At The Table - December 2017

AT THE

THE BODY ISSUE

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

DECEMBER 2017

TALKING TO

children

ABOUT SEX

COOKING

AT HOME MADE EASY

YOUR CHILD'S

body image

NEW ZEALAND

contents

WIN

DECEMBER 2017

table talk

ONE OF FI VE

FAMILY PASSES

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10 FAT, THIN OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

When a compliment becomes a slur.

14 A LETTER TO ME, THE NEW MUM 17 WOULD YOU...

Allow your child to get a tattoo?

18 BEYOND SIZE Teaching our children about healthy body images.

24 CHILDREN, PORN AND SEX

Introducing kids to the birds and the bees.

32 BOOK CORNER 34 OUR SHOW'S PANELLISTS' CHRISTMAS TRADITIONS

how-to For your chance to win one of five double passes to The Star, simply tell us your favourite Christmas tradition.

Enter at www.tabletv.com/ TheStarGiveaway (Australia only, sorry)

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6 FAMILY FIRST-AID KIT 22 MANDI MAKES Produce wash; magnesium body butter; bug repellent; natural deodorant.

30 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE

EDITOR Melody Tan

In Sony Pictures Animation's THE STAR, a small but brave donkey named Bo yearns for a life beyond his daily grind at the village mill. One day he finds the courage to break free, and finally goes on the adventure of his dreams. On his journey, he teams up with Ruth, a loveable sheep who has lost her flock and Dave, a dove with lofty aspirations. Along with three wisecracking camels and some eccentric stable animals, Bo and his new friends follow the Star and become unlikely heroes in the greatest story ever told – the first Christmas.

THE STAR comes from the studios who brought you THE SMURFS, CLOUDY WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS, MIRACLES FROM HEAVEN and SOUL SURFER. ©2017 Sony Pictures Animation Inc. All Rights Reserved.

ASSISTANT EDITOR Vania Chew 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 thetabletv.com

@ thetabletvshow

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt GRAPHIC DESIGN Theodora Amuimuia FREE MONTHLY COPY Julie Laws JulieLaws@adventistmedia.org.au

SEND ALL LETTERS AND SUBMISSIONS TO: At The Table magazine PO Box 1115, Wahroonga, NSW 2076 or email editorial@thetabletv.com At The Table magazine is available free of charge thanks to generous donations. We ask you to pass it on to your friends after you are finished with it.

COVER PHOTO

by Bulent Evren—iStock

30 Chickpea samosas; meatless loaf; Uncle Ang's hummus

12

wellbeing

8 ASK THE EXPERTS 12 HOME: WHERE THE STOMACH IS It's possible to be healthy and save money.

28 EXERCISE WITH ALISHA Your fitness after babies.

PRIVACY NOTICE This issue of At The Table magazine is published by Adventist Media Network (AMN). This issue may contain Reader Offers, being offers, competitions or surveys.

Reader Offers may require you to provide personal information to enter or to take part. AMN may use and disclose your information in accordance with our Privacy Policy, including to provide you with your requested products or services and to keep you informed of other AMN

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PUBLISHER At The Table is a product of

CEO: Kalvin Dever ABN 59 093 117 689 ISSN 2208-4010 VOLUME 1 NUMBER 4

December 2017

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A

editor

s you may know, I’m a regular panellist on our show, At The Table, (it’s not too late to catch up on full episodes on our website, thetabletv.com) and every time I coat my eyelashes with mascara and do my hair before I go on air, I wonder about expectations—my own and that of others.

I wonder why as women, we believe it necessary to put makeup on before we face the world. I wonder why we seem to have far more insecurities about the way we look than our male counterparts, who, as guests on our show, seldom worry about hair or makeup.

Body image is a tricky issue most women grapple with and it can be very difficult for us to be fully comfortable with how we look. It’s a problem often compounded by pregnancy. I’m sure I’m not the only one whose body was changed forever by it—I no longer recognise my belly button, among other things—and I know of many other women who struggle with how different they now look. (For those keen to return to fitness, check out some tips from our resident personal trainer, Alisha, on page 28.)

As we approach Christmas, a new year and their accompanying festivities (read: parties and food), many of us would be especially aware of our bodies.

Which is why, this month, in At The Table, we are taking a good look at them, along with our associated mental attitudes.

Suvi Mahonen is one fabulous example of how, as a mum, she is trying her very best to ensure her daughter grows up without the insecurities she has. On page 19, her conversations with body image experts may provide you with some ideas you may not have thought of.

This Christmas, love yourself. Love your body. Indulge with moderation and stop feeling like you’re not good enough. “We are beautiful,” Suvi concludes in her article, and she means you.

Melody

find us @thetabletvshow

WHAT'S ON YOUTUBE THIS MONTH? • •

Can a marriage survive an affair?

Do Grandma and Grandpa know best?

• •

To circumcise or not to circumcise Why is Humpty Dumpty an egg?

Season three 17–23 DECEMBER

Your child wants to be a TV star.

Now what?

Would you share a car with a stranger?

24–30 DECEMBER

•

4

THETABLETV.COM

December 2017

SHOULD THE SCHOOL DAY FINISH AT THE SAME TIME AS THE WORK DAY?

10–16 DECEMBER

•

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing?

The author of our letter of the month wins a free Arnie’s Shack: The Complete First Series four-disc DVD set, suitable for your children (or nieces or nephews)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our show segments, magazine articles and much more? Recently, we asked our members:

3–9 DECEMBER

•

Drop us a line!

social

•

LISA JOHNSON—BURST

december

GET

from the

When should kids make their own fashion choices?

“I dyed my hair brown to be taken seriously."

youtube.com/thetabletvshow

Harriette: There are more points to consider. Teachers are there after 3 pm to prepare for so many things for school. Then kids have to manage such long hours. Let's think more about the family.

Shanelle: A lot of teachers and students already stay behind until 5 pm on some days for training, debating etc.

It's a long day for the kids. I know I can't get much out of my debaters after 4.30 pm and they still need to go home and do homework! Having classes till 5 pm would be a nightmare! I say we need to be more flexible with working hours so parents can be there after school for their kids.

Laura: We should just cut the work day to be 9–3!

FOR MORE

Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

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December 2017

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family FIRST-AID KIT 4 1

2

1. A cold pack—kept in the fridge or freezer for bumps, swelling, bruising 2. Band-Aids or plastic strips in assorted shapes—for bleeding wounds 3. An antiseptic cream of your choice—for wounds 4. A digital underarm thermometer 5. A rescue blanket—to keep an injured person warm 6. Adhesive tape—to keep dressings in place and hold bandages together 7. Eye pads—for eye injuries such as cuts 8. Paper or Styrofoam cups—for eye injuries such as foreign bodies 9. Ampoules of saline—for flushing eyes and cleaning wounds 10. Gloves—to protect yourself 11. Scissors 12. Tweezers 13. Splinter probes—to make removal of splinters easier 14. A light stick—for use in the dark to attract attention, for instance, when camping or bushwalking 15. Wound closure strips—good for holding lacerations together 16. Zip-lock plastic bags—for amputated parts 17. Safety pins—to hold triangular slings in place 18. Assorted bandages 19. A triangular bandage—a sling for arms or for splinting limbs (tie them or use them to apply pressure) 20. Antiseptic wipes 21. Sterile gauze swabs—useful for everything!

22. Non-stick dressing—for grazes and/or minor burns until you get medical help 23. A combine dressing pad—pressure dressing for bleeding 24. Heavyweight bandages—pressure bandages for snake and funnel-web spider bites 25. A resuscitation mask 26. Freezing spray for ticks, e.g. Wartoff 27. Red-coloured hand towel 28. Timer 29. A first-aid and CPR guide

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INFORMATION EXTRACTED, WITH PERMISSION, FROM A LIFE. A FINGER. A PEA UP A NOSE, BY SARAH HUNSTEAD (HARPERCOLLINS, 2017).

December 2017

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e h t as k experts OUR PANEL:

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY KAREN HOLFORD ANDREW DARON PRATT NUTRITIONIST FAMILY THEREAPIST PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN SANITARIUM HEALTH HEARTWORDS GP SEVENTH-DAY & WELLBEING SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q How do I know if my baby is getting enough Vitamin D? Toni, via email Babies at risk of deficiency include those who are solely breastfed, particularly if the mother has low levels of vitamin D. In addition, infants with dark skin, born prematurely or who spend most of their time inside have an increased risk of deficiency. Symptoms of insufficient Vitamin D include dental deformities, impaired growth or rickets.

Babies get about 80 per cent of their vitamin D from the sun. Sunscreens will reduce the effectiveness of this process, so it is recommended that babies get brief, early morning unprotected sun exposure to ensure maximum benefit.

There are also fortified foods such as breakfast cereals, some milks and spreads, and vitamin D supplement drops that can be given to babies at high risk of deficiency. —Neil

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December 2017

Dental health during pregnancy is very important.

Pregnancy issues like changing hormones, gastric reflux or repeated vomiting due to morning sickness can affect your teeth enamel and can cause decay.

Dental work like fillings and crowns can be carried out at any time. However, it is important to alert your dentist as some medications may be inappropriate, for example Tetracycline, which can stain the baby’s developing teeth.

Similarly, if x-rays are required, they should provide a lead apron to wear around your waist. We also generally suggest you postpone other teeth-whitening or cosmetic treatments until after birth.

So good luck with the pregnancy and keep smiling! —Peter

NEXTSER, KZENON, ULZA—ISTOCK

Q Is it safe to get dental work done when pregnant? I'm five weeks pregnant and have to get a filling done? Ainslie, via email

Q My two-year-old used to be the sweetest child, but lately I’ve noticed he seems to be taking every opportunity to hurt our seven-week-old baby.

He hits her, pulls her hands and feet, so much so we feel on edge whenever he moves near her. What can we do? Kath, via email Firstly, it is quite normal for twoyear-olds to respond in this way to a new baby. They are too young to understand they might be hurting the newborn or putting the baby at risk.

Sometimes it seems as if they are treating the baby like a new toy and they are just testing its limits: I wonder what happens if I pull this bit or if I pinch that bit?

Secondly, an older sibling who is only two needs a lot of reassurance and attention to help them adjust to the changes in their family. Hitting, pulling and being rough with the new baby might be his way of letting you know he is struggling with the changes in the family, because he is too young to understand and talk about his confusion. He needs plenty of extra hugs, reassurance, time and attention to help him feel safe again and to help him bond with his baby sister.

Give him plenty of positive attention and have a basket of fun books and toys that you can use to distract him when he gets fidgety around the baby. When he is close to his sister or reaches out to touch her, guide him with positive language: “Let’s stroke and pat the baby! She likes that! Let me stroke you so you can see how nice that feels”; “Come and play with this fun toy!”; “Let’s do something nice together. What would you like to do?"

—Karen

Q Is there something I should watch out for when my nine-year-old son gets hit in the testicles while playing games? Nicole, via email Damage to the testes depends on how forceful the impact of the trauma was and in what specific location. Most mild trauma does not cause any problems other than pain! However, I would watch for any bruising or swelling in the scrotum. If the scrotum becomes more rather than less painful over the days post trauma, have him reviewed by your GP. Other concerning features include blood or pus in the urine, difficulty urinating and fever. These should be checked out promptly by your GP to ensure he is not developing an infection in the scrotum that would need surgical drainage or antibiotics. —Andrew

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS Write to us at: editorial@ thetabletv.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

December 2017

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fat, thin

OR SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

By Melody Tan

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December 2017

SIPHOTOGRAPHY—ISTOCK

Blaming someone for their body shape is an insult, even when you call them “skinny”.

W

ow, you look huge!” is probably not something you would ever say to someone. While there is an obesity epidemic—according to the World Health Organisation, it’s a problem not only in high-income countries, but low- and middle-income ones as well—it is still considered highly rude to even remotely hint to someone they may be putting on a few (or a lot) centimetres around the waist.

I’m certainly not saying we should start hurting people’s feelings by telling them they’re fat, but I find it ironic most people think it’s fine to instead exclaim to someone, “Go eat a hamburger!”

As a society, we’ve made tremendous progress in holding the media, corporations and individuals accountable in understanding realistic body sizes. While it isn’t perfect—airbrushing is still a magazine industry standard and catwalk models are still expected to be skinnier than a clothes hanger (except Gucci, Louis Vuitton and Dior, who have banned size-zero models)—there is a growing

groundswell advocating we start recognising and embracing the fact that being slim is not the only beautiful body shape.

Most recently, the French government passed a law that requires models to obtain a doctor’s certificate to prove they are a healthy weight before they walk the runway. And thanks to an angry backlash, Google was forced to rethink its new test feature for its iOS Maps app, which let people know how many calories they would burn if they walked from Point A to Point B instead of driving. The icing on the cake was the app translated calories metabolised into the number of mini-cupcakes burned, which people asserted was tantamount to fat shaming.

Fat shaming, as Nicole Heath puts it in an article on the website for Australia’s public broadcaster, SBS, is “abuse and discrimination directed towards people who are overweight or obese”.

Making someone feel unworthy simply because of their body shape should never be acceptable, but ironically, much of the energy spent on preventing such anti-bullying behaviour seems focused only on one particular size.

Being thin may—and should—not be the only beautiful body shape, but it would seem in our bid to make people understand that, we have forgotten that those who fall under the “skinny” category have feelings too.

The thing is, comments about people being skinny can be just as hurtful. In fact, it can often be more so because it’s accepted behaviour: Failure to receive related comments gracefully is taken as an inability to accept compliments. But are they really flattering remarks when “You are so thin” is coupled with, “You make me sick” and “You need fattening up”?

I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes partway through my pregnancy last year. It meant I was on a diet that limited my daily carbohydrate and sugar intake to prevent the need to be on insulin. The regular walks and exercise routine I embarked on to

improve my blood glucose levels also increased my naturally high metabolism.

By the time I was 30 weeks pregnant, I weighed less than before I was pregnant. I have always been on the slim side—the fact I feel extremely uncomfortable admitting this goes some way to illustrating just how bad we have made those who are slim feel—and not putting on any weight was doubly dangerous for my pregnancy. It was also during this period that our obsession with body shapes, and how society deems it acceptable to tell someone to eat more, but not to eat less, came to the fore for me.

Needless to say, I had an extremely concerned obstetrician, as a lack of maternal weight gain can lead to developmental issues for the baby. At the same time, the obstetrician also told me the baby weighed heavier than average due to my gestational diabetes, and that a Caesarean section delivery could be likely as he would be too large to be born naturally.

So I had to eat more and exercise less in order to gain weight and ensure my baby developed normally. But I also had to eat less and exercise more to keep my blood sugar levels low, or I would end up with Goliath for a baby, with no certainty his organs had matured proportionately. It’s impossible to even describe the turmoil I was in. If I ate more, I would endanger my unborn child. If I didn’t, I would harm my baby.

Gestational diabetes had a disastrous impact on my mental state as I stressed over every meal: How much can I eat in order to gain weight but not blow out my blood sugar levels? My heart ached knowing I was potentially harming my baby because of the failure of my body.

At the same time, my lack of weight gain but increasingly protruding belly was getting all sorts of unwanted attention: “You’re doing really well keeping the baby weight gain at bay!”, “You still look really skinny, it’s just your stomach that’s poking out!” and other similar comments. Instead of making me feel fabulous, any remarks about my size (or lack thereof) reminded me of the no-win situation I was in, causing me greater despair.

In the end, Elliott was born weighing a very average 3.36 kilograms and my gestational diabetes went away. What didn’t go away, however, were comments on my size, which I was now told, was the reason why I could not produce enough breast milk to feed him: “You need to actually eat and stop trying to lose weight.

Your baby is more important.” Never mind that I wasn’t attempting to lose weight and that I was eating—and then some—every breastfeeding mother knows how ravenous the act makes you.

And I was binging on dessert because I could finally have some!

And still, engorgement was an unknown experience for me and I had to move on to formula feeding.

Once again, judgements passed based on my body shape broke my heart because it highlighted my inability to provide for my baby.

Maybe it’s time we stopped focusing on our (pregnant or not) dress sizes, remembered “those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity” (Proverbs 21:23), and concerned ourselves more with Who we are reflecting than how we all look.

Making someone feel unworthy simply because of their body shape should never be acceptable, whether they are fat, thin or somewhere in between.

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Could the simple—but forgotten— art of home cooking be the answer to society’s obesity woes?

By Sue Radd

home :

WHERE THE HEART STOMACH IS

Time-saving Cooking tips • •

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Plan meals for the week ahead—know what you’re eating and when.

Look for healthy convenience options, such as frozen vegetables, pre-mixed salads, microwaveable brown rice sachets or tinned legumes. Great staples for any kitchen.

Divide out bulk buys into ready-to-use portions. If you’re not going to cook it all in one go, freeze what you don’t use for next time.

Cook extra meals to store in the freezer—build a bank of home-cooked frozen meals. Just as convenient as the processed ones, but better quality.

Use leftovers wisely. Extra rice? Use to make healthy fried rice. Bananas too ripe? Freeze for smoothies.

Herbs about to turn? Blend and freeze into ice cubes to use to flavour other meals.

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December 2017

SUE IS AN ADVANCED ACCREDITED PRACTISING DIETITIAN, FOUNDER OF THE NUTRITION AND WELLBEING CLINIC IN CASTLE HILL, SYDNEY, AND AUTHOR OF FOOD AS MEDICINE: COOKING FOR YOUR BEST HEALTH.

DOMINIQUE CHERRY—DEC PHOTOGRAPHY

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ecades ago, dinnertime meant a simple home-cooked meal (usually meat and three veg) on a pre-set dining table, surrounded by family. Protein powders, health bars and frozen dinners were unheard of and slogging it out at the gym was still something of the future.

The number of people considered overweight and obese was significantly fewer than today. Data from the Preventative Health Taskforce shows that in the 1960s about five per cent of children were overweight or obese; nowadays 25 per cent are above the healthy weight range—that’s one out of every four children!

Why have rates of obesity risen so dramatically? Look no further than your dinner plate (or lack thereof). Home cooking has vastly become a thing of the past. Convenience foods and takeaway dinners have become our saviour, but also our biggest health danger.

An opportunity to improve our health is right in front of us and it’s simple: Go back to basics and start cooking at home. No diet pills, ab-workouts or gimmicky meal replacements required. Just eat real food. This will naturally increase your intake of vegetables (think about how many fit into those frozen meal containers) and ensure you consume less salt, sugar and fat. You also gain more awareness and control of your diet because you’re the cook, not the big food companies whose only goal is to profit financially.

A big barrier to home cooking for people is confidence. However, often, it is not your lack of knife skills but your perception of your own ability that stands in the way. Following a recipe is the best way to improve your confidence. A step-by-step guide guarantees better results than making it up as you go along.

Another barrier is cost. Many people believe healthy eating requires strolling down the health food aisle and loading up your trolley with goji berries, maca powders, activated almonds and organic goods. It’s so expensive to shop healthy, right? Wrong.

Some of the healthiest foods are the cheapest. Fruit, vegetables and legumes cost next to nothing but are staples in a healthy diet.

In fact, for just under $5 you can buy the ingredients to make a meal at home for a family of four. Compare that to popular fast food meals—a McDonald’s Double Quarter Pounder with cheese meal currently costs $6.69. Multiply that by four and that’s a saving of $22! And the cost benefit to your health . . . priceless!

Cooking can be time-consuming. Time is precious for everybody. We like everything fast: internet connections, news, social media updates and . . . food. The good news is home cooking like in the good old days can be fast-tracked for this century. All it takes is some organisation and planning.

Melody Tan reflects on her journey to becoming a mother of a one-year-old.

the new mum A LETTER TO ME,

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feed Elliott at all, but the reason he continues to cry even after hours of breastfeeding is not because, as the midwives tell you, your milk hasn’t come in and it’s normal for babies to cry. The midwives may be right in other cases, but not in yours—your milk will never come in, despite the weeks spent expressing, drinking copious amounts of fenugreek tea and eating an abundance of lactation biscuits (both non-chemical ways of boosting your milk supply). You will never be able to solely breastfeed him as you imagined.

You can try, but he will cry often and loudly, sleep terribly and lose a startling amount of weight. So feed Elliott as much breast milk as you are able, but if you accept he needs formula too, you’ll save yourself a whole lot of grief.

You’ll probably never shake off the guilty feeling that Elliott will transition fully onto formula by the time he is three months old and will always wonder if it’s somehow your fault or if you just didn’t try hard enough to increase your milk supply. But one year on, he has grown from being in the second percentile in weight back to where he was

•

SUPPLIED

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ear Melody, I know you’re lying in the hospital bed right now, feeling a whole variety of conflicting emotions and sensations: utterly exhausted, physically fragile and tender, fully bewildered and completely in love. Stop sneaking looks at that gorgeous bundle sleeping in the clear plastic bassinet beside you—believe it or not, I actually think he’s more beautiful than you do—and pay attention, what I’m about to tell you is important.

Through some unexplained time travel mojo, I am you, one year later. So take heart. You actually survived the impending rollercoaster ride with your sanity mostly intact and not as many dark circles around your eyes as you might have imagined. I have to warn you though, while the journey to get here is full of joy, wonder and laughter, it is also filled with plenty of tears, worry and uncertainty. But it’s also why I’m writing you this letter. I’m hoping it will lessen the impact of all the bad times and give you plenty more good ones. Here’s how: • The most important thing you need to do is forget “breast is best” because “fed is best”. I’m not saying don’t breast-

when he was born: the fiftieth percentile. He’s meeting all the developmental milestones and most importantly, he is an extremely happy baby who loves to laugh and showers everybody with not-so-toothless grins. And remember, you were a formula-fed baby yourself and your IQ isn’t that deficient.

The sooner you realise your job at home is to raise Elliott, the faster you’ll begin to enjoy this motherhood business.

It’s tempting to see maternity leave and your time at home as an opportunity to tackle all the errands you’ve always wanted to get done, but looking after a baby doesn’t work that way. It will be time consuming and all absorbing. If you view checking your emails as a bonus thing you get to do and not what you have to do, you’ll be less frustrated when Elliott’s needs interrupt your day. The times you hold a little baby, big eyes gazing at you, tiny hand reaching up to touch your face, will very quickly become a thing of the past. The rest of your life can wait. The cutest boss you’ll ever work for needs attention now.

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Throw out all the parenting books you've collected. Yes, the ones that promise you’ll have a baby who sleeps through the night in six weeks if you follow their advice.

Realising Elliott isn’t sleeping according to schedule despite your efforts will drive you to despair. Create the opportunity for sleep but just roll with the punches (and waking up every hour or two in the middle of a cold winter's night will feel like a literal punch) if he doesn’t. Don’t feel guilty about letting him fall asleep snuggled into the crook of your neck while you’re on the computer. By the time he turns one, the little body that you so easily supported with one arm and fitted so nicely in between your chest and your neck, will be too heavy, too long and too wriggly.

And while we’re on that, you will get extremely sick of the phrase, “Every baby is different”, but clichés emerge for a reason. If every baby were the same, there wouldn’t be a need for so many parenting books (or research or studies), all advocating different things.

Still on the topic of sleep, don’t beat yourself up for rocking

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. . . keep going to him when he whimpers, cuddle him when he cries . . .

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You don’t have to be perfect. I know you’ve never worried about what others might think of you, but you more than make up for it with the high standards you set yourself.

Stop worrying about what the experts say you must do with your child. What Elliott really needs is for you to be warm, sensitive and consistent. Be present for him and he will reward you with things you never thought he could do, a growing intelligence that emanates from his eyes and the confidence to explore the world.

• Don’t worry too much about the lack of connection you have with Elliott. Even after you bring him home, it will still take a while before it sinks in that the little bundle is actually your child. But by the time you are witnessing his face lighting up when he spies you walking through the front door, and hurriedly crawling towards you to drown you in open-mouthed sloppy kisses, you’ll realise it is impossible to even measure the depth of love you have for this boy.

• Finally, and most importantly, don’t forget to remember God. Ask Him for wisdom and strength daily and He will readily give them to you. They say it takes a village to raise a child. Even if you sometimes feel too far away from family or friends, God, Daniel and you can form a village too.

Enjoy the rollercoaster ride, Melody. There will be times when you wonder if you’ve done the right thing by having a baby, but one year on, you’ll wonder how you’d ever survive if Elliott was no longer in your life.

Love, You, one year later.

WIN

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

KIKOVIC—ISTOCK

•

ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO GET A TATTOO?*

SUPPLIED

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him to sleep and not putting him into his cot “awake but sleepy”. Holding him to sleep doesn’t mean he’ll fail to learn how to self-settle. It now takes, on average, only a few minutes before he is off to dreamland and the number of times he wakes at night has diminished. There will be mornings when you’ll wake up with a start because you didn’t need to go to him in the middle of the night. So keep going to him when he whimpers, cuddle him when he cries, rock him to sleep if you have to (without breaking your own back) and whatever you do, don’t try the cry-it-out method because it will shatter your heart. There will come a time when you wish you could still cosy up to him, sniffing his hair and neck without him being all weird about it.

It’s fine to give the poor boy a dummy. I know you’re worried he may develop an unhealthy addiction to the thing but it’s not called a soother for nothing. The transformation when he first had a taste of the dummy at six weeks of age will give your ears a rest from the wailing and your frazzled nerves a break. Elliott still uses the dummy now, but he doesn’t need it all the time. And if you’re still worried, remind yourself you don’t see too many 18-year-olds wandering around with a dummy in their mouth.

Daniel is your husband and he wants to help. Finally conceding you can’t do everything alone and reaching out to him is probably the best thing you’ll do for your marriage.

He will flourish knowing exactly how he can lighten your load and stop feeling like he’s sitting helplessly on the sidelines watching you slowly crumble under the weight of caring for a newborn.

It will get better. You’re not going to believe it when your friends tell you that, especially when you’re in the throes of despair, severely lacking sleep, holding a baby who will not stop crying. It will feel like an eternity when you’re in the middle of it, but it’s probably only for five or six months, max. Of course, Elliott isn’t perfect now. He still grizzles and cries, but less often and not so prolonged. Instead, your days will be littered with his uncontrollable giggles, constant babbles and excited squeals.

would you... would...

would not...

ELISABETH STITT CALIFORNIA, USA

ELLIE HIRSCH FLORIDA, USA

I think the parent who flat out refuses to let a child get a tattoo is courting trouble as it is going to seem unreasonable to the child. Above all, you do not want your child going off on their own to get a tattoo, so even if you don't like the idea, if your child is determined, it is better to be a part of it.

Allowing my child to get a tattoo would at least allow me to guide the process and protect them against potentially grave consequences.

I would buy some time by pointing out that it is a serious decision and you are open to talking about it. I want to understand why a tattoo appealed to my child. Where did they get the idea? How will it change their sense of themselves?

Having a deep understanding of why my child wants a tattoo may help me with ideas for redirecting their interest and getting their needs met in some other way.

If my child is absolutely determined, I would help them find a reputable place to get a tattoo and educate them about the risks of infections and disease. I may not love tattoos, but if I help them find the right place, at least they can be safe.

By being part of the conversation, I will have more influence over what and where they get a tattoo. While tattoos are getting popular, people such as school admissions officials and potential employers may still disapprove of them, so choosing a tattoo location that can be covered up would be a good compromise.

I will also first recommend for them to start small and see how that feels, or try to get them to agree to try out a temporary tattoo or henna.

Ever since I can remember, the idea of tattoos was forbidden in my family. I was taught that mutilating one’s body is against our Jewish religion. In addition, my grandparents were Holocaust survivors who had identification numbers tattooed on their arms against their will. Getting a tattoo by choice would be extremely disrespectful to my deceased grandma and grandpa, and ruin my beautiful skin, they said.

All I knew was that my parents would kill me if I ever got one, so I never did. I was too scared, even in my 20s.

Fast forward many years and I am now a mum of three boys.

They think it’s super cool to have tattoos so are always asking me to put fake ones on them.

Would I want my kids to get one for real when they are older? No, not particularly. I am definitely all for my children being creative and expressing themselves but I don’t want them to regret a decision that cannot be taken back.

What if someone dares them to get a really dumb tattoo in a very dumb place and it haunts them for life? Perhaps if the tattoo said, "I love my mum", my reaction would be different.

I know that when you tell a teenager not to do something, they only want to do it more. Therefore, if my kids approach me when they are older with an interest in a tattoo, I will have a mature discussion instead of threatening their life. If they do it behind my back—which is pretty likely—all bets are off.

I like to think I am hip and open, artistic and creative so maybe one day, I will get a matching tattoo with my boys or even my mum. Imagine that!

* IT IS ILLEGAL FOR CHILDREN UNDER THE AGE OF 18 TO GET A TATTOO WITHOUT THE WRITTEN CONSENT OF A PARENT OR LEGAL GUARDIAN.

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17

Beyond SIZE

Many of us struggle with our appearance, but is there a way to break free from society’s ongoing obsession with what we look like?

By Suvi Mahonen

REANA—123RF

I

18

THETABLETV.COM

December 2017

t was six in the evening—bath time—and my two-and-a-halfyear-old daughter was standing in front of me wearing nothing but her socks. She was, as one would expect of a toddler, not in the least bit ashamed of her body as she proudly patted her belly.

“Look at my tummy!” she said, sticking it out as far as it would go. “Look how big it is!” She grinned at me expectantly.

“It’s not big!” I exclaimed, as if that would be a bad thing. “It’s thin and beautiful!”

And there it was. The moment I realised I’d failed as a mother.

I, who had vowed to embrace all body shapes and sizes, who had ditched the scales as soon as I became pregnant, who had sworn never to say the four-letter word “diet” in front of my daughter, was sending her the message that her body should be judged on size.

My goal was to be a positive role model for my daughter. I wanted her to realise she was beautiful for being exactly as she was. But the truth was, it was hard, when I was embarrassed about my own body. I felt like I fell short of some idealised notion of what was attractive in other people’s eyes. And so I went on diets and attended gym classes, all under the guise of so-called “self-improvement”.

But why, as a mature adult, should I be embarrassed about my body? Why did I believe that my body was somehow fundamentally flawed? Psychologists, counsellors and exercise physiologists agree that body image—the way we view our body and the assumptions we make about how others view it—is a complex issue that begins in childhood.

“The most important relationship we have is the one we have with ourselves,” says relationships counsellor and psychotherapist Charmaine Roth. “From a very early age, we hear messages about ourselves from our parents and other adults about how we should look and behave. As we grow older, these messages are reinforced by the images we see in the media. These images, together with the early messages, can reinforce unrealistic expectations about our appearance.”

Most of us understand that media images are manipulated. The Australian Press Council stipulates that publishers should provide readers with information about digitally altered images where there is the potential for readers to be deceived. “Creating unrealistic expectations about what is a ‘healthy’ or an ‘ideal’ body shape could lead to the risk of adverse effects on the physical or mental

health of readers,” says chair of the Press Council, Professor David Weisbrot.

Eating Disorders Victoria CEO Jennifer Beveridge agrees that exposure to unrealistic images in the media can contribute to a negative body image. “Heavily Photoshopped advertising campaigns using models who lack diversity sends a message that only one type of body can be considered beautiful,” she says.

But the problem is a lot deeper than Photoshopping, and no generation is exempt. I grew up in the eighties, at a time when Barbie was asserting her independence. As a young girl I admired her ability to be a surgeon, an astronaut and a racing car driver. But I also admired her long skinny legs and tiny waist and viewed them as a prerequisite for being a successful woman. This is despite an analysis by the University Central Hospital in Finland, which estimated she lacked the 17 per cent minimum body fat required to menstruate.

And as for my mother, who was a teenager in the 1960s, one of the most famous women in the world was English model and actress Lesley Lawson, who was voted British Woman of the Year in 1966 and whose very name that she became known by—Twiggy— reflected society’s worship of thinness.

There are perhaps some generative reasons as to why humans focus so much on looks. “It’s a natural survival mechanism to judge and compare ourselves against others, and for us to need to be accepted by others,” says Sydney-based psychologist Sharon Draper.

Thankfully, these days, our dress size or how we wear our hair does not dictate our actual survival. But the fact remains that humans have always admired beauty and perfection, something that is only exacerbated by the highly visual society we live in, notes clinical psychologist Sam Van Meurs. “We are more aware of our physical selves than ever before due to the ever present social comparisons that we make on social media and when we see advertising,” he says.

This is certainly true, says physiotherapist Nikhil Taneja, who has seen many young women compare themselves to celebrities and try to be the same. “They come to me because they want to know if yoga or Pilates will give them the same kind of physique as the celebrities they follow. When I try to explain to them that these celebrities also go on extreme diets, many of them don’t come back.”

Research indicates that eating disorders are on the increase and it is clear that perceiving our body in a negative light can po-

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We are the same . . . and we are beautiful.

AT THE

REAL

MONTHLY COPY!

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RAISE FUTU RAISE FATH RERAISE ERSFU FUTURE T FATHERSWHEN FAT URE HERS MU

SEPTE MBER 2017

Da Da dd y d d Dadyd y

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START WITH SELF-COMPASSION

Treating yourself with kindness is an important step towards building body acceptance. It can be helpful to think about how you would treate someone you care deeply for. What sort of language would you use? We tend to be very good at showing kindness and compassion to others, yet when it comes to ourselves, we struggle and often feel undeserving.

AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE

FOCUS ON THE WHOLE

When we look in the mirror, we tend to "zoom in" on the specific area of our body that we dislike.

Instead, when you are looking in the mirror, try to broaden your "lens" so that you are focusing on your body as a whole.

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THE DAD ISSU E

SEPT EMBE R 201 7

M ARE DS WHEN AM MUMS DS UM ARE DADS ARE S DAD S

body image

WRITTEN BY CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGISTS DANIELLE MCCARTHY AND DINUSHA CRAGG, WHO REGULARLY SEE CLIENTS WITH BODY IMAGE CONCERNS AT THEIR QUEENSLAND PRACTICE, MINDPOTENTIAL PSYCHOLOGY.

THE DAD ISSUE

WHEN

how to improve your

We tend to have quite critical internal dialogues which may lead to engaging in behaviours that are unhelpful to our wellbeing. It is important to start bringing awareness to what our mind tells us.

There is a difference between saying "I'm fat" and "I'm having the thought that I'm fat". This shift in language creates a subtle yet powerful distance between who we are and our thoughts.

THE DAD ISSUE

WOM EN | REAL CONV ERSA REAL REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVER SATIONS T IO N W O|MREAL ISSUES SEPTEMBER 2017 S |R EN | E A L IS REAL SUES CON VERS A T IO NS | REAL IS S U ES

F RE E* tentially have serious repercussions for our health. So what steps can be taken to help develop a more holistic body image?

“Focusing less on what your body looks like and more on what it can do is a good first step,” says Jennifer. “Emphasise your inner strengths and value things unrelated to your physical appearance.

Cut out negative self-talk and engage in plenty of self-care.”

Health and community psychologist Dr Marny Lishman agrees that we need to stop putting ourselves down. “When we are self-accepting, we embrace all the parts of ourselves, our strengths and our weaknesses, the good and the bad,” she says.

When it comes to our children, there are many things we can do to encourage a positive body image, says Charmaine. “Encourage mealtimes to be a time when the family can sit together and talk, rather than it being too focused on food,” she says.

Other strategies she advises we employ include taking care with the language we use, maintaining a healthy attitude towards diet and exercise, and praising our child’s strengths and abilities rather than their appearance.

As for me, I did my best to reduce my negative self-beliefs. I began to focus on my strengths and I worked on accepting my feelings.

In the end, though, the most powerful lesson came from home.

It was my daughter’s bath time again and I’d gotten into the tub with her to tackle the challenging task. After the shampooing, detangling, washing, rinsing and the obligatory bath toy games, we were back on the bathmat, drying ourselves off with towels.

“Mummy,” my daughter said, looking up at my naked body with a bright glow on her cheeks. “We’re the same.”

And in that moment I suddenly realised something. My daughter, with the innocent eyes of a young child, could look at my body and see that our similarities were more important than our obvious differences.

I knelt down in front of her and put my hands on her shoulders.

I could feel the outline of her bones and the soft slope of her arms.

“We are the same,” I said, “and we are beautiful.”

And even though I’d been telling myself to love my body, for the first time in my life I truly meant it.

AT THE AT THE

i d n Ma

NEW ZEALAND

MAKES

PRODUCE WASH INGREDIENTS 2 tbsp baking soda 1 cup water ½ cup white vinegar Optional: A few drops of Thieves essential oil

METHOD

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN PATERSON

1. Mix all ingredients in a spray bottle.

2. Shake before spraying on fruit or vegetables, leaving for 5–10 minutes.

22

MAGNESIUM BODY BUTTER

NATURAL DEODORANT

INGREDIENTS ½ cup magnesium flakes (or Epsom salts)* 3 tbsp boiling water ¼ cup coconut oil 2 tbsp beeswax or soy wax 3 tbsp shea butter

INGREDIENTS 30 g coconut oil 10 g carrier oil (such as almond oil) 20 g shea butter 20 g beeswax or soy wax 15 g arrowroot powder 15 g food grade bentonite clay 5 drops vitamin E oil 20–25 drops essential oil in your favourite scent

METHOD 1. Dissolve magnesium flakes in boiling water, creating a thick liquid. Set aside to cool.

2. Double-boil coconut oil, wax and shea butter until melted.

Allow to cool to room temperature and mixture looks slightly opaque.

3. Using a hand blender, blend on medium speed.

4. Slowly (a drop at a time) add the dissolved magnesium mixture, while continuing to blend.

5. Place in fridge for 15 minutes, then blend to get the consistency of body butter.

6. Store in fridge for best consistency (and to use as a cooling lotion) or at room temperature for up to two months. * Magnesium flakes aid better in muscle relaxation and recovery than Epsom salts.

BUG REPELLENT INGREDIENTS 30 drops geranium essential oil 30 drops citronella essential oil 20 drops lemon eucalyptus essential oil 20 drops lavender essential oil 10 drops rosemary essential oil 1 tbsp rubbing alcohol ½ cup natural witch hazel ½ cup water (or vinegar) Optional: 1 tsp vegetable glycerine to help everything stay combined

METHOD 1. Double-boil coconut and carrier oils, shea butter and beeswax on low until melted.

2. Allow to cool for a few minutes.

3. Add arrowroot powder, bentonite clay, vitamin E and essential oils, whisking vigorously to fully combine.

4. Pour into a container and leave to completely cool. Store in a dark, cool place.

METHOD 1. Place essential oils in a glass spray bottle. Add alcohol and shake well to combine.

2. Pour in witch hazel and shake to combine (and vegetable glycerine if you choose to do so).

3. Add water and shake again.

4. Shake before each use as the oils and water will naturally separate over time.

MANDI Good for your skin and great for the environment.

Watch Mandi make these earth-friendly natural recipes on the At The Table TV show.

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23

T

At what age would you start talking to your child about sex?

By Vania Chew

MIKKEL WILLIAM—ISTOCK

CHILDREN,

24

PORN AND SEX THETABLETV.COM

December 2017

eaching children about the birds and the bees is a reality every parent must face, but gone are the days where you could put it off as long as possible and awkwardly approach the topic sometime in their teens—or avoid it altogether and let them learn about it during health class.

According to Dr Patricia Weerakoon, speaking with our children about sex should be an ongoing occurrence and integrated throughout their lives. An evangelical Christian as well as a sexologist, Patricia has long been passionate about healthy sex education through a Christian framework.

“Parents and carers need to take responsibility and educate children about sexuality,” Patricia said in an article on ABC Health and Wellbeing. She defined sexuality as not just the physical act of sex but as the concept of how bodies work, gender, the act of having babies, relationships and values.

Patricia has previously written sex education resources for kids, including Growing Up by the Book (for 10–14-year-olds) and Teen Sex by the Book (for adolescents over 15). Parents appreciated these earlier resources but repeatedly asked her for a resource for younger children.

She complied by writing a six-book series, Birds And Bees by the Book, targeted at children between the ages of 7 and 10. The series is described as an “age-appropriate, biblical, Christ-focused view of the body, brain, identity and sex, for parents and carers to read with children”.

From Patricia’s perspective, the books can be used in two different ways: as proactive and reactive sex education.

As proactive sex education, Patricia suggests setting apart time to discuss these issues with your children and designating a special area in which you read the books with them.

“Some parents report that this special area becomes the ‘go to’ place when the child has something difficult or sensitive to discuss,” she explains.

In terms of reactive sex education, the Birds And Bees series can be used in response to a question or situation. Patricia recommends asking questions such as “Where did you hear that?”, “What do you know about it?” and “What do you think it means?”

“Not talking to children and thinking, Don’t children just learn these things? means we’re finding young people are turning to the internet for sex education,” says Patricia. Her concern is valid.

“Part of the problem is that the internet is a very big and diverse place,” Youth Alliance Coalition’s deputy director, Joshua Genner, said to ABC Health and Wellbeing. “The sheer volume of information on the internet means it is difficult to deliver the right information to the right age group. Some of it’s going to be good and some of it won’t, so of course leaving sexual education to the internet would not be a good thing to do.”

But the volume of information available online isn’t the biggest concern. It’s the content of what is available.

According to Psychology Today, research estimates that a whopping 90 per cent of children today first learn about sex by viewing pornography. When turning to the internet with questions about sex, pornography websites are only a click away and there are seldom filters in place for underage viewers.

Today, the average age that children are first exposed to pornography is 11 years old. In an interview on our show, Patricia

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Today's children are learning about sex from an early age but in an unhealthy and unrealistic way.

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December 2017

about sex

“Children of Generation Z (born between 1995 and 2009) are the most digitally connected, socially informed, advertised and sexualised generation that ever walked this earth,” Patricia says on her website.

“As parents you have to be informed and connected with your children if you want them to grow as whole sexually healthy human beings capable of making informed biblical decisions about life. Ignorance is no longer an option. You are their primary sex educators.”

So, as awkward as it may initially feel, if you want to be able to talk to your teenagers, it’s probably time for you to start considering how you will introduce conversations about sex to your children in an age-appropriate manner.

UNDER THREE YEARS OLD

7–10 YEARS OLD

Start teaching them the names of their body parts such as “penis” and “vagina”. Using the correct names for these body parts in a matter-of-fact manner teaches kids that these are ordinary parts of their body and nothing to be ashamed of. Explain the difference between appropriate and inappropriate places to be touched. Patricia states that the key is age-appropriate material and determining what your child is mature enough to understand.

“Teach your children the basics of puberty and what to expect before they get there,” advises Meg. “Puberty is happening earlier these days and it’s a lot less scary when kids know the facts.”

She notes that if you wait for your child to start asking questions, you may end up waiting forever. “Some children just don’t think to ask, or your silence may be sending a message that it’s a taboo subject.”

Try reading an illustrated book with your kids so that they have a visual guide to your explanations.

This may be the time when you want to start using Patricia’s Birds And Bees resources.

3–6 YEARS OLD

WIN For your opportunity to win one of nine copes of Patricia Weerakoon’s Birds and Bees by the Book six-pack series, tell us how your parents told you about the birds and the bees.

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KUPICOO—ISTOCK

said she has personally spoken to children as young as nine who believe they are addicted to porn.

Recent statistics are showing that the age a child is first exposed to porn is rapidly decreasing. An article in the Sydney Morning Herald claims children as young as six years old are actively watching online porn and Centre Against Sexual Violence counsellor, Kate McCormick, noted there appeared to be “a lot of sexual assault” occurring within the school environment as a result.

“This has been linked back to early exposure to pornography,” said Kate. “From the age of six, some kids are accessing pornography online and that becomes their norm of how to treat people and how to do relationships.”

In the same article, counsellor Katrina Weeks noted that increasing numbers of school-aged children were contacting the Centre Against Sexual Violence, complaining about victimisation on revenge porn sites, pressure to participate in or watch porn and repeated requests for sexualised photos.

This means today’s children are learning about sex from an early age but in an unhealthy and unrealistic way. On the other hand, learning about sex from parents and primary carers can have a positive foundational influence on children.

“Research reveals that early sexuality education from parents and primary carers influences children’s values and attitudes to relationships and sex,” Patricia explained to Christian media source Eternity News. “It can reduce the likelihood of sexual risk-taking behaviour, protect against sexual abuse and benefit healthy sexual development.”

“Many parents are rather shocked at how early I suggest they should start talking to their kids about sex,” agrees Meg Hickling in an article on Today’s Parent. “But what I also hear from parents is ‘I want to be first.’ If you want to be first, you have to make sure you’re first; otherwise kids will get their information and attitudes from other children and the media.”

Meg is a sexual health educator in Vancouver and author of The New Speaking of Sex: What Your Children Need to Know and When They Need to Know It. Like Patricia, she believes it’s never too early to start introducing the human body and its functions to children.

talking to your children

Patricia points out that it’s important to take advantage of “teachable moments” in which you can speak with your children about sexual issues. These opportunities might include: • A scene in a movie or book • Their questions about a particular issue • A pregnancy in the family (a human or even a pet) This is generally the age when kids start wondering where babies come from (often it’s because Mummy is pregnant with a younger sibling!). Don’t patronise them by telling them the old folktale about the stork that delivers babies. They can understand simple explanations such as the fact that a baby grows in a mother’s uterus and to make a baby, you need a sperm (like a little seed) from a man and an ovum (like a little egg) from a woman. You can show them your sonograms and they can follow the baby’s physical development with you.

PUBERTY AGE Continue the conversation with your kids about the physical changes they’re experiencing in their bodies.

At this stage of their lives, it’s likely that they’re less willing to discuss these topics with you. However, by now, you have hopefully built up a foundation of healthy and honest discussion with them and are still able to communicate in a respectful manner.

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EXERCISEwith Alisha

POST-PREGNANCY EXERCISES Try these exercises post-pregnancy after your doctor confirms you can resume exercise.

LIFT & SLIDE

TABLE-TOP TOE TOUCH

DO 10 REPS PER SIDE, REPEATING 2–3 TIMES EACH WORKOUT.

KNEELING SIDE PLANK

DO 10 REPS PER SIDE, REPEATING 2–3 TIMES EACH WORKOUT.

SPINE CURLS (GLUTE BRIDGE) WITH BALL

YOUR FITNESS AFTER BABIES

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your bubba into the world, so give yourself nine months or more to get back to your pre-pregnancy body.

So where should you start when getting back on the fitness bandwagon post-pregnancy? Mothers should be listening to their bodies and their doctors about returning to training. Everyone’s pregnancy and birth experience is different, and so will be your approach to exercise afterwards, depending on how active you were pre- and during pregnancy, and how the birth went.

Gentle walking is encouraged as early as two weeks postbirth. Resistance training can begin six weeks post-partum for a natural birth, and 12 weeks for C-sections. Gentle abdominal and pelvic floor aching exercises can begin 2–6 Get a free co h Alisha it nw weeks post-partum. If consultatio or Skype to e n o h p you feel any pain in this via for action plan time period however, develop an @ a sh li a mail progress. E stop and wait a week or to m o .c g in unleashfitliv nsult! so longer before trying quest a co re again.

HOLD FOR 20 COUNTS PER SIDE, INCREASING BY 5 COUNTS EACH WEEK. REPEAT 2–3 TIMES EACH WORKOUT.

GIVEAWAY

Considerations for post-natal exercise: • Avoid jolting and bouncing exercises.

• Include pelvic floor-strengthening exercises.

• Be aware of continence problems.

• Avoid exercises that involve straining.

• Be aware of weak lumbar stabilisation.

• Have your feeding regime established before resuming training.

SUPPLIED

AJ WATT—ISTOCK

W

hen it comes to pregnancy and staying fit, the American Congress of Obstetricians and Gynaecologists says, “In the absence of either medical or obstetric complications, 30 minutes or more of moderate exercise a day on most, if not all days of the week, is recommended for pregnant women.”

No matter how active you stay during pregnancy however, your body undeniably goes through changes: stretch marks, hormonal craziness, added weight, lower energy and the list goes on. Instead of dreading these changes, be super proud of the amazing ability our bodies have to grow, nurture and bring a new life into this world. What a mind-blowing privilege we have to do this!

It’s important to remember that not everyone’s body is the same, and what’s possible for some may not be the same reality for others—and that is completely fine. What we should be aiming for is being the best version of ourselves at whatever stage of life’s journey we’re at. This involves accepting where we are, having a super positive self-perspective of our intrinsic value as a unique individual and then gradually working on getting fit and strong post-pregnancy. Remember, it took nine months to bring

The take-home message post-pregnancy is to be kind and patient with your progress, and resume exercise slowly. Enjoy this precious time with your bubba and don’t rush the pre-baby body.

DO 10 REPS, REPEATING 2–3 TIMES EACH WORKOUT.

ALISHA Ten minutes every day is all you need to start on your journey to become fit and healthy. Watch Unleash Fit Living's Alisha share her workouts on the At The Table TV show.

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29

COOKING with Gia & Olive CHICKPEA SAMOSAS PREPARATION TIME: 20 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 15 MINUTES SERVES: 8 INGREDIENTS 1 small bunch coriander 1 garlic clove 1 small red onion 1 small red chilli, deseeded and diced (optional) 1 lemon, juice and rind 2 x 400g tinned chickpeas, drained and rinsed 1 packet filo pastry spray oil

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

Preheat oven to 200°C. Process coriander, garlic, onion, chilli, lemon rind, lemon juice and half the chickpeas in the food processor until it forms a paste. Transfer to a bowl, add remaining chickpeas. Mix well.

Lay a sheet of filo on a work bench, spray with oil, fold in half and half again. Spray with oil. Place 2 tbsp of mixture on end of filo, turn corners diagonally over filling, folding along open edges to seal.

Transfer to a baking tray lined with baking paper. Spray with oil and bake 15 minutes or until pastry is golden.

Serve with salt-reduced soy sauce.

SOURCE: SANITARIUM HEALTH & WELLBEING

NEW ZEALAND

MEATLESS LOAF PREPARATION TIME: 30 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 55 MINUTES SERVES: 7 INGREDIENTS Glaze ¼ cup tomato sauce ¼ cup BBQ sauce 1 tbsp soy sauce Loaf 2½ tbsp ground flaxseed + 5 tbsp water 3 tbsp tomato paste 1 tsp vegan Worcestershire sauce 1½ tsp dried thyme 1½ tsp dried parsley 1 tsp dried rosemary 1 tsp ground sage 1 tsp salt Fresh cracked pepper, to taste 1 tbsp olive oil 1 medium red onion, diced ¾ cup celery, diced 3½ cups mushrooms, finely diced 3 garlic cloves, minced 1 cup cooked potatoes, mashed ¹/³ cup breadcrumbs or rice crumbs 2 tbsp arrowroot powder or corn flour 2 cups cooked brown rice ¾ cup rolled oats ½ cup walnuts, finely diced

METHOD Glaze Mix all ingredients together in a small bowl and set aside.

Loaf 1. Preheat oven to 180– 200°C. 2. Mix the ground flaxseed and water together in a small bowl and set aside for 10 minutes.

3. Line a loaf pan with parchment paper and set aside.

4. In a small bowl, mix the tomato paste, Worcestershire sauce, thyme, parsley, rosemary, sage, salt and pepper. Set aside.

5. In a large pan, heat the oil over medium heat.

Sprinkle with salt. Sauté onion and celery for 4–5 minutes, until onions are slightly browned and celery is softened.

6. Add the mushrooms and garlic, and sauté for 4–5 minutes, until the mushrooms release their liquid and cook down.

7. Transfer everything into a large bowl. Add mashed potatoes, breadcrumbs, arrowroot powder, rice, rolled oats and walnuts, combining really well. Add more salt or pepper if necessary.

8. Place mixture into lined loaf pan, pressing down firmly. Brush top of loaf with the glaze (save any leftover).

9. Bake for 25–30 minutes, until heated through.

10. Allow to cool for 10 minutes then remove from pan. Let sit for 10 minutes before serving with leftover glaze.

UNCLE ANG’S HUMMUS PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES MAKES: LARGE-SIZE DIP INGREDIENTS 2 x 400g tinned chickpeas ½ cup liquid from tinned chickpeas 1 lemon, juice and rind 1½ tbsp tahini 2 garlic cloves 1 tsp salt

METHOD Blend all ingredients on high speed until smooth, adding water if necessary.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

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FOOD STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN PATERSON

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WIN

DK $24.99

Sophie Masson & Laura Wood Lothian Children’s Books $26.99 A fun, colourful book that combines two things kids adore: machines and animals. An opportunity to show children what amusement imagination can create, with fun rhymes and illustrated words that bring the story to life.

GRACE & KATIE

PRESCHOOL

Susanne Merritt & Liz Anelli EK Books $19.99

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One of the few children’s books featuring twins and celebrating their different strengths. The topic of map making, creativity and art is woven throughout the story, with unique illustrations involving photo collages.

Your baby will love pressing the button to light up the moon on the cover of Goodnight Baby Moon. A charming little 10-page board book with easy-to-follow text and simple repeated phrases. Perfect as a bedtime story and short enough to sustain a young child’s limited attention span.

KOALAS EAT GUM LEAVES

WIN

Alison Lester Affirm Press $24.99

From one of Australia’s most popular children’s book author-illustrators comes a delightfully illustrated story about a very noisy baby and the numerous animal sounds the child emits. A visually captivating way to teach young children about horse neighs, cow moos, cockatoo squawks and more.

December 2017

Simple but quirky, Koalas Eat Gum Leaves is a cute cautionary tale of having too much of a good thing (namely, ice-cream). Filled with fun illustrations of the loveable marsupial, parents may even have fun spotting the many quintessential Aussie ice-creams!

THE CHRISTMAS KING Matthias Media $3.95

Jesus may not really have been born on December 25, but Christmas is still a great opportunity to teach children about the real reason for the celebrations. Filled with fun activities such as join-the-dots, colouring-in and spot-the-difference, The Christmas King is an inexpensive gift to entertain and educate little ones.

THE POESY RING

THE PRINCESS IN BLACK

A very simple and sweet romantic story that mostly lets the exquisite and grand illustrations do the narration. A tale of time, distance and the idea that love will eventually find its way to where it truly belongs.

Three great books in one series for the princess-loving girl—with a twist.

Princess Magnolia may look like a dainty royal but her secret alter ego fights monsters to keep her realm safe. A light-hearted read full of humour, both in the text and the illustrations.

Bob Graham Walker Books $24.99

Shannon Hale, Dean Hale & LeUyen Pham Candlewick Press $19.99

WIN

FOOD FOR GOOD Michael Meredith and Eat My Lunch Allen & Unwin $34.98

Laura & Philip Bunting Omnibus Books $16.99

THE VERY NOISY BABY

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GOODNIGHT BABY MOON

PRIMARY

BUILDING SITE ZOO

FOR MUMS

INFANT

BOOK CORNER

This isn’t just another cookbook with easy-to-make family-friendly recipes, but also an opportunity to give back.

Eat My Lunch is a social enterprise whereby for every lunch ordered (or purchase of Food for Good), they give a lunch to a child in a low-decile school in Auckland, Hamilton and Wellington, New Zealand. (Not all recipes are vegetarian.)

THE RETRONAUT GUIDE TO RAISING CHILDREN Wolfgang Wild ILEX $14.99

WIN

HOW TO BE KIND Cara Frost-Sharratt Bounty Books $14.99

WIN

Designed to be read in several short sittings, this beautiful hardcover book will warm your heart with its stories of ordinary humans performing ordinary acts of kindness, with extraordinary results. Littered also with quotes and ideas, How to be Kind will inspire you to be just that.

The cover of this book prepares you for the series of photos inside that will amuse, puzzle and shock you. The Retronaut Guide to Raising Children is a collection of images from “the past like you wouldn’t believe” and it certainly delivers on what it promises.

WIN

WIN THESE BOOKS! FIND OUT HOW ON PAGE 16 December 2017

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33

christmas traditions

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

our show's panellists'

Jo in us

FIONA RACHEL L A RACHEL H

It’s always the family photos—and it feels very much like the John Williamson song [“Christmas Photo"]— and we have done that since I was a kid. But the tradition I have introduced since having my own kids is the month of December activities.

We do one a day and it's as simple and cheap as a colour-in nativity picture, decorate the tree, make gingerbread biscuits for neighbours, Christmas cards for friends, “What I love about you” notes to each family member . . . you get the idea. It’s one activity a day about Christmas, Christ, and sharing and giving. My kids now look forward to December each year!

We're still building our family traditions. One thing that's very big and important is that we gather with Pete's family and friends for a big Christmas lunch and we give presents to the kids, which is always fun!

JULIE

We do a very fun Kris Kringle every year that everyone looks forward to. There is a lot of “stealing” going on and always some crazy gifts that no-one wants (chosen on purpose) and some things that everyone wants.

Also, my brother has a tradition each year of gifting his kids and nieces and nephew a CD. His aim is to “educate” them on “good” music. This is music from the ’70s and ’80s.

Think ABBA, Little River Band and Eagles.

The kids usually have to Google about them!

The festive season has evolved for me from being kid-like and catered to, to the reality of kid-life and catering for kids. For us it's about creating memories that all the family’s kids will cherish. It usually involves family time, “fob” feasts and getaways with my parents, siblings and their families.

MARYELLEN

Christmas has always been my favourite day of the year. Every Christmas Eve, my mum would stay up until the early hours of the morning wrapping gifts for my sisters and me, and laying them out in our very own piles in the living room. Christmas Day was then spent waking up early, opening gifts, swimming through wrapping paper, eating a delicious breakfast and then having lunch as a family. It was, and has always been, a very laidback, family day!

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

MELODY

Both Daniel’s and my family have never been really big on Christmas or traditions, so we don’t have any—we don’t even do presents!

It’s just another day for us, really, except we don’t have to go to work! Chinese New Year, on the other hand . . .

SHONA

The only family tradition we have other than going to the Gary’s family for lunch is that on Christmas Eve, the boys would and still want to, open one present before going to bed. I found this helped to calm the excitement of Christmas a little and helped them get to sleep.

FINISHED WITH THIS MAGAZINE? PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS! 34

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December 2017

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

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