SPECIAL EDITION 1, no. 3
MIDDLEBURY, VERMONT · FRIDAY, 2 DECEMBER 2022
@thelocalnoodle
Magic, Love, and Sex? Campus Magicians Rejoice
Top: Magnificent and Drooping-to-the-Right prepare for their virgin performance.
In the wake of the Evolution dance troupe’s breathtaking and boner-inducing fall show, Love, Sex, and Magic, the magician community on campus unveiled its own exhibition: Magic, Love, and Sex? There is some buzz amongst the student body regarding the event, while some refuse to mention the exhibition on the basis of “not wanting to attract any loser juju.” Theopold the Magnificent ‘23 offered his insight while trying to recapture his escaped rabbit and place it gingerly back into his cheap top hat: “I’m really excited to bring my propensity for magic to Dana Auditorium and highlight my love for sleight of hand for all to applaud.” Dennis the Drooping-to-the-Right, on the other hand, has a different motive, “I just want a chance at being held, and I’m nearing the end of my never-ending rope at this point.” To illustrate his sweaty desperation, Dennis began pulling
finely weaved twine from his throat in a pantomimed fashion. An observant eye would also notice the medically disconcerting right-ward lilt of the rope at its premature conclusion. “I’ve never regretted my conscious and voluntary decision to practice magic instead of pursuing the fairer gender,” said Elliot the Touch-Starved, cloak flapping in the dim twilight. “However, it seems that the women who bewitched my heart are better escapologists than I. I gave them the key to my heart, but they took it and poof! Disappeared.” One can only hope that the new show, premiering this Saturday at the magically auspicious time of 6:33pm, will get these magicians what they’ve been searching for – whether that be a rabbit or the touch of a woman.