Mums At The Table - February 2019

THE HOME ISSUE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

FEBRUARY 2019

BEAUTY TIPS

FOR BUSY MUMS

WHY family meals MATTER

TEACH YOUR CHILD TO

READ AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Your magazine is complimentary and made possible by the generous support of your Mums At The Table community.

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

Jo in us

FEBRUARY 2019

just for you

16 18

6 HOW TO ORGANISE YOUR WARDROBE

And your kid’s one too!

12 KEEP HIM SAFE! A mother’s struggle to protect her haemophiliac son.

34 BEAUTY TIPS FOR BUSY MUMS

How to look good and feel great in under five minutes.

parenting

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30 10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

16 EATING AT HOME

An important habit you can help your children cultivate.

18 TEACH YOUR CHILD TO READ

Simple activities you can do at home to encourage literacy.

26 UNNATURAL SELECTION Why your children should do chores.

32 BOOK CORNER

food & wellbeing 8 WELLBEING WITH COLLETT Eat together, stay together.

24 10 ASK THE EXPERTS 17 RECIPE Hulk pasta.

22 THE BABY-BURPING MILK BAR Stay-at-home parenting is no holiday, but you can make it bearable.

24 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE

Healthy granola bars; grain-free oatmeal; olive and rosemary bread; Shell’s blue smoothie.

30 SPENDING TO BE HAPPY

Sometimes, money can buy you happiness.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @MumsAtTheTable

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VOLUME 3 NUMBER 2 The Home Issue

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February 2019

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February

e r ' u o Y

from the

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g m n i o r t hers! e w e mpo

editor

write this after my mum and aunty have returned to Singapore after visiting us—by that I really mean two-and-a-half-year-old Elliott, because we all know that the adults cease to exist with the birth of a child!

Like all proud grandmothers and grandaunties, they did not fail to point out what a child prodigy Elliott was during their stay. “He can say so many words!”, “He knows how to do so many things!”, “He can count really well!” were some of the many evidences, according to them, of just what a genius my son was! And of course, the conclusion was that he was going to be incredibly intelligent when he grows up.

Don’t get me wrong. I am a proud mother and I think my child is rather bright, but I am trying extremely hard not to believe Elliott is anything but of average intelligence, lest I pin impossibly high hopes on him (Tiger Mother, anyone?).

Today, most early childhood educators advocate a play-first approach when it comes to teaching our children, no matter how intelligent they may appear to be. Academic skills are important, but they should not be the ultimate goal. Children, they believe, learn best through play, not through rote learning of their ABCs. So it may come as a bit of a surprise that in this month’s Mums At The Table magazine, our headline feature is “Teach Your Child to Read” (page 18). What we mean by that however, isn’t about robbing children of their childhood, of giving pre-school-aged kids homework and assignments so that they can excel academically by the time they do go to school.

Simply put, the type of reading we encourage you to teach your children is that which will help them express themselves better, to understand things better and to explore the world better. This is not about giving them the edge when they get to school, but giving them a lifelong love of learning—academic success or not.

Thanks to the partnership and support of generous mums like you, the Mums At The Table community is able to encourage and support mums all across Australia and New Zealand through their parenting journey. You can help inspire other mums too, go to mumsatthetable.com/donate.

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Melody

I think you are producing a truly excellent resource for women and it’s a pleasure to partner with you.

I actually even recommended [your magazine] to my neighbour, who is not a Christian, and she is enjoying reading it now too!

What a great way to reach right into people’s homes with positive and truth-filled hope for mums.

—Bel

I just checked out your website and I really love it!

I love what you are trying to do there. Let me know if there is ever a way I can help!

—Felicity

Thank you for creating a resourceful magazine and program for all mums.

—Natasha

Letter of the Month What a wonderful article [“Submit to Your Husbands”, August 2018]! Thank you so much for your very balanced viewpoint. The content was both challenging and liberating. I can’t help but feel that it is a divinelydivinely-inspired inspired article. article.

Christ Christ Himself himself liberated liberated and and put put value on women through word and action, which is precisely what this article does. Thank you so much.

—Debbie

The articles are of great interest to parents of all ages, with children of all ages. I myself share them out to young friends . . . who in turn share them among their own friends. My daughter-in-law takes a bundle of 15 to her workplace each month and has workmates asking when the next issue is due.

—Yvonne

Drop us a line and win a gift!

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing? The author of our letter of the month will receive a free copy of 52 Ways to Parent Happy Children, written by our very own family counsellor, Karen Holford! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com.

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How to organise YOUR

money while maintaining the right “balance” in your wardrobe. This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t pamper ourselves now and then, as long as we don’t go overboard.

CREATE MORE SPACE

WARDROBE

Separate all the items by season and keep only the things suitable for now in the wardrobe. The rest can be stored away until the right time. Use boxes that can be shoved under the bed or give vacuum storage bags a try to save space. You may also want to try: • Vertical hangers. They are quite useful, inexpensive and easy to find.

The perfect solution when you want to keep the area neat and clean.

• Door racks. Every part of the wardrobe needs to be explored, so the door becomes the ideal spot for shoes, bags, belts and other accessories.

• Weekly outfit. Avoid the rush in the mornings, when wondering what to wear turns into a nightmare. Instead, check the weather forecast for the week and put together outfits for each day. Place them on different hangers and label them, so you don’t make a mistake.

By Marieta Ivanova

T

here are certain areas of the house where order doesn’t last for long. The wardrobe fits into that category quite well. While spending a whole day—or just hours—organising and cleaning the area may not be tempting, leaving the task for yet another week or even the next season will not make it any easier.

Instead of waiting for inspiration, why not trigger it? Here are a few ideas:

THE DRAWERS Create different divisions, which will prevent the items in the drawers from mixing up. Shoe boxes can be more useful than just protecting our favourite shoes. They can be placed in drawers and used for keeping underwear, socks and other delicates in the right order. For even better results, you can shape a specific compartment for each pair, using pieces of cardboard. Cut pieces depending on the number of sections you wish to make and then use a glue gun to keep them together.

MAKE A PLAN It’s often difficult to hit just the right time. Instead, try dividing the sections of the wardobe and deal with them one at a time for a week. Before you know it, you will be done, without stress and exhaustion.

GET SOME COMPANY

THE KIDS' WARDROBE Donate regularly Your children’s closet requires more frequent decluttering due to the fact that kids grow fast and constantly change style preferences.

This means there could be a lot of items taking up valuable space. So why not plan seasonal decluttering sessions you can do together? When you are done with clothes and shoes, move on to toys.

Inviting a girlfriend over can transform the organising of the wardrobe into a real party. You can share memories of some of the best times you had together wearing that dress or make a game out of it by thinking of new fun outfit combinations.

Try that for your child’s wardrobe too. You and your little one can work as a team, making sure that everyone has a task and is responsible for a specific area of the closet. This could turn out to be a great fun day to spend together.

THE RIGHT MUSIC The trick is to find the type of music that can boost your mood and make you feel energised. Think of favourite fast songs or the music you listen to at the gym when you want to get maximum results.

NGVOZDEVA—GETTY IMAGES

SEEK BALANCE

6

Start examining everything you keep in your wardrobe and decide how much of it you really need. Excessive buying in combination with the production of more clothing lines every year is turning into a problem that is affecting more than just our lives, but also the environment. Changing our habits can really make a difference. Begin by putting aside all the clothes that you haven’t been wearing for the past year or two. You can either donate them or gift them to a friend.

FREE PRINTAB LE “WARDR OBE LAB ELS” AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff

Colour-coding If you notice that keeping track of things is not your child’s strong point, help by introducing this system. You need boxes in different colours, each of which will hold a specific type of wear. Once the child memorises the different boxes, it will be easier for them to stay organised and be responsible when handling the possessions.

A miscellaneous basket This simple idea can take care of the mess not just in the closet but in the whole room and other parts of the house too! Instruct your child to place clothes and other items inside the basket when they are not sure where the things belong. The basket will serve as a storage place that you can sort through at a convenient time.

JUST THE NECESSARY The next time you are in a store, ready to buy that new pair of shoes or blouse, think about what you already have. Do you own something similar? Are you going to wear them on a daily basis or just for a special occasion? Is the investment worth it? Purchasing just the necessary allows you to save

MumsAtTheTable.com

February 2019

Marieta Ivanova loves writing, specifically about home organisation and the eco-friendly way of life. She is currently a blogger for Fantastic Cleaners in Brisbane, covering everything related to cleaning and home improvement.

February 2019

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Building

WELLBEING with Collett

RESILIENCE

IN CHILDREN

EAT TOGETHER, STAY TOGETHER

E

PARENTING WORKSHOP

SUITABLE FOR PARENTS WITH PRESCHOOLERS, TWEENS OR TEENAGERS Find out how you can strengthen and build resilience in your children with Mums At The Table’s resident psychologist, qualified teacher and author, Collett Smart.

WHERE

Fox Valley Seventh-day Adventist Community Church 183a Fox Valley Rd Wahroonga, NSW 2076 Australia

$15.00*. Tickets are strictly limited, so get in quick to secure your seat!

COLLETT

FOR MORE

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PURCHASE COLLETT’S LATEST BOOK DURING THE WORKSHOP

TICKETS

She’s an author, mum of three and psychologist. Watch Collett Smart share ways mums can look after their own wellbeing on the Mums At The Table TV show.

ADAPTED FROM COLLETT’S BOOK, THEY’LL BE OKAY: 15 CONVERSATIONS TO HELP YOUR CHILD THROUGH TROUBLED TIMES (HACHETTE, 2019).

PROUDLY BROUGHT TO YOU BY

SYDNEY, MARCH 19, 2019, 6.15 pm

MumsAtTheTable

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SKYNESHER—GETTY IMAGES

ating meals together as a family has wonderful benefits.

Frequent regular family meals (3–7 times a week) reflect a sense of family connection and priorities. It says, “We are important!”

Not a lot is known about exactly why family meals create benefits, but it is suggested that it is due to empathy, family cohesion, family attitudes and communication skills. The time together also generates feelings of closeness and comfort, providing a unique context to connect with your child.

Although family meal time on its own is not a magic bullet for emotional health, evidence suggests that children who take part in family meals display less delinquency, greater academic achievement, improved psychological wellbeing, more positive family interactions and eat healthier foods.

Set a goal to have a family meal at least three times per week, even if some members can’t be there occasionally, due to work, sport or other activities. The habit communicates that time together is important. It’s OK if some children prefer to just listen, be present and don’t want to chat every time. It is the being together that counts.

It’s equally OK if there is bickering or irritability some days.

Families aren’t robots. These instances help parents to model saying sorry, how to empathise with the person who has had a bad day or to teach respectful communication.

Here are some dinner table conversation starter ideas: • “List one good thing and one not very good thing that happened in your day.” It is vital that adults share some of their struggles as teens, in particular, often imagine that adults don’t have inner conflict.

• “Could we think of ways that we might help Dad deal with that situation at work?” Let children help you brainstorm.

Keep it age appropriate and don’t scoff at their suggestions.

• “How did [that issue] make you feel today?”

• “What did you enjoy most about your sport/flute/event this week?”

• “Is there someone you are worried about at the moment?”

* includes a light meal

Purchase your tickets now:

MumsAtTheTable.com/CollettSmartWorkshop

e h t k as experts OUR PANEL:

KATHY FRAY MATERNITY EXPERT KATHYFRAY.COM

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY KAREN HOLFORD ANDREW DARON PRATT NUTRITIONIST FAMILY COUNSELLOR PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN SANITARIUM HEALTH HEARTWORDS GP SEVENTH-DAY & WELLBEING SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q Can you please suggest some must-have natural first-aid remedies for my family? Rachelle, via email

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Q Is it normal to detest and even resent giving birth to my son? He’s 12 now and is a real handful and I find it extremely challenging to show love to him.

Patricia, via email

Calendula

Olive Leaf Extract

FREEPIK.COM, FRANCKREPORTER—GETTY IMAGES

Aloe vera. Aloe vera gel has wonderfully restorative effects on skin and it can also be taken internally. It helps soothe and heal minor burns, itchy insect bites, nappy rash, cuts, scratches and sunburn, and can be taken internally for colds, ear infections, sore throats, toothaches and asthma attacks. Aloe vera plants are easy to grow, so it’s great to have one growing in a pot inside the house or in the garden, as you only need to break off a leaf to use it.

Bach’s Rescue Remedy. A combination of five flower essences, Bach’s Rescue Remedy has an immediate calming and emotionally stabilising effect in stressful conditions. Use it during traumatic events, before public speaking, before tests, for an over-active mind before sleep, and after arguments. This naturopathic remedy is completely safe to use in pregnancy, during labour, by breastfeeding mothers and to give to babies. It is useful with an overtired or over-stimulated baby, a baby woken by a fright, an upset colicky baby, a toddler throwing a tantrum or a child upset by injury or nightmare. Available in a long shelf-life alcohol version or shorter shelf-life water version.

If using the alcohol version on children, it’s good to dilute a few drops in water.

Calendula. An antiseptic (kills bacteria) and analgesic (pain-reliever) that is globally renowned for its soothing healing of injured skin, dry, chapped skin, cuts, abrasions, rashes, and blistering and minor burns. It helps stop bleeding and promotes healthy skin texture and tissue repair to reduce scars. Fantastic for all types of skin healing.

Garlic. When fresh garlic is crushed, it releases allicin, but this compound only exists for a few hours (and alters with cooking). Mixing a little fresh well-crushed raw garlic into infant milk, juice or food has been shown to display fantastic antifungal and antibiotic powers, and can be used to treat oral thrush, streptococcus, colds, flus and children whose systems have become antibioticresistant.

Olive leaf extract. One of nature’s best broad-spectrum medicines, with compounds that are antimicrobial, antiviral and anti-retrovira—arguably the world’s best cold and flu natural remedy! It is particularly effective against viruses, bacteria, fungus, yeast infections and worm parasites.

Tea tree oil. Tea tree oil is recognised as a very effective antiseptic and antibacterial agent, fungicide and germicide. Used externally and internally, it also promotes tissue regeneration. Tea tree oil has many uses, including treating burns, thrush, cuts, nappy rash, ear aches, insect bites and stings, pimples, scaly scalp, sinus and bronchial congestion, eczema, splinters and sunburn.

—Kathy

Thank you for being so courageous and honest. There are probably very few parents who haven’t at one time or other felt some resentment towards their child.

But few will admit it because they feel that others won’t understand or will judge them, or that “good” parents are never resentful.

We usually feel resentful when someone or something is preventing us from the activities we want to do, so are you, even in a small way, taking care of your own valid needs? Something like going for a walk, meeting up with friends, having an hour to spend on a hobby or reading a book? Anything that makes you feel happier and more content as a parent will also have a positive effect on your son.

Resentment is often a sign that you need more support from other people, and I wonder who can take care of your son when you need a break? Also, are you getting any professional help for your son’s behaviour? Is his behaviour different when he is at school? What ideas do you have about why he behaves the way he does? Check out handsonscotland.co.uk for a great website that helps you find ways to manage a child’s troubling behaviour and also many ideas to help him (and you) to flourish.

When do you feel closest to your son? When do you feel happiest about being his parent? Think about those positive experiences and how you can have more of Write to us at: the better times together. editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com Don't be afraid to ask your friends, your family, his school and even your family THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONdoctor for more help. And take care of you as well as him, because you are special SIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE. too. —Karen

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS

February 2019

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safe!

What do you do when you find out your unborn baby has a lifethreatening condition?

By Julene Duerksen-Kapao

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I

n her last 10 weeks of pregnancy, while creating her birth plan with her midwife, Margy Stewart disclosed her whānau (family) history of haemophilia (a genetic disorder where the blood doesn’t clot normally). With the news, the birth plan was altered from a home birth to one at hospital with an emergency C-section if required, managed by doctors and surgeons.

“Chances were that I was a carrier, but I was incredibly hopeful and probably in denial of what may happen. I was adamant my baby would be OK,” Margy recalls.

Imagine bringing your new baby home, knowing that his blood

MOMCILOG—GETTYIMAGES

KEEP HIM

won’t clot. Imagine the thought of playdates, preschool, walks, trampolines and swings with a child diagnosed with haemophilia. How would you create a home for this child to best meet his needs?

Margy, who lives in the North Island of New Zealand, gave birth to Lukas in May 2016 and her worst fears were confirmed two days later—Lukas was diagnosed with the severe form of haemophilia A. This meant he would grow up not only experiencing bleeding following any minor injury, but may also have frequent spontaneous bleeding episodes, often into his joints and muscles.

Trying to process this news rocked Margy's hopes and dreams for her precious baby boy.

Haemophilia was not a new word in Margy’s vocabulary; she actually knew it too well. Margy has watched her older brother, who has haemophilia, go in and out of hospital and develop arthritis in all his joints.

“I watched my koro (grandfather) and two of my uncles go through it as well. I hated watching them go through life with this disorder, living in terrible pain and fear,” she says.

Another uncle struggled to access adequate treatment, had his legs removed, is in a wheelchair and battles drug addictions for his pain relief.

“Due to my life experience with the disease, fear and grief initially welled up inside me with the diagnosis.” But that didn’t stop Margy from looking for hope: “I also felt confident being able to work alongside the doctors as well as put safe limits around Lukas, allowing him to thrive.”

The first few months of a new mama’s life can be filled with various challenges, surprises and learnings, Margy’s was no different but she was especially blessed that Lukas slept through the night at five weeks old!

“However, Lukas’s first year of life was incredibly stressful. It's hard when something is wrong with your newborn baby,” she says.

Margy found herself doing what most mums do: desperately wanting to be a perfect mum. She was highly strung, couldn’t relax or even dream of taking Lukas out of the house. When Lukas was a few months old, she was diagnosed with postnatal depression. Acknowledging that “this was going to be really difficult and I needed support to navigate this new reality”, Margy opened up to a close friend who connected her to a young mothers’ parenting course.

Lukas thrived in this new environment and Margy grew as a person and mother.

Mothers find power in different things and identifying that power is key for growth. “I learned that my power was to speak about haemophilia and not blame myself. I learned that it is powerful to feel your grief and share with people who are prepared to listen.” Margy added coping strategies, chose being positive over fear and surrounded herself with people who believed Lukas could have a whole and meaningful life. Margy’s reality moved from one stifled in the “what ifs” to one focused on creating a life where Lukas could be anything he wanted.

Margy's growing faith in a loving God also provided much peace and comfort through her journey. Friends who shared her faith provided support and encouragement in accepting that God has a plan and purpose for both her and Lukas’s life, giving her a firm foundation of peace.

“Although I did struggle early on, Lukas’s first 18 months were amazing. We managed to safeguard him enough not to have a bleed during this precious time. However, that changed at 18 months.”

The trips to the hospital began—every weekend it seemed: an ankle bleed, an eardrum rupture, mouth trauma bleeds, a head haemorrhage. At hospital, she found herself constantly fighting to get Lukas the timely treatment he needed. Lukas’s condition is such that delaying treatment after any trauma can be life-

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Margy and her son, Lukas, who lives with haemophilia. Building a strong support network and creating a safe home have been essential for their wellbeing.

Holding onto anger is like swallowing a poison pill and hoping the other person dies.

am grateful for the growing knowledge and awareness they have to help Lukas live a good life. They have the kindest hearts and have helped raise our son. The best help is when we need a break. They help us with Lukas as well as provide advice and support through different milestones.”

Through the journey, Margy also learned to accept her own vulnerability. “It doesn't matter if you’re the strongest person in the world, you can still ask for help. We all need help at times!” she says. “It is OK to cry, to feel down, to be upset, but you can’t stay down. Let yourself blossom. Surround yourself with people who love you and your children. It’s not an easy job, so be proud of yourself, be grateful for all things that go well and if you feel like the health professionals aren't listening to you, put your foot down— you know more than they do. You are your child's voice!”

Although all she hoped for as a new mum shifted with Lukas’s diagnosis, Margy is passionate about sharing what she has learned with others: “Don’t let haemophilia or any disability your child has rule your life. Don’t let the situation hold you back from anything.

You just have a little bit more on your plate and how you live with it is where you find refuge and happiness. We all live in a busy world, we all have to face battles and the Lord has plans for us.”

Everyone has a story about being treated unfairly.

Learn how forgiveness can change your story and save your life.

In this free series about forgiveness, learn about the ways anger and hurt affect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

By understanding how and why to forgive, you can find healing from past hurts and experience true freedom.

Visit forgivetolive.org.au to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.

QUESTIONS? LETS CHAT!

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threatening and prevent a positive outcome, but not all practitioners felt the same urgency for treatment.

“I have an extensive knowledge of haemophilia and was prepared to bring it into play whenever it would help Lukas. However, it is so different when it is your child. I was now educator, advocate and mum,” she says.

Educating herself and others has grown Margy’s confidence.

“Life will always be complicated with Lukas. I have learned that haemophilia is something you can live with and that treatment has come a long way since my koro, uncles and brother were diagnosed. My hope is that Lukas will live a fulfilled life with no boundaries!”

For now, Margy is Lukas’s mum and nurse, as she has gained qualifications to do his infusion at home. This skill has transformed their freedom and independence, adding a layer of power through knowledge and education.

Courageously dreaming of her boy living a fulfilled life, Margy says, “I am a confident person, however, being the mother of a boy with haemophilia has rocked that. I will provide Lukas the best foundation and personal education I can so he can care for himself in the future.”

Margy understands there will be much more education needed in the future: “I am Lukas’s advocate and will need to educate teachers and friends throughout his life, especially until he finds his voice and awareness.”

Building a strong support network and creating a safe home for Lukas to grow and play is essential for both his and Margy’s wellbeing.

“It is such a blessing that my in-laws do things for us without asking, they help without asking, they are just there for us without asking. They're genuine people and they love Lukas,” she says. “I

FORGIVE TO LIVE

SEND THIS FORM TO : Community Manager Hope Channel Locked Bag 1115 Wahroonga NSW 2076

Eating

AT HOME

A Q&A with Sophie Guidolin, (pictured here with her family) blogger, nutritionist, personal trainer, world-renowned fitness model, mum of four and more recently, author of recipe book, My Kids Eat Volume 2.

WHAT SHOULD MEALTIMES BE LIKE IN A FAMILY? My personal belief is that meal times should be a family event, without television or phones. It should bring the family together at the end of the day and should only be missed on rare occasions.

We use the time to discuss our top three or bottom three from the day. It allows our children to express their highlights while also recognising that we can talk about the harder things in our day in a supportive environment. We always eat the same foods as our children and I am not fazed if they don't finish their plates, but it is a rare occurrence!

WHAT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT HABIT AT HOME THAT PARENTS SHOULD CULTIVATE WITH THEIR CHILDREN? Lead by example. Allow children to choose their favourite meals and don't be too fazed if certain days they aren't as interested. Like us adults, kids have varying appetites. Allow them to choose their meals and favourite foods, while giving them the freedom to help cook and prepare meals.

WHY SHOULD CHILDREN BE INVOLVED IN THE COOKING PROCESS? I believe when children choose their meals or are a part of selecting the ingredients they like the most, they're more accountable and tend to eat more variety without force. Besides them learning how to cook, I believe it really helps with kids knowing where their meals come from.

HOW DO YOU GET YOUR CHILDREN TO LIKE (AND EAT) HEALTHY WHOLEFOODS, INSTEAD OF ALL THE JUNK FOOD OPTIONS SO MANY KIDS SEEM TO LOVE? I think everything in balance, but teaching them the benefits of what certain foods will do when eaten regularly will gives them the freedom to select foods that will fuel their bodies, over empty nutrient foods. Educating kids on the benefits of variety and different foods allows them the choice to make a great decision.

Hulk Pasta PREP & COOK TIME: 15 MINUTES SERVES: 4

SUPPLIED

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1.

Heat the oil in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Cook onion, garlic, paprika, zucchini and broccoli, stirring for 5 minutes or until vegetables

INGREDIENTS

are just tender. Add the spinach; cook, stirring until

1 tbsp olive oil

wilted. Stir in the lemon juice. Blend or process

1 medium onion, chopped finely

vegetable mixture until smooth. Add salt and

2 cloves garlic, crushed ½ tsp paprika 2 small zucchini, chopped coarsely 100 g broccoli, chopped coarsely 50 g baby spinach 2 tsp lemon juice

My Kids Eat Volume 2 by Sophie Guidolin (rrp $44.95; paperback) is available at sophieguidolin.com.au.

METHOD

pepper to taste.

2.

Heat the pasta following packet directions.

3.

Toss the sauce and pasta together in a bowl. Serve with parmesan, if you like. For adults, try adding spices or fresh chilli.

400 g packet fettuccine-style slim pasta (organic konjac*), drained

*Slim pasta is made from a vegetable called konjac, which

Optional: parmesan flakes, spices or fresh chilli to serve

is low in kilojoules and carbohydrates.

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FREE PRINTAB LE “RHYMIN G GAME” AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff

Talk to your child from day one. Or better yet, talk with your child.

Listen or watch for their response and acknowledge it and continue the conversation. This doesn’t have to be constant—it’s OK to have periods of quiet, smiles, eye contact and loving touch too.

TIPS: • Talk with your child about the everyday things you’re doing and seeing together. For example, “Let’s get the washing now”, “Look at the red bird” or “Yum, what a nice lunch we’re having”.

• At meal times, talk about the food you’re preparing, what you’re doing to it, how it tastes and what it looks like.

• Talk about objects outside the house. For example, the rustling of leaves, or the sounds of the birds or traffic.

Ask your child if they can make the sounds for wind, rain, water, airplanes, trains and cars.

• Play games like “I spy”, using colours. This can be lots of fun, especially for pre-schoolers. For example, “I spy with my little eye, something that’s green.”

• Repeat mispronounced words with the correct pronunciation. For example, if your child says “pasghetti”, you can say, “Yes, we’re having spaghetti for dinner.”

TEACH YOUR CHILD TO

Text

There are three simple things you can do at home to help encourage your child’s literacy skills.

By Julie Hoey

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H

elping your child become a successful communicator is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give. Much of it will happen naturally, without you making any special effort. But much of it won’t, and it’s a tragedy to see a young child so far behind developmentally that they may never be able to effectively express themselves or advocate for themselves.

Let me hasten to assure you this isn’t about getting out the flash cards at home to do sight-words with your two-monthold . . . or any-month-old, for that matter. Leave primary school work for primary school. That’s not your job.

PEOPLEIMAGES—GETTY IMAGES

read

While all children are unique and develop to different timelines, as well as sometimes having individual developmental challenges, there are some simple things you can naturally work into your time spent with your children at home to help set them on the path to literacy—and communication—success. This falls into three main categories: communicating, reading and rhyme.

COMMUNICATING Two-way communication with your baby helps them learn to speak, listen and understand, as well as to learn words and build language skills.

A lot of the time, children will build their vocabulary quite naturally just by interacting with their world. But sometimes you need to be intentional. We did a lot of flying when my daughter was young and I would often talk about catching the plane.

One day, after we’d arrived in Perth, we were in a shopping centre carpark when Liberty saw a plane flying overhead. She reached her arms upward and swung them in a grabbing motion, while saying, “Catch! Catch!”, much as if she was trying to catch a ball. I wondered what on earth was going through her head, when it suddenly clicked: She was trying to “catch” the plane, as I had so often talked about doing!

On another occasion, we were getting in the car to go shopping.

I placed Liberty in her booster seat, in the back seat as always, but she was most upset.

“I want to sit in the back! I want to sit in the back!” she demanded.

When I informed her that she was sitting in the back, she paused for the briefest of moments, then resumed her slightly amended chorus, “I want to sit in the front!”

Front, back. Light, dark. Spoon, fork. Red, blue. Catch a plane, catch a ball, catch a cold. There are so many words (labels) for a young child to learn and so many of those words have multiple shades of meaning. Young children are primed and ready for the task, just waiting for a little help from their caregivers.

READING Reading with your child helps them understand how the printed word works and helps them connect sounds with letters. It also helps them build a larger vocabulary and develop a love of reading: the excitement of a story, the fun of rhyme, the fascination of facts.

Reading broadens a child’s world and is one of the most im-

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MY FAVOURITE

I Don’t Want a Posh Dog

by Emma Dodd

BOOKS FOR young children

Wilfrid Gordon McDonald Partridge

by Mem Fox

Green Eggs and Ham

by Dr Seuss

Dear Zoo

by Rod Campbell

1. Eat well and avoid sugar and junk food. Drink water.

A child who eats healthily is likely to have a greater capacity for patience, concentration and listening, and to calmly explore their world.

As a librarian, here are a few of my favourite books for young children:

Each Peach Pear Plum

by Janet and Allen Ahlberg

Where is the Green Sheep?

by Mem Fox Some Dogs Do

by Jez Alborough

Dashing Dog

by Margaret Mahy

TIPS: •• Choose lift-the flap books, touch-and-feel books or books with rhyming or repeating words for younger children.

•• Encourage your child to hold the book and turn the pages.

This helps them start to understand that the book should be a certain way up and that pages are always turned in the same direction.

•• Make the sounds of animals or other objects in the book— have fun!

•• Visit the library. There are many different types of books you can borrow—ask the librarian for suggestions.

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The Lorax

by Dr Seuss

Jubal’s Wish

by Audrey Wood

RHYME

Remember though, no-one is expecting perfection from you.

Parenting is a hard gig—we know that. But many people aren’t aware of how they can do a few simple things to enrich their child’s foundation for learning and literacy.

It is important to point out however, that as a parent, our goal at home shouldn’t be about pushing our children to excel academically. Many parents mistakenly believe because a child’s brain grows so phenomenally in the first few years, it needs to be stimulated constantly.

Teaching your child to read—teaching them a love for learning and literacy—is not about raising the IQs of our children. Happiness and security should still be a parent’s ultimate goal for their child, not academic success.

Rhyme further helps children learn about the connection between letters and sound, and it helps make reading fun!

After giving birth, I discovered I possessed a previously dormant talent for making up rhyming ditties to sing as we went through our day.

What’s in your nappy, what will it be?

Will it be a poo or will it be a wee?

What’s in your nappy, what will it be?

Let’s have a look and see.

My daughter recently turned 12 and she still likes me to occasionally sing these songs to her.

TIPS: •• Play games that involve rhyming. “I spy with my little eye, something that rhymes with toad.” Or perhaps make your own cards with rhyming words to play Memory or Concentration.

•• Read rhyming books.

FREEPIK, SAMUEL ZELLER—UNSPLASH

portant things you can do to give your child a solid foundation for future literacy. You don’t need to teach your children to read—their primary school teacher will do that. But you need to bring them to a level where they are ready, able and eager to learn.

Read with your child often, aiming for at least once a day. You can do this from birth, but it’s never too late to start and you may well find your teenager will still enjoy being read to sometimes. In fact, my husband still enjoys being read to!

A few not-so-obvious elements in building a good literacy foundation

2. Explore outside, have undirected play, build with blocks, touch scrunchy things, race toy cars. All these tactile experiences have multiple benefits, not least of which is helping to develop the fine motor skills children need when they start to learn to write.

3. Turn off the TV/iPad/smart phone. I know they’re tempting and can be an ever-present help in times of need, but in 2017, the Canadian Paediatric Society released updated guidelines for children’s screentime, which recommended no screentime at all for babies up to two years old. They cautioned that “there is emerging evidence that [regular screentime for infants] can lead to problems with sleeping and learning, as well as an increased risk of obesity . . . and while there is evidence some educational content has benefits for older toddlers, particularly in terms of developing language and literacy, it still pales in comparison to old-fashioned parenting.”

The Australian Government Department of Health has the same recommendations, noting that “TV watched in the first two years of life may be connected with delays in language development” and may also “reduce the length of time young kids can stay focused [and] affect the development of the full range of eye movement.”

For more information on encouraging literacy in children:

RAISINGCHILDREN.NET.AU Julie Hoey is a qualified dietitian, science and maths teacher, and teacherlibrarian. She lives in Mulbring, New South Wales, with her husband, tween daughter, two dogs, and a passing parade of wildlife, including wallabies, goannas, snakes and a koala or two.

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The

Suvi Mahonen reflects on the rigours and struggles of being a stay-at-home mum.

BABY-BURPING

O

SOLSTOCK—GETTY IMAGES

r a b m ilk

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ne of the hardest things about becoming a stay-athome mum is the feeling that you’ve turned invisible.

Once the gifts and the cards following the birth of your baby subside, your daily grind can be depressing.

From the moment my newborn daughter woke me, my day became a litany of bodily requirements: pee, drink, change nappy, feed, burp, feed, drink, soothe, pump breasts, change nappy, feed, burp, feed, soothe, eat, drink, soothe, then panic when I realised that I hadn’t even showered and it was nearly 10 o’ clock.

As for healthy living? Forget it. I sucked on spoonfuls of peanut butter for breakfast straight from the jar. Ate family-sized blocks of chocolate to help stay awake. My biggest daily excitement was waiting for my husband to get home so I could pass our baby over and pass out for 15 minutes. And every night meant bouts of after-midnight breastfeeding hell.

The only time I felt like an actual person—and not just a baby-burping milk bar on legs—was during our daily walks. There was nothing like a friendly wave to remind me that I was still alive.

And it was rare that someone didn’t accost us on the footpath, peek into the pram and exclaim with delight over the only thing produced by me that didn’t need an edit.

So there I was, strolling along the esplanade, steering the pram with one hand and holding a half-gulped-down churros with the other. As I pushed the pram past O’Malley’s pub, a man with broad shoulders and a black crew cut leaned over the rail like a debauched, drunk, cock-fighting spectator and shouted out, “We can make it another one for ya’,” and raised the foaming head on a glass of frothy beer enthusiastically in my direction.

How dare he disrespect me? the inner feminist within me raged.

I was a nursing mother of a newborn baby girl. His comment was sexual harassment. It demeaned me as a woman. It was lewd and crude, and could even be seen by some as an act of verbal violence. With a sense of outrage, I pulled the cover down over the pram and we kept briskly on our way.

I had no idea, when I was trying to fall pregnant, that becoming a mother was one of the hardest things I would ever do. I couldn’t comprehend how my life would become consumed with rushing from one task to the next.

And that afternoon was no exception. The second we were in the door, everything was urgent. I was busting. My daughter needed changing. Not just changing, but bathing in the sink as well, since runny poo had squelched up over her nappy and trickled down her legs. She was hungry and wailing, which meant my breasts had done their let down. Milk squirted from my nipples and soaked through my dress. I was hungry and thirsty. And the washing machine was beeping because halfway through its cycle, the clothes had become unbalanced and it couldn’t complete its spin.

And when I’d finally done it all, I wanted to collapse into a coma.

But I didn’t have time for such luxuries as comas. I still needed to hang out the laundry, empty the nappy bin and mop the milk spots off the floor. So I headed to the fridge for the next best thing: a hit of sugar. In particular, a bar of Toblerone I’d hidden from my husband under the bag of cos lettuce.

My hand was on the fridge door when I caught my distorted miniature reflection on the temperature display panel. My pudgy, pasty face which still hadn’t lost its pregnancy weight. Lanky hair, long and loose because I’d had no time to style it. And my wrinkled, blue-striped cotton dress, bulging from my milk-engorged breasts.

My hand dropped from the fridge.

Now it’s true that being at home with a baby can sometimes feel deadening. Like an infusion of thick sludge seeping through your veins, your limbs, your brain. Shrinking your very life to the bodily bare essentials: food, water, toilet.

And that’s when I realised something.

Perhaps the only person disrespecting me was myself. Perhaps it was time to consider that I wasn’t just the milk-stained, messyhaired, slack-thighed domestic slave that I’d become. Perhaps it was time to stop reaching for the Toblerone and choose a healthy snack instead. Perhaps it was time to have some pride in myself and my new role as a stay-at-home mother.

Motivation can come to you from a host of different sources.

Reading an inspirational book, listening to your favourite tracks, accepting encouragement from women at your mothers’ group, or just being open to what your inner voice is saying.

I realise the man at the pub was drunk. But his message was crystal clear. I’d been indulging in self-pity and it was time to make a change. And since that day, I haven’t looked back.

I choose to eat well (at least most of the time), dress well and try to show up to my life as a stay-at-home mother with the same courage and the drive required from any high-powered job.

Because it’s about respecting yourself and being there for your baby. With the right attitude, you can feel healthier and more positive. And when you smile at your baby and they give you that wonky, gummy grin back, there’s no pay cheque large enough to beat that.

Because if you can take inspiration from whatever comes your way, then it’s only going to help you face that one person in the world who truly sees you every day. Yourself.

Suvi Mahonen is a Surfers Paradise-based writer. Her work has appeared in publications including The Best Australian Stories, The Weekend Australian Magazine and The Huffington Post.

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COOKING with Gia & Olive Healthy Granola Bars

2. Process dates and

PREP & FREEZING TIME: 30 MINUTES SERVES: 8

form a paste.

INGREDIENTS 1 cup packed medjool dates, pitted ¼ cup honey 1½ cups rolled oats ¹/³ cup almonds, chopped ¹/³ cup pepitas ¹/³ cup dried cranberries

METHOD 1. Line a 20 x 20-cm

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Olive and rosemary bread*

2. In the meantime, mix salt, seeds,

PREP & COOK TIME: 2 HOURS 10 MINUTES SERVES: 8–10

3. When the yeast mixture has

*Bread maker required

INGREDIENTS 2 tsp sugar

honey in a food

2 tsp dry yeast

processor until they

1¾ cups lukewarm water 2 tsp salt

3. In a large mixing bowl, combine oats, almonds, pepitas and dried cranberries.

4. Add date paste to

remove and slice into

paper and set aside.

bars.

machine.

5. When kneading has finished and the bread maker is on the rise

spatula, combine the olives and

1 cup wholemeal flour

rosemary in the dough. Make

½ cup oats

sure the olives are evenly spread,

2 tbsp chopped rosemary

baking dish with baking

maker, close the lid and start the

add olives and rosemary. Using a

well combined. Scoop

METHOD 1. Whisk sugar and yeast in lukewarm water, then let it stand for a few minutes until mixture

or until firm, then

4. Place bread maker tin in bread

2 cups white spelt flour

300 g Kalamata olives, pitted

5. Freeze for 20 minutes

tin with oil and mix well.

setting, lift the machine lid and

using your hands until

form an even layer.

foamed, add to the bread maker

2 tbsp sunflower seeds

2 tbsp olive oil

dish and firmly press to

tin.

2 tbsp sesame seeds

oat mixture and mix

mixture into the baking

flours and oats in a bread maker

foams.

folding the dough over the olives.

You can also add some olives and rosemary on top and spray with a touch of oil.

6. Close the lid and allow bread maker to finish baking the bread.

7. Allow loaf to rest on a wire cooling rack before serving.

Grain-free oatmeal PREP & COOK TIME: 5 MINUTES SERVES: 1

METHOD 1. Roughly cut apple and dates into small pieces, and place them in a food processor with the rest of the ingredients, except

INGREDIENTS 1 apple 1 date, pitted 1 tbsp chia seeds 1 tbsp coconut flakes 1 tbsp slivered almonds Splash of non-dairy milk Nut butter (for topping)

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the nut butter. Pulse until the mixture is grainy and resembles oatmeal.

2. Spoon mixture into a

February 2019

bowl and top with nut butter and extra milk, if preferred. Stir and serve.

FOOD STYLED BY SHONA SOLOMON AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

Shell’s Blue Smoothie PREP & COOK TIME: 5 MINUTES SERVES: 3–4

1½ cups frozen blueberries 2 tsp cinnamon 2 medjool dates 2 cups non-dairy milk

METHOD

INGREDIENTS

1. Blend all ingredients in a blender

2 cups frozen bananas

until smooth.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the Mums At The Table TV show.

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FREE PRINTABLE “AGE-APPROPRIATE CHORES”

L A R U T A UNN

AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD MumsAtTheTable.com /freestuff

selection 1

Text

HEADING

Household chores—not something every child loves to do. And yet, oh-so-vital for when they grow up.

I

used to think that household chores were just a natural part of life. When my parents did the grocery shopping, I would help bring the bags in. If Mum put a pile of dirty clothes in the washing machine, Dad or I would hang them out to dry. And if Mum decided to do some gardening, I would grab my little red watering can and follow her into the backyard.

Fast forward to high school. It was lunchtime and I was walking across the main quad with a friend, blissfully unaware that she was about to drop a massive bombshell on me.

“I can’t go shopping this weekend,” she grumbled. “My parents

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February 2019

haven’t given me money for doing the laundry yet.”

My ears pricked up. “You get money for doing the laundry?”

“Well, yeah,” she huffed before noticing the confusion on my face. “You mean you don’t?”

A quick survey of my other friends soon revealed that this particular friend wasn’t an anomaly. Some of my other friends also got paid for doing chores and a lot of them didn’t do chores at all.

“We have school and so much homework, so it’s not really fair for us to do housework as well,” another friend explained. I was so dazzled by her argument that I decided to try it out at home.

ILONA75—GETTY IMAGES

TWO

By Vania Chew

“I have piano lessons and Greek, so it’s not really fair that I have to do housework too . . . ” As you can probably imagine, that didn’t go down too well.

These days however, I’m glad that my parents introduced me to chores from an early age. For one thing, research is on my side.

If you’ve ever debated whether or not you should assign chores to your child, you might want to look up this US-based Harvard study, which is really two studies that ran simultaneously. The Grant study examined 268 Harvard graduates from the classes of 1939 to 1944 while the Glueck study consisted of 465

men who grew up in poor Boston neighbourhoods. Both studies observed the participants over a course of 75 years to see what variables and processes early in life could predict health and wellbeing later in life.

Two things were identified as essential for people to be happy and successful. The first, love. The second was work ethic. Researchers then determined that chores were the best predictor of which kids would become happy and successful adults. Children who were already accustomed to doing chores were more likely to take initiative, be able to work independently and adapt to difficult circumstances.

A 20-year study by the University of Minnesota in the US had similar results, finding that doing chores from the age of three is the best predictor for a good education, healthy relationships with family and friends, and also a good career.

“Involving children in household tasks at an early age helps them learn values and empathy as well as responsibility,” explains Dr Marty Rossmann, emeritus associate professor of family education at the University of Minnesota. “It is important for children to internalise values when they are young because household responsibilities continue to play a significant role throughout one’s life.”

Dr Marty goes on to point out that managing household responsibilities can be the biggest cause of stress in marriages, therefore children should learn these skills from an early age.

Marriage probably sounds pretty far away when you’re a child but Dr Marty makes a valid point. Many of the chores children are asked to do are the life tasks that they’ll need to survive one day. Nobody will ever pay you to empty your own rubbish bin or to vacuum your dusty carpet. If children don’t learn these skills when they’re young, how do they expect to cope when Mum and Dad are no longer around to do the heavy lifting?

According to American parenting and child development expert Dr Deborah Gilboa, children as young as 18 months old can and should get involved in household tasks such as sweeping with a brush and dustpan.

I’m not sure whether it was quite that early but I can vouch for the fact that my two-year-old goddaughter loves to clean. On a recent visit to her house, she was drinking water and accidentally spilled some of it on the floor. I started to get up to reach for a tissue—but she was faster. By the time I walked to the kitchen, she was waiting patiently by the table and asking for a tissue.

When I handed her a tissue, she raced back to the living room and frantically started mopping at the floor. Once all evidence of the spill had been removed, she smiled widely as though to say, “Mission accomplished.”

Strangely enough, her two teenage sisters don’t feel the same inclination to tidy up. In fact the chore wars are a constant feature between them and their mum.

“These kids, they don’t do anything!” their mother recently complained to me. “They don’t clean their room or fold their clothes . . . ” “We’re too busy!” Miss 15 retorted. “We have school and then we have homework, so we shouldn’t have to.”

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GET

Quote When quote did chores quote quote..... become something optional?

social find us @MumsAtTheTable

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Vania Chew is a producer of Mums At The Table TV show and also writes for Mums At The Table magazine.

1. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE CHRISTMAS DISH?

3 FEBRUARY

• • •

Our personal trainer Alisha introduces her new baby!

Why Keira Knightley banned her daughter from watching Disney movies.

Can being a mum boost your resume?

10 FEBRUARY

• •

Why being bored can be a good thing.

Tips for strengthening marriages.

JILL111—PIXABAY

another. Parents want their children to be more responsible and successful in life, they believe that chores are an important factor in this, but they just don’t want to go through the process of arguing with their children over chores.

When did chores become something optional? Why do kids receive the “Get Out Of Jail” free pass when their parents didn’t while growing up?

Yes, kids are busy with homework, extracurricular activities and catching up on Netflix. But as Julie Lythcott-Haims says in her book How To Raise An Adult, having to fit in chores can help children learn how to manage time: “When they’re at a job, there might be times that they have to work late, but they’ll still have to go grocery shopping and do the dishes.”

Having kids do chores also models the important values of teamwork and respect. When children take on household responsibilities, they’re contributing to the wellbeing of the family as a whole and being part of a team. And you can’t scrub a dirty toilet once without feeling a healthy dose of appreciation for the person who does it most of the time.

Should you pay your children to do chores? That’s another question entirely. Some parents argue that it’s a good way to teach children financial independence and for them to learn how to value money. Others say that a weekly allowance could easily do the same thing. I think it’s a question each family has to discuss and decide upon for themselves. What works for one family might not necessarily work for another.

But should children do chores? Absolutely. Unless you’re a millionaire with nothing better to spend your money on, household tasks will always be a part of your life. The sooner you start, the better.

17 FEBRUARY

• •

Should mobile phones be banned in primary schools?

It turns out that money can buy happiness

24 FEBRUARY

• •

HALFPOINT—GETTY IMAGES

I shifted uncomfortably. This argument sounded far too familiar.

“I waste so much time trying to get my kids to do anything in the house,” says Paula, a mum in Sydney’s south-west. “I might as well do the work myself and save myself the time and the headache.”

Lisa, mum of three teenagers, agrees. “I can yell at them all I want to and not accomplish anything,” she observes. “It’s easier for my husband and I to do the housework ourselves.”

I get a different answer from the kids.

“Mum likes to do the housework, she always tells us we’re not doing things right so it’s easier for her to do them,” says Mr 12.

Miss 15 really wants to learn how to cook but her mother won’t teach her until she cleans her bedroom and folds her laundry.

And Miss 17 says she would do housework if Mum and Dad would pay her to do so. But they don’t, so she would rather work at a fast food chain instead.

In 2014, appliance manufacturer Whirlpool commissioned a poll of 1001 parents. They found that 82 per cent of respondents grew up doing chores but only 28 per cent regularly assign chores to their own children.

When the parents who did assign chores to their own children were asked how their kids felt about their responsibilities, 43 per cent said they complained about them. 37 per cent tried to get out of them. And 13 per cent said their children would only do chores if they were paid.

It’s interesting to note that, although only 28 per cent actually assigned regular chores to their children, 75 per cent of the parents surveyed said regular chores made children more responsible and 63 per cent said that chores taught children important life lessons.

It seems that parents are preaching one thing and practising

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Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our show segments, magazine articles and much more? Recently, we asked our members a range of questions for our Christmas giveaway:

Do your kids have a phobia?

Teaching kids how to let go.

9.30 am every Monday and 11.30 am every Saturday (Australia)

Bek: Peppermint slice.

2. WHAT IS THE MOST THOUGHTFUL GIFT YOU HAVE EVER RECEIVED? Sarah: A massage voucher from my husband.

CATCH US AT 8.30 am every Sunday (Australia)

Emma: Pavlova for the win.

youtube.com /MumsAtTheTable

Rianna: My mum . . . made a donation on my behalf to a village in Africa to help them with food and provide clean water.

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Spending

Not quite retail therapy, but research actually proves money can buy happiness.

By Nathalie Spencer

R

to be

y p p ha

esearch points to at least a few ways we can use our money to help boost happiness. The key here is that what matters is not how much you spend, but how you spend it.

SPEND ON OTHERS INSTEAD OF YOURSELF Find some money on the ground? You may be happier spending it on someone else than on yourself. Elizabeth Dunn, a psychologist at the University of British Columbia, Canada, and her colleagues gave people either $5 or $20 and told half of them to spend it on themselves and the other half to spend it on someone else. When asked about their happiness at the end of the day, what mattered more than the amount of money was whether people had spent on others or themselves, with the former being the happier group.

It seems that who we give to also matters. According to psychologist Lara Aknin and others, spending on our close friends and family brings us more happiness than spending on acquaintances. Knowing the positive impact we’ve had also gives us a wellness boost. So when you receive a gift from someone, let them know the positive impact it has had on you.

SPEND ON EXPERIENCES INSTEAD OF THINGS Psychologists Leaf Van Boven and Tom Gilovich asked people to recall one material and one experiential purchase, and then asked which one brought more happiness: 57 per cent responded that the experience made them happier, with only 34 per cent indicating that the material purchase did. The reason may be that we adapt more slowly to experiences than to things, perhaps because we anticipate (look forward to) and mentally revisit (remember) them more. Essentially this means we get a bigger hedonic hit from experiences.

MIYA227—GETTY IMAGES, FREEPIK

SPEND ON MANY SMALL INSTEAD OF ONE BIG

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Would you prefer one long massage or two shorter ones?

Researchers wanted to test whether breaking up an experience enhanced or diminished its enjoyment, so offered one threeminute massage to some people and two shorter massages totalling two minutes 40 seconds to the others. By any standard, the first offer should seem objectively superior, and indeed most people believed that one long massage would be better. But when actually experiencing them, people rated the two shorter massages higher than the one long massage, and were willing to pay more for a massage cushion.

The concept of diminishing marginal return is useful here.

Essentially, the more of something we have, the smaller the incremental addition to our happiness. An experience that is twice as long doesn’t necessarily bring us twice the pleasure.

SPEND TO MATCH YOUR PERSONALITY A team from the University of Cambridge in the UK recruited participants who self-scored very high or very low on one of the “Big Five” personality traits: extroversion. The researchers offered them a voucher to spend in either a highly extroverted way (at a pub) or in a highly introverted way (buying a book) and had them report back their happiness levels when they received the voucher, when they cashed in their voucher and 30 minutes later. The extroverts were slightly happier in either case. The introverts reported an increase in happiness if using the book voucher, but, importantly, reported a decrease in happiness if using the pub voucher. This shows that when spending is mismatched to these fairly stable personality types, the boost to happiness may not exist, and in some cases mismatched spending may even be detrimental.

BUY YOURSELF TIME If you are time-poor, a great use of money is to buy yourself time. This may be by paying someone to help with household chores, cooking, shopping or any other errands that seem to be consuming your time and headspace.

Researchers gave working adults $40 on two consecutive weekends. The study participants were randomly assigned either to spend on something that would save them time, or to spend on something material. Whatever they were assigned the first weekend was switched the next weekend. Each weekend, the person rated their overall happiness levels and their time-stress levels. People reported greater happiness (higher good mood and lower bad mood, and lower time stress) on their time-saving weekend, regardless of whether that came first or second.

PRE-PAY: BUY NOW AND CONSUME LATER This is the opposite mantra to that of credit cards. You have already paid so can enjoy the experience of consumption without any worries about how or when you will be able to purchase the item. Additionally, pre-paying means you can look forward to the event. This anticipation is an added bonus to the actual consumption, and anticipation seems to have a stronger impact than simply reflecting on something, although both can bring joy.

EXTRACT FROM GOOD MONEY (BECOME +BUILD) BY NATHALIE SPENCER, DESIGNED AND ILLUSTRATED BY STUART TOLLEY, PUBLISHED BY QUARTO, RRP $22.99.

Nathalie Spencer is a behavioural scientist specialising in financial capability. Now working at ING bank, she is further exploring how behavioural science can be used to boost financial wellbeing.

February 2019

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HELLO LIGHTHOUSE Sophie Blackall Orchard Books $24.99

Francesca Sanna Flying Eye Books $27.99

WIN

For every child who is too afraid to explore, to make friends, to have fun. A sweet and simple story that helps children to understand what holds them back and how everybody has that little bit of fear in them too. Address your child’s anxiety with this book, while subtly teaching them empathy.

THE TINY WING FAIRIES

BAT VS POSS

Escape to a magical world of fairies and talking animals with this cute little book. Sweet illustrations help children’s imaginations to come alive in this story that reassures young ones there’s nothing to fear about mysterious night-time noises. Suitable for an older preschool audience.

WIN

THE BEAR, THE PIANO, THE DOG AND THE FIDDLE David Litchfield Lincoln Children’s Books $22.99

The sequel to the best-selling The Bear and the Piano, reuniting children with their beloved piano-playing bear. Done in the same illustration style and with the same theme, this is an equally beautiful story as The Bear and the Piano. The narrative is longer, however, so young readers may struggle to sit through the entire story.

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ME AND MY FEAR

A special book about an era long gone, a long and lonely time now replaced by electricity. The narrative feels like it should rhyme, but it doesn’t, which can make reading a little stilted. However, there is still a beauty to the prose, which is accompanied by exquisite illustrations, about what it’s like to live in a lighthouse.

Suzanne Barton Bloomsbury Children’s Books $14.99

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February 2019

PRIMARY

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER THE TALES OF MR WALKER Jess Black & Sara Acton Puffin Books $24.99

Peer into the hidden world of hotels with a unique staff member: Mr Walker, the Park Hyatt Melbourne’s Labrador ambassador.

A fun and charming collection of four short stories, all inspired by the real-life Mr Walker, who has been calling the hotel home since 2017. Accompanied by cute illustrations, this is a book that will capture the imaginations of young minds.

THE BEE BOOK Charlotte Milner DK $24.99

Alexa Moses & Anil Tortop Lothian Children’s Books $16.99

Refusing to share: it’s a phase most children go through. This is a book that may help parents to explain to children why it’s good to share and how to get along with others. The vibrant and brightly-hued illustrations will catch children’s attention while the rhyming text will entertain.

Filled with everything you would possibly want to know about bees. An essential book for every young child to learn about the often unknown contribution bees make to the world. Popping with colour and fun illustrations, this book will educate and inform in an age-appropriate way, inspiring environmental responsibility.

TRICKY’S BAD DAY

LOUISIANA'S WAY HOME

Alison Lester Affirm Press Kids $19.99

Nothing seems to be going right for this poor little toddler, who is overwhelmed, overtired and frustrated. Written in rhyme and drawn in the familiar strokes of Australia’s beloved children’s book author, this is a book that espouses the benefits of unstructured outdoor play.

Kate DiCamillo Walker Books $19.99

WIN

Quirky and wonder-filled, this novel is filled with eccentric characters. Told from a child’s perspective, the narrative sounds a little mature, but doesn’t take away from the story. There are tense moments, sad episodes but it ends in a heartwarming way, making this book an entertaining read.

101 WEIRD WORDS (AND THREE FAKES) David Astle Allen & Unwin $9.99

WIN

Watch your child’s vocabulary (and yours) expand with this book.

While there are some obscure words, there are plenty of others that are fabulously helpful to assist children gain a good grasp of the English language. The definitions are funny, with some interactive activities and dadjokes to retain attention.

ATLAS OF ADVENTURES: WONDERS OF THE WORLD Lucy Letherland, Ben Handicott Wide Eyed Editions $35.00

There is enough information in this large format (38 cm x 28 cm) hard cover book to fuel any aspiring travel bug. Virtually anything that is awe-inspiring and fascinating about the world is included. As common in most mainstream publications, there are claims of historical origins that conflict with Christian beliefs, such as rock formations forming 500 million years ago.

WINEN'S

CHILDR S! BOOK WIN

g parentin on your ry if to s d l n a ence a person or experi e Submit a thoughts we’ll send you th , y e rn u jo , ry to ! s e g our n this pa we use y atured o books fe te to us at Wri le.com tTheTab MumsA l@ a ri o edit

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MUMS AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

Beauty tips for

busy mums

F RE E*

Y MONTHL COPY!

By Bernadette Fisers

TOP THREE BEAUTY ITEMS A great foundation or BB cream that contains broad spectrum sun protection. This will not only even out your skin tone but, more importantly, protect you from sun damage. The sun is responsible for up to 80 per cent of the damage to our skin so it’s really important to keep it protected.

A great lip stain or colour. These can be used not only on the lips but also on the cheeks, which is great for a quick fix before you run out the door. A colour can also make you feel a bit more vibrant, which is handy for those times when you feel like sleeping all day.

A concealer covers those tired circles and blotches, effectively making you look like you’ve had a holiday.

TOP THREE BEAUTY MISTAKES A heavy foundation. Not only will this age you but it will make you look more wrinkly as it settles into your fine lines, emphasising them.

Powder around the eye area. Again, this will settle into your wrinkles, effectively adding on the years.

Tattooing any of your make up on. Make up, like many other products, is a fashion item. Don’t put on something permanent that you are possibly going to be sick of in six months.

LOOK GREAT IN UNDER FIVE MINUTES Throw on a light foundation or BB cream. Use your concealer to clean up around your eyes. Pop a bit of colour on your lips and

cheeks. Mascara your lashes and brush up brows with a clear gel.

Done in under five minutes and you will look dewy and fresh.

It can be really tempting to go to bed with your make up on after a long and tiring day. This is a big mistake. Take the two minutes you need to remove your make up and wash the day away. Not only will your skin thank you for it but you will start the next day far fresher. Night is also the time that I use my vitamin creams. This is because many of them are destroyed by UV light.

There is nothing nicer than a clean face and body all tucked into bed.

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February 2019

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When it comes to cosmetics and skincare, high prices are not an indication of quality. If buying that pretty packaging will make you feel better about yourself then knock yourself out. But often the packaging costs more than the ingredients. So buy skincare with a simple ingredient list. Often these products are as good, if not better. Labelling on cosmetics can be confusing. If something says organic without the certification stamps then it is simply greenwashing—and possibly not organic at all. Look for the certification stamps located on the back of the bottles.

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Bernadette Fisers has worked in hair and make up for fashion and advertising photo shoots for more than 20 years, and is now one of Australia’s foremost fashion make up artists and hairstylists. The Little Book of Big Beauty by Bernadette Fisers, published by Penguin Random House, RRP $22.99, is out now.

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