Misc 11.12.2020

The Miscellany News miscellanynews.org

Vassar College’s student newspaper of record since 1866 Volume 154 | Issue 11

November 12, 2020

Students react to Biden’s win

Remote students connect

William Sorge

Annabelle Wang Reporter

Guest Reporter

A

s Election Day sprawled out into Election Week, Vassar students waited in suspense as several swing states continued to count votes. The slow march of counting was unlike anything in recent memory, brought about by the inundation of mail-in and absentee ballots amid the COVID-19 pandemic. The process further complicated an already contentious election, which pitted the incumbent President Donald Trump against former Vice President Joe Biden.

At 11:24 a.m. on Saturday morning, CNN called Pennsylvania and its 20 electoral votes for Biden, vaulting the former VP past the 270 electoral votes needed to win the presidency.

The Associated Press and other major networks followed suit, and social media users got a notification on their timelines

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Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.. that the historic Biden-Harris ticket had won. As the news spread, Vassar students could be heard shouting in celebration on the quad. Joe Biden, declared the victor 48 years to the day after his first election to the U.S. Senate, is the oldest president-elect, and will be the oldest sitting president in U.S. history. Kamala Harris will be the first female, Black, and South Asian vice president, and the first multiracial vice president since Charles Curtis, who

was of partial Native American ancestry and served alongside Herbert Hoover.

Many students rejoiced in response to the results of this historical election. “We’re relieved that Trump’s presidency is coming to an end, but still concerned about Trump’s last three months of office and the continued support for Trump,” said a statement from the executive board of Vassar College Democrats.

They continued, “Watching

the results was a rollercoaster of emotion as different states were called, and it was stressful waiting for the results, even though we knew that it would take time for every vote to be counted. The election also felt closer than it should have been, but it shows how much work we still have to do.”

So far, Donald Trump has yet to concede, citing unsubstantiated claims of election fraud widespread enough to See ELECTION on page 4

hile more than 2,120 students decided to return to Vassar campus this past August, 334 students opted for the fully remote learning alternative for the Fall 2020 semester.

As the semester has progressed, many fully remote students have had to reckon with a variety of struggles while also learning how to support and advocate for one another.

With many fully remote students scattered across various parts of the globe, navigating different time zones has proven difficult. Linda Kim ’23 has had to wake up at 6:30 a.m. Alaska Standard Time nearly every day to attend her 10:30 a.m. Eastern Standard Time (EST) classes.

She’s been averaging five to six hours of sleep everyday.

Kim also described the chalSee REMOTE on page 3

Inside this issue

Wall of Lies illustrates Trump’s dishonesty

5

Nina Ajemian

Assistant Arts Editor

ARTS

Mexican garage band Los Blenders is the heir to the Beach Boys—and so much more.

9

HUMOR

Want to find a rich partner to be the moneymaker to your trophy spouse? Dr. G has you covered with the top majors to target.

14 SPORTS

With its COVID-19 plan (or lack thereof), the NFL reaches new heights of disregard for player safety.

“I

have a running war with the media. They are among the most dishonest human beings on Earth. And they sort of made it sound like I had a feud with the intelligence community.”

This is just one of over 20,000 incriminating statements made

by Donald Trump included in Radio Free Brooklyn’s new installation, Wall of Lies.

Radio Free Brooklyn (RFB) is a nonprofit radio station “whose mission is to empower Brooklyn’s underserved local communities by providing active learning in media practices, and to amplify their voices through a global Internet radio platform.” The group’s Wall of Lies project was initially conceptualized in a different form.

Tom Tenney, RFB’s executive director, told the Bushwick Dai-

ly that before going remote due to COVID-19, “The original idea of the project was for a radio marathon, 24/7 on-air reading of all of Trumps’ lies on Radio Free Brooklyn for a full week before the election.” A collaboration with Phil Buehler, a Bushwick-based artist, transformed that idea into the wall that exists today. This is a truly immersive project; the extreme information-overload draws

passerbys in, tempting them to read at least one lie in the mosaic of boxes. The statements, sourced and fact-checked by The Washington Post, are arranged like a colorful quilt, although the effect is far less comforting.

The mural has an unfortunately fitting origin story, given its subject matter. The piece was first installed on Oct. 3 in BushSee WALL on page 5

VC comedy groups adjust to COVID restrictions Monika Sweeney Reporter

N

itrous Oxide and Indecent Exposure, two of Vassar’s most prominent comedy groups, have been hard at work this semester to bring joy to campus during these uncertain times.

Nitrous, Vassar College’s only improv and stand up comedy group, is led by co-Presidents Ben Gillard ’22 and Jordana Judd ’23, both of whom joined the org last year. As the former president of his high school’s sketch comedy and improv groups, Gillard came to campus familiar with the world of comedy and eager to bring his infectious sense of humor to Vassar. Judd, who auditioned for Nitrous on a whim, says of her introduction to the comedic scene: “I have always enjoyed comedy and have been known to make (bad) jokes, so I thought it would be interesting to try.” The group’s

comedy forms and styles range from improv and stand-up to digital sketches, which speaks volumes to its members’ adaptability. Gillard attributes this skill to the tight-knit nature of the group. “We really are like a family because we trust each other and our ability to be funny,” he says. At the end of the day, Judd views Nitrous as a community. “Our focus is on making each other laugh and just having a good time,” Judd added.

A Nitrous meeting typically begins with a check-in question.

Gillard gives an example of a group favorite: “If you could be on a 2000s era Disney Channel show, which one would it be?”

Depending on whether Nitrous’ next show is sketch comedy or improv, the group will work on their routines or play improv games to practice. Due to COVID-19, the org has moved

Courtesy of Ben Gillard ’22. their usual weekly meeting in Rocky to Zoom. These Zoom meetings are even recorded as a podcast called “Knocking Heads with Nitrous Oxide” for those who can’t attend. While the group typically puts on one or

two shows a semester, their only in-person performance this year was on Halloween. Each member (currently there are four) put on a 10–15 minute set for the show, which was titled “ClownSee COMEDY on page 10

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November 12, 2020

THE MISCELLANY NEWS Ted Chmyz Lucy Leonard Aena Khan MANAGING EDITORS Taylor Stewart Tiana Headley SENIOR EDITORS Dean Kopitsky Abby Tarwater Olivia Watson Duncan Aronson CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Jessica Moss Holly Schulman Lucille Brewster ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR Janet Song FEATURES EDITOR Sawyer Bush ASSISTANT OPINIONS EDITOR Meghan Hayfield ARTS EDITOR Nina Ajemian ASSISTANT ARTS EDITORS Leila Raines Isabella Migani HUMOR EDITOR Madi Donat ASSISTANT HUMOR EDITOR Alex Eisert SPORTS EDITOR Natalie Bober SOCIAL MEDIA EDITOR Alison Carranza ASSISTANT SOCIAL MEDIA Sherry Liao ASSISTANT PHOTO EDITORS Grace Rousell Jacqueline Gill COPY EDITORS Phoebe Jacoby Caitlin Patterson Juliette Pope GRAPHICS EDITOR VIDEO PRODUCTION MANAGER Alexis Cerritos Alex Barnard AUDIO EDITOR Mrin Somani ASSISTANT AUDIO EDITOR Ben Scharf LIVE EVENTS CHAIRPERSON Emma Tanner BUSINESS MANAGER Logan Hyde ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER EDITORS-IN-CHIEF

REPORTERS

COLUMNISTS

GRAPHIC DESIGNER COPY STAFF

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Sara Lawler Monika Sweeney Annabelle Wang Alex Wilson Francisco Andrade Karina Burnett Madison Caress Doug Cobb Rohan Dutta Nicholas Gorman Helen Johnson Xin Rui Ong Sandro Luis Lorenzo Arlene Chen Glenna Gomez Jason Han Bryn Marling Sashinka Poor Melissa Roybal Mia Stein Reese Collins Frank

CORRECTION POLICY The Miscellany News will only accept corrections for any misquotes, misrepresentations or factual errors for an article within the semester it is printed.

The Miscellany News is not responsible for the views presented within its Opinions pages. Staff editorials are the only articles that reflect the opinion of a two-thirds majority of the Editorial Board.

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 12, 2020

NEWS

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Dutchess County news roundup: Election, COVID-19, local news Alex Wilson Reporter

Fueled by Marist outbreak, Dutchess COVID-19 cases climb Reporting 343 active cases of the novel coronavirus—a roughly 79 percent increase over the past nine days—Dutchess County is experiencing its largest surge of the virus since the pandemic first gripped New York in the spring. Of those 343 cases, 86 were student cases reported by Marist College— this is the school’s second outbreak of over 30 cases this semester. Marist planned to lift its current “pause” of campus life until at least Wednesday, but later extended the lockdown until Friday, Nov. 13. County Health Commissioner Dr. Anil Vaidian said that besides another 30-patient outbreak at a Fishkill rehabilitation center, the new cases do not appear to be tied to any specific cluster and that this sort of increase can be expected during cold weather months. These numbers appear in step with the state, which, despite having one of the nation’s lowest infection rates, saw over 18,000 new cases reported last week, the highest number since early May. As mail-in ballots are unsealed, Dutchess expected to lean blue While several local races have already been called, others results are just now being finalized as the county works to count roughly 30,000 mail-in ballots which were not unsealed until Election Day. After the ballots cast in-person both early and

on Election Day were counted last week, Dutchess County skewed narrowly towards Donald Trump, who led Joe Biden by just 1.6 points. Given that registered Democrats are expected to outnumber Republicans by 3 to 1 in the remaining votes, final tallies should be expected to tilt to the left of where they stood on Election Night. Final results will be telling of the evolving political landscape in the mid-Hudson, where Dutchess County trends both more liberally than neighboring Putnam and more conservatively than Ulster. Dutchess has not voted for the GOP nominee for president since 2004, but in each cycle since 2008, when Barack Obama won the county by over eight points, the Democratic nominee has seen a margin smaller than the last.

Man experiencing mental health crisis charged in stabbing of Poughkeepsie police officer City of Poughkeepsie police and members of the Mobile Crisis Intervention Team responded to a call from an apartment at 25 Smith Street for a man experiencing a mental health crisis on Saturday evening.

When officers entered the residence, they attempted to subdue the man, Jalil Smith, with a taser, and a struggle between Smith and the officers ensued. One officer was taken to MidHudson Regional Hospital after being stabbed in the neck by a screwdriver and has since been released. Smith was charged with attempted murder in the first degree and is being held in custody

pending his arraignment.

Poughkeepsie mayor at odds with Common Council over Poughkeepsie Landing lawsuit Joseph Bonura, Jr. and his companies, Poughkeepsie Waterfront Development and JM Development Group, are suing the City of Poughkeepsie over a plan to redevelop a vacant 13-acre industrial site on the Hudson River—called Hudson Landing— that has been in the works for nearly two decades. The lawsuit came after the council’s recent decision to give Bonura 45 days to take action before rescinding their 2009 approvals for the site plan. While David Gordon, a special counsel for the Common Council, lamented the lack of action taken since the property was prepared for development seven years ago, Mayor Rob Rolison applauded the Bonura family’s investments in the city and called the continuation of the project “important.” Rolison blamed the leadership of Poughkeepsie’s Common Council and Industrial Development Agency for impeding the Hudson Landing project. Bonura’s $20 million project was originally intended to create new retail and office space, however, his latest plans have abandoned the proposed office space in favor of 50 new apartments.

Despite big gains, Hudson Valley’s labor market still has a long way to go September’s employment data is in, and it shows that the unemployment rate in the

Hudson Valley—which includes Dutchess, Orange, Putnam, Rockland, Ulster, Sullivan and Westchester counties—at 6.5 percent, a significant drop from 10.4 percent in August. While the number of unemployed workers dropped from 120,500 to 71,900 in that same period of time, the size of the region’s labor force is still down by 40,800 jobs from September of 2019. With an unemployment rate of 9.7 percent, the City of Newburgh lagged behind other major labor markets such as Poughkeepsie, Kingston and Beacon. Maureen Halahan, CEO of a regional economic development agency, said that despite continued fears concerning the coronavirus pandemic, the Hudson Valley’s economy is stabilizing and “There’s still a tremendous amount of need for employees.”

Halted Hudson River dredging project will continue After being halted last year by the NYS Department of Environmental Conservation for lacking a “Water Supply Protection Plan,” which outlines how the safety of the water that the City and Town of Poughkeepsie draw from the Hudson will be maintained, Central Hudson’s Poughkeepsie dredging project will continue. Spanning from Victor C. Waryas Park, near Poughkeepsie Station, to the north of Walkway Over the Hudson, the dredging will remove a layer of coal tar from the riverbed that was discharged from a manufactured gas plant located on the shore of the Hudson.

Fully remote students consolidate, commiserate, cope Continued from REMOTE on page 1 lenges of taking college classes while living at home. “It is very difficult to focus at home, as the setting at home isn’t really work-supportive. Also, I feel my concentration levels have significantly decreased compared to the time I was on campus” she expressed.

Times zones also complicated due dates.

According to Ece Buyukozer ’23, “Assignments generally due at midnight EST are due at 9 p.m. [Pacific Standard Time] for me which allows less time to get some things done.”

Technical difficulties have also created obstacles for Zoom students. It can be hard to hear classroom audio over Zoom, leaving students feeling separated from the in-person classes. Hu explained, “There was a lot of feeling of disconnection simply because the audio quality of classes wasn’t the best and participating in class became difficult.

It was already not easy for me to participate very actively as sometimes I get not so confident about my English.”

Many remote students have also experienced delayed or nonexistent feedback from professors about their work. According to Nicole Stern ’22, she has noticed instances, primarily with STEM professors, where students are not receiving feedback on homework or problem sets. Consequently, remote students are unable to gauge their understanding of the material.

In conjunction with academic hurdles, remote students have wrestled with social struggles. Since they are unable to physically be present on the Vassar campus, many are excluded from the college community.

“I believe that the staff and professors are doing their best to include remote students, but most events are focused on people on campus, and not remote students,” explained Kim. “Emails that are sent regarding in-person events made me feel very distant from Vassar,” she added.

The geographic distance and time zone differences also make it difficult for remote students to stay in contact with their on-campus friends.

One way remote students have been coping is through engagement in open dialogues. Vassar’s Engaged Pluralism Initiative (EPI) has organized forums in which students, faculty and administration can converse about anything related to life at Vassar, whether that be about the academic curriculum or extracurriculars. Stern attended an EPI forum on Oct. 21, which was primarily targeted towards students off campus so that they could garner administrative attention.

During the meeting, students and administration discussed what academic approaches remote students found successful, and what actions were hindering students’ ability to learn and feel included.

Ultimately, Stern believed that the forum was productive. “I think there were a lot of issues communicated that could easily be fixed which would help remote students a LOT,” she said through email.

However, Stern expressed doubt about how effectively student suggestions would be implemented. “In the meeting I felt very heard by the EPI team and my peers (and PB for the short time she was there) but I’m not really sure if that message got passed along or went anywhere, or if we were venting into a void,” she explained. In the future, Stern hopes that conversations such as the EPI forum continue but with more transparency.

The remote student community has also consolidated in more informal settings to cope with their circumstances.

A private Facebook group known as Vassar Online, with close to 200 members, has been the main social media platform in which remote students have been engaging in open dialogue, commiserating with one

another, and sharing virtual events or exchanging memes. On-campus Vassar students are also welcome to join.

Kim expressed that the Facebook group has been one of her greatest sources of support while remote. “Most of us are feeling the same emotions and going through similar thought processes,” she explained.

Some individuals from Vassar Online have taken the initiative to host informal Zoom meetings. On Nov. 1, Hikari Tanaka ’21 hosted the first Vassar Online Zoom meeting. Inspired by the EPI meetings, Tanaka sought to provide an informal, student-run space so that fully remote individuals could freely talk and bond about online life struggles.

Going forward, Tanaka hopes that conversations like these continue: “I think it’s important to hold some form of space for online students.” She continued, “ I am sure that the number of online students is at least a significant portion of the student population, but the amount of resources and outreach to us is sparse.”

There have also been organized efforts to support fully remote Vassar students in China who are part of the Fudan Program.

This program was developed in response to the COVID-19 pandemic by Vassar administration and Tean, an education abroad network. It was intended to give international students from China an opportunity to study at Fudan University in Shanghai and have some semblance of campus life since they cannot be physically present at Vassar. However, as a result of COVID-19 restrictions, those enrolled in the Fudan Program are unable to access the university’s facilities. According to Hu, many people were disappointed in the program.

Recently, the Office of International Services (OIS) in collaboration with Asian Peer Mentors (APM) organized a bonding event for Chinese students in the Fudan

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

Courtesy of Nicole Stern ’22.

Program. Fu, who is Vice-President of Vassar’s Chinese Student Community (CSC), helped to organize this event. Fu reflected, “I could tell freshmen here in general enjoyed the event a lot.”

Many on-campus clubs have also been making efforts to be inclusive of fully remote students. Kim, who is a choreographer for the Korean Dance Crew (KoDC) on campus, is particularly appreciative of the efforts the group is making to involve its online members. In addition to setting up Zoom meetings for every weekly General Body meeting, they also have made virtual dance pieces so that remote students can participate.

While life as a remote student comes with its challenges, remote students also acknowledge that they are not the only ones struggling to cope with their circumstances as this time is uncertain for everyone. Remote students are appreciative of the efforts that have been made thus far to support them from both the on-campus student community and professors. “I, and a lot of the remote students, understand this is all an experiment, trying out processes because none of us went through this before. There is no one to blame but the pandemic for all of this, and I really hope everyone is safe,” Kim explained.

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NEWS

November 12, 2020

Students feel relief, concern in response to historic election Continued from ELECTION on page 1 tilt the results in his favor. He has taken legal action in the close states of Pennsylvania, Michigan, Georgia, and Nevada, which scholars say would be insufficient to swing the election even if he won in court. Legal experts consider it unlikely for these lawsuits to bear fruit, meaning Trump will eventually be compelled to concede.

Gerassimos Copoulous ’22 of the Vassar College Republicans emphasized that while fraud is unacceptable, there does not seem to be substantial evidence of wrongdoing. “Respecting the results of free elections and the peaceful and willing transition of power between presidents is fundamental to the spirit of our republic,” he said.

“Biden is a very temporary prevention from immediate facism, and he will be able to enact some protections for LGBTQ and BIPOC communities.”

He continued, “There have been accusations of fraud; if these accusations are at all true in any cases those responsible should be prosecuted. That said, to be clear, based on the factual evidence available right now there is no serious case for disputing the overall results of the election as-called.” Copoulos characterized healing the ever-growing political divide in the United States as absolutely crucial to this country’s political future.

Though it seems that the majority of students on Vassar’s mostly left-leaning campus breathed a sigh of relief Saturday morning, it should be noted that Biden’s nomination and candidacy were non-ideal scenarios for many Vassar students, most of whom supported Elizabeth Warren or Bernie Sanders in the primaries. This was showcased in the “Settle for Biden” movement across social media, which stressed the importance of young progressives both supporting the Biden-Harris campaign and holding them to high standards after the election.

“Biden is a very temporary prevention from immediate fascism, and he will be able to enable some protections for LGBTQ and BIPOC communities,” said a joint statement from the Vassar Leftist Union.

They continued, “But he won’t bring real effective and long-lasting change to our country. He won’t effectively uplift the millions of Americans without healthcare, without good paying jobs, and he will not reform/abolish the military industrial complex and incarcer-

al prison system. He definitely will not work for strong and wide-sweeping legislation that will fight the climate crisis.

At the end of the day he belongs to Wall

“Watching the results was a rollercoaster of emotion as different states were called, and it was stressful waiting for the results, even though we knew that it would take time for every vote to be counted.”

Street capitalist interests.”

President of Vassar Votes Sonia Santos ’21 declined to give her opinion on the election results, but said she was touched by the large movement to encourage voting that took place on campus. She remarked that she was: “Very moved by the strong civic engagement that has cultivat-

ed around this 2020 election cycle” and hopes “to see this same level of enthusiasm for every election cycle. Because elections aren’t limited to every four years.”

The 2020 election is expected to have the highest voter turnout in over a century, with youth turnout in particular much higher than in 2016. “The voter turnout among young people has been amazing,” said VC Democracy Matters Co-President Cassie Cauwels ’22. “Even at Vassar, 220 students voted in Poughkeepsie compared to 150 last year. Despite ongoing suppression efforts, democracy has prevailed with more ballots cast and more votes counted.”

She continued, “Even though the pandemic presented voting challenges, it also opened new doors to mail in voting and early voting in multiple states which we hope to see continued in the future.”

Cauwels noted, however, that the fight for voting rights and enfranchisement continues. “We would love to see voting rights expand, especially the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act and the For The People Act carrying into the new congress and presidential administration,” she explained. Among the objectives of Democracy Matters is getting big money out of politics, an aim it saw play out this election cycle. “It also was a success seeing grass-root candidates prevail over candidates funded by large corporate donors. This election really does belong to the people and we have every right to celebrate and should be ready to carry this momentum for future elections.”

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 12, 2020

ARTS

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Radio Free Brooklyn dresses Trump’s lies in vivid color Continued from Wall on page 1 wick, but was vandalized only a few days later with the phrase “Stand back and stand by,” as well as “Vote Trump or Die.” With money raised through a GoFundMe campaign, however, the mural was re-installed, this time in Soho, and doubled in size—it now measures 100 feet long.

However, the artists opted not to take the original, defaced installation down.

As Buehler explained to The Village Sun, “After someone in the neighborhood covered the graffiti with spray-painted hearts and ‘Love Thy Neighbor,’ the community thought we should leave it up as a reminder of the division that all these lies have caused.”

I have not seen the Wall in person, but rather came across the project on the Instagram page @feminist. As someone who always appreciates a nice, color-coded organizational system, I was instantly drawn to the grid of boxes and electric colors. Trump’s lies are categorized into 15 categories, each with its own corresponding color: Russia, election, economy, Ukraine probe, trade, Coronavirus, immigration, jobs, foreign policy, crime, health care, environment, taxes, biographical record and miscellaneous.

The medium itself becomes part of the commentary, referencing Trump’s goal of building a wall on the Mexico-U.S. border; thus, his words are used against him in more ways than one. This is not the wall that Trump wanted, but rather the one he deserves.

What makes this piece so powerful is that it takes up real, physical space. Here, words are given the mass, presence and

immediacy demanded by a wall. Trump’s words are transformed into a tangible monument representative of their breadth and looming power.

The viewer is forced to engage with the work—even if the audience is passively walking (or virtually scrolling) past it.

The wall is a zone where truth prevails and lies are revealed, not through aggressive commentary, but by letting the presence and magnitude of Trump’s words speak for themselves.

The macro and micro elements of the Wall of Lies emphasize the range of Trump’s dangerous, brain-washing influence; his words perpetuate damage on a large scale, while hurting individuals on a personal level. Buehler builds on this concept, noting in his interview with the Bushwick Daily: “Seen from a distance, it looks like chaos – perhaps an apt metaphor for this presidency, but when you step closer, you can read the individual lies, which are in chronological order color-coded by categories …Then when you step back, you can recognize patterns in Trump’s lying.”

The viewer might consider how the political context has changed since it was installed, as the color coded wall was created while Trump was still president and before the results of this historic election were called. Because of this, the work is part of 2020’s election narrative. It is one of the many sources presenting facts that condemn Trump, in the hopes that people would be moved to bring their frustration to the voting booths.

Trump losing the election does not mean that the wall loses its relevance,

Courtesy of Radio Free Brooklyn. however. Instead, a monument like this shows that words don’t just go away once they’ve been said, but rather take on a life of their own. Likewise, the damage that Trump has caused will not be erased simply because he is no longer president.

Tenney and Buehler’s wall tells us that now is the time to deal with the consequences of his words and how they’ve affected our nation, a nation that has been rooted in inequality long before Trump’s presidency, which only intensified its corruption.

When I first saw the Wall, it reminded me of how maddening it was to listen to Trump’s responses in the presidential debates. His incessant self-contradictions, fabricated statements and blatant lies seemed so obvious and yet, clearly, were enough for many Americans to support

him. The fact that this wall had to be created in the first place is a testament to Trump’s incessant spread of misinformation and complete disregard for the people he was supposed to be serving.

Anyone who can generate enough lies to cover a 10 by 100 foot wall should not be in any position of power, let alone be president.

Looking at the Wall now, though, feels different. The bright colors, which previously seemed to highlight all of my worries and frustrations surrounding the election, are now a celebration of anyone who voted against Trump, anyone who chose to read the (literal) writing on the wall. It’s a bit surreal to think that the man who made all of these false claims lost what he valued most—a platform to shout his 20,000 lies from.

In ‘Mazunte 2016,’ Los Blenders break through Beach Boys Taylor Stewart

Managing Editor

L

os Blenders love surf rock. And they have been heralded as “the Next Great Mexican Garage Band.” But they are not Beach Boys buffs, nor are they the arbiters of riotous youth shows. At least they are not only these things. Their first EP, “Oye,” came out in 2011. In 2015, they released their EP “Chavos Bien” (“Good Guys”) to an audience of mostly hipsters and inhabitants of the underground music space. Then, as “Chavos” gained momentum, they started playing incessantly, drunkenly, to crowds of slam-dancing, crowd-surfing teenagers: people who actually “go to shows to have a great time,” says guitarist and vocalist Alejandro Archundia. He is joined by bassist and vocalist Osmar Espinosa, drummer José Manuel Martinez and guitarist Patricio González.

As they played larger shows, in their native Mexico City and otherwise—for the Mexican broadcast network Canal 11, even Coachella—music for them became an enterprise more involved than a roiling crowd, though good loud shows have remained central to their ethos. In 2018,

they released their first full-length album “Ha Sido,” which exploded the garage rock genre to assume the ornamental finish of power ballads and sunniness of certain classic rock. Archundia cites midcentury Mexican rock ’n’ roll bands like Los Apson and Los Rebeldes del Ritmo as influences for “Oye” especially. As for “Super Amor,” a track from their newest album “Mazunte 2016,” the band wanted to “make it weirder.” That is, in this song, a surf rock-

“‘The idea of this album is to sound like a memory.’” doo wop tune melts into a reverberative shoegazer epilogue—and the core melody is maintained all the while. This is what “Mazunte 2016” is about: hyperawareness of established genre and style, building your expectations up and dissolving them before you even notice. It’s captivating.

Los Blenders will always love surf rock, but in “Mazunte” they break out of genre boundaries to play incessantly with its tropes. The album becomes an affectionate, admiring kind of satire. The track “Mazunte 2016” is brief and beachy, purposely so, a sweet vignette of the titular coastal town with the tremolo picking and all the other trappings of The Ventures and Dick Dale.

Archundia says that they packed in the most “surfy references” and tempo changes they could. Though others are as rife with

music history. He got the idea for the sharp, heist-y guitar in “Perdidos en Pantitlán,” for example, from the trumpet in Al Hirt’s “Green Hornet.”

“Ponte Punk” is another sunny song with its roots in the late ‘50s and, most of all, with its several synchronous vocal sequences, is a testament to the band’s dexterity in synthesizing and layering melodies.

The music video chronicles a former-love story between rival gangs of cowboy types and punks with face paint. One of the top comments: “Valentín elizade vs my chemical romance.”

“Mazunte” has a double face, however.

“No Se Surfear,” the first track, alerts you immediately that the record represents a new phase for the band. It opens with plodding guitar and tambourine and Archundia’s lovely, guttural hum. Gradually it swells with percussion and builds patterns of rhythmic tension and release, though never compromising its pace. It is more patient, contemplative, than the quick cymbal-heavy bops in “Oye.” “I think we just got older,” Archundia says of the style shift. “This song in particular has more of a blend between Pink Floyd and Beach Boys, especially in the final part…we went for the vocal layers like in ‘Surf’s Up’ but with a twist.”

Though garage rock is foundational for Los Blenders—Archundia can recall the fresh drive to pick up a guitar and sing after hearing The Strokes for the first time— its bare bones can only be manipulated so much. “[Garage] can be very unidimensional because of the role guitars and vocals play in the songs,” he points out. “In this album we tried to use vocals more like a synth and some guitars as a percussive instrument, so

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

I think this kind of changes the vibe of the song.” With its gritty, stuttering guitars, “Eres un Malviaje” (“You’re a Bad Trip”) is a moody, somewhat esoteric post-punk anthem. Much of the latter half of the album is inspired by post-punk and darkwave and owes much to Spanish new wave bands like Hombres G and Mecano.

Since they are known for the energy of their shows, it might produce some worry to hear these experiments. While “Eres un Malviaje” still has the driving percussive and melodic chains with which the band is so comfortable, the winding “Me Derrites” could be harder to translate to the stage. To this the singer answers, “We like to modulate our shows,” with slower songs following the high-energy stuff to let crowds rest. At festivals Los Blenders try harder to nurture the “feel good vibes,” while in smaller venues they also incorporate “some dense and weird parts.” Which is emblematic of the new record: The feel good vibes, the sunlight and the head-nodding rock, that have at this point been perfected approach a more mysterious, psychedelic, reverb-heavy, 80s-inflected underbelly.

“Mazunte” should win the band pride of place in the posthistory of garage and surf. They are respectful of but more broad-minded than the uniform idea of these genres. What’s impressive is that reviving and honoring tradition remains a primary goal. To them tradition is palimpsestic; they can revise it, scribble on it and combine it with others. This sense of the building up of history resounds through the album, which strikes you as both familiar and novel, like a daydream. Or, as Archundia says, “The idea of the album is to sound like a memory.”

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November 12, 2020

NaNoWriMo reinvigorates writer’s drive to, well, write Leila Raines

Assistant Arts Editor

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soft throw blanket bundled around me. A steaming mug of decaffeinated tea. The main light in my room shut off, with only the fairy lights twinkling above my head and the lamp on my desk beaming brightly beside me.

Ever since the start of November, I often find myself escaping to this writing spot, curled up against the soft backrest pillow on my bed. As I open up the Word document of my project, I click play on relaxing music that will help me prepare for my nightly writing session. Sometimes, I spend a good five minutes staring at the screen, looking at the last paragraph that I wrote, hoping that inspiration will hit me. Sometimes, I dive right in, hoping that my future self will forgive me for the stream of incoherence I am spewing onto the doc. This has been my first experience with NaNoWriMo so far.

National Novel Writing Month, abbreviated to NaNoWriMo, challenges writers to write a 50,000-word novel within the month of November. This past Sunday, Nov. 1, writers all around the world opened up their notebooks and laptops and ventured into their new projects for this year’s

challenge.

I first heard about NaNoWriMo in middle school, when I stumbled across a bunch of videos of writers vlogging their NaNoWriMo experiences. As a writer, the concept of writing an entire novel within a month seemed both exhilarating and incredibly daunting; I was only used to writing small scenes of stories that popped into my head. I had never fully committed to writing a fulllength novel before; I had tried once before, but I gave up after writing the first chapter.

So, for years, every time November rolled around, I either completely forgot about NaNoWriMo because I was too busy with school, or I was too intimidated by the idea of writing so much in such a little amount of time.

I would have completely forgotten about NaNoWriMo again this year if it hadn’t been for a conversation I had with my friend Emma Sagerer ʼ23 in late October. Sagerer, who has participated in NaNoWriMo since middle school, had been telling me about preparing for the event this year.

This semester, I have already gotten into the habit of journaling every night. All of my feelings and anxieties build up so that, by the end of every day, I start instinctively

reaching for my pen and floral-patterned journal, eager for a way to release all of these pent-up feelings, to vent about all of the things that are pulling at my thoughts or causing a lot of stress in my life. Journaling is a way for me to work through my emotions. But sometimes, journaling can be hard; at times the thought of confronting all of the anxiety that has accumulated over the course of the semester, with classes and the pandemic and the election, is overwhelming and difficult.

NaNoWriMo has been a different kind of writing. Being able to open up my laptop after a long day and escape the world around me, to let my imagination take over and steal my focus away even for a few minutes, has been emotionally relieving. It has allowed me to take back control of what is happening; being able to slowly yet steadily build a story and a world of my creation has been empowering.

Sagerer also expressed that participating in the writing challenge was a good way to escape the stress of everything going on in the world. “Everything is so weird right now. And usually, I write kind of emotional stories, very heavy things,” Sagerer said.

“And this year I was not willing to be so vul-

Leila Raines/The Miscellany News. nerable and be so emotional. So, I decided to write something fun, and just forget about everything, and that has really helped me just relax, [to] stop focusing on everything bad right now.”

With everything going on in the world, I had a hard time bringing myself to write during quarantine. But now, NaNoWriMo is pushing me to jump back into writing and helping me to rediscover my creativity]. While I am definitely behind on my word count (by a lot) being able to have a new creative outlet has been really empowering, and has allowed me to be more productive with all of the time I spend in my room.

Five best songs for when you want to cry in the club Rachael Hahn

Guest Columnist

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he notorious meme compels us all to ask ourselves: Why am I crying in the club right now? Maybe it’s a Saturday night, you’re fist pumping to whatever song you wish the DJ had skipped over. You find yourself in a philosophical daze, thinking, “Wow, why is my life like this? Who am I? Am I who my younger, high school self wanted to be? And wow, in a hop, skip and a jump away, I’m deadass going to be 30.” Such were thoughts that sloshed around in my Soju logged brain as I danced away at Club Octagon in Seoul, South Korea—an affair that saw me through the dark of a Friday night to the dawn of a Saturday morning (not to mention a trip to the police station and an impromptu sleepover at a bathhouse). But moving on—so you’re in a space where you’re supposed to be having a ball, and then all of a sudden, you just want to sit down and sob because you’re swirling down the drain of intense self-reflection; it’s a brutal battle in which your mind says “weep” but your body says “dance!” It’s a discourse we’ve probably all experienced at some point; it’s confusing and I wish I could “make it make sense” for you—but I can’t, so here are a few tunes that can!

So if you’re in the mood to get the party started but can’t shake off the weight of whatever it is that is making you kind of emo on an irregular basis, look no further!

Get up, grab some tissues, and get ready to bust a cry to these five songs that, in my opinion, are crazy fly.

Lady Gaga, “Free Woman” [TW] mention(s) of sexual assault] “Free Woman” is the fifth track of Lady Gaga’s “Chromatica,” an album that will undoubtedly force you to reflect upon and celebrate life through the art of dance. The lyrics detail Lady Gaga’s growth in her journey toward becoming an artist who not only creates, but overcomes. In “Free Woman,” she recounts her experience of being sexually assaulted. In an interview for Apple Music, Lady Gaga said, “It’s me going, ‘I’m no longer going to define myself as a survivor, or a victim of sexual assault.

I just am a person that is free, who went

through some fucked-up shit.” Unlike the other songs on this list, “Free Woman” is rhythmically steady; the consistent and bright punch of the piano melody, paired with an enveloping house-like drum beat, embraces and emboldens Gaga’s vocals.

As you listen, you are urged to break free from whatever is weighing you down— emotionally and physically. I am very much unfamiliar with dance, but “Chromatica” still managed to reimagine and color my understanding of its practice.

When I hear “Free Woman,” I find myself envisioning the ways in which dance can allow you to transcend the limits of the body and give your soul the chance to burst from the confines of a heart drunk on newfound freedom—one that Lady Gaga pushes her listeners to discover and tailor for themselves.

Fletcher, “Forever (SOPHIE REMIX)” SOPHIE, the renowned Scottish DJ and singer-songwriter (not to mention Grammy nominee), works her eclectic magic on Fletcher’s “Forever.” It’s in one fell swoop that SOPHIE overcomes the original version’s trite lyrics, slow pace and awkward electric guitar riff. In order to give the remix a particularly melancholy spin, SOPHIE continually pans the unique sound of each instrument from ear to ear in an almost ghostly pendulum-like motion (firsttime listeners, grab your earbuds or headphones for the full effect). By blending the bouncy kick drum, pulsating synths and ethereal bell chimes, SOPHIE thoroughly explores the different textures of each instrument while adding dimension to an originally lackluster song. In the midst of that harmony, you might hear a sudden squeak or crack; some of the samples she uses make a single appearance and have ambiguous sources, but this confusion largely speaks to SOPHIE’s characteristically experimental and eccentric techniques, which are relatively toned down in this track. Note: although I ragged on the non-remixed version, I will say that the message of the lyrics are relatable and will definitely bum you out while you’re out on the town.

New Order, “Bizarre Love Triangle (’94 version)” “Bizarre Love Triangle” is peak 1980s electronic dance club culture and will, without a doubt, get you moving, whether in the club or on your commute from Skinner to Kenyon. What makes the ’94 version so cool is its efficient instrumentation: the electronic instruments whose sounds are repurposed from the original redefine the overall mood of the song to better fit the surprisingly heartbreaking lyrics. This version masterfully highlights the touch of sadness while also maintaining the upbeat, ecstatic liberties of the resplendent synth, bass and strings.

Furthermore, if you really keep your ears open, you might hear the cheerful and beloved ding of a wild cow bell. The melody is gripping, especially near the end at the 2:45 mark, right after the start of the instrumental break. It fades in and out with a deep, nostalgic resonance that makes you want to reminisce about the moments in life that you can’t help but miss, but are glad to have moved on from.It’s like a soothing syrup for my ears—I won’t waste your time trying to explain why. It seriously makes me want to bawl.. But all praise should go to the bassline. Bottom line, the bass is the glue that unites the chippy, glitch-like synth with the up-and-down glide of the virtual strings. Note: I’ve only managed to find this on YouTube, so if you’re feeling rebellious, you can just convert the video into an audio file and load it up on your phone (which I did, to the disappointment of my FBI agent).

Charli XCX & Troye Sivan, “1999 [Alphalove Remix]” While the chances of you being both a current Vassar student and a ’99 baby are pretty decent, the chances of you being able to remember the year 1999 are likely less so. But rest assured, the title of this track doesn’t tell the whole story. The Alphalove Remix of Charli XCX’s “1999” plunges full throttle into the world of Eurodance and disco as it takes the listener on a galactic journey into the ’90s. In this version, the piano takes center stage with a newfound clarity and energy that is a

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

bit less present in the original; it jumps, it leaps, and it throws itself against your listening ear with abundant joy. As I sing my praises for the piano, I also cannot deny the power of its marriage with the hand claps that bounce through the song. Hand claps, while a commonly used sample across all electronic dance music subgenres, add a special atmosphere that one should always be able to find in a club (the good ones, anyway). I don’t know about you, but I feel like clapping during a song drags you into the vibe of a room, whether you like it or not—and then, all of a sudden, you become a part of a tightly-packed throng in the middle of the dance floor, where shyness and hesitation are replaced with camaraderie and liberation. This song celebrates the experience of remembering the past while encouraging you to have a great time in the present. Anyway, who knows?

At least in my opinion, I think it could be pretty cool if our current selves could go back—that is, back to 1999.

070 Shake, “Guilty Conscience” For those of you who are looking to change up the pace, I present to you 070 Shake’s “Guilty Conscience.” Guilty Conscience is the fifth track of Shake’s debut album, “Modus Vivendi,” and it is a slow, ’80s prom-night-esque romantic bop that will fold you into its velvety flow. The introduction’s opening synths continue dreamily throughout the song and work in tandem with Shake’s vocals which are beautifully layered. Shake leans into her voice as she sings, and its gravitational pull creates a notable contrast against the seemingly airy and pixelesque instruments that sound how I imagine glitter would if it could make a sound. Altogether, they conjure the emotion one might feel after being left alone in a basketball gym, under a spinning disco ball, because your prom date ran off with their ex to get ice cream at McDonald’s. I also found the song reminiscent of classic 80’s hits, like Berlin’s “Take My Breath Away” and Spandau “Ballet’s True.” Ultimately, this song is super pleasing to the ear and—because of how slow it is—it also makes for a perfect end to a long night out.

November 12, 2020

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We’re all in need of healing. Grouplove’s album is a place to start Alex Eisert

Sports Editor

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he last few months have been tumultuous, but the sea of new music released in and around this time has provided many a reprieve from the chaos. I’ve recently had the opportunity to catch up on music released by my favorite bands shortly before the pandemic began, like the Cold War Kids’ “New Age Norms 1” from this past November. The band takes on a newly prescriptive tone right away with the EP’s first track, “Complainer,” which urges the listener to focus more on doing rather than talking, while “4th of July” discourages complacency and American exceptionalism. I’ve also been given something to look forward to, cherishing the three singles released in anticipation of The Killers’ upcoming album (yes, they have other songs besides “Mr. Brightside”). The mystical synths and nostalgic vocals on “Caution” remind me of their most overlooked gem of an album, “Battle Born.” The Strokes even put out an entire album in the midst of the turmoil, as “The New Abnormal” in April marked their first LP release since 2013.

Julian Casablancas sounds bored and over it as always, but his tired drawl took on a new, more somber meaning as coronavirus guidelines for me and the New York Citybased band were, at the time, their most restrictive. “Ode to the Mets,” the album’s last track and a shoutout to underdogs everywhere, tugged at my heartstrings as I watched my city bravely weather the public health threat (even though I’m a Yankees fan). The themes in all of this music are startlingly relevant. But one album has captured these themes and my attention like no other.

Grouplove, best known for their bright indie-pop anthem with an iconic baseline and piano riff, “Tongue Tied,” released “Healer” on March 13, shortly before the ten-year anniversary of their first show and shortly before the pandemic bore down with such force upon New York City. Prior to this album, their music often called to mind a conflict between youthful exuberance, nostalgia for even more youthful days and reckoning with the realities of growing older. On the surface, their previous albums seem largely upbeat, focused more on the youthful exuberance side of things. It’s not until you listen closely or dig a little into Grouplove lore that you notice a more nuanced message. “Tongue Tied” and “Naked Kids,” the latter being about a beach day spent skinny dipping with childhood friends, lie within an album titled “Never Trust a Happy Song.” “Ways to Go,” a seemingly feelgood bop (with another attention-grabbing baseline) about an unexpected love affair on the album “Spreading Rumours,” actually paints a picture of a problematic relationship bordering on obsessive. The idea of “spreading rumours” calls to mind an insidious background force threatening one’s perceptions of the world. Youthful exuberance can certainly get you into trouble, even if you try your best to ignore potential consequences lurking just beneath the surface.

“Healer” brings these conflicts out into the open. Just as the divisions and inequalities in this country have been laid bare by this latest public health crisis, the clashes bubbling in the psyches of Grouplove’s members rose to the surface when co-lead vocalist Hannah Hooper learned that she needed brain surgery last summer. In an interview with Spin, Hooper opened up about the experience. Six years

ago, she was diagnosed with a cavernous malformation, a blood vessel abnormality that is prone to leakage. Sometimes, these malformations remain asymptomatic. Hooper’s had for five years, until one night when everything changed. Her arm started tingling and gave out. Upon further examination, doctors found that she needed immediate surgery. The outcomes of such a surgery are variable, but luckily for Hooper, it was successful. The band got back to work on “Healer,” which was already underway, but something else was different. Drummer and producer Ryan Rabin, a founding member, left the band in 2017, and his absence still stung.

Needless to say, this album marked a significant test for the fledgling indie quintet, perhaps their greatest yet.

“Healer” sounds like a conversation between the two lead vocalists, Hooper and her partner, Christian Zucconi. The couple welcomed a daughter, Willa, in 2015. Contemplating their own mortalities after Hooper’s health scare, their new responsibilities as parents and the impermanence of relationships after Rabin’s departure, Hooper and Zucconi’s voices offer opposing takes on their new circumstances within the larger context of changes in the world. And their voices are fearlessly up front about it.

This is immediately evident: in contrast to the 20-second buildup to the main instrumentals in “Tongue Tied,” “Deleter” pulls no punches. Beginning with a yell of “one, two, three, four!” accompanied by a jarring piano riff, an equally jarring electric guitar riff begins. Zucconi enters as the guitar starts to subside, and begins mercilessly bashing the ills of modern society and the false hope and complacency that comes with them, urging the listener to wake up. “All this time I thought you were a leader/it turns out you’re only a deleter,” Zucconi screams in the face of civilization. Too long we have blamed ourselves for our shortcomings, when in fact, we are severely limited by our institutions, a sad truth that Zucconi frames in the question “Am I anxious or just modern?” He later sounds a hopeful note, saying, “show ’em what you’re doing/and how we built a lighthouse/out of all these godforsaken ruins,” but is ultimately despondent: “The world will recover when she puts us in the past” implies that it will take the fall of social institutions to truly restore order to the world. In the meantime, Zucconi encourages us to look within ourselves for comfort, saying in the line from which the album gets its name, “All this time I’m burning with a fever/it turns out I’ve always been my healer.”

There remains an element of youth in Zucconi’s defiant call to action, but I would put “Deleter” squarely in the “reckoning with the realities of growing older” category of Grouplove songs. The next track, “Inside Out,” confirms the role of Zucconi’s voice on the album, although it is much more subdued. “I think I know what I’ve always failed to see,” he begins quietly after a more “Tongue Tied”-eque instrumental buildup, “that nothing in this world comes at you for free.” He has come to terms with the harsh realities of the world in which he must raise his daughter. His innocence that shone on “Tongue Tied” and “Naked Kids” all but gone, Zucconi’s voice on “Inside Out” urges us to make the best with what we’ve got by reaching deep within ourselves.

Hooper makes her first appearance as lead vocalist in the third song, “Expecta-

Via grouplovemusic.com. tions.” She seems to be talking directly to Zucconi’s voice from the first two tracks, pushing him to not be so serious. “Let’s let go of obligation,” she croons, “just dance,” her playful tone matching the acoustic guitar and maracas. As I listen to this line, a picture forms in my mind of Hooper, who opted not to remain in the room with Zucconi when her doctor went over her MRI, urging him to not worry so much while he anxiously replays the physician’s every word in his head.

The next track, “The Great Unknown,” is my personal favorite, and features Zucconi in the lead again. He starts by painting a picture of a hard-working and satisfied farmer, helped along by the reappearance of the electric guitar. But in the second verse, Zucconi’s message from the first two tracks returns: “Then one morning, I woke from my dream/Saw my landlord staring at me/He said, ‘Pay me or you’ll have to leave/You got ‘til the end of the day.’”

The farmer wasn’t real; it was just an illusion shattered when the dreamer’s landlord came knocking. But in the larger sense, Zucconi is again lamenting the drawbacks of the modern world and the harsh realities of adulthood. “Nothing really lasts forever,” Zucconi mourns after his bubble is burst, only to realize that we should not attempt to hold onto ephemeral pleasures just because they’re familiar and comforting: “You-I, me-I, she-I must go/Into the great unknown.” Despite the vocalist dealing with themes of impermanence, the main electric guitar riff continues throughout most of the song, symbolizing what Zucconi has come to understand: you are the only constant throughout your life, and helping yourself is paramount to getting through it.

But for every Zucconi-led rollercoaster of reckoning that inevitably ends with a motivational statement, a Hooper-led one starts by telling him to cut it out with the existentialism. “Youth” (see what I mean about the themes becoming more apparent?) begins with “You’re so serious, always in your head, just makin’ plans.”

She prompts him to be in the moment in this song and in “Ahead of Myself,” al-

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

though the latter also represents a time of reflection for Hooper’s voice. Whereas “Youth” has upbeat, fast-paced guitar and synth, the instrumentation in “Ahead of Myself” is slower and much more minimalist, putting the spotlight on Hooper’s sweet vocals. Perhaps her carefree ways are catching up to her: “Should I reconsider all the side effects before I get ahead of myself?” Ultimately, she recognizes the need for some seriousness, but also tells her counterpart that you don’t have to be serious all the time; even when the world is in crisis, you need to allow yourself some time to just have fun.

The album comes to an end with “This is Everything,” a ballad in which the partners join forces. A fitting conclusion to their back-and-forth, it calls for moderation and reconciliation. Hooper sings softly in the chorus, “This is even more than I asked for/this is even more than I planned on.” Even the supposedly carefree do care and struggle sometimes. Zucconi hears her plea in the verses and answers by telling her that he’s prepared to go to bat for her no matter what happens.

He won’t give up just because the overwhelming world wants him to: “I will cross a hundred roads low/Lookin’ at your photo/Crawling’ out these holes though.”

Seriousness does come in handy, even if it can be painful.

The landlord specter in “The Great Unknown” has only become more relevant as we face an eviction crisis in this country. The line “Tell your friends that you’re okay/You’re never gonna see them anyway” in “Deleter” makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up—perhaps the band was pointing to an increasingly virtual social life at the time, but there is no way they could have known just how virtual we would be now. Similarly, the moment of reconciliation on the closing track carries even more weight as we enter the final months leading up to possibly the most polarized election our country has ever seen. We are all our own “Healers” first, but that does nothing to diminish the power of human connection and cooperation.

HUMOR

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November 12, 2020

Breaking News

From the desk of Izzy Migani, Humor Editor

“Vassar students willing to trade their souls for a sage green Fiat 500” Family resorts to mundane activities as alternative to murder Glenna Gomez

Bread enthusiast

Board Games My family already has an extensive board game collection, so, in the early days of the pandemic, we turned eagerly to them like overworked Vassar students flock to Crafted Kup in winter. By 4 p.m. on day two, after a single round of Star Trek Catan, the battle for who could drive each other crazy the most was won long before the battle for longest starship chain.

Tears and accusations rained well into the night and the games cabinet was locked up by dawn.

Puzzles The nation-wide, week-long frenzy of jigsaw puzzles for us was not a mere sprint, it was a marathon. No surface in our house was spared, no matter how small. We had a case of puzzle fever for days, each of us separately building 1,000-piece scenes of Greek islands and unicorn fever dreams to escape our newfound apocalyptic existence. Fun fact: Used puzzles are not to be trusted.

Bread Were you even in lockdown if you didn’t make your own sourdough starter? Yeast was as rare as hand sanitizer and Lysol

ARIES

wipes, resulting in a 14th-century barter system in the neighborhood, but my sisters certainly made their fair share of loaves. The baking of gluten bombs soon took over their lives, and my bread-loving self wasn’t upset about it in the slightest.

Consumed with the idea that they could become the next star baker on “The Great British Baking Show,” they became obsessed with testing one recipe after another, until they remembered that we aren’t even British.

Knitting & Crocheting My sisters haven’t abandoned this one yet! One sister is making little Halloween coasters and small spooky bags for candy, and the other is barreling through birthday and Christmas gifts by crafting cozy blankets and scarves. I, on the other hand, took out my dusty needles, re-taught myself how to cast on stitches, and made it roughly four rows before realizing I didn’t even know what I was making and abandoning the project entirely. Ah, motivation, how I wish you were not so fleeting.

Walking I think this one was universal. Getting out of the house was one of the only ways to stop ourselves from committing accidental first-degree murder, but led to yet

another (actually healthy) obsession. My sister fell for it the hardest and became a glutton for steps, checking her pedometer every minute to see if she achieved her goal

HOROSCOPES

March 21 | April 19

TAURUS

April 20 | May 20

It’s movie recs this week because we could all use a break. I keep thinking about “Knives Out.” Who knew the guy from the mediocre/bad second “Star Wars” movie could turn out a super interesting commentary on class relations?

Blah blah blah “‘Arrival’ (2015) starring Amy Adams and Jeremy Renner is a masterpiece of storytelling and flow,” you’ve heard it all before.

But I will say it again: It is a masterpiece of storytelling and flow.

of 6000 a day, and dragging us all along with her.

Can’t wait to go home for break and go through this all over again! :)

Ted Chmyz/The Miscellany News.

Madi Donat

Astral Projector

LIBRA

We all know Studio Ghibli is fantastic, but “Only

September 23 | Yesterday” is so underrated. You’ll relish in the beautiful landscapes and leave the film wanting October 22

so bad to be a farmer before realizing it means you have to wake up at 5 a.m. every day.

SCORPIO

October 23 | November 21

SAGITTARIUS

My taste is all over the place. Watch “His Girl Friday” not because it’s good, which it is, but because she wears this one outfit and it looks like it’s black and white striped but in reality it was black and PINK. PINK! “The Manchurian Candidate” is a masterpiece of anti-Russia Cold War propaganda. Also Frank Sinatra is in it? Also it is CRAZY. Honestly, maybe you shouldn’t watch it. But then, maybe that means you should?

GEMINI

“Interstellar” really is not very good. Story-wise it’s all over the place, and the ending plot twist is honestly really boring. However, that doesn’t mean that finding it out won’t make you go, “Aww! That’s cute. Kind of.”

CANCER

I’ll be honest; I haven’t actually seen “Edge of the City.” But I have heard only good things about it. It’s John Cassavetes and Sidney Poitier, so you can kind of assume that whatever it is it’s gonna be good.

Watch it and let me know.

LEO

Ah, the days of screwball comedies. Very few beat “Bringing Up Baby”: fast-paced dialogue, a dinosaur bone, a leopard, Cary Grant running frantically around a large mansion in a baby pink silk robe…What’s not to love?

AQUARIUS

For a weirdo creepy movie, try “Moon.” It’s about…a guy…on the Moon. And things happen… on the Moon. And that is really all I feel like I can say about it. It’s neat for a film that pretty much only has one cast member.

“God’s Own Country” is simply a masterpiece.

There are dead animals in it, yes, but it’s so simple and beautiful saying so much with so little.

It’s a sweet movie with a chunky sweater as a main plot point.

PISCES

Watch “Mamma Mia!” and then when you’re done with that watch “Mamma Mia!: Here We Go Again” too. Because honestly, we all deserve to pretend we’re dancing to ABBA on an island in Greece and have no problems.

May 21 | June 20

June 21 | July 22

July 23 | August 22

VIRGO

August 23 | September 22

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 22 | December 21

CAPRICORN

December 22 | January 19

January 20 | February 18

February 19 | March 20

I like ooky-spooky movies that require a lot of thinking, so Nolan’s “The Prestige” is usually near the top of my list. It’s great for an intellectual and narrative challenge to distract from all the work you should actually be doing.

HUMOR

November 12, 2020

Page 9

Dr. G: A guide to finding a rich spouse on Vassar campus Dear Dr. G, I have a dirty confession to make. I only came to Vassar to find someone rich to marry so I can have an easy and beautiful life as a trophy spouse. I’ve run into some difficulty so far finding the perfect partner, so my question is: what majors should I be looking for in a partner at Vassar if I am trying to marry rich?

-Diamonds are a he/they’s best friend Dear Diamonds, Before I venture into this territory, I feel like it is my obligation to tell you that all that glitters is not gold. Sure, you could settle down with a partner who will find a nice, financially stable job one month post-grad, but you are important and your education is important, too. Why not become the successful one yourself?

As Cher said in a 1996 interview, “Mom, I am a rich man.”

Okay, now that I’m off my soapbox, let me admit that I, too, have imagined the possibility that my only future responsibilities are taking care of my dream dog, looking hot, f*cking like a champ and being as pretty as a literal trophy to a rich spouse. So, here are my official thoughts

on the academic majors at Vassar most likely to finance the guilty pleasure for diamonds you develop in your late 20s.

First, I want to confront a few important “Don’t” majors. Of course, steering clear of any major in the arts is a safe decision, especially English. You might be dating the next Mark Twain or Edna St. Vincent Millay, but at the same time we all know the old Vassar legend that the squirrels of Vassar are the souls of English majors who failed to find a job post-grad.

If you must date an arts major, the top of your list should be film majors, and the bottom should definitely be studio arts, in terms of future income. But at the same time, the list from most to least bearable as a partner goes in reverse order (I can’t imagine dating a film major, not gonna lie), which is a good illustration of why the arts are a wash.

Another controversial major to avoid is economics. Yes, many econ majors in the U.S. go into finance, and asking the general econ major you will hear many high-paying target jobs, but I’ve had sex with an econ major before and not only is the stroke game weak, but they don’t even know anything about the stock market?

In fact, the only thing your econ major partner will be able to do for you is make a kickin’ Excel graph…but I’m not sure

that’s worth the wedding bands. Finally, biology majors might seem like an easy way into marrying a future doctor, but the Bio Department is good at doing exactly one thing, and that’s demotivating their majors from pre-med coursework.

It’s pretty hard to want to take the MCAT and go to medical school when your alternative is researching butterflies forever until you die, which I promise is less lucrative than your other options at Vassar.

Now, as for the highest recommended departments, I can confidently say that a biochemistry major is a safe bet. Unlike bio, the Biochem Department knows it’s training future doctors, and sets them up pretty well to f*ck bitches and get money post-grad. Another option that may be more surprising is foreign language (FL) majors. On their own, FL majors may seem like they don’t have strong postgrad opportunities, but almost every FL major at Vassar has a second major which they can actually work in as an adult, and they come with an added bonus that their work might make them move out of the U.S., maybe to another country with less fascism and more healthcare. Similarly, while a political science major may not necessarily be very viable of a candidate as a high-earner, Vassar students have really niche interests, and your poli-sci

boo might be able to corner the market on some international law or advocacy position, meaning that they will be a jet-setting and cash-raking fiancé. However, the best major to date above all is definitely anyone who majors in a multidisciplinary program (that’s right Victorian studies, I’m looking at you). Their work will always be interesting, it can be almost anywhere on any topic and they’ll also still care about things like the environment and social justice and making you come during sex. After all, what company wouldn’t want to hire a jack-of-alltrades who can go from a fiscal analysis to quoting their favorite poet? I promise, future employers will find it intriguing and sexy and not at all annoying (I think?).

At the end of the day, we are all getting a pretty quality education, so I wouldn’t stress too much about finding a rich partner right now. You’ll probably have all of grad school to do that, too, and if you weren’t thinking of grad school you can pull a “Legally Blonde” and take the LSAT in the name of love <3. If at the end of your four years you still aren’t convinced you’ll make enough money for your lifestyle on your own, I have one last tip for you: Make a joke about a part of the FAFSA, and anyone in the room who doesn’t get it is a perfect target, regardless of major ;).

Frog and Toad are Frenemies

by Julianna + Olivia

The Tales of a Remote Student

by Arshia Iqbal

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

FEATURES

Page 10

November 12, 2020

Despite COVID, comedy groups keep Vassar laughing Continued from comedy on page 1 ing Around: A Spooky Scary Halloween Show.” The show also featured Comedy Normative (Com Nom) and Happily Ever Laughter (Hel). For their Halloween performance, it was a challenge for Nitrous to figure out how to safely perform during a pandemic while maintaining the comedic integrity of the act. “I think we pulled it off and gave people a chance to laugh when they really needed to,” Gillard noted. The performance was held in the tent outside the Vogelstein Center for Drama and Film with each segment capped at 25 people. To reach as many members of the community as possible, three shows were held that night. “The ambience was a little hesitant at first as I think the audience wasn’t sure if we’d be able to pull it off with all the restrictions in place, but once the first jokes were told the laughs started to flow,” Gillard recalled.

Karina Curry ’21, like Judd, also joined a comedy group on a whim and now holds the title of co-President. Along with Camryn Casey ’20, Curry leads Indecent Exposure, Vassar’s only all women & genderqueer comedy group. Meetings for Indecent Exposure are held twice a week, with one being on Zoom this year. The group has remained adamant in main-

taining at least one weekly in-person meeting. “In doing so we can feel a real sense of community and safety with one another.” Curry commented. Similar to Nitrous, each Indecent Exposure meeting begins with a quick check-in, which is followed by creating characters, shows or bits for upcoming events or editing content. In previous years, performances are typically held in Sanders Auditorium as either a sketch show, a stand-up show or something in between. This year, most meetings are spent brainstorming new ways to produce content. At the beginning of the semester, Indecent Exposure released a sequence of stand-up videos on IGTV. While this is the new normal, it is still a bit unnerving to this organization’s members. In addition to becoming more tech savvy to overcome obstacles faced while editing and filming this new form of content, members had to accept the fact their work would be forever memorialized on the internet. “Unlike a live show, people can pause, rewind, share and come back to it. The stakes feel higher these days,” Curry noted. In addition to their IGTV stand-up series, Indecent Exposure plans to host a radio show and release sketch videos in place of their usual three shows a semester: a stand-up perfor-

Members of Indecent Exposure pose on Halloween.

Courtesy Karina Curry ’21

mance, a sketch show and either a combination of the two or a Buddies Show. The Buddies Show is a yearly event in which Indecent Exposure opens their stage to any Vassar student who wants to do standup for a night.

Curry’s favorite part of Indecent Exposure is the group’s unique identity. The organization provides the only affinity space for college comedy on campus that amplifies historically marginalized voices, specifically prioritizing members of color during auditions. As it is comprised exclusively of marginalized genders such

as women, non-binary folks and trans men, there is an strong sense of safety and community among the members of this group. “It gives us the opportunity to not only freely practice comedy but to tell our stories and resist the hegemony of mainstream comedy,” noted Curry.

Indecent Exposure and Nitrous Oxide are just two of the various comedy troupes on campus. Whether one is interested in stand-up, sketchy comedy or a mix of both, Vassar surely has a group to fit anyone’s unique skill set and—more importantly—one’s identity.

Small, local bookstore adjusts to pandemic, Vassar bubble Alex Wilson

F

Reporter

or Vassar students, COVID-19 has meant a sharp break from normal life. From Zoom learning to the demise of Halloweekend’s tented party on Noyes Circle, the pandemic has upended the Vassar experience.

This semester’s closed-campus model has not only proved to be hugely transformative for students, but also for the small businesses in Arlington who rely on Vassar’s campus community for business. One of the many establishments forced to rethink how to survive through the pandemic and adjust to an uncertain future is Three Arts Bookstore, nestled inconspicuously on Collegeview Avenue between Bacio’s and the Juliet.

Vassar students who have long frequented the store found themselves with a shopping experience far more enjoyable than engaging with Amazon’s storming of the bookseller’s bubble. The shop’s intimate flair serves as a gladly nostalgic trip back to a time before brands like Barnes & Noble transformed a scene once dominated by small businesses like Three Arts.

For the many students for whom periodic trips to Three Arts were a pleasant treat, the man to thank is Walter Effron, who has kept the family-owned business flourishing since 1982. With COVID-19 and Vassar’s island model, even Effron, a seasoned small business proprietor, has found this year to be a challenge.

When the pandemic forced the College to shift online and New York businesses to close in the spring, Effron never completely closed down his store—well, the front door was locked, but he was still inside. By making a creative array of adaptations to his classic business model, Effron managed to make ends meet. He explained that he had a sign on the door asking customers to knock for front-door pickup, took orders via phone and email, did some local deliveries and even had his supplier ship some items directly to customers.

Effron also suffered from the cancellation of spring events. Without events at the College and the Boardman Road Branch

Library, things got much quieter for Three Arts. He added that, “All of the business that we got with graduation and reunions was all gone, of course.”

By cutting operating expenses down to the bare minimum—by then, he was running the shop without any help—and relying on a certain amount of loyalty and concern from his most regular customers, Effron was able to keep his business from shutting down completely. Effron also found some relief in the Paycheck Protection Plan (PPP), a federal program that temporarily provided small businesses with funds to cover payroll costs, which allowed him to hire an additional employee. He paid her advance for her work given the narrow window to spend PPP funds.

After enduring months of a struggling economy, the biggest hit to Three Arts came when the College returned in August. Effron explained, “I had teachers in the past who gave me a list of assigned class reading books, I would order the books and shelve some here [...] and that didn’t develop.” Quite simply, even though he had stocked shelves, no one has actually made it over to the store to buy them. All of the orders that he has taken from Vassar have happened over email or telephone, and at times, the Office of Student Activities has come to the store to pick up books for distribution on campus.

As for coming to campus? While Effron explained that he would be open to hosting small events, he reminded me that he currently only has a single employee who works in the store one day a week, and that at the end of the day, “The resources to have a presence on campus are beyond what I would be able to do at this point.” Right now, the business necessary to hire additional help is simply nonexistent. He did sound relatively optimistic about an event at the Boardman Road Branch Library this past Saturday, where an author was able to attend virtually. While he is skeptical about a future that’s reliant on virtual event programming, he’s hoping for the best.

Although Three Arts doesn’t have a website, Effron assured me that as long as students are willing to take the time to call or

email, he’s perfectly willing to drop off students’ orders here on campus. Despite all that’s happened in the past eight months, Effron has managed to keep up with most new releases, and even if there’s something not in stock, he’s always happy to get it for his customers. With the holiday season quickly approaching, Three Arts now carries calendars, Christmas cards and other seasonal products, and also offers free gift-wrapping for any purchase.

Effron’s expectations for the spring semester, where students will be confined to campus in a similar closed-campus model?

He anticipates that there probably won’t be too much more to do, telling me simply that

he will be “Continuing to reduce expenses and hoping to get enough sales to cover them.”

With nearly four decades managing his family’s business under his belt, Effron has learned to be resilient—he sounds like a classically strong, stiff-upper-lip sort of guy.

As we concluded our discussion, he apologized for not being able to offer a brighter vision for the future. At the end of the day, he doesn’t know what the future holds for Three Arts, an Arlington mainstay. Right now, all there is to do is simply focus on staying afloat.

To place orders at Three Arts, students can call (845) 471-3640.

The Three Arts Bookstore on Collegeview Avenue, a short walk from campus.

Courtesy of Katelyn Jo.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

November 12, 2020

OPINIONS

Page 11

Trumpism evolves in Republican Party post-Trump defeat Liam Manion

Guest Columnist

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he day has come: Donald Trump has been voted out of office. While many Americans are taking this time to celebrate Joe Biden and Kamala Harris’ success, it would be naive to think that Trumpism, Trump’s particular brand of populist ideology, is leaving with him. Like it or not, Trump shattered the Republican status quo, inspiring a reordering of U.S. politics that will land him among the most influential people of the decade, if not the century. Many people across the political spectrum are now wondering what is in store for the future of the Grand Old Party (GOP)—a party that, because of Trump, is now sitting on a platform virtually unrecognizable from where it was just a decade ago.

A common sentiment that arises in assessing Trumpist politics is that he did not explicitly start a movement; he simply poured gasoline on a preexisting flame.

This claim is essentially true, but is slightly misleading and makes broad generalizations about the GOP. Since the Cold War era, the Republican Party has tied its evangelical and business-elite libertarian wings together through the process of fusionism.

These two factions developed separately but were bonded via their shared belief in a strong American military presence to quell what was seen then as the global threat of communism.

The party was actively guided by the business elite wing, and grew to outwardly represent globalism and free-market trade practices. The business-elite libertarians, epitomized by Ronald Reagan, sought to keep in check the nativist, isolationist faction by suppressing its members’ influence, while relying on their party loyalty. But underneath the surface, intra-party tension was bubbling, evident in the establishment of the Tea Party sect of the GOP in 2009— merely one year after the Great Recession in 2008. Many low-income, undereducated evangelical Republicans started to care less (if they ever cared at all) about conservative Republicanism, and instead began to de-

velop a populist, anti-elitist attitude aimed at both Democratic and Republican elites— people whom they perceived as apathetic to their needs, especially regarding their losses in the financial crisis.

This effect was thoroughly overlooked by the Republican establishment of libertarian business elites. Trump harnessed the Tea Party energy as a political outsider and emboldened the growing sect of the party that never came to terms with Republicanism as the globalist, multicultural free market-praising ideology candidates like George Bush wanted it to be. While other presidential candidates attempted to coast off the Bush family’s version of Republicanism, Trump flipped that vision on its head. Unearthing the charade that the libertarians still maintained dominance of the party, Trump spoke up for the evangelical sect that had never consented to the globalization development in Republicanism and felt like they were not being heard. Instead of relying on typical Republican tropes like arguing for less government or protecting Second Amendment rights, Trump opted for an aggressively protectionist and socially conservative approach aimed at targeting working class Americans.

Trump wanted to pull the evangelical sect back into the conversation as a punch in the gut to the libertarian business elites, who the evangelicals felt had condescended them for too long. And it worked. By strategically choosing Mike Pence as Vice President, a faithful evangelical who also received backing from the Koch brothers, Trump curried favor with born-again America, reeling in more than 80 percent of the white evangelical vote in the 2016 election.

It is worth mentioning the trend during the Republican primaries of self-proclaimed “Never Trumpers” turning into Trump loyalists. These conservative politicians, like Lindsey Graham, quickly saw their bases mesmerized by Trump, and feared that if they did not abandon their “Never Trump” stance and align with his populist politics they would be ousted by someone in the primary contests who did. So having caused such a collateral impact, what does Trump’s

absence mean for the Republican party?

Without Trump there to pick and choose who succeeds and who does not, politicians may have a little more wiggle room in adapting their platforms. However, they do have to keep in mind that in many cases, their base was also Trump’s base, so diverting from the former President’s stances could be interpreted as sacrilegious by their constituencies. For the libertarian business elite to make a comeback, Trump’s presence will need to take up significantly less space in the party, a choice that he does not appear to be making anytime soon. On the other hand, his bombastic energy is so personal that it would be extremely hard to replicate, except by perhaps Donald Trump Jr., whom many speculate might make a presidential run in 2024.

Furthermore, the 2020 election results are telling as to where the party is heading and what voter blocs they are targeting, both of which pertain to Trumpism’s internal influence on the GOP. Trump’s entire political character centers around economic nationalism coupled with extreme social conservatism. Right now, that nationalism hinges on white supremacy, but this election showcased a migration of Latinx voters (historically a voting bloc for the Democratic Party as well as America’s fastest growing minority population) to the GOP. This means that Trump’s economic nationalism could turn into civic nationalism—if Trumpists ditch the race-baiting tactics they could build a young, multi-racial coalition of Republicans. Republicanism is slowly becoming favorable among poor American districts as wealth inequality spreads.

Ironically, the Democrats have traditionally pitched themselves as the people’s party, but are now overwhelmingly supported in the nation’s richest counties. Meanwhile, Republicans are starting to sneakily co-opt social programs presented by progressives without calling them left-wing.

Take, for instance, Bernie Sanders’ primary success over Joe Biden in states such as California and Nevada with high Latinx populations. In the presidential election Biden significantly underperformed na-

tionally with Latinx voters, a concerning foreshadowing for the Democratic National Convention’s (DNC) relation with America’s fastest growing ethnic population. As the right starts to out-left the left, the DNC is quickly losing its credibility, particularly among working American Latinx voters.

The GOP knows that this growing Latinx voter-bloc is relatively socially conservative, yet economically liberal. Since Latinx voters are less likely to identify outright as liberal than white Democrats, the election results show that it’s easier for them to jump from backing a Sanders platform to backing a GOP contender if the GOP can appropriate left-leaning economic policies without explicitly calling them left-wing. For example, Marco Rubio recently called for “common-good capitalism,” in a speech in which he criticized the ethics of businesses making excessive profits while excluding workers from sharing in those profits.

Trump has tapped into an aspect of economic nationalism that is explicitly racialized. But the Republican takeaway is that it doesn’t necessarily have to be. With traditional geopolitical barriers having been broken and reorganized, and the Democratic Party transitioning from the peoples’ party to that of the elites, the working-class vote is up for grabs. If the now-imploded Republican Party can sponsor a Trumpist ideology in 2024 that drops the race-baiting and transforms economic nationalism into civic nationalism, they may be able to convince a majority of working-class Americans to adopt Republicanism. This approach would entail a nuanced take on the Republican Party that denounces neoliberal free-market ideologies, while promising working-class Americans social programs typically reserved for far-left supporters of Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. You might think this approach is strange for Republicans, but remember, Trump won with a non-traditional emphasis that abandoned the tenets of 20th-century conservatism. If the DNC won’t listen to the progressive wing of their party, they are leaving a fiscally liberal gap for conservatives to seize in the name of anti-elitism and anti-neoliberalism.

Vassar needs a student union. Here’s why.

Karina Burnett Columnist

A

s the inherent dysfunction of our electoral system is laid bare and our precarious environmental condition becomes painfully evident, sticking to outmoded ways of governing that ignore the dire state of the world feels increasingly irresponsible. Vassar is no exception to this—students, who define and support the College, are for the most part left out as decisions are made that contradict its educational doctrine. The Vassar Student Association (VSA), while effective in some respects, is unable to influence the administration and the Board of Trustees when it comes to real decisions that students oppose. An oft-cited example of this lack of voice came in 2016 when 91 percent of students voted in favor of divesting from fossil fuels yet the Board of Trustees shot down the appeal to divest.

While Vassar claims to be forward-thinking and has otherwise enacted “Climate Action Plans” since 2016, the College still invests in fossil fuels. This is nothing short of a refusal to acknowledge that financial investments have ethical consequences, and greatly undermines Vassar’s integrity as a progressive institution. Another recent questionable venture is Vassar’s plan to build a sprawling “Inn and Institute” on top

of Williams House, which has provided affordable faculty housing since 1922. Besides displacing faculty members and demolishing a historic building, this endeavor would disrupt the public open space, further divide the College from people who live in Poughkeepsie and negatively impact the environment, as explained by the Arlington Neighborhood Association. The contradictions posed by these undertakings corrupt not only the administration and the Board of Trustees, but also the students. It’s demoralizing to attend classes that illuminate the effects of capitalism on social ideologies and the environment while at the same time being aware of the fact that the very institution that educates us in this progressive way is itself financially unethical. Consequently, Vassar students find themselves lacking in influence over the allegedly progressive institution that they sustain. Students’ lack of power in this institutional and social context is unsustainable, and at this point it’s necessary to explore new ways of representation and organization.

A way to reclaim our place in this institution, and act on the values many of us have learned at Vassar, is to support the Vassar Student Union (VSU). While the VSA seems to many of us inaccessible and confusing, the VSU, a student-run collective,

includes anyone who wants to be involved.

Still in its developmental stages, a few things are clear about the VSU: it operates alongside the VSA, has a nonhierarchical power structure, has no sense of being beholden to the administration and offers a more accessible way for students and other members of the Vassar community to organize. As described by VSA Senator Joe Mangan ’23, who was elected on his plan to form a student union, the VSU creates a more diverse, collective form of representation: “Basically, think of it like the U.S. House, Senate and Executive, but the House in this case is nonhierarchical with rotating leadership, and filled with representatives of student workers, international students, ALANA Center organizations, student representatives drawn from House Teams and ultimately faculty...all with equal voting power” he explained. Drawing on socialist concepts of labor unions, the VSU’s decentralized, student-run system is a refreshing change at an institution that adheres to an insidiously hierarchical and imperialistic model.

I would think that this would be an attractive plan for the Vassar administration— being sincere in our principles is far more impressive and rewarding than progressive posturing—and this could be an opportunity

The opinions expressed above do not represent those of The Miscellany News as a whole.

MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

to foster a more unified, happier community. The VSU represents the collective energy of Vassar students who want to carry out these principles, not merely complain about the shortcomings of the administration or the Board of Trustees. Although the VSU is in its initial developmental stages, the plan is to act within the administration’s legislative system without the conventional hierarchical structures, and with more comprehensive representation. A student-run force holding the administration accountable would benefit not only the students, but also faculty, staff and people who live in the surrounding area. With more open and accessible dialogue concerning our community’s diverse needs and ideas, we could create an institution that operates as ethically as possible in our capitalist context instead of financially and spatially upholding the inherently violent order of institutional injustice. As Frederick Douglass expressed, there’s no progress without struggle, and while it may seem cumbersome or inconvenient to force the institution we participate in to act on its supposed principles, it will create a kinder community, encourage inclusion of diverse needs and experiences and benefit the world around us that we have, purposefully or not, negatively impacted.

Page 12

SPORTS With Alex Eisert

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he last time the New York Mets made the World Series was in 2015, led by a youthful starting rotation that promised to erase years of mediocrity—in the 14 years between this and their previous appearance in the Fall Classic, they had made the playoffs just once—with a new dynasty. But, the Amazin’s failed to capitalize on that potential.

Turns out it’s just too risky to build a team around starting pitching. Mere months after the Mets captured the pennant, their ace Matt Harvey started battling thoracic outlet syndrome, a compression of nerves and/or blood cells in the neck area that disproportionately affects pitchers, wiping out the rest of his season and rendering him forever changed as a hurler. Just before Harvey’s diagnosis, Steven Matz, the last addition to the 2015 staff, went down with a bone spur in his pitching elbow. Harvey was shipped off to Cincinnati two years later; Matz limped to a 9.68 ERA this year. The youngest member of the 2015 staff, Noah Syndergaard, suffered from a bone spur in 2016 as well. Despite being effective when healthy, he went on to make just seven starts in 2017 and missed the entire 2020 season after undergoing Tommy John surgery. The lone stalwart these past four years has been Jacob deGrom, but even the best pitcher in the MLB over that timeframe hasn’t been enough to keep the Mets from Metsing; they finished under .500 in three of their last four campaigns.

The Mets’ reliance on homegrown talent (Harvey, Matz and deGrom were all draftees, while Syndergaard was acquired via trade before he ever reached the majors) is representative of a larger trend across the major leagues. While the Mets’ results have been mixed, this shift makes sense because younger players are considerably cheaper; for each of their first three years in the majors, they make the league minimum. For their next three years, they receive gradual raises, but are only guaranteed one year at a time—their team can cut them with no ramifications after any season in this time period. After waiting out a total of six years, players may file for free agency, when many become available to be signed by other teams for the first time.

But monetary concern isn’t the only reason baseball is trending younger. As long as training techniques continue to improve, each generation of new players will be better than the last. What’s more, the likely decrease in the use of Performance Enhancing Drugs coinciding with the first steroid suspensions in 2005 and the Mitchell Report investigation in 2006 has made it harder for older players to remain in their primes past the age of 30. Wins Above Replacement, or WAR, which tries to answer the question “How many wins would it cost us if we had to replace this player with a typical backup?”, provides solid evidence in favor of these theories. In the ’90s and early 2000s, players 31 and older accrued consistently more WAR per plate appearance than those 24 and younger. But, since the mid-2000s, those 24 and younger have turned the tables, consistently besting their baseballing elders.

However, it also turns out that older pitchers have seen their productivity increase in recent years, possibly due to medical advances. Also, those pitchers who aren’t durable are likely weeded out of the game entirely in the early stages of their ca-

reers. Perhaps the Mets would be better off trading their draftees for veteran hurlers.

Nevertheless, the gravitation of the MLB towards younger players, coupled with their general increase in productivity and continued cheapness, has leveled the playing field among high and low-budget teams overall. When players 31 and older were at their most productive, that meant that those who had served their six years on cheap salaries would be in high-demand and grow very expensive upon reaching free agency. Now that those players are relatively not as productive, small market teams need only look within their organization to replace a fading star. Even if there are no viable alternatives within, as other teams focus on filling holes by reaching into the depths of their own rosters and farm systems, they can likely find an underappreciated older player on the free agent market.

Yet, the relationship between spending and winning remains strong; the Dodgers, with 2020’s second-highest payroll, just captured the World Series title. It is definitely not the be-all-end-all, but variation in player payroll tends to predict about 50 percent of the variation in winning percentage across teams. Less traditional measures of the relationship bear even stronger results: Variation in franchise valuation, which took into account the facilities and entire organizational apparatus of a team, predicted 56 percent of the variation in winning percentage across teams from 2016-2019.

Back to the Amazin’s. The Wilpon family, former principal owners of the Mets, lost hundreds of millions, perhaps even billions, from making investments with Bernie Madoff. In order to continue their operations in the aftermath of Madoff’s arrest, the Mets were forced to take out huge loans. Financing their debts costs the Mets around $100 million a year, or nearly as much as their player payroll in 2019.

It turns out, however, that the Mets are still valued at $2.4 billion (likely because they have seen average or better attendance since 2015, even in their losing seasons).

Hedge fund billionaire Steven Cohen doled out just that amount to close the sale of

November 12, 2020

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News

the club on Nov. 6, the largest ever sale (in terms of dollars) of shares in a baseball team.

With a net worth approaching $15 billion, Cohen is wealthier than the next three richest MLB owners combined. And he has made it clear that he is willing to spend in order to make the Mets a more valuable franchise. We have established that spending still helps you win, including spending on things other than players. But to answer the question of just how much Cohen might be willing to spend, we can look to some of his contemporaries. What is the relationship between a team’s payroll and the net worth of their owner? The value of a franchise and the net worth of its owner?

I uncovered data on the ten richest MLB owners and their teams from this past season. These clubs actually performed worse than average last year, winning 47.3 percent of their games, but this result was not significant (p = 0.33, df = 9). Less surprisingly, these clubs spent more on players ($66.4 million on average) than the average team (which spent $61.1 million), but this result was also not significant (p = 0.35, df = 9). Lastly, these clubs were valued higher ($2.12 billion) than average ($1.85 billion), but yet again, this result was not significant (p = 0.31, df = 9), although it is unclear whether this would mean richer owners increase the value of their franchise or highly valued franchises can only be bought by rich owners.

Either way, I came up with a few takeaways from this. First, the data on the net worth of owners is sparse. This is either because statisticians have deemed it not important to record, or the owners like to keep their finances veiled. Accordingly, I had to settle for a dataset that only included the ten richest owners, and only their net worth from this past season. While data on the very rich owners is representative of Steven Cohen’s closest comps, the conclusions I could draw from this dataset were limited by its size—not only the fact that there were just ten owners, but also that the 2020 season was shortened by the pandemic. Nevertheless, it may be telling that these numbers were insignificant; perhaps Mets fans should temper their expectations be-

cause an owner can only spend so much to improve a team. True improvement must come from within the organization (and a little luck). In the words of Macklemore, “make the money, don’t let the money make you.”

Even if it were true that wealthier owners give their teams larger payrolls in general, there are exceptions to this common-sense conclusion. Take John Fisher, for example, the eighth-richest owner. His Oakland A’s have consistently been at the bottom of the barrel in terms of payroll: Last year their $36.7 million club came in as only the 25th most expensive in the league. The reason for this is likely that the A’s aren’t particularly profitable, with only the 24th highest attendance even in a 2019 season that saw them win a whopping 97 games. Teams are at their core investments for some owners. The Mets have seen consistently higher attendance than the A’s, making them ripe for a larger investment under the right leadership. Plus, Cohen is a lifelong Mets fan who ostensibly doesn’t need any more monetary investments, and he could see his new club as more of an emotional investment.

Payroll matters. But organizational staff is just as, if not more, important. If you throw away all of your cash on big-money old guys and don’t develop your farm system, your team will likely fall short of expectations. What gives me the most hope for Cohen’s Mets is that he understands this. One of his first moves as owner was to clean house, firing GM Brodie Van Wagenen, who infamously traded up-andcoming hitter Jarred Kelenic and pitching prospect Justin Dunn for reliever Edwin Díaz and an aging and expensive Robinson Canó. While Díaz and Canó both played well this season, Kelenic is expected to be a generational talent and comes with six years of team control—exactly the kind of young hitter that the Mets should be replacing Canó with. While money is important, Cohen’s personnel changes and offerings to employees affected by the pandemic indicate that he is astutely looking beyond payroll to strategy, infrastructure and humanity. That is what could make the Mets truly Amazin’ again.

Juliette Pope/The Miscellany News MISCELLANY NEWS | VASSAR COLLEGE

SPORTS

November 12, 2020

Page 13

NFL’s COVID-19 plan exemplifies league’s classic stupidity Doug Cobb Columnist

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e’re just about at the halfway point of the NFL season, and it has been a pretty entertaining one so far. The Pittsburgh Steelers and Kansas City Chiefs sit atop the American Football Conference (AFC) with records of 8-0 and 8-1 respectively, while the National Football Conference (NFC) is a tight race; three teams stand at 6-2, but none better than that. The 0-9 New York Jets are looking historically awful. Tom Brady is thriving with his new team, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-3), following his departure from the New England Patriots, where his old coach Bill Belichick is now floundering at 3-5. The NFC East still does not have a team with a winning record (the Philadelphia Eagles lead with a record of 3-4-1) and remains a perfect picture of incompetence. All in all, it looks to be an interesting year of football with an exciting playoff picture. Yet, the biggest question in the NFL isn’t who will make the Super Bowl, but will there be a Super Bowl?

That may seem dramatic, and admittedly, it is unlikely the NFL would ever fully cancel the playoffs or Super Bowl (way too much money to be made), but it is realistic that it gets delayed big time.

Here we go again, he’s gonna talk about COVID-19, I hear you saying. You’re right.

I am. As repetitive as it may seem to always talk about the virus and its effects on sports, the reality is that after eight months of its presence in the United States and multiple professional sports leagues’ successful seasons, coronavirus is still threatening to shut down the NFL. We have already seen some blunders from the league, which shouldn’t be surprising given that they chose not to create a bubble and are having fans at games. I also believe the NFL is the most poorly run professional sports league in America (in terms of treatment of athletes, social justice and just general concern for anything other than the income of the 32 people who own

the teams). This set the stage perfectly for some hiccups, so let’s take a look at what the NFL has screwed up so far.

The NFL has rescheduled 14 games this year. That may not be much compared to losing a whole season, but when you consider that each team only plays a 16-game regular season over a period of 17 weeks, you realize how significant rescheduling even one contest is. The thing is, though, these 14 games were rescheduled largely as a result of just two team outbreaks: the Tennessee Titans and everyone’s favorite cheaters, the New England Patriots.

There are two ways to look at this. One, only two out of 32 teams have messed up really bad so far. On the other hand, it only took two teams messing up to throw the NFL schedule into disarray. Back in mid-October the Patriots had five positive COVID-19 tests (including big names like reigning Defensive Player of the Year Stephon Gilmore and former MVP Cam Newton), with even more players placed on the COVID list as close contacts of those who tested positive. As a result, their game against the Denver Broncos had to be rescheduled multiple times.

The Titans were even more of a mess. At least 23 players and team personnel tested positive for COVID-19. There were reports that Titans players repeatedly didn’t wear masks and that the organization disregarded safety rules, but the NFL only handed out the lame punishment of a $350,000 fine (a lot of money to you or me, but for an NFL team that is pocket change). Because the Titans had so many positive cases, they had to postpone two of their games, which meant that they had to rearrange what weeks they played other teams and then those teams had to rearrange their schedules, resulting in a massive rippling effect across the league.

Meanwhile, the NFL doesn’t seem to care.

Allow me to rant for a second. They have made no contingency plans, like shorten-

ing the season to allow for rescheduling or adding an extra week to the schedule to get all the games in. On top of that, they don’t seem to have any regard for player safety (seems pretty on-brand at this point) because their protocols just don’t make any sense if your goal is to reduce infection rates.

First of all, how can anyone on the team not be considered a close contact if they are all practicing together every day, sharing a locker room and playing a game that literally requires you to wrap your arms around someone and throw your body on top of theirs while you’re both breathing heavily?

It’s comical to pick and choose which teammates are close contacts when a player tests positive. But don’t take my word for it. Patriots cornerback Jason McCourty told reporters, “It is not about our best interest, or our health and safety, it is about, ‘What can we make protocol-wise that sounds good, looks good, and how can we go out there and play games?’” His comments were in reference to the fact that the NFL held a Patriots-Chiefs game just three days after Newton tested positive. McCourty brings up very valid concerns: in what world is it a good idea to play tackle football three days after one of the players on those teams tested positive? It seems like you are begging for an outbreak at that point.

Additionally, the NFL just hasn’t been incentivizing teams to follow the rules carefully. They have been handing out these petty fines, only hundreds of thousands of dollars, to teams that are worth billions.

These fines are in no way deterring teams from breaking the rules. They did recently up the penalty to a loss of a sixth round draft pick for the Las Vegas Raiders, since they were repeat offenders, but that is not a high enough pick to make much of a statement.

What the NFL needs to do is start making teams forfeit games if it is determined that they caused an outbreak by not following the correct protocols. This would kill two birds with one stone: fix their scheduling

The Miscellany Crossword ACROSS 1. You were watching TikToks… you just didn’t know it yet 5. Waited 10. Diminish over time 14. What being male with kids makes one 15. Useful 16. A Swiss Army knife has many 17. Unspecified amount 18. You were staying alive by bouncing off platforms

20. Most notebooks 22. Encore 23. BBQ attire 24. Issue in UK politics 26. Letter after Pi 27. Dubai country 29. Israeli weapon 30. 41-across synonym 32. Borneo or Crete 34. Coral or Bering 35. Burn 37. And 38. You were being chased by demonic monkeys

Answer to last week’s puzzle

41. Zone 44. Class of car 45. Buddy 48. Part of the club 51. Malek who won a 49-down for “Mr. Robot” 52. “Give me ___!”

(Bama cheerleader cry) 53. It’s crusty 54. Cow’s utter 56. “Seinfeld” uncle 57. Charity 58. Moan and complain 61. Disparaging 63. You were slingshotting avians into pig structures 65. Word after ice or before shoulder 67. Has-____ (once-famous) 68. Dodge 69. Nabisco cookie 70. Does math… or make plural?

71. Chills 72. Diane of SNCC DOWN 1. Hospitals for GIs 2. Worship

3. The driest nation in Sub-Saharan Africa 4. Beginning of the fall?

5. World’s 4th largest religion 6. OJ’s judge 7. “The Christian in Christian ____...”

(Kanye lyric) 8. Village leader 9. Oracle spot 10. Tallest mountain in Japan 11. Per the norm 12. Cheapens 13. Pyschic’s ability 19. Greek god of sex 21. Occur next 23. Does dishes 25. Some are Spanish in Italy’s capital 28. Former name for Tokyo 31. Swiss mathematician 33. PC linking system 36. It goes to the metal 38. Key above CAPS LOCK 39. Name of 11 pharaohs 40. Marriage 41. This goes to 11 in

problem and deter teams from breaking the rules. The reports are that teams just aren’t being that careful around the league, and forcing even just one team to forfeit a game because they have an outbreak caused by ignoring protocols would immediately get the attention of the entire league. My guess is that you would only have to send that message once, and then nobody would play around with the rules anymore. No NFL team will willingly give away a game.

It is time someone was held responsible for breaking the rules, putting the season at risk and endangering others.

Let me finish up this rant with something that perhaps infuriates me more than anything else: the NFL is still trying to have fans. They just can’t give up ticket sales, can they? It’s not like they are financially struggling, and inviting fans to stadiums is just so unbelievably stupid. Getting a large crowd of drunk people to hang out together in a stadium should be the last thing we bring back into our lives at this point. Grow up. Get over the fact that you can’t have fans in the stands for one season during a freaking global pandemic.

We’re all trying to navigate these difficult times by making sacrifices and changing our schedules, but it seems like stupid people are determined to foil our plans.

The NFL is stubbornly refusing to take the necessary precautions to play football during a pandemic. I believe they have gotten lucky, and it is just a matter of time until shit hits the fan. Some things are certainly out of their control, but they could also greatly increase their chances of the season going smoothly by just trying a little harder. Not that I have the answers to all the world’s problems, but my advice is just don’t be unnecessarily stupid. America finally took a step in that direction with last week’s election. Let’s keep this momentum of average-intelligence decisions going; it’s new for this country, but doesn’t have to be short-lived.

Dated Apps

by Reese Collins “This is Spinal Tap” 42. Ruled 43. Came out of 45. You were listening to music...and some still use this 46. Los _______

47. Asian language 49. TV award 50. Settlers of Catan piece 55. Shade of green 59. Buckets for the dead

60. Spans of time 62. Desktop image 63. Dr. J’s org.

64. “Silent Spring” causer 66. Homer’s expression