Mums At The Table - May 2019

THE PAMPER ISSUE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

MAY 2019

GO FROM

broke  TO millionaire Diets:

WHY YOU SHOULD avoid THEM

HAPPY

MOTHER'S DAY!

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Your magazine is complimentary and made possible by the generous support of your Mums At The Table community.

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

Jo in us

MAY 2019

just for you

8 SOPHIE’S BOYS First, she lost her premature triplets. Then, her husband lost his battle with cancer.

20 MY INVISIBLE PAIN

Raising children can be difficult, but what if you have MS? 28 THE ABUNDANCE OF FRUGALITY

How a single mother became a self-made millionaire.

34 OUR SHOW’S PANELLISTS’ ODE TO MUMS

186

8

parenting

6 HOW TO DEAL WITH THE STRESS OF STUDY

Helping your child to cope with the mental pressure.

32 BOOK CORNER

food & wellbeing 12 ASK THE EXPERTS

17 10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

14 THE AT-HOME WORKOUT ANYONE CAN DO 17 WELLBEING WITH COLLETT Truckloads of love.

26 18 A MOTHER’S NEEDS

Optimal care every mum requires, from pregnancy to birth.

22 DIETS IN DISGUISE

Why you may be on a diet without even knowing it.

26 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE

Sweet potato tacos; dragon fruit ice-cream; choc-mint milkshake; stuffed dates.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @MumsAtTheTable

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VOLUME 3 NUMBER 5 The Pamper Issue

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3

e r ' u o Y

from the

E

g m n i o r t hers! e w e mpo

editor

Melody

Thanks to the partnership and support of generous mums like you, the Mums At The Table community is able to encourage and support mums all across Australia and New Zealand through their parenting journey. You can help inspire other mums too, go to mumsatthetable.com/donate.

Firstly, let me say how much I enjoy receiving and reading Mums At The Table. Even though I am not a mum, I still enjoy the read and sharing with others. . . . I haven’t noticed, however, any articles about dads who are parenting solo. Perhaps this is an area to look into and explore. Best wishes on a great magazine, looking forward to the next issue.

—Marg

Letter of the Month FREEPIK.COM

may

arlier this year, I started exercising regularly again. Saying goodbye to my husband and son in the evening to join my fitness group, after a brief hello after getting home from work, was extremely difficult for me to do initially.

It wasn’t because I was reluctant to go and spend the next hour discovering muscles I never knew I had (OK, maybe it was a little bit of that). My main battle was mental—I felt really guilty.

As a full-time working mum, I felt guilty because I thought it somehow meant I was sacrificing whatever precious time I should be spending with my child on myself instead. Since my husband is Elliott’s primary carer, I also felt guilty for having to let him “work an extra shift”, pretty much until just before Elliott’s bedtime.

Yet, after that first week, I felt fabulous (mentally, not physically—I couldn’t walk for days afterwards) and my husband and Elliott didn’t fall to pieces the hour-and-a-half that I was gone.

I’m still not as fit as I used to be, but I’m also fitter than who I was immediately before I started. And to me, that means a lot. For some reason, simply taking the time to focus on becoming a healthier version of myself has done wonders for me emotionally, mentally and physically.

So in case you’re wondering if I’ve lost my mind for including a feature piece on exercise by three-time Olympian Lisa Curry (see page 14, “The At-Home Workout Anyone Can Do”) in an issue themed “Pamper”, I haven’t. As Lisa herself says, pampering is about looking after ourselves.

As mums, we give so much of ourselves, and I’m sure many of you would agree, feel terribly guilty when we decide to focus on ourselves. Don’t.

You have to be rested, happy and fulfilled before you can give of yourself to your children, your partner, your family and your friends. And you’ll discover that when you shift the focus—even temporarily—away from others and to yourself, nobody will fall apart, Earth continues to rotate on its axis and you are all the better to be there for your family when it matters the most.

For all that you do as mum, wife, daughter, mentor, friend, you are awesome. We’re celebrating you this month, mums. Happy Mother’s Day.

I got to know about your magazine from my Plunket nurse [early childhood nurse in New Zealand]. I am so appreciative [of your] magazine. It is very helpful for new mums like me. I bless you [with] my whole heart . . . keep this up. Also, thank you so much for your emails.

—Iresha

I was very impressed when I somehow got hold of your magazine. Love to get six at a time if possible. We work with Aboriginal communities—hubby drives a large bus. Love to pass your magazine on!

—Teena

The Mums At The Table magazines and emails have been really appreciated by me. I [share] my magazines with a mothers’ group and they are very much well received. I have [also] found your TV programs wonderful. Very well researched with a variety of guests speaking well.

—Yvonne

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HOW TO DEAL WITH THE

By Dr Michael Carr-Gregg and Flip Shelton

s s e r st OF study TRY TO GET ENOUGH SLEEP

TAKE BREAKS EVERY 20 MINUTES

For all students, the single most important study tool is a good night’s sleep. Research demonstrates that staying up late in an attempt to memorise extra facts has the opposite effect, giving the brain no “downtime” to embed its knowledge. In a study, researchers tracked students taking major exams and correlated their marks with the number of hours they slept the night before. Not too surprisingly, they found that sleep deprivation corresponded to lower exam scores. Most importantly, sleep helps your brain to assimilate new knowledge into your long-term memory so that you can recall it when it comes to test day. Anyone who has tried to concentrate with half a night’s sleep can also testify to improved focus with better sleep.

On average, our brains are not designed to remain focused on a single task for a significantly long time—most people usually begin to lose focus and concentration after 20 minutes. Their quality of reception starts to drop and their ability to adequately grasp information from their point of attention deteriorates. At this point, their brain requires some time off, a distraction. Bear this in mind when planning your study and try to take regular breaks—it’s a more efficient way to work.

Research has shown that exercising can aid your memory and brain power. It has been scientifically proven that taking a 20-minute walk before an exam can boost your cognitive performance by up to 10 per cent. A study by Charles Hillman of the University of Illinois, USA, found that moderate exercise (30 minutes for adults and 20 minutes for children) can result in a 5–10 per cent improvement in cognition, the activity that takes place in the brain’s frontal lobe.

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TAKING NOTES? DON’T USE A LAPTOP

GO COLD TURKEY ON TECH It can be hard to disconnect from the online world while studying, but keeping the end goal and timeframe in mind will ease the process. Rather than relying on willpower, try internet-blocking applications such as Cold Turkey that block distractions such as apps or websites for certain periods of time within your schedule.

They can be fantastic for improving focus and productivity.

SAY IT OUT LOUD A paper by Colin MacLeod and colleagues in the Journal of Experimental Psychology: Learning, Memory, and Cognition in 2010 looked at people’s memory for items such as a list of words. In

SOUTH_AGENCY—GETTY IMAGES

EXERCISE BEFORE AN EXAM

their experiments, they found that if people studied the list by reading half of the words silently and saying the other half out loud, the words spoken aloud were remembered much better than those that were read silently. This is known as the “production effect” and it can be a great technique for improving your memory of certain information during study.

Did you know that taking notes with pen and paper (the old-fashioned way) actually enhances memory and your capacity to understand whatever it is that you are studying? Researchers from Princeton and UCLA in the USA studied students in classrooms where some took notes with laptops and others with pen and paper. They discovered that taking notes using a tablet or computer could be damaging to academic performance as students who did so were more likely to transcribe “mindlessly”, resulting in shallower learning. Students using pen and paper showed they had learned and retained more understanding in the long run.

HAVE BREAKFAST Food is energy and knowing what to eat and drink before studying or taking exams can make all the difference to one’s

performance. Missing breakfast can impair your cognitive function and capacity to study, while evidence suggests that breakfast consumption—when compared to skipping breakfast—enhances cognitive function in all students. Particularly good breakfast foods include full-fat plain yoghurt, blueberries, eggs and wholefood cereals such as porridge and natural muesli. If you find it hard to manage a substantial meal in the morning, at the very least try a healthy smoothie.

EAT DARK CHOCOLATE Consuming dark chocolate (with over 70 per cent cocoa content) can help buffer the effects of the stress hormone cortisol.

Make sure you only consume it in moderate amounts, though!

EXTRACT FROM SMART SNACKS BY MICHAEL CARR-GREGG & FLIP SHELTON, PUBLISHED BY PENGUIN LIFE ON 5 FEBRUARY 2019, RRP $24.99

Dr Michael Carr-Gregg is an adolescent psychologist, a well-respected speaker and one of Australia's leading authorities on teenage behaviour.

Flip Shelton is a mother who's passionate about good food and healthy food choices. She has written for various magazines, newspapers and online publications, and 10 years ago established her own muesli production business, Flip's Muesli.

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SOPHIE’S BOYS

Sophie and husband, Ash, with 14-dayold Jasper on the day he opened his right eye for the first time.

I

n 2006, my husband Ash and I were amazed and delighted to become pregnant with triplets. However, our joy turned to tragedy when my waters broke, just 21 weeks into the pregnancy.

Five days later, our first son Henry was born, so beautiful and perfect, and looking just like Ash. He gave a tiny cry and was laid on my chest where, for one precious hour, I held him and felt his heart beating against mine. His tiny hands squeezed onto our fingers and then, he passed away.

Incredibly, Henry’s siblings didn’t follow their brother into the world that day. As intervention isn’t given to babies born before 24 weeks, we had a long way to go. But as the days passed, our hopes grew. At 24-and-a-half weeks, after three weeks of bedrest in hospital, my waters broke once again, and Jasper and Evan were born

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by emergency caesarean. They were immediately intubated and transferred to the neonatal intensive care unit at the Royal Hospital for Women in Sydney.

Weighing less than a kilo, we knew our boys had a long fight ahead. However, babies this small had survived before and we were optimistic. The first few days were promising. Both boys were taking my expressed breastmilk through tubes into their stomachs.

We spent every day sitting by their humidicribs, marvelling at how beautiful they were and falling in love with them.

But when our babies were 10 days old, Ash and I rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night as Evan had taken ill. We sat with him through the night and in the morning, learned that he had suffered a severe brain haemorrhage.

Heartbroken, we had no choice but to remove him from his life

SUPPLIED

Sophie Smith shares her heartbreaking and inspirational story of the origins of the “Running for Premature Babies” movement.

support. We told Evan how much we loved him and kissed him, and he slipped away while he was in my arms. That was the first time Ash and I had held Evan.

Over the next few weeks, Jasper began to grow stronger. Amidst the worry and sadness of this time, we also have some beautiful and happy memories of our time with him. There was the amazing day that he opened his eyes for the first time, the handful of times we were allowed to take him out of his crib for a cuddle and the time I gave him one precious breastfeed.

But, like many premature babies, ours had chronic lung disease.

Jasper’s lungs kept collapsing and many times over the next few weeks, we came close to losing him. However, each time he amazed his doctors and fought on.

At 58 days old, Jasper’s lungs collapsed again, but this time he

could not be revived. Once again we took our baby out of his crib and held him while he passed away.

The days and weeks following Jasper’s death were terribly hard.

When I should have been run off my feet looking after three tiny babies, I was instead facing maternity leave with empty arms. Ash and I talked about them all the time, and about the incredible love that they had brought into our lives.

We were determined that their deaths would not be the end of their stories and that something good would come from their lives.

To help me get through the days, Ash suggested I train for a half marathon and dedicate it to Henry, Jasper and Evan, raising some money for the Royal Hospital for Women in their memory.

Ash’s idea came about because when our babies were in hospital, we learned that most of the machines that kept our boys alive were donated and that the hospital relies on fundraising for 70 per cent of the equipment in the unit. So we started a quest to gather a group of people to run the SMH Half Marathon and raise $20,000 for one new humidicrib for the hospital, in memory of our boys.

What happened from there totally blew me away! Four months later, I was toeing the start line of my first half marathon with a team of 98 runners and together we raised $80,000! The following year, I found myself doing it all over again and this time many people in my community put up their hands to help. It became an annual event, and more and more people joined us each year with their own stories of prematurity and baby loss.

As the years passed and we provided more life-saving equipment to the hospital, people began to join whose own babies’ lives had been saved with the help of the equipment we’d provided.

Two years after losing our triplets, and six months after welcoming our fourth son—a big, fat, beautiful bouncing baby called Owen—tragedy struck my family once again. Ash, then 36, was busy training for the upcoming SMH Half Marathon, and hoping to beat his personal best of 99 minutes. He began to have debilitating headaches and to our utter shock, was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer with a grim prognosis.

Instead of spending his time worrying about what the future had to hold, Ash got on with living in the present. He approached his illness with a courage I’ve never before seen and refused to let it get in the way of us enjoying our lives. He defied the odds and returned to full health, and we became parents once again to another son, Harvey.

However, when his cancer reared its ugly head five years later, he never asked, “Why me?” and he never gave up. He even continued to run the SMH Half Marathon in Sydney on our Running for Premature Babies team between surgery and chemo—it took him over three hours to complete his last race in May 2015, but he did it! He endured countless surgeries to remove recurrent tumours, chemo and radiotherapy, but eventually no more could be done to save him and he passed away on February 20, 2016.

Ash taught me it’s never OK to give up and so after he died, I threw myself into the work of Running for Premature Babies. Three months after Ash passed away, I ran the SMH Half Marathon with a team of 500 runners—double the number we’d ever had!—and took three minutes off my personal best.

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GET

social find us @MumsAtTheTable

The Running for Premature Babies team last year.

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Australian of the Year awards as 2019 NSW Local Hero. My goal is to grow our charity to create running communities around our country to support more hospitals with neonatal intensive care units so babies born prematurely in Australia have the best possible chance of survival.

As I write this, I’m aiming to gather a record-size team (600 people) in the Sydney Half Marathon on May 19. We are also putting together teams in the Brisbane Marathon in June, the Gold Coast Marathon in July, Sydney’s City2Surf in August and the Annapurna Marathon in the Nepalese Himalayas in October!

Running for Premature Babies is a community open to everyone, be they seasoned runners or complete beginners, whether they have a personal connection to prematurity or baby loss, or whether they’re lucky enough never to have been touched by prematurity. Those interested can either run in one of our team events, run any event of their choice around Australia, donate or fundraise for us.

When we first started Running for Premature Babies, I remember thinking that nothing I could do would bring my babies back, but it was up to me as their mum to ensure their lives mattered.

This is why I am committed to working to grow this charity to support more premature babies, provide more life-saving equipment and fund more groundbreaking research, to ensure that more families get to take their babies home.

• •

What if your kids Google their name?

Inspiring tips to overcome anxiety.

• •

HALFPOINT—GETTYIMAGES

12 MAY Have you become your mum?

The story of cancer survivor Elle Halliwell, who risked her life for her baby.

19 MAY

• •

Tips for dealing with the stress of studies.

How to spot a diet in disguise.

26 MAY

• •

Are we overscheduling our kids?

Introducing veggies to your babies.

Claire: Yes, but it depends who it is. A stranger, no way. A friend or family member, don't have a problem with it.

Emily: At this point, no. She’s got intolerances and too many people don’t realise how serious it can be.

Chloe: Nope, even family members have enough respect to ask me, “Is he alright to have this?” first.

CATCH US AT

SOPHIE’S BOYS IS PUBLISHED BY AFFIRM PRESS AND IS AVAILABLE AT ALL GOOD BOOKSTORES. ALL PROFITS FROM THE BOOK ARE DONATED TO RUNNING FOR PREMATURE BABIES.

Formerly a teacher, Sophie Smith now dedicates all her time to Running for Premature Babies while raising her two living sons alone. Sophie was named 2019 NSW Local Hero. runningforprematurebabies.com.

WOULD YOU BE HAPPY IF ANOTHER PERSON GAVE FOOD TO YOUR CHILD WITHOUT YOUR CONSENT?

5 MAY

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Six months later, I fulfilled a long-term dream Ash and I had: to take a team of Running for Premature Babies runners to New York to run my first full marathon to celebrate what would have been Henry, Jasper and Evan’s tenth birthdays.

Early on the morning of the race in New York, I wrote all the special names Ash and I had for each other up my arms and, when the going got tough during the race, I read them and felt Ash and our boys push me on. It was an incredible feeling to cross the finish line in Central Park and dedicate my run to Ash. Ash and I had spoken about registering our running group as a charitable foundation and a few months after his death, this became a reality.

Looking back, I never dreamed that our idea to raise $20,000 for one humidicrib would grow like it has and that we would become a registered Australian charity that has so far raised more than $3 million to give premature babies a better chance of survival. To date, we’ve inspired approximately 3500 people to run a half marathon, and the money we’ve raised has provided 45 pieces of life-saving equipment and funded research for neonatologists to unlock the many mysteries of prematurity and advance the care of premature babies for the future.

Today, with the help of the new equipment we’ve funded, babies born as early as 23 weeks can be saved and a baby born today at 24 weeks has not a 50 per cent but a 70 per cent chance of survival. The doctors at the hospital have told me that more than 4000 babies have so far benefitted from the new equipment we’ve provided and some of the very sickest babies may not have pulled through without it.

Last year, I’m proud to have co-authored my memoir Sophie’s Boys, as I wanted to share my story to show how even in tragedy, something beautiful can be born. I’m also humbled beyond words to have been announced in the recent New South Wales (NSW)

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e h t k as experts

Q What’s the single food you would recommend people to stop eating? Peggy, via email In reality, all foods can fit within a healthy and varied eating pattern. Rather than focusing on foods to shun, I encourage people to look at the foods that should make up the most of what we eat, as well as those that we can enjoy in small amounts.

Most Australians need to reduce the amount of “discretionary foods”—processed meals and snacks that have little to no nutritional value, such as cakes, biscuits, ice-cream, fried foods, crisps, pies, fast food, processed meats, soft drinks and alcohol.

While enjoying the occasional treat is perfectly fine, foods from the five core food groups should be prioritised. These include grain foods (such as bread, breakfast cereal, rice and pasta), vegetables, fruit, dairy and dairy-free alternatives (reduced-fat varieties), and protein foods such as legumes, eggs and nuts.

If there was one food that is currently receiving a lot more credibility than it warrants, then that would be coconut oil. In a review of coconut oil and heart health, the National Heart Foundation of Australia found that coconut oil is not as healthful as commonly claimed, and the evidence to support adding coconut oil into the diet is limited and unconvincing.

At the end of the day, coconut oil is a saturated fat and consumption of saturated fats is known to increase the risk of heart disease. I would recommend replacing coconut oil in your cooking with a vegetable oil such as extra virgin olive oil, which is rich in antioxidants and helps keep our hearts healthy.

For more ideas on how to get the balance right, check out the helpful information on the Eat For Health website, eatforhealth.gov.au. —Trish

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Q How should I deal with temper tantrums? Lauren, via email

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Q I am on prolactin-reducing medication.

Its long-term use has caused my skin to change to an unhealthy-looking dull and dark colour. Is there something I can do to help maintain my skin colour? Anne, via our

website PEOPLEIMAGES, NIKOLA STOJADINOVIC—GETTY IMAGES, MOHO01 F—PIXABAY

Children have different kinds of tantrums and how you deal with them will depend on the reason for their behaviour: Demand tantrums are when children want something that you aren’t able or willing to give them. Acknowledge their feelings calmly: “I know you want something and it feels very disappointing that you can’t have it right now.” Remind them of your continued love: “I love you very much and I cannot let you have that today. I’ll sit with you until you feel calmer.”

Use the word and rather than but to set a less defensive tone. Then encourage your child to verbalise their request politely: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you when you behave/talk in this way. Please can you tell me what you want in a polite big boy/girl voice?”

Out-of-sorts tantrums happen when children are tired, hungry, thirsty, sad, lonely, unwell, needing your attention or struggling with a difficult task. When children feel out-ofsorts, they just feel miserable and they don’t know why. Try to figure out what your child needs and provide it as soon as possible. It’s very confusing for them to be disciplined for this kind of tantrum because they are just expressing their distress. Meet their physical and emotional needs regularly before they feel so out-of-sorts that they lose control. Try making a picture-chart showing a drink, some food, a hug and so on, so they can point to what they need.

Sensory overload tantrums happen when children are overwhelmed by sensory stimuli, when they’re somewhere with lots of visual stimuli, sounds, bright lights, unpredictable events and distracted parents, such as a shopping centre. Children who have heightened sensory awareness may be more likely to have these kinds of tantrums, and punishment or time-outs will just add to their painful sensory overload. Calmly take them to a quiet place and soothe them until their senses recover. Whisper, smile, sing softly, snuggle them, offer them a drink of water, blow bubbles, smell lavender or rock them in a chair or swing.

Tantrums can leave you exhausted, battered and frustrated. Take care of your child’s immediate needs, reassure them of your love and forgiveness, and then find a way to replenish yourself as a parent.

Write a list of quick activities that will help you to calm down and recharge your own batteries. Include some activities that you can do with your child too, such as watching a funny video, reading a story to them that makes you both laugh, giving them a back rub or mini massage, going for a nature walk, making a fruit smoothie together or even having a nap together! —Karen

Prolactin is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland in the brain and is most commonly associated with breastfeeding because releasing it stimulates milk production in the breast. I am not certain of why you are taking a prolactin-reducing medication long-term, but common prolactin-reducing medications do not list darkened skin as a known side effect, so I would be concerned that perhaps there is another reason for your changed skin colour. I would recommend discussing further with the doctor who prescribed the medication. You could also speak with the pharmacist who dispensed the medication to get some more information about it. —Andrew

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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The AT-HOME

Abs

NOT ABOUT A SIX-PACK, YOUR CORE PLAYS A CRITICAL ROLE IN YOUR EVERYDAY MOVEMENT AND STRENGTH 1. Lie on a mat or towel on your back and place your hands face

WORKOUT

S

anyone can do

ome people consider pamper to mean self-indulgence and enjoying massages, mani-pedis or a spa day full of beauty treatments, splurging on items such as a new pair of shoes or handbag, or spoiling themselves with sweet treats and decadent meals.

I have a slightly different view on pampering and aim to inspire women to feel pampered by encouraging them to love themselves, and to “treat” their body by looking after themselves through fitness and training (not that we don’t love a good spa day!)

My “At-Home Workout” for beginners has been designed in such a way that anyone can do it. It can help build muscle, endurance and stability, which will help your health and fitness in the

Bal ance

down under your bottom

2. Raise your knees so your feet remain flat on the ground.

3. Suck your tummy in and tighten your core, then slowly lift both knees toward your stomach. Gradually lower your feet back to the ground, letting just your toes tap before repeating.

4. Repeat for 45 seconds.

By Lisa Curry

long-term. If you haven’t exercised for a while and you’re feeling out of shape, this is the perfect program to guide you back into exercising at your own pace.

There is no magic number to determine your success, but the one you set for yourself. Every day, aim for an extra second of planking, or an extra one or two push-ups. Focus on your technique not your speed. It’s better to do three perfectly formed slow lunges than 10 quick FREE ones.

PRINTAB LE When the beginner version is too easy, “YOUR A T-HOME W O R move on to the advanced suggestions.

KOUT PL AN” AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff

Stand on a flat surface with feet shoulder-width apart.

Hold your arms out for balance and lift one foot off the ground behind you.

Raise your knee in front of you while holding your head up as you use your core to stabilise.

Make sure your back and bottom are in a straight line—imagine a glass of water balancing on your head.

5. Hold this stance for as long as you can then switch legs.

TOO HARD? Find a spot in front of you to focus your eyes on and lift your arms up higher to counter some of the weight.

TOO EASY? Move to softer and more uneven ground, such as grass or sand, and close your eyes.

May 2019

TOO EASY? Straighten your legs on the way back down or do one leg at a time.

A GREAT WORKOUT YOU CAN DO ANYWHERE AT ANY FITNESS LEVEL 1. Use the grass or a mat to kneel on and “walk” your hands forward in front of you so your wrists are a little wider than your shoulders.

2. Shift your hips forward and your elbows in line with your shoulders.

3. Make sure you have a nice straight back and then push through the palms of your hands and lower your chest. Once you’ve pushed yourself to the ground, slowly push yourself back up through the palms of your hands.

4. Repeat for 45 seconds.

Pl anking

TOO EASY? Raise your knees off the ground to straighten your legs and push up from your toes.

A GREAT ALL-OVER WORKOUT FOR NECK, ARMS, CORE AND QUADS WITH ZERO EQUIPMENT NEEDED 1. Use the grass or a mat to kneel on and “walk” your elbows forward with forearms and wrists out in front until your torso is stretched out.

2. Make sure your feet are shoulder-width apart and raise your knees off the ground and straighten your legs back behind you, while bringing your head up as you use your core to stabilise.

3. Make sure your back and bottom are in a straight line—imagine a glass of water balancing on top of you.

4. Hold for as long as you can.

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Push-ups

TOO HARD? Only dip a few centimetres or half-way down, or try it against a bench as this reduces the reliance on your upper body strength.

DON’T BE FOOLED BY HOW EASY THIS LOOKS: STANDING ON ONE FOOT DISTRIBUTES YOUR BODY WEIGHT TO ONE SMALL FOOT AND ANKLE, AND IT TAKES PRACTISE, PRACTISE, PRACTISE WITH ZERO EQUIPMENT NEEDED 1.

2.

3.

4.

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TOO HARD? Bring your feet back to the starting position and pause before starting again, or don’t complete the full range with your knees up.

Little raises are fine as long as you keep them slow—you want to feel your abs working as you extend your legs back down.

TOO HARD? Hold for as long as you can handle then rest until you’re ready to try again. Lots of short bursts are better than walking away.

TOO EASY? Instead of using your elbows, raise your body up higher by resting on the palms of your hands. You can also lift one leg up and the opposite arm up.

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WELLBEING with Collett

Squats ­ GREAT FOR STRENGTHENING YOUR LOWER BODY MUSCLES

1. Stand with feet shoulder-width apart and toes pointing forward.

2. Pushing your weight through your heels, lower your bottom as though you were sitting on the edge of a chair.

3. Hold there for the count of two or three then slowly push your weight through your heels to stand back up.

4. Repeat for 45 seconds.

TOO HARD? Use the back of a chair to hold for support as you lower your body.

TOO EASY? Add a jump at the end of every squat to get your heart rate up.

TRUCKLOADS OF LOVE

D

Wall sit-ups ­ LL YOU NEED IS A WALL, POLE OR A TREE TO FEEL THE BURN! 1. Find a sturdy blank wall to stand against.

2. Place your feet shoulder-width apart and walk them out in front of you about 40cm, or the distance from your groin to your knee.

3. Tighten your abs and brace thighs as you slide your back down against the wall so that your thighs are parallel to the floor.

4. Stay sitting there for as long as you can.

TOO HARD? Sit for as long as you can and aim to increase by one second for every subsequent attempt.

TOO EASY? Hold weights and do bicep curls or add in an overhead press where you lift the weights above your head. You can also try lifting one leg out in front of you, so you are only sitting on one leg.

Lunges

­ EVELOP YOUR LOWER BODY STRENGTH BY ISOLATING THE MUSCLES D YOU USE 1. Find a chair and stand behind it, facing sideways. You can use the chair for balance if you need it.

2. Stand with feet hip-width apart, take a step forward with one leg and land flat-footed.

3. Bend the back knee downwards and lower your body so that front and back knees are

Triple Olympian Lisa Curry is one of Australia’s most popular personalities. Her Happy Healthy You Portal is the go-to source for women experiencing hormonal conditions. Happyhealthyyou.com.au.

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TOO HARD? Only dip your back knee half-way.

TOO EASY? Add a jump after each lunge, walk forward as you lunge or hold weights to build more resistance.

KATE_SEPT2004—GETTY IMAGES

now bent at 90-degree angles.

4. Press into the front heel to lift back up to starting position.

5. Repeat on the other side and alternate legs for 45 seconds.

eveloping a healthy sense of worth in your child involves establishing firm boundaries and showering them with truckloads of love. Both are essential factors in raising well-adjusted future adults who won’t settle for friends or partners who treat them poorly.

Home is the first place that children learn what love looks like.

When our children are wrapped in unconditional love, they soak the concept of worth deep into their souls. Our love needs to communicate, “You are enough just as you are.”

There are many ways that we can demonstrate unconditional love to our children: • Play is the easiest way to connect to the heart of your child, because it taps into their love language. In fact, play is recognised for its healing and protective powers.

Paediatricians are prescribing play because it builds safe, stable and nurturing relationships. It is a vital factor in developing social-emotional competence and learning how to interact with adults and peers. It also promotes language and cognitive development, and enhances brain structure.

Of course, “play” looks different in the teen years compared to the toddler years. Instead of playing cars or dress-ups, it might look like riding a bike, video gaming or building the chicken coop that they want—together. The key is to get into your child’s world.

• A day, a special outing or a night away that involves dedicated, pre-planned, one-on-one times with individual children. These might happen once a term or a few times a year and include a range of fun activities such as beach days, picnics, movies, camping trips, bush walks, a special meal, milkshakes or hot chocolates—all without technology present (a parent’s phone included). Children have Mum or Dad all to themselves for the entire day and it’s OK, even good, for their siblings to know their turn will come, because they are each loved uniquely and individually.

What children love about this is that we are giving them our very precious time. It says, “I see you”, “You have value” and “You are valuable to me.”

ADAPTED FROM COLLETT’S BOOK, THEY’LL BE OKAY: 15 CONVERSATIONS TO HELP YOUR CHILD THROUGH TROUBLED TIMES (HACHETTE, 2019).

COLLETT She’s an author, mum of three and psychologist. Watch Collett Smart share ways mums can look after their own wellbeing on the Mums At The Table TV show.

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A mother’s NEEDS Pregnant, or planning to have another child? There are some key support systems every mother (or mother-to-be) should have.

By Kathy Fray

ANTENATAL

•• A quality good-value multivitamin and mineral supplement from a health shop (not necessarily from a chemist or pharmacy).

Extra iron boost.

Reputable mix of birth preparatory herbs.

Two to three hours a week of gentle exercise, split across 3–4 days.

A fresh healthy diet, primarily consisting of organic vegetables and fruit, free range protein and complex carbs.

Intentionally destressing life from the third trimester onwards can be the best investment an expectant mother can

MumsAtTheTable.com

SPIRIT

A

BODY

s a mother, when I first became a midwife, I assumed all new mothers had to go through the hazing ritual of a maternity journey, as if it were stripes we all needed to earn the hard way like some compulsory rite of passage. But now I know for certain, it absolutely does not need to be like that, when women receive the right essential support.

During the perinatal period (immediately before and after birth), there are three completely different parts of the maternity journey (antenatal, labour and birth, and postnatal) that need unique types of support. I summarise it as the nine (in sets of three) critically important kinds of maternity support a new mother needs.

Too many women arrive at a hospital’s birthing suite without any resources to assist their body with its labour. As a midwife with a high rate of normal vaginal births, my all-time favourite must-have items include a homeopathic birth-aid tincture, Bach’s Flower Rescue Remedy in drinking water, electrolyte rehydration sachets and lavender essential oil aromatherapy.

POSTNATAL

BODY

SPIRIT

MIND

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Having an upbeat, excited and happy mindset during labour is one of the most effective ways to speed up cervical dilatation in order to give birth sooner. Being anxious and frightened on the other hand, can slow down cervical dilatation, which may result in obstetric interventions and cascading into birthing complications. Fear’s adrenaline is the enemy of labour’s oxytocin!

May 2019

When the body is well nourished and the mind is well rested, then you will finally have a chance to begin to comprehend the enormity of the permanent life changes ahead of you. As a mother-to-be, you need this “gap period” between being a busy person to becoming a busy mother (or busy mother of multiple children), not just as a chance to breathe, but also to absorb all the final “advanced education” you will typically be feeling compelled to seek out.

I have often witnessed higher rates of postnatal complexities (especially postnatal depression, unsuccessful exclusive breastfeeding and a baby failing to thrive) when this pre-birth gap of time is not respected and the woman works full-time until just before going into labour. This moment of a few precious restful weeks can be the most important sabbatical you will ever take.

GRIVINA—GETTY IMAGES

••

MIND

make for her own and her unborn babe’s wellness. After years as an “in-the-trenches” 24/7 on-call midwife, my strong recommendation is that mothers-to-be work part-time from 28 weeks and not work by the time they are 32 weeks pregnant. In my opinion, that is by far the most effective way to avoid serious pre-eclampsia complications, a growth-restricted fetus and a premature baby from pre-term birth.

If you have other children to look after, try to work out a way so that you have some other people (spouse, parent, in-law, friend or care facility) take over the bulk of your caregiving responsibilities.

BODY

•• •• ••

LABOUR AND BIRTH

Your body will go through a new level of shattered exhaustion from giving birth. You have done the equivalent of a full marathon, are left with sore sutures (some woman have also endured major abdominal surgery) and have to care for a brand new baby needing two- or three-hourly feeding, so there is no real opportunity to sleep things off. If you have other children, make sure they are being looked after by another trusted adult to give your body the best chance of recovery before you settle into your new life.

Homeopathic arnica oral drops are fantastic for healing internal bruising. Hypercal lotion is good for healing broken skin (including sore perineum, sore nipples and C-section scars) and Siberian ginseng can be used for soothing the central nervous system (especially if there is a history of depression).

Additionally, newborn babes can be very unsettled from simply being a few degrees below their optimum core temperature, which results in the mother having even less desperately-needed sleep.

The Day-1-Baby Heirloom Layette from Roots & Wings is my all-time favourite for maintaining optimal temperatures.

If possible, organise regular home deliveries of nutritious, delicious meals or freeze food beforehand so you can simply re-heat it for the first few days or weeks after giving birth.

When your labouring body is supported with a beautiful labour environment (such as dimmed lights, relaxing scents, gentle music and birth support people who are calm and confident), you are able to find your inner strength and manage the contractions. The presence of nervous, fearful family can ruin this so make sure you choose support people who can stay relaxed and confident. Warn them beforehand that if they are worried about any aspect of the labour, they should ask questions outside.

MIND After giving birth, your mind can feel like an incredibly scrambled mess of rapturous joy, traumatic shock and brain-screwing hormones. This is all very normal—and even if you’ve already had a baby, what you experience can feel everything but normal. Have someone you trust nearby to support your postnatal mind, one who will listen at least twice as much as advising.

Ideally, get someone to stay with your sleeping babe (and look after your other kids) so you can sleep in peace, knowing they will wake you when your baby is hungry or if there’s an emergency. Rest is your greatest friend at this time, especially during the day two or three blues (caused by seismic hormonal changes).

SPIRIT If both your body and mind have been supported during all three periods of your perinatal journey, then supporting your postnatal spirit can require almost no effort.

Sometimes (often, to be honest) family and friends can’t truly provide the ideal unlimited hands-on assistance needed, due to being in different locations, being busy with work or having limited skills themselves in such things as teaching the art of successfully establishing breastfeeding.

It can sometimes be a good idea to have the likes of a doula attend the labour and a virtual online maternity consultant for the entire critical perinatal months, where your questions are answered by a knowledgeable, experienced and professional expert, especially if it’s your first maternity journey.

Kathy Fray is on the Mums At The Table’s panel of experts. She is a senior midwife who has been a bestselling birth-babies-motherhood author since 2005. She is also the founding director of the Integrative Maternity Healthcare global summits. kathyfray.com.

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MY PAIN

By Catherine Brooks

I

t was a hot day and I was desperate to leave the CBD and get back to my children at home. My heart sank when I saw the queue for the tram. I knew I’d have to either elbow my way on or beg for a seat—because I have an invisible disability. While I’m seemingly fine on the outside, my symptoms flare up during a multiple sclerosis (MS) attack or in the heat.

“Excuse me, may I please have a seat?” I ask a young businessman. “I have MS and I don’t think I’ll make it the whole way standing.”

My face burned with embarrassment and then gratitude as my shaky legs buckle at the relief of having a rest. You see, this is not my last challenge for the day. The bigger one waits ahead: being able to keep up with my little guys.

I gave birth to Remington (Remy) nearly three years ago. I worked right through pregnancy, had a natural vaginal birth with few complications and breastfed from the start. It was such a relief that my body—which often failed when I needed it— came through for me when I became a mother.

But about six days post-birth, I started feeling the beginnings of an attack and my health certainly took a beating in the first eight weeks of sleep deprivation. Like most first-time parents, I was shocked by the interrupted sleep, the hormonal effects of the postpartum period and breastfeeding, and in denial about just how much this mothering business changed my very essence.

I was supposed to have three months off work, but my boss kindly suggested I take another two months of annual leave. I breathed a sigh of relief—five full months to get my head (and heart) around this little baby I had been blessed with sounded good to me.

Now, here I am three years later with a toddler and a new baby. Little Raymond (Ray) joined us before Christmas and Remy has finally stopped trying to send him back (!) and has started to show a tenderness for Ray that is normally only reserved for his beloved Pa (my dad).

I’ve learnt a lot in three years. Importantly, how to juggle my illness with work and raising two vivacious boys.

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1. IT TAKES TWO TO TANGO

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In the early days, it was easy to (wrongly) think that everything rested on my shoulders when it came to parenting Remy (and now Ray).

Just as capable, and worthy of input, Brendan my husband taught me that I have a life partner who can help me through—particularly when my illness gets the better of me.

There have been days where my walking hasn’t been so great or I can feel an attack coming on

and there’s no option but to rest in bed. On these days Brendan, or our parents, have taken Remy on playground adventures and trips to the beach. Important bonding time for them and resting time for me.

Parenting has taught me that you can never be someone’s all, but you can be someone’s constant. And that, for a child, far outweighs the benefits of “fun mum”.

2. THERE’S ALWAYS AN ALTERNATIVE From travel to bike riding, I hate it if I miss out on anything— particularly when it comes to family time. Yes, I find travel exhausting, but since having Remy we have been to Europe, New Zealand, Cook Islands and to many interstate destinations. For me, the trick to being able to keep up is to take lots of break days in between sightseeing days.

We also learned to shorten our days, which means dinner while travelling is often cheese and bread in our room (easier with kids anyway!). We also make sure playground stops are aplenty as I can sit down and rest before the next adventure.

Bike riding? Well I’m currently saving for an electric bike for my birthday. I’ve ridden short distances with Remy in a bike seat, but my legs struggle with any gradient and I pay for it for days afterward, so I’m looking forward to having an electric bike to help me up the hills.

3. I CAN’T DO IT ALL But I can pick and choose what is important to me and then prioritise like hell. As it’s important to me to spend time with the kids but to also earn an income, I’ve had to learn how to say no to anything that falls outside of these two priorities.

By getting comfortable with saying no to events, opportunities or extracurricular activities, I’ve been able to do what is important to me without having my health suffer. Sure, I’ve had to say no to another child’s birthday party, a wedding invitation or a social activity everyone else is doing. But that’s meant I’ve been able to spend more time resting, hanging out with the family and being ready, fit and able for work come Monday morning.

So as I stand up to get off the tram on this hot Melbourne summer night, I reflect on what my illness has brought to me and my family’s life. Sure, it’s not ideal to have days where I can’t walk very well or days where I’m so bone tired, I’m lucky to get through dinner still awake.

But on the flip side, our life is so much more focused now.

Brendan and I prioritise what’s important—our Remy and Ray, and sometimes each other—so that we can enjoy this life we lead. It’s a quality life, not in spite of my illness, but actually because of it.

Catherine Brooks lives and thrives each and every day with MS. After her first attack in 2003, she couldn’t walk for nearly eight months. Now, she manages her condition alongside parenthood and working as a lawyer at Law Squared. Catherine recently published her first book, Let’s Make It Work, Baby!

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You know diets don’t work in the long term. But you are almost certainly on a diet right now and you don’t even realise it.

IN disguise

By Lyndi Cohen

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media starlets got the hint that diets were out and “balance” was cool. To capitalise on this new approach, they hype their highly profitable books and programs as “a fad-free balanced approach to nutrition without diets”, but read on and you’ll soon be told to cut out gluten, sugar, wheat or fruit. This, my friends, is a diet in disguise and they’re the worst.

Diets are often well-camouflaged as “healthy eating”, but take note when you see words such as foods to avoid, clean eating, detox, grain-free, sugar-free, superfoods and toxic. These are clues that you may be looking at a diet in disguise.

For 10 years I dieted by mistake and it kept me struggling with my weight and caught in the vicious emotional-eating cycle. If you’d asked, I would have told you confidently that diets don’t work and that I was simply “eating healthily” or “trying to be good”.

What I didn’t realise is that I was controlled by dieting rules. For as long as I believed that I shouldn’t have carbs after 5 pm, that

I should eat six small meals a day or that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, I was on a diet and would continue to struggle with my weight. I truly believed the rules kept my weight down and I feared that if I stopped following these rules, my weight would spiral further out of control.

I was wrong. Once I stopped trying to control food, food stopped controlling me. And it was so liberating. Dieting rules, not my willpower, had been the problem the whole time. Diet rules made me fear perfectly nutritious food, made me obsessed with health and left me feeling guilty when I deviated even slightly from “the plan”.

Dieting (by mistake) was the reason I was out of control around food and was struggling with my weight. A lot of recent research has shown that dieting leads to weight gain in the long term. This is because restrictive diets: • Slow your metabolism

• • •

Make you feel deprived Increase cravings for “forbidden foods” Cause you to obsess about food or think about food all the time • Trigger binge and emotional eating • Set you up for a disordered relationship with food The truth is that all diets work. The question is: do you want to live on that diet for the rest of your life? If you don’t want to fast for two days of your week or avoid your favourite foods for the rest of your life, then there isn’t any point doing it for a few weeks because you’ll quickly regain any weight you lose—plus more!—when the diet inevitably ends.

It’s thought that as many as 95 per cent of diets fail in the longer term. That’s seriously terrible odds! It’s like a parachute that fails to open 95 out of 100 times. If you were one of the lucky people who survived, you’d be celebrated in the media for beating

May 2019

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BANANASTOCK—GETTY IMAGES

D

iets suck. They suck the joy out of healthy eating and the soul from your social life. Any weight loss and health gains tend to last about as long as a celebrity marriage, leaving you with yet another failure. Giving up dieting is the best thing I ever did; and the first step to quitting dieting is to learn how to spot a diet in disguise.

Don’t worry, most people diet by mistake. Every day, I meet crazy-smart-funny-talented people who are on a diet and don’t know it. Traditional diets are easy to spot; the word diet is often in the name, which is a dead giveaway. These diets come with a set of rules and a meal plan to follow, and if you don’t pay for the plan you are usually expected to buy foods and supplements to help you along the way.

Yet most diets aren’t as dizzyingly obvious as this and, unfortunately, the most damaging diet is the diet in disguise.

These days many diets are “undercover”. Marketers and social

PEOPLEIMAGES—GETTY IMAGES

FREE PRINTAB LE “ARE YOU DIETING BY MISTAKE ?”

AVAILAB LE FOR DOWNLO AD MumsAtT heTable.c om /freestuff

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It’s not Quote yourquote fault.

Diets quote setquote..... you up for failure.

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Like getting over an ex, the less time you spend thinking about it, the easier it is. Dieting rules often make you think about food more, which does not help you eat less or more nutritiously.

From now on, notice when you start to ask yourself, Am I allowed to eat this? Asking this question is a symptom of being stuck in the diet mentality. Because of course you’re allowed to eat it.

The more important questions are: Do you want to eat it? How will eating it make you feel? Food must be a choice, not feel like a prison sentence.

Changing the question to I am allowed to eat that, but do I really want to? is the key. The distinctions are subtle, but can make an oh-so-significant difference.

Images and recipes from The Nude Nutritionist by Lyndi Cohen, Murdoch Books, RRP $35.00. Photography: Cath Muscat (macrons), Leah Stanistreet & Luca Prodigo

Lyndi Cohen is resident nutritionist on Channel 9's The Today Show, a Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution Ambassador and an accredited, practising dietitian and nutritionist.

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the odds. And this is exactly what we do when people successfully lose weight on a diet. Their stories are splashed across news sites and magazines. As a result, you come to believe that every day, people just like you are having success with diets. This reporting bias causes you to overestimate how successful you’ll be on a diet and tricks you into thinking that This diet is different and it will work.

But it’s all a trick.

So you try yet another diet. At the start, your motivation is high, but soon you hit a roadblock—you don’t lose weight as quickly as you thought you would, you get too busy to exercise, meal prep begins to feel too hard—and your motivation starts to dwindle.

With each new diet attempt, your ability to sustain motivation slides. That’s because each time you try to lose weight on a diet, it’s harder and harder. The weight is more stubborn, your body is more reluctant to let the fat go and your willpower diminishes with each new attempt.

So instead of losing weight and keeping it off, each time you try another diet, you end up losing willpower, and then you regain more weight than you lost in the first place. Over time, your relationship with food gets worse, and your weight goes up and up.

It’s not your fault. Diets set you up for failure. The good news is that once you become aware of diets in disguise and decide you’re ready to live a truly diet-free life, without restriction, counting kilojoules or clean eating, you can learn how to keep it real, stop obsessing and never be a victim of diets again. The first step is to ditch those pesky dieting rules that keep you stuck in the emotional-eating, food-guilt and body-hate cycle. To do this, you need to become aware of all the food rules you currently subscribe to.

COOKING with Gia & Olive Sweet Potato Tacos 30 MINUTES 3

Choc-Mint Milkshake

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

NEW ZEALAND

5 MINUTES 2 INGREDIENTS 2 frozen bananas, chopped 1 scoop dairy-free chocolate ice-cream 2 cups soy milk 1 tbsp cocoa powder 2–3 drops peppermint essential oil or peppermint

METHOD

INGREDIENTS 2 large sweet potatoes ½ tsp Himalayan salt ½ tsp cumin seed, ground 1 tsp garlic, minced 1 packet tortillas 1 cup black beans, drained and rinsed Mexican salsa 2 avocados, sliced Optional: Jalapeños, sliced

AS SEEN ON

essence

Preheat oven to 180oC (fanforced).

Peel and chop sweet potatoes into 3-cm pieces.

Add to a large bowl with salt, cumin, garlic and a touch of water. Mix well.

Place sweet potato on a lined baking tray and bake in oven for 20 minutes or until it begins to brown.

Heat tortillas following instructions on the packet.

Top each tortilla with sweet potato mixture, black beans, Mexican salsa, a slice of avocado and, if using, jalapeños.

METHOD Blend all ingredients in a blender to a smooth consistency.

8 medjool dates, cut lengthways and

Stuffed dates

pitted 8 tufts of garden cress

5 MINUTES 8

1 tsp grated lemon zest

METHOD

INGREDIENTS

Dragon fruit ice-cream 5 MINUTES 6 INGREDIENTS 1 tbsp maple syrup 250 g frozen bananas 250 g frozen dragon fruit 120 g non-dairy milk

METHOD Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth. (If you don't have a high-speed blender, allow the banana to thaw out a little.)

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FOOD STYLED BY SHONA SOLOMON AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

2 tbsp almond butter 50 g seedless cucumber, cut into small cubes 12 fresh mint leaves, cut into thin strips 1 generous dash of lemon juice Sea salt, to taste

1. Make the stuffing by mixing almond butter, cucumber, mint, lemon juice and sea salt.

2. Fill the dates with the stuffing and top with a tuft of garden cress and some grated lemon zest.

SOURCE: VEGAN BY KYRA DE VREEZE

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the Mums At The Table TV show.

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The

In 2014, with her two young children, Serina Bird escaped an abusive relationship and wondered if she’d be able to pay the bills.

Today, she’s a self-made millionaire.

ABUNDANCE of

By Melody Tan

S

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ix years ago, my then-fiancé and I were deep in the throes of DIY projects: making bundles of flowers from pages of old encyclopaedias we had rescued from a skip bin, soaking used glass bottles in water to remove their sticky labels and— this one I had to do without his help— sewing my own wedding dress.

We had both agreed we didn’t want to outlay the big dollars ($50,000 was a conservative estimate by most Australian wedding websites) and preferred to spend on a dream house rather than a dream wedding. And so, we embarked on a mission to throw a fun and memorable party without the hefty price tag.

Doing the sums after our wedding— with a vow that included “I promise to never pay full price”—we learned we had only spent a fraction of the $50,000 average. We didn’t get into debt, did not have big bills to pay and even had enough to go on an overseas honeymoon (again without going into debt).

Then I caught wind of Canberrabased blogger, “The Joyful Frugalista” (previously known as “Ms Frugal Ears”) Serina Bird, who in 2018 spent a fraction of what I spent for her second wedding (less than $5000, to be precise). This woman knows her stuff, I thought, which she most certainly does.

Serina recently released her first book, also called The Joyful Frugalista.

Part-memoir, part-handbook, it contains a gamut of money-saving tips that have enabled Serina to transform from a recently-divorced mum-of-two struggling to pay the bills, to a self-made millionaire in a matter of a few years.

After a 17-year relationship with her first husband that included several years living in Taiwan, Serina filed for a Domestic Violence Order in the ACT Magistrates Court. Her children were aged two and four.

“I separated from my husband in 2014,” she says. “It was scary because we had a big mortgage debt and there was a market downturn that affected our rental income coming in, and I had huge legal bills. It was a bit of a dodgy time to make that change and I really wondered if I could pull it off. But I knew I’m good with money, I can always cook a low-cost meal and my kids don’t really need new toys. What they want is time with me. They like new toys, don’t get me wrong, but when you really delve into it, what they really want more than stuff is the need to feel loved and be in a safe environment.”

Serina and I are chatting on the phone about her new book, her story and our common love for frugality. She has an easy laugh and talking to her is like talking to a kindred spirit. She bemoans how unlike me, she was stopped from making Japanese origami from old books for her wedding because “my Neil didn’t like it”, and I tell her how I’ve always wanted to make my own laundry powder and can’t wait to try her recipe in the book. (“It’s really easy,” she assures me.)

While Serina says she has always been frugal, it wasn’t until she separated from her first husband that she adopted her current lifestyle. “It came into fruition out of necessity,” she says.

“I had to do it if I was going to get through or throw my hands up and say, ‘I can’t cope, I’ll never find the money’, and let the banks repossess everything.”

At the same time, Serina acknowledges her situation is different from other domestic violence survivors, in that she had “a solid public service job and assets. What I didn't have was cashflow.”

Even when things got easier, Serina realised her new lifestyle suited her nicely. “I like the values. I like that for instance, by being a part of my Buy Nothing Project, I could meet people in the community as a single mother. It was good to see things I no longer needed used by other people and it was nice to get things that were loved from other people.

“I don’t feel comfortable with excessive consumption anyway.

[Living frugally] had good strong moral principles, good environmental awareness and sound management of money.”

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The underlying themes in my philosophy are self-worth, abundance and gratitude.

Serina and second husband, Neil, with her two boys.

GIVEAWA

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To win on e of Serina's of two copies book, T Frugalista , tell us in he Joyful 2 less the a bundance 5 words or that you c around you an see.

Serina and Neil, at their $5000 wedding—a tenth of what average weddings cost in Australia today.

Enter a MumsAtT t www. heT Frugalista able.com/ Giveaway “These are the sort of things that mean more to people than stuff. Generosity comes from the heart and there are many ways that you can be generous, and not everything has a dollar price attached to it. At the same time, I do donate to causes I believe in as well. They’re not huge amounts, but within my means.”

During my short conversation with Serina, learning about her story, I get this sense that her generosity most certainly comes from the heart. Despite her rough history with her ex-husband, she has today deliberately chosen to live in the same suburb as him so that he can play an active role in their children’s lives.

I point out to her that she speaks of her story without any hint of anger and she says, “It’s really down to love—love for myself and for other people. That is so much more powerful than buying stuff. Love at the centre makes it easier to make this decision. I could be still caught up with hate and vengeance but who does it benefit? When Jesus talks about forgiveness, it’s vital because you can’t move on until you forgive.

“I struggled for a long time getting over the feelings of hurt because I thought forgiveness was an important Christian doctrine. I was beating myself [up] over the fact that I was so angry, but I realised that I’m not God and I’m not perfect. I thought I

START HERE . . .

The most important aspect someone should concentrate on to save money, according to Serina Bird, author of The Joyful Frugalista: Monitor what you spend your money on, without guilt. Just write down where your money goes because that can be very enlightening to start with—just becoming aware. For a lot of people, there’s this sense that money just slips through their fingers and they don't know where and so that's an important starting point.

It’s not about the big things. You are generally aware of your mortgage cost and how much your car costs, but you may not be aware of the cost of driving your car. If you're feeling that your money is a little bit out of control, just monitor what is happening and then do the research.

should be kind to myself and acknowledge that I’m still feeling hurt and pain, but that I’m not going to consciously do vengeful things. I was just going to sit and wait until I was ready, and when I did, [the anger] just dissolved.”

In her book, Serina wrote, “The underlying themes in my philosophy are self-worth, abundance and gratitude. It’s not about racing to have a certain net worth by a certain date in competition with others. Rather, it’s about balancing appreciation for what I have with creating the future that I want to live. It is less about ‘having it all’ and more about thinking mindfully about what I have, and what I want to have. It is about recognising the abundance around me and feeling empowered to make the right choices with money.”

As she herself admits, Serina’s life philosophy echoes the Bible’s promise to give us “life and have it to the full”. It’s an attitude that has guided her through life as a domestic violence survivor, single mother and, today, a financially-secure and happily married wife with much to smile about.

If you or someone you know needs help, contact:

SUPPLIED

Unfortunately, frugal living often conjures up negative connotations of people watching every cent and missing out on life.

Serina even says it herself in her book, reminding readers that “every dollar counts” and telling them about “the power of little savings”. The secret, Serina says, lies in balance.

“Saving is really important for your long-term financial wellbeing and there is a lot of satisfaction and joy that comes from knowing that you’re being frugal and not in debt,” she says. “But if you become the sort of person who just saves and doesn’t do things, then you are out of balance.”

In a society where living comfortably can often come with a high price tag—restaurant meals, using the heater at home instead of putting on a jumper, massage sessions—Serina strongly believes it is possible to continue to enjoy life and even pamper yourself while living a frugal lifestyle.

She credits the Groupon website for her most recent treat—a “really good deal for a massage”—and reminisces of time spent with a group of friends who call themselves the “Frugalista Sistas”.

“We did a home day spa and it was so much fun. You can make nice facial masks with cucumber skins and oatmeal, and do nice massages with olive oil and a bit of salt [a recipe she shares in her book]. There are so many ways you can pamper yourself that are low-cost and good for the environment, and where you can connect with other people without spending a lot of money.”

Speaking with Serina, I feel empowered and validated to continue living my own frugal lifestyle, one that I’ve often been loath to admit to others for fear of the associated stigmas, but one she has obviously embraced. This is because cheapness and generosity, Serina reminds me, doesn’t always have to be related to money.

“My family, as family often does, have for years been making fun of me and my frugal ways, even though they’re pretty frugal themselves,” Serina tells me by way of encouragement. “But even now, my dad and sister have told me they find that I'm surprisingly generous. It’s not because I spend a lot of money, but because I give away a lot of things and I try to make time available where possible for friends.

Y

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Melody Tan is editor of Mums At The Table magazine and a regular panellist on Mums At The Table TV show. She lives in Sydney with her husband and her son.

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LOTTIE AND WALTER

THE HUG

Children have all sorts of fears, and rational or not, are very real to them. Help your child to face their fears with this cute picture book, delightfully illustrated with pencil and ink. The cute and colourful drawings will appeal, and the simple language makes it easy for your preschooler to understand.

Incredibly sweet and novel in its delivery of a simple, yet heart-warming message. It’s a small book that fits beautifully into little hands. The cute illustrations and colour palette will attract little ones, and the flipbook format will keep them interested. Teach your child about animals and reward yourself with a giant cuddle at the end!

COOK’S COOK

SAYING GOODBYE TO BARKLEY

Anna Walker Puffin Books $24.99

Eoin McLaughlin & Polly Dunbar Faber & Faber $12.99

Gavin Bishop Gecko Press $27.99

Just in time for the 250th anniversary celebrations of James Cook’s journey to the South Pacific, this is an interesting book told from the perspective of Captain Cook’s cook. The book is broken up into chunks of information, which is helpful since you will likely be reading this over several sittings with your preschooler.

IVANHOE SWIFT LEFT HOME AT SIX Jane Godwin & A Yi Allen & Unwin $24.99

As your child starts gaining independence, this book about a boy leaving to explore the world at the age of six may resonate with them. Helps your child to learn about both the good and bad experiences they’ll gain through leaving, and the tremendous joy of being in the warmth of home again.

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PRIMARY

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER

Devon Sillett & Nicky Johnston EK Books $24.99

WIN

This is a great book to read to a child struggling with the loss of a beloved pet (or is about to).

It tells of the incredibly strong bond children can form with animals, and helps them to identify, deal and process the myriad of emotions such a relationship—and the eventual loss—can bring.

MALLEE SKY

Jodi Toering & Tannya Harricks Black Dog Books $24.99 More suited for the older preschooler, this book is filled with impressive oil paintings of quintessential outback Australia. Help your child understand the complexities of drought and rain, and its impact on small country towns and those who live in them.

Absorbing and lyrical prose.

WIN

WIN

52 MONDAYS

VIOLET AND NOTHING

The concept is interesting, in that it’s set in 1960s Melbourne, and subtly introduces children to a world without internet, car seatbelts or plastic cartons of milk bought in supermarkets. The problem is that while the setting is unusual, the storyline is pretty mundane without much drama or climax.

You’ll appreciate this book if you have an affinity towards philosophy. On the surface, Violet and Nothing appears to be a sweet and straightforward type of story. What your young child may not realise is just how it’ll encourage their curiosity and help them develop the skills for thinking big and asking questions.

Anna Ciddor Allen & Unwin $14.99

Fiona Burrows Fremantle Press $24.99

WIN

OUR JACKO

STICKER WORLD AIRPORT, CASTLE AND FARM

Michael Morpurgo & David Gentleman Walker Books $19.99

Kait Eaton & Aviel Basil Lonely Planet Kids $9.99 each

Deeply poignant and touching, use it as an opportunity to spend some time talking to your children about the deep stuff: war, peace, love, loss. A war book that doesn’t glorify violence, this is a worthwhile read to consider the history of humanity.

Will be especially moving for families who have been touched by conflict.

Perfect for when you need to keep your kids occupied: in church, waiting rooms, aeroplanes. . . . With more than 500 stickers in each book and other task suggestions, these brightly-coloured activity books will provide children with fun facts, learning opportunities and, most importantly, a reason to keep still.

CHARLIE CHANGES INTO A CHICKEN

WINEN'S

Sam Copeland Puffin Books $7.99

Certainly not the type of book designed to promote deep reflection. However, the pages are filled with humour and the storyline is absorbing enough to be entertaining. It’s a book that definitely speaks to its target primary audience and one you’ll be happy for your child to read, so long as they don’t take anything in it too seriously.

CHILDR S! BOOK WIN

g parentin on your ry if to s d l n a ence a person or experi e Submit a thoughts we’ll send you th , y e rn u jo , ry to ! s e g our n this pa we use y atured o books fe te to us at Wri le.com tTheTab MumsA l@ a ri o edit

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A N E LLI S P 'S W O H S R OU

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She epitomises [the Bible’s] Proverbs 31 woman in her character, integrity and strength. Unique, direct and overly-conservative (haha), she lived and loved to work hard for God and her family. Her social traits and hospitable ways I see in my girls and smile because, although dementia has slowed her down, her fruitful seeds and faithful deeds continue to be harvested, benefited and appreciated by her future generations. For this, and so much more, we love and thank God for you always Mum/GMA Faitoai Lelilio.

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