Misc.5.1.25

The Miscellany News

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866

Working Students Coalition presents petition to administrators

On Friday, April 25, a crowd of students gathered on the President’s Lawn in support of a petition put forth by the Working Students Coalition (WSC). The petition calls for several changes to student employment conditions and received 720 signatures, 40 percent of which came from student workers themselves. Three days after the gathering, Vassar’s Student Employment office sent an email to student workers announcing their commitment to portions of the demands made by WSC.

The petition, sent to students on April 2, listed five demands: wage increases in accordance with tuition raises and scheduled raises; guaranteed employment and placement in positions for work study students; greater transparency in the hiring process,

Pope Francis passes away

Emma

daRosa Assistant Humor Editor

At7:35 a.m. on Easter Monday, April 21, 2025, Pope Francis died at age 88 in his residence in the Vatican’s Casa Santa Marta. The news came after a lengthy struggle with various health issues, most recently a bout of double pneumonia that led to a five week hospitalization. He was discharged on March 23 to continue his recovery and was reportedly improving. On Easter Sunday, though too weak to preside over Mass, he did make a final public appearance, blessing worshippers in St. Peter’s Square and delivering an Easter message.

This final Easter message, one that is traditionally “Urbi et Orbi,” translating to “for the city and for the world,” was a plea for peace and tolerance across the globe. This message is one he repeated throughout his papacy after his election in 2013. The late Pontiff expressed his desire for a ceasefire in Gaza, stability in Syria and Lebanon and a halt to the global rise in antisemitism. He called for global respect for freedom of religion, expression and thought and for lasting peace in Ukraine, Yemen, Armenia, Azerbaijan, the Democratic

including the removal of job postings from from the College’s hiring platform, JobX, within 48 hours of the position being filled; adequate and paid training for student workers and direct negotiations between the College and WSC. In an email correspondence, members shared the purpose of Friday’s presentation, writing, “The WSC hopes to be formally recognized as a legitimate student body and to enter into negotiations with the College in order to reach an agreement and implement changes that address the issues that student workers are currently facing.”

WSC executives began by introducing the petition, including a statement about its intent and the previously mentioned statistics regarding their results, after which the document itself was then read aloud by members of the team. Following this, the executive team outlined the struc-

ture of the march to deliver the documents to President of the College Elizabeth Bradley and Vice President of Operations for Technology and Human Resources Carlos García. The group then led several chants, including, “What do we want? Fair wages! When do we want it? Now!,” “Labor rights are here to stay! We won’t back down or go away!” and “Workers’ rights are under attack! What do we do? Stand up, fight back!”

The group then proceeded across the street and into the lobby of Main Building, while cycling through the various chants.

The WSC has been active for four years now. They said of their tenure, “Despite these years of working through various established channels, the systemic challenges facing student workers have persisted. As such, we find it necessary to bargain directly with the College to attain what we need—student workers fighting for student

Coach Brown talks rugby

Maryam Bacchus Senior Editor

Vassar’s rugby program is well-renowned, with the women’s team winning several national championships and the men’s team winning the 2023 conference championship. Both teams are known for their friendly personas, which are on display when they table outside of the dining hall during the first few weeks of the academic year. This year marks the program’s 50th anniversary, as well as the 30-year mark for Head Coach Tony Brown’s tenure. Curious about his journey to Vassar and the development of the team, I sat down with Brown to get to know the man behind the titles.

Coach Brown’s office is decorated with photos of teams past and mementos from his career at the College. To the left of his desk, there is a photo of the 2008-2009 team marked “Winningest Coach Ever,” which he later mentioned is from a victory at the Beast of the East tournament. To the right, three custom rugby balls are displayed in the window, one bearing a photo of yet another iteration of his team. As we chatted, he utilized the space around him, pointing to various players in their team photos as he told stories of their achievements both on and off the field, including where they are now. I was impressed with his ability to remember the players’ names and specific anecdotes about

See Rugby on page 18

workers.”

In an April 28 email sent to student workers, administrators wrote: “This past Friday, the Working Students’ Coalition (WSC) student org delivered a petition regarding improvements to the student employment system. Vassar administrators have met from time to time with members of both VSA’s Student Financial Affairs Committee (SFAC) and WSC, and we expect to meet with WSC members again soon to learn more about the petition and their experiences with student employment. We appreciate their advocacy and the engagement of so many students in this important conversation.”

Hours after this email was sent, WSC took to Instagram to respond to the administration’s statement that they had met from time to time with members of WSC,

Finkelstein discusses Gaza

OnFriday, April 25 at 6 p.m., over 130 people packed tightly into Taylor 101 in anticipation of Norman Finkelstein’s lecture, “The Gaza Genocide and Freedom of Speech.” Finkelstein is a renowned political scientist, historian and author, known best for his staunchly pro-Palestinian books and opinions. He has become controversial over his career for pushing rhetoric that challenges the State of Israel and the political power it holds over Palestine. The lecture hall—which held a mix of students, administrators, faculty and Poughkeepsie community members—buzzed with eagerness and excitement to hear the speech. After a long wait, the audience fell silent as Finkelstein walked down the aisle to take the stage and begin to speak.

Finkelstein began his lecture with a brief overview of the history of the Gaza Strip. He argued that, since 1948, Gaza has been relegated to the conditions of a concentration camp, and one that has only gotten worse since Israel’s blockade in 2006 in response to Hamas winning the Palestinian Legisla-

Institute for the Liberal Arts hosts "Remembering the American War in Vietnam."

New Vassar organization ditches phones.

Tova Gelb '25 inducted into National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame. 4

Image courtesy of Vassar Athletics.

Hadley Amato Guest Reporter

Maryam Bacchus and Emma Brown Senior Editor, News Editor

Fallon Dern/The Miscellany News.

A Miscellany Thank You

Dear Vassar College community,

This is our final regular issue for Volume 163 of The Miscellany News, and our final weekly issue for the academic year. Our Commencement issue will print later this month.

I want end the semester by thanking the dedicated list of names found to the right of this message: Our masthead. Through their effort and talent, we were able to cover complex stories, uplift campus voices, facilitate important Letters to the Editor, improve our website, create engaging online content, expand our outreach, hold events and more. Our paper’s success is always collective, and I commend you for consistently working towards something larger than yourself.

To our readers, thank you for making this paper’s goals purposeful and realizable. Your engagement fuels us week in and week out. To our writers, thank you for being the veritable foundation of this paper. Whether you contributed every issue or only once, your words are dearly appreciated.

To our section Editors and Assistants, thank you for running our weekly turnaround, providing insightful comments and doing the dirty work of layout. You made production nights invigorating and joyous continuously.

To our Design team, thank you for being flexible, learning on the fly and assisting me with any template-related inquiries I had. You make the paper look as excellent as it does.

To our Copy team, thank you for catching our mistakes and holding the paper’s style to high standards. We should all be sticklers for consistency.

To our Graphics Editors and Cartoonist, thank you for bringing your distinct artistic vision to all sections. Your detailed work added always-needed flair to The Misc

To our Games Editors, thank you for providing levity to our paper. I am terrible at crosswords, but loved playing them nonetheless.

To our Social Media Managers, thank you for branching out with content and being receptive to all our requests. Your contributions truly improved the paper’s presence and visibility.

To our Live Events Chair, thank you for planning the upcoming Misc Music Fest. It suffices to say that I am incredibly excited—catch me on the dance floor.

To our Webmaster and Distributors, thank you for being responsive and keeping the paper running behind the scenes. We cannot function without you.

Finally, I want to thank my fellow Executive team members for everything they have done to support the paper and navigate whatever difficulties we encountered. Without them, any success The Misc had would not be possible. Clara: Your insightful, caring feedback made us all better editors; I especially commend you for being a communicative go-getter, and for filling in all my blanks. Maryam: Your experience, advice and love for the paper always assisted us through moments of uncertainty or confusion, thank you for your endless passion. Carina: Your no-nonsense attitude and lively personality made The Misc’s entire community feel responsible and lovingly tight-knight—what would the office be without your banter? Lev: Your pointed edits and compassionate reassurance made our paper better in all the spots other people might not have considered, thank you for your perceptiveness. And to my Contributing Editors—Jacques, Jesse, Charlotte and Nick—thank you for your mentorship, friendship and longtime dedication to The Misc. I cherished working closely with you all.

To the incoming Executive and Editorial Boards, remember to appreciate this community while you have it. I eagerly await whatever the future holds for you all.

In gratitude, Allen

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College responds to WSC's demands

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writing in a post: “This is a misleading claim. The College has not engaged with the WSC as its own entity regarding the petition, and did not agree to do so until we demanded recognition directly.”

Student Employment’s email emphasized, “Vassar’s established channel for providing input and reviewing and prioritiz-

ing proposed initiatives related to student employment is the Student Employment Advisory Group (SEAG), which includes student employees, supervisors, and representatives from student-facing offices.”

Student Employment noted that students can propose agenda items through a form linked in the email.

The email also explained that, through

conversations with the Vassar Student Association (VSA), the office was able to determine new priorities it will be working towards in the future. Many of the goals address the demands listed by WSC, though the email did not acknowledge whether these changes to the current policies are the result of WSC’s petition. Student Employment announced that they will increase

communication about the legal requirement that student employees must be paid for any hours worked, publicize recent changes to Work Study policy and eliminate inactive job postings. Additionally, the email stated that the office will prioritize employment opportunities for Work Study students and will be exploring implementing a slotting system to aid in this process.

In a written correspondence with The Miscellany News, Director of Human Resources Operations Linda Wessberg noted, “We intend to transition away from the JobX platform, with a target implementation of a new system by 2027. This will be an inclusive process informed by feedback from student workers, supervisors, and administrative users. We will begin engaging students and campus partners who are interested in participating in future focus groups related to this project during the 2025-2026 Academic Year.”

WSC’s petition also included a demand that the College, “Establish a fund to compensate work-study students for wages missed due to circumstances beyond their control that prevent them from meeting their full allotment, including being hired too late in the year despite applying for jobs in the work-study hiring period, and not being offered enough weekly hours.” When asked about the viability and potential cost of such a fund by Miscellany News reporters, Wessberg indicated that the College is considering WSC’s proposal, writing, “This proposal is under review and the potential cost is not yet known at this time.”

Vassar reacts to Pope Francis’s death, looks to the future

Republic of the Congo, Sudan, South Sudan, Myanmar and the rest of the world. This message of global peace and tolerance was one that has inspired many around the world, Catholic or otherwise, including the Vassar College community.

Linda Tuttle, the archdiocese affiliate for the Vassar Catholic Community (VCC), described how Pope Francis was instrumental in the spiritual development of many members of the campus community, saying, “I found him to be so helpful to students here who were coming to terms with their gender, their sexuality, their personhood.” The relatively progressive nature of the late Pontiff has often been cited as the most defining feature of his papacy. Tuttle explained in an interview with The Miscellany News, “He had this phrase, ‘todos, todos, todos,’ everyone, everyone, everyone. No one was turned away and he didn’t

get stuck in the doctrine, that’s why people didn’t really like him, he focused on the love of Christ and the rest was just stuff.”

The VCC, an organization that arranges for weekly Mass on campus or transportation to off-campus Mass, as well as various other events and opportunities for spiritual development, has long been guided by this principle of welcoming all. VCC President Benjamin Garrity ’27 said, “Everything [Pope Francis] stood for is what we at Vassar do as Catholics.” Garrity emphasized the importance of Pope Francis’s writings in positively influencing the VCC, in particular, “Laudato si,’” the second encyclical book written by Pope Francis, encyclical meaning a letter (or collection of letters) meant to guide the clergy on any manner of issues related to doctrine or social issues. “Laudato si” has been lauded as the first time a Pope has ever spoken seriously on the issue of climate change and advised his

church that it is part of their spiritual obligation to care for the Earth. Garrity talked about the impact of this book, especially on Vassar students: “It was his famous book while residing in the Papacy. It’s pretty much a statement about climate change, the need for progressive social action, a statement for justice, a lot of important aspects of modernity that have been ignored by the church for a while now. He was first to address them, and being at Vassar that’s a very important acknowledgement. We [the VCC] are trying to live through that message as best we can.”

Garrity described his reaction to the loss of Pope Francis as one of dread and anxiety towards the future: “You want to be on the same page as the guy leading your church, when the guy ordained by God is saying things that are horrible, how do you respond to that?” He continued, “Pope Francis really created a space and comfortability for a liberal Catholic.” While discussing his anxiety about the idea that the pendulum must swing and the next Pope will be much more conservative, Garrity emphasized that the VCC will not sway in its mission to welcome all. “We are going to continue doing what we do on campus, a new Pope is not going to change what we do on campus. Our community has tripled in the past year, we will continue to offer a space to people curious about what we do. A conservative Pope will not change our agenda on campus.”

This anxiety about the potential impact of a conservative Pope on the world came up in discussion with non-Catholic students as well. Patrick Horiszny ’26 expressed his fear that the Papacy would follow the current tide of global politics. “My worry is that things might swing back and a more conservative cardinal might get the papacy. You can maybe argue that the papacy isn’t that important for how most Catholics live their lives, a Catholic Church in upstate New York isn’t going to

have a major change in how its parishioners view certain social issues based on the Pope’s perspective, but I think on a larger scale it’s always nice to have leaders who seem to be actually empathetic.” He continued, “I think Francis was notable to people because he came from a pretty average background and just seemed like a down to earth person and we live in a world where most public figures aren’t that way.” Horiszny commented that the late Pontiff was critical in teaching other public figures how to practice acceptance, saying, “Obviously, he was not a completely socially progressive person because he had traditional Catholic views on things like abortion, but I think he set a really good example of just trying to take people as they are and having just a genuine concern for people.”

Tuttle advised the community to not get caught up in the anxiety that global leadership may become continually more conservative, saying, “At this point [we need] not to fear and to trust, I think that’s good regardless of who you name as sacred or who you see as God, not fearing and trusting is important, otherwise we just tear away at ourselves. That’s hard, I mean with our country, I’m afraid, I don’t trust.” The loss of the progressive sect leader has been felt as a major blow for many progressive Catholics. The overwhelming message from leaders here at Vassar regarding the anxiety of this loss—as well as the rise in global conservatism in general—is to rely on community. Tuttle spoke of comfort received from her colleagues and the sense of care that this loss has allowed her to see across campus. “Staff from other religious traditions have been very comforting,” she said. “I think that speaks to the sense of community on campus. Others know that Pope Francis was important to many Catholics, they just want to be present if we’re mourning. There are so many people here who care for so many members of the community, that’s who Pope Francis was.”

Image courtesy of Joen Han via Wikimedia Commons.

Emma Brown/The Miscellany News.

Continued from Pope on page 1

Norman Finkelstein gives lecture at Vassar

Continued from Finkelstein on page 1

tive Elections in Gaza. Finkelstein explained, “Hamas won the elections, and at that point Israel, then the U.S., and then the E.U. imposed this economic blockade of Gaza, which has been described by Human Rights Watch, by certain UN commissions that visited Gaza; it’s been described as a crime against humanity.” He expanded: “Israel literally determined everything that went in, everything that went out, who went in and who went out, and at certain points, it actually put the people of Gaza on what they call a ‘humanitarian minimum,’ or a ‘starvation plus’ diet, where they calculate the calories of each person living in Gaza and adjusted the amount of food that went in.” Finkelstein claimed that Israel took on this action in order to ensure that Gaza would remain on the “precipice of an economic disaster.”

Finkelstein also noted the numerous ways that peace has been denied to those living in Gaza since the 2006 blockade. He expressed his belief that there have been no changes in Israeli military policy despite what Finkelstein views as Hamas’ largely ignored attempts at diplomatic resolution and the

UN’s findings in the Goldstone Report that Israel has acted in violation of international law. He also spoke of widespread non-violent civil resistance movements taken by Gazans and endorsed by Hamas, such as The Great March of Return in March 2018, in which Palestinians marched and organized peacefully around the border between Gaza and Israel, and Israeli soldiers responded by firing live ammunition, tear gas and rubber bullets. Two hundred fourteen Palestinians, including 46 children, were killed by this Israeli fire, and there were an additional 36,100 injuries from Israel’s response to the Great March of Return. Finkelstein presented all of this evidence to argue that every other avenue short of armed resistance had been tried by Gazans prior to Oct. 7. He concluded, “In my view, the people of Gaza had no real options on the eve of Oct. 7, except to acquiesce in their birth, life and death in the concentration camp.”

The Miscellany News reached out to Vassar Professor of History Joshua Schreier for his perspective on the history of the Gaza Strip, and whether Palestinians’ armed resistance should be considered justified. Like Finkelstein, Schreier asserted the importance of

considering the full history from both sides before coming to a conclusion. He said: “Do Palestinians have the right to resist? Absolutely, they have the right to resist. Does that mean anything is available to them, to those who have been oppressed? No, I don’t think that just because one suffers is necessarily a reason or justification to do anything.” He went on to say, “I think it makes more sense to interrogate the conditions that have led to the horrors of the last war, including the Oct. 7 attacks. We have to understand it in a much longer historical time frame. I think our interrogation has to be of, ‘What are the conditions of violence that breed violence?,’ rather than kind of having these almost intellectual debates about, ‘Was it justified, was it not justified?’ It’s certain it was, at some level, predictable.”

Considering the role of the United States in funding Israel’s military, Finkelstein also spoke extensively about his belief in the importance of anti-Israel activism in the United States, conveying to his audience the necessity of protesting the U.S. government’s relationship with Israel. Finkelstein said, “Never believe that if you decide to do nothing, every-

thing will just go on as it is. That’s not true. If you do nothing, it gets worse.” His words placed an imperative on the student population not to back down fighting for the Palestinian cause, even though the results may at times feel hopeless. Finkelstein addressed this directly: “Confucius persisted in his path, in the full knowledge that it was hopeless. What does that mean? Even if you know something is hopeless, there’s something inside of you that can not accept doing nothing. In other words, if you’re really, for lack of a better word, a moral person, you don’t do or not do on the basis of results. You do it because it’s the right thing to do.” Finkelstein’s point about pushing forward protest regardless of the results deeply resonated with the audience, which, in response, erupted in applause. When asked about Finkelstein’s message about student protests, Noah Daube-Valois ’28 said, “I think Finkelstein’s message about protesting regardless of the effect it may have, was extremely powerful.” They continued, ”I think encouraging college students to protest [while] not being worried about how little effect it will have is a strong message to share with Vassar.”

Vietnam War conference marks 50 year anniversary

Awarmbreeze swept over the second-story patio bridging the Heartwood Inn and Institute for the Liberal Arts. Servers in black collared shirts carried platters made of tree slices—bark intact—bearing chicken skewers and crab cakes. Clusters of scholars, alumnae/i and students spoke in soft tones, meandering in and out of the sliding glass doors leading from the Institute onto the patio. A group of academics in sports coats and sensible dresses gathered for a photo; as the camera snapped, the breeze carried a shower of flowers up behind them as though signaled by the photographer.

It was the reception of a history conference, “Remembering the American War in Vietnam: A 50-Year Retrospective,” running Thursday, April 24, to Saturday, April 26. It marked, almost to the day, the 50th anniversary of the fall of Saigon, which ended the Vietnam War on April 30, 1975. For the occasion, Vassar Professor of History and International Relations Robert Brigham brought some of the leading experts on the Vietnam War, as well as Vietnam veterans and journalists who covered the war, to the College to discuss the era and how it has shaped U.S. history and society.

Brigham explained, “It was very important to me that we commemorate this anniversary with not just your usual academic conference, but one that relied on a really high level intellectual engagement, coupled with experienced veterans in both military and press who had also written extensively about the war. That’s a pretty rare combination of people.”

Over the three days, 412 people attended, mostly presenters, alumnae/i—many of whom traveled to Vietnam this spring with Brigham and his wife, artist Monica Church—and the 50-odd students in Brigham’s “Viet Nam War” course. After the reception was the keynote speech by Harvard University Professor of International Affairs and History Fred Logevall. Friday and Saturday included two panels of historians, a panel each of Vietnam veterans and journalists and a closing speech by Brigham. Introducing Logevall, Brigham recalled a panelist asking him, “Isn’t Vassar going to

catch on that you just invited your friends?” He continued, “But my friends are these people, and they are also, if I’m drawing a list of the people that you would have in such a commemoration, it’s the same list.” Brigham told The Miscellany News, “One of the many blessings about being a professor of the Vietnam War for so long—I’ve been doing this for forty years—is that you do develop lifelong friendships… We literally exchange texts and emails and phone calls daily. These are my closest friends.” Throughout the conference, the overwhelming feeling was one of having walked into a private gathering. Panelists and audience members called one another by their first names, in warm, intimate tones; jokes were frequent.

This conference—and the Vietnam War in general—has another, even more personal layer for Brigham. Brigham was adopted as a child and became interested in the Vietnam era at a young age. His biological father was a prominent photographer during the war and Brigham’s first college paper was on one of his father’s photos; many of his other papers later used photos taken by his father. Amazingly, Brigham did not know the identity of his biological father, or that his work had been entwined so closely with his father’s so for long, until only a few years ago. On Saturday evening, Brigham closed the conference with this story and thanked many in the room for being there for him throughout this process. He, and many others, began to cry.

Brigham will be releasing a memoir in April 2026. Julianna Aguja ’25, who worked on the memoir as Brigham’s research assistant from her sophomore to senior year and found both Brigham’s original birth certificate and a photo of his father he had never before seen, reflected, “It just felt like, in a lot of ways, a really nice way to end my time at Vassar… It was just really amazing to see how the story has developed and how now he’s able to share this with people.” Brigham said of Julianna, “I could not, literally could not, have written this memoir without her.”

It was simultaneously a rigorous academic conference. Panelists gave lectures condensing decades of scholarship, with titles like “The Vietnam War as a Problem of Language” (Greg Daddis, San Diego State University), “The Lesson of History: Remembering

Vietnam in the 21st Century” (David Kieran, Columbus State University) and “The War within the War: Race in Vietnam” (Beth Bailey, University of Kansas). A table was stacked with the panelists’ books for sale, most of them emblazoned with prizes; Logevall’s book, “Embers of War: The Fall of an Empire and the Making of America’s Vietnam,” won the 2013 Pulitzer Prize in History.

To Brigham, the mixture of high academia and conviviality was central to the event. “I can’t imagine doing something on Vassar’s campus without the students being front and center,” he commented. “We wanted to build that sense that we were kind of all in this together, learning and teaching together, kind of replicating a Vassar classroom.” Throughout the event, students spoke casually with presenters. Peter Osnos, a formidable journalist, author, editor and publisher who reported on the war, shook hands with students and asked them about coming of age in the 21st century; Ben Masur ’27 consulted with Logevall on a research paper. Masur recalled, “Having this more relaxed atmosphere allowed us to be more inquisitive… We learned so much after just three days of listening and asking questions.”

“It made me feel really excited, even more excited to enter academia—even though it’s kind of a crazy time to be doing that,” described Aguja, who will begin her Ph.D. in

history at Yale University this fall. “It just made me really excited to meet other scholars in my field, and start building those personal and professional relationships.”

“It was wonderful,” said Brigham of the conference. “I couldn’t be happier with the way it turned out.”

An idea panelists frequently returned to was that the Vietnam era was uniquely impactful in U.S. history with especially strong contemporary reverberations. In his keynote address, Logevall argued, “Many of the troubles that plague our nation today…mistrust of government and one another, constant questioning of one another’s motives…a lack of accountability and powerful institutions. I’m not going to say they all originated with the Vietnam War, but I do think they have roots in the Vietnam era.” Logevall speaks with the deliberate emphasis of a practiced public speaker; even his pauses sound purposeful. “It’s not just about its contemporary resonance, it’s also about the history… I think there are still outstanding questions. Conferences like this, which bring together a number of specialists, can help us deepen our understanding, can help us answer some of these questions that I think are still contentious,” Logevall told The Miscellany News. “The Vietnam chapter has much to teach us.”

Additional reporting by Bodie Morein.

Image courtesy of Monica Church.

Julian Balsley Assistant News Editor

More, more, more? Revisiting the 'Sex and the City' movie

After a successful six-season run of “Sex and the City” (2008), it only made sense to follow up the show of the century with a chaotic, camp, two-and-a-half-hour movie of Carrie, Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda’s next chapter in life. What ensues, you might ask? Carrie goes brunette, Miranda escapes Brooklyn, Samantha takes up cooking and Charlotte stays winning. When it comes to the “Sex and the City” movie, we couldn’t help but wonder: Should they have quit while they were ahead?

Before delving into the, frankly, horrific aspects of this film, we must first acknowledge our shining star: Charlotte. Whatever disaster befalls each of the other women, Charlotte remains composed, happy, married, rich and looking her best. Even after all these years, she has held on tight to the Upper East Side apartment she got from her divorce settlement and has created a home with Harry, their adoptive daughter Lily and a fleet of tiny, groomed dogs. She is still best friends with Anthony Marentino, who is arguably the funniest part of the entire film. By the end of the movie, she beats the odds and becomes pregnant, giving birth to a daughter, Rose. We see Charlotte post-labor, glowing and happy, the picture of class, with Harry by her side, ready to be the girl dad he was meant to be. In fact, during the baby shower for her second child, she monologues about just how happy she is while the other three stare at her in disbelief. Amongst her chronically indecisive friends, Charlotte once again stands out as the only girl who truly knows what she wants.

While Charlotte continues to thrive in the city—as we knew she would—Samantha shocks viewers by moving to Los Angeles

with her male model-turned-actor boyfriend, Smith. Long-time fans of the show will recall the girls’ brief California vacation in season three, when Carrie entertains a movie deal and attempts to drive a stick shift. The three-episode stint is a masterclass in anti-California sentiment (which we, the authors of this piece, do not support). She has seemingly left her all-powerful corporate job and taken up beachside living. Slowly but surely, it becomes clear that the laid-back coastal lifestyle does not suit her hardened New York spirit, and Smith can no longer anchor her down. In a truly revolutionary declaration, she announces, “I love you, but I love me more.” She has always prioritized and protected herself, and while the film varies from the series in many ways, the core of Samantha remains consistent, and we love her for it.

Miranda’s core identity, however, does not remain as consistent. What made Steve the correct choice for Miranda, ultimately, was that he opened her eyes to the kind of life she could never have imagined for herself. He brought a kind of levity, humor and devotion that softened her pessimistic ways and even convinced her to move out of Manhattan (the ultimate sacrifice). When the film picks back up with Miranda, however, her fairytale ending has turned bitter. She is clearly weighed down with the exhaustion of balancing her law practice with her family, and Steve has dropped further down her priority list than ever before. Steve then confesses that he has cheated on Miranda. What ensues is a brutal journey as Miranda’s belief in love is dashed and slowly rebuilt as she grapples with the separation of her family and the impending loneliness of being single once again. Ultimately, Miranda and Steve choose each other again. While a slightly controversial decision—and one that has not necessarily with-

stood the test of time—it is nice for Miranda to choose her heart over her head for once. While Charlotte, Samantha and Miranda’s stories each get a fair amount of screen time, Carrie’s mess, as usual, takes center stage. Lo and behold, her plotline centers around the infamous Mr. Big screwing up yet again. When we left off in the season six finale, Carrie and Big had their fairytale reunion in the streets of Paris. At the beginning of the movie, things are looking up for them—they move into a Fifth Avenue penthouse and soon decide to get married. Immediate red flag. Big is notorious for his anti-marriage philosophy and is prone to getting cold feet, a notably bad combination when planning a wedding. Yet, as always, Carrie’s rose-colored glasses cloud her judgment. Come wedding day, Big hops in the back of his chauffeured Jaguar and drives away. A bedazzled pink flip phone crashes to the floor in slow motion as Carrie breaks down in tears at the news. She, however, seems to be the only one who is surprised—the audience saw this coming a mile away. One of the most iconic moments in the film comes when Carrie angrily chases Big down, smacking him over the head with her

bridal bouquet. Within this one act, Carrie releases years of pent-up rage, and viewers finally feel Big has gotten what he deserves. If the film ended right then and there, perhaps we would all be better for it.

In an act of defiance, the girls band together in support of Carrie and make the best of the honeymoon vacation to Mexico she was supposed to enjoy with Big. Carrie is deep in mourning, and Charlotte is deep in her fear of food poisoning, sustaining herself solely on chocolate pudding. This strange vacation interlude is well worth it for the unfortunate Poughkeepsie pun—certainly a highlight for these authors.

Finally, the girls make it back into the city. We would be bad journalists if we neglected to mention Jennifer Hudson’s award-winning performance as Carrie’s assistant: Louise from St. Louis. Louise helps Carrie move back into her apartment (for the hundredth time), gets her website in order and finds her a new flip phone. Carrie, in return, buys her the world’s ugliest Louis Vuitton bag. Despite Louise’s efforts to show Carrie the possibilities of a man-free world, Carrie is once again charmed back into Big’s clutches. Even after the years of indiscretions and a canceled wedding, the couple reunite over the one thing left to win Carrie back: expensive shoes. After re-proposing with a pair of Manolo Blahniks, the pair quietly tie the knot at City Hall.

And just like that, we are right back where we started—self-assured Charlotte, Brooklyn-native Miranda, independent Samantha and Carrie. The only real change? Smith, second only to Harry, is gone, and we barely got any Stanford screen time. Our recommendation when watching this film is to make yourself a cosmopolitan, drown out all your feminist thoughts and enjoy judging their early-aughts fashion and terrible life choices.

Coogler’s ‘Sinners’ bleeds the blues

The film “Sinners,” directed and produced by Ryan Coogler, is built around a singular scene that weaves together cultural threads into a tapestry vibrant enough to make your goosebumps pulse to the rhythm. The other scenes form a historically accurate bassline that the fantastical elements of the film harmonize with. The film follows two revered brothers who have returned to the Mississippi Delta with questionably attained money in their pockets and nothing but ambition in their hearts: they want to create a watering hole of blues music and dancing, in the form of a lucrative juke joint, to quench the dusty town’s thirst for pleasure. What they can’t anticipate are an encroaching group of vampires, with an equal thirst for blood. My appreciation for the 1930s–era setup of the film matches, or even exceeds, my appreciation for what I believe is its apex scene—but with limited space, I will focus on that scene to articulate succinctly why this film is worth experiencing.

The scene begins with the grand opening of the Smoke Stack twins’ (both played by Michael B. Jordan) juke joint. Gold-toothed Delta Slim (Delroy Lindo) hammers the keys and the preacher’s son, Sammie (Miles Caton), also the twins’ cousin, emits a deep masculine wail. In the straining of his neck, and the beads of sweat on his forehead, his body reasserts his previous response to Pearline (Jayme Lawson), who called him a nice young man: “I ain’t always nice, and I ain’t that young either.” As his metal bottleneck slides down

the neck of his hand-me-down steel guitar with practiced confidence and ripe energy, he embodies youthfulness, but also blues music as deep as his African roots (more on that later). He locks eyes with Pearline again, the only woman in the room that he wants, uncoincidentally a married lady. His voice is a current between them, easily overpowering the faltering emotions of her marriage, a unity recognized in the eyes of the same Jim Crow government that the characters fight to survive in. Thus, Pearline’s ultimate disregard for the laws of adultery is a nod to the restrictive system of authority that weighs on the characters throughout the film.

Throughout the juke joint scene, Sammie solidifies his departure from the church by envisioning his future as a blues artist in Chicago. In doing so—while still claiming the title “Preacher’s boy” to his community in the joint—he discovers a different kind of spirituality. This is tied to his music and sexuality, which free him from the repressive Christianity that white people believed would help “tame” disobedient slaves. The story is reminiscent of groundbreaking literary themes like those in James Baldwin’s “Go Tell It on the Mountain.” In both “Sinners” and Baldwin’s breakout novel, music and spirituality are conduits for a young Black boy’s sexual desire (Baldwin’s novel has more explicit themes of homosexuality), and through music and uninhibited sexuality, a new spirituality is forged. Sammie, however, reclaims Christianity and gospel music as he hits a note while pointing to the spark-filled sky.

The scene thunders on, roaring and licking at reality. Hallucinations start, and the

physical boundaries of time and space that the building contains dissolve into smoke; we watch as the roof and walls of the joint are engulfed in fire. From in between the subdued colors of the tenant farmers’ attire burst bright dresses and loud shiny beads of African ancestors. An ’ 80s rocker clad in bright purple electrifies the air, a DJ spins neon acid waves from the corner and women twerk against a table. A dancer in traditional Chinese dress, seemingly in a solidarity-seeking directorial decision, jumps and turns around the caterers Grace and Bo Chow (Li Jun Li and Yao). Sammie’s music, and the music of Black musicians before and after his time, call on a future vision to help escape an impossible present reality.

While his father, the preacher, warns him of dancing with the devil—presumably by continuing to sing and play his original music to make a name for himself—Sammie (portrayed by Buddy Guy in the last scene) cannot stop. Indeed, shortly after the juke joint scene, vampires do attempt to incorporate everyone into their hive-mind-like collective, which results in a loss of autonomy and individuality for almost all of the characters, but they never succeed in taking control of Sammie, which allows his music to remain, in a way, unappropriated. Another character who remains “unappropriated” by the vampires is Annie (Wunmi Mosaku), a Hoodoo practitioner who is the reason for Sammie’s survival and the grounding force of wisdom for the entire juke joint amidst their plight. Annie alone accurately recognizes the evil and has the foresight not to invite the vampires into the joint.

Finally, Smoke and Stack have an intricate and electric banter that distinguishes them from each other through revealing the subtleties of the identical twins’ personalities. It is immediately ambitious when a movie uses one actor for two roles, even in this day and age. “Sinners” uses new technology combined with a modern-day film editing strategy called “dual role” for the brothers, in which the characters are edited into the same frame after separate takes. The extra work of filming the scene twice falls squarely on the broad shoulders of Jordan, and he handles the job with grace and charm.

Upon finishing “Sinners,” I was cocooned in a deep sense of reflective wonder about race relations, music and American history, but one question kept buzzing through the precarious atmosphere of thought: Why vampires? And why did Coogler have to make them capable of flight? My issue was not the on-the-nose metaphor—appropriation as the sucking of blood and the claiming of individual identity for the vampire collective—but more that flying vampires on the big screen, in my mind, are a corny TV show idea failing to resurrect the European Gothic, while everything else in the film cuts so deep. However, vampires are recognizable for many viewers, which helps the film remain legible.

Beyond my aesthetic distaste for the visual of flying vampires, I have no real qualms about the film as a whole, and certainly none about the casting—a collection of extremely attractive and talented actors and actresses await in the most meaningful mainstream movie I have seen in a long time.

Emma Adams and Madeleine Nicks

Arts Editor, Assistant Arts Editor

Annie McShane/The Miscellany News.

Lev Winickoff Senior Editor

‘North of North’ is a sitcom for the moment

Aurelia Harrison Assistant Arts Editor

Sitcoms are not the hot thing right now.

All the top TV shows—“Severance,” “The White Lotus,” “Yellowjackets”—are big-budget dramas pushing the boundaries of what audiences will come to expect (or tolerate) from streaming content. But some viewers are reluctant to let go of the beloved format that governed the media of our youth: consistent settings, running gags and end-of-episode resolutions. Dramas and thrillers are all well and good, but personally, I am not looking for additional stress right now. Reasonably, some are looking for a fresh escape from mainstream insanity and the mounting threats of armageddon.

Enter “North of North”: a Netflix sitcom with a setting unlike any other. Set in Nunavut, Canada, in the fictional town of Ice Cove, “North of North” follows a 26-year-old Inuk woman named Siaja, played by Anna Lambe, and her struggle to thrive in a tightly-knit community after a messy and public divorce. After her separation, Siaja looks for a purpose for this new era in her life and begins to find it in her career as a community organizer. She has a lot to contend with: a gruff but loving mother recovering from alcoholism, a young daughter struggling to understand why her parents have split, a neurotic and egomaniacal boss and an estranged father she was previously unaware existed until his research team returns to Ice Cove.

It is impossible to talk about this show without first commending its unique visuals and soundtrack. Filmed in Nunavut’s capital, Iqaluit, “North of North” is bursting at the seams with jaw-dropping arctic natural beauty. The camera immerses you in a far-away world of extreme cold, with sweeping aerial shots of tundras, expanses of ice-cold ocean and snow-covered mountains. The show’s color palette, relying on a vivid contrast of blues and yellows, is rich and alive. The soundtrack is just as immer-

sive, weaving together traditional Inuit music and soundscapes with modern musical styles.

There is a lot to love about “North of North.” The sitcom is almost a trope in and of itself in terms of what viewers expect from an episode: “North of North” adheres to these sacred structures while opening up its own avenues to explore often-neglected topics and stories. Sitcoms have historically been a medium with a serious diversity problem. Perhaps the show’s strongest selling point—and online criticism seems to agree with me here—is the way it portrays indigeneity in a modern context. Western social conditioning entices us to think of indigenous lifestyles and traditions as incompatible with the modern era. This ignores the current lived experiences of communities who are very much still here: As of 2021, more than 80 percent of Nunavut’s population identifies as Inuit. “North of North” gives us a glimpse into the lives of a people living both modern and indigenous lives—it shatters preconceptions that these are in-

“North of North” gives us a glimpse into the lives of a people living both modern and indigenous lives—it shatters preconceptions that these are incompatible and brings us into an underrepresented yet relatable world.

compatible and brings us into an underrepresented yet relatable world. Siaja’s mother, Neevee, bears her traditional Inuit tattoos while going to bars. Elders speak in Inuit languages while watching baseball games. Members of the community wear kamiks

alongside their puffer jackets. From a writing perspective, “North of North” is clearly still finding its footing. There are moments where the dialogue feels rote, and other times where it feels choppy and disorganized. Characters often exit at bizarre points in conversation, and sometimes the line delivery feels stilted and unnatural. Optimistically, I am choosing to attribute that to the lead actors not having found their communal rhythm yet. If the show gets renewed for a season two, I will look forward to being proven wrong. Many of the supporting characters—Siaja’s ex-husband most egregiously—are flattened into caricatures in service of bits. The problem here seems to be that the show does not trust that it will be renewed; it seems to lack faith that it will have time to develop characters, and so reduces them into their easiest form. Where the writing really shines in this show is in its worldbuilding. The town’s radio hosts, Millie (Zorga Qaunaq) and Collin (Bailey Poching), are a Greek chorus-type duo that liven any scene they appear in. The elders—Elisapee (Nutaaq Doreen Simmons) and Jeffrey (Vincent Karetak) in particular— are comedically the high point of the show. The seal-hunting competitions and dumpster fire cookouts are rife with energy and community spirit. And where some characters lack depth, others have it in spades: Siaja’s mother, Neevee, is given the most compelling backstory by far and is certainly the most interesting of the core cast, particularly in her role as a grandmother to Siaja’s young daughter. “North of North” may not succeed in depicting domestic spats or father-daughter arguments in a particularly elegant way, but its affectionate portrayal of such a unique community and all the dynamics at play within create a rich world.

Plot-wise, I am compelled by Siaja’s journey, even if her awkwardness is sometimes hard to bear. It is certainly difficult to pull off the coming-of-age, fledgling-party-girl angle in a town of 2,200 people. Understandably, the writers want Siaja to have

opportunities to explore herself. Part of the issue is that the show seems to be avoiding the old trope, “I am trapped in my small, close-minded town and I am outgrowing it,” while still attempting to reap its benefits. The show is also often making an attempt at edge in a way that feels a little immature: I was particularly put off by a light incest scene that felt both poorly executed and conceived.

I appreciate that Siaja is imperfect. Indigenous women are often held to an unfair

The living-room sitcom and the office park sitcom have been done to death; in order for the genre to survive in the present day, it will need fresh takes like this one to keep viewers coming back.

moral standard, expected to conform to the “noble savage” trope that is deeply rooted in colonialism. She is not limited to being a paragon, nor is she expected to be by the people who love her. She makes mistakes, but these failings do not prevent her from advocating for herself and her community. I am thrilled that a show like “North of North” can get made in the first place. The living-room sitcom and the office park sitcom have been done to death; in order for the genre to survive in the present day, it will need fresh takes like this to keep viewers coming back.

In the face of a wave of new-age conservatism, it feels nice to sink back into that 2016-era progressivism that is a little millennial-esque and ultra-sincere. “North of North” attempts to do a lot, and not all of it is successful. But it succeeds in creating a world that feels good to inhabit: These days, what more do you need?

‘The Pitt’ proves that medical dramas can be good

Ben Kaplan Assistant Arts Editor

If there is one genre of television that is associated with brain rot, that always seems to air in between reruns of “Young Sheldon” and “The Goldbergs,” it would be the medical drama. The setting offers innate high stakes and infinite possible situations for an ensemble cast to deal with. But, like many things in life, just because it is easy does not make it good. The quality of these shows, such as “The Good Doctor,” are often hit or miss, and nowadays many of them get attention through shock value clips posted in snippets across social media apps, most notably TikTok and Instagram Reels. Then comes “The Pitt” on Max, a show that applies the modern expectations and depth of prestige television to the setting of an emergency room and its staff. It is really quality stuff.

“The Pitt” follows Doctor Robby (Noah Wyle), the head of a large and overcrowded emergency room in Pittsburgh. The very first scene of the show is Robby taking over from the night shift’s Head Doctor Abbott (Shawn Hatosy), while simultaneously persuading him to not jump off of the hospital roof. That pretty much sets up the tone for the rest of the show, blending together the intensity of an emergency room with the humanity of those who keep it

running. Robby is the emotional anchor of the show, leading his team of other doctors, including Langdon (Patrick Ball), King (Taylor Dearden) and ankle-monitor bound McKay (Fiona Dourif), with sincerity while also dealing with the anniversary of the death of his mentor, Doctor Adamson. There could not have been a better lead, as Wyle himself is a veteran of medical dramas, including “ER.” The gravity of his presence and his actions through-

Then comes “The Pitt” on Max, a show that applies the modern expectations and depth of prestige television to the setting of an emergency room and its staff. It is really quality stuff.

out the various medical scenarios is eerily strong, and he controls every scene without breaking a sweat. So, when he traumatically flashes back to Adamson’s death or the tragic events that unfold over his shift, the audience feels it.

The big pull of “The Pitt” is its pacing. Its 15 episodes span one 15-hour shift, with

each episode covering one hour. The first episode is titled “7:00 A.M.” and the finale ends it all off at “9:00 P.M.” It is a great gimmick that brings a ton to the table without being flashy or over-the-top. The story is able to fully develop over the shift, allowing us to see the complete arcs of events and characters, especially the medical school students and interns such as Whitaker (Gerran Howell) and Victoria Javadi (Shabana Azeez). It is easy to compare any prestige television show of the last few years to “The Bear,” but the situations brought about by this episode format evoke the same visceral stress that audiences similarly admire in that show. The fast-moving cinematography and close-up camera shots litter every episode of “The Pitt,” along with loud sound cues that heighten the intensity of each medical situation.

What really makes each of these episodes are the various patients the doctors of the emergency room interact with. Ranging from parents of a child suffering a fentanyl overdose, to anti-vaxxers, to regular falls during home renovation that may be related to a darker domestic situation, it feels as if thousands of unique patients come in and out of these doctors’ oversight in just 15 episodes—and 15 hours. The ethical questions of each case—the personal inputs of the various unique doctors, interns and medical students—all keep rolling togeth-

er in a masterfully written script. Binging “The Pitt” as someone who likes character-driven bottle situations, wherein said

Binging “The Pitt” as someone who likes character-driven bottle situations, wherein said characters are restricted to a singular area, is like handing over candy to a child.

characters are restricted to a singular area, is like handing over candy to a child. Even at its darkest and most intense moments, you feel grounded in the setting and characters the show builds and grows naturally. If you are not generally a fan of hyper-realism and all the baggage that comes with medical dramas, including gore and stressful scenarios, you may need to adjust your mindset to watch “The Pitt.” Yet, I would still recommend it. It really is one of the best shows in recent memory when it comes to characterization and world-building in a set space. It is an emotional show and it helped me through a tough time, but it is also an incredible watch.

A critical analysis of my favorite YouTube videos

Nicholas Tillinghast Humor Editor

YouTube’s first video, a brief clip of one of the platform’s co-founders telling an understated sex joke, has turned 20 years old. Since the video’s publication, the platform has become the default for independent video publishing. At the same time, the website has also become a site for traditional media such as TV and film to dump shorter-form clips. However, the ephemeral, highly bizarre quality that the website possessed early on is still very much alive. For every Jimmy Fallon highlight, there is a video of someone making chainsaw noises while cutting cheese.

YouTube is a well-established and incredibly ubiquitous media platform. There is, however, relatively little discourse about YouTube videos as an important, studiable medium. So, in a somewhat playful manner, I would like to explore some of my favorite YouTube videos in attentive, vaguely academic terms.

I have selected these videos based on some relatively simple criteria: These are videos uploaded specifically for this platform. This excludes any videos that are simply clipped from other non-YouTube pieces of media, like the aforementioned talk show snippets or TikTok reuploads. Also, these are just videos I get a kick out of and I think are worth describing in detail. I am making no attempt to create a YouTube canon, though a better understanding of the medium may emerge.With that in mind, here is a textual analysis of some of my all-time favorite YouTube videos.

“Singing All the Notes on a Piano (C7 and below in this video)” (2013)

If singing every single note on the piano was not impressive enough, the title further emphasizes the singing of the piano’s very highest notes. In this 41-second, completely unedited video uploaded by user Ivan Dorin, Dorin sets up a camera on top of a piano and plays the highest note. With great agony and professionalism, he attempts to quietly screech out the tone. After momentarily

matching it, he sings the descending white keys—which resemble dolphin calls—for about an octave. Twenty seconds into the video, Dorin’s voice is finally in a manageable range, but quickly becomes gravelly 13 seconds later as he moves into the lowest octave. Dorin sings the piano’s low A and then abruptly ends the video, taking no time to admire his feat. The brevity with which the video begins and ends, having journeyed the entire piano, is remarkable.

A great detail of this video is that Dorin appears to be filming at a piano in a public mall, apparent from the glassy storefront and escalator behind him. Despite this being in a public place, nobody acknowledges what Dorin is doing. One can only wonder why was suddenly inspired to sing every note on a piano while at the mall.

Many of Ivan Dorin’s most popular videos are about singing tremendous ranges, such as “Low Notes: F1, E1, D1” (2017) and “My New Highest note” (2018), but “Singing All the Notes on a Piano (C7 and below in this video)” (2013) remains my favorite, as it most succinctly demonstrates Dorin’s bizarre talent and the efficiency with which he performs.

“Grinds My Gears: Racism” (2019)

This questionably premised video is the very first uploaded from the channel “The Real Life Peter Griffin,” To me, it is one of the most compelling YouTube videos ever uploaded to the platform on a structural level. I am far from the first to discuss this particular clip, but it is worthy of further examination. In the video, Rob Franzese plays the character “Real Life Peter Griffin,” an uncanny live-action impression and costuming of Peter Griffin from the long-running animated sitcom “Family Guy.”

Replicating a popular segment from the show called “Grinds My Gears,” Franzese, in character as Griffin, humorously describes his gripes with the incredibly challenging topic of racism. He opens the video with the line, “You know what really grinds my gears? Racism. I mean, the only things I am intolerant of are our giant chickens and Meg.” Griffin riffs on the topic for about

twenty seconds, complete with an already then dated reference to Iggy Azalea, before landing on the flippant line, “The only N-word that we drop on a daily basis in my house is Nachos BellGrande.” The video abruptly cuts to Griffin excitedly shoving Taco Bell’s Nachos BellGrande in his face, covering his visage in cheese sauce.

Then, in a sudden, jarring cutback to a cheese-sauce-less Griffin, Franzese removes his glasses, signifying a break in character. He drops the Griffin voice as well: “All kidding aside, I don’t think racism is cool. It doesn’t have a place in today’s society. We’re trying to be better as a people. And we’ll never do that if we can’t get past this stupid thing called racism… I’m not down with any of that crap. If you’re down with racism, I’m not down with you. And that’s what grinds my gears.” The video ends on a surprisingly didactic moment. It is arguably a fairly empty gesture to say that racism is bad, but on a platform that can often be entirely glib on serious topics, Franzese’s whiplash pivot into complete sincerity is something I find incredibly endearing.

Since releasing this video, Franzese has made a relatively successful YouTube career as The Real Life Peter Griffin, discussing what grinds his gears on far less controversial topics such as winter, gas prices and Fortnite, none of which I have watched.

“My longest yeah boy ever” (2015)

The premise of this video, uploaded by user llMegaxlxll videos (Kondwani Sichinga), is not dissimilar to Dorin’s, as it features the attempt of a somewhat impressive vocal feat. However, Sichinga appears to be alone in his room and spends far longer introducing his premise.

In an exhausted appeal to the audience, Sichinga, who appears to be no older than 15, laments, “I’m already tired as you can tell.” It seems unlikely at that moment that the longest ”yeah boy“ could possibly occur in this video. Sichinga stumbles and stalls for the first 40 seconds, which includes a brief look back at the door as if he is adjusting his volume for his fellow residents, before finally properly introducing the video.

In this time, Dorin has already sung the entire length of a piano. Sichinga pessimistically states, “I will be attempting the longest yeah boy ever. I will fail, just so you know, so don’t get surprised.” He continues, “I got my drink just in case.” Sichinga holds up a canned beverage. It is unclear what scenario having/not having the drink would matter, as only one take appears in the video.

Talking in a low voice, one assumes he is being conscious of other people in the house, but he then proceeds to shout “yeah boy” so emphatically that his camera mic buzzes. Sichinga holds the “yeah boy” for about 31 seconds. After achieving this lengthy feat, he immediately contextualizes what he just did: “While having three hours left of energy [not an insubstantial amount of energy], I attempted to do the longest yeah boy ever.” He then mentions that Flavor Flav achieved a much less impressive 20-second “yeah boy,” whose “yeah boy” ad-lib on Public Enemy tracks clearly inspired this attempt. I remember roughly the time that this video became popular, and my appreciation of it has definitely shifted over time. The intro and outro were once just filler to me and the 31-second yeah boy delightful ear candy, but now I find the video’s framing far more compelling than the “yeah boy” itself. This is by far the most popular video I have discussed, with over 32 million views, but unlike Dorin and Franzese, Sichinga never repeated or built on this video. llMegaxlxll videos has 11 videos, none of which involve subsequent “yeah boy” attempts. I think if this video came out seven years later, Sichinga would have become some sort of niche celebrity like the Rizzler or Corn Kid and would go on a few talk shows, do the feat live and meet Flavor Flav. But 2015 was a different time. Kids just put out videos, got extremely popular online and went to school the next day.

I hope this provides you with some understanding of the nature of popular video creation on YouTube in a set of videos that you could watch in less time than it might take to read this piece. I am not sure how I stumbled upon any of these videos (such is the nature of algorithms), but I am incredibly grateful that they passed my way.

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Vassar Luddites rethink relationships with phones

Noah Duncan Columnist

On Friday, April 11, about a dozen students gathered on the patio of Pratt House, next to the labyrinth, beneath the rustling trees. Not a single smartphone was in sight. It was the first meeting of the Vassar Luddite Club, a new organization seeking to provide a community space that is entirely technology-free. Its four founders—Thomas Rombauch ’25, Jane Hurley ’27, Libby Surgent ’27 and George Truax ’27—have all foregone their smartphones for old-school flip phones, rebuking the influence that the digital world increasingly has over our everyday lives. An important aside: students do not need to own a flip phone to join the club.

The group gathers weekly on Friday afternoons. Meetings are built around conversation, in many cases surrounding a shared sense of disillusionment with the impact that technology has on everyday life. At a recent meeting, attendees were encouraged to bring something to read aloud: poems, excerpts, song lyrics, the back of a soda can, a memorable email or text message.

I spoke to Audrey Miller ’27, a club member who has had a flip phone since October and plans to keep it for as long as she can. She says that for her, the costs of having a smartphone outweighed the pros. “With your phone, it’s not like—it’s not a tool anymore, we don’t use it as that. Maybe 10 percent of the time we use it as a tool; but the other 90 percent is distraction, and it’s just taking your attention.”

“I thought I was the only one [at Vassar] who had a flip phone or was really feeling this way and really wanted to do something about it,” she says. “I felt so relieved after going to the first meeting.”

Vassar’s is one of a growing number of Luddite Clubs nationwide. The movement started with a group of Brooklyn teens that became the subject of a viral New York Times article documenting their shared effort to unplug from technology. The founder of that group, Logan Lane, now at Oberlin College, has gone on to form a network of clubs based in high schools and colleges across the country and world.

The club is named after the 19th-century Luddite movement, when British textile workers organized armed raids against the rapidly-expanding factories and industrial machinery that had taken their jobs and

“I thought I was the only one [at Vassar] who had a flip phone or was really feeling this way and really wanted to do something about it,” she says. “I felt so relieved after going to the first meeting.”

pushed many into poverty. These strikes happened during a time of great political upheaval—and certainly, parallels do exist between their time and ours, with rapid technological change causing widespread harm.

In 2021, a whistleblower revealed that Meta, the parent company of Instagram and Facebook, conducted and suppressed internal research that found Instagram to pose a significant mental health issue to its users. The company currently faces a law-

suit filed by a coalition of 32 states accusing the company of concealing the “substantial dangers” of its platforms, as scientific re -

looking down at their phones? And it’s… it’s depressing. Everyone has their headphones on, and everyone’s looking at their

search continues to highlight the ubiquity of smartphone addiction in general and its negative impact on mental health.

None of this is new knowledge, though. We have all grown up hearing “phones are bad” rhetoric spewed at us from every angle, so much that—for me at least—it has become a given. And no matter what we are told, or what the facts show, the appeals—instant gratification, unprecedented connectivity—seem too great to give up.

But what have we lost? “Something that really bugs me,” says Ava Whitney ’27, a curious non-Luddite Club member, “is when I’m trying to spend quality time with my friends and they’re on their phones the whole time. I think it’s just kind of disre -

phone… Thomas [a co-founder of the club] called these people ‘phone zombies,’ and I think he’s really right.”

She was not entirely critical, though. “Do I like it? No, but I get it. Especially in our generation… It’s really, just, it’s a part of our culture to be honest,” she responded when asked about our generation’s relationship with technology.

“In some ways, I think it’s great,” she admits. “In some ways I think it can really serve as a space where people can find community that they can’t necessarily find in the physical space that they’re in. But, at the same time, that online space can feel so superficial.”

People at Vassar and elsewhere, though,

spectful to that interaction that, like… you want to give your attention to this little rectangle screen more than you want to give to our friendship and connection.”

Miller expressed a similar sentiment: “You know when you go outside on campus, and you look around, and everyone’s

Vassar’s Luddite Club is certainly not advocating mass iPhone destruction— but it has opened up a new kind of public conversation on campus, open to any student that wants to further investigate their relationship with technology.

think about it, for, like, so many generations, people just had to communicate with each other in different ways—and now I can write them emails and letters, and we can have calls on an actual phone, and it just makes the time that we can connect even more special, so I’ve definitely learned to adapt to that.”

The rise of Luddite clubs across the country, including at Vassar, certainly suggests that, at least for some, rethinking the ways they interface with technology can have profound and positive effects.

Miller recalls the moment that led to her ditching her smartphone. Her old iPhone had broken, leaving her for a few days without a phone at all. She used her roommate’s phone to contact her family: “I remember I called my mom, and I was like, I’m literally just feeling so good. Like, I don’t want a phone again. I feel so much lighter and I feel more in control… Not having that obligation tied to you is so nice.”

In the months that she has gone without a smartphone, Miller has never missed it. “My [experiences] feel more solid,” Miller says, “and I live inside them—instead of hovering on the outside, trying to capture them.”

Other students, while not getting rid of their phones entirely, have begun to be more critical of their usage. Whitney says she tries to stay off Instagram, deleting the app and only accessing the site on her phone’s browser.

“I think as a generation,” Whitney remarks, “we can all come together to be transparent and open about how this is affecting us. And, there’s a lot of different ways to do that, that work for different people. Maybe ditching your phone completely if you really want to send it. Or just, like, trying to set limits. Or just even, having open conversations about it instead of… just taking it for granted that this is the way that technology is now. Because it doesn’t have to be, and, in fact, it shouldn’t be.”

Vassar’s Luddite Club is certainly not advocating mass iPhone destruction—but it has opened up a new kind of public conversation on campus, open to any student that wants to further investigate their relationship with technology. Miller comments: “It’s really great, there’s a lot of meaningful conversation. It’s a group of people seeking authentic human connection, so yeah... it’s really wholesome, it’s really grounding, it’s really present… and fun.”

are finding ways out of that superficiality. Whitney says that two of her best friends from home recently decided to ditch their phones. “I’ve found it really hard to be able to stay in touch with them in the ways that I want to,” she says, “because it’s just a different way of communicating. But if you

She hopes that the club will continue to grow and that it will help more people question the role that tech plays in their lives. “We always joke about it, like, oh, I’m going to go home and bed-rot, and just scroll on my phone, or I’m going to go sit on the toilet and watch Reels, like… okay, we all joke about it, but do you want to do something about it?”

Clearly, some Vassar students are beginning to do just that.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Image courtesy of Jane Hurley 27.

Image courtesy of George Truax 27.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

MISC MUSIC FEST

The Rezalution

On May 6, hear The Rezalution (Reza Hall ’27) play his riveting set with roots in house music but with increased tempos and higher energy tracks. If given the chance, he would create a collaboration with “Four Tet, Steve Lacy, Disclosure and 100 gecs.” When asked what he wants Misc readers to know about him, he shared a particularly meaningful Fizz post he read in which a user lamented, “Guys why was I more depressed over missing The Rezalution set than getting broken up with.”

Jacö (Jacomo Chery ’25) is planning an exciting techno and tech house set! When asked which four musicians he would put in a studio together, he answered, “Noizu, Dom Dolla, Holt 88 and Kyle Watson.” His wisdom for Misc readers is: “You should reach the limits of virtue before you cross the border of death.”

DJ Baby Bump$

DJ Baby Bump$ (Lev Winickoff ’25) will play a marvelous set of house, 90s, early 2000s hip hop and new electronic music! When asked which four musicians they would put in a studio together, they answered, “2 Yaejis, The Hellp and Rebeka Warrior for vibes mostly.” Their message to Misc readers is: “YOLO is timeless.”

TinyAnna (Anna Meyer) and DJ Dbldane (Clio Maya-Johnson) (and, it’s pronounced Dee-Jay Double Dane) team up for an earth-shattering edfemme B2B. When asked which four musicians she’d put in a studio together, Anna answered, “AG Cook, SOPHIE, FKA Twigs and Two Shell.” Meanwhile, Clio answered, “Erykah Badu, Nia Archives, M.I.A. and Yaya Bey.” When asked what they want Misc readers to know about her, Clio said they’re “over the moon to be bringing the songs of our dreams to your dancing feet.” Their message is: “Groove is in the heart bby so from ours to urs <3 let's DANCE!”

DJ Sebby

DJ Sebby (Sebastian DiPirro ’25) will offer up his splendiferous house, electronic and deep house set! If given the opportunity, he would put, “FKA Twigs, Kaytranada, Leon Vynehall and Kelela” in a studio together. When asked what he wants Misc readers to know about him, he shared, “My name is Sebastian and I love nature, cats and dancing #abundance #learning #happy!”

DJ Duff

DJ Duff (Aidan Duffy ’25) will debut his finest set of sing-along pop and EDM! When asked which four musicians he’d put in a studio together, he answered, “Gryffin, Fred Again…, MAX and Tate McRae.” Summing up his personality to Misc readers, he shared that he is an “aspiring marine biologist by day, beach club DJ by night.”

DJ Dbldane and TinyAnna

Jacö

BREAKING NEWS

From

the desk of Josie Wenner, Assistant Humor Editor

Egg bowl craze sweeps nation: “12-20 boiled eggs in every fridge in America!” New executive order expected to come soon

Miss Likki is officially leaving the party

Nandini Likki Take it Sleazy

And in the blink of an eye, four years passed like sand blowing through the Atacama Desert. You see, life is much like journalism. A young journalist comes into this world, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to make a mark on the world with their listicles and fake news articles. They work their way up the ladder. Maybe they even help edit some articles or write some weird experimental stuff that flops so hard, like your drunk friend at a pool party. Then, before they know it, it’s all over. They are forced to get this silly little thing called a “diploma” and then do this foolish little thing called “work?” Preposterous! Where does the journalist go from here? What does life look like without the Humor section of The Miscellany News? This is why I have decided to record the things I want to accomplish (which are things any young graduate MUST accomplish) in the next few years following my departure from Vassar. Another listicle—yay!

1. Become a cloud

Transforming myself into a beautiful cumulus has always been high on my list of priorities, but who has the time these days? The first thing I’m going to do, of course, is leave my corporeal body and become a majestic cloud, floating high in the sky. Maybe I’ll even meet a gorgeous

gorgeous man and have his half-human, half-vapor kids!

2. Eat a lot of galettes

My life so far has been pretty galetteless. Since I don’t sadly don’t live in France, opportunities to eat galettes have been pretty rare, aside from the occasional visit to an overpriced French bakery in the Village. I’m really going to commit and try to eat as many galettes as I can. Except for galette bretonnes, because those just look like sad dosas. But who am I kidding? Every dosa I make is a sad dosa.’

3. Befriend a sea turtle

I just finished watching season one of “The White Lotus,” and hands down the best part of that show is when Mark and Quinn finally go scuba diving and meet this super cute sea turtle. I have often tried to make friends with a turtle. I go to their parties, I sign up for their newsletters. Hell, I’ve even caught jellyfish for some leatherbacks to eat. But I always feel so different, so isolated. All they want is my jellyfish. As a post-grad, I want to form a life-changing friendship with a sea turtle. Something meaningful and true.

4. Do a proper funeral for my dead goldfish

I never had any pets growing up because my dad is afraid of dogs and my mom thinks cats know what she’s think-

ing. However, when I was in ninth grade, my mom’s coworker threw a Halloween party during which she gave me a small goldfish. I immediately took a deep fondness for young Cheddar. Instead of doing my biology homework, I would selfstudy the wonders of nature by watching Cheddar swim around in his fishbowl for hours. I fantasized about what went on in his mind, whether he was happy or sad, whether he had big dreams of becoming a filmmaker like me. On the last day of school, I came home to find Cheddar dead at the bottom of his bowl. I cried deep tears for Cheddar and quickly buried him in my backyard. My sister always asks me why we never did anything for my young child. I want to honor Cheddar’s memory and throw one hell of a funeral for him. I would invite all of his closest friends from his old tank and reminisce about the good old times. Then we would get hyped to Cheddar’s favorite song, “Gold Digger” by Kanye West, featuring Jamie Foxx.

5. Do what I love

And what I love to do is party, party, party.

So farewell, dear readers. Miss Likki will try to update you as much as she can on the progress she makes on the aforementioned goals and dreams. Here’s hoping we meet again in the near future! Good night, Vassar, and take care.

Nick Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

HUEVOSCOPES

Emma daRosa Assistant Humor Eggitor

ARIES March 21 | April 19

We as a society need to stop poaching eggs and doing freaky things to them. This week, you can do your part to end the scourge of weird, themed Benedicts by poaching something else. Perhaps tonight’s pineapple sheet cake with cream cheese frosting would poach well. I don’t know.

TAURUS April 20 | May 20

This week you are going to be HUMILIATED. You are going to say something so stupid and asinine in your last class of the semester that everyone is going to remember you as a huge idiot. Your face is going to be so red you could fry an… an… you could fry something on it!

GEMINI May 21 | June 20

You might be panicking about the future this week. Don’t. One must remember that life is like an egg salad. Some good parts. Some bad parts. Best enjoyed fresh. Will keep if stored in an airtight container and refrigerated for three to five days. Sometimes there’s onions. Almost always there’s mayo.

CANCER June 21 | July 22

Don’t let the haters make you feel like a pathetic little quail egg this week. You may be small in stature, but I know that you can attack the trials that face you with the thick membrane, sturdy shell and massive yolk of an ostrich egg.

LEO July 23 | Aug. 22

You should add something special to your week. Maybe do a face mask or meditate one morning. Think about your week as a bowl of ramen with no soft boiled egg. Add the soft boiled egg of life.

VIRGO Aug. 23 | Sept. 22

Don’t get your hopes up again that there will be fried eggs at Global this weekend. You’re just setting yourself up for disappointment. It’s time to accept the omelet. I recommend pepper, onion and ham.

LIBRA Sept. 23 | Oct. 22

SCORPIO Oct. 23 | Nov. 21

Don’t try to boil eggs in your electric kettle, please, that Reddit thread is misleading you. Not speaking from experience, but what might happen is that the eggs might get too hot and crack and all of a sudden you don’t have a water kettle, you have an egg water kettle. Perchance.

Watch out for testicles this week. Your own, other people’s, just be aware. You never know what they could be hiding. It’s testicular cancer awareness month, so the best advice I can give you is CHECK OUT THOSE BALLS. Stay alert, stay smart, stay safe.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 | Dec. 21

Finals are going to have you feeling SCRAMBLED this week! Almost like you’re a bowl of eggs. There’s something else to keep in mind about scrambled eggs though. Scrambled eggs are tasty, reliable and notoriously good at finishing Global Nineteenth Century Studies take home finals.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 | Jan. 19

Something annoying is about to happen in your Minecraft world. You’re going to kill the ender dragon, but you’re destined to forget a piston or torch to collect her egg! Good. You sick motherfucker. Stealing a baby like that? #respectwomen #mamabear #myeggmychoice

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 | Feb. 18

You’re a lot like an egg. Some people think you’re gross. Some people are allergic. Some people eat you every day. Some people say you’re too high in cholesterol. Some people try to replace you with applesauce when you’re called for in a NYT recipe for custard and leave really stupid mean reviews.

PISCES Feb. 19 | March 20

You ever think about how crazy it is that people with ovaries literally have eggs in them? It’s sort of creepy… sort of skeeving me out. Oh god. GOD. I DON’T LIKE IT GET THEM OUT SHIT FUCK SHIT!

Evil Vassar celebrates 100 years of evil arboretum

Evil Vassar College, Vassar College’s known archnemesis, has plans to celebrate the centennial anniversary of their evil arboretum. The celebration will include evil cake, evil speeches and evil tree planting (both the trees and the action of planting them will be evil). The evil cake will be flavored with chocolate and malice, and the evil speeches will discuss the triumphs of evil Vassar and their plans for total Poughkeepsie domination.

Evil Vassar sits across the street from Vassar, on the other side of Raymond Avenue. Vassar was founded in 1861 by Matthew Vassar, and evil Vassar was founded in 1862 by Watthew Vassar, Matthew’s evil identical

twin brother. Watthew had a chip on his shoulder because Matthew absorbed more nutrients in the womb and was therefore more loved by their parents. Watthew, upon hearing that Matthew had founded a school for women’s betterment, decided to found his own school for women’s worsement. Watthew decreed that evil Vassar would be dedicated to undoing all of Vassar’s achievements. For every Meryl Streep, there would be a Chevy Chase. For every Grace Hopper, a Mark Zuckerberg. For every Anne Hathaway, a Jared Leto. And for every arboretum, an evil arboretum.

The main difference between an arboretum and an evil arboretum is that an arboretum plants trees that are good for the environment and an evil arboretum plants trees that are bad for the environment. For

example, while an arboretum might plant an oak tree that will release oxygen, take in carbon dioxide and provide a home for birds and squirrels, an evil arboretum would plant an evil oak tree, which would take in oxygen, hit people with its branches and lure squirrels into squirrel-killing traps with tasty acorns.

“We are very proud of our evil arboretum and even more proud that we’ve kept it going for a century,” said evil President Bradley when reached for comment. “Our school has worked very hard to put more evil into the world, and our arboretum is one of our main assets in achieving that goal. We’re also very proud of our evil library with no books and our evil career center that churns out business majors like there’s no tomorrow.”

“I fucking hate that bitch,” said President

Bradley when asked to comment about evil President Bradley. “Stupid. Ugly. Annoying. Terrible haircut.” Evil President Bradley and President Bradley have identical bobs, so we’re not quite sure what she’s talking about.

“Chaos, fear and rage are all key components of Watthew Vassar’s mission statement,” said evil Dean Luis Inoa. “Our evil arboretum and its evil trees will continue to spread discontent and hostility in our community. First Poughkeepsie, then Dutchess County, then the Hudson Valley, then New York, then the United States, then North America, then the world!”

The centennial of the evil arboretum will conclude with a kazoo rendition of evil Taps, played by the evil Vassar orchestra. The evil Class of 2027 tree, an evil magnolia, will be planted as well.

Debuting and immediately retiring from intramural soccer

Josie Wenner ’27, one of my many underlings on the paper, recently invited me to play intramural soccer with her electrifying team, “the Lightning,” made up of people from the Noyes house team and other sources. I was enthused: Last year, I spent a series of Wednesdays playing intramural basketball, and that tragically bad team became a brief obsession. Josie told me that her team lost 8-0 on a game that ended at halftime, so luckily, I was in similar company.

I suited up in sneakers and shorts and headed over. Of course, the game had already started when I got there at 7:02 p.m. (god forbid an intramural soccer game not start on time). We were already down onezip, but as I stepped onto the pitch, I was ready to turn things around.

I immediately saw a familiar face on the field: My former EiC Jacques was refereeing the game. Ref Jacques looked at me quizzically.

“Did you sign a waiver?”

“No.”

“Nick, we’ve already had twenty sprained ankles today! ”

“Eh. I’ll do it at halftime.”

That seemed to pacify Jacques as he could see I was quite durable. Soon we were down 2-0, but THEN we pulled a surprise goal on a turnover. It was electric. Keeping the momentum going, I got a shot-on-goal. Moments later I got the ball back, pushed the ball past the goalie and made a GOALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL in the NETTTTTTTTTTTTTT. The game was tied! The other team, made up completely of vaguely athletic Vassar men, was shocked. In the final few minutes, we let in two more goals though, so the comeback would have to continue during the second half.

During halftime, I signed away my rights to Jacques. I suddenly felt a little off during halftime and it wasn’t just the whole “can’t sue Vassar” thing. I was sorely lacking in exercise this semester and the Olive Garden leftovers I ate early that day were turning in my stomach, but then Ref Jacques told me not to throw up, so I didn’t.

Also during halftime, Olivia Blank ’27, the Misc’s assistant games editor, who is currently theorizing how to turn Rummikub into a paper game, arrived. We were all feeling a bit down. The ever-optimistic Blank yelled, “Unleash your inner lightning!” and suddenly we all perked up. It was a great speech that really motivated

us to play better but then we were quickly down 7-2, but AFTER THAT we scored a goal and started getting some opportunities. On one play, where I had the ball by the net, Ref Jacques yelled at me, “Shoot!” I missed, but suddenly, I realized that maybe Ref Jacques was in my corner. If he could edit the bad parts out of my Misc screeds, maybe he could edit the bad parts out of my soccer playing as well. Minutes later, we got another opportunity down low where a teammate was rushing the net. Jacques was yelling at me to go toward the middle in front of the net, and so I did. We scored. I looked back at Coach/Ref Jacques and he said, “That was great! You made the goalie move!” I didn’t score that goal, but in many ways, I clearly did.

Things were looking up, but it was 8-5 and we were running out of time: There were

only two minutes left. So, Josie famously said, “There’s still two minutes—we can still come back!” So we locked in and scored 50 straight goals. That’s right: 50. I scored 15 of them and Josie scored 19. At the end of the game, everybody on the other team clapped and then wept in awe. Lionel Messi and Megan Rapinoe, who were at the game, came up to us and, in unison, said, “We saw what you did out there, team Lightning, and we’d like to award you this comically large check as a reward for your excellence and grace.” The check was for $50, which, split equally, was a cool $7.14.

Coach/Ref Jacques came up to us after the game and said, “You guys are too good. We can’t have you in the playoffs next week. It just wouldn’t be fair for the rest of the teams.” I was devastated, but I understood. It just wouldn’t be fair. After just one game,

it was time to hang up the intramural soccer sneakers. Messi said he would call me, though, if his team ever needed an extra player. I walked home like Charlie Brown from “Charlie Brown” when Charlie Brown is walking home sadly; that is to say, I was walking home sadly. Here’s the real bummer part of intramural soccer: Back home, I took off my sneakers and found that the tip of my left neon sock had turned red. I took my sock off, and the problem became clear: Five months ago, I dropped a hard case of cinema lenses on my left toe. It hurt a lot, and a thick, bruised band has slowly moved up the nail. Well, that part of the nail was apparently quite weak as it cracked. Having signed away my right to sue, I was powerless. Maybe. Might call Messi and see if he knows any good lawyers.

Josie Wenner Evil assistant humor editor

Nicholas Tillinghast Limping

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

George Santos announces bid to be next pope

Noah Daube-Valois Jew-ish

At an impromptu press conference on Tuesday, former congressman George Santos shared the next step in his post-political career. “Today, I announce that I am running for pope. I urge the American people to write my name on the ballot come Election Day.” Santos gained notoriety in 2023 for lying about such things as being the former star on Baruch College’s volleyball team, a school that he never attended. Asked to share his favorite Bible verse, he smiled: “You miss 100 percent of the shots you don’t take.”

Santos made his case by outlining his qualifications. “Not many people know this about me, but I served as a bishop for four years starting when I was 24. I was then appointed cardinal at age 29.” When reporters asked why this was kept secret, Santos said the answer was simple: “Sharing that I was a bishop might have jeopardized my volleyball career.” Reporters then asked why there was no proof of his volleyball career. “Sharing the news of my volleyball career might have jeopardized my political career,” he responded.

“I am surprised no Democrat has stepped forward to fight to be the nominee, yet,” Santos continued. “They must be scared. Who do the Democrats have? Bernie Sanders? Josh Shapiro? Chuck Schumer?” When asked if he knew that the pope was selected by a vote of cardinals, Santos replied that because of the bird flu, he thought that things would be different this year.

Santos is only 36 years old, which would make him the youngest pope in over 1,000 years. He argued, however, he is used to being one of the youngest in his field. “I wrote the Harry Potter, Hobbit, and Hunger Games books all before the age of 20, using the pen names of J.K. Rowling, J.R.R. Tolkien, and Gordon Ramsay, respectively,” Santos said. “I didn’t have time to work on them during my record-setting hike of Mount Everest, although writing them was a nice way to relax during the spaceflights I manned to the moon.”

Critics have voiced concerns over how Santos would also be the first pope to rule from prison once his jail time starts on July 30. Santos called these criticisms “blasphemous.” However, Santos has acknowledged that his travel restrictions complicate matters. Despite his desire to visit the Vatican as part of his campaign, Santos was ordered to surrender his passport after being deemed a flight risk. His legal team has been working tirelessly to find a loophole that would allow him to visit the Holy Land. They allegedly sent a request to President Trump to deport

the congressman to the Vatican. If the administration denies their request, Santos is crowdfunding to buy a mansion in New York City’s Little Italy.

Readers may remember that Santos once referred to himself as Jewish. When accused of lying, he explained that he meant to say he was “Jew-ish.” Santos, the first openly-gay

Republican congressman, poses a serious threat to the Church’s stance on “homosexuality.” Santos released a statement yesterday night in an attempt to alleviate these concerns: “Despite a career where I have strived for complete honesty, I am deeply ashamed to confess the only lie I have ever made. I am not gay. I am gay-ish.”

Shocking, irrefutable revelation of zebras’ true colors

Oliver Stewart Style guide menace

In a press release published at 9 o’clock on April 22nd, 2,025, scientists in New York City, New York, made a shocking claim: “Our research reveals”, they wrote, “that zebras are, irrefutably & without any doubt, black with white stripes, and any college publications that might impose rigid, contrary rules about this issue are completely, utterly, and entirely in the wrong.”

The scientists, founders of an organization by the name of Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog, say they began their research during the coronavirus-19 pandemic, when they were “bored out of {their} fucking minds.” Although the group was initially composed of scientists from all across the US who met over the Web, as their zebra research intensified, they moved to New York & opened a lab to further their work.

Several of the members of the Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog are Vassar Alumnae, including Mortimer Humphrey, class of ‘13. Humphrey is now an immensely respected figure in the growing field of zebra

studies, but here’s the rub: his journey to the work he does now may not be what you would expect.

During his time at the college, Humphrey was actually a Drama Major. Although he now knows his life’s passion to be zebra studies, his first love was the theatre. “When I was at Vassar,” Mortimer told The Miscellany News, “I spent all my time in the Vogelstein center for drama & film.”

The Vogey may seem like an unlikely place for a lifelong love for zebra studies to be fostered, but for Humphrey, theatre & zebra studies were a natural pairing. He brings his passion for the theatrical arts to his current work: the Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog are currently planning a production of a new play, entitled Zebra!: The Black With White Stripes Story.

The path to this point for the Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog has not been an easy one. As recently as last Spring, the group were feeling disheartened at their lack of a major breakthrough. With their funding running low, the scientists were forced to sacrifice their healthcare coverage in order to continue their research, & even had to cancel

a Bar-b-Q that had been planned to celebrate the group’s 4th anniversary.

That June, however, the Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog had their eureka moment when they got the results back from a series of lab tests, processed by Vassar biochemistry Professor Michelle W. Science. Science, who runs a lab in the bridge building for laboratory sciences on Vassar’s campus in the City of Poughkeepsie, was delighted to help the group, including some of her former students, in their research.

“What a lot of people don’t realize,” Michelle told The Miscellany News, “is that scientific research is a collaborative effort. If we don’t help each other, doing this work makes you feel as lonely as the cloud in that one poem. You know the one? ‘I wandered lonely as a cloud that floats on high o’er vales & hills, when all at once I saw a crowd, a host, of golden daffodils?’”

Although Michelle, Mortimer, & their colleagues have been delighted by the breakthrough, others are not as enthused. Speaking to The Miscellany News, Emma daRosa ‘26 said “this is ridiculous. Everyone knows that zebras are white with black stripes. Just

because some dorkus malorkus scientists showed up one day from Dorkville & said otherwise doesn’t mean we have to take their word as gospel. Frankly, to me, the whole thing smacks of Communism.”

Emma, who since mid-2,017 has been running an organization called EKTZAWWBS, has seen a major drop in traffic to her blog & youtube channel of the same name since the publication of the Zebra Discussion Accuracy Watchdog’s research, & a similarly precipitous drop in advertising revenue. Describing the situation as her own personal 9/11, Emma told The Miscellany News that “none of what those scientists are saying is true. They’re just out to ruin me. If you want the real facts, head to ektzawwbs.net, or check out this article I read in the Misc a couple years back.”

Whether or not you have the scientific credentials to weigh in directly on the matter, the spirited debate on both sides certainly has a je ne sais quoi which makes it entertaining to read about even for uneducated observers. And, until new science proves otherwise, The Miscellany News can state, wholeheartedly & without reservation, that zebras are black with white stripes.

Nicholas Tillinghast/The Miscellany News.

What RFK Jr. gets wrong about autism

Z Guest Columnist

Everything. The end. Just kidding. Though Robert F. Kennedy—RFK— Jr. probably thinks autistic people cannot tell jokes either.

Here is what our Secretary of Health and Human Services had to say about autistic children recently: “Autism destroys families. And more importantly, it destroys our greatest resource, which is our children.” Yada yada, anti-vaccine nonsense, “And these are kids who will never pay taxes, they'll never hold a job, they'll never play baseball, they'll never write a poem. They'll never go out on a date. Many of them will never use a toilet unassisted.”

RFK Jr. has rightfully received condemnation for these remarks. I personally find these remarks to be ableist, ignorant and demonstrative of a lack of humanity and compassion. I think many of President Donald Trump's past and present policies—such as separating families at the border—and proposed policies will and have destroyed families. Aside from that, there do exist families who are “destroyed” by an autism diagnosis, but that should not be the case. We cannot let ableism and a lack of compassion allow a neurological disorder to destroy families. I will not pretend that an autism diagnosis never makes a family’s life more difficult, but if you are a truly loving person or a truly loving family, no diagnosis will destroy you. Now, to be clear, there are autistic people

who meet RFK Jr.’s description—aside from the destroyer of families part. Are they the majority? I do not believe so. Even if they were, RFK Jr.’s description is still a broad generalization that lacks nuance. Though, in all fairness, his current place of employment is not that into nuance. As nice as it would be for RFK Jr. to be the loud, annoying problem who is the subject of insults and attacks on character—there is no shortage of both—that does not describe our reality. RFK Jr. and his outspoken, painfully outdated views are rather loud and very annoying symptoms of several larger problems.

The first problem RFK Jr. is a symptom of is the current state of American politics. President Trump has demonstrated, via RFK Jr.’s appointment, among other cabinet choices, a willingness to give a bumbling fool who pledges loyalty a cabinet position—even if said bumbling fool ran a presidential campaign against him. I am not even going to go into the mostly bipartisan—at the very least bipartisan within the electorate—disapproval of RFK Jr.’s appointment and tenure. Unfortunately, Congress is known for many things: having a backbone is not one of them. However, something with much more staying power than the state of politics is the second problem related to RFK Jr. I am referring to the representation of autistic people within the media. Until very recently, the majority of autistic individuals in the media fit into one of two archetypes. You had the socially awkward savants—think

Sheldon from “The Big Bang Theory”—or you had the individuals who are labeled as severely autistic—think the title character from Sia’s ableist and widely-panned movie “Music.” To be clear, both of these kinds of people exist, but the problem is that if the autism spectrum were a line, these two archetypes would be on opposite ends of the line. Most autistic individuals would fall somewhere between the ends, though rarely right in the middle. But due to the state of representation, most people assume autistic people are like those archetypes. Anytime someone asks me if I am like Sheldon, I am massively insulted. If Sheldon were a real person, he would be widely unlikeable, and many people would think he is an asshole. When people find out I am autistic, I do not want them to think I am like that.

The mere existence and life experiences of many autistic people throw a wrench in RFK Jr.’s ideas about autism. Just look at the child in the picture. He is both autistic and receiving a baseball trophy—mind blown. He has also written poems, is working on a fantasy novel, has had jobs and will soon be applying for paralegal jobs. Furthermore, he got into Vassar College, wrote this article and, unless hell freezes over or he becomes president of the United States, he is going to pay taxes.

My concluding message is that we should not deny that there are autistic people who meet RFK Jr.’s description. Rather, we should remember and celebrate the diversity, and more importantly, humanity, of our autistic peers and coworkers—even RFK Jr. currently has at least one autistic coworker. Ignorant people like RFK Jr. have always existed and will continue to exist. Only by highlighting the multifaceted autism experience, which is indisputable evidence that RFK Jr. is wrong, can we hope to relegate RFK Jr. and those like him to the fringes. To learn more about autism, please check out the Autistic Self Advocacy Network and please do not check out Autism Speaks. For RFK Jr., my message to you is that I think you should do your research and truly learn about the autistic community and the variation that exists within it. I am aware that because there is so much diversity within the community, it is no small task to truly understand it. For that reason, I recommend that you quit your day job. I am very confident that the country can function without you as Secretary of Health and Human Services, so you can dedicate yourself fully to understanding autism.

Cut it out with the TikTok theology

Jacob Cifuentes Opinions Editor

I first began my spiritual journey when I was seven years old, after I picked up a book about Ancient Egyptian Mythology. This led me down a turbulent rabbit hole of “Percy Jackson” books, New Age Alien conspiracy theory YouTube and eventually Mahayana Buddhism. My parents raised me agnostic, meaning we did not practice any specific religion, but had some influences from our Christian and Jewish heritages. During my first year of high school, I was exposed to Buddhism, and I have been enchanted ever since. Now, I am a Religion major and love learning about many faiths and traditions, especially from so-called “mystical” and esoteric teachings.

Recently, I have seen a rising amount of theological discourse online between mostly Christians and Muslims, but also some Hindus, Buddhists, Neo-Pagans and Atheists, in the form of edits—short videos that flashily romanticize a given subject— and TikTok live stream debates that lack any intellectual or spiritual humility. The vast majority of these arguments follow a logic of “my deity or religion is better than yours because it says so in my sacred text” or “my medieval and colonial warfare was successful, so clearly my theology is the correct one.” I am not here to debunk these types of arguments—that would not be very hard, anyway—but to show why the questions that lead to these stupid debates do not need to be asked in general. I also do not wish to tell anyone how to practice or believe their religion, or lack thereof, because I am less interested in converting people and more interested in talking about how we can think in better ways about our spiritualities and theolo -

gies. The central issue with these pointless debates is how we keep assuming that only one path is the objective truth, but with our subjective perspectives and pluralistic world, that cannot be the case.

To give some examples of these babblings on TikTok, I will briefly describe some debates and posts I saw around Easter. One Christian user posted a clip from a live stream with the AI-generated prompt behind her saying, “Prove Islam’s Claims are True.” She asked the following question: “Apart from Islam, who makes the claim that somebody else was out on a cross?” This was in reference to Sura 4 of the Quran, where it is stated that Jesus was not crucified, contradicting the New Testament. Another post from an atheist account explains how the Quran is wrong because it has “scientific inaccuracies” relating to male reproductive anatomy. Later, I found a Muslim-hosted live stream that had “Even If Muhammad Was Lying… He’s Still Right” as a prompt in the background for discussion. A Christian guest said that the book of Isaiah from the Hebrew Tanakh—or the Christian Old Testament—prophesied the life of Jesus and is divine because the New Testament said so, and the host’s response amounted to an overcomplicated “nuh uh.”

Other posts I found deal with anime being demonic, Hindus and Buddhists arguing in a comment section about diets, and live stream prompts begging for debates and any religious group to “prove me wrong.” Who cares? Clearly, there is a digital audience for this type of content, but how much of it is doing the job of converting others to your faiths and causes? These posts focus on minute and specific details that do not represent or undermine these religions’ central messages and commandments.

Around two and a half millennia ago, a guy in the woods of northern India claimed to have a holistic and transcendental understanding of reality and our place in it. This guy was the Conqueror, the Enlightened one, Teacher of Gods and Humans: Siddartha Gautama, the Buddha. But why was he any special? An unknown number of people from around his time had also claimed similar understandings—Zoroaster, Mahavira, Laozi, Pythagoras, Pharaohs and shamans—and many others after him as well, dare I list them all. The Buddha, however, allegedly taught and explained 84,000—a number symbolizing an immensely large quantity, similar to the modern term, “a gazillion”—paths to enlightenment. One interpretation of this group of teachings, shared in the Buddha Weekly website, is that there are so many paths to the ultimate truth that to consider just one path as the only path would be an ignorant stance.

I know that some people hold on dearly to interpretations of their texts that say there is only one god or one path, and that they need to convert disbelievers to that true path. This theology is fine if it works for you. Trust me, I understand the feeling that everyone is wrong about something and that we are headed to a dark place because of it—I live in 2025 America too. But trying to convert people in these annoying and unproductive manners, without actually emphasizing any meaningful teachings, is not going to accomplish anything. We can focus on the domination parts of dogma, or we can look towards the more beautiful part of theology, self-realization.

In many forms of mysticism, everyone— and maybe even everything—is a manifestation of divine essence. In Buddhism, this doctrine is called Buddha-nature: the

original state of enlightened and perfected being that we all have inside, unbeknownst to our defiled conscious minds. Many Christians believe the Kingdom of God is within us, many Hindus believe all beings are part of Brahman and so on, with so many similarities among cultures and time periods. This theological stance is often referred to as panentheism or monism: systems of understanding that each being has a divine spark and that there is no literal separation between the worldly and the sacred beyond our unaware perceptions. To take this line of thought further, it makes the most sense that each being has their own approach to accessing that divinity; some pray, some meditate, some produce art or solve equations. Because the scope of divinity is limitless in definition, how one communes with it is limitless as well. With this understanding, I have been able to view everyone, including myself, more compassionately, and I have been able to find some peace in our chaotic and violent world. There is no need for worrying and fighting over minute differences in what each sacred text says and commands, because there is enough room in this universe for many beliefs and practices to coexist.

The central issue with these pointless debates is how we keep assuming that only one path is the objective truth, but with our subjective perspectives and pluralistic world, that cannot be the case.

Image courtesy of Z.

Letter to the Editor: Art History is a work in progress

To fellow students: If the Mona Lisa’s smile can continue to launch thousands of theories, then perhaps art history is doing exactly what it is meant to do. Contrary to many first impressions, including a recent piece in The Miscellany News, the discipline is not solely about memorization—it is about context, questioning and learning to see the world through different lenses. Tracing cultural, political and personal histories through visual forms can be deeply transformative and revelatory. Yes, memorization may be a part of the process, but so is interpretation, curiosity and critique. In the movie “Mona Lisa Smile,” the fictional Professor Watson (Julia Roberts) challenges her students to think freely through art history.

None of Vassar College’s disciplines are immune to the systematic influences of colonialism and imperialism; art history included. For decades, the discipline has operated like an exclusive club: one that overlooks non-Western traditions and the contributions of people of color and women. The field is evolving, however, with efforts to include artists of color, queer artists and female artists in both scholarship and pedagogy.

The purpose of art history is not simply to regurgitate the canon. At Vassar, key artworks are taught—an increasing number of which have historically been understudied and undervalued. The role of ART 105 and 106: “Introduction to the History of Art and Architecture” is to provide students with a foundation for analytical learning. Notably, key works are not taught because they are “masterpieces,” but rather because they are extremely referential. The so-called “canon” within art history is a catalog of art determined by generations of Western academia, which, in its refusal of a global perspective, has blurred the line between mainstream influence and cultural value. Instead of relying on a static textbook that gives precedence to the canon, the ART-105 and 106 curriculum is actively reimagined and changed each year to reflect emerging scholarship.

Teaching works within the canon does not inherently imply support for its perpetuation. To challenge the canon, however, you must understand what it excludes, distorts and damages. As a

product of 18th-century Europe, the discipline of art history emerged from a time and place that denied the influence and prominence of non-Western cultures. Reckoning with its origins, acknowledging its pitfalls and transforming art history into a global study that reflects cultures beyond the canon has been, and continues to be, a work in progress. As students progress through the study of art history here, it becomes apparent that key works within Vassar’s own curriculum are always changing. In advanced classes, we are often tasked with selecting the works of art that are taught, allowing us to bring in personal narratives and define what our syllabi look like. Across the department, there is no consensus on what is “most important,” and that, at least in part, is a disruption of the canon.

As seniors within the art history major who have taken distinct academic paths, we would like to push back on the idea that art history is a one-size-fits-all discipline. From our introductory courses to our 300-level seminars, we have been taught how to think critically, go to the source and apply original thought to visual media. The team-taught model of ART 105 and 106 invites students to witness professors and scholars in the act of interpreting and analyzing artworks. You do not simply learn from observation, but from hands-on activities in conference sections, when students are brought to the Frances Lehman Loeb Art Center to engage with artworks themselves. It is through these early visits that we were first introduced to and excited by curatorial work, which we have both done in our time working at the Loeb.

Indeed, curation is an excellent way to think about art spatially and emotionally, and it expands the breadth of our art historical knowledge. However, the basis of curation rests on the skills developed in art historical research, analysis and interpretation. Curators, scholars and educators have the power to rewrite, challenge or highlight certain narratives. Reevaluating the meanings of terms like primitive or oriental—turning away from their archaic, patronizing and fetishizing connotations—and instead using them to describe those problematic sentiments, say, primitivism or orientalism, is one way that art historians and museum pro-

fessionals have pushed old boundaries. Reflecting on the past can serve as an essential tool to grapple with and challenge the often incomplete, misleading and exclusionary attitudes that have coincided with canonized artworks. So, what is art history without history? Take, for example, the Hudson River School paintings on display at the Loeb. Without history, they are just pretty pictures. But with context, we often see the erasure of Indigenous people, the glorification of westward expansion and the beginnings of land commodification. History, within art, serves as a way to ground it. History is never objective, and to fight inherited agendas, we must learn to tell new stories. The art history courses at Vassar not only teach these new stories but also equip students with the knowledge and confidence to become the scholars who create this change.

Art history at Vassar was the first place I, Betsy, saw my culture reflected in art. Encountering the work of Cuban artists like Ana Mendieta, Belkis Ayón and Felix Gonzalez-Torres made me feel seen and affirmed that my history and heritage belong in these academic spaces. And still, what I have come to treasure just as deeply is the ability to explore lives and identities far from my own through art. I am writing my thesis on medieval European women’s use of pilgrim badges. I do not share their background, but I recognize something in their challenges, their humor and their quiet forms of resistance. Taking on this project has not been easy. There is a unique kind of anxiety that comes with being a first-generation student, the first in your family to graduate from college and the first to pursue a project of this scale. It frustrates me that I cannot send my parents drafts or fully explain it to them in Spanish. But the guidance from the department, and especially my advisor, has made all the difference. They have met my questions with answers, my uncertainties with encouragement and my occasional tears with reassurance and unwavering support. At Vassar, I have learned that art history can allow us to reach across differences and to claim a voice in stories that were not written for me—but that I can still help tell. Studying art history here at Vassar has been an opportunity for me, Emma,

to really spearhead my own interests. Growing up with Bavarian heritage and having family in a small town with a rich art background, I was exposed to German Expressionist art when I was young. After being introduced to art history as a teenager, I found myself returning to the aforementioned subject matter. Coming into the art history major at Vassar, I knew that I wanted to learn more about that movement in particular, even though the works of art were not taught in ART 106 or the focus of any upper-level class. That being said, I was able to speak with professors to work my interests into my learning experiences. I have also been able to integrate the German language into my research, engage it with my work in the German Studies department and connect it to my personal background all the more through those efforts, which I have always been encouraged to pursue. The department has had my back, supported me when I wanted to explore something niche and nurtured my mindset of perpetual curiosity.

A lot has changed since the 1960s, including art history. While the discipline has always sought to understand how images shape and reflect the world around us, today that world is much bigger, more interconnected and more aware of the voices that have long been ignored. We agree that it is extremely important to see ourselves and our cultures reflected back to us. This is why art history classes at Vassar are increasingly emphasizing non-Western art, as well as the international influences on works featured in courses focused on European art. We have taken art history courses on Latin American architecture, art and activism, medieval pilgrimage, Marcel Duchamp, Islamic architecture and psychedelics. By offering a wide range of classes, there is a push to reflect the multicultural student body and diverse interests here. Studying art history at Vassar provides you with the ability to mold the discipline into what you want it to look like; no interest is too niche, no question is too bold and no perspective is invalid. The Art Department at Vassar is one that does focus on its students; one that listens, adapts and challenges us to push beyond our perceived limitations in order to become the scholars of our generation.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Image courtesy of Karen Mogami '24.

Brewers Ballin’: Dowd continues winning for Brewers

Our goal with Brewers Ballin’ is to feature Vassar athletes who starred for their team the week previous to publishing. If you would like to nominate an athlete, please email hfrance@vassar.edu.

Brewers Ballin’

Name: Faye Stevens

Year: Senior

Team: Women’s Track and Field

Stats: At the Vassar Invite on Saturday, April 26, Stevens earned gold in speedy fashion. Stevens came close to her career best 400 meter hurdles time when she posted a 1:07.94 in the event, good for a first place finish. She also notched a bronze medal finish in the long jump with a leap of 5.32 meters. Stevens’ strong year was epitomized at the AARTFC indoor championships when the senior set a career-best and new school record mark in the pentathlon.

Statement: Senior season has been a blast. I’ve been able to attack it with an all-in attitude since it’s my last time competing in collegiate athletics which means more than ever I want to give it everything I’ve got. I’m sad to see it coming to a close, but we’ve got a couple of championship meets around the corner so it’s not over yet! I plan to compete hard and cheer loud till the very end.

Recently in Vassar Brewers sports

Women’s Tennis sweeps weekly honors

Iris Lee, Macey Dowd and Sieun Lee all earned recognition from the Liberty League for their performances this past week.

Baseball Clinches Birth to Liberty League Crossover Series

The Brewers will face Ithaca College this week after a win over Bard College locked the Brewers into a postseason emergence.

Women’s Rugby Goes 21-0 in 2024-2025

The Vassar Women’s Rugby team finished the year with a perfect 21-0 record after a strong showing against Brooklyn.

Image courtesy of Faye Stevens ’25.

Coach Brown talks rugby, camaraderie

Continued from Rugby on page 1

them.

Growing up in England, rugby was a part of Brown’s early physical education curriculum. Reflecting on his first experiences with the sport, Brown commented, “I fell in love with rugby because when I was a school boy, I was big, lumpy, you know, tall, good at running into things.” While attending St. Luke’s—a teacher’s training college—Brown had the opportunity to play against several of the nation’s top teams. His athletic career was supported by teachers and peers, and much of his social life was centered around the sport.

After teaching physical education in London for four years, Brown moved to America where he became a public school teacher in Fairfax County, Virginia. Simultaneously, he played rugby with a local club before a career-ending injury in 1986, after which he began coaching the sport at George Mason University.

Brown came to Vassar in 1995 to coach full time. He recalled, “In 1995, I saw an advertisement for a job here at Vassar, and I thought, gosh, they’re going to pay me for doing what I love to do, so I’m going to apply for that job. And I’ve been here for 30 years.”

Across America, rugby teams were—and largely still are—club sports. Brown commented, “Being a club sport on the fringes of the administration meant that it was kind of a counterculture sport. The men wore a white shirt with a red hoop, right? That was their colors, whereas the varsity teams were wearing, you know, maroon and gray.” True to its origins as a counterculture, rugby has a reputation as a rowdy sport due to its physical intensity, which is positively reflected in the camaraderie of its players. Further, the sport’s nature instills a sense of pride and a fierce loyalty in many of the players. Reminiscing on the program’s roots as a club sport, Brown discussed the mentality of the players: “We’re going to survive. We’re going to prevail. We’re going to have a good time. We’re going to play for Vassar.”

Prior to Brown’s arrival, Vassar’s players

used to volunteer to build pizza boxes at Napoli’s, a local establishment that often served the campus. As they boxed, they would write advertisements for their games alongside the promise of free beer to those who attended. There would then be a free keg on the field for onlookers to enjoy.

Familiar with the history of the social scene of the sport, Brown sought to strike a balance between conviviality and respectability. He reflected that in many conversations over the years, he tried his best to impart encouragement to have a good time on the field as well as respect for the image of the team and sport.

Brown also specifically lauded Vassar’s captains for the community they create on their teams. “I’ve got to give a lot of credit to the captains because, you know. I talk to them, but they go out and they’re the ones that implement it. They’re the ones that are talking it through. They’re the ones that understand the Vassar culture probably even better than I because they’re in their own peer groups.” He characterized his role as a coach as akin to a facilitator: He teaches his players and allows them to call their own shots.

Many of the players that come to Vassar’s teams are rookies and know very little, if anything at all, about the sport. When asked about how he facilitates the environment on the team, Brown commented, “So the first thing I’d say is that there’s a place for every physique on a rugby team.” He continued, “To make it a welcoming space, well, first of all, I tell them I have a massive respect for them.” He further mentioned that he will always preface that rugby is a contact sport, but there is strategy to the intensity that can be taught.

Brown also reflected on the potential for growth both off and on the field. Specifically, he reflected on a rookie who joined early in her undergraduate career, and managed to achieve several fitness goals she set out for when joining the roster. By the end of her tenure, she was a captain and is now an accomplished scientist.

The camaraderie of the teams transcends the four year rotation, as many alumni remain involved in the program. Brown recalled the first time he met Charlie Williams ’80, who was a captain and is currently one of the program’s most active alums. Upon his arrival as a new coach, Brown was invited to Williams’ home for a meal, so the latter could tell him about the history of the program. Similarly, whenever the teams have games in Williams’ home state of New Jersey, he invites them over for a home-cooked meal. Williams would later validate Brown’s potential as a coach to the alumni network, and today, he continues to bridge the gaps between generations of players.

Reflecting on his overall time as a coach, Brown highlighted that his players have taught him as much about life as he has given to them. Specifically, he has discussed topics outside of rugby at length with his players, offering insights from his generation and listening and learning from theirs.

Brown’s jovial nature and fierce love for the sport is inspiring. For those who might be considering giving rugby a try, at a min-

imum have a conversation with him, and perhaps you will find yourself on one of Vassar’s best teams.

Gelb recognized with nationwide honor

Henry France Sports Editor

This year, Vassar women’s basketball player Tova Gelb ’25 became one of just two college athletes nationwide to be given the honor of National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame and Museum College Athlete of the Year. The prestigious honor recognizes one male and one female Jewish athlete who have delivered an exceptional year as a college athlete, both on and off the court, field, rink, track and more. Just days ago, the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame announced that Gelb would join Brigham Young University (BYU) quarterback Jake Retzlaff as one of the two athletes to receive the honor this year, which will be commemorated in a ceremony at Suffolk Jewish Community Center in Commack, New York at 6:30 p.m. on May 29, 2025. Jason Bartow, chairperson at the National Jewish Sports Hall of Fame and Museum told The Miscellany News, “I think for a lot of these people to get to know that their careers really meant something, and that we want to preserve their legacy [in the museum] for future generations of people to see, that’s my greatest joy.” Bartow continued, “Doing all of this right is trying to create a world where the next generation of children can look up and say ‘I can do any-

thing.’”

Bartow coordinates the Museum’s Hall of Fame induction process, which took a brief hiatus between 2016 and 2022. The museum prides itself on commemorating and honoring great athletes, coaches, commentators and more in their annual ceremonies, as well as showing young Jewish athletes that there is no limit to what they can accomplish. This year’s Hall of Fame inductee class includes basketball player Al Sloman, tennis great Aaron Krickstein and broadcasting legend Kenny Albert. The Hall of Fame induction ceremony will feature Gelb and Retzlaff’s award acceptance. Receiving this prestigious award was a profound moment in Gelb’s athletic career. In an interview with The Miscellany News, Gelb said, “I went to a religious high school, and in high school, we had seven girls on our basketball team. We weren’t very good, and there was never much there, and I actually, for the longest time, I never thought I’d be good enough to play in college.” However, about five years after thinking she could not play at the collegiate level, Gelb has dominated the Division III scene.

In her four years at Vassar, Tova Gelb has been first team for the All-Liberty League and All-Region III twice, as well as a finalist for the Vassar Athletics Betty Richey Performer of the Year Award in 2024. This

year, Gelb was incredible for the Brewers, earning an array of Liberty League and All-American honors. The senior guard led the team and the Liberty League in three critical stats: scoring with 18.3 points-pergame, rebounding with 10.4 rebounds-pergame and steals with 2.7 steals-per-game. Gelb notched double-figures in 25 of the team’s 28 games this season, during which she shot a lights out 47.8-percent from the field. The peak of Gelb’s season came on Jan. 18 when she became the 15th player in program history to score 1,000 career points in a program-best 36-point outing. To close the year, Gelb added Liberty League Player of the Year and Defensive Player of the Year, and a fifth team All-American honor to her resume, becoming the fifth postseason D3hoops.com All-American in program history, and the first in the last ten years.

Gelb was in her room, checking her email, when she learned she had received the award. When she clicked open a message from the museum, her first reaction was to call her parents and tell them the news: “The first people I called were my parents to ask them if they’ve ever heard of it, also to be like, oh my God, what is this? And they were both so happy and excited right away.”

Gelb’s path to being one of the most decorated Brewers in Vassar women’s basket-

ball history was not cleanly paved. Without many religious role models to look up to in the sport, she had to set her own example, pouring her heart into the game from the moment she knew she had what it took to be competitive at the collegiate level. When she learned she would be one of two athletes to be recognized by the National Jewish Hall of Fame and Museum as a college athlete of the year, Gelb was elated to see both her passion and identity illuminated: “To me it’s really important because I get to have my passion and who I am come together and have both parts shine through which is amazing.”

Tova Gelb went from a high school basketball team with seven players to one of the top players in Division III women’s basketball, earning award after award along the way. But for Gelb, this recognition is different. For the first time in her career, she is being recognized not just for her excellence as a high level athlete, but as one of the most noteworthy Jewish college athletes in the nation. Paving the way for Jewish athletes to pursue basketball, Gelb has been a beacon of light, excelling on the court as a player, and off the court as a leader. As she embarks on the next phase of her life, Gelb will know that her athletic legacy has been recognized and enshrined for generations of athletes to behold.

Image courtesy of Vassar Athletics.

Category Match

In the word bank below, there are 16 words that belong to four categories. Each word belongs to only one category. You don’t know which words belong together, nor do you know what the categories are! Try to find similarities between them, and place them into four categories below. Answers (which words belong together, as well as the categories they belong to) will be revealed in next week’s issue. Have fun!

Example category: 1: Toyota Car Models COROLLA PRIUS TACOMA HIGHLANDER

By Felix Mundy-Mancino

WORD BANK

CARDINALS URBAN RAVENS

CRIMSON BACK INNOCENT

BAILIFF SCARLETT WITNESS

PIUS JUDGE FALCONS EAGLES

JOHN STENOGRAPHER SALMON

By Sadie Keesbury

WORD BANK

CANDY LENOVO GRUMPY

DELL ADAMS DOC CRAB HP

BUSH WILSON APPLE SLEEPY

CLINTON PINE SNEEZY GREEN

The Miscellany Crossword

“Founder’s Week Mini”

By: Felix Mundy-Mancino

ACROSS

1. Writer of the first gospel

6. Purveyor of meatballs (and furniture)

6. Twinkle 7. 1A’s successor, informally 8. De Armas and Gasteyer

DOWN

1. Artistic Italian city

2. Japanese dog breed

3. Lets

“Mini Mania”

By: Sadie Keesbury

4. Kit’s counterpart 6. Long running news and entertainment show (abbr.)

ACROSS 1. Enzyme suffix

4. “Hand over that Smirnoff,” colloquially

6. What might

murder someone, in Clue

7. Fry, as in spinach

8. Toilet paper measure

DOWN

1. “I don’t give _____”

2. South Korea capital

3. Opposite of full

4. “_____ in India”

5. Squeal, maybe