creatively speaking
BY SUSAN ROSSER
Artisinal Meatloaf
I FEEL COMPELLED TO ADMIT THAT I AM A HUGE FAN OF DAIRY QUEEN. And the one right here in town is the perfect escape on a hot Florida night. It has a drive-thru, which allows me to visit in my pajamas — a simple joy I truly appreciate. However, on a recent trip to our beloved Queen, I noticed a new and somewhat amusing offering: “artisan style” sandwiches. I kid you not. The next natural question is “What are these sandwiches?” First on the list is the exotic chicken, bacon ranch sandwich. Other options include a turkey BLT and an artisan-style Philly sandwich. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines an artisan as “someone who produces something (as cheese or wine) in limited quantities, often using traditional methods.” I suppose one could say placing chicken between two halves of a sliced roll is a traditional method, but honestly, I think the Dairy Queen marketing gurus are overreaching here. Let’s be real — Dairy Queen is a huge chain, so we’re not talking limited quantities either. In fact, from what I understand of the fast food world, unless a sandwich can be mass-produced, it can’t be profitable. So a mass-produced, artisan sandwich is a true oxymoron. And beyond that obvious contradiction, shouldn’t an artisanal sandwich include ingredients such as foie gras, black truffles, Spanish manchego or an English stilton? Merely days later, I was reading a recipe for braised short ribs served over grits. It was an extremely intricate recipe with instructions and a list of ingredients reminiscent of War and Peace. And then I saw it: the recipe called for artisanal grits. Really? What’s next? Artisanal frosted flakes? And what exactly would happen if I used ordinary grits — or even, heaven forbid, generic grits? Not long after the grits episode, during my almost-daily pilgrimage to Starbucks, I noticed they were featuring “artfully iced” coffee. No one loves Starbucks more than I do, but when we are elevating the act of putting ice in coffee to chill it, well, I think we can all agree, it’s got to stop. Why are we labeling so many things artisanal and why does it bother me so much? Perhaps I should just get over it. I’m somewhat of a food dork and I appreciate foods produced in small batches by people who take extra care and pay special attention to details. But really? Grits? Iced coffee? So when I see even Dairy Queen has hopped on the “artisan” bandwagon, I can’t help but feel as if it’s all a con. I know all foods are not created equal. I realize some grits are mass produced by giant food conglomerates. And I appreciate that somewhere in North America there is an enthusiastic farmer who grows corn from seeds handed down from his great-great grandfather Frederick, who traded fur with the Sioux to acquire the unique strain of corn seeds. And this farmer mills the corn into meal using nearly invisible fairies descended from cumulus clouds that form over the farmland only when the mockingbird sings. But, at the end of the day, it’s just grits. Labeling foods such as chicken bacon ranch sandwiches, grits and iced coffee as “artisan” diminishes the true meaning of the word. Maybe just call them “small-batch” grits. Or “really terrific coffee.” Let’s just reserve the word artisan for truly artistic endeavors. Of course, none of this will prevent me from labeling my mother’s meatloaf recipe as artisanal in the hopes that my kids will finally like it.
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Deerfield Beach!