Cheryl Magazine | Winter 2023

WINTER 2023

HolidayRecipes

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A warm drink and some inspiration. Afternoons were made for moments like this.

Cheryl Magazine It’s inspiration for the Everyday Woman.

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CONTACT US CHERYL MAGAZINE

Williamson Media Group, LLC 6101 Long Prairie Road Box 744 #269 Flower Mound, TX 75028 info@cherylmagazine.com Please include your name, mailing and email addresses, and telephone number with any correspondence. Cheryl Magazine is not responsible for returning unsolicited manuscripts.

Editorial Email

editorials@cherylmagazine.com TO SELL CHERYL MAGAZINE IN YOUR STORE info@cherylmagazine.com ISSN: 2766-6352 (Print) Cheryl Magazine a lifestyle and women’s empowerment publication, is a Cheryl Polote Williamson, LLC (CPW) quarterly produced by Williamson Media Group, LLC (WMG) 6101 Long Prairie Road, Box 744 #269, Flower Mound, TX 75028. Periodicals postage paid at Flower Mound, TX and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Please send changes of address to Cheryl Magazine 6101 Long Prairie Road, Box 744 #269, Flower Mound, TX 75028. Subscribers, allow 4-6 weeks for change of address to become effective.

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CHERYL MAGAZINE

A lifestyle and women’s empowerment publication Editor-in-Chief | Dr. Cheryl Polote Williamson Cover Director & Managing Editor | Traci Henderson Smith Contributing Features Editor | Siobhan Davenport Contributing Editor | Charmaine Roots Castillo Contributing Editor | Tess Alexandria Financial Editor | Roni M. Benjamin Copy Editor | Dr. Michelle Kindred

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Jessica L. Dupree Darlene McCoy Jackson Denise Polote Kelly Kimberly Noel Sweet

Donita Thrower Nina Wooten Nikki Wright

OPERATIONS Creative Director | Shannon SG Jarrett Sales and Advertising | sales@cherylmagazine.com Circulation & Distribution | Kristen Hansen Kristen@cherylmagazine.com Art Department | art@cherylmagazine.com Media | media@cherylmagazine.com Projects | Tammy Woodard projects@cherylmagazine.com

STAFF PHOTOGRAPHERS Damon Barnes (Orlando) Reuben Chandler (Atlanta / NYC) Eryk Gross (Houston) Corey S. Guevarra (Los Angeles) Heidi Pearson (Chicago) Octavia Witlowe (Dallas)

WILLIAMSON MEDIA GROUP, LLC EXECUTIVE President | Russell Williamson, Sr. Chief Executive Officer | Cheryl Polote Williamson

SUBSCRIPTIONS www.cherylmagazine.com 1 Year (4 Quarterly Issues) US $80 Canada $101.58 CAD | International (Digital only) 1 Year Digital Subscription US $20

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FROM THE DESK OF COVER DIRECTOR AND MANAGING EDITOR TRACI HENDERSON SMITH As we close out another successful year of extraordinary work, we thank you, our dedicated readers, for your appetite for valuable business resources, practical lifestyle tips, and great stories on astonishing women. Thank you for sharing our passion for women supporting women and continuing to believe in our vision while we deliver elevated elegance, style, and awareness in print. May the warmth of family, friends, and tradition surround and bless you this holiday season. Moreover, we pray that you approach the new year encouraged to know your worth, live the life you desire, and understand the power of living AFFIRMED. In this holiday issue of Cheryl Magazine, we take a moment to celebrate a woman who has mastered the art of living affirmed. Beyond jet-setting circles and celebrity-laden socials, Editor-in-Chief Cheryl Polote Williamson is the epitome of living on purpose.

Living, leadership, and building a legacy are not always synonymous with one another. Leading can be taxing in nature. Even the greatest of vision casters experience stress, anxiety, and disappointment in their quest for innovation and achievement. Adding to the difficulty of charting waters for advancement, influencing and guiding others takes defined expertise and persuasive skillfulness, a feat not easily accomplished. Building a legacy means being remembered for great works. It takes intentionality beyond good leadership, working hard, and working well. It takes sacrifice and a stern determination to be remarkable and unforgettable—to have your name remain long after you are gone.

Being a great legacy-minded leader often comes with a price. Creating a lasting world that opens doors and provides opportunities for others while giving your offspring a name that resonates in the earth, at times, comes at the expense of living the life you endeavor to grant others. But she has not sacrificed a life she loves as she leads with vigor and fervently builds an inheritance. Instead, Cheryl Polote Williamson has orchestrated a life doing what she loves. The world-renowned influencer squeezes every ounce of joy from serving others, building platforms that provide opportunity, and stamping her name on every field of endeavor—from business to media, books to film, speaking to coaching, and outreach to philanthropy. All the while setting an example of gratitude, care, and giving that her children and grandchildren can follow. She does not apologize for not being mediocre, not playing small, or demanding the best from life. Her attitude that abundance is your birthright is a lesson to us all. Her relentless pursuit of the Affirmed life—visualizing it, speaking it, working for it, and achieving it, is a roadmap to the success and existence we all deserve. It makes sense that she is our cover story closing out 2022. Come and look behind the scenes of her life and legacy and be inspired to step into 2023 doing what it takes to live your best life, lead with charge and power, and leave an undeniable and lasting legacy.

Cheryl Polote Williamson is "Inspiration for the Everyday Woman."

Enjoy!

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

Make this your year! Yes, we know you either hear that or say it every year. But isn’t that even more reason to make it real this time? No more resolutions, no more drifting away from the mark. It’s time to hold one another and ourselves accountable. 2023 belongs to those who will fight for it with intention. So let’s go!

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INSIDE THIS ISSUE Family, Community, Human Interest: Help, Hope, and Legacy

THE CONFIDENT WOMAN Two Perspectives: A Married and Single Woman's View

WINTER 2023 | ISSUE #13

CONTENTS

40 68

PARENTING TIPS Creating and Practicing Holiday Memories to Last Generations

96

AUTHOR'S CORNER Featuring Part Two of Short Story, "Not on My Watch"

COVER STORY: Dr. Cheryl Polote Williamson Let the Work I've Done Speak for Me

8

LIFESTYLE

Celebrate LIFE With Family, Good Food, and Fun!

46

STYLE MATTERS Holiday Style Guide

50

HOLIDAY FEAST Non-Traditional Recipe Options You’ll Love

92

22

Damita Chandler Bearing the Burden

30

Dr. Stacie NC Grant A Lifetime of Dedicated Service

CeCe Winans Believe for It

BUSINESS & FINANCE Get insight that will help strengthen and empower your life and business!

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42

OUR FAVORITE GIFTS TO GIVE & RECEIVE

104

TRAVEL & LEISURE What’s the Difference Between Global Entry, CLEAR, and Mobile Passport?

74

BUSINESS SENSE & SENSIBILITY Leveling the Playing Field: Achieving Equal Pay in the Workplace

76

BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT Meet Ten of the Leading Black Female Executives at Intuit Corporation

84

THE LIST: Cheryl's Favorite Business Resources

IN EVERY ISSUE We THRIVE! Motivation, Inspiration, Action Plans, and POWER

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4

26

38

Traci Henderson Smith

with Tess Alexandria As I Heal: Learning to Walk Free

What Women Should Know Join us as we flashback to words of wisdom from four of our past contributors

42

65

70

with Charmaine Roots Castillo The Present is a Gift

with Traci Henderson Smith Sa'mya Renee - Shining in the Midst of Hardship

A Letter From the Cover Director and Managing Editor

Daddy Issues

FOCUS ON MENTAL HEALTH

Foxxy Wizdom

with Denise Polote Kelly Three Truths About Black Women and Depression

Top 10 Ways to Make 2023 Your Year!

The Gentleman's Voice:

#GIRLPOWER

82

Money Talk

with Roni M. Benjamin Financial Freedom That Offers Hope

Y

ou are beautiful. You are enough. Celebrate and be kind to yourself. Know your power, value, and worth.

COVER SHOOT:

- CHERYL

Photographer: Octavia Whitlowe of Felisha Belle Makeup: Styles by Simon

HEALTH & BEAUTY Look Well. Heal Well. Feel Well. Live Well!

48

FIVE COMPONENTS OF AGING WELL

80

Avoid Holiday Stress. Your Hair is Begging You! Donita Thrower P. 7 Cheryl MAGAZINE

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Let the Work I've Done Speak for Me. Cheryl Polote Williamson

by Kimberly Nicole Sweet

T

he success you see from Cheryl Polote Williamson is the result of hard work, strategic moves, remaining positive, and a lot of prayer. Having a positive mindset isn't just a catchy phrase for her. It is both the explanation of her triumphs and what motivates her for future growth. Learning to heal hurts, speak life-affirming words, and seek God's purpose is the type of self-investment she knows firsthand works. She shares this transformational message wherever she goes and feels driven to enlighten others, especially women, who may find themselves locked in cycles of underachievement and emotional pain.

"I've always wanted to build a person up, to put a bandage on their wound. If they got lost, I wanted to help them find their way," Polote Williamson says. "I've always had a heart for people. I've always had a heart for the underdog, the person everybody has given up on."

Polote Williamson has made a mission of ensuring those women are healed, whole, and have their dreams come true. Having ushered more than 500 individuals into successful entrepreneurship and providing multiple platforms and opportunities allowing other deserving voices to tell their stories, beyond her motivational messages, her films, stage plays, books, columns, events, and projects are a road map to change.

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I've always had a heart for people. I've always had a heart for the underdog, the person everybody has given up on."

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An award-winning and bestselling author, she has published eighteen books, and her stage play Soul Purpose earned her an executive producer of the year award. She has been the executive producer for five films; one of them, Twenty Pearls, won an HBO Max Award for Best Documentary. The awardwinning Illegal Rose, starring Jasmine Guy, was selected for fourteen film festivals, winning Best Actor 2019 Downtown L.A. Film Festival and Best Director and Best Actress at the 2021 Black Film Festival of New Orleans. The Invitation premiered in Cannes, France, at the Cannes Film Festival and has garnered nine official film festivals, including multiple Oscar qualifying selections. As a transformational speaker and certified life coach, Polote Williamson has received the Mogul Award, honoring exceptional Black women in business, the Topaz Award for Women in Film, and the Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award.

She is a highly sought-after influencer and business leader with at least twenty-five television appearances on major programs and networks and more than 100 online and print magazine features, including Black Enterprise and Ebony. She is heard weekly on Majic 94.5 in her hometown near Dallas, Texas, with Shift Your Soul with Dr. Cheryl. Polote Williamson has been the keynote speaker or panelist at more than 200 events worldwide, including some hosted by the NAACP, The Links, Incorporated™, and Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated®. She is a Brand Ambassador for Ivy Storehouse, which sells AKA clothing and lifestyle items, and is a regular contributor to Mahogany Hallmark and Forbes.

Polote Williamson knows the power of her platform and respects it. Wanting to serve others isn't new to her, it is deeply rooted in who she is.

Born in Savannah, Georgia, Cheryl was the middle child between an older sister and a younger brother.

Her father's construction business created a comfortable life for his family. Yet, it was not privilege that characterized those early years for Polote Williamson—it was purpose.

As early as middle school, she focused on others, including her classmate who couldn't read and whom other students mercilessly teased. Rather than sit by and do nothing, she made a plan.

"Because we rode the bus home together, I said, 'I'll practice reading with you, and I'll teach you how to read,'" she shares. "And so my parents would drop me

off at his house. I taught him how to read in the 7th grade."

Her heartfelt concern for others, especially those in need, even followed her when she was supposed to be vacationing. Polote Williamson tells the story of the Polote family going to Europe when she was a teen.

While other family members spent their travel money on designer goods, Cheryl couldn't buy anything because she had already given her money away.

"My father asked what happened to my money. I told him, 'You didn't see those ladies on the street with their kids, and they didn't have anything to eat?' He said, 'You gave away all of the money?' I said, 'Yes, I gave hungry people the money.'"

Benjamin Polote bought his daughter the purse anyway. It was an important moment between father and daughter, says Polote Williamson. Putting others first is something she learned from him. Giving to others not only does good, but it also feels good.

Although he was a successful businessman able to provide well for his family, Benjamin Polote and Cheryl's mother, Gretta, made certain all three children valued people over privilege. It was a lesson that she would embrace for a lifetime. Still, everything of value is tested. Accepted into Hampton University, Polote Williamson wasn't quite ready for the responsibility of college and soon found herself out. Her parents took the opportunity to teach her yet another important lesson, this time, not to take blessings for granted.

"They had the money and the resources, but they said, 'We are not going to pay for you to go back to school,'" Polote Williamson said. "You are going to have to work and pay for school if you want to go to school."

She took the challenge to heart. Enrolling at Savannah State University, she got a job to cover her tuition, books, and living expenses. Rather than struggle, she excelled. After that first semester, Polote Williamson was encouraged by her godfather to spread her wings.

"He said, 'Cheryl, if you really want to see something different and make a difference in your life, you need to go off to school. You don't need to stay in Savannah with your family,'" she recalls. This time she was ready.

She transferred to Shaw University and graduated two years later.

After graduation, Polote Williamson sampled a variety of work experiences, looking for the right fit. She worked as a probation officer until one of her clients was arrested for raping a child, another was on probation for raping all five of his children, and a third died from AIDS. It was all too much, so she resigned.

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A young woman in her early twenties, she decided to go to law school. Preparing for the LSAT was hard work. While taking a break and hanging out at a local nightspot with friends, Polote Williamson's life changed forever. Russell Williamson approached the woman he identified as "Ms. Gorgeous." The two began a friendship that evolved into a successful partnership and loving marriage. "We were twenty-three or twentyfour years old, and this lady pulled out her business card," Williamson said. "I was impressed because, at our stage in life, most people did not have business cards. I had never met someone in my age group who did."

The two had just a couple of months to get to know each other before Williamson, a West Point graduate and young military officer, would be deployed to Kuwait for the Persian Gulf War. Without cell phones, email, or social media, the two got to know each other through letters. "The ideas, possibilities, and desires of our hearts were captured in those letters," Williamson remembered. "They helped us to know one another like few others would ever know us, including our parents." That bond developed into a marriage that has lasted nearly thirty years.

Williamson completed his military service and earned additional educational degrees from Troy University, the Wharton School, the University of Pennsylvania, and Southern Methodist University.

He embarked upon a successful business career at a Fortune 100 company. Polote Williamson put her plans on the back burner and focused on supporting her husband, Russell. His promotions resulted in the family frequently moving, so she focused on managing their household and instilling in their three children a positive outlook.

"I felt an extra duty to pour that into all of my children, especially my daughters, because they are black women. I had to tell them, from a young age, that they were beautiful, that they were brilliant, that they were blessed, that they were on purpose, that they have a gift to deliver to the world that only they can give."

Although she focused on her household, Polote Williamson soon faced unexpected challenges.

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"I lost my mother-in-law, and my husband was diagnosed with cancer," she recalls. Pouring out support to meet her family's needs, Polote Williamson found herself drained. "At one point, I simply had nothing left emotionally. I had given it all away," she said. "Everyone else's feelings and needs were a priority. I didn't feel like I mattered." That cycle of giving to others without giving to herself left Polote Williamson in a state of depression. On the outside, she seemed on top of it all. She felt hopeless, helpless, and worthless within. "I was just going through the motions, smiling on the outside but hurting on the inside," she said. "I connect so well with women having that experience because I was that woman. It's so important to know that you can reach out for help. I did, and if I can overcome it, they can too."

If the depressive episode wasn't enough, Polote Williamson's body also cried out. On an ordinary day, while dropping her children off at school, she experienced a medical emergency. "My heart raced so fast that I thought it might jump out of my chest while I was sitting perfectly still behind the wheel in my car," she recalls. "I tried and tried but could not make it stop." Without alarming her children in the backseat, she made her way to the front of the line, where school security could see that she was in distress. They ushered her children to class and called an ambulance.

Even fearing a heart attack, she made sure the children came first. Once at the hospital, doctors diagnosed her with supraventricular tachycardia (SVT), a rapid heartbeat that can cause chest pain, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, and dizziness.

Stress is an SVT trigger.

"Before I found myself lying in a hospital bed, I was constantly loving on and caring for everyone except myself, and it could have cost me my life," Polote Williamson said. At that moment, she knew her life had to change. She might not be around for the family she loved so much if she did not prioritize her mind, body, and soul. Plus, she was absolutely worth it.

Cheryl's journey to wholeness sparked a movement that helped many other women positively change their lives. She shared some of her life's most personal experiences and created the platform for others to share and do the same in a series of anthologies widely referred to as The Soul Series (Soul Reborn, Soul Talk 1 & 2, Soulful Affirmations, Soul Bearer, Souled Out 1 & 2, Soul-to-Soul 1, 2 & 3, Soul Source, Soulful Prayers 1 & 2). Her healed spirit focused on offering that same restoration to others. Reaching beyond books that gave voice to those in need of healing and deserving to be heard, Polote Williamson tapped into what it looks and feels like to put others first by restoring them to hope and dignity.

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"I decided that if my soul could be reborn and I come into fullness, what could I do to help somebody else?

How could I make the world greater by pouring into others? That is where Soul Reborn was born," she explains.

Soul Reborn, the 501 (c)(3) non-profit organization founded by Polote Williamson, focuses on transforming the lives of disadvantaged, disenfranchised, and previously incarcerated women by educating and equipping them with tools for life and business. Much more than that, it addresses women who struggle because of hurt, unforgiveness, grief, loss, and low self-esteem. It helps women identify their purpose in life and use their unique gifts to achieve those goals. Soul Reborn has helped more than 4500 such women and, through them, impacted countless lives.

"I helped women specifically over the years realize their worth. I let them know unapologetically that validation is for parking, that they have the ability to pull their strength from within, and that they don't have to wait for the world to celebrate them. I teach

women to celebrate themselves unapologetically."

Part of that celebration of women is Cheryl Magazine.

"It's my 90-page quarterly love letter to women," says Polote Williamson. "Something they won't cut up, something that they can read, again and again, something of quality, something that will speak to the everyday woman doing phenomenal things, but the world does not know about them."

Cheryl Magazine has seen incredible success in its short time in print. The highly talked-about magazine has gained quite a bit of high-profile fanfare. Cheryl Magazine recently hosted a luxury women's retreat in St. Lucia this past fall and will celebrate its second anniversary in spring of 2023.

Opening doors for others also paved a new path for Polote Williamson. The Williamsons became Williamson Media Group and explored productions to share life-affirming messages. Soul Reborn, the bestselling book and life-changing non-profit, also became an award-winning stage play. As executive producers, Illegal Rose was their first film and addressed immigration and humanity. Polote

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I decided that if my soul could be reborn and I come into fullness, what could I do to help somebody else?

I teach women to celebrate themselves unapologetically..."

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Williamson also undertook the challenge of assembling the team to complete Twenty Pearls: The Story of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated®, the organization she joined as a Shaw University student. She contacted actress and AKA member Phylicia Rashad about participating in the project. When Rashad did not respond, Polote Williamson traveled to Las Vegas, where the actress was taking part in a conference and, after waiting, was able to meet and talk to her. "At the end, I said, 'So now you will be in Twenty Pearls, right?'

She said, 'Absolutely.'"

Polote Williamson's ability to confidently approach anyone tied to her belief that God is working through her. "He taught me how to let go and let Him. Once I truly, truly understood His voice, I heard Him. I heard Him so clearly that my life has never been the same. I trust Him; I believe Him." As much success as she has enjoyed as a global media executive, she has also found abundance working in the lives of everyday people. There is, now, a long list of those who call her a selfless servant. Royleta Foster is one of those women. She met Polote Williamson while in high school on a visit to Shaw University.

"Royleta was crying, and her mom was really upset. I said, 'she's going to be fine.'"

Polote Williamson became a mentor for Foster, and from that day forward, their lives intertwined. Foster remarked, "She was always the one who taught us how to be ladies. She always presented herself as very respectable, very mannerable, very polite, and caring.

I think the biggest thing about Cheryl was her heart. At all times, she let us know that she cared about us, and that has stuck with me for all of these years."

Foster reached out for advice when she opened her business a few years ago. Her New Jersey company is now a multi-million dollar organization that helps adults with developmental disabilities in all aspects of their lives.

"She helps you see yourself in places that you wouldn't have normally seen yourself," Foster continued. "She causes me to stretch myself beyond what I think I can have. She is an amazing woman whose heart extends across the world. She is just that kind of person that I always want to be on their team or have connected to my team."

Perhaps, the greatest witnesses to Polote Williamson's heart are the three children she lovingly raised. They say their mother shared her faith in God, encouraged them to have businesses, and taught them the power of believing in themselves and their dreams.

"Her attitude towards life, her relationship with the Lord, and the way she is able to move and impact people's lives in such a positive way, it's hard not to recognize it," said her son, Russell, Jr. His sisters feel the same way.

"She was a great defender of my rights, my talents, and my wants and needs when people tried to deny them from me at a young age for reasons I will never understand," said daughter Courtney Williamson.

"Despite the many hats she wears, the one that I will always see first is the role of advocate and defender for the ones she loves."

"Growing up, my mom always told my siblings and me to visualize what we want to see happen in our lives—big or small. Each year we would have vision board sessions at our house and post our goals for the year," Lauren Williamson said. "It was amazing to cross those things off our list as the year went on. This is something that will forever be instilled in me and something I enjoy doing to this day. I hope to carry it on when I have children."

What gets instilled within and carried on by her children and grandchildren matters to Polote Williamson. She is already hard at work on the next generation.

"I've been teaching my grandkids Russ III and Leah the power of serving by having them help us pack up toiletries for the homeless," she said. Polote Williamson added that Russ Jr. and his wife Hailey make it a multigenerational activity.

"I want my legacy to be that I was kind. I taught kindness; I lived kindness. I gave to other people. I helped other people realize their dreams," she said.

"I want my children and grandchildren to know that by helping other people, it takes nothing away from them. They can have generational wealth, health, and blessings, and when those three things are aligned, they can live a life of peace, a life of courage, and a life of joy."

After a lifetime of watching her, they understand.

"I have inherited a legacy of always going for what I want in life and knowing that whatever gifts my dreams require, they have already been instilled in me," Courtney said. "I will build upon this legacy by reminding those around me, my children, and generations to come that we were built to be changemakers and that nothing is too far out of reach."

Nothing indeed.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023 YOUR YEAR

#1 Make YourSELF a Priority

Do something you’ve needed to do for yourself for a long time. Write the book, take the class, produce the show, put on the event, start the business, cross something from your bucket list.

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AFFIRMED BY DR. CHERYL Spiral Bound Journals Various Styles $20 Write down your dreams in style on these cool spiral-bound journals.

Personalize it with a cool design to make them shine. These notebooks feature a thick gloss full-color laminated protective cover that is much more durable than the average flimsy paper covers. Made in the USA, the journal comes in 5x7 size with 150 pages of lined paper.

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It's Time to Live Affirmed Affirmation and Empowerment products

by Dr. Cheryl Polote Williamson, designed with intention to help you create the vision for the life you want. You are AFFIRMED. Dr. Cheryl is a multi-bestselling author, award-winning filmmaker and executive producer, transformational speaker, and certified success coach. She is the CEO and founder of Williamson Media Group, LLC, and Cheryl Polote Williamson, LLC, where her knowledge, expertise, and resources connect others to their purpose.

AFFIRMED BY DR. CHERYL "Empowered" Affirmation Scented Candle, 9oz $21

I WALK BOLDLY. I SHATTER GLASS CEILINGS. ABUNDANCE IS FOR ME. GOD ELEVATES ME IN THE PRESENCE OF MY ENEMIES. I MANIFEST THE LIFE OF MY DREAMS. MY MINDSET IS MY SUPERPOWER.

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Bearing theBurden DAMITA CHANDLER

Award-Winning National Recording Gospel Artist and 3x Cancer Survivor

by Traci Henderson Smith Sometimes we romanticize relationships when we haven't the slightest clue of what goes on behind the scenes. We fantasize about the union we hope leaders, celebrities, and other influential figures have—hanging our hopes for true love on the fraction of their lives they disclose to the public. And then we are shocked, rocked to the core if, unfortunately, we discover all was not as it seemed. We lament like we had some vested interest in whether or not the relationship survived. In our collective Tyra Banks ANTM voices, we then yell into our news sources (blog, television, social, mag, etc.) that unearthed the (heart) breaking news, "We were rooting for you!" Then we slide in pressure and guilt as though we have a say, flooding timelines with our two cents on what the couple should do--"You need to work it out," "I hope they get back together," "We can't handle you two breaking up, we need you to fix this!" Yet, those making demands fail to stop and think about the weight of the responsibility on a public figure to keep up appearances and endure the "behind-the-scenes" when so many people depend upon their success and the heaviness of facing those they are sure to disappoint.

And, of course, there is pain from negative commentary by those seeking to drive the nail further into the coffin. Award-winning Gospel Artist Damita Chandler, formerly known to the gospel world as Damita Haddon, wife and ministry partner of Deitrick Haddon, sat down with Cheryl Magazine to discuss the spiritual, mental, emotional, and physical effects of carrying that kind of burden for everyone.

Damita released her first album, Time Is Running Out, in the early 90s, with her identical twin sister Marguerita Bass and their group Adoration N Prayze and received multiple Stellar Award nominations. The first single off the record, "He's Wonderful," written and arranged

by Damita and the Adoration N Prayze Project, was picked up and rereleased by renowned Grammynominated artist, music producer, and director Donald Lawrence under the title "Great Things," for his 1995 live project, Bible Stories. Damita later became the Assistant Minister of Music at Deitrick Haddon's parent's church in Detroit, Unity Cathedral of Faith.

There, she co-wrote and arranged songs, sang, directed the choir, and worked alongside Deitrick in music and ministry. Damita's iconic sound was a significant feature during the award-winning Deitrick Haddon & the

Voices of Unity era. Voices of Unity featured her lead and background vocals, writing, and producing on every project recorded. Three months after the church's album debut in 1996, Come Into This House, Damita and Deitrick married. Happily married to her childhood sweetheart, she continued soaring with a solo career, releasing two additional albums. However, within the year before her third and final album release, she would find herself divorcing after seventeen years of marriage and two years of co-pastoring a growing thriving church, Kingdom Culture, Detroit. The recording artist and now actor and reality show star of Preachers of L.A. left his wife just two days after burying her mother.

Damita admits that the marriage was not perfect and that there were wrongs on both sides. But, she felt they were in a good place and that the marriage was salvageable, and whatever issues they had should have been handled behind closed doors and not in the court of public opinion. Damita had to face the drama surrounding the breakup while still mourning the loss of her mother. Even worse, she discovered that Deitrick was having a baby with another woman. Damita has shared that this was a hard blow because she had been pregnant multiple times throughout the marriage but miscarried each time and once almost died.

Few stories tore through the gospel community the way this one did. Somehow, though, for more than two years, Damita managed complete silence, not addressing the scandal, accusations, or child while going through the divorce process and suffering a flurry of what she describes as half-truths with deception.

Not given a chance to grieve properly, she pushed down the pain from both losses and denied herself anything she needed for the sake of others.

"Divorce for any couple is devastating," she said. "You get married because you believe this is the person you are going to be with for the rest of your life, til death do us part," she continued. I think for me because I've been in church my whole life, even though I've been educated just by life experiences in the world, still just the process. I don't think I was prepared. I don't think anybody is probably prepared for something like that.

Well, no. I know I wasn't prepared for something like that. And so, for me, I think I was trying to be strong for so many other people. I was trying to be strong for my

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Now, it's a process. It's not a magic trick. It may not happen overnight, but you have to be willing to fight! Your mentality has to be, 'I'm ready for the war!'"

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fans, trying to be strong for the people I was pastoring, and just feeling like I was able to carry the burden and the load of that. But it really was not just the divorce.

I had lost my mother at the same time. And I mean at the same time, not months apart. At the same time, I experienced two deaths--the death of a marriage and the death of my mother, which was my foundation. And I think I went through all the stages of grief--denial, anger, I was dealing with embarrassment, shame, pain, abandonment, phases of 'am I good enough?' All of these things I was dealing with, I was trying to handle them on my own, which was not a good thing to do. I felt like I had no one, no one to turn to. I reached out to a few pastors, but they really weren't giving me the time of day."

Damita pressed through alone. She confesses that it wasn't healthy, but she pushed and worked through the pain, still taking gigs, ministering, participating in conferences, performing at concerts, and pastoring.

"It was just a train wreck waiting to happen," she says.

"And it did."

From trust issues to her relationship with the church to her health, Damita felt it all crumbling. She had given years to a call that, in her lowest moment, she felt wasn't giving back to her.

"Why was no one discerning what I was going through?

No one reached out to me. No one checked on me. Why wasn't anyone ministering to me? Why wasn't anybody taking the time to say, 'Damita, how are you feeling today?

Are you ok? Are you making it?' I didn't get that support."

She began to feel exhausted and as though she was doing herself a disservice.

"Trying to preach over and preach through what I was going through wasn't healthy. It wasn't normal. Trying to act like I wasn't going through what I was going through. I needed to heal."

She left Detroit for Atlanta and found the support needed to rebuild and focus on who God created her to be. She shares that she discovered who she was as a woman.

"I had never really experienced womanhood by myself.

And that is a major problem, to a certain degree. I went from being with someone since I was a teenager to getting married to this person, so I never experienced being a woman; by myself. I never lived on my own. I never went to dinner by myself. I never went to the movies by myself, and I never went to cities by myself. Everything was always with a family or a husband. So here was an opportunity to experience Damita. And I loved what I found out. I discovered that I was unique and I was still special. Maybe not to a man, but to God. And I found out I was still anointed without somebody else's last name."

Though Damita worked to become better and stronger, the damage from housing her trauma, holding everything in, burying it alone, not properly grieving, and not caring for herself had taken its toll. In 2018 she was diagnosed with endometrial cancer. She's sure that how she handled the breakdown of her life contributed to the breakdown of her health and body, and feeling like her "why me?" days were behind her, here she was, thrust back into the realm of "why me?"

"I feel like it was a huge component in my diagnosis. I felt like the worrying, the grief, and the pain--bottling that kind of stuff up on the inside, it's just not good. It wasn't good for my health. I went through two years of heavy suppression. But I was at a place where I had moved on.

I was not struggling with the issues anymore. This was like a backlash. I thought I was in the clear and had moved forward. But when the cancer diagnosis hit me, I felt like, what are the odds of the type of cancer I'm dealing with, and what I struggled with as a woman? Here it is I want children, not being able to carry children full term, and now I have endometrial cancer. So now, here I am again, back in my mind; why me?"

Damita Chandler arrested the negative thoughts.

Immediately she pulled herself together and got aggressive about her healing. Without a doubt, she is one who realizes the courage and strength it takes to pull yourself out of the mental and emotional pain of trauma to leave behind what does not serve you is the same courage and strength it takes to walk in healing and joy, and claim the life you deserve. A three-time cancer survivor, Damita is a proven fighter. This time though, she does not have to fight her battles alone. She speaks of the joy her current husband brings to her life, calling him her world. She and celebrity photographer Reuben Chandler were married by Pastor Donnie McClurkin in 2014 in a small intimate ceremony, and he is her biggest supporter.

They are best friends with no ulterior motives. Together they speak life and positivity. You won't catch either of them saying anything other than Damita is HEALED! "I walk in my authority and in the power of His might and there is still work for me to do," Damita proclaims. And to every woman, battling anything, she had this to say, "My encouraging word is that you have value, you have purpose, and you can overcome anything. Absolutely anything. And it starts with your mind and your words.

Your thoughts have to be right and channeled in the right direction and you have to tell yourself you will not be defeated and back that with scriptures, prayers, declarations, and affirmations, and you can see the manifestations. Now, it's a process. It's not a magic trick.

It may not happen overnight, but you have to be willing to fight! Your mentality has to be, 'I'm ready for the war!'"

Be on the lookout for new music, film, and more from Damita in the field of arts and entertainment. Follow her on IG @officialdamita.

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DADDY ISSUES with Tess Alexandria

As I Heal

Learning to Walk Free

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had a phone conversation with my Nana (my father's mother) about a month ago, and one of the things discussed was forgiveness in relationships. I always thought of Nana as centered and at peace, her demeanor—calm and delicate yet strong and assured.

Having become aware of the nature of her former relationships, I asked how she forgave those who wronged her in the past, specifically men, and how she let go of the pain associated with that wrong.

Noticing more often that I seemed to replay painful memories on repeat in my head, no matter how much time had passed, prompted the question. I shared with her that although I did not feel like I was walking around with unforgiveness in my heart, I also did not fully understand why I still felt the pain from those experiences. Because I was two years removed from a toxic relationship, I was concerned that the most traumatizing moments continued to play out so vividly.

It was as if they had recently happened. I remembered every detail—what was said to me, the tone in which it was said, and how it made me feel.

When we have those memories, they sometimes evoke several emotions, many of which, I feel with me, should have subsided by now. Technically, I know we can’t place our healing on a timeline, but I wanted to be sure I was not inadvertently keeping myself in a painful space longer than necessary. My Nana shared with me that, indeed, she was once angry and it took her a while to start her journey of forgiveness. She expressed for a long time, she was unsure from where the source of her anger stemmed but knew she did not want to carry around feelings of resentment for years.

The first thing she did was pray and ask God to remove the hurt those relationships caused. She also read scriptures on forgiveness and eventually went to counseling to work through many of her issues concerning hurt. Time played a factor, and she also told me she knew she had forgiven the men who wronged her when she could be in the same room with them and not feel enraged. One of the final things she said on the subject was another sign you are starting to let go is, you allow yourself to understand the mindset of the person who wronged you. Of course, this does not excuse their behavior, nor will it apply to every scenario, but where it is applicable, it may be freeing.

When we ended the call, I understood why her last statement resonated profoundly with me. It was because of my dad. Since his passing in 2016, I have gone through just about every emotion one can imagine when I think a lot about our relationship. As

I have gotten older and witnessed how adulting can affect some people when they are not mentally ready for it, I opted to extend grace to him in the areas he lacked. I have learned more about his life and what he was going through from my Nana and other close family members than when he was alive. The conversations with my family helped me understand that he simply did not have the capacity or skill set to give any more than he gave—mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or tangibly.

With this understanding came the ability to forgive more and more.

Realizing how far I’ve come in my emotions concerning my dad reassures me that, in time, I will no longer be as affected by the memories of former relationships.

People are who they are, and sometimes they don't have what it takes to be any better to us than they were. While Nana's advice may seem relatively simple, it reminded me that sometimes we must return to the basics. I have done the therapy, and I have journaled. I have vented to friends, but our conversation reminded me to trust that God and time will take care of the rest.

For anyone feeling like you are harboring unforgiveness or are unable to let go of painful memories that you don’t want to carry into your next season of life, I encourage you to: 1.

Allow yourself to feel every emotion. It can be tempting to block out unwanted emotions, but if you give yourself the space to sit in your feelings, you will soon find the chokehold those emotions once had you in will loosen over time.

2.

Be honest with yourself regarding how you feel. Denying any feelings of resentment or not acknowledging that you are struggling to move past any hardship you have faced will only do you more harm than good.

3.

If you have no desire to address the individual who caused the hurt, write a letter to them that you won’t send, stating how everything made you feel. I have found that even though said person will never read the letter or hear your heart, it still helps release some pent-up feelings.

4.

Pray. Sometimes the shame or embarrassment you feel from what you experienced can make it hard to vent to anyone, let alone God. However, He literally wants us to cast all of our cares onto Him, so take advantage!

Thank you for joining me again for Daddy Issues. Why the name? I aim to reverse the feeling women get every time we hear that phrase. There is a stigma attached to it. It’s often used as a weapon, with the intent to make us feel like we are the problem. Dispelling the misnomer includes providing new information on something that was named before its true nature was known. I’ll attempt to do that in each Cheryl Magazine issue as I address behaviors and characteristics that developed from our father’s lack of skill and ability to bond with, encourage, teach, or support us. To all the young girls and grown women, it was never your fault. The issue was his, and because of your daddy’s issue, you found yourself improperly navigating relationships. Let’s talk about it. For the record, Daddy Issues is an opinion column.

I’m not a clinical professional or expert on the subject; I’m just a girl who needed her daddy. If you’d like to connect, follow me on IG: @tessalexandria_ or Facebook: Tess Alexandria. If you have questions or a topic you’d like to discuss, email me at tess@cherylmagazine.com.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023 YOUR YEAR

# 2 Remove toxicity

This includes people as well as behaviors. Make a commitment—no more drama in your life.

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Believe for It A Faith-Filled Conversation with CeCe Winans

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ith fifteen Grammy Awards, thirty-one Grammy nominations, twenty-eight GMA Dove Awards, and sixteen Stellar Awards, CeCe Winans has been called the Queen of Gospel and is the best-selling and most-awarded female gospel artist of all time. She is the undisputed most accomplished woman in gospel music and one of the most celebrated in prevailing music history. Winans has released numerous cross-genre solo and collaborative albums and influenced more than four decades of gospel and secular vocalists. She has been inducted into the Gospel Music Hall of Fame and received stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and Nashville Music City Walk of Fame.

In addition to being honored by BMI as a Trailblazer of Gospel Music, Winans has been honored by Essence for her contributions to gospel music, and received a Detroit Music Award for Outstanding Gospel Artist/Christian Artist, an honor from her hometown. Winans has garnered multiple NAACP Image Awards, Soul Train Awards, and Trumpet Awards and sold 17 million records worldwide, with more than 19 million estimated in total sales as a solo artist topping gospel charts repeatedly. “Count on Me,” the duet with Whitney Houston that extraordinarily warmed hearts, sold two million copies alone, hitting the Top 10 on the Pop, R&B, and Adult Contemporary charts.

Winans’ inspirational performances have included singing before the Pope and at the White House. Believe for It, her newest album, infused with life-changing live performances, brings something to her fan base they have not heard from her before on records.

Cheryl Magazine: So we hear you’re the Mayor of Nashville.

CeCe: Laughs Cheryl Magazine: Oh yes. When people get off the plane, there is CeCe Winans EVERYWHERE! They call you Miss Nashville.

CeCe: (Laughs) The Mayor here, now that’s funny.

Cheryl Magazine: Isn’t that great?

CeCe: It is awesome.

Cheryl Magazine: But you know the accolades are appropriate. You know we love who you are, the legend, the queen, CeCe Winans. How is everything going?

CeCe: Everything’s going good. Life is great. And when I say life is great, that doesn’t mean that everything is perfect in life, but it does mean that God is faithful. You know?

Cheryl Magazine: Yes, He is.

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CeCe: In every situation, He is faithful. And so I am just grateful. That’s what I am, I’m grateful to be here and pretty busy, more busy than I had planned on being at this point in my life, but I’m grateful.

Cheryl Magazine: How does it feel to know that your music has inspired generations?

CeCe: Oh my God. There are no words. I am overwhelmed by the power of music and how people have allowed my solo music, along with my brother and all my family, to be a soundtrack, literally, of their lives. Over forty years now, and people are still embracing what we do. People are still sharing what our music has meant to them and how it has inspired them. How it has taken them through some of the roughest times of their lives. I’m totally humbled by it and totally grateful.

Cheryl Magazine: Well, we certainly appreciate how you’ve poured out the gifts of your ministry through music into our lives over the years. We all know every age group, from teens to adults to elders, who know your music. Thank you for your ability to connect with multiple generations.

Photos courtesy of CeCe Winans P. 3 1 Cheryl MAGAZINE

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CeCe: Aw. I love it.

Cheryl Magazine: With your newest album, Believe for It, you have added the first-ever live album to your expansive catalog. What inspired this raw and authentic experience this time?

CeCe: Well, it is my first one, and I have to give the credit to my manager, Greg Ham. I’ve never done a live record; BeBe and I had never done a live record.

I don’t know why we hadn’t; we naturally found a rhythm of doing things one way in the studio, and that’s what we did. In the studio, you mess up, and you go and do it again until it’s done, but over the years, I have come to know there’s nothing like the live experience. Hearing the people singing songs and worshiping together is definitely my favorite part of what we do. I agreed to do it, and little did I know that we were going to be hit with a pandemic.

During the pandemic was such a crucial time where people needed to be encouraged. People were isolated. People were hurting, losing loved ones—we know everything that came along with the pandemic. I prayed and fasted and asked God to anoint this record so that when people heard it, they would actually experience Him. I created a live worship service that people could have in their homes and challenged them to keep believing even in the bad times. I’m grateful I did. It was my first one, and it’s been awesome.

Cheryl Magazine: And people actually got to witness your soulful, blessed voice during the 21-city Believe for It Tour. For those who have yet to attend the tour, what can they expect from the live experience?

CeCe: Oh, man. All I can say is come expecting for the impossible. Come expecting to be blessed.

Come expecting to be a part of God’s presence.

I have been blessed by each one of the audience members because people are coming out ready to praise God, and when we all come together on one accord, great things happen. And so, all I can say is, get ready for great things.

Cheryl Magazine: You hit the tour hard with multiple sold-out shows right out of the gate. It’s incredible, but the demand for who you are and what you bring is timely.

CeCe: Mm-hmm. I’m glad you ended on that—timely because that is exactly what I feel. It’s not like, I said earlier, what I thought I would be doing. I’ll always sing as long as I can sing. Like the song says, every breath belongs to Him. But, touring and doing some of the other stuff I’m doing in the industry, yeah. Didn’t know I would be doing this. But, this

record, especially this last record, during the time we recorded it, you know, during the pandemic and all the things that have been happening since the pandemic, I don’t know. It’s a need for revival, it’s a need for a refreshing, a renewal of mind and heart towards the things of God, and we need a move from God, you know? And I just feel like the testimonies we’ve heard from this record have been overwhelming. When they asked me about doing a tour, you know, I prayed about it. I’m like, Lord, can I even do it? They were like, how many nights in a row? I’m like, I don’t know. It’s been a long time. Is it like three nights in a row? I don’t know how to do this, but I began to pray and ask God to confirm that this is the timing, that He’s gonna show up and do some miraculous things. One day I was praying and asking the Lord to anoint every night, to heal people and to set people free; just let it be a mighty move of Him. He’s gotta sing through me and minister through us. I want people to come in and leave out after having an encounter with Him. And I wanna share this; because one of the producers of our record texted me a testimony that somebody had sent him. And they told me that the young lady was on the worship team and was singing Believe for It. Now, before that, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor, and she said when she was singing the song, she felt something like, click in her head, you know.

Went back to the doctor, doctor took an x-ray, and they sent us a picture of the x-rays, and the tumor had shrunk big time.

Cheryl Magazine: My God. CeCe: I couldn’t believe it, right? That it shrunk.

And then, I don’t know how long it was before or when she went back, but she went back, and it’s completely gone. The tumor is completely gone.

Cheryl Magazine: Oh wow!

CeCe: Yeah. So I just began to worship and praise God. And I said, ‘Lord, if you’re gonna do this, then this, this is what we need.’

Cheryl Magazine: Wow! Indeed. That’s it!

CeCe: This is what we need.

Cheryl Magazine: Now, your third single on the album, “Goodness of God,” is steadily climbing up the charts with over 205 million U.S. streams and over 148 million video views. I know it’s difficult, and I want you to think about this answer, but do you have any favorites?

CeCe: That’s a hard one because they’re all my P. 3 3 Cheryl MAGAZINE

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favorites. Each one will hit you in a different way.

“Believe for It” is the name of the record, and it’s a powerful song. It challenges people to believe, but I’m not surprised by what’s happening with “Goodness of God” because the first time I heard “Goodness of God,” I just wept. I was like, oh my God, we are all still here.

It registered in my heart, and that’s what it’s doing to people. It’s just everybody’s testimony. No matter the storms we’ve been through, you can still see God’s goodness in the bad times and in the good times. He’s always good! And that is the sentiment on the hearts of so many people. It’s a global message. We were all created by God, for God. I’m happy that people are being blessed. I’m not surprised because God has been good to every single person. It does not matter your background, what you’ve been through, the color of your skin, or what country you’re in, God created all people, one human race, and all can testify that God is good.

Cheryl Magazine: We appreciate that so much. More conversations need to be had about the significance of passing on wisdom, knowledge, faith, and a hopeful future. Do you have any final words?

CeCe: A lot of times, we can be busy doing things, and we forget the core of who we are. The power is in knowing who you are in God and what He has purposed you to do. You don't have to be confused about who you are or your identity. You just walk in who you are, and then you make the greatest impact in not only your family's lives but also anybody you come in contact with.

Cheryl Magazine: Thank you so much, CeCe Winans, for taking time with Cheryl Magazine. We appreciate and support you!

Cheryl Magazine: You wear many hats. Over twenty years ago, you started your own record label, Pure Springs Gospel. New album, tour in motion, and now to add to that, author. Tell us about your new book, Believe for It: Passing On Faith to the Next Generation.

CeCe: Wow. I'm so excited about this book. I'm so excited about this message. I'm so excited about this movement. I started a show on YouTube with my daughter called Generations. We completed one season, and we are taping the second season now. I started out singing really, really young. At age eight was my first solo, then I started a professional career at around sixteen or seventeen years old. I'm 57 now, and I don't know when I became part of the older generation, but it happened. With that realization, I now understand I am strong in my faith today because of those who went before me. Of course, my mom and dad, but the mothers of the church and people who, throughout my life, took out time to pour into me wisdom—to correct me, to build me up, to encourage me. Now it's my turn. I asked somebody the other day, 'Where are the mothers of the church now?' I realized, wait a minute, I'm one of the mothers of the church now. (Laughs). The older you get, the more valuable you become. This book is about taking the time out to pour into somebody around you. I'm excited because if we don't pass the baton of faith to the next generation, who else will do it?

Visit cecewinans.com and keep up with events, tours, new music, and more. Be sure to grab your copy of Believe for It, the album and the book, Believe for It: Passing On Faith to the Next Generation.

Contributors: Darlene McCoy Jackson, Contributor Roni Benjamin Talley, Staff Writer Traci Henderson Smith, Writer, Managing Editor

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The Five Components of

AGING WELL There are FIVE primary components to aging well. We may concern ourselves with looks--fine lines and wrinkles and using the best products to help maintain our youthful appearance. But, we cannot neglect support for our bodies as we age internally. Make adjustments to preserve your inner youth so you don't lose the capacity and functionality of vital organs. Studies show there are five main focal points to direct attention to so we feel better and stronger longer!

Nutrition Proteins, lots of fruit, vegetables, fiber, reduce salt intake, vitamins and minerals, no smoking, less alcohol, and proper sleep hygiene (wind down routine, calm relaxing atmosphere, no light, no television, soothing sounds is necessary, 7-10 hours, nap when needed).

Teranga Foods Pura Vida - Organic Baobab Superfood + Water, Baobab fruit is a superfood, high in vitamin c, magnesium, potassium, calcium, and soluble fiber. terangafoods.com, $9

Physical Exercise Avoid muscle atrophy and body weakness by eating well, especially proteins, with physical exercise to build muscle mass and strengthen the body.

The Y-Bell Fitness Company has created the perfect exercise tool, the YBELL Arch offers 4-n-1 functionality. ybellfitness.com $39.99

Hydration

Water with a PH balance of 7.5 or better, 10 is preferred. Drink at least 1.5 liters per day minimum. A gallon per day is better. However, most people need to drink half their body weight (pounds) in ounces for optimal hydration.

Hydration helps to lower blood pressure and safeguards against heart attack and stroke.

Work out in comfort with J. Dow Fitness Rylee Set. jdowfitness.com $69.99

Social Interaction Get active. Socialize. Do things that keep you feeling young, vital, and needed. Make social contributions by attending functions, volunteering, joining planning committees, and organizing group hobbies or travel.

GET OUT THERE! Outdoor Afro celebrates and inspires Black connections and leadership in nature. The network also connects Black people with our lands, water, and wildlife through outdoor education, recreation, and conservation. outdoorafro.org

Stimulate your mind with PUZZLES OF COLOR, "Out Of My Soul" by Noland 1000 piece puzzle. puzzlesofcolor.com $31.99

Cognitive Stimulation

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Keep your brain active. Regularly and proactively engage in memory, attention, language, and reasoning games and activities.

Planning, organizing, and strategizing are also great forms of brain stimulation.

TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023 YOUR YEAR

#3 GET ORGANIZED

No more living in the moment only, forgetting important dates, missing appointments, and neglecting responsibilities because you’re “busy.” Organize your life and set up routines and systems, including hiring help if necessary. Personal organizers can cost as low as $30-$55 per hour. Cleaning people are $20-$50 per hour. Create more time to be present for the people and things you love by removing clutter from your life, delegating tasks that help keep you on track, and developing routines and systems that help you move through life with ease.

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THE GENTLEMAN’S

WHAT WOMEN VOICE SHOULD KNOW We thought we’d close out the year with a review of some of our favorite points of advice and encouragement from the men who have blessed us in “Gentleman’s Voice: What Women Should Know.”

Mark Paul Gregory

Tip #2 from Accessing Emotional Chambers Know that comfort breeds conversation. If a man is comfortable, he will talk. Hence the phrase “pillow talk.”

With Samson and Delilah, she asked him multiple times what was the source of his strength. The first few times, he lied to her. The final time she laid his head on her lap and asked again. She got him comfortable and relaxed then he told her the source of his strength. At this moment, he is disarmed, vulnerable, and open. The goal, ladies, is to create or maintain a disarming environment. One of the best ways to master this is to minimize conflict. Why? Because comfort breeds communication! Conflict puts men in survival mode.

We’re on edge and uptight. Conflict does what cold air does to muscles; it constricts them. We tighten up in these spaces. Ladies, you all set the tone of the house. If it’s a place of comfort, communication will flow.

Mark Paul Gregory, also known as Comedian Mark Gregory, is a writer and nationally touring comedian. Though he is the nephew of comedic legend and activist Dick Gregory, he has carved out his own path appearing on Aspire TV’s We Got Next, FOX TV’s One Mic Stand, and TBS Just For Laughs comedy festival. Follow him on FB: Comedian Mark Gregory IG: @comicmarkgreg.

Jamel Dev'on Jackson

Tip #1 from What’s the Big Idea?

Listen Carefully - Listening is a critical skill. A conscious effort to actively listen to a man will give you the keys to unlock his heart or unlock yours. Reality can mean moving forward into a committed relationship or, in fairness, letting the man go. Listen to obtain information, understand, and learn important facts that will help you determine whether this relationship deserves your time and energy, or if you are wasting his.

Jamel Dev'on Jackson, coined the Relationship Mechanic, is a music artist, an author, and motivational speaker.

He focuses on evaluating, repairing, and offering tools to maintain healthy relationships. Follow him on IG, FB, Twitter, Youtube @jameldjackson.

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Russell Williamson

Tip #1 from A Plan To Get Your Desired Outcome Goals - Remember you want to reflect on your journey and say you are satisfied with the road you traveled and what you have accomplished. Like any journey, the ultimate destination is the accumulation of many short trips. Celebrate small victories on the road to any goal, whether a personal best or you are like Barack Obama, winning Senate seats on the way to the presidency. If you want to go from A to Z, you must pass B, K, M, and W. The journey may get rough, and you may even stop from time to time, but whether big or small, each marker could be considered a lifetime achievement for many and should hold some level of importance for you.

When was the last time you thought about setting a goal? Right here is where the planning begins. First, you have to want it.

Set a goal that is important, meaningful, and that will keep you engaged. Make it specific. Visualize yourself achieving it.

What do you see, and who is there with you when you obtain that desired outcome? It's critical to write your goal on paper or someplace you can see it often. Make it big, audacious, and a sincere stretch.

Russell Williamson, Sr., acclaimed for leadership development and coaching individuals and teams to reach peak performance, is a bestselling author, executive, entrepreneur, and former franchise owner featured in Dallas Morning News and Dallas Business Journal. Follow Russell on Twitter an IG @4ACrown, or contact him at russwill@924sports.com.

Corey Jackson

Tips #4 and #5 from The Secret to Dating an Entrepreneur Share your ideas for your career or business. Entrepreneurs love hearing the ideas and visions of other ambitious people. It doesn't mean you have to be an entrepreneur. As long as you're passionate about something, he will be interested.

Entrepreneurs need to have time to be alone with their thoughts. Sometimes, he will just want to be still and quiet.

He's not upset with you or being “a way” towards you. It is just how he regroups and gets back in focus. If he's interrupted or bombarded with a bunch of questions during his quiet time, he may become agitated. If he appears to be quiet and to himself, it's okay to ask him if he's okay. If he says yes, believe him and let it go.

Corey Jackson is a former NFL athlete for the Cleveland Browns and Denver Broncos and current entrepreneur, speaker, and motivator. He has a wife and four kids and is the founder and CEO of Qwerkz, Inc, a technology recruiting firm that helps companies improve their communication when finding and hiring diverse talent. Follow Corey on IG @winningisalifestyle.

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Two Perspectives: A Married Woman's View

the confident woman Resisting the Urge to Settle

by Nina Wooten

Nothing fulfilling ever comes from sacrificing our wants and needs by settling. There may be some silver linings, but they never really satisfy. With so many challenges in life that tempt us to give up or give in on our relationships, marriages, jobs, or even our health, we should resist the urge to settle and press toward what matters most with eagerness and hope.

Don’t settle for subpar health.

One of our most precious commodities is our health.

Minimizing aches, pains, or nagging inklings regarding our health isn’t good. Don’t settle for poor health, hoping it will go away. Take the initiative to push past the fear and see a physician about health concerns. If for nothing else than to receive the peace of mind it could provide or to finally have an answer and a plan to address any issues. We must give ourselves the best opportunity to recover from a potential problem by getting checked out early.

Don’t settle for job comfort.

The comfort of being in the same position in a company for more than five years could be costing you money.

New employees come in the door earning more money than those who have been with the company for years because market pay changes. Don’t settle for the comfort of being the team expert or doing a job that comes easy to you. Take a class, learn a new skill set on YouTube, or have a friend teach you something new.

Apply for a new job or promotion. Sometimes risk offers a reward, and with inflation in this economy, we all could use the extra cash.

Don’t settle in friendship.

Over the last ten years, “no new friends” has been widely accepted in our culture as an expression of loyalty to the friends who stuck with us from the beginning.

The implication is that we all have them, but what if we don’t? Some are still searching for that one friend who lives up to the title but without much success.

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Don’t settle or give up. Opportunities for good, genuine friendships will happen, but one thing is for sure, it takes work!

People are flawed; no one is exempt from that statement. People will miss it, say the wrong things, or behave unbecomingly. Heck, sometimes, all at the same time! It’s human nature. However, if we become cut-off queens, we won’t stick around long enough to see the true beauty lasting friendships provide. To have a lasting friendship, we must be a lasting friend and do the work necessary to cultivate the relationship over time.

Don’t settle in marriage.

Marriage is one of the most challenging types of relationships. Over time, interest, energy, and excitement can feel like a thing of the past. Don’t settle for the mundane. Find ways, big and small, to infuse life back into the union. Leave love notes in each other’s pockets or bags. Tell each other your favorite thing about them first thing in the morning or before bed.

Get a babysitter, plan a drive, and dream together.

Give affirmation to each other each week and plan a vacation. Reigniting the spark doesn’t have to be difficult. The idea is to take the ground back little by little so that the butterflies have time to return. A good marriage can become a great marriage again, so resist the urge to settle. Press, give it your best effort, and enjoy!

Two Perspectives: A Single Woman's View

the confident woman Resisting the Urge to Settle

by Nikki Wright

When we’re young, we imagine ourselves coming home to our perfect partners after a fulfilling day at our dream jobs. The optimism of our youth doesn’t let us see a future where we settle for less than the life we imagine. But then, life throws curveballs at us. Our careers get stagnant, and our love lives leave us wanting. We wake up and realize we’re nowhere near the life of our dreams, then the idea of settling, in time, becomes appealing, except it doesn’t seem like settling. The decisions we begin to make will seem logical based on where we are at that particular moment.

As a single women, years of dating can cause us to throw out our wish lists and jump into a “pick a man, any man” scenario. Our next step is to try our best to make it work. This attitude becomes especially true when cuffing season and the cold weather rolls around; we enter another holiday season without anyone to snuggle with or enjoy the highs and lows of the season or life.

Likewise, we can get so comfortable in our careers that we forget what it was like to be ambitious or passionate. Sometimes a steady paycheck and the predictability of the same people, work, and responsibilities sound like the best thing going, but the thought that maybe there could be more lingers.

Deep down, we long for more enjoyment, fulfillment, and motivation to make a difference by showing up for others and ourselves.

Settling can be temptingly easy, but is that what we truly want in life?

The Struggles: Faith Fatigue Faith fatigue looks like an overwhelming feeling of tiredness from waiting on a positive outcome (like the right guy or the right opportunity). Waiting and believing for “the amazing” requires emotional stamina,

and after a while, that stamina runs out. Instead of looking for a partner with all three of our top attributes, we settle for 'being strong in one attribute will do.' The job no longer needs to be enriching; the pay alone will do.

Comparison To the naked eye, comparison makes life look like everyone else is getting what they want while we have nothing. It makes us ask, "Why should we hold out for better when just good enough is close and within reach?" Well, we should hold out because comparison is a con artist. It will have us living disappointed with our choices without ever knowing the full story of those with whom we compare ourselves. Nothing is ever as it seems.

Emotional Erosion Over time, disappointment subtly chips away at our hope. We’re oblivious that we’ve talked ourselves into accepting less than we originally desired. Often, it’s our close friends and trusted circle that recognize it before we do. There is safety in great friends who know how and when to speak to us and continually encourage us to move toward the best life has to offer.

Stay Strong Let’s not settle. We absolutely deserve the best this life has to offer on our terms. Our dream life is still possible and probably closer than we realize.

Nina Wooten and Nikki Wright are bloggers, servantleaders, career professionals, mentors, and they both serve their communities. Nina is passionate about seeing women and children thrive, and encourages well-rounded living and a life fully enjoyed. Nikki, a philanthropist, avid traveler, and lover of the arts, is passionate about helping teens, women, and singles. Co-creators and co-writers of Wooten & Wright, a lifestyle blog, visit wootenandwright.com, wootenandwright@gmail.com, or on Instagram @wooten_and_wright.

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Dr. Stacie NC Grant

A Lifetime of Dedicated Service

D

r. Stacie NC Grant, a lifetime member, was installed as the 26th International President of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Incorporated on July 24, 2022.

Although this achievement was an honor in the making for more than three decades of dedicated service, Dr. Grant says she believes in using her God-given talents to leave a legacy to honor her maternal grandmother. Grant is a Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award Recipient, award-winning international speaker, bestselling author, master facilitator and trainer, celebrity guest host, and a successful entrepreneur raised in a three-family home filled with multiple family members, with her grandmother serving as matriarch.

Grant says she leans on her faith and that God has blessed her with many talents to achieve her vast accomplishments.

“Serving God is not just something that you put on a resume; it's the action by which you live. It’s how you interact with others. It’s how you care for others. My grandmother lived the gospel; she didn’t just read it. She always said that she couldn’t leave us tons of money, but she could leave us with the knowledge of who Jesus is. We were blessed to have her for ninety-eight years, with her passing on December 15, 2015.”

Grant discovered that she had more in common with her grandmother than just her abiding faith. Grant’s love of entrepreneurship and, in particular, her mission to build

by Siobhan Davenport a community of Faithpreneurs or faith-based entrepreneurs and professionals, to leave a sustainable legacy by being cashflow positive and profitable, was an extension of her grandmother’s dream to be an entrepreneur by serving her community. Before immigrating to the United States, her grandmother started a neighborhood business.

Although Grant was advised early in her business not to talk about God, she believes if people don’t want to hear her talk about God they are not her audience.

added a shed to their house for my grandmother’s store. She wanted to conveniently provide goods for her neighbors. But true to my grandmother’s nature, she would give away her product to people who couldn’t afford it. True to his Jamaican heritage, my grandfather shut down the business because it wasn’t making money.”

“I created a space for others in Destiny Designers University to leave a legacy and to stand up unapologetically in the marketplace with their faith. God used my talents to teach others through multimedia. He put me in this space with talent, and I’m using that talent to help others. There’s nothing too hard for God. We have launched a magazine, and in 2022, we launched a television network. Our goal is, by 2025, to create one million cash-flow-positive Faithpreneurs.

I run another business named C&G Enterprises Unlimited, LLC, which provides purpose-driven event strategies and meeting facilitation for government and private sector companies. C&G Enterprises Unlimited, LLC was tapped as the MWBE Firm selected to be the Facilitator for the JFK Airport Redevelopment Advisory Council, a 19-billion-dollar redevelopment project. I’m in a space where I can help Faithpreneurs do business with the federal government.”

Dr. Grant says she picked up some of her grandmother’s habits, like not knowing her worth in the marketplace and giving discounts before being asked. Grant wanted to have the business successful, so she used her failed experiences and her grandmother’s prayers to have faith to become profitable.

Dr. Grant says she takes this same spirit of service from her grandmother and applies it to her leadership of Zeta Phi Beta. The sorority’s motto of “A CommunityConscious, Action-Oriented Organization” has resonated with Grant throughout adulthood. As the International President of

“In Jamaica, my grandfather

Serving God is not just something that you put on a resume; it's the action by which you live.

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Zeta Phi Beta Sorority, Inc., Dr. Grant leads by example, having served thirty-three uninterrupted years as an active financial member of the sisterhood. She has excelled in multiple roles, including International Third Anti-Basileus, International Graduate Member to the Executive Committee, Member of the Board of Managers to the National Educational Foundation, Atlantic Regional Representative to the International Nominating Committee, and a two-term president of Phi Zeta Zeta Chapter of Queens, NY. “When I stepped on the college campus, I didn’t have the historical knowledge of sororities since my family was from Jamaica. I only knew of Greek life through the movie, “School Days," which I didn’t think was for me. I’m grateful that some Zeta Phi Beta sorority members invited me to a program about how, as a young Black woman on a predominantly white campus, I prepare myself for success, and that impressed me. As I learned about the organization’s history, I was impressed with the five young college coeds who had the vision to start Zeta.

We’re sitting in that vision over 102 years later to provide scholarships, to provide service, to be real sisters in a sisterhood, and to be finer women."

Grant is humbled and thrilled to now be in a position of leadership not only to honor the legacy of the five founders and elevate the work of Zeta Phi Beta but also to create a greater impact in the communities in which the sorority serves. Grant’s passion and zeal for the sorority have been with her since she took the oath, as her friends remind Grant that she “bled blue since she was in college.”

“My joy, my fire, and my passion are to honor the legacy of our five founders and build upon their legacy, so when I pass the baton to the next leader, we’re in a greater position for the next 100 years and beyond. I’m excited to continue on a global scale to be the number one community-conscious and action-oriented organization.

I also have the opportunity to collaborate with my colleagues on the Panhellenic Council to serve our communities. My fellow sorority and fraternity presidents know we are stronger together to confront societal problems and better serve families, hospitals, schools, and elders.”

Because of Dr. Grant’s passion for entrepreneurship and providing opportunities for professionals, and her generous leadership towards women, she appreciates Cheryl Magazine. She says the magazine is a bright light for women to grow and learn from, and a way to support one another.

“I love Cheryl. She is a true sister. Cheryl is a great example of real sisterhood and someone who celebrates other women. I want to advise the readership to move forward boldly and courageously because the world is waiting for you. Live the life that attracts and inspires others.”

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STYLE MATTERS Holiday Style Guide

simmer shine Cheekbone Sustain Lipstick Elohi, $25 cheekbonebeauty.com Hanifa Kelly Liquid Organza Dress, $2500 hanifa.co 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter, $24 cheekbonebeauty.com

Brothers Veilles Ribbon Pump in Gold Metallic Leather, $625 brothersveilles.com P.4466 Cheryl CherylMAGAZINE MAGAZINE P.

White Space Illusion Ring, White or Pink, $550 whitespacejewlery.com

Mented Everyday Eyeshadow Pallete, $28 mentedcosmetics.com

FKSP Black & Gold Collection “Golding” Gold Midi Dress, $189 shopfksp.com

Suite Eleven Top Tier Nail Polish, $15.00 suiteeleven.com

Ree Projects Anne Tote Mini Soft Calf Gold, €550,00 EUR reeprojects.com

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#4 Make Your Health a Priority

Start with a cleanse. From that point, be intentional about what goes into your body. Make it your purpose to feel better by allowing your body to detoxify and heal. Strip away toxins and metals.

Concentrate on gut health and revitalize your digestive system with antioxidants like vitamin c and ginger and foods that replenish electrolytes. Follow this routine into the new year for as long as you can. See the change it makes in your overall health.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#5 GET FIT

2023 is the year you stop with the resolutions and gym memberships you use for the first 30 days, if that.

Let’s get serious about the body we want. Whether because of health or an image you’d prefer to see, take your power back and get fit. Versus regular gym signup, try one or more of the following: •

Hire a trainer

•

Join a kickboxing class

•

Join your favorite type of dance class

•

Take a pole dancing or belly dancing class

•

Follow fitness pages on Instagram and learn home workouts for free

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Your guide to the perfect

Holiday feast

Garlic Herbed Cornish Hens See page 53 for recipe CherylMAGAZINE MAGAZINE P.P.5 500 Cheryl

FEATURE STORY

G

athering with family and friends during the winter provides the perfect opportunity to dine and celebrate. However, meal preparation for the holidays adds stress and pressure during a festive time, supposedly filled with joy and good cheer. If you are tired of the traditional turkey dinner and scratch your head at what courses to serve, don't worry. We have you covered! From the perfect charcuterie board to Cornish hens to roasted figs to decadent cocktails, there is something for everyone. Pull your favourites, or try them all. Be sure to tag us on Instagram @CherylMagOffical and let us know if you tried a recipe. Happy holidays and bon appétit!

Wild mushroom soup

Instructions:

Ingredients: 1 ounce dried porcini mushrooms (can use dried chanterelles) ¾ cup good sherry 2 tablespoons extra virgin olive oil 2 cups white onions 1 pound cremini mushrooms, cleaned and sliced with stems 4 tablespoons unsalted butter 2 cloves garlic, finely diced 4 tablespoons all-purpose flour 4 cups chicken stock 8 sprigs thyme, tied with string 2 teaspoons kosher salt ½ teaspoon freshly cracked pepper ½ cup crème fraîche

REHYDRATE DRIED MUSHROOMS 1. Place dried porcini mushrooms in a small bowl and add sherry.

2. Soak for at least 30 minutes, but no more than an hour. Stir to incorporate.

3. Strain the liquid from the mushrooms, and keep the strained liquid. Dice the re-hydrated mushrooms prior to putting them into the soup.

FOR THE WILD MUSHROOM SOUP 1. In a 3-quart soup pot over medium heat, add olive oil and white onions.

2. Sauté for 8 – 10 minutes or until soft. Add cremini mushrooms and continue to stir for another 15 – 18 minutes or until they start browning. Add butter and P. 5 1 Cheryl MAGAZINE

garlic. Stir until the butter is melted.

1-2 sprigs fresh rosemary

3. Add flour and continue to stir for another three minutes to make the roux. Add stock, sherry, thyme, hydrated mushrooms, salt and pepper, and bring to a simmer.

Balsamic Vinaigrette 2 tbsp balsamic vinegar 5 tbsp olive oil Cracked black pepper and salt to tast

4. Simmer the soup for 20 minutes to thicken.

5. In a separate medium-sized bowl, temper the crème fraîche by adding in 1 cup of soup in the bowl. Stir to incorporate. Pour mixture back into the soup pot. Salt and pepper to taste. Serve with bread of choice.

Roasted fig salad Ingredients: 1 pint figs 1 tbsp brown sugar 1/2 tsp cinnamon 3-4 cups favorite greens 1/3 cup pecans 1/4 cup feta crumbled

Photo by: Damon Barnes, dlb Photography

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Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 375° and line a baking tray with parchment paper.

2. Slice figs into quarters. Toss the cut figs with brown sugar and cinnamon. Arrange the figs on the baking tray and cook for about 30 minutes.

3. While figs are roasting, prepare vinaigrette dressing by whisking the vinegar, oil, salt, and pepper together.

4. In a large bowl, add the greens, pecans, feta, rosemary, and figs. Toss to mix.

5. Serve salad with a drizzle of the balsamic vinaigrette over the top or alongside.

If you are looking for an easy alternative to the traditional prime rib or turkey for the holiday, look no further. The Cornish hen is the perfect solution. Not only is it perfectly portioned so you don't have to worry about a ton of leftovers; they are flavorful, tender, and simply delicious.

garlic herbed Cornish hens Four servings Ingredients: 4 Cornish hens 4 tablespoons virgin olive oil 4 tablespoons melted unsalted butter 5 large cloves of garlic minced 2 lemons sliced 1 large red onion cut into quarters separated into individual slices of onion 10-12 fresh sage leaves 6-8 sprigs of fresh rosemary 2 tablespoons of Old Bay seasoning 2 tablespoons of Italian seasoning 1 tablespoon smoked paprika 1 tablespoon lemon pepper 1 teaspoon sea salt Instructions: 1. Thaw Cornish hens in refrigerator overnight. In the morning, rinse and pat them dry.

2. Preheat oven to 375 ° F. 3. Place the onions, sliced lemons, and half of the sage and rosemary into the roasting pan or Dutch oven.

4. Brush the hens with melted butter, olive oil, and minced garlic.

5. Rub the hens thoroughly with the dry rub mixture.

6. Arrange the Cornish hens in the roasting pan or Dutch oven. Place remaining herbs and sliced lemon in between the Cornish hens.

7. Bake for 45 min. - 1 hour without a lid until internal temperature reaches 165 ° F. The juices should run clear.

8. If the skin on the hens is browning too quickly, loosely tent the hens with foil and continue to cook.

9. When finished baking, remove the pan from the oven and let it stand for 15 minutes to allow juices to absorb before serving.

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Spiced Sweet potatoes Four servings Ingredients: 1 teaspoon coriander seeds 1/2 teaspoon fennel seeds 1/2 teaspoon dried oregano 1/2 teaspoon dried hot red pepper flakes 1 teaspoon kosher salt 2 lb medium sweet potatoes 3 tablespoons vegetable oil Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 425°F. 2. Coarsely grind coriander, fennel, oregano, and red pepper flakes in an electric coffee/spice grinder or with a mortar and pestle. Stir together spices and salt.

3. Cut potatoes into slices.

4. Toss with oil and spices in a large roasting pan.

Roast in the center of the oven for 20 minutes.

Turn wedges over with a spatula and roast 15 to 20 minutes more until tender and slightly golden.

Roasted Fennel and parmesan Ingredients: 3 fennel bulbs 1 tablespoon softened butter Coarse salt and ground pepper 1/3 cup grated Parmesan 4 sprigs thyme Instructions: 1. Preheat oven to 450 degrees.

2. Trim and split fennel bulbs lengthwise. Boil about 15 minutes until tender.

3. Drain fennel for five minutes cut side down on paper towels.

4. Place fennel cut side up in a buttered 8-inch square baking dish and brush with 1 tablespoon of softened butter.

5. Season with coarse salt and ground pepper and top with 1/3 cup grated Parmesan and 4 sprigs thyme. Bake about 20 minutes until cheese is golden brown.

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DESSERTS

Molten Lava Cake Ingredients: 1 stick unsalted butter 6 ounces bittersweet chocolate 2 eggs 2 egg yolks 1/4 cup sugar Pinch of salt 2 tablespoons all-purpose flour Instructions: 1. Preheat the oven to 450°.

2. Butter and lightly flour four 6-oz. ramekins.

Tap out the excess flour. Set the ramekins on a baking sheet.

3. In a double boiler, over simmering water, melt the butter with chocolate. In a separate bowl, beat the eggs with the egg yolks, sugar, and salt at high speed until it has thickened.

4. Whisk the chocolate until smooth. Quickly fold it into the egg mixture along with the flour. Spoon the batter into ramekins and bake for 12 minutes, or until the sides of the cakes are firm but the centers are soft.

5. Let the cakes cool in the ramekins for one minute, and then cover each with an inverted dessert plate. Carefully turn each one over, let stand for ten seconds and then unmold.

6. Serve warm.

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Apple Crumble

Instructions:

Ingredients: Apple Filling: 1 tablespoon unsalted butter, melted 3 large apples, cut into small chunks, about 4 cups 3 tablespoons brown sugar 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 350°F (177°C). Line six 4-oz. ramekins on a baking sheet. Brush melted butter into ramekins. Set aside.

Crumble topping: 2/3 cup brown sugar 1 cup all-purpose flour (spoon & leveled) 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon pinch of salt 6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted and slightly cooled

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Prepare apples: 2. In a large bowl, stir the apples, brown sugar, cinnamon, and nutmeg together. Divide apples evenly between ramekins.

Make the crumb topping: 3. Use a fork to mix the crumb topping. Mix the brown sugar, flour, cinnamon, and salt together in a medium bowl. Mix in melted butter, do not over-mix and keep into large crumbles.

4. Sprinkle evenly over apples, pressing down into the apples if necessary so it fits. Don't worry about over filling, it will bake down.

a fine-dining bistro, with delightful charm Fine Dining. Private Events. Live Music www.bellaatlanta.com 3220 Butner Road #250, Atlanta, GA

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COCKTAILS

Golden Manhattan Ingredients: ½ oz. fresh orange juice ½ oz. vermouth 1 oz. Bourbon Whiskey of your choice 1 oz. Rye Whiskey of your choice ¾ oz. of fresh lemon juice 1 pinch of ground cloves A dash or two of Angostura Orange bitters Instructions: Mix all elements in a tumbler, shake with ice, and then pour in a lowball glass over an organic maraschino cherry and orange wedge for garnish.

Photo Cred: Heidi Pearson P. 5 8 Cheryl MAGAZINE

golden cocktail!

Photo Cred: Heidi Pearson

Ingredients: Turmeric, ginger, orange juice with dried roses as an aromatic 1½ oz. of your spirit of choice (we used vodka here) ¾ oz. fresh orange juice ¾ oz. fresh lemon juice ¾ oz. fresh juiced turmeric ½ oz. ginger syrup (no sugar, use honey) ½ oz. fresh egg white (pasteurized, if you like) Tools: shaker, strainer, fine strainer Glass: vintage brandy snifter Garnish: dehydrated rose petals Instructions: 1. Combine all the ingredients in the shaker with ice and shake vigorously. Strain into a mixing glass; dump the ice from the shaker and put the cocktail back into the shaker to dry shake. Fine strain into a brandy snifter and garnish.

Ginger Syrup: 2. Peel and juice enough ginger to get 2 oz. of juice. Combine with equal parts honey in a saucepan and simmer on low heat to infuse. Let syrup chill before mixing into the cocktail.

Photo Courtesy of LS Liqueur

LS CHAI Ingredients: 2 oz. LS Cream Liquer 1 cup Chai tea 1 star anise

1 cinnamon stick 1 cardamom pod

Instructions: Simmer two cups water with a chai tea bag and spices for 10 minutes. Strain and add LS Cream. Garnish with star anise.

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CharcuteriE

(shar-KOO-ta-REE) Dating back to 15th Century France, it translates to products of a fancy pork butcher.

Nothing enhances a holiday gathering like a beautifully curated charcuterie board. Assorted meats and cheeses, savory and sweet accompaniments, and delicious artisan bread beautifully arranged on platters. They are perfect for your guests to nibble and dine from before your meal.

Hard and soft cheeses: Cheeses can be from cow, sheep, or goat milk. Some types include Manchego, Swiss, Gouda, cheddar, brie, blue cheese, or Gorgonzola. Vegan? No worries. There are several varieties of nut cheeses you can use.

Meats: Traditionally, charcuterie uses cured meats like prosciutto, salami, chorizo, or even a summer sausage. However, you can get creative and use smoked fish, lox, or roasted chicken.

Savory: From fanciful dips and spreads to assorted nuts, balance your board with delicious additions.

Try red pepper or garlic hummus, marinated olives, or Marcona almonds.

Sweet: This is where your charcuterie tray can shine. Add select fresh or dried fruits, beautiful jams, jellies, or a honeycomb.

Breads: Finally, select the perfect pairings of crackers and artisan bread. Don't be afraid of selecting varieties that have spices and herbs. The additional flavor will help to add depth to your tray.

Have Fun!: Create your next charcuterie tray for a group of friends, or treat yourself and create a miniboard to pair with a glass of wine to wind down after a long week. There is no right or wrong way. Pull together the items you love to nibble on and enjoy!

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FOCUS ON MENTAL HEALTH with Denise Polote Kelly

Seasonal Depression, Anxiety, and Grief During the Holidays

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O

ften, we are overwhelmed, existing in the loss of people, places, and things that we don’t give ourselves the time and permission we need to grieve the loss. Life continues to happen, and bam, the holidays are upon us. The world is full of cheer, hustle, and bustle, and we feel forced to function as if nothing has occurred.

The holidays stimulate many emotions that we are not always ready to face. If we do not learn to work through emotional trauma, triggers cause the sensation of not being equipped to cope, which hits us like a loss. Most people can probably remember someone saying, "be strong," "you will be okay," "don’t cry," and "time heals all wounds." These are correct statements, but no one has taught us how to make them a reality.

Many operate in a monotone space. Unfortunately, time isn’t standing still. Time really waits for no one. The world we exist in continues to move as it had before our loss. Suddenly, time changes, making the days seem shorter and the nights oh-so-very-long. Minds and hearts merely exist in the daylight and function without thought, in the constant motion required of us. In the evening, when things move much more slowly, people realize they are alone to face the loneliness and

sadness of the dark. Studies show that mood swings that often intensify depression and anxiety link to daylight savings time. Grief in children and adults shows up and intensifies.

In my time of deep sorrow and grief, it was dark in my head and heart, so I related the seasonal cycles to the dormant time. Dark, cold, dreary weather can make you feel lethargic, non-verbal, and just downright done with dealing. Trauma is trauma no matter how you look at it, feel it, receive it, digest it, or try to figure it out. As much as we would like to make the holidays not exist in the dark time, it is not in our control. Holidays will continue to come.

The seasons will change; it will get dark, and rain will fall. Trauma and drama may occur, but you are not alone, and if you continue to exist, it’s up to you to make the best of life and live.

You are valuable, and your mental health and your heart matter. Let’s work on moving forward in this season. There is never an expectation to absorb all of the heartache, disappointment, and pain at once. I suggest taking in each day a little at a time. You are, however, expected to hear, feel, and process so you can live. It is not a simple task but staying stuck is not in your best interest. You must move forward; you can do just that when you make change, a choice.

CHOOSE TO CHANGE

Here are a few suggestions to manage your holiday emotions: 1.

Cherish the memories.

4. Celebrate you and the choice to live.

2. Appreciate what you had. Believe and look forward to what you can have again.

5.

Don’t fight against the inevitable. Holidays are going to come, and life is going to happen.

3.

6.

Make your limitations and expectations flexible. If you decide to participate in holiday functions, drive yourself or hire a car service so you can leave if necessary.

Accept what you feel. Cry, scream, release, and breathe.

Denise Polote Kelly, CGRS, CLTC, is a survival/thriving coach, and speaker, owner of Recovery Matters, D. Kelly Management, and partner at Healing Hearts Therapeutic Solutions. For more on Denise, visit CoachDPK.com and connect with her on FB at Denise Polote Kelly.

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I will let go...

"One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Weather it's guilt, anger, love, loss, or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go..."

- Mareez Reyes

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FOXXY WIZDOM

with Charmaine Roots Castillo

The Present is a Gift

O

ur lifetime consists of moments. Each moment is a gift. Dr. Seuss nailed it with, “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.”

I invite you to take a moment as we go into the new year to reflect and explore a pathway to peace, giving earnest heed to the priceless gift of the present.

Whether the aha moments, pivotal moments, lonely moments, or those dreaded senior moments, our attitude and focus will either add to or subtract from our peace. How we manage our always-busy schedule impacts how we move from moment to moment. It is good practice to tap into the gift of the present, pausing to take mental snapshots throughout the day, ascribing value to the images our minds produce. Mental pictures of past events and regrets, or preemptive anxiety from imagined future events, can be placed on pause to give way to the present—the gift that keeps on giving.

Our thoughts compete for our undivided attention as we balance our commitments and plan our next boss move, vacation, or next pity party. Make it a habit to sit in the present more, appreciating it as a gift. Discover a more peaceful way to segue from moment to moment, creating perfect peace.

Here are a few suggestions to guide you into finding more precious moments throughout the day, leaving the imagined scenario of “what if” and returning to the present moment of “what is.”

1.

Serve an eviction notice on shoulda, woulda, and coulda. They dull the shine of the present.

2. Breathe deeply, taking in present enjoyment and savoring the moment with a smile.

3.

The momentum of one peaceful moment can ease you into the next moment when you are intentional about your peace and making the most of life.

4. Repeat as often as necessary.

As we examine the past, present, or future, let's recalibrate throughout the day, mitigating feelings of overwhelm. Think of it as a random act of kindness towards yourself. Be intentional, focused, and determined to experience peace and pull enjoyment from every moment, especially moments spent with those we care about the most.

Charmaine Roots Castillo is a creative writer who enjoys promoting hope, encouragement, and brighter perspectives.

Follow @56silverfoxx on IG.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#6 Seek Enjoyments

Live. Laugh. Love. Choose peace and ease, happiness and comfort, genuine connections, and necessary silence. Once you find enjoyment, protect it.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#7 More Self-Care

Spa and salon treatments, meditation, yoga, “me time,” and brunch with friends are no longer luxuries. In 2023, they are necessities.

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PARENTING TIPS

Creating and Practicing Holiday Memories to Last Generations

by Siobhan Davenport

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I

remember experiencing anxiety around the holidays when I was a child. I grew up in a singleparent household run by my grandmother, who had a fixed income. Because of that, I didn’t know which item from my Christmas list I could get. She grew up during the Great Depression, so she was very pragmatic. I loved the idea of Santa, but I knew she was actually ‘my Santa.’

I distinctly remember, in 1983, asking myself, “Am I getting the Cabbage Patch doll?” The news showed parents fighting over the doll in stores to bring smiles of joy to their children's faces. Secretly, I knew my Godfearing grandmother wasn’t about to fight, especially over a toy. Not surprisingly, the answer was “no,” I didn’t receive the doll. But the tradition of Christmas in my grandparents’ home with family for dinner more than made up for my disappointment.

After having children of my own, I wanted to make the holidays special, and by special, I mean giving them everything on their Christmas list and more. My husband and I would stay up until 2:00 AM Christmas morning, wrapping gifts, putting toys together, and arranging everything perfectly under the tree for our daughter and son. Of course, they were up before dawn, excited about what Santa had brought them. Yes, we taught them about Santa. When my son was five, he got suspicious about an overweight bearded man in a red suit fitting down our chimney. I shamelessly told him that children who didn’t believe in Santa wouldn’t get gifts. The questions stopped immediately.

As the children aged into their teen years, it was much more difficult to “surprise” them. They woke up late and sauntered downstairs to get their gifts, and they were grateful, but they were much more excited to get cash. Frankly, I felt restless in the hard work of ‘playing Santa’ and was ready to tone down the Christmas extravaganza. However, I not only didn’t know how to create a new tradition, but I also didn’t know what traditions to keep and what to add.

1. How to Create Your Own Traditions The key to traditions is that they are the centerpieces of the actual holiday. We hold on to them to mark the momentous occasion and use them as a joyous connection to the memories of family and loved ones we hold dear. One meaningful tradition for me was the Christmas dinner my grandparents and mother hosted which brought our family together. While creating your traditions, keeping them personal is essential.

2. Expand Upon Your Current Traditions I gave my family an assignment to write down what they felt was special to them about our current traditions. I then asked them to build upon that list and think about what they would like to add that was new. Since we host Christmas dinner, they wanted to shop at our local farmer’s market together for fresh ingredients, thus creating another opportunity for togetherness.

3. Set Intentions for Your Traditions Setting intentions can be as simple as stating we want our family to be appreciated. The new tradition for dinner was that, before eating, everyone would share why they valued and were grateful for family and friends. Some used one word, such as happiness, while others gave specific examples, such as calls, cards, or texts they received while not feeling well.

These exchanges made us each feel acknowledged and appreciated by those we love the most.

4. Divide and Conquer the Planning The holidays are less stressful for everyone if you plan to share the responsibilities. We divide the meal components and the selection of games to play. Each person chooses a role. That way, we can enjoy each other, knowing that we all had a part in the event's success.

When the pandemic hit and the world shut down in March 2020, I began a practice of walking in the morning. I listened to positive messages from Sarah Jakes Roberts, Joyce Meyers, and Dharius Daniels, among others. I kept a gratitude journal to remind myself of my many blessings, big and small, which I had quickly forgotten in the busyness of my pre-pandemic days.

5. Celebrating on a Budget

I acknowledged how much I appreciated and valued my meaningful relationships with family and friends who had become family. Thus, I began to think about creating new holiday traditions that celebrated our shared love and deepened those relationships. But creating new holiday traditions required forethought and multiple conversations with my family.

Remember, traditions should be fun and meaningful.

Now it’s your family’s time to practice making memories that will last a lifetime!

It was easy to discuss a gift budget once we determined that togetherness was what we loved most about the holidays. We now go into the holiday season knowing how much we can spend without incurring the debt often associated. According to Lending Tree, averages are over $1200 per person.

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#GIRLPOWER

with Traci Henderson Smith

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IN THE MIDST OF HARDSHIP

S

eventeen-year-old Sa'mya Renee is an everyday teenage girl whenever she is not gracing red carpets and photo shoots or ripping runways. The New York Fashion Week (NYFW) runway model, also bright enough to have gotten her first college scholarship in the eighth grade, relishes the closeness she shares with her mom and dreams of making a difference.

From losing important people in her life to homelessness, Sa'mya has already seen her share of hardship. At three years old, she lost her biological father. Then her stepfather, the only father she knew, became estranged when he and her mother divorced.

Following her parents' split, life, as Sa'mya knew, turned upside down.

Amazingly, through her most difficult transitions, she managed to maintain the A/B honor roll with honors classes and become a flag football champion.

Sa'mya became an NYFW model for six consecutive seasons. She has also been a featured model for Detroit Fashion Week and was offered Paris Fashion Week before the pandemic hit. In between premieres, fashion shows, and celebrity-laden award shows and events, she focuses on getting into college and excels at dance on her high school dance team and professionally with former NFL Cheerleader Carla Johnson's dance troop.

Sa'mya gave Cheryl Magazine a moment of her time for a quick Q & A and to share some of her thoughts on life.

Define success.

Sa'mya: Success to me is being the best version of yourself. Being productive every day and doing small tasks that eventually help you reach your goal.

What are your goals and where do you see yourself in the future?

Sa'mya: My goal right now is to graduate high school and attend college. I'm hoping to get accepted into either Florida A & M University or Florida State University and major in business and marketing while also maintaining a business of my own and obtaining my real estate license. I also see my future self as financially free and breaking generational curses.

Do you have any advice for young girls wanting to be in the industry?

Sa'mya: This industry is very tough and can make you wanna give up, but what is life without hardships?

Challenges we face only make us stronger, once we get over them. So, don’t give up. If anything, take a little break if it’s too much; come back, and decide if this is the industry for you.

You never want to force yourself to do something that's not your passion.

Remember, we’re too pretty to argue.

How do you feel about empowerment and activism?

Sa'mya: I support Black and women's empowerment. I feel like representation matters. Not only is seeing people who look like you doing great things or in positions of authority and influence motivating and encouraging but it is needed. It allows you to feel comfortable without being judged. The need for activism is important as well. It gives people the voice to educate the uneducated.

What are your thoughts on women supporting women/girls supporting each other in their goals and dreams?

Sa'mya: Personally, I love supporting people. We need to support each other. We already go through too much as a whole to fight against one another. We need to be held accountable and uplift each other.

When a group shares the same end goal, they will have each other to motivate them and do what it takes to complete the objective.

How does it feel to be included in #GirlPower in Cheryl Magazine and be considered a girl of power?

Do you have any advice for young girls Sa'mya: I truly feel honored to be a in general? part of such a powerful magazine.

Sharing my knowledge to help other Sa'mya: Do not let anyone get you out girls/women is a blessing. For a long of your character. The moment you time, I didn’t see or feel the girl power react to their anger, that’s when they inside of me. So for Cheryl Magazine win. Don’t give them the satisfaction to see it within me, I feel appreciated. of what they expect out of you. Show Once a person masters self-love and them the complete opposite of what knows they’re more than valuable they’re looking for. Remain positive. and actually FEEL it, that’s when they Leave the situation if you have to. knowofthey Photos courtesy Xara have Kemp found their girl power.

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NEW MUSIC ALERT

Truth Behind Fairytails

Meet New Artist KelDenise

Ma’Cail Reynolds AKA KelDenise is a 22-year-old R&B singer, songwriter and actress from Savannah, GA. She began in church, then soon found her passion for the arts and music within the last ten years. She believes that music is the passageway to people’s hearts. Truth Behind Fairytales was her way of showing just that.

Ma’Cail’s debut EP Truth Behind Fairytales goes through what she feels are the different phases of narcissistic love from the eyes of the victim. The inspiration for her sound comes from her love of strings and brass instruments. “I like to find the story in the beat, then tell it through my words. I try to craft my voice as the missing instrument or beat in the song," says KelDenise. Catch her performing live from her EP. KelDenise's overall goal is to help heal people through music.

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BUSINESS SENSE & SENSIBILITY

Leveling the Playing Field: Achieving Equal Pay in the Workplace

by La Toya T. Haynes, Director of Racial Equity, Intuit In September, we highlight Black Women’s Equal Pay Day. It is the day we shine a light on the wage gap between Black women and their non-ethnic executive, professional, and working-class counterparts.

Women of color continue to suffer the most severe gender wage gap in the United States, a reality that reflects the effects of intersecting racial, ethnic, and gender biases that threaten the economic security of them and their families. - Bleiweis, Robin, et al. Women of Color and the Wage Gap, Center for American Progress, November 17, 2021, americanprogress.org When applying for positions, there are several actions you can incorporate into your compensation conversations to eliminate this gap and position yourself as the person who sets the pay standard within your organization.

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Know the median salary for your current position.

Several online resources offer salary ranges for most jobs. Determine where you fall on the scale of lowest to highest. Knowledge of the average salary for your job title can provide a basis for salary negotiations and assist you in assessing your ask.

Preparation should include deciding the exact amount you will ask for and the minimum you will accept.

Advocate for yourself.

Negotiations are the time to showcase your skills, experience, and the unique value you bring to the business. Highlight your recent achievements and articulate their impact on the bottom line.

Examples include increases in revenue, employee engagement, brand awareness and productivity, and reductions in errors, waste, and turnover.

Discussions are more effective when shared in writing.

Negotiate with facts, not feelings.

There are instances where coworkers may make more money than us. These situations often propel us emotionally. Employers are not motivated to increase your pay due to your feelings over external pressures such as inflation, the cost of daycare, or finding out someone in your department fulfilling a similar or lesser role makes more than you, and now you're bothered. A salary increase is more easily obtained based on merit. Merit is a code word for impact. Prove your case for a salary increase using the facts from step two to amplify your ask!

Money isn’t everything.

You may reach an impasse in your conversation and realize that more money is not moving to your side of the table. At that point, consider asking for other benefits. Alternatives to increasing your compensation could include, but are not limited to, opportunities for project management or key lead, participation in training and conferences, additional vacation hours, childcare, tuition reimbursement, student loan forgiveness, remote work, and a better job title.

Practice the conversation.

Role-play with a friend, rehearsing the conversation so it is easy for you to pull from your preparation data, develop talking points, and offer your acceptable alternatives. Record the conversation and play it back. Look for places where you may need to strengthen your argument and improve your nonverbal communication.

Secure the bag.

Go into your meeting confident, and be assured you deserve a salary increase based on your ability to state your value and show evidence of your worth.

Make reasonable demands. A good gauge is to keep the lower end of your request at least 10% above your current salary, possibly more if your current range is below the median for your position. Choose in advance what you are willing to walk away with; that includes added benefits and perks. Decide you will walk away with something and have at least one of your goals met; or decide whether it's time to just walk away.

Have a “walk away.”

When the negotiations no longer make sense, or it becomes clear that an increase in salary or benefits is not imminent, because of that, current conditions no longer serve you, it just may be time to pursue other options. Set your walk value in advance. Part of your preparation is to know ahead of time what your walk away is before going into negotiations. Have a professional and disciplined conversation about your worth and the value you add to the company. And if you can't convince your current company of either, take the information you gathered during preparation into the search for a new opportunity.

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BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

STRONGER TOGETHER:

THE POWER OF DIVERSITY Meet Ten of the Leading Black Female Executives at Intuit Corporation

B

eing unaware of bias and workplace inequity is a luxury Black Americans don't have; it's something, collectively, the community lives daily. In particular, Black women are vastly underrepresented in leadership positions. Consistently the most educated group in America, and yet only 7.4% of the U.S. population, Black women hold a meager 4.4% of the management roles in this country and 1.4% of C-suite positions. Additionally, the disparaging wage gap for Black women means they make less in these positions than their white male and white female counterparts.

Intuit Corporation is committed to corporate diversity, equal pay and equity, and inclusion.

The company has purposed to do its part to improve diversity in tech on a national and international level. Meet ten leading Black female executives of Intuit who help make up the 4.4% of Black leadership in the U.S. and diverse leadership abroad.

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Erica Terry Derryck is Vice President of Global Communications, Small Business and Self-Employed Group. A communications

professional with more than twenty years of experience in the public and private sectors, Erica Terry Derryck currently leads global communications for the Small Business and Self-Employed Group at Intuit. Before driving communications for the business unit that brings QuickBooks and Mailchimp to millions of small and mid-size businesses worldwide, she led the PR, social, editorial, and marketing partnership teams at Mozilla, the makers of the Firefox web browser. She also served as communications director for Oakland Mayor Libby Schaaf and former San Francisco District Attorneys Kamala D. Harris and George Gascón. She holds a master’s degree in journalism from UC Berkeley and a BA from Wesleyan University in Middletown, CT

Sharon Hutchins is Vice President and Chief of AI+Data Operations at Intuit, Inc. (Nasdaq: INTU). She’s responsible for Business Operations

and Program Management for AI+Data. She oversees Intuit’s data stewardship: the management and oversight of Intuit’s data assets to help provide data workers with high-quality data that is easily accessible, clean, and understandable, reducing time spent on data preparation.

Hutchins has led a broad range of improvement and realignment initiatives during twenty-plus years of leadership at Intuit. She has proven success leading corporate and public-sector organizational turnarounds, leading AI and data programs, integrating IT M&As, driving global expansion, and ensuring line of business and corporate initiative compliance with federal and state privacy laws and regulations. Sharon understands all aspects of business operations and is known for her ability to translate vision into operational action plans, build leaders at all levels, and help companies understand their customer base. She graduated from the Haas School of Business at the University of California, Berkeley.

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Jolawn Victor, Vice President UK Country Manager,

is the GM of the Intuit UK business, with P&L ownership of go-to-market functions. Victor’s core expertise lies in strategy, international expansion, and go-to-market, including scaling International B2B and B2C businesses. Victor has more than twenty years of classical CPG, fintech, and consumer product experience in multinational environments, having lived and held executive positions on three continents. She has built a reputation for operational excellence, building high-performing teams and inclusive cultures.

Victor briefly left Intuit to serve as the Chief International Officer of the mental health app, Headspace, where she led global operations, including sales, marketing, and partnerships in all markets outside North America throughout the pandemic.

Before Headspace, Victor led Emerging Markets and Global Expansion for Intuit. She was responsible for business in over 150 countries outside of the US. Victor originally joined Intuit as a product leader and led the creation and development of TurboTax Live. She previously worked at PepsiCo and General Mills in supply chain and various marketing roles, including Director of Lay’s innovation.

A native of Minneapolis, MN, Victor holds a Bachelor of Science in Physics from Spelman College, a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering from Georgia Institute of Technology, and an MBA from New York University’s Stern School of Business. Victor is a wife of seventeen years, a mother of three, and fights to rebrand the definition of working motherhood.

Selina Garrison, Director of Professional Services,

is a Silicon Valley executive that has worked across various technology sectors. Garrison started her career in space systems and has since led global teams in Consumer Products, Mobile Devices, Payments, Transportation, and the Small and Medium Business sector. She has a Bachelor of Science Degree in Physics from the University of California Irvine and a Master of Science in Quality Assurance from California State University Dominguez Hills. Over her 30-year engineering career, Garrison has advocated for Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and has been passionate about how technology changes lives. She currently leads a global Professional Services team responsible for partner connections, uploads, and technical support at Intuit.

Garrison has served on the Board of Directors of the Guadalupe River Park Conservancy, in which she focused on corporate value propositions. Currently, she serves on the Notre Dame San Jose High School Board of Directors. There she leads the strategic planning committee and is on the Diversity Committee.

She also serves on the Board of Directors at Ignited Education, which focuses on bringing emerging technology education to marginalized school communities. In addition, Selina is on the Financial Data Exchange Board of Directors and focuses on moving North America to consistent data standards.

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Nykia Wilson is the Director of Ethics at Intuit.

Intuit is a global technology platform powering prosperity with TurboTax, QuickBooks, Mint, Credit Karma, and Mailchimp. Wilson is responsible for company-wide ethics governance and oversight. She is also a member of Intuit’s Racial Equity Advancement Leadership (REAL) Team, which was formed in June 2020 to lead the company’s anti-racism work as declared by Intuit’s CEO, Sasan Goodarzi, following the murder of George Floyd.

For the seven years before joining Intuit in 2019, Nykia was the Director & Associate General Counsel, Employment, at Petco. She spent the previous ten years as a defense-side employment attorney in private practice.

Wilson is a proud alumna of the University of Virginia (1997) and the University of Virginia School of Law (2002).

She is a top individual fundraiser for Susan G. Komen San Diego. From 2013 through 2019, Wilson sat on Komen San Diego’s Executive Committee of the Board of Directors and served as the Governance Committee Chair. She loves living in San Diego. She enjoys spending time with her husband and two children and watching college basketball.

La Toya Haynes is the first person to hold the position of Director of Racial Equity at Intuit. Haynes joined Intuit in

2016 as an HR Business Partner with the ProConnect Group in Plano, Texas. She also served as Global Co-Chair for the Intuit African Ancestry Network and is currently leading the Racial Equity Advancement Leadership Team.

As an executive and human resources professional of more than twenty years, Hayne’s expertise spans the automotive, health care, consumer packaged goods, aviation, and tech industries. Before joining Intuit, she worked for world-class organizations, including General Motors, Tyco International, Procter & Gamble, The Canadian Helicopter Company, Ericsson, and Tupperware Brands.

Haynes graduated from Southern University and A&M College, receiving a B.S. in Business Management. She is also a graduate of the University of Texas at Dallas, where she received an M.A. in Organizational Behavior and Executive Coaching.

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Crystal Gaskin is Mailchimp’s Chief People and Culture Officer, leading the company’s people strategy

and operations for more than 1,500 employees in a growing network of office locations. Crystal and her team are responsible for all aspects of human resources, including talent acquisition; people development; performance and rewards; compensation and benefits; health and wellness; diversity and inclusion, and employee relations.

Previously, Crystal served as Mailchimp's VP of Talent, Culture, and Inclusion. Before joining Mailchimp, Crystal served as Sr. Director of Human Resources at Honeywell, leading a global HR team responsible for the employee experience and people strategy for the company’s technology, product, and customer operations organizations. She also held various HR leadership roles with Amazon, Kimberly-Clark, and McKesson. She is a 2016 graduate from Georgia Institute of Technology Scheller College of Business with an EMBA in Global Business.

Tanisha Barnett is a Senior Director of Engineering at Intuit Mailchimp. She has more

than twenty years of management experience in the IT industry. Barnett started her career as an engineer and quickly realized that her passion was growing people and organizations while continuing to stay in the IT industry.

She is committed to diversity and inclusion and their impact on organizations. Her professional experience includes several engineering positions at Macy’s Inc. She has successfully managed large-scale software development teams, from concept and technology strategy to product launch across multiple platforms.

Barnett holds a Bachelor's Degree in Management Information Systems from The University of Georgia.

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Shani Boston, Senior Director Product Development Operations at Mailchimp. Before joining Mailchimp, Boston consulted for the U.S. Senate Committee on Small Business and Entrepreneurship, U.S. Small Business Administration, and several Fortune 500 companies. Her commitment to small business brought her to Intuit and is what drives her today. Since joining Mailchimp/Intuit, Boston has worked cross-functionally on numerous strategic initiatives, including retention, international, data and analytics, and security and data privacy, to name a few.

Currently, she leads product and engineering operations, overseeing nearly 50% of Mailchimp's operations. Boston is also a proud member of the PRIDE leadership team and is committed to helping Mailchimp/Intuit to become the most inclusive and equitable environment possible.

Jennifer Booker is Director of Business Operations and Strategic Program Management at Intuit where she leads a team that focuses on improving Technology operations across the company. Jennifer has had a robust career in finance, supply chain and business operations working at Johnson & Johnson, Adobe, Booz Allen Hamilton and ExxonMobil. She holds a bachelor’s degree in Industrial Engineering from the University of Oklahoma and an MBA in International Business and Finance from George Washington University.

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MONEY TALK

with Roni M. Benjamin

Financial Wisdom

That OffersHope “The future belongs to those who give the next generation reason for hope.”

- Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

A

n early morning run with my fifteen-year-old daughter awakened the reality that time flies extremely fast; the mile I used to run in under five minutes now takes seventeen minutes. I walked at least 100 meters to catch my breath, relieve the shin pain, and lower back pressure when I never had to before.

On the ride home, I thanked my daughter for her commitment to my healthy living journey, even sacrificing sleep to run with me every morning. She replied, “Your commitment to yourself inspires me to succeed in my own journey of life. It’s my pleasure, Mom.” While the tears welled up in my eyes, I realized, at that moment, how important it was to be the bridge to the next generation. As parents, we have a responsibility to influence and empower those in our care; pass the truth to the next generation by teaching them early what we learned late. For the past three years, I have been implementing financial strategies that will yield the results I desire for my family and myself and also help develop a successful model of money management that my children can easily emulate.

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Here are my five nuggets of financial wisdom to help bridge the gap between where you are today financially and where you would like to be in the future.

Start a plan Make a target goal for all your finances in the following key areas that apply to you and your family:

• Emergency fund • Education fund • Large purchase fund • Start a business fund • Vacation fund • Shopping fund Set realistic time frames for your goals and create a system to track your progress. The Excel goal tracker and mobile app are ideas. Consider having a trusted accountability partner to support your process.

Stop poor money habits Identify the bad money habits holding you back from accomplishing your money goals. Common habits are:

• Impulse purchases • Overspending • Using credit cards for everyday purchases • Ignoring bills Understand the cause or prompt that initiates the action and defend against it. Professional counseling may help you get to the root of money problems and change negative behaviors and attitudes toward money.

Invest for retirement You may have already started saving for retirement. If so, great job! Did you know that you could calculate today the monthly income you will receive from your investment in the future?

Retirement calculators can help determine how much you will receive. Also, refer to ssa.gov to understand how Social Security benefits fit into your retirement plan. If this concept of retirement investments is new to you, know that experts recommend saving 15% of your annual income. For example, for someone with an income of $100K annually, $15K yearly should be invested toward future retirement. The precise amount you need to save for retirement depends on your personal needs and living expenses. Please consult a trusted financial professional to guide you through this process.

highways, road signs, and the salaries of millions of government employees, public housing, public education, etc. Although taxes fund essential public goods and services, they can have implications for your long-term assets that may not be favorable toward your goals and objectives.

So, speak with an expert when you prepare your plan.

Estate Planning An estate plan typically includes a list of the following items:

• Will/trust • Durable power of attorney • Beneficiary designations • Letter of intent • Healthcare power of attorney • Guardianship designations In addition to these six documents and designations, an estate plan should consider insurance product purchases such as long-term care insurance, a lifetime annuity to generate income until death, and life insurance to pass money to beneficiaries without probate court.

You should consult a lawyer to assist you and review your plan annually to reflect changes in your family’s circumstances.

Financial education will impact every part of your life and can mean the difference between prosperity and poverty. Understanding money management leads to financial health and evokes positive attitudes about money, which can be instrumental in shaping a person’s character and behaviors. More states should support personal finance courses and school curriculums, considering the importance of these life skills.

But instead of waiting for the political system to pay more attention to the statistics and implement change, let us have more candid money conversations with the youth and each other.

Speak to professionals for understanding, and build a roadmap for success for yourself. Success for me comes when every generation develops the next generation.

Roni M. Benjamin is a financial professional and financial services subject matter expert, mentor, and facilitator.

Taxes Taxes are the primary source of federal, state, and local government revenues. Taxes pay for P. 8 3 Cheryl MAGAZINE

THE LIST CHERYL'S FAVORITE RESOURCES

Knowing you’re not alone in your business and that helpful resources to take your business to the next level surround you can be a relief. Here are a few of my favorites, from networking to funding.

Goldman Sachs 10k Small Business Program www.goldmansachs.com/citizenship/10000-smallbusinesses/US/#

Women’s Business Enterprise National Council www.wbenc.org/certification

If you apply, use Cheryl P Williamson LLC as a referral.

WBENC is also an approved third-party certifier for the SBA’s Women-Owned Small Business (WOSB) Federal Contracting Program.

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Small Business Administration www.sba.gov intuit.com Intuit is a global technology platform, powering prosperity with TurboTax, QuickBooks, Mint, Credit Karma, and Mailchimp.

Women's Business Center Richmond www.theinstitutenc.org/WBCRichmond The WBC of Richmond provides services for business owners and aspiring entrepreneurs seeking operational, financial, and marketing assistance.

Swain Consulting swainconsultingllc.com Providing comprehensive financial services with an emphasis in Work Opportunity Tax Credit (WOTC).

The SBA has worked to ignite change and spark action so small businesses can confidently start, grow, expand, or recover.

Minority Business Development Agency www.mbda.gov/who-we-are/overview The U.S. Department of Commerce, Minority Business Development Agency (MBDA) is the only federal agency solely dedicated to the growth and global competitiveness of minority business enterprises.

Black Alzheimer’s Brain Study blackalzbrainstudy.com Our mission is to create solutions for a healthier community.

AARP www.aarp.org

Lift Fund www.liftfund.com

AARP is a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that empowers people to choose how they live as they age.

Assistance with loans, tools and resources to help entrepreneurs grow their business.

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Speak Beautiful, LLC www.speakbeautiful.com

Healing Hearts Therapeutic Solutions 803-226-3677

Speak Beautiful from branding to creative development. From packaging to bring your company’s vision to life.

Denise Polote-Kelly and Adrian I. Thompson provide quality mental health and consulting services online and in-person. Contact us today, our team is ready to see you move forward and THRIVE.

Visionary Greetings www.greetingvision rsfoster@greetingvision.com Phone: 862-224-2694

“

WOW! If you are in business, you definitely need to be in 10KSB. My company grew 112% in one year and I was able to put myself on a living salary!"

Cimone Key, Founder Cimone Key Creative Studio Alumna, Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses at Dallas College, Cohort 18

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Felisha Belle instagram.com/stylebellefelisha Creative director, wardrobe stylist, and closet curator.

For bookings email stylebellefelisha@yahoo.com.

UNLEASH THE BIG POWER OF SMALL BUSINESS. Goldman Sachs 10,000 Small Businesses is a program for small businesses that links learning to action. Through the program, participants gain practical skills in topics such as negotiation, marketing and employee management that can immediately be put into action.

In addition, they receive the tools and professional support to develop a strategic and customized growth plan that will take their business to the next level.

Find out how to: • • • • •

Create and execute a growth plan Identify and evaluate opportunities Understand financial statements Hire, retain and lead employees Negotiate successfully

Apply today, visit: dcccd.edu/10ksb or 10ksbapply.com

SCAN QR CODE WITH YOUR PHONE

think beyond.

SpeakBeautiful.com

P. 8 7 Cheryl MAGAZINE GRAPHIC DESIGN | PACKAGING | TRADESHOW AND EVENT DESIGN | WEBSITE DEVELOPMENT | TV AND FILM

CAREER GLIMPSE

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Take Charge. Lead.

Inspire. Motivate.

"You have it within you; you can do it."

Helen Giddings is one the most prolific women in business. The former State Representative and businesswoman founded her first business in 1989 and became the first Black woman in the Southwest to have gourmet coffee in an airport. She would later join Senator Royce West, who had the idea of creating The University of North Texas at Dallas, the first public four-year university within the boundaries of Dallas. Giddings became his partner in executing the vision from inception to completion. She comes with an expansive enterprise portfolio that includes Hudson News newsstand, Plum Market, and Decanted, to name a few. Giddings repeatedly broke the glass ceiling in business and politics and in climbing to the top of the ladder in male-dominated markets. She was the first woman and person of color to chair the Business & Industry Committee in the Texas House of Representatives for six years and three terms.

Giddings passed laws that created alcohol-free zones around schools and passed bills related to identity theft and worker’s compensation. Appointed Honorary Consul to South Africa, Giddings dined with Nelson Mandela and met with the President in his home by invitation to discuss the political climate.

"There are so many things in my life that I have been able to do. I think for me, my overall calling has been to understand that life is about giving and not just money but giving back to the community in whatever way that you can," says Giddings. "I think if all of us give wherever we can to our communities, our communities will be whole. If each of us makes deposits, then when we make withdrawals, there will be an ample resource we can withdraw from."

With a rich reservoir of knowledge and experience that spans more than two decades, Giddings is most proud of her work with the Women's Leadership Summit (WLS). Through the WLS, she empowers women, entrepreneurs, and non-profit organizations to take the next step to become full participants in our world, sharing their leadership skills, and resulting in a better society for all, as the organization's mission states.

The Women's Leadership Summit's theme is Reemerged, Restored, Refocused, and Reimagined and brings together women who have risen to leadership positions with younger leaders, forming more robust networks, sharing knowledge and skills, celebrating achievements, and addressing challenges. It is a two-day summit of interactive sessions focused on developing personal and professional skills with the primary thought, "If I can see her, I can be her."

For more information, visit www.wlsummit.org Follow Giddings on IG @honhelengiddings P. 8 9 Cheryl MAGAZINE

SMALL BUSINESS SPOTLIGHT

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Gifted Heart and Hands

What started as a way to escape a clouded history of depression, led to a clear vision of love through service to family, friends, and the community.

R

oyleta Foster is a resilient and creative servant leader. As a child, she was thrown through the windshield of a car being driven by her biological father who was drunk. The injuries she sustained from that accident affected her ability to learn. Adding to that trauma were constant comments from her special education teachers in middle and high school that a life of poverty and misfortune awaited her. With a name that means raised to survive, Foster amply proved them wrong. She became, instead, a thriving valued servant, mother, sister, aunt, friend, and business owner. One of her commitments as a leader and an example is to help adults living with disabilities. She founded Creative Living Support Services, LLC, with only $52 in her bank account. The business grossed $1 million in only five years and was on track for continued million-dollar success before the 2020 pandemic.

The year 2020 issued blow after blow, and as social issues added complex layers to the devastation of COVID-19, Foster used painting to express her deep-seated emotions. She sat down one day and used her gifted hands to decorate cards with watercolors. With each stroke of her paintbrush, Foster watched as, beyond her control, watercolors settled into blossoms. She saw an opportunity, realizing it was up to her to draw the solid lines that would create original, abstract details for unique and beautiful cards. The outcome of the handcrafted paintings showed her that no matter what conflicts arise, it is up to us to bloom, draw the lines, control the details, and create beauty.

"When you look at the process of a flower, you don't know what it's going to be or how it will look," says Foster.

"That's kind of the process I have. I'll start painting, put colors down, and it will literally start growing into a flower.

I add the lines and the details after it sets for clarity of vision."

It was a creative release that sparked the greeting card collection turned business. But it is clear from Foster's always encouraging and motivating contributions and how she loves inspiring others that Visionary Greetings Greeting Card Company is now a labor of love.

"I want my cards to inspire people. I want them to uplift them. [In] the times that we're in now, that's what we need to pour into people. To know that you are not alone, someone is thinking about you, and that you are loved.

All of my cards are a labor of love. I just wanted to make sure that people are okay and that I can make someone smile, if not [but] for a few seconds. I want people to know that [Visionary Greetings] is a loving brand," Foster passionately states. "It's a brand that cares about people. Because at the end of the day, I want people to be okay mentally, physically, and spiritually."

www.greetingvision.com rsfoster@greetingvision.com Phone: 862-224-2694

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Miitra Conquer Fear Silk Scarf Message: The fears you conquer cannot be used as weapons against you. 100% pure silk, 36” x 36”. miitra.co $155

Welcome to our top finds for the year. Cheryl Magazine has collected a few of our favorite gifts to give and receive for the holiday. From positivity and inspiration, to relaxation, style, and beauty we have something you are sure to love.

Kuba Go-to-Tote 100% of the net profits benefit The Huntington's Disease Society of America. ubuntu.life $135

Diamond B Cosmetics Vegan & Cruelty Free lip gloss.

Aloe: Aloe Vera Lip $14 Savage: Hot Pink Lip $13 Pinky: Bubblegum Lip $13 Sleepy Eye:Glossy Red Lip $13 diamondbcosmetics.myshopify.com

Shady Days Sky is the Limit Shady Days is a line of handcrafted hats by Johnesia Lucas, Statesboro, GA. “It’s an outlet of my creativity,” says Johnesia. “It is a free-streaming flow of my designs that come from travel, art, love, family, and self.” shopshadydays.com $461 P. 9 2 | Cheryl MAGAZINE P. 9 2 Cheryl MAGAZINE

"...My love of bold color, flowers and hearts, anchor a lot of my work and genuinely reflect my soul and personality. I have found my creative flow and when I am working it feels effortless and meditative.

Never forget, creativity unleashed rewards every soul."

- Heather Polk

The Bath House Co. Addicted to Peace Custom Scented Candle The Live Laugh Love Collection Scent: Cleopatra - Peaches 100% Natural Coconut Soy Wax & scented with a proprietary blend of essential oils. 9oz. thebathhouseco.com $19.99

Heather Polk, That Thing Seeking Me Limited Edition signed print, 16" x 20". pxpcontemporary.com $165

Miduna Hand-Crafted Chocolate Truffles An assortment of our handcrafted chocolate truffles prepared, curated, and packed just for you! This includes our award winning Kukua truffle with moringa and white chocolate. us.midunuchocolates.com $56

Fe Noel Hibiscus Wilted Sleeve Robe Printed viscose and silk organza. fenoel.com $1098 D’maya’s Therapeutic Hair Serum been Helps to promote hair growth, soothe dry scalp, and prevent breakage.

Provides a natural shine to the hair. dmayahair.com $15 P. 9 3 Cheryl MAGAZINE

Avoid Holiday Stress.

Your Hair is Begging You!

by Donita Thrower

W

e all get lost in the hustle and bustle of holiday hype and forget to take care of ourselves while caring and doing for others. We dismiss the stress we might feel amid the pressure of the season. As we all know, a contributor to illness is stress. Stress also causes changes in hair and can create hair loss.

Changes in scalp If your scalp becomes dry, itchy, or flaky, this could be the result of emotional stress. Stress can lead to increased dandruff by compromising your immune system and aggravating the preexisting issues that caused it.

In finer hair types (2b-3a), you may notice your hair is more oily than not. There is a simple fix. Use a clarifying shampoo to clean excess oil from the scalp. Follow this with a moisturizing shampoo to put moisture back into the hair. If this does not work for you, see a dermatologist to rule out scalp conditions.

Texture Changes While not as common, some see a change in hair texture due to a change in the hormone cortisol.

When cortisol levels are too high, it changes how the follicle functions, causing changes in appearance and texture. You can reduce cortisol levels through meditation, breathing techniques, reducing or eliminating caffeine, adequate sleep, exercise, and clean eating.

Hair Loss Telogen effluvium is the abrupt onset of hair loss.

The tricky part about this is you may be stressed now, but you will not see the effects of it until this phase is complete. Once hair follicles enter the telogen phase, it takes about three months for the cycle to complete and the hair to shed. You may see most of the shedding when combing your hair or when you shampoo.

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Manage Your Stress There are a few ways to help lower stress during the holidays. Start by always remembering what and who is important. We all know that family gatherings can be a lot. The best way to get through them is to keep realistic expectations. Try to make plans as early as possible. Be intentional and avoid last-minute changes to those plans. Remember, the holiday season is a marathon, not a sprint.

Stress is an inevitable part of life, and there are several ways it can show up in your hair. Though the changes aren’t usually permanent, keeping your stress levels under control will help the regrowth of lost strands. It is so important to prioritize physical and mental self-care during the holidays.

Seeing a professional hair stylist can help determine the root cause of your concerns and how to nurse your hair back to health.

Donita Thrower is a hair stylist and educator with more than twenty years experience working in luxury salons. She has worked behind the chair, offered in-salon trainings, trade show education, and platform artistry internationally. The founder of Laissez-Faire Beauty, a boutique salon suite with a focus on textured hair, Donita is a thought-leader with a passion for exceptional guest experiences. Website lfbeautyclt.com, IG @donitalfbeauty.

TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#8 Rest

Sleep late or take naps. Or do both! Getting the rest your body needs is essential to core functionality. Your body heals, restores, and rejuvenates during sleep. Other benefits of sleep are: it clears the mind, reduces susceptibility to illness, reduces stress, lowers risks of serious health problems, and gives you a better attitude.

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Not On My Watch Part Two

by Traci Henderson Smith “Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs, is people who have come alive.”

– Dr. Howard Washington Thurman

Welcome back to our new riveting “short stories in continuation” series. We were pleased to kick off this first succession of cliffhangers with “Not on My Watch” by our cover director and managing editor Traci Henderson Smith. We left part one of our story wondering what happened to young Traci’s father. Was he okay as her mother tried to assure, or was the attempted assurance intended to comfort a child who was stronger than she should have had to have been into believing everything would be okay despite what she witnessed? (“Not on My Watch” Part One can be heard on Instagram @cherylmagofficial).

S

eeing my father up and talking, I didn’t understand.

My sister was none the wiser. He, once again, sat on the side of the bed, and she ran to him, all giggles as usual, but I did not want to go near him.

I had seen him lifeless on the floor. After a few reassuring words and an eventual embrace, things were back to normal, almost. I had apprehensions, and I could not stop staring.

My parents sat me down and explained seizures and why some people have them. In my father's case, when he was a child, he got hit in the head with a golf ball on the golf course across the street from where he lived. He had seizures from that point forward. They would sometimes happen when my dad overexerted himself, shared my mother, sprinkling in how stubborn my father was and how he not only sometimes did too much but also didn’t always take his medicine. My parents were attempting to comfort me, but all I could hear was everything my father should and should not do to avoid scarring his children for life. I have always been a deductive thinker. Do this. Don’t do that. It was pretty simple to me.

The information shifted the parent/child dynamic between my father and me, at least for me. I became his shadow. I watched his every move. I took an otherwise strong, healthy, hard-working, active, full-grown man into my personal middle childhood care—asking him daily if he had taken his medicine, or reminding him to do so. If I thought he blinked too long, I would ask him if he were okay. I set up vigil during every extracurricular project or strenuous activity—watching; waiting. Thanks to my disquiet: "Do you need anything? Can I bring you something? Do you want something to drink?

Should you rest?" were questions he heard more frequently.

The other children on our street played while I watched my father work on the car. I would bring him a sandwich the way he liked it if I thought he needed to eat something. Or, being

sure he was not supposed to be working in the scorching sun the way he insisted on doing; I would bring him a tall Tupperware cup of lemonade to help him cool down. This newfound knowledge changed family day at the beach forever. While my mother talked and laughed with family and friends or was busy setting up lunch, and the other children built sandcastles, I attended to my father’s noncompliance.

Roughhousing and horseplay, football, and tossing the Frisbee all had me with a watchful eye. But nothing had my soul on edge like the venture into the deep blue sea. I was a reader as a kid, and "deep blue sea" was how I described it then. He loved to swim, and he would always go out too far. I grew to depend upon the whistle and beckon of the lifeguard. "No lifeguard on duty" signs were the worst. I sat or stood on the shoreline, depending on how high the waves were. I would watch for his arm on the forward crawl. He was too far out to make out anything else. Back and forth, parallel to the horizon, he’d swim what seemed like miles both ways.

"Traci, what are you looking at?" My mother would stop to ask.

"Daddy," I'd reply, never taking my eyes off him.

At times, I would lose sight of him. I hated it. I could never breathe easy until he was safely on shore. I was too young to understand that he was living. I was always so upset with him for being irresponsible and for the torment it caused. I never mentioned a word, though. I never said anything. Not even about my self-appointed duties as the watchful eye. I did my job quietly, or so I thought. I learned his triggers. He would always say he was fine. Most times, he was until he wasn’t. When he wasn't, I was glad I was there to call on my mom to catch him before he hit his head.

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A shift happened years later in a moment of clarity and realization—this is unhealthy, and I cannot do it anymore.

I was tired and had no balance. The fact was there was never any balance. It is beautiful to care for the needs of others. Most do out of compassion, but what I created was unhealthy.

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I never knew I was training myself to worry and not to rest, bear weight, take on responsibilities that were not mine, and be the fixer of all things. The truth of my behavior camouflaged itself in attentiveness and a shielding nature that remained throughout my childhood. Once I refused, under direct order, to take my potty-training sister to the bathroom because I sensed the ceiling was on the verge of giving way. My mother accused me of being defiant, yet I fearlessly stood my ground and held my sister from crossing the bathroom door threshold into impending danger. My mother yelled at us both to do as she said, only to have the ceiling collapse mid-scold. Any appreciation she might have had was overshadowed by her displeasure for my "I told you so" glance. I later overheard her on the phone with my aunt, talking about how I somehow knew and was serious about protecting my sister. Another time, a woman called our home and asked to speak to my dad. She called him by name instead of "daddy." I didn't recognize the request or voice on the other end of the phone and asked who was calling. She didn't offer her name and asked for my father again. Again, I asked her name. She asked for my father by name once more, and at that point, I quietly hung up the phone. You see, I was in charge of it all! The phone rang back. I answered and heard laughter I recognized. It was my mother telling me, "Great job, baby." She called and then decided to trick me after realizing I had not caught her voice. But she was the one who ended up surprised.

One cousin, an upstanding officer of the law who now towers over me and who I would trust with my life, tells stories of how I handled his neighborhood fights at home in Jacksonville, Florida, and during those summers in Atlanta when we were coming up. My need to stand guard, protect, and right wrongs grew and got stronger, some may say worse, as it sustained into my adult years. There’s the time I made the manager at the cookie stand of another cousin's first job pay her with cash from the register. She needed her check. The manager coldly asserted not having it well past payday and offered no word on when he would. I could offer a word on it, and I did. The beneficiaries of my protection, remedy, or sacrifice over the years eventually turned to comments like, “You think you’re everyone’s mother.” Or my sister’s favorite, “The last time I checked my driver’s license, I was grown.” My brother was the only one who never criticized or protested. He is ten years my junior and was mine from the day he came into the world. However, to everyone else's point, he did require redirection as a toddler when he started calling me mama. Any other time my mother referred to me as bossy and kept it moving, but that mama reference, she made sure to correct that immediately.

I built quite a reputation—difficult, fighter, and backtalker were a few of the negative names. Protector, nurturer, and motherly were attempts at a more positive approach. Either way, the descriptions were inaccurate assessments. What I was, was invisible. It was like I was screaming, and no one could hear me. No one noticed that I very seldom fought for myself. The amount of hurt and pain I internalized was unspeakable. I was immobilized when it pertained to me, as evidenced by my broken spirit, effortless shutdowns,

and the unquestionably sadistic bully who lived above us, who bossed me around and beat me up at will. I couldn’t lift a hand to help myself mentally, emotionally, and even physically at times, but in a heartbeat, I would put myself in harm's way for those I loved. Over the years, this role I had taken on morphed into something else. Something deeper.

Before long, making others' protection a priority above mine twisted into putting others' significance and aspirations above mine. This warped existence reached beyond family, and I ultimately placed so many dreams, goals, and projects of others before my own that my authentic self ceased to exist. I became each of them, pouring everything I had into their plan, working relentlessly in their vision while leaving mine by the wayside. Again and again, who I was and what I wanted were pushed to the back burner. They called me anointed, superwoman, the clutch, the go-to, the one to have on your team, the one to call, the fixer, the one to get it done, a builder, a creator. All the while, I was dying. Invisible.

A shift happened years later in a moment of clarity and realization—this is unhealthy, and I cannot do it anymore.

I was tired and had no balance. The fact was there was never any balance. It is beautiful to care for the needs of others. Most do out of compassion, but what I created was unhealthy. I had worn a cape since the age of eight. By the time my perspective changed, I had lived nearly forty years of a fragmented identity. What I created began in pain, anger, fear, and self-righteousness and grew into something crippling and exhausting. My emotions, perceptions, and behaviors were rooted in compulsive heroism, and my need to save everyone in their dilemma or head off any potential impasse, the need to make everyone’s world right, had ruled me for decades. It made me easily susceptible to manipulation, misuse, discouragement, and disappointment, and I was tired! I immersed my self-worth in what good I could make happen for others. The task of consummate gatekeeper often came at the expense of my life enhancement and enjoyment, and I decided no more. I had to do something for myself.

TO BE CONTINUED in the next issue of Cheryl Magazine...

Follow each issue for what happens next.

Traci has written for various publications and media outlets in multiple industries including corporate, entertainment, and nonprofit outreach. She has written content for national and international programs and contributed as writer or editor to several bestselling anthologies and other books.

She’s also a celebrity ghost blogger with multi-platform access and 11M reach.

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AUTHOR'S CORNER

Sister Circle: The Power of Sisterhood

by Cheryle T. Ricks

The key to our well-being is in the hands of the women in our circle. Over the years, women have distanced themselves from one another, and some women now view each other as enemies. However, our strength and wholeness comes from interacting with other women. We have a great deal in common because of the process of womanhood. It is the same for all women. It plays out in different ways, but the pits we all fall into bring the same pain and devaluation to each of us. When women mature enough to recognize that other women are allies and not enemies; we gain the true secret of womanhood, oneness.

We must give ourselves permission to be human and imperfect while still having a right relationship with ourselves.

A sister circle can help women to understand their value, worth and their importance to the betterment of our world.

- Excerpt from the book, Sister Circle: The Power Of Sisterhood - A Guide To Becoming The Woman God Designed You To Be Cheryle T. Ricks is the President, Founder & CEO of The Women Empowerment Circle, LLC. She is a mother, grandmother, ordained evangelist, motivational speaker, published author, poet, alumna of Baltimore City Community College and Morgan State University. Book available at: www.sisters-circle.com

I've Published My Book, Now What?

by Stephanie A. Wynn

“Your brand is what other people say about you when you are not in the room.” —Jeff Bezos To succeed as an author, you must be unique and stand out from your competition. The goal is to create a distinctive style that will define you as an author. One way to do this is by establishing your brand.

“The voice of a Black woman should always be HERSELF ...

No edits - no erasure - no pressure - no expectations - no additions - no intruders” P. 1 0 0 | Cheryl MAGAZINE

-Malebo Sephodi

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Having a brand is as essential as an author because it allows you to connect with your reader audi­ence personally. Your brand will be the foundation of your author business and your success. Why? Because this is how you will inform your reader audience of who you are, it will make it easy for them to bond with you.

Before building your author brand, you need to understand the difference between a brand and branding.

- Excerpt from the book I’ve Published My Book Now What? A Simple Guide To Establishing A Successful Author Brand, chapter two

Stephanie A. Wynn is the author of the bestselling book I’ve Published My Book, Now What?: A Simple Guide To Establishing A Successful Author Brand and host of the five-star podcast.

She is the founder of SAW Business Solutions, a branding, marketing and business development agency for authors. The book is available at stephanieawynn.com, Amazon, and Barnes & Noble. Connect with Stephanie on LinkedIn and Twitter @StephanieAWynn.

South of Wonderland, North of Despair

The Rose Who Blossomed Through the Concrete

by Windi Floyd Renolds

by Rosemary D. Oglesby-Henry

Expectation of My Perception You are me I am you The voice inside It guides us through Yet, there’s a part of me that knows I am more than what you think

Oblivious and unconcerned with what was happening, I allowed the pitfalls of life to form in what I thought was a perfect garden. I learned that you cannot mend a spiritual wound with human tools.

Thus, God left my garden covered by concrete.

I beat myself down I look at myself with shame I speak negatively about myself The level of self-sabotage is insane Yet through portals of time Discoveries of the soul Hard hit with life truths and becoming more aware of its duplicitous dealings Rooted in self hate Covered in brown bag scrutinizing Topped with “You would be a better version of you if” idolizing You see now I am woke I see more in me now than ever I am my representation I stand for me I was born beautiful, not perfect or without sin I was created amazingly yet not without faults I have raised the expectation of my perception, I celebrate me Not merely adequate, Exceptional

- Excerpt from The Rose Who Blossomed Through the Concrete The Rose Who Blossomed Through the Concrete calls on girls, women, and mothers to hone their failing faith into spiritual growth and healing. The power of this novel lies within the heart and soul of the author, Rosemary, who uses her testimony to inspire each of us to view our choices and our consequences as new opportunities to draw us closer to God, find our purpose, and blossom.

Rosemary Oglesby-Henry is a native Cincinnatian. She started her adult life as a teen parent but used her struggle, strong faith in God, social support, and self-motivation to heal and help others to do the same. Oglesby-Henry is a bridge-builder, nationally known leadership educator, author, philanthropist, and award-winning founder/CEO of Rosemary’s Babies Company (RBC), an impact organization 501(c)(3) committed to helping teen parents master the concepts of self-leadership to leave a legacy. Available on Amazon.

- Excerpt from the book South of Wonderalnd, North of Despair Windi Floyd Reynolds is the author of South of Wonderland, North of Despair (SOW). Reynolds hopes to touch as many lives as possible through promoting the art of journaling and generating conversation about our shared yet unique experiences. Connect with Reynolds @focusedink on all social media platforms. Pre-order your copy bit.ly/focusedink.

I Create

by Bernice Loman Illustrated by Anak Bulu Inspire the children in your life with the new children's book

by Bernice Loman. I Create was written to promote youth innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship. The goal is to help them learn to use their gifts and talents letting nothing hold them back.

I Create is available on www.icreatebook.com

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Invite Success Into Every Area of Your Life with

The Art of Influence Written by Dr. Cheryl Polote Williamson

Order your copy today at cherylpwilliamson.com.

For book signings, speaking engagements, and other inquiries contact: info@cherylpwilliamson.com.

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TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023

YOUR YEAR

#9 Journal and affirm

Create a gratitude journal. Make a habit of writing down what you’re grateful for. Include daily affirmations and throw a personal vision board in the mix. Speak life daily. Envision what you want, embody your goals, write them down, keep them at the forefront of your mind, speak to them, make decisions that lead to them, and manifest them.

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TRAVEL & LEISURE

What’s the Difference Between Global Entry, CLEAR, and Mobile Passport?

A

nybody who’s ever had to wait in a long security line at the airport knows it just ain’t where it’s at, which is exactly why expedited-screening programs are becoming so popular these days. I mean, who wants to get stuck in line and potentially miss that first-class flight to the Caribbean?

But with so many expedited-screening programs out there, it’s hard to know which one to go with.

The Global Entry, CLEAR and Mobile Passport are the three most popular. Here are the deets on each one, so you can decide which expedited-screening program is right for you. #1: Global Entry ($100 for five years) Global Entry ($100 for five years) - If you love international travel, Global Entry is the program for you! Global Entry is led by U.S. Customs and Border Protection (CBP). It allows expedited clearance for pre-approved travelers who are considered low-risk. Before you enroll in this program, you must undergo a background check and in-person interview. If you join the program, you head to a Global Entry kiosk, present your passport or permanent resident card, scan your fingerprints, and complete a customs declaration. Then, you get a transaction receipt from the kiosk and head straight to baggage claim!

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#2: CLEAR ($179 per year) CLEAR is a privately run program you can sign up for in just 10 minutes! This program uses biometric identification instead of a passport or permanent resident card to identify you. You simply show your boarding pass at the CLEAR kiosk and tap your finger or blink your eye to verify your identity.

CLEAR doesn’t allow you to skip all the security lines, but it does let you skip the exceptionally long line of people waiting to have their IDs checked by TSA. With CLEAR, you go straight ahead to the area where you and your carry-on get screened. #3: Mobile Passport (Free) The Mobile Passport app first launched in 2014 and has been downloaded 9 million times since then!

This app is designed to speed up your re-entry into the U.S. after an international trip. Once you download the app, you load it with your basic info, such as your passport number, passport expiration date, and a photo. When you return to the U.S., open the Mobile Passport app and submit your data to CBP instead of filling out the paper forms. Once you’re done, the app gives you a QR code you can use at Customs & Immigration.

Ladies & Luggage Luxury Travel Group ladiesandluggage.com info@ladiesandluggage.com 866-712-8728

TOP TEN WAYS TO MAKE

2023 YOUR YEAR

#10 Vacation

Any type of getaway will do. Whether it’s Dubai or the DoubleTree across town, whether a week or a day. Escape to different scenery. It doesn’t matter if the plan is to treat yourself to the lap of luxury or curl up under crisp white hotel sheets for a day with a good book and order room service. Find it within your budget to get away and regroup at least once or twice quarterly.

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It’s Time to Shift Your Business to the Next Level The WBC Richmond provides one-on-one counseling, training, technical assistance, networking, and resources vital to the success of women entrepreneurs in the Richmond area. Services that are desperately needed as female entrepreneurs and women-owned small businesses struggle to recover during an economic downturn and worldwide pandemic.

Our mission is to expand the economic impact and footprint of aspiring, existing, and growing economically disadvantaged women-owned businesses by delivering the most comprehensive portfolio of small business development services and resources.

TheInstituteNC.org/WBCRichmond

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1500 N. Lombardy Street Richmond, VA 23220 (804) 525-9499 WBC-Richmond@TheInstituteNC.org

POWERED BY

The Women’s Business Center Richmond is funded in part by the U.S. Small Business Administration

Delivering...we’ve built our reputation on it.

With over 35 years of service, Pat Mathis Construction was founded on two basic principles: exceptional performance and diligence. These traits have been the foundation for building solid client and support relations when conducting business throughout the southeast. Pat Mathis Construction provides the following services: general contracting, program management, construction management and construction consulting services. Setting the standard in value-added service is the key to Pat Mathis Construction.

PATMATHIS.COM

127 Abercorn Street, Suite 203 | Savannah, GA 31401 | 912-236-0099 P. 1 0 7 Cheryl MAGAZINE

SWAIN CONSULTING

We Understand

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