BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE Oct. 2022

I never met Jenny DeLeon, Mel Groves or Davon Davis. But they are three of the countless people who lost their lives in the last year or so to violence that I learned about and got to know through their heartbroken, grieving families.

You absolutely never get used to it. It never leaves you. And it never gets any easier. Three people that should have been here to celebrate birthdays, holidays and every days. From Jenny and her sister I learned that all it takes is 1 special person to see you, accept you and love you unconditionally to get you through. From Mel's brother and friend, I learned to never ever reduce anyone to just a number, statistic or example. That even when those striking numbers make an impact, these are people who are loved, missed and remembered and each deserves a story, not just a number or name on a list. From Davon & his family I learned that violence doesn't just mean a fist or a bullet. That a loss of life is ALWAYS an act of violence.

I carry the faces of the lost with me always. They haunt me. Because it's enough, it's too many and we must keep fighting for them and keep their memories alive.

aword.

TamaraSanaaLeigh

Editor In Chief

DAVON DAVON

Nino Nino DAVIS DAVIS

y g

23yr old Davon Davis was struck and killed by a drunk driver while riding his bike home from work in Brighton, New York. Blaque/OUT and Next Generation Men of Transition have spent the last three months working with the family to get justice for Davon. We work with many families and get to know all too many victims. But for most of the world these cases are reduced to a picture, a narrative and a number. Whether struck by a car or a bullet, each victim is a life lost all too soon and every single one matters. Each person has a family and story and we would like to share one with you. Davon Davis was so much more than March 19th.

This month celebrates his 24th birthday and in honor of that and every other life lost we'd like to give you a window into Davon "Nino" Davis' life. A son, grandson, nephew, brother, fiancé', artist, hardworker, family man and friend as told by the people who knew him best.

Happy Birthday Nino, rest easy & fly high

From the moment I got the call about you, chills ran through my body in a way like never before. I couldn't understand how damn near 3 months had passed and I had never heard your name. How could this be? We lost a brother, and I never even knew.

Hearing the stories of how we as a community dropped the ball on your existence still gives me nightmares. From the moment your life was taken from the world; it seemed as if they (the judicial system) didn't think anyone would care.

Davon was murdered!!! Davon was murdered by a drunk driver around 7am in the morning. The drunken driver Gediminas Backus wa to sit in his car for hours as body laid slain in the middle street. The drunk driver wa arrested on the scene, it wa suspected that the driver w the influence... he was sent test to determine his BAC. ( sitting for almost 2 hours in why was he never removed car? placed in a patrol car The BAC test took two week back, at that time the drun Gediminas Backus was arre arraigned and released wit of hours.

Davon's family at that time visit from the Sheriffs depa this would be the only visit Davon's death. The visit wa to the family because the n soon be releasing the infor Backus's release.

Could you imagine two wee silence for a knock at the d Gediminas Buckus the drun free!

The Grand Jury decided not to indict Mr. Backus on Vehicular Manslaughter charges. We are still waiting to hear the result of of the DWI charges, in which we know Mr. Backus was drunk per his BAC test.

This family had to sit and listen to a District Attorney tell them how this tragedy was the fault of 23- year old Davon Davis as he traveled to have breakfast with the love of his life after a long overnight shift. It seems has if all of Davon's intersections of life became a red flag for his erasure. Davon was Black, Trans, Queer, A City Resident, A cyclistand from a community drowning in poverty.

No advocate no communication no

Together, the family of Davon Davis, local community members, organizations, cyclist and many more called a press conference in Rochester, NY to bring visible to the mishandling of Davon's life as well as the pain, hurt, and grief of Davon's family.

Davon was a young man full of life, he was a provider to many. His presence, I feel of Seeing his picture, his smile, I can feel t embrace of what his family is missing.

We must bring visibility to the continued erasure of Black and Brown Lives.

Gediminas Buckas took a life! Does that matter?

I question myself daily....

Is it because Davon was Black, Is it beca he was a Black cyclist, is because he wa Black Trans Male, was it because he wa Black Trans Male Cyclist, a Black son, a grandson, a Black Brother, a Black neph Black Lover, a Black Friend, a Black smi Black artist, a Black poet, a Black educa

Is there No Justice for the intersections of a Black Life.

Davon Davis I hear you. I feel your presence. I will uplift your existence forever!

Brittan Hardgers

******The family of Davon Davis is still in search of a criminal atty willing to review the facts of the case to ensure that appropriate actions were taken in the investigation, arrest, and Grand Jury proceedings. If you can be of assistance, please reach out to: tamaraleigh@blaqueoutmag.com or nextgenmenoftransition@gmail.com

This a letter to my Nino who I love n miss so much. Baby since you been gone nothing has been the same. I look for you all the time to wait to see your head pop out the window saying hello when I pull up to the house. Birthdays and holidays aren’t the same. I didn’t get my happy birthday tete or a Oreo picture. Life is definitely hard without you. I lost track of myself for a while but I’m slowly getting it together because I know you would want me to take care of myself. It’s not a day I don’t think bout you. Life will never ever be the same for me. KK still ask where you are and I never know what to say because she don’t understand. I play your music and see your wonderful smile singing your heart out and being goofy, the kids miss you, your scrap uncle rodney. I been trying to hold it down and do what I need to with your mom, sister and syx and ooma. We love you baby and miss you nephew always. Your birthday is coming up and your not here. We gone celebrate you. You will forever live on in our hearts FOREVERNINO. The Oreo picture is from last year he drew for me every Christmas I got oreo gifts because we loved our oreos

TeTe Pfallon

The Davon Davis Gallery

This town is haunted

Lined with ghosts

One ghost, anyway Copied

Then pasted

Over And over

These ghosts

Aren’t the type to jump at you

They don’t hide in the shadows

Under the guise of the night

They don’t thrive on fear

These ghosts

Evoke more than that

A bittersweet pain

So intense

It reduces me to tears Their presence is consistent Day or night

There they’ll be Seeming more alive

Than the world you left me in

Each one reenacting

What was once ours

Each hidden kiss

Each inside joke

Each moment

That was solely ours

When the world Seemed to fade from around us

I was never ungrateful

Quite the contrary

I lined my words with love

Even when tensions were high And our world seemed hostile

I was so grateful, yet

My desire to do better is insatiable

Wishing for one last goodbye

One last chance to get it right

Wanting to prove to you

My undying love

Undying love

The phrase

Once so theoretical

Has taken on a whole new meaning

You may have died

But my love for you shall never For I can now prove

It is, in fact, Undying

I never forgot to remind you of your worth

Though looking back

I could have said so much more

How the moments I spent Serving you

Were as great as life could ever get

That I was lucky for a man like you To love a girl like me

Come to think of it, I did tell you

All the things I wish to say

Were never unsaid

I just long for the days I could say them

Seeing the expression on your face

A mixture of flattery and disbelief

You were so humble

The ghosts that line the paths Of this dark town

Serve only as a reminder

Forever left to dream

Hoping that one day my ghost May meet yours

We’d reunite

Along the haunted sidewalks

Joyous tears running

Down our cold dead cheeks

I’d fall into your arms

Exhausted from being forced

To continue for so long

A life I never wanted without you

You’d catch me

Your embrace just as beautiful and strong

As when we were alive

I’d be able to feel all the things left unsaid

While I as doomed to live

And you were doomed to die

Our reunion would be beautiful

The last leg of our journey across lifetimes

Finally able to breathe

Knowing one would never be without the other again

DearDavon"Nino" Davis

I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THE WORDS FOR SOME TIME NOW. IT’S NEVER EASY PUTTING WORDS TOGETHER WHEN YOU’VE BEEN DANCING AROUND IN THIS BOXING RING WE CALL LIFE. SO I TOOK THE GLOVES OFF… DECIDED TO PICK UP MY PEN.

HERE IT GOES, THANK YOU, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS STRANGE RIGHT. BUT NO, SERIOUSLY THANK YOU FOR BEING YOUR TRUE SELF, YOUR AUTHENTIC SELF, YOUR FREE SELF.

FROM THE MOMENT I WAS CONNECTED WITH YOUR FAMILY, I BEGAN TO LEARN SO MUCH ABOUT YOU. YOUR SMILE LIGHTS UP A ROOM, YOUR PRESENCE IS ALWAYS FELT. I FELT THE WARMEST, SOFTEST UG” I HAVE EVER FELT IN MY LIFE SITTING IN PFALLON’S

. YOU CREATED IN JUST 23 YEARS, SPEAKS VOLUMES AND ON OF YOUR TRUE CHARACTER. I THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH YOURSELF EACH AND EVERYDAY. I THANK YOU FOR G YOUR OWN SELF ON HARD DAYS TO CONTINUALLY SPREAD TEACH LOVE, AND TO LOVE THOSE AROUND YOU SO TIONALLY. YOU HAVE GIVEN US A GIFT THAT MOST DON’T E NOR UNDERSTAND RIGHT NOW. COULD ONLY IMAGINE WHAT ITS LIKE TO LOOK DOWN, FLOAT SIT IN THE MIST OF THE ONES YOU LOVE SO MUCH, SEEING N PAIN, FEELING THEM MISS YOU IN SUCH A WAY NO ONE POSSIBLY UNDERSTAND. THE THOUGHT IT SELF MAKES ME TEAR METHING WE DON’T THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN. THE STRONGEST ALWAYS GET THE MOST DIFFICULT BATTLES, BABY BROTHER B ASSIGNED TO YOU IS ONE OF A WARRIOR! WILL FIGHT THIS ONE TOGETHER. LD A PACKAGE, ONE I WILL CHERISH UNTIL THE WILL CHERISH THIS PACKAGE, I WILL D D SHARE WITH

DearDavon"Nino" Davis

THAT PACKAGE… BABY BRO IS YOUR VOICE. YOU SPREAD YOUR VOICE SO HUMBLY, YET RIGHTEOUSLY THROUGH YOUR MOTHER, YOUR GRANDMOTHER, YOUR SISTER, YOUR AUNT, THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE, YOUR NEPHEWS, NIECES AND SO MANY MORE. YOU ALLOWED THEM TO TRANSITION THROUGH LIFE WITH YOU. YOU MAY HAVE THOUGHT

YOU’RE LIVED EXPERIENCE WAS JUST YOURS, AND THEY WERE ALONG FOR THE RIDE.

"I remember sitting in Pfallon's driveway as we listened to your loved ones speak on the great man you are, through tears, smiles, hurt & pain. The wind blew & I felt your embrace. The chills that ran through my body, immediately became warm. The softest hug I had ever felt in my life. I heard you whisper FIGHT!"

BUT NO, YOU’RE LIVED EXPERIENCE

FOR EVER LIVES ON EVERYTHING YOU TAUGHT AND SHOWED THEM ABOUT DAVON NOW ALLOWS THEM TO HELP SAVE ANOTHER LIFE.

YOU’RE LIVED EXPERIENCE

GIVES GEORGIA THE ABILITY SHOW ANOTHER MOTHERS.. LOVE IS LOVE AND WE STAND BY OUR CHILDREN AND HERE ARE THE WAYS IF YOU NEED A HAND. OOMA IS ONE IF THE STRONGEST GRANDMOTHERS I’VE MET, THE LOVE OF NINO SHE WILL POUR OVER AND OVER UNTIL ALL THE CUPS RUN OVER BECAUSE SHE UNDERSTANDS WARNING SIGNS, ACCEPTANCE AND VALIDATION. YOUR SISTER HAS THE GREATEST KEY TO LIFE, LOVE YOUR SELF 1ST. THROUGH LOVE AND POWER YOU PUT THE MICROPHONE TO PFALLONS MOUTH AND WHISPERED SPEAK….

THE LIVED EXPERIENCE OF TRUE LOVE, AUTHENTICITY, HUMILITY, SACRIFICE, WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE IS WHAT YOU HAVE GIVEN TO ALL OF US, AND THANK YOU WILL NEVER BE ENOUGH FOR THE GIFT YOUR LIFE HAS LEFT ON US AND WITH US

YOUR LIFE WILL SAVE SO MANY OTHERS BECAUSE YOU GAVE YOUR E AROUND YOU. NOW THEY WILL POUR INTO THE FOR BUILDING LEADERS TO HELP US FIGHT THE FIGHT.

LOVE ALWAYS YOUR BROTHER BRITTAN

*P.S DON’T WORRY I’LL WRITE AGAIN SOON

TRUE RESILIENCE AGAINST NEGATIVE

BRITTAN HARDGERS

WHOSOEVER HEALS

Whosoever speaks is capable of goingthroughthe process ofhealing. it’shard to imaginehealingwhen there are so manythingsthathave tried destroy you,but it is possible. TrustingGod seems unfathomablebecause destructive relationships that wehavehad. The realitythoughis that God greater thanhumans and when we accept that realitywe realize thathu missteps are not God’s shortcomings. Accordingto Psalm 118:8,“ It isbet trust in the Lord than to put confidence in man. ” Ahumanbeing’s agen neverbe thebarrierfrom a relationshipwith the One who offers us pea and understanding.

Your voice is not meant tobe silenced, so take your voiceback. Use it U ek God. Use it toheal. God wants you toheal, so allow H t you inside of the church walls maybe t youdon’t stop

P H

An Interview with the Creatives Behind SONS OF EVE

B Y R O N I W I N S T O N

INTRODUCTION

Inthislife,weareoftennotaffordedtheopportunitytomeetpeoplewiththetype ofpassion,wit,andheartasIdidwhenIinterviewedAceyonOwensand CarringtonReynolds Thesegentlemenhaveaccomplishedthetypeofthingthat manyonlyhopetodo Theyhavecreatedsomethingspecialandunique The writersexplainedthattheirshow,SonsofEve,isthemoderntakeonCainand AbelifAbelhadneverbeenmurdered,Adamhadbeenasingledad,andEve representedtheimagined,unattainableepitomeofmotherhood Witha descriptionlikethat,youcanonlyimaginewhattherestofmyinterviewwaslike

Q: What is the origin of this writing duo?

A (both): We’ve known each other for about 10 years through the entertainment community in Rochester, NY We’ve been a part of about 40 productions between us, but this is the 1st time that we have taken the leadership roles

Aceyon: We really grew close after I went through a very difficult time in my life I lost my father and a few other very close family members It was such a tough time and

Carringtonwasreallythereforme throughthatexperience Itoldhimthat Iwas writingaroleforhim Iwanted himtobemybrotherandIwanteditto bea chanceforCarringtontobethe realhim,butIrealizedthatIdidnot knowenoughaboutLGBTQcultureto writeauthentically Ineededhishelpto writehis characterandthosereal experiences Ididnotwanttowrite somethingthat wouldbeacaricature Carrington:SoIwasabletoaddsome tothewritingandevenwritescenesfor mycharacter

Latasha Davis (Chanel))

Aceyon AOwens) ceyon Owens) Co-Writer/Exec CProducer o-Writer/Exec Producer

Kristan Sandford K(Patrice) ristan Sandford (Patrice)

Michael Key M(Emory) ichael Key (Emory)

Q: What does the play title represent and how did you settle on it?

A (both): The plural ‘ sons ’ is representative of all the men All of them are encompassed in that plural version the father, the love interest, brother, etc It is the impact that motherhood has on all of these men We actually started with another title We weren’t really feeling it, but no one really said it aloud Thankfully, Kristan Sandford, who plays Patrice, spoke up that the original title didn’t speak to her, so we went back and spent hours on the phone just going through various titles. Sons of Eve just spoke to us

Q: Where did the inspiration for this production come from?

Aceyon: I did write from some of my personal experiences, but I do have a disclaimer If you come out to see the play, then do not assume anything is about you These are experiences that happened to me as a person, but they aren’t about any one specifically

Q: Carrington, what is your favorite part of the play?

Carrington: So many parts, I can’t just name one, but the dialogue is powerful There is one scene that had my heart racing and shaking Another one of the actors even cried.

Q: Aceyon, which character spoke to you first?

Aceyon: Tajze played by Tyler Turner He is that person that we all need in our life because he says what we all want to say, but are afraid to He’s unapologetic and an a**hole Tajze’s name is inspired by a bar owned by Shemarray Bear Robinson I used to have a poetry team and we would go down there to perform Shamari even named a drink after me Then, there was Senior He is so much like the elders we have all had The old dogs who don’t want to learn

Q: Give me seven words that you feel most accurately describe this particular story that you want to tell.

A (both): Audacious, Bold, Entertaining, Emotional, Genuine, Raw, and Beautiful

Q: What has been the greatest difficulty for you in this process of creating your own work?

Aceyon: For me, it was casting, having to say ‘ no ’ I have worked with so many people in our community It was very difficult to know that some actors were great, but there was someone else who fit the part better These are people I have worked with and have known, but I had to make decisions as a leader

Q: Were you a theater kid?

Carrington: Yes, I started in shows when I was 5, took a break for a while and returned full on in 2014 to the stage Aceyon: No, I had a number of other influences because I thought I would be judged I played football and the other things that didn’t make time for theater, but I have been writing since the 4th grade.

Q: Would your younger self have been able to see you here at this moment?

Aceyon: Definitely. My younger self probably wants to know what took me so long He would have been past this point and more productions down the road Carrington: No. My younger self dreamed of something like this, but was too shy to think that this could have ever really happened. He couldn’t have imagined being able to live in truth and creativity

Q: How has this experience changed you?

Aceyon: I have been able to mature as a leader This group of people pushed me They were relying on me to make sound decisions Before this, I just went with the flow, but I couldn’t do that anymore.

Carrington: This opened up parts of myself and even as a leader. I had to get to myself better

Q: Who inspired you to discover your talent for the creative part of yourself?

Sharnett SNicole harnett Nicole (Stage (Mother/Production) Stage Mother/Production)

Carrington CReynolds arrington Reynolds Co-Writer/Executive CProducer o-Writer/Executive Producer

Michael Patterson M(Dorian) ichael Patterson (Dorian)

Tyler Turner T(Tajze) yler Turner (Tajze)

Jerry JCapers erry Capers Stage Manager/ SMentor tage Manager/ Mentor

Ajamu Brooks A(Keith) jamu Brooks (Keith)

Aceyon: There are so many from my mom, grandmother, and teachers that I encountered Specifically, Ms Dodge and Mr Perkins from No 4 School were influencers in my community who encouraged us to express ourselves My inspiration taught me that the sky is not the limit, the universe is Carrington: My performing arts teacher, Ms Carol Testa She taught me that there is the power of your voice and that theater always has something that someone can relate to, so I want to do it with respect and justice I still take that with me in productions I am involved with

Q: What would you like to leave the audience with?

Carrington: I just fell in love with this story and it is so important for these times There is power in a person, they just have to find their voice

Aceyon: I am just so grateful to those who have brought this dream to life Without the actors, backstage participants, and especially

Carrington, Sons of Eve would still be on the shelf I am so thankful to have had them all on board

And just like that, I had been inevitably touched by the magic that is the Sons of Eve. Aceyon and Carrington gave me a peek into their world and it was so incredible that I only wanted more You can get just that through the lens of their work Join them on the epic journey of their storytelling November 4th, 5th, 11th, or 12th at 75 Stutson Street, Rochester, NY 14612

AMoment ofTruth

I’m so nervous about writing this that I’ve started writing it about six different issues and abandoned it, four or five versions for this one alone. Which is absolutely ridiculous for someone like me who champions authenticity and basically speaks their mind for a living. If someone else asked me about writing it I would have told them that their voice matters and even if it isn’t a popular opinion or no one understands where its coming from or how you meant it, you should write it anyway. That in that case, maybe you should write it even more. One version I went ridiculously far in my backstory and coming out process and I know it was just a rant to try and justifymyrighttospeakmyfeelingsandhopefully not be judged for it. Just as this is stall tactic to avoid getting to the actual point. So I’m erasing my next however many paragraphs and saying what I came to say Loving someone who is Trans is the most beautiful and terrifying experience I haveeverfaced

Tamara Sanaa Leigh

As I said, one version there was a tragically long back story that can basically be summarized by saying it took me a REALLY long time to figure out I was Queer, to figure out who I was Catapolted into LGBTQ+ culture by an extremely damaging accidential unofficial relationship which came with the gift of an introduction into queer culture and FINALLY feeling at home both there and with myself. Being Queer became a huge part of my identity and eventually even became my career. I was a Lesbian and proud of it…. Until I wasn’t (a lesbian).

Out of nowhere, I met someone who I fell so deeply in love with that I realized I had never really loved anyone before. He was born biologically female but was seriously considering transition when we met. It was a crazy time to enter into someone’s world, in the middle of such dramatic transition but it was also the beautiful part, watching someone discover who they always were and I was ready to hold his hand everystepoftheway.

We’d stay up all night long talking about it, he opened up to me in ways I don’t think he had with most other people since our story started around the same time, he wasn’t “letting me down” with some other vision of him than many other people in his life had been accustomed to And I loved him so profoundly, so completely that he could have been transitioning to a giraffe and I wouldn’t havewantedhimanyless Ourrelationshiptook

manytwistsandturnsovertheyears,very few having to do with his transition But it did change him. In so, so many ways. Watching him hurt and struggle and be rejected. Watching the hormones course through his veins and affect him emotionally and physically. Watching him find pieces of himself while losing things and people he loved has been heartbreaking He backed away from me foralotofreasonsthatIwon’tgetintobut I also watched him isolate and turn inwardashefacedemotionalandmental health battles that he couldn’t begin to explain. He was torchered in a way that I couldn’treachasbadasIwantedtoandI hope one day he writes a book to talk about it so maybe both the rest of the world and I could have a clearer window intohissoul

That's not what I want to talk about here though, because that's his journey and I could never do it justice I’ve wanted to write this article for a very long time but I wasafraidto EvenstillI’mcryingasItype this because I’m afraid both he and the readerswilltakeitwrong Thatthey’llthink I’m selfish or wrong. That he will. This transition was his story, not mine It felt selfish and unfair to make it about me. And the pain I felt couldn’t possibly touch his inner battles. But I feel like maybe someoneneededtohearthisandmaybe Ineededtosayitoutloud.

I remember when I was the editor of anothermagazine,agirlnamedCourtney had written an article about her journey asthelesbianspouseofaTranspartner.It struck me as being important at the time but I couldn’t have predicted how much. Loving someone who is Trans is a constant exercise in terror. I was and am afraid all the time That he’ll get mistreatedintheworldandIcan’tfixit.

There are thousands of Trans people murdered every year for being nothing but who they are. That he will jump in the car to take a trip and never come back because he stops at the wrong rest stop. Did you know thatasmanyTranspeoplearemurderedway upNorthinPennsylvaniaastheyareinTexas? Nowhere is safe That he will try and date the wronggirlandshewillkillhimorherboyfriend will or her ex will or her brother will or her fatherwill.Thatdepressionwillmixwithmones and the disappointment of an unforgiving world and he’ll kill himself. Loving someone Transisconstantlybeingafraid Hehashada complication from minor to major for every single gender affirming surgery he has had Every single one. In the quest to live authentically I’ve almost lost him time and time again. Sometimes he’d want me to be around to take care of him, most of the time hedidn’t.SoI’dbewaitingontheothersideof the line waiting to hear if he lived Major surgeriesthatcouldmakehimwholeoreasily could disfigure him if anything went wrong But you have to smile and be supportive becauseyoudon’twanthimtobeafraidorto catch any glimpse of you hesitating to support him because you can lose him like that too. I silently mourned after his top surgery Because I loved every part of him as it was. And I quickly fell in love with his new bodyandallthethingsitcoulddobutmostly thejoyIsawinhisfacelivinginsideofit.AndI couldn’thelpbutbejoyfulforhimbecauseof that.Andifyoutrulylovesomeone,that'swhat youdo.

Loving someone Trans is watching them walk into a tunnel that you can’t walk with them through. You can just walk along the outside of it and press your face against the wall to hear a sound or catch a glimpse and hope they make it out of the other side It’s getting to know a person all over again that you’ve always known It's watching them love the thingsthey’vealwayshatedorhatingthe

things that they at least pretended to like and sometimes that thing is you. It’s knowingthatwiththisnewawakeningthey may realize different sexual interests or even that they just want to try out things with different people from inside their different body and new mindsets It’s realizing that you may never be enough again And even if you have the most supportive and committed partner in the world,youstilllivewithtracesofthefearof it. Loving someone Trans is constantly beingafraid

Noneofthesethingsaretheotherperson's fault.It’snothingforthemtoberesponsible fororfeelguiltyabout Butitwasthethings

I thought about and cried about and then felt guilty for feeling and cried some more It’sthethingsyoucan’tsayoutloud.

It took me a long time to figure out who I thought I was I was a woman who loved women. And then all the sudden I was a womanwhowasdesperatelyinlovewitha straight man. His physical transition was smooth and beautiful He is a handsome, fine ass man with a naturally raspy voice that had a strong beautiful jawline that onlygotstrongerandmorebeautiful.Soto walk in a room next to him, I was all the sudden a straight woman with a fine ass man But my life, my world, my identity wasn’tsetuplikethat.Therewasexplaining to do before introducing my LGBTQ+ friends who didn’t know him. Was I fake gay? But explaining was spilling tea that wasn’t mine to pour. Thankfully he is super open and real so I never had to worry much about that but I can’t help but think thatmanypeopledo.

The world is a small and scary place for Queer folks, especially Black Queer folks Ourcirclesaresmall,ourtrustisshort,our

communities are tight. People want to know if you are a fraud or if you were just trying this Queer identity on for fashion It wasn’t untilhimthatIstartedcallingmyselfQueer.I always felt like it was an ugly word with too muchbadhistorytomakeitworthusing.But I was at work going through a diversity training that my agency was running and they asked us to sit at the table with the label of the identity that represented us and it felt like I was silently denying his identity sitting at a table labeled lesbian when I was loving and laying down next to a man So I sat at Queer so I felt like I could still hold on to my gayness without casting aside his straightness. At some point our romantic relationship mostly ended for him and he decided he was ready to move on and explorealifebeyondmeandIwaslefttrying to figure out who the fuck I was outside of that particular situation Was I straight now? No. But I was changed. Was I pan? No, because the idea of being with a cis man is still silently nauseating to me (no shade). So what the fuck was I? I didn’t owe the world thatexplanationbutIdidfeellikeIoweditto myself I’ve realized they don’t make a category for me. I’m not truly a lesbian, not bi, not pan My attraction is to masc presenting women and Trans Masculine men I shied away from saying that to people because a Trans co worker took offense to it saying that it implied that you can spot a Transman from across the room or it suggests a difference between Cis and Trans men. I never want to invalidate anyone ' s feelings, but the difference is for me that typically Trans masculine men and Trans feminine women are for some period in time socialized within the LGBTQ+ community and so have a different level of acceptance and understanding of Queerness than the average cis, straight man could ever They ideally don’t carry the internalized homophobia that so many withintheBlack

community do My family, my friends, my work and my world is very, very Queer and I need my partner to understand that from a from an inside out kind of way I’ve realized that I need that to feel heard and seen in an intimate relationship So there doesn’t happen to be a label for that yet. I wish there was one because it would be nice to find a community of people who understand thethingsItalkedaboutaboveandhave beencarryingforyears.

I feel this need to further explain everything I’ve said so no one, especially him, gets mad at me. Which I hate becauseeveryounceofmybeingstands for speaking your truth and being who you are But I acutely understand betweenmylifeandmyworkthescrutiny and trauma and pain and danger and disenfranchisement the Trans community and especially the Black and Brown Trans community face every single day I respect their bravery more than words can express and I’d never want my words to in any way make anyone especially him, feel like I am centering myself in an experience that isn’t mine or that my pain is anywhere near quantifiable next to his. Next to anyones. But I do feel like maybe someonemightreadthisarticleandfeel a little bit seen It’s hard af to love someone who has been through much andisfightingeverydayfortheirplacein this world because even as the person who loves them more than anything in the world some days the fight ends up being with you too I don’t want him to feel like I’m blaming him or that I’m mad orthathedidanythingwrong Ijustwant the other people that are so fucking scared to share their truth and their feelings because they don’t want to hurt

the person they love any more than they are alreadyhurting toknowthattheyaren’talone I am beyond grateful for the experience I had with him It was hard and scary and transformative and confusing and heart wrenching and terrifying But I would do it all again every single time. He taught me how to advocate fiercely and fearlessly for a community I’m not a part of with love and empathy because it remains the only way to showhimhowmuchIlovehimandthatabattle doesn’thavetobeyourowntofightit Thateven thoseofuswhousuallyhavealliescanbecome allies too because we all carry some sort of privilege. It forced me to educate myself about Trans rights, it has pushed me to keep up with every court battle and battle ground state that isfightingfororagainstlegislation Ithastaught me to use the platform of this magazine to always advocate for and give voice to a wildly overlooked community that is in trouble, that is dying, that is SCREAMING for help. It has taught me my own resilience and shown me another pieceofwhoIamandpeaceofwhoIam.

ThiswasthescariestarticleI’veeverwritten.But maybe one of the most important ones Certainlythemosthonest.

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER

E.L. WINSTON

yourhistory,thenyoudon'tunderstand yourgreatness.

NationalBullyPreventionMonthisalso LGBThistorymonthsowebeara responsibilitytothosewhoarecoming behindus.Theyneedtoknowthatthey havetheabilitytocreatesafespacesfor themselves, their peers, and generationstocome.TheycanbeaRuth EllisoraBayardRustin.Ineedthemto knowthatwe'vebeencontributingto thefabricofthiscountryfromthe beginning.

NO MORE MOMENTS OF SILENCE

Stompoutbullying.org reports that 9 out of 10 LGBTQIA students reported being bullied or harassed last year and over one third of LGBTQIA students are physically assaulted in school because of their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. October is National Bully Prevention Month and I thought it important to speak for those who feel like they don’t have a voice or that no one is listening. I have never liked bullies. The whole beating up or harassing people because you’re bigger or have control of the environment that someone is in shows more weakness then strength. I’m tired of having these same types of conversations about human decency and respect for another human being especially when it comes to our youth. We must equip our youth with the ability to stand in times of adversity, but we don't educate them about where they come from. This does them a disservice because if you don't know

Forus,astheelders,thenwehavetobe willingtogobacktobasics.Ifwehaveto showupatschooltoescortevery rainbowchildinthebuildingthenlet’s doit.Ifthere'snosafespace,thenwe needtomakeaspace.Mentorshipis crucial.Ouryouthneedtoseethatwe surviveandthrive.Theyneedtoknow thatwhattheyareexperiencingisnot howlifeshouldbeandthatwearehere toprotectthem.Wecaretosupport them.Wehavetogiveouryouththe toolsittakesforthemtobetheir biggestadvocateandtobeableto protectthemselves.Ifyou'rebeing bullied, then please reach out to someone.Youdonothavetobesilent.I LoveYouAll.Doanoldmanafavor: Checkonouryoungpeople.We’reall they’vegot.

Rochelle J Photography

LoveLivesInUs...TheWinstons

Love lives in us the Winstons We want to share a little bit of this love with you According to motivational speaker Tony Gaskins, “Communication to a relationship is like oxygen to life…without it, it dies” and we have found this to be so true. We communicate with each other even when it is uncomfortable or difficult because we refuse to let ‘us’ die.

The Mrs:

Everyday we figure out how to communicate with people whether it is at our jobs, in the store, or with a neighbor. Unfortunately, we often struggle to communicate with our significant others. There is a theory that we often take things out on the ones who are closest to us, but this cannot be the acceptable norm Effective communication is necessary for long lasting relationships Sometimes our partners will irritate us and we might not have that ooey gooey loving feeling, so what happens then?

What should happen then is that we dig below the surface to find out where the feeling is coming from and express what we need in that moment. When we stop talking AND listening, then we are really telling our spouse that we don’t want to share who we are with them or care to keep discovering who they are. We shouldn’t stop growing as individuals, so we have to keep learning one another. Communicating is the only way we can do this. Don’t stop talking and listening.

Winston:

Communication is the skill I didn't see growing up in my household It wasn't something that was encouraged or appreciated I learned to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself As an adult, I continued that practice Honestly, if you

asked me to communicate a thought or a feeling I would become annoyed and withdraw simply because as an adult I had never learned to communicate my wants, needs or issues Needless to say, I ended up in relationships that did not serve me and were toxic. So what do you do when the thing you need to be successful is the thing you don't have?

You get up and get to work. Ultimately, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I realized in order to have a lasting relationship, romantic or otherwise, I was gonna have to start concentrating on what I wanted and not on what I was used to not having. It definitely helped that I found a patient and loving partner who saw past my shortcomings and saw the greatness beneath my scars. Marriage is work and there are days that my old habits try to creep into my current behavior, but I have to choose to show up and lock in

Thoughts to Leave You:

None of us start out perfect and even in the best of families, there is room for improvement Communication is a commitment to yourself and your partner Just like any other time you give your word about something, you have to choose to go on with the follow through. The ultimate test is that integrity piece. No one should ever be able to tell your partner something about you that they don’t already know. It does not mean that you have to remember to tell them everything that happens everyday, but that what you do tell them gives them the assurance that they know you as a person. Every choice, interaction, and decision should communicate that love lives in us!

WITCHC WITCHCRAFT RAFT

October is known as the month of ghosts, ghouls, and anything magical With the bewitching month upon us, I thought I’d share my witchcraft ancestry with you My father is an herbalist, he has healed many ailments from COVID to cancer using his herbs and teas My stepmother is a healer, a therapist, and does Reiki which is a technique that uses a transference of the body’s energy to heal. My roommate is a massage therapist who believes in the power of crystals, manifestation, and healing stones. And I, soak it all up and benefit from every single bit of it. I am an empath, I pull energy and transfer energy at will, I dream my future and sometimes the future of others, and I am extremely intuitive and can basically tell from one touch if someone has good intentions or bad. Basically, I am, by all definitions, a witch, and if you think about it, so are you. But in the words of Glinda from the Wizard of Oz, “Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

by:

(And other (ways And other ways to tap into your tspirit) o tap into your spirit)

I come from a long line of witches. Herbalists, healers, spiritualists, you name it, if we lived in the days of the witch trials, we all would have perished by being burned at the stake, but contrary to belief, we are all good witches. Now if we talk about religion, my family is Muslim, and therefore by birth, so am I. My mother grew up Catholic but converted when she married my dad then reverted to Christianity when they divorced. Growing up, she always gave my brother and I the opportunity to visit different houses of worship to decide what faith we wanted to be aligned with. We visited a Catholic church, a Masjid, a COGIC church (That one was scary! A woman “caught the spirit” and passed out in front of my seat!), went to a Jehovah’s Witness meeting, and even visited a Jewish temple All of these houses of worship had one thing in common, they all stemmed from the teachings that our ancestors were forced to adopt. I’d call those, in my opinion, “bad witches.” We were well rounded children and respected all of these faiths but with our freedom of choice, we both opted to be what most are saying they are these days, more “spiritual than religious.” I tend to rely on my dreams and intuition to guide me in life and so far it’s worked as well as any of those other faiths. Believe it or not I even married a witch! She was on the more religious side of witchcraft (but I still considered her a good witch despite the origin of her gifts.) Her family was extremely religious and all of them were very powerful in their faith but she was one of the strongest because she could see spirits and either guide them away or live in peace with them depending on how they impacted her. She, too, could dream futures and was an empath. I think that’s one of the reasons we lasted 15 years together, we complimented each other spiritually Where most people would have thought she was crazy the first time she said she saw a spirit in our first home together, I asked her, “Where? Are they in need of help?” I never question anyone’s beliefs because honestly, it’s who we were always intended to be. Our ancestors believed in the power of words and herbs. Our farmer predecessors healed ailments with chants and tinctures. Our great, great grandmothers closed

wounds with tree sap and we grew to learn how to heal ourselves through their teachings. It’s refreshing to see as the world around us changes, more or more BiPOC are returning to the ways of our ancestors before religion was forced upon them. We are seeing more holistic and homeopathic means of healing in our communities. We are watching children learn the chants of our ancestors when playing games like hopscotch and double dutch like when we were younger. We are seeing crystal shops thrive as our healing stones are made into fashionable jewelry and herbalists are now the go to resource for our organic, gluten free, keto, paleo, vegetarian, and vegan lifestyles Meditation, yoga, and reiki are back in style while manifesting your desires and morning affirmations are considered commonplace. We are evolving or should I say revolving to a place where living a healthy life is cool again. It’s hip to be a witch these days. I am a witch, I’m surrounded by an ever growing coven of crystal toting, tea drinking, manifesting warriors. Believe it or not, if you see yourself in many of these things, you might be a witch too, but my question to you is,

“Are you a good witch or a bad witch?”

Looking for a little more guidance on what life might bring you this month? Tarot cards, read by an intuitive reader, can provide us that guidance. While your personal reading may vary slightly, the readings here are directed for all of those born in the same month for the current month. For a more specific reading to your specific circumstance contact Doreen Scanlan on FB Messenger to set an appointment

If you were born in :

OCTOBER

This month, take some time to plan ahead Where do you see yourself this time next year? What things can you put in place this month to start that process? Let this be the beginning of the rest of your life. This is also a month to connect with important people in your life. Solidify relationships with those you may not have connected with for a while. You need to know who “ your people” are It is also important for you to pace yourself Getting the rest you need to take on all your responsibilities Keep in mind that there are community resources available to you if you need help. Don’t let your pride get in the way of getting what you need. Make wise choices.

NOVEMBER

This could be a very sentimental month for you. There appears to be a need to balance the old with the new. This includes people, mindsets and beliefs. Finding the balance between what you once believed with new beliefs you have come to embrace is key for you this month Mid month you may be offered some new opportunities to improve your standard of living Follow your heart in making choices that will bring you more happiness. Your loved ones may have similar opportunities. Touch base with one another to see if there are ways you can collaborate to make the most of those opportunities.

DECEMBER

Things may be a little tight financially for you this month so spend wisely early this month. If you do, there might be enough for you to do something fun later. You may also get some good news about a way to increase your income Mid month you may be put in the position of having to defend a position that is important to you Stand firm You may also find that there are people that stand with you and this is the beginning of new and special relationships. Take time to connect with what your current values are based on recent situations.

JANUARY

There will be appreciation for your skills this month. Make sure you are demonstrating them in the best way possible. Something that you have worked for is within reach. This doesn;t mean you can slack off after you get there Keep up the good work and continue to expand your knowledge base You may also find that others around you that aren’t so skilled try to pull you down. Success can be theirs as well if they apply themselves. Don’t let them pull you down. Lead by example and show them what is possible. Don’t minimize your successes . They are yours Embrace them

FEBRUARY

If you are struggling starting out this month it is important that you surround yourself with people that can support you It may be time to take a pause until you can regroup The best way to get back on your feet is to focus on doing something that you love and will make you smile. Things definitely improve as the month goes on. Whatever you went through at the beginning of the month you now will realize it made you stronger. It showed you what you don’t want so that you then can know what you do want You learn to trust yourself to know what is best for you Definitely a personal growth month

MARCH

Your happiness needs to be in the forefront this month Make sure you take time to enjoy yourself You may want to even find time to enjoy things you enjoyed when you were much younger. Take opportunities to do things that maybe you had to set aside before. You want to minimize as much regret as possible so give yourself time to experience those things before its too late Mid month you are going to have a surge of inspiration Take advantage of this to create a new path for yourself You will have the opportunity to express your feelings This may include a new relationship or an opportunity to take your current relationship to a new level. Level up.

APRIL

Time to stand proud. Give yourself credit for how far you have come. The growth you have experienced will give you the courage to deal with any major changes that come your way this month. Things may get shaken up but on the other side of it things look really bright for you. There will be lots of crossroads that you will come too mid month. Take some time to access your options This is not the time of sacrifice It is a time to create as much joy in your life as possible. Don’t be afraid to go for what you want.

MAY

Prepare for an emotional roller coaster this month. It is important to look out for your mental and emotional health at this time You may find that most people won’t understand what you are going through. Find someone that will listen. Mid month it will help you to start looking forward. Don’t get stuck too much in the “what is” look more at “what can be” You may find it necessary to pull back from others expectations of you and take care of yourself. Put your needs first until you have more than enough to share

JUNE

Time to give yourself a break. Stop finding excuses as to why you can’t do things. The Universe wants to assure you that the lifestyle that you see for yourself is possible You just may need to connect with the right people to get things moving. It is a great idea to share your dreams with someone so they can keep you on course. Take some time this month to do some research on something you have dreamt about The time is coming for you to tap into all that inspiration you have. You need to be willing to take a leap of faith even if you don’t have all the details worked out yet

JULY

Brace yourself to receive some good news that has the potential to change your life Sometimes life becomes so routine that we stop looking for new opportunities. The Universe is ready for you to break out of whatever slump you have found yourself in There is more abundance that can be yours if you just allow yourself to dream a little bit. It is time to allow yourself to have what the Universe is holding on to for you

AUGUST

Trust your intuition. It is time for you to tap into that inner guidance system in order to bring about some necessary changes You have the power to create more comfort in your life Stop letting other people get in your way. Even more importantly, stop self sabbaging behavior. Use your creativity to manifest the things and situations you want Look forward to a new beginning in the material aspects of your life by the end of the month.

SEPTEMBER

It is time for you to challenge institutional forms of income You have what it takes to take on traditional patterns of accumulating wealth. No one says you have to work a 40 hour week for 45 years to build your success story This is the time for you to realize you have what it takes to make your own way. Doing something you love will prove to you that you have what it takes to make your own path Doing something you love isn’t work, it defines purpose You are a force to be reckoned with and you are a leader , not a follower. Take the lead in your own life.