Congratulations to the winners of the 2022 State Men’s Fours Bruce Eagles, Murray Hulbert, Peter Flack and Peter Morgan. They played great bowls in difficult conditions and our Club is very proud of their achievement
From Your Editors 4
Members in Action 6 More Members in Action 10
Some of the Runners Up 16
The Ten Commandments of Bowling 18 Beyond Blue Charity Day 20 The World's Six Best Doctors 20
Sorrento Does It Again! 22 State Over 60s Women's Pairs 24 It's a Small World 24 Out and About 25 Understanding Your True Ability 26 Thanks For Your Concern 29 Jan Pan's Willies 29 A Bridge Too Far 31 Willie the Swan Settles on Tide of Success 31 Six Little Stories 33 15℃ on the 13th Day of Summer 2022! 34
The Age of Segmentation 35
Joe Stow Heart Foundation Charity Day 39 Some Bowls Quotes 41 A Great and Insightful Read 41 Concentration when Playing Bowls 42 Why Not Build a Snowman 43 No Hill too Steep for Versatile Ken 45 Croquet Report 47 100 years old 50
Christmas – A Time of Giving 52 What I've Learned 54 “Spider’s Web of Intrigue” 55 Melbourne Cup Day at Sorrento 56 The Bradshaw and Rogers Wedding 59 Interpreting a Skip’s Language 60
Here we go with March Quarter Edition No 92! The other day Denis Croker asked if we had planned anything special for our 100th Edition! This means eight more! Who knows whether we will get there as we are already having difficulty with finding something like the "Question mark" on the key board and trying to find where we have put somthing! Our computer is also slowing down as we now have more than 10000 images saved in case we need something from the past.
"Ask not what your Club can do for you – ask what you can do for your Club"
Remember we still need Volunteers. A number of key positions are vacant and as a result members like Trevor Orton are doing two jobs! So please offer to help.
We still need feedback and comments on what we publish. We know that there is some repetition as we forget what we have published over the last 16 years. Are we still getting the balance right between reports, articles, stories and cartoons? Please call us on 9309 3108 or email us at nevodell@bigpond.net.au if you have any comments or suggestions. We are running out of ideas and often worry that we are not publishing what members want in our news magazine!
Some more "Did you hear and Did you know?"
Did you know the guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize? Thanks to Mike Berecry for this useful bit of information!
Did you hear the Tony Sabatino thought he recognised Ken Giles as one of the naked bowlers in our December Quarter edition? Pat Dichiera wanted to know what attributes stood out that helped him to identify Ken!
Did you hear during a particularly slow game, when everyone else was already in the club house, Ken Giles told Peter Robson that he had just placed an Uber Eats order for breakfast to be delivered for the players?
Did you know that Chris Lander’s father, Ken, was a champion and versatile sportsman in New Zealand? Born in Wellington in 1930, Ken was first introduced to gymnastics at the age of three but his natural ability quickly saw him also involved in athletics, cricket, rugby union, basketball, golf, indoor bowls, soccer, badminton and softball. But it was in softball and soccer that he really made his mark representing Wellington at Colts and Senior level, and on one occasion the North Island, in softball and right through the grades in soccer until he peaked by representing New Zealand in 1956. Proving lawn bowling runs deep in the Lander family, Ken then took up the sport at the age of 38 and as well as representing Wellington many times, won a stack of club titles. It is obvious that Chris has inherited his father's talents and has followed in his footsteps!
Did you know that Jim Woodward not so long ago spent ten frantic minutes looking for his car in the Warwick Grove Shopping Centre, and getting assistance from other concerned shoppers to locate it? The search continued UNTIL he realised he had driven Robyn’s vehicle to the shops that day. We are all getting older!
Did you know that in November Russell Fishwick, Joe Mola, Peter Blake and Brad Marshall chalked up an eight on the second end of their match on their way to a 13-shot (and pot-winning) victory against Dalkeith-Nedlands?
Some of our glamorous ladies (all born in 1952) enjoying a lunch. We have Trish McCarthy, Shelley Jeffs, Shirley Palmer, Liz McTaggart, Shona Carter, Charmain Harris, Bronwyn Hanna, Vicky Richards and Cheryl Greig
Colin Jasper demonstrating Chinese contortionist Wunhung Low’s memorable “pull your pants up” technique
Did you know that Kerry Bomford has been a volunteer for many years? She started clearing tables, washing dishes, making sandwiches for Men's Pennants, selling raffle tickets and her Croquet Committee commitments. She tells us that she was bought up to not sit on her butt, while others were working around you. She remembers when she first joined our Club Joan Whitham was in charge of the kitchen. At age 80 she was trying to lift a huge sack of potatoes on to the sink for washing. Luckily Brian Lucas came into the kitchen and took them from Joan and lifted them on to the sink. Kerry from that day on, is always prepared to volunteer.
Did you know that Colin and Hilary Jasper have two children and were thinking about having a third? Then they heard the statistic that "One in three children born in the world are Chinese" so they didn't take the risk.
Did you know that Phil Bilich has an international family? His one sonin-law is Polish, the second is Irish and the third has an English mother and an Australian father. He tells us that his wife's mother is French and her father is German, Phil is Croatian and his grand-daughter is going out with a South African.
Did you know that one of our members, who has been skipping Pennant teams at our Club for 30 years, tells us that he has never been asked by a Selector about how the individuals in his team have performed?
Did you know that Peter Flack is a star chef? According to Wendy he makes the most delicious and crispy roast beef in his air fryer. His other specialities are roast potatoes and anything that can go onto his barbecue.
Did you know that in 2020/21 we Aussies drank 2.5 billion pints of beer with a total retail value of around $17 billion. If our calculations are correct this means, this year, the average cost of a pint of beer was $6.80. According to Google about 7 million Aussies drank beer in 2020, so this equates to 357 pints in the year, an average of seven pints a week or for some seven pints in one day! Perhaps 7 million Aussies enjoy one pint per day for medicinal purposes – who knows. Some quotes for your amusement:
• It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance – William Shakespeare
• An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools – Ernest Hemingway
• That’s what I do. I drink and I know things – Peter Dinklage in Game of Thrones
• A bottle of beer contains more philosophy than all the books in the world – Louis Pasteur
• A dyslexic man walks into a bra – unknown
Did you know that in 1978 a middy of beer at the Sorrento Bowling Club cost 44 cents? Stubbies were more expensive at 46 cents. According to our calculations this means that over the past 44 years the price has increased by about 5% per annum!
Did you know that we now have a Mr Ray Green, a Mr Alan Jacks and a Mr Ian Bowler in our Club? The Joondalup Bowling Club has a
Mr Wayne Skipper. No sign of a Ms Kitty, a Mr Draw, a Mr Drive or a Mr Upshot in our membership list though.
Did you know that there are two types of flu – the harmless one that women and children get and the "near death" version that men get?
Did you know that the total number of bowls clubs in Sydney has decreased from 210 in 1980 to 128 in 2022? The attrition rate has also increased recently, with 51 club closures in the past decade alone. A study done by UNSW says “They do have life left in them, but as more disappear, we lose not only a significant part of our cultural landscape, but also another space that is important to many people.”
Did you know that these two often cause upsets on Wednesday evening's Twilight bowls? So if you are feeling blue you don't meet to meet these two! Brian Staples and Stuart Wright have played together for many years and have proved difficult to beat.
Did you hear that during a 1 Blue Pennant game one of our TOP LINE Skippers was having a day out? On one important end Sorrento were holding several shots when the Third called the Skipper and said: “Hey Dave. Play a ROBBO buddy! It's the way to go": Dave’s replied: "What do you mean mate?
The Third responded: "A bloody ROBBO MATE " Skipper Dave had a think for a while and replied: “What was that mate - what shot?” The Third, under his breath: “A bloody ROBBO you bloody drongo – for shit sake”
But showing control he moved to the spot he wanted Dave to play to. On the cross over Dave said to his Third:
“What the bloody hell are you on about? A bloody ROBBO!! WHAT IS THAT?” He soon found out and was awarded Mr Crab by his team for failing to recognise this commonly used international term developed and refined by Peter Robson. Now Dave knows what a ROBBO is! Thanks to Gary Bobridge for this useful summary of the actual turn of events.
Did you hear that after the Men’s State Pairs our Governing Council thanked our Greenkeeper Alan and John McFadden on the way they had prepared our greens for this event and how this had showcased Sorrento to WA's bowling community? One of the finalists was asked "How were the greens today" “EXCELLENT” was the answer. Clive Adams one of the State’s top bowlers said our greens were the best he had played on in 2022.Another top bowler was heard to say “Sorrento’s greens are beautiful” and one of our bowlers said “We‘ve got it good”.
Congratulations to Christine Pierucci. Hers was the first correct entry received in this competition and won a beautiful bottle of Amberley Chenin Blanc. In case you did not recognise these beautiful ladies #1 is May, #2 is Emily, #3 is Moira, #4 is Annie and #5 is Mary
Apologies to Brad Marshall who we called Brett Marshall. Emily Dunn's son, who does our sponsors' signage, is Brett Dunn and we used to have a Brent Marshall in our Club, who was Liz and Ian Marshall’s son, so it was easy to confuse your Editors when it comes to Brets, Brads and Brents! We also left Vonnie King off our list of members who have been in our Club for more than 20 years. Apologies, Vonnie. Some of you will notice that we no longer include everyone's surname.
It is not really necessary especially when there is a photo and we need space for captions. We will have problems with the 12 "Brians"!
– Denise and Neville Match Committee Reports
On a very cold and windy day, the finals got off to a good start between Lee Leach vs. Kerry Hutchinson and Charmain Harris vs. Robyn Woodward. Kerry bowled consistently until the 22nd end where she secured victory. Robyn continued her consistently good bowls to earn victory and make her way to the final to face Kerry. The final between Kerry and Robyn was a pleasure to watch between these two newcomers to the Veteran’s rank. The score was even on the 7th end. Kerry fought back to lead 18 - 16 on the 22nd end and continued her good form over the next two ends to achieve a well earned victory in a high quality game played in difficult conditions.
In the knock-out we saw three competitive games taking 18 ends to declare the winners to progress to the semi final. Players progressing to the semi-final were Tracey Newman, Lee Leach, Sandy Everest and Jennifer Page.
Sandy vs Jennifer was a close game until the 15th end where Sandy took the initiative and managed to hold on for a well deserved victory. The second semi final saw Lee Leach taking on Tracey Newman. This was another close contest but like the first semi, Lee managed to gain
the upper hand at end 15 and held on to win and progress to the final against Sandy. In the final, Lee got off to a great start and pulled away to a commanding lead. Sandy fought back but was unable to bridge the gap at the end and Lee was crowned the Ladies 100 Up Champion, 100-90.
The knockout rounds were played in early October with rinks running N-S for the first time and this provided a different perspective. Quarter-final winners were Ron Rogers over Jan Konig, Colin Jasper over Derek Boardman, Paul Knight over Gary Bayne, and Murray Hulbert over Spider Webb. The semi finals saw a couple of close matches, with Colin defeating Ron, and Murray getting home over Paul. The first half of the final was a more one-sided affair with Colin playing a series of close draw bowls over seven ends to retain the jack and leap out to a lead of 60-20 and, while Murray narrowed the gap over the second part, Colin Jasper ran out a comfortable winner to add his name to the 100-Up trophy.
The eight quarter finalists were Keith Tompkins, Bob Mulroy, Peter Appleton, Neville Odell, Trevor Orton, Barney Fleiser, Derek Boardman and Gary Bayne. After some close play the semi finalists were Barney, Gary, Keith and Neville. The game between Keith and Neville was close during the early stages but Keith then pulled away with some very consistent draw bowling to win this great game between two of our best draw bowlers. The second game between Barney and Gary
was also intriguing with the lead changing several times. By the 24th end Barney was leading 19-18 and after his four bowls was holding three shots for game. Gary played a brilliant last bowl to trail the jack to pick up three shots to win the game. Clearly one of the best bowls played in the competition and a great way to finish the game.
The final between started well for Gary where he jumped to a lead early on but Keith responded, with some very consistent draw bowling to catch up, to the point where the scores were level on the 15th end. Keith then drew away to a small lead of three shots after the 25th end. Keith maintained his consistency to take the final two ends and the game. This was a great game played by two strong bowlers, however, there could only be one winner. Congratulations to both bowlers for putting on a great game for the spectators present and to Keith for a well deserved win.
The first semi final between Trevor Orton, Tony Sabatino, Keith Tompkins and Neville Odell and Bob Mulroy. Lindsay Baker, Alan Jacks and Phil Bilich was a see-saw affair with the scores level after eight ends and again after 16 ends at 14-All. On the 17th end Lindsay trailed the jack for three. This proved decisive and the Mulroy team held on to win 17-15. In the second semi final between Murray Hulbert Peter Morgan, Peter Flack and Alan Walton and Rhett Butler, Willy Tan, Brian Keily and Peter Snow was initially a close game with Rhett within three at 12-15 after 13 ends. Thereafter Murray and his team were able to keep Rhett and his team at bay and run out winners at 19-15.
The final saw Mulroy’s team playing fine bowls and after six ends were leading when it counted over the first six ends to lead 9-3, but they conceded 15 shots over the next four ends to hand control to the much steadier Hulbert team and ultimately the match was called after 17 ends 26-12 to Murray and his team.
In the semis Pauline Bourne and Robyn Van Mosseveld played Shona Carter and Cheryl Greig and in a close contest Pauline and Robyn won 19-16. In the other semi-final Charmain Harris and Kath Harris played Kerry Hutchinson and Shelley Jeffs with the Harris combination winning 26-13.
In the final Pauline and Robyn got away to a good start and were 11-1 on the 5th end. At the 12th end the game was level at 13 all. The following ends displayed great bowls from both sides with Charmain and Kath chipping away and winning four consecutive ends to gain a lead of 18-13. Pauline and Robyn fought back and it was virtually down to the wire with Charmain and Kath two shots up going into the last end. A nail biting finish saw Charmain deliver her last bowl, under pressure, to come in and gain
the shot, giving Kath and Charmain a three shot victory. (Charmain's first at Sorrento.)
The first semi-final between Murray Hulbert, Peter Flack, Pauline Bourne and Wendy Flack and Brian Saul, Nerrida and Ross Porteous, and Jan Power-Tuke saw the Hulbert team gain control to win 16-7. The second semi between Bruce Eagles, Greg Taylor, Kerry Hutchinson, and Coral Smith and Paul Knight, Tracey Newman, Shelley and Bob Jeffs, was closely contested and tied at 14-all after 16 ends.
On the 17th end, team Knight picked up two shots and were looking comfortable winners on the 18th end. However, with his last bowl Bruce drove and converted it 16-16 and forcing an extra end. With his final bowl Paul picked up the jack getting one shot and their place in the final.
In the final between the Hulbert and Knight teams after the first eight ends the game was shaping up as a close affair. A five by Hulbert’s team on the ninth put them 13-4 up and it seemed they were taking control of the game. However, the next seven ends had team Knight scoring five singles and a two, along with a drawn end between three bowls where the umpire couldn’t determine a winner! The fightback to be down only 13-11 was largely due to the outstanding driving and cold draws of skip Paul Knight. Team Hulbert then settled, picking up two singles on the final two ends to win the game 15-11.
In sectional play 24 teams were reduced to the eight quarter finalists. In the first quarter finals Flack/Daley beat Hanna/Palmer and Linford/ Martin lost to Morgan/Cunningham In the other quarter-finals Odell/ Konig triumphed over Tan/Butler 19-15 while Gray/Rogers beat Webb/McCarthy. In the first semi-final Flack/Daley beat Morgan/ Cunningham, In the second semi Odell/Konig beat Rogers/Gray.
In the final between Peter Flack/ Drew Daley and Neville Odell/Jan Konig, Neville and Jan were unable to produce their form of earlier rounds and succumbed to the pressure exerted by their opposition from the start and they went onto win 27-5.
– Thanks to the Match Committees for these reports
The Ten Commandments of Bowling Some suggestions for you to bear in mind
1. If thou art playing Lead and thy opposing team’s Lead bowls first and puts their bowl on the jack, thou shalt not drop thine bowl on their toe. Thou shalt grit thine teeth and say “Good bowl!”
2. Thou shalt not walk all the way around the outside of the green after having bowled bad bowls so that thou does not have to walk past thine Skip. Thy shalt walk past them looking at thy shoes, or the sky, or anything other than thine Skip.
3. Thou shalt not blame the wind, the rain, the heat or the cold for thine
lousy bowling. Thou shalt find something else to blame, like thine husband/wife or thine children.
4. Thou shalt not sitteth thine self on the side of the bank with thine feet in the gutter even if thou does feel tired and it looketh like the perfect place to sit. Thou shall sit thyself on the seats provided and look around to see if anyone hath brought lollies that taste better than thine do.
5. Thou shalt not walk to the other end of the green and start kicking the bowls before thine Skip has had a chance to bowl. It might upset them and lead to them giving thine nasty looks and saying stuff thine does not want to hear, especially if thine side had shot.
6. Thou shalt endeavour to measure properly. Thou shalt not accidentally knock the jack closer to thine own bowl, well, not when the other Third is looking anyway.
7. When thine is playing Second, thou shalt not add the opposing side’s score to thine own team’s score and then say “Whoops! I forgot what side I was on.”
8. Thou shalt not wear thine shorts up around thine armpits and pretend it’s because thou art taller than everyone else is.
9. Thou shalt not badger thy opposing player with an endless stream of idle chatter and unhelpful advice just to distract them. Nor shalt thy tell visiting bowlers that thine is the district coach and that their delivery leaves a lot to be desired just to put them off.
10. Thou shalt not get down on thy knees and pray for rain or do a rain dance if thy team is losing and thou can see no hope of ever catching up. Thou shalt stay on the green and suffer like everyone else in thy team.
Written by Jan Weeks
Friday 12 October was our annual Beyond Blue Charity Day. It was a lovely sunny afternoon and 30 bowlers took part, raising $180. The winners were Helen Eisenmann, Diane Cox, Dorothy Smith and Bernie Smith. The runners up were Gary Johnson, Keith Cooper, Ken Evans and Merv Gregory. Thanks to all for taking part and helping to raise funds for a worthwhile cause.
– Barbara SpenceSteveJobs was the co-founder, Chairman and CEO of Apple Corporation and died a billionaire in 2011, aged 56, after losing his battle with cancer. This is his final essay which he posted just prior to his death.
"I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world. In some others' eyes, my life is the epitome of success. However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, my wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to. At this moment, lying on my bed and recalling my life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in have paled and become meaningless in the face of my death.
You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone bear your sickness for you. Material things lost can be found or replaced. But there is one thing that can
never be found when it's lost - Life. Whichever stage in life you are in right now, with time, you will face the day when the curtain comes down. Treasure love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends. Treat yourself well and cherish others. As we grow older, and hopefully wiser, we realize that a $300 or a $30 watch both tell the same time. You will realize that your true inner happiness does not come from the material things of this world. Whether you fly first class or economy, if the plane goes down - you go down with it.
Therefore, I hope you realize, when you have mates, buddies and old friends, brothers and sisters, who you chat with, laugh with, talk with, have sing songs with, talk about north-south-east-west or heaven and earth, that is true happiness! Don't educate your children to be rich. Educate them to be happy. So when they grow up they will know the value of things and not the price. Eat your food as your medicine, otherwise you have to eat medicine as your food.
There is a big difference between a human being and being human. Only a few really understand it. You are loved when you are born. You will be loved when you die. In between, you have to manage!
The six best doctors in the world are sunlight, rest, exercise, diet, self-confidence and friends! Maintain them in all stages and enjoy a healthy life.
– Thanks to Brian Lucas for sending us this essay
Editor's Note: It's a pity that Steve Jobs did not add lawn bowls to his list of the six best doctors. We could actually have seven of the best Doctors!
In late October the 2022-2023 WA Men’s State Fours had a field of 96 teams. The Sorrento team of Bruce Eagles, Murray Hulbert, Peter Flack, and Peter Morgan did very well to get to the semi finals where they had a 20-10 win over a strong composite team skipped by Segan Pasalich (Osborne Park), Shane Loftus (Osborne Park), Andrew Pasalich (Osborne Park), and Sean Niven (Joondalup)
The other semi-final saw a 18-11 win for South Perth’s Justin Opie, Glenn Pauling, Troy Kinane and Scott Walker over Doubleview’s Kyle Mcllroy, Stewart Gosstray, Steve Cerff and Gavin Faulkner
In the final the Sorrento team started well by winning the first two ends to go up 3-0 with Justin Opie drawing level on the third end with a three. Again, Bruce won two ends in a row and surged to a good-sized lead 11-3 by getting fours on both occasions. Opie again answered by grabbing a four of their own followed by a three to close the gap to a single shot of 10-11 after seven ends of the eighteen-end game.
At the halfway mark of the match, our team was leading 14-10 and were starting to gain the ascendency with more consistent bowls in the head. A two to Opie on the tenth end saw him close within two shots of Eagles at 12-14 but it was the start of the end for the South Perth team.
Three singles in a row followed by two, one, one and two saw Sorrento win seven ends in a row and take a 23-12 win with an end to spare. Bruce Eagles, Murray Hulbert, Peter Flack, and Peter Morgan the 2022-23 WA State Fours Champions are pictured on our cover
– Thanks to Bowls WA
Inearly November our ladies did well in this event held at Rossmoyne, Thornlie and Leeming. Congratulations to Jan Cook and Liz Marshall, Charmain Harris and Robyn Woodward, Shona Carter and Cheryl Greig, who all won their sections on day one. Unfortunately, Charmain and Robyn played Jan and Liz in the first knock-out the following day at Rossmoyne, so one of the Sorrento teams had to depart and on this occasion it was Charmain and Robyn. Shona and Cheryl lost in the knock-out round with a two shot loss against the eventual runners up. Congratulations to Jan Cook and Liz Marshall for making the quarter finals in the event.
Unfortunately for Brian and John, who had decided to have a bowls grudge match, upon arriving at Sorrento they noticed that all the greens were full. Because of a Carnival only one green was available for roll ups. So, they decided to have a drink and watch the green through the window and wait for a rink to become free.
They became particularly annoyed when two women occupying one of the rinks seemed to be more interested in having a chat than playing bowls. Angry at this behaviour Brian decided to approach the ladies about vacating the rink and continuing their discussion in the clubhouse. John was surprised when Brian suddenly about faced and came
From left to right Larraine, G’daughter Yanika, Stan, G’daughter Kaiya and daughter Creina. This picture was taken on Rememberance Day at Kings Park. Note the Ortons in the background photo bombing the Brickell's family photo
You too can have a personalised number plate for about $600 so that everyone know that you are "Off to Bowls". Our dear friend Jan Siney, who is now living down South, had "NANAOFNINE". You can still get a Sorrento number plate if you want one! We think the one alongside belonged to Arthur Richards
Women's Championship Pairs, 2nd Round of Round Robin game between Nerrida and Pat against Shelley and Kerry. The actual score was 11-11 but the scoreboard said 1-111 to Shelley and Kerry, Derek Broadman was quite worried when he noted that Pat was 110 shots down! The game actually finished in a 14-14 draw.
back. He said to John, “I couldn’t say anything to them, one’s my wife and the other is my mistress.” John then said he’d go and sort it out, before he also quickly returned and told Brian “Small world isn’t it”. Hmmmm!
Remember, the problem is not you. Below are some things that you might like to consider to ensure that your true unbridled potential as a quality bowler is rightfully recognised and rewarded:
• It might be the bowls that you use. So, change your bowls as often as you do your underpants (well, at least once a week). There are lots of options in colours, makes and grips that will certainly address the problem. Changing the size of you bowl might improve your bowls. For example going from a size 4 (1.535 kg) to a size 3.5 extra heavy (1.523 kg) could improve you grip especially when its raining. The difference in weight is 12 grams which is about the weight of a $1 coin. It will
make your new bowl about 1% lighter which will make all the difference. You could also try the little ones or even the translucent ones pictured below.
• The reason that you are usually narrow or wide is undoubtedly caused by the bowls that you are using. Change from narrow to wider bowls or vice versa. You can even change from a bowl with a hockey stick to one with a banana shaped trajectory, A bowl’s profile is like a mad woman who is late for work and applying her make up while driving –all over the place like a …. well, you know the rest.
• Remember that the emblem on your bowls might be a problem. One bowler had a "69" as his logo and this seemed to help him bowl better than his opponent who had the “Harbour Bridge” on his bowls. This could make all the difference to how well you bowl. Perhaps binoculars could be a thought.
• Using the same bowls as those used by a world champion could be the motivation that you need to improve your game. Have a look at what’s being used by top players on the World Bowls' website.
• Not playing as high a division as you deserve? Remember, it’s not your fault. Consider changing clubs until you find one that recognises your true potential and puts you into First Division. Remember to tell the Selection Committee about your past achievements and just how good you really are at bowls.
• If changing clubs doesn’t work, get yourself onto the Selection Committee, arguing forcefully for your right to be at least two divisions higher – where you rightfully belong.
• Ignore the suggestions of coaches who suggest that you should change your delivery and stay down more and follow through. They don’t understand that the problem does not lie with you, rather it’s with the people judging you.
• If you are a Skipper ask the Selectors to change your team to ensure that players don’t place bowls in positions that may impede you reaching your full potential. You might have to change your team on many occasions before you can properly perform. Belittling the performance of your teammates during and after the game might help also.
• Insist that all players and spectators remain perfectly still while you bowl. This includes stray animals, planes flying overhead, the rope on the flag pole pinging against the pipe and the shadow from the flag pole. There is no end to the distractions that could be affecting your bowls performance.
• Finally, blame, blame, blame –whether it’s the grass, the wind, the shadows, clubhouse location or the other players. This will help explain why your performance has not reached the standards that you dreamed it would be. If you can’t find an adequate excuse, then go into denial and pretend that everything you did was fine. Oh, almost forgot, if all else fails become bitter and twisted and pull out. That will teach them. Now don’t be so paranoid as to think we are referring to you in this
article – it’s all about the player sitting next to you. You know, the one you were just complaining about. And always remember:
Blessed are they who can play sport, Blessed are they who can still be taught, Blessed are they who accept with grace, To play in any selected place.
– Thanks to Brian Lucas who helped us list these useful Suggestions for Skips, Thirds, Seconds and Leads
Thanks everyone for your concern. First off, I'm OK, I was a bit shaken up though. For those of you that aren’t aware, I was robbed at a Shell petrol station this morning. After my hands stopped trembling, I managed to call the Police. They were quick to respond and calmed me down because my blood pressure went through the roof! My money is gone however. The police asked me if I knew who did it and I told them, “Yes, it was pump number 2.”
– Trevor OrtonIhavebeen fortunate to have some delightful Willy Wagtails build their nest outside my window, so I have been able to watch the father build the nest under the watchful and often critical eye of the mother:
"The walls need to be higher and stronger, Dear”, “Nah, she’ll be right”,
“I am not having my children living in such a dangerous nest”, “Oh OK whatever you say Dear!”.
Then once the nest was built to her satisfaction, the two of them took it in turns to sit on the nest for a couple of weeks, then the babies hatched and poked their heads over the top of the nest and eventually flying away. That was a drama in itself – having these babies fluttering and spluttering around my backyard and neither my dog Toby nor myself allowed to go outside without being buzzed by the parents.
However, they finally got their strength and aim right and were able to fly around without crashing into BBQs, chairs etc! Then surprise surprise I noticed that the pair were back again, doing renovations to the nest (“I told you the walls needed to be higher!” ) And lo and behold another brood! However, sadly the father disappeared, and the mother was left as a single mother looking after the teenagers who still demanded to be fed whenever she was around and sitting on the nest keeping the eggs warm. She used to call out to him all the time and finally attracted another mate, however he was not so hands on as the actual father had been – understandably, they were not his kids! He has come to the fore, however, and is now helping to feed the three babies and supervising them as they leave the nest. Fortunately she was not pregnant with another brood so when I had
some friends around for Christmas drinks they weren't buzzed or had baby birds landing in their glasses or canapés!!
– Jan Paniperis
Everwondered how long it would take you to walk from Sorrento to the Bullsbrook Bowling Club? You have! Perhaps it’s time to think about joining a bridge club, men’s shed or taking up some other hobby. Anyway, if you insist. It will most likely take you 7 hours and 19 minutes. So, we suggest heading off around 5am. On the positive side you will use up around 1000 calories, which to be frank wouldn’t do you any harm. On the negative side you will most likely get to Bullsbrook and having forgotten to take your bowls bag.
Sound too hard? Perhaps you could borrow your grandchild’s bike and ride there. That would take you over two hours but will be more beneficial by chewing up around 1200 calories which is better than walking, but a puncture could slow you down and also tax your mechanical skills. So how else, public transport? Unfortunately, that will take about the same amount of time as riding, with no calorie loss. OK, you could drive your car which would cut your journey down to 31 minutes but where’s the adventure, the calorie loss, the other health benefits, increased cardio vascular capacity?
I hear you – who cares? Have a toasty at the Club and grab a lift with one of your teammates. Good thinking.
– Brian Lucas and Jim WoodwardBy his own admission Willie Tan has been on a bowling journey for several years. But now Willie has joined Sorrento, hopefully
he has reached his destination. And it’s no coincidence the arrival of Willie has come at a time when Sorrento’s Premier Division squad dumbfounded the critics by surging to a magnificent start to the season on Saturdays.
Bowls scribe and Cambridge top division player Clive Adams wrote at that time that “Sorrento has a way of bonding together against adversity.” The affable Willie has certainly been part of that process this season after the loss of a couple of big names.
Born in Singapore in 1958, Willie’s bowls journey began at Hilton Park in 1989 five years after he arrived in Perth and he has subsequently played for Safety Bay (twice), Cockburn, Dalkeith-Nedlands, Stirling, Kardinya, Warnbro and Mosman Park.
And it was during his time at Warnbro that Willie was voted club coach of the year. During that 32 year period Willie has played in all positions in a team but when skipper Rhett Butler asked him to come and join Sorrento as his lead on Saturdays this season another new uniform became part of Willie’s wardrobe.
And the combination of Rhett and Willie plus the highly experienced Allan Jacks and Peter Flack has been extremely productive – none so more than in round five when they were the only winning team and earners of a vital competition point, on North Beach’s skating rink. Forming an even closer bond, and no doubt talking shop along the way, Willie drives Rhett from Rockingham, where they both live, and back on match days.
So, apart from becoming a Sorrento Swan, what does Willie think of our Club and how is he enjoying the experience? “The people here are awesome and they are very warm and friendly and I could see the difference (from other clubs) straight away.”
And you can’t help but compare the distance Willie and Rhett travel and their enthusiasm about playing for Sorrento with the situation and sentiments of Ron and Kerry Hutchinson and Jeff Thomson and Lesley Hughes who also all drive past countless other bowling clubs to play for us.
But what you see from Willie on the green on Thursdays and Saturdays is just the tip of the iceberg. Behind the scenes he is a fully qualified coach and coaching assessor and umpire as well as running a junior coaching program where he introduces bowlers from years 3-6 to the game of bowls. Willie is currently undertaking an International Technical Officer course which, when he graduates, will qualify him to umpire international matches.
When he first came to Australia, Willie found work at a Comalco factory involving sliding windows and then made heavy duty chains for roller doors. These days he describes himself as a “semi retired gardener” which easily fulfils his passion away from bowls. But Willie says gardening also keeps him fit. He is certainly a perfect fit for our Club and now he has sown the seeds at Sorrento, maybe he will become a perennial.
– Jim Woodward1. Once all villagers decided to pray for rain. On the day of prayer all the people gathered, but only one boy came with an umbrella.
"Winners were Grinners" on Tuesday 13 December when 2 Blue played Dalkeith in very cold blustery conditions. From left to right: Shirley, Glen, Anna, Jodi, Jennifer, Jan, Liz, Anne, Beryl, Sue, Monique and Helen
Above: Stan, Peter and Derek enjoying 15℃ on the 13th day of summer while watching their wives play Pennants! Below the "Road to Dalkeith"
That's FAITH.
2. When you throw babies in the air, they laugh because they know you will catch them. That's TRUST.
3. Every night we go to bed without any assurance of being alive the next morning, but still we set the alarms to wake up. That's HOPE.
4. We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future. That's CONFIDENCE.
5. We see the world suffering, but still we get married and have children. That's LOVE.
6. On an old man's shirt was written a sentence I am not 80 years old; I am sweet 16 with 64 years of experience.' That's ATTITUDE.
Have a happy day and live your life like the six stories.
– Thanks to Brian Lucas for this contribution
Are you a working age, sexagenarian, baby boomer? If you are, then you’re aged between 60 and 62. While it is often argued that age is meaningless, much global effort has been invested over the past hundred years to segment and differentiate people by grouping them by age and when they were born. The birth dates that determine generations are outlined below:
• Greatest Generation: pre-1928.
• Silent Generation (also known as the Traditionalists): 1928 - 1945.
• Baby Boomers: 1946 - 1964.
• Gen X: 1965 - 1976.
• Gen Y / Millennials: 1977 - 1995.
• Gen Z / Centennials 1995 - 2010.
• Gen Alpha: 2010 to 2024.
Interestingly, the Alpha generation when completed will be the larg-
est generation in history and the most materially endowed (no doubt thanks in part to the generosity of Gen X, Y and Z). Could the Silent Generation have been told to be quiet by their Greatest Generation parents?
People are also differentiated by their age and grouped within the following age segments:
• 10 and 19 - denarians.
• 20 and 29 - vicenarians.
• 30 and 39 - tricenarians.
• 40 and 49 - quadragenarians.
• 50 and 59 - quinquagenarians.
• 60 and 69 - sexagenarians.
• 70 and 79 - septuagenarians.
• 80 and 89 - octogenarians.
• 90 and 99 - nonagenarians.
• 100 and 109 - centenarians.
• 110 years+ - supercentenarians.
I wonder if this means that we need to be mindful of our purity when meeting people aged between 60 and 69. And did supercentenarians bemoan the demise of the public telephone box because it forced them to get changed at home.
So now you should be able to work out where you are categorised by statisticians and then decide if it matters. While you are at it, why not consider your gender. There are apparently 68 ways of describing a person’s gender identity and expression.
Some interesting work by researchers who reviewed segmentation in the workplace concluded: “Millennials only want to communicate with co-workers via text —
As a gesture of appreciation, Terry Parker and Ray Stapledon made a small presentation to the ladies who prepare the sandwiches for Pennants each week on behalf of 5 Gold. From left to right: Nora, Marilyn, Terry, Ray, Sheila and Marilyn
A lovely photograph of Mary and Alan Rolls and their grandchildren Layla and Olive. We are looking forward to seeing Alan back on the bowling green in 2023
and Baby Boomers don’t text, right? And you need to attract those techy Millennials with promises of flexible work schedules, but their older counterparts all want a traditional workday, correct? Actually, wrong. There’s very little evidence that people of different generations behave markedly different at work, or want markedly different things. And yet because we have stereotypes about people of different ages — and because we have stereotypes about what we think people of different ages believe about us — our ability to collaborate and learn is negatively affected. To address this, managers need to talk openly about stereotypes; emphasise the commonalities and shared goals all employees have; and recognise that employees’ needs change over time, and in lots of different ways.”
So why is so much effort invested in segmentation? Is it so society gets a better understanding about the behaviours and aspirations of people in the different segments, or is it to foster dozens of well paying career paths?
A final thought from Sophia Loren - “There is a fountain of youth: it is your mind, your talents, the creativity you bring to your life and the lives of people you love. When you learn to tap this source, you will truly have defeated age.”
– Written by an elderly, septuagenarian and baby-boomer
OnFriday, 9 December, we celebrated this special annual day when we pay tribute to Joe and Barbara Stow who for many years organised Friday and Sunday afternoon social bowls, Thanks to Helen and Herbie we have a photo.
Joe was a great character and loved giving everyone a nickname. In turn he was nicknamed " Fat Cat" and we still have "Fat Cat's corner"
There were forty players which was quite a good number. It was a good day and it was a lovely sunny day with a slight breeze. We raised $365 which was part of the players entrance fees plus some donations.
The winners were Shona Carter, Geoff Edwards (missing from the photograph), Ken Partridge and Gary Johnson and the runners up were Ian Johnston, Ken Evans, Merv Gregory and Emily Dunn.
– Barbara Spence
• Bowls is an awkward set of bodily contortions designed to produce a graceful result.
• There is no such thing as ladies’ bowls – only good or bad bowls played by a member of either sex.
• Bowls is 20% mechanics and technique. The other 80% is philosophy, humour, tragedy, romance, melodrama, companionship, camaraderie, cussedness and conversation.
• Playing bowls is like eating. It’s something which must come naturally.
Icounted my years and found that I have less time to live from here on than I have lived up to now. I now feel like that child who won a packet of sweets: he ate the first with pleasure, but when he realised that there were few left, he began to enjoy them intensely. I no longer have
time for endless meetings where statutes, rules, procedures and internal regulations are discussed, knowing that nothing will be achieved.
I no longer have time to support the absurd people who, despite their chronological age, haven't grown up. My time is too short: I want the essence, my soul is in a hurry. I don't have many sweets in the package anymore. I want to live next to human people, very human, who know how to laugh at their mistakes and who are not inflated by their triumphs and who take on their responsibilities. Thus, human dignity is defended and we move towards truth and honesty
It is the essential that makes life worth living. I want to surround myself with people who know how to touch hearts, people who have been taught by the hard blows of life to grow with gentle touches of the soul.
Yes, I'm in a hurry, I'm in a hurry to live with the intensity that only maturity can give. I don't intend to waste any of the leftover sweets. I am sure they will be delicious, much more than what I have eaten so far.
My goal is to reach the end satisfied and at peace with my loved ones and my conscience. We have two lives and the second begins when you realize you only have one. "
– Mario de AndradeCONCENTRATION is defined as: "The action or power of focussing all one's attention" and FOCUS is defined as: "The centre of interest or activity"
Putting it simply, concentration is the ability to think carefully about something you are doing and nothing else. It means controlling your attention to focus on the job at hand and to exclude any other related thoughts. By improving your concentration you can improve your ability to become more consistent when bowling.
When on the mat:
• Stay aware of the game's position of each end prior to your turn
• Stay in the moment
• Shut out external noise
• Don't be distracted whilst on the mat
• If you are distracted withdraw, regain your poise then go again
• Focus solely on what shot you are about to deliver
• After delivering the bowl, review what you did correctly, i.e. line and length and, if necessary, adjust for your next delivery.
REMEMBER it's your 20 - 30 SECONDS on the mat when you can make a difference
– Graeme O'BrienWe received about 4 inches of snow yesterday and by –
• 8:00 am: I made a snowman
•
8:10 - A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn't make a snow woman
• 8:15 - So, I made a snow woman
•
8:17 - My feminist neighbour complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest saying it objectified women everywhere
• 8:20 - The gay couple living nearby threw a hissy fit and moaned it could have been two snowmen instead
• 8:22 - The transgender man/woman/person asked why I didn't just
make one snow person with detachable parts
• 8:25 - The vegans at the end of the lane complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and are not used to decorate snow figures
• 8:28 - I was being called a racist because the snowcouple is white.
• 8:30 - I used food colouring to make one of the snowcouple a different colour and be more racially inclusive
• 8:37 - Then I was accused of using a black face on the snowperson
• 8:39 - The middle eastern gent across the road demanded the snowwoman be completely covered
• 8:40 - The police arrived saying someone had been offended
• 8:42 - The feminist neighbour complained again that the broomstick of the snow woman needed to be removed because it depicted women in a domestic role
• 8:43 - The 'council on equality' officer arrived and threatened me with eviction
• 8:45 - TV news crew from ABC showed up. I was asked if I know the difference between snowmen and snow women? I replied "Snow balls" and am now a sexist
• 9:00 - I was on the news as a suspected terrorist, racist, homophobic, and sensibility offender, bent on stirring up trouble during difficult weather
• 9:10 - I was asked if I have any accomplices. My children were taken by social services
• 9:29 - Far left protesters offended by everything marched down the street demanding that I be arrested
• 9:45 - The boss called and fired me because of the negative association with work that had been all over social media
• 10:00 - I cry into my drink because all I wanted to do was build a snowman
Moral: There ain't no moral to this story. It is what this world has become because of a bunch of snowflakes.
Whenit comes to diversity Ken Giles’ time at Sorrento pretty much mirrors his life before he took up bowls. Hailing from the tiny town of Williams on the edge of WA’s Wheatbelt, Ken showed his versatility during a working life that included many interesting job opportunities. And Ken’s time since he joined Sorrento in 2001 has followed the same busy pattern both on and off the green.
Born at Narrogin Hospital in 1938, Ken spent the first chapter of his life in Williams, 170kms south of Perth, where his parents ran the local hardware store. Leaving school at the age of 15, Ken worked at the hardware store, along with his brother, Doug, for five years.
During that time a young lass named Nora lobbed in Williams looking for a job, which she acquired at the local café, and, both aged 19, began a partnership with Ken which has lasted ever since.
It was during that period that Ken modestly mentions that while playing a game of Aussie Rules for Williams he was opposed to a bloke called Barry Cable who just so happened to be playing for the Imperials team from Narrogin. Nora says a more accurate version of what happened was how Ken, and others, simply chased Barry around that day.
Then out of the blue Ken was approached by the Williams postmaster who asked if he was interested in a job. Ken accepted and held that position until transferred to the Medina post office in Perth.
Then came a complete change of direction when Ken joined the RAAF in 1965 and after recruit training at Edinburgh in South Australia settled in as a driver at Point Cook in Melbourne where he drove VIPs around.
Then, in 1968, no sooner had Ken and Nora, returned to Melbourne after a long Nullarbor drive home to see family at Christmas than did his boss call him in and asked if he would be interested in a transfer to Perth. Leading Aircraftman Giles and Nora jumped at the idea and suddenly Ken had a job in Perth which included driving Provost Marshals all over the place rounding up members of the Air Force who had gone AWOL.
Ken left the RAAF after a six-year stint and for the next 22 years held a job with the Department of Works as a driver and purchasing officer at defence bases, including Swanbourne. Then on the very day he turned 65 Ken retired from his last job as a commercial cleaning supervisor. Realising Ken would be lost without something to do Nora suggested he take up bowls and Sorrento just happened to be the closest club to where they lived. But Ken’s first attempt to get involved with the club merely involved intrepidly driving around the car park outside and returning home. Jay, the youngest of Ken and Nora’s three sons, then took matters into his own hands and organised some coaching lessons for his dad who, now past the point of no return, then began social bowling in 2001. Two years later Ken put his hand up for pennants and in the 20072008 season was runners up in the club’s championship fours along with Noel Summers, Neville Odell and Neil McRae. Ken went one better in 20016-20017 and got his name on the honour board alongside Tom Nasuti, John Sanders and Tiger Hogan by beating an opposition skippered by Bruce Eagles.
If there was a title King of the Volunteers at Sorrento Ken would be right in the running. His work at our Club over the years is legendary with, for starters, a massive 15 year stint on the Match Committee alongside blokes like Chris Tibbits, Stan McCullagh and Trevor Orton. The other jobs Ken performed are too many to mention but included such things as organising barefoot bowls for all ages, trophies to be engraved and joining Moira Dean, Annie Taylor and Vonnie King in gardening duties.
When a position of Volunteers Co-ordinator had to be created Ken was the stand out candidate. To this very day Ken, at the age of 84, remains heavily involved organising members to perform the plethora of vital tasks required to keep a great club great. Somehow it seems appropriate that a bloke who started off in a hardware shop is still so hard wearing.
– Jim WoodwardWe extend our thanks to the generous donors of prizes; those who helped to pack the prize hampers; all the willing sellers of the tickets; the Bar Staff for managing the daily takings; and of course, members who bought the tickets! The raffle was drawn on Melbourne Cup Day producing ten lucky winners. Thank you, again, for all your support.
This was held in early December to avoid the “Silly Season” later in the month; and was attended by 37 members, their partners and friends. Once again, we thank everyone who helped to plan, organise, set up, serve and clean up before, during and after the lunch. The photo would indicate that everyone had a most enjoyable time. The bottle
of Bourbon was won by Terry Craddock who “bowled” his gold coin to land at the closest point to the bottle! A most deserving winner! During the lunch, Wendy Price presented all new(ish) players with a set of scoring beads that she had made – a very kind and thoughtful gesture indeed! Thank you, again, Wendy!
In December, we hosted 18 visitors to the Croquet section to celebrate their end of year function. Four of our loyal members, Sandy Boon, Wendy Price, Caroline Russell-Brown and Vicki Mitchell, volunteered their time and expertise to introduce the group to the basics of the game and assist them in having fun by playing a few games. Our volunteers went “above and beyond” by decorating the croquet shed in a Christmas theme; and by awarding a small prize to the first person to run a hoop. We also welcomed Alan Grundy from the UK who joined us for an afternoon of Golf Croquet.
• In November Terry and Jan Craddock enjoyed a beautiful weekend playing in the Busselton Spring Tournament. They were required to play in Busselton and Dunsborough. They did very well to be placed fourth in their block. Saturday evening was spent enjoying a dinner at the Geographe Bay Yacht Club.
• Several of our players travelled to Hyden for a fun weekend of croquet and/or sightseeing. Despite the rather strange weather, including a day of hail, they enjoyed the weekend. Congratulations to Wendy Price, who with John Jury from Moorabinda Croquet Club, were runners up.
• Wendy and her sister, Janice, entered the “Flexi competition” and did very well to be placed seventh in a field of 12 including a number of “A” Grade players.
• Terry, Jan and Di entered the one day Singles at Belmont again
Left: Terry and Jan enjoying a weekend at the Busselton Spring Tournament.
Right: Sisters
Janice
competing against “A” Grade (State) players. They enjoyed the fierce competition and did not disgrace themselves.
Once again, we joined the social bowlers on Tuesday evenings, which has proven to be most successful and enjoyable. Croquet volunteers prepare the salads every fortnight for the BBQ hamburgers. Thanks to the bowlers for sharing this evening event with us.
Finally I would like to wish all members a very happy, healthy and successful 2023
– Di McGivernOld time bowler and multiple state and club title winner Doug Arrowsmith from Hollywood Subiaco is over 100 years old but still has a regular drink at his club. I played there earlier this year and a beautifully maintained Holden Brougham (circa 1968) caught my eye as it left the car park. A few enquires later I learned that Doug still lives alone in City Beach.
One day recently a fellow followed him into his driveway. Nervously, Doug asked the visitor if he could help him and was asked if he’d sell his car to him for $30,000. Doug explained that the car was not for sale. The visitor then upped his offer to $40,000 but again Doug declined. And just to finish Doug’s tale he had to do his annual driving test a few weeks earlier, but he forgot his driving glasses…but still passed his test. A REAL TOUGH OLD FELLER, DOUG.
– Trevor Orton
Overtwo days in the week leading up to Christmas, a small group of Club volunteers gave their time to cook, prepare and deliver a Christmas dinner to Rainbow Community Services for up to 80 men, women and children who are currently homeless in our neighbourhood.
What many may not know is that Anthea Ward (a much loved member of our bar staff) is the Operations Manager for Rainbow Community Services. The organisation is based in Landsdale and provides food relief to the local community by way of food hampers to families in need every Monday and Tuesday. Every Thursday, they offer hot meals to the homeless, as well as shower facilities and access to medical attention.
With her regular team of volunteers already stretched to the limit, the Sorrento volunteers were happy to step in and help Anthea and her wonderful organisation for their annual Christmas dinner.
A huge thank you to Ross Cunningham for cooking the meats, Shona Carter, Robyn Woodward, Sheila O'Reilly and Wendy Flack for the prep of the salads, Bob and Shelley Jeffs for their carving skills, and Jim and Jan Portwood for delivering all the food to Rainbow Community Services in Girrawheen on the Thursday morning.
Thank you also to Anthea Ward for providing all the produce and the opportunity to help your organisation, to Sorrento Bowling Club for the use of the kitchen, and to Wendy Flack for organising this community project. Merry Christmas!!
- Neville Odell
• To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it
• Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight
• It's the start of a brand-new day, and I'm off like a herd of tortoises.
• The older I get, the earlier it gets late
• When I say, "The other day," beware, I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago
• I can remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
• I had my patience tested. I'm negative
• Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers
• If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
• When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean that I am free. It means I am doing nothing
• I finally got eight hours of sleep. OK, so it took me three days, but whatever
• I hate it when a couple argues in public, and I missed the beginning, so I don't know whose side I'm on
• When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
• When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
• I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited
• When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east"
• Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out
• My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.
– Thanks to Trevor Orton for this useful list
My first bit of interesting information for this new column is about Shona Carter, or should I say Showya Car-ter. One day she was seen wandering around the main car park flicking her car key on and off in a desperate bid to find her seemingly lost car. But then, like the shot of an alarmed brake light, she suddenly remembered that she had parked it behind our Club in the specially reserved VIP spots!
It has also become obvious that Jeff Thompson needs a new GPS! He managed to get lost when travelling from Sorrento to North Beach Bowling Club. As team manager he set off early to do the cards but ended up at Karrinyup Shopping Centre! He eventually arrived at Noth Beach Bowling Club one hour after leaving Sorrento!
Did you hear that Jan Paniperis and Lesley Hughes are very excited as they will both become grandmothers in 2023? First Jan and then Lesley
“The itsy bitsy spider crawled up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. The Spider is watching you so be prepared! The Spider is watching you!
Our ladies did a great job with catering and decorating our Club
In the last news magazine we mentioned that Ron and Barb Roger's daughter, Leah, had married Julie and Paul Bradshaw's son, Hayden Bradshaw, who is also Barry and Wilma Bradshaw's grandson. We now have a lovely photo of this special occasion. Left to Right we have Barb and Ron Rogers, Leah and Hayden Bradshaw and Julie and Paul Bradshaw
GeorgeBernard Shaw once said, “The single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place”. Nothing is so simple that it can’t be misunderstood. As a consequence, the best Skips try to be effective communicators, motivators and tacticians.
Communication is something we all do and something which can prove quite humorous or quite hurtful. Words quickly get misinterpreted or misunderstood. Luckily, it’s not an everyday occurrence. Nonetheless, it’s something we can easily find humour in.
Let’s explore the underlying meaning that may be inherent in some of the comments made by our Skips:
“Good weight!” – One out of two is about as useful as a one-armed juggler. What a lousy line.
“Good line” – One out of two is about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. What lousy weight.
“Good back bowl” – At least you’re not short again and it could prove useful – still it’s as useful as rubber lips on a woodpecker.
“That could be useful up there” – Hope lies eternal in the human breast. That bowl is as useful as a corkscrew at an AA meeting.
“You'll get it next time” – As long as you do something completely different. As useful as a chocolate tea pot.
“You were skinny and short again! Cut the weight and cut the grass” – I only say this to completely confuse you. That’s probably the only way that will help you do everything differently.
“Plonk one here” – Please keep out of the head to minimize the damage you have done so far.
“That was an absolute bomb” – I’m about to explode – in fact that’s as useless as a knitted condom.
“Hooley Dooley” – An expression of surprise and amazement.
“I’ll do the firing thank you” – I presume that was an attempted draw from my Lead.
“You’re ending up in a good spot” – Only through divine intervention!
“Every bowl pleases someone” – Yours mostly please the opposition.
“I don’t go that far in my caravan” – I feel like a holiday right now.
“Good shot – we need one there” - It was a bloody awful shot but I’m trying to patronise you without you realising it. They may as well put ejection seats in helicopters.
“Make up your own mind” – You normally do.
“If you fell into a bag of nipples you would come up sucking your thumb” – I think he might be suffering from old age child syndrome.
“If your aunty had bowls, she’d be your uncle” –That bowl is about as useful as a dead dingo’s donger.
“We are playing for a dead chook not a sheep station” – Get on with the game because I’m getting thirsty.
“That was a bit of a pineapple” – Wobble occurs if the coaxial engraved rings of the bowl are not parallel with the direction of delivery. Struth I’m bored. While the bowl’s funny to watch it’s not very useful.
"Your last five bowls have all been short. Listen to your bowls" – A Skipper’s lot is not a happy one.
Finally, when a Skip says “Extractus indexus” remember that this Latin quotation is used when they want you to pull your finger out of your bum and get a bowl in the head.
All right Skips, we may be exaggerating the meaning behind some reported comments for a bit of fun. But we should always remember that when and how we communicate on the green should be a considered approach designed to inform, motivate or stimulate a real person with feelings and aspirations. Saying something for the sake of saying something is a waste of everyone’s time. Some thoughts to consider: √ Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit √ Body language matters √ Be brief, yet specific √ Think before you speak.
Remember bowlers have eyes and minds and don’t need you to commentate the path of a bowl or to state the bleeding obvious! Everyone knows when their bowl is short or wide and so there is no need to tell them and everyone else in earshot.
– Adapted by Brian Lucas from Neville Odell’s second book – “A Tad More Grass”
Remember that a Skipper's body language is important
A Skipper without a sense of humour
A depressed Skipper wondering how to get through the "Great Wall of China
