Miguel Flores Vol. 34

S A

N

05

| VO

L. XXXIV |

JA

NU

A

R

Y'

25

SE

O

Miguel Flores

welcome CREATOR - EDITOR

PHOTOGRAPHER

VOL. XXXIII

Xzavier V. Simon

Omar Musa Tukurah

Miguel Flores

Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon

Instagram: @musatukurah

Instagram: @miguelqflores @shamanmiguel

Website: www.themodernqueer.com

Website: @musatukurah.smugmug.com

Concept: Miguel Flores

Youtube: The Modern Queer Podcast

Photo Editor for light photos: Edison Alejandro

Makeup Artist for light photos: Shaliah Dorner

MATTIE LOU GOOLSBY

UBALDO PATIÑO

PAULINE “POLA” FLORES

editor’s note Before we begin this volume of The Modern Queer Magazine, we want to take a moment to honor the ancestors pictured here: Ubalda Patiño, Mattie Lou Goolsby, and Pauline “Pola” Flores. Furthermore, this honoring is extended to Miguel’s entire ancestral lineage, both maternal and paternal. We give offerings, love, abundance, and peace to the ancestors who have poured into Miguel Flores, allowing Miguel to grace this realm to their fullest potential. In their honor, we bless this volume so that all those who read, share, and discuss it will experience growth and healing and be guided in full strength by their ancestors. Ase. Miguel Flores and I have known each other well for over 10 years. Since then, our lives have changed significantly in unimaginable ways. I’m proud to be able to create space for not just people I happen to meet but also for those I love. This volume has been in the works for two years now. In spiritual terms, it wasn’t time to share Miguel’s story, and I wasn’t ready to hear the depths of Miguel’s journey.

But as our conversation begins, if there’s one thing to know, we’re on Spirits time. This conversation between friends happened during Spirit’s time, and it is such that everything you read is Spirit’s doing. So kick back, relax, enjoy a supremely cut-down 4-hour interview, and enjoy some incredible photography.

With love, Xzavier

OSCURIDAD A TRAVÉS DE LA LUZ

MIGUEL

Interviewed by: Xzavier V. Simon

FLORES

DARKNESS THROUGH LIGHT

Photographed by: Omar Musatukurah

I am excited. This has been two or three years in the making. So much has happened, and it’s finally, we are here.

from the childhood trauma that I experienced. I think a lot of LGBTQ POC are afraid to dive deep back into their childhood, back into these experiences, and revisit these Make sure we’re recording this time. memories.

Remember last time?

I remember when I was trying to It was such a good conversation, but seek help from Western medicine, now in hindsight, after everything which never worked for me. I was you’ve been through, I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic through, we’ve been through Stress Disorder. I think that, as together, this feels like it’s the indigenous peoples, we need to moment—especially with understand and realize that Western everything going on in the world. medicine was not built for us. It was built for our colonizers. So, I Let me start with this. We are all on struggled through that system of Spirit time. We’re on the ancestors Western medicine and tried to find a time. We have this plan for our lives solution for the multiple things I was and try to control every aspect of diagnosed with when the solution [it]. And when things don’t go as came from within. planned, we see it as a failure. But really, it’s not a failure or a setback. The solution didn’t come from going Spirit runs the show. As Joy said, this to the psychiatrist and being on is Spirit shit. And the more we lean drugs, going back and having to up into that, the easier [and] more my dose, and checking myself into a abundant life will be for us. mental home. That was never the solution. Was it part of the plan?

Absolutely. Thank you so much for Absolutely. agreeing to sit down, have this conversation, and share your life. But I think that because of capitalism You came up with this incredible and colonialism, we have forgotten concept of the photos and story that the way of our original peoples, and we were able to capture. And now we have forgotten that having a it’s like putting words to it. [The mental illness in Indigenous culture Modern Queer] is Spirit led, born means that you are chosen—that you and created. So, where would you are a god. It’s a sign that you are a like to start on this journey? prophet, and Western medicine, in a sense, in my opinion, completely I wanted to talk about mental health. demonizes these imbalances from There’s so much to say about it. I their understanding. want to start off with childhood trauma because I feel like in POC I agree. With the advent of going communities, LGBTQ POC within, dealing with, and revisiting communities, we’re often told to those memories, I truly believe that overlook these trauma seasons. In a [many] of us don’t want to do that way, we are programmed by our because we don’t know how to and families and society that this is a don’t have the tools. Also, some of normal thing. What I’ve had to us don’t have the mental fortitude realize is my mental health issues, to deal with the shit that we find. and my spiritual abilities were born It’s not just about dealing with the

trauma. It’s also about accepting it, accepting our role, and understanding that we’re not victims. When did you discover that you were having these challenges and these traumas?

Honestly, I would say since I was a child. I didn’t decide that I wanted to do something about it until I started college. I experienced, saw, and went through so much. I went through so much abuse at a young age. My nervous system was shot. I lived in a lot of fear. I was very insecure because I witnessed so much domestic violence.

I witnessed women getting beat around me.

I was molested at a young age. I was in and around communities where people were being shot and killed.

There was so much happening around me and I was always very emotional. Well, I was born emotional.

I definitely can relate to that.

I’m a firm believer that we choose our lives, and we choose the challenges and traumas before we get into this body. Is there some free will? Yes, there is. But I know that I chose to go through childhood trauma. I chose the trauma that made me who I am today, even though it hurt like hell. I chose in this lifetime to be a witch doctor, to invoke spirits into my body, and to do all this amazing work.

So, I want to pause for a second. To me, a very critical and core component of spirituality is this aspect of responsibility that we have as spiritual beings, and we chose this experience—we chose this life.

UNIVERSAL TIME “We are all on Spirit time.

We’re on the ancestors time.”

We chose the family we were born into. I have seen a lot of people over the last couple of years give push back to that way of thinking. Why would I choose this? I agree with you, though. I chose this. For me, having that sort of viewpoint, that perspective, empowered me to start taking a more active role in my life and being proactive instead of reactive and responding to everything. But explain how you came to that point where you accepted that you chose this experience.

we don’t have; they are abilities that we’ve had in past lives. One thing I started to do was look into my past lives. People are like, “Oh, that sounds hard.” No, it doesn’t.

Meditate. Set an intention.

I turn off my phone. I don’t listen to the outside world. I connect with Spirit. I connect with the ancestors. I give my ancestors offerings. I give my Spirits offerings. I give myself offerings. You have to cut out all the outside noise and energy, even if it’s coming from parents, family, and friends because this is about you and It took me a while. When going your connection to Spirit. through the deepest depths of my healing, I’m like, let’s go a little Spirit’s going to tell you things that deeper and figure out why. I had to parents, family, and friends are not get quiet and listen to Spirit. In the going to agree with. If you do it and world we live in, the opposition does you feel alone and depressed, maybe everything they can to disconnect us you need to journal and write down from our connection with not only why you feel alone and depressed. our honorable ancestors—our angels Where [does] that come from? Does —but also our spirit guides and our it come from childhood? What higher self. memories can you revisit and write down, burn, and throw into some When I was going through my panic fire? attacks, when I was checked myself in the mental home, I’m like, why did People try to make it seem so I choose this? I had to rely on my complicated to connect with Spirit community. I knew Spirit would send and your higher self, and it’s not. You people to help me. I knew the have to make the effort, and you ancestors would send answers, and have to want to get better. This may eventually, they did. But, I had to get be somewhat of a painful process, quiet, start meditating, and ask Spirit and yeah, we can acknowledge that why I chose this. Unfortunately, the pain, but we can acknowledge that system does not teach people how to revisiting that pain is going to heal it. connect with their pineal gland, third eye, and the higher realms.

We’re sitting in meditation. We are disconnecting from the world.

We’re talking about energy. We’re We’re doing all of that. And now we talking about this acceptance. But start feeling things. We start how does one get quiet and connect hearing these voices because it’s with their higher self, connecting not enough to listen. There, the with their internal guidance and trusting and having faith in what it spirit system? is that you’re getting internally, especially as it relates to dealing These abilities that we think are with that trauma, dealing with that hidden, dormant, within us, or we pain, dealing with that loneliness

and depression. How did you come to trust what you were getting?

That’s a good question. I think it’s paying attention to those doubts and where those doubts come from.

Cause we all have them. People need to understand and realize that you are not always your thoughts.

Your thoughts are sometimes outside entities. The biggest thing for me was working through instead of ignoring those thoughts coming up. [But] people like to preach all this love and light stuff but don’t like to talk about the healing that comes with it.

I love the meme of the guy in the water saying it’s not that deep. It is that deep!

When I was going through that process, realizing that I’m doubting myself, [it’s] where is this coming from, and how can I resolve this?

Let’s not ignore it. Let’s integrate it so that we can transmute it into the light or even transmute it into the

“Spirit’s going to tell you things that parents, family, and friends are not going to agree with.”

dark to be an ally for us moving forward. We need to analyze that more and do the inner work, the shadow work, instead of pushing it aside. The most pivotal moment for me, when I was like I’m gonna change my life, is when I went on a fast. At the time, I was still in the Catholic Church. I went on a fast for 40 days and 40 nights.

The dedication!!

I fasted, and I started hearing voices.

When I was in church, during Lent in the Catholic Church, [you] usually touch a fountain of water to venerate yourself before you go in. I touched it, and I felt the hand of Christ. As soon as it happened, I started to hear the voices.

At that time, I didn’t know I was a shaman, a witch doctor. I spoke to my mom about it [and] she’s like, ‘Well, you know, we do have these abilities.’ And I’m like, well, I’m going to get checked out. I was working with one of the best psychiatrists on MSU’s campus. She was like, ‘Well, you’re not bipolar. So, if you’re hearing voices, it might be psychosis.’ They scanned my brain.

They didn’t find anything. She just looked at me and said, there’s a spiritual reason behind this. We can’t explain it.

It was a fast from drugs and alcohol because I was getting turnt every weekend. I utilized drugs and alcohol. The first time I drank and smoked, I was 11 and a half going on 12. My mom and my family caught me. [At] about age 16 or 17, I was in the Catholic church. Luckily, I was in a Mexican Catholic church, which is very much mysticism and spirituality. I felt such a strong connection to God and the saints, which I call the Orishas now.

She said that?

“...these invisible wounds, if we don’t treat them, they leak into our physical bodies, and they turn into illnesses and imbalances...”

What the Christians call hell, in shamanism, there is a hell, but it’s called the underworld. This is where we go to heal. It was hard because I couldn’t play the victim. To me, I’ve been raped while drunk. I’ve been sexually assaulted while presenting as a woman because I’m gender fluid —two-spirited. These people left harm on me. It left an etheric scar— an invisible scar. These etheric scars, these invisible wounds, if we don’t treat them, they leak into our physical bodies, and they turn into illnesses and imbalances that doctors can’t explain.

We need to thank these spirits for their role because the more we play the victim, the more we feed the opposition. When we’re doing shadow work, we need to shift our perspective from victimhood to stepping into our power and being okay with feeling depressed. There are times in our journey when we’re going to have to feel through some Yeah. She had a small background in things, but we don’t have to stay yoga and meditation. That’s where it stuck in those things. started, and then I went to see my first psychic. She told me what my It’s for sure a moment of taking higher selves would tell me: You’re back and reclaiming your energy not crazy. You’re a shaman, you’re a and power. channeler, you’re a healer [and] this is why you’ve had all this childhood We can thank those people, places, trauma. In that moment, I knew I was and situations for the roles they speaking to my higher self and my played, and that takes a lot of work life would change. But I had to put in as a victim to thank their abuser. the work. That’s kind of where it all But once you realize how much started. It was very rough and heavy more powerful it made you, and after that. once you realize that spiritual maturity, that’s how you let them Let’s talk about the fucking work go. It might not even be forgiving. because there is some dark and heavy shit that we have to go As you’re going through this through. You talk about being underworld and as your memories, molested and being abused. You talk life experiences, and past life stuff about having these experiences pop up, what is Spirit saying to with spirit and people thinking you? you’re crazy. Now, you go through this shadow work.

When you do the shamanic journey, 10 minutes can feel like 20 years because everything happens so fast.

What’s going on through my head is, ‘Wow, I am powerful.’ It was liberating when I got ate by a snake.

The snake ate me to purify my vessel.

I cut myself out of the snake, and then the snake became a spirit animal of mine.

Rebirth and reincarnation.

It’s nothing like what we’re taught.

But again, that’s because we are taught and programmed in a specific way, especially if you live in the United States. And if we go out of that norm, it’s considered demonic or harmful. Shamanism exposes all of that.

Everybody’s process in this journey is different. There are similarities, but everybody has their unique way that spirit has them going through to heal. Did you think the process would be longer or shorter than you thought it was? And did you find yourself having to go through a lot of stuff alone?

I would tell myself I am healed through things I wasn’t, which is a disservice to your higher self. I see that a lot in society and my clients.

They say, ‘Well, I thought I healed from that.’ No, you didn’t. Don’t play yourself. I feel instead of putting a timestamp on it and saying this is going to be so long or so short, [trust] the process. Healing is a continuous thing.

to look like lunatics. That’s the biggest challenge is trusting in your higher self or Spirit or whatever you believe in when they have you out here doing some crazy shit for your healing, and it’s unconventional. You know that still is my biggest challenge.

You learn some of those things and discover more through the journey.

One of the biggest challenges I remember was being told I had to sit in the house.

Yeah. That’s a hard one. I’m glad you brought that up.

The gag is that it doesn’t get any Spirit was like, no, you cannot easier. It’s more challenging. It feels leave. You have to stay right here. like we do even crazier shit.

You cannot leave this house. I’m like, what am I supposed to do?

It gets more challenging, but if you can have a strong mindset and say, This is a challenging thing. Even ‘Well, it’s getting more challenging some of the closest people to you, because I’m getting more powerful,’ when you tell them the instructions you’ll be at peace with that. With you were given, they’re gonna say, those challenges come rewards to ‘You think Spirit would really want where it’s worth it. But again, that that for you?’ Meanwhile, this also comes with reprogramming person is not connected. I’ve had your mind, which is hard. It’s not that happen. easy.

You and I have had conversations You’re taking me down memory where I’m like, ‘I don’t understand lanes thinking about stuff. What we what the hell you going through, consider to be the spiritual life, the but I’m holding you in love spiritual journey, we’re still support.’ Sitting still is still one of comparing ourselves to other the most challenging things that people’s journeys.

I’ve ever had to experience. In sitting still, there’s no running This worked for such and such, so away—no distractions. It’s you, and I’m going to try it for myself instead it’s Spirit. It is beyond intense. It’s of checking in with your ancestors to every single day, every minute of see if that’s something your lineage every hour, and they’re in your ass. ever did.

And you just like, can I get a break?

It’s also getting comfortable being uncomfortable.

It’s getting comfortable being unconventional.

It’s getting comfortable walking in the absolute unknown, pure darkness where you have no idea about the next. I remember the Spirit may have a completely crazy shit Spirit had me through. different plan for you now. Here’s Social media is a big one. the caveat. The majority of people don’t want to go through with that Spirit will say write this and post plan they’re given because [it] is that shit. And I’m like, why do you heavy and dark, requires us to be want me to put this out there like very uncomfortable, and requires us that? What is this about?

The break is when you sleep. Even then, you’re astral projecting.

You’re going out into the etheric realm, doing x, y, and z. You’re having dreams and visions, then you’re waking up confused. But I have to say that I’m incredibly grateful for those experiences. It gave me the fortitude to be able to deal with stuff. During that time, Spirit told me I couldn’t get a job.

Ooh, I hated when they told me that In those times of solace, and I’m sure for six months. Oh my gosh. you can relate, that’s time well spent.

We’re meditating, going into the When Spirit tells you to depend on astral realm to figure out what’s them, that was tough. The gag is going on in our life. that we’re always dependent on Spirit, but we use money, Because of my background, because I materialism, other people, and so have indigenous blood, it’s always forth as dependent things. With been ritualizing my time alone, doing Spirit, you don’t know how or what offerings, doing spiritual baths, doing you gon eat that day. You don’t research, and not having a teacher to know about anything. That was a show me how to do these things. I’m level of scariness I’d never saying, okay, baby, we’re not crazy. experienced before. I’m getting a little emotional thinking about that I remember. time in my life.

It’s a time of self-reflection, I’m out here looking crazy, and disconnection, and getting into a everybody’s judging me. Meanwhile, ritual. When I’m spending that time Spirit is like, I love you. You are alone, I’m doing a three-day ritual. exactly where you need to be. I got I’m doing a three-day spiritual bath. you. And little do you know, it’s I’m [doing an] offering to an Orisha about to pop off. It was hard dealing or two. I’m ritualizing this free time with trauma, family stuff, my to disconnect from the world, relationship with my father, and my connect closer to my guides, and relationship with myself. I had to listen to what they say. admit that I wasn’t always the best person.

Your higher self might tell you stuff you don’t understand, but you do it.

That some things I did were fucked You lean into spirit because that’s up, and I had to admit that. how you learn. Once you do it and Sometimes, I’m not always the good you listen, you’re like, y’all was trying person I think I am, and I better to pull some demons off of me from understand that I am a multifaceted my ex. individual, that I can make mistakes, that I can fuck up, and Y’all were trying to save my life. that despite my flaws and mistakes, the Universe and Spirit still love Y’all were trying to save my life, and I me. That unconditional love from almost didn’t listen. I think the the universe was so important. biggest thing is it’s going to be different for everyone.

I know you’ve had your own experience being told you must sit You’ve been through and still. How did you get through those experienced a lot. With queer moments where Spirit was so in people, our relationships with our your ass about you need to do this? families are unique. Some of us have better relationships with our Another big issue with individuals is families than others. Regarding they’re scared to go into the astral, your mom, y’all have had moments different worlds and realms. and experiences throughout your life. How do you balance your

journey with spirit and heal from the trauma that has come from family over the last couple of years?

Well, that’s a loaded question. What I’ve had to realize is although we may not agree with our parents or our loved ones, and although they may do and say things that hurt us because of their unresolved trauma or because, in Mexican culture, you can’t speak against the elders even when the elders speak against you and disrespect you and your entire existence, you are told to shut up, you have to understand and realize that you chose this family, this life, and they play a very important role in your life.

Once you begin to evolve and grow and change, you see the generational trauma, and you see family members going in circles, not breaking the cycle. It comes down to discernment, disconnecting, and realizing that just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean they’re your true family.

I heard that.

Listen to Spirit because there are lessons you need to learn through it.

Those lessons are going to trigger them, make you look crazy, make you look like you hate them or you’re the bad one, and that’s okay.

My family is very powerful. I don’t hate them. I love them. But I have learned to put up boundaries.

We need to understand and realize that although they are important and always will be, you have to understand that they’re there to teach you a lesson. Sometimes, that lesson may mean you need to distance yourself from them.

That lesson may also mean that there may be family members you hold closer than others, and unfortunately, they’re going to feel some way, and they’re going to react.

But yeah, that’s how I feel about that.

To the family that has always loved and supported me, which I’ve gotten more from my dad’s side, I truly am thankful and grateful that they’ve always supported me. I remember my great grandma, who just passed away on my Mexican side.

When I told her I’d moved to Hawaii, the only question was, ‘You got a job?’ in her little Mexican accent. As long as I was working, she knew I was good. And I said, ‘Yep, I’m working for myself right now. I’m running my business.’ She said, ‘Okay.’ You know that’s love right there.

I also know that this interview [will] trigger certain relatives and family members. But you know, this is my truth. This interview is the closest to a tell-all anyone’s ever gotten to me because I’m a Capricorn.

The honor.

I think it’s a personal responsibility not to react to certain things they say about you or energy coming your way because you’re giving in to that and allowing that to manifest. So yes, we can say, they’re going to say this, do this, do that. But how are you going to react? Are you going to stand in your power?

I’m exposed right now. I was uncomfortable stepping into that space, into that power. I saw too many people abuse power and use it in a way that was malicious, manipulative, downright hurtful, and disrespectful.

So, I always had this fear in the back of my mind that if I had this power, I wouldn’t have used it because I was scared of what I’d do with it.

And I learned that’s not trusting Spirit and myself.

In the aspect of community, Spirit has told me, we are your community. It’s not about finding community externally.

It is communion with the spirits, getting that close connection, and strengthening it with the spirits, I love my family dearly. I love my ancestors, and guides who come mother, but I know where we stand through you. and that boundaries need to be put up. Certain conversations need to be The thing is, you’ve got to be right had, and certain conversations are with yourself and with your not worth having. She’s where she’s ancestors before they’re going to at in her life. She’s exactly where she allow you to go out and create needs to be. these bonds and connections with other people.

When we release control about [how] other people should act or At the end of the day, who is your respect us in our life, and if we really God? Is it these people in this understand and tap into the power spiritual community? It’s easy to and spirit of unconditional love, lean on and depend on others to sometimes love means moving out. help you spiritually or through Sometimes love means traveling anything. All the while, Spirit is across the world and taking a like, hello from the other side type vacation to Hawaii and then shit. deciding, you know what, I’m going to stay here for a month or two. I’m Every morning, I do a ritual. I do going to tell my family over text. yoga. I do meditation. I do breathe work. No one’s ever going to know It be like that. the ins and outs. I start my morning like that every day to seal off my I think everything is a choice when it energy and prepare me to leave the comes to tapping into your house. When I come back into the spirituality, finding a community, house, I do the same thing. People putting up boundaries with family. think, oh, my ancestors got me. My Everything is a choice. You have to angels got me. Your ancestors are decide. Spirit is going to tell you to going to give you the tools. do things that are not the norm. And I think that’s where the biggest And they do. blockages come through with people.

They are protecting you from so many things. But there are certain They’re not willing to be things that you need to have in your uncomfortable and end up stuck in own hands. They’re going to lead their 9 to 5, not living their dreams. you to yoga, meditation, They feel soulless because they’re breathwork, [offerings], and things not following their dreams. People like that. But you have to pull the are depressed because they’re not trigger on that. And you can’t walk doing what they’re supposed to be around like, ‘Well, I’m that bitch.’ doing here.

Trust me. I have, and I’ve got my ass kicked.

Alignment “When you are truly in alignment things are going to come to you and everything that you need.”

You are that bitch, but we need you to do these rituals so that that doesn’t happen. If something does touch you, we need you to know what to do to get rid of it. I perform exorcisms and things like that. I think that’s one very large part of [today’s] mental health discussion not being discussed. A lot of these people are not crazy. They are seeing and feeling demons and spirits.

We’re not talking about what we feel when we walk into a room—[that] heavy energy.

And it’s important to realize that it’s okay not to have a full understanding of what’s going on at the moment that it’s happening.

You’re trying to pre-empt some shit. You don’t even know what’s going on. I say this from legit personal experience. Some shit is going on, so it must mean this. It must mean this is gonna happen.

I’m wrong literally every single time.

Just go through and experience the journey, whatever it may be. One day, Spirit may tell you to do this; the next, Spirit says It be heavy!!! I remember reading a we’re done with that. long time ago that in Maori culture, autism is described as someone You have no idea what impact being in their own time and space. you’re having and what that impact That hit deep. is doing for whomever. And I get it, especially when you have had As you know from experience, one of trauma trusting. People have hurt the most challenging things is when and betrayed you. People have told you are led by Spirit. Spirit may have you they love you only if you do you do specific things for a specific these certain things. And now you reason. I’m gonna tell you a story are on this spiritual journey with about my celibacy. Sex has always Spirit telling you to do these been something I’ve struggled with. outlandish things.

You’re One of the reasons why I’m here is to wondering how can I trust this heal people through sex. I’ve been when I can’t see it. I can’t physically through a lot of sexual traumas, and I touch it. All I have are these feelings started to use it as a drug as a way to and hearing these voices. escape. I was on my celibacy journey for a long time. I think today marks However, I’ve had so many like a hundred and something days. occurrences where somebody is going through something or needs a Congratulations. word, a compliment, or a hug, and Spirit activates you to trigger a Thank you. One day [Spirit was] like, healing moment. Those are the ‘We need you to have intercourse many confirmations that let you with this individual.’ And I’m like, know that this is going somewhere.

‘What? I thought y’all told me I was I can trust this inner voice. I can healing, and I couldn’t.’ I was so trust this process and this journey scared, but Spirit was with me. more. I can get comfortable They’re like, ‘We know you’ve been listening, and my internal healing is practicing celibacy for a while, but happening. But! And I have to stress now it’s the time.’ It was so crazy this. Don’t nobody gag you like ’cause I had gotten so many signs Spirit. Spirit will tell you shit about from Spirit to do it. I did it; it felt yourself, and you can’t believe it in liberating and healing, and nothing both good and bad capacities. but good came from it.

Yeah, I think you touched on some really important things. We’re told you got to grind and work, you have to have this, you got to have that. A profound message that came recently through a reading that Babalawo had done on me [is] ‘When they run, you walk.’ When in alignment with your soul’s purpose, you should not be struggling to get something or to meet your goals.

That’s where we truly fall short when we don’t break through those generational patterns of trauma and curses. When you are truly in alignment things are going to come to you and everything that you need.

If you ever read the book The Body Keeps the Score, a doctor proves that these physical illnesses and physical diseases are directly connected to our emotional state. I chose to live a very challenging yet prosperous life and there’s no way around it. The challenges that you and I have faced behind closed doors, most people would fold.

As you’re talking, this emotion is welling up in me because it’s twofold. There’s the inner personal individual healing and then the collective healing. We walk into these spaces, engage with these people, do the inner work, and are told to create and start the things we do for our healing and the collective.

As a practitioner of ancestral veneration, live fully for your queer, gay, black ancestors who could never come out of the closet. Live apologetically for your ancestors, your lineage, who didn’t have the same opportunities. Utilize your power by breaking those generational curses in your DNA.

It’s a great responsibility.

Some people call us starseeds, indigo children, or chosen ones. In indigenous teachings, we come from the stars. We are born from the stars. We were planted onto the Earth as galactic warriors. We reincarnated here. We struggle mentally, physically, and even sometimes spiritually because we come from higher vibrational planets that are way more evolved. This largely inspired the photo shoot.

I’m glad we could do it.

This photo shoot is a story of my life.

When I’m in all white, I’m in this nest, crawling out of it. I meditate. I’m starting to remember that I’m going to be okay because I have so many powerful galactic beings from different worlds here with me as well, right? I’m coming to terms with coming into this body as a Miguel because this is just my avatar. When facing these challenges in this dense world, holding onto the tree, and tugging through life, what am I supposed to do?

There was a time in my life when I wanted to kill myself, and the only thing that was keeping me here was…ooh, trying not to cry. The only thing keeping me here was my nieces and little cousins. I knew that if I left, they, my mom, and my family would be so broken. But the kids in my life, they saved me.

So that’s what this story shows.

Then, towards the end of the story, [there’s] that connection with nature —figuring out that I’m a water deity.

Realizing this pain, agony, and suffering can be healed in and through nature, I am more at peace.

I’m happy because I found the water.

I found my element. I found my reason, my purpose in nature. When I am going through it, and I’m having mental health issues, I go into nature. I put my feet in the river. I don’t care how dirty they say that fucking river is if Spirit tells me to.

That’s where I’m going.

And it’s what’s gonna help you get through those moments of, fuck, nothing’s helping. I’ve had times where I was at my lowest, and I’m like, let me go out into nature. Let me lay in the grass. I don’t even care how dirty I get. Our ancestors communicate to us through and heal us through nature. There’s this Come on, Red Cedar River. You whole agenda to disconnect us from think about the name red cedar, the ways of our people. which is a tree. With all the healing properties and nature, it’s a river All of this was preparing me to step that holds too much. They need to into my role as a witch doctor. This tell a different story about it. makes so much more sense to me now. Look at how powerful I am.

That led me to the main solution [But] gratitude is the biggest thing [about] the mental health issues that because you can’t get too bigI struggled with for years. Once I headed. When you work in this field, realized that was a tool to help me you can’t. You have to be careful get through any and all challenges, with that. my journey was good. Is my journey still challenging? Yes. But I’m not It reminds me of a conversation my suffering like I used to. boyfriend and I had. When we first started talking, he asked what I I agree. Whenever we go to the saw in him because we’re in water on MSU’s campus, not only is different spaces in life currently. I it fun, but I also feel a lot better, told him I had some unique and my energy is cleansed. I love experiences with Spirit and that I going there. was aware enough to know that at any moment, all of this could be It’s become such an important over. I’ve lost everything I’ve aspect of my life. I wanted to show owned three times. This is the and share it. I know many other third time the rebuilding process people, spiritual or not, have felt and has happened, and the rebuilding are feeling the same. Throughout has improved each time. that story, it shows where I’m still a little uncomfortable. I’m still unsure You have to be humble. You have to what the fuck y’all got me out here discern what my ego is, what my doing. But again, finding peace Spirit is, and what my truth is. As through nature, I want to advocate you evolve and heal, you start to for everyone to do. become more confident. You begin to trust in Spirit. I went through Absolutely. One reason why I always this and I can get through this. love coming here so much is What everyone sees happening in because nature is readily accessible my life are the rewards when you in a way that it’s not in Flint. It is overcome. transformative.

A WATER SHAMAN

“LGBTQ+ people are the warriors; we were the shamans.”

A Warrior Shaman

Can we pause real quick on the rewards? Don’t lose that thought because we’re cooking. We’re cooking a pot roast in the oven, and I don’t even eat meat, but I can taste it. What I’ve dealt with in my path, not only being a child of Oshun but also being who I am and the energy I carry, and I don’t like this about my journey, is there’s so much jealousy and envy.

Meanwhile, Spirit says, ‘I need you to sit here and deal with whatever you are dealing with.’ Lo and behold, I’m back on the scene days later.

Spirit had me so tough that no matter what happened, I would do this.

Which, let’s talk about these labels.

You were who you were. Am I saying labels are 100 percent harmless? No. There are certain things that I’m proud of. I’m proud of being Afro-Indigenous [and Mexican]. I’m proud of being twospirited. Queer.

I’ve struggled my entire life not understanding why people were so jealous of me when they don’t realize what the fuck I’ve been through.

Especially when you’re not giving that energy out and just being yourself. I think that is a huge component of mental health for spiritually gifted people too.

That’s why I believe it when people say what’s for me is for me. I believe it when Spirit says they got me. I believe it, complain, and cry when Spirit says sit still; I got this. I’ve never gone on record anywhere to talk about the spiritual aspect of journalism in Flint and how much negative low vibrational energy I had to absorb or zip through. But I’m still here. That said, it tells me I’m where I need to be, doing what I’m doing.

Something that I’ve never spoken about on the record, in this capacity, is when I started doing journalism. I’ve never really talked about the jealousy, the envy, the spiritual attacks, the energy people had whenever I came around.

People don’t understand the type of energy and frequency they’re sending out with their hate. It’s a reflection of the work they haven’t done themselves and not living out their true purpose. They’re not being That’s a lot to unpack. I don’t even honest with themselves. know where to begin.

People didn’t see what I had to deal with in solitude and meditation.

People were mad and upset because I’m queer. They were jealous because of how I was writing and the level of access that I was getting. Then we add that people might have been doing this for years and couldn’t achieve the level of success that I’m having, you know what I mean? Some people felt threatened by what I was doing.

On my father’s side, we are Afroindigenous. We are Cherokee people.

On my mother’s side, we are Mexican, but we have a lot of indigenous ancestry as well.

However, I realize that there’s so much trauma in the LGBTQ+ dating scene.

And yet, here’s how good Spirit is. I would go through all that, get fired once, and leave twice. Then Spirit would say, ‘Wait. Chill.’ I’m having a moment because what am I gonna do? I don’t have another job.

[The] original peoples of these [lands] didn’t have a label for gender and sexuality. Back in the old days, just like with mental health, [being LGBTQ+] was seen as a gift. They knew the ancient mysteries. To channel both masculine and feminine energy meant you were god-like.

LGBTQ+ people are the warriors; we were the shamans.

And unfortunately, capitalism has completely wiped away that concept and demonized us. But that just brings me to dating while being Black and queer and Mexican.

I will say dating people of color that are gay, specifically black men; my experience with that has been, ‘Wow, he’s amazing. He’s powerful, but he has so much unprocessed trauma.’ Why does he have this trauma? Well, because he grew up in the black church and his family believes this is a sin, and he was To be an initiated, to be a high priest, bullied when he was a kid. to be a high priestess of Native Americans tribal unit, you had to be So, it’s all these cultural aspects LGBTQ+. You had to be what people affecting queer people that we have call bisexual, gay, queer, trans, all of to sit through that people don’t which were considered two-spirited. realize on the outside. This is something we need to be Sure did! consciously aware of. It connects back to mental health. Verbal abuse is considered domestic violence.

This is something that affects us all.

I’m single going on seven years. The last real committed dating/relationship I was in was horrible. It made me realize that it is very challenging for queer people of color to date and to find other conscious people. Often, we look at the physical body and [don’t] look with our third eye to see what their spirit is like.

What type of entities are carrying them? I know because I’ve had my ass kicked many times by having sex with the wrong person because they were this, that, and the third. It’s important to be careful who we share our bodies with because I’m still healing internally and physically from men that I’ve invited into my sexual energy that shouldn’t have been there.

That Boston relationship was crucial in many ways. If nothing else, just for the understanding that people can still be spiritual and not do the work. You can have these abilities but don’t use them, don’t want to use them, don’t listen, and do a buncha other things. You talk about the mental health aspect of abusive relationships, and after that relationship, I was fucked up. I had a horrible sense of self. I did not trust people.

I was very, very closed off. I hated having to go through the experience, but I understand why.

That experience opened me up to having to deal with the mama issues, grandma issues, daddy issues, abandonment issues, and the issues around how I’ve seen my family get fucked and tore up in the name of love. It was a hard way to learn some life-changing lessons.

I’ve seen my mom bend over backward for men, and men do her wrong. It’s, again, that generational trauma that we are supposed to be here to break. That might be normal in my family, but that’s not normal for me. I don’t want that for my kids. I don’t want that for myself. As humans, we don’t want to be wrong about our discernment. I might not want to face the fact that, dang, I chose him, and this was meant to happen. It is a reflection of my trauma and my self-worth.

This is one of the reasons why I appreciate my current relationship. For one, I’ve gotten more comfortable in myself, and for two, somebody is holding space for me to be myself. Here I am in a relationship where who I am is enough. I appreciate him, but it’s also triggering. I’ve realized from this that there are reasons why I am closed off, why I don’t engage in particular ways, and why I’m very afraid to open up sometimes. I’ve learned these things because I’ve been granted this space to be me.

Right. There’s so many things about love to be afraid of when you’re black and queer. How someone looks, dresses, and acts must mean how they are in the bedroom. My favorite playground was NYC because there was so much acceptance of who I was as both a man and a woman. There was so much of an acceptance of masculine men wanting me to take control of them, and I’m in a dress. Just certain things that I knew wouldn’t happen in Michigan.

When I was in DC there was this different vibe black people possessed across the board.

Not that they were freer but that they felt freer. Another thing I appreciate is the fact that I can be vulnerable, soft, and not judged because sometimes I like being the little spoon.

That fluidity is the great thing about being queer.

Absolutely, and that’s part of the work that I’m doing now because I need this experience to heal some shit that I’m holding on to.

Sometimes you need somebody [where] you realize I have some healing I need to do.

Dating queer and being who I am, there’s so many layers behind it, you know? Luckily, it’s changing. But where do we go from here?

I love that question. Where do we go from here?

When we started this journey, we started it with your concept of being birthed into this realm, coming into this heaviness, and going through multiple dark periods. I’m curious, and hopefully, this can help other people on their journeys: what made you keep going and not give up? I’m sure there were times when you were like fuck all of this.

I’m still dealing with insecurity, and I know it’s from trauma. To see myself in a magazine or website is not even about being on there; it’s about what I’ve been through and knowing that this was possible and that this was only the beginning. Then, getting all this attention and healing people by being myself, being happy, putting myself first, and realizing that you’re not meant to live a hard life. You’re not meant to struggle. You’re Honestly, my family. We may not powerful. You can do this. always see eye to eye, but I know how much I mean to them, and they When I started my career here, I mean to me. Another aspect is my blew up so fast, and my life changed. initiations—those painful yet Then I started going to New York [to beautiful initiations that remind you model]. I also fell in love here with who you are. Another is my the wrong person, and that shut connection to nature. It’s such a everything down. It’s full circle. I fell loaded question, but that’s what’s in love with a man who made me coming to mind. The biggest thing realize that I needed to get back into out of all those is that I wanted to my healing space. I thought I was keep going for myself. going to marry him. [So], I found love here. I found my career here, and I knew that I wanted more for now I’m back finding myself again. myself. I didn’t want to continue to live with family and spiral in and out I want to talk about it. All of this is of depression all the time. I wanted very real and very tangible. It’s to travel, fall in love, live, and be an validating, honest, and all those artist. My higher self knew that there things because these journeys are was more to this life. I saw and felt it, hard. They are intense and full of and I still do. love, growth, and gratitude. But some of them are cutthroat. Some You have to want more for yourself of them have you out here alone and and believe that it’s possible. It’s so by yourself. These different things crazy that we’re doing this interview can happen, but I love how you said in the Detroit area now because this that full-circle moment. is where it started. This is where I kind of blew up. I went to a fashion At some point, everything comes to show in Flint—my first fashion show a head. I believe it’s up to us to have —and my modeling career took off the self-awareness and recognition faster than I ever expected. It was all to notice the signs. My boyfriend in Detroit. just showed me this clip from iCarly where she says that sometimes you We’ve come full circle in a lot of just gotta switch it up on the bitch! different ways.

That’s what you gotta do sometimes. You gotta switch it up I’m trying to cry, but it helped me on yourself and make the decision, come [from] a humble beginning. consciously, that you want better for yourself.

I know that I can do better. I know I can be better. I don’t have to be stuck in these situations. I don’t have to be stuck in this perpetual cycle of reliving past trauma and creating more to have to go through.

Miguel: I would say 75 percent of the people that I’ve encountered, deep down, know what they should be doing, but they don’t have the motivation to do it. They don’t have the action. Part of my purpose here is to continue to lift up my LGBTQ+ community, specifically [people of color].

I also feel like it’s very interesting how people will invest so much into a house or car, all these material aspects, but they won’t invest in themselves. Oh, it’s too much for this reading and this healing when you have these powerful ass practitioners who charge their worth.

Investing in self is something that Spirit had to kick my ass on. I remember several conversations with Spirit about who cares how much it costs. This is what you need. This is for the betterment of yourself. This is an investment to get you to where you need to be. At that moment, I think what we think gets stuck on, wondering how this is going to come back and benefit me financially.

Right.

I don’t think we stop and think far enough to switch it up and look at the benefits as not about the money but the experiences and the knowledge that will happen and we’ll get.

FREEDOM A DECISION. A CHOICE. “Everything is a choice. You have to decide. Spirit is going to tell you to do things that are not the norm. People are depressed because they’re not doing what they’re supposed to be doing here. “

That’s very true. Getting that help removing those blockages and doing the healing work, you [will] have access to money and nicer things in life that you wanted. My money blockages are clearing up because I’m doing the work. I have other practitioners that can help me through it. I could speak for myself too [wanting the benefits] right away.

You started this conversation by saying we’re on Spirits’ time.

Human time is nothing like spiritual time, right? I can speak from my journey. When we talk about removing blockages and going through the dark and the light. Part of it is having to come to the realization that there are people in your life and things that you are doing that are creating blockages.

When you’re heavy into the ancestral work, a lot of blockages, issues, and traumas are in our DNA. Not all medicines are going to work for you.

Not all herbs are going to work for you. I had to learn that shit the hard way. I had to learn that there are certain natural modalities of healing that my ancestors didn’t touch, and they were not effective for me. I had to learn that there are certain things I have to go to the doctor for. So there’s also that balance and knowing.

You’ve been through light. You’ve been through darkness. You chose to come into this world and experience these things in the way you have. I’m curious about you in the present. What are some things that you have learned about yourself and taken to heart?

I’ve learned that I’m much more powerful than I ever thought, and [I’m] grateful and understanding that

I’m so much more than just Miguel.

Sometimes I’m a shapeshifter. One of the biggest things that I’m still working through, luckily my great grandfather Ubaldo Patino is helping me out, is stepping into that power unapologetically.

these positions of leadership, have a hard time really stepping into our power. Stepping into our power means being in the dark, not just the light. Stepping into our power means standing up for ourselves when we want to brush things off, but we can’t. It doesn’t have to be a I think that sentence right there, spiritual experience for you. It stepping into your power might be something different. unapologetically, knowing you’re going to piss people off, knowing Don’t compare it. Find your power you’re going to trigger people, in your way. Make it make fucking knowing that this is going to hurt sense. I’m thankful [you’re] stepping family, knowing this is going to hurt into your power. I’m thankful and friends, knowing people that are grateful to have the time to express going to say, ‘Oh, he’s crazy,’ [that] my creativity through art. This I’m still going to do this because this experience has really healed me. I is what I’m here to do. I don’t give a know it’s going to ricochet and heal fuck [is] when you reach your peak. so many other people.

Does it take time? It might.

My last question. Where are you It sure the fuck does. I don’t want and Spirit going to and getting delulu land nobody on that. yourselves into next?

The other biggest thing is taking care of my physical body. Luckily, I’m very healthy, but there are some blockages that I am working through that are manifesting into minor things. I’m eating and praying over the food and the water. I fucking got this. I chose to go through this so that I can learn my medicine.

We’ll have to wait and see. I definitely will be saying goodbye to Lansing very soon. It will always be my home. I’m always going to have workshops and advocate for my community. But me and my Spirits will end up somewhere very hot, very sunny, and where there are a lot of beaches and water.

We’re all learning our medicine.

That’s what mental health is about.

You are learning your medicine. This is why you’re going through all this shit because you are learning your medicine so that you can help others. So, step into your fucking power and don’t force that power on other people.

That’s a lot of fucking places.

I’m meant to travel. I’m going to continue to build on being a nomad.

I will be traveling much more and living in different places around the world. Follow the journey. Thank you so much. For anyone feeling like they need help, I’m here, and I’ll do my best to be of service to others.

Also very true.

But, first, being of service to myself.

I encourage everyone else to do the Part of having this power is there is saying. going to be so much opposition, jealousy, [and] hate. I find that a lot And that’s a wrap. Perfect. of us sensitive beings, when we’re in

“I’M STILL GOING TO DO THIS BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT I’M HERE TO DO.”