Session 5
DEALING COMPASSIONATELY WITH OTHERS;
When we practice mindfulness and compassion, also while we are all alone, we work on relationships. We look not only at the content of our mind, but also at our relationship to that content and to those thoughts and feelings as a mental or emotional phenomenon. To how we feel about it, physically and emotionally, to how we judge it, and to our tendencies that arise in the process. Do we feel like or dislike, loving involvement or angry resistance? From our experience with others, we develop a sense of self at a very young age. If we had never met someone else, there might not have been a self. We create mental pictures of ourselves and others that are not fixed, but can change over time. Through our language and imagination and the many possibilities of communication, the mental images of ourselves and others, and the interrelationships between them, have become increasingly numerous and complex. Even though we often think of ourselves as one ‘self’, we are made up of many ‘selves’, parts of ourselves that are in relation to each other and to others and with which we identify. From which ‘self’ do we look at which other ‘self’? Do we look from a critical self, an indifferent self, a loving self? Are we looking at a failing self, a dull self, a successful self? The quality of the relationship changes with the part from which we look and the part that is looked at. And our emotions and thoughts sway along in this process. In mindfulness practice we learn to look from the perspective of ‘being aware’ itself, from the perspective of the ‘neutral observer’, although we can easily turn that into a concept or ‘self’. Perhaps this view evokes feelings of confusion and threat: who are we then? Only consciousness, just blank attention, which itself is invisible? This is an understandable reaction from our danger system, which undoubtedly comes into action when we are stuck in the belief that we have to defend our psychological self, that which we identify with at that moment, our ‘ego’. As if it were a physical threat. But that’s not the point. This view only wants to free us from the illusion that the ego, our “self,” is a given, and from the irrational fear that we are in grave danger if we lose our ego. The ego has no substance like our body does. We don’t ‘have’ an ego like we have a body. We ‘construct’, build, an ego, and like other mental constructs, it is impermanent and fleeting. A useful tool as long as we use it wisely, but an obstacle if we cling to it too much. It is often more important for healthy survival that we can let it go. A story might make this clear.
THE CASTAWAY
“A castaway fights for his life in a raging sea. He clings to the first piece of wreckage he can grab. He considers himself lucky: the piece of wreckage helps him to keep his head above water and catch his breath. When the sea calms down, he sees a large barrel floating by. He immediately lets go of the piece of wreckage, swims towards the barrel and is able to hoist himself onto it for the most part. Only his legs are still dangling in the water. He has already forgotten about the wreckage and considers himself lucky, he can now dry up a bit and is less cold.
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After a long time, he sees an empty lifeboat in the distance, which must have come loose from the wrecked ship before it sank. He finds the sea calm enough to swim towards it and, without thinking about it for long, he lets go of the barrel and swims in the direction of the lifeboat. He has completely forgotten about the barrel when he grabs the boat and climbs aboard, exhausted. He considers himself lucky: the accompanying oars are also present and a small package of emergency provisions. He eats and drinks, and his strength returns. He begins to row in the direction of where he suspects land. He rows and rows and after a long time his effort is rewarded: land in sight! When he is able to pull the boat, which has been his salvation, onto a beach, he immediately leaves it behind to walk in the direction of a village that he sees in the distance. He longs for human contact and has already forgotten the boat...’ The wreckage, the barrel and the boat can be seen as metaphors for different forms that the ego can take: temporarily very useful, perhaps life-saving, but unnecessary again as soon as another situation presents itself, and then it is life-saving to let it go. The tool has done its job, and is left for someone else. The function remains the same, it remains a tool that helps us survive, but the content changes. In the end, we don’t survive by clinging to one particular “self” and identifying with it permanently. We survive precisely because of our ability to let go of our ego creations in time.
Out of habit we identify with a new form that we experience as more useful. Identifying ourselves with ‘tools’ and building mental constructs is a favorite activity of our new brain, we can’t do anything else and in fact, our survival benefits from it. But, as we saw before, our new brain can also work against us. The point is that we don’t ‘over-identify’ and that we can ‘de-identify’ as soon as necessary. When the danger-oriented or competitive mentality dominates due to our learning history and the associated emotion regulation systems are more often active, it is easy to create a rigid image of ourselves and of others, from which it is difficult to break free. As we become more stuck in old schemes, the flexibility to detach ourselves from our identifications is lacking, and we continue to over-identify. Mindfulness helps us to be more flexible with what we identify with. We witness the process of identification and learn to recognize whether it has beneficial or harmful consequences in a given situation. Others are also part of our minds. We ‘see’ the others, which are present in our mind as mental images, memories, representations. They also show themselves to us in different guises, attractive and less attractive. The nature of the relationship with a mental other depends on which part of ourselves we look from and which part of the other is looked at. Do we look from an uninhibited point of mind, from compassion mode, or from a piece of wreckage, a barrel or a lifeboat? Are we looking at things from a certain mindset or an old scheme that we are stuck in? And: do we only see the other person’s piece of wreckage, barrel or lifeboat? Do we see a certain mentality or an old scheme that the other person is trapped in? Or do we also see a form behind it, an embodied consciousness with unprecedented possibilities, a human being like us? Are we looking at a projection of the image we have of the other person or are we looking with empathy? The quality of the relationship between the part of ourselves that looks and the part of the other that we look at determines the emotions we feel.
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Evolutionarily speaking, emotions are the messengers at the service of our survival. They tell us if we are on the right path to survival. Because social connection has become increasingly important for our survival over the course of evolution, many of our emotions relate to our relationships with others, both the others in the outer world and the mental others in our inner world. In a relationship with a lot of conflict and disruption in the connection, we feel unpleasant emotions, in a harmonious connection we feel pleasant emotions. The relationships between (parts of) ourselves and (parts of) others in our minds can be sources of pain and joy, as can the relationships we maintain with real people. If the relationship with another person in our inner world mainly produces painful emotions, then it is unlikely that the relationship with that person is actually healthy. The less we are dominated by our danger and hunting system, and the more our caring system develops, the greater our ability to learn and the more flexible we become in the extent to which we attach ourselves to our self-image and the image of others. We also become more sensitive to the relationship between (parts of) ourselves and (parts of) others. From compassion mode, we reach beyond the boundaries of our self-image and the image of the other and we look out for our shared humanity. The emotions we experience are the messengers that tell us if we are on the path of social connectedness. In compassion practice, we look at pain, usually in the form of emotional pain, which indicates a non-harmonious connection. We look with mindfulness, from non-judgmental noticing and with warm involvement, from the desire to relieve that pain. Compassion practice is self-transcendent and relational. It is not about the content of ‘self’ and ‘other’, but about the relationship between self and other. It’s about connection, and about healing what has become separated.
KINDNESS TO OTHERS
The self-directed exercises of the previous sessions can be extended to others: to persons we hold dear, family and friends, neutral persons, persons with whom we have a difficult relationship, even persons whom we consider to be our enemies, to groups, peoples and finally to all living beings. During the exercises, this is built up step by step. Again, it is about practicing the skills of the compassion circle, where the qualities of compassion can flourish. We are not meant to get attached to the result and try to magically effect something in those we include in the exercise. It is about attentively developing our capacity for loving intention and engagement with others. It is not certain that the relationship with the person we have in mind in the exercise will actually change. In any case, what can change is ourselves and how we relate to the other in us, and that can favorably affect that particular relationship, but in any case many other relationships, including those with ourselves. We can also address these exercises to people who are far away or deceased. The least complicated, and therefore an appropriate beginning for the practice of compassion towards others, is to direct loving wishes to a benefactor. This is someone who wants the best for us (or had the best intentions, for a deceased person), who stands by us with wisdom and kindness, who puts a smile on our faces and who fills us with warm feelings. It often becomes even more complicated when we involve a family member or friend in the exercise.
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Then ‘difficult’, in the sense of unpleasant, emotions can quickly present themselves. When it comes to a vulnerable family member, the wish ‘may you be safe’ can make us afraid that he or she could become insecure. If we wish a friend happiness and well-being, and we actually think that he is “richer” than we are and is lucky with his job or his partner, feelings of jealousy may arise. If, on the other hand, the person in question is not doing as well as we are, feelings of arrogance or gloating may occur. When such difficult emotions distract us, we can acknowledge them and return to the loving wishes for the other person. When we find ourselves preoccupied with it again and again and the emotions are constantly in the spotlight, it is a good opportunity to practice more self-compassion and direct loving wishes towards ourselves. “May I be free from jealousy, pride, arrogance... etc.’ Difficult emotions indicate a lack of connection in the relationship with the person in question. It is first about connecting with ourselves and acknowledging and naming these emotions, allowing them and feeling them. Only emotions that we allow, we can let go of, or rather: let them be ‘free’. When introducing a neutral person, we broaden the practice to include random others. This may cause boredom, disinterest or drowsiness. Even then, there is the choice between “noticing and returning” or engaging in self-compassion (e.g., “May I be clear and watchful”) and reminding ourselves of the intention with which we are practicing. While directing benevolent wishes to neutral people is a broad exercise (everyone else qualifies), we go into depth when we direct our wishes to a person we perceive as difficult, blocking, or hostile.
After all, this is a person with whom we personally have a disturbed relationship. Staying awake is usually not a problem (if it is, choose a person with whom the relationship is more difficult!) and difficult emotions often arise in all their intensity. It is therefore better to start with a person with whom we experience the relationship as not too difficult, and not immediately with our greatest enemy. We can build up the difficulty step by step, with compassion for ourselves. When practicing with the difficult person, it is normal that we feel resistance. For example, the thought arises: “I don’t want her to be happy at all because she has given me... ‘He deserved his own suffering, if only he had listened to me when...’ It’s not about condoning someone’s bad behavior. It is said: hate the sin, not the sinner. Can we see both the person behind the harmful behavior and our personal reaction (pain, anger, sadness) to that behavior and what it does to us? Just as we are more than our reaction, that person is more than his behavior, and just like us – and everyone else – is someone who desires to be happy and free from suffering. And we can wish that for this person as well. If we feel a lot of resistance, it may be better to return to compassion for someone where this arises easily, or to return to the practice of self-compassion. We don’t have to worry that our practice of compassion towards others is 95% self-compassion in the beginning, because there are many painful emotions that arise: fear (of memories and repetitions of aggression), anger (of what has been done to us), resentment and hatred, envy and jealousy, shame and guilt. We can’t simply get over these emotions, we can only restore the disturbed connection (first of all with ourselves) if we allow them, feel them and let them ‘free’.
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Even when we think ‘I want to forgive and forget everything... forgive and forget...’ that can be an attempt to avoid our emotions and get in the way of connection with ourselves and the other. We cannot rush forgiveness. True forgiveness is only possible when we give space and accept the emotional pain within ourselves. In the practice of loving-kindness and compassion towards groups, we can reintroduce all the individuals we have involved in the practice so far in a group around us and address our wishes to all of them. We can extend the wishes further to other groups, peoples, continents and ultimately all living beings everywhere. Here, too, we can find it difficult to stay ‘with it’ and it is easy for us to get distracted or drift away in autopilot and boredom. When this happens, we can focus attention on it and return attentively. We can also feel overwhelmed by the emotions that arise when we realize the immense suffering of all those people who are involved in wars, or who are affected by natural disasters. Again, self-compassion is a prerequisite for feeling compassion for all those others and that we can only come to the right decisions about what we can do about all that suffering from a connection with ourselves. Practicing compassion towards others is therefore at the same time practicing compassion towards ourselves and the reverse is also true. If we lose sight of that, there is a risk of compassion fatigue. In fact, that term is not correct because we do not get tired of compassion itself. However, we can get tired when we focus excessively on one pain and ignore another. Not because of too much, but because of a lack of compassion, or an incorrect distribution of it, fatigue arises. Compassion fatigue is usually understood to mean that we have exhausted ourselves by being too preoccupied with the pain of others and do not get around to compassion towards ourselves, but the reverse is certainly also possible.
EXERCISE: A COMPASSIONATE LETTER
In this exercise, you are invited to write a letter to yourself regarding a difficulty in your life (recent or less recent). Choose a situation that involves a sense of shame or inadequacy and a tendency toward self-criticism. You write the letter from the compassion mode. If it takes you a lot of effort to feel a connection with compassion mode at the moment, you can first do the exercise from the previous session as an introduction. You look at yourself in the difficult situation from compassion mode... Imagine how you embody compassion and how you grow in wisdom and loving-kindness. From compassion mode, you know from your own experience how difficult life can be, and you look at the suffering part of yourself from a deep concern, a deep desire to offer understanding, warmth, comfort, strength and support. From this involvement, you pick up a pen and paper, and write a letter addressed to your suffering self. The “I” in the letter is the perspective from compassion mode, your compassionate self. The “you” in the letter is your suffering self, which you can address by your first name. Let the words come as they come. When you notice that you have doubts about your functioning as a compassionate being (‘Am I doing it right?’ or ‘I can’t put a lot of feeling into it.’), simply notice it, remember that it is an exercise. There is no right or wrong here, it is about your intention to be benevolent to yourself.
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The practice itself is important, you don’t have to pass an exam. You can practice this as often as you like and gradually you will become more familiar with the perspective from compassion mode. After you have written the letter, the suggestion is that you read it carefully and curiously and ask yourself if the letter really expresses compassion. Is the tone warm, friendly, patient and playful? Or maybe criticism and condemnation have crept in here and there, subtle hints that you should have known better, pedantic advice, raised fingers (you should have done so... You don’t have to... Actually, it should... belongs now...). When that is the case, of course, it doesn’t matter at all, that’s what the practice is for. Recognizing (the disguises of) the inner bully is very valuable, as is learning to sense what the compassionate alternative could be. You can also ask your “compassionate companion” to read along with you. If you have discovered areas for improvement, repeat the exercise again, now or another time.
Points to consider when practicing the compassionate letter:
- Validate the pain of your suffering self, respect the complexity and details of what you perceive (acknowledgment, sensitivity): “I see your anger and frustration... to your eyes, your mouth, your shoulders, your hands... I notice the lump in your throat... your clenched hands... the tension in your posture...’
- Show acceptance and understanding (non-judgmental, empathetic) of the circumstances why it feels that way: ‘... And that’s quite understandable given the disappointment you felt when you heard that…”
- Why it thinks so: ‘... And that’s where these dark thoughts come in. I understand that you experience the event as threatening... After all, you’ve experienced …. before. And it reminds you of...’
- And behaves like this: ‘I understand that you need a warm, safe place and prefer to stay in bed in the morning... that you cancelled that appointment... haven’t opened those letters... You already have enough on your mind and need to rest...’
- Show that you really care about your suffering self (sympathy) and don’t run away from the pain (stress tolerance): ‘I’m really sorry for you, I know what you’re going through... I want you to know I’m here for you... You’re not alone...’
- And are also committed to alleviation of suffering and want to look further for sources of support and strength (care for well-being):
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Do you remember how you did yourself a great service by taking a hot bath last time? calling... (person) to go to ... (person, place)... go for a walk... to see that movie... listening to that song... Do you remember how those words touched you...’. ‘I sincerely wish you that you are now going to do what you really need... Maybe you need…, or ... Maybe you can..., or... Try it... even though it’s hard... We’ll see if it helps...’
Also, practice reading your letter aloud with compassion. Is the salutation okay? How do you treat the suffering self? Does your voice match what you want to convey? Is there warmth and friendliness in the tone, is the pace calm and patient? Do you take breaks? How’s your breathing? How is your physical posture, your facial expression, your glance? Do they express kindness and commitment? Is there a smile playing around your mouth? Do the words come from your heart, are they true? Do you feel what you want to convey? Is your attitude the genuine, authentic expression of your compassionate self?
If you find it very difficult to feel a connection with yourself as a compassionate being, you can also write the letter from the perspective of your compassionate companion. When you read the letter aloud, you can pretend to be the compassionate companion yourself in posture, tone and warmth of your voice, and facial expression. You act as the compassionate companion, as it were. And remember that acting is a powerful method to make your new brain functions work for you, as long as you’re playing the right role. It might be tempting to quickly get this exercise over with. Maybe it feels very awkward and threatening, or maybe weird, bland, or childish. Still, try to do the exercise normally, several times. It can be a powerful exercise to become more familiar with compassion mode and to notice your automatic self-critical tendencies sooner. This exercise is not only about the words and reasoning with compassion, all other skills are also practiced. Above all, observe and practice your voice, your facial expression and posture when reading the letter, and feeling the emotional tone when conveying compassion. In the beginning, it is worth writing your suffering self literally, in various difficult situations (current ones, or from longer ago). Then you can also do the exercise in your mind. Variants: - Preferably also take a situation where the inner bully dominates. You can also address the letter to your inner bully. - Or take a situation where one of your stubborn old schemes rears its head and address your letter to yourself in, for example, the scheme of dependence, inferiority or demandingness, or whatever else applies to you. - If you are used to journaling regularly, you may want to introduce the form of the compassionate letter and start writing from compassion mode.
- Informal practice: continue the practice of looking at yourself from compassion mode in your daily activities as well. Every day you can put the embodying of compassion into practice. It can start as soon as you wake up, take a shower, prepare breakfast... Until the moment you get back under the covers. Practice during your routine activities, in quiet moments and in stressful moments. Remember that this is also about mindfulness practice:
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you choose as a field of attention: ‘yourself as a compassionate being’, with all the physical sensations, feelings, thoughts, behaviors and reactions that occur, pleasant or unpleasant. We noted earlier that allowing compassion can also be very threatening to those who have lacked feelings of warmth and security or for whom these feelings have been abruptly and unpredictably broken.
One has more difficulty with the giving aspect, the other with the receiving aspect of self-compassion. Allowing warmth can evoke feelings of pain, loss, anger, sadness and fear (backdraft, see session 4). Even then it’s about paying attention, feel the emotions, feel them in your body, notice the images, the reactions, your tendency to fight, your urge to flee... and ‘stick with it’ while respecting the limits of what you can bear. Always choose from kindness for yourself: you can challenge yourself, you can also give yourself a rest and return at another time. ‘Look’ again and again from compassion mode to your suffering self from time to time. Look with kind, non-judgmental eyes, “mild,” with gentleness and courage. It is not the case that the progress we make with compassion training can be measured by the extent to which we feel positive emotions. This misleading view can actually cause us a lot of frustration when positive emotions are not forthcoming, which in turn can lead us to blame ourselves for not doing it right. And that may lead us to lose heart and call it quits. So what gives us an indication of whether we are on the right track? Progress on the path of compassion manifests itself in the willingness to feel painful emotions. Western psychology is increasingly recognizing that the avoidance of painful emotions plays a central role in many mental health problems, whether they are mood swings, anxiety and panic, impulsivity, addictions, or eating problems. Whatever form your suffering may take on the outside, compassion practice revolves around this core: from avoiding, to feeling what, here and now, is painful.
EXERCISES :
Gentleness to a troublesome person or an inner tormentor “Adopt a suitable position, sitting or lying down . . . Connect with the position you are in now. To then be aware of the breathing movements, in the abdominal area, or in the chest, and begin by gently repeating a kind or mild wish. With regard to yourself, a benefactor, or one or a few close friends, in an order that suits you well. With a spontaneously arising wish or with one of the four standard wishes described: ‘May I be free from danger’. “May I be well.” ‘May I be happy’ or ‘May I have a good time in my life’. Or “May I be in peace.” You can accompany this with the breath movements, or repeat the wish gently and appreciatively without letting it go along with the breath. Then, in your mind, find someone you consider difficult to deal with. Someone you feel uncomfortable with and who is not pleasant to deal with. You may not immediately have to think about your worst enemy, but you do have a difficult, unpleasant relationship with this person. Maybe he or she has hurt or bullied you, maybe it’s a neighbor who regularly causes noise nuisance or a colleague who often tries to outdo you... See if you can find someone like that. You can possibly make an image of this person and
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put it in front of you in a figurative sense. And then realize that this person, just like you and like all other people, is trying to find his or her way in life and sometimes makes mistakes or does stupid things; usually not on purpose but out of a lack of wisdom. And reflect in the following way: ‘Just as I want to live in peace and in freedom, may you also live in peace.’
And then start by gently repeating a kind or wholesome wish, to the rhythm of the breath or separately from the breath. It turns out that this can sometimes evoke all kinds of emotions at first, just as opening the lid of a cesspool can suddenly release an unpleasant-smelling smoke. For example, in the beginning, this exercise can suddenly cause a flood of anger or old, pent-up pain to well up. If this happens, it’s good to know that there’s nothing wrong with you. It is the release of sometimes deeply hidden anger, disgust, shame, remorse, disappointment or sadness. You may be able to name such emotions as such in a compassionate way, and temporarily return to a mild wish for yourself. For example, “May I be safe” or “May I experience inner space” or something similar. And when inner space has been created, you may be able to return the wish to the difficult person via the route of one or a few people who are dear to you. You don’t have to force kindness. If you feel a lot of resistance, you can also let the exercise rest for the time being and return to wishing yourself something kind.
Or take a less difficult person in mind. If you can’t find a ‘difficult person’ that easily, you can alternatively place an inner ‘tormentor’ in front of you. An addiction that you struggle with on a regular basis, an emotional vulnerability such as depression or anxiety, an undesirable habit or inclination, an excessive strictness towards yourself or others . . . And tailor the wish to this inner tormentor. See if you can gently rock this inclination or vulnerability with the repetition of a mild, kind wish as if it were a tiny baby or kitten, with a wish that fits well.
” May I accept myself’. ‘May I be kind to myself’. ‘May I experience space’. ‘May I take good care of myself’ or something like that, and let this coincide with the breath movements or repeat this separately from the breath within yourself. In this way, you gradually learn to sit with yourself as your best friend.
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All real life is encounter.
Martin Buber
For inspiration
Maybe you’d make it easier on yourself
If you can remember the people as children that for that one, and for that one once a mother lay awake
That a father proud as a peacock took them for a walk that they pinched a finger in the door and cried for a bleeding knee
And that they were once in the first grade a pencil that is way too big in the fist
Trinus Riemersma
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For inspiration
Before you know kindness as the deepest thing inside, you need to know pain as the other deepest thing. You have to wake up in pain. You have to talk to it until your voice Picks up the thread from all the pain and you can see the size of the tissue.
Then it’s only kindness that’s left, Only kindness tying your shoelaces and sends you on your way to post letters and buy bread, Only kindness that lifts the head Out of the crowd of the world to say It’s me you’ve been looking for, and then go with you wherever you are as a shadow or companion.
Naomi Shahib Nye
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
FORMAL EXERCISE:
1. Listen to the gentleness exercise once a day towards a troublesome person or an inner tormentor.
Choose a time when you are open to practicing. And feel free to follow another exercise if you notice that there is a lot of resistance from the difficult person or the inner tormentor. Mention each time you do the exercise on the homework form.
2. Connect regularly with the safe place, your compassionate companion, and/or compassion mode.
3. Follow the advice regarding the exercise: The compassionate letter. (see text)
4. Follow a mindfulness exercise of your choice as needed, supported by compassion towards yourself (body scan, lying or standing yoga or sitting in attention) from the MBSR/MBCT course
INFORMAL PRACTICE:
1. Practice the breathing space compassion regularly at a time of your choosing, while embodying the compassion mode and practice the breathing space compassion – coping and the selfcompassion mantra as often as you like when you sense unpleasant feelings or are experiencing stress.
2. Be aware of compassion mode on a daily basis if it is present. At a later time, fill out the “Compassion Mode” journal once a day.
Use this as an opportunity to become aware of bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings associated with that one event.
Note: This exercise loses value as the distance between the event and the completion of the diagram increases.
ompassion mode on a daily basis if it is present. At a later time, fill out the “Compassion Mode” journal once a day.
Note: This exercise loses value as the distance between the event and the completion of the diagram
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
PRACTICE SHEET – AFTER SESSION 5
Write down each time you practice on the practice sheet and make notes of anything that comes up during practice at home, so we can talk about it next time.
Day/date
_____day
Date:
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Practiced:
Formal:. . minutes. Informal:. . minutes.
Formal:__min
Informal:_min.
Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
Comments:
- What exercises did you do?
- What were the special features of the practice?
_____day
Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
_____day Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
_____day Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
_____day Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
_____day Date: Formal:__min
Informal:__min
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Informal:__min
Additional details
Week 5
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
DIARY
compassion mode
Diary
What was the event?
Were you aware of the compassion mode while it was activated?
How did your body feel precisely during this experience?
With what moods and thoughts was this event accompanied?
What’s going on now in your mind now, when writing?
Example: When I talked about mindfulness training at a family party, a family member started to ridicule me
Yes
At first I was a little tense, but I didn’t harden. Then it softened.
I felt calm, confident. I thought, ‘He’s actually feeling a bit insecure and uncomfortable because it’s confrontational’
While I would have felt angry and misunderstood before, I could now feel much more warmth and understanding. May we both be happy Day 1
PRACTICE SUGGESTIONS
Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5 Day 6