BLAQUE/OUT Magazine June 2024

JUNE 2024

ISSUE#045

M A G A Z I N E

EXCLUSIVE

INTERVIEWS

PAIGE MAHOGANYPARKS GRACEDETREVARAH OF TRANSGENDER AWARENESS PROJECT

PRIDE is Body Positivity & INTERSECTIONALITY IS LGBTQPLUS

ALISSA

AKA @SHEBEREADINTHEMBOOKS

JERMAINE GREAVES

FOUNDER OF BLACK, DISABLED LIVES MATTER

TAMARA S. LEIGH, EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

CONTENTS BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE IS A MONTHLY DIGITAL PUBLICATION CENTERED FIRMLY IN BLACK & BROWN QUEER QULTURE. BLAQUE/OUT FEATURES WRITERS, ARTISTS, PHOTOGRAPHERS, CREATIVES AND INFLUENCERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD. WE ARE WORDS. WE ARE ART. WE ARE FASHION. WE ARE CULTURE. WE ARE MUSIC. WE ARE PROTEST. WE ARE WHERE BLAQUE QUEER CULTURE LIVES. FIND US ON FACEBOOK, IG, TIKTOK. TO SUBSCRIBE TO BLAQUE MAGAZINE, VISIT: HTTPS://ISSUU.COM/STORE/PUBLISHERS/BLAQUEOUTMAG/ SUBSCRIBE

FOR ADVERTISING, EMAIL ADVERTISING@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM FOR SUBMISSIONS, EMAIL TAMARALEIGH@BLAQUEOUTMAG.COM

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WWW.ISSUU.COM/BLAQUEOUTMAG WWW.BLAQUEOUT.COM

WANDERLUST CHRONICLES: TRAINS & PLANES, MY EUROPEAN JOURNEY

07

IN OUT NEWS BLAQUE/OUT WRITERS

LIVING IN THE LIGHT

24

JAVANNAH DAVIS

27

36

INTERVIEW: PAIGE MAHOGANY PARKS

INTERVIEW: GRACE DETREVARAH

BANNERS ON ARTICLES INDICATE WHERE THE WRITER IS LOCATED, BANNERS ON ADS INDICATE WHERE THE EVENT IS TAKING PLACE

COVER ART: TAMARA LEIGH, GRAPHIC DESIGN

EL WINSTON

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PRIDE IS BODY POSITIVITY COVER STORY FEATURING ROCHELLE J. PHOTOGRAPHY

TOP PORTRAIT, ROCHELLE J. PHOTOGRAPHY

COPY EDITOR: RONI WINSTON

BOTTOM LEFT, READER SUBMISSION: JAI A. FIGUEROA BOTTOM RIGHT, WRITER SUBMISSION: VICTORIA VON BLAQUE

ADVERTISING ACCOUNT MANAGER: DOREEN SCANLAN

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JUNE 2024 | ISSUE# 045

20

OLD MAN’S CORNER

a word.

Happy m-fing Pride ya’ll!!

It’s crazy and incredibly exciting to say this is our 45th issue of Blaque/OUT Magazine and the 3rd Pride season we’ve gotten to celebrate together on these pages.

Equity is always the center of what we do, but we wanted to do something a little different this year on our June cover by featuring Plus-Size & fabulous models specifically for Pride. We don’t always think about size as an aspect of Intersectionality but it definitely is. Pride is all about celebrating authenticity & being exactly who we are. That ties so closely to body positivity, fat phobia, fat-shaming and dysmorphia. We love you. Black, Brown, Queer, Trans fat, skinny & fabulous.

Pride celebrations are not always Inclusive spaces for us but your people ARE out there.

Seek out & support Black Prides whenever you can because they provide something so important for our community. And in whatever space you find yourself, remember Pride belongs to ALL of us.

Tamara Sanaa Leigh Editor-In-Chief

Special thank you to photographer, Rochelle J. Jackson LLC in North Carolina for doing multiple photoshoots to help our cover come together as well as the community members who shared their photos & stories to make It work!

BlaqueOUT columnists & contributors Javannah J. Davis (she/her) resides in Rochester, NY where she has worked in healthcare for 19 years, is a self-published author, Founder/President of W.A.V.E Women Inc & CEO/Owner of Linjé Enterprises LLC. Javannah is passionate about healing, self-love, self actualization & helping others to live the best of their lives in a healthy way.

E.L. Winston of Fayetteville, NC (He,Him, His) Trans Community Advocate, CoFounder of Lambda Gamma Omega Nu Fraternity. Just your everyday introspective old man and 1 half of Team Winston

Ashanti S. Taylor-Alexander (she/her) is a life educated poet who believes in riding each wave of this world to the fullest. She is passionate about writing poems people can truly feel. Have a subject throw it at her and she'll make a master piece! Founder of Pulse Poetry Magazine.

Tina Marie Jones (she/her/hers) Founder of Uncover, LLC, mother of 4, activist, motivator, and columnist.

Lade Breez (He/Her/Them) is an award winning 3x published author, publisher, philanthropist, humanitarian, motivational speaker, life coach, event host, youth tutor, artist developer & spoken word artist. Owner & founder of Express Me Poetry Business Services & Events, & Educated Blessyns LLC, improving this world one stage at a time.

ExpressMePoetry.com

Roni Winston aka The Mrs. aka Pastor Roni (She/Her/Hers) Fayettevlle, NC. Minister, educator, entrepreneur, couples' coach, writer, mom, and grandma. Half . of Team Winston.

Immani Love, (she/her) A Lesbian Erotic Poet, Author, Ordained Minister, Freelance Writer, Real Estate Agent, and overall witty, seductress with the voice of a Siren. An educated Vixen in sunny St. Pete, Florida.

Mel Howard (he/him) Resides in Newport News, Virginia where he worked in finance industry for over 5years, is a columnists for BlaqueOUT Magazine and Founder/President of THRIVING TRANSMEN OF COLOR. Mel is passionate about community, self acceptance and forgiveness.

Courtney L (she/her) designer, developer, business owner, who loves to travel. When she is not doing that she loves to write poetry, a bit of a nerd, spend time with family and friends and help people learn technology. She lives in Los Angeles, with her dog.

Victoria Von Black, NYC (she/her/hers) A seductive, alluring, Black non-binary Trans femme. An Influential speaker on Equity, Inclusion, & LGBTQ competency. Author of Titty-Confessions.

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E D I R P wn, lack & Bro B e h t it f es, o Bene Proceeds t rans Writers, Creativ Queer & T rs & Contributors of he Photograp UT Magazine Blaque/O

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Blaque/O UT Cornersto re CAFEPRESS.COM/SHOP/BLAQUEOUT

IN OUT NEWS

Covering the news mainstream media doesn’t, because our stories matter

WHERE BLACK & BROWN QUEER CULTURE LIVES!

(May 10, 2024) - This week the Target Corporation announced they will be removing their annual Pride displays and merchandise from 1,000 of their 2,000 nationwide stores while keeping all of the products available online. This after reports last June that some stores received complaints and threats to stores and employees because of their product support of LGBTQIA+ related items & creators.

Ironically, their public statement regarding this move reads as follows, "[Target] is committed to supporting the LGBTQIA+ community during Pride Month, which is celebrated in June, and year-round." It is said that they still plan to appear in and at local Pride events and, "curated [collections] based on guest insights and consumer research," will be available in select stores and online.

The retailer blames 2023 second quarter losses on the controversy around Pride products, apparently deciding it was anti-LGBTQ consumers that boycotted stores opposed to a poor economy, postpandemic sales dips, inflation prices on already expensive products, or LGBTQIA+ consumers who boycotted because of Target's solution to complaints being hiding their displays in the back of their stores.

This news is especially disappointing as communities around the country are facing devastating and unprecedented Anti-LGBTQ legislation, a rise in hate-based attacks, and that in past years, Target sought out intentional partnerships with LGBTQ and BIPOC creators for their Pride and Black History Month products to seemingly be less performative in their allyship.

Now one has to wonder if they should be considered an ally at all while they refuse to take a visible stand against Transphobia & Homophobia by the products they choose to carry in their stores but seem fully willing to continue making money off of the Queer community through their online catalog.

What do you think? Will you continue shopping at Target in general, and buying their Pride line specifically- or are you over their lack-lustre allyship?

(May 10, 2024) - Kita Bee, 46 was known as an Icon on the streets of Kansas City. She was born into a generation of women who had few options outside of sex work for survival & to fight back against the poverty, unemployability & housing insecurity that she struggled with for most of her life. Kita was sadly struck by a vehicle in the East Kansas City area & struck again by a 2nd vehicle.

The second driver has been located.

It was unclear from initial reports whether that driver would be charged or the 1st vehicle was still being searched for. There were witnesses on the scene which led to the discovery of the 2nd driver & description of the 1st as neither vehicle stopped after they struck her.

Friends & family question whether there was additional information in regards to how Kita found herself being hit & whether she was perhaps chased or pushed into the roadway. Blaque/OUT will report more if the police release further information.

What IS known is that Kita Bee was one of the 1st women who worked Troost Avenue & taught the girls that came behind her how to stay safe, navigate the streets & protect themselves. She inevitably saved countless lives. KC has an extremely tight Black Trans community & she is profoundly missed by both them & her sister who also recently lost their mother. They remember her as big, bold & fearless. Periodt.

Kansas City lost another one of the girls at the end of 2023 & both women were initially misgendered by the police & media. Sadly, no one was entirely surprised as the local community reports an epidemic of Queer murders in KC. KCPD has classified Kita's death as a pedestrian fatality hit-and-run accident, according to Officer Alayna Gonzalez, a KCPD spokesperson. The department plans to reconstruct the accident as part of an ongoing investigation, Gonzalez said. Bee will actually have been the 39th traffic fatality in the city in 2024. Kita had herself survived multiple major injuries, including another hit-and-run incident earlier this year.

Kita's wishes were to be cremated & scattered in the ocean, a request her friends & family are working to make sure are honored as they mourn. Rest In Power, Kita Bee.

(May 10, 2024) - At around 2:30AM, Dalyla Mizani Cristal went on Instagram LIVE! to announce the death of and demand justice for Philadelphia Drag performer, Daelicious O’Hare Mizani. According to Dalyla and a friend, Seth, Daelicious aka David Manley had passed away after sustaining a vicious attack by teens near the Fern Rock Transportation Station in Philly. Daelicious was picked up at a suburban station by Seth and taken to the ER covered in bruises after being beaten, kicked in the groin and robbed by a group of teens. The Emergency Room refused to admit him saying he had minor internal bruising and discharged him with pain pills instructed to take the medicine, eat and rest. Daelicious seemed to be improving over the next few days earlier this week before taking a turn. Seth had intended to take him back to the hospital after finishing his shift at work but returned home to find him unresponsive. Daelicious was later pronounced deceased.

He is remembered as a consummate performer, stunning with acrobatics, jumps, dips and splits, incorporating both dance and ballroom in his performance.

In the Queer community we don't just make friends, we build family

and there is a family of Philadelphians by which he will forever be missed. Daelicious did not file a police report despite urging by friends. When asked, the Philadelphia Police said they were not made aware of the attack by the victim or hospital and were investigating the reports of a death that they were also not informed about prior to community and media inquiries.

Hate crimes have increased exponentially since the Trump era and violent crimes in general plague our communities. This is yet a developing story and when we learn more, Blaque/OUT will bring it to you. Love & Light to our Philly family.

(May 14, 2024) - After a campaign of Transphobia, Homophobia & Racism stopped the FL Governor short of the White House, Desantis took his talents back to his home state to continue his reign of terror & misery there. Desantis will not be eligible to run for Gov of FL again, meaning in 966 days, he will no longer be the face of FL politics.

He however, does seem set on making all 966 of those days as unpleasant as possible for any diverse resident of the state.

iThis week, the FL Dept of Transportation announced via FDOT Sec. Jared Perdue posting on X, that all FL bridges will be illuminated in red, white & blue from Memorial Day thru Labor Day in celebration of “freedom summer.” This seems a relatively run-of-the-mill announcement if not for the fact that typically the bridges are lit in observance of awareness days from everything from Lupus to Anti-Gun Violence during that period.

Upon further investigation by local media, this seemingly also ends a battle ensuing in Central FL counties about the lighting of the Sunshine Skyway bridge that stretches between Hillsborough, Manatee & Pinellas Counties.

Pinellas Co, typically very bluefacing & LGBTQ+ friendly, is home to the city of St. Pete which issues a Pride Proclamation every June, TDOR Proclamation each Nov & hosts St Pete Pride, an organization that produces a month long June Pride celebration & the largest Pride parade in the state. For the last several years the SkyWay bridge has popularly been turned rainbow colors during Pride season thanks to financial contributions by the city to upgrade programming systems to allow for all of the Pride colors to be shown on the massive bridge. Typically, a decision about lighting is reached by the Commissioners of all 3 bordering counties. Earlier this year, Mike Rahn, a Commissioner in Manatee Co denied the request & was met by near constant questioning & objections by the then St. Pete LGBTQ Liaison, Jim

Nixon as to why, on what authority, & the inappropriateness of the denial. To a large degree his Inquiries were met with crickets.

That is until the state released their guideline for the “Freedom Summer” lighting (irony abounds).

This then made way for a response communicated in an email to the Tampa Bay Times this week, where Rahn said, “I do not have the authority to override the governor of the state Florida. However, in my opinion, the lighting of the Sunshine Skyway Bridge is a FDOT matter & should not be left with to the individual counties.” The decision means this bridge & bridges in Sarasota and Jax where they fought for the ability to recognize Pride, will not be lit to recognize: Mental Health Awareness, National Gun Violence Awareness, Sickle Cell Awareness, Juneteenth, Pride, Autism & Ovarian Cancer.

(May 16, 2024) - The lives of so many individuals of the Trans experience are cut tragically short.

Nothing more tragic than when the victims are as young as the latest victims of violence & Transphobia to be reported.

Jazlynn Johnson, 18 was murdered on May 6, 2024 in Las Vegas, NV.

Their body was found after the father of the suspect called 911 in the early morning hours to report his son had "shot a friend" but refused to say where the incident occured. The suspect was taken into custody & the police located a vehicle where Jazlynn's body was found. She was pronounced at the scene. He is facing charges of open murder with the use of a deadly weapon & destroying or concealing evidence.

Just the next day, Tay Dior Thomas, 17 of Alabama was murdered when her car was riddled with bullets. Upon arriving at the scene, police found a car crashed into a home with Thomas' body inside. The suspect was held without bond. At the time of the shooting he was on release from bond for a shooting that occurred in 2022. Tay had a twin brother & they were due to graduate from high school the following week.

Local news reports did not release a name but misgendered Tay in reports. Her obituary lists both her birth & chosen name but uses he/him pronouns.

Jazlynn & Tay are the 14th & 15th know murders of Trans folks in 2024. Victims so often go unreported, unidentified & misgendered that the numbers are inevitably higher than anyone can clock. Jazzlynn was the 2nd Trans or NB individual to be murdered in Vegas THIS YEAR. 2021 marked the deadliest year for the Trans community at a staggering 59 murders. Although the violence persists & hate crimes increase, the number of Trans folks to lose their lives around the country has been

slowly trending down. The fact that the year isn't even half over & the numbers are already so high in 2024, is a frightening predictor of what lies ahead.

Tay & Jazlynn had a whole life in front of them to be and do anything, to live as big as they could dream.

We speak these babies names today, & pray they have found peace.

(May 25, 2024) - NBA star and daughter, Zaya Wade launch, "Translatable." The platform was reportedly the brain-child of Zaya who came out to the world as Trans-Feminine 4 years ago. Wade and movie-star step-mom, Gabrielle Union have been firm and constant supporters of their daughter and have become advocates throughout the country.

The project was announced via a video on IG (https://www.instagram.com/p/C 7Ul-kTvYgf/?hl=en) and hopes to become a safe space for Trans youth from BIPOC communities to encourage expression through creativity and the importance of family and parental support which Queer and Trans youth often do not have. The family recognizes

that Zaya had support and resources not available to most youth and they hope this is a small step in closing that gap. Wade was awarded the Elevate Prize Foundation Catalyst Award and will use the accompanying $250k, monies from the Wade Foundation, HRC & The Trevor Project to support Translatable.

(May 26, 2024) - The San Francisco Queer community is mourning the murder of yet another Black Trans woman whose life was stolen way too soon. Michelle was stabbed to death and strangled in an altercation in a home on the afternoon of May 15th. A woman was arrested at the scene and charged with, “the unlawful killing of a human being with malice aforethought.” The SFPD reports this is still an open investigation and charges may change. Friends insist this was a Transphobic attack but the police department reports they have no reason to believe the homicide was the result of a hate crime at this time.

We do not reduce people to numbers and statistics, but we would be remiss to not report that the sheer number of recorded

murders of Trans/NB/GNC people already in 2024 is astounding and terrifying. At only month 5, Michelle is the 15th and many of the murders of Trans people go misreported as they are so often misgendered by the police and media outlets. As with every year, nearly all of the victims are people of color and nearly 1/3 are Black Trans women specifically. After hitting a record number of homicides in 2021, the very high numbers were slightly decreasing in the last few years. The 1st quarter of 2024, indicate that may not be the case this year.another violent and senseless loss.

FLORIDA

Don’t forget….be on the lookout for a new series in BlaqueOut Magazine from me called, “LOVE LANGUAGE” or “THE LOVE DOCTOR” (I haven’t settled on a name yet, let me know which one you like better!) in the coming months, where you, our beloved readers, send in questions you’d like advice on. Nothing life or death please, I’m not a real doctor and will only offer responses that are light, heartfelt, and hopefully relatable to others who might be going through something similar. So if you have something you’d like to have me speak to, DM

MY BODY, MY IMAGE IMMANI LOVE “Hey Slim!” “What’s Up, Scarecrow?” And so many other catcalls that were meant to acknowledge my thin frame when I was younger were at the time a common way to greet me. I was tall and thin most of my life, barely breaking 125lbs at 6ft tall since middle school. I was a size 4 or 6, athletic, playing basketball, volleyball, and competing in track and field. I ate whatever I wanted with no consideration to its affects on my body because I never gained weight. I was a model much into my young adult life for swimsuit calendars, print magazines, and even a bit of runway, yet, I still ate double cheeseburgers and fries before a shoot. Because of my natural walk that apparently was deemed noteworthy, I was often compared to famous runway models like Naomi Campbell and told that I walked like Aaliyah in the movie “Queen of the Damned,” I reveled in the praise because it meant I was beautiful. As years progressed and my high metabolism slowed down, now after eating a large meal, I, like most of the world, gained weight. It was hardly noticeable to me, I never weighed myself, so there was no indicator but my 125 lbs had increased to 175 lbs over the years and more. I was no longer hearing “slim” or “scarecrow” but now being called “thickness” and “cute for a chubby girl”. The first time I was approached as a “plus-sized model”, I was offended and stormed off declining the offer in a huff. I was a size 12. How dare they call me fat? What right did they have to call me “plus-sized” anyway? I was still tall, when I looked in the mirror I saw the same “skinny girl” I had always seen. But then I looked at photos of myself and hated them. I started to notice the weight gain. I began to criticize myself at every turn.

Chastising myself when I was hungry, even though I ate healthier meals and smaller portions. I stopped modeling and hid my body except when I was at home.

One day, my partner at the time introduced me to one of her dear friends from college. When she greeted me, she said something to me that literally changed my entire mindset about myself in just a few words. “Nice to meet you, you’re so beautiful and statuesque!” I was blushing at the compliment and being a lover of words, I was flattered at the use of that particular word ‘statuesque” to describe me. I had never seen myself as such until that day. The next day, I donned a 2 piece swimsuit for the first time in years and looked at my body with new eyes. I saw my curves as something to be proud of, comparable to those of the women in history known for their beauty that weren’t a size 6, more like Tyra Banks who embraced gaining weight with grace and style on the runways and on national television and like in today’s world women like Lizzo who scream body positivity from the rooftops through her music and her media.

Today, 20 years later, I am a size 14 and have lounged on naturist beaches all over the world in nothing but my birthday suit and graced the cover of this magazine wearing nothing but my glistening skin draped in a Pride flag. I did so with excitement and selfconfidence because I finally embraced my body for what it was. I'm curvy, I have rolls, I have stretch marks, and most of all, I’m me. I’m proud of the skin I’m in. I am still compared to famous runway models like Naomi Campbell and I am still told that I walk like Aaliyah in the movie “Queen of the Damned,” and I revel in the praise because it means I AM beautiful.

FLORIDA

What Was I Thinking?

Why did I think this would be easy Knowing damn well I've always hid in plain sight but now she can truly see me I remember when she first showed interest and how much I wasn't ready If only she knew everything she felt I’d agree She's beautiful as hell and I know I wanted to be friends at first But friends doesn't cut it anymore I knocked on her door and she opened it to me Some would say this is destiny I need her lips to attach to mine I need her to understand that she is sooooo fucking fine I constantly see these no deserving ass niggas sitting on the couch If only see knew It's me she wants and me she needs It's me that can make these no good ass niggas leave And I’d admit all I have to do is go over to her room But I really don't want her to be confused It's 3 months later and my feelings have gotten even stronger I don't know how much longer I can hide I wonder if she can tell I strongly like her but what if in the pool of love I've fallen No , don't think about it.

She gave me a chance already and I blew it I'll be honest she scares me Well not me but my heart My heart would fall so deep for her kind words and courageous curves urgggg Just breathe and let it go Be her friend

i t n a h s A aylor- lexander TA

PRIDE IS BODY POSITIVITY T. MCLAURIN, OHIO/NORTH CAROLINA WHAT DOES BODY POSITIVITY MEAN TO YOU? It means simply loving yourself and all that comes with it. It's apart of you..so love and embrace it .

WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP UP YOUR CONFIDENCE AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? I don't fall victim of what the world say that I should be or look like. I concentrate and focus on what my purpose is and what makes me happy. The rest is none of my business

I am a certified herbalist and owner of Royaal Rootz Herbs. Also soon to be a certified health coach, nutritional coach, and life coach this year. I'm also an aspiring actress, writer, and director. For more information i can be contacted by email at Teemclaurin98@gmail.com

E.L., CHICAGO/NORTH CAROLINA WHAT DOES BODY POSITIVITY MEAN TO YOU? Loving and being comfortable in the skin I'm in.

WHAT DO YOU DO TO KEEP UP YOUR CONFIDENCE AND FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF? Definitely a lot of positive self talk.

SONG THAT YOU CONSIDER THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE OR PERSONALITY? No Weakness by Dj Drama T.I.'s verse ONE STYLE ITEM THAT YOU THINK EVERYONE SHOULD OWN? a bucket hat QUOTE YOU LIVE BY? If you can look up you can get up.

OUR JUNE 2024 BLAQUE/OUT MAGAZINE FEATURE PHOTOGRAPHER I am the owner and founder of Rochelle J. Photography. I have been doing photography for 10+ years. I pride myself on being a safe space for LGBTQIA+ individuals to be captured without boundaries. Comfort & safety while making your memories. You can view my work at www.rochellejphotography.com I am also the owner & founder of INNERstood Therapeutic Art Photography. ITAP host therapeutic sessions for those of all ages, military & families. We lean into past hurts & express them via the lens & other craft materials. Learn more at www.ITAPFAY.com WHY DID YOU DECIDE TO BE A PART OF THE PHOTOSHOOT? I decided to host this shoot as an opportunity to highlight body positivity within the LGBTQIA+ community. What better time to do so than PRIDE?!

PRIDE IS BODY POSITIVITY “YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FOND OF ME. I REPRESENT TO YOU ALL THE SINS YOU NEVER HAD THE COURAGE TO COMMIT.”

“EMBRACE YOUR UNIQUE ESSENCE AND DEFY SOCIETAL EXPECTATIONS. BODY POSITIVITY EMPOWERS YOU TO CONFIDENTLY EXPRESS YOURSELF THROUGH YOUR STYLE CHOICES WITHOUT BEING INFLUENCED BY UNSOLICITED OPINIONS.”

VICTORIA VON BLAQUE

PRIDE IS BODY POSITIVITY

ZAY KING

PRIDE IS BODY POSITIVITY “I WANT TO CELEBRATE AND EMBRACE MY BODY THE AS IT IS. LET PEOPLE KNOW I AFFIRM MY WORTH AND BEAUTY!”

“BODY POSITIVITY MEANS EMBRACING AND ACCEPTING ALL BODY TYPES, SHAPES, AND SIZES. IT INVOLVES CHALLENGING SOCIETAL STANDARDS OF BEAUTY AND PROMOTING SELF-LOVE AND CONFIDENCE REGARDLESS OF ONE'S PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. FOR ME, IT MEANS RECOGNIZING THE VALUE AND WORTH OF MY BODY FOR ITS UNIQUE ATTRIBUTES AND CAPABILITIES, AND FOSTERING A MINDSET THAT PRIORITIZES HEALTH, WELL-BEING, AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE OVER EXTERNAL VALIDATION. IT’S ABOUT CELEBRATING DIVERSITY AND ENCOURAGING A COMPASSIONATE, INCLUSIVE ATTITUDE TOWARDS ONESELF AND OTHERS.”

CHÉ HUERTAS

TRANSforming Lives With Queen Mother

Paige Mahogany Parks B R E E Z N

I was excited

T H R U ’

W I T H

L A D E

B R E E Z

to sit down with “Mutha Of The Trans/Queer Liberation

profit organization, possibly Texas period. I been doing the work since 2003.

Movement,” Paige Mahogany Parks. She is originally from Oklahoma City,

In a Houston magazine. I was named Outsmart Magazine’s 2004 “Person to

Oklahoma, and currently continues her work in Florida.

Watch”. I received the Dean McKeller Award for “Transgender Person Of The Year” for my work with Hurricane Katrina survivors. It's been a journey and I

Mahogany Parks is the founder of T.A.P. (Transgender Awareness Project) and

have no complaints.

has been a Transgender activist in the LGBTQIA community for over 26 years.

Have you faced any negative blowback as a person of color, and/or as an

In 2005, she was recognized as “The Outstanding Transgender Person of the

LGBTQIA+ individual?

Year” by the Dean McKeller Award for her work during Hurricane Katrina for the

Hell yes, I have faced racism and Transphobia. This is Florida, hunni!

LGBTQIA community. Featured on NBC, ABC, FOX, CBS, Houston Chronicle,

Rewind to 2018, and 3 Black Transwomen were murdered here in

Houston Voice, and OutSmart magazine, Mahogany Parks continues to work

Jacksonville. The media was very disrespectful and deadnaming them and

as a Transgender activist and writer in Jacksonville. We were able to dive

playing with their pronouns. No one was speaking up for the victims. I

deep into her mission, her upcoming projects and her opinion on the current

reached out to media and cursed they ass out. Call JSO and let them have

state of LGBTQIA laws.

it about deadnaming the victims. Wow! Just thinking about the time when this city was being shook by a Black Transwoman who stands at 5'4 was

How do you identify? (Pronouns)

very courageous. I made news, then everyone from different organizations

I proudly Identify as a Transgender woman; and my pronouns are she, her,

got my contact info and wanted to learn about the Trans community and

and Mutha Of The Trans/Queer Liberation Movement!

me as well. I had put together a vigil for the victims, but that wasn't enough

What industry do you currently work in?

for me to really give those victims peace and introduce Miss Paige

I work in the non-profit sector. I published my first book, Lady Paradox:

Mahogany Parks to Jacksonville. I met Christine Kittle and Monique

Flawless

grassroots

Sampson at the vigil and I reached out to them and told them my vision

organization, TAP which stands for Transgender Awareness Project in June of

about having a Trans Lives Matter Rally. Hunni, the whole city showed up to

2017.

the rally for the victims; also my name was spreading due to me being on

Please tell us here at BlaqueOUT Magazine, what is all included in the

the news so much, so everyone wanted to know who was this, loudmouth

businesses you run?

ass, BlackTransgender woman? Remind you, during this time, a lot of

In 2017, I moved to Jacksonville and was looking for organizations that service

people haven't even known a Trans person, so coming to that rally was

Black and Brown Trans people but nothing existed specifically for the Black

their first time being in a space with Trans/LGBQI people. At that time,

and Brown Trans community. There was Jasymn but it serviced only teens

Jacksonville was known as the murder capital of the world for Trans

and adults up to the age of 27. Everywhere that I was going, I was getting

murders. The Trans community was on edge and we felt like targets were

bullshit and road blocks in my way. I kept on doing my research. I knew what

on our backs. There was a need in this city and that's how this journey

needed to be done because in 2004 while living in Houston, Texas, I was

began.

appointed Executive Director of an organization that was on its way out of

What was life like for you growing up as a Transwoman? What did you

existence. I am the first Black Transwoman In Houston, Texas, who had a non-

fear?

Imperfections,

in

2013.

I

founded

the

non-profit

I left home at 13, so the streets raised me. I went to the Feds at age 20, so the Feds raised me too; so I don't fear shit.

What inspired you to begin your entrepreneurial journey to bring T.A.P. to the LGBTQIA community?

This white Transwoman named Brenda Thomas, who was a Trans activist and took no shit. She and I became good friends. She asked me [if] I would be interested in taking over an organization that's going to vanish if someone doesn't step in and revamp the Board of Directors and staff. She knew I was the right person for the job because I was a beast in my advocacy and people liked me; and I could get the coins to get this organization off of the ground because I knew how to fundraise.

Long story short, I assembled a new board and only had two part time staff who were my best friend, Kloey Douglas and Nadia Sins, who both are Transwomen. Kloey and I are Black, Nadia is Hispanic so we knew the need in each of our communities. We got CATS, which is Community Awareness For Transgender Support, off of the ground and it was a success.

Who inspired/ inspires you to stay consistent?

My Black and Brown Trans community inspires me to stay on this journey. Until we get equal rights and to be treated like first class citizens, I will continue to fight for my community.

What was the greatest challenge you had becoming successful in planning these impactful events?

My biggest challenges were getting my own community to believe in me and support me. Things are still shaky, but, hunni, Rome wasn't built in a day. I love my community [and] I will not give up on them.

What is your opinion on the current climate in the LGBTQIA community with so many states attempting to pass biased laws against them ?

The reason these politicians have and are changing laws to put even more barriers in the Trans/LGBQI Community way is because we as a community don't stand together like they did in the Stonewall era. The community have lost trust in the whole voting process altogether. We are promised so much during election season and once the candidates win they say, “FUCK, you! We got your vote, so we don't need y’all ass.” I still believe in the voting system. My number #1 focus with T.A.P. is voter registration and getting people to the polls. Y’all get up off of y’all ass and register to vote and if you are registered to vote, update your information at [your] local Supervisor of Election Office. We can't afford to FUCK off this election, our Democracy depends on it. Trump can't step his ass ever in the White House unless he giving out Monica Lewinsky treats.

To stay current with upcoming events:

Visit our website at https://www.transgenderawarenessproject.net or on Facebook at T.A.P. Transgender Awareness Project https://www.facebook.com/share/LyhykiQnyXrazcny/? mibextid=LQQJ4d

If you would like to make cash donations, you can do so at: Cashapp: TAPFLA PayPal: Transgender Awareness Project Zelle: Transgender Awareness Project Vemo: Paige_Parks

NEW YORK

Writer: Javannah J. Davis Javannah Jasmeen Jjasmeend20

REVOLUTIONARIES

Monica Katrice Roberts, born on May 4, 1962, in Houston, Texas, was a pioneering Transgender rights activist, writer, and speaker who left an indelible mark on the fight for Transgender visibility and rights.

Roberts was known for her fierce advocacy, her commitment to truth, and her role in shifting how Transgender individuals are represented and discussed in media and society.

Educated at the University of Houston, Roberts’s activism began to take shape in the 1990s after she transitioned. She became a beacon for Transgender rights after launching “TransGriot” in 2006, a blog dedicated to covering the lives and issues facing Transgender individuals, particularly Transgender women of color. The blog was named after the term griot which refers to storytellers in West African tradition. Through her work, Roberts sought to be a storyteller for the Transgender community, documenting not only the challenges they faced but also their triumphs and contributions to society.

Roberts’s work was not just about fighting against injustice; it was also about celebrating the lives and histories of Transgender individuals, making sure they were remembered and honored.

Roberts’s influence extended beyond her blog. She was a formidable speaker and advocate who worked tirelessly to ensure that Transgender people were accurately and respectfully represented in the media.

She often corrected misgendering in reports, campaigned against violence towards Transgender people, and fought for broader legislative protections. Her efforts were recognized nationally when she was honored with several awards, including the Special Recognition Award at the GLAAD Media Awards in 2016.Her activism also included serving on the boards of various organizations advocating for LGBTQ rights, and she was a founding member of the National Transgender Advocacy Coalition.

Roberts passed away on October 5, 2020, but her legacy lives on through “TransGriot” which continues to be a vital source of news and commentary, and through the countless individuals she inspired. Monica Katrice Roberts’s influence continues to resonate across the Transgender community and beyond. Her life’s work remains a testament to the power of voice and visibility in the fight for equality and justice.

FLORIDA

NEW YORK

Issue: June 2024

Living in the Light Javannah J. Davis

Stepping into the Spotlight: A reflection of my stage debut performance in Ramona King’s “Steal Away” Directed by award-winning director David Shakes

Making my stage debut in Ramona King’s Steal Away, April 12th through April 21st of 2024, was a dream come true. As the lights rose to bathe the stage in a warm, inviting glow, a lifelong aspiration unfolded into reality. This moment was not just about performing in a play; it was the culmination of years of dreams, challenges, and a transformative journey of selfdiscovery that began with my youth and took a defining turn with my transition.

From a young age, the allure of acting captivated me. I was drawn to the magic of storytelling, the transformation of actors into myriad characters, and the emotional resonance that a good play could evoke in the audience. However, despite this deep-seated passion, stepping into the limelight was a dream deferred by my own internal battles and societal expectations. The journey toward my debut was as much about finding my voice and confidence as it was about honing my craft.

The decision to transition marked a pivotal chapter in my life, both personally and artistically. It was a step towards authenticity, towards aligning my external world with my inner truth. This transformative experience imbued me with a newfound confidence that transcended into every aspect of my life, including my passion for acting. Embracing my true self allowed me to approach acting with a vulnerability and depth that I had never accessed before.

Issue: June 2024

Living in the Light

Javannah J. Davis

It was in this context of personal growth and artistic aspiration that I encountered Reenah Golden and David Shakes, two award-winning theatre veterans whose reputations were as intimidating as they were inspiring. The opportunity to audition for them was exhilarating in itself; receiving a role under their direction was an affirmation I had scarcely dared to hope for. Working with Reenah and David was an education beyond technique. They taught me about the resilience needed in theatre, the persistence required to convey authenticity on stage, and the courage to present one’s vulnerability as strength.

Steal Away is set during the Great Depression and tells a powerful story of five AfricanAmerican church women led by the young Tracy Ada to rob a bank to fund their organization to help young Black girls go to college. Portraying Renita “REDD” Ruth, one of these strong women, I not only had to deliver lines but also convey a spirit of defiance and hope that is central to the play’s message.

The first night of the performance was surreal.

As I stepped onto the stage, there was a brief moment of overwhelming fear, a fear of judgment and failure. But I realized this stage was a platform not just for entertainment but for meaningful communication. Each line I delivered felt like a small victory, not just for the character, but for myself—proof that I had overcome my fears, that I was finally doing what I always wanted to do.

The feedback from the audience, family and friends who came to support me, as well as the cast was incredibly affirming. Their words of encouragement and appreciation were more than just praise for a performance well done; they were acknowledgment of my journey and the authenticity I brought to my role.

Issue: June 2024

Living in the Light Javannah J. Davis

I am profoundly grateful for the chance to work with such esteemed individuals as David Shakes, Reenah Golden, Kesha Hartzog, Sheila Rankin, Vanessa Ryland-Buntley, Samyria Blythers, and even Jackie Dobson were instrumental in shaping not only my performance but my overall perspective on theatre and its impact. The experience left an indelible mark on my artistic vision.

As I look forward to future roles and opportunities, I carry with me the lessons learned and the confidence gained from this incredible experience. My debut in Steal Away was not just a personal achievement but a stepping stone to a future where I continue to grow, learn, and hopefully inspire others as I was inspired by those who believed in me. This journey has been a testament to the power of authenticity in art and life, and I am eager to see where this path will lead me next.

“You're free to be different, and you have the courage to begin again.”

NORTH CAROLINA

THE OLD MAN'S CORNER E.L. WINSTON

I encourage us all to live loud and proud, not just in June, but every month. Walk past that mirror with your head held high. You own the day!

We have siblings who aren't here so we remember them by thriving in this world that is designed to take us out.

Spend time with your chosen family.

How blessed we are that we get to choose what our family looks like.

Take a walk, read a book, smell the flowers, do whatever it is that makes

Happy Pride Month!!!

Happy Juneteenth!

It’s that time of the year again where we celebrate being who we are all over this country.

Talking to my therapist about my childhood and how I came up, she pointed out that I have to celebrate my accomplishments. I find that sometimes it is so hard to do. I realize that the times we’re living in have me defending my existence more than celebrating it. Time to change that in this month of Pride.

you happy. Celebrate all that is you because you're worthy of all the good things this life has to offer. Take the trip, start the business, step out of whatever shadow you are standing in.

Your light is too bright for that. Get that therapy. Believe in yourself more than yesterday.

This year make your voice heard at the voting poll. Our vote matters, our presence is necessary for us and those that will come after us. They need to know that we are here and that we live, love and celebrate who we are and the many contributions we have made to this world. Don’t allow anyone to dim your light in this season. We up and stuck!! Do an old man a favor and enjoy this season and celebrate making it your own!

CALIFORNIA

Trains & Planes: My European Journey Visiting six countries in 16 days was quite an adventure. What started as a vacation, quickly turned into a travel expedition and a much-needed retreat. I had been eager to visit Portugal for some time and finally decided in early January to make it happen. To fund my trip, I applied for a new Sapphire Chase credit card, which offered 60,000 points if I made $4,000 in purchases within the first 90 days. By October, I had accumulated enough points to cover my flight to Portugal. Initially, I planned to stay in Portugal and perhaps visit Spain for a few days before returning to LA. However, it evolved into a full-blown European journey, and I am excited to share it with you.

My first stop was Turkey, where I had a long layover. I purchased my ticket using Chase travel points on January 16th and found a deal with Turkish Airlines that included a long layover in Istanbul on the way to Lisbon, Portugal. The flight lasted 14 hours, which initially concerned me, but I decided to take advantage of the layover to see Istanbul. My flight left on March 14th with an arrival in Lisbon on March 16th. I landed In Istanbul

Ion the night of March 15th, decided to sleep, and then explored the city until my next flight at 1:30 p.m.

Turkish Airlines offers free hotel accommodation for layovers of 12 hours or more, including a tour of Istanbul. Navigating Istanbul’s massive airport was challenging, especially since few people spoke English, but I eventually found the hotel accommodation line.

They put us up in the Kaya Istanbul, a fair and convention hotel that was supposed to be five stars.

The hotel was nice but felt more like four stars. It was about 45 minutes from the airport, west of the city. Although it wasn't centrally located for easy touring, it was still a nice stay. Upon arrival, we were checked into our rooms and provided a complimentary buffet-style dinner with delicious Turkish food. I wanted to see Istanbul, so I asked the hotel about a morning tour before my 1:30 flight. They arranged a tour for 120 euros (about $130), which included the tour and transportation to the airport. I later learned that the hotel and tour were run by the same family and were somewhat

of a scam to get you to their shop. If you find yourself in Istanbul on a long layover, I recommend arranging your own accommodations and city tour. Uber rides are cheaper!

My flight to Lisbon was at 1:30 p.m. I made it to the airport without issues. European airports differ from those in the US; you don't find out your gate until shortly before boarding. So, if your gate is far away, you might end up running because you only find out about 50 minutes before departure. In the US, I'm used to knowing the gate number right away and having time to get there, relax, and wait for boarding.

Upon arrival in Portugal, the first thing I noticed was the small and hot airport. The security and customs process was easy and efficient. When I arrive in new countries or cities, I like to take public transportation to my hotel to get a sense of what the locals do and the lay of the land. One of the reasons I chose Portugal is that I was considering relocating, so I wanted to act as if I was coming home. I took the Metro from the airport, transferring from the red line to Alameda and the green line to Rossio, which was the hotel stop. I stayed at the My Story Figueira, a very nice four-star hotel in the heart of Lisbon. My room was small but fine for just me. The mirror on the wall doubled as a TV. I was on the top floor with a mini balcony, where I enjoyed morning coffee while checking the weather.

My Story Figueira was housed in a massive courtyard in the city center, with easy access to buses, trains, the metro, and trolleys. There were museums, shopping stores, souvenir shops, and flea markets nearby. It was fun to walk out and be in the heart of the city.

IAll my days were tour days. On my first day, I went on a 4-hour walking tour. I had breakfast at Nicolau Lisboa, where I had the best latte of my life! I took the bus to the castle at the top of the hill and joined the walking tour at 3:30 p.m. It was an amazing experience to walk around the city, learn about Portugal's history, and hear political anecdotes from the tour guide. Portugal is a beautiful but very hilly city. You will definitely need good walking shoes. After the tour, I felt like I needed new lungs, but it was a great experience, and I met many people.

On Monday, I booked a day tour to Cascais and Sintra, Portugal. My tour guide also stopped in Oeiras, which was a bonus. She stopped for an Instagram-worthy photo of a cave with water.

Cascais reminded me of a Portuguese Santa Barbara with expensive beach homes and a laidback surfer vibe. If I ever move to Portugal, Cascais or Porto would be my vibe. Sintra, the last city we visited, looked like a storybook town with colorful buildings and castles. It felt like royalty stepping into this fascinating place with cobblestone roads and a fairytale atmosphere.

Before heading back to Lisbon, we stopped at the National Palace of Pena, a monastery purchased

by King Ferdinand for his wife, Queen Dona Maria II, who had thirteen children. She died in 1853 before the castle was ready for move-in in 1854.

Ferdinand and his second wife, Elisa, lived there until his death, and Portugal purchased It In 1888, turning it into a national monument in 1910. The castle's exterior is somewhat of an eyesore, but it's worth the trip if you visit Sintra.

On Tuesday, I took the train to Porto, where I stayed for two days at the Fontinha Porto. The train ride took about 3.5 hours from Lisbon. It's a common mode of transportation for locals, offering a spacious and smooth ride. In Porto, I was tired from the previous days of traveling and tours, so I rested a bit and took a mini-tour the following day. I also learned how to make Portugal's pastry, Pastéis de Nata, in a cooking class I booked on Booking.com. It's a sweet pastry the Portuguese enjoy at any time of day,

and it's delicious with coffee. After the class, I had lunch at a local restaurant, walked around a bit, and then returned to the hotel. My next flight was the following day, so in the morning, I took a tuk-tuk tour around Porto. A tuk-tuk is a three-wheeled motorbike that took me all around Porto. I also did a boat tour as Porto is set in the middle of a harbor. Coming back from the tour, there was an electric lift that provided great views of the city. I rushed through the day before taking the metro to the airport and heading to Madrid.

I've wanted to go to Madrid since I was a child. My first memory of Madrid came from my fourth-grade music teacher. He showed us pictures of Madrid and talked about his fun experiences, which stuck with me. I finally made it happen 25 years later. Madrid isn't my favorite city, but I had a great time fulfilling a childhood fantasy. Sometimes fantasy and reality don't align, but it was still worth the trip.

In Madrid, I stayed at the Crowne Plaza Airport Hotel. It was just okay, and I mostly stayed there since I was only in Madrid for two days. Madrid is architecturally beautiful, and the shopping was nice. I bought a few things, but what I enjoyed most was the city's beauty. Getting from the hotel to the city was about a 30-minute train and bus ride. I booked the Hop On/Hop Off bus tour, which I like to do in new cities with that option to see the city and learn about its history. It also allows you to explore specific areas or attractions and then get back on the bus. After the Hop On/Hop Off tour, I booked an LGBT neighborhood bar crawl in Chueca that never happened. I was upset that it didn't happen, especially after paying $100 for the tour. They told me to meet the tour guide, who never showed up. If you find yourself in Madrid and see a "Chueca Neighborhood Tour of LGBT Community in Madrid," be cautious. I did get my money back, but it was a missed opportunity.

On Saturday, I took the train to Alicante, Spain, to catch my next flight to London before heading to Amsterdam the next day. Alicante is about two hours from Madrid. I decided to head to Alicante, find a laundromat, and then catch my flight at 8:30 that night. I arrived in Alicante at 1 p.m., found a laundromat about 10 minutes from the train station and on the bus route to the airport. One thing I noted about Spain is that I should have learned more Spanish since there were very few English speakers.

At the laundromat, I witnessed a fight between an older woman who left her clothes in the dryer for about 1.5 hours and a younger woman who moved them to a laundry bin to use the dryer. I didn't understand what they were saying, but the pushing, shoving, and yelling told me all I needed to know. It was the most excitement I had seen in days. In my opinion, the younger girl showed restraint because I probably would have reacted similarly. There were only three dryers, and the older woman used two of them and left for an hour and a half. Moving her clothes to the bin was a reasonable response.

After finishing my laundry, I headed to the airport.

The bus stop was half a mile away. The first bus was packed, but I managed to get on the next one.

Alicante Airport is beautiful and right on the water.

My flight at 8:30 p.m. got me to London Gatwick at 10:30 p.m.

On Sunday, I took a flight to Amsterdam, which, by far, was my favorite city of the entire trip. It was the most diverse and laid-back. I stayed at the NH Amsterdam Leidseplein, within walking distance of the train and many tourist attractions. As usual, I did the Hop On/Hop Off bus and boat tour. The boat tour was fun, although our driver seemed a bit tipsy, as we hit a lot of guardrails along the water.

Despite the whiplash, it was enjoyable. One of the highlights was the Heineken Experience, where I toured the brewery, learned about the history of Heineken, and saw how the beer is made. It was a fantastic tour, and if you visit Amsterdam, I highly recommend it. It was about a 20-minute walk from my hotel.

The day before, I explored the Museum District, which reminded me of the Smithsonian in DC. Growing up in DC, I frequently visited museums, and this area in Amsterdam had everything from modern art to the Van Gogh Museum. I couldn't leave Amsterdam without visiting the Red Light District. I booked an experience at the Museum of Prostitution and another prostitution museum down the road. To be completely transparent, if I hadn't left all my cash in the hotel, I might have engaged one of the prostitutes. What was fascinating about the Museum of Prostitution was learning about the Red Light District. Prostitution is legal there, and many of the women have significant others or husbands. They emphasize cleanliness and safe

sex, resulting in low disease rates. Interestingly, many clients just wanted someone to talk to rather than for sex. The average client time is six minutes. The museum also displayed items clients left behind and stories about celebrity visitors.

During my travels, I noticed few American things like restaurants or stores until I reached Amsterdam. There were more American stores and restaurants there, including Dunkin', which surprised me. The donuts in Amsterdam are better than in America! I stayed in Amsterdam for three nights and would consider living there if given the opportunity.

The last city on my journey was Copenhagen, Denmark, the cleanest city I've ever been to, other than Washington, DC. It's a bike-friendly city with more bikes than cars on the roads. It's also home to The Little Mermaid statue, created from the image of the work by the original author, Hans Christian Andersen in 1837, as well as Nyhavn, a 17thcentury harbor with colorful townhouses, boat homes, and seafood restaurants. I stayed at the Hotel Mayfair, a modern, nice hotel five minutes from Tivoli Gardens, the second oldest operating amusement park in the world. The hotel room was very small, but the bed was comfortable. The Hop On/Hop Off bus and boat tours were amazing, allowing me to experience everything Copenhagen offered. The food was the most expensive of my entire trip, so be prepared to spend a lot on food in Copenhagen. It wasn't very diverse, and I felt out of my element, especially after Amsterdam's diversity. It's a small but clean city with many 7-Elevens that were much better than those in the US, offering more options and cleanliness.

After leaving Copenhagen, I headed back to London to catch my flight back to the US. One tip I would give is to get Global Entry if you don't have it. It's amazing. I walked in and out with no long lines. It's $100 for five years and includes TSA Precheck. Glorious, I'm telling you—get it now.

Sixteen days, six countries, eight plane rides, two trains, four Hop On/Hop Off bus tours, three boat tours, one tuk-tuk tour, museums, walking tours, a cooking class, the Red Light District, all the food in the world, a laundromat fight, and a carry-on bag. This was the best experience of my life so far. I look forward to many more trips and travels to write about in the future! Until we meet again, travel more—I know I will.

Check out my

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@da.wanderlust.chronicles

Blaqueout columnist Javannah Davis had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to community leader, activist, and Senior Health Educator and LGBTQ Liaison at Osborne Association, the divine Grace Detrevarah.

The following interview gives us insight to the tireless community work that she does which covers community engagement, policy advocacy, education and awareness, support systems, measuring impact, challenges, and barriers. This is the life of an activist according to a spiritual Black woman of Transgender experience.

A JAVANNAH DAVIS INTERVIEW EXCLUSIVE

GRACE

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DETREVARAH

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW GRACE DETREVARAH JD: Can you share some of the challenges you faced as a Black woman of Trans experience, and how it led you to be the dedicated community leader you are today?

GD: My advocacy started in 2012 while being incarcerated through various correctional systems in NYS as a Black Transgender woman. While in custody I took the "brave" initiative to advocate for the small number of Gay and Transgender identified detainees/prisoners while in SingSing/Fishkill and other facilities, as a law clerk in the facility’s law library as a program as a prisoner. (required to have to determine their programing while in custody) After my own initial ordeal of being being raped by a fellow prisoner. I sought first, to save myself from additional harm.

I filed a lawsuit through Legal Aid society, Mik Kinkead (see: article/op-ed for USA Today written by me on July 15,2021). As I begin to observe the overall mistreatment of Gay & Trans identified prisoners, I begin to be encouraged by my fellow prisoners to advocate to the prison officials, which I did ultimately do within the confines of the facility. (through prisoner initiatives: Prisoner Liaison committee--which NYS has). When I was voted by the prison population in a voting system...I was elected as a member of the facility Prisoner Liaison Committee. Once I was released back to society in 2012, I had accumulated a reputation with outside agencies: Sylvia Rivera Law Project, ACLU: LGBT Services, LAMBDA Legal and other organizations due to my "inside/behind the walls" work, especially for those Gay and Transgender identifiable prisoners.

JD: Can you describe a pivotal moment in your life that defined your experience as a Black woman of Trans experience?

GD: When I acknowledged that my survival as a Transgender woman was someone else’s journey as well.

Recognizing that far too many Trans folk were not proactive in addressing or changing their "survival" or ability to .....simply exist. They just didn't know how or were only brave ...when trapped or last step efforts to just exist..

When I began to receive respect from those other than the LGBT community. How so: by seeking my words, thoughts on things from health, legal circumstances and our existence.

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW GRACE DETREVARAH JD: What advice would you give to younger Transgender people based on your own life experiences?

GD: As the generations continue to learn: We must remember that our existence requires us to be proactive.

Our allies can be helpful, our community can be a comfort.

However, our survival will only surely come through ourselves...continues to be our saving grace. I would simply say...."Carry your existence through your participation in this LIFE. For oneself, and the overall community.

JD: Looking back, what would you say has been the biggest victory or achievement in your journey as a Black woman of Trans experience?

GD: Looking back...hmmmm. The journey has and continues to be bright, moments of stumble and flight..... Nevertheless, as we and I.... go forth with the challenges which the world will bring forth all of us must play a part. No people can survive at the hands of others determining their survival.

So I am pleased that I've had the privilege, opportunity and initiative to be a light to where the world once said and continues to say: I don't matter. I know I do matter.

My greatest achievement is changing the negative stereotypes which befall the Transgender community through being proactive in our existence, purpose and contributions to humankind.

NORTH CAROLINA

BOOK therapy B O O K

R E V I E W S

B Y

E L

W I N S T O N

Blood at the Root by LaDarrion Williams started out kind of slow for me and I had a little trouble with the heavy use of slang and Ebonics, but I think that had more to do with my age than anything else. Once you get past the first few chapters though, the book takes off and it's an enjoyable ride the rest of the way.

You become invested in the main character, Malik, and his journey to connect to his magic as well as his family roots. You grow to love the rest of the family, too, especially Mama Aya and Uncle Samedi. His character building is an absolute experience. Williams takes you through some history lessons of African Americans in such a way it didn't feel like a history lesson or that it was misplaced. This book speaks to generational trauma, how that can shape our decision making without realizing it and how the walls we build to keep from being hurt often cause just as much hurt as we're trying to avoid. He even highlights how society looks at Black boys and sees a threat before they see their worth. Williams does an awesome job of showing Black male characters in a complex way that makes us seen. One of the most heartfelt exchanges happens between Malik and Uncle Samedi gives voice to Black men pouring into the next generation. I’m telling you now you're going to need some tissue.

Blood at the Root ultimately takes some twists that you won’t see coming. I was in such a state that it had me yelling at the book because I just couldn’t believe what had happened. I’ve been on these YA books and they have been hitting different. For this one, the power begins with the cover. It hits different to see a Black boy on the cover and in that hoodie. There is something so raw and powerful in that image. It is like taking back that image from what was made to be a negative and turning into a powerful visual. A statement of power and pride. This is definitely a book you need to grab!

book therapy W I T H

E . L .

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T H E

B O O K

B A N G E R Z

B O O K

C L U B

JOIN US FOR CONVERSATION ABOUT OUR BOOK OF THE MONTH ON THE 15TH OF EVERY MONTH ON FB & IG LIVE @BLAQUEOUTMAG & @BOOKTHERAPYWITHEL

june 15th

7pm

HAVE ANY QUESTIONS FOR WINSTON ABOUT THE BOOK? EMAIL: ELWINSTONBLAQUEOUT@GMAIL.COM

book therapy

W I T H

E . L .

A L I S S A

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T H E

A K A

B O O K

B A N G E R Z

B O O K

C L U B

@ S H E B E R E A D I N T H E M B O O K S

I HAD THE PLEASURE OF SITTING DOWN WITH ALISSA AKA SHEBEREADINTHEMBOOKS AND DISCUSS BLACK BOOK TOK, ADVOCACY, AND THE FATE OF LITERACY AND OUR CHILDREN. OUR ENGAGING CONVERSATION SHOWS US THAT THERE IS NO CERTAIN MOLD FOR READERS TO FIT INTO AND THAT WE CAN CELEBRATE SCI-FI, FANTASY, AND BIPOC ALL AT THE SAME TIME! ALISSA HAS BEEN NOMINATED FOR THIS YEAR’S AAMBC (AFRICAN AMERICAN ON THE MOVE BOOK CLUB) LITERARY ACTIVIST OF THE YEAR AWARD, BUT SHE DOESN’T LET THE NOMINATION GO TO HER HEAD. ALISSA SAYS THAT SHE'S JUST OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT WHAT SHE LIKES TO TALK ABOUT AND BRINGING US ALL ALONG ON THE RIDE!! HER VIBE IS LIKE YOUR FUNNY, DOWN TO EARTH, BEST BUDDY OR COUSIN. I HOPE THAT YOU ENJOY THE INTERVIEW AS MUCH AS I DID AND I KNOW ONE THING FOR SURE: IF YOU FOLLOW HER SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS, YOU'RE GOING TO BE READING DIVERSELY AND STANDING IN LINE AT YOUR LOCAL BOOKSTORE.

Just take a moment and listen/ place your face to the green grass who's roots run red underneath the feet of sheep/ they released our shackles and attacked the mental intimacy of originality/ placed gold around lies/ laced diamonds of the devil/ To make hot shit shining for them ones who didn’t mind dancing on burning coal/ its the bling bling you seeking/ Of trying to be like the jones when their house is in foreclosure/ the shade under the oak tree was never this cold/ bold enough to yell Transpeople aren’t the problem when the church holds more pedophiles than the prison system/ utilize the media to do your dirty work/ don't shit matter as long as their propaganda don’t have you taking a gander at the real criminals in the judicial system/ The judicial system/ earthquakes in N.Y/ And didn’t nobody wonder why he had Kids islands shaped like puzzle pieces/ Talk about your Nickelodeon/ Like Diddy know a thing?

But diddy stay trending unlike the deaths of transgenders who’s lives go missing like the real criminals when shit get real turn women into bitches in every song played/ Hollywood nightmares and the only laws being passed are against those who jus want the chance to live in their truth/ That will never make it to the big screen/ have daughters believing her body is the only advance placement in society/ Sons who only see dad behind metal bars/ or cars as they ride by/ pretending they don't exist/ And you ask yourself/ Why is the world the way it is?/ Simple/ We use to have a purpose beyond trying to impress the rest/ We use to leave an imprint for the next/

Brandy ”Lade Breez” Elam

ALABAMA

HOW’S PRIDE

CALIFORNIA

DANCING AROUND THE WORLD Jermaine Greaves

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Meet Jermaine Greaves, a Black, disabled, creative, and talented dancing machine who dedicates himself to activism and founded Black Disabled

Lives Matter. Jermaine aims to show that Black people are magical, gifted, talented, and full of love and light. He demonstrates how we transform culture by simply being ourselves.

Jermaine Greaves, based in Brooklyn, New York, has lived with cerebral palsy since birth. Despite many obstacles from childhood, he has not let anything stop him from becoming who he is today. He credits his mother for instilling confidence in him and believing in his abilities.

She encouraged him to aim high and never let his disability define him. She made him aware of his physical limitations but never stopped him from living his life with purpose. “She just believed in me and instilled in me things that, to this day, benefit me. It’s a blessing,” Jermaine says.

Two years ago, Jermaine faced a medical setback with the skin condition hidradenitis suppurativa (HS), a painful, long-term condition that causes abscesses and scarring on the skin. He

WRITTEN BY:

COURTNEY LA PRINCE

underwent two surgeries and extensive rehab. Now, he is regaining his strength and returning to his activities. Jermaine attributes his quick recovery to his mindset and determination to remember what he can achieve when he sets his mind to something.

Being sick pushed Jermaine to work harder, especially since he experienced people abandoning him without help or solutions to ensure his safety. “Now the focus is getting my strength back up, just pushing myself to do what I have to do because I’ve realized that very few people will protect me and help me the way I want to be helped,” Jermaine explains. Sadly, a family member took advantage of his illness by stealing his SSI money, leaving him in debt and behind on rent.

Jermaine also faced online bullying and skepticism about his illness, feeling the need to prove himself and his need for help. To counter this, he began making videos of his experiences, showing people his scars and documenting his surgeries and rehab.

“I think if I didn’t go through what I went through with my skin condition, I wouldn’t have known how people would treat me differently. When I could do more for myself, people praised me, but when I couldn’t, they shamed me,” Jermaine reflects. This experience showed him who truly cares for him and who does not. Although it is a hard pill to swallow, at least he now knows who genuinely supports him.

One blessing for Jermaine is his long-term partner of nine years, Trequane Lee, who has been a steady source of hope and support. His partner has been very patient, caring, and understanding of Jermaine’s needs.

Jermaine and his partner trequane lee met on Jack’d, a location-based chat and dating app for gay and bisexual men, nine years ago. They connected through their mutual location in Brooklyn, NY. Sparks didn’t fly immediately; instead, their relationship grew gradually. “He’s very smart, thoughtful, selfaware, and an inspiration to me because of how he perseveres. He’s someone who never gives up on himself,” Jermaine says.

While Jermaine has a wonderful long-term partner, his dating history hasn’t been smooth. “My dating experience hasn’t been easy with men. I’ve encountered all kinds of men, and many put me through the wringer,” he shares. Before meeting his partner, he dated men who lacked emotional depth or pure intentions.

“Dancing makes me very happy,” he says. Cue up Pharrell’s “Happy!”

As a Black gay man, Jermaine dealt with men who only wanted money, made him uncomfortable, or had ulterior motives.

Therapy has helped him understand his dating preferences and unlearn unhealthy patterns. As he gets older, he values a partner who listens, understands, and sees him for who he is, flaws and all.

Trequane meets those needs. Jermaine believes we all need someone who pours into us and doesn’t let us give up on ourselves.

His mother has always been that person for him. “Sometimes we don’t see our gifts until someone else sees them in us,” he says.

Now that Jermaine is regaining his strength, he is back to dancing on TikTok, creating dance videos again. “Dancing makes me very happy,” he says. Cue up Pharrell’s “Happy”!

Jermaine has danced since he was 10 years old when a dance class instructor encouraged his love for it. He danced throughout elementary and middle school but became shy in high school and switched to communications. However, in college, the dance bug bit him again. He earned an Associate’s Degree in Theatre Arts and returned to his roots, adding performing and singing to his repertoire.

“Doing creative things always makes me happy, but I also understand the significance of being in these spaces. It’s not often someone like me gets to be in a Beyoncé video or perform at Lincoln Center. Every time I step into these spaces where I’m not supposed to be, I make my presence known,” Jermaine says.

Jermaine believes in commanding the room, owning the room, and leading by example. These beliefs have opened doors for him, allowing him to represent Black, gay, disabled people who may feel voiceless.

Images taken by Stas Ginzburg

Jermaine started Black Disabled Lives Matter in 2020 after his sister, Georgeanne Greaves, passed away in March at the start of COVID. His mother also became ill with COVID and now has long-term symptoms. These experiences, combined with attending an inaccessible protest, inspired Jermaine to start Black Disabled Lives Matter. Jermaine wishes people wouldn’t stare at him as a disabled, gay man and that there were more inclusive spaces for disabled individuals. He understands that curiosity often drives the stares, but he hopes for a more inclusive world. He strives to show up as his most authentic self. “As long as you show up as you, the right people will find you. You may lose some along the way, but the right ones will find and love you,” he says.

Five years ago, Jermaine went viral with his dancing videos, landing him in various media publications. Interestingly, a week before his viral video, Macy’s fired him.

He attended an event called Live Like Nipsey Hussle, focused on reinventing purpose. “I was screaming about not being heard, not being seen, and oddly enough, the same outfit I wore at the event was the one I wore in the viral video,” he recalls.

Being fired from Macy’s allowed Jermaine to realize that no matter where he worked, he would pursue his dreams and live his purpose.

This moment led him to create his website and put himself out there without fear. “Don’t let your circumstances stop you from going after what you want,” he advises.

Jermaine hopes Black Disabled Lives Matter will grow into an organization that helps homeless people, the disabled, the incarcerated, and even the disabled incarcerated. He wants to touch more lives and continue on his current path.

For Jermaine, where he is now is a gift. The opportunities he has had, the various articles written about him, the many videos he has created, and the people he has worked with are all gifts. He doesn’t take any of it for granted. Not giving up has been key for him.

“It’s not delayed or denied; it’s just not right now. Stay the course and don’t give up, especially in the middle of the storm. It will pass if you hold on a little while longer,” he says.

“The LGBTQIA+ Black experience is special because we move the culture. Our sayings, our walk, our talk, our being are replicated and duplicated. We need to treasure our culture, from ballroom to style to fashion. Our fem queens and trans women deserve their flowers.

Without them, we wouldn’t have some of the aesthetics we have now.”

You can catch Jermaine’s exhibition at the Museum of New York, and it’s ongoing! If you find yourself in NY, please check it out. One of Jermaine’s happiest moments is seeing his legacy thus far. He’s excited to have opened doors for others to walk through. “The door is not just for me; it’s to pass on that legacy to others and let them know they can do it too,” he says.

Currently, Jermaine is trying to raise about $9,000 in back rent from his time in the hospital. If you feel inclined, consider donating to his GoFundMe. You can also give via Venmo (Jermaine-Greaves), CashApp (JermainePartyPlanner), and PayPal. Follow Jermaine on social media from TikTok to Instagram.

THE BOOKBAG INSTALLMENT III.

Chile, if I read one more page of this sexy, romance novel without a friendly face to join me, I guess I’m just going to have to break myself off. Damn, I’m tired of doing that though. It’s only so many times you can charge that Rose before you start feeling like that blinking light will go on forever. But here I am again…in this bed, waiting for my Rose to charge.

My eyes are starting to blink heavy. I’m watching the blinking. Now, I’m drifting off….

My eyes pop open. I realize I fell asleep. Damn, I couldn’t even stay awake for my own self! My eyes are adjusting and I figure out that I am not in my room. That’s odd.

Where the hell is that Teddy Pendergrass coming from?

Sounds like somebody put speakers in my headboard.

I’m still trying to get my bearings when I realize the door is opening. Jesus, I will NOT be the Black girl dying cuz I was being nosey. I close my eyes and pretend I’m still asleep, oh, but I do peek. And there she is…the one who got away, DaKoda. My God, how many dreams have I had about her?

Once I realize it’s her, I sit up. “DaKoda?” She immediately shushes me. Hmmmm, well let’s see where this dream goes.

DaKoda slides over to the bed and pulls out my bookbag.

Now, where the hell did she get that from? Oh yeah, this is my dream. That means that’s my bookbag. The music continues to play and DaKoda works her way around the room in absolute silence. Usually, I like a talker, but this dream has me feeling something different. I keep watching her hands as she slowly unzips my bookbag and slides out my handcuffs. Okay, so this is that kind of dream!

Now, I take in what she’s wearing. It’s the little white teddy I always imagined her wearing in my waking fantasies.

Those garters fitting snugly against those thick thighs. My favorite part is just where her breasts meet and I can fall into that cleavage of eternity. When she straddles me to lock my handcuffs in place to the bed straps, I can smell her perfume and her pussy. I am a patient and willing participant. I give her each hand willingly and excitedly. I feel her warmth brushing every inch of me and it makes my NaNa start throbbing. The pulsating runs up my spine and I can barely keep my legs closed because I just need to let some of this heat out.

Adult Fiction by: Southern Fried

DaKoda dips back down to my bookbag and pulls out my feather. Uhmmmmm, it feels so good to feel that tickle against my skin. Now, she’s back down to get out my blindfold. I don’t want to be blindfolded though. I want to see everythang! Unfortunately, I can’t refuse because DaKoda doesn’t want me to say anything, so I shake my head ‘no’. She gets the hint and now it becomes a game. She reaches into my bookbag again and pulls out a small riding crop. Not mine, but I might like it. She reaches in again and pulls out a 10 inch vibrator. Definitely not mine, but I definitely wanna feel that between my legs so I start pleading with my eyes. The heat is exploding now, but she won’t give me the pleasure. DeKoda reaches into the bag again and now I’m starting to wonder, “What else is in this damn bag?” I’m ready for some sucking, and fucking, and bucking. And there she goes again…in the damn bookbag.

Now, we’re making eye contact. She doesn’t break away. I’m begging with my eyes and whimpering cuz my heart is beating fast, my juices are flowing freely onto the bed, and my body is covered in a sheen of sweat. It’s hot as hell in here! Out comes a cat o’ nine tails, then some rope, a ball gag. Girl, what is this the Mary Poppins of sexcapades?

Back into the bag, but this item comes out sneaky. I can’t see what she has. We continue to maintain this eye contact as she lays all the items beside me on the bed. She crawls back onto the bed and pulls these nipple clamps from behind her back. I’m more than excited and so is DaKoda. I can see the wetness dripping from her pussy and I know it is about to go down!

Clamps on, DaKoda on top of me kissing every inch of me.

This dream is aaaaaaammmazing! Now, there are toys slinging, nerves tingling, and breath coming heavy. I’m mounting the wave of ecstasy. Oh, this is going to be better than that bullshit I was hoping for before I dozed off. I can feel it building. I’m ready to rain down all of this NaNa goodness on every bit of those 10 inches! I can’t help it, I gotta cry out. “DaKoda, now please. Fuck me!” My eyes close tight cuz I can’t contain what’s coming.

My eyes open…

I’m back in this cold ass bed, laying in a wet spot, with my Rose still charging. Shit, sometimes dreams are better than reality! Whew!

Dear Mr. Gay Homosexual, I understand the allure and excitement that can come with exploring the concept of toxic masculinity in a playful and seductive manner. However, it is essential to acknowledge the devastating impact of DL culture, particularly on the lives of Black Trans women and femmes who face a higher risk of violence and discrimination. Let us strive to empower those who feel burdened by shame and societal stigma by promoting a supportive environment where they can seek the necessary guidance and acceptance. It is crucial for them to embrace their true selves and find solace in their own skin rather than perpetuating a culture that isolates and perpetuates generational trauma.

Now you have a blessed day, Victoria Von Blaque

💋

TiTTY Victoria Von Blaque CONFESSIONS

NEW YORK

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

RESPECT MY DISRESPECT! I prioritize my own business and success as a sex worker. My strategy for promoting my services involves simply being present on specific apps and websites. I don't reach out to people first or spend much time browsing profiles. Instead, I rely on clients who are drawn to me and follow the trail I leave behind. It can be frustrating when cis-hetero individuals dare to question my preferences and my right to equality.

If you can't follow basic instructions, then clearly we're not a good match.

It doesn't matter if you find me attractive or if my energy captivates you; I need to see more than just your appearance to be interested. If you value discretion or identify as DL (down low), please be prepared to compensate me for my attention.

You can't simultaneously keep things secret and be financially challenged; you need to choose a struggle! Your shame or insecurities about your attraction to me are not my responsibility. It might be helpful for you to seek therapy to process those feelings instead of projecting them onto me. It's puzzling why you would be upset when I reiterate these points in a message, considering they are already clearly stated in my profile. Most of you will always be the norm, never the exception. Before you get defensive and try to argue, remember that before you messaged me, I had no idea you even existed. My mere existence has had an impact on your world, not the other way around.

TiTTY Victoria Von Blaque CONFESSIONS

NORTH CAROLINA

LOVE LIVES IN US...

The Winstons WINSTON AND THE MRS. (E.L. AND RONI)

Love lives in us…the Winstons and we want to share a little bit of it with you. Relationships have the power to shape us just like water. Water is such a powerful element. It has the capability to be a solid, a liquid, and a gas. It also keeps life going, but can snatch it away in a moment. Love like water renews and cleanses if you submerge yourself into the right source.

The Mrs. Before Winston and I met, I had had my share of bad relationships. I had ones that took me to the water only to try and drown me in their brokenness. I had ones that took me to the water only to try throwing me in when it was frozen with their cruelty. And I even had ones who took me to the water to try and boil me in their personal rage. Each one of those relationships like the different states of water left me with scars and pains that I can never unfeel. What I took from each of those experiences though was they were never meant to quench my thirst.

Real love brought a cleansing to my spirit, a fullness to my hunger, and a quench to my thirst. Life brought the many waves of change and like the vastness of the ocean I know that I am a complex and uncontainable presence in the world. In a loving relationship, you will recognize the combinations of water that do not create chaos and pain, but the water that nourishes your spirit.

If the waves get too high, take to dry land, breathe and go back in. One day, you’ll find your rhythm as well.

Winston With water being a life source, it reminds me so much of my responsibility in my relationship. See, depending on how you use water it can give life or destroy it, so you have to respect its power just like in your relationship. I have to respect the power of my words and actions and how they can either breathe life into my partner or tear them down.

I’m sure in some past relationships I did more destroying than building. I realize now that I wasn't ready for the responsibility of being accountable for my words and actions. I was broken and I sought other broken people.

Thank the Lord for deliverance! I had to spend some time riding a lot of different waves to grow up to be ready to breathe life and not leave destruction in my path.

The beautiful thing about giving life to a thing is that it will return the favor. If it is truly an ebb and flow experience and I’im blessed to have found the ebb to my flow. It is an ever evolving exchange of love that flows like the calmest river, teaching us both the dance of give and take. It works because we've both learned to respect our words and actions so in turn we think before we speak, we consider each other in our actions before we do something. It has become second nature. I don't really have to think about considering her feelings, I just do and she does the same. I can’t swim but I’ll get in a pool or the ocean with the Mrs. because just like in life I know without a shadow of doubt she’s not gonna let me drown.

Thoughts to Leave You

Appreciate the water! Find the power and strength in your love story and if you are single, find the power and life giving strength within yourself.

When we go the beach or the lake, we prep ourselves with bathing suits, towels, and sunblock. Creating loving relationships takes the same type of preparation and effort. Dive in and discover the wonders available!

NORTH CAROLINA

Whosoever Changes... a being son changes every ten years, The ide per a t tha say ) are y the ver hoe They (w eresting is replaced in this time. It is an int that your skin shedding and the like people say, “That’s just how I am.” concept to consider. We often hear lity, it is as a response to bad behavior. In rea Unfortunately, it is frequently used t is that we don’t have to just be. par ng azi am The be. to ose cho y how the every ng there is a season, and a time to According to the Word, “To every thi season, 3:1). Your tough exterior was for a s ste sia cle (Ec ” ven hea the er und purpose ved you Your anger was for a season, it mo it protected you from your trauma. re for whosoever changes to seek a mo ty uni ort opp an is w No t. hur r you through balanced place of peace and joy.

’ve been given. As you live, so you life the for C n pla or B, n pla There is no plan A, ld trade uld be ones we might wish we cou wo s nce erie exp se Tho . nce erie exp you also time that you can stop holding the is w No it. d live and re the n out, but you’ve bee season. change. You can walk into your new can You . ngs thi se tho m fro ath your bre

PRESTIGE BY:

- Pastor Roni

PHOTO

nt sadness or brokenness, but you wa of ce pla a in ing sitt n bee e hav If you Seek w the Holy Spirit to embrace you. change, God is calling you to it. Allo Pray journey….friends, family, therapist. r you in nce ista ass and ce dan gui some are under all of the baggage. you o wh w kno to get to e tim the for yourself. Take ever the greatest gift of His love. Whoso t’s tha and f sel tic hen aut r you s God see to break out of the shell. Take the changes is allowed an opportunity ory! path that walks you into your vict

PORTRAITS

is sting our process for change. God tru is t par t des har the us, of st For mo We have to be mature enough to . ugh tho nge cha of son sea r you welcoming you to shed enough to be vulnerable. We must ong str be st mu We ff. stu n ow own our p expose the places that we try to kee off the pain of past hurt. We must ess. hidden. We must take off the heavin

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