Gaby Vol. 13

SEASON 02 VOL. XIII APR '20

GABY

THE MULTI-ETHNIC ASIAN AMERICAN TEENAGER STEPS FORWARD TO TALK ABOUT WHAT'S ON HER MIND, HER HEART, AND HER SOUL.

welcome EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

VOL. XIII

09 Xzavier V. Simon

16 Gaby

72 Facebook/Instagram: @xzaviervsimon

12 Instagram: Facebook:

88 Website: www.themodernqueer.com 02 YouTube:

FROM SIGNAPORE To America

I'll keep this brief. The Modern Queer has gone global. *claps* No, but seriously, to think that this magazine would reach the eyes and ears of residents in Asian countries brings me immense joy. Anyone who knows me understands my love, respect, and frustration with Asian culture. Nonetheless, Asia has inspired me on multiple levels since I was young Black boy.

The Modern Queer originally began illuminating the lives of African American & Latinx queer people. Now in Season 02 the focus has grown, and with growth comes new opportunities to share stories of other queer people of colour in the U.S. and abroad.

Vol. 13 is short. It is that way because of the huge time difference, busy schedules on both ends, and the rambunctiousness of this 17-year-old young Asian woman. Yes, you read that correct. She is 17, and like Vol. 12, this photo of me is when I was 17. Vol. 13's guest is the youngest person I've talked with for the Modern Queer. She, in addition to being the youngest member, is the only Asian.

Well, shall we get into it?

And away we go. Welcome to Vol. 13.

XZAVIER V. SIMON Editor-In-Chief

THE STORY OF GABY It's been two years now since I met Gaby.

If you can believe this, which I'm sure you can, Gaby was but wasn't my student when I was in Washington D.C. I say wasn't because she wasn't on my roster, yet she always found herself around me and my group of students. She was always polite and whenever she saw me, she'd wave and say very loudly with a smile: "Hi Xzavier!"

The longer she stuck around the more she revealed about herself. She loved music number one. She was girly, but came off tomboyish. She was intelligent, yet reserved. One thing though I'll never forget is when she asked me about meditation and spirituality. It was in that moment I saw her. She reminded me of a priestess named Kikyo from an anime called Inu-Yasha.

Needless to say, we had many conversations around it.

SINGAP ORE TO AMERIC A But you might be curious as to how I came to interview her. Simply put: she asked for advice on how to reveal her queerness to her parents. That's how I found out she was queer. When Season 02 came about, I asked if she wanted to be a part of this and she agreed.

Gaby hasn't fully revealed her queerness to the world or her family. For this interview, she has chosen to remain semianonymous. I'll let her explain in her own words the reason why, and the reason she choose two very particular photos of herself in the midst of all the other ones.

Still, I want to honor and thank her for agreeing to do this. As an educator, I pride myself on being able to be authentic for all students knowing the risks involved. It is because of this authenticity that Gaby has entrusted me with a piece of her story.

Please enjoy with an open heart Vol. 13's amazing guest: Gaby.

"I’m looking out the window as we’re driving on the highway near Lake Tahoe in California.

California is a really special place to me."

The first thing I want to bring up is, though you’ve chosen to remain anonymous, you’ve allowed two photos of you: one staring out a window. Another at a skate park and your name. Why you have you chosen to do this interview and why the secrecy?

I’m not really sure yet who I want to be right now and in the future. My mom always told me to be careful of the image I leave online, and I didn’t really take her seriously until I thought about this. [laughs] Your mother sounds like a very wise woman! [laughs] I decided to remain somewhat anonymous because I still want there to be a personal element. I want people to be able to relate to my story.

A South Korean YouTuber I watch interviewed his mother and she mentioned that. She said she had to sacrifice her goals and aspirations for the sake of her brother.

Luckily enough, I never really felt this since I have two sisters and no brothers. I see it playing out in the lives of some of my friends and family members. I saw this in my own mom's life — her brother was allowed to go overseas for college but she wasn’t even though she had better grades than him. [laughs] During family reunions, it’s usually the female family members who cook, serve food, clear the table, etc.

What are some of your favorite hobbies?

I enjoy snowboarding a lot.

I remember the conversation we had on how to tell your parents about your queerness. You haven't told them yet. Why is that?

I just don't feel very close to my parents and it never really comes up in conversation.

Do you believe that they would accept you if the conversation did come up?

They might be a bit weird about it, but I don't really know.

I see. You have the honor of being the youngest person I’ve interviewed at 17! How important is it to tell your story at this age and what does it mean to you?

I’m actually really happy for the opportunity to share my story like this. Often teenagers and younger people tend to feel unheard or not listened to. I myself often feel really drowned out by other people, so the ability to express myself like this is something I’m really grateful for. I try to seize every opportunity to do so.

I like that the cover photo features you snowboarding.

I’ve never met anybody who snowboards and I thought it was cool. [laughs] I’ve been snowboarding since I was about 10 or 11. Since I live in Singapore it means I can only go when I travel. I picked up skateboarding to help me keep my skills up.

That explains the skateboard and the photo of you at the skateboard park.

I also really like reading. My favorite authors are Haruki Murakami and Margaret Atwood, because I find that they both write some pretty disturbing stories that are also beautiful in a weird way.

Note to self...Google Haruki Murakami. [laughs] Your cover is one thing, but the photo for your introduction gives me a feeling of deep reflection. Who took the photo of you in the truck and what does this photo speak to you?

My sister took it.

Funny enough, you also hold the honor of being the first Asian queer person. What are some aspects of your culture you love?

I love the food!

I’m insanely jealous! The food looks and taste incredible good. I drool over takoyaki.

I really like the emphasis on community and family.

However, in a lot of Asian cultures, boys tend to have more importance than girls.

That explains why it came out so good. She knows you really well to capture this intimate moment.

In the photo I’m looking out the window as we’re driving on the highway near Lake Tahoe in California. California is a really special place to me — it’s almost like a second home. I spent most of my life in Maryland, but California is where all of my family in the U.S. lives. We meet up every Christmas in a town near Lake Tahoe to ski and snowboard. This photo speaks to me because it was taken in such a special location.

"I went through a phase where I declared that all men were trash, and decided to try dating girls." [laughs]

"In Singapore, we have penal code 377A. This law criminalizes sex between two adult men, even if they consent."

Initially you were nervous about showing any pictures of you. Now we briefly get a glimpse. Why the change of heart?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that photos get more personal if you show yourself in them.

Since I didn’t really want to show my face for everyone to identify, I decided to pick a photo where I’m still in it, but my face isn’t showing so they’re more personal than locations.

You were born in America, ethnically are Chinese, but raised in Singapore. That’s quite a combination. What are some of the experiences you’ve had dealing with you unique cultural background?

I consider myself to be American but a lot of the time people have a problem with seeing me as that because of how I look and where I live. The funny thing is that I’m not even fully ethnically Chinese.

Now that I didn’t know. You’re quite the mix. [laughs] I have people telling/asking me things like ‘your English is so good!’ Well, it’s my first language. [laughs] Or they’ll ask, ‘where are you really from?’

It can sometimes be hard to make friends. A lot of girls feel weird about hanging out with me because I might be into them. Guys tend to have trouble accepting that I like girls in the same way they do, so they treat me like an outsider.

It’s rare that I see and read Asian queer stories.

Nowadays, because of YouTube and through Boys Love (BL) Dramas it’s in my reality a bit more. In your opinion why do you feel that is?

Firstly, I think there’s a lot of stigma surrounding queer people, especially in Asian communities since they tend to be much more conservative. Asian media doesn’t really portray queer characters, but LGBTQ-ships tend to be popular in Japanese fandoms.

They really do! [laughs] Sometimes if we’re lucky, we’ll get decent queer portrayal in anime’s. For example, there’s a show called Given which I love!

There’s actually a really good Asian character who’s bisexual, but she’s not a product of Asian media. Nico Minoru is the daughter of two Japanese Americans and the leader of The Runaways. She’s featured in a Marvel comic of the same title about teenagers who run away from their supervillain parents.

Something about that sounds subtlety racist.

That sounds fucking epic!

I’ve learned to be more patient about getting asked things like this because sometimes people don’t understand that they’re weird questions for me to try and answer.

That or just plain ignorance. In conversations before, you’ve told me you don’t see yourself under labels in regards to your sexuality. How do you define yourself, and when did you come to understand and recognize your feelings towards women?

I actually lean closer to bisexual than lesbian. Usually I just like to say that I’m bisexual since that’s easy. Most of my long-term relationships have actually been with guys.

I guess it's kind of been the classic bi girl story.

I really really like how she’s characterized, because she isn’t written as an Asian character — she’s just written like a normal teenager. It really emphasizes the fact that we all go through the same struggles regardless of race or background.

I agree. Asian culture in another sense, is known for its spiritual traditions and customs. Do you view and see the world from these traditions, from a religious perspective, or from a sort of new age perspective?

To be honest, I don’t really follow much of the traditions or spiritual aspects of my cultures. I would probably call myself an atheist, because none of the “proof” that any gods or religions are true seems viable to me.

Which is? [laughs] I went through a phase where I declared that all men were trash, and decided to try dating girls. [laughs] Oh my god! [laughs] Well, what has been some of the challenges you’ve endured because of it?

Well, you know I have a friend who says that Jesus is a myth so...[laughs] My parents don’t really follow Asian traditions either they’re Catholic. However, I do celebrate the Lunar New Year and Christmas. To me, these holidays are more about family than their religious or traditional meanings.

Do these customs and traditions influence, if at all, your life, identity and ideals?

In Asian culture, there’s a lot of emphasis on respecting your elders so I sometimes find it weird when people older than me ask me to call them by their first name. I also don’t think I could ever call any of my teachers from high school or in college by their first names, even though some of them introduce themselves that way. Other than that, I feel like most of my life, identity, and ideals have been influenced more by Western culture.

With you being an international traveler and resident, what sort of things have you seen and heard regarding queer people?

The stigma surrounding queer people among teens tends to be very similar in most parts of the world.

Oh really?

I go to school on the other side of the planet compared to the USA, but the stories I’ve heard from some of my American friends tends to be the same as what I’ve seen here in Singapore. In Singapore, we have penal code 377A. This law criminalizes sex between two adult men, even if they consent.

Which basically makes it illegal...wow. I believe I’ve read about similar things existing in the Middle East.

Obviously, there’s no feasible way to enforce this but the fact that it exists is incredibly degrading for queer people. Gay marriage is also illegal, and the government justifies this by saying that the common consensus is still that it should not be legalized.

I assumed because Taiwan legalized gay marriage last year, that would’ve changed the minds of other Asian nations - specifically Japan, South Korea, and Thailand.

I recently challenged this law at a politics conference in Singapore but didn’t get a very useful response.

What sort of political issues do you reflect on regarding what happens in the queer community in Singapore and abroad?

Firstly, I’ve found that violence against queer people, especially in more conservative or religious communities, is still very common. I did a project in school about conversion therapy in the U.S., and I was shocked to see that things like that still happen.

"I DECIDED TO REMAIN SOMEWHAT ANONYMOUS BECAUSE I STILL WANT THERE TO BE A PERSONAL ELEMENT."

Oh yes. They have whole programs where they send folk off to change their ways.

Religious groups are notorious for this.

Even within communities that aren’t so conservative, you still find discrimination. In my school for example, people still use sexuality as something to make fun of other people for. I’m sure this is the case in lots of other schools.

Speaking of locations, found throughout your article are pictures of various locations that mean something to you.

How important is photos and capturing the memories within them?

To me, photos are really important because I travel a lot and often I have the feeling that I need to capture the moment because I may never be back again.

I can see that. Quite a somber way of looking at it.

I also think it’s important to live in the moment because sometimes we can be a little caught up in taking photos and saving memories that we don’t really experience what’s happening.

When we add the aspect of your ethnicity to your queerness, how does all this play out in your life? Do you believe you’ll fall in love with someone of Asian descent?

I don’t really know. I’ve dated some Asian guys and an Asian girl but I found that their ancestry and background didn’t really influence how I felt about them or whether I was able to relate to them. I’ve been dating a British guy who spent most of his life in Asia for a while, and I find that we understand each other’s cultures well and we share the same struggles as people who grew up in a different culture to their parents. I don’t think too much about the future and who I’ll end up with.

Who inspires you and gives you pride?

Well, there are two very different people. The first is Billie Joe Armstrong. He’s the singer of my favorite band, Green Day, and is one of the biggest trailblazers for punk rock.

Now this I gotta know!

I really admire his do anything attitude, and how he doesn’t take shit from anyone. He does his own thing the way he wants to and I really aspire to be like that. The second one is Michelle Obama: she’s the symbol of hard work and dedication.

"PHOTOS ARE REALLY IMPORTANT BECAUSE I TRAVEL A LOT AND OFTEN, I HAVE THE FEELING THAT I NEED TO CAPTURE THE MOMENT BECAUSE I MAY NEVER BE BACK AGAIN."

Shout out to Michelle!

What's one thing you'd like to say to teenagers like yourself who will read your article?

She really grinded and struggled to get to where she is, and overcame the struggles of class, race, gender, etc.

I think just do things while you're young and don't let people tell you that you shouldn't. Live your life how you What sort of dreams and passions do you want towant. You're finding yourself and finding out how to be pursue and/or manifest? your own person, and essentially you are your own person.

Until I was about 13 or 14, I wanted to be the president.

Doing an interview like this, what words of wisdom can No wonder why you said Michelle Obama! [laughs] you offer women and people like yourself?

Obviously because of my race and sexuality that wouldn’tI’m still young so I don’t think I can really say much, but be too likely now but who knows? Yeah, in this worldfrom where I am right now, I would say that you should never say never. Ultimately, I want to make a big impactbe loud and fight for what you believe in. Refuse to be in the world and help people. silenced no matter what, and take no shit from anyone.

Thank you for doing this. And that’s a wrap!

PUBLISHED IN FLINT, MICHIGAN

VOL. 13 | APRIL 2020

GABY

THE MODERN QUEER