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October 2013 . Issue 2.10

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Steamboat Springs Hayden Oak Creek Yampa


October 2013

Valley Voice

About the Cover October camping? Sure, why not? Just hope that when you get back to your tent that it hasn’t assumed a new personality, or a set of teeth, or something. Sleep tight.

nty Mile Another rainbow spotted on Twe son Hut l Mica Photo by:


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Valley Voice

October 2013



Circulation 7000


The Rita Valentine Park debacle…

Virtual Voice Page 4 By Paulie Anderson


Tiny Little Bits

Page 5

Forgetting to pull the tomatoes inside for the first frost…

Is Steamboat really a Special Snowflake?

Page 6

Packrats in your stove…

The Enigma: David H. Moffat Jr. Part II

Page 7

By Matt Scharf By Scott Ford

By Paul & Ellen Bonnifield

Balance Page 8

Cold weather and not enough blankets… Stealing Greg’s Moots and Coppi bicycles right out of his front yard – Bring them back!

By The Wandering Rose

Go Figure? Page 9 By Scott Ford

Smoke Signals Page 9 Publisher:

Paulie Anderson

Art Director:

Matt Scharf

By Scott Parker

Raves... Color!

The Stuffed Dog

Page 10

The Best way to Search for an Online Date

Page 11

Seeing the guy who passed in the double yellow getting a ticket down the road.

Metal Part I: The Origin of...

Page 12

Tacky trails…

Hayden Surveyor Newsletter

Page 13

First Friday Artwalk

Page 18

“Shut-up” Pizza…:)

Valley Voice is published monthly and distributed on the last Wednesday of each month. Please address letters, questions, comments or concerns to: Valley Voice, LLC, 730 Lincoln Ave, Unit 1, Steamboat Springs, CO 80487. Paulie Anderson: 970846-8953. Matt Scharf: 970-846-3801. Scott Ford: 970-8199630. Website Subscription rate is $35 per year (12 issues). All content © 2013 Valley Voice, L.L.C. No portion of the contents of this publication may be reproduced in any manner without the written permission of the publisher.

Calendar of Events

Page 22

Good meat…

Official Fine Print

Community Drop Off Day

Page 28

So What’s the Deal with By-Products?

Page 29

Business Manager: Scott Ford Proof Reader:

Gail Schisler

Event Calendar: Cody Badaracca/ Steamboat Tonight Sales:

Paulie Anderson

Advertisers assume full responsibility for the entire content and subject matter of their ads. In the event of error or omission in the advertisement, the publisher’s sole responsibility shall be to publish the advertisement at a later date. Advertisements and articles are accepted and published upon the representation that the author, agency and/ or advertiser is authorized to publish the entire contents and subject matter thereof. The author, agency, and/ or advertiser will indemnify and save Valley Voice, LLC harmless from all claims and legal action resulting from the contents of the articles or advertisements including claims or suits resulting from libel, defamation, plagiarism, rights to privacy and copyright infringements. The views and opinions expressed reflect the views and opinions of the authors and may not necessarily reflect the views and opinion of the editor, staff or advertisers in Steamboat’s Valley Voice. Direct all correspondence, articles, editorials or advertisements to the address below. The author’s signature and phone number must accompany letters to the editor. Names will be withheld upon request (at the discretion of the publisher).

By Lyn Wheaton

By Mr. Helpful, M.D. By Cody Badaracca

By Cody Badaracca/ Valley Voice

The Amputators Page 24 By Cody Badaracca

Fall Bounty Page 25 By Mike Baran

Shawn Sigstedt Page 26 By Mical Hutson

By Georgie Weber

Please make checks payable to: Valley Voice, LLC Thank you for your support! 730 Lincoln Ave. Unit 1 • Steamboat Springs, CO 80487

Say What?... “I’ve been Team Ramen all my life.” “It’s a good PBJ when you have to lick the sides like an ice cream cone.” “Clothing flies when you’re having fun.”

By Lisa Mason

IMPACT 100 Page 30 By Tarsha Ebbern for YVCF

“Sometimes you eat the bear and sometimes the bear, well…uh, y’know what I’m trying to say, man…”

Tending a Sick or Injured Chicken

Page 31

“No por mucho madrugar amanece más temprano”

Take Your Lessons Where You Find Them

Page 32

“What’s HUYA mean?”

Spinning Autumn Yarns

Page 33

By Erica Olson for Deep Roots By Nina Rogers

By LA Bourgeois

“The grass will inherit the Earth”

Yepelloscopes Page 34 By Chelsea Yepello

Comics Page 35

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October 2013

Valley Voice

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Paulie Sez

Virtual Voice By Paulie Anderson

We don’t really need a reason to celebrate, but it’s much more gratifying to celebrate with a cause, so the Valley Voice is going to celebrate our half-birthday by joining modern society with an on-line presence. That’s right; we have a website (finally)! Our new site, features all the goods from the current issue as well as exclusive web content, photos and videos and more. Special thanks to Brad Frazier for creating this reality for us. Here’s where my honesty will shoot me in the foot, which is actually in my mouth right now, though that doesn’t really matter because foot-in-mouth doesn’t affect my typing too much. But, and you knew there was a but coming, I’m not nearly as excited as I should be considering my share of ownership of this magazine. I’m old-school, and I like paper. I love to read, but I don’t own a Kindle or any other form of electronic book. It was only this September that I made my first purchase from I-Tunes, and as I was entering my information I felt my fight or flight mechanism attempting to thwart my data entry.

lines are stacked in the order of most killed, most hurt, most addicted and most screwed. Our information is filtered through a crimson colored lens that threatens my faith in humanity. I read these headlines because I wish to stay up to date on the happenings around the world and close to home, but these are the headlines that indirectly shape my desire to be different. As a managing partner of Valley Voice LLC, I consider it my duty to produce something different from the mainstream news by printing the proactive voices of the community I love. As always, Valley Voice Magazine is open to everyone. Though we may not be able to print everything submitted due to the cost of printing, content of the submission or other reasons that I am too deadline-brain-dead to conjure as I’m writing this, but our online presence can host many more articles without the cost limitations of our print edition. Now that makes me a little more excited about the move into the technological future of print media.

When I wake up I do, however, grab my phone and read the headlines on Google News and get a little ill. The old adage, “If it bleeds, it leads,” still holds true. The head-

Letter to the Editor

Clark for Steamboat By Clark Davidson Dear Valley Voice, Thank you for openly providing this forum for anyone running for City Council. I appreciate the opportunity to write to the public. To the Town of Steamboat: I am a certified public accountant and attorney. I graduated from the University of Virginia’s McIntire School of Business in 1992 with a major in Accounting, and the University of San Diego, School of Law in 2001. I worked at a national accounting firm and a national law firm. I have skied on Mount Werner more than 850 days in the last 17 years (more than half of them living in San Diego,) and ridden a mountain bike on Emerald more than 150 days the last five years. I use our community resources and assets as much as I can possibly can; it’s why I’m here. Not to be rich, not for notoriety in my profession; like the rest of you, I am here because this is a great community with great community assets. Are we taking care of our core community assets and investing our future in them? I don’t think so. Are we

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

creating a vision to follow for the next 20 years? I don’t think so. Have we identified our best potential economic drivers in the next 20 years? I don’t think so. I believe we need to wisely invest in our future; looking to spend our dollars where we can get a future return. City Council needs to be at the forefront of creating a vision and partnerships for the future: with the County, with the Ski Area, with the coal industry and with all our non-profits. As a lawyer and accountant, I will bring reason and accountability to our city government. I will bring a balanced approach to economic growth. I will ensure the community has a voice in our local government, representing all interests. I will ensure we embrace our heritage; it provides us strength and differentiates us from other mountain towns. I am the right choice to better manage our future.

Valley Voice

And Another Thing!

Clark Davidson for Your Steamboat Springs City Council

October 2013


Tiny Little Bits

Remove, "Balanced approach for common sense solutions." Add, "The right choice to better manage our future." (New tag line.)

By Matt Scharf

I think I’ve designed the newest government pin, which Business card (back) I’ve named the H.U.Y.A. pin. Environment...", replace with, " Remove, "Community, Between Syria, Russia and the As your City Council representative, I will work to: Middle East, this would look great Strengthen our Economy proudly worn on their jacket our Environment lapelsProtect while making heart-felt Invest in our Community speeches to the masses. Hopefully Create a Vision for in tight to our news media zooms “Keep ‘em guessing” capture the true essence of where Steamboat they Our are coming from.Springs My problem lies in the design of this button on what nation’s flag to Remove picture of insert. mountain (for space considerations) Lately, I’m thinking I want to award it to our own government. WakeDoor up congress, you are making hanger (front) me turn red with embarrasment. Remove, "Balanced approach for common sense solutions." Add, "The right choice to better manage our future."

Steamboat Springs City Council

The right choice. A Certified Public Accountant (CPA) for 20+ years. A Licensed Attorney for 10+ years. A passionate, caring, out of the box thinker. A business owner, skier, bicyclist, husband and father. Vote for Clark if YOU believe in: A balanced approach to growth. Strengthening our core community assets. Promoting our unique, rich cultural heritage. A common sense approach to taxing and spending. Decisions based on reason and accountability.

Door hanger (back) Remove logo ("Vote Clark...") Add,"Clark is: A Certified Public Accountant (CPA) for 20+ years. A Licensed Attorney for 10+ years. A passionate, caring, out of the box thinker. A business owner, skier, bicyclist, husband and father.

Clark Davidson, the right choice to better manage our future.

Vote for Clark if YOU believe in: A balanced approach to growth. Strengthening our core community assets. Theheritage. City might have better luck Promoting our unique, rich cultural “I think I Ashould make picking a police station site with common sense approach to taxing and spending. the ‘station’ bigger.” the public’s approval if they could Decisions based on reason and accountability. prove why we need one in the first


[bigger font]Clark Davidson, the right choice to better manage our future. Yard sign Under "Vote for Clark" logo, add the new tag line: "The right choice to better manage our future."

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I saw old Autumn in the misty morn stand shadowless like silence, listening to silence. – Thomas Hood


October 2013

Valley Voice


Common Sense of Our Dollars and Cents

Is Steamboat Springs Really a “Special Snowflake”? By Scott L. Ford

Over the next three issues of the Valley Voice I invite you to join me on a knowledge quest to answer a question I have been curious about for some time. What communities in the mountain west are most like Steamboat Springs/Routt County?

Was the data (number of runs the Rockies scored in each game) wrong? No, it simply lacked comparability. If comparability is not applied to data it is often meaningless. Comparability is a powerful way to transform data into information.

I have been in meetings where the statement is made, “We are not like Aspen or Vail.” I would agree with this statement, but when I ask, “Who are we most like?” I get a lot of blank stares. Do we really believe that Steamboat Springs is such a “special snowflake” that we are beyond comparison to other communities in the mountain west?

Once we decide that comparability is important, the next question becomes who we should compare Steamboat Springs to. The first step in this process is simply deciding what data likely provides the best insights into the social/economic fabric of the area. This process is also made a wee-bit simpler if the same data source for the data is used. Both the selection of the data and its source require human judgment. Since human judgment is involved we need to admit to ourselves that it will not be perfect. In addition, there need to be safeguards to minimize bias which would influence our judgment. This requires the discipline to commit to a process for analyzing data the very same way for each community.

As a result of “special snowflake” syndrome, we engage in a lot of “navel gazing.” Metaphorically we are guilty of staring at our own belly button to see how it changes over time. This is not to say the “navel gazing” does not have some value. However, if data comparability to communities like Steamboat Springs is not used we limit ourselves to knowing much of anything about ourselves. Let me use an example to illustrate this point. Let’s assume that the Colorado Rockies are playing the Atlanta Braves for a three game series. In the first game the Rockies score 3 runs. In the 2nd game they score 5 and in the final game they score 7. Looking only at the scores of the Rockies one could assume that the Rockies were improving. Since the team with the most runs scored wins – getting 7 runs as opposed to 3 is better, right? Is the improvement in the number of runs scored good or bad news? We have no idea unless the Rockies’ score is contrasted with the Braves’ score. When this is done we see that the Rockies won the first game 3 to 2. Yet in games 2 and 3 the scores were 5 to 7 and 7 to 9. Although the Rockies scored more runs in each of the subsequent games, they lost the last two games. What data is really important? Looking only at the Rockies’ score game over game we’re simply engaging in a form of “navel gazing” and believing the Rockies were improving.

For the source of comparable data, I am going to use the US Census Bureau American Community Survey, which is updated annually. The indicators of a community’s social/economic fabric I have chosen are: Data Indicator Description 1. Median Household Income 2. Percentage of Family Households with Children under age 18 3. Percentage of Employed People Working in Arts, Entertainment, Recreation, Food Services & Accommodations 4. Percentage of Adult Population Age 25+ that have a BA or Better 5. Percentage of individuals working from home above 4% as an indication of Location Neutral Business (LNB) activity

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Valley Voice

October 2013


The Bonnifield Files

The Enigma: David H. Moffat Jr. Part II

Photo Courtesy of the Hayden Heritage Center

By Paul & Ellen Bonnifield

During the period from the Civil War until the end of World War II, eastern cities, railroads, and investors considered the inter-mountain West as colonies. Montana, Wyoming, Idaho, Arizona, and New Mexico suffered heavy blows as their wealth was siphoned away, and their political and social life held under an iron fist. Utah, under the Mormon Church’s influence was able to escape. Colorado had to fight for its freedom from eastern colonialism. Between 1860 and 1862 a handful of extremely capable men set about making Denver the Queen City of the Plains and the ruler of the mountains. Their methods of enriching themselves and their city were often ruthless and always shady, but, as one historian noted, Wall Street’s power brokers feared David H. Moffat, Jerome B. Chaffee and John Evans because they could play the money/ power game with them and win. The history of northwestern Colorado, the “isolated empire,” “Colorado’s last frontier,” is tied to the story of these men and their reach for an urban colonial empire. Before the Civil War, the nation’s finances were in chaos and disrepute. It was the age of wildcat banking and bank speculation. The game had no rules and no holds were barred. To finance the Civil War, and bring order to the system, the National Banking Act passed Congress in 1863. Although Denver and Colorado’s mining industry struggled to survive, Moffat and four partners applied for a banking charter. They were rejected. Moffat then talked Jerome B. Chaffee and John Evans into joining their partnership. Both Evans and Chaffee had deep and powerful political connections in Washington. Both men fully realized banking potential as a source of revenue for political, economic and personal power. John Evans, founder of Evanston, Indiana, sat on the board of directors of the Union Pacific Railroad. Evans, Chaffee, and Henry M. Teller were charter members of the political force that elected Lincoln. In the 1860s-70s Evans and Chaffee controlled the Denver Republicans with a well-financed iron fist while Henry Teller controlled the Republicans in Gilpin and Clear Creek counties. Bela Hughes, on the opposite political side, controlled the Colorado Democratic Party. These men were stout rivals over control of patronage, contracts, and who would hold high office. There were no serious contests over issues of substance. Between them they were assured of no legal interference with their methods of operation. In fact, the militia was at their disposal. From 1864 to 1880 Chaffee was president of the First National Bank of Denver. He wanted the bank to be financially solid and respected. The abnormally large funds used for speculation on Chaffee/Moffat/Evans projects or to control their competitors were hidden

under the cloak of respectability. In 1866, Moffat took control of daily banking operations. He and Chaffee made an excellent team. In 1880, Chaffee left the bank when he became gravely ill and was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, a federal bank examiner reported that the First National Bank held a large volume of overdue paper. The loans often covered investments made by Moffat, Chaffee, Evans and their multiple partnerships. The loans were held until eastern or European investors bought into the projects. When the investment failed to attract investors and went bankrupt, it was the bank that lost and not the partners. In short, they usually played with the bank’s money and not their own.

ident Colfax’s sister and brother-in-law lived in Denver overseeing personal investments in Colorado. In the end, Chaffee and Moffat pocketed the money. Silver was discovered in Boulder County in the early 1860s, but it failed to cause any excitement. In 1871, Moffat and Chaffee purchased the Caribou Mine and began promoting it as the new Comstock Lode. Chaffee was a master salesman while Moffat supplied ready cash. They employed mining engineer Eben Smith to run the mine profitably so as to gain investors. The trios were unable to attract English capital but were successful with the Dutch. To honor the investors the mining town was named Nederland. Of course, Moffat and Chaffee held large real estate interests in the town. The Dutch money was used to equip the mine with the most modern and efficient equipment. Then Smith began to run the mine to lose money. The mine’s credit was with the First National Bank of Denver and in due course, the bank foreclosed on the Caribou Mine. Chaffee bought it at a sheriff’s sale. Smith again adjusted his methods and ran the mine to make a profit. New York investors were induced to purchase inflated shares of the now productive mine from Moffat, Chaffee and Smith.

Little Pittsburg Mine, Leadville, CO As a national bank the partners received government funds and handled government financial transactions. Being a corrupt system operating without a budget, the partners found many ways to transfer government funds into private pockets. When the government was short of money, it borrowed from the First National Bank. The men on the inside simply considered public funds as their private income. As a national bank, the First National Bank was the depository for smaller banks. It handled the paper of smaller banks and controlled the cash flow. In short, the First National Bank and the Colorado National Bank together controlled Colorado’s banking. When the Kansas Pacific Railway was being constructed from Kit Carson to Las Animas, Moffat and Chaffee obtained insider information on the route. They fraudulently purchased vast acres of land which they later sold at a handsome profit. When a federal official investigated the land fraud, he also uncovered serious irregularities in the beef contracts (supplied by Chaffee) for the White River Utes and began legal action. Chaffee and Moffat continued business as usual. They knew how many “markers” they had. Chaffee’s daughter married President Grant’s son and Vice-Pres-

Smith invaded high grade ore bodies on adjacent claims. The wronged mine owners began a lawsuit. Unfortunately, they had loans with the First National Bank and Moffat used his leverage to prevent the legal action. The New York investors settled by purchasing the adjacent mines. For a brief time the stocks of the larger mine increased in value, and the trio sold out. Their next stop was Leadville. This time they became involved in numerous mining ventures. One was the Little Pittsburgh. It was a paying mine, but the owners did not have deep pockets. Moffat, Chaffee and Smith purchased the adjacent New Discovery and Winnemuck Mines and threatened an expensive lawsuit involving the Little Pittsburg. Moffat then discontinued Little Pittsburgh’s credit. To keep from losing everything, the Little Pittsburg sold out to the bankers. Next, in New York, 50,000 shares were sold at $20 per share and an additional 3,000 shares were sold at $25 per share. The Colorado men retained majority stocks. Everything was fine until the ore body suddenly pinched out. To cover themselves while they unloaded their stocks, they hired thugs to cause a labor strike that eventually became Colorado’s first labor war. During the strike, the trio unloaded their stocks. The remaining stockholders, believing they were cheated, sued, but good whiskey, ladies, and political connections costing less than $5,000 resulted in a favorable decision for Colorado’s leading men.

Next month: First attempts to open northwestern Colorado Autumn wins you best by this its mute appeal to sympathy for its decay. – Robert Browning


October 2013

Valley Voice

The Wandering Rose


Audrey Rose could always feel when something was happening to people or places close to her. When it involved a man, there was a tingle that ran through her. When circumstances involved a tragedy, there was a tightening across her chest. When something wonderful happened, her breath deepened and filled her body with peace. These feelings only happened with those she shared the deepest bonds. On this particular day, when she wished a tingle were heading her way, she felt a tightening in her chest. She stopped in the middle of the sidewalk in front of Off the Beaten Path on 9th Street and lay down. People asked if she was okay. She nodded, but lay as close as she could to the earth to try to figure out what was happening. Heat filled her, her breath choked in her throat. Fire. She stood up and looked to the sky but there was no sign that anything was amiss. She climbed to the top of Mt. Werner. No smoke in any direction. She walked back downtown to the library and

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typed in “fire”. Immediately the Rim Fire in Stanislaus National Forest and Yosemite popped up. Her home was burning. Yosemite is where Audrey Rose had been born (in a sense). This was the one place where she had become balanced, where she first understood that she was more plant, more animal, more rock, than human.

ing for people and places we don’t know is pointless. There’s enough grief right here for anyone who wants it.”

“That attitude is not going to make you very popular,” said Audrey Rose’s friend Joe as they sat at Sunpie’s Bistro sipping hurricanes.

“Besides, how many of you have thought about the homes destroyed that aren’t in the news? The den of the fox, the nest of the bird, the grass for the elk? How many of you have thought about how many animals have been displaced and will have to compete for food sources that will die or have died because of this fire? Are commonplace lives less valuable than endangered species? Are animals’ lives more expendable than human lives? Floods and fire are nature’s way of population control, only humans move too quickly for natural disasters to be as effective as they used to be.”

“Shit happens,” said Audrey Rose, well into her second hurricane, “It’s population control, right?” “Don’t you even care that people are losing their houses, that endangered species may be completely wiped out because of this fire?” Audrey Rose kissed Joe on the cheek and squeezed his cheeks. “I love seeing you so concerned about things that are entirely out of your control. But here’s the thing, fires need to burn. Yes, they suck, yes, animals and people lose their lives, but they are as necessary for the health of the earth as floods and hurricanes and every other natural disaster. All the fire suppression and thinning and control we try to exercise can end up doing more damage than good. Look at our beetle kill situation. We need a fire to burn the trees, to release seeds to regenerate the land. With devastation comes regeneration.” Joe motioned to the bartender for a Jack and Coke. He needed something stronger for this conversation. “What about the endangered species that could be lost.” “Name one.” “What?” “Name one endangered species that will be lost.” Joe paid the bartended and sipped on his drink, “Whatever.”

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Audrey Rose went behind the bar, pulled out a box full of liquor bottles and stood on her soapbox. “Does anyone here know how many endangered species could be lost in the Rim Fire?” There was almost silence in the bar. “Who cares?” Audrey Rose answered for them. “None of you cared until you saw in the news it might be a possibility. Endangered species go extinct all the time without anyone even knowing they exist. People die every day that we don’t care about, but if it’s on the news, then all of a sudden, we care. Does anyone care that there have been 7,000 victims of sexual, physical and emotional abuse that Advocates have helped over the past thirty years in our own community, or do we need to care about the victims of fire and flood removed from us? I’m not saying don’t care, but maybe we should spend our energy caring about things close to us, things we can help make better, or maybe we should pack up and go to the places that need us. But griev-

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Joe downed his drink because he knew Audrey Rose was just getting started.

Audrey Rose sat down. She got some hard stares from more than a few people. A woman approached with a furious glare in her eyes. “My sister disappeared in the flood in Boulder. They haven’t found her body yet.” “I’m sorry,” said Audrey Rose. “Why, she’s expendable, right?” There was no right answer. “I don’t know your sister, so I won’t cry for her, no. All I can do is try to feel the pain you are feeling and take some of that from you and carry it myself.” The woman tried to push away, but Audrey Rose held the woman to her chest until the woman’s heart could feel that Audrey Rose only held love for her. The woman broke down. Audrey Rose licked the tears from the woman’s face. She took in the pain and released it through her own tears, her tears for the forgotten ones. The two women held hands and somewhere between their tears they found a common ground. “I don’t agree with you,” said the woman as she stood, “but I don’t hate you, either.” Joe gave Audrey Rose a pinch on the ass. “You bring this shit on yourself. Every once in a while you could keep your opinions to yourself.” “I watched your drink catch your tears, Joe. Just because I understand how the earth works doesn’t mean I don’t feel, but I try to remind myself that bad is balanced by good, that flood and fire create balance, and that somewhere in all of this disaster, community is being formed. People are forming bonds they never would have otherwise, that in the worst of life, the best of people is brought out. And when life gets too difficult, we can always find a way to forget for a while,” said Audrey Rose as she ordered a round of shots. As she let the liquid burn down her throat, she felt a tingling jolt go through her; one that said something was about to change her life for a moment. Then Grey Eyes walked through the door.

Valley Voice

October 2013

Go Figure!?

Going Down the Drain By Scott L. Ford Why does water go down the drain counterclockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere? Actually it does not really matter what side of the equator one finds themselves when they flush the toilet or pull the drain plug. One can find both counterclockwise and clockwise flowing drains in both hemispheres. Some people would like you to believe that the Coriolis force affects the flow of water down the drain in sinks, bathtubs, or toilet bowls. Don’t believe them! The Coriolis force is simply too weak to affect such small bodies of water such as a sink or toilet. The Coriolis is named after a French engineer/ physicist named Gaspard Gustav de Coriolis. He was the first one to describe this force and explain its scientific reasons. The Coriolis force is caused by the earth’s rotation. It responsible for air being pulled to the right (counterclockwise) in the Northern Hemisphere and to the left (clockwise) in the Southern Hemisphere. The Coriolis Effect is the observed curved path of moving objects relative to the surface of the Earth. Hurricanes are good visual examples. Hurricane air flow (winds) moves counter-clockwise in the northern hemisphere and clockwise in the southern hemisphere. This is due to the rotation of the Earth. The Coriolis force assists in setting the circulation of a hurricane into motion by producing a rightward (clockwise) deflection that sets up a cyclonic (counterclockwise) circulation around the hurricane low pressure. So the direction of the spin of the water in the kitchen sink or the toilet all depends upon how the water was introduced into the plumbing fixture and the geometric structure of the drain itself.

Smoke Signals

News from the Chief of the Chief By Scott Parker So here I am. It is Sunday morning; I am sipping a cup of coffee while sitting at my desk in The Chief Theater and writing another column for The Valley Voice. The prevailing thought rattling through my brain right now is….Life is GOOD! I have been back in town and at the helm of The Chief for only a month and a half and I must say that I am pleased with the direction we are all headed. We have a strong board of directors, a great group of dedicated volunteers and an excellent staff. Allow me to recap a few events we have hosted since I arrived. • Anyone who saw the Girl Rising documentary can testify to how powerful it was. We sold out our two theaters and had to turn people away at the door. It was so popular that we had an encore showing the following week. Expect more of this type of programming in the future! • Those of you who were fortunate enough to attend The Ben Miller Band saw stars in the making. This band is destined for greatness. You can say you saw them in Steamboat Springs…at The Chief… way back when!! (It kind of reminds me of those who were able to see Dave Matthews Band at The Inferno in the early 90’s.) • The Pirate Theater Monthly Daily Show just keeps on gaining momentum! (See you Oct 4th for the 4th installment) It was a dream come true for me to be back on the stage performing with the Pirate Theater crew! • Yampa Valley natives Katey Laurel and Guerin Lewis played to a packed house last week at The Chief. I have known Katey for years and it was great for her to host a hometown CD release party at The Chief Theater. We have an eclectic mix of programming. Films and Music and Theatre….oh my!! But enough about the past, let us look to the here and now. I asked to hear from you… and I have! Please keep the emails and phone calls coming. We have some events on the horizon that are a direct result of people getting in touch with me. (euchre and movie night sound fun??!!!). To stay up to date on what we are up to please visit our website ( also visit us on Facebook and click “LIKE.”

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Designers want me to dress like Spring, in billowing things. I don’t feel like Spring. I feel like a warm red Autumn. – Marilyn Monroe


October 2013

Valley Voice

Routt County Disasters

The Stuffed Dog By Lyn Wheaton

Author’s note: Some of this is fiction. As a result of my upbringing, I use humor as a coping mechanism. This is not meant to offend anyone. It’s not good to make decisions when we are emotionally distraught. Things can turn out very badly. I recently lost my little dog and was messed up for quite some time over the whole event, but this story is not about that. The unfortunate circumstance brought to light an obscure tradition that is still practiced in our society. After about five days into my self-imposed exile, accompanied by the inability to eat, sleep or stop crying over the terrible loss, my daughter started to worry. She called me up with some suggestions. “Mom, I didn’t really want to ask, but have you considered getting another dog?” I freaked out. I was horrified by her suggestion and flew off the handle, “LAUREN! How could you even ask me that? I can’t just go buy a replacement for Rudy! That would be like replacing you!” “Oh, geez mom, I am sorry, I am just trying to help. I am real worried about you. He was your companion for so many years.” I wail, “Fifteen years! AHHHH!” “I know mom, just think about it.” “ Well. Lauren you know what’s weird? The Vet said I would see Rudy in the house for a while after he was gone. When he told me that I just looked at

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him and said, ‘Ok, if you say so.’ Thinking, this getting a little outlandish, even for me. But I do! I keep seeing him out of the corner of my eye, on his bed where he used to lay.” She replies, “I am sure you will for a while.” I continue, “Well, it’s torture, and I know this is going to sound strange but sometimes people get their dogs stuffed. I used to think that was so bizarre. But I am starting to wish I had gotten Rudy stuffed. At least I could look at something tangible and talk to him.” All of a sudden Lauren says, “Oh my God! You know the Smiths (made up name), they had Pasty stuffed.” I was starting to cheer up now. This was a family we knew well and they were normal. (At least we thought) I said, “No way! Wait, when did Pasty die? And they stuffed him? Where is he? Tell me everything?” She tells me that when Pasty, not a small dog, actually a large lab, passed away in the fall, they stuffed him and put him in the living room. The process was not without its quirks. After his death, they took the beloved pet to the taxidermist and left him. When they got the call to pick him up, apparently his eyes were all messed up, in a creepy way. The husband, a cool character, calls up the animal stuffer and says, “Dude, what’s up with our dog,? His eyes aren’t right.” The taxidermist, that they pulled from the Internet, replies, “Whada mean the eyes ain’t right?” “Well, they aren’t the soft, sweet eyes that Pasty had. In fact, they look kind of rabid or something.” The simple man on the other end of the phone says, “Well, that don’t sound right. Just bring ‘em back in.” This goes on for a few months until the poor fellow’s eyes are unusable. Luckily some hunter dropped off a head he wasn’t going to use from some unidentifiable animal. They were able to salvage the eyes and cobble together a pair that was acceptable to the family. Things seemed to be calming down. Pasty was propped proudly in the middle of the living room. When the kids came home from school they ran over and hugged him just like they did when he was alive, only with twice the affection because now he couldn’t hump their legs.

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The parent’s love grew deeper and deeper; from all accounts it took on the shade of a disturbing obsession. Each time a problem arose there was a simple solution. Because he was immobile they were unable to enjoy the outings with Pasty, as they did while he was living. So, one day the dad came home with a set of wheels and attached them to Pasty’s paws. Pasty had a new lease on life. Before long, Pasty was out and about in the neighborhood again, being walked, going on runs, and fruit-bootin’ with the kids. The family sparked up a new passion for parades, something they had never done before. It bore an eerie resemblance to Weekend at Bernie’s, doggie style. The townspeople didn’t quite know how to handle the entire debacle. One of the judges at the Oktoberfest parade felt sorry for them and granted them a third place ribbon. The award was for a handcrafted Dirndl outfit Pasty wore as they wheeled her through town, drinking large pints of stout, as if everything were the same as it ever was. This dog was having more of a life being dead than he ever did while he was alive.

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Rudy Wheaton

The family was known for throwing large parties; theirs was the house that everyone congregated at. But lately visits were growing sparse. People stopped coming over. The mom was having much difficulty setting up play dates for the kids. As the silence grew deeper their collective obsession took on a life of its own. The stuffed dog had literally sprung back to life in the eyes of this poor distraught family. The family members took turns running home between work and school obligations to “let the dog out.” Some days they would tie him on a chain. It was much like those women who believe they are pregnant and actually exhibit all the symptoms. Pretty soon, “For Sale” signs started popping up around them. People just had enough. This is one of those obsessions that once you’re in - you’re all in. How do you get out? After you have made that decision to stuff your cherished family member, what do you do when things start getting too weird? You can’t just chuck them out into the trash, you have to continue the charade, there is no choice here. Sometimes these things just take care of themselves in an odd sort of kismet. One day the family came home to an empty yard, the gate purposely left open, and the loose chain lying on the ground. Pasty had been snatched. Naturally, there was a call to arms, a new mission, the family pet must be found, at all costs. A scorched earth policy was employed. They took out newspaper ads, went on TV and radio, and offered rewards; all resources were deployed with no expense spared. Their tireless efforts were fruitless. They never did find the stuffed dog on wheels. Life eventually resumed a more normal tenor after the requisite grieving process. When the fog lifted, they came to recognize the error of their ways. On a spring weekend several months later while perusing the local flea markets, the family stumbled upon their beloved pet, guarding the entranceway to one of the shops. Fearing another misstep into the abyss, it didn’t take long for the group to reach a consensus. “I think we should leave Pasty here, at least he has a purpose.” “Yeah, he is guarding this place, he loves guarding stuff.” Upon reaching that quorum, they swiftly exited the place, never to return. In loving memory of: Rudy Wheaton (7/7/98-6/13/13) ~Piney Larson~and all of our best friends that have crossed the Rainbow Bridge and left us here.

Valley Voice

October 2013

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Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide

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Hit the Quick Search button that age ranges and distance from your zip code. This will give you dumping ground of “who and what is where from you”. Simple yet affective… to a degree. But what if you are not a smoker, single parent and don’t like dogs, or don’t want to date anyone who is into guns? I’ve tried the mutual match pile and that got me over 2,000 to choose from. Well then head over to the Custom Search page for all the fun this next chapter has for you.

distance dating is tough. Very few can really make it work passed more than several dates. I used to be a long distance type. 6 hours away from each other. We made it last for 8 months. Twice a month I’d drive there and twice a month she’d drive to me. We were young, idealistic and hopeless. The perfect combination. It does work out for some, but not everyone likes broccoli. Not everyone gets good gas mileage. So when even considering making eye contact online, think twice and then go for it. Ya never know.

The Detailed Search:

Deepening the Details of a Custom Search

In the early columns of my sage-like advice to you, I encouraged you to have preferences and keep close to them. Here’s where we use that premise to its highest degree. A custom search page on an online dating site can ruin your day or make you really consider whether or not you care if your date has an average body or you only want athletic types. Let’s start with the fact that NO ONE can tell that you are running these searches. So you can do as many of them as you want. And changing even one bit of information can bring you vastly different results each time. The Biggest Game Changers in a Search are: • Race, Ethnicity – Not everyone can or wants to date outside their own family heritage; some because of individual preferences, others because of cultural mandates. However love knows no bounds. Neither do passion nor desire. Good luck to anyone who faces the torment of unrequited love separated by antiquated beliefs or barbed wire. • Height or Weight – Whatever floats yer boat baby doll. Some like ‘em thick, some like ‘em short. Some like ‘em skinny up top and rounder down below. Some like ‘em hairless on top and all bear down below. My encouragement is to do your searches with a variety of variables. Ya never know. • Age – Back to preferences yes. And NO. I’m going to use the Royal “WE” here… if WE are in a particular “mood” and want a particular play toy for the “now” part of our “mood,” then WE would prefer to do searches for younger more playful dates. And if WE are not in that “mood” then WE should stick to more realistic Age Ranges that are 5 years above and 5 years below our own age. But hey, no one is looking over your shoulder. Go see who’s out there and you never know who might want to meet up. Start a conversation, see where it takes you… respectfully. • Distance from you – REALISTICALLY – How far are you willing to drive just to meet someone new? How far are you willing to drive to have a booty call when you are in the mood? How far are you willing to drive when you just want to sit and watch a movie for the

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• Would you accept someone who is an occasional smoker? And for those of you who do not know this, that is code for someone who smokes marijuana. • Would you date someone who has kids full time? • Would you date someone who is Japanese, has red hair, 5’0”, average build, has birds, wants to get married, is only separated right now, is an accountant, has not disclosed if they have children but wants them, has not disclosed if they are a male or female, but they live close to you and have an income range of over $150k?!?

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The more detailed your searches get the more narrow your choices become. Your friends called you too picky before. Well here is your opportunity to have fun with just that idea. At the same time, you might run into the same 35 people. They all fit 80% of your searches but you are just not feeling the yummy factor with any of them. What to do?!? Start from scratch and change nearly all of your detailed search ranges. Try searching only a 10 year age range. Then try the next 10 yrs older. Try searching for only average build in body types. Then only one other, instead of many at a time. Some sites let you search using a common word. Pick 5 words that mean something special to you and see if there are others who have the same mind. In the end you will have a much better idea of exactly WHO is out there and IF you are attracted to them or not. Doesn’t work in your hometown? Try the 50 mile search or only redheads. Variety is the Spice of Life, so get back to the fun of trying something new. Just keep it human and be respectful.

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Find Mister Helpful’s Dating Guide on Facebook, hit the LIKE button and read the expanded versions of this column and others. Next month – Online Pics – How not to Embarrass Yourself and Generations to come.

No man can taste the fruits of autumn while he is delighting his scent with the flowers of spring. – Samuel Johnson


October 2013

Valley Voice

In Defense of Metal

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Metal. Heavy F---ing Metal. Thrash. Sludge. Stoner. Death. Doom. Black. Industrial. Viking (yes, there actually is “Viking Metal,” and it’s gloriously heavy, like a bloodied battleax.) METAL. Hail the heaviness. It’s the rote of an angry ocean against massive cliffs. It’s thunder against canyon walls. The bellow of the Grizzly. The sound of the Earth herself retching and opening up at the seams, letting loose in an avalanche or rock slide scream. It’s aggressive, technical music that grabs the cerebellum and headbangs it into action. In a word? Epic. For the uninitiated, Heavy Metal is a particular subset of music characterized by loud abrasive distortion, violent and fantastical lyrics, minor key tonality, and often sudden changes in tempo and beat which emerged out of the smoldering remains of 1960’s idealism. As Flower Power wilted and Vietnam showed us how destructive our political war machine can be, people increasingly turned away from the boogie and wiggle of 50’s Rock n’ Roll and the feel-good acoustic-based Folk music of the 1960’s. The disillusioned and cynical youths of the 1970’s turned towards a darker form of music that meshed the dissonance of Rock, the foundation of the Blues, and the amplification and distortion of Psychedelic music. Early Metal bands like Blue Cheer, Deep Purple, Rainbow and Black Sabbath shocked the “hip” world with music louder and darker than anything before it with sordid lyrics echoing the sentiment of the times. (Despite the color theme, the attire for Metalheads is pretty monochromatic.) The earliest known literary reference of the term “Heavy Metal” is William S. Burroughs’ 1962 book The Soft Machine, but the slang term “heavy” has been widely used for decades, denoting “profound” or “serious.” Of course Steppenwolf’s lyric “Heavy Metal Thunder” from “Born to be Wild” is a popularly cited source too. But Metal’s roots worm back to the Medieval Age – and not just in reference to torture devices, feudal myths, or cheesy-ass Viking attire that some bands don. The Tritone, or “Flatted Fifth”, is an interval in the musical scale encompassed by three consecutive steps, (the tonal difference between the notes F and B, for example) which creates a dissonant sound. In contrast to the perfect harmonies of Gregorian chants and medieval choir music, the Flatted Fifth sounded goddamn evil and was subsequently forbidden by the Church to

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be used in musical composition. Called “Diabolus in Musica”, (literally: “Devil in Music,”) using the Flatted Fifth in a musical score held some hefty punishment by the Church like skin flaying, or nasal tweezing, or paper cuts and lemon juice; but so did most “sinful” transgressions at the time. Naturally, Diabolus in Musica is at the foundation of Metal music. “Seasons in the Abyss”, “Smoke on the Water”, “War Pigs”, and “Locomotive Breath” are prime examples of the Flatted Fifth in action. Ol’ Scratch foresaw the logical conclusion of Blues and Rock – Robert Johnson’s swapped his soul at some humid Mississippi crossroads and generations afterward kept turning the volume up and playing faster. Metal’s ethos rebelled against the establishment that was sending young men to slaughter, but it also rejected the rebellion of its goddamn hippy predecessors (most of whom became Republicans in the 80’s) whose “Peace and Free Love” movement was a thin guise for unabashed hedonism. Early Metal, like the Devil, stripped away pretension from its values and rejected – and was rejected – by the mainstream. Forced to the fringes, both Metal and Satan ruminate on the world above and the screaming around it from a heavy lake of ice. The concept is so imbedded within Metal that there’s a Slayer album titled “Diabolus in Musica”. It don’t get much heavier than Slayer, y’all. I was personally introduced to Heavy Metal at about 10 years old. A friend gave me a cassette of Megadeth and Metallica (2 of the “Big 4” of Thrash Metal). Mighty riffs dug into the nodes of my brain, and altered my mental landscape. It never occurred to me before that point that music (which, at that age, consisted of Elvis and the various Blues albums my father played) could be both intricate, powerful, and so visceral. Playing Metal feels as if I’m privy to an epic lighting storm of sound. It’s that same primitive feeling that I can only imagine the first man felt looking at the first sunrise – a sense of awe, with and a healthy dose of anger and terror. Since then, I’ve delved deeper into the wormy labyrinth of Heaviness and sound. Jumped “Into the Void”, as it were. That all noted, a caveat: I appreciate a vast swath of music. Blues, Americana, early Country, Classical, hell I even dig on some Flamenco…but I don’t “listen to a little bit of everything”. (That’s a knee-jerk response for people who don’t want to be judged for their musical preferences.) I have definite likes and dislikes, but my appreciation has matured over the years the way good bourbon becomes subtle with age. I also write that to avoid being pigeonholed. The Metalhead stereotype is not flattering. Long-haired, Satan worshipping headbangers who are not in the upper echelons of society or intelligence. Maybe an inkling of truth exists there, but it’s greatly exaggerated. I don’t have long hair, don’t believe in Satan, and am moderately articulate and intelligent. But I do bang my head, and I write it proudly: I am a Metalhead. A Hesher. A Headbanger. We exist out there, thrashing and compelled by some reptilian force within us to turn the volume up and find absolution deep within the amplifiers.

Next month: Metalhead 101…

Valley Voice

October 2013


Vol. 1, No. 4 October 2013 The Hayden Surveyor is a joint project by the Hayden Revitalization Project and Hayden Chamber of Commerce. The Surveyor’s goal is to improve communityawareness and communications about special events, business, local government, history, feature stories and more.

Does Hayden need 24-hour police coverage?

For news tips, contact the editor at

By Brodie Farquhar

HAYDEN – Hayden is widely recognized as a great, small town, but it shouldn’t be confused with Mayberry, RFD, of television fame. Hayden doesn’t have a Sheriff Andy or a Deputy Barney (he of one-bullet fame), but it does have break-ins, thefts, domestic violence and violent felonies like the occasional rape or murder. And some residents would like 24-hour coverage, which doesn’t now exist and, historically, never has. Those issues and more came up at the September 5 meeting of the Hayden Town Council. The council was slated to discuss and approve a resolution allowing the Routt County Sheriff Department to provide short-term law enforcement services while the town is looking for a new police chief. Before the council reached that part of the agenda, council members heard from two citizens about police coverage, or the lack of it. Jessica Horn complained of the lack of patrols late at night – between midnight and 7 a.m. That’s the time frame where she’s had her vehicles broken into – twice. Horn went to high school in Hayden, then lived in the Denver area for six years – where she was never a crime victim. Yet when she returned to live in Hayden, she gets her vehicles broken into. “We really need 24-hour coverage,” Horn said, referring to the overnight lack of coverage as a free-for-all. Cindy Wright agreed with the need for more coverage, based on a recent accident that involved her son. “He fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a tree at 2 a.m.,” she said. “Fortunately, he wasn’t hurt, but there was no law enforcement available to deal with it,” she added. Told to go home by county dispatch, the Wrights were called back to the scene when sheriff and state patrol officers turned up. Wright echoed Horn in describing the lack of 24-hour coverage as potentially disastrous. Mayor Jim Haskins and the rest of the council were somewhat sympathetic, but doubtful that 24-hour coverage could be justified, given the low number of incidents. Haskins said he’s talked to other small town police chiefs who regard Hayden as “flush” with a slot for a chief,

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“We will be talking about the police budget during budget discussions,” promised Festus Hagins. Dallas Robinson related a story to illustrate the longstanding debate about police in Hayden. His company was asked to dispose of an old school district safe that hadn’t been opened in decades. Robinson said his dad worked for weeks to crack the safe and when it was finally opened, found only two newspapers – one from the 1930s and the other from the 40s. “One paper had a story about the need for more police,” said Robinson, “and the other about how there were too many police.” Connecting community through Coffee, Crepes & Conversation

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In a later interview, Haskins said that before that council meeting, he’d never heard of any citizen asking for more police. He figures that if the new police chief is more than Espresso, Specialty Coffee & Teas, Chai, Fresh Baked Muffins, Quiches & Crepes 198 East Lincoln Ave, Hayden, 970-276-4250 up tostaffing, single size and add: a desk-bound administrator, thenBump with current Hayden is darn close to 24-hour coverage if it can tap into some of the law officers who liveAdd here,line to beat onbottom: call. The mayor said he’d like to see good officers paid enough 198 East Lincoln Ave, Hayden, 970-276-4250 Serving the Community since 1940. that they don’t leave. He also emphasized that he thought the current staff are the best the town has had for many years. 2010 Crime (Actual Data)* Incidents Aggravated Assault 4 Arson 1 Burglary 7 Forcible Rape 2 Larceny and Theft 30 Motor Vehicle Theft 0 Murder and Manslaughter 0 Robbery 1 Crime Rate (Total Incidents) 43 Property Crime 37 Violent Crime 7

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October 2013

Valley Voice Vol. 1, No. 4

For news tips, contact the editor at

Hayden school district has four candidates By Brodie Farquhar

Four candidates for Hayden School Board have lined up for three at-large seats. The current board had previously voted to change from a ward system to an at-large approach to encourage more and different people to run for office. The four include two incumbents and two candidates with a wealth of experience on other boards, but not on the Hayden School District board. Timothy A. Frentress, Sr. Incumbent Tim Frentress, 59, is a 1972 graduate of Hayden High School and Hayden native. He’s seen his three sons graduate from Hayden schools. “Now I have grandkids in school and I want the best possible education for them,” he said.

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A control room specialist for the Hayden power plant, Frentress is also a farrier and raises some cattle. He has served for a dozen years on the town council and eight years on the Hayden Planning Commission.

As a board member, Fralick wants to help the district attract and retain quality teachers so district test results and academic performance can improve. She acknowledged that Hayden has a fantastic vocational education program and tradition, and wants the same attention for academics. The next school board will be hiring a new superintendent, she said, which means there’s the opportunity to hire an administrative leader and someone skilled at marketing or selling the district. A major goal should be to increase enrollment, she said, wooing back the families that live in Hayden and take their kids to Steamboat schools. Hayden’s sense of community needs to be both supported and promoted, she added. Sharon Johnson A resident of Hayden since 2007, Sharon Johnson wants to represent the district’s citizens in setting policy and goals for the Hayden School District. She has two children in Hayden High School, who’ve attended Hayden schools since fourth and fifth grade respectively.

The district faces a number of challenges, said Frentress, such as declining enrollment, aging buildings and revenues – the challenging environment for coal mining could have real impact on school funding, he added. He said he’s pleased that the district has been able to improve state test scores, and would like to see additional gains and consistency in the classrooms. Frentress is also worried that the Steamboat school district might pull out of the regional Board of Cooperative Educational Services (BOCES), leaving the smaller districts with much higher costs.

Johnson, 56, is financial manager for the Town of Hayden.

Medora Fralick As the daughter of educators and sister to two teachers, Fralick, 49, has had a lifetime interest in education. She earned a bachelor’s degree in accounting at Colorado State University. Her two children graduated from Hayden High School and are now college students. Fralick is a commercial property manager in Steamboat and moved to Hayden 15 years ago so her kids could grow up in a terrific community, she said.

Brian Hoza Incumbent Brian Hoza lives and breathes the benefits of education. Assistant dean of student affairs for 23 years at the Steamboat Springs campus of Colorado Mountain College, Hoza, 53, has served on the Hayden school board for 12 years and is currently president of the board.

Fralick said her two passions are youth and agriculture, which she’s demonstrated by serving on boards for the Yampa Valley Land Trust, First Impressions, Routt County United Way, Routt County Fair Board, the Community Agriculture Alliance and Routt County Youth & Heritage Fair Board. “I’m running for school board because education is the foundation of every community,” she said, calling for the community to help students continually improve and do better. 40100 RCR 80 PO Box 2 (Mailing) Hayden, CO 81639 For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

“These schools have a lot to offer,” she said, citing the district’s great vocational-education programs and improvements in testing. She’d like to share community ideas and concerns regarding curriculum, number of days in school, teaching and studying methods and more. Working with other board members, Johnson would like to see more offerings in the arts. “We’re on the right track,” she said.

Three of his children are Hayden High graduates and two attend Hayden schools now. Of the graduates, two are teachers and one is a junior at Cornell University. Hoza has a bachelor’s degree from the University of Colorado and a graduate degree from Western Illinois University. Why is Hoza running? “I’d like to see us continue to move forward,” he said, citing progress on funding and the Babson/Carpenter program. “We’re on stronger ground now,” he said. One important task for the next board will be hiring a new superintendent. Hoza said he’ll be looking for someone who provides strong leadership and will be full time.

Valley Voice

October 2013


Vol. 1, No. 4

More business activity at downtown Midway Building By Brodie Farquhar HAYDEN – The Midway Building in downtown Hayden has seen a fair bit of activity this past year, with more on tap.

If you’d like a preview of what’s coming to Hayden, check out this Paola, Kansas restaurant at http://webesmokin. com/. That restaurant serves breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Relief, with biofeedback technician Kimberly Gardner. No word yet when she’ll open, but an extensive renovation is underway inside.

Last November, Lisa Ricks-Deines bought the building, and renovated the upstairs rooms to establish an eightroom boarding house. Downstairs are Wolf Mountain Restaurant, Professional Massage & Bodywork and Spike Reedy Insurance. This summer, chiropractor Colton Roesener moved his accent on health practice from down the block to the office space next door to Wolf Mountain.

Terminal Kiosks Over at Yampa Valley Regional Airport, just southeast of Hayden, the airport is accepting bids for a couple of pilot programs using kiosks in the airport terminal.

Fitness Biz Ryan Lee is the fitness guru for H-Town Underground, a fitness program he runs mornings and evenings at the Hayden High School weight room. Lee custom designs fitness training for individuals off all ages and fitness levels. Classes are 6-to-7 p.m. Monday through Friday, and 6-to-7 a.m. Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

More is on the way. “I’m going to open a video store and an artisan market,” said Ricks-Deines. She asked around town about un-met retail needs, and was told that a video store would fit nicely. She acknowledged that Hayden residents can and do download movies from the Internet, but said the endresult was poor- quality viewing. She investigated opening a Red Box outlet for video rentals, but learned that agreements with movie studios mean a long wait for movies to become available. Ricks-Deines realized that as an independent, she could bring popular video movies to Hayden, quicker than some of the bigger companies. “I also wanted to establish a market where artists and artisans in the Yampa Valley could exhibit and sell their work,” said Ricks-Deines. “There are a lot of talented people in the area.” She said that the two businesses should be up and running by mid-October. New BBQ We Be Smokin’, an eastern Kansas barbecue restaurant, advertised in September for a manager for a proposed Hayden barbecue. Owner Bob Zibell, contacted by phone, said the proposed restaurant (across the street from the Hayden Post Office), could open in October or November.

According to Dean Smith, assistant airport manager, one kiosk would specialize in ski sales and rentals. Arriving passengers could order ski equipment at the kiosk, and have it delivered to wherever they’re staying in Steamboat Springs. “We’d been kicking this idea around for a while and decided to try it,” said Smith, noting that five ski sales/rental concerns were interested enough to show up at a required This is a single ad for Hayden Pilates meeting. add: The second pilot program would specialize FEDEX/ Hayden ClassesinTues. & Thurs. UPS/USPS shipping at a terminal kiosks. Airline passengers could ship and/or receive luggage ski equipment, 4:30 & 5:30or p.m. thereby saving on airline charges. With a little planning available ahead, said Smith, passengersPrivate could appointments save money and avoid the hassles of traveling with ski equipment or more than carry-on luggage. New owner for lot The empty lot on the northwest corner of Walnut and Jefferson has been purchased by Rob Orr, for $65,000. The lot is the former site for the old Broken Drum restaurant. “I am looking at all viable commercial options. I’m heartened by the energy and commitment of the Hayden EDC and Revitalization Committee and will be observing their implementation efforts in the historic downtown area,” said Orr. Location change

HAYDEN PILATES Eva Gibbon LLC Certified Pilates Instructor 102 S. 4th St. Hayden CO 81639-0712

970-276-3620 Hayden Classes Tues. & Thurs. 4:30 & 5:30 p.m. Private appointments available

Midway Boardin’ House Rooms for the day-week-month

Downtown Hayden 970-276-9368 127 W. Jefferson Ave. Coming Soon

Dr. Colton Roesener has moved his accent on Health Family Chiropractic from Jefferson to Walnut Street, next door to the Wolf Mountain Pizza Restaurant. His old location, 153 W. Jefferson, is the new location for Quantum Stress

Thistle Dew Salon The Health of Beauty In Harmony with Nature Sustainable Eco-friendly Products

140 S 6th St, Hayden, CO 81639 Phone:(970) 276-8060 Louis Nijsten and L. Karen Fox, brokers

. Dr. Hauschka . Pravana . Sparitual Compassionate Professional Service Judy Guerin, downtown Hayden


Now Open For Breakfast Mon.—Sat. a.m. a.m. to 10:30,to119:00 a.m. top.m. 9 p.m. Mon. - Sat.6:306:30 Daily Specials Jefferson & Walnut, downtown Hayden

(970) 276-1337


October 2013

Valley Voice Vol. 1, No. 4

Hayden could have a downtown art Mecca

For news tips, contact the editor at

By Brodie Farquhar HAYDEN – Last year, a dozen graduate students from the University of Colorado – Denver, came to Hayden for a site visit at the Granary, owned by Tammie and Patrick Delaney. They were led by Kat Vlahos, director of the Center of Preservation Research, and their task was to come up with innovative ideas about what could be done with the old Hayden Granary and other parts of town. One graduate student – Julia Ausloos – felt her attention drawn away from the Granary to downtown Hayden’s Walnut Street. “I felt that the fate of Walnut Street was as, or even more important, than the Granary to the future of Hayden,” said Ausloos. What she saw then is essentially what’s there now – a one-block street lined with a few active businesses and offices, but mostly vacant buildings from a century ago, deteriorating under the weight of time and the elements. “I saw a lot of potential,” said Ausloos. So while her fellow students were working up a wide array of ideas about what could be done with the Granary, which lies a block north of the main drag, Ausloos started looking at other small towns and successful economic development projects. With the help of Colorado Creative Industries (a division of the Colorado Office of Economic Development & International Trade), Ausloos zeroed in on three communities or neighborhoods: • Salida, • the Art District on Santa Fe, in Denver, • Ridgeway.

Hayden Speedway is coming back! For more information, see

See additional articles at • • • • •

Get crafty at Hayden Library Hayden Briefs Hayden museum marks new visitor record Solandt Hospital Resoration Speedway to be revived by locals

For more information and additional images see

Downtown Salida has an historic downtown nestled on the Arkansas River. In the 1980s, many artists relocated to Salida and transformed a downtown in disrepair into a vibrant hub of creative activity, commerce and community. Today, there are 100 creative enterprises in the district, including 21 artist-owned studios and galleries, 13 restaurants and 13 performance venues. Downtown hosts architects, interior designers, carpenters, graphic designers, and filmmakers, as well as offices and retail shops. Yet in the 70’s, downtown Salida was looking at hard times, with rail and mining jobs on the wane. As one observer put it, Salida was “mired in the 1950s.” The Art District on Santa Fe (ADSF), Denver’s nationally known art and cultural district, features over 70 member art galleries, studios, restaurants, theatre and other creative organizations. Before the district, Santa Fe Drive was sliding toward poverty and urban ghettohood. In the San Juan Mountains of southern Colorado, more than 10 percent of Ridgeway’s 900 citizens are working artists. It is home to a thriving arts community, encompassing visual, design, performing, textile, culinary, brewing and publishing arts. The district includes a community garden, library, historic theater and arts educational center. There are retail stores selling local and regional art, furniture and clothing, as well as creative industries such as a candle factory, brewery, forgery, woodworking, the Grammy Awards maker, jewelers and a luthier. Ausloos incorporated the lessons she learned from creative districts, and tried to imagine how they could be applied in downtown Hayden. And there are a number of encouraging facts about Hayden, including: • Hayden has many talented artists and artisans in the area. • Hayden figures prominently in the best-selling books “Nothing Daunted” which could pre-sage the interest of Hollywood screenwriters and producers. • Famed western artist, Frank Tenney Johnson, studied the cowboy life in and around Hayden a century ago. • Fans of the quarter-horse breed appreciate the fact that

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

two of the breed’s founding sires came from Haydenarea ranches. “The buildings on Walnut Street could be rehabilitated at reasonable cost,” said Ausloos, “and are not so far gone in deterioration as to require demolition or excessive expense. There’s also the lure of lower rent or property costs in Hayden, compared to Steamboat Springs.” The plan developed by Ausloos, now a research assistant to Vlahos and with master degrees in architecture and historical preservation, centers on attracting artists to both vacant and new buildings along Walnut Street. Her Main Street Revitalization Plan involves several steps: 1. Restore the facades of the historic buildings to their original character. 2. Build small studio sheds behind the buildings on the east side of Walnut Street – new structures for individual artists, organized to create a welcoming environment and inspiring collaborative work and gathering by artists, community members and tourists. 3. An art gallery would anchor the creative district and provide a space for exhibits and sale of art. A gateway and sculpture walkway would lead to the gallery. 4. The large vacant space on Walnut Street is where the historic Central Hotel once existed. This now vacant gravel lot, centrally located within the Walnut Street historic district, could be the perfect space for a community park; a space where annual festivals can occur. 5. The Walnut Street streetscape could be designed to be more walkable and pedestrian friendly. “Having a plan like Julia’s can be huge when it comes to finding grants for economic development,” said Delaney. Kat Vlahos, director of the Center, said the greater value is increasing the community awareness that Hayden is rich in history. A holistic look at Hayden, Walnut Street and more, shows that everything is connected, Vlahos added.

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Map under construction Valley Voice, LLC 730 Lincoln Ave Steamboat Springs, CO 80487

Fish Creek Falls Rd.

Burgess Creek

Rollingstone Golf Club

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Spring Creek

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Highlights for the October First Friday Artwalk

Mt. Werner

Rabbit Ears Pass

Unaffiliated Art Exhibit Dumont Lake The Yampa Valley Medical Center Opening Receptions October 1st from 4-6 Bent Doves Flying by Kim Keith and the help of hundreds of community volunteers. Presenting an art installation of 7,000 origami doves hanging from the sky to represent the 7,000 victims of physical, verbal and sexual abuse Advocates has helped over the last 30 years. “They Fly” is an elevated art installation of 7,000 purple origami doves spanning 20-feet in length and 10-feet vertically from the ceiling. This collaboration between local artist Kim Keith and Advocates Building Peaceful Communities serves to celebrate Advocates' 30 years of continuous service to Routt County communities. The 7,000 doves represent the number of people Advocates has helped over the past 3 decades and symbolize peace and hope for all victims healing from violence. Yampa Valley Medical Center continues to play an integral role in the healing of sexual and domestic violence. Medical staff are often first responders to the violence these victims are experiencing and are very significant to rebuilding survivors’ lives.




Village Drive

Knowls Mt. Werner Circle

Art Depot, The Eleanor Bliss Center for the Arts, 1001 13th Street, 970-879-9008 x 104 No First Friday. Will return in November!

Eagle Ridge Dr.

CIRCLE 7 FINE ART, FORMERLY KNOWN AS ARTISTS’ GALLERY OF STEAMBOAT, 1009 S Lincoln Ave, 970.879.4744 Join this local artists’ collective, as they always put on a great show with a welcoming spread of drinks and apps.

Tennis Bubble

Meadows Parking

Casey’s Pond

Walton Creek

Central Park Drive

Mt. Werner Road

Whistler Road

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HARWIGS, 911 Lincoln Avenue, 970.879.1919 Glenna Olmsted’s studio is mainly the great outdoors of Colorado, but her travels around the world have also influenced her subject matter in her paintings. She’s RCR 22 lived and worked as a realtor in Steamboat since 1977 and incorporates and Res. Stagecoach embellishes the brilliant colors of our valley/her home of over 35 years. The show at L’apogee will include new fun pieces and landscapes of all seasons.

Yampa River

Fetcher Park RCR 14f RCR 14



Copper Ridge Animal Shelter

Downhill Drive


Shield Drive

URBANE, 703 Lincoln Ave Unit B101, 970.879.9169 URBANE presents Local Artist & Carpenter Brian Leach. A collaboration of wood burned pieces and Illustrations will be on display for the month of October. Join us from 5-8pm.

Bob Adams Airport Yampa River

RCR 33

Wild Horse Gallery, 802 Lincoln Ave, 970.879.5515 Wild Horse Gallery will feature the nocturne painting of Ray Knaub. For more info call 970-8192850 or

Steamboat Golf Club






STEAMBOAT ART MUSEUM, 810 Lincoln Ave, 870.1755 The Cowgirls are in Town! The Steamboat Art Museum is proud to present the artwork of Texas Artist Donna Howell-Sickles. Donna has captured the ageless grace and timeless stories of the western cowgirl heroine. With bold lines and vibrant colors the cowgirl spirit lives on through her artwork. Donna’s work will be on display at the Helen Rehder Gallery in the Steamboat Art Museum from June 7th – October 12th. For information call 970-870-1755 or

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS CENTER FOR VISUAL ARTS, 837 Lincoln Avenue, 970.846.5970 STEVE BOLANDER: "Solace and Splendor of Wild Places". On view through October 6 Stunning Colorado landscapes in oil. New work from 30 local artist members in all mediums: paintings, sculpture, photography and more. Complimentary wine and snacks.

Shield Drive


MANGELSEN – IMAGES OF NATURE GALLERY, RCR 14 730 Lincoln Ave, 871-1822 Legendary nature photographer Thomas D. Mangelsen was named Conservation Photographer of the Year and is one of the most awarded photographers of our time. His work is currently featured at the Smithsonian National Museum of Natural History and in Nature's Best Magazine.

9TH STREET TATTOO SHOP, 111 9th Street, 970.367.3136 9th Street Tattoo Studio & Art Gallery is extending the show of Denver based artist Jon McHugh through the month of October. He will be bringing additional works of art and furniture for your viewing pleasure. We would love all our friends and family to stop by for another fun First Friday Artwalk.

Steamboat Cemetery

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Colorado Group Realty, 509 Lincoln Ave, 970.875.2917 Michael Boivin works with film and digital, and employs both traditional and alternative methods; including inkjet, silver gelatin, cyanotypes, and image transfers Catamount After graduating from Colorado Mountain College for fine arts, he continued his education at the New Hampshire Institute of Art for photography. Boivin’s pieces wil feature his cycling series to celebrate Bike Week. Michael was first introduced to “townie” bikes while living in Crested Butte, Colorado in the early nineties. He enjoys documenting townie bikes through photography in their natural landscapes. This Haymaker Golf the townie bikes of the leisurely paced town of Portsmouth, New series showcases Hampshire.






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Maps Disclaimer

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Valley Voice

October 2013


The Chief Theater Presents

Join us for a party that celebrates all things Lebowski!

Live Music by Easy Pieces... (playing songs off the soundtrack Dude....)

Caucasian specials “Hey, careful, man, there's a beverage here!”

Tickets $20 includes a White Russian (limited # of tickets available) 7pm-???

Prizes...Trivia.... and much much more!!! “Mind if I do a J?”

Wii Bowling Tournament.... “OVER THE LINE!!!!” “Obviously you’re not a golfer.”

Costume Party/Contest “Nobody calls me Lebowski.” “You got the wrong guy. I’m the Dude, man.”

Snow Bowl

October 25th Now Autumn’s fire burns slowly along the woods and day by day the dead leaves fall and melt. – William Allingham


October 2013

Valley Voice

Calendar of Events

Wednesday Sept. 25 Health Perspectives discussion 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library . Discussion exploring hypnosis with certified hypnotherapist Michelle Hale. FREE. For more info: www. Bluegrass Wednesday 9 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Local Bluegrass music. FREE Thursday Sept. 26 Weekly Writing group Noon @ The Art Depot Steamboat Writers Group weekly meeting. Visitors are encouraged to sit in or read a work FREE. For more info: http:// Sunset Happy Hour 5 PM @ Gondola Square Happy hour w/ live music at Thunderhead Base on Mt. Werner. Band: Acutonic. Cost: $12. For more info: 970-871-5150 Friday Sept. 27 Steamboat Community Blood Drive 12:30 PM @ Yampa Valley Medical Center Walk-ins welcome from 3:00 – 5:30 PM as space permits. To schedule an appointment: Call Bonfils Appointment Center at 1-800-365-0006, option 2 Or Sign up online at www. Site code: 0234 12th Annual Bust of Steamboat 5 PM @ Three Peaks Grill Live Auction and Reception. Hors d’oeuvres and a fun evening for a good cause. Sponsored by the Yampa Valley Breast Cancer Awareness Project. Tickets: $30 @ All That Jazz, Off The Beaten Path, Pet Kare Clinic,Three Peaks Grill For more info: 970-846-4554 White Water Ramble 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill High octane Rocky Mountain Dancein’ Bluegrass FREE The Old Town Pickers 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Local Bluegrass Saturday Sept. 28 Children’s Book Feast 9 AM @ Bud Werner Library and Art Depot Feast features renowned kid’s book authors, illustrators,

To submit your events or calendar information e-mail Events may be edited for length or content. Calendar entries must be received by the 18th of each month. storytellers, and musicians. Guests will give dynamic presentations and lead workshops for kids in elementary and middle school. For more info: http://www. Pool, golf, and bowling tournament. 9 AM @ Snow Bowl Benefitting knights of Columbus disability fund (Special Olympics bowling). Cost: $300 for a team of 4. Includes all fees, dinner and entry into raffle event. For more info: 970-879-9840 Old Town Pickers 9 PM @ Hahn’s Peak Roadhouse Local Bluegrass/ Newgrass Free shuttles from Steamboat with reservations for 10 or more. For more info: http:// FREE DJ Mos Funk 9:30 PM @ The Ghost Ranch Hip Hop, reggae, electro, mashups. $5 Sunday Sept. 29 Community Yoga Practice 10 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library One-hour session follows the “Power to the Peaceful Yoga” DVD. Bring your own mat and work at your own pace. FREE. For more info: Trevor G. Potter 4 PM @ Mahogany Ridge Brewery. Local Americana music FREE Benefit for baby Ollie Ruby 4 PM @ The Chief Theater An evening of fun, food, entertainment and silent auction to benefit Ollie Ruby. Born 5 weeks premature and passenger on TWO Flight for Life helicopter rides to Denver, loved ones are rallying to help this new family out with the out of pocket costs for Ollie’s extensive medical care. The Yampa Valley Boys, Jasmir Bellydance Troupe, The Bennett School of Irish Dance, and the Steamboat Springs African Drum and Dance Ensemble will perform. For donations please contact: Meg Widmer at or 970875-1164

Dollar night Bowling 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Monday Sept. 30 Jerome Robbins’ NYC Export: Jazz Opus, The Film 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library, Bud Werner Memorial Library, Perry-Mansfield and Steamboat Dance Theatre present Robbins’ “ballet in sneakers” re-imagined on film. Part of the Dance on Film series. Includes an introduction by Perry-Mansfield Executive Director Joan Lazarus. FREE. For more info: www. Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer Tuesday October 1 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby”. FREE. For more info: Steamboat Stomp 8:45 PM @ The Art Depot Community dance event. DJ plays classic and current country music. Swing, line dancing and more. For more info: www. Rock, Paper, Scissors 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Play the Bartender. Win Free Drinks. Dollar night Bowling 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday October 2 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Garden-to-Table Dinner 5:30 PM @ Yampatika’s Environmental Learning Center at Legacy Ranch. Dinner benefitting Yampatika’s Environmental Literacy Program . Presented by Yampatika and Colorado Mountain College. Limited to 50 people. $75 per person. Registration required. Call: 970.871.9151. Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Ragweed. FREE Thursday October 3 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Friday October 4 Happy B-day, Daddio. Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Pirate Theatre Monthly Daily Show 8 PM @ The Chief Theater Local Sketch Comedy show. Theme: “Political Forum” with candidates for the contested City Council District 1 seat. Tickets: $5 for general admission, $10 for VIP @ All That Jazz. For more info: Missed the Boat 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill Local “Party Grass” FREE Sneaky Pete and the Secret Weapons 9:30 PM @ The Ghost Ranch Five piece original high-altitude groove-funk from Jackson Hole, WY. Tickets: $5. For more info: Saturday October 5 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. 21st Literary Sojourn. 11 AM @ Sheraton Steamboat Resort. Steamboat’s 21st annual festival of authors. Currently SOLD OUT, but tickets may become available on the online ticket exchange: An Evening on Broadway 6:45 PM @ The Chief Theater The Chief Theater hosts an evening the greatest hits from Broadway featuring Franc D’Ambrosio and celebrated pianist Michael Tilley. Performance includes tunes from Andrew Lloyd Webber’s “Phantom of the Opera”. After the show, join the artists for wine, appetizers and desserts. Tickets for the performance, reception, and early seating: $65 Tickets for the performance only: $40. For more info: http:// Sunday October 6 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk

In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Dollar night Bowling 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Monday October 7 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Nrityagram: For the Love of Dance 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library. Film about India’s rare and beautiful Odissi dance form and the village that is devoted to preserving it. Part of the Dance on Film series, includes an introduction by Perry-Mansfield Executive Director Joan Lazarus. FREE. For more info: Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer Tuesday October 8 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Steamboat Stomp 8:45 PM @ The Art Depot Community dance event. DJ plays classic and current country music. Swing, line dancing and more. For more info: www. Rock, Paper, Scissors 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Play the Bartender. Win Free Drinks. Dollar night Bowling 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday October 9 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www. Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Rural Wreckage FREE

Thursday October 10 Twenty Days of Roaring 20’s Trivia Contest 9 AM @ Library Front Desk In honor of the 2013 One Book Steamboat community reading of “The Great Gatsby” FREE. For more info: www.

Economic Summit 2013 8 AM @ The Steamboat Grand (2300 Mt Werner Circle) Theme: “Mission Possible: Creating an Entrepreneurial Culture” The Steamboat Springs Chamber Resort Association’s Economic Summit major economic development program in the Yampa Valley which brings together economic development experts from across Colorado to interact with Steamboat business owners, professional and community leaders. For more info: www.

The Great Gatsby 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Baz Luhrmann’s 2013 film rendition starring Leonardo DiCaprio, Tobey Maguire and Carey Mulligan, plus the last remnants of the “lost” 1926 silent film adaptation that was the first filmed version of the novel. FREE. For more info: www. Friday October 11 John Denver Tribute Concert 6:30 PM @ The Chief Theater Featuring Cowboy Brad Fitch. Celebrating the music of John Denver, who died Oct. 12, 1997. Tickets $15. For more info: Fox Street All Stars 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill Traditional Rock ‘n Roll FREE

Birch Street 9:30 @ The Ghost Ranch Rock and Roll with some Country Soul. Tickets: $5. For more info: www.ghostranchsteamboat. com Saturday October 12 John Denver Tribute Concert 6:30 PM @ The Chief Theater Featuring Cowboy Brad Fitch. Celebrating the music of John Denver, who died Oct. 12, 1997. Tickets $15. For more info: Sunday October 13 Dollar night Bowling 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Monday October 14 Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer

Valley Voice

October 2013


Calendar of Events Tuesday October 15 African Fusion master Dance Class 6 PM @ Steinberg Pavilion at Perry-Mansfield The Steamboat African Dance & Drum Ensemble and PerryMansfield present an evening with Rujeko Dumbutshena, inspired by her dance experience in FELA! the musical. $15 at the door. For more info: Jennie at 846-9695 OR www.

r4-H Scholarship Fundraiser 6 PM @ Carl’s Tavern 2nd Annual fundraiser for the 4-H Club. Includes live auction FREE

tSuper Happy Fun Time Burlesque y7 PM @ The Ghost Ranch 3 hour burlesque show. Live Music! Antics! Beautiful Ladies! Cleveland’s vaudeville troubadours PINCH AND SQUEAL will open for the undeniably wacky Super Happy Funtime Burlesque, a Michigan based troupe that defies explanation. Tickets: $10. For more info:

eSteamboat Stomp 8:45 PM @ The Art Depot Community dance event. DJ plays classic and current country music. Swing, line dancing and more. For more info: www. Rock, Paper, Scissors 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Play the Bartender. Win Free Drinks. Dollar night Bowling 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Wednesday October 16

Young Professionals Network Workshop Noon @ The Boathouse Pub Personal finance workshop. Financial Panel of experts .answer question. Limited space. RSVP: rsvp@steamboatchamber. com Winter Dreams 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library One Book Steamboat screening. Award-winning documentary about “The Great Gatsby” author F. Scott Fitzgerald and the Jazz Age. FREE. For more info: events

question. Limited space. RSVP: The Graduates/Los Graduados 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library An eye-opening documentary by Bernardo Ruiz about the challenges facing Latino students from across the U.S. FREE. For more info: Friday October 18 Kip Attaway 6:30 PM @ The Chief Theater Texas-born musician with an act of comedy, music and mayhem. Tickets: $10. For more info: Shun Li and the Poet 7 PM @ The Art Depot Bud Werner Memorial Library and the Steamboat Springs Arts Council present film in Italian and Mandarin with English subtitles. Screening includes award-winning short and fresh popcorn. FREE. For more info: events

Copies of the book are available at the library. FREE. For more info: events Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer Tuesday October 22 A Place at the Table 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library, Health Perspectives film and discussion and documentary about America’s food crisis. Prior to the film, LiveWell Northwest Colorado Community Coordinator Barb Parnell will present a brief overview of this year’s Routt County Community Food Assessment. FREE. For more info: events Steamboat Stomp 8:45 PM @ The Art Depot Community dance event. DJ plays classic and current country music. Swing, line dancing and more. For more info: www.

Trout Steak Revival 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill Rocky Mountain Bluegrass FREE

Rock, Paper, Scissors 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Play the Bartender. Win Free Drinks.

A Trio of Bastards 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Gritty songwriting combined with Pop Rock

Dollar night Bowling 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1!

Saturday October 19 Fall Color Fun Run 4 PM @ Howelsen Hill Rodeo Grounds. 1st Annual Color Fun Run.1 or 3 mile walk/ run to celebrate family, health & happiness in Steamboat. Registration costs: $30 for adults, $20 for children. For registration and more info: www. Color Run After-Party 8 PM @ Carl’s Tavern The after party for Steamboat’s 1st Annual Color Run event. FREE Sunday October 20 Yoga Practice 10 AM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Session follows Dharma Mittra “Maha Sadana Level II” DVD. Bring your own mat and practice at your own pace. FREE. For more info:

Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Ragweed. FREE

Dollar night Bowling 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1!

Thursday October 17

Monday October 21

Young Professionals Network Workshop Noon @ The Boathouse Pub Personal finance workshop. Financial Panel of experts answer

One Book Steamboat community book club discussion of “The Great Gatsby” 6 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library

Wednesday October 23 Carl’s Bluegrass Wednesday 7 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Old River Road. FREE Thursday October 24 The Great Gatsby 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library One Book Steamboat screening of the 1974 film renditionstarring Robert Redford and Mia Farrow. FREE. For more info: events Friday October 25

Saturday October 26 Euforquestra 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill High intensity global dance music. FREE Dyrty Byrds 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Funk and Soul meet Rocky Mountain Rock & Roll Sunday October 27 Dollar night Bowling 7 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1! Monday October 28 An Original DUCKumentary 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library 2013 International Wildlife Film Festival’s Best of Festival for TV winning documentary about this highly adaptable species that has inhabited nearly every aquatic ecosystem. FREE. For more info: Open Mic Night 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Hosted by Jay Roemer Tuesday October 29 An evening with systems ecologist Dr. Charles A. S. Hall 6:30 PM @ Bud Werner Memorial Library Hall’s “Peak Oil, Declining Net Energy Yields, and Your Financial Future,” will address the interface between our energy system and the economy. FREE. For more info: Steamboat Stomp 8:45 PM @ The Art Depot Community dance event. DJ plays classic and current country music. Swing, line dancing and more. For more info: www.

String Board Theory 10 PM @ Old Town Pub Local Electro Rock n’ Jam DJ Dra-La 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Bass Energized Dance Music FREE

Last minute changes can and do occur - Mother Nature, illness, tour malfunction, whatever - the accuracy of this calendar is not guaranteed!

Happy Hours The Rusted Porch 2-6 PM, Everyday McKnight’s Irish Pub & Loft 4-6 PM, Everyday

Rex’s American Grill & Bar 4:20-6 PM, Everyday 8th Street Steakhouse 4:30-6 PM, Everyday

Rio Grande Mexican Restaurant 3-6 PM, Everyday

Mahogany Ridge Brewery & Grill 4 – 5:30 PM, Everyday

Sunpie’s Bistro 3-6 PM, Everyday

Laundry 4:30-6, Everyday

Steamboat Smokehouse 3-6 PM, Everyday

Riggio’s Ristorante 5-6 PM, Everyday

Mambo Italiano 3-6 PM, Everyday

Mazzola’s Italian Restaurant 5-6 PM, Everyday

Carl’s Tavern 4-6 PM, Everyday Cantina 4-6 PM, Everyday Old Town Pub 4-6 PM, Everyday Boathouse Pub 4-6 PM, Everyday Sweetwater Grill 4-6 PM, Everyday Big House Burgers & Bottlecap Bar 4:20-6 PM, Mon – Sun

Bistro CV 5-6:30 PM, Everyday The Tap House 3-6 PM, Mon. – Fri. Slopeside Grill 3 – 6 PM, Mon. – Fri. Cugino’s Pizzeria & Italian Restaurant 4-6 PM, Mon. – Fri. Circle R Bar 4-6 PM, Thurs. – Sat.

The Legend of Ricochet Annie

Rock, Paper, Scissors 9 PM @ The Boathouse Pub Play the Bartender. Win Free Drinks.

Steamboat Springs Big Lebowski Festival! 8 PM @ The Chief Theater Channel your inner Dude and celebrate The Big Lebowksi at the inaugural Steamboat Springs Big Lebowski Festival. White Russian specials, Wii Bowling tournament, costume party, LIVE music and whathave-you. Featuring local band Easy Pieces playing the movie’s soundtrack. Tickets: $20. For more info:

Dollar night Bowling 9 PM @ Snow Bowl Only $1!

Eagle County Review 9 PM @ Carl’s Tavern with Special Guest John Huge from “Missed the Boat” FREE

Acoutonic 9 PM @ Sweetwater Grill Local Reggae Band FREE

Wednesday October 30 3rd Annual Carl’s Tavern Halloween Party 9 PM @ Carl’s Tavern Featuring the Old Town Pickers Includes a giveaway for a threeday trip to Vegas FREE Thursday October 31

Available at itunes, and The new album by Colorado's own! everywhere you buy music online! Compact Disc available from

Cover art created by Aimee Kimmey

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant. – Robert Louis Stevenson


October 2013

Valley Voice

Music Review


By Cody Badaracca


The Amputators The Amputators are like the mighty ostrich: both ostriches and the Amputators are impressive up close. They’re loud and aggressive and there’s a good chance both will attack if you show fear or have food in your pockets. And both are an anomaly in Steamboat. Really, the only difference is that the ostrich is a large, African bird belonging to the Ratite family of birds, and the Amputators are a loud, Routt County-based Heavy Rock band. “We reach all extremes of Routt County,” says Pete “Hans Loptoff” Owen, the band’s drummer. That’s both a literal and figurative statement – Pete lives in North Routt, while bassist Noah “Hack Limbsley” Laplante lives outside of Stagecoach. The Amputators reach the figurative extremes by being the loudest, the heaviest, and the stinkiest band in the Yampa Valley. (I didn’t personally smell them, but I bet they stink.) (Probably like an ostrich.) Quick history: guitarist Wes “Rusty Scalpels” Fout met singer/harmonica player Keith “El Doctor” Thibodeau while both were working at the Cantina. They discovered a mutual love for heavy music – a rare thing in Steamboat. “There’s not a lot of Punk and Stoner Rock like this here,” says Wes. Drawing on influences like Kyuss, Black Sabbath and 80’s Hardcore Punk, the two joined forced with Pete, and then Noah, who joined after Wes heard him play acoustic guitar. “I barely knew

Snow Bowl


the guy and wondered if he would want to play bass,” says Wes, “he had a little crappy amp and a practice bass, and we asked him if he was into the band or not, and the next day he showed up with this big ass amp. So he really went for it.” Forming in early 2008, the band added guitarist Mike “Lemmy Cutieu” later on. “I came on about two years ago, towards the end of 2011,” says Mike. Mike’s presence is a noticeable aspect about the Amputators’ sophomore effort, …In The Land of Sin. Aside from an overall improvement in production and sound from their debut eponymous release (which the band admits was a glorified demo, recorded and mastered in two days), the addition of the second guitar adds depth to the Amputators’ music. “It made it so much more dynamic,” says Keith, “the last couple of songs that we wrote with Mike are just on a whole different level.” Credit must also be given to the band’s new label – Denver-based Sailor Records, and producer Nick Sullivan. “Nick took the effort to make it not just another rock album,” says Wes, “it definitely sounds unique.”

Routt County Files From the Colorado Judicial Branch Tell it to the Judge in Routt County: In 2012 there were 101 divorces decrees issued. This was a 40% increase over the prior year In 2012 there were 185 DUIs adjudicated by the court . This was a 14% decrees from the prior year


23% of all misdemeanors in Routt County in 2012 were for underage drinking. Statewide this percentage is 8% In 2012 No one (male or female) was charged with prostitution. No one has been charged with prostitution for the past 10 years In 2012 there were 111 domestic violence cases referred to the court. In 2011 there were 74 cases.

Reservations recommended, walk-ins always welcome! ON THE FREE BUS LINE! For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Unique and very loud. Both Wes and Mike recorded 32 guitar tracks each for …In The Land of Sin, under a towering wall of amps. “You couldn’t go into the room without earplugs,” says Noah. But a meaty slab of volume has always been at the core of the Amputators’ musical philosophy. Hell, it’s implicit in their name. “I think right from the beginning we had the idea of having a lot of loud amplification,” says Keith. Volume, eclectic influences, and a sense of humor. It’s not even fair to call the Amputators “Heavy Rock” or “PunkStoner-Metal”, since the band melts elements of Punk, Stoner Rock, Metal, Jazz, Blues and Country into their music, with pinches of Doom and Sea Shanties for a salty, swashbuckling flavor. “It’d be kind of boring if we had to play a certain way or thought our music wasn’t ‘Stoner’ enough,” says Wes. Of course, there’s a greasy helping of good ol’ Rock n’ Roll in there too. “We wanted to make sure we had the element of rock n’ roll in there and not lose that. With metal sometimes, it can get so technical and fast that it almost loses its soul,” says Keith. “We want the band to be fun, and it has been,” says Wes. It’s apparent. Every day is Halloween for the Amputators: innuendo-laden songs like “Beaver Canyon Fur Traders” (if you have to ask, you won’t get it) and “Conjugal Visit”, their dismembered monikers, and lyrics about Sasquatch, cannabis candy, talkative truck drivers, and a mythical, mentally-handicapped monster. The band’s music is seriously proficient, but the Amputators’ tongues are firmly bit off in their cheeks. Now with two albums and two multi-state tours behind them, the Amputators continue to work day jobs while hacking out new songs “We’re three or four songs into a new album,” says Pete, which is hopefully slated for a summer release. Their next Steamboat show is at The Tap House on November 1st, with two other Sailor Records’ bands: Red Devil Magic, and Low Gravity. The Amputators’ music is online at: www.reverbnation. com/amputators,, and www.

Valley Voice

October 2013

Plant Nerd



Fall Bounty

By Mike Baran

Every year we get the reality check of cooler rainy days that reminds us of what is coming our way soon. We start to rush through the summer bucket list with a new found vigor and intensity. It is also a great time for us to take advantage of our local bounty. Apples are one of the most abundant things on the nature supermarket right now. If you start to pay attention as you drive around town, you will see these mostly green objects hanging from trees. Keep an eye on those and you will see them grow and color up as we have cooler nights. Most of the trees I have found are in green belts, common areas, city easements, roadsides, and other places that aren’t private property. When I got here years ago, I had only three trees to pick from. This year my list has grown beyond thirty. With so many available, it seems like a good time to share. There some things to keep in mind while harvesting. 1. DO NOT TRESSPASS! It is OK to ask someone if you can pick from their tree as long as you can respect no for an answer. (If you own a tree, try not to be offended by someone asking. So many apples go to waste every year!) 2. Keep in mind that most of the trees here are what can be called Jonny Appleseed trees. These are usually planted as crab apples, but the root stock comes out below the tree graft. All grocery store apples are grafted trees. The genetics of an apple seed lead to an unknown variety of tree which is why they have to be grafted. Most of Jonny Appleseed trees were good only for sauce, or cider. They usually were not fit for table apples because of taste or texture. Try an apple from the tree and decide what you would like to do with them. 3. If you don’t have a use for an apple, let someone else know about it! Many people still can and freeze produce. 4. Let them go as long as you can. Once you find a tree, start watching the weather. Apples can take a light frost, but cannot handle a good freeze. 5. Don’t judge them by their size; you will be pleasantly surprised by the flavor packed in a small apple. Simply eat more of them to equal a big one!

good to let the leaves to yellow and wilt before harvesting. This allows the energy to pull back down into the roots. Remember to only take a portion of it and replant the rest back in the ground for the years to come. Let’s also not forget the choke cherry for jams, jellies and baked goods. They are too tart to eat raw, but be creative and I’m sure you will come up with some good ideas. Rose hips are also ready to go. These are a wonderful source of vitamin C to help combat the back to school wave of sickness every year. Winter harvest vegetables are now coming to our grocery stores and farmers markets! This can be one of the most gratifying times for food. We get to eat these wonderful long season growers. They store well so you can buy larger quantities, and best of all, we get to play with some of them. Pumpkins, Gourds, and hard squash! Pies, Jack-o-lanterns, drums, water canteens, dried seeds, popcorn, soups, and sooo much more! Someone just told me that they were so excited to try pumpkin juice fresh from their new juicer. As always, don’t forget to eat your garden! Squash blossoms, raspberries, apples, nasturtium blooms, lettuce, root vegetables; all can grow in your landscapes. You don’t always need to make a veggie garden. Use that open space that is already irrigated to get your own bounty!

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6. There is also a good crab apple to look out for! It is called a Dolgo crabapple. These trees hit their prime a week ago, and are still good to eat if they are still hanging. They have a very good tart taste to them. The fruit is usually about 1½” long and oval. They tend to be a very intense red color and are abundant on the tree. These trees came from Russia, so they do very well in our area. (Might want to plant one if you have space) Enough about the apple! There are many other things that we should be getting right now from our gardens. Potatoes are ready, carrots, beets, radishes and other hardy root vegetables. Now would be a great time to harvest horseradish. It is

Serving food 'till midnight every day!

729 Lincoln Avenue Downtown Steamboat Springs

How can people trust the harvest, unless they see it sown? – Mary Renault


October 2013

Valley Voice

Valley Profile

Shawn Sigstedt By Mical Hutson

of cognitive neuroscientists, neuropharmacologists, neurophysiologists, neuroanatomists and computational neuroscientists where they have “reassessed the neurobiological substrates of conscious experience and related behaviors in human and non-human animals.” In other words, without looking it up . . . animals have feelings too, like people. They are conscious and self-aware. This is actually an ancient understanding the modern world is just beginning to remember. Evo Morales, Bolivia’s first indigenous president, has led his country to create a law which gives Mother Earth the same rights as humans, including the right to life, to pure water and clean air.

Like Morales, Shawn Sigstedt gives his students reason to dare to believe in a healthy world again with his theories contained in HIS World Park Foundation, which on one hand are simple, but on the other hand, are as brainy and brilliant as the author of the theory himself.

This month, my Valley Voice Artist Profile has made a slight shift into science, and by slight, I mean slight. Science and art are sisters on the same tree. To be truly notable in either field, daring creativity to the point that it changes people’s experience or outlook is essential. And visionary is the only word to describe Shawn Sigstedt, a brilliant Harvard educated biologist. He is the developer of the world’s only known Osha domestic cultivation techniques from seed, a natural plant that contains an antibiotic so desperately needed in these “super-germ antibiotic resistant” times. But for me, most importantly, he is the founder of his World Park Foundation called World Park Educational Institute, Inc.. He also happens to teach biology at CMC. I took that class, and, Professor S as we call him, yanked me out of ingrained pessimism for our world’s future to excitement and hope for what is to come. And that is why I can call him revolutionary. To understand the depth of his work, there are a few interesting facts one needs to have a grasp of. The earth is believed to be 3.8 billion years old. If we were to scale that down to 46 years, humans have been here four hours, the industrial revolution began one minute ago and in that time, in that one minute, humans have destroyed more than half the world’s forests. The rate of loss is almost unimaginable. I know very few people who can walk through a quiet, undisturbed forest and feel depressed. Think about it. Nature heals and soothes our psyche, its wi-fi running on the same frequency as our cells. It’s strange that most of us tend to forget, we are nature. But there is something about being human, about being competitive, about becoming a thing-obsessed species rather than a species-obsessed species, which has seduced us into self-destruction. Currently, it is estimated that there are over 200-400 species going extinct every day. Unfortunately, only 5% of known plant species have been screened for their medicinal values. If this doesn’t immediately alarm you, remember that the Pacific yew, which was historically considered California’s “trash” tree, has only recently been identified as the

bearer of one of the most promising ovarian and breast cancer treatments. Digitalis, the drug that has kept more than 3 million American heart disease sufferers alive within 72 hours of a heart attack, is derived from purple foxglove. That’s just the tip of the iceberg. Roughly forty percent of all prescriptions written today are comprised from the natural compounds of different species. Then, of course, don’t forget, we eat species. Of the 80,000 edible plants, humans depend on only 20 species for 90% of its food supply. Wheat and corn have been progressively altered over millennia, first by man picking the heartiest of the seeds to replant, and now by science. The essential heartiness of the plants is being bred out of them. Should a new blight occur, we would need to turn to the wild relatives of these common crops because they contain the essential diseaseresistant material. This happened recently, virtually saving the wheat industry. We cannot lose the source, the DNA, of nature’s miraculous trial and error 3.8 billion year research offers us as models. To add insult to enviromental injury data, one cannot grow up in this world without noticing the wild weather extremes that are escalating yearly or that our ocean’s fish now come with a warning label for pregnant women and children due to the high levels of mercury dumped into our oceans from atmospheric emissions, a direct result of burning fossil fuels. As a species, we have decided that the strong shall rule, and the strong are the people with the most money. When you look at the history of the world, abundance has a new face. It is no longer the quiet of a forest or healthy people and animals. It is greed. Or so I thought when I registered for Bio 111 in 2013. Here’s a spiritual principal. If you think something is overwhelming, it will be and that creates lethargy, inaction. Our first week in class is transformative. Professor Sigstedt introduces us to The Cambridge Declaration on Consciousness. A relatively recent, (July 2012), statement made by a prominent international group

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

Sigstedt reminds us that it was relatively recent when our whole planet was a healthy global ecosystem and it has only been in the “last five or ten human generations, after 3.8 billion years of life evolving on the planet, that we suddenly have fragmented and simplified our planet down to the point where there is only about 10 or 15% of our planet left in a healthy primary ORIGINAL ecosystem condition. The rest of the planet has been modified in a way that has temporarily benefited humanity and we’ve kind of turned land into money, into agriculture, into development and a lot of it has just been wasted.” He offers hope based on the fact that because it is relatively recent destruction, it will be relatively easy to restore the planet. He explains, “This is a hopeful time for us to do something about that. I have developed a program called World Park. It is a very simple idea. It really is that the whole planet, because it used to be a healthy global ecosystem can get back to that condition fairly quickly if we want it to, or gradually if we want to take our time. The problem is that people, scientists primarily, had decided that the way to protect nature is to make parks . . . little parks, medium sized parks and a few kind of larger parks like Yellowstone National Park which is one of the biggest parks on earth. And we thought that we could basically take the rest of the planet, 90% or so and use it up for anything we wanted. We’ve just recently discovered that that’s not going to work. The reason being that these parks, these small remaining pieces are having very high extinction rates, much higher rates than we expected. Even within the largest parks, such as Yellowstone National Park, we are losing one species per year. This is astonishing if you think about how originally the entire planet was losing about one species per hundred years and now we are losing about 200 to 400 per day. This is what we call a mass extinction. “So what are we going to do about it? It’s actually very simple. It’s actually very fun. What we do is we take those last 10% remaining parts of our plant and we consider those, instead of isolated parks to protect nature, we consider them centers of restoring a global ecosystem. And we start expanding these parks gradually out towards each other and we restore the planet back into a healthy global ecosystem. Now is this doable. Yes it is? Absolutely it is. Will it be back to the same ecosystem? No, not exactly. It will be different. We do this by taking the propagules within those natural areas like seeds, bacteria, samples of soil with healthy fungal spores, and restore those back into the marginal

Valley Voice

October 2013 been relatively easy for them. It is now one of China’s largest export medicinal plants. But in the U.S., Osha is different. When it crossed the Bearing Strait, it lost its ability to germinate easily and as a result was not easy to cultivate. It took Sigstedt over 20 years of research to bring Osha into cultivation. It is an important discovery because Osha contains broad spectrum antibiotics and in this time of antibiotic resistant super bacteria, it is even more essential than ever.



lands around them. Even if you’ve got nothing but a back yard, you start planting native species, which attracts native birds, butterflies, animals and little by little we will get back to a place where the Native Americans were, and the indigenous people around the world ‘lived’, in a technology that they have discovered and I consider a very deeply profound innovative technology for living within nature and with respect for all living things. This technology comes with the biological onsequences being that we get to live with nature for thousands of years, sustainably. ”

Shawn Sigsted grew up in three towns: Colorado Springs, Santa Fe and Steamboat Springs. His family is going on its fifth generation in Steamboat Springs. His tmother was a dance teacher and an artist, so her work required travel. There are Princeton law school and deep friendship connections between his grandparents and Ferris Carpenter, and his grandmother with Perry and Portia Mansfield and Lowell Whiteman. When asked why he chose Botany for his studies, Sigstedt answers, “My family has been using medicinal plants for many generations. Even back in Sweden in the old country, my family used medicinal plants. Growing up in New Mexico, they used a lot of medicinal plants. It’s a huge part of the culture down there because you have colonial Spanish and Native American cultures and even the new anglos who arrived, they are very earth centered people and they love nature and use medicinal plants a lot.” e After graduating with distinction from Colorado College in Colorado Springs, Sigstedt received the Thomas J. Watson Fellowship to continue his research on Ligusticum portier, commonly known as osha root, or traditionally, bear medicine. He chose to continue his Osha research and study China’s medicinal use of the plant as well as the Giant Panda’s non-food use of Osha. At the time, the holy grail of herbology in the US was to bring Osha into cultivation from seed because no one had been able to do it. Using the most advanced techniques in science, Sigstedt had been unable to accomplish that feat during his undergraduate studies. His fellowship research brought him to a Taoist monastery that had relatively similar situation approximately 1000 years ago, where their relative of Osha had been going extinct. The Taoist masters dedicated an entire monastery to saving it from extinction which they accomplished just as it went extinct in the wild. It had

Sigstedt began developing his theory of a World Park when he was working with the Nature Conservancy, and later with World Wildlife Fund in Brazil in the 1980s-90s. This project in Brazil was the biggest ecological experiment in the world, called the “minimum critical size of ecosystem project.” It asked the question, “how big does a nature reserve have to be in order to protect species from going extinct?.” A clear answer was emerging that the bigger the park, the more species could be preserved within it, and this confirmed the new theory of island biogeography. I asked him how he made the leap that led to the development of World Park, from park preservation to the entire planet. “My mind jumped very rapidly that clearly the best size for the nature preserve is the entire planet. The wonderful thing about the difference between my perspective and theirs is that I had been living with the Native Americans for seven years. I was invited to live with a Navajo, Hopi and Zuni family. I learned that these people had a perspective of living with nature that was very different than any perspective I had experienced before and it had to do with an advanced technology that allowed them to live with nature sustainably for thousands of years. There is less than 1% of nature left in original state in Europe. In the US, it might be around 10 or 12%. We have this vague notion that the innocent, indigenous people live in nature because they don’t know any better, because they don’t have technology to destroy it. Certainly that’s a part of the element, but that’s nowhere near all of it. There is another force involved. And this force is that they have a scientific technology that has specific elements employed in their daily lives with the biological consequence of protecting nature sustainably over long periods of time. “One element is reciprocity. They feel that life, nature, has given them so much that they must give back as much as they can too. And so this being the case, they protect nature consciously and do it in a way that is purposeful and it’s very beautiful. They imbed their technology for protecting nature in their ceremonies, traditions and their everyday living. They give back by making sure that all the natural creatures have a place to live too, and are respected, just like us. They make sure they have a home and we have a home, and they live together, what I call, ‘Nestled into Nature.’


“That is another key technology, the ability to nestle into nature without harming the other species in the ecosystems within which we live. Not next to where we live, but within where we live. It is profoundly important in its biological consequences. “Another one of the most important elements that I’ve discerned and tested over the years is the ability to understand that all living creatures are beings. They’re not accidents of evolution. They’re not things. They’re not magnificent machines. They actually are beings that have the center of life within them. And this is another very important element, that we now recognize the creatures with whom we’ve evolved over the past 3.8 billion years, and these beings have an innate right to be here and they are not just lesser beings. They are in many ways equivalent to us, and in some ways, superior. They have rights and needs. The indigenous people talk to them and listen to them and learn from them. These are the foundations of biomimicry which has transformed our own scientific revolution recently. “Another element is that all creatures have gifts. Many Native American believe that every species has gifts, lessons for all of us to learn from. All the 10 to 100 million species on the planet have gifts for humanity. These are some of the foundational elements of World Park. Each tribe has different elements of technology so the whole field is highly open to exploration and new discovery. It’s not like we know it all now. It’s extremely advanced thinking and futuristic planning, and though very simple in ways, it is very complex. We’re living in exciting times. We’re just coming to the awareness that there are people living amongst us today who know how to live sustainably within nature and it is not us. There may be a few among us that know these elements, but only some. So my World Park project kind of has evolved from my time with the World Wildlife Fund and the time I lived with the Native Americans and my time researching conservation biology traveling around the world. I am excited to witness Professor S introduce World Park to the world. This summer, Sigstedt was invited to speak at Plymouth University in England where he was well received. He extended his message at the Findhorn Foundation in Scotland, and the Sólheimar Ecovillage in Iceland. He is also hoping to further develop and introduce an educational system for K-12 and college. He is also proposing to bring his World Park system to conservationists and governments around the world, and has been invited to present his solution to restoring our planet back into a healthy global ecosystem with a group invited to the United Nations. I am hopeful that his optimism is well-placed, that the timing is right, because I want, more than anything else, to witness the gradual healing of our planet. The benefits of World Park are enormous. With no effort on our part, nature is providing us with all of our fresh water, fresh air, wildlife diversity, organisms for our past, present and future foods, and our wild medicines. The only thing that we as a species needs to do to keep these benefits, nearly forever, is let it be. For more information on how you can help, email Shawn Sigstedt at

The harvest of old age is the recollection and abundance of blessing previously secured. – Marcus Tullius Cicero


October 2013

Valley Voice

Sustainably Situated

Community Drop Off Day By Georgie Weber / YVSC

Mild Hyperbaric Oxygen Therapy

You don’t have to Leave to breathe

Steamboat Hyperbaric


It is that time of the year when we start packing away all of our summer toys and start preparing for the winter months. While going through homes, garages, storage units, and yard clean up days, you may come across items that you just don’t know how to properly recycle or dispose of. Yampa Valley Recycles and Yampa Valley Sustainability Council are excited to bring back the 5th comprehensive Community Recycling Drop-Off Day! October 12th from 9:00am-12:00pm at Howelsen Hill. This drop-off event is for residential recyclables only, and no commercial materials will be accepted. There is one load per household, and as we try to reach as many people as possible we ask that you do respect that. In 2012 the Community-Drop Off Day was one of the biggest the Yampa Valley has seen with a total of 425 cars. The impact of waste diversion from this single event was tremendous sending 12 yards of cardboard, 15 yards of single stream recycling, 90 yards of electronics, 40 yards of organic yard waste, over 3,100 pounds of household hazardous waste, and many other materials either back into cycle, or disposed of properly to protect the environment. We will be collecting many of the very same items this year with some additions as well. Items like building materials, electronics, skis, bikes, vehicle batteries, shredded paper, scrap metal, household haz-

ardous waste and pharmaceuticals will all be taken along with many other items. A complete list can be found on our website: Some items will require a fee to be recycled, and those will be listed on the YVSC website as well. Items like electronics, Freon removal, propane tanks, fire extinguishers, latex and oil based paints and motor oil are all examples of those items that will require a fee to be properly recycled or disposed of.

As with all of our community events, volunteers and sponsors are really what help to make days like community recycling drop-off day possible. Thank you to our sponsors that have dedicated time thus far to help divert waste including: Waste Management, Twin Enviro, Home Resource, Routt County Environmental Health, City of Steamboat, Post net, Ski Haus, Light Works of Steamboat, Napa Auto Parts, Safeway, and REPS (Reaching Everyone Preventing Suicide). If you are interested in volunteering on Oct. 12th with the Community Drop-Off please contact the YVSC’s Volunteer and Events Coordinator at:


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October 20, 2013

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Valley Voice

October 2013


Dog’s Life

So What’s the Deal With By-Products? By Lisa Mason

gFull disclosure: I’m not a nutritionist let alone a veterinarian. I am simply a concerned dog owner who believes nutrition to be a key staple of any healthy dog’s life. Beginning 16 years ago with my dog, Zoey, I began a constantly evolving journey trying to learn about what goes into that ol’ dog bowl.

Often people rely on fancy marketing advertisements to help them decide what to feed their dogs without really investigating what is in that food. People tell me “oh my dog can eat anything and be just fine” or “oh I don’t want to change anything because it will upset my dog’s stomach.”

Now, granted, dogs can survive on the repetition of tlesser quality foods. Through decades of domestication, dogs’ digestion systems have had to adapt to all sorts of nutritional changes and challenges, (nearly) perfect,ing the ability to survive on almost anything we throw at them. As an example: Many years ago, while working in a doggie daycare, one of our regulars, Mugsy, a lovely black Lab, ran full tilt into a wall while chasing a ball, smashing headfirst into and through the drywall. Before we could reach him, he’d backed out, dragging some of the drywall with him. He calmly shook himself, lay down and proceeded to contentedly consume his retrieved drywall. We immediately called his owner who nonchalantly informed us that Mugsy had a habit of eating all sorts of non-food items, with never a problem suffered. As a precaution, Mugsy was checked by his veterinarian who found no obstructions and sent him home. Weeks passed without incident and Mugsy returned to us as if nothing had ever happened. Now, you don’t want to go around letting your dog eat drywall, but I simply use this story to illustrate that dogs can consume odd products and survive. But there is a difference between surviving and thriving. We could probably survive on a diet of daily McDonalds...but would we want to? Would that be healthy for us? There’s much to discuss when it comes to nutrition – which we hope to do in the coming issues- but here let’s just discuss one ingredient often listed on some of the lesser quality dog foods: animal by-products. According to AAFCO’s (Association of American Feed Control Officers) animal by-product “is the nonrendered, clean parts, other than meat, derived from

slaughtered mammals. It includes, but is not limited to, lungs, spleen, kidneys, brain, livers, blood, bone, partially defatted low temperature fatty tissue, feathers and stomachs and intestines freed of their contents. It does not include hair, horns, teeth and hoofs.” Simply, they are what remain after an animal or fowl has been slaughtered and the edible parts have been removed, those parts not intended for human consumption. (So you have to ask here, unfit for humans but OK for dogs? Really?) Exceptions to this include some products/organs such as giblets, which can be sold for use in making human foods such as bologna or hot dogs or sausage.


What differentiates the types of by-products isn’t just a matter of what they are but how they’re handled after Healthy the slaughtering. Organ meat, unrefrigerated for up to 24 hours cannot be used in human food but can be sold Pets, and used in making pet foods… The inedible meat by-products be rendered into byHappy Healthycan Pets, product meals. Rendering is a process where the food Wallets! Happy Wallets! material is cooked down to mush and then baked. What remains is a type of by-product meal which, depending on its source, is eitherSundance named (chicken by-product at Fish Creek meal, for example) or generic (meat by-product meal, for in879—6092 stance). Many times by-product meals are derived from “4-D” meat sources - animals not suitable for human Sundance at Fish Creek 879-6092 consumption because they at the meatpacking Likearrived us on Facebook plant as “Dead, Dying, Diseased or Disabled.” (And they Names and Numbers logo can legally be used in pet food production!) Although named by-product meals are OK if the company specifies that they are human-grade organs such as liver or kidney, they’re stillproofs of a lower than Email to quality and actual named meals such as beef meal or venison meal. By-products are used because they are cheaper than any comparable meat product and are one of the reliable clues that the food is of a lower, less bioavailable quality.

Community Drop Off Day

Thanks to the increased awareness of dog food manufacturers, the quality and variety of commercial dog foods now available is awesome. We’ve so many more healthy options than what dominates the shelves of our local grocery stores, which for the most part, hold foods of a lower quality. (Just read the ingredients if you’ve any doubts) Please remember, when contemplating any aspect of your dog’s health, be sure to include your veterinarian.

Lisa Mason Works at Outdoor K-9 and writes in honor of her dog Zoey.

October 12th from 9am-12 at Howelsen Hill Visit for a complete list of items accepted.

(Please be aware that some items will have a fee for collection)

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Happiness is the harvest of a quiet eye. – Austin O’Malley


October 2013

Valley Voice


Locals Helping Locals

IMPACT 100 By Tarsha Ebbern for YVCF Communications and Donor Relations


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Since 2006, IMPACT 100 has granted over $78,000 to 21 nonprofits in the Yampa Valley. How on earth did they do that, you ask? And who are THEY anyway? IMPACT 100 is a program of the Yampa Valley Community Foundation. A group of local, everyday individuals come together every year for a season of socializing, collective giving and learning more about their community. Participants attend up to four social events during a season that lasts over the winter months. The events include delicious catered meals by Steve Carlson of Big Air Catering as well as beer and wine with support from Central Park Liquor. Steve likes to mix it up a bit and creates amazing menu theme nights like Hawaiian treats or French specialties. Event venues are various beautiful and comfortable locations either hosted by Moving Mountains, nonprofit venues, and even family homes. Each participant makes a tax-deductible donation of just $100 per year. The Yampa Valley Community Foundation pools all IMPACT 100 donations into a designated fund so each individual’s contribution collectively becomes a much larger gift. Thanks to event sponsors covering event costs, 100% of the donations go back into the community via the season end granting from the fund. An annual selection process creates opportunity for four nonprofit organization finalists per season to make casual, educational presentations at the social events. A vote at the final event of the year determines the recipients of the IMPACT 100 grants.

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Last season, Paul and Chresta Brinkman challenged the group to reach 100 members, and if this was achieved, they would donate a sizeable challenge grant. The troops rallied their friends, a total of 102 members made their donation over the season, and the matching grant was awarded! The season’s IMPACT 100 Fund then granted $12,700 to four local nonprofits. $10,250 to REPS

For those who live here and for those who wish they did.

(Reaching Everyone Preventing Suicide), $1,450 to Grand Futures Prevention Coalition, $500 to Perry Mansfield Performing Arts Camp, and $500 to Yampa Valley Sustainability Council. At the season final voting party held at the Chief Theater in April, Ronna Autrey of REPS received the impact grant for her agency through teary eyes and with shaky hands. The IMPACT 100 group went silent as Ronna thanked them all, and the feeling in the room was a lifted community spirit. Ronna said recently “we are so appreciative of the grant from this group. It has made an extraordinary impact on our training programs this year, as well as increased awareness and education about our services to those who need them. Our mission can truly be successful with grants like this. The great thing about IMPACT 100 is that it is people coming together in a simple way, to help make these big differences in our community.” For more information or how to join or become a sponsor, call 970.879.8632, email:, or go to

Valley Voice

October 2013

Do it Yourself Homesteading

Tending a Sick or Injured Chicken



By Erica Olson for Deep Roots

A sick chicken is a sad, pathetic sight. Listless, curled in on itself, allowing its flock mates to run rampant over it - quite literally, in fact. As a general rule, there’s usually one in every flock and hatcheries often include an extra chick or two to offset expected loss. If you have a sick or injured chicken, the first step is to isolate it from the rest of the flock. Many common diseases that affect chickens are respiratory in nature and easy to transmit. Even if the afflicted bird does not have a communicable illness, separating it from the rest will prevent the others from picking on it. Pecking is a natural instinct, but it can lead to drawing blood and cannibalism among chickens. When a chicken is unwell, it will often show little to no interest in food and/or water. In order to ensure that the bird is getting enough nutrients, you may need to syringe feed it. This is particularly true when they are just chicks; growing babies of any species need lots of food. To syringe feed fluids, you will want a small, needleless syringe - a few cc’s should do and some electrolyte water. Draw the fluid into the syringe, aspirate any excess air, and slowly, veeeeeery slowly, squeeze out a drop or two of water. Gently touching the droplet to the chick’s beak will transfer the liquid to the bird, where they will often ingest it on their own. Sometimes the chick will perk up and peck at a hanging bead of water from the tip of the syringe. This is a good sign. If the chick is unresponsive to the point of having to force the syringe tip into its mouth, it is almost certainly past the point of recovery. Chicks like this may be more invigorated for a short period of time, but it is a false hope more often than not. Birds have a high metabolism, so getting a chicken that is off its feed to eat again is very important. The easiest way to do this is to moisten a bit of chicken feed with water (adding electrolytes if you have them) and put a teeny bit on your finger or the syringe tip for the chick to peck at. If the bird is a bit older, putting the feed mush into a small ramekin and topping it with enticing bits of finely chopped greenery will usually work. Remember, chickens are omnivores, so a bird in need of a greater amount of nutrients may prefer scraps of meat or hardboiled egg. I had one runty little guy who was particularly fond of bits of prime rib, for example. Although separating a less than thriving chicken from the rest of its flock is necessary, it is important to remember that chickens are naturally herd animals. If you suspect a communicable disease, the bird needs to be isolated far away, but if the issue is injury or nutrition related, keeping the chicken within vocal reach of the others will help lower its stress level. If possible, you can even keep the injured bird in a cage or crate inside the coop with the other chickens. For young chicks, you may want to tuck a small stuffed animal or bunched up washcloth in with the exiled bird to give it something to cuddle up to. If the chick is

young enough to not be feathered out yet, make sure to keep its enclosure at an appropriate temperature. A lone chick cannot huddle with the others for warmth if it needs it, and one with mobility problems may not be able to easily cool off by moving out from under the heat lamp. One of the biggest challenges with nursing a sick or injured chicken is in reintroducing it back into the flock. The greatest priority is to make sure the isolated bird is completely healthy again. If not, its flock mates will attack, often viciously. Any half healed wounds are often reopened this way, setting back the healing process. There are a variety of different suggestions on how to reintroduce a chicken to its flock. One way involves reintroducing the injured bird at night, under the cover of dark. The idea is that when the chickens wake up the next morning, there is suddenly a new bird there that may or may not have been there all along. (Chickens, after all, are not exactly known for their massive intellect.) There will usually be a little bit of a scuffle as the “new” bird gets integrated into the pecking order, but there is rarely an out and out attack. Another suggestion is a more gradual reintroduction, letting the flock see the returning bird in a cage or coop but not having physical access to it. The returning bird is then placed into the flock during supervised daytime visits, with a final reintegration possibly taking place at night. From all accounts, results of this technique are mixed: the more dominant birds will often bully the new arrival, even to the point of injury. There are two common ideas as to how to get around this bullying aspect. One way is to take a couple of less dominant chickens and place them with isolated bird. This will help them form their own mini-flock and utilize a buddy system when reintegrating with more aggressive members of the larger flock. The other is to remove the most aggressive birds, reintroduce the isolated chicken, and after a few days, return the dominant ones to the flock.


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If the bird you’ve been nursing is unable to fully heal, for example, has leg damage resulting in a permanent limp, you have two choices: One involves making chicken soup the other is to adopt the exile as a pet. Believe it or not, chickens can actually make rather charming pets, trilling with an almost purr when they are happy. Solo birds will often become rather talkative, chirping often, and will even substitute a human (or other animal) as a flock mate to cuddle with. The above mentioned runty chicken quickly became fond of being held and loved to burrow his head into the space between my elbow and my rib cage. Tending a sick or injured chicken can be a lot of work, but it can also be very rewarding. Unfortunately, they don’t always make it, and there are times you may have to make the difficult call to put one down. This is particularly true when it comes to an airborne illness. Most of them are incurable and often fatal, so it is better to sacrifice a single unhealthy bird than to put your entire flock at risk.

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October 2013

Valley Voice

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Take Your Lessons Where You Find Them By Nina Rogers The recent death of a woman I’ve known since childhood got me to thinking, as one does, about the nature of life and what makes a “good” life. I don’t believe that any life is wasted, of course, because every life is an opportunity to learn what we need to learn and to clear old energies, etc. But each life and each passing gives one the opportunity to ask oneself, “What is important to me?” “Am I being true to myself and my purpose?” “Is this the life that I feel I was meant to live?”

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People my age (i.e., dinosaurs) were brought up to the mantra, “Go to school, get a good job and work hard, and then retire.” The implication was, of course, that after retirement one could finally begin to enjoy one’s life and do all of the things one had always dreamed of doing. The problem is, however, as so many people have found out, there are very few jobs that are stable and secure enough to provide for an employee for 40 years or so and then provide a live-on-able pension. But, beyond that, the dangling carrot of an idyllic retirement (keep your eye on the prize and all that) distracted us from looking at the bottom line, life-wise, which is that we spend our youth and our energy and our vibrant health and our dreams doing a JOB (about which we are seldom passionate) and hope for our reward at the end, crossing our fingers that we’ll still have enough health and energy to enjoy it when we get there. And we are so trained that this is the way it’s “supposed” to be that it doesn’t even sound strange to us! I was listening to a wonderful retrospective of the music of Mahalia Jackson (considered by many to be the Queen of Gospel Music) recently. While I adore the energy and the harmonies of Gospel music and I find the statements of faith touching, I seldom agree with the message, which so often refers to life as something to be suffered rather than celebrated. In fact, one of Mahalia’s songs said exactly that - “I’ll suffer through this life and finally be happy when I reach heaven” was the basic premise. I’m sorry, but whose bright idea was that??? To not live one’s life but to simply endure

it so one can hurry up and die and then receive one’s reward? No, thank you!

When I was in my teens I volunteered for a summer with a group that provided support for families with special needs children, by taking care of the kids on Saturdays so the parents could have a break and run errands, etc. One Saturday we did an outing to the zoo I don’t think I saw one single animal that day, because I was so busy counting heads! Some of the parents joined us, including one man who accompanied his joyful and loving son who happened to have Down ’s syndrome and who was thoroughly enjoying the day and the outing. His father, however, spent the day handing out Bible tracts to anyone foolish enough to venture too close to him (with the admonishment, “if you’re not going to read it, at least don’t litter”). His view on his son’s “burden” was that his son would be “fixed” when he got to heaven, but apparently his life until then was to be considered a wash. I think Daddy totally missed the point - he was so busy wearing his son like a millstone around his neck that he never noticed the total joy that his son took in his day to day life. I didn’t pity the young man for his “disability,” but, Lordy, I pitied him for his daddy! I probably should have had more compassion for the daddy, too, but I have to admit that I totally wanted to just kick him in the shins! My ability to be charitable only goes so far, it seems... I guess the lesson I gleaned from all this was “DON’T WAIT!” Don’t wait to live your dreams! Don’t wait to tell someone you love them! Don’t wait to dance and sing! Don’t wait to be your wonderful self! Don’t wait to eat that piece of chocolate! This moment now is THE moment and will never be again, nor will we ever be again exactly who we are in this moment. Live it! Live it joyfully and boisterously and enjoy every moment. If you wish, do it for all the people who waited too long and whose moments ran out before they were ready, but above all, do it for yourself!

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Valley Voice

October 2013


Here Knitty-Knitty

Spinning Autumn Yarns By LA Bourgeois

Steamboat’s Only Drive Through

As the weather cools and days shorten, I feel a certain chill fall over my life prompting me to knit, knit, and knit some more! Fall comes and suddenly I want to create cardigans, pullovers and sweater vests to snuggle into and warm myself. Hats and shawls and mittens and cowls all call to me with a siren song saying “Winter is coming! Time to warm yourself! Warm your entire family!” I begin to scroll through the patterns on Ravelry and finger the new yarns coming into the knitting shop. d And then I remember....

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This past April, I started two sweaters that fell by the wayside when the weather heated up. I wound two balls of yarn for a shawl project, which never got off the ground. I took on a repair and a commission, which can finally no longer be avoided. I have a pattern and yarn that I promised to turn into a real life cardigan for my sister-in-law. Those several pairs of socks, a baby cardigan and a beautiful drapey lace vest knit-along are all residing by my chair in the den waiting for my attention. Now is the time for action! But what to work on first? As I sort through the projects, I find that one piece over all the others will call to me. This past week, a big project I’ve been working on came together and I wanted to reward myself by knitting on something that was just for me. Last spring, I found a pattern in the May-July 2013 issue of Cast On magazine. Highlighting the trinity stitch, the Tethra Cardigan seemed the perfect way to use a sweater’s worth of sturdy Routt County wool dyed by Rosemary Farrell, a local dyer who creates vibrant colorways. I’d indulged in this yarn back in 2011 with the idea that I would use it to create Christmas presents, which never manifested. I imagined this cardigan as a beautifully impressionistic bit of art which, when this variegated yarn was knitted up, reminded me of the pond in Monet’s garden. I always like to cast on a similar project to my students when I teach a class and my Summer Sweater Workshop created the perfect opportunity. I swatched to find my

gauge, did my calculations and cast on this cardigan. I worked it almost to the armholes before the weather warmed and the project fell into my Unfinished Objects pile for the rest of the summer. It sat unloved while I worked on darning and repairs. I passed it over time and again to work on my mother’s seventieth birthday present and a new pair of socks for my father. I’d planned to work on it during the US Open and ended up finishing a wedding shawl that I’d promised to a dear friend instead. Now, finally, I can feel the cardigan calling to me again. I picked it up and started knitting. The old joy filled me as I worked the trinity stitch and began forming the armholes. Love expanded almost past my heart as I watched the blues and purples and pinks of the yarn come together, swirling and occasionally pooling. I considered my strategy as I remembered that I didn’t have quite enough yardage for the entire project. I felt energized! Over the weekend (with the company of “Orange Is The New Black” and “Political Animals”), I’ve made progress. The main part of the cardigan is finished, while the arms are left to be done as well as the neck and buttonbands. A little more work will leave me with a brand new cardigan for the fall. And I even know the next project I’m going to start: a drapey cardigan that I’ve created only in my mind. After I finish the rest of my projects, of course.

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Now if the harvest is over, And the world cold, Give me the bonus of laughter, As I lose hold. – John Betjeman


October 2013

Valley Voice


Your Monthly Message By Chelsea Yepello Aries

March 21 - April 19

That neon sign is a beacon of carnal enjoyment, a beautiful lighthouse in middle of a dark ocean of boredom, the gateway to pure madness and naughty thoughts... at least it was, until the sun rose and you realized it is evidence of a well needed trip to the doctor.


April 20 - May 20

You are amazingly bright and sharp... like a light-saber... you know... from Star Wars? Have you seen that movie? Star Wars? About those people that fight in those little ships and blow up that big ship? With that robot that goes beep boop beep? And that guy who kisses his sister? Anyway, there is a cool laser sword that the main characters have... called a light-saber. Anyway, you’re welcome.


May 20 - June 20

The military created a new secret weapon that is the sound of babies crying, cats howling and Yoko Ono all at once. It’s supposedly the deadliest weapon in the world.


June 21 - July 22

You really want to break out of your shell and become more sociable. You convince yourself to

get out there and start a conversation, and then you do... and realize that you hate everyone.


July 23 - August 23

You will soon learn the importance of what that guy at the bus stop meant who claims that the neighborhood squirrels are plotting a conspiracy against you.


August 23 - September 22

You will decide that you will become a doomsday prepper by buying a fleet of military tanks. Now you just feel kinda bad for those people that store food in their basement... because you can run everything over. Boo yeah.


September 23 - October 23

There is a difference between humans and animals. Animals don’t print little flowers on their toilet paper to make them feel better about expelling their bowels.


October 24 - November 21

Things really do seem funny years later, except for that one thing you did that was funny at the time... but now society has become more sensitive to that kind of thing and it is just politically incorrect.

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November 22 - December 21

This month you and your friends will try to beat your overwhelming addiction to gambling and alcohol. There is a ten to one chance that they will fall off the wagon first!


December 22 - January 19

There is certainly more to life than laying on your couch, eating refried beans out of the can and watching old reruns of Friends... but then again, they said that they would be there for you... and really, that’s really nice of them.


January 20 - February 18

That sound that a guy makes when his team gets a touch down, you hear that same sound when he finishes turning a wrench or drinking a really good beer. That sound, is called a mangasm.


February 19 - March 20

That radical and far-fetched theory that there are little people who come to your house to tidy up while you are sleeping isn’t as far-fetched as you think... it’s called your mom, and you should really give her a hug.

Valley Voice

October 2013

Haiku frodmInthseecure Homelan regory By Lawrence G

lling I’m fear comeuca te la s Verizon capit m now? Can you hear e

inted the Valley Voice mispr this Haiku e of title and first lin ition. ed in the September d version. te ec rr co This is the e artist, th to s Our apologie ry! Lawrence Grego

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October 2013

Valley Voice

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Valley Voice October 2013  

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