Mums At The Table - July 2019

THE PLAY ISSUE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

JULY 2019

BOYS . . .

EXPLAINED

PLAYFUL WAYS TO

teach about money

GIRLS CAN MAKE A

difference

Your magazine is complimentary and made possible by the generous support of your Mums At The Table community.

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

contents

JULY 2019

just for you 6

188

BIBS & BOBS Latest parenting-related news and information.

8 NOT A PERFECT MUM

Parenting is all about accepting yourself—warts and all.

12 DEFYING BELIEFS

Girls can achieve anything they set their minds on—Dr Payal Mukherjee is proof.

34 WHEN I LOOK

22

parenting

12

CATCH US ON

NEW ZEALAND

18 10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Julie, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen

18 BOYS . . . EXPLAINED

Why raising sons can be so different from raising daughters.

24 PRESCHOOLS: MAKING A DIFFERENCE

While not compulsory, it can do your child a world of good.

30 PLAYFUL WAYS TO TEACH KIDS ABOUT MONEY 32 BOOK CORNER

food & wellbeing 7

HOW TO HELP A BABY AFTER A COLD

30 10 ASK THE EXPERTS 16 WELLBEING WITH COLLETT Doctors now prescribing play.

22 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE

Spinach & dill quiche; mango custard; banana peanut split.

28 WHY YOUR CHILD NEEDS AN EYE TEST

discuss a range of topics, including current events, issues and family life.

PLUS nutrition advice and awesome hacks to succeed in #mumlife!

find us on social media

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EDITOR Melody Tan

ADVERTISING ENQURIES editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com

VOLUME 3 NUMBER 7 The Play Issue

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt

SEND ALL LETTERS AND SUBMISSIONS TO: Mums At The Table magazine PO Box 1115, Wahroonga, NSW 2076 or editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com

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PUBLISHER Mums At The Table is a product of

CEO Brad Kemp ABN 59 093 117 689 ISSN 2208-4010

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July 2019

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e r ' u o Y

from the

M

g m n i o r t hers! e w e mpo

editor

july

y soon-to-be three-year-old is currently going through a “Will you play with me?” phase. Either that or he has just figured out how to verbalise what he’s always wanted. Now that I think about it, it’s probably the latter.

“Will you play with me?” he’ll ask as I’m still trying to wake up in the morning.

“Will you play with me?” he’ll ask as I kneel down to give him a goodbye kiss before I run off to work.

“Will you play with me?” he’ll ask when I return home—even before I’ve had time to put my laptop bag down.

“Will you play with me?” he’ll ask as I’m washing the dishes after dinner.

Sometimes—often times—I have to say no, and it breaks my heart to see the disappointment in his face (he does a really good pout and “Nawwwww”).

But when I decide I can be five minutes late for work or that the dishes can wait, the excitement that courses through his entire body and the way his little hand reaches out for mine and drags me running to his play area (aka our living room floor) reminds me just how important that play time is for him.

To be honest, a lot of play with him bores me. There’s only so much flying of a car in the air or running a train around a track that I can take. But play with my son isn’t about my entertainment factor is it? It’s about seeing the joy on his face and the connection I’m building with him. No wonder even doctors are prescribing play for children and their parents (see page 16, “Doctors Now Prescribing Play”).

Of course, adult life is not always about play unfortunately. There are bills to pay, errands to run and work to do. But it may be helpful to take time out now and then to forget “adulting” and simply bask in a precious few minutes of play with our children.

And that’s the thing. It’s not about how much time we actually spend playing with them, it’s about whether we do it at all.

Thanks to the partnership and support of generous mums like you, the Mums At The Table community is able to encourage and support mums all across Australia and New Zealand through their parenting journey. You can help inspire other mums too, go to mumsatthetable.com/donate.

As a medical practice we have had some interest in this publication (as I usually pass my copy on to others) and would like to have further copies for patients to peruse in our rooms.

—Yvonne

Letter of the Month

Melody

I love your magazine. It makes me realise that I’m not alone on this parenting journey. Everyone has their own journey but . . . has the same issues as well, with beautiful happiness along the way [and] little ones who make it all worthwhile. Try to look up and forward to the light at the end of the tunnel.

—Lindi

I enjoy watching your show very much. Please keep up the good work.

I find it all very interesting and also like your website, which I will tell people about.

—Sarah

FREEPIK.COM

—Rebecca

We are very grateful for our supply of Mums At The Table magazines. It is a privilege to share such a great resource with young parents. We distribute them to preschools and schools in South New Zealand. We also share them at events.

Drop us a line and win a gift!

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the issues you're facing? The author of our letter of the month wins a free copy of The Juggle: Inspirational Stories from Mums Juggling It All, edited by Steph Adams and Samantha Brett. Write to us at editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com.

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BIBS & BOBS

INVESTING 101

Women looking to invest but unsure how to can use the Australian Securities & Investments Commission’s (ASIC) free investor toolkit to find out where to start. Besides providing investing essentials, it can also generate a personalised list of actions you can email to yourself.—Moneysmart.gov.au

SPRITUALITY

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NEWS

July 2019

THE FAMILY SERIES

A new 10-part series by Christian company Story Together is exploring topics such as marriage, parenting, work/life balance and family health. Called The Family Series, each episode features an interview with a Christian expert.— hellostorytogether.com/ series/the-family-series

SCHOOL COMMUNICATION MADE EASY The free Skool Loop app is a school communication tool that provides parents throughout Australia and New Zealand with important information such as notifications, permission slips and important dates pertaining to their own child’s school.

—Skool Loop

APPS

HOME

CARTWHEELING TO BETTER MENTAL HEALTH

MAKING VEGGIES LAST LONGER

•

• Children who learn, improve and extend new skills in acrobatics, balance, juggling and aerial activities show significant improvements in four areas of mental wellbeing: stress relief, self-esteem, confidence and socialisation. “Children reported that circus training helped them feel much better about themselves, both physically and mentally,” says lead researcher, University of South Australia’s Dr Richard McGrath.—University of South Australia

PETITION TO WORLD LEADERS FOR EDUCATION Every Child. Everywhere. In School is an Adventist Development and Relief Agency initiative that is petitioning world leaders to ensure that all young people have access to free education.

This is in response to figures showing one in five children worldwide are out of school and 90 per cent of children with disabilities in the developing world are not in school. It aims to collect one million signatures by next year.

—Inschool.adra.org/petition

TV

MONEY

•

•

Wrap lettuce in a paper towel and place in a ziplock bag or lettuce crisper.

Store avocado and salad greens in an airtight container.

Store carrots and celery in an airtight container lined with a paper towel.

Wrap pumpkins in a beeswax wrap after removing the seeds.—Love Food Hate Waste NZ

How to

Y B A B A HELP

after a

MUMS’ FAITH INFLUENCE ON KIDS Mothers—more often than fathers, or any other category of frequent participants in households—are seen as the confidants, providers of support and drivers of faith formation among Christian teens. They consistently identify their mother as the principal housemate for almost all activities. The only time mothers are not leading the way is when it comes to activities like interacting on social media or playing sports, both dominated by friendships.—Barna

REPLACE THEIR TOOTHBRUSH As soon as they have recovered from their cold, get a brand new toothbrush and pop the old one in the bin.

WASH SOFT FURNISHINGS Their pillow case, sheets and bath towel have likely been coughed on or spattered with snot (sorry, gross but true), so pop on some new linen and give the old sheets and towels a wash.

While you're at it, give their cuddle/bed toy and blankie a spin in the washing machine too.

USE EUCALYPTUS OIL DEMKAT—GETTY IMAGES

Kiwi kids are suffering hearing loss at alarming rates as they spend hours listening to loud music on headphones.

Some are even complaining of constant ringing in their ears, so bad it keeps them awake at night. The alarm was sounded after a study found the rate of Kiwi teenagers suffering from hearing loss was more than double the World Health Organization’s global estimates.—New Zealand Herald

MORNING CALM Before bed, make sure you and the kids are packed, with clothes all ready to go for the next day. This way you avoid the morning rush looking for shoes or books.—Barbara Clifford, 101 Time Saving Tips for Busy Working Women

VECTEEZY, JESSICA TO'OTO'O, ANNIE SPRATT—UNSPLASH, DANIELA DIMITROVA—PIXABAY

SPIKE IN HEARING LOSS IN KIWI KIDS

FREE TABLE: IN R P COVERY R “COLD E T” CHECKLIS LE FOR AVAILAB AD L N DOW O Table.com e h tT sA Mum /freestuff

For toys that can’t be washed, give them a quick spray with a eucalyptus oil (or lavender oil) and water mix. It will sanitise the toy and make the room smell lovely too.

NEW DRINK BOTTLE BPA-free water bottles need a good wash regularly. Not all are dishwasher safe. If your infant has had the same water bottle for a

Laura Klein while and is just recovering from illness, consider whether it’s time to get a new one.

DOOR HANDLES Give the door handles a once over with some eucalyptus oil and a baby wipe. It will take 10 minutes to do the whole house. Remember to pay close attention to the bathroom door.

CLIP THEIR FINGERNAILS My kids’ nails grow so quickly. Sometimes, I'm shocked to see the dirt caked under there, even after only one day of play.

Regularly trim their nails—particularly after an illness—to prevent reinfection. And of course, keep up the good old hand washing with soap and water!

Since starting the business in 2013, Laura Klein and her team from snottynoses.com.au have become the trusted experts in gadgets for good health and good sleep for children, backing all of their products with a 30-day satisfaction guarantee.

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NOT

a

per fect MUM

It was an off-hand remark by another mum, but one that gave Shona Gates plenty of guilt and changed her life forever.

O

nce upon a time, I was the perfect mum. I was living the dream, I ticked all the boxes: A beautiful baby boy, a mummy SUV, a clean, organised home and a gorgeous husband. I was literally living my Pinterest boards.

But I was exhausted.

I was so sick of trying to be a perfect mum. It felt like it was a full-time job just keeping up with the expectations.

I wasn’t happy and I felt so guilty for being unhappy because I had everything I ever wanted. Feeling unhappy made me feel ungrateful, as if somehow, because I had all this stuff and because I had the privilege of being a mum, I didn’t deserve to complain.

Then my world came crashing down: My three-year-old son was diagnosed with autism.

Everything I had ever envisioned about my parenting journey just disappeared into thin air. Suddenly, I was incredibly alone, isolated, surrounded by judgement, people’s unhelpful opinions

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and totally overwhelmed. Add a newborn baby into the mix and honestly, I’m not even sure how I survived each day.

All I knew was that one day I found myself slumped on the kitchen floor, looking at the floorboards that I had already mopped twice that day—now covered in blueberry yoghurt—and wondering to myself, Is this it? Is mopping my floors twice a day, wiping tiny human butts and making snacks all I’m made for?

Folded on the floor in my sweatpants and with two weeks worth of unwashed hair, I decided, No, I am made for more.

I decided that it’s OK to not want to be a stay-at-home mum.

I decided to remove the guilty feeling I had for not loving being a stay-at-home mum like all the other women I knew. Just because they love it didn’t mean I had to too.

I needed to give myself permission to work on myself, to leave the house, to travel and focus on me without my kids, to figure out what I wanted.

SUPPLIED

Shona Gates with her children, Erik, aged seven, Holly, aged four, and husband, Aaron.

The very next day, I started a business.

It helped me give myself permission to take care of me. It showed me I was worthy of more, that I could love my kids and I could love myself at the same time.

As I started to prioritise growing my business and growing myself, my life changed. I put my kids in day care, I hired a cleaner, I focused on my marriage.

But just when I started to feel like I was getting it all together, someone had to go and put their two cents in. You know the type—the mum who means well, but all her compliments are just thinly-veiled backhanded judgements . . .

“To be honest, I’m not even sure why you put them into day care. It’s not like you actually need to; you’re just a stay-at-home mum, you don’t even work,” she said.

First, I felt embarrassed, but then an overwhelming rage. It wasn’t just that comment, but the idea that you can never get it

right when it comes to parenting. If you’re a stay-at-home mum, you’re lazy; if you go to work, you’re selfish.

If you use cloth nappies, you’re a hippy; if you use disposables, you’re lazy.

Say no to our kids and we are damaging them; don’t say no to them and we are creating entitled brats.

You cannot win!

So in that moment I was angry with a capital A. These are not reasons to judge another mum—to judge another woman at all.

But while that moment sucked, it was also a gift. Because in that moment, I realised I was never going to be able to win the “being a perfect mum” game.

So I decided to quit playing. I released the pressure off myself to be perfect. I stopped wondering what people thought of me and I started thinking about what I thought of me.

I started to realise that, when I’m 80, I’m going to look back and won’t remember the unwashed dishes in the sink or the yoghurt on the floor, but if I didn’t change something now, I would just remember being really miserable.

Not wanting to have those regrets, I embraced the fact that I honestly have no clue what I’m doing as a mum.

But guess what? None of us really do.

I put my kids in day care because it helps me get to the end of the day without wanting to punch them in the face—that’s a fact.

Today my kids are in day care and school, and I feel guilt-free fantastic. I’m successful, my kids are happy and healthy, I have an incredible husband, I drive my dream car—it’s a white Jeep—and I even get to travel and go on little adventures with my family.

I love being a mum, but I’m also human and a woman and a wife and me.

And that’s what I want for all women. To feel worthy and confident. We’re all just human, doing the best we can to raise rad little people.

Let’s build a tribe of women who can acknowledge they are doing their best! A tribe of women who know who they are and what they want, and can make those choices without Karen from the head of the P&C putting her two cents in. A tribe of women who understand that loving themselves doesn’t mean they love their family less.

A tribe of women who stop trying to be perfect and instead focus on experiencing all the joy life has to offer.

WIN

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story about your parenting journey, thoughts or experience. If we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com

Shona Gates is a mum of two from Australia. She is passionate about helping mums overcome their limiting beliefs about money, totally transform their money mindset and uncomplicate their finances. Sexyselfish. com.

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e h t k as experts

Q How can one get acne-free skin?

Priyanka, via our website

Acne is an inflammatory reaction in the oil glands of the skin. Hormones, especially androgens (male hormones), cause an increase in the production of oil in these glands (which is why the condition is more prevalent around puberty). These glands can become blocked and the bacteria naturally living on the skin gets trapped inside. They produce lipases (enzymes that dissolve fat), which provokes an inflammatory reaction in the gland and surrounding skin.

More recently, evidence is accumulating that the gut microbiome has a role in the development of many skin conditions, including acne.

There are a number of ways of treating acne. Your GP can diagnose acne correctly and then can offer different treatment strategies. These include topical skin antibacterials such as benzyl peroxide and retinoid products, through to oral antibiotics. Sometimes, for females, a version of the contraceptive pill that is anti-androgenic can be prescribed. For stubborn or extensive cases of acne, a referral to a dermatologist may be required to consider more powerful medication.

Some people may prefer a more “natural” approach to treating acne. Vitamin B5, zinc, lactoferrin and sacchromyces have evidence of benefit in acne. A suitably qualified integrative doctor or naturopath may be able to guide a choice of evidence-based supplements, diet and lifestyle approaches that may assist as well.—Andrew

OUR PANEL

KATHY FRAY MATERNITY EXPERT KATHYFRAY.COM

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY NUTRITIONIST SANITARIUM THE HEALTH FOOD COMPANY

KAREN HOLFORD FAMILY COUNSELLOR HEARTWORDS

ANDREW DARON PRATT PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN GP SEVENTH-DAY SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q How often should I expect a normal, generally healthy toddler to catch a cold? My almost two-year-old has been doing so at a rate of about once a month. Is this normal?

Q How can we explain our divorce to our kids? Heidi, via email

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Renee, via our website

KERKEZ, BOYLOSO, PEOPLEIMAGES—GETTY IMAGES

It's important to tell your children the news when you’re all together at home, in a time and place where they can express their feelings honestly. Describe what will happen honestly, calmly and lovingly. Tell them about your plans for their future, such as where you will all live and what will need to change. Listen to their thoughts and ideas: they need to know their wishes are important to you as well. Be prepared for them to express their fears, frustrations, anger and concerns. Take time to answer their questions and comfort their distress.

Be thoughtful about how you describe your divorce. Children who are told, “We just don’t love each other anymore” can become insecure if they feel, even for a moment, that either parent has stopped loving them too. Children who are told, “We argued too much” may feel anxious if they argue with either of you. “Daddy/mummy loves someone else” can make them wonder if you’ll suddenly love someone else better than them too, especially if the new partner has children.

Focus on the following points when talking to your children about your divorce. Most children need to know that you will both: • continue to love and support them.

• put your children’s emotional and relational needs above your own personal needs and preferences.

• speak respectfully and kindly to and about each other.

• plan when and where they will spend time with each of you and give them plenty of warning if there’ll be any changes.

• involve them in any decisions about their living arrangements.

• keep the promises you make to them, to help them feel safe and secure.

• manage your couple conflicts kindly and respectfully.

• be at their significant life events, such as graduations and weddings.

• involve them in any decisions about your new potential partners before committing to another relationship. It’s vital for your child’s wellbeing and safety that they have warm, positive relationships with any step-parents and step-siblings.

Make sure you have both done everything possible to make your relationship better before choosing to divorce. In 10 to 20 years time, children often want to know that you went for help and tried couple counselling before breaking up their family.—Karen

Parents are often worried that a child who always seems to have a cold or sniffles might have a weak or compromised immune system. The reality is that it is common for babies and toddlers to have eight to 10 colds a year when the immunity they received from their mum starts to fade.

This number will reduce as their own immunity builds.

However, with more than 100 different cold viruses, this may take some time.

If your toddler does have a cold, plenty of fluids, rest and good food will help their body fight the virus.—Neil

July 2019

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at:

editorial@Mums AtTheTable.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS AND, WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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DEFYING

beliefs

Dr Payal Mukherjee is a surgeon making waves in a traditionally male-dominated role. She’s also paving the way for and encouraging girls—her daughter included—to have a greater impact in the world they’ll inherit.

F

rom the burning of the bra to the girl power era, we are continuing to nurture young women to believe they can be anything. Women are now represented more equitably in many typically male-dominated industries. For example, the representation of men to women in STEMM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Maths and Medicine) is now almost 50–50 at an undergraduate level.

Encouraging statistics like these wouldn’t exist without strong female role models who strive to open young women’s eyes to the possibilities and opportunities available to them.

One of these advocates is Dr Payal Mukherjee. An ear, nose and throat surgeon at Sydney Adventist Hospital, 2019 NSW Woman

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of the Year nominee, associate professor, and mother, she firmly believes in the power of equality and education.

The first thing that strikes you about Dr Payal is her warm, dimpled smile. She is an engaging conversationalist with a manner that puts you instantly at ease—something I’m sure her patients of all ages, and their families, appreciate. Despite many achievements in her field, she is down-to-earth and willingly shares stories from her childhood.

“My parents came from humble backgrounds. Pursuing better opportunities, we moved a lot in India and also to the Middle East, before we arrived in Australia.” Dr Payal was 13 years old at the time, and Sydney offered them a place to put down roots. “We felt

SUPPLIED

Kelly Allen

proud to make home a country that is multicultural and values peace and equality.”

Living in several places before then proved to be a positive thing. “Even though many would perceive these changes as disruptive, I feel the frequent travel has infected me with a curiosity to learn about others, value diversity and also adapt to change, all of which are assets in my profession.”

Education is highly valued by Dr Payal and her close-knit family.

“My parents ensured our education and wellbeing were of the utmost importance, through all our life and school changes.”

She speaks with admiration and fondness as she describes summers spent with her grandparents when they lived in India.

“Their stories, and thereby the values that shaped them, they passed onto me. My grandmother would share with me her passion for medicine and the circumstances of war and political instability that withheld her from seeking opportunities for further education. She inspired me not to take the opportunities I got for granted.

“She was a strong advocate for gender equity, and at a time when there were many set gender roles, she taught me to pursue education, have a profession, be financially independent and make a difference in the world. All her children admired her for these values, so I was always encouraged and supported by my immediate and also extended family (aunts and uncles) ever since I was

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We now encourage girls to role play doctors, pilots and fire fighters [but] it’s just as important . . . we don’t criticise our boys for playing more feminine roles.

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Dr Payal Mukherjee with NSW premier Gladys Berejiklian (right), and the nominees for the 2019 NSW Woman of the Year.

playing more feminine roles: such as telling off your son for liking pink or purple or liking fairies or ballerinas. Telling them at a young age not to role play something because they would be thought of as a girl raises young boys with an association at a very young age that being thought of as a girl is inferior and therefore perhaps, girls are inferior.”

It’s a thought-provoking point; one I’m sure is based on the belief in equity passed down from her grandmother.

Dr Payal’s compassion for humanity is evident in all aspects of her work and life. Her patient’s problems are what inspire her to undertake medical research. “To be able to improve their quality of life, their understanding of their disease and empower them to be involved in the decision-making about their health is a rewarding experience. I feel very excited if I can take a problem from the clinic, work on it and bring it back to my patients. It is rewarding to be able to be very creative with these ideas, identify unmet needs in medicine and work together in diverse teams to solve those problems to make a tangible difference to someone’s life. It doesn’t really get much better than that for a doctor.”

Her young family and her work are inextricably linked. “Some of my daughter’s baby toys have made their way into my waiting room—perhaps she feels she contributes to my work. Some of the shows she watches allow me to engage with my paediatric patients—so by default, she knows she makes me a better doctor.

Dr Payal with her mother, Manju, and daughter, Eesha, met former NSW Governor David Hurley at Government House as part of her nomination celebration.

SUPPLIED

a young girl to never hold back on my dreams on account of my gender.” It’s clear progressive thinking runs through the bloodline.

As a leader in the development and adoption of technology within medicine, Dr Payal animatedly describes this area of her work. “The rapidity at which technology affects surgery is really quite astounding. The change is so rapid and, in some cases, so disruptive, that we are having to rapidly evolve as a society to constantly re-evaluate the very basic definitions of medical devices, manufacturers, suppliers, even access and equity. It means that as professionals we have increasing cross-disciplinary collaborations with experts to discuss the ethical, regulatory and legal implications of our research. I think it’s very exciting to be at the forefront of those conversations across disciplines, which you wouldn’t normally do as a surgeon; conversations to make us all adapt and evolve together as a society.”

That society encompasses generation Z (those born in the mid’90s to the early 2000s). With an eight-year-old daughter, Dr Payal has first-hand experience of watching how children take a piece of technology and combine it with their natural creativity. “My daughter wanted to come to the virtual reality lab at Sydney University, and we took a couple of her friends. By the end of the morning, they had not only adopted and mastered the technology but were already creating digital assets. Giving some of this knowledge to the younger generation—who are incredibly empowered with superior technology skills—is important to educate them early about the responsibilities that come with it.”

It’s sometimes hard to comprehend that 80 per cent of jobs that will exist in 2030 don’t exist today. But Dr Payal believes the signs are already there that those careers will be ones that enable her daughter’s generation to be “creative and observant. To identify new areas of need and be motivated and entrepreneurial to go out there to innovate.”

As a society, we’ve come a long way in helping girls form non-gender specific ideas about careers—we now encourage them to role play doctors, pilots and fire fighters. Dr Payal believes it’s just as important however, “that we don’t criticise our boys for

“I like to involve her in some of my research initiatives, not only because it educates her about a larger conversation happening in society by men and women about gender equity and exposes her to many other amazing female leaders around us, but so she can spread that message to her peer group and influence their beliefs as well.

“More often than not, the voices of children (and, in my case, my daughter’s) surprise me with their insights, and it really blows me away how much impact the youth can have on causes they are passionate about. She feels then quite empowered by this involvement and somehow, in my own way, it also allows me to be a better parent as we share common connections.”

Being able to create a “village” around her daughter has helped Dr Payal to build a career as well as give back to the community through her domestic violence prevention work. I ask how this came about and she recounts a moment of discomfort with a patient who had an injury caused by her husband. The patient was more afraid of Dr Payal confronting her husband than of her own injury.

“It made me feel helpless. I didn’t know what to do,” says Dr Payal. “The academic in me reached out for some information, to better train and educate myself, and I found that this was a real area of need for further education for doctors. In fact, it was one of the recommendations of the Royal Commission into Family Violence. So, I decided to advocate to raise awareness and skills

amongst my workforce so victims can be supported better by the system.”

Her reaction to and action in this situation highlight how Dr Payal is living the values she hopes to pass on to her daughter.

I wonder what she finds most challenging about being a parent and her answer is one we can all relate to: “Being present and being present: Sometimes, mental and physical exhaustion . . . make it difficult to shut off from your devices such as the phone and computer at home and even if you are physically present, you are not mentally listening.” But the reward she says is “in those moments of being mentally present and especially completely random moments where you are not trying to do anything . . . just being present, that you make the most rewarding connections.”

Kelly Allen is a freelance copywriter specialising in helping small businesses and start-ups perfect their website and marketing content. She lives in Sydney with her husband and three children. Wordified.com.au

If you or someone you know needs help, contact:

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SUPPORT 1800 737 732 AUSTRALIA

0800 456 450 NEW ZEALAND

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WELLBEING with Collett DOCTORS NOW PRESCRIBING PLAY

W

e are made for relationships, and play is one of the ways in which we form connections and build trust with our children.

Play is the “work” of childhood. It’s so important that the American Academy of Pediatrics recently released a report on the healing and protective powers of play. They strongly recommend paediatricians “prescribe” play for children and their parents, because it builds safe, stable and nurturing relationships. All levels of play help to develop social-emotional competence and teach children how to interact with adults and peers. Play also promotes language and cognitive development, and enhances brain structure.

Setting aside time to play with your child helps forge bonds and strong foundations for the inevitable tough times. This oneon-one focused time communicates to a child that they matter to you. It also establishes an environment of trust for future conversations on the trickier topics with tweens and teens.

However, the idea of play shouldn’t feel like another duty for parents. Play does not need a set formula or set of rules for it to be effective. Rather, think of play as fitting into your family’s personality, because play will look different for each child, each parent and each personality.

16

In the early years • Snuggle up with a book together (books can be used as a vehicle for asking further questions and prompting your child to think about others’ feelings or behaviours) • Cook or bake together

• Visit the park or the beach (leaving your phone in your bag) • Draw or create • Kick a ball in the garden • Lie on your child’s bed and simply watch them play with their toys

With tweens and teens: • Play a video game together • Watch a movie • Go for ice-creams or milkshakes • Walk the dog

• Late night hot chocolate • Tea on the deck • Shop for the new season’s clothes • Go on a weekend away • Cook

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COLLETT She’s an author, mum of three and psychologist. Watch Collett Smart share ways mums can look after their own wellbeing on the Mums At The Table TV show.

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HERE ARE SOME PLAY IDEAS:

BOYS . . .

explained

Rooted in biology but also influenced by other factors, there are some key differences between boys and girls that will impact how you understand, communicate with and support your sons.

Maggie Dent

BOYS PREFER TO DO Think for a moment what tends to happen if the average man buys a flat pack. He will generally start building it without reading the instructions. When he finishes, there are often unused bits that he sweeps aside because they “must be unimportant!”

What has actually happened is the man has been on an adventure, which he has then conquered through his own choices and autonomy. This gives him great fuel for his self-worth barometer.

We need to keep this in mind as mothers. When we want our sons to do something, we increase the chances of getting it done if they are allowed to have some autonomy in how to get it done.

I found in my high school classrooms that some boys worked better sitting on the floor rather than at desks. The fact they could choose was deceptively important to them and a small sign of respect. Little things matter and having complete authority that is mandated makes most boys defensive and resistant.

RICHVINTAGE—GETTY IMAGES

LISTENING IS A CHALLENGE

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One of the most common sources of conflict is that sons “never listen” or they seem not to hear what mums say! Here’s a possible explanation.

Let’s pretend your son is watching TV. You call out to him from the nearby kitchen, asking him to turn the TV off because dinner is ready. You notice no sign he has heard you. So you use a slightly louder voice. Still no reaction.

Then you shout at him very loudly.

You may notice your son turn quickly with a distressed look on his face, wondering why on earth his mother—the woman he loves more than anyone—is suddenly shouting!

You see, in a way he was really busy: his single focus was the TV and he did not hear you the first two times. I suggest that rather than call out, you walk over quietly and possibly tickle his back to get his attention, then give him five minutes to turn off the TV. Boys are often not good at transitions, especially moving from an experience they’re enjoying.

Just before the five minutes is up, go over and in a loving voice, ask him to turn the TV off now because dinner is ready.

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There is a question burning inside every boy, every day and that is: “What’s in it for me?”

MEMORY ISSUES If there’s one issue that drives mothers to need more chocolate, it is how frustrating it is for our sons to remember things. What we do know is that memories are anchored when there are strong emotions present, which is possibly one of the reasons why we remember quite vividly very painful moments of childhood and tend to forget the more bland, normal moments.

Little boys are notorious for accidentally weeing on the floor and they can also be known to have a quick poo and run out without wiping their bottom, flushing the toilet or washing their hands. Sometimes it’s not so much about forgetting as being distracted by something else. If there is a game going on, playing trumps everything and boys will sometimes wet themselves because they cannot drag themselves away.

BOYS NEED TO PLAY

It would seem that boys’ capacity to hear, especially to take in long-winded explanations and directions, is significantly different to how girls hear.

Have you ever noticed that girls can often listen to what you’re saying while they are talking as well?

I can attest to this in my classrooms where I would be giving a description about a task. Inevitably, two or three boys would put their hands up after and ask what they needed to do. More recent research suggests that rather than boys hearing less, this trend may have more to do with boys understanding less. Either way, this can be really frustrating for mums of sons.

BOYS GET INFORMATION OVERLOAD Boys tend to struggle with too many requests or when too many words are spoken. This is often because of an information overload.

Imagine the look on your son’s face if you asked him to put his dirty glass in the sink, wash his hands and come for dinner. There is a look that suggests, “Uh oh, I am gonna get into trouble because I didn’t hear what Mum said!”

Boys don’t tend to remember the first or last part of the request—it simply causes a minor brain freeze and that’s when you see a glazed expression. Try to ask him to do one thing at a time and then, when that’s done, ask him to do the next thing.

Often single words with clear non-verbal messages such as waving hands and arms, can get better results.

You may say, “David—” (pause and point to shoes) “in your bag” (point to bag) “now, please” (big smile or wink). Remember, he really wants to please you. If you can keep your requests to around 10 words or less, you also increase the chances of him succeeding.

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The cycle of requesting and nagging is a sign your communication is not working, not a sign he is being disobedient. If you can get into the habit of connecting with your son in a gentle, tender way that does not require words before you make your request, you will be lowering both of your stress levels.

BOYS HAVE SHORTER ATTENTION SPANS Boys’ attention spans appear to be shorter if they perceive an activity no longer deserves their attention.

Your son simply does not want to waste his energy on things that are not going to make him feel better about himself or that are not going to be fun.

I believe this may be to do with boys processing dopamine differently from girls: as soon as the dopamine level drops, boys will start moving to build the level back up.

Boredom to boys is akin to failing or losing and that is why sometimes a young lad who is watching TV might also be jumping up and down on the couch.

I have also heard from a physiotherapist that crossing the arms or legs for any length of time for some boys can be painful due to the differences in the development of boys’ and girls’ muscles and tendons.

BOYS NEED GREATER STIMULATION Boys need to be sure that an activity is worthwhile, interesting and something they want to do.

As an English teacher, it took me quite some time to convince some of my boys that English was a worthwhile subject.

There is a question burning inside every boy, every day and that is: “What’s in it for me?”

GRADYREESE, PEOPLEIMAGES—GETTY IMAGES, SUPPLIED

BOYS GENERALLY HEAR LESS

Children learn almost everything they need to know about life through play, from physical coordination, decision-making and problem-solving, to empathy and social and emotional skills. And in this world, where a tsunami of screens has changed the way we interact with each other, learn and engage, it is vital that we prioritise play.

Vigorous, rough-and-tumble play helps children, especially boys, diffuse excess emotional energy. Research has also shown a strong link between lack of rough-and-tumble play and violence once boys reach adolescence, and I am convinced the increasing violence and bullying in our schools is because we have not valued play enough.

Children need play for brain development—the cerebellum is stimulated by tumbling, rolling, balancing and spinning. Play helps a child learn emotional and social competencies, which cannot be developed through verbal interaction with adults.

I am a firm believer that all boys and all girls need plenty of ongoing opportunities for creative, exploratory play in stress-free environments, especially in nature without restrictions on time or freedom. It is essential to life itself.

This is an edited extract from the book, Mothering Our Boys, by Maggie Dent, released at the end of 2018 and now a bestseller.

Maggie Dent is pictured here with her sons, Ben, Michael, James and Alex (left to right). Maggie is one of Australia’s favourite parenting authors and educators. She is the host of ABC’s Parental As Anything podcast, which launched in May. Maggiedent.com.

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COOKING with Gia & Olive

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Mango custard 30 MINUTES + 30 MINUTES FRIDGE TIME 2–3 INGREDIENTS 40 g dried mango 150 g fresh mango (or frozen mango pieces) ½ cup coconut milk Juice of ½ lime (or lemon) 4 tsp arrowroot powder Optional ingredients: 4 tbsp black sesame seeds 4 tbsp coconut yoghurt

METHOD 1. Place dried mango in a bowl and cover with hot water.

Leave to soak for 7–10 minutes, then drain.

2. Place dried and fresh mango, coconut milk, ½ cup of hot water and lime juice in a blender and mix until creamy.

3. Mix arrowroot powder with 4 tsp of cold water and set aside.

4. Put mango cream in a pan and heat over low heat until you see steam rise. Do not let it boil! Mix in arrowroot paste and heat for 2–4 minutes over low heat until the cream becomes firm. Turn off the heat and pour the cream into 2 glasses. Put them in the fridge for 30 minutes.

5. Toast sesame seeds in a dry frying pan. Garnish the custard with sesame seeds and coconut yoghurt, and serve.

SOURCE: VEGAN BY KYRA DE VREEZE

Banana peanut split 10 MINUTES 2

1 HOUR 10 MINUTES 8

METHOD

INGREDIENTS

1.

Preheat oven to 180ºC (fan-forced).

2.

Process crust ingredients in a food processor (with

2 bananas ¼ cup peanut butter Topping ideas: Blueberries Strawberries Dark chocolate Coconut yoghurt Chia seeds Frozen raspberries

the plastic blade) until mixture sticks together when pressed between fingers.

INGREDIENTS

3.

CRUST

work the crust around the dish until it moulds to the

2 cups wholemeal flour ¹/³ cup olive oil ¹/³ cup water

side of the dish.

4.

½ tsp Himalayan salt

Process filling ingredients in a food processor (with the metal blade) until mixture has a creamy texture. (If your

FILLING 1 kg firm tofu

food processor is too small, process all the ingredients

250 g frozen chopped spinach

except the tofu. Use a fork to mash the tofu and mix it

1 zucchini, roughly chopped

into the processed mixture.)

1 bunch fresh dill ¹/³ cup nutritional yeast flakes 2 tsp Himalayan salt ½ cup shallots, finely sliced

22

Add crust to a round pastry dish. Using your hands,

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July 2019

5.

Pour mixture into crust and, using a spatula, spread the mixture equally around.

6.

Bake in oven for one hour.

FOOD STYLED BY SHONA SOLOMON AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

Spinach & dill quiche

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

Cut bananas in half while still in the peel, then remove peel.

Spread peanut butter on each half of the bananas.

Top with your choice of toppings.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

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Preschools:

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg and Flip Shelton

MAKING a

differen ce

Australia has seen a massive increase in enrolment in preschool programs over the past 10 years, making a significant difference to the country’s children and families.

A

nurturing home environment is important for young children, who are learning and processing information from the moment they’re born. Having parents who play, read and talk with them daily lays the foundation for children’s wellbeing and brain development. In addition to this, one of the best things parents can do to support their child’s development is to get them into a quality play-based early learning service. (This could be called preschool or kindergarten, depending on which state you live in. See table “Navigating preschool and first year of school across Australia” on page 26.)

Quality early learning amplifies the skills children are already learning at home, in a socially stimulating and supportive environment. Many parents have experienced the benefits of their children participating in quality early learning. A 2017 Early Childhood Australia survey of nearly 3000 parents found that more than 90 per cent of parents said their children had improved their social skills, confidence and emotional capacity as a result of attending early learning, and parents had observed

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improvements in their children’s thinking, speaking and listening skills. Parents also commented on their children’s engagement in creative projects and benefitting from building relationships with children and educators.

Erica Gardner from Victoria describes how her daughter’s early childhood educators helped her to recognise and manage her emotions: “One of her educators showed her a breathing technique, one big breath in and then a long slow breath out, repeated a few times, that is useful when she is feeling frustrated or angry. I’ve tried to do this at home with her and used it myself.

I’ve even heard her muttering to herself about needing to breathe when she is feeling angry with her brother.”

A Queensland mother says she noticed her son’s concentration and attention span had really improved since he started preschool: “Now, when it’s time to read at night, he'll go and find something he wants to read, and ask us to read it. He sometimes even has a book under his pillow. I really like the way they encourage the kids to take responsibility at the preschool, like putting

RAWPIXEL—GETTY IMAGES

Samantha Page

their drink bottles away. I’m impressed with how organised everything is and how welcoming.”

It is a great achievement that 95 per cent of children in Australia are now enrolled in a preschool program (up from 12 per cent in 2008), whether that’s in a standalone preschool or kindy, as part of a long day care centre or in a school-based preschool.

Starting a preschool program however, is not the same as going to school. Quality early education involves play-based learning in an age-appropriate curriculum.

As Early Childhood lecturers at Deakin University, AnneMarie Morrissey, Natalie Robertson and Elizabeth Rouse write, play-based learning “enables the child to engage in the flexible and higher-level thinking processes, including problem solving, analysing, evaluating, applying knowledge and creativity”.

Their article, “Play-based learning can set your child up for success at school and beyond,” published in The Conversation, says that play supports positive attitudes to learning, such as imagination, curiosity, enthusiasm and persistence. The type of learning

processes and skills fostered in play cannot be replicated through rote learning, where there is an emphasis on remembering facts.

They quote research studies that show children engaged in play-based programs use more complex language processes and have improved literacy skills: “These include understanding the structure of words and the meanings of words. Another study found children’s vocabulary and ability to tell a story was higher in a play-based classroom than a traditional classroom.”

Erica explains how play-based learning improves problemsolving skills and cognitive development: “My daughter and three of her friends built a castle together. The educators assisted them with resources and advice [such as how to spell words when they wanted to label different parts of the castle (literacy)] but ultimately they built it because they wanted to.

“The children had to build turrets and a drawbridge (numeracy), plan and negotiate who was doing what task and share one castle between the four of them (social-emotional). Play usually provides children with pleasure and interest that is maintained

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without external rewards. In learning through play, children associate learning with a process that is self-motivated.”

A challenge for Australian parents is that every state and territory has a different system with differing age requirements for preschool and starting school, and even different names. In ACT, Northern Territory and New South Wales, the year before starting school is called preschool, but in all the other states it’s called kindergarten. This is particularly confusing as in ACT, NSW and Western Australia, the first year of primary school is called kindergarten. (See table “Navigating preschool and first year of school across Australia” below).

The cost and availability of preschool programs varies widely across Australia. In ACT, South Australia, Western Australia, the Northern Territory and Tasmania, preschool programs are often delivered via the school system and are free. In Queensland, Victoria and NSW, preschool programs are delivered through standalone kindergartens or preschools, or in long day care centres and require fees to be paid. Where programs are delivered through long day care centres, they are generally also subsidised by the Commonwealth via the Child Care Subsidy scheme.

The NSW and Victorian governments have made commitments to reduce preschool costs for parents, but there is still a long way to go before access to preschool reaches the same levels as in the other states and territories.

Early childhood educators, researchers and advocacy organisations such as Early Childhood Australia all agree it would be beneficial for Commonwealth funding to be extended to support preschool enrolment for all children for two years before they start school. The 2017 landmark Lifting Our Game report recommended extending the funding for universal access to preschool programs to include three-year-olds as “the single most impactful reform Australia could undertake, with international comparisons highlighting it as the biggest gap in the current system”.

The evidence for the benefits of children participating in two years of preschool is also outlined in the Mitchell Institute’s report, Preschool—Two Years are Better Than One. It documents UK and US studies that found students who attended two or more years of preschool: • Obtained higher total final exam scores, better grades in English and in maths and took more final year exams.

• Improved Grade 4 learning results.

• Higher scores in international test results at age 15 than those who attended no preschool or only attended for one year.

Australia lags way behind other developed countries on the participation of three-year-olds in early education. With only 62.5

FREE PRINTAB LE SCHOOL STARTIN G SCHEDUL E AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff

NAVIGATING

preschool AND 1st year of school

per cent of three-year-old children attending some form of early education, Australia is in the bottom third of countries rated by the OECD (Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development). The top 10 countries have 95–100 per cent of three-yearolds in preschool education.

When children participate in high quality early education, there are far-reaching benefits, not just for them, but for the whole community. A 2015 study by the UK’s Department of Education found that these children are more likely to complete Year 12 and are less likely to repeat grades or require additional support, while another study linked high-quality early childhood education with higher levels of employment, income and financial security, improved health outcomes and reduced crime.

Parents can feel reassured that sending their child to quality early learning for a year or more before starting school is a great way for them to get the best start in life.

Samantha Page is CEO of Early Childhood Australia, the country’s peak early childhood advocacy organisation, acting in the interests of young children, their families and those in the early childhood field. Earlychildhoodaustralia. org.au.

EARLY CHILDHOOD AUSTRALIA IS PART OF A NATIONAL COLLABORATIVE CAMPAIGN CALLED EARLY LEARNING EVERYONE BENEFITS WITH 25 OTHER EARLY CHILDHOOD PEAK, EDUCATION, COMMUNITY AND RESEARCH ORGANISATIONS. THEY ARE CAMPAIGNING TO ENSURE THAT ALL AUSTRALIAN CHILDREN HAVE ACCESS TO AT LEAST TWO DAYS PER WEEK OF QUALITY EARLY LEARNING, ESPECIALLY IN THE TWO YEARS BEFORE SCHOOL. FIND OUT MORE AT EVERYONEBENEFITS.ORG.AU.

ACROSS AUSTRALIA AGE

Preschool in primary schools (no fee) or long day care centre

Can enrol your child in preschool if they turn four years old by April 30

Preschool in government-run primary schools; no fee

Can enrol your child in preschool (or kindergarten) from the age of four

NSW

Preschool in standalone community preschools or long day care centres; fees

Can enrol your child if they turn four before August 1 in the year before starting school

Queensland

Kindergarten in standalone or long day care centres, usually in or near a school

Can enrol your child if they turn four by June 30 in the year before starting school

ACT

NT

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PRESCHOOL YEAR

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July 2019

1ST YEAR OF SCHOOL

SCHOOL STARTING AGE

Kindergarten

Must be five years old by April 30 in the year they start kindergarten. It is compulsory for children to be enrolled in school from age six

STATE/ TERRITORY

PRESCHOOL YEAR

1ST YEAR OF SCHOOL

SCHOOL STARTING AGE

Can enrol your child if they turn four before May 1 in the year before starting school

Reception

If the child turns five before May 1 they will start school on the first day of term one in that year. If they turn five on or after May 1, they will start school on the first day of term one the following year.

Children must enrol at school by six years

Kindergarten in government-run primary schools; no fee

If your child is four years old on January 1, they can go to kindergarten that year

Prep

Prep is compulsory for all children who turn five on or by January 1 that year

Kindergarten mostly standalone centres; fees

Can enrol your child if they are turning four before or on April 30 in the year before starting school

Prep / Foundation

To start primary school your child will need to turn five years old by April 30 in the year that they start school. Your child must be at school in the year that they turn six years of age

Kindergarten in government-run primary schools and standalone centres; no fee

You can enrol your child in kindergarten if they turn four years old by June 30 that year

Pre-Primary

Enrol in compulsory pre-primary when your child turns five years old by June 30 that year

AGE

Preschool or Kindergarten

Transition

Kindergarten

Prep

South Australia

Can start Transition if they turn five by June 30 in the year they are enrolled. Compulsory schooling begins with Year 1 when children must be enrolled in the year they will turn six by June 30 Children can start kindergarten at the beginning of the school year if they turn five on or before July 31 that year. By law, all children must be in compulsory schooling by their sixth birthday Can start Prep if they turn five by June 30 in the year they are enrolled. Compulsory schooling begins with Year 1 when children must be enrolled in the year they will turn six by June 30

Tasmania

BGBLUE—GETTY IMAGES, FREEPIK

STATE/ TERRITORY

Victoria

Western Australia

mostly governmentrun, can be community or private standalone services or in schools or with other early learning services; no fees or voluntary contribution

To find out more about preschools and starting school in New Zealand, go to newzealandnow.govt.nz/living-in-nz/education/childcare-preschool

July 2019

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GETTING

JulEYE

Nation al Aware Eye Health ness M onth

MORE THAN A MAGAZINE

Our mission is simple: to connect with mothers and discuss issues that matter to them, to help mums like you and their families flourish. And one way we try to accomplish that is by meeting up with mums in real life!

CMAA EXCELLENCE IN MEDIA AWARDS GOLD COAST, AUSTRALIA Not a meet-up per se, but we’re so proud of our Mums At The Table TV show panellist, Maryellen, for winning Best Emerging Talent at the 2019 Christian Media & Arts Australia (CMAA) Excellence in Media Awards presentation.

Maryellen won the award for her video series, “A virtual baby for Maryellen!” (available from our Facebook page; click on “Video” to find them) and her articles for Mums At The Table magazine and website (“My Virtual Baby and Me” and “Living Without Waste”).

Besides working on Mums At The Table, Maryellen is also one of the hosts of I Am, which won the

WHY

YOUR CHILD NEEDS AN EYE TEST

Susanne Gervay

“We have long campaigned for parents to consider the balance between screentime versus green time as part of safeguarding our children’s vision,” says chief clinical officer of Optometry Australia, Luke Arundel.

To protect a child’s vision, Luke recommends the 20/20/20 rule whether it’s time spent reading a book or on a digital device.

“It is important to take a 20-second break every 20 minutes and look at an object at least 20 feet [six metres] away.”

Research suggests that spending two hours a day outside in bright light may also have a protective effect against the development of short-sightedness.

When sight issues are diagnosed, children may find wearing glasses difficult. Playing can be a problem as a child gets used to glasses, they may misplace them and find it hard to adjust to the changed vision. Children can also feel different to their peers, embarrassed and worry about teasing and even bullying.

Engaging them through picture books and story is a powerful way to understand vision, the impact of wearing glasses, acceptance by peers and promote play, whatever a child’s difference.

If your child has to wear glasses, remind them that their new glasses are giving them the gift of sight and wearing them allows them to play. Some children’s eyesight will correct, while others will wear glasses all their life.

A copy of The Boy in the Big Blue Glasses by Susanne Gervay.

!

WIN

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Enter at www.

MumsAtTheTable.com/ BigBlueGlassesGiveaway

July 2019

An award-winning children’s author and educational consultant, Susanne Gervay, OAM, specialises in story engagement to engage in awareness of childhood challenges. Her new picture book, The Boy in the Big Blue Glasses, is a joyous and positive invitation to address vision, glasses and dealing with difference. Sgervay.com

find us @MumsAtTheTable

Compelling Content—Film/Television/Video category at the same awards presentation.

I Am, a different production from our publisher, Adventist Media, is a 13-part series created for young adults, on discovering and developing a relationship with Jesus.

Mums At The Table’s executive producer Adam (pictured here with Maryellen) also directed the I Am series.

TEDDY BEAR’S PICNIC SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA For the third year running, we’ve had the pleasure of meeting new mums at Sydney Adventist Hospital’s Teddy Bear’s Picnic.

MUM MEET-UPS We have recently started organising mum meet-ups in Sydney, and hope to bring them to other cities, and even to New Zealand soon!

FERRANTRAITE—GETTY IMAGES, FREEPIK

B

abies and younger children will learn more about the world through vision than from all their other senses combined. Good vision is important for a child’s educational, physical and social development.

Unfortunately, in Australia, one in five children suffer from undetected vision problems. When undetected, the effects of a vision condition can impact every aspect of a child’s life‚ from reading, schoolwork, sport and family relationships, to selfesteem. It can lead to inaccurate labelling of children as slow learners, lacking confidence or even troublemakers.

This is one of the reasons why children should have a full eye examination before school, then throughout primary and high school. Vision checks are free in both Australia and New Zealand.

Today, more children than ever are at risk of developing poor vision through a variety of factors, including increased screentime and decreased green time.

Reading from a device, especially when done in close proximity to the screen for long periods, has a negative impact on the development of vision. Simply reading a picture book rather than on a screen increases play, social engagement, bonding between parent and child, imagination, literacy and safeguards vision.

social

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9.30 am every Monday and 11.30 am every Saturday (Australia)

HopeChannel (New Zealand) Check website for times

Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

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BUILDING RESILIENCE IN CHILDREN WORKSHOP SYDNEY, AUSTRALIA Resident psychologist Collett Smart shared how parents can raise resilient children at our first ever parenting workshop.

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Playful ways TO TEACH

SOLSTOCK—GETTY IMAGES

kids about money

30

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Teaching your children about money is crucial, and it doesn’t have to be difficult.

Helen Baker

T

he dollar coin is undervalued. I don’t mean that as a comment on the strength of our currency but rather that this little golden coin is both a lesson in social sciences and financial literacy just waiting to be explored with your child.

I spent a recent afternoon with my sixyear-old great-nephew, whom I lovingly call BamBam, examining my dollar coin collection. He sorted them according to the designs: the mob of roos pile teetered like the leaning tower of Pisa and there were a good number of the red poppy embossed war hero coins, as well as a smattering for the centenary of rugby league, Korean War sixtieth anniversary, lunar year of the rooster (2017) and a lonely Dot and the Kangaroo.

BamBam later counted and very proudly announced I was rich: I had $123!

Two out of three Australian parents admit digital money makes it harder for children to grasp the value of real money, according to a report released last year by the Financial Planning Association of Australia.

Scarily, the same report revealed that parents feel less comfortable talking to their children about money than sex!

Given that kids can grasp basic money concepts at preschool age, and that, by age seven, money habits can be set, not showing our kids the reality of money is like telling them about the birds and the bees after they become sexually active!

While there are plenty of apps and online games involving money for children to play, I’m going to suggest something rather old school.

When it comes to money, I believe we handle it better when we handle coins and notes. Think about it. If you give yourself $50 for the week and have

that money in your wallet, you are aware of it and weigh up your spending far more carefully than if you were able to tap-and-go.

It stands to reason that our children learn about money when the lesson is physical, or kinesthetic, too. After all, kids don’t just look at trucks and dolls, they play with them.

Here are some suggestions:

MAKE BELIEVE I loved playing “checkout chick” when I was young. I had a toy cash register, play money and lots of cartons for my shop. Teddy and the dolls (or my brother) would come and shop. Role play is important for kids’ development. Money Match Café is a more sophisticated boxed version of my game, ideal for five- to eightyear-olds.

COIN-COUNTING As my nephew noticed, there are lots of stories attached to coins. Coins have different values too and can be a great way to learn maths. For example, BamBam told me he could buy an icy pole for 25 cents at school or a super-size one for 50 cents. I explained he could also buy two standard icy poles and give one to a friend for 50 cents too.

IT COSTS HOW MUCH? When kids are older, I suggest giving them some money (say $10) and a few items on the shopping list and tell them you’ll meet them at the other side of the checkout. They get to search and add and learn the value of items. Heap on the praise for the efforts but be firm about budget.

FAMILY TIME One of my favourite enduring memories of family time was playing Monopoly around the dining table. I still love it. Yes, it is a game of strategy and yes, it does teach us about decisions, deal-making and money, but it teaches something else that money can’t buy: togetherness.

BO

Read NUS “The our arti c Teac Easiest W le, h Ch a y to ild Mon ey”, f ren Abo ut e inter view aturing a n w ith H on o e ur w ebsit len, e.

Helen Baker is a licensed Australian financial adviser and author of On Your Own Two Feet: Steady Steps to Women’s Financial Independence. Her latest book is On Your Own Two Feet Divorce: Your Survive and Thrive Financial Guide.

Proceeds from the books’ sales are donated to charities supporting disadvantaged women. Onyourowntwofeet.com.au.

July 2019

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MAKE AND PLAY: SPACE

MY BOOK (NOT YOURS)

Joey Chou Nosy Crow A$14.99 | NZ$16.99

Ben Sanders Lothian Children’s Books A$24.99 | NZ$29.99

WOMBAT, MUDLARK AND OTHER STORIES Helen Milroy Fremantle Press A$14.99 | NZ$17.99

MR POSEY’S NEW GLASSES Ted Kooser & Daniel Duncan Candlewick Press A$24.99 | NZ$27.99

Suitable for a younger primary audience, this picture book has some quirky, magical and whimsical elements—much like Enid Blyton’s The Magic Faraway Tree, but with glasses.

It’s a fun book to sift through with your child to discover all the elements on the pages. There are also subtle messages about changing perspective, reusing and recycling.

Be prepared to dazzle your child with all things spacerelated in this activity board book. There are press-out pieces, lyrics for a space song, recipes for biscuits and science experiments, as well as craft suggestions.

If anything, this book will give you ideas to entertain your child, hopefully for a couple of days.

Unique in its style and telling, this is a picture book without a storyline as you may expect. The friendly rivalry and squabbles between Lento (a sloth) and Fox (a . . . fox) are amusing and will make this an energetic and dramatic read-out-loud session with your child. The bright and bold illustrations should capture your child’s attention.

MAPLE THE BRAVE

DIBS!

SUPER SIDEKICKS 1

THE GOOD THIEVES

Encourage your child to face their fears in this charming picture book about a girl who lies awake at night, afraid of the big unknown. The story shows how by being brave and stepping out of our comfort zone, we can experience adventure and fun like we never knew we could.

If you’ve just had a second child or are expecting one, you may want to consider getting this book for your firstborn. There are good lessons about sharing and sibling love that will hopefully help to guide your child. The story is slightly far-fetched for an adult, but your child will probably think it funny.

A graphic novel featuring kid superheroes, what more could a young reader want? The first of a series, it’s quite possible your child will want to collect them all thanks to the interesting storyline that’s filled with lots of laughs. With its host of cute characters and easy readability, this is great non-screentime entertainment for kids.

Set in 1920s New York City, this is a heist story for a different ilk. Starring a young girl who has recovered from polio, two boys from circus families and a young Irish street kid, this novel is fast-paced, intriguing and has all the elements for an absorbing read, with a surprise twist at the end. Suitable for an older primary audience.

GRANDPA’S NOISES

KIDS WHO DID

This is a book designed to be read out loud, complete with creaks, mumbles and, you’ve guessed it, fart noises.

It’ll likely elicit laughter from your child as you mimic voices and actions, while at the same time celebrating the strong and loving bond between grandfather and grandchild.

It’s hard to imagine that children can achieve amazing things, but this book provides the true-life stories of those who did. Peppered with stories of children who are making a difference in the world today gives the book relevance. There can be some heavy and sad themes, but overall, this book has the potential to inspire and encourage older primary readers.

Chloe Jasmine Harris Walker Books A$24.99 | NZ$27.99

THE WAY TO TREASURE ISLAND Lizzy Stewart Frances Lincoln Children’s Books A$24.99 | NZ$27.99

Gorgeously illustrated, this is a book worth reading if only just to admire the drawings. But read the story and you’ll discover it’s a sweet little tale of a fatherdaughter relationship. Help your child to understand how our differences can complement each other in this amusing and adventure-filled story.

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PRIMARY

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER

MumsAtTheTable.com

July 2019

WIN

WIN

Gavin Aung Than Puffin Books A$9.99 | NZ$9.99

Laura Gehl & Marcin Piwowarski Carolrhoda Books A$27.99 | NZ$29.99

WIN

Told in the style of origin myths, with a strong traditional Indigenous influence, the soothing narrative has the potential to calm a child struggling with anxiety or identity.

Written by a child psychiatrist, this is a story that can help children to find their hidden strengths—and to feel proud of them.

Katherine Rundell Bloomsbury Children’s Books A$14.99 | NZ$16.99

WIN THESE ! !

S K O BO

Kirsty Murray Allen & Unwin A$19.99 | NZ$22.99

Gareth St John Thomas & Colin Rowe EK Books A$24.99 | NZ$24.99

WIN

WIN

HOW T U O D FIN E9 ON PAG July 2019

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Anonymous

W

look

hen I look around my classroom, I couldn’t tell you who crawled first, who walked before the age of one or spoke in sentences by 15 months. I can’t tell you if their parents breastfed or bottle-fed. No clue if they still wear pull-ups at night—because I’m sure many do!

I don’t know if they potty-trained at 18 months or four years old. I don’t know if their mum ever left them to cry it out for a few minutes or if they strapped them to their bodies 24/7.

You know what I can tell you when I look at my kids?

I can tell which families value kindness and manners in their homes. I can tell when a child feels loved and secure at home (and at school, which sadly isn’t always everyone’s school experience).

I know who has pizza and a movie on Saturday nights and which mum reads in different voices for bedtimes. I see how kids handle scary situations like thunderstorms. I can see who has a solid routine at home and who has chores and responsibilities.

I can hear how you speak to your children by how they speak to others.

When I look at my little friends, I don’t see their milestones. I see who they are: their heart, their actions, their inner voice, their struggles and triumphs. And I see you: all the love you pour into them.

Go easy on yourselves, mamas. Just love your little ones—it’s what they need the most.

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

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