Noah Lamar Vol. 22

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NO AH LAMAR

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63 Xzavier V. Simon

13 Noah Lamar

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Noah and I have known each other since we were kids. This is because, in 2nd grade, my grandmother was his teacher. As I mentioned in one of my questions, Noah and I lived in Beecher, but we never hung out. I don't know how he lived his life and vice versa. When we did interact, mostly at school, there was never any bad blood. One thing is for sure: we both knew the other was queer. But one day, Noah left Beecher, and we hardly saw or spoke to each other again. We reunited a decade later through FaceBook, and officially reconnected only a few months ago.

La Bella

Noah Lamar Vol. 22

At that time, his name was Noah Escada from the House of Escada. Now he boasts with pride the name, Noah Milan, from the House of Milan. I don't think he was professionally modeling back then, but his life nonetheless seemed extravagant. I was in awe of his life.

To me, then, he possessed an air of freedom. Surrounded by Black queer people, Noah had no problem speaking his mind, naturally, and his truth. Now, I am in awe at the manifestations of his dreams, and what he represents for the Black queer community. This season's theme is evolution, and while that is present, what is at the heart of this particular conversation, is the very name of this publication. Noah Lamar is the definition of the Modern Queer Black Man. Welcome to Season 03 | Vol. 22 | La Bella Noah Lamar.

By: Xzavier V. Simon Photography: Jahn Hall, Justin Robinson, Greg Vaughan, House of Milan

[laughs] Everybody that I’ve interviewed except for one person has said that they were nervous and y’all say the same thing.

It’s not going like I’m asking you to spill the tea about certain individuals or anything like that.

This is me coming off like PR. [laughs] I thought you’d probably get a kick out of that.

First, I want to thank you for agreeing to do this. In my opinion, you hold a very high position within the Black queer community.

You are breaking boundaries and barriers with modeling. You have and still are traversing the ballroom scene. To me, you are the definition of what this magazine represents. You are a representation of a modern queer person of color.

You’re welcome. And thank you.

Even though we know each other, there are parts of you that I don’t know. We both grew up in Beecher. We both went to Beecher, but we didn’t really hang around each other like that.

We didn’t.

How was growing up in Beecher for you?

Well, I originally came from Flint. That’s when it was just me and my brother. My mom ended up having my sister and we ended up moving to Beecher when I got in second grade. Living in Beecher, I enjoyed it.

I ran into my issues, but once I got to middle school, that’s when the problems kind of started. That’s where my sexuality started to be a little bit more flamboyant and transparent. That made, you know…

Life a bit more interesting.

That made heterosexual men pick with me more. They’re like, ‘men don’t act like that.

Why are you acting like that?’ Thankfully, I had a big brother, and everyone knew him.

That slowed down on the teasing and fights.

But overall, I love Beecher. If I can go back and do it all over again from second grade, I would.

When we first reconnected, you talked about those fond memories of going to school, our classmates, and things that you experienced. You have good solid memories from back then.

I really enjoyed school. I met some real cool people, you know. I didn’t get teased as much as I think that I would have. We fought in school, we did that, but I didn’t go through what the kids are going through now with real bullying. You know back then they didn’t call it bullying, they called it teasing.

Or being picked on. We didn’t have social media either. Although, because Beecher is so small, if one person knew, everybody knew.

Right. But I wasn’t getting chased home from school every day. I wasn’t being pushed in the locker or beat up in the bathroom. That's what I think made it better for us because we didn’t have those things.

Are you in the camp that knew you were born this way or was it something that you realized later?

I knew I want to say, around 1996. The reason I knew was because I was watching videos. [laughs] What kind of videos?

No! [laughs] [laughs] We know what kind of videos y’all.

"I’m in that group that I was born this way. I always knew as a child.

That’s where I’m at." on queer identity

No, no, no. [laughs] Not those types of videos.

I was watching Dru Hill’s In My Bed music video. The other video was Usher’s You Make Me Wanna. At that time, they were gyrating all over the place.

Now, the first time I knew something was different wasn’t until that scene in the Dru Hill video where Nokio pours hot wax all over his body.

I mean I wasn’t the most masculine kid, but I also wasn’t feminine. I had a feminine side, you know, always crying momma this. When I look back at my old pictures, I see me throwing my hip to the side. It was little stuff that I probably didn’t know that I was doing people, that much older knew. It didn’t bother me because my family didn’t tease me. My sister didn’t, my brother didn’t, my mom didn’t.

What I was getting at school, I wasn’t getting at home. My mom let me be myself. My brother caught me wearing my mom’s heels one day dancing to Destiny’s Child Bills, Bills, Bills.

That’ll do it. [laughs]

Aye! Another good song. [laughs]

I always caught myself running to my mom’s room just to see that part. That’s when I knew.

The final part was when I was seven and I was watching Usher’s video, and my manhood started to rise.

[laughs] You know, I don’t think he ever told my mom, but we’re cool. He jokes with me about gay stuff, so that lets me know that he’s comfortable with it.

Male R&B music videos were a bit risque back then, weren't they? I think mines was probably Pretty Ricky.

Oh, wow. At seven? From a music video no less.

I remember that you know. I didn’t act on it because I’m seven years old. So, I’m in that group that I was born this way. I always knew as a child. That’s where I’m at.

You talked a little bit about being picked on by straight men. How do you feel you were perceived compared to straight men's definition of masculinity?

Family for you was real centering it seems.

Let’s take it back to the nineties—my mom was a baby mama at that time. It was her and three kids. My brother had my grandma, and my sister had her daddy. I was the one that was always up under our mother. Wherever she went, I was there.

For some of us, our families, with respect to our queerness, can be challenging. I think about Tradeil, Isaiah, and a little bit about Kirei and Joshua. The fact that you had a solid family foundation is pretty cool.

"I mean I wasn’t the most masculine kid, but I also wasn’t feminine."

For some of us, our families, with respect to our queerness, can be challenging. I think about Tradeil, Isaiah, and a little bit about Kirei and Joshua. The fact that you had a solid family foundation is pretty cool.

I went to Mount Morris High. The experience there, honestly, as a Black man, wasn’t the best. There were other Black kids there, but they spoke in that high valley, let me squeeze in with you guys kind of voice. My experience there was horrible. A guy called me a nigger.

Yeah, it really is.

Oh wow!

Sooooo, lemme get a little messy.[laughs] When did you start acting on those urges? [laughs] I didn’t start acting on those until 13years-old. There was this guy in school that always propositioned me. [laughs] As I said in our regular conversations, I’m mad I did not take the offer when it came to me. [laughs] I denied it a few times, but eventually, it ended up happening.

You and I had two completely different Beecher queer experiences. I don’t know any other queer person at Beecher who had a hard time like I did. It boggled my mind that you and a couple of other people were having these experiences. Honestly, it made me jealous. I wanted to be a hoe too! [laughs] I ended up having those moments after high school.

Awwww. [laughs] But you got down with a couple of Beecher niggas. [laughs] I mean, I had my share. They were from there and they were not from there, you know? [laughs] I love the vagueness about all this.

Okay, so you eventually ended up leaving Beecher, transferred to another school, and had some experiences there.

I got kicked out of the district of Beecher. You know my mouth. Back then, I was fighting a lot. I didn’t take no-ish from people.

Yeah. When I found him at school the next day, we fought, and then I got kicked out of that school district. [laughs] [laughs] Where does this don't take no shit attitude come from?

I honestly think that it came from being teased in school. I didn’t say much. I started speaking up about eighth grade and then my mouth got reckless. I also listened to Lil’ Kim, which you know is my favorite. Hearing her talk and all that stuff builds confidence.

One of the things that I’m extremely curious about is how did you find your way into the ballroom scene and ball culture?

Ooh, geez. This goes back to freaking...ugh!

We’re all dating ourselves here people. [laughs] [laughs] Okay. It's been 13 years. 2007 was the year I found ballroom. My ex best friend at the time, Mikael, was telling me about it. He used to always show me clips of the category called Butch Queen Face. They were having fun and I’m like, ‘what is this?’ It seemed like a place I could go to and not be judged for who I am or how I acted. He knew about it and one day we went.

Where?

In Detroit. My first one was in Detroit. It was a mini ball. I went and saw, and people were coming up to me asking, ‘do you walk face?’

And I’m like, ‘what is face?’

"2007 was the year I found ballroom...the rest is history."

"In the words of Lil Kim, ‘I ain’t a hater.

I don't even like the word.’ " Haters gone hate

"BALLROOM IS A PLATFORM FOR EVERYONE. IF IT WEREN’T FOR BALLROOM, I NEVER WOULD’VE GOT INTO MODELING."

BALL ROOM

ICuss that face is primed for the gawds baby! [laughs] [laughs] I’m like I don’t know what that is.

When I asked Mikael the next day, he showed me clips of people. The one person he always showed me was Josh Milan Tishi. I looked, and the way that he showed his face with his hands, it was like he was voguing in a way. I was like, ‘this looks fun. They think I can do that?’ One day he took me to a ball, I walked out as a 007, and I got 10's. It means you exceeded the category. You brought it the way it was supposed to be.

I was with the House of Escada for about ten years before I left and went to the Royal House of Milan.

How'd you get in a House?

I was a new face in Detroit, and I was at the mini ball. They had this top-tier Butch Queen Face called TJ Chanel. We battled, and I beat him. That's when the offers came. My experiences, coming up in the ballroom scene, it was kinda like I was in Hollywood. For me to navigate through ballroom, when it was time to go to balls, I thought like a celebrity.

We see you!

In what ways?

I started battling, but I wasn’t experienced at the time, and I lost. People were clapping and coming up to me like, ‘oh my God, you did so good. Your mug is sitting girl.’ I’m nervous like, ‘thank you.’ [laughs]

I’d say, 'I’m never going to let anybody see act [a certain way]. I’ll never let nobody see me get mad if I lose.' I always tried to remain humble. Being humble gets you very, very far.

That’s what I had to do for me to survive and not lose myself. Was there a time that I thought that I was? Yeah. I was really into ballroom. All my friends were there. I didn’t talk to you unless you were in ballroom. Some of the stuff that people may go through in ballroom I never experienced because I didn’t align myself with those types of people. That kept me sane.

[laughs] Giving you all the terminology.

Right. I’m 18 at the time hearing all this lingo, and I didn’t come from this world. I didn’t come up with gay friends. I was my gay friend.

I didn’t have gay friends to sneak out with or know about all this stuff. Joining ballroom was like feeling accepted in a way.

I can see and relate to that. I didn't know anything outside of the fact that I knew I liked men.

My family accepted me, but it was more so the outside world. Ballroom was a place where I could come and be as gay as I wanted. If I wanted to come with 12-inch heels, a G string, and a bustier, I could. [laughs] It gave me confidence, and the rest is history.

Now you’re a part of the ballroom scene, which leads you to become associated with the gay life. What was your experience navigating that?

What are some things that you love about the ballroom scene?

I love everything about ballroom. People can say a lot of negative things about it, but until you live that life, you can’t put speak on that life. Ballroom welcomes everyone except straight man. [laughs] In a lot of ways that makes sense.

Not in a prejudiced way. It’s like, what categories would they walk? This is something for homosexuals, right? I can’t see a straight man out there voguing and slamming his body onto the ground.

On top of that, why would we even want heterosexual men, who the majority of them despise us, to be part of something that they would never truly understand?

The space was intended for and created by the queer Black and Latinx community.

You know, ballroom is a platform for everyone. If it weren’t for ballroom, I never would’ve got into modeling. You’re voguing, that’s a dance career. Everyone there is so creative. You have to be there in person to witness the creativity. It really is a big fashion and talent show.

I want to go and have that experience. It looks incredibly fun and high energy.

Ballroom seems like a good place to be.

It really is. If it wasn’t for ballroom, I honestly don’t know where my life would be. I was still running my mouth, fighting people in the streets. Once I got into ballroom, all I thought about was walking a ball, what I’m going to wear, how I’m going to look, and how I am going to sell my face. That was my focus, and it kept me out of the streets.

The ballroom scene protected you from a lot of the pitfalls.

"Gay people rule the world."

Most definitely. Ballroom is a gateway for people who’ve been turned away from their family or told they’re probably never going to be something. They come to a ball and they do something and wow the crowd. The ballroom scene builds a lot of confidence in people.

You credit the ballroom scene for your ascension into modeling. How did you make that jump?

I moved from Detroit in 2008 to Charlotte, North Carolina. I was still involved in balls and a few photographers that were out hit me up.

They wanted to shoot me and that’s how it started. I put my pictures on Model Mayhem and was building my portfolio to become a model. [laughs] They saw that face, and were like, I gotta capture this.

When I did my first photoshoot, that’s when I said this is the start of modeling. 2009 was the year I did my first ever photography shoot without ever using my cellphone.

Is that the reason why you ended up moving to New York?

Yes. North Carolina had an agency, but I can say that I wasn’t what they were looking for.

They gave me the script, and I was nervous. It was my first time trying out, but I guess I didn’t read it with as much enthusiasm as they wanted me to.

Obviously, you are an out, gay man. How does this play into your modeling career?

Have you been turned down for gigs because you're gay?

THE GAY TRUTH OF IT ALL..

"THE MODELING INDUSTRY IS EVOLVING, AND SEXUAL ORIENTATION SHOULD NEVER BE A REASON NOT TO HIRE A MODEL."

M O D E L I N G

NEW YORK LIVING From TV to reality...

"To live where I was watching shows about is amazing."

THE BIG APPLE

No, I haven’t personally. The modeling industry is evolving, and sexual orientation should never be a reason not to hire a male model, any model at that unless you are a homophobic person. When I go to my audition, do I be myself, yes. I don’t become someone else so that I can get the gig. I become someone else when I get the gig because I’m on set.

Right.

The majority of the time, they want to see your personality. That’s how I got the majority of my gigs. So, I’ve never had an issue with my sexuality when it comes to modeling.

In your experience, do you think the model industry is being progressive in terms of working with, hiring, and featuring queer people?

Yes. Gay people rule the world. We have gay designers. How can you not have gay models when we have gay designers?

And gay stylists and hairdressers.

Exactly. Everything is gay. [laughs] Maybe in the nineties, it probably would’ve been an issue, but I wasn’t there. I can only speak on when I debuted, and I never had any experience because of my sexual orientation.

Now I have been moved from a position on a show.

[pauses and laughs] [laughs] You ain’t gotta say nothing! We already know the answer to that. [laughs] How do you enjoy living in New York?

I have never walked so much in my life until I moved here. Back [in the day] at home in Beecher, it’s, ‘hey, I got $5, come pick me up.’ ‘I got weed, come pick me up,’ and I was in the streets. Here it’s, ‘hey, I’m coming over lemme grab my Metro Card.’ But I honestly do enjoy it. I heard about New York on TV, watching sitcoms and movies. To live where I was watching shows about is amazing. It smells like pee and booty. [laughs] But it’s a lovable city. Like they always say, if you can make it in New York, you can make it anywhere. This place will chew you up and spit you right out.

You gotta have some grit and a tough shell to get through. Do you feel being in New York has given you a sense of feeling like you can really be yourself?

No matter where I lived, I was always myself.

In Beecher, I was gay. In Flint, I was gay. When I moved to Ypsilanti, I was gay. I will always love Flint. I will always love Beecher, but I knew that if I wanted to be someone, I did have to experience life and get out of there. I couldn't keep watching television living vicariously through celebrities.

Really?

He told me that I was going to open the show and the day that I got there…[laughs] look I know that I’m a good-looking guy, but this is modeling we’re talking about. [There was] a handsome prince with the body of a Greek god and...

You got to get out there and experience it.

How have relationships and dating men in New York been?

I’ve been single for six years.

Single and celibate or single and having some fun here and there.

[laughs] Was he white?

Call me Noah I’m on my ark sailing through. [laughs]

But for a while you were looking for your Wade, right? [laughs] [laughs] Oh my god! That sounds something I said eight, nine years ago.

[laughs] This celebrity nigga. What are your thoughts on the state of the Black queer community?

like

You did say that eight, nine years ago. I remember it perfectly. You were looking for your Wade to your Noah.

Honestly, there's a lot of work to do. The only thing that I don't like, from my experiences in New York, is I hope and pray that these people can get off crystal meth. That's what's killing the youth—the Black queer community.

[laughs] That is funny. They need to bring back Noah's Arc. Back then, I was, but once I signed my modeling contract with my agency, Bella, in 2018, that's my Wade. That's my lover.

That's what I started focusing on. Am I looking around for people? No. If someone comes up to me and says, ‘Hey, I think you’re good looking. I think that you’re sweet. I like your energy. I want to get to know you,’ there's no harm in that. But honestly, no one comes up to me. Nor am I looking for someone to come up to me, and I am definitely not desperate!

In addition to drug usage, do you think that we put too much emphasis on sex?

He gotta state it for the record y’all.

Definitely. I want the romance before the sex.

But I always run into the people that have that as number one they list. [laughs]

Definitely for the record. Look 15, 16-year-old Noah, yeah. Now, I'm 31 years old. If it happens, it happens. [laughs] Maybe Wade is not in New York.

That could be true.

He could be in California or North Carolina.

For all I know, he could be in Guam and I wouldn't even know. So, I'm just chilling, cruising, sailing on my ark with my animals. [laughs] [laughs] I'm done! When you look at the state of the Black queer community, what are your thoughts on it?

It doesn't even matter what group you're in, someone is going through something. In the Black queer group, we could be going through the same thing that the straight group is going through. But…I lost my train of thought.

What was that question? [laughs]

I mean, I like sex like the next person. It’s probably number four or five on my list.

Number one is personality. When I was coming up as a teenager, as an openly gay Black male, I didn't have sex on my mind. I just wanted to be around that person, cuddle up under them, you know?

Did you want the intimacy?

[laughs] They must see that face and that tight body! [laughs] Sometimes growing up, I wished I was unattractive.

Really!?

I get some people like the lusting over, but I didn’t at that time. Now it doesn't bother me because I'm used to it. I came out at 15, but I didn't start to experiment until about 18, 19.

When I started coming out to the gay scene, and people were lusting after me, it was kind of creepy. This was all new. I wasn't used to it because I didn't hang around gay people growing up. I hung around girls.

How do you handle being a queer Black man in America?

I meditate.

We stan a spiritual man.

I have so much confidence and respect for myself. No one can tell me about me but me.

Whatever you're going through or how you feel about me, it has absolutely nothing to do with me. No one bothers me, and I don't bother them. That's how I navigate it. I don't bring attention to myself. Like I said earlier, I do have a feminine side, but I'm not real flamboyant. Back then, I was.

I agree with that statement. Who you were then, and watching you now, there has been an evolution in personality and the way you carry yourself.

I'm the driver of this life.

Do you have any regrets about anything in your life so far?

My family will always be an inspiration and motivation for me to continue to push forward. To them, I am a celebrity. I may not be on TV, yet, but they see the stuff that I do in modeling. That's enough love for me, and that’s all I need, honestly.

Any last words before I close it out?

I haven't done an interview in so long. [laughs] I want to give a huge shout out to my late bestie Melvin Morgan. He was the first straight guy I had as a friend. He opened my eyes to not dislike heterosexual men all the time.

Melvin, who was 100% heterosexual, never had an issue with my sexuality. I could be as gay as I wanted to in public and he didn’t say a thing. He was one of the main people that was pushing me to pursue modeling. For him not to be here to witness me doing campaigns for Macy’s, Forever Marks Jewelry, and other stuff makes me sad.

That's real shit.

No. When it comes to men, I have no regrets.

The only regret that I can think of right now is, I wish that I was not so wild in school. Going to different schools and leaving friends that you grew up with since the second grade wasn’t fun. That was really hard for me to leave Beecher. Everything else, I don't regret it. But everything happens for a reason.

Where you are in life right now, what would you say to queer folk?

I want to shout out to everybody at Beecher.

They show me, mad love. To see them all grown and living their best lives with their families makes me happy. The same goes for my friends in Ypsilanti that went to Lincoln High and my people in North Carolina. I have to say thank you to everyone who’s been in my life and have supported me from day one.

Whether we're friends or not bitches! [laughs] There’s that mouth!

Always be you. Be real 100%. Don't be fake.

Always speak your mind, cause no one will never know how you feel unless you tell them.

Stay safe. Stay away from drugs. Don't let your friends peer pressure you into anything you don't want to do. Stand up for yourself.

Stand up for your rights. Never give up on your dreams. Keep pushing forward.

Who do you look up to?

In the words of Lil Kim, ‘I ain’t a hater. I don't even like the word.’

Always be you. Be real 100%. Don't be fake. Always speak your mind, cause no one will never know how you feel unless you tell them.

WORDS TO LIVE BY

PUBLISHED IN FLINT, MICHIGAN

VOL. 22 | JULY 2020

NOAH LAMAR

THE MODERN QUEER