At The Table - June 2018

AT THE

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

THE SAFETY ISSUE JUNE 2018

Your child's ONLINE PRIVACY

HELP FROM

bullying

YES OR NO:

y a l p s u o r e d a ng

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

contents

JUNE 2018

table talk

Jo in us

186

12

16 10

PANELLISTS Fiona, Rachel, Shona, Melody, Rachel and Maryellen discuss a range of topics including current events, issues and family life.

8 HOW BEING A MOTHER HELPED MY CAREER Why working mums should not feel guilty.

12 YOUR CHILD'S ONLINE FOOTPRINT

Should you share images of your children online?

18 MUD OR STARS?

Choosing to be thankful even in difficult situations.

24 PEER ABUSE: THE SHOCKING REALITY 28 ADVENTURE PLAY

Allowing young children to take risks in the name of fun.

32 BOOK CORNER

how-to

6 HOME HACKS

Child safety.

16 COOKING WITH GIA & OLIVE Banana smoothie waffles; Greek lentil soup; sweet potato toast; vegetarian gravy.

27 BULLYING Steps to prevent your child from being bullied.

27

28 31 MANDI MAKES Natural dishwashing liquid; coconut milk shampoo.

34 DIY REVIEW Kitchen helper.

wellbeing

10 ASK THE EXPERTS 22 EXERCISE WITH ALISHA Second trimester: Safe exercise and feeling the kicks.

PLUS healthy recipes, exercise tips, DIY projects and awesome hacks for around the home.

find us on social media @thetabletvshow

#thetabletvshow

THETABLETV.COM

EDITOR Melody Tan

SEND ALL LETTERS AND SUBMISSIONS TO: At The Table magazine PO Box 1115, Wahroonga, NSW 2076 or email editorial@thetabletv.com

PUBLISHER At The Table is a product of

FREE MONTHLY COPY Julie Laws Julie@thetabletv.com

At The Table magazine is available free of charge thanks to generous donations. We ask you to pass it on to your friends after you are finished with it.

CEO: Kalvin Dever ABN 59 093 117 689 ISSN 2208-4010

COVER PHOTO

by Naumoid—iStock

VOLUME 2 NUMBER 6 The Safety Issue

COPYEDITOR Tracey Bridcutt 150 Fox Valley Road Wahroonga NSW 2076 thetabletv.com

@ thetabletvshow

GRAPHIC DESIGN Theodora Amuimuia

PRIVACY NOTICE This issue of At The Table magazine is published by Adventist Media Network (AMN). This issue

may contain Reader Offers, being offers, competitions or surveys.

Reader Offers may require you to provide personal information to enter or to take part. AMN may use and disclose your information in accordance with our Privacy Policy, including to provide you with your requested products or services and to keep you informed of other AMN publications, products, services and events. Our Privacy Policy is located at www.thetabletv.com/ privacy.

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

3

GET

from the

rowing up, I was fortunate to have never experienced any form of bullying. I recall my school days being warmly filled with mucking around in the classrooms before the teacher arrived, playing with friends during recess and generally enjoying much laughter. We read, we studied, we had fun.

As I never personally came into contact with a bully, my ideas of bullying were conjured up from Enid Blyton stories: generally harmless name-calling or shoving, and everybody became good friends in the end.

Many years later when we were both adults, it broke my heart to hear my younger brother recount how he was subjected to bullying in high school and how much he suffered from the repercussions. His account dashed my idyllic concept of children—and opened my eyes to how bad bullying can actually be.

One of the first things we start doing the second we become parents is worry. We worry what we eat will impact on the baby in our bellies, we worry they’ll break a limb if they climb too high, we worry about the friends they keep and the influence they have, we worry about what they’ll be when they grow up.

We want to keep our children safe in a world filled with terrorist threats, bad people (and bullies) and unexpected natural disasters. And yet, it is a fine balance between protecting and over-protecting, which is what we’ve tried to show in this month’s At The Table.

There are topics in this issue of At The Table that may be a little confronting, but I don’t want us parents to lose hope. We can still protect our children. We just need the right tools and attitude, and rely on an always loving, always protective God to guide us—and our children—through life.

Melody

find us @thetabletvshow

WHAT'S ON OUR SHOW THIS MONTH? • •

10–16 JUNE

• •

“We need to support more men to become primary teachers.”

Flying optometrist Phil Anderton on delivering eye care to remote Australian towns.

(Read our review on page 32!)

17–23 JUNE

•

•

4

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

DO YOU BELIEVE FEARS CAN BE PASSED DOWN TO OUR CHILDREN?

Nutritionist Trish Guy gives us the not-sosweet news about our breakfasts.

Is it wrong to laugh at your kids?

The rise in children’s anxiety and what we can do about it.

Are you a stickler for an early bedtime?

Science may be on your side.

24–30 JUNE

What did we get right? What can we do better? What are the conversations you're having? What are the issues you're facing?

The author of our letter of the month wins a free copy of Reflections, an adult colouring book featuring hand-drawn Bible verses and designs! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com.

Did you know we have a Facebook community where you can join in the conversation on our show segments, magazine articles and much more? Recently, we asked our members:

3–9 JUNE

•

Drop us a line and win a gift!

social

SUTHIN LODTHONG—SHUTTERSTOCK

june

G

editor

Bev: Yes. Children are very perceptive.

Sarah: I’m scared of clowns. My children are not scared of clowns.

Sarah-Jane Meeson, founder of Christian Women in Business, on how you can be a Christian, a mum and a businesswoman.

They laugh at me when I say I won’t go to the circus due to the presence of clowns. They don’t understand.

Rachel: Could that actually be true? She wonders as she runs

CATCH US AT 4.30am every Sunday on Channel Ten (Australia)

Ngareta: I’m not sure. My kids are under three but I’m not keen on some parts of farm life. So I have a deal that when those things are happening, Nana will take the kids when they are old enough and I will have other jobs.

youtube.com /thetabletvshow

HopeChannel (New Zealand)

Launching February 26

Check website for times

Check website for times

Content accurate at the time of printing but may be subject to change.

screaming down the road, leaving her children to fend for themselves, and yelling over her shoulder, “DON'T PANIC KIDS, IT'S JUST A BUG. STAY CALM AND IT WILL BE FINE!!!!” LOL, My poor kids! Story of their lives . . .

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

THETABLETVSHOW

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

5

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

E M O H

s k c ha

Child safety

for toddlers

PROBLEM: ELECTRICAL SOCKETS

SOLUTION

Materials

for Teens PROBLEM: DOORS JAMMING FINGERS

PROBLEM: LEAVING AN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATION WITHOUT FEELING EMBARRASSED

SOLUTION

Materials

SOLUTION

Get your teen to simply text an "X" to you. This gives you the signal to call them, telling them something has happened at home and that you will need to pick them up immediately. SOURCE: BERTFULKS.COM

d for primary age PROBLEM: GETTING LOST IN A CROWD

SOLUTION

Materials

PROBLEM: SHARP EDGES

SOLUTION

Materials

Top coat nail polish

HOME HACKS VECTEEZY, IMAGES PHOTOGRAPHED BY KEVIN PATERSON

6

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

Time-saving easy projects to bring some sanity back to your life. Watch how we make these and other hacks on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

THETABLETVSHOW

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

7

HOW BEING A

T

oday feels like the start of a new era. My husband is now the stay-at-home daddy to our smiley six-month-old baby and our “threenager”. Meanwhile, I’m zipping off in my mummy station wagon to the office, complete with real adults and endless hot beverage options. Our new routine is so 2018—even the New Zealand Prime Minister is doing it.

I’m not sure what to do with myself in this silent 30-minute drive to the office. It’s rare to have such a moment of peace, but I’m also struggling with the guilt all working mums have: not being at home with our children. So I decided to reflect on what motherhood has meant for my career—the many challenges, learnings and the opportunities it has created.

mother

I REALLY KNOW MY AUDIENCE

HELPED MY CAREER

Mums are considered the key decision makers in the household by most marketers. This is arguably outdated as my husband will now be more concerned with which washing powder we purchase (no love lost here), but in any case, I’ve worked in agencies where a bunch of young hipsters are jammed into a meeting room brainstorming ideas for Aussie mums. The truth is, until you walk in these shoes, it’s hard to get the perfect audience insights. I now have a stronger gauge of what resonates and what keeps mums up at night.

OUR CURRENT SYSTEM IS MESSED UP Why should parents face a decision on whether to return to work and pay up to $180 a day (yes, per day) for childcare? It doesn’t seem worth it to work to pay for someone else to raise your children. And that’s if your child actually gets into daycare or after-school care. Waiting lists in Sydney are up to two years for daycare and Brisbane families are facing the same wait for after-school care.

The frustrating thing is there are solutions: pay parity, flexible working arrangements, “use it or lose it” leave for dads like they do in Norway (those Scandinavian countries seem to have their stuff together, don’t they?). I would love to get together with other leaders to consider how to pave the way for mums to return to work.

PEOPLEIMAGES—ISTOCK

By Heather Mollins

8

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

FORGET THE VILLAGE, IT TAKES A DENSELYPOPULATED CITY It’s true, it takes a village to raise a child. For me, that village extends beyond family and into my business and workplace—think of it more like a densely-populated city. I would not have survived the

past six months, including returning to work when Mr Smiley was only 10 weeks old, had it not been for the support of my amazing family, business partner and colleagues.

We need more business leaders who have empathy and compassion. But I will add that getting all the compassion in the world should be on the proviso employees still deliver. Working in a client-focused business, it shouldn’t be their problem if I’ve been up every two hours through the night with a teething infant.

WHO KILLED OUR CREATIVITY? There is no better way to shake off your stresses and spark creative ideas than playing with Lego, finger-painting, hide-andseek or building a train track for Thomas to puff and hoot around.

Playing like a toddler, with a toddler, opens your eyes to how we are all born creative and imaginative. When does it get beaten out of us? When do we start to colour within the lines?

I’ve started using my almost three-year-old as a testing ground for ideas. If he can grasp a concept or get excited about it, we’re usually on to a winner. My business partner thinks we should put him on the payroll.

“BUT WE’RE HAVING FUN HERE, MUM” I’m a naturally speedy individual who moves at a million miles an hour, always doing four things at once and working with adrenaline to the next deadline. I guess that’s why I like public relations.

My toddler, however, is a constant reminder to stay in the moment a bit longer and enjoy the ride (rather than always focusing on the destination).

He constantly stops to investigate his surroundings, picking up twigs and sticks, or pointing to cranes and buildings. When I try to hurry him out of the swing park so I can go home and get to the myriad of things I need to do, he looks at me confused and asks, “Why do we need to go home when we’re having fun here, Mum?” Fair point.

Reflecting on all of this as I arrive at the office, I decide to leave my parental guilt in the station wagon and focus on what a privilege it is to be a working mum. Ask me again at 5 pm, but for now I’m going to enjoy unaccompanied toilet breaks and a cuppa that remains hot when I get to the end.

Heather Mollins is the managing director of Seven Communications, a communications agency based in Sydney.

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

9

e h t as k experts

Q I have a five-year-old son and a 2.5-year-old daughter. Most days, they play well together but there are some occasions when disagreements between them arise. Should I step in or do I let them figure it out by themselves? Alexandra, via email

OUR PANEL:

HEATHER WINTER MIDWIFE SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

NEIL GINSBERG PAEDIATRICIAN SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

TRISH GUY NUTRITIONIST SANITARIUM HEALTH & WELLBEING

KAREN HOLFORD FAMILY THERAPIST HEARTWORDS

ANDREW DARON PRATT PENNINGTON KIDS' CHAPLAIN GP SEVENTH-DAY SANCTUARY LIFESTYLE ADVENTIST CHURCH CLINIC

PETER WOOD OBSTETRICIANGYNAECOLOGIST SYDNEY ADVENTIST HOSPITAL

Q When is it OK to take a bath post-C-section?

Edyta, via email You are best to wait up to seven days so the incisions heal and to minimise infection risk.

You can have a quick and light shower within a day of the surgery, however, be careful not to scrub the incisions and simply let the water run over them. If your tummy is bandaged, do consult your doctor and enjoy spending this precious time when you need to take it a little slower, while learning about your baby. —Peter

The best place to get trusted medical advice is from your doctor. I don’t have any problems with patients searching through Google about their medical issues or symptoms as long as they then discuss their concerns with their doctor. Your doctor can help you sift through any misinformation on the internet to ensure the information you have googled is credible. A doctor is also able to physically examine you and, if required, refer you to an appropriate specialist for further diagnostic advice, which Google cannot.

If you want to look at a website, check that it comes from a university, hospital or government as these sites are more likely to have credible medical information. —Andrew

10

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

SUBMIT YOUR QUESTION TO OUR PANEL OF EXPERTS JULIEF514, KIANKHOON —ISTOCK

Q We all love Dr Google, but are there any websites you can recommend for us to obtain medical information? Jillian, via email

Here are some options: • It’s definitely wise to let them sort out their own disagreements. But they are still quite young and may need some help to do this, especially your two-year-old, who is more likely to be emotional than rational.

• Wait a few minutes and see if they settle down by themselves. Decide for yourself how long you will let them disagree before intervening, depending on their age. Set ground rules to keep them safe, such as not hurting or touching each other when they are cross.

• If one or both of them are becoming emotional, validate their feelings first and show that you understand: “It can be sad when you want to play with a toy that someone else is holding”, “When someone else is playing with your toys, you might be afraid that they will break them or not give them back”. This can help them to name their own emotions and show empathy to others.

• Remind them of the positive social or play skills they used during happier times. “Do you remember yesterday when your little sister took your toy? You let her have it and, a few minutes later, she began playing with something else and you were able to have it back. Perhaps we can try that again today?”

• Stay calm, neutral, non-blaming and non-shaming. Be a good role model of the behaviour you want to see in them. Avoid yelling or taking something away from them by force, because you’ll be teaching them behaviour that you don't want them to copy.

• Give them the same choice. “Shall we put these toys away now because they are making you both sad? Or shall we sit here and read a story till we both feel better?”

• Offer some options they could use to help them solve their disagreements in the future. “I wonder what you could do when playing together is making you both sad or cross? You could choose to play with another toy for a while. You could take turns playing with the toy you both want and I can set a timer for you. You could come and help me make dinner. You could go outside and play in the garden for a while. What else could you do?”

• If they both want the same toy, you could suggest, “Would you like to help make Tommy happy by letting him play with the red car for a while?” This can be easier for a young child to understand than “Give the toy to your brother!,” which sounds like they’ll never get it back! It also helps them to understand that peaceful playing helps others to feel happy.

• Finally, try to spot a pattern in the times when they are more likely to disagree to help you set up different kinds of play at those vulnerable times, so that they are less likely to upset each other. Are they more likely to be hungry or tired? Do they need some calming time or one-to-one time with you?

When children play together and have their little fights and conflicts, behaving like lion cubs, they are actually learning and practising valuable skills that will be vital in the real world, where they will face larger conflicts. Support them in their own peacemaking experiments as they grow older and encourage them to find creative solutions together.

Model good conflict resolution skills in your home. Let your children see adult family members talking through some safe issues, listening to each other, showing understanding, being flexible and searching for collaborative solutions.

Being able to resolve conflicts peacefully will help them to have better friendships and happier relationships in the future. —Karen

Write to us at: editorial@ thetabletv.com THE INFORMATION PROVIDED IS GENERAL IN NATURE AND DOES NOT TAKE INTO ACCOUNT YOUR PERSONAL SITUATION. YOU SHOULD CONSIDER WHETHER THE INFORMATION IS APPROPRIATE TO YOUR NEEDS, AND WHERE APPROPRIATE, SEEK PROFESSIONAL ADVICE.

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

11

Is posting photos of our children online without their permission invading their privacy and causing them to fall prey to potential predators?

YOUR

child's

ONLINE FOOTPRINT

12

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

and Facebook is an effective and efficient platform to do this. And so, within a few weeks, photos of Elliott made it onto the internet.

“Digital natives” is the term commonly used to describe those who essentially grow up with computers and the internet as their third arm. It’s surprising to find anybody born after the year 2000 without an online presence, even if it’s simply a Facebook profile.

But should that extend to our young children, who aren’t at an age where they can make any decisions for themselves?

This issue was real for an 18-year-old Austrian girl, who in 2016 sued her parents for posting embarrassing photographs of her as a child on Facebook. According to Austrian media, some 500 photos—including those of her having her nappy changed, under-

LARA BELOVA —ISTOCK

S

hould my child’s photos be displayed on Facebook—even if I were to amp up my privacy settings? Before Elliott, my son, was born, I was adamant that all online footprints of him would be non-existent, or at most, kept to a minimum. I knew anything I posted on the internet featuring Elliott would stay there forever, and I didn’t want him living with images he never had the opportunity to approve.

Of course, I failed to take into account just how proud Elliott’s father or grandmother would be, or maybe I wasn’t expecting such a charmingly adorable baby (an objective evaluation, of course!).

Being a migrant, I had also overlooked the fact friends and family back home would want regular pictorial updates of the little man

By Melody Tan

going potty training and lying naked in her cot—have been shared with 700 of her parents’ friends on Facebook. Despite pleas from the teenager to delete the photos, her parents have refused. The father is understood to be arguing that since he took the pictures, he has the right to publish them.

However, as Ruth Dearing, author of How to Keep Your Children Safe Online, says, “Even if children may not be able to legally give permission for their pictures to be shared online, parents have a moral duty to ask if their children are OK with their images being shared.”

While it can be argued the main issue at play in the Austrian case is one of family relationships (or lack thereof), privacy and

respect also need to be taken into consideration. It’s a principle Dympna Kennedy, founder of Creating Balance—an organisation that teaches positive communication between parents and children—tries to encourage.

“Imagine the moments captured in the following photos: The smile that shows just one tooth; puree food lingering on the chin after having been spoon-fed; in a deep sleep with the mouth slightly open, tongue protruding; fallen, having just taken a few steps . . .

“What if these photos are not of your seven-month-old baby, but of you at 70 years old? Would you allow your child to post them on social media, or would you be glad that consent laws were put in place to protect your privacy, to be sensitive to you at your weakest and most vulnerable stage of life?

“A child will learn respect for others in life by being shown respect by those entrusted to care and protect them when they were young.”

Dympna echoes age-old biblical advice: “He must manage his own family well and see that his children obey him, and he must do so in a manner worthy of full respect.”

Posting photos of your child online goes further than simple respect and permission, however. The dark side of the internet looms especially large when you become a parent. But before you need to tackle the reality of cyberbullying and pornography, the dangers of online sexual predators are present the second your child’s photo goes online.

It’s the reason why Susannah Birch, a social media consultant, restricts the audience of her children’s photos on Facebook and advises other parents never to share photos of their children publicly online. The seemingly innocuous photos you post can be used—without permission—in unflattering memes, for scams and, far worse, on sexual role-play accounts or by paedophile sites.

“Just because you haven’t seen your child’s photo used inappropriately, doesn’t mean it hasn’t been,” says Susannah. “Just because a child is dressed modestly doesn’t prevent it either; many paedophiles are more attracted to innocent child photos, not to mention they’re easier and safer to share with each other online.”

To protect her family’s privacy, Mica Teh, a personal style blogger, has even gone so far as to request friends and family not to post photos of her sons (aged one and two) online. Any photos she posts have the boys’ faces obscured. “I had the chance to create my own online footprint and I want them to do the same,” she says.

Liz Dodd also avoids posting photos that show her sons’ faces online, even though she regularly blogs about her life with them. “I tend to do back or side views, or just their feet. I don't include their names—I refer to them as the Eldest and Youngest—and I don't blog about anything that could cause them embarrassment,” she says. “They are their own people and I have no right to ‘use’ them for my own or anyone else's entertainment. I want to keep them safe, I don't wish them to be recognisable on the street or have strangers aware of places we frequent or where they go to school.”

And if the recent Cambridge Analytics scandal teaches us anything, it’s that whatever we post online has the potential to be shared, whether we like it or not.

But are we simply too fearful of the unknown? There are some parents who think so. When Michelle Tupy went on a road trip from Peru to Canada with her husband and two children last year,

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

13

Prosper Taruvinga posts “strategic photos [of his daughter, Kaliyah, on Facebook] that show the stages of her development that she too will enjoy watching as she grows up”.

KEEPING YOUR

c hil dr en s afe ONLINE

Alex Bogatyrev not only posts photos of his daughter, Alexandra Kiroi, online, but uploads videos as well. As a professional athlete, Alex says a social media profile is critical for Alexandra to obtain sponsorships.

14

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

daughter's name,” he says. “As far as graphic content goes, it is really hard to control, but generally I look through her followers’ profiles to block the odd ones.”

Sharing your own child’s photo online is obviously a very personal decision and depends very much on your reasons. One common thread that seems to exist, regardless on where you stand on the debate, is respect—for yourself, for your family and, most importantly, for your child.

As the Bible advises, “Do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.”

But remember, no matter what we decide when it comes to our child’s digital footprint, we should never make that decision for another parent. So when it comes to posting a photo of another child, always seek permission from the parents first. They (or me at least) will thank you for it.

Melody Tan is editor of At The Table magazine and a regular panellist on At The Table TV show. She lives in Sydney with her husband and her son.

FOR MORE INFO www.esafety.gov.au/education-resources/iparent/ staying-safe/photos-videos-and-social-media www.techlicious.com/tip/complete-guide-tofacebook-privacy-settings/

LOLOSTOCK—ISTOCK

THIS ARTICLE FIRST APPEARED IN SIGNS OF THE TIMES MAGAZINE.

SUPPLIED

she documented their travels—complete with photos—on her website.

“My kids (aged six and 12) are always asking me to post photos online, so as long as I have their permission, then I am not overly concerned about it,” she says. “While we live in a world full of unsavoury characters, I refuse to let fear stop me from sharing their photos.”

It’s a point of view echoed by Prosper Taruvinga, who created a Facebook page for his daughter, Kaliyah, three years ago when she was born. He sees it as an online scrapbook of sorts, documenting precious memories of his daughter.

When asked if he was concerned Kaliyah’s images may be used for nefarious activities, he says, “You get what you put out.

We mean well in life and for those around us. People who may do [illegal] stuff, how far can they go if we do not give them our energy and time? People putting their addresses and their credit card [details online are] far worse than just an innocent photograph. We are not oblivious to [the bad stuff on the internet], but it does not stop us from celebrating the growth of our daughter.”

Alex Bogatyrev has very different reasons for not only posting photos of his daughter online, but uploading videos as well.

His daughter, Alexandra Kiroi, represents Australia in rhythmic gymnastics, and a social media profile is critical for her to obtain sponsorships. He is aware of the possible misuse of his daughter’s images by those with malicious intent, but has taken steps to prevent it.

“Google Alerts help me monitor posts that pop up with my

Sharing photos on social media of your recent family holiday seems innocent enough, until you discover that charming photo of your child at the beach is being circulated in a paedophile ring.

As stated by the Office of the Children’s eSafety Commissioner, “It’s important to remember that some people may have a different interest in your child than you do. There have been cases where innocent images posted on social media or other websites have been ‘harvested’ and used for other purposes.”

In other words, what is “erotic” to a paedophile can differ vastly to your own expectations.

So if we must share photos online, here are some things to be mindful of: DON’T MAKE IT EASY FOR PREDATORS. Avoid uploading photos of your children in their swimmers, underwear, nappy, in a state of undress and especially if they are naked.

PREDATORS USE PHOTOSHOP TOO. Can the photos you are uploading be altered to look like your children are part of a sexual act, can someone else be inserted into the photo or can a lewd comment be applied in context? It’s not a pleasant thing to imagine, but you have to think like a predator.

THE BIBLE TELLS US TO “DO TO OTHERS AS YOU WOULD HAVE THEM DO TO YOU”. Would you post the photo online if the subject were you and not your child?

KEEP IT PRIVATE. If you must post your child’s photo on Facebook, share it just with the people you actually know. Make sure your posts aren’t set to “Public”, visible to the entire internet.

GEO-LOCATION AND OTHER IDENTIFIERS. Avoid “checking in” to places or tagging locations to photos, and if your children are older, don’t post photos of them in their school uniforms or in front of recognisable landmarks. The less the internet can identify where your child lives, the better.

If you’ve taken all precautions and believe it is fine to post your children’s images online, for those with older children, Ruth Dearing, author of How to Keep Your Children Safe Online, says, “Definitely let your children know . . . and ask for their permission first.

Make sure you let them know who is likely to see the picture and that it will be difficult, if not impossible, to remove once it's posted.”

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

15

COOKING with Gia & Olive

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

Vegetarian gravy PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 5 MINUTES SERVES: 4

Banana smoothie Waffles PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 10 MINUTES SERVES: 2

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

4.

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ADAM KAVANAGH

INGREDIENTS

16

2 cups rolled oats ½ cup non-dairy milk 2 ripe bananas 2 tbsp baking powder 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar 1 tsp vanilla extract

OPTIONAL 2 tbsp maple syrup ½ tsp ground cinnamon

5.

6.

Preheat waffle iron.

Blend all ingredients in a blender until smooth.

Rest the batter for 5 minutes.

Pour approximately ¼ cup of batter into the waffle iron.

Cook according to settings on the waffle iron.

Repeat with the remaining batter.

INGREDIENTS

Greek lentil soup

METHOD

PREPARATION TIME: 10 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 40 MINUTES SERVES: 4

2.

1.

3.

INGREDIENTS 2 tbsp olive oil 1 onion, chopped 3 garlic cloves, chopped 1 cup carrots, cubed 1 cup potatoes, cubed 1 400g tinned diced tomatoes 1 tbsp tomato paste 2 tbsp dried oregano 1 cup dried brown lentils 2 bay leaves 6 cups water

OPTIONAL 1 tbsp red wine vinegar per bowl

4.

In a pot, sauté onions in olive oil until almost translucent.

Add garlic and cook for a further minute.

Add remaining ingredients. Mix well and bring to a boil.

Continue to simmer on low to medium heat, stirring occasionally, for 40 minutes or until potatoes and carrots are soft. Remove bay leaves and add red wine vinegar to each bowl just before serving.

2 cups vegetable broth 1 tbsp low-sodium soy sauce 2 tbsp tahini ¼ cup brown rice flour freshly ground black pepper

Sweet potato toast PREPARATION TIME: 5 MINUTES COOKING TIME: 15 MINUTES SERVES: 6

2.

INGREDIENTS

3.

3 sweet potatoes

SUGGESTED TOPPINGS Almond butter, sliced banana, honey topped with crushed walnuts, cashew cheese, sliced avocado, beetroot, sauerkraut sprinkled with black and white sesame seeds

METHOD 1.

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

Preheat the oven to

4.

180oC and line a baking tray with baking paper.

Slice off the ends of the sweet potato, then cut it lengthwise into 1-cm slices. Arrange slices in a single layer on the baking tray.

Place in oven and bake for about 15 minutes or until the slices are tender and easily pierced with a fork. Serve warm with your favourite toppings.

Store leftover sweet potato slices in an airtight container in the fridge for up to a week.

Place slices in a toaster to reheat for an easy breakfast.

METHOD 1.

2.

3.

Place all ingredients except pepper in a small saucepan. Stir well to combine.

Cook over medium to low heat, stirring occasionally until mixture is smooth and thick.

Season with pepper to taste. Serve immediately.

GIA & OLIVE The world's cutest sous-chef and her talented mother show us how easy it is to be healthy.

Watch how quickly Gia and Olive can make these recipes on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

THETABLETVSHOW

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

17

MUD or stars?

Her one-year-old fell two metres head first onto a wooden floor, but she still managed to find things to be thankful for in her darkest moments.

By Annette Spurr

MTLAPCEVIC—ISTOCK, SUPPLIED

T

18

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

he Bible tells us to “give thanks in all circumstances”, but I’ve always wondered if that included the bad things in life. I used to think it was unrealistic and unfair . . . until a near tragedy changed everything.

It started out like most nights at our place: my husband and I frantically getting dinner ready while our boys played noisily around my feet. Phil had just stepped outside to light the barbeque when we heard an almighty “thud!”

I absently thought to myself, What on earth was that?. I turned to look at Phil and the horror in his eyes made my heart sink with realisation. Jack, just two days shy of his first birthday, had found a small gap in the staircase handrail and plunged, head first, 2.5 metres onto the wooden floor below.

I froze. “There’s no way he survived that,” I whispered, picturing his limp, lifeless body on the floor. A myriad of unspeakable thoughts went through my mind. Then, miraculously, out of the darkness . . . a cry. “He’s alive!”

Phil defied gravity as he flew down the stairs and picked up our baby boy. I was already on the phone, calling an ambulance. Jack’s forehead had doubled in size and was distinctly purple. The operator finally made sense of my hysteria and an ambulance was on its way.

Running out the door, Jack screaming in my arms, our neighbours casually leaned over the fence for a chat and realised all was not well. Phil, holding Jack’s poor, confused, older brother, Tyson, explained the situation.

Our neighbour Jenni ran inside, shouting over her shoulder, “I’m coming in the ambulance with you!”

How grateful I was to have someone with me who could talk sensibly to the medics while Phil and Tyson followed behind in our car. At the hospital, a good half a dozen emergency medical staff were waiting for us to arrive and they pounced on Jack.

X-rays, MRIs, a cannula, poking and prodding followed. I sang to him in a desperate, broken voice, trying to keep him calm while I fell apart. The nurses were so gentle and kind with me. Meanwhile, Phil texted everyone we knew, asking them to pray for our little Jack.

By midnight, Jack was fast asleep. I was set up on a trundle bed beside him and I sat there, at 2 am, staring out at the beautiful city lights as texts and emails poured in from friends and family who were praying for Jack.

Phil’s sister was already on her way to help him with Tyson. My mother arrived and stayed with me in the neurology ward for the next two days. Jack was still in hospital on the day of his first birthday (two days later). Needless to say, his party was cancelled but

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

19

I looked at her in surprise and declared, “No, my God has been good to me.”

Holding onto anger is like swallowing

Little Jack, recovering from a head fracture after falling 2.5 metres.

a poison pill and hoping the other person dies.

That first night in hospital, as I stared out at the city lights from my trundle bed, I thought about all the things I had to be thankful for in our darkest moment.

I was thankful for my neighbour who was there for me, no questions asked; for the ambulance officers who treated Jack on the way to hospital; for the team of doctors and nurses who gave him the highest level of care; for my mum who sat beside me for two days, so I could shower and eat and just walk outside for a moment; for my sister-in-law who travelled two hours to help look after Tyson; and of course, I was so incredibly thankful that my Jack was alive—bruised and sore—but alive nonetheless.

As the author Frederick Langbridge once said, “Two men look out the same prison bars. One sees mud, the other sees stars.”

Finding true freedom from the confines of sorrow and suffering that life puts around us can be as simple as looking up at God, rather than down at our circumstances. It’s the ability to focus on the eternal blessings of God that will give us the strength to cope with whatever life throws at us.

The question is, are you focusing on the mud or the stars?

Everyone has a story about being treated unfairly.

Learn how forgiveness can change your story and save your life.

In this free series about forgiveness, learn about the ways anger and hurt affect your emotional and physical wellbeing.

By understanding how and why to forgive, you can find healing from past hurts and experience true freedom.

Visit forgivetolive.org.au to begin this free series online, or return this form by mail to receive your first booklet.

Annette Spurr is a writer and co-founder of Blue Box Media, along with her husband Phil. They live in Brisbane with their two boys, Tyson and Jack. Annette is also an ambassador for Australia’s National Day of Thanks. Find out more at austhanks.org.au.

QUESTIONS? LETS CHAT!

WIN CHILDREN'S BOOKS!

Submit a personal story on your parenting journey, thoughts or experience and if we use your story, we’ll send you a selection of books featured on our book corner page (see page 32)! Write to us at editorial@thetabletv.com

NAME : ADDRESS : SUPPLIED

WIN

PHONE : EMAIL :

20

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

 discover@hopechannel.com

 1300 300 389

We also offer other FREE resources. 

Health & wellbeing



Bible & prophecy



Family & relationships



History



Spirituality



Archaeology

VISIT hopechannel.com/learn for more information

 /hopedigital

 @hopechannel 

he was smiling and nothing else mattered in the whole wide world.

Finally, at about 3 pm that day, a neurologist gave him the all-clear.

“Just a large fracture from the top of his head to his eye socket.”

Ouch!

The sense of relief was incredible. Mum drove us home and as I took my first step inside, I burst into tears. I didn’t know anything about post-traumatic stress disorder but that’s what I was experiencing. For weeks, whenever I heard an ambulance siren or a loud thud, I would jump. Tyson became super protective of his little brother, running from the other side of the house to make sure Jack was OK whenever he cried.

My social media post, written the day we arrived home from the hospital, says it all: “When something terrible happens, that’s when you realise love is tangible. It has a face and hands, it’s a kind voice, it’s prayers, it’s words, it’s presence, it’s help, it’s heart. Thank you for all of the above, beautiful people in our lives. We have felt your love in our darkest moment and we feel truly blessed. Jack is doing better than we could ever have hoped and anyone who has seen how far he fell knows it’s a miracle he is here with us today.”

The Bible says, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him.” It doesn’t say all things are good, just that they work for the good. It’s important to acknowledge that hard times will come our way and we aren’t expected to thank God for them, especially while in the midst of it all. But to be thankful in them is something else altogether.

When a friend came to visit a few weeks later and saw where Jack had fallen, she told me, “Your God has been tough on you.”

I looked at her in surprise and declared, “No, my God has been good to me.”

There is a story in the Bible when King David tells a group of men to give thanks to God “for his love endures forever” and I believe it. God’s love never quits, even in the tough times. God would never ask me to thank Him for what happened to Jack, but I found ways to be thankful in it.

FORGIVE TO LIVE

SEND THIS FORM TO : Community Manager Hope Channel Locked Bag 1115 Wahroonga NSW 2076

EXERCISE BEING

PREGNANCY EXERCISES

PREGNANT

The exercises I am beginning to really prioritise are the core breathing and pelvic floor work. I’m spending about 10 minutes a day doing:

a h s i l A h t i w

SIDE LYING CLAMS WITH PELVIC FLOOR WORK

LYING GLUTE RAISES WITH PELVIC FLOOR WORK

SECOND TRIMESTER:

B

Alisha, At The Table’s resident PT is due in August.

22

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

efore we knew we were pregnant, we’d planned a trip to Vietnam. A few weeks later, we found out we were expecting! With the realisation that this would be our last kid-free holiday for a while, we decided to take a month away, just the two (three, if you count the one in utero) of us!

Getting away was a really lovely way to relax, explore somewhere new and enjoy time as a couple. It couldn’t have come at a better time: right in the middle of second trimester! I felt great, didn’t notice my tummy growing too much and sometimes forgot for a few hours, or a day, that I was even pregnant!

We did our best to stay consistent with our health principles while away and even fitted in a few workouts at some local gyms. My energy had returned almost to normal, meaning I’m able to run around like a crazy person getting lots done like usual! However, I’ve been thinking that before the birth, it will probably serve me well if I do actually slow down and start to mentally and physically prepare for the change of pace once baby arrives. Otherwise, I’m sure I’ll be in for a rude shock!

I’ve continued to read and research exercise during pregnancy as I’ve progressed. I’ve been very encouraged that it is completely safe for me (as a low-risk, no contraindications pregnancy) to continue my regular workouts with some minor adjustments.

The latest research from governing bodies such as The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists recommends if you are healthy and your pregnancy is normal, it is safe to continue or start most types of exercise, with a few modifications. Australian, American and Canadian guidelines all recommend pregnant women get at least 150 minutes of moderately intense exercise every week.

The benefits of exercise during pregnancy far outweigh the risks. Benefits include reduced back pain, decreased risk of gestational diabetes, preeclampsia and caesarean delivery, and weight control during and after pregnancy. It improves your overall fitness and strength, and makes you feel good!

If you are pregnant, make sure you have your doctor’s approval before doing any form of exercise and, if possible, seek

out a trained pre- or postnatal trainer to guide you on what’s appropriate for you.

Remember that everyone’s pregnancy experiences are different, so do what you can and don’t compare yourself with anyone else. Always listen to your body.

I’ve been cleared to perform the type of exercise I’m doing, and have been modifying my training throughout my pregnancy so that it’s doable for me.

PELVIC FLOOR WORK AND BREATHING, SITTING ON A STABILITY BALL I’m also continuing to do three to four strength or weights sessions a week (now with more sitting than standing exercises) and regular walks and cardio as well. I’m starting to incorporate more Pilates work into my exercise now. My belly has grown now to the point that traditional core exercises such as crunches are no longer doable, but some Pilates core work is still safe and effective.

LOOKING FORWARD

Since arriving home from the babymoon, I’ve really started to look forward to everything that’s to come!

My mind is on setting up the nursery, reading books on a calm, gentle birth, and how I can spiritually prepare for parenthood. I’ve chosen to surround myself with other women and mums who have similar values to me when it comes to birth and parenting, so I can shut out the negativity and anxiety that often comes from open forums.

And I’m enjoying taking time each evening to think about, talk to and pray for this new little life that’s growing inside me.

And I’m feeling the kicks!

Yay!

OFF 25% !

RYTHING EVE

FF ABLE25O de THET verything o c e th e e Us e 25% off to receiv sha's website, m on Ali tliving.co unleashfi

ALISHA Ten minutes every day is all you need to start on your journey to become fit and healthy. Watch Unleash Fit Living's Alisha share her workouts on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

UNLEASHFITLIVING

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

SUPPLIED

Safe exercise and feeling the kicks

23

PEER ABUSE

THE SHOCKING REALITY

Think child sexual abuse is always perpetrated by adults?

Think again.

L

et’s face it, talking about the dangers of sexual abuse with our children is not something we look forward to. It’s not a nice subject to think about, and it can be painful and confronting for the one in four parents who have experienced childhood abuse themselves. For others, they simply don’t know what information they should impart and are concerned about frightening their child. And then there are the parents who just don’t think their child is at risk!

As a mother to four young children, I had very basic conversations with them about how their body is private. However, as I

24

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

was passionate about protecting their innocence, the information I offered was limited. As a stay-at-home mum, I was also under the illusion that sexual abuse wouldn’t happen to my kids—after all, I’m the one who mostly supervised my children and I was very careful about which adults they were left alone with.

All this changed four years ago when I went out to dinner with some friends and two of the mums shared how their children had been sexually abused by their own peers.

In the first case, seven-year-old Jake* confided in his mum on the way home from a playdate at the park that his mate Will*, also

VITAPIX—ISTOCK

By Michelle Derrig

seven, had been touching him inappropriately as they’d played on the play equipment.

In the second story, Lisa* thought she was doing the right thing when she told her nine-year-old son to ask his friend Cooper* to accompany him to the toilets so she could continue to watch her two younger children. As Lisa was chatting to Cooper’s mum, she suddenly sensed something was wrong. In this case, her intuition was sadly spot on: When Lisa entered the toilet cubicle, she discovered her son being abused by Cooper.

As I listened to these mothers share their stories, I was totally

shocked. I had never considered my children to be at risk of abuse by their own peers; nor had I ever imagined my children could experience abuse while under my supervision. I returned home haunted by these stories and quickly realised I couldn’t ignore the fact my children were just as much at risk as these other young victims.

According to the Australian Institute of Criminology, three children (two girls and one boy) in every Australian primary school class of 22 will report being sexually abused before the age of 15. And that is just the tip of the iceberg as a lot of abuse goes unreported.

Even more concerning are statistics by Australian child protection organisation, Bravehearts, which indicate that 30–60 per cent of childhood sexual abuse is perpetrated by other children and young people. According to their research, there are “a wide variety of reasons why young people engage in these behaviours (ranging from curiosity to previous trauma)”.

In Will’s case, it turned out he had discovered pornography on his iPad and was acting out as a result of what he had been exposed to. In Cooper’s case, there was strong evidence suggesting he was a victim of abuse himself.

As I further reflected upon the experiences of these young children, I wondered, How could I help reduce the risk of my kids being abused by their peers? These mums were both wonderful, loving parents who had simply been enjoying time with their family and friends at the park!

One thing I did know: helicopter parenting was not the answer.

My children needed a certain amount of freedom, autonomy and independence to grow into healthy functioning adults. It was at this point I began to understand that if I wanted to try and protect my children, I needed to educate them with the knowledge that their body is private and that they have the right to protect their privacy.

Essentially, I needed to empower them to take ownership of their body and to feel confident to disclose whenever they were feeling uncomfortable or concerned.

Andrea Musulin, an inductee into Western Australia’s inaugural Women’s Hall of Fame as a leader and pioneer in child protection, confirms “while there is no foolproof system for protecting children, education serves as a very effective tool for increasing the personal safety of children. It is vital that parents introduce safety concepts to children in a non-threatening manner and in a way that doesn't alarm or frighten them.”

Andrea, who was a police officer with the WA police force for 30 years, working extensively in the child protection field, and who is now the director of the Perth Catholic archdiocese safeguarding program, goes on to explain, “In protecting our children from sexual abuse, parents really need to work against the modus operandi (methods) of those who commit such offences and this includes adults and other children.”

In fact, Andrea goes on to state that “it’s easier for children to resist sexual activity when it’s being introduced by another child in comparison to adults. However, the problem is most children under 10 are not even aware that what they are doing is wrong, nor do they have the skills or knowledge to resist.”

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

25

HOW TO PROTECT

B

YOUR CHILDREN

Andrea Musulin, a leader and pioneer in child protection, explains that protective behaviour conversations with our children should be based on two key themes:

1. All children have the right to physical and psychological safety at all times.

2. Nothing is so awful we can’t talk to someone about it.

She says effective protective behaviour conversations need to include: •

teaching your child to identify unsafe situations;

•

teaching your child to respond appropriately to unsafe situations;

* Names have been changed.

•

G N I Y BULL

developing your child’s problem-solving skills required to prevent and disclose abuse;

EGIV Y A AW

To receive a copy of Michelle Derrig’s book, Only For Me, write to us at www.thetabletv.com/ OnlyForMeGiveaway (Australia and New Zealand addresses only, sorry).

While stocks last. Giveaway ends June 30, 2018.

26

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

developing a language of safety for your child, to help disclose abuse or ask for help.

If you are concerned about a child’s wellbeing, contact the police or the child protection authority in your state immediately. If you would like to talk to someone, seek support or obtain advice for how to protect and support your loved one, contact:

BRAVEHEARTS 1800 272 831 AUSTRALIA PARENT HELP 0800 568 856 NEW ZEALAND

ne

By Susan

HOOZONE—ISTOCK

Michelle Derrig is a mother to four, author and child protection advocate who is passionate about educating parents and children about protective behaviours.

•

Gervay

ullying is different to teasing, but teasing can escalate into bullying. Most children experience and engage in some form of teasing, casual name-calling, a hit on the arm, or a bit of rough and tumble and still feel confident in who they are.

It’s when the teasing, punching or name-calling isn’t funny anymore that bullying happens. When it’s used to intimidate and isolate another child. It’s when a bully with peer group support attacks the very basis of a child’s self-esteem until a child is powerless, feeling there is no support from adults, the school and friends.

A child becomes a victim, develops low self-esteem, depression and can show behaviours ranging from withdrawal, aggression, missing school and a feeling of worthlessness.

These are some strategies parents can take to help prevent bullying: Make time for positive experiences with your child. Go for a walk together. Kick a ball around. Read a book with them. Listen and share the incidents of the day. It creates self-worth in the child and they feel valued by their parents. It also makes the family feel like a safe place where kids will be heard.

Before bed, have special parent-child time, making it a time and place to bond, talk and deal with concerns.

Encourage friendships with other children, inviting kids over for play dates and similar. In that way, your child has a support team and supports others.

Let your child join a team activity, such as a sport, debating or Lego club. It creates supporters, friends and community for the child.

Encourage sibling support, if there is a sibling or cousin.

Where a child has an interest, such as photography, drawing or karate, develop, encourage and praise achievements. This builds their self-esteem.

Discuss strategies to deal with teasing: ignore it, laugh, answer back and make a joke so it does not escalate.

Parents should lookout for: • a fall in school grades • dropping out of activities • friends not coming over • developing headaches and similar • trying to miss school • getting into trouble at school • change in activities • changes in emotions such as anger, crying, silence • spending a lot of time alone Bullying is about isolating, victimising and destroying children’s belief in themselves. But it is important to realise bullies are not usually evil monsters. Often bullying occurs because children do not understand the impact on the victim, they are having fun, they are in a group or they feel good about their own power.

Susanne Gervay is an Order of Australia recipient, an educational consultant and an award-winning children’s author. Her acclaimed anti-bullying I Am Jack series is widely studied in schools across Australia. www.sgervay.com

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

27

SOLSTOCK—ISTOCK

In light of this, Andrea recommends all parents start having sex education conversations with their children from the age of six.

“In doing so, it is vitally important that the information provided is age and developmentally appropriate and that it is provided in the proper measure. Sex education, however, is not enough and as such all parents, being the primary educators of their children, must provide their children with protective behaviours education from an even younger age,” she says.

Even once you do make the decision to educate your children, it’s possible that you will still be feeling overwhelmed. There is a lot of content to consider and for me, the last thing I wanted to do was ruin my children’s innocence. I already struggled with my kids growing up in an over-sexualised world and I didn’t want them knowing too much too soon! However, I also recognised that as the primary educators of our children, we as parents have a responsibility to talk about protective behaviours with our children.

As I wondered how to discuss the subject with my own children, I felt called to create a resource that would help parents facilitate these types of conversations with children aged three to eight years. A resource that would gently lead children through this confronting topic in a dignified manner, engaging them through rhyme and beautiful illustrations. Most importantly, I wanted a book to teach children that they have the right to say “No” to anyone, even if it is a friend who is behaving inappropriately.

It took two years of consulting and researching before my picture book, Only For Me, was released in July 2016. Since that time, I have sold more than 3500 copies and been overwhelmed by feedback from parents, teachers, educators and expert professionals. Incredibly though, it was the testimony of someone within my immediate circle that had the most profound effect on me. They shared how their seven-year-old son Luke* had disclosed, on the way home from swimming lessons, that another boy in his class had been “doing what Only For Me says you shouldn’t do”.

It was a direct result of reading Only For Me that Luke recognised the boy's behaviour as inappropriate and realised he needed to tell someone he could trust.

Going forward, my mission is to encourage every parent to have age appropriate, protective behaviour conversations with their children. When you take into consideration that abuse can even be perpetrated by a child’s own peers, it is obvious every child needs to be educated and empowered.

I

n Germany, there are playgrounds and then there are the abenteuerspielplätze (“adventure playgrounds”). Aimed at children aged seven to 13, these spaces are designed specifically to encourage children to experience the risk of wild, free play.

Adventure playgrounds come in many styles, but most feature opportunities for kids to build forts and tree houses, cook food on open fires and try out a variety of tools. Some even let children take care of farm animals. Kids can also simply play in a space meant specifically for them. At each site, adult staff or volunteers are usually present, but they are there to help with projects or to teach classes, not to supervise the children’s play.

Adventure playgrounds are not a German invention. They were first developed by the country’s northern neighbour, Denmark, but Germans eagerly adopted the concept in the 1960s and 1970s.

Today, there are many such free-form play spaces throughout Germany. Berlin has one for nearly every neighbourhood district.

The adventure playground in our corner of the city was called “Forcki”, nicknamed after the larger park, Forckenbeckplatz, that was its home. Forcki is a bauspielplatz, a construction playground, where children are encouraged to build all kinds of things, including towering forts. The playground advertises its attractions for kids in a long list: “Adventure, excitement, action, good moods, bad moods . . . making fire, building, destroying, axes, hammers,

28

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

nails, screwdrivers, large and small saws, cold, heat, wind, sun, moon, chatting, laughing, being sad, running, jumping, playing . . .”

It goes on that way for several more lines, apparently offering the children a chance at playing in ways that are not always safe, not always happy, yet offer a lot of freedom and excitement.

Accidents do happen at adventure playgrounds, even bad ones. The German courts haven’t often sided with people seeking to sue for damages or to change the playgrounds to make them safer. In a 1978 case, which the play-advocacy group ABA Association calls “the adventure playground judgement”, a German federal court ruled against an injured person in part because the purpose of adventure playgrounds is to educate children about the “existence of risk” and teach them through daring how to manage “the dangers of daily life”. In other words, the dangers in these play spaces are real, on purpose and no-one is responsible for managing the risk but the child.

The German risk researcher Warwitz told me that such playgrounds “are a good way of self-testing for children”, providing places where they can try out skills and take risks, enhancing their knowledge of what they can do safely. Although Warwitz studies the benefits of risky play for children, he has a low opinion of amusement parks that feed children “pseudo-adventures” passively to induce the thrill of danger, with things like roller coasters, without any of the responsibility of taking a true risk. “Real adven-

NORBERT KAISER—WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

A DV ENTU R E PL AY tures do not have to be spectacular,” he said. “They have to involve independent initiative, responsibility for oneself, the potential for failure and the willingness to accept any possible consequences.”

Everyone needs to learn to manage risk, Warwitz contends, and children should start learning as early as possible how to identify and handle dangers.

The importance of children engaging in risky play is an idea backed by research—and not just from Germany. In 2015, the University of British Columbia and the Child & Family Research Institute at BC Children’s Hospital in Canada published a systemic review of 21 papers on the subject. The review determined that risky outdoor play was not only healthy for children but encouraged the development of creativity, social skills and resilience. In particular, playgrounds that offered natural elements, changes in height and freedom for children to choose their own activities helped bring about these positive results.

Norwegian early childhood education professor Ellen Sandseter points to studies that indicate that children who engage in climbing have less fear of heights as adults, young children who engage in rough and tumble play are less aggressive when they are older, and children who experience multiple, positive separations from their parents before the age of nine have less separation anxiety symptoms at age 18.

She cautions that reducing or eliminating risky play could

An outsider’s look into how parenting is done differently in Germany and how it helps children to thrive. By Sara Zaske

result in increased mental health problems. “Overprotection through governmental control of playgrounds and exaggerated fear of playground accidents might thus result in an increase of anxiety in society,” she writes. “We might need to provide more stimulating environments for children, rather than hamper their development.”

It is interesting to note that compared to America, where playground equipment has become extremely tame in the name of safety, the rate of injury in the European Union is a bit lower, even though many countries tend to have riskier playground equipment and parents don’t monitor their children as closely.

There can be many reasons for a higher injury rate in the United States—children following their natural inclinations will often be more careful on playgrounds that feel more dangerous and, likewise, if a playground is too safe or boring, they will make something risky to make it more fun. They will go up a slide backward or throw themselves down the slide headfirst. They will climb on the outside of a structure not meant for climbing on or stand up on a swing.

This behaviour fits with the risk compensation theory, which argues that people adjust their behaviour according to the level of risk—taking more risk if they perceive that something is safer.

So since all the safety equipment has been put in place, children may be more likely to misjudge the danger involved. For instance,

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

29

i d n Ma

AS SEEN ON NEW ZEALAND

MAKES

NATURAL DISHWASHING LIQUID INGREDIENTS:

ink Wha ellists th ? n ay ’s pa us pl show dangero t abou AT OUT D N I F / bit.ly bleTV layTa ousP r e g Dan

Sara Zaske is an American writer who lived in Berlin for six-and-a-half years. She now lives in the San Francisco Bay area with her husband and two children.

EXTRACTED, WITH PERMISSION, FROM ACHTUNG BABY BY SARA ZASKE ($32.99), PUBLISHED BY HACHETTE AUSTRALIA..

30

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

1.

2.

3.

4.

ITEMS STYLED AND PHOTOGRAPHED BY ANDREW JOHNSON

US BOtNdid our

METHOD:

SCHORLE —WIKIMEDIA COMMONS

. . . children have a natural instinct for selfpreservation and will usually only dare as much as they think they can manage.

they might think it’s safer to climb higher if the surface below them is designed to soften their fall.

Risk researchers argue that children have a natural instinct for self-preservation and will usually only dare as much as they think they can manage. Warwitz says that children’s “fear acts as a natural brake”. The really dangerous situations happen when something interferes with that normal instinct; for instance, when other people, such as older kids or adults, pressure children to try something they aren’t ready for.

So what can parents do with our ultrasafe playgrounds and culture of controlling children to encourage kids to take reasonable risks? It’s pretty simple. Do as the Germans do. Send your kids outside to play and don’t watch everything they do. Take them to the playground and leave them on their own for a while.

Let them climb trees and ride bikes. Seek out playgrounds with creative and riskier structures. They are few and far between, but they can be found.

Most of all, we parents can help by turning off the “Achtung” in our heads. If we can break the habit of constantly telling our school-age kids to “Stop!” and “Be careful!” then they’ll have a better chance of testing their own limits and relying on their natural “fear brakes” to judge what they can and cannot do.

“Kids are supposed to do things that make their parents nervous,” my husband told me once. I remind myself of that almost every day.

1 tbsp table salt 3 tbsp water 1 tbsp washing soda 1¹/³ cup distilled water 2 /³ cup Sal Suds 40 drops lemon or grapefruit essential oil (or in your favourite scent)

5.

In a small pot, heat water and salt, stirring frequently until everything dissolves. Pour in a small bowl and set aside.

Heat washing soda and distilled water in the pot, stirring until mixture dissolves.

Mix in Sal Suds and essential oils.

Stir in 1 tbsp of the salt water solution. The mixture will turn cloudy and thicken.

Add another tbsp if you like it thicker (mixture will also thicken over time).

Pour the mixture into a soap dispenser and use as you would any other dishwashing soap. If mixture is too thick, simply add water to achieve desired consistency.

COCONUT MILK SHAMPOO INGREDIENTS:

¼ cup coconut milk* ¹/³ cup organic castile liquid soap ¹/³ cup distilled water ½ tsp sweet almond oil (for dry hair) ½ tsp natural vitamin E oil 1 plastic hand pump bottle

METHOD: 1.

2.

3.

Mix all ingredients in a plastic hand pump bottle and shake well.

Store in a cool, dark place. The mixture should last for a few weeks.

Use 2 tsp per shampoo, shaking well before use.

*To make your own coconut milk, blend 1½ cups shredded coconut with 2 cups of hot water until thick and creamy.

Pour through mesh colander or cheesecloth. Use within 3–4 days.

MANDI Good for your skin and great for the environment.

Watch Mandi make these earth-friendly natural recipes on the At The Table TV show.

FOR MORE

THETABLETVSHOW

June 2018

THETABLETVSHOW

THETABLETV.COM

31

HIGH SCHOOL

PRIMARY

PRESCHOOL

BOOK CORNER

32

MR MO STARTS TO GROW Laura Stitzel Lothian Children’s Books $16.99

DINGO

PLAY WITH ART

Claire Saxby & Tannya Harricks Walker Books $24.99

Violet Peto DK $29.99

Sure to put a smile on your face with its adorable illustrations of a soft and squishy toy who suddenly begins to grow. A fun celebration of friendships, acceptance and most of all, an unquenchable imagination. Almost makes you wish you had your very own soft and squishy Mr Mo.

Two concurrent stories here: one a narrative, the other educational information about dingoes. A great way to read a story to your little one and sound intelligent by spouting factual tidbits.

An introduction to Australian wildlife with oil painting illustrations.

Be prepared to get messy!

Probably more a resource for parents than one to read to pre-schoolers, this book will get your child painting, printing, cutting, drawing, colouring and creating. Lots of fun-filled activities so long as you don’t mind the clean-up after.

FANTASTICALLY GREAT WOMEN WHO MADE HISTORY

YOU ARE AWESOME

BRINDABELLA

Essentially a self-help guide for youngsters, this book is a good reminder that a large part of attaining greatness is all about putting in hard work. Fun illustrations throughout the book help to capture attention, as does the subtle humour. An encouraging book that may help young readers feel empowered to realise their potential.

There is a surprising twist in perspective halfway through the novel but once you get used to it, the novel is not a bad read about the Australian bush. Can be a little emotionally charged towards the end, but the ending is essentially a happy one, even though it may feel a little open-ended.

Kate Pankhurst Bloomsbury Children's Books $14.99

Inspire your children with this colourfully illustrated book about the women in history who changed the world. The layout makes this book anything but dull and your children, especially daughters, will love the “girl power” shown by real women in the past. (Read it to your sons too to give them a better appreciation of the female species.)

THE CASE FOR MIRACLES (STUDENT EDITION) Lee Strobel Koorong | Zondervan $12.99

If you don’t believe in miracles, you likely will by the end of this book. This isn’t simply a onesided defence of God and miracles however, since Lee Strobel is a former atheist and journalist. The evidence and arguments he presents are convincing and uplifting, and are perfect for the sceptical teenager. A kid-version is also available ($9.99).

THETABLETV.COM

June 2018

Matthew Syed Wren & Rook $19.99

WIN

WIN THESE BOOKS!!

FIND OUT HO W ON PAGE 20

WIN

Ursula Dubosarsky Allen & Unwin $16.99

WIN

IN THE LAMPLIGHT Dianne Wolfer & Brian Simmonds Fremantle Press $26.99 This year marks the 100th anniversary of the end of World War I and this book would be a great one to help children immerse themselves in the events of that time. The historic photos and diary entries lend an air of authenticity even though the main character is fictional.

THE FLYING OPTOMETRIST Joanne Anderton & Karen Erasmus National Library of Australia $24.99

Help children discover what life in the country could be like, far away from basic amenities taken for granted in the city. A simple but interesting story with sweet illustrations. The short history of the Royal Flying Doctor Service at the end of the book extends the story for older siblings.

WIN

BONUS

The flying optometrist appeared as a special guest on our show.

WATCH THE INTERVIEW (AFTER JUNE 10) AT bit.ly/FlyingOptometristTableTV

June 2018

THETABLETV.COM

33

AT THE TABLE MAGAZINE

DIY REVIEW

REAL WOMEN | REAL CONVERSATIONS | REAL ISSUES

Kitchen Helper

A Kitchen Helper, or Learning Tower, is essentially a step stool for young children, but with an extra safety barrier. It elevates them to the height of your kitchen counter, and is most often used to encourage budding chefs, enabling them to work independently next to Mum and Dad, without causing the parents too much stress (until they reach for the sharp knife, that is). You can buy a premade one for $300, or following online instructions, make your own with an Ikea step stool and some pieces of wood.

PROS

•

•

•

•

Involves Ikea furniture The Ikea step stool, additional wood pieces and screws cost around $50 (if you already own a drill), saving you $250 compared to buying the premade product.

Clear, concise step-bystep instructions with photos.

Spouse bonding opportunity: you will likely need to ask for help!

Takes four to five hours to construct, probably shorter if you are handy with an Allen key and drill.

Toddler-friendly project.

It’s generally fine to have your toddler around while you’re measuring, drilling and constructing.

• • •

•

•

•

Involves putting Ikea furniture together.

You need to own a drill or borrow one.

Some measurements are already converted to metric, but not all.

Not a big problem but you have to take time to convert them.

Can’t find the exact measurements for some of the wood pieces, which changes which screws to buy and the pre-provided measurements.

Can’t cut the wood to length at the hardware store—need to find a friend with a saw.

Drilling in a straight line is a fine art and requires more strength than expected.

Points lost because the instructions made it look like the project would be a walk in the park. If you understand it will require some effort, sweat and general DIY knowledge, it’s actually pretty straightforward and the end result, while not picture perfect (skill dependent), is still pretty handy—and affordable!

Join the At The Table community today and enjoy: A monthly magazine delivered for free to your mailbox * This * week’s best videos emailed to you Bulk copies available for mothers’ or play groups.

EMAIL Julie@thetabletv.com PHONE +61 2 9847 2222

BONUS

Watch the “making-of” video diary

bitly.com/KitchenHelperTableTV

DIY INSTRUCTIONS: WWW.HAPPYGREYLUCKY.COM/IKEA-HACK-TODDLER-LEARNING-TOWER-STOOL

FINISHED WITH THIS MAGAZINE? PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS! THETABLETV.COM

Y MONTHL COPY!

sign up now

June 2018

Name Address Town/Suburb

State

Email Phone Please print clearly to avoid mail difficulties.

Mobile

@

m o c . v t e l b a thet

YES! I would like to receive a free At The Table magazine every month!

7 OUT OF 10

34

F RE E*

DANIEL BELL

• •

CONS

Postcode

Mail coupon to: Adventist Media, PO Box 1115, Wahroonga NSW 2076 Subscribe online: www.thetabletv.com