At The Table - October 2017

AT THE

THE VILLAGE ISSUE

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

OCTOBER 2017

how to

DEAL WITH AN ENTITLED TEEN RULES FOR

DATING MY SON

THIS

beautiful journey

contents

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

OCTOBER 2017

love

Jo in us

186

6 MAKING FRIENDS

How to and how not to.

18 ROLLO'S PARK A determined wife, osteoarthritis and a vacant wasteland.

31 RULES FOR DATING MY SON A positive twist on an internet meme.

nurture

10

10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

8 HOW TO DEAL WITH AN ENTITLED TEEN 10 ASK THE EXPERTS 15 WOULD YOU...

Teach your child to share?

16 MANDI MAKES Relaxing bath bombs; dry shampoo; body scrubs; calming linen spray.

22 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE Corn salsa; “sausage” rolls; Greek baked beans (gigantes); overnight oats.

28 EXERCISE WITH ALISHA Let me give you an excuse.

34 Q&A With Kent Kingston, our show's irregular panellist.

18

12

thrive

12 THIS BEAUTIFUL JOURNEY The story of a new mum living in a new country.

24 BEST OF BOTH WORLDS The unexpected benefits from volunteering with your children.

30 PARENTING BOOT CAMP? How a stay-at-home mum found community through exercise.

32 BOOK CORNER

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @thetabletvshow

#thetabletvshow

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EDITOR Melody Tan ASSISTANT EDITOR Vania Chew 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 thetabletv.com

@ thetabletvshow

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt GRAPHIC DESIGN Theodora Amuimuia FREE MONTHLY COPY Julie Laws JulieLaws@adventistmedia.org.au

SEND ALL LETTERS AND SUBMISSIONS TO: At The Table magazine PO Box 1115, Wahroonga, NSW 2076 or email editorial@thetabletv.com At The Table magazine is available free of charge thanks to generous donations. We ask you pass it on to your friends after you are finished with it.

COVER PHOTO

by Gilmore Tanabose

PRIVACY NOTICE This issue of At The Table magazine is published by Adventist Media Network (AMN). This issue may contain Reader Offers, being offers, competitions or surveys.

Reader Offers may require you to provide personal information to enter or to take part. AMN may use and disclose your information in accordance with our Privacy Policy, including to provide you with your requested products or services and to keep you informed of other AMN

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PUBLISHER At The Table is a product of

CEO: Kalvin Dever ABN 59 093 117 689 ISSN 2208-4010 VOLUME 1 NUMBER 2

October 2017

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3

GET

from the

ne of the things I’ve constantly heard is that it takes a village to raise a child. I’d always thought it was a nice little quote—something to make non-parents feel special as it made them a significant part of a little person’s life—but never realised how true it was until I became a mum.

The real essence of the quote is probably to illustrate how important role models are for a child, but I’ve appreciated it from a parent’s point of view.

Shortly after my son was born, as I sat on a roll of towel to ease my pain and breastfed him at 3 am, it was an online community of mothers who made me feel less alone.

When all I had was the mental and physical capacity simply to keep my newborn alive, it was my husband and my mum, along with my church family, who made sure I had rest and who took over the responsibility of keeping me fed. Even friends whom I had not contacted for a while came out of the woodwork to offer encouragement, help and practical gifts to keep me going.

This month in At The Table, we celebrate the village all of us parents are fortunate to be a part of—be that our family, our church, good friends or even an online group.

Of course, as members of a “village”, life isn’t simply about receiving, it’s also about giving back. And as we read in this issue, both in the case of Rollo Myers (page 18) and the many parents who go on community service projects with their children (page 24), there is a certain richness to be gained from the act.

So pull up a seat At The Table and I hope you find in it (and our social media pages) a village for you to be a part of and to help you raise your child.

Melody

find us @thetabletvshow

WHAT'S ON YOUTUBE THIS MONTH? • •

What do you feed your fussy kids?

Business tips and tricks for women

• •

International speaker Glen Gerreyn explains how to raise boys right Can paying it forward pay off?

15–21 OCTOBER

What nobody tells you about health insurance Why kids should do community service (read our feature story on page 24)

22–28 OCTOBER

•

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October 2017

WHAT ARE YOUR CHILDREN’S NICKNAMES?

8–14 OCTOBER

•

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing?

The author of our letter of the month wins a free Arnie’s Shack: The Complete First Series four-disc DVD set, suitable for your children (or nieces or nephews)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our show segments, magazine articles and much more? Recently, we asked our members:

1–7 OCTOBER

•

Drop us a line!

social

TRINITY KUBASSEK—PEXELS

october

O

editor

•

More awkward than dating: making friends as an adult Is more diversity needed on mainstream TV?

youtube.com/thetabletvshow

Tracey: Our youngest child is “Bubs", even though she is now a teenager. She hasn't complained about it yet!

Jackie: I have five littlies and most of their nicknames don't relate [to their real names].

Alana: Lana or Lanz Joaquin: Quin or Kimmy Israel: Issi, Iss or Nitch Hosea: Saia or Reeree Leilani: Lani, Bonny or Bonz However they are names only inside family would understand. It would take too long to explain each one!

Emma: My son’s nickname at the moment is “Bruiser”, after all the bruises he left on me during a bad teething phase.

FOR MORE

Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

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October 2017

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making friends

HOW NOT TO

HOW TO

BE CREEPY

ATTEND MEETUPS

OFFER UNSOLICITED ADVICE

INVOLVE FOOD

“That’s a really nice outfit” is a nice compliment and may win you a smile and a short conversation. “I’ve been watching you for the last hour and I really like how your outfit accentuates your eyes, which are blue like the ocean, iridescent and flecked”, would probably win you a furrowed brow and a hasty escape (unless it’s a pick-up line you’re trying).

Making a new friend is about finding something in common, right? So what better way to do so than attending Meetups based exactly on your interests? You’ll know you definitely have at least one thing in common with a new friend-to-be.

And even if you don’t end up befriending anybody, at least you spent that time doing something you enjoy.

You don’t want to be creating a culture of gluttony here, but who doesn’t like homemade scones with a bit of jam and cream on top? As the saying goes, “Feed them, and they will come” (OK, it really was, “If you build it, he will come”).

Nobody likes a know-it-all, especially if it makes them feel stupid. Quinoa may be pronounced keen-wa, but you don’t have to correct someone if they’re calling it key-know-ah.

That is until they ask or you’re BFFs—unless you’re telling them they have broccoli stuck in their teeth!

SHOWER THEM WITH GIFTS

It doesn’t have to be all the time or anything extravagant, you’re not buying a friendship here. We’re talking little thoughtful gifts to show you’re thinking of them, such as giving them a sugar-free chocolate bar when you hear they’re trying to cut sugar from their diet.

STAY AT HOME

Saying No to social invitations all the time is a sure-fire way to get you that express pass to a solo life in a cave. Even if you’re an introvert at heart, if you want to make some friends, you have to at least sometimes attend a function where there are people around to befriend.

REMEMBER THEIR LIVES Whether it’s a big favour like moving house or a small one like holding an item for them while they tie their shoelaces, constantly shying away from helping others will likely land you on the proverbial deserted island. And since we are a community and no man (or woman) is an island . . .

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TALK—ALL THE TIME

You may indeed be awesome and intelligent, but it doesn’t work to tell people that. Don’t force people to listen endlessly to your dreams, fears, joys, sorrows, desires and defeats. Extra demerit points if you bring out your phone and make someone look at every single photo from your recent holiday or of your child since they were born.

LOOK THEM IN THE EYE

UBER IMAGES—ISTOCK

DON’T HELP

Your mum was onto something when she demanded you look her in the eye when talking (especially when she knows you’ve done something wrong and is waiting for a confession). So ditch those shifty eyes and you’ll come across as more reliable and trustworthy, excellent criteria for being a friend. Don’t do it for too long though; it’ll get freaky.

Related to not talking all the time is getting your friend-to-be to do the talking. Ask them meaningful questions about their lives and remember the details. Do they have particular preferences or hobbies? What are their children’s names—or if you’re really bad with names, how many do they have? Maybe don’t reveal something you found out about them while Facebook-stalking that they haven’t actually told you though.

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Strategies to engage with teenagers, teaching them there’s a bigger world outside of themselves.

By Michelle Mitchell

G

iven 963 million people go to bed hungry every night and 150 million children under the age of 14 are engaged in child labour worldwide, we can safely say that the lives of most teens in the Western world aren’t

that bad.

“Try convincing my daughter of that!” one mum recently said to me. “She hasn’t stopped making demands since she woke up this morning!!”

Parents regularly speak to me about their teenager’s shocking sense of entitlement. On a bad day, they feel like they exist simply to meet their teenager’s every desire and whim, which is not a cool job description for any parent. Things don’t look much better on a good day, when they are frustrated by their teen’s general disregard for time, money and things.

Research tells us that the number of teenagers refusing to help around the house has almost tripled in just over a decade, from 5.6 per cent in 1992 to 15.8 per cent in 2006. On the other hand, the amount of time eight to 18-year-olds spend watching TV, playing video games or surfing the internet is at an all-time high of around 7.5 hours a day. That is 53 hours a week—more than a fulltime job since there are no breaks for weekends!

Before we get up in arms about this generation however, I’d like to stop for a minute and see the world through their eyes.

Teenagers today are a generation who aspire to the good life, as shown to them in their daily “news feeds”. But ordinary can never measure up to the highlight reel of happy faces and special places they see on their social media pages. I honestly think our kids are asking themselves, Why can’t my life look like theirs? What is wrong with my family? Shouldn’t my life be better than it is?

I believe that this perceived perfection is coming at a cost to our kids who are becoming restless, ungrateful, disappointed, anxious and unable to handle their everyday real lives. That is why we have to work really hard at bringing young people back to basics; where they learn that hard work meets outcomes, money doesn’t grow on trees and we all live on an equal playing field. My hope is that these three strategies will help you do just that.

how to deal WITH AN

ENTITLED TEEN NAUMOID—ISTOCK

MAKE ROOM FOR LIFE LESSONS

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Small incidental lessons like the one I am about to share with you are powerful ways of teaching teens respect. Any instances where you are in the “driver’s seat” are moments you can use to your advantage. Here’s a great little example that shows how easy it is to teach your children that your time is valuable.

Daughter’s text: I forgot my PE uniform and I really, really need it before my class this afternoon or I’ll be in big trouble. Please, please bring it and meet me at the office at lunchtime.

Mum’s text: What’s in it for me? You are interrupting my afternoon.

Daughter’s text: ummmm . . .

Mum’s text: I need the washing done tonight—three loads and hung out.

Daughter’s text: OK I’ll do it tonight.

Mum’s text: Deal.

Mum then drove to the school and took the uniform to the office. Instead of feeling resentful for having to bring the uniform or feeling guilty because her kid was the one who forgot it, she proudly said to the school receptionist, “I’m getting the washing done tonight for bringing this up!” To which the receptionist replied, “Good on you. You wouldn’t believe how many mums run up here saying it is their fault that their kid forgot it!”

LET THEM SAY NO Teens don’t like to hear the word No, so don’t say it. Put the ball in their court. Give them a set amount of money each week and expect them to manage their own purchases, including entertainment and takeaway food. This will force them to make conscious choices and set priorities. If they want takeaway on the way home from school, the answer is always, “Sure darling. Got your money?”

OUTSOURCE THEM Part-time jobs are priceless! I can’t think of a better way to guide a young person than to teach them the value of hard work. If you prefer your teenager to earn money at home, but are tired of arguing about jobs, why not outsource them? Why not get them to do jobs for neighbours or other family members? They are more likely to work hard for someone they are less familiar with.

It’s a challenge not to jump when teens demand their own way, but we have to remember that our responses will teach them how to treat us. I encourage parents to keep a lookout for everyday opportunities to challenge entitlement and reinforce respect and connection. We will notice they are all around us if we keep an eye out for them.

MICHELLE IS THE FOUNDER OF YOUTH EXCEL, A CHARITY THAT HELPS YOUNG PEOPLE MAKE POSITIVE LIFE CHOICES DURING DIFFICULT TIMES. FOR MORE GREAT PARENTING ADVICE, CHECK OUT MICHELLE’S NEW BOOK, PARENTING TEENAGE GIRLS IN THE AGE OF A NEW NORMAL (ARK HOUSE $24.99), NOW AVAILABLE AT ALL GOOD BOOK STORES, OR VISIT MICHELLEMITCHELL.ORG

October 2017

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e h t as k experts

Q I’m a stay-at-home mum for our two young children and my husband works full-time. He has told me repeatedly because he’s the one bringing the money in, he expects to come home to a clean house and a warm dinner on the table. There are days when I’m at my wits’ end with just keeping the children alive!

THIS MONTH:

KAREN HOLFORD FAMILY THERAPIST HEARTWORDS

ANDREW PENNINGTON GENERAL PRACTITIONER SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE CLINIC

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q My one-year-old is currently sick but is due for his vaccinations.

Should I wait till he’s better before getting him vaccinated? How long can I wait—will there be a time when the window closes? Naomi, via email

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Q Is it necessary to swaddle a baby— and for how long? Chelsea, via email Your baby will love it. Swaddling reminds baby of being in mummy’s tummy when, with little room to stretch, baby was being tightly held as mum walked, talked and lulled baby to sleep.

Wrapping is great for settling babies for up to three months, and for newborns with the Moro reflex, who if not swaddled, may startle and wake themselves up. Once the Moro reflex disappears (likely around six months), baby’s arms can be left uncovered.

Most babies will eventually resist being wrapped, particularly once they start to roll onto their tummies and roll back again onto their backs.

Also, there are alternatives to swaddling in the form of sleeping bags that can be used instead. —Heather

GINEW, CYANO66—ISTOCK

The only specific contraindication to vaccination in an illness is an active fever. There is a balance to be had and common sense should be applied. While technically you can vaccinate a child who is unwell with say a cold or flu without fever, personally I think it is kinder to wait until the child has recovered from illness prior to vaccination.

Most colds or flus in children are gone within a week, thus waiting a few days should not significantly delay the vaccination schedule. One caveat to this approach is that sometimes children are sick frequently, especially early in life, during winter and if they attend day-care centres, and one has to balance the risk of contracting a serious infectious disease from delaying vaccination versus the practical considerations of not vaccinating when unwell.

My experience is that usually there are enough windows when a child is well or relatively well that vaccination should be able to be given with little or no delay from the recommended schedule around common childhood illnesses.

So in summary, avoiding vaccination during an illness is reasonable, but as soon as the child has recovered they should be promptly vaccinated to keep up to date. —Andrew

Being a stay-at-home mum with two small children is one of the hardest jobs in the world! It is almost impossible to care for the children, keep them safe and happy, keep a home clean and tidy, and put a cooked meal on the table at just the perfect moment! The reality is that there are very few mums who actually achieve this.

I am always curious about where these ideas of gender roles and expectations come from. Have they come from his family or from his culture? If so, what was life with young children like for his mother? Can she tell him her own story of struggles and frustrations? Parenting at home is a full-time job, so find out with him how other couples who both work full-time share the responsibility of looking after their children, keeping the house tidy and cooking dinner.

Or try the day-off experiment: “Darling, I believe that if you looked after the children on your own for a day, you would be able to keep the house clean and tidy, and have dinner on the table when I return. So why don’t I let you try an experiment for a day so that you can help me learn how to organise my time and life differently.”

I am also concerned about the effect of role expectations on the couple relationship. Do these high and unrealistic expectations help each person to feel loved and supported? Or do they lead to resentment and frustration? One of the greatest needs of a stay-at-home mum is to feel loved and supported by her husband, and to feel his kindness in practical ways. This care and love can strengthen the relationship and the family.

If there is no wiggle space and he still insists on a clean home and hot meal, then you will need some practical strategies. Set aside one room for the children to mess up and play in; play outside as much as possible; and limit the amount of toys your children can play with in a day. You can also try cooking dinners in bulk, as it is often quicker to cook extra portions and freeze them for another day. —Karen

SOCTK

Katrina, via email

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@ thetabletv.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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Last year, when her baby was just three months old, Charanyaa Gopalakrishnan (pictured right) and her husband migrated to Sydney from India, leaving all family behind.

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October 2017

this beautiful journey us. I would think, Uh oh! She seems a pro. I am so bad at this. I am probably not fit to be a mother.

All this may sound weird as you wonder how the best event in the life of a couple could turn out to be so difficult, but I think it’s absolutely normal to be overwhelmed, even if it’s from something positive, such as having a new life come into yours. There’s the weight gain and loss, fluctuating hormone levels and most challenging, sleep deprivation. It took many days of tears, laughter, worry, anger and loneliness for me to understand that post-partum stress, or should I say motherhood stress, is a reaction to the physiological and emotional changes from having a baby.

Many new mothers who experience this stress have problems

GILMORE TANABOSE

E

arly morning light streams through my bedroom window and the birds have already begun chirping. I try by all means to maintain the quietness that is otherwise prevalent. Stretching my legs I inch my way out of the bed.

Creak! I freeze, fearing I have woken up the tiny person peacefully sleeping near me. She stirs, but thankfully goes back to sleep. The clock ticks 6.30 am and my mind begins focusing on my schedule for the day.

I worked full-time for the past 10 years but recently gave up my career to take up my most challenging role: being a stay-at-home mother. It’s a rollercoaster ride that has just begun and it has already left me drained of energy. Every day I offer morning prayers, asking for a manageable day.

There are days when I yearn for five minutes of private time in the bathroom, a hot bath to calm my senses or just to sleep without interruption. It all encompasses the learning curve of being a new mum—a curve that seemingly has no end.

The other day, I observed that my baby girl had her eyes fixated on me and sensed she was trying hard to convey something as I saw her pupils enlarge. I tried connecting with her without uttering a word. With a smile, I got closer to her . . . only to smell poop! Yes. All those special minutes that went into “connecting” were actually just poop time for my baby. I wasn’t going to fall for that again!

Being a new stay-at-home mum to a young baby, while living in a foreign country, took a toll on me emotionally. I would sometimes have a particularly terrible day handling her tantrums, getting her to eat well or just behaving while I did household chores, and that’s when I would yearn for my mum to be by my side to give me the strength to pull through. Then there were the days when tears would engulf me as all I could remember was breastfeeding throughout the day while all my body wanted to do in its drained state was to get a break. I found myself looking forward to 7 pm every day when my husband returned from work, mostly so that I could transfer babysitting duties to him.

Many times my mind became boggled with information on baby care from various online avenues and good friends trying to “help”

sleeping, planning their day or doing any of their usual activities.

Their minds already muddled, they are unable to understand their baby's tired or hungry cues, causing the baby to be cranky, which in turn makes them more anxious, resulting in a vicious cycle.

I know there were days when I would try putting my little one to sleep and I would stare at her as if in a state of hypnosis. I recall moments where I would think I was a snake charmer, trying to coax a snake to imitate me. The tiny one used to close her eyes as if she were drifting off to sleep and I would say to myself, “Yes, yes, this is working”, only to have her big eyes widen and I would end up being the sleepyhead instead.

A text from a friend changed my whole perception of mother-

hood, especially in my situation as a new mum, alone without a support system. She said, “Take one day at a time.” That way, I have just a day to take care of and it helps me keep my stress levels at bay. But it takes a lot of mental strength and complete support from my husband to be able to do this every day without losing my mind. I came to realise that with this new entrant into my life, every day is challenging but every day is also brand new. This tiny person has a whole new world to show me that I could get lost in.

While I may feel lonely at times, staying home to care for my daughter, I have also had days where I just wanted to be left alone.

It’s possible my husband may have taken offence, but it worked out because we constantly communicated in the smallest ways possible

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Since I have been blessed, I will do my best not to spoil it.

Your son has brought some toys to the local playground and six kids he doesn’t know approach him, demanding he shares the toys with them.*

would you...

TEACH YOUR CHILD TO SHARE? would...

would not...

We are a sharing family, or at least, a “working towards sharing” family. I never really thought of it as being a question to be honest; after all sharing is caring.

Personally, I feel Jesus would always share and in trickier, less black-and-white situations, would keep everything in prayer.

A child coming up to my son to ask if they could play with his toys is I'd say more black-and-white (just like sharing food) and I would totally encourage him to share.

Of course, there are trickier situations, like sharing your tablet or sharing a phone, but isn't it surprising that these are really considered trickier because of their monetary value? It reminds me of a quote: “Nowadays people know the price of everything and the value of nothing.” Yes, these “things” are considered of higher value because of their price tag, but the value of being taught to share, being taught to let go of material possessions and place higher value on relationships and people, that is something that in this material-driven world is invaluable.

Teaching our children to share has a deeper meaning: to be reliant on God to supply our needs and to think more of others.

Ultimately it is teaching them to love as God loved. Sharing is of much more value than any material possession and if it is taught in love, without force, then I can see sharing only as good.

In all fairness, I am still learning to share, but I'm always reminded of this quote: “Don't raise your kids to have more than you had, raise them to be more than you were.” And in all honesty, I don't want my kids to be selfish like I was because if learning to share has taught me anything, it is that there is more happiness in giving than in receiving.

If I, an adult, walked into the park eating a sandwich, am I required to share my sandwich with strangers in the park? No! Would any well-mannered adult, a stranger, reach out to help themselves to my sandwich and get huffy if I pulled it away? No again.

So really, while you're giving me dirty looks, presumably thinking my son and I are rude, whose manners are lacking here? The person reluctant to give his three toys away to six strangers, or the six strangers demanding to be given something that doesn't belong to them, even when the owner is obviously uncomfortable?

The goal is to teach our children how to function as adults.

While I do know some adults who clearly never learned how to share as children, I know far more who don't know how to say no to people, or how to set boundaries, or how to practise self-care.

Myself included.

The next time your snowflake runs to you, upset that another child isn't sharing, please remember that we don't live in a world where it's conducive to give up everything you have to anyone just because they said so, and I'm not going to teach my kid that that's the way it works.

DELVINA TITIMANU AUCKLAND, NEW ZEALAND

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WIN

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

NYUL—ISTOCK

Life will be beautiful with our babies holding our hearts forever.

Being stressed out is a part of this change we are going through and our little ones are also transforming in their own ways, exploring the world around them. A well-planned day, a consciously calm mind, a focus on what one does and ample love will help us to enjoy this huge phase of bringing up a child.

At every stage we (and they) learn new things and at every new period of growth, we’ll actually see the earlier stages being easier to handle. While I write, I am being stamped on, my shirt is being pulled and my hair is being messed up. I find myself thinking how lovely it used to be when my baby girl was lying in bed all day long and I only needed to check on her now and then.

I have learned the hard way to tackle stress and cherish every moment of being a mother. I just hope my story helps others realise that whatever your child is currently doing, it is just a phase and as my favourite saying goes, “This too shall pass.” Enjoy motherhood and treasure all the crazy moments for it is your special time with your baby.

GILMORE TANABOSE

with lots of love, which made both of us comfortable and in fact brought us closer in terms of understanding each other.

Sometimes I would question my methods or my ability to parent, but when in doubt, I would recollect something I once read: “Your way of parenting is purely unique to you and it requires no judgement from others as you are doing your best for your baby.”

If this truth sinks into our minds, it helps us cope with this beautiful journey better.

I am not a super organised individual, but mothers who are, can be in for a shock when their schedule isn't theirs anymore. I have sometimes felt resentful having to breastfeed all the time and immediately felt guilty for having such thoughts. It’s a mind game and how well we play along matters most. I realised I must take care of myself first to cater for my baby, and being stressed or worried is not going to help me in any way. That was when I began socialising with other mums and it was during these interactions that I found many similarities in our situations that made me feel a lot better.

Not a single day passes without me thinking of and being thankful to my mum for if she had given up on me because of the zillion tantrums I had thrown, I would not have been inspired to hang in there for my baby. I always remind myself of what my midwife advised us during pregnancy classes: “Motherhood is something very special for which many are yearning for. You have been blessed that way and so be mindful of what you have signed up for.”

As she rightly said, not everyone gets this beautiful experience of growing a life within oneself and to bring that life out to this world. Since I have been blessed, I will do my best not to spoil it.

As I mentioned previously, it’s about taking one day at a time.

ALANYA KOLBERG MISSOURI, USA

* This situation actually happened, as posted on Alanya's Facebook page.

BONUS What did our show's panellists think about the topic?

FIND OUT AT http://bit.ly/ShareOrNot

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i d n Ma

MAKES

RELAXING BATH BOMBS (MAKES TWO)

½ cup baking soda ¼ cup citric acid ¼ cup Epsom salts 6 tsp cocoa butter (melted) 10–15 drops lavender essential oil Optional: 1 tsp dried lavender METHOD 1. Mix baking soda, citric acid and Epsom salts in a bowl.

2. Add cocoa butter and essential oil.

Mix. 3. Add more oil or water until mixture easily forms a ball.

4. (Optional: Place dried lavender into the base of silicon moulds.) Press mixture into the moulds.

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DRY SHAMPOO

INGREDIENTS

INGREDIENTS ¾ cup cornflour ½ tbsp baking soda ¼ cup cocoa powder (add more for darker hair colour) 10 drops peppermint essential oil METHOD 1. Mix dry ingredients well with a whisk to ensure there are no lumps.

2. Add the essential oil.

3. Store in a glass jar and apply to the roots of your hair using a large make-up brush.

Tip: Store in a spice jar when travelling.

1 cup sugar or salt ¼ cup grape seed or avocado oil ¼ cup coconut oil TASSII, KAZMULKA, SILVIA JANSEN, ANNA OK—ISTOCK

INGREDIENTS

BODY SCRUBS

Lavender Salt Scrub 1 tbsp dried lavender buds (crushed in a mortar and pestle) 5–6 drops lavender essential oil Mint Chocolate Scrub 1 tbsp cocoa powder 5–6 drops peppermint oil METHOD Mix all ingredients together and store in an air-tight mason jar.

CALMING LINEN SPRAY INGREDIENTS ²/³ parts water ¹/³ part isopropyl alcohol Lavender essential oil (or in your favourite scent) METHOD Fill a glass spray bottle with water, isopropyl alcohol and essential oil.

MANDI Good for your skin and great for the environment.

Watch Mandi make these earth-friendly natural recipes on the At The Table TV show.

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17

An ugly wasteland, an indomitable dream, an early retirement from osteoarthritis . . . a legacy of undying love.

By Suvi Mahonen

O

Rollo Meyers at the spot in the park named after him, where his wife's ashes were scattered.

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SUPPLIED

Rollo' s PARK

n a searing Gold Coast (Queensland) morning, my neighbour, Rollo Meyers, stood in his eponymous park in Runaway Bay, tipping water out of a wheelbarrow.

The garden tools and spray bottles he kept stored in the tray clattered noisily to the rim as he angled the front braces toward the ground.

“It rained last night,” Rollo, who is 78, said. He wore a longsleeved white cotton shirt, blue jeans and a pair of custom-made orthopaedic brown leather shoes.

He limped over to a giant fig tree, its enormous buttress roots like panelling. “This was only a tiny sapling when I planted it,” he said. “It was when my wife was still alive.”

He bent down awkwardly to pull a weed sprouting through the sugar cane mulch.

“And that poinciana over there,” he said. A gust of wind from the broadwater inlet created a swell through the green ferny leaves of the tree. “That was planted 21 years ago, when my father died.”

“Before this was a park?” I asked.

“Before this was anything,” Rollo said. “It was just wasteland.

There was nothing here at all.”

The “Rollo Meyers Park” was the brainchild of Rollo’s first wife, Christine, a feisty young German woman whom Rollo met while working as a dentist in London. Within 12 weeks of meeting they were married and, four years later, he took her home to Australia where they purchased a waterfront house with its own sandy beach in Runaway Bay. It wasn’t long before Christine noticed the large block of empty land opposite their house. Ugly, sunburnt earth, bare but for litter and a handful of straggly bushes trailing dry and dusty leaves.

“You should clean it up,” she told Rollo.

“I can’t, it’s council land.”

“So what?” she replied.

It wasn’t until Rollo found himself forced into early retirement due to severe osteoarthritis at the age of 48 that he began to give serious thought to his wife’s idea.

He found himself studying the land opposite his house.

Everything was dead or dying. The loose sand settling in thin drifts over the loam. As he stood there, watching the sun-scorched earth, he thought about his own poor health and his diagnosis of early-onset osteoarthritis.

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The illness was a particularly cruel blow to Rollo. The only thing he could do, really, was to keep moving. But he hated going to the gym and he disliked being indoors.

He looked at the vacant lot. What if he could clean up this dustbowl? Could gardening be the physical therapy that his body so desperately needed?

Back then, the eastern end of Poinsettia Avenue had very little shade, with only a few stark pines and, ironically, not a single poinsettia. It seemed fitting to Rollo that he should start by planting some poinsettias in honour of the avenue’s name.

There was just one hurdle. The soil.

“There wasn’t any to speak of,” Rollo said. “The land used to be a marsh and when they deepened the harbour, all the sand was pumped up onto this block.”

It was Christine who encouraged Rollo to undertake a rigorous soil-improvement program. At first, they bought trailer-loads of soil that Rollo painstakingly dug through the sand. Then they added fertiliser and mulch, and hand watered the area.

As the soil became healthier they began to plant edibles. A variety of kitchen herbs, as well as vegetables. Then they graduated to fruit trees. Pawpaws, limes, banana plants, a macadamia nut tree.

“And those . . . ” Rollo extended his arm toward several towering palms, beyond which boats bobbed gently in the Runaway Bay marina. “I planted those from coconuts that had washed up on the beach.”

Rollo waved as a middle-aged man dressed in a pair of light blue denim shorts and a white polo top approached us across the lawn. “This is Frank Gould,” Rollo said, shaking his hand. “He was my neighbour three doors down. He and his wife, Ailsa, now keep the parks watered.

“Frank is one of the many people who have worked on this place,” Rollo said, after Frank wandered away to check the sprinkler heads. “The park became a very social thing. People going on their morning walks would stop and talk. Many of them donated plants from their own gardens.”

Other neighbours volunteered, helping to look after the garden and two adjacent blocks of land as well. This was welcome news

The more you give the more you get, the more you share the less you fret.

Rollo and his wife, Christine.

after

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before

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to Rollo who, by that stage, was spending four or five hours a day in the garden. The neighbourhood coalition started to hold regular meetings and organise working bees, and the Gold Coast’s first ever park care group—the Poinsettia Park Care Group—was formed.

“What did the council say?” I asked.

Rollo laughed. “The council was pretty haphazard,” he said.

“They didn’t even notice how much the land was improving.”

Others, however, were more appreciative. Sheelagh Wennersten, who was assistant co-ordinator of the park care group, approached the council with a request to dedicate the land and formally turn it into the “Rollo Meyers Park”.

The council agreed to the request and the park was officially named in 1994. Rollo’s elation, however, was tempered with the realisation that having a park that bore his name came with a deeper sense of responsibility.

Several years later the park care group, who were by now looking after 2.5 hectares of public land, discovered that the local yacht club wanted to acquire some of the land in order to build a pokies club and extend a carpark.

The Poinsettia Park Care Group went into immediate action. They printed a “HANDS OFF OUR PARKS!” pamphlet and distributed hundreds of them to neighbouring streets, calling for an urgent public meeting the following Sunday at the park.

The response was overwhelming. “People came from all over, because they knew that if it happened to us, it could happen to them too,” Sheelagh told me when I spoke to her over the phone.

At the meeting, Sheelagh and her husband proposed an idea.

What if they were to name these adjacent parks after Rollo as well?

Rollo, however, declined, as he felt that the name did not give credit to the dozens of other people who worked on the parks.

In the end a compromise was reached. The smaller garden park would remain as “Rollo Meyers Park” and the adjacent parks became “Poinsettia Park”.

Despite this, the yacht club ploughed ahead with its attempt to acquire the land. Debate was passionate and when the club’s application was finally rejected by the council, the park care group held a large party in the park to celebrate. “I discovered how much the local community had come to value the parklands,” Rollo said.

But if the community loved the parks, there was someone who loved them even more: Christine.

“She had this olive tree,” Rollo said as we walked slowly back across the road to the garden, squinting in the full glare of the noonday sun.

“She nursed it for nine years, fertilising it and watering it. Finally, in the last year of her life, just before she died, it flowered and produced olives.”

For over 30 years Rollo had battled osteoarthritis, prostate cancer, as well as three heart bypass surgeries, and yet it was his wife who passed away early. Christine was only 66 years old when, in 2007, she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Nine weeks later she was dead.

We reached the garden’s centre feature, a birdbath with a cherub playing a horn in its bowl. Rollo fell silent and began to pick debris from out of the profusion of yellow gazanias now growing in the bowl.

“We scattered half of her ashes under the native hibiscus tree and half of them around the birdbath,” Rollo said. “We came out to this spot when we knew she was dying and it was an unspoken, mutual understanding between us that this was the place where she would stay.”

We crossed the lawn. A short way from the “Rollo Meyers Park” sign was a bench. Inscribed upon the metal plaque riveted onto the backrest were the words: “In loving memory of Christine Meyers for her loving care and nurturing of the park.”

I watched Rollo hobble to the bench and kneel on the ground at the edge of the concrete slab the bench legs were fixed into. Light through the trees shone on his silver hair and bowed shoulders.

He pushed aside the dried grass and fallen leaves on the concrete floor.

“One of the park care group members wrote a verse on the concrete here while it was setting,” he said. “It’s worn away with time, unfortunately.”

“What did it say?” I asked.

“It was a quote by [American writer] Helen Steiner Rice.” He took a deep breath. “The more you give the more you get, the more you share the less you fret.”

He held my gaze, his eyes welling.

October 2017

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COOKING with Gia & Olive OVERNIGHT OATS GREEK BAKED BEANS (GIGANTES) PREPARATION TIME: 15 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 75 MINUTES SERVES: 6 INGREDIENTS

Corn Salsa PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 2 FOOD STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN PATERSON

INGREDIENTS

22

2 cups corn kernels 2 cups salsa 1 tsp smoked paprika 2 tbsp fresh coriander Pinch of sea salt METHOD 1. Mix ingredients together in a bowl.

2. Serve with tortillas.

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October 2017

"SAUSAGE" ROLLS PREPARATION TIME: 20 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 20 MINUTES MAKES: 16 ROLLS INGREDIENTS 1 brown onion 2 garlic cloves 1 carrot 1 zucchini ½ cup cashews 300 g tofu ½ cup rice crumbs 3 tbsp soy sauce 1 tsp paprika ½ cup fresh basil 1 tsp ground sage 4 sheets puff pastry Soy milk Sesame seeds

METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 190°C (fan-forced).

2. Combine all ingredients (except puff pastry, soy milk and sesame seeds) in a food processor until combined, resembling a crumbly paste texture.

3. Cut puff pastry sheets into four (down the middle horizontally and vertically).

4. Spread mixture onto puff pastry and shape into a roll.

5. Brush a little soy milk on top, sprinkle with sesame seeds and place on ovenproof tray.

6. Bake until pastry is golden brown.

3 tbsp olive oil 1 brown onion, chopped 4 garlic cloves, finely chopped 2 cans chopped tomatoes 1 bunch dill, chopped 1 tsp brown sugar 1½ tsp sea salt 4 cans butter beans (rinsed and drained) 1 bunch parsley, chopped METHOD 1. Preheat oven to 180°C (fan-forced).

2. Heat olive oil in a large frying pan, tipping in onion and garlic and cook over medium heat for 10 minutes until softened but not brown.

3. Add tomatoes and cook for a further minute.

4. Add dill, brown sugar and sea salt, simmer for 2–3 minutes, then stir in beans.

5. Tip into a large ovenproof dish and bake uncovered and without stirring for approximately 1 hour, until the beans are tender.

6. Allow to cool. Garnish with parsley and drizzle with olive oil to serve.

PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 1 INGREDIENTS ½ cup soy milk 1 tbsp chia seeds 1 tbsp almond butter ¼ of a banana, mashed 1 tsp honey (or sweetener of choice) ½ cup quick oats METHOD 1. Add soy milk, chia seeds, almond butter, mashed banana and honey to a small container. Stir until combined.

2. Add oats and stir a few more times.

Press down with a spoon to ensure oats are immersed in soy milk.

3. Cover securely with a lid or plastic wrap and set in the refrigerator overnight (or for at least six hours).

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

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23

Best of both worlds

Volunteering may be a good thing to do, but it does take away precious time with our family. What if there was a better way?

By Vania Chew

STEVE DEBENPORT—ISTOCK

B

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ringing your children to a centre for drug addicts might not be everyone’s idea of a great family activity, but for Elizabeth Yap, it was an opportunity for her daughters to be part of something worthwhile and special.

Elizabeth’s daughters were just seven and five when she took them on their first act of community service: volunteering at a drop-in centre in Cabramatta (New South Wales).

“Our job was twofold—to provide vast mountains of sandwiches and to befriend the people who came there,” says Elizabeth.

Research conducted by Volunteering Australia shows that people who volunteer are generally happier, healthier and sleep better than those who don’t. And yet, the same research reveals that the amount of time people dedicate to volunteering is decreasing dramatically because they are time-poor and cannot afford to make long-term commitments that take them away from family.

But why not combine the best of both worlds? Why not volunteer with your family?

“Volunteering is the perfect way for children to be welcomed as productive, active members of a community,” writes Gabina Torres in her paper, “The Future of Volunteering: Children Under the Age of 14 as Volunteers”. In it, she explores the benefits of exposing children to volunteer opportunities such as the opportunity to learn life skills and positive values. Gabina also suggests that children under the age of 14 are “an underutilised resource” and “a previously untapped source of ideas and inspiration”.

“It’s a great way to teach them the rewarding feeling of helping others,” says Shelley Phipps, a mum from western Sydney. She and her husband Gus have taken their young children Liam and Ciara on many volunteering opportunities, from Clean Up Australia Day to visiting the elderly at their local nursing home.

“Liam was 11 years old and Ciara was seven when we started volunteering with them. Honestly, we just wanted them to see how fortunate they were but it has taught them so much more, even though it has only been for a couple of years,” she adds.

“Funnily enough, I didn’t really notice until a few church members pointed it out to us. Our kids think of others—if they see someone alone, they invite them to join them; if everyone else is sitting on chairs and someone doesn’t have one, they’ll give up their chair for them. Even Ciara’s school teacher has picked up on her empathy.”

Now 12 and almost nine respectively, Liam and Ciara continue to show compassion and care for their fellow classmates.

“When someone is mean to them, they’ll try and find out what is wrong. Helping out at Hope Stayz (a retreat for disenfranchised women) taught them that it’s usually a person’s way of dealing with issues in their lives,” says Shelley.

“Of course it doesn’t mean they don’t feel hurt when someone is mean to them—there’ll be tears—but then they will try and talk to the other person and see if they can make them feel better.”

But volunteering doesn’t only teach kids positive values. According to Gabina, children who volunteer and learn to serve others are less likely to become involved in at-risk behaviours later on.

A study conducted by the Search Institute, an organisation focused on discovering what kids need to succeed, examined the lives of 47,000 children in public schools from Years 5 to 12 across the United States. The results of this study indicated that children who volunteered for just one hour or more a week were less likely to be involved in at-risk behaviours than those who were not active in volunteering.

“I’m sure a lot of parents would be horrified at the idea of exposing small children to drug addicts,” Elizabeth says candidly as she reflects on the time her family spent volunteering at the dropin centre. “I don’t agree. There’s a real world out there. It’s better to teach our children what it’s like than leave them fantasising about how awesome taking drugs must be.”

As it turns out, her girls were “great” at breaking down barriers between the adult volunteers offering help and the clients who were reluctant to accept handouts.

“Quite a few had lost two or three children to the care of Social Services and they would talk and cry about that. They told our girls to stay away from drugs because of the terrible mess their lives had become as a result.”

Elizabeth’s older daughter Arabella, now in her mid-twenties, still remembers meeting the addicts at the drop-in centre and the advice that they gave her.

“Even at a young age, this definitely had an impact on me,” she says. It influenced her discussion of drugs with peers during adolescence because she had concrete evidence of what drug use could do to someone’s life. Remembering how difficult life was for the addicts she met growing up, Arabella is still generous with people on the streets who ask her for money.

Meanwhile, Arabella’s younger sister, Abigail, has maintained a heart for giving back, continuing to volunteer for various church and community organisations as an adult. She has a particular passion for working with disadvantaged youth.

The thing is, volunteering with the family can be just as beneficial for the parents as well as the kids. Research conducted

by Lifeline shows that eight in 10 Australians believe loneliness is increasing in society. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t just single people who felt that way: 60 per cent of these Australians were couples and almost 45 per cent were currently living with a spouse or a partner.

Around the same time that this research was released, a study by suicide prevention organisation R U OK discovered Australians spent an average of 46 hours a week looking at various screens outside of work hours, from smartphones to televisions.

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It’s probably safe to say that as we get “busier” with technology, we are simultaneously becoming lonelier. Volunteering provides parents with an opportunity to get themselves and their kids away from their screens and spend quality time together as a family, while simultaneously doing something good for the community.

“We are very privileged in Australia, but we still stress about work and finance,” says Andrew Perry, a dad from the Hills region in Sydney. “We also spend a lot of time on electronic devices that can distract us from the really important things going on in our homes and communities.”

When his son Declan turned 13, Andrew decided to take him to Cambodia to volunteer at a local children’s village through a service trip run by international development organisation, International Children’s Care Australia.

PRACTICAL OPPORTUNITIES TO VOLUNTEER “Events like Clean Up Australia Day are a great opportunity to join a local team and spend a few hours to make a noticeable improvement.” —Andrew “Visit retirement homes. There are a lot of lonely people who love the company. Visit neighbours or friends you know are sick, and take them a meal you’ve made with your kids. Door knock to collect tinned food for charitable organisations such as the Adventist Development and Relief Agency or Anglicare.” —Shelley “An overseas mission trip to a developing country where kids can explore and make friends with local children.” —Elizabeth

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MONTHLY COPY!

The most important thing you can do is to help your child know that they belong to a community . . .

“Going to Cambodia was an opportunity to share time with my son and help him realise that happiness doesn’t come from the things that we have. It comes from the relationships we have with each other and God,” says Andrew.

He believes that giving his kids the opportunities to volunteer has helped empower them.

“Their confidence has grown by learning that most people are friendly or at least willing to help, and that we can actually do something to help people in tough times,” says Andrew.

“It also helps you think about personal responsibility, whether it’s to care for our environment or be more careful with how we spend our money, so that we can help others. As for adults, it can help us have a more playful attitude when dealing with challenges, through the example of our children and the children in poor communities. You can choose to be happy and grateful with very little, and always take time to play!”

Andrew thinks all parents should take advantage of opportunities to volunteer with their children. “Do it,” he encourages. “Helping others and meeting new people is one of the most rewarding and empowering things you can do. Start with something small that will take a few hours, and then spend some time with your kid talking about your favourite parts over a snack or a meal. The most important thing you can do is to help your child know that they belong to a community and have something to contribute to that community, and can help other people feel the same way.”

“Serving together as a family is the most amazing experience,” agrees Shelley. “However, do talk to your kids about what you will be doing and what is expected of them, especially if there are other kids involved.”

REAL

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Andrew and his son Declan, aged 13, on their trip to volunteer at a children's village in Cambodia.

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EXERCISEwith Alisha

NEAR A PARK?

Let me give you an excuse

I

f we wanted, we could have an excuse for everything, but most of the time, our excuses don’t serve us well. In fact, excuses usually reveal where our priorities lie when it comes to how we spend our time, what we eat or when we can’t commit to something.

But what if we turned excuses around, and used them to benefit rather than hinder us?

As mums, sometimes even getting out of the house for anything is a mission, let alone doing something active and beneficial for your body as well. But what if we had good excuses that would at the same time do something that’s good for our health, our relationships and our mental wellbeing?

Here are six excuses to get out, get active and engage with your kids. Each of them are also great to do with another friend or two as well.

Getting out of the house like this is a great way to help your kids shed off their excess energy (read: no whining of being bored at home and a potentially earlier bedtime), and provide them—and you—with a lifelong habit of exercise. Not only will your kids thank you, but your body and mind will be grateful for making an excuse to get out and get active!

Find a good set of stairs somewhere in the community and do a few rounds with the kids.

Fifteen minutes or so is enough to kill you!

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POOL = FUN GYM Take the kids to the local pool, do some swimming and aqua-cise. It’s surprisingly a great kilojoule-burner!

Find a local walking track or lookout to visit and do the walk together.

BEACH TIME Take the kids to the beach and do beach sprints while they play in the sand.

WAVE BREAK MEDIA, LEWIS GARDNER, FRANCESCO RIDOLFI, SHIRONOSOV, ELENA CHAYKINA—ISTOCK

FIND SOME STAIRS

MAKE TRACKS

SUPPLIED

Take the kids to a nearby park and use the equipment to do some exercises while they play. Or you could play chases or kick a ball around with them. Every time they tag you or score a goal, do 10 reps of an exercise.

MAKE A RUN "FUN" Join a walk-athon fundraiser and get the kids to participate with you.

ALISHA Ten minutes every day is all you need to start on your journey to become fit and healthy. Watch Unleash Fit Living's Alisha share her workouts on the At The Table TV show.

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Unimpressed with an online meme going viral, Magda Hughes decided to write her own.

ION

MAGDA'S VERS

1. No, he is not. I hope, however, that you both understand the

Parenting BOOT CAMP?

ORIGINAL

RULES FOR DATING MY SON 1.

2.

5.

He is not your ATM. If you show up to my house looking like a

6.

3.

If I see any "sexts" on his phone, I will make you go away.

October 2017

Understand that if I don't like you, I will make you go away.

5.

6.

Understand that I can make you go away.

7.

He's a "Mama's Boy". Unless you have a ring on your finger, your opinion of that does not matter.

7.

You are not in charge of him and it is not up to

8.

you to change him. Take him for who he is, or KATARZYNA BIALASIEWICZ—ISTOCK

“Homeschool mums have to be selective in what activities they sign up their kids for,” says Tania. “We can’t afford for them to do everything, so we have to be choosey.”

Held at an oval every Tuesday afternoon for an hour, the camps cost $20 per family and start off with warm-up aerobic exercises before moving on to games (such as tug-of-war and bullrush) and sporting drills.

A few weeks into its launch and the boot camp has reached its maximum capacity of 30. Such is the interest and positive feedback that they are thinking of starting a second group—they already have a personal trainer on standby. A unique feature is that the group prays together before each session for God’s protection and presence during the boot camps. The group, eager to learn more about God, has also commenced weekly Bible studies with Panapa and Joshua.

“This has been a great way to get to know members of our community better,” says Tania. “We hope that this is only the beginning of something special.”

4.

SUPPLIED

D

uring her daughter’s gymnastics class, Tania Gonzalez was sitting on the sidelines with the other mums when they began discussing their struggles to find time to exercise themselves.

“Suddenly I saw a gap that could be filled,” says Tania. “What if [I got my church to start] inexpensive boot camps especially for mums and kids [in the community]? That way, mums would be able to get their exercise and simultaneously spend quality time with their kids.”

Tania’s husband, Joshua, is the associate pastor of the Seventh-day Adventist churches in Manly and Mona Vale in New South Wales. She spoke to the church pastor, Panapa Leuluai, about her idea. Passionate about fitness, Panapa had previously run boot camps for his church members. He was keen to get on board.

Tania, a mother of two daughters who she began homeschooling this year, was especially eager to include other homeschool mums in her program.

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3.

4.

stripper, I will make you go away.

By Vania Chew

30

2.

see rule #5.

8.

He is a gentleman. I taught him that. You better act like a lady and deserve that.

9. I know how to avoid jail.

10. If you weasel your way past all of these rules and fake your way to a ring on your finger, I will be something much worse than your boyfriend's mum. I'll be your mother-in-law!

9.

10.

importance of supporting each other while you both study, train, progress and otherwise improve your education and employment or earning capacity.

What you wear is not necessarily who you are. I hope I have raised my son to see past your outward appearance and to have chosen you because of the beauty of your soul.

I hope both you and my son value and respect each other.

I hope, when the time comes, I am able to respect my son's decision and that he is mature enough to heed my advice but strong enough to make his own choices.

I can't, actually. Deception and secrecy have never been my forte. My son will know how I feel, but only he has the right to push you away.

I love my son and I know he loves me. The time will come, however, when his need for me to lead and guide him is eclipsed by his need for someone to walk beside him and share his heart and his life as an equal. I hope when this time comes, I am able to recognise it and celebrate the man he has become.

You are not in charge of him and yet his heart is yours for safe-keeping. I pray you bring out the best in each other and appreciate what makes you each unique. My son is not perfect, but neither are you—love each other’s imperfections.

Yes, he is. I hope his respect for women ensures he stays like that, regardless of the behaviour of others. Whether or not you deserve him is not my decision to make. Love him with all your heart—nothing else matters.

I don't, really. Lying and deception have never been something I'm good at.

I will be your mother-in-law. I will trust that the man I have raised has seen your heart and chosen you. I will do everything in my power to support you both as you support and uplift each other. If you make it to this point, I will be your mother and will welcome you as my daughter.

I look forward to meeting you. Love, the mother of five sons.

October 2017

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PEA POD LULLABY

ANIMALS ROCK Beau Young, Shelley Craft & Susy Boyer Scholastic $16.99

Glenda Millard & Stephen Michael King Allen & Unwin $24.99 A mother and baby, a boy and a dog run for their lives. Pea Pod Lullaby is a poetic picture book about finding and providing safe haven. Read aloud, it has a certain sense of calm and hope, with cute and wonderful illustrations that perfectly accompany it. A sweet and heartfelt bedtime story.

PRIMARY

GECKO

Raymond Huber & Brian Lovelock Walker Books $24.99

WIN

A unique way to teach children about these little lizards. Two narratives run parallel—one a dramatic story of a gecko’s life, the other presents relevant scientific facts. Filled with big and bright illustrations, Gecko will entertain and inform your child.

WIN

The best thing about this book is probably the accompanying CD, fronted by singer/songwriter and world champion surfer Beau Young, and accompanied by Australian TV personality Shelley Craft. The words in the book are the lyrics for the songs on the CD, and are great fun to listen to and sing along with (be careful though, the tune could stay with you for days). Brightly illustrated, Animals Rock is a fun way to teach kids about animals.

SUPER MOOPERS

Fiona Harris & Scott Edgar Five Mile $12.99 Part of the charm of this series of books is the way the text forms part of the illustration. Each book features a specific character of Moopertown with an ordinary— and seemingly annoying—trait, but which eventually transforms them into a superhero. Suitable for early readers.

THE SCARED BOOK

BIG BOX LITTLE BOX

$26.99

$12.99

Your child will probably take great delight in this book, with its fun and interactive features. Watch them smile as they rub away its goosebumps, blow away the giant butterflies in its tummy and fan away the yucky smell the monsters left behind.

A book guaranteed to put a smile on your face as you read it to your little one. The fascination a cat has with a box is brought to life in the book, and is a wonderful opportunity to teach your child about concepts such as colours, nouns and verbs. As a paperback however, it may not appeal to everybody.

Debra Tidball & Kim Siew Lothian Children's Books

Caryl Hart & Edward Underwood Bloomsbury

HIGH SCHOOL WIN

BOOK o

f the

month

THE CHILDREN OF WILLESDEN LANE

HIGH SCHOOL

Mona Golabek & Lee Cohen Allen & Unwin $16.99

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THE FIFTH ROOM A J Rushby Scholastic $16.99

WIN

Ethics, boundaries and the law are all brought to the forefront in this gripping psychological thriller about medical self-experimentation. The Fifth Room captures your attention right from the beginning and leaves you turning page after page. The novel deals with some serious topics and leaves you contemplating where you draw the line when it comes to them.

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October 2017

An incredible true story of courage and resilience set against the backdrop of World War II. Lisa Jura, a 14-year-old Jewish musical prodigy, escapes Nazi-occupied Vienna for England on the famed Kindertransport. Her life at the Willesden Lane Orphanage with other refugees, dreams of reuniting with the family she was forced to leave behind and ability to raise everybody’s spirits through her music will leave you in awe of the human spirit during one of history’s darkest moments.

THE STORY OF TUTANKHAMUN Patricia Cleveland-Peck & Isabel Greenberg Bloomsbury $26.99

A fabulous and eye-catching way to learn more about the story of the Egyptian boy king and the twentieth-century explorer who found him. Filled with cartoon-like illustrations, maps and graphic novel storyboards, this is a particularly fun book for the reluctant history student.

WIN

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THE KINDERTRANSPORT:

Outraged by the events of Kristallnacht (Night of Broken Glass), Jews and Christians in Britain and Nazi-occupied Europe decided something had to be done to offer Jewish refugees safe haven. They focused their efforts on children (as adults might be seen as competitors for jobs and resources). A call went out over BBC radio for British citizens to provide private homes or hostels for the refugee children. The first Kindertransport, or children's transport, arrived from Germany on December 2, 1938. The last transport left Germany on September 1, 1939, just hours before World War II began.

The operation saved nearly 10,000 children, about 7500 of whom were Jewish. The vast majority of children on the Kindertransport were to be the only survivors in their families.

SILAR—WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

INFANT

BOOK CORNER

WIN THESE BOOKS! FIND OUT HOW ON PAGE 14 October 2017

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Q&A

Holding onto anger is like swallowing a poison pill and hoping the other

WITH AT THE TABLE TV SHOW’S IRREGULAR PANELLIST: KENT KINGSTON

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A THORN AMONG THE ROSES WHEN YOU’RE A PANELLIST? Fantastic! I love being around women so much I married one! Seriously, the Table ladies are good to talk to, funny, supportive, vulnerable, full of hidden talents and surprises, and not given to ego trips.

THE SHOW IS OBVIOUSLY TARGETED AT WOMEN; AS A MAN, WHAT MAKES YOU QUALIFIED TO BE ON THE SHOW? I’m not qualified to be on the show— that’s what I try to tell them every time they drag me, kicking and screaming, in front of the cameras!

HOW CAN FAMILIES ADD POSITIVE VALUE TO THEIR COMMUNITIES? 1. By looking after themselves. A functional, resilient, loving family is a beacon of hope to extended family, friends and neighbours. When people encounter a family like this, they’re inspired to treat their own spouses and kids better and to live a healthy, balanced life.

2. By being outward looking. Spending time in the front yard, street and local playground and seeking opportunities to build relationships with neighbours. Practice hospitality. Be the house on your street where kids regularly knock on the

3.

door and want to come in to play, to eat a snack or just to hang out. Lifestyles these days too often block out other people—tall front fences, locking the doors and windows against strangers, and plugging into electronic entertainment is the perfect recipe for social isolation.

By getting involved in a project.

Whether it’s a local community garden or fundraising for an urgent global need, it’s important for kids to learn the importance of giving to others. And whether it’s firefighters, refugee activists, cancer fundraisers or mission-minded churchgoers, it’s also good for a family to build networks with people who will both challenge their preconceptions and affirm the best in their values.

WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST PET AND WHAT WAS ITS NAME? A huge, black Great Dane called Tiny.

When I was about three I’d wander down to the back paddock with her and we’d sit together in the bracken, contemplating life.

FINISHED WITH THIS MAGAZINE? PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS!

Everyone has a story about being treated unfairly.

Learn how forgiveness can change your story and save your life.

In this free series about forgiveness, learn about the ways anger and hurt affect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

By understanding how and why to forgive, you can find healing from past hurts and experience true freedom.

Visit forgivetolive.org.au to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.

QUESTIONS? LETS CHAT!

SUPPLIED

AND YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES? I help the team come up with ideas for segments, write scripts, coach the panellists and talk in the host’s earpiece while she’s trying to concentrate on her job.

I have a great time once I get there, though. I’ve discovered that sometimes it’s good to have another perspective on issues. So my experiences as a dad and husband can complement what the other panellists have to offer.

Also, I spent several years as a social worker dealing with many of the family, relationship and wellbeing issues discussed At The Table.

NAME : ADDRESS :

PHONE : EMAIL :

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THETABLETV.COM

October 2017

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