Xzavier V. Simon
Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon
Website:
www.themodernqueer.com
Youtube: The Modern Queer Podcast
Bryce Mata
Instagram: @brycemata
Website: brycemata.com
Mekka Al-Shawi
Instagram @Mekka alshawi
Facebook: Mekka Al-Shawi
Linkedin: Mekka
I've chosen this quote to represent I've chosen this quote to represent Vol 33 because peace is ultimately Vol. 33 because peace is ultimately what we all want To do things that what we all want. To do things that give us peace, as my students say, give us peace, as my students say, "let 'em cook!!" "let 'em cook!!"
I first met Mekka Al-Shawi a few I first met Mekka Al-Shawi a few months ago A friend of mine told months ago A friend of mine told me about a program called me about a program called Queerness In Color. She Queerness In Color She recommended I attend, and I did. recommended I attend, and I did Mekka gave an enlightening Mekka gave an enlightening presentation about queerness in the presentation about queerness in the Middle East, specifically in Lebanon. Middle East, in Lebanon That was one of the most That was one of the most informative workshops I've attended informative workshops I've attended in quite some time. in quite some time
I learned that Mekka is Black and I learned that Mekka is Black and Arab This unique intersectionality Arab This unique intersectionality was, and still is, something we rarely was, and still is, something we rarely hear about and engage with She hear about and engage with. She mentioned that it was hard to find mentioned that it was hard to find representation, and an idea sparked representation, and an idea sparked. And as they say, the rest is history And as they say, the rest is history.
“Do what gives you peace”
This volume is chock full of This volume is chock full of content and outstanding content and outstanding photography I will be very blunt photography. I will be very blunt with those who are reading We with those who are reading. We discuss race, politics, suicide, discuss race, politics, suicide, family, and several other heavy family, and several other heavy topics Queer people are of the topics. Queer people are of the world and engaged with it, so no world and engaged with it, so no topic should be off limits to this topic should be off limits to this publication. publication
Above all, you'll come away with Above all, you'll come away with several things from this several things from this conversation and reflect on conversation and reflect on them. I certainly did. Mekka is an them I certainly did Mekka is an incredible person. She is incredible person She is rambunctious at times, fiercely rambunctious at times, fiercely independent yet sensitive to her independent yet sensitive to her feelings and the world around feelings and the world around her, and bloody brilliant her, and bloody brilliant
Well, without further ado, I Well, without ado, I welcome you all to Volume 33 of welcome you all to Volume 33 of The Modern Queer Magazine The Modern Queer Magazine.
With Love, With Love, Xzavier V Simon Xzavier V Simon
I want to give my extreme gratitude and appreciation to you for sitting down with me for this uniquely special version of the Modern Queer Magazine. I want this to be a conversation because of your unique background and experiences, which I have very little knowledge and experience in. I also want this to be an opportunity for a lot of learning and teachable moments if you are okay putting that hat on during this.
You are the first person of Black and Arab descent. I'm very curious to know how you navigate these realms and how you, if you have, reconciled with your identities. But before we get into that, let's start with you. Can you give us some background about who you are and where you grew up?
I'm Mekka Al-Shawi. I've been figuring out who I am not only as a transgender woman but within biraciality, what faith looks like to me, selfdescribing myself as Muslim, and how I want to navigate myself in this world I am comfortable as somebody who can be that educator [who] can enlighten people
My job working at the Intercultural Center (ICC) [focuses on] doing presentations on specific minority groups [such as] Palestinian struggles and Arab groups. I like [researching] these topics. In my experience, searching for identity and belonging and having to be that educator for a lot of people is fun, challenging, and tiring sometimes. Yet, like you said, it gives the opportunity to grow and find out things you didn't know about or that can help you on your journey.
What made you decide to go into the work that you're doing on campus?
I wanted to start working at the Intercultural Center because that was a very comfortable space for me At the time, my roommates were white [from] smaller towns with little black populations or people of color [and] it was very uncomfortable for me I tried being more active at the Center of Gender and Sexuality (CGS), but it never felt very comfortable
Yes, [CGS] is a space for me to explore queerness, my sexuality, and identity It was through one of their events that I was like, I am not cis That's when I realized that it's nonbinary But that wasn't a place for me
Why is that?
It's a predominantly white space, not specifically something that CGS does. It is how we are as a culture. White people are more inclined to feel comfortable in queer spaces. Where I came from, I wanted to hide this aspect of myself, especially if I'm around other people of color. I [didn't] want to be potentially outed.
That's why I started going to the ICC. I went to one of their events about advertising CAPs and the importance of therapy. The entities that were there were comfortable to be around. A lot of them at the time were black and queer. So, I was like, I'm going to spend more time here.
I can understand and agree with that on many levels. People of color aren't as inclined to go into these kinds of spaces because of our upbringing. We have been told and forced to hide those aspects of us. At the same time, we may be open but selective. To walk into a space like that is essentially coming out to the world.
It's scary being open to this entire space of people. One of the most specific memories towards my queerness is my mother telling me to my face in a store to never be a faggot. Another time, she told me if my grandfather ever found out any of his grandkids were gay, he'd basically abandon them. That's why I'm glad I go to school in Flint.
Here [in Dearborn], I was very closeted. This is what I always talk to my therapist about over the summers. I secluded myself here, and when I came out to my mom, that was a bad time. I don't typically come out to people I remember coming out to my brother, even though he is trans too, but that was still so nervous
That just opened Pandora's box full of another assortment of questions. I'm sorry those things are happening, yet I'm always fascinated by how people reveal that aspect of their lives to people. How was that experience revealing that to your mother?
I was debating it for a long time My first semester here at the university, I started identifying as non-binary. Then, the next semester, I started identifying as genderfluid. In 2022, over that summer, I started identifying as a transgender woman. I started HRT on September 13th. Winter break I was like, I'm sick of living like this different person at home because of my mom. I should probably tell my mom because I was already on medication.
When I was saying goodbye, I was like, 'Mom, I'm trans.' She was like, 'Are you joking?' The first thing she did was [say], 'Did anybody make you feel this way?' Specifically blaming my brother. I was like, 'No, this is how I feel ' And then she started blaming my roommate, who was also transgender The rest of the semester, there [were] a lot of text from her I've learned so much about her in that time That was really tough because we always had a strained relationship I never really felt close to her My brother is six years older than me He's been out for a long time. He's had top surgery.
What is the conversation between you and your brother as you are navigating this? Your mom is clearly having her experience trying to reconcile, or I'm assuming asking the question of why or what she did wrong. Did y'all have a dialogue? Did y'all talk about this?
I can't remember everything that happened. My brother has always been protective of me throughout my entire life. For a bit, I didn't feel as close to him. When he came out, I was still very in denial, even about me being attracted to guys. I heard him come out to my mom I was in deep denial about him, like he can't be trans The first thing I thought when my brother came out was if he's trans, then what am I? What if I'm trans, too?
That’s a powerful thought to have!
I was bartering with myself Maybe I'm bisexual I thought about it I was like, no, I'm gay
It's confusing. You gotta go through it all to figure out where you belong.
Later, I became a lot more accepting towards my brother because his friends were supportive I was a lot younger, though around 17.
How is your relationship with your mother and brother today?
I'm not quite sure. Me and my brother don't like our mom. She still dead names and misgenders both of us. She says she's trying, and recently, she showed me that she is. For my birthday, she got my actual name right on the cake. That's surprising for her to do. It's a strange relationship. She's still questioning me. Is this something you want to do? Is this how you truly feel? Even though I try to explain to her, this is how I truly feel I like dressing [like] I do, and she still tries to talk me out some things
People have seen me in skirts and dresses, and I receive compliments That's where I feel most comfortable dressing Something I did learn is [that] she does address other trans people with the correct pronouns and names But not her kids.
That is an interesting layer of stuff. It sounds like your mother can accept you because she can accept other people. I'm a self-reflective person. I'm always asking what is happening inside of me to make me respond this way. I wonder what your mother has experienced that has made her accepting of other people but not of her own children. In all this, where's your father?
He's long gone. They divorced in 2008, when I was little. There was court-mandated visitation on weekends I didn't understand what was happening, and nobody explained to me divorce I thought my mom was just dropping me off and leaving me I didn't know when she was going to come back It was like, what's happening? I wasn't familiar with my father
“There was this [question of] when did your mental health problems first appear? I'm like, well, damn, I think it was in my childhood, and narrowed it down to 11 or 12.”
“That's what causes a lot of strain. I don't always feel Arab or specifically Muslim.”
She would drop me off in Hamtramck, where he lived After the first period of crying, it was okay [But] I couldn't understand what was happening Then, I went to the court and spoke to a judge, and I didn't understand what happened there
So, you don't have any contact with him?
No. After that visitation period, I've never heard from him again. I [told] my friends I basically feel abandoned.
I’m sorry to hear that. What parent identifies as what?
My mom is black. My dad is Iraqi he's an immigrant.
That is fascinating to me.
I do have a stepdad, though. He's black. My mom and him were like high school sweethearts.
So, how old are you?
I just turned 21
Wait. I have to put this in perspective. All of this happens in late childhood through teenage years.
Yep. I was going through it for a bit. I've been thinking about this recently because I did this health survey. There was this [question of] when did your mental health problems first appear? I'm like, well, damn, I think it was in my childhood, and narrowed it down to 11 or 12. In full honesty, for a very long time in my life, I had suicidal ideations since late elementary to middle school. Those thoughts started happening. If I attempted to end my life, maybe people would treat me differently.
I hated how I was treated. I didn't understand what I did to be different than other kids Why couldn't I make friends or act the same? Recently, I've been considering the idea that I'm autistic because it makes a lot of sense to me A lot of friends I do have are autistic or neurodivergent They understand me a lot more than neurotypical people I don't have to explain my behaviors
I resonate with your story on so many levels. A lot of trauma started for me, too, in my childhood. I thought my younger brother and I shared the same dad. We do not. I discovered I had a different dad when I was ten. My relationship with my father was mild at best. He passed away not knowing very much about me. We got into a lot of arguments.
When I was a teenager, I was very reserved because I got outed in 9th grade. That gave me a whole warped perspective and sense of reality on friendships, love, and all that kind of stuff.
As I'm dealing with that, I'm also dealing with this father who I feel is a piece of shit half the time. The other half is like, I need a dad. It was rough. Also, I, too, had suicidal thoughts because of that and other things. I never felt comfortable enough to have that conversation with him or anybody. I didn't find this out until he passed away, but he was communally active in Flint. We had a lot more in common than I thought.
Something I ponder about is if I had told him that I was queer. What would he have said? Would he have accepted me? Would we have argued again? Would it have been both? I don't know. I'll never know at this point. So, I understand. That's why if your dad ever does show up, or if you find him, sock him one time and call him an asshole. Then, go from there.
I shall try.
You gave a presentation about queerness in the Middle East. During your presentation, you mentioned that you are more connected to your blackness than your Arab identity.
That's what causes a lot of strain. I don't always feel Arab or specifically Muslim. The area my elementary school was in was specifically an Arab school The first white kid I went to school with was in middle school, and there's a bunch of white people everywhere I never experienced that before
The culture shock!
Yes. I wasn't even around other black kids at the time. The only black people I knew were in the family. In high school, I started feeling detached from both. I had Arab friends, but I didn't really have black friends. I don't feel Arab because I can't have conversations because I don't speak Arabic. I don't know anything about Islam or anything about where my dad's from. I don't know anything about his family or where I'm from. I don't know about his siblings. I don't know any of my family.
That's a huge disconnect. I imagine you have this weird sort of limbo feeling. How have you found, if you even started, some answers to all of this?
I don't know anything about Islam or anything about where my dad's from I dont know anything about his family or where Im from
In all honesty, I kind of detach myself. I've always identified with being Iraqi and being knowledgeable about Arab struggles and how American people have specifically affected the Arab region, [which is] why my dad immigrated over here. I've always been adamant about educating myself on that.
When I came to college I tried to go to the Muslim Student Association meetings. I support the organization. It's just I can't actively participate in it They are very nice to me They're always friendly when I talk to them I just have this bit of a stigma, especially coming from schools of Arab boys that are homophobic and stuff
Recently, I've felt I need to educate myself on specific Iraqi issues because I feel a lot more comfortable in my black identity. I started going to Black Student Union meetings addressing and identifying the way I do and nobody ever said anything. I feel a lot more comfortable in that racial identity. That need has been met.
So, I've started kind of doing that with my Arab self. That's why that presentation was very important to me. I started thinking more about queer people within the Middle East especially within Palestin. There are queer Palestinians. We're also victims of this genocide
We need to recognize them In that presentation, I was very surprised to see that there's a period of time within Lebanon that [had] an active queer scene
“Recently Ive felt I need to educate myself on specific Iraqi issues because I feel a lot more comfortable in my black identity
That's why I was floored by what you presented. It's something that I see little representation of. I don't see it talked about. I've seen it on indie YouTube documentaries that you have to be very specific about or want to put in the search bar to show up. Many of the things I have watched aren't necessarily very good in that people are trying to flee where they live in fear of being jailed or persecuted.
I remember one of them talking about they had a little queer hangout, but you would never know it. It was down an alley behind some buildings. It's very secretive stuff, and you would never know its name. You have to talk to someone who knows the person, as this is all inhouse. I wonder how that affects a person mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. To be unable to live with some resemblance of who you are is tough.
For a long time, even before I started as queer in any sense, I was like, damn, I'm black, Arab, Muslim, and I'm poor. I've been homeless before.
You got a lot going on.
I have too many fucking marginalizations. This is crazy.
Your intersectionalities are doing what they're supposed to do.
Yeah, I can never ignore them
I heard you say the overarching umbrella is Arab. But under that, there's Iraqi? Am I correct in this?
I interchange between them.
Cool. So, let me step back and say that I understand a relate to much of your story. While I don't have as many or the same intersectionalities or lack a connection to place and family, I do understand the feeling of not belonging, of not feeling wanted and needed. Growing up in the nineties and then being in high school in the early 2000s, nerd culture was not something you could broadcast.
My intersectionality fell with my identities and my hobbies. Yes, I was black, but I didn't feel black because black people weren't watching anime and playing video games I was playing. Or so I thought! There was this disconnect. Everybody is blasting rap and hip-hop music. I was singing some Japanese anime songs at two o'clock in the morning.
The style of clothes I wore then was very anime —very Asian-inspired. I would go to school, and people would look at me weird. It created the first line of separation. Then when people found out that I was queer, it added to that separation feeling. At that time, at least in a Beecher capacity, the language we have now, the education, the awareness, and the acceptance of it weren't there.
So, it was a terrible time because you're dealing with closed-minded individuals who only know what they know. And so, you are this black rainbow unicorn wearing Asian-designed clothes, playing JRPGs, and what the hell is that? You look in the historical context, and what we don't know, we fear. We fear what we can't categorize and put in a box or put on a label.
I wasn't black enough for the black kids or white enough for the white kids. You can't be. And I absolutely wasn't Asian at all for the Asian kids. So, I just kept to myself.
When was the moment, or what was the moment, where you said, I'm about to step more into who I am and how I want to live my life?
During the winter semester of my first year. My new roommate [and I] became friends very quickly. When I first met her, I was like, oh, there we go. We can be weird together. That semester, we were trying to figure out our own gender identities together. Over that summer, I got some new clothes and stuff. That fall, I started dressing with the chokers and developing my own style.
“I have too many fucking marginalizations. This is crazy.”
““ICANBEMYOWN ICANBEMYOWN PERSON ICANFIND PERSON ICANFIND MYFAITHAND MYFAITHAND DEFINEMEANINGS DEFINEMEANINGS II'MCONFIDENTIN 'MCONFIDENTIN FORMYSELF.ICAN FORMYSELF.ICAN FINDMYOWNSPACE FINDMYOWNSPACE ANDSENSEOF ANDSENSEOF BELONGING” BELONGING.”
[It felt] like the most natural thing I've done. That's how I describe my journey with HRT. I had no anxiety for the first time in my life about making the decision to start taking medication.
The validation of knowing what you're doing is working for you. I love this.
I do love being recognized academically, too I'm really proud about having these events The interim chancellor has spoken to me about the history of Palestine and the genocide, and I'm so proud of that I was very proud to be able to deliver that presentation and help organize the events I'm working on and presenting things I'm very proud of this opportunity to do things I've been writing about since high school.
I love looking cute and trying on makeup. I don't just want to be recognized as a girl who likes to dress up. I want [people] also to recognize me academically and acknowledge the things I put work into.
That definitely boosts your ego and makes you feel more confident. Having these experiences liberates you, right? It breaks some stereotypes down. With queer people, there is sort of this need to excel—this need to prove yourself and the desire to be recognized. It reminds me of Foxy, who said I can be fine and gay as hell!
That's the difference I hated that so much in my childhood I let them define me, and I carried that I'm going to be quiet and reserved and not as active as I want to be I'm so happy to break out of that and find myself I've gotten so stressed recently because I keep trying to overexcel and do the most.
How have you begun reconciling the different religions and spiritualities that come with being black and Muslim?
My mom is the only one that's Muslim. I read this book about this woman who's half-Egyptian, halfFilipino. It's basically growing up in a Christian but also a Muslim household, and I identify with that. A large part of my family is Christian. We would always pray before dinner. I was never religious, to be honest.
I never believe in God. But I still identify as a Muslim. It's like my cultural identity. It's weird because I'm interested in God in kind of a Christian way, but also take Islamic aspects. I do find the Bible interesting in parts of it. I'm going to read it through myself. I want to read through the Qur'an to figure out what it says.
People can twist the meanings of religious text into what they want it to be I want to see how that's done with Islam And so recently, I would say the thing that has brought me back to being comfortable with identifying as Muslim was in my recent course [about] gender and sexuality in Indonesia We focused on this Islamic school for transgender women. I was fascinated by that, and that's why I wanted to take the course.
Yes, I remember hearing about that!
There was this one video that we played of this transgender Muslim going to Indonesia and seeing this school. It was her reciting the Qur'an, and she started crying. I've always felt so detached from Islam because of the people. I'm afraid of transphobic people, so I've separated myself from religious spaces entirely.
So, to be able to see Muslim women engage with this text in a way I've always felt like other people could relate to, could like draw from, and seeing other transgender women doing that was very moving to me I can make this my own thing That's why I like working at the ICC; it fosters a sense of community
I don't know my dad's family What do my ancestors think of me? What would [my grandma] think of me being trans? What would they think of me being trans and not identifying with their religion? [Yet], I can be my own person. I can find my faith and define meanings I'm confident in for myself.
I don't have to identify with a brand that other people who do harmful things identify with. I don't need to attach myself to that. I can find my own space and sense of belonging.
يوﺎﺸﻟا
يوﺎﺸﻟا
e v i l e y e p r o t e c t i o n
You ready to begin part two? If I didn't know better, I'd say you excited about this.
After the photoshoot, your confidence started coming out. I didn't see that coming. Now, I'm curious. There's some hidden qualities about you that we need to know about.
When I'm at school and allowed to be myself, this is how I normally am. Over the summer, I haven't gotten to wear my outfits I want to wear. I haven't gotten to wear makeup or jewelry aside from when I went to the Megan Thee Stallion concert. Concerts like that or when I'm out with my friends [are] usually the only times that I am allowed to be expressive, and that helps bring back my confidence.
When we last spoke, you discussed a sense of belonging, a sense of place, and a sense of self. It's been a little while since our first interview. How has that process been since then? Do you feel you've gotten a better handle on finding your place?
I have been thinking about that recently I was thinking to myself about how my cousins know their dad They have their own families aside from us. I always think about that. I'm sad because I don't have that. Like I said before, I don't have that connection with my dad. I don't know anyone from that side of the family, so I don't have that type of relationship with my family like they do.
I was like texting my friend, like, I think I'm about to have an identity crisis or something. I don't know what weight the name Al-Shawi has. I don't know anyone I'm related to with that name. I was thinking about my relation to my race and ethnicity. I feel like I'm trying to create this connection that just might not be there. I say I'm Arab, and it's part of my heritage, but I don't know what that heritage is That's hard for me and stuff I was crying at that point
Awwww.
Cause I was like, I don't know how to word this exactly If I'm getting at this connection I want, it's like, to what end?
Have you ever thought about or do you have the desire to find your father?
At this point, absolutely not I was crying because I was coming to terms [with the fact] that I was basically abandoned by my dad. I haven't seen him since I was like ten. Never been contacted and never seen him after the divorce proceedings. You just left my life, and I was just like, well, shit.
I don't know if he's a person worthy of striving for that connection because you just up and left my life. How could you abandon a child? I don't know. Cause I know I have abandonment issues, but I just never really concentrated on that being a part of it.
I mean, that makes sense. And with that can come feelings of inadequacy, lack of love, and anger. Like if I ever see that motherfucking ever again, it's on sight kind of thing. I'm sorry cause that's fucked up. I assume you or your mom don't even know if he's still in the country or if he left. Or if he was like my father, who lived 10 minutes from my house.
Last we knew, he lived in Hamtramck.
Absolutely not. Have you ever thought about taking an international trip overseas to connect with your identity that way?
I have thought about it before, mainly prior to my transitioning. The Middle East is not a very safe community, unfortunately.
Very true.
And being openly queer. It could have been safer before I started to transition On my passport, I do have the female gender marker, and I've read about people having issues with that That's definitely a concern for me It's a barrier in addition to the cultural differences
That pissed me off. Again, I'm sorry. I'm honestly stumped. Like, damn, what do you do?
I don't think it's impossible. There's transpeople [who] travel. But I think that relies more on passability. But again, you have to go through all these hoops just to travel to my father's home country
To go back to your presentation, you have to excavate things in a real capacity. However, it also allows you the opportunity to define what this is for yourself. I think about it in this sense. My father dipped out, got remarried, and had three daughters. Growing up, we think about the concepts of manhood and all that. I was very bummed out for a while, and somebody told me what I just told you. This is an opportunity to define this for yourself without other people's influences and things weighing you down.
So, I definitely want to empower you in that direction and give that positive light on all of this. And I think with that presentation on queerness in Middle Eastern countries and what was happening with the transgender community there, and probably other things that you have done, I think you're doing that. It's educational, and it's reaffirming for you.
What was the impetus for that and then wanting to be able to share it at the Queerness In Color event?
Ever since I started working at the Intercultural Center, I wanted to do a presentation on being Arab and queer or even Muslim and queer My first like presentation was being black and queer in the Detroit area. That was another thing I wanted to do, especially with having Queerness In Color and with so much discussion on Palestine and the erasure of queer Palestinians. That's when I really wanted to focus on that.
I did [an event called] What's the word? on Palestine and the history. That was a lot. It was a weighted thing because it was very serious. We had to market it a certain way.
I assume they must have thought with you talking about Palestine, there were a lot of checks and balances to make sure the university itself is not backing some radical ideology kind of stuff.
Yeah, that was the marketing that we had to do. But I got more into it in the presentation itself I think that is all in the context of who you are and what is happening in the world
I think the subject of queerness in the Middle East is very relevant, so kudos. But, there's this sense of boldness. Where does this come from? Even in spite of this gap that you're feeling, you're not just sitting and wallowing in selfpity. Well..maybe you are.
In private. That's when I'm most emotional.
You had your moments in private, but there still seems to be this inward desire to push forward to find purpose, meaning, and educate.
Absolutely. That was definitely another reason why I did it: to learn more about queer communities myself. Cause it's like, I spoke about this before, my class on Indonesia. It's predominantly a Muslim country, and focusing on the Islamic school for transgender women really sparked this interest There's queer Muslims who can embrace their religion and faith in spite of oppression I need to strive for that myself somehow and be able to identify my own identity I can still strive for myself I can still continue along this path
One of the major reasons why I'm so confident in presenting is because I've done the research. I know what I'm talking about. I'm not gonna back down from these things that I know and have researched well. These are facts. So, if somebody is gonna oppose me and try to fight me on this, where are your sources? You could be mindlessly spreading propaganda and may not be fully aware of it. I may know the source of what you're saying better than you, because I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Gag the fuck out of them.
It's also like you said striving for education, for educating others. A very important thing to me is enlightening other people because, as you said, not everybody knows about these things or has a mind to research things. So, I don't just feel like it's my job. I feel like it's something I'm very comfortable doing because I like teaching people things and being able to educate that person I love sharing information Information, for me, is such a valuable thing I love reading I love learning
I love what you said. It's one of those things for me where it's, if not me, then who? And, to me, it seems my life is coalescing around whatever, and the phone is ringing for me to pick it up and do this. Specifically relating to you, this allows you to bridge that gap in a way that is unique to you. We definitely live in a time when the nuclear family is not as prominent as it used to be.
The ability to connect and build your own family and gain a history of understanding through that built family through research and dedication you put towards it is what will sustain you. It was one of the reasons why, after your presentation, I asked you to be a part of this publication. Often, what we're looking for isn't readily accessible. Sometimes, we have to be the thing that creates accessibility and representation for other people.
It's critical for you to be a part of this for that representation so others can be like, Oh shit. I can be this. I can be that. I can do this. I can do that. I can go about life this way. Like, I had never seen queer representation in the way that you presented it. What you did for me is what I want to do for others. I guarantee someone is going to take something away from our conversation.
Yeah. I am very excited for that. The question you asked during my presentation: What ways do I find representation? I've never had Muslim representation in Western media, especially. It's horrible. I know not to hope for queer Muslim or queer Arab representation.
The only thing that pops into my mind is the queer scene from American Gods. That's the only thing that pops out of my head. But other than that, I haven't seen it.
I remember when I watched Moon Knight, people were critical of the casting of the main character. [However] one of the other characters was the first Muslim superhero to be depicted
My issue is that I hate that there's always this knee-jerk reaction. It's always this victimization mentality. Why can't more people of color and queer people be represented? Why do you feel this takes away from you and your life experiences? Why do you feel like you need to be seen 24/7 when there are people in this world who need to be seen just as frequently?
It's a woke-level agenda, though.
I mean, but damn. These people don't rest? They don't take a nap? Do they stop and breathe? It just keeps going.
No, anything different is woke. Don't you know this? Representation is woke.
Sighs. Yes, Mekka, we are woke as fuck. So, you operate in so many different capacities and intersectionalities. Are these types of conversations being had around here or on campus?
I really don't know if those conversations are happening On the topic of book banning for our school district, even for the high school I went to, there was this series of protests and demands for certain books to be banned like Not All Boys Are Blue. You would see in these articles that the predominant amount of them are Muslims.
I don't understand certain things that people do. You know that you're Muslim, and you're allying yourself with homophobic people on the basis of your homophobia. But the person you may be sitting next to is a Trump supporter who wants you to be deported.
And these are very true things.
It's like, what steps are you willing to take, and who are you willing to ally yourself with? You're willing to march with these people, but they hate you for your other identities You may agree on this one thing, but they don't like you And as soon as they're done with this issue
They're going back to whip your ass.
Exactly. For me, it's being super critical. I know I am at this intersection of all my identities, but not everything overlaps with each other Even now, there are a lot of arguments right now about anti-blackness or anti-Arab sentiments in the black community That's heavily prominent right now, and about Palestine A lot of things I see right through
This is a distraction, and all of you talking about this is fueling the flame when you can focus on the genocide happening. A lot of people argue that Palestinians are anti-black and that we shouldn't support them. You're just trying to exist comfortably in your liberal politics.
There's so many ways to look at things. There's not just one solution to things. Yes, there is anti-blackness in the Arab community. There is anti-Arab sentiment in the black community.
I hear about some of these things in Flint.
Those things are true, but is that what's happening here? And is that exactly what should be spoken about so much because there's thought of misconstruing statements?
Even though we may be black in the United States, we still have a sense of comfort, and we still do have this sort of privilege Yes, black people are heavily oppressed in this country and globally, but it's this Americancentric view of it that we can't empathize with another community Being an American holds two sides Yes, we exist in an oppressed system, but we exist better than people who are not in our country.
Several things can be true at the same time. Do you know what I mean? At the end of the day, all of us in this country under this American identity are considered minorities. The majority of us are immigrants, whether by force or not. And while our experiences through history may not necessarily look the same, at its core, it's all rooted in the same ideology and belief. It is, exactly as you said, what is important at this moment.
Some part of it is people using this as a gotcha moment. Like, see, I knew it. I knew these people were anti-black. I knew we should have never supported them. That's what some people are using it as because you never truly wanted to support these people. You just did it because you saw it as a trend. You wanted to feign empathy or humanity. It was never true to you.
This is also very true. A lot of things are now trendy, which is wild to me. When did we consider social justice and human advocacy as trendy?
I'm very judgmental towards, specifically, white leftists. American leftists in general, because I'm not sure how far your activism and your politics truly go. Because here's the thing I say about white leftists. I think you're a leftist or a communist or a socialist until you see a little bit of money, and then you start switching it up.
I'm not sure how far you're advocating or how far your politics go if you're not willing to accept that, hey, I'm American, I'm going to have a specific worldview of this, and that might be why I saw this recently with Venezuela: A lot of people are misconstruing what's happening Maduro stated that he won, but Venezuelans themselves are saying that he did not
He did not win that vote. They also asked him to show his data. Where are the receipts!?
When I see Venezuelans who are speaking Spanish, these Spanish tweets, they're saying they're erasing our voice. This regime has been powerful, and recently, he started cutting off people's access to the internet. So, you think this is a democratically elected president [who's] cutting off people's access to the internet? Y'all are so easily deceived.
Again, it's one of those mind-boggling things to me where I say reading is fundamental. Research is essential. That needs to be taught and embedded into everything. Having data that's not misconstrued and checking your sources is critical. How do you wake up and say, today's the day I'm gonna blow some shit up? Today is the day when I'm going to move legislation forward to deny queer people their rights as human beings. Today is the day where I'm tired of y'all bitches being over there in that country. I'm about to take that shit. Make it make sense to me
I've always been drawn towards racial inequality being black in the United States. But what made me want to look into other oppressed groups globally is being Muslim, Arab-Iraqi specifically. Unfortunately, I think that's what's hindering a lot of people. They cannot empathize because they don't desire to look outside of the United States.
Or look outside themselves. With your intersectionalities, as you've talked about, you are doing research. It's critical because you can't even go to some parts of the world. You'll be detained, your passport taken away, or have your rights stripped because of how you want to live your life.
And that's where sociology comes in because I have to be able to look at things without bias. Information is so valuable to me. I will learn as much as I possibly can
That was me growing up and learning about Japanese culture. I love anime, J-pop, video games, and all that stuff. Then it dawned on me that this is cool, but if I'm going to be in this and invest my time in it, I need to understand its history and culture. Once I started doing that, I was like, Oh shit, y'all got some problems going on over here.
It's taking that initiative that I think we, as Americans, don't do. The privilege of being American is really not a privilege. It's just an excuse to be ignorant. Everybody all over the world knows so much more about so many things that's happening in the world except us. Then, when it gets to us, it's the misinformation. What information is factual, truthful, dependable, and reliable?
So, what is it that you're striving for? What is it that you are envisioning yourself to move into? With all this knowledge and research, you could definitely be out here tagging some motherfuckers. Speaking truth to power. Because you can, it may not necessarily be what you want to do with your life. So where does Mekka see Mekka?
I don't know Period.
I definitely am in between a lot of stuff. I definitely want to continue in sociology. I don't know if I want to be a researcher, professor, working specifically within academia or just in more activist spaces
One thing about it is visibility is dual-sided I would like to be seen by people, heard by people specifically, so I can help share information But I'm also scared to be visible
Understandable. A lot comes with that.
I also think about helping local organizations and working within those spaces. I found community at the Intercultural Center. I want to help develop those types of spaces with people too. I feel there's a way to connect all of them, but I still don't know specifically.
People seem so sure of what they want to do. I would love to deliver a talk to a university. That'd be so cool to do and fun.
Come on Mekka's TEDTalk.
I know! I would love that!
Your face and body language looks like, Yes! Yes! That sounds cool! Yes! To your point, it is scary putting yourself out there. I get nervous and scared sometimes. I get nervous and scared for y'all the people whom I feature in this "woke ass fuck" publication.
But I have one last question for you. I thought about this question 45 minutes ago. That's how long I've been holding on to this question. Who is Mekka today? Right here, right now?
I'll try not to say I don't know because I am starting to have a solid idea of who I am. I'm afraid of identifying myself in case it seems insincere.
Understandable. And I don't want you to feel constrained or have to put labels.
Honestly, I don't allow myself to describe myself without authenticity So, I would say I am a person who heavily focuses on education, knowing as much as I possibly can and sharing that information I love empathizing with people because I have a lot of empathy I'm a very curious person. I am inquisitive. I love learning.
I've become a lot more confident and outgoing than I previously was. I've been called shy and reserved, and that was true. I let that define me and not let myself explore my own identity because of how constrained I felt. But now I feel a lot more confident. I love dressing up, doing my makeup, and exploring different things to express my personality.
Gas yourself up!
I love making friends, making connections with people, being able to learn about people, and having that found family like, my friends Nick and Jazz I have some weird beliefs that if I wasn't here at this certain time, then a lot of things would be different, like a butterfly effect
I think about this a lot If I skipped fourth grade because I had the opportunity to do that and went directly to middle school, a lot of my things would have been different.
I have certain beliefs like little beliefs like that. I am very grateful to be in the position I am in today. I still really appreciate who I am and how I resonate with myself today. I've never felt in tune with myself like I am right now.
We stan. We were already stanning, but you're making us stan even more. Thank you so very much. We did it! We finally did it!
