The Billboard

New Antivirus Software Available For 3000 Russian Ruble

You’re komputer has viruses. Live now in Ukraine? Downloading free antivires softwares for Ukrainian kumputer only.

Life-sized model of Byron’s bear now for sale. Contact resident no. 50428 in Whewells if interested.

Bassist for post-vegan hardcore progressive metal band wanted in Cambridge area

Insure your stolen Trinity plates, cutlery, crockery and trays against repossession by the Porter’s Lodge! If you have stolen Trinity property you would like to insure, please contact Frank Barker at the Porter’s lodge.

Are you an Oxbridge graduate looking for your next job? Are you interested in fossil fuels and drilling in the North Sea? Contact the Conservative Party today and YOU could be the next Prime Minister!

Future Politicians wanted for humanlizard hybrid experiments. Potential candidates should report to the Cambridge Union by the 31st of December.

Addenbrookes seeks sleepdeprived Trinity students for neurobiological study. Subjects are required to have routinely ingested roughly 500mg of caffeine a day. Subjects should strictly adhere to a 3am -1pm sleep schedule (no exceptions)

Trinity Male Strippers now accepting job applications for Henry VIII lookalikes and Isaac Newton doppelgangers. Applicants must be free for house calls on Trinity grounds between 10pm and 2am five nights a week. Career benefits: paid sick leave for COVID-19, free meals in hall.

Need stash? Check out our Travistyexclusive merchandise back on page 4! Free for all editors and writers.

Tunnel connecting Trinity and Christchurch to be unveiled next week. Tickets for the opening ceremony are now on sale in the JCR starting this Monday evening.

Stolen Bike Wheels for Sale

The small, subterranean hobgoblin responsible for stealing al the rear bike wheels from outside Great Gate is now offering secondhand resales at cut-rate prices.

Looking to leave a legacy at Trinity? The Chapel is now offering students the rare opportunity to have a statue of them erected beside such heroes as Newton and Francis Bacon for the generous price of £500,000. Contact your local Chapel representative for information.