At The Table - April 2018

AT THE

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

THE SLEEP ISSUE APRIL 2018

how to

DEAL WITH YOUR

TEENAGER

CotOR co-sleep?

MY

VIRTUAL e m d n BABYa

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

APRIL 2018

table talk

Jo in us

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PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

6 WHERE CHILDREN SLEEP 8 COT OR CO-SLEEP? Investigating the perils (or not) of both.

11 WOULD YOU . . .

Allow your primary-aged children to go on sleepovers?

18 MY VIRTUAL BABY AND ME

He cries and needs his nappy changed, but he doesn’t blink!

24 LOVE PERSEVERANCE & ENDURANCE

Raising a child with autistic spectrum disorder.

32 BOOK CORNER 34 BEDTIME ROUTINES

how-to

14 HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR TEENAGER 17 12 ONE-MINUTE WAYS TO BOOST RELATIONSHIPS 22 MANDI MAKES Moisturising chocolate hair mask; makeup cleanser wipes; DIY reusable ice pack; peppermint skincooler bath bombs.

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30 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE Apricot coconut balls; strawberry vinaigrette dressing; cashew pear cream; oatmeal crackers.

wellbeing

12 ASK THE EXPERTS 28 EXERCISE WITH ALISHA Sleep your way thin.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @thetabletvshow

#thetabletvshow

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EDITOR Melody Tan

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COVER PHOTO

by Andrew Rich—iStock

VOLUME 2 NUMBER 4 The Sleep Issue

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 thetabletv.com

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3

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from the

april

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editor

oing my utmost to prevent Sudden Infant Death Syndrome was very high on my priority list when my husband and I were readying the nursery in anticipation of our baby’s arrival. I think I practically memorised the safe sleeping guidelines published by the Red Nose organisation, and I won’t go into the extent of research I did when it came to buying a cot mattress.

Alas, Elliott turned out to be a very hungry newborn and I, a low-breastmilk-producing mum. He would wake constantly in the middle of the night to feed for at least an hour and catching sleep on a one- or two-hourly interval was not doing me any favours. It didn’t take long before I brought him into bed with me, dozing while he fed. I felt such incredible fear the first time I did it, and yet, I really needed the sleep. Luckily for us, we both turned out fine—and Elliott moved on to formula soon after anyway, waking far less often because he was full, and taking far less time to feed because there was actually a supply.

Sleep. It’s probably one of the few precious commodities in this world that can’t be hoarded, even though teenagers appear to make an extremely valiant attempt at doing so. The first person to successfully manage the Bank of Sleep will be very wealthy, I reckon.

In the meantime, however, us mums will have to snatch some shut-eye whenever we can, wherever we can. And as your read through this issue of At The Table, dedicated to the holy grail of sleep, take some time to sympathise with covergirl Maryellen, who details her experience as a new “mum” (see page 18)—without the cuddles, smiles or any heartwarming and fulfilling reward you may get from sacrificing your sleep for a real baby.

find us @thetabletvshow

Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our

BABY

! s t a r Cong

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April 2018

more? Recently, we asked our members:

WOULD YOU GO ON HOLIDAY WITHOUT YOUR KIDS?

Mandy: My parents went on holiday without us four kids every year, and they’re the only ones in my mother’s family who are still married—42 years on. That says something.

Bek: Yes yes yes! If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to go on a holiday without your kids go for it I say! Self care ladies, it’s important and healthy for the whole family.

DANI VIVANCO—UNSPLASH, MAKYZZ—FREEPIK

Fiona

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing?

The author of our letter of the month wins a free Arnie’s Shack: The Complete First Series four-disc DVD set, suitable for your children (or nieces or nephews)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

show segments, magazine articles and much

At The Table TV show host Fiona is expecting baby #4 any time this month and our resident PT Alisha has announced baby #1 is due in August!

Melody

Drop us a line and win a gift!

social

Jodine: I love the idea! But personally feel like the child needs to be old enough for me not to worry about them. My kids tended to be very bonded to me when they were young. Great for myself, my marriage . . . but mostly I like to spend my holidays with my kids as before you know it they’re gone . . .

Fleur: Yes for sure! If you have good care then a few days or even a week is always good, one to two times a year. Want to do my first one in four years hopefully.

Carry: Absolutely!!! Yet to do it. We have always brought them along,

Alisha

which has been beautiful, highly rewarding and certainly enriched them culturally, among many other benefits.

FOR MORE

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April 2018

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Alex, 9 BRAZIL

Douha, 10 WEST BANK

Thais, 11 BRAZIL

Roathy, 8 CAMBODIA

WHERE CHILDREN SLEEP A photo series by James Mollison, depicting children’s bedrooms around the world.

Jazzy, 4 USA

Jyoti, 14 NEPAL

Hang, 5 CHINA

Justin, 8 USA

JAMES MOLLISON IS A PHOTOGRAPHER BASED IN VENICE, ITALY. FOR MORE PHOTOS FROM THE "WHERE CHILDREN SLEEP" PROJECT, GO TO WWW.JAMESMOLLISON.COM

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There is nothing quite as controversial as how or where you choose to let your baby sleep during the first few years of their lives.

By Vania Chew

I

BECON, FAMVELD—ISTOCK

COT or CO-SLE EP?

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wanted my baby girl in our room but my husband didn’t want her in our bed—we found a way to compromise,” first-time mum Kate Wilson tells me. “We ended up buying a bassinet that we could attach to our bed. This meant that she was close enough to us to make breastfeeding easy but at the same time she was still sleeping in a separate space. This works really well for us.”

“My kids sleep in a separate room but will run to our room for cuddles when they wake up, which is usually around four or five in the morning,” says mum-of-two Julia Cho. “I love the closeness of having them with us for those early morning snuggles but hubby and I definitely appreciate them having their own space too! Our younger child sometimes sleeps with us when she has had a bad dream but we don’t have any issues with that.”

“We have co-slept with all three of our kids but followed precautions as much as possible,” said a mum-of-three who prefers to remain anonymous. “It’s a cultural thing for us to co-sleep and it has worked for us.”

For those lucky enough not to have waded into the great baby sleep debate, here are some definitions: Co-sleeping is the practice of mums sleeping in close proximity to their babies, particularly in the same bed. Cot-sleeping is when babies sleep in their own designated sleeping area, separate from their parents.

Last year, David Brinkley from Oklahoma, USA, overheard his wife Alora’s friend questioning Alora’s decision to co-sleep with their children.

“Doesn’t your husband hate that? My husband would never let me do that,” the friend remarked.

Wanting to set the record straight regarding his thoughts on their family’s sleeping situation, David posted a photo on Facebook of his wife snuggling in bed with their two sons.

“I just decided to come out as a man and set a few things straight,” he commented. “I do NOT hate any part of what makes my wife the mother that she is. I would NEVER degrade or disregard anything that she feels like doing for my children. Do I have to squeeze into a small corner of the bed sometimes? Yeah. But . . . how beautiful does she look holding my children . . . making them feel loved and safe?”

His post went on to explain that there is only a small window of time in which his kids will want to sleep with their parents. When that window closes, he and his wife will have the bed to themselves for the rest of their lives.

“I am proud of the decisions my wife makes as a mum and I support every single one of them. I would never want to rob her of

this time she has or these seasons that are in reality too short to enjoy,” said David. “Please respect your wives as mothers.”

His post went viral, especially after being shared on the Love What Matters Facebook page. However, a flood of criticism immediately erupted over his defence of co-sleeping.

“This is dangerous for the baby,” warned one commenter, quoted in The Sun. “Babies die every day because of this,” wrote another.

David eventually chose to delete his original post.

So is co-sleeping with your children really reckless parenting?

The popular consensus in most Western countries appears to say so. No wonder a paediatrician from the University of Cape Town, South Africa, generated headlines all over the world when he advised that babies should sleep on their mother’s chest for the first few weeks of life and share their mother’s bed until they were at least three years old.

According to England’s The Telegraph, Dr Nils Bergman argues that babies who co-sleep are able to sleep better and establish a stronger emotional bond with their parents. He also believes that co-sleeping is more optimal for brain development, which would lead to fewer behavioural issues later in life.

His advice goes against research that shows co-sleeping is dangerous for babies and contradicts counsel every single mother in Australia and New Zealand are given right from when they get pregnant: put your baby to sleep in a safe cot, on a safe mattress, as it’s the best prevention for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). (In Australia, some nine babies a day sadly lose their lives to the unexplained and still hardly understood SIDS.) Just last year, Dr Sam Hanke from Kentucky, USA, revealed to website Fatherly that he had lost his baby son Charlie after he fell asleep with the baby on his chest. Sam was hoping to give his wife Maura a rest.

“I just sat down on the couch to watch some TV and he was kind of sitting on my chest. We were just hanging out and I nodded off,” Dr Sam said to Fatherly. “A couple of hours later, I woke up and Charlie was gone.”

A year after the loss of their son, Dr Sam and his wife started an organisation called Charlie’s Kids as a way to both remember their son and to raise awareness of safe-sleep choices: putting a baby to sleep on their back, on a firm, safe sleep surface, in a cot or portacot, without blankets or pillows.

In a 2013 news release, Professor Bob Carpenter, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, claimed that the lives

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would you...

Taking your baby into your bed is like the fine print at the bottom of the breastfeeding contract.

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LISA5201—ISTOCK

“Studies of breastfeeding families show taking your baby into your bed is like the fine print at the bottom of the breastfeeding contract. It happens to 50 to 80 per cent of families, so I feel we have a responsibility to share how to manage this safely.”

On her website, Pinky describes video footage from baby sleep labs at Durham University (UK) and the University of Notre Dame in Sydney, Australia. In the footage, breastfeeding and bed-sharing mothers are shown to intuitively create protective spaces around their babies by lying on their sides and holding their babies in the crook of the arm, or with the mother’s lower arm bent upwards and knees bent. This prevents the mother from rolling towards her baby and means her partner cannot roll into that protected space.

Breastfed babies instinctively snuggle towards their mothers’ breasts, away from the potential suffocation hazard of pillows.

Pinky notes that even SIDS researcher Professor James McKenna claims sharing sleep with your baby can be potentially life-saving. She quotes Professor McKenna as saying, “Infants and babies give off cues and signals that caregivers need to react and respond to. By sleeping next to baby, the mother is able to promote baby’s breathing stability. There is no scientific validation that says co-sleeping is bad. Accidents, of course, happen, and there are risk factors, as with everything.”

Whether you choose to co-sleep or cot-sleep, you should always follow the appropriate guidelines. “If, like up to 80 per cent of Australian parents with babies under six months, you are sharing sleep with your baby either occasionally or more often, check out Professor McKenna’s Safe Co-Sleeping Guidelines and the Red Nose guidelines for safe co-sleeping,” Pinky recommends.

At the end of the day, make the decision that’s right for you and your family, follow the recommended guidelines and ignore the guilt that every mother develops. You are doing a great job.

DAKOTA CORBIN—UNSPLASH

of 120 babies per year in the UK could be saved if parents stopped sharing beds with their little ones.

“Eighty per cent of the deaths that occur while bed-sharing would probably not have occurred had the baby been placed on its back in a cot by the parents’ bed,” said Professor Bob. “Annually there are around 300 cot death cases in babies under a year old in the UK—this advice could save the lives of up to 40 per cent of those.”

Then there’s also a study published in Pediatrics journal, which suggests sleeping in a separate room actually helps your baby develop better sleeping habits.

The study involved 300 families and examined the questionnaire data filled out by the babies’ mothers in regards to their sleep duration, location, night waking, night feedings, bedtime routines and sleep behaviours at four, nine, 12 and 30 months old.

According to the study, children who slept independently would sleep approximately 40 minutes longer than their co-sleeping counterparts. At nine months old, the independent sleepers slept for an average of 10.5 hours at night, compared to 9.75 hours per night for room sharers. At 30 months old, independent sleepers would sleep more than 45 minutes longer at night than those who were room-sharing from nine months old.

Yet, almost every breastfeeding mama can attest co-sleeping does make life a little bit easier.

“Being close makes it possible for a mum to notice early hunger signs and makes it easy to feed when the baby wakes as there’s no need to get out of bed,” says Sydney-based sleep coach, Cheryl Fingleson. “If parents follow strict co-sleeping guidelines, it is safe.”

“I am in favour of co-sleeping and bed sharing if this is done safely,” agrees Pinky McKay, an internationally certified lactation consultant, best-selling author and mum of five.

ALLOW YOUR PRIMARYAGED CHILDREN TO GO ON SLEEPOVERS?

would . . .

would not . . .

DR KAREN PHILLIP SYDNEY, NEW SOUTH WALES

BELINDA MANNA SYDNEY, NEW SOUTH WALES

I allowed my children to have sleepovers from primary age as long as I was assured of their safety. It can be confronting when your little one starts wanting sleepovers, but you can always sleep better when you are assured they are happy and safe.

When my children wanted a sleepover, I always insisted on meeting the other parents and visiting their home to feel confident where my children were going to be. While we may often know the parent of the other child, I felt it essential to also visit their home to ensure hygiene and safety.

I always discussed a code word (ours was grandma so it sounded normal) with my kids and would call them before lights out to say goodnight and check on them. If they used the code word, it meant they were unhappy or not comfortable, so I would tell the parent my kids’ grandma was visiting and I needed to collect them. This way, my child was never embarrassed for walking away from a sleepover and it provided a safety net for my child and me.

I believe sleepovers are an excellent way to help my children develop their independence. It can open up their world and understanding of others. After all, children believe every family is the same as theirs. When sleepovers start, they discover differences. Their world expands and this is a good thing for children. They learn to be self-sufficient, follow the other family’s rules, and understand how other families live, communicate and interact.

My child doesn’t even go to a friend’s house unless I know the parent, and when I hear the word sleepover come out of my child’s mouth, the first thing that comes to my mind is sexual assault, mental abuse and rape. My answer is automatically “No”, but I will also sit them down and explain why I am against any sleepovers and educate them on signs they need to watch out for.

I was brought up not to trust any man as you never know their intentions. This was not to stop me from forming relationships with men but to understand that some men may have a paedophilic tendency. I will not let my child enter a vulnerable position that could lead to lifelong psychological sessions, medications or even destroy their quality of life, all because of a silly sleepover.

To me, sleepovers are unnecessary for children. They are not old enough to notice or distinguish behaviour that is not within the normal limits. Children are sensitive, innocent and a God-given blessing and I don't take this lightly. I do not conduct sleepovers at my house either as it would be hypocritical of me to do so.

I come from a very tight Italian family and the only time I slept at anyone's home was with my parents at a holiday home with other family members, aunties, uncles and cousins. Today, we allow all our children to bunk up together in one room when our family go on holidays with my sister’s family and our parents.

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e h t as k experts

Q My daughter is turning three and is starting to protest when other kids try to play with her toys. Sometimes, they’re not even hers!

She used to love sharing but won’t do it now without my intervention. What have I done wrong and what can I do to get my generous daughter back? Lorraine, via email

OUR PANEL:

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY NUTRITIONIST SANITARIUM HEALTH & WELLBEING

KAREN HOLFORD FAMILY THERAPIST HEARTWORDS

ANDREW DARON PRATT PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN GP SEVENTH-DAY SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q How important are Elevit or other pregnancy multivitamins before or during pregnancy?

In the first trimester, it is very important to take at least 500 micrograms of folic acid (folate) each day. It is actually vital to start taking folic acid for about two to three months prior to conception as it has been proven to reduce the incidence of neural tube defects such as spina bifida. After 13 weeks [of pregnancy], this is no longer required.

A lot of women are also mildly deficient in iodine and it is hard to measure the deficiency, so take an iodine supplement, which should be continued throughout the pregnancy. —Peter

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WAVEBREAK MEDIA, ZABAVNA —ISTOCK

Kirsty, via email

Don’t worry, you haven’t done anything wrong!

This kind of behaviour is part of the normal and healthy development of a three-year-old.

Sharing starts as a fun back and forth game between a parent and child, and babies and toddlers often enjoy this kind of interaction. As children grow older, they become more conscious of what is theirs and what isn’t. This is a natural part of their growing awareness of self and identity, and it gives them a powerful sense of ownership: “It’s mine!” Sometimes this sense of ownership extends to things belonging to other children, which is awkward, as you say. But this can also be part of the learning process as they begin to differentiate between what belongs to them and what belongs to someone else.

To a three-year-old, if they want to play with it, or if it looks nice, it’s theirs! And if someone else plays with it, they are frightened that they will never get it back. So it is helpful for you to intervene. Reassure your child that the toy will always be theirs and they will be able to play with it again soon. Sharing is not the same as giving away.

When they share with other children, it encourages other children to share too.

The good news is that if you keep encouraging sharing as a positive value in your home, they will grow back into it. Until then, there are some things you can do to help.

Model sharing. Share something with your daughter as often as you can: a small piece of food that she likes, a sip of your juice or a lick of your ice-cream. When you do so, encourage her to share some of her food or drink with you.

Thank her for sharing, smile, let her know it is fun and kind to share. Make sharing like this a little game or even a mealtime ritual.

Notice when they share things well, or when they give things away, and let them know that

they are being kind and generous. They are sharing when they draw a picture and give it to you. Or when they help bake biscuits to share with their friends.

Don’t punish or shame your child for not sharing, because they could learn to associate negative feelings with sharing and this can discourage them from sharing later.

Acknowledge their distress, comfort their sadness and, when they are calmer, redirect them to another interesting toy. Say things like, “You really wanted to play with that toy, didn't you? And it is sad when you can’t play with your toy right away. I understand that.

You are being very kind to share and let Poppy play with it for a little while. When she has finished playing she will give it back to you because it is yours. Let’s have a cuddle and then find something else fun to play with.”

Keep a box of toys that are not “hers”. Call them “sharing toys” and bring this box out when other children come to play. Fill it with pairs of toys, so each child can have the same toy at the same time, and other toys that are naturally shared, such as a ball game for the garden, table and floor games suitable for small children, musical instruments, play food for making tea together, plastic building blocks or a large wooden trainset.

Or play outside with a climbing frame, paddling pool or play house. Craft and cooking activities can help children enjoy time together without fighting over toys. Or meet up with other children and parents in a toddler playground, where there are plenty of things to play on that don't belong to anyone.

If two children want to play with the same toy, use a timer and encourage them to swap toys or find a new toy whenever the buzzer rings. This makes sharing more of a game.

If you have more than one child, it can be helpful to have some toys that are “our” toys that belong to everyone, as well as special toys that belong to one person and can be kept safely hidden in their room if other children come to play.

She will naturally learn to enjoy sharing again, partly Write to us at: because she will grow beyond this stage and be able to editorial@ understand other children’s feelings, but also because thetabletv.com you value sharing and you are her role model. Eventually, THE INFORMATION PROVIDED she will be motivated by making other people happy and IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT then you will be able to encourage her generous spirit, YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER help her make things to give away to others and watch WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, her share with joy. —Karen

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS

AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

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of sleep nightly “due to staying up late social networking, playing games or texting. . . . Chronic tiredness is a serious side-effect of device overuse. . . . Tiredness can also cause irritability, lack of motivation and in some cases contribute to depression.”

Solution: Dr Arne suggests insisting that all phones and other devices are removed from the bedroom and stored elsewhere overnight. “Even better, talk to [them] about it and make an agreement as to how much sleep [they need] and what [they will do] in order to get it,” he says.

O HOW T

DEAL WITH YOUR TEENAGER

TEEN PROBLEM #2: MOOD SWINGS The simple reason for all their Hulk rage and end-of-the-world pathos is that a teen brain hasn’t fully developed.

“MRI research has shown that higher-order brain centres, such as the pre-frontal cortex, don’t fully develop until young adulthood,” writes Dr Arne in The Making of Men. With the pre-frontal cortex being responsible for reasoning, problem solving, outbursts of anger and extreme emotions, “this explains why teenagers so easily lose their tempers”.

Dr Karen Phillip, a Sydney-based counselling psychotherapist, and parenting and relationship expert, explains this undeveloped brain, together with teenage hormones, is the reason why everything seems exacerbated when it comes to teen emotions.

“Being a bit angry may become extremely over-the-top angry, being frustrated or sad could become deeply depressed, and teenagers would be absolutely devastated from a heartbreak, thinking their lives will never be the same again,” she says.

At the same time, Dr Karen also believes teenagers can get more animated with their mood swings because they are seeking their parents’ attentions. “Many hope if their parents notice, they will then give in to their demands to make them happier or better.

So they’re handing over their behaviour to someone else to make them feel better,” she says.

Solution: “Acknowledge their feelings. Ask them questions. Don’t give them advice, tell them they’re wrong, that things will be OK or they’ll get over it,” says Dr Karen. “Parents are to check in, acknowledge, check in again and provide any support the teen wants, even asking if there’s anything you as a parent can do to help.” Dr Karen does warn, however, some may ask to be left alone. Regardless of the request, parents need to respect that, while continuing to play an active role in assisting their children to come to terms with the emotions they are experiencing.

Do teenagers really need more sleep? Are they naturally moody? What are facts, what are myths and what is simply a good excuse?

By Melody Tan

W

hat should parents expect as normal teenage behaviour? I speak to some experts about four typical teenage problems and find out their strategies to combat them.

TEEN PROBLEM #1: SLEEP Research by the University of California, Los Angeles (UCLA) in the USA, vindicated sleepy teenagers around the world when they discovered teens actually need sleep far more than adults do—at least nine hours every night, in fact. What is even more interesting,

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however, is not just how much sleep teens need, but when they need it, that is compounding the teenage sleep problem.

“One change in the body during puberty is closely related to how you sleep,” according to the UCLA study. “There is a shift in the timing of your circadian rhythms. Before puberty, your body makes you sleepy around 8.00 or 9.00 pm. When puberty begins, this rhythm shifts a couple of hours later. Now, your body tells you to go to sleep around 10.00 or 11.00 pm.

“The natural shift in a teen's circadian rhythms is called ‘sleep phase delay’. The need to sleep is delayed for about two hours.

CLARK AND COMPANY —ISTOCK

TEEN PROBLEM #3: COMMUNICATE IN GRUNTS At first, teens may appear to be suffering from insomnia. They will have a hard time falling asleep at the usual time. While they begin going to sleep later, they still need an average of nine hours of sleep at night. Because most teens have to wake up early for school, it is important for them to go to bed on time. If they go to bed late, they will be unable to get the sleep that they need.”

However, for most teens, going to bed late appears to be a mandatory requisite for their age, easily aided by the myriad of first world distractions. Dr Arne Rubinstein, in his book The Making of Men, observes that 14-year-olds are averaging closer to 6.5 hours

Dr Karen believes the silent treatment teens give their parents stems from the fear of disappointing their parents. “For instance, if parents have high expectations on them being successful, but they are struggling with something at school, are not so popular or are dumped by the love of their life, they don’t want to disappoint the parents to think that they’re normal or average,” she says.

There is also the fear of being judged by the parents and told they are silly, especially if it’s something the teen regularly struggles with.

Solution: There is a fine balance between asking too much and not asking enough. Dr Karen suggests the next time parents notice some emotional upheaval in their teen’s life, to simply comment,

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. . . the definition of a teenager is “lazy bag of bones”.

“Why won’t you clean your room?” is probably the battle cry of virtually every parent of teens. Their reluctance to help out with household chores coupled with the perception they sleep all day (and if you missed Teen problem #1, it turns out they actually do need that sleep), can convince most to believe the definition of a teenager is “lazy bag of bones”.

However, the problem, Dr Karen argues, isn’t that teenagers are lazy, it’s simply because up until they are 14, “not only haven’t they been asked but they haven’t been shown how to do” household chores.

Solution: The trick here, according to Dr Arne, is to ensure children understand privileges are connected to responsibility. In his book, he suggests linking pocket money with work around the house, which isn’t too different from real life since “society doesn’t pay those who don’t work”.

At the same time, Dr Arne says it is important “parents decide what is fair and reasonable for a young boy but young men must be involved in the decision-making process. When done properly this empowers them because they are not being controlled, they are being given choices and they are free to make their own decisions within a framework they have helped to build.”

Dr Karen also suggests linking privileges such as the use of

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STARTING EARLY When it comes to raising teens, the take-home message from both experts is to start early. As Dr Arne points out, “You can’t start raising a teenager once he actually becomes a teenager.” Children, Dr Arne says, are always watching us and “will copy what we do now and later in life. How we parent them at a younger age will make a huge difference in our ability to stay connected to them once they become teenagers.”

For all the bad press teenagers constantly receive, it is important to remember they are the world’s future leaders, inventors and researchers. “Everything about them is wonderful,” Dr Karen says. “They are developing right in their teenage years to become independent future leaders and parents of our country and that is something we need to embrace about our kids.”

For parents of any-aged children, the best they can do now— and always—is to be loving and supportive, give them your time and keep the line of communication open.

For your opportunity to win one of 10 copies of Dr Arne Rubinstein’s book, The Making of Men, tell us in 25 words or less what qualities you would like to see in a young man.

Enter at www.thetabletv.com/ TheMakingOfMenGiveaway (Australia and New Zealand addresses only, sorry).

Giveaway ends April 30, 2018.

TRY a new way of expressing your love or bring back a nickname you’ve stopped using.

WIN

By Alexandra O’Brien

SURPRISE your spouse by doing an unpleasant or time-consuming task they normally do.

GREET your partner with positivity and love first thing in the morning.

IGOR OVSYANNYKOV, BECCA TAPERT, ALAIN WONG—UNSPLASH

TEEN PROBLEM #4: LAZY

It’s the little things, not the big grand gestures, that keep a relationship ticking—and it doesn’t take much to show your partner that you care and value them.

These 12 tips each take less than a minute to do and, when you make a routine of these little ways to show love, they will instantly strengthen the bond in your relationship.

their smart devices or attending or participating in extracurricular activities, with them learning life skills such as doing the laundry or vacuuming the floor. “We are not giving them jobs, we are giving them a learning skill in order for them to be ready to step out as an independent adult.”

KINGA CICHEWICZ—UNSPLASH

“I noticed that this is happening to you” or “You seem to be feeling this” and follow it up with “Is there anything I can help you with?”

“When parents ask, ‘What’s wrong with you?’ or ‘What’s going on?’, teens feel under the spotlight, and may not be ready to answer or even know why they feel the way they do, and so they just shut down and grunt,” says Dr Karen.

The relationship from mother-and-boy to mother-and-youngman is an extremely important one to transition into to prevent them from shutting down. Do it wrong, and Dr Arne warns, “They will stop talking, stop sharing and stop being affectionate.” The best way to encourage healthy, open communication is to allow them to choose what they want to talk about and be there to listen, support and even open up about your own life stories, but never judge or tell them how to live.

ONE-MINUTE WAYS TO BOOST RELATIONSHIPS PLAN to do something fun that you used to love doing together but stopped doing.

THANK your partner for something you usually take for granted.

COMPLIMENT your partner. Let them know you love things about them they might not even like.

CUDDLE MORE.

ASK them what’s new and different in their lives (don’t assume you already know everything there is to know!).

BRING up a fond memory of something you did together in the past.

DO a project together.

If you’re apart for the day, SEND them a sweet text message or call to say you’re thinking of them.

PROCLAIM YOUR LOVE every day. It doesn’t take much to tell your partner, “I love you.”

THIS IS AN EXTRACT FROM THE WAY MUM MADE IT, EDITED

BY ALEXANDRA O’BRIEN, PUBLISHED BY ABC BOOKS.

April 2018

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Our youngest and only non-mum At The Table TV show panellist receives a crash course in parenthood.

By Maryellen Fairfax

T

VIRTUAL BABY

AND ME

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GILMORE TANABOSE, SUPLIED

MY

here are pivotal moments in your life that you’ll remember forever: your first day of school, first kiss, graduation, first job, wedding day, the birth of your children. These experiences have the potential to dictate your entire future. Well, I’d like to add one more to the list: owning a virtual baby. This is an experience that has changed my perspective on children, and one that I feel very lucky to have been given. I mean, how many people get to look after a child and just give it back at the end? (Grandparents, you’ve got a great gig.)

A few months ago, the producers of the At The Table TV show thought it would be a fantastic idea to surprise me live on set with a virtual baby, just for the LOLs. They told me I’d have to take care of it for four days and that his name was Lee. That was it. No instructions, no help.

Nothing. I honestly don’t remember anything from the shoot that day except my uncontrollable, hysterical laughter Baby Lee. and the phrase “oh my goodness, oh my goodness” deafening all thoughts.

It was a shock that sent me on a journey through the five stages of grief: Denial (It will be fine), anger (How could work do this to me when they know I have exams coming up?), bargaining (Maybe if I bury it in a pillow, inside a box, inside the boot of my car, they won’t find out), depression (Life isn’t fair, maybe the sound of my crying will drown out its cries #2amrants) and acceptance (Just deal with it, Melon).

Some of you may remember those two torturous weeks when your child brought home a virtual baby for their Year 12 CAFS assignment (that you ended up looking after). For those of you confused, let me explain. A virtual baby is a heavy, plastic doll programmed to act like a normal baby. It cries, screams, shrieks, wakes up in the middle of the night (multiple times), needs its nappy changed, needs to be burped, drinks about 100 bottles of milk (give or take 95) per day, requires constant soothing and sometimes cries for minutes on end for absolutely no reason at all. But all of this occurs without the comfort of baby-smooth skin,

interaction, moveable limbs, childlike wide-eyed wonder or even so much as blinking. It really is a treat.

The whole point of a virtual baby is experience. Virtual babies are basically a “try before you buy” scheme designed to give teenagers and young people a go at hands-on parenting in an effort to reduce teenage pregnancy rates (and yet the producers decided to give me one despite the fact that I am not a teen and will not be getting pregnant any time soon. Thanks guys.). Ironically though, medical journal The Lancet published a study that found virtual babies actually increased the likelihood of teenage pregnancy, rather than deter it.

So did owning a virtual baby inspire me to have children? No. Definitely not. Though, I suppose the answer is not so simple. You see, over the four days I had the opportunity of looking after my baby, I learned many lessons. Here are just a few:

I’M NOT AS GOOD AT MULTI-TASKING AS I THOUGHT I’ve always been the highly-strung, go-getter type who loves to make lists and be hyper-organised. Listening to stories from mums throughout my life always confused me: What do you mean you can’t get out of your pyjamas when you have a baby?

How could you let your house get so messy?

Don’t you have time to make a home-cooked meal every night of the week?

How could you forget your child’s mufti-day clothes?

Why don’t you just timetable in exercise time in the morning so you can get your pre-baby body back?

Granted, there are probably some incredible mums out there who are able to do all of these things, but looking after Lee made me realise I probably won’t be one of them.

Having a baby is so much more exhausting than I ever thought possible and really disrupted my organised flow. I didn’t even have time to make my miracle to-do list that I thought would save me, let alone actually follow it. This was hugely disappointing to me and made me feel like a failure from the very start.

To all the mums out there who feel like they’re failing from the get-go, just because there’s little evidence of your parenting efforts at the end of the day does not mean you’re not working hard!

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MY JOURNEY THROUGH THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF

denial

It will be fine.

bargaining

anger

Maybe if I bury it in a pillow, inside a box, inside the boot of my car, they won’t find out.

How could work do this to me when they know I have exams coming up?

S BONnU ’s video

e Maryell being a of s ie diar mum. virtual

Having a baby is like putting dinner in the oven without setting a timer.

I always knew having a baby would take it out of you physically.

It makes sense, given the long, disrupted nights, sore back and arms from carrying the baby, stretches and stitches in the most uncomfortable places, and lugging baby stuff everywhere you go.

What I wasn’t expecting was the mental exhaustion.

Having a baby is like putting dinner in the oven without setting a timer. Instead of passively waiting for the “ding” to tell you your meal is ready while you do other tasks, you have to be constantly on guard. Hovering. Ready for action. Anticipating everything ahead of time to prevent disaster.

Despite not actually giving birth to Lee or experiencing the hormonal changes of pregnancy, while I was a mum, I honestly felt like I had baby brain (it’s a real thing, people). I kept forgetting my keys, my phone or even to put on the handbrake of my car!

I even naïvely thought I’d be able to get all my assignments done while I had Lee. Just put him down next to you and get that essay done, I thought. I was wrong. The mental energy constantly being exerted in making sure he was OK meant I couldn’t concentrate on much else for very long. And that was really frustrating.

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HAVING A BABY IS ISOLATING The mental and physical drain of having a baby is enough to make anyone want to stay home, let alone the practical difficulty of taking a baby to, well, anywhere.

Now, perhaps I had a different experience to most mums—my baby was plastic, drew a lot of attention and was arguably harder to control than real babies (I mean, sometimes nothing would stifle his piercingly loud, artificial cries) [Editor’s note: sounds just like a real baby, actually]—but I felt the need to excuse myself from multiple social events just to save face and avoid drama, and this was quite an isolating experience.

Over the entire four-day period, I spent two-and-a-half of them completely alone. Being an introvert, this was quite relaxing, but had it been longer than four days, I would have gone a little stir crazy. This made me realise that mums—especially single ones, or whose husbands work long hours, or whose family live overseas— must feel very isolated.

So, do I still want kids after being a mum for four days? Well, despite my tendency to avoid physical touch, my non-maternal nature and my intentional avoidance of children in general, yes, I still want kids.

Life isn’t fair, maybe the sound of my crying wil l drown out its cries.

HEM AT FIND T ok.com/ cebo www.fa tvshow thetable

GILMORE TANABOSE

BABIES ARE JUST AS MENTALLY EXHAUSTING AS THEY ARE PHYSICALLY

depres sion

Seeing mothers with their beautiful babies during my time having Lee was enough to convince me that having a plastic baby is really nothing like having the real thing. If you make a mistake, drop it on its head, stick it in a boiling bathtub, forget to feed it or cut open its chest and rip its speaker out, there are no consequences except paying $400 for a new one. But on the flip side, if you take it for a walk, teach it colours or play peek-a-boo with it, there is absolutely no reaction, let alone a benefit (although it may spontaneously burst into tears. In fact, it’s basically guaranteed).

Real babies laugh, cry, have personalities and learn new things. They are sponges and you are the one who has the privilege of filling that sponge with good things. The Bible says, “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

The Bible promises that wonderful and rewarding things can stem from the initial struggle of child rearing. Children are a gift from God and have the potential to bring so much joy to your life. The reality is, I’m still young and enjoying my independence, and children aren’t too tempting right now. But once I’m older, married, have a house and all my friends start combining their genetic makeup to create the miracle that is children, I’m pretty sure I’ll want to join that bandwagon too.

As for now, thanks for the experience, producers, but no thanks. I think I might wait a few (hundred) years.

acceptan ce

Just deal with it, Melon.

April 2018

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21

i d n Ma

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

MAKES

PEPPERMINT SKIN-COOLER BATH BOMBS INGREDIENTS 1 cup cornflour 1 cup sodium bicarbonate 1 cup citric acid ¼ cup Epsom salts 15–20 drops peppermint essential oil water bath bomb moulds

MOISTURISING CHOCOLATE HAIR MASK INGREDIENTS 1 cup Greek yoghurt ¼ cup raw cacao powder (or unsweetened cocoa powder) 3 tbsp coconut oil (or one egg) 5 drops rose hip oil 3 drops lavender essential oil

METHOD

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANDREW JOHNSON

1. Mix all ingredients together in a bowl until smooth.

2. To use, apply generously to wet hair and scalp. Cover with cling wrap and relax for 30–45 minutes. Rinse, wash and condition your hair as normal. (You can add a little bit of coconut oil at the ends of your hair for extra nourishment.)

22

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

MAKEUP CLEANSER WIPES INGREDIENTS ½ tsp glycerine 1 tbsp organic liquid castile soap 3 tbsp fractionated coconut oil 2 cups distilled water ½ tsp natural vitamin E oil (T-50) 10 drops lavender essential oil 1 large sealable glass jar cotton pads

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

THETABLETV.COM

April 2018

Add glycerine, liquid castile soap, fractionated coconut oil, distilled water and vitamin E oil to a glass mixing bowl. Stir to combine well.

Add lavender essential oil to the mixture. Mix well.

Place cotton pads in glass jar and pour mixture in, ensuring cotton pads are well soaked.

Seal glass jar tightly and store in a cool, dark place. The mixture should last for a few weeks.

DIY REUSABLE ICE PACK

4.

INGREDIENTS 1 cup rubbing alcohol (70 per cent isopropyl alcohol) 2 cups water 2 1L freezer bags (make sure they are good quality to prevent leaks)

5.

6.

Sieve cornflour, sodium bicarbonate, citric acid and Epsom salts into a large bowl and mix well.

Mix in peppermint essential oil.

Spray some water over the mixture to bind the ingredients, ensuring the mixture is free of lumps and wet enough to be pressed firmly into moulds.

Press mixture firmly into the moulds. (The tighter it is packed, the easier it will be to remove.)

Allow at least 24 hours for the bath bombs to harden and store in an airtight container.

To use, drop one into a bath with warm water.

METHOD 1. Pour alcohol and water into a freezer bag, remove excess air and seal.

2. Place inside the second freezer bag and remove excess air before sealing.

3. Freeze and use as needed.

4. You can also use some scrap material to sew a cover to act as a barrier from direct contact with the freezer pack.

MANDI Good for your skin and great for the environment.

Watch Mandi make these earth-friendly natural recipes on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

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April 2018

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23

Love perseverance

Cecily Paterson wrote an award-winning tell-all memoir about her experiences raising an autistic child seven years ago. Today, she realises she was only telling part of the story.

& endurance

SUPPLIED

S

24

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even years ago, I wrote a book, Love Tears & Autism, about my then seven-year-old son, and how we faced his early years of life with autistic spectrum disorder.

I won’t lie: it was a tough ride. Every day there were meltdowns. Most days there were times when I laid my head down on my kitchen bench, wondering if I could get through the next half hour. Some days, there were small pockets of hope and even happiness, but the vast majority of life was just hard going.

I didn’t leave anything out of the book. I was brutally honest about myself, my hopes, my fears and my failings. I included my own meltdowns, including crying all over the GP. Yeah. Embarrassing.

And then, once I’d written it, I was terrified of publishing: What would people think? Would they look down on me for not being that “victorious”, thankful, courageous Christian person?

I had read happy, shiny, “Thank you, God, for adversity” stories about autism in the months around my son’s diagnosis and quite frankly, they didn’t cut it. Honestly, I felt like hitting the authors in the face. I was struggling, out of my depth, desperate for anything, or anyone, that could give me a tiny sliver of hope. I certainly wasn’t thankful for suffering, heartache and sheer, unadulterated exhaustion.

What’s the point of writing that stuff if it’s not actually true? I asked myself. I want to read what people really think—how they really feel when they go through something that’s so hard they think it might break them.

So I didn’t hold back. Seven years later, I still have people write to me and say thank you.

“I read your book,” they tell me, “and I am so thankful that you were so honest. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one who’s struggling.”

But seven years later, I’m beginning to see that all of that is still only one part of the whole story.

Then, I was the mother to a gorgeous, challenging kid, who I never thought would even manage life enough to get to school.

Now, I’m the mother to a gorgeous, challenging teenager who not only somehow got to school, but goes mainstream and is heading into Year 9. He also has some friends. And for those of you with a child living with autism, you’ll know what kind of jubilant expression is on my face as I type the word friends.

Seven years later, I’m a person with about 300 per cent more patience than when I started this journey. I can absorb all sorts of aggro and still stay calm. I’m far from perfect, especially as a parent, but I’m happy to say I’m kinder and far more understanding.

I had a conversation with a new acquaintance just this week who said, with delightful sincerity and enthusiasm, “Wow, I mean, you must be thankful for that whole experience, right? It would have taught you so much.”

I didn’t hit her. I didn’t even feel like hitting her. Seven years ago, I would have been unbelievably upset if someone had said that to me. The grief and the trauma were still too close and too raw. Life was still too hard. Then, I needed people to say, “Wow, this is tough for you.” But now, seven years later, I smiled and said, “You’re absolutely right. I am thankful.” And I meant it.

Let’s be clear. All these smiles are not just because my son has somehow miraculously “grown out” of the behaviours associated with autism that still make his—and my—life so very challenging.

The flexibility he has gained, the relational skills he has learned and the self-calming he has developed are all the result of hard work, lots of prayer and quite a bit of money. We’ve done therapy, driven hours to see professionals and gone step-by-tiny-step with patience, perseverance and dedication to get this kid to where he is today.

When people write to me and share how their child has just been diagnosed, or is struggling with anxiety, meltdowns, violence, school refusal or whatever, I always suggest they take a holistic approach. Get into the right therapy, work hard on diet and supplements and, just as importantly, try to adjust your own mindset as a parent. One of the most helpful things we heard when we were starting out was this: “It’s a marathon, not a sprint.” It was hard for

April 2018

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25

Holding onto anger

Cecily and her four children, out and about, and enjoying time together.

is like swallowing a poison pill and hoping the other

SUPPLIED

AFTER AN

person dies.

AUTISM DIAGNOSIS

an impatient, quick-to-do-everything kind of person like me to hear it, but over the years, I have come to love perseverance and endurance and the slow, but golden rewards they eventually bring.

My book hasn’t lost its relevance: parents all over Australia and the world are coming to terms with diagnoses of autistic spectrum disorder in their children in ever-increasing numbers and for many of us, this means grief and challenge. Mostly, we hate to see our children suffering with meltdowns, high anxiety, gut problems, and learning and communication difficulties.

However, Love Tears & Autism told just one part of our story.

These last seven years have been another part, and there will be more to come, each different from the last.

What will the future bring? I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that there is a way out of crisis, grief and trauma. There is a path that leads to being able to say, “Hey, yeah, I’m thankful for that,” without even a flicker of resentment and bitterness.

And I’m thankful for that.

•

•

•

•

WIN

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

Check out diet and gut health and their effect on neurological function. Our son follows a gluten-, soy- and casein-free diet, and the vitamin supplements our doctor has put him on were able to help him cope enough to get off the heavy medication he had been on. See more at www.mindd.org.

Check out auditory processing disorder. This is fairly simply treated with sound therapy and has made a huge difference to us.

The best therapy I know of, and thoroughly recommend, is the Relationship Development Intervention (RDI) program, which is based on researched principles of childhood development and works with parents to help redevelop that all important guide-apprentice relationship that’s so crucial for every child’s growth. www.rdiconsultantsaustralia. com.au.

The Explosive Child, a book by Dr Ross Greene, changed our lives. With a kid who melted down at almost every moment, this helped us to stop worrying about things that really aren’t that important and focus on how to get us all into a calm place where learning was actually possible. www.livesinthebalance.org.

Everyone has a story about being treated unfairly.

Learn how forgiveness can change your story and save your life.

In this free series about forgiveness, learn about the ways anger and hurt affect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

By understanding how and why to forgive, you can find healing from past hurts and experience true freedom.

Visit forgivetolive.org.au to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.

QUESTIONS? LETS CHAT!

NAME : ADDRESS :

PHONE : EMAIL :

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 discover@hopechannel.com

 1300 300 389

We also offer other FREE resources. 

Health & wellbeing

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

History

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VISIT hopechannel.com/learn for more information

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FORGIVE TO LIVE

SEND THIS FORM TO : Community Manager Hope Channel Locked Bag 1115 Wahroonga NSW 2076

EXERCISEwith Alisha

HOW CAN WE OVERCOME THE CHALLENGE OF GETTING ENOUGH QUALITY SLEEP?

SLEEP YOUR WAY THIN

28

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1

2

Create a wind-down routine at night that includes dimmed lights, no backlit screens such as smart phones, tablets and laptops, and some form of relaxation such as a warm bath, to prepare your body for bed.

3 In Exhausted to Energized, Dr Libby advises getting up at the same time each morning and going outside and moving.

Commit to doing this for four weeks, every day. Your sleep, your serotonin and your energy will love you for it.

4 Practise diaphragmatic breathing for a couple of minutes before you go to sleep, and/or when you rise. This is the best way to communicate to your body that it is safe and can function in the “green zone” of rest and repair, which is when fat is turned into fuel.

UNSPLASH

body is constantly in a state of stress, it will hold onto fat rather than burn it.

2. Next time you experience a lack of sleep, or even just a night without deep, quality sleep, keep a check on yourself whether the next day you find yourself hungrier and craving those naughty simple carbohydrates like chips and snack foods. Research has shown that ongoing sleep deprivation impacts on metabolism and usually sees a rise in hunger and appetite.

3. When you’re not getting enough sleep and waking up as tired as when you went to bed, your overall activity and exercise levels tend to suffer. Not only is it harder to wake up and go for a run, but when you lack enough sleep, your body doesn’t get the recovery time it needs to make your next workout session more effective than the time before.

A study conducted by the University of Chicago, USA, demonstrated just how significant inadequate sleep can be on fat loss. Phase one of the study had its subjects put on a calorierestricted diet while getting 8.5 hours of sleep per night.

Then in the second phase, the only factor that changed was the amount of sleep, which was reduced to 5.5 hours. The difference in fat loss results were astounding: those who had 8.5 hours sleep lost 55 per cent more body fat over the time of the study.

It is safe to say, therefore, that getting enough sleep (7–8 hours is the recommendation for adults) can make a big difference to your weight loss journey.

VLADISLAV MUSLAKOV—UNSPLASH

W

e’ve always heard that the simple equation to losing weight is “burn more calories than you eat”. At first, this seems to make logical sense, and there is no doubt that your eating and exercise habits play a major role in whether you lose or gain weight.

However, what the “calorie equation” doesn’t factor in to the problem of weight loss is several other key components, such as hormones, stress and other emotional factors, the body’s toxicity, the kinds of food you eat (not just how much) and sleep quality.

And you may be surprised to hear that it is sleep quality that, according to recent studies, has the most impact on our overall health and wellbeing, and ability to live longer.

So does the amount and quality of sleep we get really affect whether or not we lose unwanted fat? Yes, it certainly does.

In her book The Calorie Fallacy, Dr Libby Weaver says, “Countless studies have shown that a lack of sleep can lead to weight gain. The calorie equation doesn’t factor in what a lack of sleep does to metabolism.”

Not only does a lack of adequate sleep lead to weight gain, it can be a significant hindrance to weight loss, because metabolism is slowed down and the body’s ability to burn fat as fuel is compromised.

There are several reasons why inadequate sleep negatively impacts weight loss: 1. Lack of sleep increases the cortisol (stress hormone) levels experienced during the daytime. In another book, Exhausted to Energized, Dr Libby explains, “If you are churning out stress hormones and they are communicating to every cell in your body that you are not safe, your body does not want you to sleep deeply, as you need to be able to wake up quickly and save your own life.” When your

For many of us, it simply needs to become a priority. Here are some tips for getting the most out of your healthy eating and exercise routine, by improving your sleep quality:

Make dinner your lightest meal, four or more hours before you go to bed, and try avoiding dessert at night for increased sleep quality.

5

IVEAWAY

G

Sleep in a dark room that is cool and has access to fresh air, ideally without any devices charging in there.

free d Alisha's Downloa hy Lunchbox The Healt with recipes lled eBook, fi ids will love: your k bit.ly/ Ebook unchbox HealthyL

ALISHA Ten minutes every day is all you need to start on your journey to become fit and healthy. Watch Unleash Fit Living's Alisha share her workouts on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

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UNLEASHFITLIVING

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29

COOKING with Gia & Olive

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

CASHEW PEAR CREAM PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 2 INGREDIENTS 1 cup raw cashews ½ 432 g tin of pears or 2 ripe pears, chopped ½ tin of juice from the can of pears ¼ tsp vanilla extract or essence

Apricot coconut balls PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES MAKES: 25 BALLS

Blend all ingredients until smooth, adding water to achieve preferred consistency.

Use as a dessert topping instead of cream.

¹/³ cup sunflower seeds 1 cup dried apricots 1 cup desiccated coconut, plus extra for rolling 2½ tbsp psyllium husk 3 tbsp water 2 tbsp maple syrup

METHOD 1.

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN PATERSON

2.

3.

4.

Pour sunflower seeds into a coffee grinder and grind for about 10 seconds.

Blend apricots in a food processor for about 10 seconds.

Scrape down mixer bowl.

Blend all ingredients in a food processor for 30 seconds.

Roll into balls and dip in coconut.

PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 20 MINUTES SERVES: 5 INGREDIENTS

METHOD

INGREDIENTS

Oatmeal crackers

3 cups rolled oats ¹/³ cup whole wheat flour ½ tsp salt ¼ cup olive oil 2 /³ cup water Optional: sultanas or seeds

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

Strawberry Vinaigrette dressing PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 0 MINUTES SERVES: 4 INGREDIENTS 500 g fresh strawberries 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 2 tbsp olive oil 1 tbsp honey Salt and pepper to taste

METHOD Blend all ingredients until smooth.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the At The Table TV show.

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Preheat oven to 180°C. Mix all ingredients in a large bowl.

Kneed thoroughly, adding extra water if needed, until you achieve a glutinous consistency.

Press dough into a biscuit tray and roll with a rolling pin until 0.25 cm thick.

Prick dough with a fork and bake until slightly brown.

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April 2018

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April 2018

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31

BOOK CORNER

PRESCHOOL

INFANT

BABY'S FIRST WORDS

LOVE FROM PETER RABBIT

Dawn Sirett DK $9.99

Beatrix Potter Puffin Books $12.99

Bright colours, raised effects and simple suggested activities or further educational information make this a perfect board book to read with your baby as they begin spouting their first words. A perfect baby shower gift or one you would love to receive for yourself.

Probably what every Peter Rabbit fan would want for their (children’s) collection.

With simple rhyming words and quintessential Peter Rabbit illustrations in soft pastels, this is a gorgeous book to read to your child that expresses the love you have for them.

THE HOLE STORY

THE ART GARDEN

Kelly Canby Fremantle Press $24.99

WIN

Uniquely illustrated with watercolours and cartoon-style drawings, the book brings to reality the somewhat intangible concept of a hole.

It’s an opportunity to teach your child about holes, but most importantly, how what may seem useless and unwanted to one may in fact be of great value to another.

WIN

Penny Harrison & Penelope Pratley EK Books $24.99 There is an artist in all of us, just not in the way we sometimes expect. The Art Garden does a really good job of exploring the different ways in which children can be creative, encouraging individuality, and is accompanied by vibrantly coloured illustrations.

SKIP TO THE LOO! A POTTY BOOK Sally Lloyd-Jones & Anita Jeram Walker Books $12.99

With a punchline of “Look!

Everyone’s on their potties!

POO! POO! POO!” you may begin to question how motherhood has changed your book choices, but this may just be the book to convince your toddler to be potty trained. With cute illustrations and rhymes, it’s worth a shot anyway.

THE PINK HAT Andrew Joyner Random House Australia $24.99

While it is meant as a celebration of the 2017 Women’s March and women’s rights, the theme doesn’t come through terribly strongly. The black-and-white drawings with pops of highlighter pink are, however, highly attractive and together with the descriptions of the hat’s journey through the city, will bring a smile to your face.

WIN

WHAT'S ON OUR SHOW THIS MONTH? 1–7 APRIL

• •

Would you stop watching the news?

Fathers’ rights in baby change rooms.

8–14 APRIL

• •

Is one child enough?

Child expert Maggie Hamilton schools us about boys and girls.

15–21 APRIL

• •

Adoptive parent Rob Harris shares his unique journey to having children.

The wi-fi experiment.

PRIMARY

22–28 APRIL

32

WONDERS OF THE WORLD'S MUSEUMS

Molly Oldfield, Harriet Taylor Seed, Peter Malone Wren & Rook $28.99 An excellent piece of publication printed on quality paper and accompanied by great photos and impressive illustrations. Featuring a selection of important historical discoveries now found in museums, this is a great educational way to visit 43 museums and 50 exhibits without the expense.

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April 2018

RADIO BOY AND THE REVENGE OF GRANDAD Christian O’Connell HarperCollins Children’s Books WIN $7.99

With close to 400 pages, this is definitely a book for a keen reader.

However, the easy language, the humorous content, an interesting storyline and the sprinkling of illustrations to break up the monotony of text will keep a reader interested. A book filled with good fun.

WIN THESE ! !

S K O O B T HOW U O D N I F E 26 ON PAG

• •

Why are brands neglecting women’s sports?

The private-public education debate.

29 APRIL–5 MAY

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The benefits of community gardening Could you stay in a loveless relationship?

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April 2018

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33

AT THE AT THE

our show's panellists'

bedtime routines

REAL

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Currently my kids are preschool- and school-aged. Our very strict bedtime pandemonium consists of brushing teeth, toilet, stories, prayer and roughly 30 times of either taking the kids back to their beds or me coming in to lovingly hiss at them to be quiet. During summer, I get to console my youngest that yes, the sun is still up, but that doesn’t make it morning yet, while she fights back tears of genuine disappointment and kills and buries me with her looks. Most nights, I naïvely think this should take about 20 minutes, but it tends to blow out to an hour—sometimes two during the holidays.

I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t come to me for bedtime advice!

SHONA

When the boys were very little they used to be bathed and in bed by 5 pm. With two under three, I really needed the time to myself. I found that putting lavender in the bath helped to make them go to sleep. I loved to read to them, at least two books— one each—which they were allowed to choose. Aaron always had to have a night light left on to help him go to sleep. If they had rough nights, I would sing them their favourite songs. I have no Dame Kirk voice but they would go off to sleep being rocked and sung to.

RACHEL L A

Bedtime in our house is between 7 and 7.30 pm and usually, I’m racing to get Jax down on time after dinner. Typically, I’ll start to run the bath water while I’m laying out his night clothes and preparing his room. While we’re bathing, we brush his teeth and chat about the day and sing songs—just whatever comes to mind.

As I am getting him dressed, I talk about how we’re about to go to bed. Sometimes we’ll read stories, sing or say a little prayer, but usually by this time, he’s winding down and very eager to go to sleep. I make sure his sound machine is on and lay him in the bed. Many nights, I can just say goodnight and leave him to go to sleep, but sometimes, I rest my hand on his legs or tummy and let him know I’m there before I leave him to drift off peacefully. Part of my routine is looking at him longingly with a little bit of jealousy that he gets to go to bed at 7 pm and sleep for almost 12 hours. What a life!

FIONA

We aim to be in bed by 8 pm, but it's not so structured as when [my three girls] were infants and I had to have them in a routine. We read books most nights, the girls have to pray, then lights out. Prayer before bed is a non-negotiable.

I co-sleep with all my babies so pretty much that's when I get in bed and go online, read or work on prep for the show.

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AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE

MELODY

Eight o’clock is Elliott’s bedtime, so after dinner, depending on how late it is (and how organised we are), we will either play with him for a bit or it’s straight to a shower or a bath. After he’s in his pyjamas, he’ll pick a book and crawl onto my lap for me to read it to him. He’ll inevitably want to read more than one book and I’ll allow it, depending on how eager I am for him to get to sleep!

Then it’s teeth time and my husband and I will sing him the goodnight song (we literally sing goodnight to Daddy, Mummy, Elliott and Jesus—and whoever might be present).

I’ll put him in his sleeping bag in his cot and sit on the floor by it, say a prayer with him and then sing him three lullabies. If I’m lucky, he’ll be asleep before the end of the last song, if not, I’ll just continue to sit there in silence until he drifts off to sleep.

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MARYELLEN

When I was younger, 8 pm was my bedtime.

Dad would sometimes let me ride on his shoulders down the hallway and every night, Mum would put me to bed by chatting with me for 20 minutes and then saying a prayer with me. When she wasn’t home, I’d sometimes cry myself to sleep because “Mum hadn’t put me to bed.” I also remember the day I was allowed to stay up later than my younger sisters—oh how liberating that was! Now, I long to go to bed by 8 pm.

IVITY

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PHONE +61 2 9847 2222 | EMAIL JulieLaws@adventistmedia.org.au Bulk copies available for mothers’ or play groups. *Thanks to generous donors. Australia and New Zealand addresses only. Please pass the magazine on to your friends when you are finished with it.