Penny Pappington urges Greenpeace not to oppose ‘Supertrawler’ Seasalter child genius Penny Pappington has written a letter to Greenpeace arguing why the controversial new ‘Supertrawler’ should be able to go ahead. The Supertrawler has upset Greenpeace after it was discovered that its nets were capable of containing 13 jumbo jets – about the equivilant of two million cod. Or seventy billion sprats. Or 3 trillion plankton. A supertrawler, yesterday But Penny has offered a theory at a possible dual purpose for the Supertrawler. “What if....and it’s a long shot....but supposing 13 jumbo jets crashed all at the same time and in the same area. Surely the Supertrawler could be employed to pick them all up and take them back to land where crash investigators could then find out why they crashed?”. Penny’s theory earned praise from the organisation of crash investigators (OOCI). CEO Jimbo Jumbo said, “Penny’s idea is great, and it would save a lot of time for the OOCI if 13 plane’s did crash into the same spot of sea at the same time. Although it’s unlikely, to be honest”. OOCI were so impressed with Penny’s initiative that they have offered to pay for a trip to Eurodisney for her and her family. But a modest Penny said, “No thanks. I’d rather have some haribos and a new pair of trainers”
Knights of the round table visit Weatherspoons A Whitstable pub received some bizarre visitors this week. Regulars enjoying their Brake Bros lunch were stunned to see none other than King Arthur and his knights of the round table approach the bar. Barman Hector McGwyer told The Wind Farm, “It was bizarre. How they got past security when they were all carrying swords is a mystery. Sir Bedevere even had a spiked mace”. But according to Wetherspoons manager Jim Finch, the knight’s were not there to drink – but to claim that the land on which the pub garden is earmarked to be built belonged to them. “They were just a bunch of hustlers trying to make a few quid out of the footpath that we’re trying to build over”, said Finch. “Once I saw through their game, I told them to jog on. Fucking cheek of it”. Wetherspoons is currently applying for planning permission to build a pub garden which extends across a footpath which is believed to be owned by a family with the surname ‘Knight’. An advert has been placed asking the Knight family to come forward so that Wetherspoons may purchase the land, but so far no-one has turned up to claim it. “It’s a good thing the land isn’t owned by Atilla The Hun’s family”, joked Finch, “We’d have real trouble with that lot!”