At The Table - May 2018

AT THE

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

surviving POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

THE MENTAL HEALTH ISSUE MAY 2018

MAKE AN

eggless

OMELETTE

FORGETTING to

remember

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

MAY 2018

table talk

Jo in us

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PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

6 THE NIGHTS ARE LONG 11 WOULD YOU . . .

Invade your child’s privacy to prevent online bullying?

14 NEVER LOSE HEART

A husband’s unconditional love for his wife.

24 SURVIVING POSTNATAL DEPRESSION

One mum’s story of getting through the dark early days.

27 SHOULD WE BAN JUNK FOOD FROM OUR SCHOOL CANTEENS? 32 BOOK CORNER 34 HEAVEN

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27 Coco choc banana pops; cashew cheese; eggless omelette; chickpea risoni.

how-to

18 DEMENTIA: NO LAUGHING MATTER 21 HOW TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR PHONE 22 MANDI MAKES Finishing powder; daily facial foaming cleanser; lavender moisturising lotion bar; toilet spray.

30 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE

wellbeing

8 DEEP SELF-CARE Showing love to yourself beyond bubble baths.

12 ASK THE EXPERTS 28 EXERCISE WITH ALISHA First trimester: Thoughts of a first-time mum-to-be.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @thetabletvshow

#thetabletvshow

THETABLETV.COM

EDITOR Melody Tan

SEND ALL LETTERS AND SUBMISSIONS TO: At The Table magazine PO Box 1115, Wahroonga, NSW 2076 or email editorial@thetabletv.com

PUBLISHER At The Table is a product of

FREE MONTHLY COPY Julie Laws Julie@thetabletv.com

At The Table magazine is available free of charge thanks to generous donations. We ask you to pass it on to your friends after you are finished with it.

CEO: Kalvin Dever ABN 59 093 117 689 ISSN 2208-4010

COVER PHOTO

by Eva Katalin—iStock

VOLUME 2 NUMBER 5 The Mental Health Issue

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 thetabletv.com

@ thetabletvshow

GRAPHIC DESIGN Theodora Amuimuia

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s r e t let

from the

editor

TO THE

s I write this, my husband has been nursing a bad back for the past three weeks. It’s a recurring problem, so it’s not like it has caught us by surprise. But what is different this time is its duration.

Previously, his back pain would last for only a day or so, and all would be well again.

The added complication is he is the primary carer of our energetic and surprisingly heavy almost two-year-old son. For all those who have looked after an almost-two-year-old, I’m sure you’re all too familiar with the amount of physical exertion required to keep up with said child—not a great thing for someone who can’t even get out of bed at times. What this means is, it has been up to me to juggle full-time work in the office and at home, performing my usual tasks at work and doing my partner’s share of chores and errands at home, while trying to care for both adult and toddler at the same time. It has been exhausting and stressful on both body and mind, to say the least.

So I find it somewhat poetic to be working on the mental health issue of At The Table this month. I have been fortunate enough not to be affected by mental Illness in my life, but my experiences recently have given me a glimpse of what it may be like to either live with it, or to care for someone who may have it. This isn’t a cry for help—I’m still doing OK thanks to an amazingly understanding employer. What I’m trying to say is, I can now see more clearly just how overwhelming, tiring and invisible some afflictions can be on our psyche.

For all of you mothers out there doing it alone, doing it while battling your own health issues, doing it while juggling everything else, you have my utmost respect. At the same time, don’t think you’re by yourself on this journey. You have the entire At The Table community to connect with. Send us an email, PM us on Facebook, write a comment on our posts . . . your online family is right here, waiting to encourage and inspire you.

And of course, there are also the articles in our magazine this month, chosen to help you focus on one of the most important things in the world— you.

Melody

The magazines are a wonderful resource to share with women, in particular our young mums, and great reading for all.

—Beryl

POGANIA—ISTOCK

may

A

editor

The magazines are fantastic. We have just started a healthy recipe club at church [and give the magazines to those who attend]. They are received with open arms and the ladies lap them up. The magazines are such high quality, the content is great and we love the plant-based healthy recipes. We are so proud to give them out to folks. May God continue to enrich your ministry.

—Karen

We get a box of magazines sent to our bookshop. While they are too many for just our small store, we have identified another couple of outlets around the town, which are happy to receive them, so one box ends up being just about perfect.

—Paul

An excellent publication and we are happy to continue to receive our magazines every month.

—Kim

Beautiful magazine!

—Annette

LETTER OF THE MONTH: Thank you for your magazine! I get excited like a little child every time I see a new copy. The first thing I like to do is flick through the magazine and decide on the most interesting articles to read first. I always love reading the “Cooking with Gia & Olive” section as their recipes are nutritious, vegan, gluten- and sugar-free—something I’m striving towards in my cooking. Before I finish with the magazine and pass it on to friends, I make sure I’ve read every last section of it by reading page by page, from beginning to end. Wishing you God's blessings. Keep up the great work!

—Alexandra

Drop us a line and win a gift!

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing? The author of our letter of the month wins a free Arnie’s Shack: The Complete First Series four-disc DVD set, suitable for your children (or nieces or nephews)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

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T

he nights are long.

When you’re finally home, hospital bracelet still on your wrist and your sweet infant girl cries all night. When you try everything you know to soothe her and nothing seems to work, and eventually the tears of joy you expected become tears of exhaustion and frustration.

The nights are long.

When you rock, soothe and sing lullabies all to no avail, and that bassinet you chose with such care sits empty, while you walk the length of your home, shushing and swaying, and praying sleep will come.

The nights are long.

When the fever is high, his eyes usually dancing with delight, are dull and weary.

When his little body is wracked with sickness and you don’t know what’s wrong. When you call the 24-hour nurse line or research symptoms online, only to end up terrified.

The nights are long.

When we lie awake at night wondering if our babies, now children, are making friends at school. Our bodies are exhausted from the day, yet our minds still churn with questions: are they adjusting, are they happy, have we taught them enough to navigate these new experiences?

The nights are long.

When the ones who once filled our backseat with more questions and songs than our ears could digest, now, a few years later, scroll their phones quietly instead.

When the eyes once filled with amusement and laughter are now rolled skyward more often than we’d like, and we sit there wondering if all is well in their world. We try, but at times feel unable to find our way into the heart of things.

The nights are long.

When she’s out on a date and you wonder if all the things you’ve taught her, and all the conversations you’ve had with her, will be enough. When he’s out with his friends and you hope he'll be a leader rather than a follower, and that the heart to hearts will be lived out now that the decisions are his to make. When the car is packed and your eyes hold hers through that window one last time as she pulls away.

Yes. The nights are long.

But the years?

Oh, the years are short.

When the little bundle that once wouldn’t sleep in the bassinet is now too long to fit, and you lay her gently in the cot instead.

The years are short.

When the tiniest hand that once clutched your finger so tightly, releases your hand readily and walks towards the first day of kindergarten.

The years are short.

When our babies, who were just cooing, snuggling and filling their fists with our hair are now curling, straightening and styling their own.

The years are short.

When the one you thought would never sleep, would now sleep until noon if you let him.

The years are short.

When you see the hand, that just yesterday learned to wave while you encouragingly said, “Say bye-bye,” waving goodbye as she drives away.

The years are short.

When our littles become our bigs; When our way becomes their way; When our love is stretched to the point of aching . . .

We will remember . . .

That the nights were so very long. But the years are so very short.

the nights are long ALMAGAMI—ISTOCK

By Ginger Hughes

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Ginger Hughes is a mother of two, the wife of a pastor and a part-time accountant. Connect with her on Facebook @nomamasperfect.

REPRINTED, WITH PERMISSION, FROM WWW.NOMAMASPERFECT.COM.

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While bubble baths and pedicures are great for making us feel spoilt, there are other practices that promise far greater rewards.

DEEP

self-care

By Lindsay Painter

I

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EATING HEALTHIER Nutrition is such a challenging area to manage when it comes to self-care. Nearly all of us have wrestled with food in one way or another, but the last thing we need to do when it comes to self-care is to shame ourselves for our eating habits.

Elle Berry, graduate student in human nutrition and functional medicine at University of the Western States, USA, suggests separating health from weight, a challenging prospect in today’s thin-centric society. When we reinforce the lie that health and weight are interchangeable, we’re only hurting our own health. The truth is weight and health are not the same. Being thin isn’t the same as being healthy, or vice versa.

“What I work to inspire people with is the understanding that nutrition should never simply be another way to punish our bodies or shame ourselves. We have enough of those, and they are the

PEOPLEIMAGES—ISTOCK

f you’re a woman, you should be a stay-at-home mum because that’s really the crowning achievement of your species.

However, you should also delay having children—or not have them at all—because women are underrepresented in the workforce and we need more career women.

If you have a spouse, you should commit yourself to them 100 per cent because that’s what makes marriages work, but you should really make sure your needs are being met. This means if your spouse isn’t meeting those needs, you owe it to yourself to get out of the toxic relationship.

Is your career one that pays a lot of money, because you really need to have financial security. But are you also following your dreams, because if you aren’t then what’s the point?

If you have kids, you should be spending all your time playing with and talking to them because it’s that kind of one-on-one interaction that develops their brains. Also, are you keeping your house spotless and cooking wholesome meals from scratch three times a day, and planning elaborate Pinterest craft projects for them?

Sure, I am jesting, but the reality is, society does demand the impossible from us, and we respond by feeling like we aren’t good enough. No wonder self-care has become a popular idea.

Self-care has popularly been defined as participating in self-soothing activities such as bubble baths, pedicures and indulging in that piece of chocolate cake you’ve been denying yourself.

There is a place for this kind of self-soothing. Many times what we need is a small, but critical respite from the relentless pace of life.

However, I would like to talk about a different aspect of self-care, what I like to call deep self-care.

This kind of self-care is more difficult, often messy, sometimes painful and definitely not as fun, but the rewards are much greater in the long run. I’m talking about doing the difficult, long-term things that will improve our quality of life. Things like eating healthier, getting out of bed early to exercise or taking care of your mental health.

opposite of self-care,” says Elle. “To me, self-care is, at its core, about respecting and valuing our body, realising it is our home, so to speak.”

One way I try to practise self-care on a nutritional level is to eat more vegetables. It’s a small thing, but it reminds me that I’m worth the extra expense and time needed for vegetable purchase and preparation. To me, consuming a wide variety of vegetables is the easiest and most impactful way to make a difference in my nutritional self-care.

Elle also suggests learning to enjoy food preparation as a way to change our thinking about nutrition. “Turn on music, spend time with your family or friends while you cook, involve your kids. It’s hard to set aside time to do something if it’s perceived as a chore.”

EXERCISE Some people simply love to exercise. I do not understand them.

I have to take special care to incorporate exercise into my life. One way I motivate myself is to try to find ways to make it fun. I recently acquired a Fitbit, but any tracking tool can be useful to help motivate yourself.

Dr Melanie Weis, who specialises in physical therapy, says, “Exercise is a component of taking care of your body and thus should be in everyone’s regimen for self-care. Just as we take care of our skin to promote cleanliness and curb skin-related diseases, we need to do the same for taking care of our muscles.”

I always feel like exercising is going to take so much time, but really it doesn’t have to be that much of a commitment. “Exercising for 20 to 30 minutes at a time is enough to cause endorphins to be released. Endorphins are the body’s natural painkillers and they are what give you that sense of wellbeing or the ‘runner’s high’,” says Dr Melanie.

Another way I found to help get me moving is to change my rou-

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Another way I found to help get me moving is to make it fun.

Change up the routine.

Did you know bubble baths and pedicures are really about mental health? When we feel high levels of stress, our bodies can’t function properly, which is why the superficial kind of self-care can be really helpful in such situations. When it comes to deep self-care for mental health, however, one of the challenging things is setting boundaries in difficult relationships.

For some people, that means having a frank conversation with their mother about being too critical. For others, it may be to end a toxic friendship or set specific guidelines about when your freeloading brother can come over and eat all your food.

Tabitha Kuehne, a marriage and family therapist, says when it comes to improving our mental health, “Awareness is the first step . . . and then deciding what realistically can change. I like to ask myself from time to time, ‘If it were up to me, how would it be?’ and then go from there.”

Creating healthy mental habits can sometimes be harder than nutrition and body care. Yes, it’s hard to motivate myself to exercise, but it’s even harder to remind myself daily that I am worth the time and effort to properly take care of myself, or to take that first step to change the dynamics in my relationships that make life challenging. Tabitha has a useful list in these situations:

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1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Be honest with yourself Be healthy Be proactive Love your whole self Stay mentally and physically active Seek therapy if it gets confusing

When dealing with deep self-care it’s important to remember that we are always learning, always trying to improve. “Instead of thinking in terms of short-term fixes, where we do something extreme and then stop doing anything, consistently look for small ways to treat your body well with grace. As it has wisely been said before, don’t let the perfect become the enemy of the good,” says Elle. Start small, with one thing at a time. This is a marathon, not a sprint.

So don’t stop taking bubble baths or having pedicures, but remember to also spend some time thinking through how our deeper needs can be met, and begin making those changes for better overall health. Deep self-care takes time, commitment and dedication. That’s why it’s so hard to do. But I try to remind myself that every time I let some obstacle stand in the way of caring for my body and mind, I’m telling myself that I’m not worth the effort it will take.

But I am worth the effort. And so are you.

Lindsey Painter is a writer and teacher in Northern California, USA. She practises deep self-care by trying to keep up with her two kids, experimenting with new kinds of vegetable dishes that her children won't eat and cuddling with her possessive cat.

ANTONIO GUILLEM—ISTOCK

YOUR MIND

INVADE YOUR CHILD'S PRIVACY TO PREVENT ONLINE BULLYING?

TIRACHARD KUMTANOM—PEXELS

tine: take a different running route, do a workout on YouTube or go for a swim. There are also apps that entertain you while you run.

Everyone has different needs, so it may take some experimenting to find what works best for you. Dr Melanie has a great suggestion too: “If you are new to exercise or don’t know where to start, getting involved in a group class can help, or having a personal trainer for a few months.”

would you...

would . . .

would not . . .

ROW MURRAY MELBOURNE, VICTORIA

RUTH DEARING LAKE MACQUARIE, NEW SOUTH WALES

I believe teens, and especially children, are not yet equipped with a full range of social skills or perspectives. They can’t always make complex decisions and sometimes shifting the agreed privacy arrangements is the best course of action.

I am aware there are incredibly bad ways of breaching my children’s privacy that erode trust and create enormous distress, and that isn’t my strategy. What I believe is a beneficial approach involves renegotiating their privacy, doing it openly and clearly, and jointly bringing things up for follow-up and action.

My friend’s teen daughter was experiencing horrendous bullying—both cyber and face-to-face—which was resulting in self-harm and action needed to be taken. What my friend did was lock down her smartphone, restricting access and contact, and effectively shutting off a major stream of the cyberbullying.

Other firm steps were taken in conjunction with other parents in her peer group, and the school was notified. This was done clearly, openly and with clear reasoning behind the decision.

Unsurprisingly, there was a histrionic tantrum, but within 24 hours, she approached her mum and said the peace and quiet it brought was amazing, and she felt she could start to rebuild her happiness. After time, benefits to the phone were restored in stages. Because this was approached clearly and openly, she felt she had a voice in the process, which is key to maintaining trust.

Parents need to parent their teenagers, and while bringing things up can be challenging, it’s where solutions can be found.

I think I agree with most other cyber safety experts when I say it’s imperative to know what my children are doing online.

But this doesn’t mean I have to “spy” on them. In fact, spying on them or unnecessarily invading their privacy is the perfect recipe for a terrible relationship between my children and I. While I need to know if my children are having problems online, that doesn’t mean I need to see every conversation they’re having with their friends. Who has time for that anyway?

I own Children and Technology, which is all about keeping children safe online, which is why, when it comes to keeping my own children safe on the internet, the first step I take is to keep the lines of communication between us as open as possible, understanding that most children don’t tell their parents if they’re being bullied online, even if the parents think they will.

I also installed a parental control app very openly with my children—not one that spies on them or allows me to see innocent conversations, but one that will alert me in real time if a potential problem arises. This is incredibly useful as it allows me to open up crucial conversations with my children at the right time, and to work through difficult situations together with them.

I believe as long as you’re there to support your child no matter what in every way, and your child understands this, and you choose the right parental control product, your child will be far less likely to suffer from cyberbullying, without the need to snoop around their online activities.

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e h t as k experts

Q Is it OK to use a nasal aspirator to clear my child’s stuffy nose?

I’ve heard it can hurt his nasal lining and cause other problems.

Emma, via email Isn’t doing this task for our babies just another joy of parenthood?

For adults who can blow their noses, life is so much simpler, but for babies with colds who are congested, a nasal aspirator can help remove mucous and make breathing and sleeping easier.

However, saline drops are usually good enough without the need for aspiration.

If you do need to resort to aspirating, please remember babies have sensitive noses and being too aggressive can irritate your baby’s nasal passage. Using it too often can also swell the lining of the nose. So I would only be aspirating if they were really struggling.

Assess the need, be gentle, don’t use it too often. That way everyone will breathe easy! —Neil

OUR PANEL:

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY NUTRITIONIST SANITARIUM HEALTH & WELLBEING

KAREN HOLFORD FAMILY THERAPIST HEARTWORDS

ANDREW DARON PRATT PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN GP SEVENTH-DAY SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q Should I wake my newborn if they’re still sleeping when it’s meant to be feedtime?

Rachel, via email Generally, sleeping newborns are a good sign. However, on average, babies should feed every three to four hours since babies lose 5–7 per cent of their body weight in the first week and thus need to feed regularly.

Once they are gaining weight, they can be left longer overnight if they are settled. Feed according to your baby’s signs: once they’ve had enough they will get sleepy, fidgety or distracted. Generally, they will remain unsettled if still hungry.

What’s normal? For formula-fed newborns, it’s 60–90 ml per feed every three to four hours, while if on the breast, quantities will be smaller but more frequent. By six months, it’s 180–240 ml four or five times a day.

Unless ill or premature, most babies regain their lost weight by 14 days and will have doubled their birth weight by about three to four months. Just remember, the average 12-year-old is taller than their parents, so enjoy this baby phase while you can. —Heather

Q There are so many food fads and diets out there. How do I know which one to follow?

Jen, via email Many of us have been curious or tempted to try the latest diet—and there have been many! Think the lemon detox, no carbs after five, grain-free, paleo, the 5:2, meal replacements or lately, keto.

Many fad diets come along with strict rules, expensive price tags and sometimes less than appealing foods or shakes. Rather than suggesting how to spot a good one, I prefer to suggest watch-outs. If you answer yes to these questions, then you’re probably not going to get the result you hope for.

ISTOCK

1.

2.

3.

4.

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Does it promise quick and easy weight loss?

Do you have to buy certain products and follow a strict plan?

Do you have to cut out certain foods or food groups completely?

Does the diet completely ignore exercise?

An accredited practising dietitian can work with you to come up with a healthy eating plan that is enjoyable and fits with your lifestyle. It won’t promise you will drop a dress size in a month, but it will be one that is something you can follow for the long term. —Trish

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@ thetabletv.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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HEART

Struggling with mental illness can often be a silent and isolating affair. Then there are those trying to support their loved ones who are struggling with it.

By Jarrod Stackelroth

W

SUPPLIED

hen I set out to write a piece on living with and loving someone who struggles with their mental health, it was something I wanted to do well. I sat down and read and gathered information for two or three weeks, trying to pull everything together, trying to support my feelings with research, to convince you, the reader, that this is a pervasive and devastating issue.

I planned to remind you of the devastating impact mental illness has on our community. I was going to share some stats, like how one in four Australians suffer from a mental illness. Then I was going to share some tips on how to live with and support someone struggling with these issues.

That was the plan. But you know what they say about the best laid plans. Instead, I was dropping my wife off at the train station one day and we had a fight. I was left feeling hurt, frustrated, angry, helpless. It seemed to me that it was an irrational fight. I had been trying to share my perspective on something and it escalated into all-out war.

Much of what follows was written in the 20 minutes after I arrived in the office that morning. I threw out the article I had previously written and penned this: This story is my heart’s cry.

My wife suffered severe ongoing abuse as a child.

It left her with scars—scars that are not always visible to the curious eye but to one who know her, they are there—under the surface, marking her soul, blistering her skin, bleeding internally. As one who loves her, who is “one” with her, her scars become my scars. They are left to me to heal, to bind up: to comfort her and hold her as she cries, to bear the brunt of her anger when the pain gets too much for her to contain or suppress.

I am not complaining. She has endured and experienced far more pain than I ever will. And so I endure. For her, for myself, for our marriage, a rock battered by the storms of life, strong in the tempests of travail.

I realise how hard it can be to support someone with a mental illness, whatever the cause. I’ve felt the loneliness, the shared despair, the irrational fights and the

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internal conflict to hold onto control, to carry the burden of someone who is struggling to carry themselves. It is an isolating existence. I feel a duty not to damage or dishearten my wife any further. I feel guilty when my words and actions, in a moment of weakness, seem to exacerbate the problem.

For my wife, it comes in seasons. It seems like all the bad times are in the past and life is good and going smoothly. Then, all of a sudden, everything falls down. It seems to happen about once a year. Often I don’t even realise she is in another season of difficulty—how long she has been struggling or how tough it has been—until she cracks.

As her husband, I respect her wishes so I don’t share her affliction with anyone. I try to carry it myself—until it becomes too heavy to bear.

Sometimes, the one you love will push you away.

They will isolate themselves and take everything upon themselves. Often the one you love—be they a spouse, a parent, a child—will withdraw and want to detach themselves from their community—church, school, work, friends. Yet this is a time when those places are most important. It feels to them like nobody cares or even wants to know. But we have to be people who do care and do want to know—people and communities who walk beside them, sometimes not saying anything at all, but just being present.

If you find yourself on a journey like this, with a loved one living with mental illness, make sure you look after yourself so you can continue to help them.

The problem sits in the back of my mind. It makes me less productive. Some days I sit at work, still upset, still processing what is happening to the woman I love. The pressure builds. You feel like you’re walking on eggshells.

You feel that if you put a foot wrong, if you react in the wrong way, or say or do the wrong thing, it will be your fault that they suffer, your fault that their carefully constructed peace crumbles. Maybe you even feel like it’s your fault they are suffering because you haven’t been able to help or heal them.

It’s not your fault. But you can’t carry the burden

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BHAVINA SHANDIL

never lose

15

My wife approached her employer at a time when she was . . . ready to break down.

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break your arm, people line up to sign your cast. But if your heart or your mind suffer breakage, even when you’re open about it, there are few people there to help you pick up the pieces. And those who care for loved ones who suffer are also often doing so alone and quietly.

My wife approached her employer at a time when she was feeling overwhelmed by stress and ready to break down. She was ready to quit. They could not have been more understanding and accommodating. They told her it was fine if she needed time off for medical appointments and that she was a valued member of the team and they didn’t want to lose her. They would check in to make sure that she was OK. I am so thankful for their response.

I love my wife. I don’t regret our journey. She has made me a more compassionate and patient person. I know the journey is not finished and that mental health management is part of the rest of our lives. However, I hope and pray that awareness continues to increase and that our workplaces, schools, clubs and churches make a concerted effort to understand and support those who struggle with these issues.

And if, like me, you love Jarrod app ears as someone who has a mental a special g uest on ou r illness, I want to encourage show. you. You are not alone. Make WATCH TH sure you look after yourself E IN TERVIEW and seek help and support AT bit.ly/ when you need it, so that you JarrodInte rview can better serve your loved one.

As my wife says, “Keep praying and never lose heart.”

BONUS

Jarrod Stackelroth is a Christian writer and magazine editor. He and his wife Lina have been married for six years and live in Sydney.

BHAVINA SHANDIL

alone. Talk to a close friend or family member, a pastor or counsellor, and make sure you have the support you need. Don’t blame yourself. Stick by them.

I love my wife deeply and I pray for God to help me to love her more, to help my love heal the love that has been marred, corrupted by her experiences. But it is a long process. Medication or counselling will not work overnight and sometimes will only work for a season. You have to be prepared to be there for the long haul. They may push you away and pick irrational fights. You may not understand their reactions to seemingly normal situations.

That’s OK. “Keep praying and never lose heart.” I put this quote in because it’s my wife’s favourite. I think she finds encouragement in it but it’s also a reminder to me that I need to stick by her. As a Christian, I believe God wants and is willing to bring hope and healing to my wife and to you and your loved ones (sometimes in unexpected ways), to fight the powers of darkness that threaten to overwhelm.

After all, Jesus came to heal the broken-hearted and set the captives free. As I pray for my wife it is really for me, to turn my focus and attention to her, to remind myself of what she is going through and to give up trying to control the situation myself, but to have faith and trust that things will improve.

Of course, when someone is living with a mental illness they need a good management plan from their doctor that may include counselling, medication, lifestyle changes and understanding their triggers. What they need from you, however, is for you to be there: to hold them and to love them; to support and encourage them, hopefully to strengthen them to seek the help they need; and to walk with them on their journey.

So much of this problem remains hidden. Even with emphasis days and initiatives involving sports stars and think tanks and national organisations, most of the people who live with mental illness do so out of the spotlight and behind the scenes. If you

Is losing our memory an inevitable consequence for our parents’—and our—lives?

By Vania Chew

W

e’ve all been guilty of memory lapses at times— forgetting a birthday or anniversary, that special ingredient we were supposed to pick up at the shops, where we put our car keys or where we parked our car. And more often than not, we joke about these memory lapses and tease each other about them.

However, for the more than 400,000 Australians and 60,000 New Zealanders who currently live with dementia, issues with remembering things are no laughing matter. Statistics from Alzheimer’s New Zealand also show the number of women with dementia is around 30 per cent higher than the number of men with the disease.

“The Australian Bureau of Statistics has found that improvements in preventing and treating heart disease have contributed to an increase of life expectancy but deaths from dementia have con-

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tinued to increase,” says Tamar Krebs, founder and CEO of Group Homes Australia, an aged care facility dedicated to caring for those living with dementia.

In 2016, dementia became the leading cause of death among Australian females, surpassing heart disease, which has been the leading cause of death for both males and females since the early twentieth century. According to Dementia Australia, females account for 64.4 per cent of all dementia-related deaths.

It should be noted that dementia is not exclusive to the elderly.

“Younger onset dementia” can be diagnosed in people under the age of 65 and impacts about 25,000 Australians.

Unless someone comes up with a medical cure or breakthrough, the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling in Canberra claims the number of people with dementia in the country is expected to rise to more than one million by 2056 (an

CASARSA GURU—ISTOCK

DEMENTIA NO LAUGHING MATTER estimated 170,000 Kiwis are expected to be living with dementia by 2050).

With these kinds of statistics, chances are likely that your loved one is currently living with or will one day have dementia. So how can you recognise the symptoms?

In an interview with ABC Health & Wellbeing, cognitive neuroscientist Dr Maree Farrow says, “There are several types of dementia—the most common being Alzheimer’s disease—[but] there is a good deal of overlap in the symptoms each form carries.”

According to Tamar, such symptoms can include personality and behavioural changes, depression or withdrawal, loss of ability to do daily tasks, reduced concentration, increasing confusion, memory problems and not being able to remember recent events.

“Scanning a list of early warning signs can help you work out if you need further assessment,” Dr Maree says. “It may turn out

you don’t have dementia at all, but rather one of a range of other conditions that can cause similar symptoms, and which may be highly treatable.”

She also pointed out that if you or a family member does have dementia, you have a better chance of benefiting from medication if a diagnosis is made early.

“We started wondering if something was wrong with my grandfather when he started telling the same stories over and over again,” says Mary Foster, a middle-aged woman from New South Wales. However, the most telling symptom of dementia turned out to be his difficulty in cooking and a gradual loss of both smell and appetite.

“He used to be great at cooking—much better than my grandmother!” says Mary. “But suddenly he wasn’t very interested in it anymore, not even when we asked him to do it.”

Her family cared for her grandfather until he passed away in 2015.

Dementia is estimated to cost Australia more than $15 billion this year. By 2025, the total cost of dementia has been predicted to increase to more than $18.7 billion in Australia, and over $4.6 billion in New Zealand by 2050.

“As a society we need to do more to reduce people’s risk of dementia so that we can delay or avoid the onset of dementia,” says Tamar.

“It is heartening to see that less Australian women are dying from heart disease due to better support and treatment options, however there is no cure for dementia. People with dementia struggle to find the appropriate services and support.”

In light of all these alarming statistics and prospects, what are some practical steps we can take now to reduce the risk of dementia?

“What is good for your heart is good for your brain too,” says Tamar. “This includes keeping physically active, mentally challenged, eating a healthy brain food diet such as the Mediterranean diet, getting enough sleep, remaining socially engaged and getting regular health checks.”

“We know from lots of research that people who do more stimulating activities throughout their life have better brain function and a lower chance of developing dementia,” agrees Dr Maree.

Sudoku and crossword puzzles are often touted as popular ways to keep mentally active. However, there are many other options, such as learning a second language, pursuing a course of study, reading widely or learning a musical instrument.

“There’s no reason you should sit down and do a crossword every day if you hate crosswords,” says Dr Maree. “Choose something else you’re going to enjoy. And if you’ve been doing crosswords for 30 years and are really good at them, it’s not going to be as stimulating for your brain as trying something you’ve not done before.”

“The key to success in giving an activity to a person with dementia is that it has to be engaging,” says Dr Lee-Fay Low in her book, Live and Laugh with Dementia. “The person with dementia has to want to start it and keep doing it.”

She notes that an activity is more likely to be engaging for a

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O T W O H

BREAK UP WITH YOUR PHONE

The key to success in giving an activity to a person with dementia is that it has to be engaging.

By Catherine Price

I

SUPPORTING THOSE WITH DEMENTIA

ARERS

Vania Chew is producer of At The Table TV show and also writes for At The Table magazine.

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“Dementia Australia is a charity for people with dementia and for their families and carers,” says Tamar Krebs, founder and CEO of Group Homes Australia, an aged care facility dedicated to caring for those living with dementia. “As the peak body, it provides advocacy, supports services’ information and education.”

Alzheimers New Zealand provides similar services.

“It’s really important to seek support as a carer,” says Mary Foster, who cared for her grandfather who had dementia until he passed away in 2015. “Many people don’t realise how much exhaustion and frustration carers experience. It’s difficult enough seeing your family member or friend going through something like this. It’s even harder when you’re trying so desperately to make a positive difference and you’re not sure if you are making any difference at all.

“My advice would be to look for a support group in your local area. You’ll have the chance to meet other carers at different stages on the same journey, ask all the questions you want to, even just share what you’re going through. You should be able to find one through Dementia Australia but if you can’t find a local support group, start one of your own. I guarantee there will be other people in your situation hoping for support as well."

OCUSFOCUS—ISTOCK

person with dementia if it is meaningful (of interest or value to the person) and achievable (at a level at which they can successfully participate in or complete).

“The only way to know what a person with dementia can do is to be observant and to consider each ability individually,” she explains.

Mary tried to get her grandfather to do crossword puzzles but he didn’t enjoy them. However he did develop an interest in playing with Lego.

“It was great for him because it was a simple way to practise his motor skills and cognitive skills as well as be creative,” says Mary.

“He could literally spend hours sitting down and creating buildings with his Lego.”

And because Mary’s grandfather still enjoyed being in the kitchen, Mary assigned him simple tasks so that he could still feel like he was helping with the cooking.

Mary also took her grandfather on 30-minute walks each day, believing that physical activity was just as important for his brain as mental activity.

Regular aerobic exercise, including walking, in sessions of at least 30 minutes has been found to be beneficial for cognitive health, according to Dementia Australia. It is thought that exercise may improve blood flow to the brain, reduce cardiovascular risk factors and possibly stimulate nerve cell growth and survival.

VADIM GUZHVA—ISTOCK

EIR C AND TH

f I spent two hours a day practising the piano, I’d be able to accomplish my long-standing goal of learning to sight-read music within a couple of months. If I spent two hours a day studying Spanish, it wouldn’t be long before I’d be able to have a basic conversation.

Our brains respond powerfully to repetition and practice so when studies reveal we spend, on average, two hours a day on our phones, it’s well worth investigating what skills the hours we’re spending on our phones each day might be training us to develop—and at what cost.

Most of the hours we spend on our smartphones are not spent in concentrated thought. Instead, we’re picking up our phones for minutes or seconds at a time. Even when we’re on them for longer stretches, we’re not engrossed in one activity. We’re scrolling and swiping between screens.

And even when we stay within one app—say, a news app or social media—we’re usually still not focusing on anything for more than a few moments. Every tweet, message, profile and post pulls our brains in a different direction. We end up acting like water bugs, skittering on the surface without ever diving in.

But that’s not to say that we only casually focus our attention on our phones. On the contrary, they completely absorb us. The result is a frame of mind that seemingly should be an oxymoron: an intensely focused state of distraction.

As it turns out, this type of frequent, focused distraction isn’t just capable of creating long-lasting changes in our brains; it is particularly good at doing so. If you wanted to invent a device that could rewire our minds, if you wanted to create a society of people who were perpetually distracted, isolated and overtired, if you wanted to weaken our memories and damage our capacity for focus and deep thought, if you wanted to reduce empathy, encourage self-absorption and redraw the lines of social etiquette, you’d likely end up with a smartphone.

How do we protect our brains? One way is to start practising something that’s simultaneously simple and hard: being still. We tend to think of stillness as being synonymous with boredom, and

it’s true that we often use both words to describe the same state of mind. But while the word boredom carries with it an element of feeling trapped, stillness offers an opportunity for peace.

As Pema Chödrön writes in her book, When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times: “If we immediately entertain ourselves by talking, by acting, by thinking—if there’s never any pause—we will never be able to relax. We will always be speeding through our lives.”

Stillness also gives your mind the space it needs to be creative and come up with new ideas. So let’s experiment with deliberately making time to be still.

First, identify several situations in which you regularly find yourself reaching for your phone to kill a little bit of time (by “little bit” I mean anywhere from 10 seconds to 10 minutes). For example: while our children play at the park, using the bathroom, just before we go to bed.

Next, choose two or three of those situations—ideally ones that you know you’ll encounter today—and commit to being still.

Tomorrow, choose a few more and do the same thing. Try to make small doses of stillness a regular part of your day.

There are many ways to be still. Stare at the ceiling. Notice the people around you. Taste what you’re eating. Look out of a window at the sky. It doesn’t really matter what you do, as long as you don’t reach for a distraction.

At first you’re likely to feel physically and emotionally twitchy, as if your brain is banging on a door that usually opens and panicking when it realises that it’s locked. But after a few minutes—or even seconds—your brain will tire itself out. It will stop pounding on the door and start noticing the room that it’s already in. And who knows? It might decide that it likes it there.

Catherine Price is an author and science journalist who graduated from Yale and Berkeley universities. Her website is phonebreakup.com.

THIS IS AN EDITED EXTRACT FROM HOW TO BREAK UP WITH YOUR PHONE BY CATHERINE PRICE. PUBLISHED

BY HACHETTE AUSTRALIA RRP $27.99.

May 2018

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i d n Ma

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

LAVENDER MOISTURISING LOTION BAR INGREDIENTS:

MAKES

1 cup beeswax or soy wax ½ cup shea butter or deodorised cocoa butter ½ cup sweet almond oil (or grapeseed oil or jojoba oil) ½ tsp natural Vitamin E oil 10 drops lavender essential oil

METHOD:

FINISHING POWDER

1.

LIGHT

2.

2 tbsp arrowroot powder ¼ tsp cacao powder 1 tsp zinc powder 1 pinch ground cinnamon

3.

MEDIUM 3 tbsp arrowroot powder 1½ tbsp cacao powder 1 tbsp zinc powder ¼ tsp ground cinnamon

DARK 2 tbsp arrowroot powder 2½ tbsp cacao powder 1 tbsp zinc powder ¼ tsp ground cinnamon

OPTIONAL

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANDREW JOHNSON

4–5 drops Vitamin E to help your powder stay fresh longer Essential oils in your favourite scent

22

4.

DAILY FACIAL FOAMING CLEANSER Great for oily to normal skin

INGREDIENTS: 2 drops bergamot essential oil 2 drops sweet orange essential oil (or lavender for acne-prone skin) 2 drops tea tree essential oil (or tea tree for acne-prone skin) ¼ cup organic castile liquid soap 1 cup distilled or demineralised water

METHOD: 1.

METHOD: 1.

2.

3.

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May 2018

Carefully combine all ingredients into a spice grinder and pulse until evenly combined.

Be careful not to inhale powders, especially the zinc.

Use a face mask or hold your shirt over your face.

Add Vitamin E and essential oils, pulsing to mix well.

To use, apply over your face with a bronzer or kabuki brush.

Melt the beeswax and shea butter on the stove in a clean pot.

Once melted, remove from heat and add sweet almond oil and Vitamin E oil.

Mix in lavender essential oil drop by drop until the mixture achieves the desired aromatic scent.

Pour the mixture into a silicon mould and leave to set fully before using.

2.

3.

Mix essential oils with castile liquid soap in a clean foaming pump bottle.

Add distilled water and shake to mix well. The final mixture must be water-thin in order for the pump bottle to work at its best.

Add more or less distilled water accordingly.

Shake before each use. Cleanser is mild enough to use daily.

TOILET SPRAY INGREDIENTS ½ cup distilled water 1 tbsp rubbing alcohol 20 drops lavender essential oil 15 drops orange essential oil Optional: 1 tsp vegetable glycerine (to help create a physical barrier)

METHOD Combine ingredients in a glass spritzer bottle and spray directly into the toilet bowl before you go to the toilet to trap odours.

MANDI Good for your skin and great for the environment.

Watch Mandi make these earth-friendly natural recipes on the At The Table TV show.

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23

As a new mum, Julene Duerksen-Kapao (pictured left with her family) was spiralling into despair. Thankfully, a close friend chose to visit and reached out with three simple words.

S

DEPRESSION

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SUPPLIED

surviving POSTNATAL

tanding in the shower, I stared at the curtain. I couldn’t remember when I had last washed my hair or had any alone time that week. With shampoo dripping into my eyes, I began to cry. I wept as my idea of being a mother washed down the drain. Everything seemed so hard and nothing I was doing seemed right!

I had concocted a beautiful, magazine cover life as a mother, yet what I was experiencing was far from that. It was not until several weeks later, having a much-needed catch-up with a valued older friend, that I answered her “Are you OK?” question honestly and realised I had postnatal depression.

My journey through postnatal depression has been long and varied. I started by feeling overwhelmed, lost and alone, found hope and assurance from both trusted old and new friends, then started a group for other mums who needed connection. The greatest lesson I learned from my experience is that my mental health and wellness is crucial to the wellbeing of my children and family. I am also learning that mental wellness is a lifelong journey.

The crying-in-the-shower experience was a reality check for me, the moment I realised my newborn son needed me and I needed support. But recognising I needed support did not happen overnight.

My experience started with irrational thoughts, emotional breakdowns and a feeling of hopelessness. I knew, deep in my heart, that it was not OK or healthy for anyone. Looking back, I now know I was grieving my former life as a newly married, carefree young woman.

As much as I loved the idea of being a mum, in those first few months, I felt I was somehow “missing out” on something. Although my son was always safe, I kept having irrational thoughts about his safety and all the “what if” scenarios ran through my mind.

I will be forever grateful for the friend who came over, sat down on the lounge floor next to me, looked into my eyes and asked, “Are you OK?” I was filled with shame when my answer was “No, I am not OK. I am overwhelmed and feeling sad.”

However, recognising that what I was going through was not normal and that there was hope was my first step to healing. Once I realised I was in need of support, I found it refreshing to share and seek wisdom from women I came into contact with. As humans, we desperately need connection and to be heard, seen and belong. As mothers, we need other people to share ideas with, to ask questions about our children and to share a laugh with.

I was blessed to be a part of an active church family that was intentional in connecting with people. There was a range of women I could form relationships with and gain wisdom from and so I began to make the most of every opportunity (other places to build connections are postnatal groups, playgroups or book clubs)*.

I discovered how important it was for my own sense of identity and wellbeing to go for a walk with a friend, be part of a group with similar needs and to begin to connect outside the new mum bubble I was in that can so easily isolate new parents from the world.

One of the best ways to overcome the shadow and heaviness of postnatal depression is to do something. I got involved in the community and rebuilt my confidence. This actually started with a walk around the block! A valued friend with older children encouraged me to go for a walk with her three times a week. We walked and talked, I gleaned her wisdom and cherished speaking with another woman, and I began to notice my pants were fitting better! What a great benefit of a little walk: talking, sharing and fitness.

A few weeks into walking with my friend, I started a new mothers’ group to share and build relationships. Most of the mothers came from within my faith community and within weeks, each one of us had invited another friend who would benefit. We moved the group from home to home so the full pressure was not on one person to host. There was no agenda; just a hot beverage and conversation.

We were intentional to include anyone who would benefit in belonging to such a group. We had great conversation, laughed a lot and celebrated our children’s milestones. We had conversations around the overwhelming feelings that come with being a new par-

May 2018

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25

GET

My faith community was a big part of this connection as well as the diversity of people in my life who I felt safe to connect with. ent and we shared what worked best for us. Connecting was key, but creating a sense of belonging became the focus of the group.

We all knew someone who didn’t have people to connect with, who was possibly isolated at home and needed a morning out, and we intentionally invited them to our group. Including them also gave each of us meaning and purpose beyond our own reality.

My overwhelming tears-in-the-shower experience is many years ago now but I still recall the emotions, smells and sounds as if it were this morning. I will be forever grateful to the older friend who recognised I was not myself and dared to ask “Are you OK?” I learned that those three simple words are not difficult to ask—or answer—and this has propelled me into being more aware of those around me, asking that simple question and being prepared to listen. After all, someone did it for me and I was able to recognise that no, I was not OK. My experience with postnatal depression was only a matter of months, yet at the time I felt isolated, overwhelmed with life and was unhealthy. That simple question, my recognition and the following weeks and months shifted a difficult first year as a mother to a warm space of belonging and celebration.

Being a part of something embedded my sense of connection.

My church family played a big part in this, as well as the many people in my life who I felt safe to connect with. What if I hadn’t

find us @thetabletvshow

Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our show segments, magazine articles and much more? Recently, we asked our members:

SHOULD WE BAN JUNK FOOD FROM OUR SCHOOL CANTEENS?

been a part of a faith community? I would have looked for mothers’ groups, walking groups, book clubs, library activities, art and craft groups, language groups . . . any group in my community that could become a place of belonging for me and my child.

Staying isolated in the new-mum bubble is not healthy, especially if you are feeling overwhelmed and sad. Get active, go for a walk. Your body will thank you and your child will enjoy being out in the fresh air. Our stories as mothers are varied and diverse, however the fundamental need for belonging remains the same.

An immense part of my healing came from reaching out and supporting other new parents along the exciting and hopeful journey of being a parent.

Surround yourself with people who will love you through anything, are willing to ask hard questions and care deeply about your wellbeing. Being a mum is awesome and exciting.

Julene Duerksen-Kapao is passionate about people and walking with Jesus. Raised in the USA, Julene has found her “place of belonging” to be Aotearoa, New Zealand, where she met and married her husband and raised her two children and stepson. Julene is a mother, educator and learner, believing every young person deserves a meaningful educational pathway.

Raewyn: Mind your own business when it comes to feeding children. Sometimes a parent may only have foods that are not so great but I would rather see a child full on junk than a hungry child. Mind your own business.

Beth: I think it needs a balance, like everything in life. 75 per cent healthy is better than nothing. I like the “healthy food education” approach.

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WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

SOL STOCK—ISTOCK

LIFELINE 13 11 14 AUSTRALIA

0800 54 33 54 NEW ZEALAND

WIN

Sarah: It can’t be schools versus parents. It must be a partnership and the only way you get that is by educating the parents, kids and school as to better food choices.

RAW PIXEL—ISTOCK

* Sometimes, we may also need to access professional help to find a way through the deep sense of grief and sadness that can accompany postnatal depression, and there is absolutely no shame in that. Talk to a health care professional or a child wellness expert, such as a Plunket, Karitane or an early childhood health nurse, for advice, support and help with connecting with others in your community.

social

Fiona: If you don't educate people and provide alterna-

tives, banning won’t work. Educating results in lifetime choices, hopefully healthier ones.

Nadine: Lunch box or canteen? They’re pretty different.

Canteen: absolutely. Lunch box is a bit different. And how is “junk” defined? That needs to be understood first.

Laurel: I feed my son what I think he wants to eat for lunch. No-one in no canteen will tell me what’s good and bad for my son. We have choices.

Harriette: It’s a good discussion. No person is an island.

Please note that teachers have to put up with ratty behaviour brought on by sugary lunch boxes.

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27

PREGNANT

a h s i l A h t i w

FIRST TRIMESTER:

Thoughts of a First-time Mum-to-be

T

he first week after finding out I was pregnant, I didn’t feel that different. I did notice I needed to pee more often, my boobs were growing and I was feeling more tired, so I downloaded some apps to track the changes happening to me and my baby, and found everything I was experiencing was pretty normal.

A week after that, however, I began feeling super tired and experienced little bouts of nausea, along with frustration over figuring out what I felt like eating and then being bloated half the time from eating too much. That lasted about a month, so really, I’ve been super blessed and can’t complain about my first trimester feels.

I always imagined (like most of us probably) that I’d be the picture of perfection and health during my pregnancy. But that hasn’t really been the reality, especially when it comes to food.

I’d thought I would eat a mostly vegan diet, avoid all sugary and processed foods and dairy, while still eating good quality eggs.

However, I found for a while that my go-to breakfast was gluten-free Weetbix with yoghurt, massively out of character from my usual unprocessed, made-from-scratch green smoothie, chia pudding, buckwheat porridge or vegetable omelette. However, my Weetbix-and-yoghurt habit lasted for only a few weeks before I was back to buckwheat or quinoa-and-oat porridge.

There was also one afternoon when I was driving home from work and caught the whiff of fish-and-chips. That was enough to see me pull into the next fish-and-chip shop for dinner! And one day, I ducked into a shop and on the way out, the lovely cashier offered me a free Chupa Chup. I haven’t had one since my high school days, but I didn’t even give it a second thought.

Strawberry-and-cream, thank you very much!

Since being pregnant, I’ve definitely made some choices I normally wouldn’t, but instead of beating myself up about it, I have just accepted it, chosen to be kind to myself, apologised to my baby and moved on, concentrating on keeping my lifestyle clean and healthy. I’m a huge believer in the effects of nutrition on a baby during pregnancy, so I didn’t want to use “eating for two” to excuse my being lazy. But I also accepted that none of us are perfect, and every choice can be learnt from and better choices made

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thereafter. I also came across an excellent little mantra for eating during pregnancy that is more apt: I need nutrients for two. I’m sticking with that one!

As previously mentioned, from about week nine or so, my symptoms began to subside and my energy levels started picking up. That was when I started to wonder if I’d just imagined the whole thing! But the moment the screen came on during our 12-week ultrasound, my husband and I saw, right there in the centre, our little baby! I’m tearing up just thinking about it, because in the instant I saw bubs, I realised this whole thing was for real. Somehow, a miracle had taken place and this tiny human, so developed in only 12 weeks (no wonder I was so tired!), was kicking and squirming and having a good old time right there somewhere under my belly button. I instantly fell in love. My husband grabbed my hand and it became real for us.

DEALING WITH FEARS

In the first few weeks, I was aware miscarriage is very common and tried to hold my excitement about the pregnancy in check.

I still told all our family and friends however, as I’m the kind of person who would want the support and care of my family and community if I did experience that trauma and loss.

I remember doing hip extensions (glute raises) at the gym one day, with the bar across my abdomen, then freaking out that I might have squashed my baby! Around the same time, I ate some soft cheese, then remembered I wasn’t supposed to, and also drank kombucha, and then read that I should be careful with fermented foods and drinks.

One morning, I was demonstrating some exercises to my class, but felt really wrong about the jumping. I felt a little wetness in my undies and freaked out, thinking I’d ripped my baby from its safe, secure spot! It turned out all was good—I had just wet my pants (something to get used to I hear!).

When I messaged a close friend who's a mum of two, sharing my concerns, she replied, “Welcome to motherhood!” It’s true, the worrying has begun, but she also shared some wise words of wisdom with me: stressing isn't a good thing either and I just need to rest easy and remember I'm healthy and fit, and the baby will be fine (thanks Dee).

Another fear I’ve had is balancing bringing up our child while running and growing a business. Both require a lot of my time and energy, and I can foresee that overbalancing on one will be to the other’s detriment. The day I found out I was pregnant though, I decided I would still aim for the goals I have for my business. But if I find I can only do 10 per cent of what I wanted to achieve, that will be OK too because, more than anything, I want to be a present and intentional parent, helping to bring up my child to become a beautiful, God-loving, human-loving person.

Probably the biggest fear, and one I’ve had even before falling pregnant, is whether I will be a good enough mum. I have very high ideals and expectations for myself, because I truly believe that parenting is the highest calling and largest responsibility we can have in this life—which has been part of the reason we held off having kids for years. My husband and I both come from broken homes and have seen its devastating effects in our own lives and many others, and we didn’t want to repeat our parents’ mistakes or mess up our kids. So, knowing we’re imperfect and won’t make the best choices every time, we plan to do our best, with guidance from our Heavenly Father every step of the way. This child, we believe, is a gift from Him, so we need all the help we can get from the Creator.

My plan to keep my mindset positive and empowered is to surround myself with people who share the same values as me, only read books that empower me and educate myself on what my body is capable of, choose not to take on others’ experiences (especially the negative ones), and continue to walk and talk daily with my Creator, the One who is knitting together this precious new life in my womb right at this moment.

Alisha, At The Table’s resident PT is due in August.

ALISHA Ten minutes every day is all you need to start on your journey to become fit and healthy. Watch Unleash Fit Living's Alisha share her workouts on the At The Table TV show.

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EXERCISE BEING

29

COOKING with Gia & Olive coco choc banana pops

Cashew Cheese

PREPARATION TIME: 3 MINUTES FREEZING TIME: 6 HOURS SERVES: 2

PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES + OVERNIGHT SOAKING TIME COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 10

INGREDIENTS 1 banana, peeled Coconut yoghurt, enough to cover outside of banana 6 chocolate chips

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

4.

Cut banana in half (sideways) and push a cake pop or ice-cream stick through it.

Freeze banana halves for 2 hours or overnight.

Remove frozen banana halves from freezer and dip in coconut yoghurt, smoothing it out with a spoon.

Add chocolate chips to form eyes and mouth.

Freeze banana halves for 4 more hours, or until the yoghurt shell is firm.

INGREDIENTS 1 cup raw cashews, soaked overnight ¼ cup water ¹/³ cup nutritional yeast 1 tbsp lemon juice 2 cloves garlic 1 tbsp apple cider vinegar ½ tsp celtic salt

METHOD 1.

2.

Blend ingredients in blender until thick and creamy.

Store in an airtight container and refrigerate for up to 7 days.

Great on ers crack d e i l or s c . s e i g ve

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Chickpea Risoni

PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 12 MINUTES SERVES: 3

PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 20 MINUTES SERVES: 6

INGREDIENTS 1 cup mushrooms, sliced ¾ cup chickpea flour 2 /³ cup water ¼ bunch dill, chopped ¼ bunch coriander, chopped 2 shallots, chopped ½ tsp salt

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Sauté mushrooms in a non-stick pan.

Add chickpea flour and water to a bowl and mix until smooth. Stir in herbs, shallots, mushrooms and salt.

Heat a non-stick pan over high heat.

Spoon in one-third of the batter, carefully tilting the pan around to spread it evenly and cook for 2 minutes. When the surface looks cooked, use a spatula to carefully flip the omelette and cook for 2 more minutes.

Repeat with the remaining batter.

Serve with yoghurt and hot or sweet chilli sauce.

THETABLETV.COM

May 2018

1.

2.

INGREDIENTS 1 onion, chopped 1½ cups carrots, chopped ¼ cup olive oil 2 tsp salt 2 tbsp oregano 2 sprigs fresh thyme 2 cups risoni 1 x 400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed 6 cups vegetable stock

3.

4.

5.

In a pot, sauté onion and carrots in olive oil for 5 minutes on low to medium heat.

Add salt, oregano, fresh thyme and stir, then add risoni. Stir and cook on low heat for five minutes.

Add chickpeas and vegetable stock, stirring to combine.

Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally.

Remove pot from heat and let sit for 10 minutes before serving, with a wedge of lemon.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

30

METHOD

Eggless omelette

THETABLETVSHOW

May 2018

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31

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER OVER IS OUT

PRIMARY HIGH SCHOOL

Tjalaminu Mia, Jessica Lister, Cheryl Kickett-Tucker & Jaylon Tucker Fremantle Press $14.99

Consisting of four Indigenous stories, Bush and Beyond will provide the many city children reading it with an experience of the country and an understanding of Indigenous culture and beliefs. Filled with fun and adventure, teaching notes are also available.

THE MEDITERRANEAN Armin Greder Allen & Unwin $29.99

There are no words in this book, only illustrations, but the message is successfully— brilliantly—carried across. The Mediterranean is confronting, and will generate difficult discussions about our attitudes towards refugees, but is crucial to presenting to older teenagers a topic they will have to think about.

THETABLETV.COM

May 2018

VISITING YOU

Polly Dunbar Walker Books $24.99

Fun and funny, Over is Out will teach your child all about prepositions (“below”, “between”, “behind”) without them even realising it. The dinosaurs and cricket theme, together with the amusing illustrations, will bring a smile to your child’s face.

BUSH AND BEYOND

32

A LION IS A LION

Lachlan & Sarah Creagh Lothian Children’s Books $16.99

WIN

Rebecka Sharpe Shelberg & Andrea Edmonds EK $24.99

Just that little bit wacky, A Lion is a Lion is an entertaining read with its rhythmic text and bold illustrations. The book seems to carry on past its natural end however, but the content that follows may be useful in teaching children assertiveness.

APES TO ZEBRAS

Liz Brownlee, Sue Hardy-Dawson & Roger Stevens Bloomsbury $21.99

Heart-warming and full of love, reading this book to your young child may generate a few tears (from you, not them) in a bittersweet way. The content and illustrations are fun and bright enough to capture their attention, and the message of never judging someone by their appearance is valuable.

WIN

DK $24.99

Parents who want to introduce poetry to their children should consider this book, which uniquely presents animals, birds and insects from A to Z in the form of shape poems.

The layout makes some entries difficult to follow, but overall, an intriguing read.

SMILE

Mary Hoffman Barrington Stoke $14.99 Marketed at a lower highschool audience, this historical fiction is an easy read for reluctant readers and still interesting enough to grasp the attention of more advanced ones. A fascinating insight into Florentine Renaissance history.

EAT YOUR GREENS, REDS, YELLOWS AND PURPLES

WHAT'S ON OUR SHOW THIS MONTH? 6–12 MAY

• •

Filled with cute little vegetable illustrations, this is a handy and attractive way to involve your children in cooking— and eating their greens (and reds, yellows and purples) all at the same time! A rare child-friendly vegetarian cookbook.

WIN

WIN

WIN THESE ! !

S K O O B T HOW U O D N I F E 26 ON PAG

Are you raising a quitter?

“Thirteen is way too young to babysit.”

13–19 MAY

• •

Panellist Maryellen takes up the challenge to reduce her rubbish count to zero.

Pharmacist Julia Simmonds shares a natural cure for her child’s eczema.

20–26 MAY

• •

Why early bedtimes are best.

“I’m making my daughter invite her entire class to her birthday party.”

27 MAY–2 JUNE

• •

Should women talk openly about their salaries?

Endometriosis: could you have it and not even know?

CATCH US AT 4.30 am every Sunday on Channel Ten (Australia)

9.30 am every Monday and midday every Saturday (Australia)

youtube.com /thetabletvshow HopeChannel (New Zealand) Check website for times

Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

May 2018

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33

Heaven

AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

ROSS PARMLY—UNSPLASH

By Danika Kingston

moment where the trip invites you to pause and ask yourself, Where are you headed?, Is how you are doing life going to get you there? and Is what you are stressing about worth it?. It puts things into perspective.

I’m also reminded of the Bible verse, “Then I saw ‘a new heaven and a new earth,’ for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’ ” (Revelation 21:1-4).

So I thank God for the glimpses of heaven He has given me on the plane ride. And as I disembark, probably looking a little flustered, juggling baby, bags and coat, I’m full of hope.

SUPPLIED

S

crolling through my phone and looking at the photos I’ve taken from the past few days, I reflect on all the new and exciting experiences I’ve had with my new son the past seven months, and the just-finished visit with my parents and bed-ridden, almost completely non-verbal grandma.

They say becoming a mum makes you appreciate the circle of life more than before, but I’d hasten to add that paralleled with seeing a relative become sadly increasingly dependant as they age only compounds it.

I’m now on my way home on the plane, with the view of clouds beneath me, and my son finally asleep on my chest after an hour of squirming, filled with a seven-month-old’s curiosity, and I feel a bit closer to heaven.

My thoughts are floating. They are present in essence, but only partly formed into words: Full of new mum-ness, ageing relatives and sadly, a general sense of something being “rotten in the state of Denmark”.

But the view out an airplane window has always had a unique way of turning my thoughts heavenward. I don’t know whether it’s the way those people dotted all over the ground disappear in a few minutes as the plane ascends, or whether it’s simply because of the fluffy clouds, physical elevation and change of scenery. Maybe it’s the vastness of the landscape and cities below followed by the view getting small real quick, or the way our mobile phones are forced to be non-functional.

In that brief wedge of time between the land disappearing and the air stewards offering refreshments, there seems to be a

Danika Kingston lives in North New South Wales and together with her husband, is enjoying the exciting (and tiring!) adventure of being first-time parents to their son, Silas. She is grateful for the hope she has in a God who does not give us all the answers we want right now, but suffers with us in our pain and promises to destroy death altogether one day.

FINISHED WITH THIS MAGAZINE? PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS! 34

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May 2018

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