COMMON HUMANITY AND FORGIVENESS
Session 6
COMMON HUMANITY
Practicing compassion towards others can be enormously deepening in our awareness of common humanity, our shared human condition. To further strengthen the awareness of connection with others, it can help to formulate wishes in the form of ‘May you and I... (or: ‘May we...’, or ‘May all... and I...’) ‘to be happy...’, ‘free from suffering...’ etc. Especially when we practice with people with whom we experience conflicts. It can be very healing when we also feel with those people, despite all the disruption in our relationship with them, on a deeper level that we are under the same stars. Neither we, nor our enemies, have chosen to exist in this world. No one chose his parents and the country in which he was born, no one the more or less happy circumstances of his childhood, the uncontrollable windfalls and setbacks, the traumatic experiences that life had in store for him. Sure, the people with whom we have a difficult relationship bear responsibility for their harmful words and behaviors, just as we do. But, like us, they had no choice in the design of the complex systems that have produced millions of years of evolution in our brains and organisms. Like us, they too struggle with the functions of the old and new brain, with the stress responses designed for self-preservation, which are now used for ego maintenance. When we hurt each other, we usually do so out of survival instinct, we feel threatened in our ego and want to escape from whoever or what threatens us. We disconnect from each other and entrench ourselves behind literal or figurative walls that, we believe, guarantee our safety. We retreat into our cities, towns, homes and offices, into stories about ourselves and the world, into our ideologies, religions and philosophies. We fight, flee or freeze in our frames of mind and over-identify with them. We over-train our hazard-oriented and competitive mentalities at the expense of our caring mindset. Yet, in the end, our chances of survival only diminish when social isolation wins out over social connection, whether we look at it on a small scale (family, community) or on a large scale (national, international, global). Practicing compassion towards others is a contribution to that connection of ourselves with others, friend and foe, even though it may seem modest. In doing so, we work on our intention and commitment to alleviate our (emotional) pain and that of others, and thus the pain in the world. Healing our own emotional pain positively spills over into our relationships with others, and that in turn spills over into their relationships and the world at large.
SELF-TRANSCENDING EMOTIONS: FOUR LIFE FRIENDS
Session 6
A valuable part of realizing our common humanity is developing four emotional qualities, which are limitless in their reach and do not exclude anyone. They are called the Four Limitless (Brahmaviharas) and we can think of them as four friends for life. We have already become acquainted with compassion, but our practice can deepen further when we involve all four life friends. These wholesome “egoless” emotional qualities are the antidote to the unwholesome egocentric states of mind. Until recently, little attention was paid to them in Western psychology, but it is increasingly recognized how important they are for our well-being and, on a larger scale, for a healthier society and a healthier environment. Traditionally, Buddhism distinguishes the following self-transcendent emotions:
• Loving-kindness:
the aim of promoting happiness and well-being of ourselves and others; the area of the ‘happiness thermometer’ that is ‘above zero’. Loving-kindness is the antithesis of, and the antidote to, hatred and resentment. There is also a pitfall, which is that the practice slips into attachment, dependence, and sentimentality. That ‘seems’ self-transcendent, but is in fact self-centeredly motivated.
• Compassion:
focusing on relief from pain and suffering; the area of the happiness thermometer that is ‘below zero’. Compassion is the antithesis of, and the antidote to, falsehood and cruelty. The pitfall is pity: the pain and grief of the other person then become the center of our sentiment, while in essence we are afraid to really connect with the pain of the other and ourselves. We can also exhaust ourselves when we focus too much on the suffering of others at the expense of ourselves. This is also called compassion fatigue and is often recognizable in people who have a social work profession and experience symptoms of burnout.
• Sympathetic joy: sharing in the joy and prosperity of others without a care in the world. Being happy with and for the other person is the medicine against envy and jealousy. As well as the suffering and needs of others, we can also develop sensitivity to the joys and happiness of others. The pitfall here is chasing excitement and euphoria. It’s not about becoming a “party animal.” We sincerely share in small and large moments of happiness that occur spontaneously.
Session 6
• Equanimity: an open, open-minded, generous state of mind, free from judgment, likes or dislikes. Equanimity is the antidote to pride, arrogance, and overidentification. The pitfall here is indifference, where we could not care less about the other person. Equanimity, like the other three, is a heart quality. It is not characterized by detachment but by an ‘involvement’, an openness to the other without attachment or resistance. Equanimity means that we have the courage to open our hearts equally to whatever presents itself. She brings a balanced attitude to joys and sorrows, to success and failure, to fame and blame and to health and illness. It is meaningful and deepening to cultivate all four of these emotional qualities in our practice. The practice of one can save us from the pitfall of the other. If our mood becomes very dark and heavy, it can be beneficial to shift the focus to kindness or sympathetic joy. If we notice a tendency to cling to a positive feeling or the pursuit of it, a shift to equanimity or compassion may be meaningful. And the beauty of these four “life friends” is that we can actually “invite” or develop them quite easily. Namely, by simply allowing a kind, compassionate, or equanimous desire to resonate within ourselves when we sit somewhere, walk or lie in bed at night. Sometimes it turns out to be very difficult to be kind, compassionate, or joyful to others. For example, if a colleague or family member has hurt us in all kinds of ways, we may no longer be able to feel one of the first three self-transcending emotions. In such a case, equanimity can help, for example by realizing that ‘everyone is ultimately responsible for his or her own actions, and that we reap what we sow’.
A COMPASSIONATE LETTER TO A ‘DIFFICULT’ PERSON
An in-depth exercise can be to write a compassionate letter to a ‘difficult’ person. The recipient is now a person with whom you have a difficult relationship. You write the letter from the compassion mode (possibly your compassionate companion) to the other person as a fellow human being, from the awareness of common humanity. It’s not about sending this letter. In the first place, it is an exercise in connection with yourself and between yourself and the other in you. This exercise can lead to a lot of self-compassion because of the emotional pain that can come with it. Then don’t hesitate to turn the compassion practice towards yourself. For a description, take a look at the ingredients of a compassionate letter in session 5
EXERCISE: FORGIVENESS
Session 6
To soften and open our hearts cannot be forced. However, the following exercises can nurture a willingness that can make forgiveness possible sooner or later. Different aspects can be distinguished, which we are now – in session 6 – paying attention to, namely asking for forgiveness by others and/or forgiving ourselves for something. Perhaps these exercises mainly evoke resistance at first acquaintance. Then the exercise in self-compassion begins: can you be gentle and mindful with the resistance? This is also allowed to be there, but then recognizing it as ‘resistance’. In addition, respect your boundaries. For example, if the resistance is very strong, only do the part of the exercise that is currently accessible. Or stop the practice and return to the practice later when the inner compassion mode is stronger and it feels safe enough for you. And in case of resistance, it can be of value in any case to reflect on the possible effect that forgiveness could have on you and/or on someone else.
1. ASKING FORGIVENESS
“Sit comfortably, close your eyes, and allow yourself to be present. Let the attention rest on the breathing movements for a while and see if you can relax with this. Then remember a situation where you hurt someone. Maybe intentionally by hurting someone with abusive words, or by hanging up the phone in a fit of rage. Or maybe you unintentionally hurt someone when ending a love relationship or by being unnecessarily strict when you didn’t realize that your son or daughter actually needed extra attention. You may feel like you’ve been hurting someone over and over again with tantrums or a lack of attention. Take some time to remember the circumstances in which and how you hurt someone, and feel the pain, disappointment, or betrayal that this person may have felt. Now, while keeping this person in your attention, begin to ask for forgiveness. Whisper his or her name in your mind and say, “I understand the pain you have felt and I ask you to forgive me for this.” With a sincere heart, repeat this request for forgiveness. Then take a few moments of silence and open yourself up to the possibility of being forgiven.”
2. FORGIVING OURSELVES’
Now bring out an aspect of yourself that seems unforgivable. You may not be able to forgive yourself for an often judgmental or controlling attitude, or for how you
have hurt others.
Session 6
Maybe you despise yourself for being scared, for not daring to take risks that might make your life much more fulfilling. Or maybe it’s very hard to forgive yourself for ruining your life with persistent addictive behaviors. You may be disgusted by a mental obsession or feelings of jealousy. Feel the pain in this unforgivable behavior, emotion, or thought pattern. What kind of sense of self does this bring? How does it hinder you from feeling happy and content? Allow yourself to feel the pain that you are actually experiencing with this dependent, insecure, or judgmental part of yourself.
Now examine what is causing this unacceptable part of yourself. If you are (or have been) addicted to food, nicotine or alcohol, what need are you trying to satisfy? What fear are you trying to calm down? When you condemn others, are you actually afraid yourself? If you have hurt someone, did you act out of pain and insecurity? Or out of the need for a sense of power or power satisfaction? As you become this aware of underlying needs and fears, allow yourself to feel them all the way through your body, thoughts, and emotions. Then, begin to bring a sincere forgiving message to these feelings, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that you reject. For example, you can softly whisper the following words to yourself: “I see how I have hurt myself and now forgive myself for this.” Or you could simply repeat the following words to yourself: “You are forgiven,” “You are forgiven.” Treat whatever arises – fear or strong judgments, shame or resentment – with a forgiving message. Allow the pain to be eased by the openness of a forgiving heart. As you practice this, you may feel that you are not (yet) able to forgive yourself. You may be afraid that you will fall back into old behavior if you forgive yourself for this. Perhaps you are afraid that if you are truly open and forgive yourself, you will come face to face with an unbearable truth about yourself. When such doubts and fears arise, acknowledge them and accept them with compassion. Then say to yourself, “It is my intention to forgive myself if I am able to do so.” Your intention to forgive is, in fact, the seed of forgiveness, and this willingness will gradually relax you and open your heart.”
3. FORGIVING OTHERS
There is also a third field of forgiveness, namely with regard to pain that has been inflicted on us (consciously or unconsciously) by others. You will already receive the instructions, but it may well be that you are not yet ready for this at all. Then leave it until a later time when you experience more space for it. In any case, it can be of value to very carefully examine what happens when we look in a mild(er) way at someone who has hurt us. You may only notice resistance, or bitterness, and pain.
Session 6
Then maybe you can look at it with self-compassion and do the exercise again in due course. “Just as we have all hurt others (accidentally or intentionally), so too have we all been hurt ourselves in relationships with others. Now reflect on an experience where you felt deeply disappointed, rejected, abused, or betrayed. Without judging yourself, notice if you still feel reproach and anger toward the person who hurt you. Have you excluded this person from your heart? Recall in detail that particular situation that most clearly reminds you of how you were hurt. For example, you may remember an angry look from one of your parents, harsh words from a friend, the moment you found out that someone you trusted had cheated on you, your partner running away... Be aware of the feelings that arose and arise: the resentment, shame, anger or fear. Feel the pain with tolerance and gentleness. Feel the pain as it manifests itself in your body, thoughts, or emotions. Now move closer to this person in your mind and look at the fear, pain, or needs that may have motivated him or her to engage in this harmful behavior. Experience this person as an imperfect being; as vulnerable and as subject to human limitations. As you feel the person’s presence, whisper his or her name in your mind and offer him or her a forgiving wish: “I feel the pain caused by you and to the extent that I am able to do so, I forgive you for it.” Or if you are not (yet) able to say this: ‘I feel the pain caused by you; It is my intention to forgive you for this’. Stay connected to your own feelings of vulnerability, and repeat the forgiving or forgiving message as often and for as long as you feel comfortable doing so.”
From: Tara Brach: Radical Acceptance
DISCOVERING WHAT CONTRIBUTES TO HAPPINESS
Alleviating suffering and promoting happiness can go hand in hand and reinforce each other. The practice of compassion is aimed at alleviating suffering, but that would be incomplete if we did not pay attention to more specific qualities that contribute to happiness in life. While compassion focuses more on the minus side of the happiness thermometer, loving-kindness and fellow joy focus more on the plus side.
In positive psychology, three components of well-being and happiness are distinguished:
1. Pleasurable life: experiencing pleasant emotions and sensory pleasure.
2. Engaged life: experiencing social involvement and connectedness.
3. Meaningful life: experiencing fulfillment and meaning.
Session 6
Research has shown that positive circumstances are only responsible for a remarkably small proportion of happiness. It is not so much what happens to us, but our attitude towards what happens, which determines our happiness. It is important that we can look on the bright side of difficult situations, that we can be grateful for what we have, that we do not always compare ourselves to others, that we can do kind things for ourselves and others, that we are mindful of life and can enjoy the joyful moments that arise to the fullest. Below are a number of exercises that can contribute to happiness.
THE SILVER LINING
(with thanks to K. Neff and C. Germer)
“That which doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.”
(Friedrich Nietzsche).
This exercise can help you move up to phase 5 of the acceptance process (embracing your pain) and see the ‘silver lining’ of your suffering. Whenever we have gone through or are going through a difficult episode in our lives, we can ask ourselves some important questions:
1. Think about a major challenge or crisis you’ve faced in the past. When you look back on this period, did anything good come out of it? What have you learned from this experience that you would not have learned otherwise?
2. Now think of the biggest challenge or difficulty you face in your current life. What good would you like to have come out of it and what do you hope you have learned from it when you look back on it later?
Write down for yourself what the questions raise in you.
GRATITUDE FOR WHAT IS
Gratitude contributes to happiness and health. An interesting study (Emmons & McCullough 2003) took place among students who were randomly divided into three groups and asked to write a weekly report about their lives at that time for
10 weeks.
Session 6
Group A was instructed to write about things for which they were grateful; group B about things they found annoying or irritating; and group C about things that had impressed them (positively or negatively). It turned out that the people in the gratitude group were not only happier, but also reported fewer symptoms of illness and participated in sports more often than the people in the other two groups. Before you decide to write a gratitude journal, which of course is not a bad thing, you can first connect with gratitude through the following reflection exercise:
1. Name 3 characteristics of your life that you are grateful for (circumstances, events, people, pets; past or present). Describe as specifically as possible the details of the experiences that evoke gratitude in you.
2. Next, name 3 qualities (talents, traits) of yourself as a person that you are grateful for. Again, describe as specifically as possible what it is about yourself that makes you feel grateful.
ENJOYING WHAT’S THERE
When you’re in a difficult phase (but no only then), it can be very compassionate to regularly invite yourself to moments of enjoyment: by eating consciously, exercising, listening to music, looking at art or walking in nature. A specific study (Bryant & Veroff 2007) showed that walking for 20 minutes every day for a week with the instruction to consciously enjoy all pleasant experiences along the way already had important positive effects on the well-being of the test subjects. In follow-up conversations afterwards, they also appeared to appreciate the world around them more.
DISCOVER YOUR CORE VALUES
(courtesy of C. Germer, adapted from Hayes) A core value is a quality that gives direction to your life, over and over again, whether your path is through deep valleys or over high mountains. A core value is not an end in itself that you need to achieve, but a landmark that points you in the direction of how to move forward, every time you have achieved a goal, and especially when you don’t know what your next goal should be. People are generally happiest when they align their lives with their core values and the goals they set are derived from them.
Session 6
A core value is like a lighthouse that keeps shining on the horizon, as you move from beacon to beacon. In heavy weather, you can sometimes no longer see the beacons and feel lost, but you can still see the glow of the lighthouse. When you live according to your values, you recognize a trail that runs like a thread through your life. A core value fills you with vitality, causes your heart to open and your whole being to resonate when you connect with it. If you ignore your core values, your heart closes and you lose connection with these sources of life force. Commitment to your core values goes hand in hand with joyful moments and with a deeper sense of peace, but also with pain. Obstacles are bound to be encountered. It is necessary that you are willing to accept that pain that you inevitably encounter, in order not to lose the connection with your values. It is said: in your values there is pain, in your pain there are your values. Examples of core values can be: friendship, love and belonging, motherhood or fatherhood, caring, mentorship, social involvement, health, spirituality.
Consider the following questions:
1. What are your core values? You may be able to find out by asking yourself questions like: What do you want your life to stand for? How would you like to look back on your life later? What would you like your loved ones to say about you when you’re gone? What would you like to see on your headstone?
2. What obstacles do you face on the way to your values?
3. How can self-compassion help you overcome these obstacles?
Write down for yourself what the questions evoke in you.
EXERCISE ENJOYMENT AND REMINISCING
The next exercise is an exercise in conscious enjoyment of sensory sensations. We can enjoy taking a walk through nature, feeling the warmth of the sun, looking at a work of art, listening to music, sniffing a wonderful scent, or having a nice meal. We can reminisce as we recreate these events with the help of our imagination. It turns out that a little extra practice in enjoyment can’t hurt. It’s an old survival mechanism to automatically pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones, and to quickly store the negative ones in our memory. In physically threatening circumstances, it is far more important for our survival that we can quickly recognize danger than that we can enjoy ourselves at ease. Yet, when we consciously dwell longer on what brings joy, we can nourish our ability to
experience happiness.
Session 6
It turns out that happiness is not so much determined by the circumstances in which we live, but much more by the way we deal with them. In everyday life, many moments of happiness can light up, which soon fade away when we pass them by. With practice, we can start to notice these moments more, consciously let them in, enjoy them and reminisce, which is also enjoyment now .
Get in a comfortable position and give yourself time to deepen and slow down your breathing and release any excess tension on an exhale. You don’t have to work against gravity more than necessary and can release the muscles that are still unnecessarily active. The facial muscles may also be soft and a smile may appear on your lips...
Now let a preferably recent event come to mind where you saw something that gave you a sense of joy. Maybe you saw the beauty of a landscape or a beautiful flower. Maybe you admired a photograph or painting. Or did you look at a smiling child’s face, or into the eyes of a loved one? Can you see the situation in front of you again...
Imagine seeing now in all vividness what you saw then... What visual details do you notice? What nuances of colors, shapes, light and brilliance? And while you re-visualize what made you feel happy then, what sensations does this bring about now in your body, your face... in your state of mind, your heart area, your belly...? Allow yourself time to notice whatever is occurring, as you return again and again to the idea of looking at something that gives joy...
Then recall a recent event in your memory when you heard something that filled you with joy. Maybe the song of a bird, the sound of rippling water, the moving sound of a musical instrument or a singing voice, the laughter of a friend... Imagine hearing again what brought joy to you back then... What does that do to you? What do you notice in your face, your body, your state of mind, your heart area? Notice, too, the thoughts, feelings, and associations that the joyful memory of hearing evokes?
Now let a memory come to mind of a fragrance that gave you joy. Imagine smelling again what you smelled back then. What do you notice as you imagine that you are now sniffing this scent deep into your nose? Which sensations occur in the nasal area, which elsewhere in the body. What do you notice in your state of mind? How does your breathing behave?
Session 6
Then, make way for the memory of a recent experience where you tasted something that gave a feeling of delight. Imagine experiencing that delicious taste sensation again now... What happens in your oral cavity, your tongue, your mucous membranes? What else do you notice while the sense of taste is stimulated by your imagination? What happens elsewhere in your body, what thoughts and feelings present themselves?
And now give space to a recent event where feeling gave you joy. Maybe a pleasant touch of your skin by a loved one, the caressing of a pet, or the feeling of rays of sunlight on your face, of wind through your hair, jets of water on your skin when showering, the warmth of a piece of clothing, the softness of your bed... And as you re-imagine this joyful sensation of feeling or touch in all its vividness, what does it bring about in you now? Physically, where the touch took place, and in the muscles of your face, your limbs, your chest and abdominal area? What thoughts and feelings do you notice?
In addition to the five senses that inform us about sight, hearing, smell, taste and touch, Buddhist psychology distinguishes a sixth sense, which informs us about the events in our mind: the ability to notice mental phenomena. Consider a recent incident in which a mental phenomenon gave you joy. Perhaps you can remember a thought that made you happy, a beautiful figure of speech or fantasy, an inspiring insight, a vision of the future or story, that touched you in a joyful way. And what does that do to you now, now that the memory of that mental event is coming back to life? Notice what’s happening in your body and your state of mind...
Return now to the simple observance of whatever is going on ... You can spend the remaining time until the bell rings to return to a memory of a joyful experience, or dwell in open awareness... And if a feeling of gratitude arises in your heart area, gratitude for this special ability to enjoy, you can be aware of it... If you want with a hand on your heart...
EXERCISE LOVING-KINDNESS TO GROUPS AND TO ALL BEINGS
“I would like to invite you to begin by gently repeating a kind or compassionate wish regarding yourself. You can make use of one of the four basic wishes or a wish that spontaneously wells up in you. A wish that fits well with the moment. Then extend the exercise by letting a wish flow to a group or groups of people. For example, to all people in the Netherlands and Belgium, then to all people in Europe
Session 6
... You can also send a wish to all the women on earth, to all the men on earth, to all the children . . . or to all the people who live in a war zone and live in great insecurity . . . to all the people who are starving ... to all the people who are sick . . . to all animals ... You can go to all the continents if you want in your mind . . . There may be a few more groups that spontaneously come to mind . . . And whether it arrives as energy and has an impact or not, that is difficult to determine. In any case, there is already something valuable in the benevolent, tolerant attitude. So don’t hesitate to do this. Then make the exercise very broad and include all living beings in the flow of kind wishes. People, animals, creatures that we don’t see but that may exist somewhere in this universe, all living beings. ‘May all beings be free from fear’ or ‘May all beings be healthy’. ‘May all beings be happy’. Or ‘May all beings live in peace’. Loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity are sometimes referred to as the four limitless. They can be developed indefinitely to all beings in the universe. If you sometimes find that you have gone astray, you may be able to observe this patiently and with the same gentleness let the kind wish flow again ... to the rhythm of the breath... or separately from it. Perhaps it is appropriate to end this meditation practice with the following Asian poem:
“The thought manifests itself as a word.
The word manifests itself as action.
The act develops into habit, and habit hardens into character. So look at the thought with care and let it arise from affection, which comes from concern for all beings.”
Session 6
A human being is a part of a whole, called by us universe: a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest - a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty.
Albert Einstein
Session 6
There is still summer and enough how heavy it would be what slogging if everyone was not benevolent to everyone if everyone did not put everyone on a pedestal.
Judith Herzberg
sitting with the silence presence of shadows unbiased accepting of their existence motionless perform the harmonious dance of a flock of birds in the fall leaving to a same destination
Liliane Priem
Beginning to believe, that a life on earth is possible, everyday life but with love as a heartbeat and for a happiness not just for the man, the woman and the child, but in losing oneself in the other, every other,-
with people as children, friends, partygoers. People.
Hans Andreus
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
FORMAL EXERCISE:
1. Listen to the “Kindness to All Living Beings” exercise once a day. Mention each time you do the exercise on the homework form. Also write down any specifics.
2. Connect regularly with the safe place, your compassionate companion, and/or compassion mode
3. Write a compassionate letter to a ‘difficult’ person
4. Apply the ‘Exercise: forgiveness towards ourselves. Focus on one of the three aspects (‘asking for forgiveness’, ‘forgiving yourself’ or ‘forgiving others’).
See if you can follow the instructions in the exercise, while respecting any boundaries you might encounter.
5. Read the exercise ‘Discovering what contributes to happiness’ and choose one or more exercises. You can do the other exercises later.
6. Follow a mindfulness exercise of your choice as needed, supported by compassion towards yourself (body scan, lying or standing yoga or sitting in attention) from the MBSR/MBCT course
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
INFORMAL PRACTICE:
1. Regularly practice the breathing space with compassion at a time of your choosing, embodying the compassion mode and practice the breathing space compassion – coping and the selfcompassion mantra as often as you like when you sense unpleasant feelings or are experiencing stress.
2. Be aware of acting or speaking without compassion on a daily basis when it appears. Later, fill in the diary ‘Acting/Speaking Without Compassion’ once a day. Use this as an opportunity to become aware of bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings associated with that one event.
Note: This exercise loses value as the distance between the event and the completion of the diagram increases.
3. Connect with the Four Life Friends whenever you want You can ask yourself in a given situation which attitude is the most appropriate: a kind one, a compassionate one, a joyful one, or an equanimous one. Realize that every moment can be one to express one of these basic attitudes to yourself or someone else in a wish.
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
PRACTICE SHEET – AFTER SESSION 6
Write down each time you practice on the practice sheet and make notes of anything that comes up during practice at home, so we can talk about it next time.
Day/date
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Date:
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Practiced: Formal:. . minutes. Informal:. . minutes.
Formal:__min
Informal:_min.
Date: Formal:__min
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Comments:
- What exercises did you do?
- What were the special features of the practice?
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Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
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Informal:__min
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Informal:__min
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Additional details Week 6
Opdracht sessie 6
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
DIARY ACTING AND SPEAKING WITHOUT COMPASSION
Diary
What was the event?
Were you aware of acting and speaking without compassion while it was taking place?
How did your body feel precisely during this experiment?
With what moods and thoughts was this event accompanied?
What is going on inside you right now? And what could be a compassionate response?
Example: my ex-partner is in a new relationship. When an acquaintance of mine told me this, I immediately started slandering my ex.
Not at first, but after a while
Excitement. Pounding heart.
Anger and indignation. I thought, ‘I could never do it well enough; I always did everything wrong’. “I hope things go very wrong with his new girlfriend, then at least he’ll realize what he’s lost.”
Actually, there is still a lot of sadness in me, but that apparently easily translates into anger and resentment. I wish that my pain may be eased and that my ex, his girlfriend and I may be happy
Day 1
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6