Muscle Mike’s Workout Routine (Jason Brown

Mr. Seminack’s Workout Routine

Nothing screams biology like the tearing and repairing of muscle fibers through intense weight lifting! Gain up to 100 pounds of muscle in as little as a week, with this hardcore routine used by the infamous “Muscle Mike” Seminack after school. He’s not just your weight room chaperone – he’s your weight room hero!

STEP 1: LET REAL RECOGNIZE REAL

Before beginning this rigorous workout, stare at your reflection in the mirror. Think about how you’re going to crush this weight room. Think about why you should be teaching AP Bio this year instead of Mrs. Bruno.

STEP 3: STAKE OUT THE TERRITORY

After your warmup, walk around the weight room and stare at the equipment. Act as if you’re about to use various machines to ward off fellow weightlifters, but never actually use any of them.

STEP 2: EXCITE THE MUSCLE FIBERS

Start off with a light warmup that will get the blood pumping for the harder parts of the routine—25 curls with a twopound dumbbell ought to do it. 50 will let you start to feel “The Seminack Burn.”

STEP 4: MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC

Once you’ve prevented any other studentathletes from using the machines, it’s time to break a sweat. Start by choosing the correct playlist for motivational purposes. Some Muscle Mike playlist recommendations: Eye of the Tiger (Rocky Retro), The Biology of Gains, Love Sosa (on repeat), The Nucleus of These Pecs.

STEP 6: THE END OF THE GAIN TRAIN

Finishing your workout right is always important. That’s why Muscle Mike likes to save his favorite lift for last. Start light with those bench reps – 1000 pounds ought to do it. Then add another couple hundred more to the bar for each set. This finish will take the Gain Train straight to its destination – back to Cornwells 105!

**Disclaimer** Muscle Mike’s Workout Routine is not responsible for any unexpected injuries, hot babes crowding you, imbalanced muscles, random bursts of flames shooting from your biceps, or steroid addictions! BY JASON BROWN

STEP 5: THE INTIMIDATION

Move into the “serious business” part of the workout by staring down anyone using the weights that you want. This intimidation tactic works 99% of the time! Don’t just work out your muscles. Work on that killer instinct!