Lampoon 2022

Actual Quotes… … said by teachers and students during the 2021-22 school year “My favorite part of Mass is the ending.”

- Mr. Whartenby, 6/22/21, kidding around with his summer World Religions class “Here’s a crazy thought: it doesn’t matter what you do to get into heaven.”

- Mr. Whartenby again, 6/15/21, about how to secure eternal life in heaven “That’s why we should be playing that Squidward Game.”

- Mr. Whartenby, 10/20/21, revealing his knowledge of popular culture “You know, JFK was a real player. He would always have girls in the Oval … oh, hello Mr. Burke!”

- Mr. Eckerle, explaining JFK’s extracurricular activities in the White House just as Mr. Burke walked into his classroom “I'm just trying to make sure you don’t get your s**t rocked in college.”

- Mrs. Hill, 9/20/21, with some advice for Santino DeRose, after one of Santino’s jokes during class failed to land Mr. Heston: Why did you put your hand up?

Liam Parsons: It was an accident.

Mr. Heston: You were an accident.

“Yes Dan, I am drawlin’.”

- Mr. Heston’s response to Dan Raksnis’ comment from the bench during a scrimmage that Mr. Heston was drawlin’ for not running a good play “I don’t know what symbol that is … oh, that’s an integral.”

- Mike Georges, 11/10/21, with an unfortunate lapse in memory about a calculus concept in Mrs. Carmine’s AP Calculus BC (and which resulted in a very angry Mrs.Carmine) “I’m ready for lunch. I’m feeling like a hungey bungey.”

- Mr. Crouse, minutes before the start of the 7/8 lunch period Profe: “Why are you calling me from the dumpster?”

Dan Price: “I accidentally threw out my retainers.”

- Taken from the transcript of Danny Price’s phone call to Profe, explaining why he was late for class 4