Jo Ikigai Vol. 28

SEASON 04 VOL. XXVIII JUN. ‘21

Into Their

JO IKIGAI

Step

World

WWW.XZAVIERVSIMON.ORG/MODERNQUEER

welcome EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

VOL. XVIII

01 Xzavier V. Simon

80 Jo Ikigai

EDITORIAL PHOTOGRAPHY 56 Xandr Brown

73 Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon 05 Website: www.xzaviervsimon.org

10 Instagram/Twitter: @dvddyjo

69 Website: https://beacons.ai/dvddyjo

07 Facebook/Instagram @xandr_brown 40 Website: www.xandrprime.com

J o I kig ai ILLUSTRIOUS AND ENDEARING

BY: XZAVIER V. SIMON EDITORIAL PHOTOGRAPHY: XANDR BROWN

To say that meeting Vol. 28's guest, Jo Ikigai, was an

Those themes are still present for this interview, but

experience is selling this entire moment short.

we dive a bit deeper and explore what else makes Jo

When I think about what it took to get to this

who they are today. In a first for the Modern Queer

moment, I have to sit back and smile. I met Jo

Magazine, I am joined by a co-interviewer, editorial

several months ago when I wrote a Flintside article

photographer, and mutual friend Xandr Brown,

about them. At the time, Jo was transitioning from

who's comments are in orange. I invited Xandr

she/her pronouns to they/them, among several

because of the resonance between the three of us

other things. Jo and I hung out for seven hours,

was undeniable. There was something each of us had

linking up with Xandr and another woman named

to learn from one another.

Tia. I should have recognized it then that Jo was going to stick around for a while.

The photos that Xandr took are incredibly revealing, and yet it is something that Jo wants. Jo

For that article, we talked about Jo's activism

wants to be seen. Although it is something that I

within the African-American community. We also

tried my best not to showcase, I didn't overtly feel

talked about the physical, mental, and emotional

like I was simply putting a beautiful person on

abuse laid out by Jo's ex-husband, and in many

display. Nonetheless, this conversation between the

respects, the community itself. It was challenging

three of us, and its photography, I think, continue to

trying to weave a story ripe with nuances, trauma,

take this magazine to new levels. I'm proud to

truth, and a portion of self-inflicted trouble.

introduce Jo Ikigai, the Modern Queer's 28th guest.

This is an unusual volume of the Modern Queer. Xandr is here, and I want to reveal why. I noticed it when we met you, but it wasn’t until we took those photos at your house that I noticed a synergy between the three of us. I recognize that I wouldn’t grasp your experiences entirely, so I asked Xandr to help me with the nuances and add an extra dimension. I’m pretty excited.

you guys are, but my Venus and Mars are both in Cancer. I don't like conflict. I'm super fucking sensitive and soft.

Let’s start about your name change. You don’t have to start at the beginning if you are sensitive to it, but do you have versions of yourself that you can recall that are different from who you are now?

I think it’s funny like that. I’m a Leo sun, Sagittarius moon with a Scorpio rising. I try to lay it all on the table because I think the biggest thing that I feel is underrepresented. Sometimes I make the joke to say I’m a hoodrat.

Hoodrats deserve representation too. We get locked out of a lot of conversations because we don’t have the language to engage. I want to do my drugs, have my fun, make my rap music, and do all these things. But I also want real change. I want real comfort and stability for myself and the people in my community, and it’s hard for us to have that.

My first project that I plan on releasing is anime-inspired because the guy who made the beats is a fucking anime nerd. It's only a four-track project. I already wrote the first song. Jojo, the artist, wrote that song. Jojo was the name I was going by when I was married. I understand each day that I'm growing and learning.

The person I am now is not what I'm going to be a week, month, or a year from now. I want to dissociate from that time.

Who is Jo Ikigai in isolation?

I like reading other people's thoughts and absorbing their content, whether painting or music, videos—I'm a consumer in that way. I love seeing what other people make, and I love to create.

Normally, when I introduce myself, I say I'm an artist and an activist. I say artist first because that's what I'm meant to do. I'm an activist because that's what I have to do.

It's because I found the world as it is. I'm an artist that likes to do drugs, make music, write poetry, and paint pictures. I would love to do nature photography, travel, and take photos of the world. I don't know how far off into the Zodiac

And maybe this is where the Leo sun comes into play. There’s a fire, a look in your eyes. It’s the way you carry yourself. It’s what you say and even how you present yourself. Everything comes off bold.

I think that's one of the reasons why I find you fascinating. I think you are the definition of an oxymoron. In the context of today's world, I think it's critical to know that there are nuances to people. What you see is not necessarily what you get because there's more in the background and the unseen. That's what drew me to you. How do you balance marching for Black lives, being a poet, and then switch it up? How do you mentally, emotionally, spiritually process this fluidity that is not only your sexuality but your personality?

I think that’s my natural predisposition. I believe that my ancestors live through me. I feel like I got a whole line of folks, and they gave me the gift. I’m very strong about domestic violence,

sexual assault, and racism because it shaped why I am alive. My greatgrandfather on my mother’s side moved to Michigan to escape lynching. My father was born in Ohio, but his father was abusing my grandmother, so she left and moved to Michigan and started working at GM. As we dive deeper into your life and who you are, define for us what domestic violence is to you?

Having experienced it, I'm sure what you thought it was and what you experienced shifted your definition.

I call myself a survivor and a survivor's advocate. The language that I've learned to describe what I would be a survivor of is interpersonal violence.

Interpersonal could be mom or dad, your uncle, aunt, or sister.

Interpersonal means, I know you personally, and we are now experiencing physical, verbal, sexual violence between each other. That's something that I've had to try to accept.

Listening to your story, I think of generational trauma. In one aspect, a sect of your family is escaping lynching, which is trauma. You talked about your grandma on your father’s side, leaving trauma to come here. It’s like the trauma is following your family.

I have no idea what we did. [laughs] What did we do?! [laughs] I don’t think that’s particular to your family, but all of us born in America. We house that trauma, those spirits, those ancestral memories inside our body as we move through. A lot of us are saying we’re going to stop this generational trauma. Do you feel that same way?

THE ZOD IAC SIG NS "I’m a Leo sun, Sagittarius moon with a Scorpio rising. I try to lay it all on the table because I think the biggest thing that I feel is underrepresented."

WOMEN WANT TO BE FREE, AND THEY WANT TO BE SEEN SEXUALLY. Even to hone that in, I think there's this understanding that if you're going to heal Black trauma, you have to be very respectable and perform to some standard. If we're gonna get our people right, we need to stop speaking Ebonics.

We need to stop wearing our pants down and not embrace promiscuity and all that kind of stuff.

I talk a lot about Black liberation, but I think it’s tied into many things. For me, I think existing at full volume, being the best songwriter, painter, producer, director, or in whatever capacity I’m working in. I think it’s hard for you to say that I didn’t do my job well or that I’m not skilled in whatever field I currently exist in just because I’ve been viewed naked. Women want to be free, and they want to be seen sexually. In this post that I made, I was sitting on the sink, and I wanted to be

seen. But I had been told, not like that, though. If you show too much of this, then that means this about you as a person. You don’t deserve marriage. You don’t deserve love, and you deserve disrespect.

People would say, oh, you're deserving of that trauma.

I’ve had people tell me that I deserved to be raped. In their mind, they’re like, well, you put it all out there, so if somebody comes to take it from you, that was on you. No, they’re still a rapist. When we look at sex workers, they’re not believed when they try to express that they’ve been sexually violated.

They were trying to imitate. How is it to be simultaneously the antidote yet repulsed and covered in shame?

I try to be responsible with how I engage in sex. There was this guy, and we're on the phone. He paid me to be on the phone, and he's doing whatever he's doing on his end. He asks me how old I was when I grew breasts.

Now I have to explain to him that you are now talking about my childhood self, making this pedophilia. I'm not going to engage with you. This is my money, but I'm not going to entertain your pedophilic nature as a person.

I will lose money. I'm not doing it. I think there's an issue with the respectability politics of it all. By the time I was 13, I was in a double D. My body made me catch hell. I was already a whore before I ever had sex, just because of how I looked.

If anything, you might end up arrested because you did something illegal. Prostituting yourself is illegal. Now you’ve been raped and arrested, and that’s just really twisted. I want to see sex workers liberated because not enough people are paying the consequences for being sexual assaulters and abusers when I look at it. [Sex workers are] being targeted and dehumanized.

They're being sex trafficked and disrespected. I think that a lot of what’s wrong with the world revolves around sex, whether that’d be being sexually traumatized or just being taught incorrect things about sexual education.

Do you consider that as far as being a Black woman, the history of sexual violence is pretty inherent as much as the trauma of slavery? Have you ever reflected and thought about how you're speaking to past stereotypes of the jezebel or temptress?

This makes me think of a presentation by a guy I know named Delma Jackson. He was talking about Sarah Bartman and how Europeans put her on freak show displays and, in the same breath, utilized her body archetype to create the European bustle dresses.

Wow. I was treated this way because there is this oversexualization of the female form. I remember being about 13 and somebody telling me, ‘Yeah, somebody’s gotta be fucking you.’ I’m like, they gotta be fucking me? They didn’t believe me when I said I was a virgin. All these things are put on us.

You’re talking about somebody who’s now an adult, who was making their own decisions. I’m fucking who I want to fuck. I’m posting pictures of what I want to post.

accountability that is not addressed and talked about.

Did you ever believe what was being said about you?

And do you feel like that’s part of the reason you do what you do?

Did I believe it? To some degree, yes. Let's speak in plain English because I'm trying to be articulate. [laughs] I don't identify as a whore, but do I suck dick good? Yes. Do I fuck good? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Yes. Have I done it with more than one person? Yes. I don't know what makes somebody a whore, but I might qualify for the position from what I heard. [laughs]

You’re like, ‘oh, you’re a slut, and fuck you,’ and you think I’m the only one paying the price for that? It’s every little girl who’s slightly aroused somebody.

Something about me turned you on, and now I’m paying—I’m being demonized. The first time I was called a hoe, I was eight years old. I didn’t know what the fuck a hoe was. I know you’re trying to hurt my feelings. Dealing with that and then knowing that I lost my virginity through rape.

[laughs] I think qualify too. I think we all do.

It makes me think of the recently released J. Cole album. He said something like, you runnin’ around, sleeping with all these women. It’s not the woman who the hoe; it’s you. There’s a lot of

Got damn! Stationary receptacles…I can’t even.

If you don't qualify for the position, you're fucking up. [laughs] Back to what you were saying, a lot of the things that we shame women for men do them like that's a Tuesday.

I think that’s because women are supposed to be receptacles—stationary receptacles.

Because you're not fucking anybody else. Because that's what they want.

A WHORE? YES? OR NAW? "I don't identify as a whore, but do I suck dick good? Yes. Do I fuck good? Yes. Do I enjoy it?

Yes. Have I done it with more than one person? Yes."

You wait for me to arrive and how dare you move.

Don't make them think about the fact that you have a vagina. That’s the thing I don’t get with provocative dressing. Dude, I’m just sexy as fuck.

That’s the thing. Men have to confront that there’s power in that. Rape is so much about power than it is about the pleasure of it. I allow you to enter. This is my house, my legs are the door, and you can’t get through—you don’t just get to arrive. That’s why there’s all this bullshit about pick-up artists and men having game because they’re just obsessed with the process of getting a woman to open herself to them.

There is truth in that.

Men drive the cars they drive, and wear the clothes they wear…

To impress you enough so that you’ll open your legs. It's honestly bereft.

Yeah, it's sad.

grew. I'll steal all your resources.

yourself forward.

It’s the words for me. [Laughs]

Well, let me have an Earth moment. This is a living, breathing organism, right? It has its consciousness and energy.

How do you think that not only do you get to destroy that, but you can build a rocket ship to go to another planet and do it all over again?

It’s about being able to respect women as sexual beings. I can be sexy and attractive. You can want to fuck me and still respect my mind. For some reason, there’s a disconnect. I want to be admired, and I don’t mind people being sexually attracted to me. A big part of it is now it’s consensual. People have been thinking about and wanting to fuck me since I was a child, and it wasn’t consensual.

At best, I know my existence has nothing to do with anybody with a penis, except for the dude that came in my mom. That might be the one penis that has a strong effect on my existence.

I have a friend who says all the time that the first piece of pussy you ate was yo mommas when you came out the womb.

Your whole head came of that bitch. You probably came out screaming, so I guess that facts.

You know, this seems sexual and vulgar. I don't think I ate my momma pussy. [laughs] [laughs] I don’t think we did that.

I've been through that realm.

We all have to understand that you’re doing what you’re doing and why people get so enraged and confused is because people don’t want to talk about how much validation is wrapped up in becoming a woman. When you become a woman, it’s almost your job to give validation to masculine energy because they don’t have it on their own. Their identities are literally shot.

A lot of existence, thus far, is characterized by our dicks or what we can provide.

When you relate it to the Earth, the Earth is a receptacle, but it’s not giving you anything if you don’t treat it right. So, what do men do? They fuck the Earth with your fucking drills and iron bits.

You’re raping the land.

You ain’t have to go that hard got damn! [laughs] I'll chop down this part of you that

They have an escape route instead of healing or restoration. Often when men engage with me, I show them who they are for real. And then they have to decide whether or not they're comfortable with that person and if I'm comfortable with that person.

That was another thing that I was going to say about you. Not only are you challenging notions, but you're exposing a lot of shit that makes people uncomfortable.

I’m aware of that. I’m expressive, so I tend to want to share how I feel about anything. I don’t force my content on people. I tried to make different accounts and everything. If you don’t want to see me naked all the time, I’ll go over here and post that shit. And if you want to see that, then engage.

That’s why I get confused. People add me, and I see them make statuses like, ‘them OnlyFans bitches ain’t got no respect for themselves.’ But like, bitch, why are you here? Your actions speak way louder than words. You will say that, but then still watch porn or still subscribe to my content.

You are an artist, a creative, and a sex worker. You have OnlyFans and are an activist. How do you shift the energy and narrative around you? It’s one thing to use the negative comments and feedback you get to shoot off into a tangent. It’s another to do some magic that folk don’t even know about to reshape and propel

Now it’s like, oh, you wanna fuck me? Let’s talk about it. Let’s learn.

We can talk about that. Not that I got up to fuck you. Not that I’m gonna fuck you. But we can talk about it because why not? Because you want to. I’m making money at this point. You want to pay me to talk to me. Talk to me about fucking me. That’s when I realized that’s powerful.

There is power in that for sure.

It must be something about how I look, how I present myself, how I’m living, that you would pay to talk to me about fucking me. Your dick is in your hand, so you know you not getting none. But I gotta talk to her. It’s dope to be on the receiving end of that to some degree. A lot of people try to discount the liberation or the empowerment that a woman can get from being viewed sexually.

But it’s the consent aspect for me.

This is the first time in my life where I’m like ogle me.

So, this is a deliberate action or thought process and perception that you want people to have?

I want people to be confused. They don’t know if they want to fuck me or punch me. They don’t know what they wanna do. They’re just lost in the sauce. They don’t even know because I’m pissing them off with the things I say half the time.

THE ART OF ONLYFANS...

I can be sexy and attractive. You can want to fuck me and still respect my mind. A lot of people try to discount the liberation or the empowerment that a woman can get from being viewed sexually. But it’s the consent aspect for me. This is the first time in my life where I’m like ogle me.

But I’m so cute. I’m so delicate, and they love my voice. I love the different ways people tell me what they love about me. Some people say my mind, creativity, or aesthetic. It’s my lips or my voice. I love hearing that shit. I’m a Leo. Tell me more, what else do you love?

And you [laughs]

love

the

attention.

One guy wrote, ‘what can I do?’ I’m like write an essay. You can go have a free account, look at my content and let me know how you feel and he came back. A big part of my platform is literacy believe it or not. For me, my content is built around sensuality than sexuality.

How does it make you feel? I’m not getting dogged out from the back.

If that’s the content I wanted to make, I’d do it, but that wasn’t what I wanted to do this for. I’m just naked, but they appreciate that. Thanks for paying me to look this good.

And so, this is how you take control of the narrative.

I was a direct care worker before I started in this industry. I hate how many of my decisions have been based around trauma. What else could I do but keep living, you know what I'm saying? I can't not be influenced by my experiences. I was hospitalized. I had a fractured rib and a lot of internal and external bruising. I don't know what he did to my psyche, but I know he damaged me greatly mentally and emotionally.

I remember you speaking on that matter for our Flintside conversation.

Another issue that I'm very passionate about is reproductive rights. I don't say women's reproductive rights because all people with vaginas don't identify

as women. Men, you guys already pretty much have those. They don't feel entitled to decide anything about your body, but there's laws constantly being drafted to say, you can't do this, and you can't do that. Three weeks after the assault, I found out that I was pregnant. I had to decide what to do with this pregnancy. I don't have any children, so that tells you what I chose to do. That was one of the hardest decisions I've ever made in my life.

So, I cried, and I begged that entity for forgiveness and said, whatever parts of you are of me to come back. I have to release this other person. All the parts of you that were for me come back. After the assault, after I terminated that pregnancy, I could’ve gone back to work. I decided to start the OnlyFans and do all that, but it was based on trauma.

Crazy, considering we talked about you wanting to have children earlier today.

It was me wanting to make the best out of a bad situation. I knew people were asking for it already, and I'm not one to try to succumb to peer pressure per se, but I looked at it like, how can we take this and make it work for us?

That's why it never was about pornography. We have audio porn series where you can listen to me having sex.

I’m so excited to be able to raise somebody and hold space for them. I’ve been this and that, but my immediate family didn’t necessarily support that. I had to forge that for myself. That’s what I would want to do for a child is say, what do you enjoy? Ikigai is that Japanese concept of what you’re passionate about—what you’re proficient at.

What the world needs you to do that you can be compensated for it. My child’s going to know that before they leave my house and maintain and build income based off of whatever that thing was, because why not? You’re going to be supported to do what you want to do. You’re going to know how to sustain yourself by doing what you love before you leave my house.

So, you want your child to know the love you never got to fully experience?

Having to terminate that pregnancy was one of the hardest things I did. I did it because that child was already battered. It wasn’t coming from a loving situation. This was somebody that wanted to trap me into being with them. At least to say, I would always have to deal with them.

Ahhhh. I believe this was the answer I was seeking.

I've found that people enjoy that.

It's a very interactive experience because you use your imagination.

This is where I have fun with the artistry and content creation aspect of it. There's nothing fantastical about it. You're just supposed to be listening to what's happening.

And so, this is how you redirect and change the narrative artistically?

I don’t think it’s about shifting anything. I want to blend that. I want it all to be recognized and respected. Let’s blend my passions because I enjoy being viewed and appreciated. I have a nude poetry series. I don’t mind them watching me and looking at me in the nude.

If this makes you think you can violate me, then now, I have a problem with you looking at me naked. If you’re watching it just from the perspective of a beautiful person who I appreciate all their being, and I want to go so far as to

TAT TAT TATTED UP "That’s my thing. I can be that fucking sexy and wake up in the morning and march."

invest financially, I can appreciate that.

At this point, you feel like you are owning the story that you are telling about yourself.

For sure. I think the biggest thing is consent and autonomy. Those are words that I use a lot. I don't feel like I'm being exploited per se.

If anybody's exploiting me, it's me.

The biggest thing, I would prefer not to use these she/her pronouns at this point. I want all my person to be appreciated outside of the concept of me having to be a woman, a female, or whatever the hell words you want to use for it. It puts standards and expectations that I don't want on myself.

I think you deal with a lot of Earth-shattering themes. You’re in activism, art, sex work. I mean, you want to disassociate from like feminine inferences, all those sorts of things. Do you identify with the fact that people say we all grew up with our younger selves inside us? You deal with so much violence. How do you protect her in these vulnerable landscapes?

I think that right now, what I would want more than anything is community—that’s what I’ve been searching for. It doesn’t have to be a physical location, but I need a gay club—just queers and femmes.

Queers meaning that I don’t want anybody with a penis in a room unless they are gay. Unless you got some queerness to you, I don’t fucking want you there. [laughs] You and your penis can leave. You can be a cis-gender man, but you can’t be heterosexual.

So, you protect her by protecting and curating your space with the people that you want?

That’s what I’ve been trying to do, but it keeps being brought to my

attention that I might have to work with people that I don’t necessarily agree with. I’m having a hard time with that. I’m here for the freak, the hoes, and the gays. I’m not out here like you got a pussy, put it in my face. [laughs] I’m like, let’s build relationships and bonds, and if you feel like you want to put your pussy on my face, I’m open to that thought process.

I'm not even mad at you. I’m the same way with niggas. [laughs] Just come put it on my face.

else, Trump said, do you.

There's different kinds of authenticity and he was one. He was one kind of authenticity. [laughs] I want the queers to win. I think so many Black men are somewhere on the spectrum when it comes to sexuality. Homophobia is one of the worst things.

The side effect of the awareness that it's there.

I'm here for my people. I'm very open, but I try to be respectful.

That's the big thing. I want respect so bad. I want to be able to be a nudist and still be respected.

You might be mostly attracted to women, but you have encountered that man that can touch you like that. They love these niggas. They love each other genuinely.

Well, I think I told you this while we were taking photos. I didn't want to present you, your story, and those moments in a degrading way.

I think in heterosexual relationships, women complain that men are willing to give more respect and time, and nurturing to their bromance than they are to women.

That’s my thing. I can be that fucking sexy and wake up in the morning and march. But that’s not even it. Right now, I’m working on putting myself in a position to have direct relationships with our legislators—with people who are making decisions for our lives. I want to be able to talk to them and humanize that.

The same way hoodrats deserve representation, so does sex workers and queer people. We shouldn’t be barred from being able to speak in these spaces. 2016 woke me up. I said I can do whatever I want to do and still be the president. When I was ten, and Obama won, I cried. I didn’t know that Black people could be the president—I didn’t know we were allowed.

Wow you were 10! I was a few months into being 18 when I voted for Obama. It was such a moment for sure. But I feel like if nothing

I mean...

It’s nuanced. [laughs] You know more about it than I do. You didn’t even know, but you thought you knew.

Xzavier's like just a moment. [laughs] [laughs] Sometimes it’s both those things.

A critical component to this is often, men are not allowed or have not been allowed to seek intimacy with other men.

Women have sleepovers, and y’all can compliment and discuss each other’s breasts or hug and kiss.

It’s a bit restrictive for men. [laughs] That lack of intimacy, compassion that we see women engage in has been denied from and for many of us.

SULTRY & SEDUCTIVE The many faces of Jo Ikigai a.ka.

DvddyJo It might not be that nigga's gay per se, but it's a repressed feeling. You want hugs from your nigga.

You want to sit on the phone at night.

It’s an oxymoron. Because we will sit in the car or at the crib and share blunts with each other.

You like being around these niggas. That's why I want to see homophobia destroyed so badly. If you are fully aware that you look at gay men differently, you treat gay men differently, how are you then having such a mental disconnect between them not telling you they're gay? Y'all don't even believe a bisexual man is a thing. You can be attracted to both.

Well let me say in closing that I am extremely appreciative and honored to be able to tell your story. This is the second time now. I believe you are a warrior and a powerful spiritual being. Take care and hold of your life on your time and in your own hands. Do what you want to do because it's what you feel internally. Thank you. I'm excited for you to see and read this. [laughs] Thank you for being you.

Thank you. I super excited to see.

PUBLISHED IN FLINT, MICHIGAN

VOL. XXVIII |JUNE '21

JO IKIGAI

THE MODERN QUEER