12
#FreeBritney and Parental Authority: Is Tough Love a Necessity?
BR I T NE Y By Neil Mark L. Galvez
At some point in our lives, we become so overprotective when it comes to people we truly care about the most. With our human instinct, we exert dominance in the extent of our superiority complex—sure, our Filipino parents can relate twofold. Some may point out, especially in Asian and Hispanic households, that in order for us to be fully equipped with values and excellence, the majority of parents resort to ‘tough love’ as a kind of necessity—a somewhat “oneway” approach. And listening to Britney Spears' 2001 hit I'm Not a Girl, Not Yet a Woman, reading between the lines, “There is no need to protect me, It's time to learn to face up to this on my own”, who would have thought that it would hit thrice as hard, not just on our titos and titas, but to Spears herself, during the last 13 years of her life in conservatorship. While we’ll be delving into this pop star's unedited and glamorized life, two of the University’s AB Political Science students and a law professor stretched the infinity as they expressed their viewpoints regarding the ‘Free Britney movement’ and the authoritative style of parenting in Philippine mainstream. From her timeline of hits—such as ...Baby One More Time, Toxic, and Oops! I Did It Again—that gave rise to the ’90s teen-pop revolution to the early 2000s. Britney Spears is a multi-platinum, Grammy award-winning pop icon who's one of the most celebrated entertainers in pop history, with nearly a hundred million records sold worldwide. However, events in pop culture somehow went haywire when the paparazzi capitalized on a series of her life struggles and mental breakdowns. As if living as a 27year old mother of two in the year 2008—a time where mental health was really stigmatized and internalized--wasn’t tricky enough,
it would continue to progress negatively as she was involuntarily committed to rehab and psychiatric hospitals due to substance abuse and postpartum depression, eventually leading her to a state of conservatorship in February of 2008, where her father, Jamie Spears, was the main controller or conservator. Until later on the same year, Britney made an incredible career comeback and started promoting a new album (Circus), that followed by three more (Femme Fatale, Britney Jean, and the two deluxe versions of Glory), and sold out performances again—which made her a workaholic earning $100 million a year, all conforming to her conservator’s will. Many were happy and amazed to see her transition from the bare ground to the stage of Vegas. But no one seems to know her better than the Britney Army—her fans. The legal guardianship contract that controlled her finances and personal affairs made her fans skeptical, prompting them to establish a movement called #FreeBritney, which utilized social media to raise awareness of the discrepancies surrounding the conservatorship. The movement, established in 2008, staggering social media headlines in April 2019 that finally put Britney's father in suspension as her state's conservator, completely followed by the termination of the whole conservatorship on November 1, 2020. With tyrannical people preying on her blood, sweat, and tears, the Overprotected singer's career was a metaphor for a cry for help. And with authoritative upbringing that is typically associated with the very Asian line, “You aren't starving, and you have a roof over your head”, Attorney Cherish Gasmin Rufino, a political science professor elaborated on how this tough love is usually internalized in the Filipino house-
hold. The law professor explained: “It is typical for Filipino families to raise their children under an authoritative parenting style. When we say authoritative parenting style, children have little to no say from the little things in life, such as the time they should be at home to the most important decisions like the course they have to take in college or who they should date or marry. From childhood, our parents and elders strongly inculcate our values to give high regard to their opinions in every aspect of our lives and strictly follow the rules they impose on us. This stems from the belief that our parents know what is best for their children. We are taught that we should always follow their advice considering their many years of living, which translates to a wealth of experiences in life. Thus, it is considered a taboo, in many cases, to defy your parents openly and to voice out your opinions—especially if your views oppose their own. Most Filipino parent’s desire for their children to be successful in life, helping them elevate their status in life and bring honor and prestige back to them. This drives a lot of Filipino parents to give heavy demands of excellence from their children without even consulting or conversing with them about what their dreams and goals are.” Atty. Rufino also explains that many Filipino parents would prefer for their children to take courses in college which will lead them to become highly paid professionals like engineers, doctors, and lawyers. To take the artistic route is highly scorned by a lot of Filipino parents because “it will not bring in enough income and prestige to the family.” Parents often believe that they will suffer from poverty once their children take this route. From two 3rd-year AB Political Science students' point of view, Lianne Ruth Pagaduan and Danica Magpali Ormita conversed what it really means to have an authoritative parent. According to Lianne, it means that there will be a high need of responsibility on the part of the children, where there might even be a high level of expectations
from the children in the aspect of values and academics. She also stressed that open communication between parents and the child is also present in authoritative parenting. Danica elaborated that having open conservation from time to time will help their child be more comfortable around their authority, making them understand their purpose as loving parents. When the two were asked how often it happens in a typical Filipino family, Ormita believed there is no definite time to when and how it happens—that it is an instinct or a natural trait every parent has but varies on how they impose it on their children. Pagaduan firmly agreed that authoritative parenting might be a for-good style for some parents, especially in communities where strict parenting is a given social construct. All parents or guardians go through a phase where they have to exercise this authoritative parenting. She also noted: “For instance, when the child is in their teenage years, where they are curious and exploring many things, the parents will especially be strict at this point.” Scrutinizing the seemingly crucial experiences, the two students expressed distinct points on handling authoritative upbringing. To Lianne, she said: “I have to submit to my parents' rules first and evaluate afterward if my submission brought good results to the family and me. If it didn't [work], I will communicate with my parents regarding the matter.” Danica emphasized that being authoritative is their initial action, like their defense mechanism, to protect their child from anything.” The latter also added: “As for me, having a light and soft approach and conversation to start will help them understand our feelings then eventually they will know what and how they will adjust.” The two students left helpful advice for today’s children as Lianne stated: “If we are having a hard time because of an authoritative upbringing, let us communicate openly to our parents. They may have reasons for acting like that, and we may not understand it. Sometimes, the only way to realize the reason behind our parents' actions is by communicating and asking them.” Danica gave a more sisterly approach, saying: “You have to try and speak up. If you're not used to having conversations or sweet moments with your parents, maybe it's time for you to try, there's nothing wrong with trying. Don't be scared. They are your parents. Maybe you just don't see your parents trying to be close to you. It might not be possible for others, but there's no harm in trying, right? It's better than having regrets in the future where you can't talk to them anymore.” Most of us may feel restricted by unforgiving circumstances and people as we yearn for the feeling of disconnection from the toxic parental upbringings—and yet what can we do? We can, for one, learn from Britney Spears’s story that was once far from her title of “America’s Princess of Pop” and the grueling road to the redemption of her personhood; that in shedding light of such issues that bring about a person’s suffocation, we have hope that in the end, there will be a spacious morning where we can enjoy even the simplest of joys without treating it like a luxury, as well as a life that we can be able to decide for all on our own.
13
LITERARY Teal Ribbons, Tears for a River by Jennica Lianne I see red, but I get chills down my spine as I keep running and catching my breath in between. How long have I been doing this? How many people have passed me by? Screw it, none of that matters anymore—what does is that the world should lose sight of me. It seems that I always have to be someone’s muse, an image of beauty, grace, and intelligence that is worth admiring. Just like the season, I may seem cold, but my charm shows through the different colors surrounding my existence, and people seem to like that a lot, whether or not they want to admit that. Figures, it’s only natural that I don’t understand the way they feel about me—I can’t even understand myself: the broken mosaic that is Autumn Gomez. …and it was those two shadows that have been chasing me all these years that left me in pieces. Twin figures that I thought had lagged way behind me, but still manage to catch up and try to grab me by the crook of my neck. “Autumn, my angel. How I wish to see you again!” One voice resounded. “Do you miss me, Autumn? I remember you telling me that I’d always be your greatest love.”, chimed the other. Who knew the undead could be so two-faced? Next thing I knew, they already had a hold on me. “Not this again, let me go…!” I struggle, squirming and screaming the entire time. I’ve honestly lost count of how many times this has happened to me, and I think half of me is already immune to this, as my screams have grown weaker and weaker with each incident such as this one. Maybe their filthy hands have rubbed off on me too much that something a 16-year-old would deem too much to handle could now be something an 18-year-old can live with. Is what’s happening a product of my choices? Maybe. Pure and innocent is just so alien to me already. I’m quite the harlot, aren’t I? I open my eyes to find that both figures had somehow vanished yet again. Slowly, I get back up and begin to walk to anywhere my feet would take me. And this time, it took me to an icecold river. “Ah, the perfect place to begin with the end in mind.” I thought. When the autumn freezes, it withers to welcome the winter. And so as I took the plunge, I assumed that I would have just faded away with time. It’s not like my circumstances would change with the seasons, right? But as I felt myself slowly enveloping in frostbite, my eyes grew wide as I heard something rather unusual. “Autumn…” The voice was different than the ones I’ve heard before, but it was also familiar to me. I’ve heard it before, but should I submerge and follow it? With all the angry and hungry voices that I usually heard, I guess it was only natural for me to be so unsure. “Hold on, and you can rest easy with me, Autumn.” Suddenly, a teal ribbon descended to where I was drowning, waiting for me to take it and be saved. But salvation is still so vague to me. Will the voice waiting on the surface finally be my safe place?
JOURNEY TO THE SUMMIT by Eileen Mendez
“A sense of wonder and fulfillment await those who enjoy the journey of life’s failures and successes. For we live a life full of peculiarity, disappointments, and satisfaction until we choose to live what we want to be and define who we want to portray to the world.” An intense yearning for success is never an easy journey. It is a process of constant learning and sound understanding to every element present around. Before reaching the top, one should start below. Before gaining something valuable, one should lose something very important. Life may sometimes seem so unfair but it is a battle and a labyrinth that we need to figure out. It is a game that we can somehow predict its result and for us to come up with a positive one, we have to hold on to our choices and embrace the process of coming out from our comfort zones including acknowledgment of our weaknesses and failures along the way. For so many instances, I have experienced circumstances where my faith was put on a test. It was a demanding effort to sustain motivation in a challenging way but the choice of being strong should be my persistent guide. When I first started the Nursing journey, I had to choose whether I would stop working and continue being a full-time student. However, I made a choice to do it both because I found myself in a situation where I have to support myself alone. The thought of no one will be there to help me in supplying my resources, daily, weekly or monthly bills, or even from buying groceries to school supplies, made me a stronger determined individual. I must admit that I have cried a lot during quizzes and examinations because I have to work first before attending my reviews or doing my home works. I often find myself asking the questions, “When will I stop working?”, “When will I feel freedom of being a full- time student?”, or “I wish there would be people who can just provide my allowance and everything just like others so I just have to study or rest if I feel exhausted.” But, there’s no one. I should understand that sometimes, life molds people on a hard way to become refined. I believe that the more hardship one experiences, the stronger he or she will become. For, success is not a cheap journey to be attained. It is priceless and someone who is patiently directed enough to take the narrow path will soon succeed. Further, we have to be comfortable with uncomfortable. Because uncomfortable circumstances teach precious lessons of life. It is a part of the process. If we experience failures and makes us uncomfortable, know that it is part of the plan. If in any part of the process makes us feel unhappy, understand that it may soon pass. What is not okay is to give up and let go of our dreams and aspirations in life. Because if you do not feel pressured, you will never learn the most valuable lessons. So yes, I have also failed quizzes or even examinations just like other students. But I am still grateful for everything because for me to know what is right, I have to deal with what is wrong and the quest of gaining lessons will be from the reminders of my failures. So, next time, I know what to do and how to do things in a right way. I have to acknowledge my weaknesses so I can turn these into strengths. This is the only way for me to be a better me. Being responsible for myself, for my needs, and in my studies are also prompts. When I started recognizing my situations, pressures, and failures, I have started gaining success and soon experienced victories both in study and work. Hence, choose to believe and put your faith on a stronger ground. A sense of wonder and fulfillment await those who enjoy the journey of life’s failures and successes. For we live a life full of peculiarity, disappointments, and satisfaction until we choose to live what we want to be and define who we want to portray to the world. It is a great motivator to think that we need to lose our fear of failure because failure is part of the plan. Without failure, one never learns to try. Sometimes, we have to fail and encounter wrong to get things right. Learning comes from failures and victories provide comfort and stagnant life. So, be strong and lowly at heart.
