mia Ryan with a time of 11:05 In second place, Elia Smith with a time of 14:15 In third place, Ryan Blake with a time of 14:45 With runners-up Anna Meyer (15:29) and Emma daRosa (28:19)
The Miscellany Crossword
“Event mini”
By: Felix Mundy-Mancino

Answers to last week’s crossword:
“April Showers” By: Felix MancinoMundy-

“April Showers” By: Sadie Keesbury
