Cool to see you again!
I’d like to welcome you all to the Modern Queer Magazine formerly known as B3: Black Boy Bluez The focus of the Modern Queer is telling the stories of queer people of colour across Flint, Michigan, the United States, and the world.
Season 01 introduced 8 dynamic people from Michigan, Texas, Maryland, Georgia & New Jersey. The conversations ranged from fashion and baking to marriage and feminism. The conversations were real I thank each of them for telling their stories
Season 02 will introduce 9 unique characters from Michigan, Texas, and Singapore The theme of Season 02: Range Queer people of colour occupy and create incredible spaces in the world all while dealing with issues of self, love, discrimination and growth.
Well, enough talk. Please enjoy Vol. 09
XZAVIER V. SIMON Editor-In-Chief
"
...LISTENING TO THOSE PEOPLE TELLING ME, ‘YOU NEED TO BE THIS,’ OR ‘YOU TO PRETTY TO BE GAY.’ LIKE WHAT IS THAT? I CAN BE FINE AND GAY AS HELL!"By Xzavier V. Simon
I met Foxy, then known as Earthy Locks, back in 2016 at Flint's Gay Pride festival. I was introduced to her through a co-worker who saw her and felt we needed to meet
Foxy gave off an aura of a woman who knew shit Her hair was in a huge afro, her brown skin shined like gold under the sun, and her energy was magnificent She was and is an African Queen.
Foxy was selling a wide variety of jewelry and insanely gorgeous paintings. We talked for a moment, exchanged social media, and I bought a piece of her artwork on the spot.
I interviewed Foxy in 2017 for another magazine I created called Create! Flint We talked about her sexuality, but mostly about her artwork Soon after we lost touch along our own spiritual journies
Now, 4 years after our initial encounter, we have reunited. The conversation, again, wasn't even about her sexuality, but about her journey with spirit. And you know that was a conversation I wasn't gonna pass up.
Welcome to Season 02 of the Modern Queer.
"I want it to have the same effect as when you buy a plant. It brings light to your atmosphere. That’s what I want."
So what’s new? Are you still painting?
Yes. Well, I'm working on a piece now, but before then I hadn't painted since last August Everything was at a complete stand still
What happened?
I felt like I was originally supposed to launch my artwork on my 27th birthday. Honestly, I think that's where the black magic came into play. My intuition was telling me like to wait, to be still. Then literally a week ago I got my creativity, my drive, my focus back.
It's been really hard. [laughs] I mean, meditations [were] hard. I couldn't do anything and it was frustrating. It was days where I just cried. I was angry. I felt so backed into a corner spiritually
Oh you was having one of those moments! [laughs] Girl I know all about them.
I learned my lessons I didn't have healthy boundaries. I ignored my intuition when it came to people I thought I could trust. I don’t wanna get all emotional but it’s been really deep. And, it’s been lonely because the people that I cut off were my main people. But you know, it’s
like that sometimes You have to walk alone and your soul family will come.
They always out there. Sometimes we learn that people came to give enough growth for the moment.
Okay, like it's time to let go. I'm not saying that I'm perfect, but I outgrow certain things.
Understandable. You get to a certain point in your life where you’re like, ‘what is it that I want to do? What is the energy that I want in life?'
Yes absolutely!
Photos by Foxy"MY HAIR HAS BECOME LIKE A SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE...IT STARTED OUT AS JUST AN ACT OF TAKING BACK MY POWER."
In 2017 I left everything, everybody, and got on the road. It was me and Universe. Everybody needs to have that moment of self-reflection because it’s so critical. And people do leave because your energy and vibration is moving up.
I had to withdraw my energy because I felt like [people I knew] were trying to derail my success and I was so scared to launch my business because what if someone do this or what if someone do that? But spirit was like here’s your creativity back and I been crying every day
Well look at the divine timing cuss here we are!
Yes it’s been beautiful.
One thing that I love about you is, even back then, you were your own person. You were rocking natural hair before the movement started. Your hair has, to me, been a part of your identity. It’s been big, it’s been wrapped, curled, twisted, box braided.
I think it's been eight years now since I've been relaxer free
I had been wanting my natural hair for the longest time. There was this woman who did my big chop for me. I had a small afro and she did some box braids right after. That was me taking control, because at that time, I would seek validation from everyone except myself.
Because we’re definitely taught to do that.
Absolutely! Thinking of it now, it's like, wow, you really lost yourself in your relationships I felt ugly I felt under appreciated
I felt like whatever someone said to me about who I was Their voices became mine
If that ain't my story. [laughs]
The meaning of it changed so much. It was like an act of me just being authentically me. My hair has become a spiritual experience cause it's always doing something different. Sometimes I talk to my hair like ‘I love you.’ [laughs] It’s not the act of just washing it, but just the love and care I put into it.
It reminds me of Tracee Ellis Ross and a Elle Magazine YouTube video I saw of her putting on makeup. She talked about her hair and loving on it. I was so jealous. [laughs]
It started out as just an act of taking back my power and just really stripping away the old me You know, that was truly the beginning of my spiritual journey What I've learned is that everything that has happened in my life up to this point, every person that has been in my life, all makes sense.
Yes! I love those realizations!
Thank you for thinking of me because it is divine timing. I was surrounded by this darkness. I'm like what am I going to do? How am I gonna move forward? Then you sent me that message, and I'm back creative.
Because when it’s time, it’s time. You are an incredibly gifted woman especially on the canvas.
You know there’s magic that I have to tap into so that I can use it to heal the world That's what my art is about. Even though it's Black women, I want people to get it and to feel the love, the energy, and effort that I put into it.
I want it to have the same effect as when you buy a plant It brings light to your atmosphere That’s what I want
What was the inspiration for your art business?
The inspiration was just my inner child.
Wait! [laughs] When anybody says that I know it got deep.
When I was doing a lot of the inner child work, I started doing my visualizations. One of my visualizations, I was at my old elementary school. I was on the swing with my eight-year-old self
When you start doing that kind of work…shit get real.
It was real I talked to my younger self because eight-years-old was very difficult I didn't realize how difficult until I got older. It was the time where my parents broke up.
Oooooo got you.
Until eight-years-old, I was used to having two parents at home, and my two brothers. Every Sunday we had dinner at the table. That was my existence growing up. Having all of that just suddenly changed…it changed who I was as a little girl. I didn't realize how much of that I had repressed. How much of my inner child I let stay dormant and not let her come out to play You know adulthood took over, relationships [laughs]
Life. [laughs]
When I first started it was just a business. But this whole coming into myself, I had to redefine what that meant.
Why is this business so important? And it’s because it’s letting [my inner child] create It’s letting her come out to play It’s letting her finally have voice and not suppressing her.
What I'm having to learn, as far as spirituality and creativity, especially with this magazine, is to be intentional.
Absolutely.
I just don't create shit just for the sake of creating it. I’m understanding that even when I'm not consciously aware of my energy, my spirit is still being infused into my creations. When you read or see it the energy resonates.
Exactly It's just trying to figure out how I can really incorporate that into my art into what I want to do I really want to be a fashion stylist too and figure out how I can take all of my gifts and my newfound knowledge over the past few months and work that into my business. I want to create and have fun. I want to expand and do art for kids to let them create.
Damn girl you got goals for real!
That's what it's all about. You know, really pushing the envelope with creativity and not just, you need to go to college. You need to do that. You have to be this That’s not who I am at all
No it's not at all. [laughs]
I'm not cookie cutter I'm not going to go follow the path I've always been unconventional
I’ve always been unique I was bullied about how I looked People think I have it all together like this picture of perfection I said no, all that didn't come without the struggles. Sometimes I second guess. Sometimes I doubt. Sometimes fear gets in.
Growing up in Black families, when we leave the house you 'fix ya face' cause nobody should know what's going on. For a long time I felt I had to have this mask. I had to present this beautiful, perfect image that everything was together.
Honestly, in my previous relationship, I didn't have healthy boundaries up. There lines that were crossed and things that I just accepted because I thought that was what I deserved. Like I didn't deserve any of that. [laughs]
But you learned and grew You need the good with the bad because if everything's good there would be no evolution.
No lessons to learn I left because we were on two different pages When you have baggage to unpack you can’t rush that at all I remember having a conversation with her about victim hood I would talk about how I was bullied About how my grandmother was mean to me I said I want to change that. That's not who I am. I got comfortable sitting in the seat of victim. It's comfortable. It's warm. Its cozy.
Girl you cuddled up in that shit like it's the love of your life and you don’t wanna leave! [laughs]
Okay! Let's have a pity party. [laughs] I want people to feel sorry for me. And it’s like, when are you going to regain your power and get back up and say that's not who I am. That’s not the narrative that I want to write.
I want to go with a different direction I want to rewrite this story I don't have to keep telling the same story all the time Like let’s heal this and talk about something else. You’re not gonna do it that anymore.
And if you are gonna talk about it, tell it a different way!
Instead of just trying to hold on to it. But I know how scary that is. Vulnerability is scary and that's something that I’m working on.
Incredibly scary. Still, vulnerability is crucial and there's strength that lies in that. We don't even get that When you really start to discover the power in recognizing that it’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to be emotional…talk about liberation.
Sometimes when you're right there in it, you don't realize what’s going on. Now that I've stepped back and I've looked at situations, incidents, it's like this is why That relationship was draining my energy as well as that job All the time, energy, effort that I'm putting into things that were fruitless, I was missing out on putting that into my business I said not again Now I'm choosing me
Is the name still the same? It’s still called Earthy Locks
Okay. [laughs] I know as we evolve, we release old names and assume new ones.
I’ve got a whole brand. I’m thinking big with this. Earthy Locks Art is still my canvas, my earrings, my wooden handmade stuff. Then I have an extension called Foxy Dressed Me cause I love fashion. That will be me painting on clothes, recycling clothes. I haven't told anybody about it. You’re the first to know! [laughs]
Yooooo, that sounds incredible!
I have so many hidden talents, so many gifts that I have been afraid to share with the world because I’ve been so closed off by fear you know?
When we realize the magnitude of how big we are, and how we can do so much we get scared of ourselves. It’s like, ‘I didn't know I could do this.’ For me, it took Universe, a power greater than me to push me and say, 'you can to do this.'
There's so many different layers to me. I’m not one way. Like I can rock my crystals and all of that because I do consider myself a spiritual person. But I like to be fly as hell. [laughs]
Ain’t nothing wrong with that! [laughs]
That’s where Foxy Dressed Me came in because it's like, I've always been in love with fashion ever since I was little I want people to know that there has to be balance There has to be duality in all things You don't have to just, you know, be one way You don't have to wear your head wraps all the time You can definitely be a spiritual person and look fly as hell too
That sort of shift in thought I had to grow into. I felt my whole identity shift from this... I'm going to say this passive spiritualist. You know, loving everybody, let's all come together. [laughs]
Then came this shift. Spirit told me I need you invested in African people. Invested in African/Black culture, in the community and in your queerness. So my whole identity shifted. It was still you need to meditate and get your energy together, but it's also like motherfucker Black power! [laughs]
"You know there’s magic that I have to tap into so that I can use it to heal the world. That's what my art is about."
[laughs] Yes for my black and brown brothers and sistas!
I recognized that people was uncomfortable with this shift in me because they had only known and gotten comfortable with me in this specific way.
It’s funny that you said that, cause I was telling my mom this about a month ago. When people don't have access to the new you, they constantly bring up the old you. They constantly want to be like, ‘remember when you said this, and you said that?' It’s like, okay I can contradict myself It's called evolving I can think one way last week and have a totally different perspective next week
Okay! [laughs]
I was talking to my mom and it was deep Sometimes I shocked myself with the stuff. Like where is this all coming from? It ain’t nothing but God. [laughs] It's time to redefine yourself and set your own mark. It’s crazy like I said, just not having those same friends. Learning to just be okay being alone. It's okay to walk this path alone. Not everybody is meant to come because you know if they do, they just gon fuck it up. [laughs]
When I started my journey, especially with Black consciousness, it was the same thing as religion. You gay you going to hell. It's the white man’s disease. Then you get over to the queer side and there's racism and what we thought was freedom really isn’t. Girl I'm tired! [laughs]
It's a whole mess [laughs]
Then you relinquish Black consciousness to get into African spirituality and cosmology. You let go of religious aspects, and then you find in that space, that's where all of the parts of you are validated.
For you, how does being queer fall into your spiritual journey?
I struggle with my sexuality even on my path recently to be honest. It felt like…when you're in the eye of the storm, you just kind of feel like, why am I being punished? I'm like oh my God what's going on? Is this really who I am, let me know? [laughs] It was just like a mini crisis. I've had that battle several times. Or it was because the people around me. Listening to those people telling me, ‘you need to be this,’ or ‘you to pretty to be gay ’ Like what is that? Like I can be fine and gay as hell!
Cuss we are baby! [laughs]
Okay let it go! [laughs] I realized that it's not the problem Like your sexuality is not a problem You are fully accepted by your guides, your ancestors, your angels. They love you regardless of who you choose to date. They don't want you to date somebody that's on, you know [laughs], but you are accepted, and that's all that matters.
Yes but that battle is continuous I swear.
Cause just growing up, I've gotten used to being like the outcast, the unconventional one. So just being a lesbian is just one more thing and it doesn't bother me. You know, I've had my run-ins with both Black men and women who just, ‘you don't need to be doing this and you need to be doing that.’
How rude is that. A friend and I were speaking the other day about how even those of us who dive into Black consciousness and spirituality, white ideology will rear its head and we will not even be aware of it
“Like your sexuality is not a problem. You are fully accepted by your guides, your ancestors, your angels.”
Looking at both the spectrum of Black consciousness, and then trying to be a part of the LGBTQ community while being Black at the same time, it's like where do you fit in? On either spectrum you’re outcast or something, and it's really saddening to me. Which is why I don't call myself conscious or woke or anything like that. I don't associate with that because there's so much ego into it.
And so much commercialization now.
Absolutely Everything is so watered down Everybody styles the same Everybody's regurgitating the same thing I remember talking to myself and I said, you know everyone wants to say that they're spiritual these days. For me, spirituality is not about just being love and light all the time. Spirituality is about accepting yourself, who you are on a deeper level and accepting the people around you. It's not shunning people. You don't have to necessarily wear crystals all the time or all this other stuff.
Following the vibe.
Make sure you know what you're saying before you actually go out here and cause harm to people who are saying the same thing I learned about black magic and if you are out here just randomly throwing shit out of malice, you need to know who you messing with because the ancestors don't play about that.
Cause I know mine don’t. [laughs]
So for me, it's just about really creating my own space and just being comfortable in that space no matter who likes it. It's so hard trying to fit in the LGBTQ community because there's still so much hatred.
Even within the Black LGBTQ community. Everyone wants to still put these hetero-norms into it. [laughs] We're both gonna cook. We’re both gonna clean. Why do we have to fit these roles?
Honesty, because that’s all we know and we don’t question it. And if we do, people think we crazy.
And people don’t realize that spirituality is not love and light all the time It's hard It's dark It's dirty You have to face your own shortcomings, your own misdeeds, how you may have treated people in the past, how you treated yourself in the past The fact that you didn't listen to your intuition when Spirit was like, ‘hello, can you hear me?’ [laughs]
It can be life or death at some moments. Spirit telling you to go and you second guessing. [laughs]
Thank you. Thank you. [laughs]
Thank you so much. I don’t have conversation like this very often. The fact that here we are having this conversation means that the energy is opening up in the city for us to come together, rejoin and have conversations like this.
It's like you never even left I love it!
This feeds my soul. Cause you know, when you by yourself, you be like where is everybody else? Hiding! [laughs]
Okay I been in hermit mode. [laughs]
Thank you so much for the time and energy, your spirit, the conversation.
Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity and for your friendship. Aside from all the bullshit [laughs], I have thought about the people that have, and that has like crossed my path. Your friendship in the beginning and listening to you talk and just how your energy flows and how creative that you are…it definitely has inspired me along my path.
Girl don’t make me cry. I’m a Cancer! You know that’s all we do. [laughs]
You and others have really propelled me forward on my own spiritual journey It really has taught me to keep going no matter what, and to always tap into that creativity and come up with new ideas So thank you so much for this opportunity and your friendship I met you two years ago. It's just awesome.
Who would’ve thought right? Could never believe it.
Yeah, and it all started because I was selling necklaces and look at us now. [laughs]
Look at us.
Because you know, you really don't know what you're up against until you're up against it. So you have no choice but to fight back into standing in your power And I think that's why I'm still here, regardless of if I knew it before or not That's why I'm here I'm here to serve a purpose, many purposes for the world
And that's that on that !
"I was missing out on putting that into my business. I said not again. Now I'm choosing me. "
