Flame Article: Founders Zoo (Michael Pimble

The Flame

HGP celebrates grand opening of Founders zoo

By Michael Pimble STAFF WRITER

This past school year, the students and teachers at HGP have encountered something brand new on the first floor of Founders Hall – our very own Holy Ghost Prep Zoo! That’s right. What used to be a library and a study area for the whole school is now a few wide open habitats. The shelves of unused books have been replaced by a more spacious environment where the inhabitants can roam more freely. The various species who now live in the Zoo can sleep or stare at their phones in the new Zoo lounge chairs. Or they can socialize freely with other members of their environment, an activity no longer restricted by any “Quiet” signs. Not everyone is happy about the arrival of the HGP Zoo. They believe its creation has led to some unwelcome new habitat behavior. The biggest complaint seems to be the increased volume of the new space, especially with the arrival of the Zoo’s newest inhabitants. Many of the Zoo’s former and current users have become alarmed by the noise levels some of these younger creatures reach when they interact with one another. “They were saying something about a Chips Ahoy Club and ‘smart-o-sapiens,’” one observer told us. “But do they have to talk about these things as if a plane was taking off on the other side of the room?”

The high volume of these newer members has become especially noticeable when they gather at tables once used for group study and NHS tutoring to play matches of Chess, Clash Royale, and “Magic” during their Zoo periods (also known as “free” periods). To investigate the validity of the noise claims, I spent time observing these younger inhabitants in their new environment. Unfortunately, I could not stay longer than two minutes, due to the high risk of possible hearing loss. Other Flame staffers reported similar observations about the Chess matches and Magic games. One reporter described one of the younger creatures “yelling about 20 phrases in a bad Dobby the House Elf voice in less than five minutes.” Another staffer reported watching another creature trying to tickle the Chess players. A third reported that he could hear these younger species casting their Magic spells from the new zoo’s bathroom. Mr. Jacobs, the Head Zookeeper, confirmed our observations about the noise level. Jacobs noted that a recent study performed by him and the HGP Zookeeper Team, which found that the average volume of all the zoo’s creatures was around 170 decibels, about as loud as a shotgun shot or rocket takeoff. Jacobs recommended that any member of the community wishing to enter the new habitat not do so without proper hearing protection. However, the transformation of this open space has excited the Zookeeping Team. “The HGP Zoo will help our staff make important observations and conduct good research,” said Jacobs when asked about the Zoo’s grand opening. “All of the residents of our new Zoo have been interesting, so naturally we want to study more of their natural behaviors.” Zookeepers may see some of these Zoo interactions as an opportunity for research, yet many of the Zoo’s former users object to the noisier new environment. One complained about how much the zoo’s new volume levels and wilder habitat had replaced the quieter study sounds of the former library. He wondered aloud how anyone “could possibly get homework done” while listening to the sounds of “people playing over competitive Chess.” Despite the protests, it looks as though the HGP Zoo is here to stay, at least for now. Not everyone is unhappy with its arrival. “Now I can beat all the other freshmen at Chess!” said the current Grandmaster, the one who sounds like Dobby the House Elf. He also said he’s ready for some new Chess challenges at the Zoo. “Sometimes I like playing loud chess with upperclassmen too.”