Verum, Dimidium Verum quod Quisquam Tamen Verum Issue 76
Whitstable scientist promising trips almost to the moon
First Whitstablites to possibly live on the moon by 2016 or 2020 Whitstable joined the space race this week after a local scientist pledged to nearly fly people to the moon. Professor Dr Biggsy Ramone, of the kind-of aeronautical department of the University of West Tankerton told The Wind Farm, “I haven’t actually built the rocket yet, but when I do, locals will leave the town in their droves. Although I can’t actually guarantee they’ll actually make it. Alive”. Ramone’s plans for trips into space are currently being practiced on Tankerton slopes using a giant slide made out of Tesco pallets. “Tesco generously donated them after we agreed they could open a coffee shop there when we land. But I must admit, the slide isn’t working too well. We need to adjust the upward trajectory thing as most of our trainee astronauts end up in the sea. Two have drowned already”. The rocket itself is made out of an old doodlebug that failed to explode in 1943, with a cockpit cut into the top of it with enough room for four passengers or twelve midgets. It is fueled by grease and lard collected from the fat traps of local restaurants. “The oil is filtered through on old sock and is ignited by one of those gas cooker lighters that give off a spark. At the critical moment when the doodlebug reaches the end of the slide, the fuel is…well, should be ignited. We’re getting there”, he said