Mums At The Table - November 2018

THE LOVE ISSUE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

NOVEMBER 2018

HOW TO FIGHT

BABY BRAIN

DATING:

THE RIGHT AGE FOR KIDS TO START

your marriage AFTER BABIES

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

Jo in us

NOVEMBER 2018

just for you

6 HOME HACKS Balloons are not just for children.

8 FROM BLUE HANDS TO HEALING HANDS God still performs miracles.

16 PERFECT ENOUGH

You are you, you are beautiful and you are enough.

18 HOW TO FIGHT BABY BRAIN Recovering from the rigours of giving birth and motherhood.

22 MARRIAGE AFTER BABIES

A family counsellor addresses the common problems.

24 WHEN LIFE DOESN’T PAN OUT 32 BOOK CORNER 34 TIPS TO BE LESS STRESSED

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parenting 15 10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

12 IN THE EVENT OF DEATH You don’t need a legal document to care for a child.

15 WOULD YOU . . .

Kiss passionately in front of your children?

30 WELLBEING WITH COLLETT The right age for kids to date.

28

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food & wellbeing 10 ASK THE EXPERTS 28 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE Carrot cake oatmeal smoothie; guacamole cream; coconut lime rice; fun kids’ cookie dough.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @MumsAtTheTable

#MumsAtTheTable

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EDITOR Melody Tan COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 MumsAtTheTable.com

@ MumsAtTheTable

GRAPHIC DESIGN Theodora Amuimuia Nerise McQuillan

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COVER PHOTO

by Lisa5201—Getty

VOLUME 2 NUMBER 11 The Love Issue

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editor

y knees have never been the same since I had Elliott two years ago. They actually started giving up on me during the third trimester of my pregnancy, when the weight of my belly became too much to bear. It took months of physio before my knees started feeling better, but they have again started to ache and creak badly because I have been carrying a 14-kilogram (similar to the extra weight I gained towards the end of my pregnancy) two-year-old up the stairs. (Friends have suggested the state of my knees could simply be a sign of old age, but I know they are wrong. I mean, I just celebrated turning 20 this year—for the eighteenth time, ahem.)

As women, our bodies go through a severe beating with pregnancy, and it probably continues till our babies leave home. Chinese tradition actually calls for a “confinement period”—for about a month immediately after they have delivered a baby, mothers rest and avoid any physical work, and are fed a constant diet of nourishing soups, herbs and special food.

Essentially, the belief is that mums need to replenish their bodies after the rigours of pregnancy, labour and birth.

My mum tried to put me on confinement after I gave birth to Elliott.

But I was too much of an overachiever (read: stubborn) and was up and about pretty much from when we came home from the hospital. I felt fine, although I admit the main reason was my scepticism about the effectiveness of confinement. I thought I was too “modern” to believe in traditional Chinese medicine hocus pocus.

Then it turns out mum was right (as they always are). Research by Dr Oscar Serrallach is suggesting mothers do experience a condition he has termed “postnatal depletion”, which comes from—you guessed it—the rigours of pregnancy, labour and birth (although Dr Oscar also adds in the challenges of raising young children). It’s something that can continue to plague mothers years after their baby’s birth.

This month’s magazine revolves around the theme of love. Dr Oscar’s tips on how mothers can combat postnatal depletion can be found in this issue (on page 18) because, before us mums can love others, we first need to show love to ourselves.

Replenish those stores, mamas, and go forth and continue loving your children with the ferocity of a thousand suns.

Melody

Drop us a line and win a gift!

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the issues you're facing? The author of our letter of the month wins a free copy of Reflections, an adult colouring book featuring hand-drawn Bible verses and designs!

Write to us at editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com.

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social find us @MumsAtTheTable

WHAT'S ON OUR SHOW THIS MONTH? 4 NOVEMBER

•

Australian senator Kristina Keneally joins the panel to discuss motherhood and faith.

11 NOVEMBER

• •

Helping your daughter appreciate her own beauty.

How to negotiate parental leave.

Want to know where the real women go for real conversations about real issues? Come join in the discussions on our Mums At The Table Facebook group. It's an online mothers’ group where you can ask questions, receive support, make new friends and be part of the village it takes to raise a child.

ro up" Click " Visit g ok o b e c a F r u o on page to jo in !

18 NOVEMBER

• •

What do you do when you unexpectedly lose everything and have to start again?

Should dummies be a no-no?

25 NOVEMBER

• •

How will you react if your child starts swearing?

Dr Ron Ehrlich (see page 34) on how to live “a life less stressed”.

ALEXA SUTER—UNSPLASH

November

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Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

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home HACKS

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

PROBLEM: KITCHEN TAP TOO SHORT TO REACH EDGES OF SINK

SOLUTION: WRAP MOUTH OF BALLOON (WITH TIP CUT) AROUND THE TAP SPOUT

Materials

Balloons are not just for children SOLUTION: AS BALLOON IS DEFLATING WRAP IT AROUND MOUTH OF JAR

Materials

PROBLEM: GLASS SLIDING ON THE TABLE

Materials

PROBLEM: A PARTY WITHOUT A PARTY POPPER

SOLUTION: STRETCH AND TAPE MOUTH OF BALLOON AROUND A TOILET ROLL, FILL ROLL WITH CONFETTI, PULL AND RELEASE BALLOON QUICKLY

Materials

SOLUTION: AS BALLOON IS DEFLATING WRAP IT AROUND BASE OF GLASS

PROBLEM: BLUNT SCISSORS

SOLUTION: FOLD SHEET OF ALUMINIUM FOIL TO MAKE IT THICKER, THEN CUT THROUGH SEVERAL TIMES.

Materials

HOME HACKS

Time-saving easy projects to bring some sanity back to your life. Watch how we make these and other hacks on the Mums At The Table TV show.

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IMAGES TAKEN BY DANIEL KUBEREK

PROBLEM: LOST JAR LID

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L–R: Bel as a baby and toddler; Debbie with her daughter Bel (far right) and grandson Michael.

FROM BLUE HANDS TO HEALING HANDS

SUPPLIED, FREEPIK

Debbie Kraak shares how a simple prayer healed her baby daughter Bel Thomson’s swollen hands and changed the course of both their lives.

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y parenting journey began in the ’80s. Amidst the fashion disaster of the era (I can still see my shoulder pads, big hair and polka-dot patterned dress!), my first child, Bel, was born. I was full of insecurities as a new mum, hoping and praying that I would have wisdom to raise this little bundle of blonde hair and pink cheeks!

Today, it seems like I blinked and suddenly, Bel is married with a child of her own. She is also known as an award-winning singersongwriter and musician, with her songs played on the radio across the country. But to me, she will always be my little girl.

What many people don’t know is that Bel was actually born with something wrong with her hands. Every night as a baby, they would swell up and turn blue, because the skin around her wrists was too tight for the blood to flow. This impacted her ability to move her hands properly.

After many doctors’ appointments, she was booked into hospital to have an operation to fix the problem—a distressing prospect for us as new parents. The night before the operation, my husband and I went to church, and after the service, we chatted with friends and mentioned that Bel was scheduled for surgery the next day.

One of the older guys there asked, “Would you like us to pray about that?”

“Yes!” I replied, though I didn’t really expect anything to happen—we were new Christians. But that night, we prayed with those older believers that God would heal Bel. Nothing visible changed that night and after the prayer, we took her home, anxiously awaiting the operation the next day.

As the sun rose over the new day, I went in to get Bel out of her bassinette and I couldn’t believe my eyes! She had woken up without swollen hands for the very first time!

My initial thought was What’s going on, that’s weird! followed by, Oh great! Of all mornings to have healthy hands. Now the hospital specialist will question the problem and I just want it fixed!

It never really occurred to me that God had answered our prayer and Bel was actually better!

That morning, I took my precious daughter to hospital for the scheduled surgery, still feeling concerned and slightly annoyed.

When we saw the surgeon, he looked at her, perplexed and surprised that after months of monitoring, the problem had suddenly vanished.

They rescheduled the surgery for a week later, because they didn’t believe the problem could have possibly gone for good but, a week later, her hands remained healthy! With amazement, it finally dawned on me that God had answered our prayers.

Still, the doctors made me bring her back for monitoring for the next 18 months, but the problem never returned and eventually the experts conceded she was now well and wouldn’t require surgery. What an incredible relief to have my baby given the all clear!

Bel’s miraculous healing was a defining moment where I understood that God truly hears our prayers. I realised for the

first time He really wants us to bring all our concerns, fears and challenges to Him. This changed my whole outlook and, suddenly, I understood that He was inviting me to do my parenting journey with Him close by my side.

My emerging faith grew and I realised how important it is to be open about our struggles and problems with a trusted church family, because their prayers and support make a difference. I now try to bring God into my everyday life and to pray about the situations I am facing, both big and small.

Bel’s father said he felt from that moment that our daughter’s hands belonged to God, since God had intervened to heal her. He felt sure God would somehow use her tiny hands for something special.

In the years that followed, Bel started learning music, began writing songs and was encouraged to sing at school and church.

No-one else in our family was musical, so this was very special to watch unfold.

Over many years, this has now grown into a full-time music career, taking her across the country to play at many churches, conferences and events. Who would have thought my baby girl with the swollen hands would go on to use those hands to record albums that would bring hope to others? I thank God for healing my daughter and I am proud to hear Bel’s songs bringing healing and encouragement to other people now.

My faith today has been shaped by my experiences as a mum, seeing God equip me in both the good and the challenging times.

I’ve learned that He understands our struggles, failures and anxieties. I am sure He hears when we call out to Him. One way He equips us is through others: I’ve learned how vital it is to be part of a caring community, to support one another through the unknowns of the parenting journey. I gained many parenting skills, and received friendship and support from being part of a church and playgroup, as well as having time with extended family.

I believe God always hears our prayers. Sometimes He answers with miracles and healing, other times He simply gives us strength to bear the burden and persevere through the difficulties. Either way, He brings beauty out of our brokenness and is present in every challenge. He is able to work all things together for good and I believe He watches and cares for our children more than we ever realise.

Debbie Kraak lives in Queensland, as does her daughter Bel Thomson.

Bel is an award-winning Australian singer, songwriter and speaker.

WIN

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@MumsAtTheTable.com

November 2018

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e h t k as experts

Q When it comes to circumcising my baby, what should I consider?

Cassandra, via email

Circumcision of your baby boy really requires careful consideration of the benefits and risks as well as your cultural and religious influences.

The practice of the surgical removal of the foreskin covering the head of the penis dates back thousands of years.

Benefits of circumcision include a reduced risk of urinary tract infections, as well as offering some protection in adulthood against sexually transmitted infections such as genital herpes, hepatitis C and HIV. Immediate risks, although minimal when performed by appropriately trained practitioners, include pain, bleeding and infection.

There are some suggestions that function may be affected, and in extreme cases anatomical damage may occur. There are conflicting suggestions regarding the hard-to-measure pain of the procedure and the long-term psychological impact, and appropriate pain relief measures should be utilised at all times. —Neil

OUR PANEL:

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY KAREN HOLFORD ANDREW DARON PRATT NUTRITIONIST FAMILY COUNSELLOR PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN SANITARIUM HEALTH HEARTWORDS GP SEVENTH-DAY & WELLBEING SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q Why is there such a fuss when it comes to a newborn’s nappy?

Kirstie, via email

Since babies can’t talk, the best way to find out about the state of their health is through what ends up in their nappies.

The colour of your newborn’s poo will change constantly in the first few weeks. Your baby’s first few nappies will contain meconium, which although not smelly, is greenish-black in colour with a tar-like texture.

Within a few days, it should change to green and be less sticky, indicating the baby is digesting milk. If bright green and frothy, it may indicate not enough milk or the presence of antibiotics. Similarly, if slimy or glistening, it may be due to the presence of mucus, which is common with drooling babies or a sign of infection. Consult your doctor.

The healthiest colour for the contents of your baby’s nappy is dijon mustard or yellow with a mushy or creamy texture, although with formula milk it may be peanut butter brown and firmer.

Just remember it’s probably just the first of many surprises your bundle of joy brings you. Keep smiling! —Heather

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YSUEL,PANDA3800—GETTY IMAGES, PIXABAY

Q How essential are antibiotics for curing illnesses? Renae, via email Antibiotics have been one of the most amazing discoveries of the twentieth century. They have dramatically improved survival rates and reduced the complications from common infectious diseases that would have, in many cases, been fatal in the past. These include pneumonia, urinary tract infections and skin infections. Antibiotics have been vital for the success of modern surgery, dropping the post-operative infection and complication rates dramatically and allowing more and more surgical procedures to be done routinely.

However, there is a growing understanding that antibiotics have negative side effects and have been overused by the medical, veterinary and agricultural industries. Antibiotic resistance is becoming an increasingly worrying problem, with some bacteria resistant to virtually all known current antibiotics.

We are also concerned with the effect on the human microbiome, specifically in the gastrointestinal tract, where frequent use of antibiotics is associated with a loss of diversity, which is generally associated with poorer health outcomes.

We also know that antibiotics simply do not work for viral infections and over-prescription for upper respiratory tract infections (that are mostly viral) are likely to be causing more harm than good.

In short, antibiotics should be reserved only for bacterial infections that are absolutely required to be treated. If you are unsure, you should always ask your doctor, “Is it really necessary for my child or myself to have this antibiotic?” Often the answer will be no.

Check out www.nps.org.au/medical-info/consumer-info/antibiotic-resistance-the-facts for more information. —Andrew

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@ MumsAtTheTable.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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IN THE EVENT OF

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death

While being a guardian may be an official role, we all have serious responsibilities towards young children.

FREE PRINTABLE “GUARDIAN CHECKLIST” AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD MumsAtTheTable.com /freestuff

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SHAPECHARGE—GETTY IMAGES

By Vania Chew

hen I was a university student, I had nothing more important on my mind than doing well in my course, enjoying an active social life and having fun with my friends. That all changed on the day my aunt and uncle invited me over and asked whether I’d be a guardian for their two teenage children.

“What would that involve exactly?” I asked awkwardly, feeling like I was at a job interview I hadn’t prepared for.

My aunt and uncle exchanged glances.

“It means that the kids would be your responsibility if anything was to happen to us,” my aunty finally replied.

My cousins cheered at this news. They didn’t seem to understand the full ramifications of what me being their guardian would mean. They just thought we would be having an everlasting sleepover (I guess that was one way of putting it!)

I, on the other hand, felt a rush of panic flooding my heart.

Although I loved my younger cousins dearly, I couldn’t imagine being held responsible for them. After all, I was an only child. I hadn’t done much babysitting. And I was a long way away from even thinking about having children someday. How could I be a good guardian?

“What about so-and-so?” I suggested feebly as I racked my brain thinking of suitable alternatives. Surely there were other people who were far better equipped to be guardians than myself.

I voiced my concerns to my uncle and aunt but they shrugged them off.

“It’s not necessarily about being better equipped,” explained my aunty. “We want someone with the same faith values—or at least someone who would be supportive of the way that we’ve raised the kids up.”

Guardianship was something that had never even crossed my mind before. It was quite the opposite situation for my uncle and aunt.

My aunty was already in her forties by the time she had adopted the younger of my two cousins. She knew there was a very real possibility that something might happen to her or my uncle while the girls were still young. Having previously worked as a social worker, she was also aware that difficult situations could arise with untrustworthy guardians of vulnerable children.

“There are a lot of issues you need to think about,” my aunty said frankly.

Have you ever thought about who would be your children’s guardian if something happened to you? It’s not an easy topic to ponder. Not only do you have to think about your demise, but you have to contemplate your children reaching adulthood without you to watch them grow up. But unless you want your children to be raised by your gold-digging alcoholic brother, you should seriously consider naming a guardian in your will.

“If parents do not make a will or do not make provision in their will to nominate a guardian, then it is the next of kin who will become the guardian,” says Rodney Woods, a trust services expert.

“If there is a dispute about who will be the guardian, the court will make the appointment. It is therefore highly recommended that a person has a legal will, and if they have minor children, they have nominated a guardian they believe will act in the best interest of their children.”

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. . . every person has the chance—and responsibility—to be a guardian for someone else . . .

would you...

KISS PASSIONATELY IN FRONT OF YOUR CHILDREN?

HOW TO

CHOOSE A GUARDIAN

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RELATIONSHIP WITH THE CHILDREN

“While relatives might seem like an obvious choice, this isn’t always the most appropriate option if your child doesn’t have a close relationship with them,” senior legal advisor David Thomson said in Huffington Post. “A close family friend who is familiar with the child and possibly has children of a similar age and disposition might be a better choice. The compatibility with the children is the most important.”

VALUES

“Consider moral values, such as kindness and generosity, as well as religious and spiritual values,” suggests a 2017 article in Forbes. Will the person you’ve chosen raise your child in the way that you would want? Also, what do you want for your child’s future? Are you more interested in ensuring they have a good education? Or would you prefer they be able to express themselves creatively and pursue their chosen passions?

PHYSICAL, EMOTIONAL AND FINANCIAL HEALTH

You may be planning to select your own parents as guardians, but logically speaking, they are less likely to outlive you than people your age or younger. Do your potential guardians have any burdens or concerns that may prevent them from giving your children a good childhood? Are they in a financially stable position to take care of your children?

GEOGRAPHY

This recommendation comes from my aunty. It’s not a prerequisite I would have thought of and may not be suitable for everybody, but it makes sense. For a child of any age, losing their parents would be a big trauma.

Having to relocate and leave everything that is familiar would be an additional difficulty.

BURAKKARADEMIR—GETTYIMAGES

Vania Chew is producer of Mums At The Table TV show and also writes for Mums At The Table magazine.

TRUST

You wouldn’t let just anyone drive your brand new car.

Well, your children are the most precious assets you’ll ever have. You would want them to be cared for by someone you believe had their best interests at heart.

SHAPECHARGE—GETTYIMAGES

My cousins are all grown up now and I’m thankful my aunt and uncle lived to see them do so. But although I never had to step in as their official guardian, I always felt a sense of accountability and responsibility to them. They were also in a blessed position where they had other people who cared about their welfare and wellbeing.

“There was a woman who was a church friend and a neighbour named June, whom we always called Nanna, and she was just like a grandma to us,” my cousin Arabella shares. In fact, she and her sister Abi had always believed that June was their grandmother and when they found out she wasn’t, they burst out crying.

June would take them on teddy bears’ picnics, shopping expeditions and trips to the park.

“When Abi was little, they had a grandparents’ day at school and Abi thought she needed to find out who her grandparents were. She came home from school saying, ‘I know Nanna’s my nanna but who else is my nanna?’

“June’s husband had left her when she was in her sixties; this was a terrible blow to her. She enjoyed having someone else to think about and be involved with,” explains my aunty.

“Even now, she still prays for the girls and our family every day.

I once told her that I think the reason we’re still alive is that she prays for us so much. If it wasn’t for her, I really do wonder where we’d be.”

My cousins’ fond recollections of their “Nanna” remind me that guardianship isn’t just about being nominated to take care of someone’s children after they die. Every person has the chance— and responsibility—to be a guardian for someone else, it just may not be in an official capacity or written in a legal document.

The often-quoted African proverb says, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Somewhere along the line, I think we’ve lost that perception and feel as though we need to do things on our own.

But it’s time we returned to that proverb. Like June, we all have the potential to be an influencer in other people’s lives, whether that’s taking the opportunity to help a struggling mama, offering a prayer for a family who needs support or showing love to a child. And we don’t need to be officially appointed for it.

would . . .

would not . . .

BRETT OGILVIE NORTH MACLEAN, QUEENSLAND

FELICITY FRANKISH SYDNEY, NEW SOUTH WALES

My wife and I showed affection and even kissed passionately in front of our children right up to our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary (five days before she died). We decided early on we weren’t going to hide from our children the love and romance between us. We were careful to set the limit at kissing for obvious reasons, but didn’t want our children to grow up thinking that love between people was something to feel guilty about and that it should be hidden away.

Often when our children were little, they would want to get up and be in the middle of the cuddle and connection (which put a damper on the kisses but was still lovely). Friends noticed that because of this, our kids didn’t grow up with jealousy [issues] over [their] parents being close or try to get between us and pull us apart [compared to other children].

Our children are now 21, 19 and eight (yes it’s a big gap) and they were sometimes embarrassed, but they always knew their parents loved each other. They also were far more comfortable and less embarrassed by public shows of affection by others.

Our younger son (who is autistic) says it showed him what a good relationship looked like—his parents loved each other and backed each other up—although he was sometimes embarrassed as he got older because he felt that his being there was intruding.

Our little girl said, “We saw a movie at school and there was a kiss (not passionate, just on the lips) and most of the class was going ‘Oooh yuck’, but I thought Oh that’s sweet.”

Kissing passionately in front of our kids isn’t something my husband and I have ever been comfortable with. Our daughters are aged three and one, and our eldest is very inquisitive. We like her to see us kiss on the lips and showing affection with each other, because we think it is important for her to recognise different relationships people have in life, and to know that her mummy and daddy love each other.

Having said this, in the past year we have had to make a point that just mummies and daddies kiss on the lips and that everyone else kisses on the cheeks, as she started wanting to kiss everyone that she met on the lips!

I think it is important for kids to understand relationships and different types of relationships, but I have never been big on kissing in public, and for that reason, I am not a fan of kissing passionately in front of our kids. I think this is a concept that requires some level of maturity to completely understand, which toddlers certainly don’t have!

There is just no place for passionate kissing in a little person’s world, so I don’t consider it necessary. Kissing passionately is something that is extremely personal between my husband and I, and it’s not something I need my children witnessing.

I think there are plenty of other ways you can teach young children about the different relationships, and this is how we are handling it with our toddler (and eventually our youngest too). One day they will witness this—just not from us.

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t c e f r pe h g u o en Sometimes, helping your daughter better appreciate her own beauty means being kind and gentle with yourself first.

By Renae Maua

W

hy do you exercise? Is it to get stronger, fitter, lose some weight—or do you exercise so you can eat more? I start with this question, for as women, if there is a deeper question to why you exercise or diet, then no amount of exercise or dieting will ever satisfy you.

You have to face the question beneath the surface in order for you to find peace with yourself. Here is what I mean . . .

I was around 12 years old when I started to become obsessed with my weight and figure. Back then, one of my friends was bulimic and another would starve herself. I took the binge eating, starve myself and exercise approach to try and get the perfect body so I could be satisfied with myself.

What followed was a crazy cycle that kept me in chains. I would start by overeating the foods I loved. Then enormous guilt and disappointment in myself would set in. I would vomit up as much as I could. I would miss the next few meals and then go smash it out in the gym, until I had burned enough kilojoules.

This continued for a number of years.

Looking back at my photos, I was not fat. I was just never happy or content with myself. The deeper question for me was, Am I perfect enough? I was not aware of this back then, but I was chasing perfection and therefore no amount of exercising or dieting would provide me with a self-image that would satisfy me.

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The sad reality about eating disorders is that many who have them do not recover. In 2017, ABC News published an article titled “Anorexia nervosa: Australian health system ‘failing’ patients with eating disorders”. The article stated that “one in five patients with [anorexia nervosa] will die by suicide”. The Butterfly Foundation, an Australian organisation supporting those with eating disorders, noted that one million people in 2012 suffered from eating disorders and 64 per cent of those were women.

Eating disorders often arise from poor body image and this peaks in teenage years. I remember my dad saying to me when I was a teen, “Renae, your calves are looking really skinny.”

Rather than hearing the concern in my dad’s comment, I chose to hear it as a compliment, for I was always fat in my eyes.

The dissatisfaction in my self-image still haunts me today. I still struggle to put the brakes on when it comes to yummy food. I eat when my mood is down or when I think I deserve a reward.

Now, desiring to look nice is not wrong, wanting to reach a goal, be it weight, fitness or toned muscles is not wrong. I am asking you to look deeper beneath the surface to ascertain the true motive behind your goals. If you discover a deeper reason, you may have unresolved issues that need confronting. Failing to confront these underlying reasons puts you on a path where no amount of exercising or dieting will ever be enough. If you have an eating dis-

SUPPLIED

L–R: Renae with her daugther Faith, as a teenager and her perfectly beautiful self today.

order, I encourage you to go and talk to someone about it and free yourself from the chains of perfection, guilt and dissatisfaction.

The Bible says that God made women in His own image and that He was satisfied with what He created. With God and in God, we women are enough. So why are we letting this world rule our ideals? It’s time we stand together and learn to stand alone in God and be satisfied in who God made us to be. We owe it to ourselves and we need to own it for the sake of the next generation of women—our daughters.

My daughter Faith was in kindy when she came home one day saying she was fat while pinching her tummy.

I asked, “Why do you think you’re fat?”

She replied, “My friend said so.”

Faith’s friend at school had learned that being able to pinch one’s tummy indicated they were fat. She shared her knowledge with Faith and since my daughter could pinch her tummy, she concluded she was fat too. This broke my heart and it shocked me that this was happening at six years old.

I do not want my daughter battling with food and self-image like I do. I do not want my daughter telling herself she is fat when she is perfectly beautiful in how God made her. I do not want any of our daughters, future daughters or women in general to think they are not ever enough.

We need to accept, appreciate, respect and love ourselves as women. We need to encourage each other and never let our challenges drive us to silence. Let’s share our battles with each other so we can fight them together.

To be beautiful means to be satisfied with yourself. Beauty begins when you decide to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself. For it is not what you are that will hold you back. It is what you think you are not that will.

So say these words out loud: Who I am is enough. What I do is enough. What I have is enough. Learn to embrace these words and you will grow to be satisfied with yourself, just as God is satisfied in who you are.

If you or someone you know needs help, contact:

LIFELINE 13 11 14 AUSTRALIA

0800 54 33 54 NEW ZEALAND Renae Maua and her husband Nimrod have five children aged between nine and 25. She loves to read, run and hang out with her kids.

THIS ARTICLE WAS FIRST PUBLISHED ON WWW.COLLEGECHURCH.INFO.

November 2018

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HOW TO FIGHT

FREE PRINTABLE “HEALTHY SHOPPING LIST” AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD MumsAtTheTable.com /freestuff

Exhaustion, pain, forgetfulness, indecision, moodiness, weight gain or foggy thinking can be present even years after giving birth. Dr Oscar Serrallach believes it’s because of a condition he calls “postnatal depletion”.

By Harriet Connor

I

n 1996, Dr Oscar Serrallach graduated with a medical degree from the Auckland School of Medicine, New Zealand, and since then, he has devoted much of his medical career to helping mothers recover from what he has identified as “postnatal depletion”.

This condition results from the immense physical toll that pregnancy, birth and breastfeeding take on a woman’s body, combined with the extreme exhaustion caused by sleep deprivation and the psychological challenges of adjusting to motherhood. Women can still be suffering from postnatal depletion years after giving birth.

In his new book, The Postnatal Depletion Cure, Dr Oscar explains how he began his research when he and his partner were starting their own family (they now have three children). His concern for the

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wellbeing of mothers is deeply personal: “I feel blessed and grateful to now have a healthy family, and through our struggles, I feel that my purpose in life is to be a leading voice in the revival of motherhood as an honoured and respected path—a genuine heroine’s journey.”

The Postnatal Depletion Cure is not a quick read, rather it is a comprehensive reference work, full of detailed information to help mothers rebuild their health and reclaim their energy.

According to Dr Oscar, the physical symptoms of postnatal depletion include fatigue, “baby brain”, insomnia, dry skin and thinning hair, and sensitivity to light and sound. Emotional symptoms can include anxiety, decreased libido, guilt and shame, a loss of confidence, and feeling isolated, overwhelmed or powerless.

PHOTOSCHMIDT—GETTY IMAGES

y b a B brain Postnatal depletion includes some psychological symptoms, but it should not be confused with postnatal depression. A mother suffering from depletion may feel generally flat, but she will still be able to find some enjoyment in motherhood and in simple pleasures such as watching a sunset. By contrast, a mother with depression will be unable to find joy in these things. Postnatal depression usually emerges within the first four weeks and can be effectively managed with a range of treatments. If you suspect that you might be suffering from postnatal depression, speak to your GP. When asked if there are any parenting styles a mother can adopt so as to avoid postnatal depletion, Dr Oscar says, “It is best to choose parenting styles that suit both your personality and your resources. A lot of mothers experience anxiety and are

overwhelmed when they follow someone else’s parenting style or advice, going against their own instincts.

“My motto is ‘mothers need support not judgement’. I don't see mothers who are doing a bad job but I do see mothers who feel they are doing a bad job, because they feel over-judged and under-supported.”

Dr Oscar believes there are four components to getting replenished: sleep, purpose, activity and nutrition. Deep sleep is “nature’s built-in stress-reduction mechanism”. Every mother knows what happens when we don’t get enough of it: it plays havoc with our thinking, our motor function and our emotions.

Another key to health is to have a sense of purpose, “ensuring that you feel connected to your place and role in the world”. As

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WHAT IF YOU ARE

VEGETARIAN? ACCORDING TO DR OSCAR, VEGETARIANS NEED TO PAY EXTRA ATTENTION TO THESE MICRONUTRIENTS:

1.

Typically comes from fish oil. An excellent DHA supplement for vegetarians is algae-based DHA.

. . . a mother [has] 700 hours of ‘sleep debt’ that can occur in the first year ...

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fats. According to Dr Oscar, “The ideal diet for a woman recovering from depletion includes moderate to high levels of [healthy] fat, moderate levels of protein and small amounts of carbohydrates.”

Dr Oscar’s optimal energy food plan is full of fresh, unprocessed foods that will boost your health and avoiding processed carbohydrates, vegetable oils and food additives.

When it comes to emotional health, Dr Oscar underlines the importance of sharing your feelings and asking for help. He urges mothers to practise “self-love”—to value our own health enough to attend to the four pillars of health: sleep, purpose, activity and nutrition. Dr Oscar warns against becoming a martyr who wears herself out with endless activity, never stopping to rest or enjoy the present.

It is also normal for relationships to become strained in the early days of parenthood, but good communication makes all the difference. Recovering your relationship with your partner is essential for your emotional wellbeing and Dr Oscar suggests couples should make time to talk openly about their feelings; resolving conflicts starts with reconnection. As for sexual intimacy after the birth of a baby, Dr Oscar says, “Our closest-related species, primates, will typically have a gap of three to five years between offspring; humans will have children more closely together than this. My advice is that ideally, a mother should have recovered from the typical 700 hours of ‘sleep debt’ that can occur in the first year, and be in a better sleep pattern before she conceives again. This can sometimes take two to three years.”

When it comes to returning to work, “During pregnancy and during the first few months postpartum, there are huge changes that occur in a woman’s brain, hormone levels and hormone recep-

2.

Iron Vegetarian foods that are high in iron are cooked leafy vegetables (e.g. spinach), legumes (e.g. lentils) and seeds (e.g. pumpkin seeds).

ANDRESR, JULIEF514—GETTY IMAGES, FREEPIK

Christians, we know that our purpose comes from the One who made us—we were created to honour God by living well in His creation and loving the people around us, beginning with our family.

Dr Oscar also encourages mothers to get active. He recommends gentle exercise such as walking and swimming. In his book, he even has a postnatal exercise program that you can do at home. Dr Oscar sums it up like this: “The combination of plenty of activity, correct movement and posture, and gentle exercises and stretches not only will help your postnatal body to recover its strength, but will also give you more energy, improve your sleep, kick-start your libido and make you feel so much better.”

The final pillar of health, and the one that receives the most attention, is nutrition. Dr Oscar believes that the road back to health starts with replenishing your levels of vitamins and minerals (micronutrients). Depleted mothers usually need to take supplements to begin with; after that, they can get enough micronutrients from a healthy diet. You will need the cooperation of your GP to test for vitamin deficiencies and prescribe the right supplements.

There may be instances where doctors may be sceptical about the condition, but Dr Oscar believes GPs are becoming more aware of and sympathetic to the unique struggles that mothers can experience with their health.

“However, if a GP appears sceptical,” says Dr Oscar. “I don’t recommend persevering, mainly because I can imagine it requiring great patience and stamina on a mother’s part. Instead either find a more sympathetic doctor or, alternatively, a naturopath who has a deep understanding of the postnatal period.”

Once you have rebuilt your micronutrient levels, it’s time to focus on the macronutrients—your proteins, carbohydrates and

DHA

tors, creating a larger capacity for intuition and empathy. These changes can be considered an ‘upgrade’ but it takes some time to integrate this upgrade into your new life,” says Dr Oscar.

“A mother can have quite a changed worldview after the birth of a child and can feel both thankful about getting back to work, but also a degree of alienation due to her increased sensitivity and hypervigilance. I recommend taking as much time off work as possible: ideally, six weeks or more, and then transition back to work part-time, even if just for a few weeks. This can really assist with the integration of these changes.”

At the same time, we would all do well to practise some simple relaxation skills, such as focusing on our breathing, but as Dr Oscar warns, “Learning to relax is a skill like any other”.

With The Postnatal Depletion Cure, Dr Oscar has written a valuable resource for helping us to become the mothers God wants us to be—secure in our God-given purpose, caring for the body He has given us, energised to love our family and investing in our marriage. But we can’t do it alone, and just as we need communities, we should take time to be part of a community that takes the lead in offering the kind of encouragement and support that every mother needs.

3.

Vitamin b12 Vegetarians should be able to get enough B12 from eating fermented products, mushrooms and sea-based vegetables.

4.

Zinc Plant-derived zinc is harder to digest and absorb than animal-based zinc.

Therefore vegetarians are more likely to be zinc deficient and require supplements. The best vegetarian sources of zinc are activated seeds and nuts.

5.

choline If a mother is not eating eggs and has concentration issues, supplement this for a short while then focus on plantbased sources, especially cruciferous vegetables.

Harriet Connor lives with her husband and three sons on the Central Coast of NSW. She is the author of Big Picture Parents: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Life and has degrees in languages and theology.

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Marriage

FREE PRINTABLE “60-SECOND LOVING ENCOUNTERS” AVAILABLE FOR DOWNLOAD MumsAtTheTable.com /freestuff

MARRIAGE PROBLEM #2: I STILL LOVE MY HUSBAND DEEPLY, BUT I JUST Forgotten who we are CAN’T FIND THE INTEREST OR ENERGY TO BE INTIMATE. Being a mum is like being a vending machine. All day long we’re churning out hugs, meals, wet wipes, mini life lessons, Band-Aids, clean clothes, kisses, stories, energy, compassion, sunscreen and bubble baths. We have to keep on giving just to get through the day. But often there’s very little being put back into the machine and we soon find ourselves running on empty.

Resentment is one of the biggest barriers to healthy intimacy. Mums are resentful because they are struggling to juggle so many things alone, and dads are often resentful because the children’s needs seem to be more important than theirs. Harry Benson, author of What Mums Want (and Dads Need to Know), has discovered that the secret to protecting your marriage during the “baby years” is for dads to be as kind as possible to the mums, to help them, to listen to their needs and meet them, and to do a healthy share of the parenting and household tasks together.

Kindness, understanding and support warm a mum’s hearts like nothing else, and they can be far more seductive than flowers and chocolate.

When dads are being as kind and supportive as possible, mums are much more likely to feel close and sexually responsive. And the more available she becomes sexually, the more he wants to be kind. But the kindness circle needs to start with dad.

AFTER BABIES Tackling common marriage problems mothers face.

appreciation

MARRIAGE PROBLEM #3: MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BECOME SO FOCUSED ON OUR CHILDREN THAT WE’VE FORGOTTEN WHO WE ARE!

By Karen Holford

It’s easy to stop appreciating each other and focus on our irritations instead. But appreciation is energising and powerful. When we feel appreciated, we’re more likely to appreciate other people. But someone has to take the initiative . . . and it may as well be you. If you want to change someone’s behaviour, appreciating what they are doing well is far more effective than nagging them when they make a mistake. Another unexpected side effect of appreciating other people is that you are less likely to argue with people who appreciate you.

Make a list of 30 things you appreciate about your partner. Keep going, even if it’s challenging. Then find creative ways to express your appreciation. Pop a note in their lunchbox, appreciating how hard they work to support the family financially. Stick a note on their steering wheel, thanking them for looking after the car. Write a quick message on a treat and hide it in their bag, drawer or pocket.

It’s also useful for the parent who’s most away from home during the day to spend a day at home occasionally, while the other parent has a day off. During this day, they need to care for the children, do a load of washing, make dinner and aim to have a tidy home by 6 pm. Stepping into the other person’s shoes can help them to appreciate the challenge of managing a busy home filled with children.

Try having a daily or weekly appreciation time in your family where each person thanks everyone else for something they’ve done during the week. Starting a tradition of appreciation can help to change the atmosphere in the whole family.

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MARRIAGE PROBLEM #4: WE’VE BEEN MARRIED FOR MORE THAN 10 YEARS NOW, AND OUR MARRIAGE IS STAGNATING. It’s normal for relationships to become stuck and boring from time to time. Suddenly we wake up and feel a million miles away from our partner, even though we’re in the same bed.

Find ways to reconnect again and learn how to have a stronger marriage. If it's hard to get away for a marriage retreat, invite some other friends in the same life stage as you to share pizza and watch a good video marriage series. These series usually come with useful discussion questions. Or try out the Toucan Together app (toucantogether.com), filled with short videos, fun quizzes and great tips.

Take a couple check-up at couplecheckup.com. You can do this online for less than the cost of a counselling session and receive instant feedback on your relationship, useful topics to discuss and ideas for growing closer again.

Always have something on the calendar that you’re both looking forward to. Check out hundreds of low-cost ideas, complete with fun printables, on thedatingdivas.com. You can download a year of dates, put them all into a big folder or print off discussion cards to kickstart your relationship.

FREEPIK.COM

MARRIAGE PROBLEM #1: HOW CAN I GET MY HUSBAND TO APPRECIATE ME MORE?

Managing children’s needs, behaviours and routines can completely take over your life. It’s important to protect your relationship as a couple, too, because when you’re happy together, it makes a huge difference to your children’s behaviour.

Learning together is vital. Read a good book about parenting or look for a local parenting course you can attend together. When you’re both on the same page about the needs of your children, supporting them emotionally, showing them love and responding consistently to their behaviour, you’ll save hours of time negotiating the best way to respond, or arguing about your different parenting approaches.

Try the 10:60 experiment. Dr Peter Fraenkl is a relationship counsellor in New York, USA, and many of his clients are super busy. But he noticed if they had 10 60-second intentional and caring encounters 10 yrs stagnating throughout the day, they were able to stay close even when things were crazy.

Karen Holford has masters degrees in child psychology and family therapy, but the best learning about family and relationships has always been from her husband, children and grandchildren. She is the author of 52 Ways to Parent Happy Children and is on the Mums At The Table magazine’s panel of experts.

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WHEN LIFE DOESN’T

pan out

How to have the greatest adventure after you’ve been hit unexpectedly by events that leave you reeling and feeling out of control.

By Lisa Stephenson

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ITAKDALEE—GETTY IMAGES

PATCHA1984—GETTY IMAGES

N

ine years ago, every certainty I thought I knew about life collapsed. That sounds so dramatic now, but that was absolutely my truth then. My beautiful life, the previous chapter in my story, had abruptly come to a very definite end. It was a simple one but I had loved it. All I had ever wanted was a great marriage to my best friend, to be a mostly-at-home mum and to coach some clients on the side because I had always loved to work.

Instead, the new chapter of my life was an impending divorce and I had to, quite suddenly, create a career that would provide financially for my three little people (aged two, four and eight) and myself, and work out what my new version of success would be. I had no idea what happiness was going to look like going forward. I felt ill-equipped to be a single full-time working mum and I was overwhelmed by how much there was to do and learn.

I was that woman! The one who seemed to have it all. My family and friends were just as shocked as I was when my husband at the time left me and made it clear he was never coming back.

In that moment, I had to find a way to be both the mum and the dad. I went from feeling grateful for my life and planning a trip to Africa, to sitting on the shower floor hoping the sound of the water would stop the children from hearing me cry.

There are days I don’t remember and moments of grief that are etched on my heart forever. I was engaged to him at 19 and married at 21. I had no idea who I was

without him. “Divorced” and “single mum” were not labels I had ever considered I would have to own.

It was abundantly clear that my soon-to-be ex-husband would not take responsibility for our three little people in any way. He was knee-deep in depression. I call it that but neither of us, to this day, is really sure what label to give it. Essentially, he decided he no longer wanted to be a husband or father—full stop.

Keeping us safe—emotionally, financially and physically—would become a full-time job for me.

The courts granted me full custody of my children; I reverted to my maiden name and so did my children. We moved house five times in seven years. The children moved schools three times in two years. I found myself so deep in grief that I forgot to eat and I avoided sleep at all costs. I cried secretly and smiled publicly.

I’m certainly not the only person who has had to deal with divorce, miscarriage, financial loss and emotional bankruptcy. My point is that we all have a story with lessons to learn and challenges to cope with. Bad things really do happen to good people.

But it’s what we do in the middle of a crisis that counts.

Some months in, I realised that it was not helpful to think about how we could be happy without him. What I discovered was that my journey was about becoming resilient and strong. By deliberately embracing all the discomfort and change, I started to feel possibility and optimism. I proactively identified opportunities that would stretch me further and guess what? I started to trust myself and feel lighter. The happiness was coming as a result of investing in my ability to be resilient and thrive.

The easy option would have been to go and get a job. But if I was going to build an amazing life, I needed to make amazing choices. Simmering beneath the surface of uncertainty was a voice that I now know was the inner-entrepreneur and woman who was going to find a way to be successful in life. I was quietly determined to draw on everything I had ever learned, read and experienced. I decided I was prepared to do what was required to be the very best version of me. I needed to attach myself to that goal and my children needed me to as well.

If only I had known how amazing the ride would be for my children and myself. I set an ambitious goal to take my children

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HOW TO MAKE LIFE

THE GRE AT EST ADVENTURE

the current challenges you face. Be ambitious in your dreams.

Consider what you want to be able to say about your life when you are 80 years old and sitting on your verandah reflecting on the experiences you’ve had. What are you really capable of?

MAKE YOURSELF AN IMPORTANT PROJECT Investing in yourself is the most important investment you will ever make. Think strategically about how you are living and where you are heading. Set deadlines and consult experts who will support you. Create a vision board, identify blockers and review your progress. How can you make yourself and your future the most important focus?

DO WHAT OTHER PEOPLE AREN’T PREPARED TO DO The world is full of people who start projects and never follow through. Keep going, even when it’s hard and you don’t want to.

Don’t wait and don’t give in. When your motivation has passed, it will be your commitment that keeps you going. Are you prepared to do what’s required?

people who will challenge and celebrate you. Identify those in your world who you trust and will tell you the truth. No energy leeches allowed! Who do you know?

GET UNCOMFORTABLE It is true, the greatest learning happens in discomfort. To know what you are really capable of, you have to test out your resilience and capabilities. You don’t know what you don’t know about yourself yet. Intentionally look for new experiences and meet people out of your network. When was the last time you felt really uncomfortable?

HONOUR YOUR FUTURE SELF

LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE

Imagine yourself in two years’ time. How much more will you know in five years? And then in 10 years you will be so wise! When you are planning your future success, consider what your future smarter/wiser/funnier/more experienced version of yourself would do right now to make your dreams come true. The best way to predict your future is to live it now. What advice does your future self have for you?

13 SECRETS TO A HEALTHIER YOU From the latest superfoods to the perfect workout, juice cleanses to gym classes - everyone has an opinion.

BE RESOLUTE, COMMITTED AND COURAGEOUS

Surround yourself with people who want you to succeed, who will challenge you to be more and who understand your true potential. Your tribe extends beyond friends and family—they are the

out of school for an entire term so we could live, explore and heal in Italy. It took years of planning, dreaming and saving. It was so worth it. We ate pizza and gelati every day. We slept in late and didn’t have dinner until 10 pm most nights. I woke up with my children every day for three months, which was the greatest blessing, given my “normal” life now requires me to travel regularly.

We missed trains, got lost and felt earthquakes. We sat on top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and on a different day, we pretended we could hear the tigers in the Colosseum. We went on the “canoes” (as Mabel called the gondolas) in Venice. We caught the chairlift to the top of Capri and went ice-skating outside at 11pm

in Lake Como. We avoided riots in Florence, ate dinner in castles and conversed with locals using hand gestures. Watching Italian ladies hand-make pasta brought us joy and the colours of the Cinque Terre still find me in my dreams.

This was also when I started writing my book, truly letting go of the pain and realising my children would be OK. In fact, they would be more than OK.

Lisa Stephenson is the author of Read Me First and has decades of experience as a global speaker, leadership consultant and success coach. She is also the founder of the global, Australian-based consulting firm, Who Am I Projects.

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Health & wellbeing



Bible & prophecy



Family & relationships



History



Spirituality



Archaeology

VISIT

Visit hopeoffer.com/health to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.

hopechannel.com/learn for more information

NAME : ADDRESS :

PHONE : EMAIL :

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

Get practical tips to help you feel good right now and set up positive habits your future self will thank you for!

QUESTIONS? LETS CHAT!

VAL-VESA—UNSPLASH

FIND YOUR TRIBE

Being healthy doesn’t have to be so hard. In this free series on health, you’ll receive expert advice to give you an overview of the essentials of good health.

There really is only one you on this planet. No single other person looks the same as you, has your beliefs or experiences. Put your big girl pants on and enjoy the ride of being you. Be brave on all the days you can manage it. The future version of you is someone to be proud of.

We also offer other FREE resources.

 discover@hopechannel.com

 1300 300 389

 /hopedigital

 @hopechannel

LIVING WELL

SEND THIS FORM TO : Community Manager Hope Channel Locked Bag 1115 Wahroonga NSW 2076

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This is your one shot to live an amazing adventure, regardless of



PLAY AND PLAN BIG

COOKING with Gia & Olive

AS SEEN ON

COCONUT LIME RICE

NEW ZEALAND

PREPARATION TIME: 1 MINUTE COOKING TIME: 30 MINUTES SERVES: 5 INGREDIENTS 4 cups brown basmati rice 4 cups water 2 cups coconut cream 2 tsp salt 2 lemongrass bulbs, about 10-cm in length, smashed with a pestle 3 fresh kaffir lime leaves

Carrot Cake Oatmeal Smoothie PREPARATION TIME: 2 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 2

METHOD Mix and cook all ingredients in a rice cooker.

INGREDIENTS ½ cup rolled oats 1 carrot, chopped 1–2 tbsp maple syrup 2 tbsp LSA mix 1 tsp cinnamon 1 tsp vanilla extract 1–2 tbsp cream cheese 1 cup milk of choice 1 tsp shredded coconut

Fun Kids’ Cookie Dough

METHOD

2.

Guacamole Cream

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PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 5

then drained 1 small ripe avocado ½ cup fresh coriander, chopped 3 tbsp lime juice ½ tsp sea salt ½ cup water

INGREDIENTS

METHOD

½ cup raw cashews, soaked in water for 1 hour

Blend all ingredients until smooth and creamy.

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November 2018

Blend all ingredients until it reaches your desired consistency.

Serve topped with shredded coconut.

1.

2.

INGREDIENTS 2 cups cashew butter ½ cup maple syrup, or sweetener of choice ¾ cup coconut flour ¼ cup milk of choice Optional: ¼ cup hundreds and thousands sprinkles Optional: ¼ cup chocolate chips FOOD STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

1.

METHOD

PREPARATION TIME: 15 MINUTES FRIDGE TIME: 30 MINUTES MAKES: 10 COOKIES

3.

4.

Mix cashew butter and maple syrup in a pot on the stove, stirring over medium heat until cashew butter is melted.

Place coconut flour in a large mixing bowl, add cashew butter and mix well. If using, mix in sprinkles or chocolate chips.

Slowly add milk until mixture resembles cookie dough. Roll into balls and flatten using a fork to form a cookie.

Refrigerate for 30 minutes or until cookie is slightly firm.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the Mums At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

MumsAtTheTable

MumsAtTheTable

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WELLBEING with Collett THE RIGHT AGE FOR KIDS TO DATE

R

Meet David, his friends and family . . .

He’s an ordinary high-schooler who loves surfing, mountain-biking and outdoor adventures of all kinds.

But, between his family, friends and faith, he also confronts many of the usual and sometimes difficult choices and challenges.

These fast-paced stories capture our imagination, help us think about our own choices, and start important conversations with our family and friends about resilience and what matters most.

With his family falling apart, moving to a new area brings challenges and opportunities, particularly great surf and a nearby forest seemingly made for mountain biking. With new friends, David confronts his own fears, as well as the tasks of forgiving and connecting.

Finding David is a story of relationships, family, friends and taking risks for them all.

Caught in a fire storm while hiking, David is forced to run for his life. Then, high on a deadly cliff, he must find a way to save a schoolmate from a terrifying fall. As they recover from their ordeal, David and his friends face challenges and choices.

But David’s most important task is finding something better than revenge.

David’s Revenge is a story of friendship, choices, perseverance and hope.

COLLETT She’s an author, mum of three and psychologist. Watch Collett Smart share ways mums can look after their own wellbeing on the Mums At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

ADAPTED FROM COLLETT’S UPCOMING BOOK, THEY’LL BE OKAY: 15 CONVERSATIONS TO HELP YOUR CHILD THROUGH TROUBLED TIMES (HACHETTE, 2019).

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MumsAtTheTable

MumsAtTheTable

YACOBCHUK—GETTY IMAGES

omantic interests are a completely normal part of growing up. It would be naïve of parents to think their child won’t develop love interests at various times in their high school years.

However, it’s what teens do with that interest and how you handle your teen’s emerging feelings that matters. Belittling your teen for having feelings is the quickest way to ensure they never come to you to talk about relationships as they get older.

Parents shouldn’t rush their young teens into intense romantic relationships. Neurologically, they are still trying to figure out who they are, and teens can become clingy and over-attached when they try to find their identity or meaning in a romantic partner.

Evidence suggests younger teens often experience more costs and fewer benefits when involved in a romantic relationship—that is, teens describe their early relationships as more stressful and less supportive (compared to older teens and young adults who find the levels of affection, companionship and intimacy more rewarding).

So how do you broach the subject of dating and romantic love with your child?

• Be careful not to shut down the potential for conversations with your teen, by either embarrassing them or laughing off their romantic feelings as “silly” or “childish”.

• Acknowledge their feelings and talk about what qualities they find attractive and what qualities they don’t.

• Chat about your time growing up and the feelings and difficulties you had.

• Encourage teens to realise that they don’t need to “find themselves” in another person.

• Help build up your child’s sense of personal value.

• Encourage them to be involved in many areas of life such as friendships, hobbies, sports and other interests.

• Remind them that romance is only one dimension of us as whole people.

• Group dates or gatherings with a bunch of girls and boys in public places or homes, supervised by an adult, are a healthy and safe way for teens to learn about what they find attractive in a person and become comfortable being themselves too.

Things were looking up for David—his family was back together, he had great friends and a new beautiful girl was on the scene. But all of that was about to change. At home, school and in the wilds of a deep canyon, David comes face-to-face with life’s biggest challenges and quickly learns that real success and happiness don’t always come easy.

David’s Triumph is a story of love, loss, making decisions and finding the strength to carry on.

NEW

For readers aged 12 to 16.

www.FindingDavid.com.au

I CAN ONLY IMAGINE

GRANDAD MANDELA

Bart Millard Koorong | Tommy Nelson $19.99

Almost every Christian parent will be familiar with MercyMe’s hit song “I Can Only Imagine”.

This picture book, inspired by the song, gives the sense of wonder and anticipation of life eternal with God in heaven, fuelling a child’s imagination.

Rhyming verses and cartoon-like drawings will add to its appeal.

Zindzi Mandela, Zazi Mandela & Ziwelene Mandela Quarto Publishing $24.99

WIN

MAKE YOUR OWN OLOBOB HOME Leigh Hodgkinson & Steve Smith Bloomsbury Publishing $9.99

The perfect activity book to keep your child entertained (read: quiet) with its large collection of stickers and bold colours—even better if your child is a fan of the hit children’s show Olobob Top! Kids can draw, colour-in, trace and of course, place stickers to decorate the different pages in the book.

GRANDPA’S SPACE ADVENTURE Paul Newman & Tom Jellett Puffin Books $19.99

Filled with dad jokes, this is one that will elicit roaring laughter from the children and groans from the adults (unless it’s Dad reading, then there would be a 100 per cent appreciative audience). A sweet and hilarious tale with fun illustrations about why the dark isn’t to be feared.

WIN

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PRIMARY

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER A sensitive and honest way to broach the topic of racism, equality and justice with your child. Told in conversation form and accompanied by the bold strokes of illustration, this book will make the past come to life for your children, while teaching them about a very important person—and period—in history.

MY STOREE Paul Russell & Aśka EK Books $24.99

An encouraging tale, especially for children with dyslexia. This book will speak volumes to those struggling with spelling but bursting with imagination and creativity. Fun and colourful illustrations accompany a story that shows the power of ideas, encouragement and belief, amidst a world of learning difficulties.

THE DAY WAR CAME Nicola Davies & Rebecca Cobb Walker Books $24.99

Based on true events, this is a sad but uplifting story around the issues of war, refugees and aid. There are some difficult themes and mums may have trouble keeping their tears at bay while reading this book aloud to their child.

But it is still important to share its story with little ones who need to learn about empathy and acceptance.

WIN

RECORD BREAKERS! DK $29.99

WIN

Perfect for the curious mind. A veritable trove of information—parents may learn something too— about the first, fastest, longest, largest, biggest and best records in the world (and outer space)!

Some facts are based on a belief in evolutionary theory, but they are in the minority.

THE ADVENTURES OF CATVINKLE Elliot Perlman & Laura Stitzel Puffin Books $19.99

A cute little story about two unlikely friends. The book is thick, but the simple writing makes it an easy read and the story encourages a young reader to want to find out more. An uncomplicated, smile-worthy and sweet story about differences, adventures and a little harmless fun.

BONKERS ABOUT BEETLES

HOUSE OF DREAMS

Gorgeously and colourfully illustrated, and printed on beautifully textured paper, this is probably something you would buy as a gift for the beetle-obsessed child. A great resource with interesting facts about an insect a child will likely be intrigued by at one age or another.

More suited to a proficient and mature young reader, this is an in-depth look into the life of the woman behind Anne of Green Gables. While it will obviously appeal to fans, those unfamiliar with the series will still find the narrative absorbing. Beware the strong themes of depression.

Owen Davey Flying Eye Books $27.99

GASTRONAUTS James Foley Fremantle Press $14.99

Farting babies and graphic novels are surefire ways into a primary reader’s heart.

While there are plenty of humorous and silly bits in Gastronauts, there are also lessons in technology and biology to be gleaned.

Parents can even download teaching notes to generate discussions with their young reader.

WIN

Liz Rosenberg Candlewick Press $19.99

WIN THESE ! !

S K O BO HOW T U O D FIN E9 ON PAG November 2018

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MUMS AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE

Tips to be

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

LESS STRESSED

By Dr Ron Ehrlich

PRIORITISE SLEEP

Sleep is nature’s built-in life-support system and affects every measure of health for young and old, and all those in between. Sleep is the most important part of our day. A consistently good night’s sleep is about quantity (getting enough) and quality (breathing well).

When you prioritise it, you develop a rhythm and routine with good sleep habits. It will help you build and maintain the physical, mental and emotional resilience to deal with the stresses of our modern world—and being a mum!

F RE E*

THE POWER OF FOOD

Y MONTHL COPY!

It’s either the best medicine or the slowest of poisons. Food has the ability to affect not just physical health, the immune system, but also mood and behaviour. Be aware that it can cause sensitivities, chronic inflammation and reactions that are not always immediately obvious, but delayed food hypersensitivities are a reality. We also share our body with billions of microbes that can either help keep us healthy or make us sick. Are you feeding your friends or foes?

LOVE WELL

Relationships are the key to longevity, health and wellness. We live in a world that constantly vies for our attention. It’s easy to get lost in notifications on social media, preoccupied with being “liked”, and even having hundreds of “friends”. But that’s not the relationships that nurture us. Be present and model behaviour that values real relationships for you and your family.

Dr Ron Ehrlich is a holistic medicine practitioner and author of A Life Less Stressed. He regularly delivers keynotes and wellness workshops and has a weekly podcast, Unstress with Dr Ron Ehrlich.

DOW N AS A LOAD PRIN THIS TA Mum FROM BLE sAtT he com /free Table. stuf f

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